Зарикнутая история Бэттджамин Баттон
Описание
Когда Бет и Космическая Бет разочаровываются в своей жизни, Космическая Бет использует машину старения, чтобы превратить их обеих в 10-летних девочек. В детстве обе Бет оказываются пугающе психотичными и жестокими, терроризируя своего соседа Джина, прежде чем начать враждовать друг с другом. Тем временем Рик берет Морти, Саммер и Джерри в «Земной мир», инопланетный тематический парк, созданный по образцу Земли. Он разочарован, обнаружив, что парк безопаснее и лучше, чем он помнит. Рик обнаруживает создателя парка, доктора Догболлса, прикованного цепями, освобождает его, и вместе они возвращаются в оригинальную, более опасную версию парка. Но когда Рик перехватывает звонок в службу 911 от Джина, тот покидает парк, чтобы разобраться с Бет. В отсутствие Рика доктор Догболлс выпускает на Земной мир армию мутировавших талисманов, вынуждая Саммер, Морти и Джерри пробиваться наружу с боем. Вернувшись домой, Бет заточают Рика в машину старения, превращая его в хилого старика. После того, как они его избивают, они мирятся с ним и друг с другом, когда Рик признает, что его настоящая Бет умерла. Бет возвращаются к своей взрослой жизни с новым чувством удовлетворения.
Субтитры
eng__Eng.srt
eng__Eng.srt
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♪ Takes everything you got ♪
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,816
♪ Takin' a break
from all your worries ♪
00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:28,027
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,949
♪ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ♪
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,035
- ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
- Clear!
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:40,124
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:45,045
♪ And they're always glad
you came ♪
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,715
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:51,217
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:55,681
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,392
Who's ready
for Earth World?!
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,686
Moms, I-I can't find
my cross-body bag!
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:02,979
Where's my cross-body bag?
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,564
Stop saying
cross-body bag.
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,815
On you, it's a fanny pack
up higher.
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,066
Space Beth,
you're driving.
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,777
I'm low on wanting to drive.
00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,570
W-Would one of you mind
making me a quick sandwich?
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,322
You know theme park food
gives me interesting stools.
00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:13,573
Read the room.
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,158
We're not going.
Look at us.
00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:16,409
No, you got to come.
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,911
It's an absolute
train wreck--
00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,579
this dude, he's never been
to Earth,
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,080
But he loves it.
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,415
And he sucks at making
theme parks.
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,834
We said fucking no!
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,085
Alright. Fine.
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,214
But nobody wants to see
a Beths adventure.
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,301
I thought cloning was supposed
to make us happy.
00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:34,636
I hate my life.
00:01:34,637 --> 00:01:37,096
And I know
you have to hate yours.
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,640
- Hey!
- Sorry.
00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:40,475
I started drinking
in the car.
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,637
{\an8}Why are we miserable?
It's not Jerry.
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,222
{\an8}Yeah, it could be worse.
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,599
{\an8}I mean we could have
married Pep Rosenfeld.
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,685
{\an8}Oh, my God.
I forgot about him.
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:25,311
{\an8}Oh, he died in that thing, right?
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,272
{\an8}9-11, yeah.
00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,649
{\an8}We can't just put it
all on Dad, right?
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,692
{\an8}Oh, we're done
with that guy.
00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:32,819
{\an8}"I had a bad dad."
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,445
{\an8}Shut up.
Write a book about it.
00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:37,115
{\an8}I'm just so tired of all
the shit we have to do to live.
00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:38,992
{\an8}You abandoned
all your shit.
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:41,327
{\an8}There is so much more shit
in space!
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,538
{\an8}When was the last time
we were happy?
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,123
{\an8}Truly happy?
00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,916
{\an8}Felt pretty good
when we were kids.
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,210
{\an8}Oh, my God,
I wish I could be young again.
00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:52,130
{\an8}That kind of wish
never goes the way you want.
00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:54,258
{\an8}That being said...
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,136
{\an8}Uh, why do you have
a de-aging machine?
00:02:58,137 --> 00:03:00,680
{\an8}When I'm bringing in bounties,
I change 'em into kids.
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,849
{\an8}This car fits 10 kids
if you pack 'em right.
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,267
{\an8}Sounds efficient.
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,853
{\an8}Is that... worth
dealing with 10 kids?
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,688
{\an8}Oh no, I drug them, too.
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,357
{\an8}- Wait, will my clothes be super huge or--
- Oh, no, no, no.
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:15,321
{\an8}Technology this advanced is
indistinguishable from magic.
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,204
{\an8}- Whoa!
- Whoa!
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,832
{\an8}My face... my skin!
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,418
{\an8}I can see everything!
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,712
{\an8}And my mouth tastes so clean!
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,422
{\an8}Whoa, my knuckles work!
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,382
{\an8}No pain!
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,842
{\an8}You look like shit.
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,761
{\an8}Wait, no!
Come back here!!
00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:41,930
{\an8}Get ready.
Earth World is a mess.
00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,431
{\an8}No creative consistency.
00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,933
{\an8}Last time I was here,
they had a whole ride
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,476
{\an8}dedicated to Pol Pot.
00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,811
{\an8}There's a non-zero chance
you'll lose an eye.
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,731
{\an8}Oh, that wasn't the vibe
I got from the waivers.
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,608
{\an8}- Waivers?
- Yeah, from the website.
00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,234
{\an8}Website?!
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,780
{\an8}Welcome to Earth World!
It's me, Dr. Dogballs!
00:03:58,781 --> 00:04:00,406
{\an8}What the hell?!
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,033
{\an8}I love Earth so much
I made a theme park--
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,451
{\an8}just like they would on Earth!
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:04,953
{\an8}Oh. [ Laughs ] Yeah.
00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:07,288
{\an8}Wow, I-I guess this does seem
like it sucks.
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,791
{\an8}Good one, Grandpa.
You still like stuff ironically?
00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:13,211
{\an8}No, it used to bad bad,
which was good.
00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:16,089
{\an8}There used to be a ride called
"It's a Small Black Death"!
00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,341
Looks like they've got
just a regular GAP.
00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:20,510
Rick, w-were you just drunk
when you were here?
00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:21,594
I'm drunk now!
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,929
Where's all the rusty nails?
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,764
Where's the Herpes Family Flume?
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,266
- Light-up corn dog?
- Get the fuck away from me!
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,770
Can't wait to get a photo
taken with... Marie Curie?
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,522
I-I think that's John Legend?
00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:34,065
Maybe they picked John Legend
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,692
'cause his name implies
he's really important.
00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:38,152
Rick, how were you thinking
we should enjoy this?
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:41,030
Wow, they have a hall
of Presidential Pets?
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,616
- Like that?
- Do you think I can meet Socks?
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,867
I'm not gonna shit on it
too hard
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,285
'cause I know
you'd punish me,
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,997
but isn't this just
a mid-'90s outdoor mall?
00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:51,165
- Oh! My bad!
- Oh, my God!
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,126
You're a real Earth person,
aren't you?
00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,961
- From Earth?!
- Uh, yeah.
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,963
I'm, like, starstruck.
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,798
A real human.
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,300
Ooh, you smell nasty.
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,512
- Oh. I mean, is that-- is that good?
- Absolutely.
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,806
Well, it's nice to see
something in this park
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,391
still grimy and real.
00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:10,893
Then I-I'm as nasty
as they come.
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:13,312
Can you believe
my grandpa loves this place?
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,480
Lame.
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,107
Beth!
Where'd you go?
00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,066
Beth?
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,484
Beth, I want you
to have fun,
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,653
but I need to know
where you're having it.
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,655
- I found a possum!
- Oh, my God!
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,407
Aaaah! No!
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,284
I don't wanna be old! Aaaah!
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:29,078
You're in so much pain,
and you don't even know it!
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,498
- Oh, my God.
- I'm sorry.
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,501
I-I forgot just how insane
we were as a kid.
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,586
I shouldn't have pitched this.
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,463
You have got to try it.
00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:40,089
I'm over here!
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:42,050
Okay, sweetie, this is
your two-minute warning.
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,509
It's almost time
to switch back.
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,137
You got to find me first!
00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:48,222
Too slow! Try again!
00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:50,349
Alright, let's go.
That's enough. I'm serious.
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,353
Alright, Beth.
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,022
Aaah!
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,609
Surprise!
You done been got!
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,320
Do it.
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,252
Ugh! That bathroom
was a ride, too!
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,213
I had my pants down
and everything!
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:23,132
- I really do need to go.
- Just go in a bush.
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,384
I swear it used to be
funnier than this.
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,845
Don't turn around.
I-I-I'm squatting.
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:30,431
Hey, you can't go... there.
Like that.
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,600
You used to be able to piss
wherever you wanted to.
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,018
Like on Earth.
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,895
Grandpa Rick, take the L.
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,271
Let's get Morty and go home.
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:38,981
Yeah, this place is fucked.
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:41,109
Corporate takeover.
Board-approved changes.
00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:43,319
Steve Jobs dies, and we get
10 years of the same iPhone.
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,863
Oh, no, the guy who made
the park is still alive.
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,073
- He is?
- Yeah.
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,033
Rumor is,
he still lives here.
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,120
Down in the tunnels.
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,082
Hey, Sum-Sum,
You like breaking rules.
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,168
Ooh, did you bring molly?
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:00,294
Hurry it up, Jerry!
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,505
It's your fault I have to go
like this.
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:03,756
You destroyed my urethra
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,676
when you turned me
into a trash can.
00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:08,262
Follow me.
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,097
And of course I brought molly.
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,099
TV Announcer:
Uh, if you're just joining us tonight,
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,434
we have a-- oh, my God.
It exploded.
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,562
Oh, God.
All those astronauts.
00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:20,106
It's-- It's worse
than any explosion before it!
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,315
This is hilarious.
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,360
Hey, yo.
Check this out.
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,821
Awesome.
No adult is getting inside.
00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:28,656
Also, don't sit
on that chair.
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,032
The cushion is knives.
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,617
Somebody's got to sit on it!
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,452
Gene should sit on it.
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,622
Bam! Nice!
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,792
Whoo-hoo!
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,210
Hey there, girls.
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,713
I'm guessing one of you
is Beth from next door,
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:45,548
and one of you is her... clone?
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,466
But you're both
little girls now?
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,218
Not that strange,
given what I've seen.
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,095
What are you,
a scientist?
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:52,597
Come sit in our chair.
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:55,600
Well, based on the design
of your makeshift harpoon,
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:58,186
seems like you girls
are on a bit of a spree.
00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:00,730
Feel like I'm gonna be walking
into some booby traps.
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,148
Let's have some cocoa instead.
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:05,693
- "Let's have some cocoa."
- "I'm divorced."
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,029
Hey! That is cruel
and technically untrue.
00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:09,655
But you're
in an altered headspace,
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,199
so I know you don't mean it.
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,993
Why don't you two sit tight?
I'll get the Swiss Miss.
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,078
- Let's go.
- Go where?
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,373
Go hunt him.
Unless you're scaaared.
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,000
I'm not scared of anything.
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,711
Let's get in the walls.
00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:25,838
Wow, this is
a good photo of us.
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,173
Keep talking.
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,008
I can smell your
rotting breakfast.
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,719
- Oh, God.
- Your hairs are insane.
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,262
They're all over your body.
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,431
Can I touch them?
Say a human phrase.
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,809
Say "grocery list"
in that stinkbody accent.
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:39,894
You mean my voice?
00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:41,354
- Yes!
- "Grocery list."
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,855
I love your tooth-filled
big hole
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,899
and the other,
less-used holes on your face.
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,484
Okay, um,
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,445
I'm getting the feeling
that you're not into me
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:54,283
a-as much as you like the idea
of being with any human.
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,160
Does it matter
if I'm still turned on?
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,662
No, I guess it doesn't.
00:08:57,663 --> 00:09:00,706
I want to get your wet muscle
in my mouth.
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,041
You mean my tongue?
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,043
I don't care
what it's called.
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,087
Rick, I know you're having
a bad time.
00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:08,673
But I think I saw
a Panera up there
00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,341
that might change your tune.
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:12,134
- A Panera?!
- Yeah!
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,720
- Shut up.
- Is that Kevin Costner?
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,013
Wait, why do I know that?
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,765
Did Father make
new models?
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,350
I don't recognize you three.
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,686
No, I'm... Old Guy Fieri,
00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,145
th-- this is Princess Diana,
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,730
and he's Mr. Rogers.
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,148
Or Brett Kavanaugh.
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,942
I wouldn't know.
I never left this park.
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,068
Us, too.
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,821
We're looking for Dogballs.
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,160
He lives below.
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,124
Dr. Dogballs.
My man!
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,376
Humans! Real humans!
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,420
The mad genius
who built Earth World!
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,922
Nobody loves Earth
as much as me.
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,341
Car, Muscle Beach,
property taxes.
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,802
But before I could complete
my perfect vision,
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,888
I was caught with incriminating
files on my computer,
00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,099
and the board chained me up.
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,934
I watch animal pornography.
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,561
It's my business.
00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,229
Like with people and animals?
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,605
No, just the animals, sicko.
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,566
The original Earth World
was incredible.
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,359
I-I got strep
from a candy once!
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,862
Of course you feel that way.
You're a human being.
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:16,073
You know what Earth theme parks
are supposed to be like.
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,159
I'd take you to the dead zone
if I could
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,745
and show you
some of the old delights.
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,705
But they won't let me
leave my office.
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:25,250
They won't, but I will.
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:29,837
Welcome to the real
Earth World!
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,548
I guess this is closer
to how I remember it.
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,593
Oh! I stepped on a rusty nail!
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,511
Aah! Aah! Aaaah!
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,388
Hmm. At least Jerry got hurt.
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:42,099
Hot cocoa with
extra marshmallows!
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,393
Hope you got room
for extra marshmallows!
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:46,854
Look at him holding
marshmallows over our heads.
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,105
Like that's some kind of power.
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,149
I do like marshmallows.
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,151
He doesn't decide
about our marshmallows!
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,778
You should go up there
and cut him.
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,154
You should cut him.
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,447
What should we cut?
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,617
I don't know.
Just start slashing!
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,826
Aaah! Aaah!
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,828
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,539
My ankles!
I need a doctor!
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,833
Great.
Now we have to take care of him.
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,377
I don't want to take care
of anybody!
00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:11,837
- You take care of him!
- It was your idea!
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:12,880
Not it! Jinx!
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:14,507
I think you hit an artery!
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,509
- She did it! She's a psycho.
- You're the psycho!
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,010
I watched you eat a bird!
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:21,013
After you tore off its wings!
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,433
I'll show you who's psycho!!
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,687
Yeah, run away, you baby!
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,190
Remember your affirmations,
Gene.
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,984
You deserve to live.
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,946
Oh.
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:41,660
Welp, somehow every decision
I've ever made has led to this.
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,961
- Aaaaah!
- Get out of my treehouse!
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,797
Get out of my yard!
00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,386
Aaah!
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,097
Fire alarm:
Fire detected. Extinguishing.
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,868
Come on, Gene.
Not like this.
00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,035
Not like this!
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:27,037
Hey, Siri, call 911!
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,165
Countdown to calling 911.
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:32,251
Calling 911 in 10, 9, 8, 7--
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,296
Why does it need a countdown?!!
00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:39,049
Alien M.C.:
Earth's World War II was fought with combines and harvesters,
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,677
and you're about to witness it
firsthand.
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,804
Oh, God, is that a live wire?
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:46,182
None of the electricity
is grounded here.
00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,477
Shit.
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,228
I-I got to get home
before Gene calls 911
00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:52,813
from any other phone
but his own.
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,607
The head thing so you can
get out the way you came.
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,234
Wait, you're leaving?
I thought you loved this place.
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,903
Yeah, uh, I don't know.
00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,279
I-I guess Morty was right.
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,822
Am I, like, supposed to think
it's cool
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,283
that there's measles
in the water, and like, snakes?
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,369
Nah.
Y-You guys have fun.
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,873
- Aaah!
- Oh. shiiiit!
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,923
We're done here, boys.
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,134
Rick, your girls.
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,178
They're not good people.
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:26,556
Thank... you.
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:30,017
I've only been gone
for two hours!
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,602
Hey, Beths!
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:32,645
Deducing here that
you've been huffing childhood
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,814
and have overdosed on fun.
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,817
Ouch.
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:47,451
- Child Beth: I'm gonna kill you!
- Child Space Beth: I'm gonna kill you first!
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,203
Ow, damn it!
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,914
That's it, we're done.
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,089
You dick!
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,298
Aaah!
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,008
Enough "Home Alone"-ing.
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,677
God damn it!
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,763
I cloned you to fix this,
not make you twice as annoying.
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,516
Dr. Dogballs: Oh,
I-I-can't tell you, oh, my God,
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:14,270
I've waited so long
for someone to see my vision.
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,855
And of course
it was real humans!
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,358
You're the perfect audience
for this--
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,695
my finest moment.
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,531
Oh, shit.
What's that?!
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,575
My beautiful creations.
00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:30,537
They're going to destroy
the park.
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,788
Oh, God.
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,790
I thought they were people
in costumes,
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,542
but the costumes
are the people?
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,043
The people
are the costumes?!
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:41,046
All Earth theme parks end
the same way.
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,340
Jurassic Park, Westworld--
00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:46,176
even the rides
inside the theme parks
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,511
tell the same story.
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:48,971
You're on a boat ride
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:51,390
when suddenly you take
a detour to a waterfall,
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,559
and now you're
in a pirate's den,
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,228
forced to suck dick
to stay alive!
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,730
Why would you do this?
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,315
The greatest tribute to Earth
00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:03,486
is a theme park
that ends in chaos.
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,577
Be free! Be free, my lovelies!
00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,828
Hungry for meat.
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:15,080
Eat meat!
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,874
Take it all!
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,083
Take the other one!
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,251
Shit! Dad!
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,919
Take it! Take it all!
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,921
Blend in.
Stumble around!
00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:33,223
- Yeah, you like that? Labradoodle.
- Mmm.
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,351
- Coconut milk.
- Uh-huh. More human stuff.
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,270
Big League Chew.
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:40,648
Ooh!
Say something racist.
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:44,735
- What?
- C'mon, you're human, it's your whole thing.
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,028
Uhhh...
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:49,573
I-Italians make pretty--
pretty good pizza?
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:53,452
No, do it hateful,
you disgusting little bug.
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,120
Uhhhh, did you hear that?
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,373
Now you're pretending
there's some kind of emergency?
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,625
I tried to be vulnerable
with you.
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,502
If you don't think I'm pretty,
just say so.
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,837
I'm sorry, but I-I'm
not just some sexual fantasy,
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:08,634
- I'm a whole person.
- C'mon, you guys basically invented racism.
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,678
If I wanted to fuck
something good,
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,263
I wouldn't have come
to Earth World.
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,682
Aaaah!
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:17,476
I don't even know who this is!
Aaaaah!
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,021
It's John Legend, I think!
Oh, my God!
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:27,696
Summer? Rick?
A-Anyone?!
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,989
Uh, that's the entire
Culkin family!
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,325
I-I guess there's seven of them?
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,744
Aaah!
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:38,914
I loved you in "Succession!"
I'm sorry!
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,165
Enough kindergarten.
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,583
I don't have time
to be your dad.
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,419
- You never did!
- You want me to be a parent?
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:46,506
Fine. No more talking
until you're adults.
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,396
Okay, whichever one you are,
you're up.
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:04,440
She can't breathe!
She can't breathe!
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,400
Aw, shit, fuck!
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,527
- Take that!
- Aaah!
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,320
How old should we make him?
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,197
As old as it'll go.
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,497
Bet it's scary
to have your life in the hands
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,750
of unreliable caregivers!
00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,755
Walk!
We're not taking care of you!
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:30,048
Yeah, get up,
or we'll leave you here!
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:33,385
Just like you left us.
Lazy piece of shit!
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,554
Fuck you, Dad!
Fucking asshole!
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:39,099
You didn't want us.
You just wanted to fuck off.
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,351
I-I didn't leave.
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,729
My Beth died.
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,649
Yeah, well, someone left us!
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,568
And there's two of us now!
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,570
You should love us
twice as much!
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,907
All we wanted
was to be together!!
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,744
Don't you... cry!
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,747
You don't deserve
to cry!
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,582
Proud...
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,583
Proud?
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,169
Proud... of you...
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:11,841
for making me old and beating...
the shit out of me.
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:21,601
Proud you're--
you're both my daughters.
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,528
Ow. Ow.
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:35,531
You little bitches
broke my bones.
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,704
I'm shitting!
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,039
I'm not joking.
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,749
Stop making me laugh.
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,794
It's making me shit more!
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,131
It's perfect!
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,133
The only thing
that could make this better
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,718
is if something was on fire.
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:58,470
I might stab something again.
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,305
Probably should
turn you back.
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,684
Do most kids like
to stab this much?
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,477
There's the exit.
Stay close.
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:08,981
Please help!
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,649
Oh, thank God!
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,485
How could you-- aaah!
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,279
Oh, shit, Morty's killing...
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,738
I think that's Rory Culkin?
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,699
I-Is that
who this one is!?
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,284
We got to bail.
Get a head.
00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:23,036
- What?
- Put on Rory!
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,581
There's no room!
00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,624
Ugh!
It's so wet in here.
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,543
It smells, too.
It smells wet.
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,336
They're coming!
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:32,922
Come on!
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,507
- Come on, get in!
- Where's the remote?
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,509
I lost the remote!
I can't shrink our heads!
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,012
Give me the keys!
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,808
More like Earth World.
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,686
- What?
- Like "Jurassic World"? The big sequel?
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,979
I-I don't know
what you're saying.
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,272
Well, wasn't
it called Earth Park?
00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:51,398
- No!
- No!
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:52,441
Oh.
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,359
Is anybody getting cold?
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,200
♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:06,164
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,711
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,880
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,424
♪ Our troubles are
all the same ♪
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:22,221
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,557
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,935
♪ People are all the same ♪
00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:32,523
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:37,861
I'm blind!
Space froze my eyes!
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,364
Yeah, Jerry, I told you
that theme park sucks!
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,189
Hello, you've reached 911.
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:17,734
- If this is an emergency, please leave a message.
00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:19,111
The house
across the street from me
00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,946
keeps disappearing
and reappearing.
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,823
I-I don't know
if that's an emergency,
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,616
but it's really upsetting.
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,952
- Could you send someone to investigate?
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:30,038
- So, I was eating a burger, and now my hands are burgers.
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,832
Hi, I'm being home-invaded,
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:33,583
and it's--
it's by a small home.
00:21:33,584 --> 00:21:35,794
There's a small home
that's home-invading my home.
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,130
- It's wearing a ski-mask, but it's definitely a house.
00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:40,132
There's a pigeon
outside my house
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,925
- demanding to see my birth certificate.
00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:43,969
I'm beginning to think
911 shouldn't have
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,470
an answering machine.
00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:47,514
Also, I have eleven legs now.
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,726
- Nobody ever comes.
00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:52,729
Did you get any of that?
eng__SDH.srt
eng__SDH.srt
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,056
[ Sighs ]
00:00:16,726 --> 00:00:18,893
♪ Makin' your way
in the world today ♪
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:22,021
♪ Takes everything you got ♪
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,816
♪ Takin' a break
from all your worries ♪
00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:28,027
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,949
♪ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ♪
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,035
- ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
- Clear!
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:40,124
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:45,045
♪ And they're always glad
you came ♪
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,715
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:51,217
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:55,681
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,392
Who's ready
for Earth World?!
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,686
Moms, I-I can't find
my cross-body bag!
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:02,979
Where's my cross-body bag?
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,564
Summer: Stop saying
cross-body bag.
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,815
On you, it's a fanny pack
up higher.
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,066
Rick: Space Beth,
you're driving.
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,777
I'm low on wanting to drive.
00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,570
Jerry: W-Would one of you mind
making me a quick sandwich?
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,322
You know theme park food
gives me interesting stools.
00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:13,573
Read the room.
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,158
We're not going.
Look at us.
00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:16,409
No, you got to come.
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,911
It's an absolute
train wreck--
00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,579
this dude, he's never been
to Earth,
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,080
But he loves it.
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,415
And he sucks at making
theme parks.
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,834
Both: We said fucking no!
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,085
Alright. Fine.
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,214
But nobody wants to see
a Beths adventure.
00:01:29,215 --> 00:01:30,715
[ Sighs ]
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,301
I thought cloning was supposed
to make us happy.
00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:34,636
I hate my life.
00:01:34,637 --> 00:01:37,096
And I know
you have to hate yours.
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,640
- Hey!
- Sorry.
00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:40,475
I started drinking
in the car.
00:01:40,476 --> 00:02:10,714
{\an8}♪
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,637
{\an8}Why are we miserable?
It's not Jerry.
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,222
{\an8}Yeah, it could be worse.
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,599
{\an8}I mean we could have
married Pep Rosenfeld.
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,685
{\an8}Oh, my God.
I forgot about him.
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:25,311
{\an8}Oh, he died in that thing, right?
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,272
{\an8}9-11, yeah.
00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,649
{\an8}We can't just put it
all on Dad, right?
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,692
{\an8}Oh, we're done
with that guy.
00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:32,819
{\an8}"I had a bad dad."
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,445
{\an8}Shut up.
Write a book about it.
00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:37,115
{\an8}I'm just so tired of all
the shit we have to do to live.
00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:38,992
{\an8}You abandoned
all your shit.
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:41,327
{\an8}There is so much more shit
in space!
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,538
{\an8}When was the last time
we were happy?
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,123
{\an8}Truly happy?
00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,916
{\an8}Felt pretty good
when we were kids.
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,210
{\an8}Oh, my God,
I wish I could be young again.
00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:52,130
{\an8}That kind of wish
never goes the way you want.
00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:54,258
{\an8}That being said...
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,136
{\an8}Uh, why do you have
a de-aging machine?
00:02:58,137 --> 00:03:00,680
{\an8}When I'm bringing in bounties,
I change 'em into kids.
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,849
{\an8}This car fits 10 kids
if you pack 'em right.
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,267
{\an8}Sounds efficient.
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,853
{\an8}Is that... worth
dealing with 10 kids?
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,688
{\an8}Oh no, I drug them, too.
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,357
{\an8}- Wait, will my clothes be super huge or--
- Oh, no, no, no.
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:15,321
{\an8}Technology this advanced is
indistinguishable from magic.
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:19,283
{\an8}[ Machine whirring ]
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,204
{\an8}- Whoa!
- Whoa!
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,832
{\an8}My face... my skin!
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,418
{\an8}I can see everything!
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,712
{\an8}And my mouth tastes so clean!
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,422
{\an8}Whoa, my knuckles work!
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,382
{\an8}No pain!
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,842
{\an8}You look like shit.
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,761
{\an8}Wait, no!
Come back here!!
00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:41,930
{\an8}Get ready.
Earth World is a mess.
00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,431
{\an8}No creative consistency.
00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,933
{\an8}Last time I was here,
they had a whole ride
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,476
{\an8}dedicated to Pol Pot.
00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,811
{\an8}There's a non-zero chance
you'll lose an eye.
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,731
{\an8}Oh, that wasn't the vibe
I got from the waivers.
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,608
{\an8}- Waivers?
- Yeah, from the website.
00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,234
{\an8}Website?!
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,780
{\an8}Welcome to Earth World!
It's me, Dr. Dogballs!
00:03:58,781 --> 00:04:00,406
{\an8}What the hell?!
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,033
{\an8}I love Earth so much
I made a theme park--
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,451
{\an8}just like they would on Earth!
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:04,953
{\an8}Oh. [ Laughs ] Yeah.
00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:07,288
{\an8}Wow, I-I guess this does seem
like it sucks.
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,791
{\an8}Good one, Grandpa.
You still like stuff ironically?
00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:13,211
{\an8}No, it used to bad bad,
which was good.
00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:16,089
{\an8}There used to be a ride called
"It's a Small Black Death"!
00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,341
Looks like they've got
just a regular GAP.
00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:20,510
Rick, w-were you just drunk
when you were here?
00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:21,594
I'm drunk now!
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,929
Where's all the rusty nails?
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,764
Where's the Herpes Family Flume?
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,266
- Light-up corn dog?
- Get the fuck away from me!
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,770
Can't wait to get a photo
taken with... Marie Curie?
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,522
I-I think that's John Legend?
00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:34,065
Maybe they picked John Legend
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,692
'cause his name implies
he's really important.
00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:38,152
Rick, how were you thinking
we should enjoy this?
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:41,030
Wow, they have a hall
of Presidential Pets?
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,616
- Like that?
- Do you think I can meet Socks?
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,867
I'm not gonna shit on it
too hard
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,285
'cause I know
you'd punish me,
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,997
but isn't this just
a mid-'90s outdoor mall?
00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:51,165
- Oh! My bad!
- Oh, my God!
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,126
You're a real Earth person,
aren't you?
00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,961
- From Earth?!
- Uh, yeah.
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,963
I'm, like, starstruck.
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,798
A real human.
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,300
Ooh, you smell nasty.
[ Laughs ]
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,512
- Oh. I mean, is that-- is that good?
- Absolutely.
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,806
Well, it's nice to see
something in this park
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,391
still grimy and real.
00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:10,893
Then I-I'm as nasty
as they come.
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:13,312
Can you believe
my grandpa loves this place?
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,480
[ Laughs ] Lame.
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,107
Beth!
Where'd you go?
00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,066
Beth?
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,484
Beth, I want you
to have fun,
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,653
but I need to know
where you're having it.
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,655
- I found a possum!
- Oh, my God!
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,407
Aaaah! No!
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,284
I don't wanna be old! Aaaah!
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:29,078
You're in so much pain,
and you don't even know it!
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,997
[ Machine whirs ]
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,498
- Oh, my God.
- I'm sorry.
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,501
I-I forgot just how insane
we were as a kid.
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,586
I shouldn't have pitched this.
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,463
You have got to try it.
00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:40,089
I'm over here!
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:42,050
Okay, sweetie, this is
your two-minute warning.
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,509
It's almost time
to switch back.
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,137
[ Giggles ]
You got to find me first!
00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:48,222
Too slow! Try again!
00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:50,349
Alright, let's go.
That's enough. I'm serious.
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,684
[ Giggles ]
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,353
Alright, Beth.
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,022
Aaah!
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,609
Surprise!
You done been got!
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,320
Do it.
00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,406
[ Machine whirs ]
00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:10,370
[ Both giggle ]
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,916
[ Both shrieking ]
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,252
Ugh! That bathroom
was a ride, too!
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,213
I had my pants down
and everything!
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:23,132
- I really do need to go.
- Just go in a bush.
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,384
I swear it used to be
funnier than this.
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,845
Don't turn around.
I-I-I'm squatting.
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:30,431
Hey, you can't go... there.
Like that.
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,600
You used to be able to piss
wherever you wanted to.
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,018
Like on Earth.
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,895
Grandpa Rick, take the L.
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,271
Let's get Morty and go home.
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:38,981
Yeah, this place is fucked.
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:41,109
Corporate takeover.
Board-approved changes.
00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:43,319
Steve Jobs dies, and we get
10 years of the same iPhone.
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,863
Oh, no, the guy who made
the park is still alive.
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,073
- He is?
- Yeah.
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,033
Rumor is,
he still lives here.
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,120
Down in the tunnels.
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,082
Hey, Sum-Sum,
You like breaking rules.
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,168
Ooh, did you bring molly?
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:00,294
Hurry it up, Jerry!
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,505
It's your fault I have to go
like this.
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:03,756
You destroyed my urethra
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,676
when you turned me
into a trash can.
00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:08,262
Follow me.
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,097
And of course I brought molly.
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,099
TV Announcer:
Uh, if you're just joining us tonight,
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,434
we have a-- oh, my God.
It exploded.
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,562
Oh, God.
All those astronauts.
00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:20,106
It's-- It's worse
than any explosion before it!
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,315
This is hilarious.
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,360
Hey, yo.
Check this out.
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,821
Awesome.
No adult is getting inside.
00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:28,656
Also, don't sit
on that chair.
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,032
The cushion is knives.
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,617
Somebody's got to sit on it!
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,452
Gene should sit on it.
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,622
Bam! Nice!
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,792
Whoo-hoo!
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,210
Hey there, girls.
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,713
I'm guessing one of you
is Beth from next door,
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:45,548
and one of you is her... clone?
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,466
But you're both
little girls now?
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,218
Not that strange,
given what I've seen.
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,095
What are you,
a scientist?
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:52,597
Come sit in our chair.
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:55,600
Well, based on the design
of your makeshift harpoon,
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:58,186
seems like you girls
are on a bit of a spree.
00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:00,730
Feel like I'm gonna be walking
into some booby traps.
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,148
Let's have some cocoa instead.
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:05,693
- "Let's have some cocoa."
- "I'm divorced."
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,029
Hey! That is cruel
and technically untrue.
00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:09,655
But you're
in an altered headspace,
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,199
so I know you don't mean it.
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,993
Why don't you two sit tight?
I'll get the Swiss Miss.
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,078
- Let's go.
- Go where?
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,373
Go hunt him.
Unless you're scaaared.
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,000
I'm not scared of anything.
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,711
Let's get in the walls.
00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:25,838
Morty: Wow, this is
a good photo of us.
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,173
Keep talking.
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,008
I can smell your
rotting breakfast.
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,719
- Oh, God.
- Your hairs are insane.
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,262
They're all over your body.
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,431
Can I touch them?
Say a human phrase.
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,809
Say "grocery list"
in that stinkbody accent.
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:39,894
You mean my voice?
00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:41,354
- Yes!
- "Grocery list."
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,855
I love your tooth-filled
big hole
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,899
and the other,
less-used holes on your face.
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,484
Okay, um,
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,445
I'm getting the feeling
that you're not into me
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:54,283
a-as much as you like the idea
of being with any human.
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,160
Does it matter
if I'm still turned on?
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,662
No, I guess it doesn't.
00:08:57,663 --> 00:09:00,706
I want to get your wet muscle
in my mouth.
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,041
You mean my tongue?
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,043
I don't care
what it's called.
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,087
Rick, I know you're having
a bad time.
00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:08,673
But I think I saw
a Panera up there
00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,341
that might change your tune.
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:12,134
- A Panera?!
- Yeah!
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,720
- Shut up.
- Is that Kevin Costner?
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,013
Wait, why do I know that?
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,765
Did Father make
new models?
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,350
I don't recognize you three.
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,686
No, I'm... Old Guy Fieri,
00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,145
th-- this is Princess Diana,
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,730
and he's Mr. Rogers.
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,148
Or Brett Kavanaugh.
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,942
I wouldn't know.
I never left this park.
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,068
Us, too.
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,821
We're looking for Dogballs.
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,160
He lives below.
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,124
Dr. Dogballs.
My man!
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,376
Humans! Real humans!
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,420
The mad genius
who built Earth World!
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,922
Nobody loves Earth
as much as me.
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,341
Car, Muscle Beach,
property taxes.
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,802
But before I could complete
my perfect vision,
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,888
I was caught with incriminating
files on my computer,
00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,099
and the board chained me up.
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,934
I watch animal pornography.
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,561
It's my business.
00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,229
Like with people and animals?
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,605
No, just the animals, sicko.
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,566
The original Earth World
was incredible.
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,359
I-I got strep
from a candy once!
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,862
Of course you feel that way.
You're a human being.
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:16,073
You know what Earth theme parks
are supposed to be like.
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,159
I'd take you to the dead zone
if I could
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,745
and show you
some of the old delights.
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,705
But they won't let me
leave my office.
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:25,250
They won't, but I will.
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:29,837
Welcome to the real
Earth World!
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,548
I guess this is closer
to how I remember it.
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,593
Oh! I stepped on a rusty nail!
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,511
Aah! Aah! Aaaah!
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,388
Hmm. At least Jerry got hurt.
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:42,099
Hot cocoa with
extra marshmallows!
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,393
Hope you got room
for extra marshmallows!
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:46,854
Look at him holding
marshmallows over our heads.
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,105
Like that's some kind of power.
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,149
I do like marshmallows.
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,151
He doesn't decide
about our marshmallows!
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,778
You should go up there
and cut him.
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,154
You should cut him.
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,447
[ Whispering ]
What should we cut?
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,617
I don't know.
Just start slashing!
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,826
Gene: Aaah! Aaah!
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,828
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,539
My ankles!
I need a doctor!
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,833
Great.
Now we have to take care of him.
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,377
I don't want to take care
of anybody!
00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:11,837
- You take care of him!
- It was your idea!
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:12,880
Both: Not it! Jinx!
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:14,507
I think you hit an artery!
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,509
- She did it! She's a psycho.
- You're the psycho!
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,010
I watched you eat a bird!
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:21,013
After you tore off its wings!
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,433
I'll show you who's psycho!!
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,687
Yeah, run away, you baby!
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,190
Remember your affirmations,
Gene.
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,984
You deserve to live.
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,946
Oh.
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:41,660
Welp, somehow every decision
I've ever made has led to this.
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:49,708
{\an8}♪
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,961
- Aaaaah!
- Get out of my treehouse!
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,797
Get out of my yard!
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,300
[ Breathing heavily ]
00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,386
Aaah!
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,097
Fire alarm:
Fire detected. Extinguishing.
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:21,699
{\an8}♪
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,868
Come on, Gene.
Not like this.
00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,035
Not like this!
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:27,037
Hey, Siri, call 911!
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,165
Siri: Countdown to calling 911.
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:32,251
Calling 911 in 10, 9, 8, 7--
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,296
Why does it need a countdown?!!
00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:39,049
Alien M.C.:
Earth's World War II was fought with combines and harvesters,
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,677
and you're about to witness it
firsthand.
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,804
Oh, God, is that a live wire?
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:46,182
None of the electricity
is grounded here.
00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,477
- [ Cellphone vibrates ]
- Shit.
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,228
I-I got to get home
before Gene calls 911
00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:52,813
from any other phone
but his own.
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,607
The head thing so you can
get out the way you came.
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,234
Wait, you're leaving?
I thought you loved this place.
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,903
Yeah, uh, I don't know.
00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,279
I-I guess Morty was right.
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,822
Am I, like, supposed to think
it's cool
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,283
that there's measles
in the water, and like, snakes?
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,369
Nah.
Y-You guys have fun.
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,873
- Aaah!
- Oh. shiiiit!
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:16,045
{\an8}♪
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,923
We're done here, boys.
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,134
Rick, your girls.
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,178
They're not good people.
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:26,556
Thank... you.
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:30,017
I've only been gone
for two hours!
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,602
Hey, Beths!
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:32,645
Deducing here that
you've been huffing childhood
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,814
and have overdosed on fun.
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,817
Ouch.
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:47,451
- Child Beth: I'm gonna kill you!
- Child Space Beth: I'm gonna kill you first!
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,203
Ow, damn it!
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,914
That's it, we're done.
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,089
You dick!
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,298
Aaah!
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,008
Enough "Home Alone"-ing.
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,677
God damn it!
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,763
I cloned you to fix this,
not make you twice as annoying.
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,516
Dr. Dogballs: Oh,
I-I-can't tell you, oh, my God,
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:14,270
I've waited so long
for someone to see my vision.
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,855
And of course
it was real humans!
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,358
You're the perfect audience
for this--
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,695
my finest moment.
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,531
Oh, shit.
What's that?!
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,575
My beautiful creations.
00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:30,537
They're going to destroy
the park.
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,788
Oh, God.
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,790
I thought they were people
in costumes,
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,542
but the costumes
are the people?
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,043
The people
are the costumes?!
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:41,046
All Earth theme parks end
the same way.
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,340
Jurassic Park, Westworld--
00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:46,176
even the rides
inside the theme parks
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,511
tell the same story.
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:48,971
You're on a boat ride
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:51,390
when suddenly you take
a detour to a waterfall,
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,559
and now you're
in a pirate's den,
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,228
forced to suck dick
to stay alive!
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,730
Why would you do this?
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,315
The greatest tribute to Earth
00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:03,486
is a theme park
that ends in chaos.
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,577
Be free! Be free, my lovelies!
00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,828
Hungry for meat.
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:15,080
Eat meat!
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,874
Take it all!
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,083
Take the other one!
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,251
Shit! Dad!
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,919
Take it! Take it all!
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,921
Blend in.
Stumble around!
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,508
{\an8}♪
00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:33,223
- Yeah, you like that? Labradoodle.
- Mmm.
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,351
- Coconut milk.
- Uh-huh. More human stuff.
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,270
Big League Chew.
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:40,648
Ooh!
Say something racist.
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:44,735
- What?
- C'mon, you're human, it's your whole thing.
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,028
Uhhh...
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:49,573
I-Italians make pretty--
pretty good pizza?
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:53,452
No, do it hateful,
you disgusting little bug.
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,120
Uhhhh, did you hear that?
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,373
Now you're pretending
there's some kind of emergency?
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,625
I tried to be vulnerable
with you.
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,502
If you don't think I'm pretty,
just say so.
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,837
I'm sorry, but I-I'm
not just some sexual fantasy,
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:08,634
- I'm a whole person.
- C'mon, you guys basically invented racism.
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,678
If I wanted to fuck
something good,
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,263
I wouldn't have come
to Earth World.
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,682
Aaaah!
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:17,476
I don't even know who this is!
Aaaaah!
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,021
It's John Legend, I think!
Oh, my God!
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:27,696
Summer? Rick?
A-Anyone?!
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,989
Uh, that's the entire
Culkin family!
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,325
I-I guess there's seven of them?
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,744
Aaah!
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:38,914
I loved you in "Succession!"
I'm sorry!
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,165
Enough kindergarten.
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,583
I don't have time
to be your dad.
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,419
- You never did!
- You want me to be a parent?
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:46,506
Fine. No more talking
until you're adults.
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,396
Okay, whichever one you are,
you're up.
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:04,440
She can't breathe!
She can't breathe!
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,400
Aw, shit, fuck!
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,527
- Take that!
- Aaah!
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,320
How old should we make him?
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,197
As old as it'll go.
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,492
[ Machine whirring ]
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,497
Bet it's scary
to have your life in the hands
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,750
of unreliable caregivers!
00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:24,878
[ Groaning ]
00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,755
Walk!
We're not taking care of you!
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:30,048
Yeah, get up,
or we'll leave you here!
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:33,385
Just like you left us.
Lazy piece of shit!
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,554
Fuck you, Dad!
Fucking asshole!
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:39,099
You didn't want us.
You just wanted to fuck off.
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,351
I-I didn't leave.
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,729
My Beth died.
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,649
Yeah, well, someone left us!
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,568
And there's two of us now!
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,570
You should love us
twice as much!
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,907
Both: All we wanted
was to be together!!
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,909
[ Sobbing ]
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,744
Don't you... cry!
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,747
You don't deserve
to cry!
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,582
Proud...
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,583
Proud?
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,169
Proud... of you...
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:11,841
for making me old and beating...
the shit out of me.
00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:15,094
[ Both sobbing ]
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:21,601
Proud you're--
you're both my daughters.
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,190
[ All sobbing ]
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,528
Ow. Ow.
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:35,531
You little bitches
broke my bones.
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,867
[ All laugh ]
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,704
I'm shitting!
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,039
I'm not joking.
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,749
Stop making me laugh.
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,794
It's making me shit more!
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,131
Beths: It's perfect!
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,133
The only thing
that could make this better
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,718
is if something was on fire.
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:58,470
I might stab something again.
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,305
Probably should
turn you back.
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,684
Do most kids like
to stab this much?
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,477
There's the exit.
Stay close.
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,437
[ Screaming ]
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:08,981
Please help!
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,649
Oh, thank God!
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,485
How could you-- aaah!
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,279
Oh, shit, Morty's killing...
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,738
I think that's Rory Culkin?
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,699
I-Is that
who this one is!?
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,284
We got to bail.
Get a head.
00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:23,036
- What?
- Put on Rory!
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,581
There's no room!
00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,624
Ugh!
It's so wet in here.
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,543
It smells, too.
It smells wet.
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,336
They're coming!
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:32,922
Come on!
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,507
- Come on, get in!
- Where's the remote?
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,509
I lost the remote!
I can't shrink our heads!
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,012
Give me the keys!
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,808
More like Earth World.
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,686
- What?
- Like "Jurassic World"? The big sequel?
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,979
I-I don't know
what you're saying.
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,272
Well, wasn't
it called Earth Park?
00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:51,398
- No!
- No!
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:52,441
Oh.
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,359
Is anybody getting cold?
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,696
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,200
♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:06,164
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,711
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,880
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,424
♪ Our troubles are
all the same ♪
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:22,221
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,557
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,935
♪ People are all the same ♪
00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:32,523
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:37,861
I'm blind!
Space froze my eyes!
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,364
Yeah, Jerry, I told you
that theme park sucks!
00:20:40,365 --> 00:21:11,937
{\an8}♪
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,189
Rick:
Hello, you've reached 911.
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:17,734
- If this is an emergency, please leave a message.
- [ Beep ]
00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:19,111
Gene: The house
across the street from me
00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,946
keeps disappearing
and reappearing.
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,823
I-I don't know
if that's an emergency,
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,616
but it's really upsetting.
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,952
- Could you send someone to investigate?
- [ Beep ]
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:30,038
- So, I was eating a burger, and now my hands are burgers.
- [ Beep ]
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,832
Hi, I'm being home-invaded,
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:33,583
and it's--
it's by a small home.
00:21:33,584 --> 00:21:35,794
There's a small home
that's home-invading my home.
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,130
- It's wearing a ski-mask, but it's definitely a house.
- [ Beep ]
00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:40,132
There's a pigeon
outside my house
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,925
- demanding to see my birth certificate.
- [ Beep ]
00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:43,969
I'm beginning to think
911 shouldn't have
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,470
an answering machine.
00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:47,514
Also, I have eleven legs now.
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,726
- Nobody ever comes.
- [ Beep ]
00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:52,729
Did you get any of that?
rus__Rus.srt
rus__Rus.srt
00:00:34,530 --> 00:00:35,450
- Чисто!
- Разряд!
00:00:57,610 --> 00:00:59,350
Кто хочет в Мир Земли?
00:00:59,370 --> 00:01:03,070
Мам, я не могу найти свою сумку-бананку!
Где моя сумка-бананка?
00:01:03,090 --> 00:01:05,890
Хватит говорить «бананка».
Это просто кошелёк на лямке!
00:01:05,950 --> 00:01:08,410
Космо-Бет, ты за рулём. Мне что-то не хочется.
00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:12,430
А можешь сделать мне сэндвич?
А то после еды в парках я какаю странно.
00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:15,270
Обстановку читайте. Мы не летим. Гляньте на нас.
00:01:15,290 --> 00:01:18,150
Нет, вы должны полететь. Там полная задница.
00:01:18,180 --> 00:01:20,894
Этот чувак ни разу не был на Земле, но обожает её.
00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:22,530
И парки строить не умеет.
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,450
Мы сказали, сука, нет!
00:01:24,930 --> 00:01:26,300
Хорошо. Ладно.
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:29,110
Но на приключения Бет никто смотреть не захочет.
00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:33,510
Я думала, клонирование сделает на счастливыми.
00:01:33,530 --> 00:01:34,850
Ненавижу свою жизнь.
00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:37,310
И ты свою тоже наверняка ненавидишь.
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:38,119
Эй!
00:01:38,370 --> 00:01:40,690
Извини. Я ещё в машине пить начала.
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:12,696
РИК И МОРТИ
00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:17,680
Почему нам так плохо? Дело ведь не в Джерри.
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:19,220
Да, могло быть и хуже.
00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:21,600
Мы могли выйти за Пепа Розенфельда.
00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:23,730
Боже мой. Я про него совсем забыла.
00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:26,450
- Он же умер в той заварухе?
- Одиннадцатого сентября.
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:29,650
И папу во всём винить нельзя, да?
00:02:29,670 --> 00:02:30,740
Да, пошёл он в жопу.
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:34,450
«Ой, у меня был плохой папа».
Заткнись уже, напиши об этом книгу.
00:02:34,470 --> 00:02:37,120
Я просто устала, что надо столько всего делать.
00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:39,040
Но ты-то всё это бросила.
00:02:39,060 --> 00:02:41,330
В космосе надо делать ещё больше.
00:02:41,350 --> 00:02:43,735
Когда мы были счастливы в последний раз?
00:02:43,780 --> 00:02:45,130
По-настоящему?
00:02:45,150 --> 00:02:46,920
В детстве вроде было ничего.
00:02:46,940 --> 00:02:49,250
Да, вот бы снова стать молодой.
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,610
Такие желания всегда выходят боком.
00:02:52,150 --> 00:02:53,570
Но вообще-то...
00:02:55,570 --> 00:02:58,140
Зачем тебе омолаживающий аппарат?
00:02:58,230 --> 00:03:00,998
Когда охочусь за головами, превращаю их в детей.
00:03:01,010 --> 00:03:02,890
В тачку можно десятерых упихать.
00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:04,030
Продуктивно.
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:06,860
Но тебе приходится тусить с десятком детей.
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,690
Не, я их наркотой накачиваю.
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,540
Стой, а одежда будет огромная или...
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:14,810
Нет-нет, эта технология
такая продвинутая, что похожа на магию.
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:20,950
10 ЛЕТ
00:03:22,980 --> 00:03:24,510
- Ого.
- Ого...
00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:27,840
Моё лицо. Моя кожа!
00:03:27,860 --> 00:03:30,150
Я всё вижу так отчётливо.
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,760
И во рту такой чистый вкус.
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,277
О, и руки работают.
00:03:34,330 --> 00:03:35,410
И не болят!
00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:37,850
А ты выглядишь паршиво.
00:03:37,870 --> 00:03:39,810
Нет, стой! Вернись сюда!
00:03:39,830 --> 00:03:41,970
Готовьтесь, Мир Земли — это трындец.
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,480
Ноль последовательности.
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:46,480
Я как-то катался на горке, посвящённой Полу Поту.
00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:48,250
Есть шанс лишиться глаза.
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,730
Да? А в описаниях были другие вайбы.
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,650
- В описаниях?
- Да, на их сайте.
00:03:53,670 --> 00:03:54,550
На сайте?!
00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:58,820
Приветствую в «Мире Земли». Это я, доктор Яйцепёс.
00:03:58,850 --> 00:04:00,410
Что за фигня?
00:04:00,430 --> 00:04:03,500
Я люблю Землю, поэтому создал
такой же парк, как там.
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,000
Ого! Да.
00:04:05,020 --> 00:04:07,330
Сразу видно, что парк — полный отстой.
00:04:07,350 --> 00:04:09,840
Круто, деда. Всё ещё любишь фигню типа иронично?
00:04:09,860 --> 00:04:13,210
Нет, тут правда было
настолько плохо, что даже хорошо.
00:04:13,230 --> 00:04:15,850
Тут была горка с названием «Маленькая чума».
00:04:16,110 --> 00:04:20,510
По-моему, это самый обычный Gap.
Ты что, пьяным сюда прилетал?
00:04:20,530 --> 00:04:24,770
Я и сейчас пьяный.
Где ржавые гвозди? Где Семейный канал герпеса?
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,830
- Хотите корн-дог?
- Отвали от меня!
00:04:27,330 --> 00:04:30,770
Поскорее бы сфотографироваться с... Марией Кюри?
00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:32,520
А это вроде Джон Ледженд.
00:04:32,550 --> 00:04:35,690
Может, его выбрали,
потому что у него фамилия типа крутая?
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,200
Рик, почему ты думал, что нам тут понравится?
00:04:38,330 --> 00:04:40,790
Ого, выставка животных президентов?
00:04:40,830 --> 00:04:41,710
Вот это?
00:04:41,730 --> 00:04:43,620
А там есть кот Билла Клинтона?
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:47,350
Я не буду сильно говнить,
потому что ты меня накажешь.
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:48,850
Но это обычный ТЦ 90-х.
00:04:49,450 --> 00:04:51,210
- Простите.
- Боже мой.
00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:53,170
Ты настоящий землянин, да?
00:04:53,190 --> 00:04:55,010
- С Земли?
- Ну да.
00:04:55,030 --> 00:04:56,970
Я сейчас реально в шоке.
00:04:56,990 --> 00:04:58,800
Настоящий человек.
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:01,350
Ух ты, от тебя так воняет.
00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:04,560
- Ой, это типа хорошо?
- Ну конечно.
00:05:04,580 --> 00:05:08,390
Так круто увидеть в парке
что-то настолько настоящее.
00:05:08,410 --> 00:05:12,830
Тогда вонючее меня никого не найти.
Прикинь, мой дед обожает это место.
00:05:13,340 --> 00:05:14,070
Отстой.
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:15,950
Бет! Куда ты делась?
00:05:15,990 --> 00:05:16,710
Бет?
00:05:16,810 --> 00:05:20,700
Я знаю, ты хотела повеселиться,
но я должна знать, где ты это делаешь.
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,700
- Я нашла опоссума!
- Боже мой.
00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:25,730
Нет! Я не хочу быть старой!
00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:29,080
У тебя всё болит, а ты об этом даже не знаешь.
00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:32,540
- Боже мой.
- Прости.
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:33,354
Я забыла,
00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:35,785
насколько ненормальными мы были в детстве.
00:05:35,830 --> 00:05:38,151
- Зря я предложила.
- Ты должна попробовать.
00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:40,090
Смотри, я здесь.
00:05:40,110 --> 00:05:43,510
Милая, осталось две минуты.
Скоро пора меняться обратно.
00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:45,470
Придётся сперва меня найти.
00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:48,270
Не успела! Давай ещё раз!
00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:50,390
Так, достаточно. Идём. Я серьёзно.
00:05:51,710 --> 00:05:52,790
Ну всё, Бет.
00:05:56,090 --> 00:05:57,990
Сюрприз! Ты попалась.
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:00,650
Давай.
00:06:16,270 --> 00:06:18,300
Уборная — тоже аттракцион.
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,260
Я уже штаны снял и всё такое.
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,110
Но мне правда нужно в туалет.
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:23,140
Сходи под куст.
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,210
Клянусь, раньше было забавнее.
00:06:25,410 --> 00:06:27,850
Не оборачивайтесь. Я тут присел.
00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:30,480
Эй, нельзя ходить здесь. Вот так.
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:34,020
Раньше везде можно было ссать. Как на Земле.
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,320
Деда Рик, успокойся. Забираем Морти и летим домой.
00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:41,150
Да, это место — отстой.
Продались корпорации и совету директоров.
00:06:41,170 --> 00:06:43,320
Джобс умер, и нам пихают один и тот же айфон.
00:06:43,340 --> 00:06:45,870
О нет, создатель парка всё ещё жив.
00:06:45,890 --> 00:06:47,120
- Правда?
- Да.
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,040
Ходят слухи, что он живёт здесь.
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:50,450
Внизу, в туннелях.
00:06:51,330 --> 00:06:53,710
ТОЛЬКО ДЛЯ СОТРУДНИКОВ
00:06:54,110 --> 00:06:56,130
Сам-Сам, ты же любишь правила нарушать.
00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:57,750
О, ты взял с собой молли?
00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,340
Джерри, побыстрее.
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,360
Это ты виноват, что я так писаю.
00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:05,710
Ты уничтожил мою уретру,
когда превратил меня в мусорку.
00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:07,610
За мной.
00:07:09,330 --> 00:07:10,570
И да, я взял молли.
00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:13,735
Если вы только включили наш канал, то...
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,440
Боже мой, он взорвался.
00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:17,560
Господи, и все космонавты...
00:07:17,590 --> 00:07:19,950
Это хуже, чем любой взрыв до этого.
00:07:20,050 --> 00:07:21,010
Это офигенно.
00:07:21,380 --> 00:07:22,950
Эй, а зацени-ка вот это.
00:07:23,950 --> 00:07:26,870
Круто. Ни один взрослый сюда не пройдёт.
00:07:26,890 --> 00:07:28,700
И ещё не садись в то кресло.
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,040
В подушках ножи.
00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:32,910
- Кто-то должен в него сесть.
- Давай посадим Джина.
00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:34,100
Бам!
00:07:34,490 --> 00:07:35,230
Круто.
00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:40,950
Привет, девочки.
00:07:41,050 --> 00:07:44,072
Полагаю, одна из вас — моя соседка Бет,
00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:45,550
а вторая — её клон?
00:07:45,570 --> 00:07:49,220
Но вы обе теперь маленькие?
Хотя это не странно, видал и похуже.
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,600
- А ты у нас кто? Учёный?
- Посиди в нашем кресле.
00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:56,109
Ну, судя по конструкции
вашего самодельного гарпуна,
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,230
вы, девочки, слегка расшалились.
00:07:58,250 --> 00:08:00,730
Уверен, вы приготовили для меня ловушки.
00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:02,190
Может, лучше по какао выпьем?
00:08:02,270 --> 00:08:05,740
- «Лучше по какао выпьем».
- «Я в разводе».
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,070
Эй, это жестоко и, технически, неправда.
00:08:08,090 --> 00:08:11,240
Но вы сейчас не в себе, так что, наверное, не всерьёз.
00:08:11,260 --> 00:08:13,510
Посидите пока тут. Я принесу какао.
00:08:14,020 --> 00:08:16,080
- Пойдём.
- Куда?
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:19,420
Поохотимся на него. Или ты испугалась?
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,040
Да я ничего не боюсь.
00:08:21,070 --> 00:08:22,350
Заберёмся в стены.
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,840
Ого, клёвая фотография.
00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:29,010
Говори ещё. Я чувсвтую запах твоего завтрака.
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:31,760
- Боже.
- Волосы — просто с ума сойти.
00:08:31,780 --> 00:08:33,270
Они у тебя по всему телу.
00:08:33,290 --> 00:08:38,810
Можно потрогать? Скажи что-то человеческое.
Скажи «список покупок» со своим вонючим акцентом.
00:08:38,830 --> 00:08:40,490
- Ты про мой голос?
- Да.
00:08:40,610 --> 00:08:41,470
Список покупок.
00:08:41,510 --> 00:08:44,970
Обожаю эту дыру на лице с кучей зубов.
И остальные дыры поменьше.
00:08:45,010 --> 00:08:46,490
Ну ладно. Так...
00:08:46,510 --> 00:08:53,270
Мне кажется, что тебе нравлюсь не я,
а просто сама идея затусить с любым человеком.
00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:56,160
А это важно, если я уже завелась?
00:08:56,180 --> 00:08:57,660
Нет. Думаю, не важно.
00:08:57,690 --> 00:09:00,450
Хочу засунуть твою влажную мышцу себе в рот.
00:09:00,570 --> 00:09:02,040
Ты это про мой язык?
00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:03,850
Плевать, как он назвается.
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,130
Рик, понимаю, тебе тут не нравится.
00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:10,340
Но я вроде видел тут рядом булочную,
она поднимет тебе настроение.
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,140
- Булочную?
- Ну да.
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,570
- Завали.
- Это что, Кевин Костнер?
00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:15,750
Откуда я это знаю?
00:09:15,850 --> 00:09:17,570
Отец сделал новые модели?
00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:19,350
Я не узнаю вас троих.
00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:21,690
Нет, я старый Гай Фиери.
00:09:21,710 --> 00:09:23,150
Это принцесса Диана.
00:09:23,170 --> 00:09:24,730
А он — мистер Роджерс.
00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:25,910
Или Бретт Кавано.
00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:27,990
Я их не знаю. Я не покидал этот парк.
00:09:28,010 --> 00:09:28,798
Мы тоже.
00:09:28,930 --> 00:09:30,425
Мы ищем Яйцепёса.
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:36,530
Он живёт внизу.
00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:37,310
ДИЗАЙН МАСКОТОВ
ТЕХНИЧЕСКОЕ ПОМЕЩЕНИЕ
00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:45,380
- Мистер Яйцепёс, дружище.
- Люди! Настоящие люди!
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,460
Безумный гений, создавший «Мир Земли».
00:09:47,490 --> 00:09:49,930
Никто не любит Землю так же сильно, как я.
00:09:49,950 --> 00:09:52,340
Тачки, Масл-бич, налоги на имущество.
00:09:52,370 --> 00:09:54,960
Но прежде чем я успел закончить свой шедевр,
00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:58,010
у меня на компьютере
нашли компрометирующие файлы.
00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,550
И совет запер меня здесь.
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:01,940
Я смотрю порно с животными.
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,230
- Это только моё дело.
- Типа с людьми и животными?
00:10:05,250 --> 00:10:06,790
Нет, только с животными, урод.
00:10:06,810 --> 00:10:10,435
Первый «Мир Земли» был круче.
Я как-то стрептококк от конфеты подцепил.
00:10:10,465 --> 00:10:12,860
Конечно, ты так думаешь. Ты ведь человек.
00:10:12,890 --> 00:10:16,080
Ты знаешь, какими должны быть
тематические парки на Земле.
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:20,660
Я бы отвёл вас в закрытую зону
и показал старые аттракционы, если бы мог.
00:10:20,780 --> 00:10:22,785
Но они запретили мне выходить отсюда.
00:10:22,810 --> 00:10:24,810
Они запретили, а я разрешу.
00:10:26,070 --> 00:10:28,750
Приветствую в настоящем «Мире Земли»!
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:29,690
РАЗУМ ГИТЛЕРА
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:32,550
А вот уже это почти то, что я помню.
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,770
Я наступил на ржавый гвоздь!
00:10:37,730 --> 00:10:39,150
Хотя бы Джерри пострадал.
00:10:39,550 --> 00:10:42,100
Горячий какао с бонусными маршмеллоу.
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,400
Надеюсь, у вас найдётся для них место?
00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:46,644
Смотри, как он манипулирует маршмеллоу.
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:48,110
Будто это даёт ему власть.
00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:50,190
Но я правда люблю маршмеллоу.
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,780
Не ему решать, когда нам их есть.
Иди наверх и пырни его.
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:54,910
Сама его пырни.
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:58,150
- Куда будем пырять?
- Не знаю. Режь как пойдёт.
00:11:00,770 --> 00:11:02,730
Боже мой! Боже мой!
00:11:02,890 --> 00:11:05,580
Мои лодыжки! Мне нужно к врачу!
00:11:05,610 --> 00:11:07,840
Класс. Теперь надо ему помочь.
00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:09,420
Я никому не хочу помогать.
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,430
- Сама помогай.
- Это ты придумала.
00:11:11,860 --> 00:11:14,190
- Не я! Чур меня!
- Вы задели артерию.
00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:16,550
- Это она. Она поехавшая.
- Сама такая.
00:11:16,570 --> 00:11:18,050
Это ты птицу сожрала!
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,690
Когда ты оторвала ей крылья!
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:23,150
Я тебе покажу, кто поехавшая.
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:28,410
Да, беги отсюда, малявка.
00:11:28,430 --> 00:11:30,990
Не забывай свои аффирмации, Джин.
00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:33,450
Ты заслуживаешь жить.
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:41,660
Ну, все мои жизненные решения вели меня к этому.
00:11:47,550 --> 00:11:48,830
ЛУЧШИЕ ДРУЗЬЯ ВРАГИ НАВСЕГДА
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,900
- Вали из моего домика!
- Вали с моего двора!
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,580
Обнаружен пожар. Устраняю.
00:12:21,310 --> 00:12:23,460
Ну давай, Джин. Только не так.
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:24,630
Только не так.
00:12:24,650 --> 00:12:28,750
- Эй, Сири. Набирай 911.
- Отсчёт до звонка 911.
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:32,060
Набираю 911 через десять, девять, восемь, семь...
00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:33,720
Зачем тут нужен отсчёт?!
00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:38,640
В земной Второй мировой
воевали тракторами и комбайнами,
00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:41,270
и сейчас вы увидите это собственными глазами.
00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:43,440
Боже, это что, оголённый провод?
00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:45,770
Электричество нигде не заземлено.
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:47,542
Чёрт.
00:12:48,980 --> 00:12:52,980
Мне надо домой, пока Джин
не набрал 911 с другого телефона.
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,240
Вот пульт, бошки надуть.
00:12:54,260 --> 00:12:56,820
Ты уходишь? Ты же обожаешь это место.
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,490
Да, ну... Я не знаю.
00:12:58,510 --> 00:12:59,870
Наверное, Морти был прав.
00:12:59,890 --> 00:13:03,870
Я типа должен считать,
что корь в воде и змеи — это круто?
00:13:03,890 --> 00:13:05,320
Нет. Веселитесь тут.
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,314
Вот чёрт!
00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:16,940
Мы закончили!
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,680
Рик. Твои девочки.
00:13:21,740 --> 00:13:23,140
Они плохие люди.
00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:25,480
Спасибо тебе.
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,260
Да меня же всего два часа не было.
00:13:29,670 --> 00:13:30,418
Эй, Бет!
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:34,400
Суда по всему, вы тут
вспоминали детство и передознулись весельем.
00:13:36,010 --> 00:13:36,740
Ай.
00:13:36,780 --> 00:13:38,080
БЕТ РУЛИТ
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,900
- Я тебя замочу!
- Я замочу тебя первой!
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,240
Ай, чтоб вас!
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:50,320
Ну всё, вы достали!
00:13:58,070 --> 00:13:59,280
Ты гондон!
00:14:00,910 --> 00:14:02,500
Хватит играть в «Один дома».
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:03,600
Да чтоб вас.
00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:07,140
Я вас клонировал,
чтобы всё исправить, а не чтобы напрягаться.
00:14:07,370 --> 00:14:13,860
Я вам даже передать не могу, господи, как долго
я ждал, чтобы показать кому-нибудь моё видение.
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,490
И, конечно же, это настоящие люди!
00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:20,760
Вы для этого лучшие зрители.
Мой величайший момент.
00:14:22,350 --> 00:14:23,583
Твою мать...
00:14:23,990 --> 00:14:27,210
- Это ещё что?
- Мои прекрасные создания.
00:14:27,230 --> 00:14:29,680
И сейчас они уничтожат парк.
00:14:31,060 --> 00:14:31,900
Боже мой.
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,380
Я думал, это люди в костюмах.
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,130
Но костюмы — это люди?
00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:37,670
Люди — это костюмы?!
00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:40,680
Всем паркам на Земле приходит конец.
00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:42,930
«Парк юрского периода», «Мир Дикого Запада».
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:47,100
Даже горки в тематических парках
идут по одному сценарию.
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,750
Сперва вы плывёте на лодке,
проходите через водопад
00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:55,740
и вот, вы в логове пиратов,
где вам приходится сосать, чтобы выжить.
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,080
Зачем ты это делаешь?
00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:02,600
Чтобы отдать дань уважения Земле,
нужно погрузить этот парк развлечений в хаос!
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,020
Вы свободны! Свободны, милые!
00:15:10,980 --> 00:15:12,630
Хочется мяса.
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,080
Есть! Мясо!
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,180
Забирайте всё!
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,620
- И вторую тоже.
- Чёрт! Папа.
00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:20,700
Забирайте! Берите всё!
00:15:20,780 --> 00:15:22,260
Давай, сливайся с толпой.
00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:31,330
Ну что, тебе нравится?
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,990
- Лабрадудль.
- Ага.
00:15:33,010 --> 00:15:35,150
- Кокосовое молоко.
- Говори ещё.
00:15:35,170 --> 00:15:36,540
Жевательные сигареты.
00:15:38,060 --> 00:15:40,450
О, скажи что-нибудь расистское.
00:15:40,470 --> 00:15:42,602
- Что?
- Давай, ты же человек.
00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:44,360
Разве это не ваша фишка?
00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:49,370
Итальянцы готовят довольно вкусную пиццу.
00:15:49,390 --> 00:15:53,250
Нет, говори мерзости. Ты, моя гадкая букашка.
00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:54,410
Ты это слышишь?
00:15:55,090 --> 00:15:56,930
Теперь ты пытаешься с темы съехать?
00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:01,300
А я пыталась перед тобой открыться.
Не считаешь меня красивой — так и скажи.
00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:04,319
Прости, но я не какая-то сексуальная фантазия,
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:05,340
я живой человек.
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,910
Да ладно тебе, вы же, по сути, сами и изобрели расизм.
00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:11,769
Если бы хотела трахнуть кого-то добренького,
00:16:11,780 --> 00:16:13,500
не летела бы в «Мир Земли».
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:17,360
Я даже не знаю, кто это такие!
00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:19,740
Кажись, Джон Ледженд. Господи!
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:27,380
Саммер? Рик? Кто-нибудь?
00:16:28,790 --> 00:16:31,270
Это же вся семья Калкиных целиком!
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:33,000
Получается, их семь.
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,580
Ты круто сыграл в «Наследниках»! Простите!
00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:41,820
Хватит детского сада.
Мне некогда быть вашим отцом.
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:42,750
Ты им и не был!
00:16:42,770 --> 00:16:46,140
Включить вам папу? Ладно.
Молчите, пока не повзрослеете.
00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:51,920
ПРОСТИ
00:16:51,940 --> 00:16:53,740
И ТЫ МЕНЯ
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,040
ПАПУ ТОГО?
00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:59,220
ПОДЫГРАЙ МНЕ
00:17:00,780 --> 00:17:02,630
Так, кем бы ты ни была, твоя очередь.
00:17:02,660 --> 00:17:04,340
Она не дышит! Она не дышит!
00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:06,080
Вот сука. Чёрт!
00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:07,740
Получай!
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:11,720
- Насколько мы его состарим?
- Насколько аппарат сможет.
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:12,413
360 ЛЕТ
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:15,940
СТАРЕНИЕ ЗАВЕРШЕНО
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,990
Страшно тебе оставаться
в руках ненадёжных опекунов?
00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:27,990
Да, мы тебя опекать не будем.
00:17:28,010 --> 00:17:30,330
Вставай, или мы бросим тебя здесь.
00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:33,520
Так же, как ты бросил нас! Ленивый кусок дерьма!
00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:35,830
- Пошёл ты, папа!
- Гондон вонючий!
00:17:35,850 --> 00:17:38,500
Мы не были тебе нужны! Ты хотел свалить!
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,220
Я вас не бросал.
00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:43,970
Моя Бет умерла.
00:17:43,990 --> 00:17:46,700
Да, но кто-то же нас бросил...
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:49,720
И теперь нас двое.
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,810
Ты должен любить нас сильнее.
00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:54,780
Мы же просто хотели быть вместе.
00:17:57,170 --> 00:17:59,020
Не смей плакать.
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,640
Ты не заслуживаешь плакать.
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,180
Я горжусь...
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:04,480
Гордишься?
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,410
Горжусь вами двумя.
00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:11,600
За то, что сделали меня старым
и выбили из меня всё дерьмо.
00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:21,300
Горжусь тем, что вы обе мои дочки.
00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:35,600
Мелкие сучки, вы мне кости переломали.
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:41,585
Я обосрался.
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,540
Я не шучу. Хватит меня смешить.
00:18:46,010 --> 00:18:47,540
А то сильнее обосрусь.
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,220
Просто идеально.
00:18:53,540 --> 00:18:56,960
Лучше может быть только если что-нибудь поджечь.
00:18:56,980 --> 00:18:58,340
Я хочу кого-нить пырнуть.
00:18:58,730 --> 00:19:00,400
Лучше состарить вас обратно.
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,340
А все дети так любят пырять?
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:05,760
Вон там выход. Держись рядом.
00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:08,880
Помогите мне!
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,120
Слава богу.
00:19:10,910 --> 00:19:12,200
Как вы можете...
00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:14,980
Чёрт, Морти мочит...
00:19:15,460 --> 00:19:18,260
- Кажется, Рори Калкина?
- Так вот это который?
00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:20,520
Надо валить. Хватай бошку.
00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:22,540
- Что?
- Надень на себя Рори.
00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:24,260
Не влазит.
00:19:26,180 --> 00:19:27,640
Тут внутри так влажно.
00:19:27,740 --> 00:19:29,780
И ещё воняет. Воняет влажным.
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,080
Они близко!
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,520
Скорее!
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:34,840
Ну же, садитесь!
00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:37,460
Где пульт? Я его потеряла. Головы не уменьшить!
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:38,640
Дай мне ключи!
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,780
Это скорее «Мир Земли»!
00:19:44,910 --> 00:19:45,690
Что?
00:19:45,710 --> 00:19:47,970
Ну, как «Мир юрского периода». Сиквел.
00:19:47,990 --> 00:19:50,510
- Я тебя не понимаю.
- Это же был «Парк Земли».
00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:51,180
Нет.
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,040
Никому больше не холодно?
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,560
КЛИНИКА СЕНТ-МЕРИН
00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:37,720
Я ослеп! Космос заморозил мне глаза!
00:20:37,780 --> 00:20:40,260
Да, я же говорил, что эти парки — отстой!
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,196
Вы набрали 911.
00:21:14,250 --> 00:21:17,160
Если у вас что-то срочное, оставьте сообщение.
00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:21,180
Дом напротив моего исчезает и появляется.
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,530
Не знаю, насколько это срочно,
но очень раздражает.
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,820
Вы можете прислать кого-нибудь проверить?
00:21:27,210 --> 00:21:29,880
В общем, я ел бургер, и теперь у меня руки-бургеры.
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,820
Здравствуйте. Ко мне в дом ломится,
в общем, дом поменьше.
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,070
Маленький дом ломится ко мне в дом.
00:21:36,090 --> 00:21:38,410
На нём маска, но это определённо дом.
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:42,160
У меня голубь требует свидетельство о рождении.
00:21:42,180 --> 00:21:45,710
Мне кажется, в 911 не должно быть автоответчика.
00:21:45,730 --> 00:21:47,500
И ещё, у меня 11 ног.
00:21:47,580 --> 00:21:48,960
Вы никогда не приезжаете.
00:21:48,980 --> 00:21:53,980
Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.
Скриншоты
