Это Аморте

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- I love Spaghetti Thursdays!

- Oh my god Rick,

00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:17,684

- it’s like it’s better every time.

- Hell yeah, you like that?

00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,352

That’s... a some good spaghetti!

00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,604

Grandpa Rick,

I’m skull emoji but words.

00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:24,065

Sauce? More sauce?

We gots the sauce.

00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,025

Dad, you had a job interview, right?

00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:29,529

Bombed it. But it’s nothing

a little bolognese won’t cure.

00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,448

Dad, this noodle is so tender.

00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:34,951

A little spicy, a little sweet.

A little spicy, a little sweet.

00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,202

It’s so nice that we’re talking,

00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,955

you know, all talking because

we’re a family and everything,

00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:40,248

and this a good time we’re having.

00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,667

- Is there any more?

- Seconds? Thirds?

00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:45,295

We spa-gots as much as you can spag-eat!

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Rick, I gotta know, like,

what’s the secret ingredient?

00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,760

God no. Why?

Why? No.

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Why is it always this shit with you?

Of course it’s a person.

00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,890

Rick, why couldn’t it just be spaghetti?

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{\an8}I’m just going to say this

as simply as possible

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{\an8}and let you not believe me,

on this planet,

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{\an8}people that kill themselves

turn into spaghetti.

00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:39,432

{\an8}- What?

- I know, you’re a visual learner,

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{\an8}so follow me.

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{\an8}Hi, Doctor Hotpenis,

you’re not supposed to bring patients...

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{\an8}Hi, Michael, it’s okay,

this alien boy has space cancer

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{\an8}and his dying wish is to see

deader people so he can feel superior.

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{\an8}All you had to say.

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{\an8}Check it out. Murdered.

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{\an8}Gross.

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{\an8}Car crash.

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{\an8}- And suicide.

- Rick, I don’t...

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{\an8}Wait, what is that smell?

00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,461

{\an8}You know god damn well what it is, baby.

Get in here.

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{\an8}Don’t do that!

00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,798

{\an8}You’ve been doing it for weeks

every spaghetti night.

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{\an8}Come on, Morty.

Choo choo plane!

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{\an8}- Gross.

- Come on!

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{\an8}- God damn.

- Telling you.

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{\an8}Why? How?

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{\an8}Their cortisol increases the starch

content in their bloodstream,

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{\an8}changing their intestines

into one long spaghetti noodle,

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{\an8}and the surrounding tissues into a spicy

sweet hematoma

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{\an8}that we would call a bolognese.

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{\an8}But it takes a lot of cortisol.

Like a suicidal amount.

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{\an8}It’s almost better cold.

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{\an8}Wouldn’t go that far,

don’t be a hipster.

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{\an8}Excuse me.

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{\an8}- Are you two eating a corpse?

- It’s okay! It’s spaghetti.

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{\an8}- Morty, they don’t know what that is.

- I’m calling the police!

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{\an8}- Before you do that, just...

- No, Rick, stop!

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{\an8}- What? Where am I?

- In a morgue, eating bodies.

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{\an8}- We’re what?

- Stop using that thing!

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{\an8}What thing? Who are we?

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{\an8}- We were just leaving.

- All you had to say.

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{\an8}Whose car is this?

Whose sun visor is this? What’s a sun?

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{\an8}Jesus, sorry,

that’s always embarrassing.

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{\an8}But you see what I mean now?

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{\an8}Best spaghetti in the galaxy

and it’s a hundred percent guilt-free.

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{\an8}I wanna know their names.

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{\an8}Who? Michael?

Coroner Number One?

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{\an8}The people we’ve been eating

every spaghetti night!

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{\an8}Do you even know their names?

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{\an8}I’m not giving you

your spaghettises’ names!

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{\an8}You’ve found my line, Morty,

I find that ghoulish.

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{\an8}I want their names or I’m

telling Mom and no more spaghetti night.

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You suck! Where’s the thing?

Where’s the Men in Black thing?

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Names!

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And if you know the fucking

names of your spaghettis, that’s it?

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- This is done?

- It’s all I ask!

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You won’t get overwhelmed

with even more guilt

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and then demand to go

to their fucking funeral?

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Just their names and then I’m done.

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I promise.

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- I fucking hate you.

- I just want to pay my respects.

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The only reason you’re still alive

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is because you don’t turn delicious

when you die.

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Thank you for that moment of silence.

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I’d like to open it up to

the congregation,

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if anyone would like to say

a few words about Lawrence...

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Or another moment of silence.

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Jeez, no wonder he killed himself.

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Okay let’s...

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- For...

- Hi.

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I just want to be honest

about something.

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After Lawrence died,

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we...

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...ate him.

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Wait, we’re not...

werewolves or anything,

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we come from a planet, where to us,

when you guys kill yourselves,

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you turn into what

my planet considers food.

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Spaghetti.

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It brought us together.

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Lawrence. Brought us together.

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It just felt wrong

not having anyone know that.

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But he was delicious.

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I hope that helps make it right.

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That should do it, buddy.

Everybody enjoy your closure.

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So we were eating people.

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I’m afraid so.

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They were so... spaghettesque.

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Yes, they were.

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It’s going to be... hard to...

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Hard to put out of your mind, yes,

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which is why I thought it best

to keep you all in the dark.

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So... Morty ruined spaghetti night.

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- Correct.

- Summer, it was people!

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It was people, Summer.

Which is disgusting.

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And not cool to lie about.

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Correct.

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But. It should also be noted,

to Morty, that it’s not cool to tattle.

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- Dad!

- They were delicious.

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- So keep eating them!

- We can’t now!

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Because of you!

Sorry.

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Morty. That was terrible parenting.

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You did the quote unquote right thing.

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We are technically very happy

to be better informed.

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First octopus, now this.

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Have we thought about just giving up and

joining the fascist half of the country?

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- No!

- Just saying, they get to do more.

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Well, I guess I’ll go to my room

since everyone hates me now.

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- Sorry. Good night, Morty.

- Goodnight, Morty.

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Hey, big boy. Are you depressed?

Mama likes depression.

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I spilled my milk. Now we’re both sad.

I’m a bad family therapist farm girl.

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Hello, Morty Smith.

You are invited to 41-Kepler B.

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You know it as Spaghetti Planet.

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You’re not in trouble.

We just want to talk.

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Can that thing support my weight?

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It should.

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Okay...

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...up here?

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Geez.

Ever heard of a ramp?

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This is a ramp.

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Hi, Morty,

I’m the president of this planet.

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I saw the video of you at that funeral.

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- I’m sorry.

- Don’t be.

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It was quite the revelation.

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Would you mind showing us?

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This is the "spaghetti"

of a person that took their own life.

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They did consent to be eaten.

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Okay.

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Wow, yeah, amazing as always.

Not gonna lie.

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And would you consider yourself

a typical Earthian?

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Well, on Earth, it’s considered

inferior to be typical so

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we’re all very special and different

but we definitely all do like spaghetti.

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All eight billion of you.

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Morty, how would you feel about

being a kind of ambassador?

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A liaison between our worlds.

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Now hold on.

I went to that funeral because...

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Because you felt bad.

Because you didn’t have permission.

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Show him.

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My name is Tanya Radcliffe.

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I’ve been living in pain for years,

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I’ve lost all my loved ones,

I’ve got nothing.

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So when doctors told me

I could finally have the "right to die"

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if I agree to be dinner

for some alien boy,

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I simply said, "I hope I’m delicious."

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God damn.

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And would you say

that makes it taste better?

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It makes it go down a lot easier.

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I like that.

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Maybe it’s time we allow some people

the right to die and be delicious.

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Please feel free to finish Tanya.

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- It is what she wanted.

- No. No I think I’m good.

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Thanks.

Tanya, you really were tasty.

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Actually, can I take her to go?

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Who’s ready for more ethical spaghetti?

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Me. I love this ethical shit.

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Full admission, I was fine before to.

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God this is so good!

Pass the Parmesan!

00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,212

Where’s Dad? Why does he keep

missing spaghetti night?

00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,464

I guess he got butthurt

because Morty high-roaded him

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and got us the delicious spaghetti

without all the lies and nihilism.

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And another cheer

for the added bonus of no Rick...

00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,013

Boom.

00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,390

Sorry to interrupt Morty’s

perfect spaghetti night,

00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,893

- but thought he’d wanna see this.

- What the fuck is that?

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"Morty-O’s Suicide Spaghetti

is 100% ethical, single-origin pasta."

00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:45,608

Oh dear God.

00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,568

Lemme guess,

you went back to the planet,

00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:49,654

gave some thoughtful

insight to their leader,

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and now they’re selling

their dead at every Space Walmart.

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I did, but I didn’t say to do this.

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Is this people, or not people?

00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:59,497

I just need to know

how much I should pretend to be upset.

00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,332

This seems to be ‘Roger.’

00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,877

Hi. I’m Roger Wayne Marder.

I was a serial killer and cannibal,

00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,088

and now I get to kill myself

and be food for you,

00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,632

which I suppose is a silver lining

to all my misdeeds.

00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,175

Anyway, please enjoy me.

00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,971

So "yes" to people?

00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,807

I mean, on the bright side,

00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,935

I feel like one could look

at this as a really nice epilogue

00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,645

to a story about telling the truth.

00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:25,147

Care to see that epilogue?

00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:29,902

What is all this...

00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:32,488

Cans of spaghetti selling out

to every neighboring planet.

00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,699

Wanna go see how ethical

it is down there?

00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,119

{\an8}This is Spaghetti Planet?

00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,162

- What happened?

- You happened.

00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:42,456

You happened all over those billboards.

00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,917

Oh jeez, oh no.

00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,712

See that, they call that bridge

"The Most Scenic Jump".

00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:49,672

There used to be safety rails,

00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:52,174

they melted them down

for giant spaghetti strainers.

00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:55,678

- You wanna turn on the radio?

- I get it, it’s all Enya.

00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:59,140

Nope, all morning Zoo teams.

Just patter. No songs.

00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:00,725

Oh and for TV?

00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,853

Wall-to-wall reality television,

but not the good kind.

00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,938

It’s like their whole planet

was bought by Discovery.

00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,857

Jesus Christ, this is depressing.

00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,692

That’s definitely

what they’re going for.

00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:12,945

Look at this shit!

They dyed their sun institutional grey.

00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:14,905

That’s not easy, kinda impressed.

00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:17,241

And all of it is thanks to.

00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:20,494

Oh god. I’m a murderer.

00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:24,165

Oh no, Morty.

What you did was much more indirect.

00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:28,002

I understand your concerns,

but look around.

00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:30,504

With what’s coming

in from intergalactic spaghetti trade,

00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:34,050

we’ve decreased our debt,

are making a lot of money.

00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,428

We’ve got clean energy...

00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:40,181

That space where you paused is where you

should have said "mental healthcare."

00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:43,100

Alright, we had to put our fingers

on the scale, a little.

00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:47,730

But if we stop this, the supply chain

crumbles and kills the global economy.

00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,940

How many people will suffer then?

00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:53,402

Okay, tough problem,

definitely a spicy meat-a-ball.

00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,488

But we can fix it. Right, Rick?

00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,032

- You mean me. You want me to fix it.

- A moment?

00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,326

Yes, I want you to fix it.

00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,703

None of this would have happened if

you’d been honest about the spaghetti.

00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:05,748

Morty, I lied to protect you,

you told the truth to hurt me.

00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,249

I can’t travel the galaxy with you

00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:10,002

if every time we come near a fucked-up

system you leap into its wires

00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:11,003

and electrocute yourself.

00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,463

I promise to stop.

00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,298

- You what?

- If you help me,

00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:16,801

I promise I’ll never look under

the curtain at a Rick thing

00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,552

to figure out what’s bad about it,

ever again.

00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:19,970

And you can never say no to me.

00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:21,847

What are you, Keith Raniere?

00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:22,932

- For two weeks.

- Fine.

00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,683

My grandson kissed my ass so I’m in.

00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:28,854

Okay, so, w-we just need to figure

out something else besides

00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,773

people to put in the cans, right?

00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:34,068

But people are the spaghetti,

that’s the whole thing.

00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,736

But what if they weren’t?

00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,322

- I’m listening.

- Me, too.

00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:41,742

I mean,

what if we make something like a person.

00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,703

Like...

Rick you’re always doing clones, right?

00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:46,163

What are you suggesting here?

00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:48,624

A sped up lifespan

and indoctrination program?

00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:50,126

Limiting their exposure to the world

00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,628

and convincing them that becoming

spaghetti is their destiny?

00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,094

I won’t be delicious for them!

00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,596

I love you, CLONE-5617B!

00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,438

That was some speed run

of Never Let Me Go.

00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:11,564

Spoilers, Rick!

00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:14,024

I guess all clone stories turn

out the same way.

00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:17,820

So. We’re back to the regular people,

regular suicides?

00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,030

No, hold on, hold on.

we can do this.

00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:21,991

Maybe we make them less...

00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,409

...people.

00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,162

How much of a people

do they have to be to become spaghetti?

00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,456

Grey areas. My specialty.

00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:29,999

Subject one.

00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,626

No frontal lobe, no empathy centers.

00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,670

Otherwise the same

physiology as a person.

00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:39,717

Unfortunately, to this guy there’s

no difference between life and death.

00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,510

So, no spaghetti.

00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,053

Then there’s this one.

00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:45,848

It’s in horrible, unimaginable pain

from the moment it’s born.

00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,516

Oh jeez, oh no, Rick!!

00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:50,978

And so I didn’t even bother to make it

because I knew you’d take issue.

00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:53,063

Even though you’d be doing

it a favor by ending its life.

00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:53,856

Fuck you.

00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,192

You might want to examine that

"Trolley Problem" at some point, Morty.

00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,776

Anyway, here’s the last one.

00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:00,362

Kept the brain stem,

internal motor functions.

00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,656

But essentially just a headless,

boneless torso.

00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,784

There’s spaghetti inside that?

00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:08,204

Theoretically, yes.

The problem is the...

00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:09,622

You know.

00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,000

Could you, Like.

00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:17,046

What is that, what are you,

is this charades?

00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,714

Okay, are you making a fist?

00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:20,466

Wait is that supposed to be a phone?

00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:22,426

Ah fuck it, just spell it out for me.

00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,095

Maybe give them...

00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:28,307

...a claw-like, hand so they can,

ya know,

00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:31,185

- stab themselves to death?

- All you had to say.

00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,897

Well, this is some solution

you guys have cooked up.

00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,215

- Spaghetti!

- Technically.

00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,258

Good enough for me.

00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,802

We need to fill hundred thousand

cans by the weekend.

00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:08,222

So let’s fire up these chunky boys!

00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:12,184

Torso’s rights! Torso’s rights!

00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:14,436

The new spaghetti sucks!

00:14:14,853 --> 00:14:16,605

We want authentic spaghetti!

00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:20,818

- Were you...

- Wait, you’re gonna blow yourself up?

00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,945

Yeah, but if you wanna do it...

00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,114

Well, you clearly have

a morally superior position so.

00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:26,991

Please. Go ahead.

00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,785

You just want me to kill myself

so you can eat the spaghetti, right?

00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,121

- Fucking alien piece of shit...

- Fuck you!

00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,163

Fuck you!

00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,880

How long does a society

take to collapse?

00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,132

Let’s find out.

00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:46,093

What’s the fucking hold-up?

00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:48,345

I’ve got an entire planet

waiting on delivery.

00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:52,099

- They say they’re out of spaghetti.

- Then let’s go down there and make some.

00:14:55,561 --> 00:15:01,442

Kill yourself, kill yourself,

kill yourself, kill yourself,

00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:06,989

I understand. Divert half of the armed

patrols to civil unrest,

00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,741

the other half to planetary defense.

00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,535

Take every action

necessary to restore order.

00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:13,787

Still didn’t hear much diverting

towards mental healthcare.

00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:16,749

The brainstorming is over,

you ghoulish little corpse-eating alien.

00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:17,833

You’ve helped enough.

00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:21,879

Fuck. We owe so much spaghetti

to so many planets

00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,464

that we’re all going to have

to kill ourselves.

00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,632

Slow down, slow down.

00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:28,427

Rick can synthesize anything he gets

a sample of, can’t we still try that?

00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:32,806

I mean, is there anyone else left

who might wanna kill themselves?

00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,559

There’s one, but good luck.

00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:37,978

Two months to live.

00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,564

Bedridden, terrible pain...

00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:42,900

Why hasn’t he done it yet?

00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,027

- Hey!

- Fuck you, spaghetti child!

00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,403

- What gives?

- I’m in pain...

00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:48,906

...and I wish I could die.

00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:51,867

But I won’t feed your

sick system of profit.

00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,453

Integrity means living with pain.

00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:57,790

What if I told you this would

end the spaghetti trade forever?

00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,335

- What do you mean?

- I’ll explain on the way.

00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:12,888

Did you have a, like a...

euthanasia chamber ready to go?

00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:13,931

It’s just a place.

00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:20,187

Hey! Hey!

Everyone Stop! Stop!

00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,148

I have a solution

to get you all spaghetti.

00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,858

We’re gonna do this one last time.

00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:28,570

This guy here, he’s gonna do the deed

and I’ll synthesize it.

00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,281

This is the Kitty Hawk

of our Wright Brothers flight,

00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:34,034

or the fill-in-the-blank

from your fill-in-the-planet.

00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,578

Now, Fred?

Just think about your life.

00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:39,289

This machine will put it on screen

for everyone to see.

00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,458

When you’re ready, press the button.

00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,174

- Do you think this is gonna work?

- Trust me.

00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:16,410

Maybe, I don’t really wanna know,

00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:19,246

How your garden grows,

00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:22,624

Cause I just wanna fly.

00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:27,588

Lately, did you ever feel the pain,

00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,299

In the morning rain,

00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:34,303

As it soaks you to the bone?

00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:40,350

Maybe I just wanna fly,

Wanna live I don’t wanna die,

00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:45,939

Maybe I just wanna breathe,

Maybe I just don't believe,

00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:51,653

Maybe you're the same as me,

We see things they'll never see,

00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:56,366

You and I are gonna live forever.

00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,330

I said maybe,

00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,041

I don't really wanna know,

00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:10,547

How your garden grows,

Cause I just wanna fly.

00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:18,055

Lately, did you ever feel the pain,

In the morning rain,

00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:22,893

As it soaks you to the bone?

00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:28,232

Maybe I will never be,

All the things that I wanna be.

00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:34,196

Now is not the time to cry,

Now's the time to find out why,

00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:39,618

I think you're the same as me,

We see things they'll never see.

00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:44,706

You and I are gonna live forever.

00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:52,214

Maybe, I don't really wanna know,

00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:58,595

How your garden grows,

Cause I just wanna fly.

00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:04,309

Lately, did you ever feel the pain,

00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,562

In the morning rain,

00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:10,190

As it soaks you to the bone?

00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:16,238

Maybe I just wanna fly,

Wanna live, I don't wanna die,

00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:22,244

Maybe I just wanna breathe,

Maybe I just don't believe,

00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:27,583

Maybe you're the same as me,

We see things they'll never see,

00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,962

You and I are gonna live forever,

00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:37,593

Gonna live forever.

00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:02,117

Bon appétit.

00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:13,754

Well, fuck.

00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,008

I think I can speak

on behalf of my people.

00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:19,968

We’ve had enough spaghetti.

00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,387

You did it, didn’t you.

00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,140

You couldn’t change everyone’s taste,

but you could make it...

00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:26,975

distasteful.

00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,187

- It wasn’t the death, was it?

- It was the complexity of life.

00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,730

God, what was the point?

00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,399

If you’re asking whether this was

a story about right and wrong,

00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,652

the answer is, I don’t care.

00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:39,154

- So what do we do?

- Cells consume, Morty.

00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,657

Life itself is wrong,

and that means death is right.

00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,241

But you can’t side with that.

00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:45,869

So you live, even when it means eating.

00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,413

And Fred here really did it well.

00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:57,339

The hell is this?

Where is the spaghetti?

00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,882

Why don’t you go fuck yourself, Summer?

00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,467

- What?

- What’s wrong with Salisbury Steaks?

00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:01,468

At least try them.

00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:03,261

Holy shit, this is...

00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,473

the best Salisbury steak I’ve ever had.

00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:08,684

Is it actually Salisbury steak?

00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,894

Do you want to know or not?

00:21:10,894 --> 00:21:12,354

No thanks!

00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,773

Just so you know, it’s really bad.

00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:17,776

- Whatever you say.

- Seriously, I’m not kidding.

00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:20,487

I won’t tell you but I need you

to know the truth is horrible

00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:23,240

so that if you ever find out on accident

you can’t blame me.

00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,324

Now that’s a deal.

00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,868

Honestly if you knew

you might kill yourselves,

00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:28,870

- that’s the last thing I’ll say forever.

- Good!

00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:11,371

Gonna live forever.

00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:19,963

That’s where vacuum cleaner bags

come from?

00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:21,006

Oh my god.

00:00:12,390 --> 00:00:13,740

Обожаю спагеттные четверги.

00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:16,230

Господи, Рик, они с каждым разом всё лучше!

00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:19,350

А то ж! Нравится? Отличные спагетти!

00:00:19,370 --> 00:00:21,540

Деда Рик, я как эмодзи череп, только на словах.

00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,960

Соус? Ещё соуса? Есть у нас соусяка.

00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,840

Пап, как прошло твоё собеседование?

00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,430

Фигово, но болоньезе всё исправит.

00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:31,410

Пап, макарошки такие нежные.

00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:34,750

Слегка остренько, чутка сладко.

Слегка остренько, чутка сладко.

00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:38,850

Как круто, что мы общаемся.

Болтаем, потому что мы - семья и всё такое.

00:00:38,870 --> 00:00:40,300

Отлично проводим время.

00:00:40,930 --> 00:00:41,590

Есть ещё?

00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:45,420

Добавку? Ещё навалить?

У меня целая спагеттуча спагеттосов.

00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:49,310

Рик, я должен узнать,

что за секретный ингредиент?

00:00:49,330 --> 00:00:51,670

Господи! Нет! Почему? Почему? Нет!

00:00:51,690 --> 00:00:53,340

Почему ты всегда творишь всякую поебень?

00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:57,100

Ну, конечно же это человек!

Рик, почему нельзя просто приготовить спагетти?

00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:34,360

Можешь мне не верить,

но я скажу, как есть.

00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:37,130

Если житель этой планеты убивает себя,

то он превращается в спагетти.

00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:37,470

Чё?

00:01:37,490 --> 00:01:40,470

Ага. Ты у нас только глазам веришь,

так что подыграй.

00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,690

Здравствуйте, доктор Опупенис,

врачи не должны приводить пациентов...

00:01:45,710 --> 00:01:49,540

Привет, Майкл, да ничего,

у этого инопланетного мальчика космо-рак,

00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,900

и он хочет напоследок посмотреть

на более мёртвых людей, чтобы почувствовать превосходство.

00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:53,920

Ну, раз такое дело!

00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:56,860

Зацени. Убийство.

00:01:56,860 --> 00:01:57,980

Фу, гадость.

00:01:58,690 --> 00:01:59,610

Авария.

00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,030

И самоубийство.

00:02:02,050 --> 00:02:03,430

Рик, я не...

00:02:04,030 --> 00:02:05,910

Стоп, что за аромат?

00:02:05,930 --> 00:02:08,440

Ты прекрасно знаешь, что это, детка.

Налетай.

00:02:08,460 --> 00:02:09,670

Не ешь.

00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:11,790

Да ты каждую неделю ел

по спагеттным вечерам.

00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:13,230

Давай, Морти. Летит самолётик.

00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:13,690

Фуу.

00:02:13,710 --> 00:02:14,330

Давай!

00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:16,780

Твою мать.

00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:17,660

Я ж говорил.

00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:18,800

Почему? Как?

00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,550

Кортизол увеличивает количество

крахмала в крови,

00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:24,060

превращая внутренности в одну

длинную спагеттину,

00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:28,120

а все окружающие ткани в остро-сладкую

гематому, которую мы называем болоньезе.

00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:32,040

Но на это уходит много кортизола.

Самоубийственно много.

00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:33,400

В холодном виде даже лучше.

00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:35,190

Это уже перебор,

не будь хипстером.

00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,210

Простите.

00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,460

Вы что, едите труп?

00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:39,980

Всё хорошо. Это же спагетти.

00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,390

Морти, они не знают, что это.

00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:42,470

Я звоню в полицию.

00:02:42,490 --> 00:02:43,350

Пока ты этого не сделал...

00:02:43,370 --> 00:02:44,220

Нет, Рик, стой!

00:02:44,670 --> 00:02:45,990

Что? Где я?

00:02:46,010 --> 00:02:47,380

В морге, поедаешь труп.

00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:47,960

Чего?

00:02:47,980 --> 00:02:48,890

Да выбрось ты эту фигню.

00:02:48,910 --> 00:02:50,270

Какую? Кто мы?

00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:51,450

Мы уже уходим.

00:02:51,470 --> 00:02:52,340

Ну, раз такое дело.

00:02:52,580 --> 00:02:55,410

Чья это тачка?

Чей это козырёк от солнца? Что такое солнце?

00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,310

Господи, прости.

Каждый раз стыдно.

00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:01,500

Но теперь-то ты понял?

00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:04,180

Лучшее спагетти в галактике,

и никакого самоедства.

00:03:04,180 --> 00:03:05,470

Я хочу узнать их имена.

00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:07,320

Чьи? Майкла? Следака номер один?

00:03:07,340 --> 00:03:09,480

Людей, которых мы ели каждую неделю.

00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:10,680

Ты хоть знаешь, как их зовут?

00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:12,780

Нафига как-то называть своё спагетти?

00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,120

Здесь я провожу черту, Морти.

Это отвратительно.

00:03:15,140 --> 00:03:18,350

Я хочу знать их имена, а иначе расскажу

всё маме, и больше никакого спагетти.

00:03:18,380 --> 00:03:20,840

Говнюк! Где эта штука?

Где штука из Людей в Чёрном?

00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:21,560

Имена!

00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:24,530

Когда узнаешь имя своего сраного

спагетти, мы закроем эту тему?

00:03:24,550 --> 00:03:25,450

О большем не прошу.

00:03:25,470 --> 00:03:28,600

Тебя не поглотит чувство вины,

и ты не потребуешь пиздовать на похороны?

00:03:28,630 --> 00:03:30,150

Я хочу узнать имена и всё.

00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:31,460

Даю слово.

00:03:33,170 --> 00:03:34,250

Как же ты заебал.

00:03:34,270 --> 00:03:36,070

Я просто хочу выразить почтение.

00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:40,040

Ты жив только благодаря тому,

что не становишься вкусным после смерти.

00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,940

Благодарю вас за минуту молчания.

00:03:47,370 --> 00:03:49,540

Я хочу обратиться к прихожанам,

00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,620

никто не желает сказать пару слов о Лоуренсе?

00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,550

Или же почтим его ещё одной минутой молчания.

00:04:01,570 --> 00:04:03,280

Боже, неудивительно, что он убил себя.

00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:04,650

Ладно, погна...

00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:06,230

Да чтоб те...

00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:06,820

Привет.

00:04:08,090 --> 00:04:10,610

Я хочу признаться кое в чём.

00:04:10,910 --> 00:04:13,320

После того, как Лоуренс умер, мы...

00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:15,120

...съели его.

00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:18,840

Нет, мы не... оборотни или типа того...

00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,620

мы с другой планеты.

00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:25,230

Когда житель вашей планеты убивает себя,

он превращается в то, что у нас считается едой.

00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,220

В спагетти. Оно примирило нашу семью.

00:04:28,780 --> 00:04:30,840

Лоуренс примирил нас.

00:04:31,130 --> 00:04:33,580

Мне было не по себе от того,

что об этом никто не знает.

00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:35,330

Он был таким вкусным.

00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,700

Надеюсь, я загладил вину.

00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,200

Молодец, приятель.

Теперь все могут проститься.

00:04:45,260 --> 00:04:47,970

То есть, мы ели... людей.

00:04:47,990 --> 00:04:49,530

Боюсь, что да.

00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,970

Они были такими... спагеттными.

00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:53,710

Да, это так.

00:04:54,020 --> 00:04:56,190

Будет довольно... сложно...

00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:57,960

Сложно выбросить это из головы, да,

00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,380

поэтому я решил ничего не рассказывать.

00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:03,260

То есть... Морти испортил нам спагеттные вечера.

00:05:03,260 --> 00:05:03,710

Верно.

00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:05,170

Саммер, это были люди!

00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:08,390

Это были люди, Саммер,

что, конечно, отвратительно.

00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:10,260

И врать об этом не круто.

00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:11,260

Верно.

00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,180

Но стоит также отметить, Морти,

что ябедничать тоже не круто.

00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:15,600

Пап!

00:05:15,620 --> 00:05:16,740

Они такие вкусные!

00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:17,720

Так ешь их дальше!

00:05:17,740 --> 00:05:18,850

Теперь не могу!

00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:20,280

Из-за тебя! Прости.

00:05:20,650 --> 00:05:23,030

Морти, родители не должны так себя вести.

00:05:23,030 --> 00:05:26,070

Ты поступил правильно в кавычках.

00:05:26,070 --> 00:05:29,370

Чисто технически мы рады,

что получили всю информацию.

00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:30,990

Сначала осьминог, а теперь вот это.

00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:34,450

Может, проще сдаться и присоединиться

к фашистской половине страны?

00:05:34,450 --> 00:05:35,020

Нет!

00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,660

Они столько всего себе позволяют.

00:05:36,660 --> 00:05:39,920

Пойду-ка я в свою комнату, раз уж теперь

все меня ненавидят.

00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:43,890

Ой, прости. Спокойной ночи, Морти.

00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:44,360

Спокойной ночи, Морти.

00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:45,090

Спокойной ночи, Морти.

00:05:46,670 --> 00:05:51,350

Эй, здоровяк, тебе грустно?

Мамочка любит депрессию.

00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:54,690

Ой, я пролила молоко,

теперь мы оба в печали.

00:05:54,710 --> 00:05:57,810

Я - семейный психолог

и очень плохая деревенская девочка.

00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:04,650

Здравствуйте, Морти Смит.

Вы приглашены на 41-Кеплер Б.

00:06:04,670 --> 00:06:06,880

Вы называете её планетой спагетти.

00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:09,490

Вам ничего не грозит,

мы просто хотим поговорить.

00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:12,080

Эта штука выдержит мой вес?

00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:13,280

Должна.

00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,370

Н-ну ладно.

00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:17,480

Мне сюда?

00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:20,290

Блин. Про трап не слышали?

00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:21,500

Это и есть трап.

00:06:25,190 --> 00:06:27,820

Привет, Морти. Я - президент этой планеты.

00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:29,760

Я видела ролик с похорон.

00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:30,480

Простите.

00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,830

Не извиняйся. Для нас это было... откровением.

00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:36,570

Можешь показать, как это делать?

00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,870

Это "спагетти" из человека,

который покончил с собой.

00:06:41,180 --> 00:06:42,430

Он дал на всё согласие.

00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:44,070

Ладно.

00:06:49,010 --> 00:06:52,470

Ого, да! Как всегда великолепно, врать не буду.

00:06:52,490 --> 00:06:55,650

Ты бы мог назвать себя

среднестатистическим землянином?

00:06:56,180 --> 00:07:00,390

У нас на Земле не принято

опускать себя до такого уровня.

00:07:00,410 --> 00:07:04,380

Мы все разные и особенные,

но мы точно любим спагетти.

00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,860

Все восемь миллиардов?

00:07:07,490 --> 00:07:11,070

Морти, не желаешь ли ты стать

этаким послом?

00:07:11,090 --> 00:07:13,120

Звеном между нашими мирами.

00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,080

Оой... погодите. Я пришёл на похороны,

потому что...

00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:20,520

Потому что испытывал вину.

Потому что не получил разрешение.

00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:21,810

Покажите ему.

00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,890

Меня зовут Таня Рэдклифф.

00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:27,800

Я уже многие годы страдаю от боли,

00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:31,450

я потеряла всех близких,

у меня не осталось ничего.

00:07:32,090 --> 00:07:36,140

Когда врачи сказали, что я наконец-то

получу "право умереть",

00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,180

если соглашусь стать ужином

для мальчика-пришельца,

00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:43,570

я просто сказала "Надеюсь, я вкусная".

00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:45,920

Вот блин.

00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,030

После этого становится вкуснее?

00:07:49,610 --> 00:07:51,740

Уплетать становится намного проще.

00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:52,930

Мне это нравится.

00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:57,870

Возможно, пора давать некоторым людям

право умирать и становиться вкусными.

00:07:57,890 --> 00:08:00,930

Будь добр, доешь Таню,

это её желание.

00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,520

Нет. Не, я наелся. Спасибо.

00:08:03,910 --> 00:08:05,810

Таня, ты была очень вкусной.

00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:12,030

А хотя... можно завернуть её с собой?

00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:14,890

Кому морально-этических спагетти?

00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:16,740

Мне. Обожаю этическую хрень.

00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:18,700

Скажу честно, я и не был против.

00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:21,660

Боже, какая вкуснота.

Подай пармизиан.

00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:24,210

Где папа? Почему он стал пропускать

спагеттные вечера?

00:08:24,210 --> 00:08:26,460

Наверное, у него подгорает,

потому что Морти его осудил

00:08:26,460 --> 00:08:29,780

и притащил нам вкуснецкое спагетти

без лжи и нигилизма.

00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,010

Порадуемся же за ещё один плюс

этого вечера - отсутствие Рика.

00:08:33,050 --> 00:08:33,720

Бум.

00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,560

Простите, что прерываю идеальный спагеттный

вечер Морти, но я хотел показать вот это.

00:08:37,580 --> 00:08:39,070

Ого! Что эта за хуйня?

00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:44,250

Суицидальное спагетти Морти-О.

На 100% морально-этическая паста единственного сорта.

00:08:44,460 --> 00:08:45,580

Господи боже.

00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:49,650

Дай угадаю, ты вернулся на планету,

вразумил их лидера,

00:08:49,650 --> 00:08:52,070

и теперь они продают мёртвых людей

в каждом космо-супермаркете.

00:08:52,070 --> 00:08:54,280

Вразумил, но я не просил делать вот это.

00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:56,480

В банке люди или уже нет?

00:08:56,790 --> 00:08:59,460

Хочу понять, насколько сильно

надо изобразить печаль.

00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:01,330

Это вроде бы Роджер.

00:09:01,890 --> 00:09:04,850

Привет. Я - Роджер Уэйн Мардер.

Я был серийным убийцей и каннибалом,

00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:07,150

но теперь могу убить

себя и стать вашей едой.

00:09:07,170 --> 00:09:09,770

Наверное, это ложка мёда в

бочке дёгтя моих поступков.

00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:11,340

Приятно вам отужинать мной.

00:09:13,210 --> 00:09:14,970

То есть, всё-таки люди?

00:09:14,990 --> 00:09:17,800

Ого. Ну... с другой стороны,

00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:22,640

можно сказать, что это очень хороший эпилог

истории о том, что надо говорить правду.

00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:25,190

Ага. Хочешь увидеть этот эпилог?

00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:29,790

Это ещё что?

00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:32,700

Банки спагетти, которые продают

всем соседним планетам.

00:09:32,770 --> 00:09:34,870

Хочешь узнать, насколько там всё этично?

00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:38,240

Это планета спагетти?

00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:39,210

Что случилось?

00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:42,330

Ты. Ты случился на всех рекламных щитах.

00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:43,050

ОНИ ЖИВУТ СЧАСТЛИВУЮ ЖИЗНЬ,

ПОТОМУ ЧТО ТЕБЯ БОЛЬШЕ НЕТ!

00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:44,050

Вот блин.

ТЕРАПЕВТЫ. БЕСПЛАТНОЕ ПЕРЕОБУЧЕНИЕ.

00:09:44,070 --> 00:09:44,830

О нет.

00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:47,860

Видишь? Этот мост называют

"Самый живописный прыжок".

00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:52,170

Раньше здесь были перила, но их переплавили

в огромные дуршлаги.

00:09:52,670 --> 00:09:53,900

Хочешь послушать радио?

00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,670

Там теперь одна Эния.

00:09:55,690 --> 00:09:59,160

Нет, только юмористические передачи.

Только трёп, никаких песен.

00:09:59,590 --> 00:10:03,850

А по телеку сплошные реалити-шоу.

Причём паршивые.

00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:05,930

Как будто всю планету выкупили Дискавери.

00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:07,850

Господи, какая депрессуха.

00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:09,690

На то и расчёт.

00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:12,940

Посмотри на эту хрень.

Они окрасили солнце в строгий серый цвет.

00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,900

Дело непростое, я даже впечатлён.

00:10:15,530 --> 00:10:17,430

И всё это благодаря...

00:10:17,780 --> 00:10:20,490

О боже! Я - убийца.

00:10:20,950 --> 00:10:24,210

О нет, Морти. Ты сотворил гораздо

более неумышленную штуку.

00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:27,920

Понимаю ваше беспокойство,

но вы оглянитесь.

00:10:27,980 --> 00:10:30,480

Прибыль от межгалактической

торговли спагетти

00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:34,050

позволила нам снизить долг

и заработать кучу денег.

00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:37,400

Мы перешли на чистую энергию.

00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:40,180

Во время этой паузы надо было сказать

про психическое здравоохранение.

00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:43,180

Ну, возможно, мы переборщили... слегка.

00:10:43,470 --> 00:10:47,730

Но если мы остановим производство, то система поставок

рухнет и убьёт мировую экономику.

00:10:48,050 --> 00:10:49,850

Сколько людей тогда будет страдать?

00:10:49,870 --> 00:10:53,510

Да уж, дело непростое,

определённо фрикадельное.

00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,480

Но мы всё исправим. Да, Рик?

00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,250

То есть, я.

Типа я должен всё исправить.

00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:58,150

Мы отойдём.

00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:00,230

Да, я хочу, чтобы ты всё исправил.

00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:02,680

Ничего бы не случилось, если бы ты

не врал про спагетти.

00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,740

Морти, я соглал, чтобы защитить тебя,

а ты сказал правду, чтобы навредить мне.

00:11:05,740 --> 00:11:08,950

Как мне бороздить с тобой галактику,

если в каждой пизданутой системе

00:11:08,970 --> 00:11:11,080

ты начинаешь копаться в проводах

и получаешь удар током?

00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:12,600

Я больше не буду.

00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:13,560

Чего?

00:11:13,580 --> 00:11:16,800

Если поможешь, то даю слово,

больше никогда не копаться в твоих делах

00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,550

с целью найти там какую-нибудь грязь.

00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:19,990

И ты не будешь мне отказывать.

00:11:20,550 --> 00:11:21,590

Ты кто, Кит Раньер?

00:11:21,610 --> 00:11:22,260

Две недели.

00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:22,770

Ладно.

00:11:22,930 --> 00:11:24,770

Внук поцеловал меня в зад, так что я в деле.

00:11:24,790 --> 00:11:27,870

В общем, н-нам нужно придумать что-то

00:11:27,890 --> 00:11:30,770

помимо распихивания людей по банкам, так?

00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:34,060

Но люди - это спагетти,

в этом вся суть.

00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,730

А если это не так?

00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,410

Я слушаю.

00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:38,320

Я тоже.

00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:41,760

Типа... что если мы сделаем подобие человека?

00:11:42,180 --> 00:11:44,680

Типа... Рик, ты же постоянно

создаёшь клонов, так?

00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,160

Что ты предлагаешь?

00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,620

Ускорить жизненный цикл

и учебную программу?

00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:52,850

Хочешь ограничить им познание мира

и убедить их, что стать спагетти - это их судьба?

00:11:53,310 --> 00:11:54,700

ТРИ ДНЯ СПУСТЯ

00:11:57,980 --> 00:12:00,070

Я не стану для них вкуснятиной.

00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:02,590

Я люблю тебя, клон 5617Б.

00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,430

Считай проспидранили фильм "Не отпускай меня".

00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,560

Спойлеры, Рик.

00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,020

Похоже, что все истории с клонами

заканчиваются одинаково.

00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:17,820

Значит, возвращаемся к обычным людям

и обычным самоубийствам?

00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,050

Нет, погодите-погодите.

Всё получится.

00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,230

Может, сделать их менее... человечными?

00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:26,180

Насколько человечными они должны быть,

чтобы стать спагетти?

00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:28,510

Ууу, серые грани. Моя специальность.

00:12:29,030 --> 00:12:29,940

Подопытный номер один.

00:12:30,910 --> 00:12:34,760

Нет лобной доли, нет узлов сочувствия.

Но по физиологии такой же человек.

00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:39,780

К сожалению, в его понимании

нет разницы между жизнью и смертью.

00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:41,600

Так что никакого спагетти.

00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,780

А тут ещё один. С момента рождения

он испытывает ужасную невероятную боль.

00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,470

О господи! О, нет, Рик!

00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:50,970

Я даже не стал создавать его, потому что

знал, что ты будешь против.

00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:53,060

Даже несмотря на то, что лишить его жизни - это благо.

00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:53,700

Иди нахуй.

00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,280

Когда-нибудь тебе придётся

столкнуться с проблемой вагонетки, Морти.

00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:57,920

Короче, тут последний.

00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,360

Оставил ему ствол мозга,

внутренние двигательные функции.

00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,830

Но по сути, это просто туловище

без костей и головы.

00:13:03,860 --> 00:13:05,780

И там внутри есть спагетти?

00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:08,200

В теории да, но проблема в том, что...

00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:09,620

Ну ты понял.

00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,160

А-а ты можешь... ну типа...

00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:17,040

Что это? Что это такое? Шарады?

00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,710

Ладно, ты сжал руку в кулак?

00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,460

Это типа что, телефон?

00:13:20,790 --> 00:13:22,530

В пизду, просто скажи, как есть.

00:13:23,460 --> 00:13:28,300

Можешь сделать им... типа когтистую руку,

чтобы они могли... ну типа...

00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:30,170

заколоть себя до смерти?

00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:31,300

Ну, раз такое дело.

00:13:31,470 --> 00:13:35,080

Интересное решение вы придумали, ребята.

00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:00,300

Спагетти!

00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:01,210

Формально.

00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:04,800

Годится. К выходным надо сделать

сто тысяч банок.

00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:08,220

Так что раскочегарим этих толстячков!

00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,180

Права туловищ! Права туловищ!

00:14:13,170 --> 00:14:14,600

Новое спагетти отстой!

00:14:14,850 --> 00:14:16,600

Мы хотим настоящее спагетти!

00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:19,030

- Вы что...

- В-вы...

00:14:19,050 --> 00:14:20,790

Вы хотели взорвать себя?

00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:22,650

Да, но раз уж вы тоже хотели.

00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:25,110

Ну, ваша позиция с гораздо более высокой моралью.

00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:26,970

Прошу. Подрывай.

00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:29,980

Хочешь, чтобы я убил себя, чтобы потом

пожрать спагетти, да?

00:14:30,090 --> 00:14:31,250

Ебучий инопланетный кусок дерьма...

00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:31,970

Иди нахуй!

00:14:31,990 --> 00:14:32,970

Сам иди!

00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,880

Сколько времени уходит на крах общества?

00:14:42,150 --> 00:14:43,070

Ща узнаем.

00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:48,340

Хуйли так долго? У меня целая планета

ждёт доставку.

00:14:48,340 --> 00:14:49,820

Говорят, спагетти закончилось.

00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,170

Так давай приземлимся и сами наделаем.

00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:56,250

Убей себя.

00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:56,710

Убей себя.

00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:57,490

- Убей себя.

- Хватит.

00:14:57,510 --> 00:14:58,580

- Убей себя.

- Убей себя.

00:14:58,600 --> 00:14:59,410

- Убей себя.

- Убей себя.

00:14:59,430 --> 00:15:00,630

- Убей себя.

- Давай, убей себя.

00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:01,310

Убей себя.

00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,860

Я понимаю. Направьте половину

вооружённых патрулей на подавление беспорядков,

00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,740

а другую - на планетарную оборону.

00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:11,530

Примите всех необходимые действия

для восстановления порядка.

00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:13,680

Что-то вы не склоняетесь

к психическому здравоохранению.

00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,660

Хватит советовать,

мерзкий инопланетный трупоед.

00:15:16,740 --> 00:15:17,830

Уже напомогал.

00:15:18,540 --> 00:15:21,870

Блядь! Мы задолжали спагетти

стольким планетам,

00:15:21,870 --> 00:15:23,460

что нам всем придётся убить себя.

00:15:23,460 --> 00:15:24,630

Погодите, погодите.

00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:28,570

Рик может синтезировать любое вещество

по образцу. Может попробуем?

00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:32,720

Ну... у вас не осталось людей,

которые хотели бы убить себя?

00:15:33,230 --> 00:15:35,910

Есть один... но удачи с ним.

00:15:36,890 --> 00:15:38,130

Жить осталось два месяца.

00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,690

Прикован к постели, страдает от боли.

00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:42,890

Почему он не покончил с собой?

00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,020

- Эй!

- Иди нахуй, спагеттный пацан!

00:15:45,020 --> 00:15:45,650

Что за фигня?

00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:46,460

Мне больно...

00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:48,900

...и я хочу умереть.

00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,860

Но не буду кормить вашу

больную корыстную систему.

00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:54,450

Буду из принципа жить с болью.

00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,850

А если я скажу, что ты поможешь

покончить с торговлей спагетти навсегда?

00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:00,260

В каком смысле?

00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:01,630

Объясню по дороге.

00:16:08,860 --> 00:16:12,860

Ты что типа... заранее подготовил

зал для эвтаназии?

00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:13,930

Это просто такое место.

00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:20,190

Эй! Эй! Прекратите! Прекратите!

00:16:20,790 --> 00:16:23,120

Я знаю, как обеспечить всех спагетти.

00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:24,950

Сделаем это в последний раз.

00:16:25,290 --> 00:16:28,680

Этот человек сделает дело,

а я синтезирую спагетти.

00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:31,280

Считайте, что это Китти-Хок

для наших братьев Райт

00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:34,170

или вставьте свой вариант,

подходящий для вашей планеты.

00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:36,680

Итак, Фред. Думай о своей жизни.

00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:39,540

Аппарат покажет её на экране,

и все её увидят.

00:16:39,910 --> 00:16:41,580

Когда будешь готов, нажми на кнопку.

00:16:46,780 --> 00:16:48,460

Д-думаешь, что получится?

00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,170

Доверься мне.

00:17:58,190 --> 00:17:59,370

АРХИТЕКТУРА. НЕУД.

00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:27,750

ЛЮБЯЩИЙ ОТЕЦ.

ЛЮБЯЩАЯ МАТЬ.

00:19:18,060 --> 00:19:19,150

РАЗВОД

00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,070

ЛЮБЯЩАЯ ЖЕНА

00:20:01,190 --> 00:20:02,110

Приятного аппетита.

00:20:12,460 --> 00:20:14,130

Ну, пиздец.

00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,100

Скажу от лица всего своего народа.

00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:20,020

Хватит с нас спагетти.

00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,360

У тебя получилось, да?

00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:25,320

Ты не мог поменять всем

вкусовые рецепторы, поэтому сделал спагетти

00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:26,970

тошнотворными.

00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:28,850

Дело не в смерти, не так ли?

00:20:28,870 --> 00:20:30,350

Дело в сложности жизни.

00:20:30,370 --> 00:20:31,710

Боже, в чём тогда смысл?

00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,390

Если хочешь знать, была ли эта история

о том, что хорошо, а что плохо,

00:20:34,410 --> 00:20:36,670

то могу ответить, что мне всё равно.

00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:37,930

Что же делать?

00:20:37,950 --> 00:20:39,150

Наши клетки питаются, Морти.

00:20:39,170 --> 00:20:41,790

Сама жизнь дурна,

а значит, смерть - штука хорошая.

00:20:42,070 --> 00:20:43,420

Но с этим нельзя согласиться.

00:20:43,570 --> 00:20:45,860

Ты продолжаешь жить,

даже если для этого надо есть.

00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:48,500

И Фред отлично с этим справился.

00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:57,310

Что это за хрень? Где спагетти?

00:20:57,330 --> 00:20:58,880

Не пошла бы ты нахуй, Саммер?

00:20:58,880 --> 00:20:59,190

Что?

00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:01,460

Чем тебе стейки не угодили?

Хоть попробуй.

00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,330

Охренеть. Да это...

00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,470

...самый лучший стейк Солсбери в моей жизни.

00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:08,680

А это реально стейк Солсбери?

00:21:09,340 --> 00:21:10,800

Уверена, что хочешь знать?

00:21:10,820 --> 00:21:12,280

Нет, спасибо.

00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:14,770

Чтоб вы знали, всё очень фигово.

00:21:14,770 --> 00:21:15,530

Как скажешь.

00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,770

Серьёзно. Я не шучу.

00:21:17,770 --> 00:21:20,480

Я ничего не скажу, но вы должны знать,

что правда кошмарна,

00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,000

и если вы случайно узнаете,

то меня винить не надо.

00:21:23,030 --> 00:21:24,220

Договорились.

00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:25,120

Ага.

00:21:25,140 --> 00:21:28,220

Честно, вы захотите порешить себя,

но больше я ничего не скажу.

00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:28,870

Ладно!

00:22:16,790 --> 00:22:19,960

Так вот откуда берутся пылесборники?!

00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,000

О господи.

00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,388

I love

Spaghetti Thursdays!

00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,807

Oh, my God, Rick, i-it's like

it's better every time!

00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,058

Hell yeah,

you like that?!

00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,893

That's-a some

good spaghetti!

00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,271

Grandpa Rick,

I'm skull emoji but words.

00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,773

Sauce? More sauce?

Oh, we gots the sauce!

00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:26,109

Dad, you-- you had

a job interview, right?

00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,527

Bombed it!

00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,404

But it's nothing a little

Bolognese won't cure!

00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:31,448

Dad, this noodle

is sooo tender.

00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:34,951

A little spicy!

A little sweet!

00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,286

It's so nice that we're talking,

you know,

00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:37,495

all-- all--

all talking

00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:38,747

because we're a family

and everything,

00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,373

and this a good time

we're having.

00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:41,458

Is there any more?!

00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:42,834

Seconds?

Thirds?

00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,879

We spa-gots as much

as you can spag-eat!

00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:46,963

Rick,

I-I got to know, like,

00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,382

wh-what's the secret

ingredient--

00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,801

God, no! Why?

Why? No!

00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,052

Why is it always

this shit with you?!

00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,721

O-Of course

it's a person!

00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,973

Rick, why couldn't

it just be spaghetti?

00:00:56,973 --> 00:01:30,840

{\an8}♪

00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,425

{\an8}Rick:

I'm just going to say this

00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:34,177

{\an8}as simply as possible

and let you not believe me--

00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,930

{\an8}on this planet, people that kill

themselves turn into spaghetti.

00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,181

{\an8}What?

00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,433

{\an8}I know, you're a visual learner,

so follow me.

00:01:42,101 --> 00:01:43,937

{\an8}Oh, hi,

Doctor Hotpenis.

00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,605

{\an8}You're not supposed to

bring patients--

00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:49,067

{\an8}Hi, Michael. It's okay.

This alien boy has space cancer

00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:51,194

{\an8}and his dying wish

is to see deader people

00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:52,695

{\an8}so he can feel superior.

00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,031

{\an8}All you had to say.

00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,699

{\an8}Check it out. Murdered.

00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:58,243

{\an8}Oh, gross!

00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,828

{\an8}Car crash.

Oh!

00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,871

{\an8}And suicide.

00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,540

{\an8}Ugh, Rick, I don't--

00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,708

{\an8}Wait,

what is that smell?

00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:07,544

{\an8}You know God damn well

what it is, baby.

00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,212

{\an8}Get in here.

Oh, don't do that!

00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,506

{\an8}You've been doing it for weeks

every spaghetti night!

00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,341

{\an8}Come on, Morty.

Choo choo plane!

00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:15,260

{\an8}Gross!

Come on!

00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,511

{\an8}God damn!

00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,555

{\an8}Telling you!

Why?! How?!

00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,765

{\an8}Their cortisol increases

the starch content

00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,350

{\an8}in their bloodstream,

changing their intestines

00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,977

{\an8}into one

long spaghetti noodle,

00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,521

{\an8}and the surrounding tissues

into a spicy-sweet hematoma

00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,356

{\an8}that we would call

a Bolognese.

00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:30,400

{\an8}But it takes

a lot of cortisol...

00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,818

{\an8}like a suicidal amount.

00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,194

{\an8}I-It's almost

better cold!

00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:35,029

{\an8}Wouldn't go that far,

don't be a hipster.

00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,239

{\an8}Excuse me.

00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,324

{\an8}Are you two

eating a corpse?

00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:39,742

{\an8}It's okay!

I-It's spaghetti.

00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,035

{\an8}Morty, they don't know

what that is.

00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:42,412

{\an8}I'm calling the police!

00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,163

{\an8}Before you do that, just--

No, Rick, stop--

00:02:44,163 --> 00:02:45,748

{\an8}What?!

Where am I?

00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,667

{\an8}In a morgue,

eating bodies!

We're what?!

00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,545

{\an8}Stop using that thing!

What thing? Who are we?

00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,380

{\an8}We were just leaving.

All you had to say!

00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:54,465

{\an8}Whose car is this?

Whose sun visor is this?

00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:55,925

{\an8}What's a sun?

00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:59,888

{\an8}Jesus, sorry,

that's always embarrassing.

00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,432

{\an8}But you see what I mean now?

Best spaghetti in the galaxy

00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,850

{\an8}and it's 100%

guilt-free.

00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,560

{\an8}I wanna know their names.

Who?

00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,020

{\an8}Michael?

Coroner Number One?

00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,272

{\an8}The people we've been eating

every spaghetti night!

00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,773

{\an8}Do you even know

their names?

00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,525

{\an8}I'm not giving you

your spaghettises' names!

00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,819

{\an8}You've found my line, Morty!

I-I find that ghoulish!

00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,030

{\an8}I-I want their names

o-or I'm telling Mom

00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,239

{\an8}and no more

spaghetti night!

00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:19,616

You suck!

Where's the thing?

00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,284

Where's the "Men in Black"

thing?

Names!

00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,535

And if you know

the fuckin' names

00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:23,745

of your spaghettis,

that's it?

00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,163

This is done?

It's all I ask!

00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,915

You won't get overwhelmed

with even more guilt

00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,458

and then demand to go

to their fuckin' funeral?

00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,460

Just their names

and then I'm done.

00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,753

I promise.

00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:34,088

I fucking hate you.

00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:35,715

I just want to

pay my respects!

00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,300

The only reason

you're still alive

00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,054

is because you don't turn

delicious when you die.

00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,851

Thank you for that

moment of silence.

00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:49,103

I'd like to open it up

to the congregation,

00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:53,316

if anyone would like to say

a few words about Lawrence.

00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,027

[ Coughs ]

00:03:58,529 --> 00:04:01,199

Or...

another moment of silence.

00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,618

Geez, no wonder

he killed himself.

00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:04,994

Okay, let's--

00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:06,037

Oh, for--

00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,747

Hi. Um...

00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,667

I just want to be honest

about something.

00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,293

After Lawrence died,

00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:14,796

we, uh, ate him.

00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:16,923

[ Gasping, murmuring ]

Wait, we're not...

00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,801

werewolves or-- or anything,

we-- we come from a planet,

00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:22,387

where, to us, when you guys

kill yourselves,

00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:25,515

you turn into what

my planet considers food.

00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,476

Spaghetti.

It brought us together.

00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,728

Lawrence

brought us together.

00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:33,773

It just felt wrong not

having anyone know that.

00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,358

But he was delicious.

00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:39,737

I-I hope that helps

make it right.

00:04:39,737 --> 00:04:41,322

That should do it, buddy.

00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,366

Everybody enjoy

your closure.

00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:47,996

So we were eating... people.

00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,372

I-I'm afraid so.

00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:52,375

They were so... spaghettiesque.

00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,710

Yes, they were.

00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,962

It's going to be...

hard to...

00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,714

Hard to put out of your mind, yes,

00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,299

which is why I thought it best

to keep you all in the dark.

00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,426

So...

00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,094

Morty ruined

spaghetti night.

00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,887

- Correct.

- Summer! It was people!

00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:06,597

It was people, Summer.

00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:08,224

Which is disgusting.

00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,226

And not cool

to lie about.

00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:11,394

Correct.

00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,563

But it should also be noted,

to Morty,

00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:14,981

that it's not cool

to tattle.

00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,607

Dad!

They were delicious!

00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,693

So keep eating them!

We can't now!

00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:19,777

Because of you!

00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:20,987

Sorry,

[Clears throat] Morty.

00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,780

That was

terrible parenting.

00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,742

You did the "right" thing.

00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:29,245

We are technically very happy

to be better informed.

00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,621

First octopus,

now this.

00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:32,165

Have-- Have we thought about

just giving up

00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,292

and joining the fascist

half of the country?

00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,418

- No!

- No!

00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,003

Just saying,

they get to do more.

00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:40,173

Well, I guess I'll go to my room

since everyone hates me now.

00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:42,925

Oh.

Sorry.

00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:44,260

- Good night, Morty.

- Good night, Morty.

00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,346

Goodnight, Morty.

00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,890

Hey, big boy.

Are you depressed?

00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,350

Oooooh,

mama likes depression.

00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,144

Oopsie,

I spilled my milk.

00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,520

Now we're both sad.

00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,897

I'm a bad family therapist

farm girl.

00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:59,567

[ Knock on window ]

00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,444

Space Ship:

Hello, Morty Smith.

00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,489

You are invited

to 41-Kepler B.

00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,824

You know it as

Spaghetti Planet.

00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:07,909

You're not in trouble.

00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,952

We just want to talk.

00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:12,330

Can that thing

support my weight?

00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,998

It should.

00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,792

Uh, o-okay...

00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,126

um...

up here?

00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:18,753

Oh, uh, geez.

00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,171

Ever heard of a ramp?

00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,381

This is a ramp.

Uh-huh.

00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,553

Hi, Morty, I'm the president

of this planet.

00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,597

I saw the video of you

at that funeral.

00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,099

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,643

It was quite the... revelation.

00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:34,811

Uh, would you...

00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,479

mind...

showing us?

00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,648

Uh, this is

the..."spaghetti"

00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,858

of a person that

took their own life.

00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:42,652

They did

consent to be eaten.

00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,654

Uh, okay.

00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:45,613

[ Gags ]

00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,031

[ Retches ]

00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:48,616

[ Slurping ]

00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:51,160

Wow, yeah,

a-amazing as always.

00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,662

N-Not gonna lie.

00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:55,957

And would you consider yourself

a typical Earthian?

00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:59,293

Well, on Earth, it's considered

inferior to be typical,

00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,921

so we're all very special

and different,

00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:04,173

but we definitely

all do like spaghetti.

00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:07,009

All...

eight billion of you?

Oooh.

00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:09,971

Morty, how would you feel

about being a kind of...

00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:13,474

ambassador?

A liaison between our worlds.

00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,143

Oh.

Now hold on.

00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,103

I-I went to that funeral

because--

00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,563

Because you felt bad.

00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,731

Because you didn't

have permission.

00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:22,483

Show him.

00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,819

My name is

Tanya Radcliffe.

00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,446

I've been living in pain

for years,

00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:31,450

I've lost all my loved ones,

I've got nothing.

00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:35,663

So when doctors told me I could

finally have the "right to die"

00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:39,125

if I agree to be dinner

for some alien boy,

00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:43,754

I simply said,

"I hope I'm delicious."

00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,132

God damn.

00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:49,135

Mm, and would you say

that makes it taste better?

00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,679

It makes it go down

a lot easier.

00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,264

Oh, I like that.

00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:56,267

Maybe it's time we allow

some people the right to die

00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,602

and be delicious.

00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,520

Please feel free

to finish Tanya.

00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,688

It is what she wanted.

00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:02,648

No.

No, I-I-I think I'm good.

00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:03,733

Thanks.

00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,819

Tanya,

you really were tasty.

00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:12,033

Actually,

can I take her to go?

00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,493

Who's ready for

more ethical spaghetti?!

00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:16,495

Me!

I love this ethical shit!

00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:18,456

Full admission,

I was fine before too!

00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,999

God, this is so good!

00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,417

Pass the parmeesian!

00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:22,627

Where's Dad?

00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,086

Why does he keep missing

spaghetti night?

00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:26,130

I guess he got butthurt

because Morty high-roaded him

00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,882

and got us

the delicious spaghetti

00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,425

without all the lies

and nihilism.

00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:32,762

And another cheer for the added

bonus of no Rick--

00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,430

Boom.

Sorry to interrupt

00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,057

Morty's perfect

spaghetti night,

00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,475

but thought

he'd wanna see this.

00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,976

Whoa, what the fuck

is that?!

00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:42,521

"Morty-O's Suicide Spaghetti

is 100% ethical,

00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:44,106

single-origin pasta."

00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,441

Oh, dear God.

00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:47,109

Lemme guess, you went back

to the planet,

00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:49,195

gave some thoughtful insight

to their leader,

00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,781

and now they're selling their

dead at every Space Walmart.

00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:54,700

I-I did but I didn't say

to do this!

00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,244

Is this people,

or not people?

00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:59,330

I-I just need to know how much

I should pretend to be upset.

00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,540

This seems to be Roger.

00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:02,959

Hi.

I'm Roger Wayne Marder.

00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,669

I was a serial killer

and cannibal,

00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,587

and now I get to kill myself

and be food for you,

00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:09,882

which I suppose is a silver

lining to all my misdeeds.

00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,927

Anyway, please enjoy me.

00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,971

So "yes" to people?

00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,348

Wow.

I-I mean, on the bright side,

00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,100

I-I feel like one

could look at this

00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,728

as a really nice epilogue t-to

a story about telling the truth.

00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:25,523

Uh-huh, care to see

that epilogue?

00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,565

[ Horns honking ]

00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:29,318

What is all this?

00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:32,321

Cans of spaghetti selling out

to every neighboring planet.

00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:36,325

Wanna go see how ethical

it is down there?

00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:38,995

This is Spaghetti Planet?

What happened?

00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,288

You happened.

00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,873

You happened all over

those billboards.

00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,458

Oh, geez, oh, no.

00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:47,795

See that? They call that bridge

"The Most Scenic Jump."

00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:49,338

There used to be

safety rails.

00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:52,425

They melted them down

for giant spaghetti strainers.

00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,843

You wanna

turn on the radio?

00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,511

I get it,

it's all Enya.

00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,346

Nope,

all morning zoo teams.

00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:59,348

Just patter.

No songs.

00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,850

Oh, and for TV?

00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,436

Wall-to-wall reality television,

but not the good kind.

00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,688

It's like their whole planet

was bought by Discovery.

00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,356

Jesus Christ,

this is depressing.

00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:09,191

That's definitely

what they're going for.

00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,526

Look at this shit.

00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,987

They dyed their sun

institutional gray.

00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:15,281

That's not easy,

kind of impressed.

00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,616

And all of it

is thanks to...

00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:18,909

Oh, God.

00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:20,870

I'm a murderer.

00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,079

Oh, no, Morty.

00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:24,457

What you did was

much more indirect.

00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,169

I understand your concerns,

but look around.

00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,171

With what's coming in from

intergalactic spaghetti trade,

00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:34,342

we've decreased our debt,

are making a lot of money.

00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,220

We've got clean energy.

That space where you paused

00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,847

is where you should have said

"mental healthcare."

00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:43,059

Alright, we had to put our

fingers on the scale, a little.

00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,853

But if we stop this,

the supply chain crumbles

00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,813

and kills

the global economy.

00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,482

How many people

will suffer then?

00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:53,694

Okay, tough problem, definitely

a spicy meat-a-ball.

00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,237

Bu-Bu-But we can fix it.

Right, Rick?

00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,323

You mean me.

You want me to fix it.

00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,657

Uh, a moment?

00:10:58,657 --> 00:10:59,825

Yes,

I want you to fix it.

00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,160

None of this

would have happened

00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,745

if you'd been honest

about the spaghetti.

00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:05,289

Morty, I lied to protect you.

You told the truth to hurt me.

00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:07,249

I can't travel the galaxy

with you if every time

00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:08,834

we come near

a fucked up system,

00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,087

you leap into its wires

and electrocute yourself.

00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,130

I promise to stop.

You what?

00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:14,673

If you help me,

I-I promise

00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:16,342

I'll never look under

the curtain at a Rick thing

00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,260

to figure out

what's bad about it ever again.

00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,179

And you can never

say no to me.

00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:21,305

What are you,

Keith Raniere?

00:11:21,305 --> 00:11:22,598

For two weeks.

Fine.

00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,308

My grandson kissed my ass

so I'm in.

00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:27,395

Okay, so, w-we just need

to figure out something else

00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:30,356

besides people to put

in the cans, right?

00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:33,818

But people are the spaghetti,

that's the whole thing.

00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:36,112

But what if

they weren't?

00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,988

I'm listening.

Me, too.

00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:41,992

I mean, what if we make

something like a person?

00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,285

Like...

00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,495

Rick, y-you're always

doing clones, right?

00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,996

What are you

suggesting here?

00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:48,165

A sped-up life span

and indoctrination program?

00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:50,292

Limiting their exposure

to the world and convincing them

00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:53,170

that becoming spaghetti

is their destiny?

00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,631

[ Alarm blaring, dogs barking ]

00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,800

{\an8}♪

00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,844

I won't be

delicious for them!

00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:03,389

I love you,

Clone-5617B!

00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,348

[ Gunshots ]

00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:07,560

[ Bodies thud ]

00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,104

That was some speed run of

"Never Let Me Go," huh?

00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,480

Spoilers, Rick!

00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,732

Eh, I guess all clone stories

turn out the same way.

00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:17,653

So, we're back to the regular

people, regular suicides?

00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:18,863

No, no,

hold on, hold on.

00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,156

We can do this.

00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,741

Maybe we make them less... people.

00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:25,953

H-How much of a people do they

have to be to become spaghetti?

00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,496

Oooooh, gray areas!

00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:28,873

My specialty!

00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,416

Subject one.

00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,376

No frontal lobe,

no empathy centers.

00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:35,045

Otherwise the same physiology

as a person.

00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:37,965

Unfortunately,

to this guy,

00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:39,842

there's no difference

between life and death.

00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,760

So no spaghetti.

00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,471

Then there's this one.

00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,681

It's in horrible, unimaginable

pain from the moment it's born.

00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:47,016

Oh, geez,

oh, no, Rick!

00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,185

And so I didn't even

bother to make it

00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,853

because I knew

you'd take issue.

00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,938

Even though you'd be doing it

a favor by ending its life.

00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:55,024

Fuck you.

You might want to examine

that Trolley Problem

00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,442

at some point, Morty.

00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,235

Anyway,

here's the last one.

00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:00,029

Kept the brain stem,

internal motor functions.

00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:03,407

But essentially just a headless,

boneless torso.

00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:05,701

There's...

spaghetti inside that?

00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:06,869

Theoretically, yes.

00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:10,039

The problem is the...

y-you know.

00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:14,168

Cou-Could you, um, like...

00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:16,879

What is that? Wh-What are you--

Is this charades?

00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,297

Okay, okay, are you

making a fist?

00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,382

W-Wait, is that supposed

to be a phone?

00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,426

Ah, fuck it,

just spell it out for me.

00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:26,055

Um, maybe give them

a claw-like hand

00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,642

so they can, ya know,

stab themselves to death?

00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,060

All you had to say.

00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:35,147

Well, this is some solution

you guys have cooked up.

00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:59,046

{\an8}♪

00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,006

Spaghetti!

Technically.

00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,299

Good enough for me.

00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,468

We need to fill 100,000 cans

by the weekend.

00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:08,430

So let's fire up

these chunky boys!

00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,810

Torso's rights!

Torso's rights!

00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:17,273

The new spaghetti sucks!

We want authentic spaghetti!

00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,524

Oh, were you--

00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,442

Wait, you're gonna

blow yourself up?

00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:22,278

Yeah,

but if you wanna do it--

00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,697

Well, you clearly have

a morally superior position,

00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,865

so please, go ahead.

00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:28,158

You just want me

to kill myself

00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:29,743

so you can eat

the spaghetti, right?

00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,412

Fuckin' alien piece of shit.

00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,080

Oh, fuck you!

Fuck you!

00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:38,669

[ All coughing ]

00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:41,922

How long does a society

take to collapse?

00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:43,257

Let's find out.

00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,300

[ Horns honking ]

00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,634

Ay!

What's the fuckin' hold-up?

00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,095

I've got an entire planet

waiting on delivery!

00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:49,471

They say they're out

of spaghetti!

00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:52,308

Then let's go down there

and make some!

00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:55,269

[ Screaming ]

00:14:55,269 --> 00:15:02,985

- Kill yourself.

- Kill yourself...

00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,361

Madame President:

I understand.

00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,447

Divert half of the armed patrols

to civil unrest,

00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:08,365

the other half

to planetary defense.

00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:11,118

Take every action necessary

to restore order.

00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:13,329

Still didn't hear much diverting

towards mental healthcare--

00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,663

The brainstorming is over,

00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,749

you ghoulish little

corpse-eating alien!

00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:17,958

You've helped enough!

00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,293

Fuck!

00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,462

We owe so much spaghetti

to so many planets

00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,255

that we're all going to

have to kill ourselves.

00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:24,715

Slow down, slow down.

00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:27,092

Rick can synthesize anything

he gets a sample of.

00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,802

Can't we still try that?

00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,305

I mean,

is there anyone else left

00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,015

who might wanna

kill themselves?

00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:36,852

There's one,

but good luck.

00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,437

Two months to live.

00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,356

Bedridden,

terrible pain.

00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,691

Whoa.

Why hasn't he done it yet?

00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,902

Hey!

Fuck you,

spaghetti child!

00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,111

What gives?!

00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,864

I'm in pain

and I wish I could die,

00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:52,076

but I won't feed

your sick system of profit.

00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,370

Integrity means

living with pain.

00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:59,166

What if I told you this would

end the spaghetti trade forever?

00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:01,710

What do you mean?

I'll explain on the way.

00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,631

[ Bottles clatter ]

00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,511

Did you have a,

like a...

00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,721

euthanasia chamber

ready to go?

00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,890

It's just a place.

00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,850

[ Screaming ]

00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:20,604

Hey! Hey!

Everyone stop! Stop!

00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:22,648

I have a solution

to get you all spaghetti.

00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:25,109

We're gonna do this

one last time.

00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,069

This guy here,

he's gonna do the deed,

00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,570

and I-I'll synthesize it.

00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,781

This is the Kitty Hawk

of our Wright Brothers flight,

00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:34,410

or the fill-in-the-blank

from your fill-in-the-planet.

00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,412

Now, Fred,

just think about your life.

00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:39,498

This machine will put it

on screen for everyone to see.

00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,459

When you're ready,

press the button.

00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,422

[ Door opens, closes ]

00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,340

D-Do you think

this is gonna work?

00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,425

Trust me.

00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:52,344

[ Groans ]

00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:56,098

[ Beeping ]

00:16:56,098 --> 00:17:11,447

{\an8}♪

00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,866

♪ Maybe ♪

00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,535

♪ I don't really wanna know ♪

00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:19,413

♪ How your garden grows ♪

00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:22,750

♪ 'Cause I just wanna fly ♪

00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,793

♪ Lately ♪

00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:27,838

♪ Did you ever feel the pain ♪

00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:30,632

♪ In the morning rain ♪

00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:34,720

♪ As it soaks you to the bone? ♪

00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,556

♪ Maybe I just wanna fly ♪

00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:40,184

♪ Wanna live,

I don't wanna die ♪

00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:43,020

♪ Maybe I just wanna breathe ♪

00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:46,064

♪ Maybe I just don't believe ♪

00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:48,734

♪ Maybe you're the same as me ♪

00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:51,570

♪ We see things

they'll never see ♪

00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:58,869

♪ You and I

are gonna live forever ♪

00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:01,622

♪ I said maybe ♪

00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,583

♪ I don't really wanna know ♪

00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:07,461

♪ How your garden grows ♪

00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:10,672

♪ 'Cause I just wanna fly ♪

00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,841

♪ Lately ♪

00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:15,844

♪ Did you ever feel the pain ♪

00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:18,472

♪ In the morning rain ♪

00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:22,810

♪ As it soaks you to the bone? ♪

00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,562

♪ Maybe I will never be ♪

00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:28,232

♪ All the things

that I wanna be ♪

00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:31,235

♪ Now is not the time to cry ♪

00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,946

♪ Now's the time

to find out why ♪

00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,657

♪ I think you're

the same as me ♪

00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:39,618

♪ We see things

they'll never see ♪

00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:44,873

♪ You and I

are gonna live forever ♪

00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,376

{\an8}♪

00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,503

♪ Maybe ♪

00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,673

♪ I don't really wanna know ♪

00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:55,384

♪ How your garden grows ♪

00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:58,720

♪ 'Cause I just wanna fly ♪

00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,389

♪ Lately ♪

00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:03,976

♪ Did you ever feel the pain ♪

00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,562

♪ In the morning rain ♪

00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:10,732

♪ As it soaks you to the bone? ♪

00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:13,527

♪ Maybe I just wanna fly ♪

00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:16,196

♪ Wanna live,

I don't wanna die ♪

00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:19,032

♪ Maybe I just wanna breathe ♪

00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:21,910

♪ Maybe I just don't believe ♪

00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:24,746

♪ Maybe you're the same as me ♪

00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:27,499

♪ We see things

they'll never see ♪

00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:34,423

♪ You and I are gonna

live forever ♪

00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:38,552

♪ Gonna live forever ♪

00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:40,596

[ Beeping ]

00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:45,267

[ Groans softly ]

00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:48,312

[ Flatline ]

00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,109

[ Flatline stops ]

00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,284

Bon appétit.

00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:04,703

[ Gags ]

00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,706

[ All vomiting ]

00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:15,505

Well, fuck.

00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:18,425

I think I can speak

on behalf of my people--

00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:20,344

We've had

enough spaghetti.

00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,929

You did it,

didn't you?

00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:23,847

You couldn't change

everyone's taste buds

00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,807

but you could

make it...

00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:27,309

distasteful.

00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,560

It wasn't the death,

was it?

00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,187

It was the complexity

of life.

00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,480

God,

what was the point?

00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,856

If you're asking whether

this was a story

00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:35,609

about right and wrong,

the answer is

00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:36,818

I don't care.

00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,112

So what do we do?

Cells consume, Morty.

00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:41,740

Life itself is wrong,

and that means death is right.

00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:43,075

But you can't

side with that.

00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:46,286

So you live,

even when it means eating.

00:20:46,286 --> 00:20:49,164

And Fred here

really did it well.

00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:50,624

Mmm, mmm.

00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,334

[ Sighs ]

00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:57,089

The hell is this?

Where is the spaghetti?

00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,507

Why don't you go

fuck yourself, Summer?

00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,384

What?

What's wrong with

Salisbury steaks?

00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:03,512

At least try them.

Holy shit, this is...

00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:06,390

the best Salisbury steak

I've ever had.

00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:09,184

Mmm!

Is it actually

Salisbury steak?

00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:10,602

Do you want to know or not?

00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:12,104

Together: No, thanks!

00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:14,564

Just so you know,

it's really bad.

00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:15,816

Whatever you say!

00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,567

Seriously, haha,

I'm not kidding.

00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,903

I won't tell you but I need you

to know the truth is horrible

00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:22,864

so that if you ever find out on

accident, you can't blame me!

00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,741

Now that's a deal!

Yeah!

00:21:24,741 --> 00:21:26,535

Honestly, if you knew,

you might kill yourselves.

00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:27,703

That's the last thing

I'll say forever.

00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:30,872

Good!

[ Laughter ]

00:21:30,872 --> 00:22:07,826

{\an8}♪

00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:10,954

♪ Gonna live forever ♪

00:22:10,954 --> 00:22:16,126

[ Flatline ]

00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:19,713

That's where vacuum cleaner bags

come from?!

00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:21,256

Oh, my God.

00:22:21,256 --> 00:22:23,175

Vrrrrrr!

00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:24,593

Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:26,970

Hgggggg-vvrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:29,931

{\an8}Did you get any of that?