Последнее искушение Джерри
Описание
Джерри пытается отпраздновать Пасху с семьей, но все его отвергают, в результате чего он случайно сбивает и убивает пасхального кролика, покупая пасхальные конфеты. Джерри начинает мутировать в другого пасхального кролика, поэтому Рик и Морти отправляются на поиски способа обратить трансформацию вспять. Они обнаруживают, что пасхальный кролик на самом деле — инопланетное существо, похожее на кролика, которое вырабатывает феромоны, заставляющие всех вокруг него бесконтрольно заниматься сексом, что приводит к уничтожению планеты из-за перенаселения. Пытаясь украсть пасхальное яйцо, чтобы обратить мутацию Джерри, они подвергаются преследованию со стороны космических христиан во главе с Рейнхардом Кинкейдом, которые воздерживаются от секса и хотят избавить вселенную от кроликов. Тем временем Джерри превращается в бушующего кролика-монстра и начинает заставлять всех в мире заниматься сексом. После столкновения, в результате которого каждый член семьи на короткое время превращается в пасхального кролика, появляется Рейнхард, извлекает частицы кролика в пасхальное яйцо и уходит с ним. После того, как Джерри и его семья возвращаются к нормальной жизни, они решают, что им лучше больше не отмечать праздники, и начинают портить всем остальным праздники года.
Субтитры
eng__Eng.srt
eng__Eng.srt
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:10,135
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la,
eggs ♪
00:00:10,136 --> 00:00:13,221
♪ Plastic grass
and chocolate rabbits ♪
00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:16,141
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
marshmallow bird ♪
00:00:16,142 --> 00:00:19,060
♪ Easter is the time
for giving ♪
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:22,105
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la,
Easter milk ♪
00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:24,607
Hey, bud, wanna decorate
some Easter baskets
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:25,900
with your old man?
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,736
What? No.
I-I'm streaming on Twitch.
00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:29,404
"Fortnite"
just added JFK.
00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:32,157
Maybe we could fill
some baskets with jelly beans,
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:33,992
you know,
get our tradition on?
00:00:33,993 --> 00:00:35,952
I've gotta pack
for spring break.
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,787
Also, Jelly Bean
is a slur.
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:40,248
Come on, Beth.
The kids are growing up.
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:43,001
Maybe you and I can hide
some eggs one last time?
00:00:43,002 --> 00:00:45,420
I don't need the house smelling
like egg farts, Jerry.
00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:47,630
Rick. Oh...
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:50,091
You know what?
Never mind.
00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:53,511
Doesn't anyone
celebrate Easter anymore?
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:55,847
I-I don't wanna force people to
go to church or anything, but--
00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:57,599
Can you even tell me
what Easter is about?
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,267
It's when Christ
was born.
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,686
Or was murdered, maybe.
I dunno.
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:04,397
But we eat candy to remember.
It's important.
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,065
Jerry, if it wasn't for
the aisle at Costco,
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,400
you wouldn't even know
it was happening.
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,610
Yeah, Dad.
00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:09,986
Example--
When's Christmas?
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,279
December 25th.
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,031
And what's
today's date?
00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:15,784
Uh, Ap-Ap-April.
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:18,077
Look, I want to be
a good dad, okay?
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,579
And-- And I know
that you gotta
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,289
go straight up the middle
to do that.
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:24,209
If Easter is fading
from our family, that's bad.
00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:27,755
So, who's coming with me
to get some egg dye?
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:34,512
Guess that just means
more candy for Jer.
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,809
♪ Jerry makes an egg,
and it is nice ♪
00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:42,018
Aaah!
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:44,021
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:49,943
Oh, my God,
are you ok-- Ahhhghh!
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:53,488
Oh, my God, what a terrible time
to have eaten so much candy.
00:01:53,489 --> 00:01:55,281
Arghhhh!
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,783
Oh, I'm sorry.
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,368
I'm not trying
to kill you with vomit!
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:00,829
I'm just so scared.
Agghh!
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,907
{\an8}Please, please tell me
this isn't who I think it is.
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,368
{\an8}Well, do you know of any other
bipedal humanoid rabbits?
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,871
{\an8}Oh, my God,
I killed the Easter Bunny.
00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:44,914
{\an8}Along with the hopes and dreams
of children everywhere.
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,458
{\an8}Summer. Share those jokes
with me in private.
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:48,877
{\an8}Rick,
what does this mean?
00:02:48,878 --> 00:02:51,170
{\an8}Not sure.
I have a few questions.
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,881
{\an8}Did you puke on it
to try and kill it?
00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:55,258
{\an8}- No!
- I have no more questions.
00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:56,676
{\an8}Huh.
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,178
{\an8}This necklace is German,
13th century.
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,055
{\an8}Shows permafrost
damage and--
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:03,266
{\an8}Feel my heart. It's beating
a million beats per second!
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,643
{\an8}Sweetie, calm down.
Have a glass of water.
00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,186
{\an8}- Breathe.
- Okay, okay.
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,980
{\an8}Whew, you're right.
It's fine.
00:03:16,322 --> 00:03:18,531
{\an8}- Uh, Dad.
- Mm!
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,285
{\an8}Right, water.
I came in here for water.
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,331
{\an8}Fucking glass
doesn't work.
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:34,923
{\an8}Dad,
what is happening?
00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:37,800
{\an8}Well, for the first time ever,
Jerry accomplished something.
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,636
{\an8}We should remember him this way,
in case we lose him.
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:40,763
{\an8}Lose him?
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,934
{\an8}Mutagenesis.
Cellular transformation,
00:03:45,935 --> 00:03:48,019
metastatic spread,
rapidly accelerating
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,354
with a deadline of...
00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:50,855
48 hours from now.
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:53,524
That's Easter.
Unless it's next weekend?
00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:54,817
Doesn't anyone have
a calendar app?
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:55,944
I have holidays
turned off.
00:03:55,945 --> 00:03:57,278
Oh, yeah, no,
he-here it is.
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,988
Google says
it's this weekend.
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,324
Well, I truly thought
Easter was a zero holiday,
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:02,951
but, Jerry,
you've been...
00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:04,327
Easter Claused.
00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:05,745
Oh, no.
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:06,913
Wait. What?
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,331
Rick, that doesn't
make sense.
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,166
The title of the movie
is based on the pun
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,918
- of Santa's last name.
- Did you understand what I meant?
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,670
If so, then it made
plenty of sense.
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:15,004
Aah!
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,464
{\an8}This is
a mitogen deterrent,
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:18,091
{\an8}should slow down
the transformation.
00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,218
{\an8}Beth, you stay with Jerry.
Morty, you're with me.
00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:21,886
{\an8}We're gonna Dan Brown
that German necklace.
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,846
{\an8}Hell yeah,
E-Easter adventure!
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,181
{\an8}- Summer.
- Daytona?
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,933
{\an8}Exactly.
Get shitfaced, go insane.
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,018
{\an8}Here's a fake ID
and a second alcohol stomach.
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,812
{\an8}I want you to do some molly
and throw up in a pool.
00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:32,563
{\an8}- No, no. Don't.
- I fuckin' love you, Grandpa Rick.
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:33,940
{\an8}Come on, Morty,
to the Alps!
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,483
{\an8}Let's Indiana Jones!
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,490
{\an8}Ah. Recent thaw.
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,659
{\an8}This altitude
should be permafrost.
00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:46,911
{\an8}God, I do not wanna say
"climate change" on this show.
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,454
{\an8}I don't know which way
Zaslav voted.
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,039
{\an8}You think
that giant rabbit unfroze
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:54,252
{\an8}because of SUVs and, uh...
cig-cig-cigarettes?
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:56,796
{\an8}Yes, Morty, it unfroze
because of cigarettes.
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,089
{\an8}You ever see "Iceman,"
Morty?
00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,382
{\an8}'80s flick?
Timothy Hutton?
00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:01,342
{\an8}The '80s were
forever ago, Rick.
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,593
{\an8}"Encino Man"?
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:03,928
{\an8}- You're old.
- You're old.
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,263
{\an8}- Fuck you, Morty.
- Fuck you, Rick!
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:06,514
{\an8}Eh, fuck you!
You're old and gay.
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:08,933
{\an8}You can't say that
anymore!
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:11,228
{\an8}Let's see
if the locals know anything.
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:16,274
{\an8}Whoa, ch-check out
this Wicker Man-looking place.
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,696
German Easter is
a little less chocolate-centric.
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,031
Say what you want
about America,
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:24,449
but we get
a few things right.
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:37,045
Whoa.
It's a big Easter egg.
00:05:37,046 --> 00:05:38,838
Looks like it's
from Andromeda.
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,590
Why would aliens
care about a holiday
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:42,383
we don't even
care about?
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,761
I dunno, but we're not the
only ones looking for answers.
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,138
Check out these nerds.
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:49,515
Aah! Aah!
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:50,892
Space Christians?
00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:52,810
I-Isn't that a conflict
of interest?
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,645
Hey, don't scan me.
I'll scan you.
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,397
Easter Rabbit DNA.
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,107
He's clearly
made contact with it.
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,984
My scan says
you shit standing up.
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,652
Says it gets
on your legs.
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,112
Where is the rabbit?
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,156
Oh, a cross gun.
That's dumb.
00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,699
Nobody needs
to get hurt.
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,159
I'm sure
I'll be fine.
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,578
Aah!
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,121
Aah!
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,965
Aren't you guys
on Easter's side?
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,550
What the hell
is happening?!
00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,805
Oh! Ah!
00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:31,682
The egg is damaged.
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:35,103
But now we know
where it's from.
00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:36,813
Andromeda!
00:06:36,814 --> 00:06:39,816
Go there and destroy all
the containment eggs except one.
00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:41,901
We'll capture
the rabbit here.
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:45,948
And then
Easter will be finished.
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:52,453
Ahh.
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:53,704
They got the egg.
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,206
H-How will we know
where to go?
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:56,666
Morty, it's one word.
We just said it.
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,000
Andromeda.
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,963
Alright!
To Amadahbra!
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,632
Are you...
Are you messing with me?
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:07,051
Beth.
Please let me out.
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,719
Rick put you in there
for a reason, sweetie.
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,472
Ugh, I feel fine!
I need to pee.
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:16,352
I just want... five minutes...
to stretch my legs!
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:19,021
Whoa. Heh.
Your arms.
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:21,440
I know.
They ripped through my shirt!
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,943
I'm telling you,
I feel amazing.
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,696
Like, I feel like
I could...
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:29,532
Holy shit. I feel so shallow
for how turned on I am.
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,325
See? I'm solid.
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,786
And so are you.
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,371
- Oh.
- Have I ever told you
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,415
you're the hottest woman
I could imagine?
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,792
Am I this easy?
I think I'm this easy.
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,170
I don't tell you enough.
I don't see you.
00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:43,713
But I see you now.
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:45,089
Or as the Na'vi
put it...
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,262
We gotta wash
these sheets.
00:07:51,263 --> 00:07:53,306
How 'bout one more go
before they dry?
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,018
Uch, Jesus!
00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,436
- What?
- What?!
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:00,354
Jerry, you've got a boil
on your back,
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,064
and there's hair
inside it!
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,691
I'm sorry, just--
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:06,277
I cwath thu
fwack you.
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:08,946
Jerry? Your tooth.
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:11,032
Huh.
Would you look at that?
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:13,075
Oh, there's another one.
Oh!
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:16,120
Oh. Oh.
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:18,372
My mouth feels weird
in the middle.
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,582
Okay,
back in the prism.
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:21,459
No!
So-- So what?
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:24,128
A few teeth fell out while
we wait for Rick to get back.
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,504
Why is that
such a big dea--
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,548
Jerry!
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,926
My legs!
Oh, my God, my legs!
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:31,469
They're broken!
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:33,846
Wait, they're--
they're fine!
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,264
Better than fine.
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,391
Wow! Look at this, babe.
Look!
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,851
Just calm down.
We'll, uh--
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,353
W-We'll get you
more lettuce.
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,896
Why are you being such a drag
about this?
00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:44,315
- You're scaring me.
- And you're bumming me out.
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:47,735
If you're gonna be such a prude,
I'm getting out of here.
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,363
Jerry!
Jerry, come back!
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,537
{\an8}Rick, are we
in the right place?
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,039
{\an8}Yeah.
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,958
Trying to work out
the big mythology here,
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:04,543
and all I'm getting is
H.R. Giger meets Coachella.
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,964
Okay, Rick, so, it looks
like there's a space oyster,
00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,633
{\an8}- and it hypnotizes animals with its pearl--
- Uh, no. Stop. Stop.
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,343
I was just makin'
a hypothesis!
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:13,928
You know,
trying out some science?
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,346
Here's science.
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:16,681
The Easter Rabbit's
an alien.
00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:18,057
They send it to planets
in an egg.
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,267
If you kill it,
you become it.
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:21,018
Okay, well,
explain this, then.
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,853
Easy.
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:25,273
The rabbit is some kind
of pheromonal catalyst.
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:27,024
L-Looks like it makes
everyone have sex
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,360
until the planet gets
overpopulated and collapses.
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,862
It's fuck-based
terraforming!
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,698
Shit, duck!
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,992
Whoa, Rick,
d-do you see that?
00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:39,036
Yeah. It has a butt
where its dick should be.
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,079
- Rick.
- Morty.
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,249
Its butt
is in the front.
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,917
Ooooh,
these must be the guys
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,253
who move in after the rabbit's
done its stuff.
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,005
Have you seen any of them
turn around yet?
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:50,882
- Is it in the back?
- Stop it.
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:07,189
- Prepare to meet your maker!
- Huh?
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,738
Christ guys
hate the bald guys?
00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,865
What is the lore?
Who do we help?
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,245
Neither!
We're gonna third party!
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,789
He's going for the last egg!
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,082
Stop the dentist!
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,625
Aah!
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,794
Shit!
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,714
Aah!
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:41,349
H-How are we
getting off this planet, Rick?
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,850
Same way they do.
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,268
Son of a bitch.
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:45,394
Those are ships?
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,772
{\an8}Oh, I've seen this
on TV.
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,398
{\an8}- Th-They're on Earth!
- Yep.
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,108
On Easter Island.
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,153
Suppose that might've been
a good place to start.
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,660
Sir... mission successful.
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,496
We didn't get an egg.
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:06,207
The old man and his young son
escaped with it.
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,585
Why did you say
mission successful, then?
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,629
I dunno.
I'm dying.
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,589
Kinda wanted to go out
on a high--
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,508
He was here.
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:18,512
Now...
where did he go?
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:36,695
Can't believe you're here
after that motorcycle accident
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,656
you clearly just
walked away from.
00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:40,699
Yeah, buddy.
I respect you.
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,495
You respect me enough
to have sex with that guy?
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:47,582
What? No!
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,545
But maybe I could give him
a little smooch.
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,255
Whoa,
what's going on?
00:11:54,256 --> 00:11:56,549
Have sex with someone!
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,509
How 'bout a dry hump
instead?
00:11:58,510 --> 00:11:59,718
Good enough.
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,095
Oh, yeah.
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,597
Powers growing.
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:06,809
Societal collapse
imminent!
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,317
Oh, yeah. Oh.
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,194
Freeze,
abomination!
00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:18,946
No! No!
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,866
Must collapse society!
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:24,076
Not today, cupcake.
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,255
Aaah! Rick!
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,846
I feel like we got off
on the wrong foot here.
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,849
Christrooper General
Reinhard Kincaid.
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,477
The truth is,
we both want the same thing.
00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:50,936
We both want you
to shut up?
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,772
Cute.
Let me tell you a story.
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,985
My species
does not like sex.
00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,154
Is that...
the whole story?
00:13:00,155 --> 00:13:01,655
We think it's gross.
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,574
I don't like seeing it
in movies or TV.
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:05,701
It upsets me when they
reference it in pop songs.
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,578
- Wow.
- 2,000 years ago,
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:10,331
we sent a Trooper here
to kill your rabbit.
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,416
But Earth crucified him.
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:15,044
Whoa. That is not
how we tell that story.
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:16,670
Look,
you have the egg.
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,005
We have...
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:20,841
- Dad?!
- Shut up.
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:23,385
Mo-o-o-rty!
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,264
He's gonna
break through!
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,567
Holy shit.
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,200
Jerry.
You in there?
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:48,702
Come on, let's get you home
and un-Easter-Clause you.
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:51,247
There is no Jerry.
00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:54,375
Only Bunny.
Kiss.
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:56,293
- Gross, dude.
- Dad! We saw the murals.
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:57,586
You don't think the first thing
we would do
00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:58,712
is inoculate ourselves?
00:13:58,713 --> 00:13:59,964
Yeah,
this is a low.
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:03,425
Sex!
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,809
Have baby.
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:13,978
Cram penis.
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:17,064
Spill juice.
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:20,652
Time to make fuuuuck!
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,283
- Aah!
- Beth!
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:29,702
Aah!
00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,208
J-Jerry?
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,794
Aah!
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:42,924
Jerry! I want to have sex
with you, not this.
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:47,011
Jerry monster?
00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:48,679
No!
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,681
So sorry.
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:53,601
I'm sorry, Beth.
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:55,853
What have I become?
00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,563
It's okay.
00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:00,399
You just wanted to celebrate
a holiday with your family.
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,401
Now you know
never to do that again.
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:05,029
Get back!
Can't control it!
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:06,322
I know what to do.
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:24,840
Anyway, that's the whole plot
of "Alien: Prometheus."
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,967
Wow!
Sounds memorable!
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,969
H-How'd we even start
talking about that?
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,846
I dunno, Morty. Sometimes
I just get on tangents.
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,975
You think you've won.
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:38,520
But we sent our best man,
and he couldn't do the job.
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:41,357
Do you truly think
you're better than the Christ?
00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,359
Ugh. This guy doesn't even die
when he's dead.
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,487
Your planet will be,
how do you say it,
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,322
fucked out.
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:52,576
Ho.
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:57,331
Okay,
now he's dead.
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,918
He's sleeping.
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,711
Do we...
need to kill him?
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,422
We can go.
He's on an island without legs.
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:11,804
Morty, remind me to delete
the Ring cams after this.
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:13,222
It's like that thing
you told me about,
00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,432
- the-- the rat thing.
- Rat thing?
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,559
You told me once
about an experiment with rats.
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,104
When I was, "wasting time
brushing my hair."
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,731
Rat utopia! Morty!
I-It's exactly like that.
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,441
That's--
You did science!
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:25,984
Good job.
Nice little mini-arc.
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:30,364
And all it took
was a trip to Amadahbra!
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,699
He's in the garage.
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,325
And unless you guys
just jerked around
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,244
for the last 48 hours,
you know how to fix this.
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:36,453
- He's my grandson!
- We didn't jerk anything!
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:37,705
I made a vaccine.
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:41,667
Can't... hold it... in!
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,718
Thank god
we already had sex.
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:52,678
When he was
a person.
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,680
Alright, I'm gonna extract the
rabbit particles into this egg
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,557
without killing Jerry.
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:58,726
Do not touch the beam
or you'll become the bunny.
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:00,519
And I'm guessing it'll be fast,
because it's...
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,855
Easter.
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:06,859
Ugh, what now?!
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,321
Ooh! It's a--
It's a butt guy!
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,073
Morty, I saw his back part!
He's got a--
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,450
Rick,
there's no time!
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,453
Aah!
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,039
Shit!
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:25,127
Guuuuaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:30,507
Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no!
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:31,508
Mom!
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,095
Aah!
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,643
Agh!
God, I hate Easter!
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:45,689
Aaah!
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,524
Beth, are you okay?!
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,694
- Jerry.
- I'm so sorry!
00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:58,076
I have to fix this.
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:01,705
Aah! Aah!
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,293
Oh, fuck!
Fuck!
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:08,629
It's in the Butt Guy!
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,556
Whoa!
It's that guy!
00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:20,891
How did you
get here?
00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:22,851
I took
the big stone ship.
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:25,521
But I landed downtown,
so then I took a bus.
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,064
Then I put the egg back
in the splitter
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:28,732
after he dropped it
in front of me
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:30,651
and patched the egg
with a piece from that mosaic.
00:18:30,652 --> 00:18:33,278
Then I used that to get
the bunny out of the butt guy
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,988
into the egg,
which you guys saw,
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:38,283
and now we're
in the present.
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,702
Everyone stopped
having sex.
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:42,287
It's-- It's beautiful.
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,872
You can keep the egg.
We're done here.
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:45,374
What am I gonna do
with this?
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,209
I dunno.
Use it as art?
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,253
What do people do on your planet
if they're not having sex?
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:50,712
I'm so glad you asked.
00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:51,839
We weren't
actually asking.
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,173
Get off our lawn.
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:58,053
Alright, I can do it.
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,972
Just give me a moment.
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,599
- Turn away. Turn away.
- Who--
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,060
- Who was that?
- Honestly, Mom, don't ask.
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:07,020
The less we know about holidays
the better.
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:09,773
Well said, son.
Well said.
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:12,401
♪ Deck the house
with Easter baskets ♪
00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:15,529
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la,
eggs ♪
00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:18,365
♪ Plastic grass
and chocolate rabbits ♪
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:21,159
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
marshmallow bird ♪
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,204
♪ Easter is the time
for giving ♪
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:26,957
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la,
Easter milk ♪
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:30,002
♪ Something, something,
basket, candy ♪
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,421
♪ Jerry makes an egg,
and it is nice ♪
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:35,716
♪ Oh, presidents
can have a birthday ♪
00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:38,594
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la, celebrate ♪
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:41,638
♪ Burger King
and do it your way ♪
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:44,433
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
Whopper, Big Mac ♪
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:47,436
♪ Some are loud
and some are somber ♪
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:49,980
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la,
different things ♪
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:53,275
♪ Corvettes and Hondas,
Mr. Golf Cart ♪
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:55,986
♪ Everything's a sale,
go to the store ♪
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:57,738
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la, spend ♪
00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,656
That should do it.
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:02,744
I-I'm happy we did all the other
religious holidays off-screen.
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,414
Wait, did we just live
through a whole calendar year?
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,249
Is Summer still at
spring break?!
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,753
You wanna
do more poppers?
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,421
No, I'm tired.
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,006
How long
have we been here?
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,925
I think it's December.
00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,635
Spring break!
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:22,054
Sunblock, trading sunblock
for flip-flops!
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,348
We've got shots.
Tequila shots, Vodka shots.
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:25,349
Tetanus shots!
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,936
Shit.
Gotta go see Madison.
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:30,687
Do you have a tribute?
00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:33,357
Madison! I've brought you
this epic gram of mushrooms.
00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:35,317
"Epic"?
What are you, 30?
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:36,735
- Get the hell out of my tent.
- No!
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,153
What did you bring her?
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,738
Weed gummies,
and I found a PopSocket.
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,406
- Hey!
- Madison! I brought you a PopSocket!
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,741
That's mine!
Give it back!
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,242
Ugh, drama.
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,371
Exile them to the
Best Western pool area.
00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:48,705
Hold up.
00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:50,457
What's the story
on that bracelet?
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:53,377
After I realized
spring break only ends
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,045
if your parents
pick you up,
00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:57,255
I holed up with
another forgotten girl I met.
00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:00,634
Me and Brittany lived on jello
shots until her teeth fell out.
00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:03,428
She didn't have a second stomach
just for alcohol.
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:04,805
She didn't make it.
00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:07,349
I wear her teeth
to remember.
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,101
They're yours
if you want 'em.
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,687
Tight.
This girl is my new bestie.
00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:14,523
- Hell yeah.
- Let's do poppers!
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,775
Hell... yeah.
00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:55,939
Debra. My love.
I voyaged across the stars.
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:59,359
And I've realized one thing
above all others.
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,154
I want to make love
to my wife.
00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:04,281
What?
Sex is gross.
00:22:04,282 --> 00:22:05,657
Are you sure?
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,284
It doesn't weird me out
anymore.
00:22:07,285 --> 00:22:09,036
I sort of got to see it
up close.
00:22:09,037 --> 00:22:12,039
You've been gone for 20 years.
You came back in half.
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,498
What am I gonna fuck,
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:15,042
that bone that's sticking out
of your body?
00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:17,169
Also, what is that?
I didn't ask for a big egg.
00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:20,839
It's got an immortal
bunny spirit in it.
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,966
- Does that turn you on?
- No. Absolutely not.
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:25,553
Drag yourself
somewhere else.
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:30,641
I have lived my life poorly.
00:22:32,185 --> 00:22:33,728
Did you get any of that?
eng__SDH.srt
eng__SDH.srt
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:10,135
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la,
eggs ♪
00:00:10,136 --> 00:00:13,221
♪ Plastic grass
and chocolate rabbits ♪
00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:16,141
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
marshmallow bird ♪
00:00:16,142 --> 00:00:19,060
♪ Easter is the time
for giving ♪
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:22,105
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la,
Easter milk ♪
00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:24,607
Hey, bud, wanna decorate
some Easter baskets
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:25,900
with your old man?
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,736
What? No.
I-I'm streaming on Twitch.
00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:29,404
"Fortnite"
just added JFK.
00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:32,157
Maybe we could fill
some baskets with jelly beans,
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:33,992
you know,
get our tradition on?
00:00:33,993 --> 00:00:35,952
I've gotta pack
for spring break.
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,787
Also, Jelly Bean
is a slur.
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:40,248
Come on, Beth.
The kids are growing up.
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:43,001
Maybe you and I can hide
some eggs one last time?
00:00:43,002 --> 00:00:45,420
I don't need the house smelling
like egg farts, Jerry.
00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:47,630
Rick. Oh...
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:50,091
You know what?
Never mind.
00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:53,511
Doesn't anyone
celebrate Easter anymore?
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:55,847
I-I don't wanna force people to
go to church or anything, but--
00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:57,599
Can you even tell me
what Easter is about?
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,267
It's when Christ
was born.
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,686
Or was murdered, maybe.
I dunno.
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:04,397
But we eat candy to remember.
It's important.
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,065
Jerry, if it wasn't for
the aisle at Costco,
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,400
you wouldn't even know
it was happening.
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,610
Yeah, Dad.
00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:09,986
Example--
When's Christmas?
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,279
December 25th.
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,031
And what's
today's date?
00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:15,784
Uh, Ap-Ap-April.
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:18,077
Look, I want to be
a good dad, okay?
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,579
And-- And I know
that you gotta
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,289
go straight up the middle
to do that.
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:24,209
If Easter is fading
from our family, that's bad.
00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:27,755
So, who's coming with me
to get some egg dye?
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:34,512
Guess that just means
more candy for Jer.
00:01:36,055 --> 00:01:38,431
[ Humming "Deck the Halls" ]
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,809
♪ Jerry makes an egg,
and it is nice ♪
00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:42,018
Aaah!
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:44,021
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:49,943
Oh, my God,
are you ok-- Ahhhghh!
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:53,488
Oh, my God, what a terrible time
to have eaten so much candy.
00:01:53,489 --> 00:01:55,281
Arghhhh!
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,783
Oh, I'm sorry.
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,368
I'm not trying
to kill you with vomit!
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:00,829
I'm just so scared.
Agghh!
00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:29,816
{\an8}♪
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,486
[ Electricity zapping ]
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,907
{\an8}Please, please tell me
this isn't who I think it is.
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,368
{\an8}Well, do you know of any other
bipedal humanoid rabbits?
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,871
{\an8}Oh, my God,
I killed the Easter Bunny.
00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:44,914
{\an8}Along with the hopes and dreams
of children everywhere.
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,458
{\an8}Summer. Share those jokes
with me in private.
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:48,877
{\an8}Rick,
what does this mean?
00:02:48,878 --> 00:02:51,170
{\an8}Not sure.
I have a few questions.
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,881
{\an8}Did you puke on it
to try and kill it?
00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:55,258
{\an8}- No!
- I have no more questions.
00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:56,676
{\an8}Huh.
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,178
{\an8}This necklace is German,
13th century.
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,055
{\an8}Shows permafrost
damage and--
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:03,266
{\an8}Feel my heart. It's beating
a million beats per second!
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,643
{\an8}Sweetie, calm down.
Have a glass of water.
00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,186
{\an8}- Breathe.
- Okay, okay.
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,980
{\an8}Whew, you're right.
It's fine.
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:10,691
{\an8}[ Sighs ]
00:03:13,736 --> 00:03:15,404
{\an8}[ Munching ]
00:03:16,322 --> 00:03:18,531
{\an8}- Uh, Dad.
- Mm!
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,285
{\an8}Right, water.
I came in here for water.
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,871
{\an8}[ Coughing ]
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,331
{\an8}Fucking glass
doesn't work.
00:03:26,332 --> 00:03:28,207
{\an8}[ Grunts ]
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,794
{\an8}[ Humming ]
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:32,962
{\an8}[ Gulping ]
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:34,923
{\an8}Dad,
what is happening?
00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:37,800
{\an8}Well, for the first time ever,
Jerry accomplished something.
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,636
{\an8}We should remember him this way,
in case we lose him.
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:40,763
{\an8}Lose him?
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,934
{\an8}Mutagenesis.
Cellular transformation,
00:03:45,935 --> 00:03:48,019
metastatic spread,
rapidly accelerating
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,354
with a deadline of...
00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:50,855
48 hours from now.
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:53,524
That's Easter.
Unless it's next weekend?
00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:54,817
Doesn't anyone have
a calendar app?
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:55,944
I have holidays
turned off.
00:03:55,945 --> 00:03:57,278
Oh, yeah, no,
he-here it is.
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,988
Google says
it's this weekend.
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,324
Well, I truly thought
Easter was a zero holiday,
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:02,951
but, Jerry,
you've been...
00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:04,327
Easter Claused.
00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:05,745
Oh, no.
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:06,913
Wait. What?
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,331
Rick, that doesn't
make sense.
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,166
The title of the movie
is based on the pun
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,918
- of Santa's last name.
- Did you understand what I meant?
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,670
If so, then it made
plenty of sense.
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:15,004
Aah!
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,464
{\an8}This is
a mitogen deterrent,
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:18,091
{\an8}should slow down
the transformation.
00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,218
{\an8}Beth, you stay with Jerry.
Morty, you're with me.
00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:21,886
{\an8}We're gonna Dan Brown
that German necklace.
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,846
{\an8}Hell yeah,
E-Easter adventure!
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,181
{\an8}- Summer.
- Daytona?
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,933
{\an8}Exactly.
Get shitfaced, go insane.
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,018
{\an8}Here's a fake ID
and a second alcohol stomach.
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,812
{\an8}I want you to do some molly
and throw up in a pool.
00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:32,563
{\an8}- No, no. Don't.
- I fuckin' love you, Grandpa Rick.
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:33,940
{\an8}Come on, Morty,
to the Alps!
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,483
{\an8}Let's Indiana Jones!
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:40,863
{\an8}♪
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,490
{\an8}Ah. Recent thaw.
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,659
{\an8}This altitude
should be permafrost.
00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:46,911
{\an8}God, I do not wanna say
"climate change" on this show.
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,454
{\an8}I don't know which way
Zaslav voted.
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,039
{\an8}You think
that giant rabbit unfroze
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:54,252
{\an8}because of SUVs and, uh...
cig-cig-cigarettes?
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:56,796
{\an8}Yes, Morty, it unfroze
because of cigarettes.
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,089
{\an8}You ever see "Iceman,"
Morty?
00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,382
{\an8}'80s flick?
Timothy Hutton?
00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:01,342
{\an8}The '80s were
forever ago, Rick.
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,593
{\an8}"Encino Man"?
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:03,928
{\an8}- You're old.
- You're old.
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,263
{\an8}- Fuck you, Morty.
- Fuck you, Rick!
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:06,514
{\an8}Eh, fuck you!
You're old and gay.
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:08,933
{\an8}You can't say that
anymore!
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:11,228
{\an8}Let's see
if the locals know anything.
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:16,274
{\an8}Whoa, ch-check out
this Wicker Man-looking place.
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:19,193
[ Speaking German ]
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,696
German Easter is
a little less chocolate-centric.
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,031
Say what you want
about America,
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:24,449
but we get
a few things right.
00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:26,826
[ Choral singing ]
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:34,792
{\an8}♪
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:37,045
Whoa.
It's a big Easter egg.
00:05:37,046 --> 00:05:38,838
Looks like it's
from Andromeda.
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,590
Why would aliens
care about a holiday
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:42,383
we don't even
care about?
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,761
I dunno, but we're not the
only ones looking for answers.
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,138
Check out these nerds.
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:49,515
Aah! Aah!
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:50,892
Space Christians?
00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:52,810
I-Isn't that a conflict
of interest?
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,645
Hey, don't scan me.
I'll scan you.
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,397
Easter Rabbit DNA.
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,107
He's clearly
made contact with it.
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,984
My scan says
you shit standing up.
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,652
Says it gets
on your legs.
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,112
Where is the rabbit?
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,156
Oh, a cross gun.
That's dumb.
00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,699
Nobody needs
to get hurt.
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,159
I'm sure
I'll be fine.
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,578
- [ Grunting ]
- Aah!
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,121
Aah!
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:21,297
{\an8}♪
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,965
Aren't you guys
on Easter's side?
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,550
What the hell
is happening?!
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,802
[ Grunting ]
00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,805
Oh! Ah!
00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:31,682
The egg is damaged.
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:35,103
But now we know
where it's from.
00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:36,813
Andromeda!
00:06:36,814 --> 00:06:39,816
Go there and destroy all
the containment eggs except one.
00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:41,901
We'll capture
the rabbit here.
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:45,948
And then
Easter will be finished.
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:52,453
Ahh.
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:53,704
They got the egg.
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,206
H-How will we know
where to go?
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:56,666
Morty, it's one word.
We just said it.
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,000
Andromeda.
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,963
Alright!
To Amadahbra!
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,632
Are you...
Are you messing with me?
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:07,051
Beth.
Please let me out.
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,719
Rick put you in there
for a reason, sweetie.
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,472
Ugh, I feel fine!
I need to pee.
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:16,352
I just want... five minutes...
to stretch my legs!
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:19,021
Whoa. Heh.
Your arms.
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:21,440
I know.
They ripped through my shirt!
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,943
I'm telling you,
I feel amazing.
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,696
Like, I feel like
I could...
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:29,532
Holy shit. I feel so shallow
for how turned on I am.
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,325
See? I'm solid.
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,786
And so are you.
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,371
- Oh. [ Giggles ]
- Have I ever told you
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,415
you're the hottest woman
I could imagine?
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,792
Am I this easy?
I think I'm this easy.
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,170
I don't tell you enough.
I don't see you.
00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:43,713
But I see you now.
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:45,089
Or as the Na'vi
put it...
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,800
{\an8}[ Speaking Na'vi ]
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,635
[ Breathing heavily ]
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,262
We gotta wash
these sheets.
00:07:51,263 --> 00:07:53,306
How 'bout one more go
before they dry?
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:55,600
[ Both moaning ]
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,018
Uch, Jesus!
00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,436
- What?
- What?!
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:00,354
Jerry, you've got a boil
on your back,
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,064
and there's hair
inside it!
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,691
I'm sorry, just--
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:06,277
I cwath thu
fwack you.
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:08,946
Jerry? Your tooth.
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:11,032
Huh.
Would you look at that?
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:13,075
Oh, there's another one.
Oh!
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:16,120
[ Chuckles ]
Oh. Oh.
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:18,372
My mouth feels weird
in the middle.
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,582
Okay,
back in the prism.
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:21,459
No!
So-- So what?
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:24,128
A few teeth fell out while
we wait for Rick to get back.
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,504
Why is that
such a big dea--
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,548
- [ Screaming ]
- Jerry!
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,926
My legs!
Oh, my God, my legs!
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:31,469
They're broken!
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:33,846
Wait, they're--
they're fine!
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,264
Better than fine.
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,391
Wow! Look at this, babe.
Look!
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,851
Just calm down.
We'll, uh--
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,353
W-We'll get you
more lettuce.
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,896
Why are you being such a drag
about this?
00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:44,315
- You're scaring me.
- And you're bumming me out.
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:47,735
If you're gonna be such a prude,
I'm getting out of here.
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,363
Jerry!
Jerry, come back!
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:56,744
{\an8}♪
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,537
{\an8}Rick, are we
in the right place?
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,039
{\an8}Yeah.
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,958
Trying to work out
the big mythology here,
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:04,543
and all I'm getting is
H.R. Giger meets Coachella.
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,964
Okay, Rick, so, it looks
like there's a space oyster,
00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,633
{\an8}- and it hypnotizes animals with its pearl--
- Uh, no. Stop. Stop.
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,343
I was just makin'
a hypothesis!
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:13,928
You know,
trying out some science?
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,346
Here's science.
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:16,681
The Easter Rabbit's
an alien.
00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:18,057
They send it to planets
in an egg.
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,267
If you kill it,
you become it.
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:21,018
Okay, well,
explain this, then.
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,853
Easy.
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:25,273
The rabbit is some kind
of pheromonal catalyst.
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:27,024
L-Looks like it makes
everyone have sex
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,360
until the planet gets
overpopulated and collapses.
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,862
It's fuck-based
terraforming!
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,698
Shit, duck!
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,992
Whoa, Rick,
d-do you see that?
00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:39,036
Yeah. It has a butt
where its dick should be.
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,079
- Rick.
- Morty.
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,249
Its butt
is in the front.
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,917
Ooooh,
these must be the guys
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,253
who move in after the rabbit's
done its stuff.
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,005
Have you seen any of them
turn around yet?
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:50,882
- Is it in the back?
- Stop it.
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,553
[ Screeching ]
00:09:55,554 --> 00:10:03,602
{\an8}♪
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,062
[ Cage clatters ]
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:07,189
- Prepare to meet your maker!
- Huh?
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,484
[ Screeching ]
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,738
Christ guys
hate the bald guys?
00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,865
What is the lore?
Who do we help?
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:19,076
[ Screeching ]
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,245
Neither!
We're gonna third party!
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,789
- [ Panting ]
- He's going for the last egg!
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,082
Stop the dentist!
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,625
Aah!
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,794
Shit!
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,714
Aah!
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,257
[ Screeching ]
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:39,388
{\an8}♪
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:41,349
H-How are we
getting off this planet, Rick?
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,850
Same way they do.
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,268
Son of a bitch.
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:45,394
Those are ships?
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,772
{\an8}Oh, I've seen this
on TV.
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,398
{\an8}- Th-They're on Earth!
- Yep.
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,108
On Easter Island.
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,153
Suppose that might've been
a good place to start.
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,660
Sir... mission successful.
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,496
We didn't get an egg.
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:06,207
The old man and his young son
escaped with it.
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,585
Kincaid: Why did you say
mission successful, then?
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,629
I dunno.
I'm dying.
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,589
Kinda wanted to go out
on a high--
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,508
He was here.
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:18,512
Now...
where did he go?
00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:23,641
[ Up-tempo country music plays ]
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:32,024
{\an8}♪
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,276
[ Cheers and applause ]
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:36,695
Can't believe you're here
after that motorcycle accident
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,656
you clearly just
walked away from.
00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:40,699
Yeah, buddy.
I respect you.
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,495
You respect me enough
to have sex with that guy?
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:47,582
What? No!
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,545
But maybe I could give him
a little smooch.
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,255
Whoa,
what's going on?
00:11:54,256 --> 00:11:56,549
Have sex with someone!
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,509
How 'bout a dry hump
instead?
00:11:58,510 --> 00:11:59,718
Good enough.
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,095
Oh, yeah.
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,597
Powers growing.
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:06,809
Societal collapse
imminent!
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:08,602
[ Banging, clattering ]
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:11,439
[ Laughter ]
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:12,898
[ Zipper opens ]
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,317
Oh, yeah. Oh.
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,194
Freeze,
abomination!
00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:18,946
No! No!
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,866
Must collapse society!
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:24,076
Not today, cupcake.
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:34,670
{\an8}♪
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,255
Aaah! Rick!
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:41,343
{\an8}♪
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,846
I feel like we got off
on the wrong foot here.
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,849
Christrooper General
Reinhard Kincaid.
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,477
The truth is,
we both want the same thing.
00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:50,936
We both want you
to shut up?
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,772
Cute.
Let me tell you a story.
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,985
My species
does not like sex.
00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,154
Is that...
the whole story?
00:13:00,155 --> 00:13:01,655
We think it's gross.
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,574
I don't like seeing it
in movies or TV.
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:05,701
It upsets me when they
reference it in pop songs.
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,578
- Wow.
- 2,000 years ago,
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:10,331
we sent a Trooper here
to kill your rabbit.
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,416
But Earth crucified him.
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:15,044
Whoa. That is not
how we tell that story.
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:16,670
Look,
you have the egg.
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,005
We have...
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,590
[ Grunting ]
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:20,841
- Dad?!
- Shut up.
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:23,385
Mo-o-o-rty!
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,387
[ Growls ]
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,264
He's gonna
break through!
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:30,227
[ Growling ]
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,023
[ Screeching ]
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,567
Holy shit.
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:44,448
{\an8}♪
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,200
Jerry.
You in there?
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:48,702
Come on, let's get you home
and un-Easter-Clause you.
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:51,247
There is no Jerry.
00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:54,375
Only Bunny.
Kiss.
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:56,293
- Gross, dude.
- Dad! We saw the murals.
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:57,586
You don't think the first thing
we would do
00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:58,712
is inoculate ourselves?
00:13:58,713 --> 00:13:59,964
Yeah,
this is a low.
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:03,425
Sex!
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:08,889
{\an8}♪
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,809
Have baby.
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:13,978
Cram penis.
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:17,064
Spill juice.
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:20,652
Time to make fuuuuck!
00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:25,698
[ People moaning ]
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,283
- Aah!
- Beth!
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:28,576
[ Breathing heavily ]
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:29,702
Aah!
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,663
[ Growling ]
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:33,998
[ Jerry
breathing heavily ]
00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,208
J-Jerry?
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,794
Aah!
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:42,924
Jerry! I want to have sex
with you, not this.
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:47,011
Jerry monster?
00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:48,679
No!
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,681
So sorry.
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:53,601
I'm sorry, Beth.
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:55,853
What have I become?
00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,563
It's okay.
00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:00,399
You just wanted to celebrate
a holiday with your family.
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,401
Now you know
never to do that again.
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:05,029
Get back!
Can't control it!
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:06,322
I know what to do.
00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:12,453
{\an8}♪
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:14,788
[ Grunting ]
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:22,046
{\an8}♪
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:24,840
Anyway, that's the whole plot
of "Alien: Prometheus."
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,967
Wow!
Sounds memorable!
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,969
H-How'd we even start
talking about that?
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,846
I dunno, Morty. Sometimes
I just get on tangents.
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:33,015
[ Laughing ]
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,975
You think you've won.
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:38,520
But we sent our best man,
and he couldn't do the job.
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:41,357
Do you truly think
you're better than the Christ?
00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,359
Ugh. This guy doesn't even die
when he's dead.
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,487
Your planet will be,
how do you say it,
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,322
fucked out.
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:51,533
[ Laughing ]
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:52,576
Ho.
00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:55,204
[ Wheezes ]
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:57,331
Okay,
now he's dead.
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:59,625
[ Snoring ]
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,918
He's sleeping.
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,711
Do we...
need to kill him?
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,422
We can go.
He's on an island without legs.
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:06,966
[ Both moaning ]
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:11,804
Morty, remind me to delete
the Ring cams after this.
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:13,222
It's like that thing
you told me about,
00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,432
- the-- the rat thing.
- Rat thing?
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,559
You told me once
about an experiment with rats.
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,104
When I was, "wasting time
brushing my hair."
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,731
Rat utopia! Morty!
I-It's exactly like that.
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,441
That's--
You did science!
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:25,984
Good job.
Nice little mini-arc.
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:30,364
And all it took
was a trip to Amadahbra!
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,699
He's in the garage.
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,325
And unless you guys
just jerked around
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,244
for the last 48 hours,
you know how to fix this.
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:36,453
- He's my grandson!
- We didn't jerk anything!
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:37,705
I made a vaccine.
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:41,667
Can't... hold it... in!
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,837
[ People moaning ]
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,507
[ Breathing heavily ]
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,718
Thank god
we already had sex.
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:52,678
When he was
a person.
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,680
Alright, I'm gonna extract the
rabbit particles into this egg
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,557
without killing Jerry.
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:58,726
Do not touch the beam
or you'll become the bunny.
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:00,519
And I'm guessing it'll be fast,
because it's...
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,855
Easter.
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:05,274
[ Growling ]
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:06,859
Ugh, what now?!
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,361
[ Groaning ]
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,321
Ooh! It's a--
It's a butt guy!
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,073
Morty, I saw his back part!
He's got a--
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,450
Rick,
there's no time!
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,453
Aah!
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:18,246
[ Screeching ]
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,039
Shit!
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,291
[ Crackling ]
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:25,127
Guuuuaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,671
[ Screams ]
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:30,507
Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no!
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:31,508
Mom!
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,177
[ Growling ]
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,095
Aah!
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,931
[ Groaning ]
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,643
Agh!
God, I hate Easter!
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:45,689
Aaah!
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,524
Beth, are you okay?!
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,694
- Jerry.
- I'm so sorry!
00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,738
[ Roars ]
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,657
- [ Sighs ]
- [ People moaning ]
00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:58,076
I have to fix this.
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:01,705
Aah! Aah!
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,458
[ Screeching ]
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,293
Oh, fuck!
Fuck!
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:08,629
It's in the Butt Guy!
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:11,257
[ Screeching ]
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,556
Whoa!
It's that guy!
00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:20,891
How did you
get here?
00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:22,851
I took
the big stone ship.
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:25,521
But I landed downtown,
so then I took a bus.
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,064
Then I put the egg back
in the splitter
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:28,732
after he dropped it
in front of me
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:30,651
and patched the egg
with a piece from that mosaic.
00:18:30,652 --> 00:18:33,278
Then I used that to get
the bunny out of the butt guy
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,988
into the egg,
which you guys saw,
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:38,283
and now we're
in the present.
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,702
Everyone stopped
having sex.
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:42,287
It's-- It's beautiful.
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,872
You can keep the egg.
We're done here.
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:45,374
What am I gonna do
with this?
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,209
I dunno.
Use it as art?
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,253
What do people do on your planet
if they're not having sex?
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:50,712
I'm so glad you asked.
00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:51,839
We weren't
actually asking.
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,173
Get off our lawn.
00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,175
[ Grunting ]
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:58,053
[ Chuckles ]
Alright, I can do it.
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,972
[ Grunts ]
Just give me a moment.
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,599
- [ Grunting ] Turn away. Turn away.
- Who--
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,060
- Who was that?
- Honestly, Mom, don't ask.
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:07,020
The less we know about holidays
the better.
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:09,773
Well said, son.
Well said.
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:12,401
♪ Deck the house
with Easter baskets ♪
00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:15,529
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la,
eggs ♪
00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:18,365
♪ Plastic grass
and chocolate rabbits ♪
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:21,159
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
marshmallow bird ♪
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,204
♪ Easter is the time
for giving ♪
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:26,957
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la,
Easter milk ♪
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:30,002
♪ Something, something,
basket, candy ♪
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,421
♪ Jerry makes an egg,
and it is nice ♪
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:35,716
♪ Oh, presidents
can have a birthday ♪
00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:38,594
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la, celebrate ♪
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:41,638
♪ Burger King
and do it your way ♪
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:44,433
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
Whopper, Big Mac ♪
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:47,436
♪ Some are loud
and some are somber ♪
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:49,980
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la,
different things ♪
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:53,275
♪ Corvettes and Hondas,
Mr. Golf Cart ♪
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:55,986
♪ Everything's a sale,
go to the store ♪
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:57,738
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la, spend ♪
00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,656
That should do it.
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:02,744
I-I'm happy we did all the other
religious holidays off-screen.
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,414
Wait, did we just live
through a whole calendar year?
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,249
Is Summer still at
spring break?!
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,209
[ Dance music plays ]
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,753
You wanna
do more poppers?
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,421
No, I'm tired.
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,006
How long
have we been here?
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,925
I think it's December.
00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,635
Spring break!
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:22,054
Sunblock, trading sunblock
for flip-flops!
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,348
We've got shots.
Tequila shots, Vodka shots.
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:25,349
Tetanus shots!
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,934
[ Air horn blows ]
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,936
Shit.
Gotta go see Madison.
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:30,687
Do you have a tribute?
00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:33,357
Madison! I've brought you
this epic gram of mushrooms.
00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:35,317
"Epic"?
What are you, 30?
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:36,735
- Get the hell out of my tent.
- No!
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,153
What did you bring her?
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,738
Weed gummies,
and I found a PopSocket.
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,406
- Hey!
- Madison! I brought you a PopSocket!
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,741
That's mine!
Give it back!
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,242
Ugh, drama.
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,371
Exile them to the
Best Western pool area.
00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:48,705
Hold up.
00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:50,457
What's the story
on that bracelet?
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:53,377
[ Sighs ] After I realized
spring break only ends
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,045
if your parents
pick you up,
00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:57,255
I holed up with
another forgotten girl I met.
00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:00,634
Me and Brittany lived on jello
shots until her teeth fell out.
00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:03,428
She didn't have a second stomach
just for alcohol.
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:04,805
She didn't make it.
00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:07,349
I wear her teeth
to remember.
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,101
They're yours
if you want 'em.
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,687
Tight.
This girl is my new bestie.
00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:14,523
- Hell yeah.
- Let's do poppers!
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,775
Hell... yeah.
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:46,764
{\an8}♪
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:52,269
[ Doorbell rings ]
00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:55,939
Debra. My love.
I voyaged across the stars.
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:59,359
And I've realized one thing
above all others.
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,154
I want to make love
to my wife.
00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:04,281
What?
Sex is gross.
00:22:04,282 --> 00:22:05,657
Are you sure?
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,284
It doesn't weird me out
anymore.
00:22:07,285 --> 00:22:09,036
I sort of got to see it
up close.
00:22:09,037 --> 00:22:12,039
You've been gone for 20 years.
You came back in half.
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,498
What am I gonna fuck,
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:15,042
that bone that's sticking out
of your body?
00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:17,169
Also, what is that?
I didn't ask for a big egg.
00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:20,839
It's got an immortal
bunny spirit in it.
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,966
- Does that turn you on?
- No. Absolutely not.
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:25,553
Drag yourself
somewhere else.
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:30,641
I have lived my life poorly.
00:22:32,185 --> 00:22:33,728
Did you get any of that?
rus__Rus.srt
rus__Rus.srt
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:07,210
Укрась дом пасхальными корзинками.
00:00:07,230 --> 00:00:09,970
Фа-ла-ла-ла-ла, ла-ла-ла, яйца.
00:00:10,030 --> 00:00:12,990
Искусственная трава и шоколадные зайцы.
00:00:13,050 --> 00:00:15,810
Фа-ла-ла-ла-ла, зефирная птица.
00:00:15,910 --> 00:00:18,870
Пасха — это время делиться.
00:00:18,930 --> 00:00:21,790
Фа-ла-ла, ла-ла-ла, молоко.
00:00:21,850 --> 00:00:25,495
Эй, дружище, хочешь украсить
пасхальную корзинку со своим стариком?
00:00:25,540 --> 00:00:29,230
Что? Нет. У меня стрим на твиче.
В Fortnite добавили Кеннеди.
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:33,790
Может, наполним корзинку конфетками?
Ну знаешь, продолжим традицию.
00:00:33,870 --> 00:00:37,520
Я собираюсь на весеннюю тусу.
И «конфетка» — это, считай, оскорбление.
00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:42,830
Ну же, Бэт. Дети подрастают.
Давай в последний раз устроим охоту за яйцами.
00:00:42,890 --> 00:00:45,190
Я не хочу, чтобы дом вонял яичным пердежом.
00:00:45,610 --> 00:00:46,410
Рик.
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:48,464
А знаешь что?
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:49,740
Забей.
00:00:50,890 --> 00:00:55,540
Пасху что, никто больше не празднует?
Я никого не заставляю идти в церковь, но…
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,370
Скажи, что отмечают на Пасху?
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,080
Ну это, рождение Христа.
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,420
Или, может, убийство. Я не знаю.
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,210
Но мы едим конфеты, чтобы не забывать. Это важно.
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:07,608
Джерри, если бы не стеллаж
в магазине Costco, ты бы и не вспомнил.
00:01:07,775 --> 00:01:09,880
Да, пап. Вот пример: когда Рождество?
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:12,890
- Двадцать пятого декабря.
- А сегодня какой день?
00:01:12,910 --> 00:01:15,510
Ну это… ап… апрель.
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:20,890
Я просто хочу быть хорошим отцом.
И я знаю, что для этого надо постараться.
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,020
Если наша семья забывает про Пасху — это плохо.
00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:27,470
Ну? Так кто поедет со мной за краской для яиц?
00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:34,490
Видимо, больше конфет достанется Джерри.
00:01:38,270 --> 00:01:40,750
У Джерри есть яйцо, и это класс.
00:01:41,940 --> 00:01:43,920
Боже мой! Боже мой.
00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:48,010
Господи. С тобой всё нор…
00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:53,470
Боже мой, не лучшее время
я выбрал, чтобы обожраться конфетами.
00:01:55,610 --> 00:01:58,180
Прости, я не пытаюсь утопить тебя в блевоте.
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,730
Мне просто очень страшно.
00:02:29,910 --> 00:02:34,111
РИК И МОРТИ
00:02:34,740 --> 00:02:37,640
Пожалуйста, умоляю, скажите,
что это не тот, кто я думаю.
00:02:37,660 --> 00:02:40,180
Ну, а ты знаешь много гуманоидных кроликов?
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,703
Боже мой. Я убил Пасхального кролика.
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,788
Вместе с мечтами и надеждами детишек.
00:02:44,890 --> 00:02:47,270
Саммер! Шути так, когда мы наедине.
00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:49,222
- Рик, что это значит?
- Не уверен.
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:50,820
У меня есть пара вопросов.
00:02:51,110 --> 00:02:52,770
Ты хотел утопить его в блевоте?
00:02:52,870 --> 00:02:54,770
- Нет!
- Вопросов больше нет.
00:02:56,470 --> 00:02:59,030
Ожерелье из Германии, XIII век.
00:02:59,050 --> 00:03:00,740
Лежал в вечной мерзлоте и…
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,910
Потрогай сердце. Бьётся, как бешеное.
00:03:02,930 --> 00:03:05,410
Милый, успокойся. Выпей стакан воды.
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:06,300
- Ага.
- Дыши.
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,880
Ладно. Ты права. Всё нормально.
00:03:16,850 --> 00:03:17,790
Папа?
00:03:18,590 --> 00:03:21,350
Точно, вода. Я пришёл попить водички.
00:03:24,740 --> 00:03:26,370
Сраный стакан не работает!
00:03:32,890 --> 00:03:34,650
Папа? Что происходит?
00:03:34,670 --> 00:03:37,530
Ну, впервые в жизни у Джерри что-то получилось.
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,590
Запомните его таким, пока он с нами.
00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:40,700
Пока он с нами?
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,556
Мутагенез.
00:03:44,570 --> 00:03:49,210
Клеточная трансформация, пошли метастазы,
развиваются стремительно, у него есть…
00:03:49,510 --> 00:03:51,763
- Где-то двое суток.
- Это же Пасха.
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,530
- Или она через неделю?
- У кого есть календарь?
00:03:54,550 --> 00:03:57,130
- Я вырубила праздники.
- Ну да, вот. Вот оно.
00:03:57,150 --> 00:03:58,720
Гугл говорит, на этих выходных.
00:03:58,740 --> 00:04:04,180
Я реально думал, что Пасха — никакой праздник,
но, Джерри, ты превращаешься в Пасха Клауса.
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,050
О нет!
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,822
- Стоп. Что?
- Рик, фигня какая-то.
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,830
Это же шутка, завязанная на фамилии Санта Клауса.
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:13,830
Ты понял, что я сказал? Если да, тогда всё логично.
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:17,780
Это сдерживатель митогена,
он замедлит трансформацию.
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,910
Бэт, останься с Джерри. Морти, за мной.
00:04:19,930 --> 00:04:21,730
Заденобрауним это ожерелье.
00:04:21,790 --> 00:04:23,580
Крутяк! Пасхальное приключение.
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:24,870
- Саммер.
- Я в Дейтону.
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:28,870
Точно. Упорись там, сходи с ума.
Вот фальшивые доки и второй желудок для бухла.
00:04:28,990 --> 00:04:30,970
Накачайся молли и блевани в бассейн.
00:04:30,990 --> 00:04:32,729
- Нет, стой.
- Я тебя обожаю, деда Рик.
00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:35,300
Погнали, Морти. В Альпы! Как Индиана Джонс.
00:04:41,370 --> 00:04:42,360
Только растаяло.
00:04:42,380 --> 00:04:46,910
На этой высоте должна быть вечная мерзлота.
Не хочу говорить о глобальном потеплении.
00:04:46,970 --> 00:04:48,620
За что наш продюсер голосовал?
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:53,940
Ты думаешь, гигантский кролик
оттаял из-за джипов и сигарет?
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,420
Да, Морти, он оттаял из-за сигарет.
00:04:56,690 --> 00:04:59,270
Не смотрел «Ледяного человека»? Фильм 1980-х.
00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:01,200
Это же было сто лет назад, Рик.
00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:03,130
- «Человек из Энсино»?
- Ты старый.
00:05:03,150 --> 00:05:04,950
- Сам такой. Иди на хрен.
- Сам иди, Рик!
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:07,810
- Ты старый и вообще пидор.
- Так уже нельзя говорить!
00:05:09,010 --> 00:05:11,120
Может, местные что-нибудь знают.
00:05:13,190 --> 00:05:16,130
Ого, тут какой-то «Плетёный человек» творится.
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,775
(Говорят по-немецки)
00:05:19,050 --> 00:05:21,470
В Германии на Пасху меньше шоколада.
00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:24,300
Говори про Америку что хочешь,
но тут мы были правы.
00:05:34,580 --> 00:05:36,877
Ого. Большое пасхальное яйцо.
00:05:36,980 --> 00:05:38,610
Похоже, оно с Андромеды.
00:05:38,810 --> 00:05:42,030
Пришельцам не срать на праздник,
на который даже нам срать?
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,530
Не знаю, но ответы ищем не только мы.
00:05:44,550 --> 00:05:46,030
Зацени задротов.
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,660
Космо-христиане?
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:54,460
Это ж вроде конфликт интересов.
Не сканируй меня. Я тебя сам отсканирую.
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,840
ДНК пасхального кролика.
Он вступал с ним в контакт.
00:05:57,860 --> 00:06:01,470
А я вижу, что вы срёте стоя. И говно по ногам течёт.
00:06:01,490 --> 00:06:04,395
- Где сейчас кролик?
- Пушка в форме креста?
00:06:04,410 --> 00:06:06,510
- Как тупо.
- Никто не пострадает.
00:06:06,530 --> 00:06:08,060
Ну, я-то уж точно.
00:06:21,010 --> 00:06:24,360
Вы разве не за Пасху топите? Что тут происходит?
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:33,517
Яйцо повреждено. Но теперь мы знаем, откуда оно.
00:06:35,060 --> 00:06:36,580
Андромеда.
00:06:36,610 --> 00:06:39,590
Лети туда и уничтожь все яйца, кроме одного.
00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:41,670
Мы схватим кролика здесь.
00:06:41,690 --> 00:06:45,470
И тогда с Пасхой будет покончено.
00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:54,890
Они забрали яйцо. Как мы поймём, куда лететь?
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,480
Морти, мы и так знаем, куда.
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,570
На Андромеду.
00:06:57,890 --> 00:07:00,570
Точняк. Летим на Амадабру!
00:07:01,810 --> 00:07:02,676
Ты что…
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,450
Ты издеваешься?
00:07:04,830 --> 00:07:06,780
Бет! Выпусти меня.
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,530
Рик не просто так это сделал.
00:07:08,830 --> 00:07:11,390
Со мной всё хорошо. Я писать хочу.
00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:16,250
Мне просто нужно пять минут, чтобы размять ноги.
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,750
Ого. Твои руки…
00:07:18,850 --> 00:07:21,300
Знаю! Они порвали мне футболку.
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,710
Говорю тебе. Со мной всё офигенно.
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:25,130
Я как будто могу…
00:07:26,790 --> 00:07:29,390
Охренеть, мне так стыдно, что это меня заводит.
00:07:29,410 --> 00:07:31,220
Видишь? Всё огонь.
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,370
И ты тоже огонь.
00:07:33,990 --> 00:07:37,100
Я тебе говорил,
что ты самая горячая женщина в мире?
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,610
Я настолько доступная? Кажется, да.
00:07:39,630 --> 00:07:42,110
Я редко это говорю. Я не вижу тебя.
00:07:42,130 --> 00:07:43,530
Но теперь я увидел.
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:45,030
Или, как сказали бы нави…
00:07:45,050 --> 00:07:47,530
Я вижу тебя.
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,178
Надо постельное постирать.
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,138
Может, ещё раз, пока не высохло?
00:07:56,070 --> 00:07:57,510
- Боже!
- Что?
00:07:57,530 --> 00:07:58,120
Что?
00:07:58,140 --> 00:08:00,250
Джерри, у тебя чиряк на заднице.
00:08:00,270 --> 00:08:02,000
И там волосы внутри.
00:08:02,020 --> 00:08:03,500
Извини, я просто…
00:08:03,530 --> 00:08:06,070
Я хочу тебя трахнуть.
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:08,010
Джерри? Твой зуб.
00:08:09,830 --> 00:08:10,800
Ты посмотри?
00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:12,810
И ещё один, о.
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,246
Рот такой странный посередине.
00:08:18,350 --> 00:08:21,150
- Всё, назад в призму.
- Нет! Ну и что?
00:08:21,170 --> 00:08:23,860
У меня выпала пара зубов, пока мы ждём Рика.
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,360
Что тут вообще такого?
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:27,030
Джерри!
00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:29,700
Мои ноги! Господи, мои ноги!
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:30,990
Они сломались!
00:08:31,340 --> 00:08:33,170
Стой, всё нормально.
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:34,990
Лучше, чем нормально.
00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:37,080
Ого! Посмотри на это! Смотри!
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,660
Так, успокойся. Мы…
00:08:38,690 --> 00:08:40,040
Мы найдём тебе капусту.
00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:42,770
- Ну почему ты такая нудная?
- Ты меня пугаешь.
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:47,270
А ты меня вымораживаешь.
Если ты такая ханжа, то я сваливаю.
00:08:47,850 --> 00:08:50,260
Джерри! Джерри, вернись!
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,110
МЛЕЧНЫЙ ПУТЬ
00:08:53,630 --> 00:08:55,050
АНДРОМЕДА
00:08:56,580 --> 00:08:58,730
Рик, мы точно там, где надо?
00:08:58,870 --> 00:08:59,650
Да.
00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:04,370
Я пытаюсь высечь местную мифологию,
но вижу только Гигера на Коачелле.
00:09:04,490 --> 00:09:10,000
Ну, Рик, это похоже на космо-устрицу,
которая гипнотизирует зверей жемчужинами…
00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:10,490
Нет, всё.
00:09:10,510 --> 00:09:13,700
Я просто выдвинул гипотезу.
Ну, знаешь, типа научный подход.
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,030
Вот тебе наука.
00:09:15,060 --> 00:09:17,830
Кролик — пришелец. Его засылают на планеты в яйце.
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,000
Убьёшь его — станешь им.
00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:21,000
Ладно, тогда объясни вот это.
00:09:21,830 --> 00:09:22,670
Легко.
00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:25,021
Кролик — это феромонный катализатор.
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:28,604
Он заставляет всех трахаться, пока планета не самоуничтожится
00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:29,859
из-за перенаселения.
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,920
Это чёртово терраформирование!
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:32,850
Сука, пригнись.
00:09:33,930 --> 00:09:35,760
Ого, Рик, ты это видишь?
00:09:35,870 --> 00:09:38,810
Да, у них жопа там, где должен быть член.
00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:39,280
Рик.
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:42,150
Морти, у них задница спереди.
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,980
О, наверное, они прилетают после того,
как кролик сделает своё дело.
00:09:47,290 --> 00:09:49,960
Кто-то из них уже повернулся? Член сзади что ли?
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:50,570
Перестань.
00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:07,130
Готовься к встрече с создателем!
00:10:11,740 --> 00:10:13,590
Христиане ненавидят лысых?
00:10:13,610 --> 00:10:15,680
Какой тут лор? Кому помогать?
00:10:18,870 --> 00:10:20,710
Никому. Будем сами по себе.
00:10:21,650 --> 00:10:23,600
Он бежит за последним яйцом!
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:25,060
Останови стоматолога!
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:27,130
Сука.
00:10:39,140 --> 00:10:41,290
Как мы свалим с этой планеты, Рик?
00:10:41,310 --> 00:10:42,660
Так же, как и они.
00:10:43,030 --> 00:10:45,120
- Сукин сын.
- Это корабли?
00:10:45,830 --> 00:10:48,560
Я видел по телику, такие есть на Земле.
00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:50,880
Да. На острове Пасхи.
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,130
Можно было начать и оттуда.
00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:01,520
Сэр, задание выполнено.
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:03,180
Мы не добыли яйцо.
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,955
Старик и его юный сын сбежали с ним.
00:11:06,010 --> 00:11:08,750
Тогда почему ты сказал «задание выполнено»?
00:11:09,410 --> 00:11:11,320
Сам не знаю. Я умираю.
00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:13,490
Вроде как хотел уйти на пике…
00:11:14,010 --> 00:11:18,070
Он был здесь. А потом куда же он оправился?
00:11:20,490 --> 00:11:21,510
БАР «У ДЖО»
00:11:34,030 --> 00:11:38,510
Не верится, что ты жив после того,
как, очевидно, попал в аварию на мотоцикле.
00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,410
Да, дружище. Я тебя уважаю.
00:11:40,470 --> 00:11:43,210
Так уважаешь, что готов заняться сексом с ним?
00:11:45,910 --> 00:11:47,480
Что? Нет!
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,070
Но я, наверное, мог бы его чмокнуть.
00:11:52,590 --> 00:11:54,030
Эй, что происходит?
00:11:54,050 --> 00:11:55,830
Займись с кем-нибудь сексом!
00:11:56,410 --> 00:11:58,410
А если я просто о кого-то потрусь?
00:11:58,430 --> 00:11:59,330
Сойдёт.
00:11:59,870 --> 00:12:00,870
О да.
00:12:00,890 --> 00:12:02,490
Мои силы растут.
00:12:04,060 --> 00:12:06,660
Распад общества неминуем!
00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:13,570
О да.
00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:18,760
- Стоять, ошибка природы!
- Нет. Нет!
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:21,350
Я должен разрушить общество!
00:12:21,870 --> 00:12:23,890
Не сегодня, сладенький.
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:35,970
Рик!
00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:43,490
Мне кажется, мы начали не с той ноги.
00:12:43,790 --> 00:12:46,500
Христо-штурмовик, генерал Райнхард Кинкейд.
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,210
Правда в том, что мы хотим одного и того же.
00:12:49,230 --> 00:12:51,320
- Мы хотим, чтобы ты завалил?
- Мило.
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,145
Но я расскажу вам историю.
00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:57,250
Представители моего вида не любят секс.
00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:01,340
- Это что, типа вся история?
- Мы думаем, это мерзко.
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,260
Я не люблю и в кино на это смотреть.
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,600
И когда его упоминают в песнях.
00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:06,110
Ого.
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:10,100
Две тысячи лет назад
мы послали штурмовика убить вашего кролика.
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,150
Но земляне его распяли.
00:13:12,170 --> 00:13:14,860
Ух ты, у нас эту историю не так рассказывают.
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,570
Слушайте. У вас есть яйцо.
00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:17,750
А у нас…
00:13:19,510 --> 00:13:20,700
- Папа?
- Заткнись!
00:13:20,890 --> 00:13:23,320
Морти!
00:13:25,140 --> 00:13:27,040
Он сейчас вырвется!
00:13:36,980 --> 00:13:38,460
Твою же мать.
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,800
Джерри, ты ещё там?
00:13:45,830 --> 00:13:48,600
Давай, погнали домой и распасхалим тебя.
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:51,020
Нет никакого Джерри.
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,106
Только кролик.
00:13:53,390 --> 00:13:54,470
Соситесь.
00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:56,190
- Фу, блин!
- Мы видели рисунки.
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:58,610
Ты думаешь, мы бы не привились от этой хрени?
00:13:58,630 --> 00:13:59,820
Да, это капец.
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:03,360
Секс!
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,660
Сделайте ребёнка.
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,830
Хватай пенис.
00:14:13,950 --> 00:14:16,610
Обливай всё спермой.
00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:20,730
Пора заняться сексом!
00:14:25,610 --> 00:14:26,890
Бет!
00:14:33,710 --> 00:14:35,330
Джерри?
00:14:38,340 --> 00:14:42,350
Джерри, я хочу заниматься сексом
с тобой, а не с этим.
00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:46,700
Джерри — чудовище?
00:14:46,870 --> 00:14:48,210
Нет!
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,410
Мне очень жаль.
00:14:50,430 --> 00:14:53,030
Прости, пожалуйста, Бет.
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:56,670
- Во что я превратился?
- Всё нормально.
00:14:56,710 --> 00:15:00,000
Ты просто хотел
отметить праздник со своей семьёй.
00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:02,010
Но теперь понял, что не надо так делать.
00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:04,720
Отойди! Не могу его сдерживать!
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:06,130
Я знаю, что делать.
00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:09,130
ЯКОРЬ
00:15:21,550 --> 00:15:24,570
Ну короче, вот и весь сюжет фильма «Чужой: Прометей».
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,450
Ого, такое не забудешь.
00:15:26,810 --> 00:15:28,450
А как мы перешли на эту тему?
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:30,580
Не знаю, Морти, иногда я просто болтаю.
00:15:32,850 --> 00:15:34,450
Думаете, что победили?
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:38,080
Но мы послали
своего лучшего бойца, и он не справился.
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:40,960
Вы реально думаете, что вы лучше Христа?
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:42,960
Ох, даже сдохнуть не может нормально.
00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:44,901
Ваша планета будет…
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,152
Как вы там говорите?
00:15:46,490 --> 00:15:47,930
Вытрахана в ноль!
00:15:55,170 --> 00:15:56,940
Ну вот, теперь он сдох.
00:15:59,310 --> 00:16:00,440
Да он спит.
00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:02,270
Может, добить его?
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:04,830
Пойдём. Он на острове и без ног.
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:11,320
Морти, напомни мне удалить записи с камер.
00:16:11,350 --> 00:16:14,010
Это как ты мне рассказывал. Штука с крысами.
00:16:14,030 --> 00:16:14,770
С крысами?
00:16:14,810 --> 00:16:19,990
Ты рассказывал про эксперимент с крысами,
когда я «на какой-то хрен расчёсывался».
00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:22,290
Крысиная утопия! Да, это же один в один.
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:24,232
Это же… Ты смог в науку!
00:16:24,330 --> 00:16:25,775
Молодец. Крутая мини-арка.
00:16:25,858 --> 00:16:28,870
И надо было просто слетать на Амадабру!
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:30,905
Он в гараже.
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,890
И если вы эти двое суток не дрочили,
то знаете, как это исправить.
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,320
- Мы не дрочили!
- Он мой внук!
00:16:36,340 --> 00:16:37,370
Я создал вакцину.
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,630
Не могу больше сдерживать!
00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:50,090
Слава богу, у нас уже был секс.
00:16:50,490 --> 00:16:52,240
Когда он был человеком!
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:55,950
Ладно, я вытащу кроличью часть
и суну в яйцо, не убив при этом Джерри.
00:16:55,970 --> 00:16:58,290
Не прикасайтесь к лучу, или станете кроликом.
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,330
И, скорее всего, сразу, потому что сейчас…
00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:01,210
Пасха.
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,590
Ну что там ещё?
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:10,970
О, это парень с жопой!
00:17:10,990 --> 00:17:12,760
Морти, я видел его зад, там…
00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:14,260
Рик, времени нет!
00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:20,430
Чёрт!
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,320
О нет! Нет, нет…
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:31,132
Мама!
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:40,410
Сука, ненавижу Пасху.
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,130
Бет! Ты не ранена?
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,230
- Джерри.
- Прости меня.
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,990
Я должен всё исправить.
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:05,940
Вот блин. Блин!
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,930
Теперь он в парне с жопой!
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,160
Ого! Это же тот чувак!
00:18:19,510 --> 00:18:20,530
Как ты добрался?
00:18:20,590 --> 00:18:22,410
Прилетел на каменном корабле.
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,130
Но приземлился в городе,
пришлось сесть на автобус.
00:18:25,150 --> 00:18:28,391
Потом вернул яйцо
в разделитель, когда он его уронил,
00:18:28,410 --> 00:18:30,260
и залатал дыру куском мозаики.
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:34,458
Затем использовал это,
чтобы извлечь кролика из парня с жопой
00:18:34,470 --> 00:18:36,970
и сунуть в яйцо, и вот мы в настоящем.
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,270
Все прекратили заниматься сексом.
00:18:40,290 --> 00:18:41,930
Это прекрасно.
00:18:41,950 --> 00:18:43,670
Забирай яйцо. С нас хватит.
00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:46,690
- И что мне с ним делать?
- Не знаю. На полку поставь.
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:48,940
Чем вы там занимаетесь у себя вместо секса?
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,610
- Я рад, что ты спросил.
- Я не прям чтобы спросил.
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:52,630
Вали с лужайки!
00:18:55,530 --> 00:18:57,730
Ладно. Я смогу.
00:18:58,650 --> 00:18:59,490
Одну минутку.
00:19:00,810 --> 00:19:01,840
- Отвернись.
- Кто…
00:19:01,860 --> 00:19:03,340
- Отвернись.
- Кто это?
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,580
Даже не спрашивай, мам.
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,750
Лучше знать о праздниках поменьше.
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:07,937
Хорошо сказано, сынок.
00:19:08,060 --> 00:19:08,990
Хорошо.
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:12,170
Укрась дом пасхальными корзинками.
00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:15,130
Фа-ла-ла-ла-ла, ла-ла-ла, яйца.
00:19:15,330 --> 00:19:18,010
Искусственная трава и шоколадные зайцы.
00:19:18,070 --> 00:19:20,750
Фа-ла-ла-ла-ла, зефирная птица.
00:19:20,830 --> 00:19:23,770
Пасха — это время делиться.
00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:26,610
Фа-ла-ла, фа-ла-ла, молоко.
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:29,630
Что-то там, что-то там, корзина, конфетки.
00:19:29,650 --> 00:19:32,230
У Джерри есть яйцо, и это класс.
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:35,470
У президентов тоже есть дни рождения.
00:19:35,590 --> 00:19:37,970
Фа-ла-ла, ла-ла-ла, празднуем.
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:41,330
Burger King и отмечай, как хочешь.
00:19:41,410 --> 00:19:44,080
Фа-ла-ла-ла-ла, воппер, бик-мак.
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,110
Кто-то громкий, кто-то мрачный.
00:19:47,170 --> 00:19:49,730
Фа-ла-ла, фа-ла-ла, все разные.
00:19:49,810 --> 00:19:52,910
Корветы, «Хонды», машинки для гольфа.
00:19:52,970 --> 00:19:55,690
Всё вокруг по скидке, иди в магазин.
00:19:55,930 --> 00:19:57,990
Фа-ла-ла, ла-ла-ла, трать!
00:19:58,050 --> 00:19:59,050
Так сойдёт.
00:19:59,070 --> 00:20:02,320
Хорошо, что остальные
религиозные праздники были за кадром.
00:20:04,610 --> 00:20:07,060
Стоп, это целый календарный год прошёл?
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,940
А Саммер всё ещё на каникулах?
00:20:10,850 --> 00:20:12,520
Хочешь бахнуть ещё поппер?
00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:14,010
Нет! Я устала.
00:20:14,090 --> 00:20:15,630
Сколько мы уже тут тусим?
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:17,530
Кажется, уже декабрь.
00:20:17,810 --> 00:20:19,150
Весенняя туса!
00:20:19,350 --> 00:20:21,910
Солнцезащитка! Меняю на шлёпанцы!
00:20:21,950 --> 00:20:25,040
Кому шоты? Можно вмазать водки,
текилы или от столбняка!
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,710
Чёрт. Надо идти к Мэддисон.
00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:30,030
У тебя есть подношение?
00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:33,040
Мэддисон, я принёс тебе эпичный пакет грибов.
00:20:33,070 --> 00:20:35,010
Эпичный? Тебе что, тридцать?
00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:36,550
- Проваливай отсюда.
- Нет!
00:20:36,630 --> 00:20:37,570
Что ты принесла?
00:20:37,630 --> 00:20:39,970
- Конфеты. И я нашла попсокет.
- Мэддисон!
00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:41,110
- Эй!
- Возьми попсокет!
00:20:41,170 --> 00:20:42,550
Это мой. Отдай сюда.
00:20:42,810 --> 00:20:43,720
Драма.
00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:46,710
Изгоните их в зону западного бассейна.
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:47,910
Постой.
00:20:48,290 --> 00:20:49,890
А что у тебя за браслет?
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:55,044
Когда я поняла, что туса закончится
только тогда, когда тебя заберут предки,
00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:56,921
я объединилась с другой девчонкой.
00:20:57,060 --> 00:21:00,240
Мы с Бриттани питались шотами с желе,
пока у неё не выпали зубы.
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,760
У неё не было второго желудка под бухло.
00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:04,130
Она не выжила.
00:21:04,540 --> 00:21:06,270
Я ношу её зубы, чтобы помнить.
00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:08,430
Они твои, если хочешь.
00:21:08,790 --> 00:21:11,290
Круто. Это девчонка — моя лучшая подружка.
00:21:11,310 --> 00:21:12,310
Охренеть!
00:21:12,330 --> 00:21:13,990
Вмажемся попперами!
00:21:14,930 --> 00:21:16,390
Охренеть.
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:55,500
Дебра, любовь моя, я путешествовал меж звёзд.
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,710
И наконец-то я сумел понять одну вещь.
00:21:58,930 --> 00:22:01,630
Я хочу заняться любовью с женой.
00:22:01,900 --> 00:22:03,970
Что? Секс — это мерзко.
00:22:04,110 --> 00:22:05,300
Ты уверена?
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,600
Мне он больше не кажется странным.
Я вроде как видел его вблизи.
00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:11,810
Тебя двадцать лет не было.
Припёрся распиленный напополам.
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:14,600
С чем мне трахаться? С торчащей костью?
00:22:14,630 --> 00:22:16,770
И это что такое? Я яйцо не просила.
00:22:16,890 --> 00:22:19,930
В нем заточён бессмертный дух кролика.
00:22:20,460 --> 00:22:22,530
- Тебя это заводит?
- Нет, ни капельки.
00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:25,030
Ползи куда-нибудь в другое место.
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:29,750
Я прожил свою жизнь ужасно.
00:22:29,770 --> 00:22:32,770
Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.
Скриншоты
