Ловушка для Джеррика

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with a bit of a rake situation.

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A “rake situation”?

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Long story short, I asked Gene

if he borrowed my rake

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and he said “no” like

Like that, like, too fast.

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Like faster than someone should know

they don’t have my rake.

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I think he has my rake and I...

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I’m not going to murder Gene.

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Jerry, thank you for bringing

me into The Rake Situation.

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I’ve done all I can, I’m out.

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No surprise there. All that brain,

and you just waste it.

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Hold up.

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I waste my brain.

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Rick, obviously you were born

smarter than me,

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- but if I had your brain...

- If you had my...

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I am so sick of this "born smart" shit.

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Are you gonna kill me?

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I was born crying and

pissing myself just like you.

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Then I become the smartest man

in the universe and do I get credit?

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No, I get to

“check my brain privilege.”

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So we’re swapping bodies?

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No. That would be Freaky Friday

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which is the ceiling of your

grasp of consciousness.

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The brain is part of the body, Jerry,

it’s hardware.

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I’m gonna put my mind in your brain.

And your mind in my brain.

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Then we’ll see the real

definition of “waste”, Jerry.

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Or, you know, admit genius isn't

random and your failures are your own.

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- Oh, not doing that.

- Thought as much.

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... oh furck, oh grod...

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Wait, no!

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Okay, hold on, hold on.

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Alright, Jerry, you can do this.

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Medical Emergency Detected.

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There goes my Thursday.

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{\an8}I’m telling you man, you’re making

a big mistake here.

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{\an8}Ha. Bigger mistake than being

a criminal? I'm mistake-proof.

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{\an8}Sorry to bother, boss, I caught this

punk selling crystals on our turf...

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{\an8}You big precious moron,

do you know who the fuck, this is Morty!

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{\an8}The kid who hangs with Rick Sanchez!

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{\an8}- Tried to warn you, man.

- Rick Sanchez?

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{\an8}Underworld legend?

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{\an8}Chaotic neutral sci-fi guy? Huh?

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{\an8}Christ, he's gonna

turn me into a sandwich.

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{\an8}- What is this guy, fucking new?

- Think he was a Dylan rec, boss.

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{\an8}Well, check those fucking

references next time.

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{\an8}Whatever this kid wants to do

in our territory is his business. Fuck.

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{\an8}Fuck! Call my wife, we gotta prep

go-bags three through six.

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{\an8}Hey pal. You good?

You whole?

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{\an8}You guys have milkshakes?

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{\an8}We will learn what they

are and get you one.

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{\an8}What a turn. Lucky I’m such

a genius your garage can thwart death.

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{\an8}I’m the genius and it’s your garage, idiot.

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{\an8}Hey, what the fuck

did you do to my body?

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{\an8}Your body, Jerry, your mind did

that to my body using my brain.

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{\an8}Jerry, my mind was in this brain,

in your body. Pretty easy to follow.

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{\an8}- It shuffled us.

- Shuffled you maybe.

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{\an8}- I'm tracking everything.

- Garage? Fix this.

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{\an8}-Situation was fixed.

- You call this fixed?

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{\an8}- This guy thinks he’s me.

- This guy thinks he’s me.

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{\an8}Let’s see you fix it then, asshole.

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{\an8}I fucking will. I got my lab right here,

gimme three hours.

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{\an8}Sure yeah, like I’d ever trust

you to open my skull.

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{\an8}I’ll fix it, I just need to scan for...

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{\an8}Like I’d trust Your fritzing R2D2 ass,

you’ll just kill me on purpose.

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{\an8}So that’s where my paranoia went.

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{\an8}Rick speaking, who is this?

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{\an8}Rick! It's Chuxly. From Crimetown.

We’ve met five or ten times, listen,

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{\an8}small misunderstanding,

one of my guys saw your buddy Morty

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{\an8}running an errand and he brought

him in which I told him not to do.

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{\an8}but I’ve got Morty and he is fine.

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{\an8}Wait, what?

Aren’t you describing kidnapping?

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{\an8}- Morty’s kidnapped?

- No no no!

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{\an8}Give me that, Jerry.

Hello? Hello? This is Rick Sanchez,

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{\an8}I’m using my son-in-law’s vocal cords

because I’m amazing,

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{\an8}if you touch my grandson I’m gonna...

get off me!

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...hello?

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Jerry stop! You’re fucking this up!

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You’re only calling me Jerry because

you’re so stupid you think it’s hurtful,

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which it is!

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Tell me where you are.

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No! You tell then where they are,

like Liam Neeson.

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Do not pretend to explain Liam

Neeson to me, Sir.

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- Hey! Jerry!

- Don’t touch me there!

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- We know where you are.

- We know where you are.

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- My milkshake is empty!

- Okay!

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That was so embarrassing,

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do you have any clue what

a pain it is to cultivate a mystique?

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Yeah, I do, it’s my mystique and

you’re just cultivating Jerry's shame.

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- What is with my hair?

- Don’t!

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- Leave it!

- Why do you care about hair, nerd?

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Be quiet for a second, I need to

think through all these chunks of moron.

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Okay. You stay here, touch nothing,

I’ll get Morty.

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Ha! I’m not letting you get Morty

killed and our brains blown out twice.

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Car, electrocute Jerry if he gets

in the front seat.

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Car, engage castration protocol

right now.

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Figure out how to drive me together

or I will have to kill you both.

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What are we, a 1930s comedy act,

stop swerving!

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- You’re swerving!

- Alright, when we get there,

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let me do the talking.

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Yeah, I know, because you look the

most like us, I’m not stupid.

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- I beg to differ.

- Screw you, half Jerry!

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- You’re a half Jerry!

- You’re a half Jerry!

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Looks like he’s inbound, boss.

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Okay, he is in a bad mood

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so we are kissing ass

until our lips are asscolored.

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Straighten that pillow! He might

hate crooked pillows! I don’t know!

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Nice parking job, assdick,

you scratched my car.

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Rick! And... and uh, Rick’s friend!

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This is my... assassin.

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Deadliest

man in the galaxy and he’s gay.

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- Why am I gay?

- Woah! Hey!

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Whoa. Why aren’t you?

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Sorry about that.

Sorry. Sorry.

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Well, I got Morty right here, happy

as a milkshake.

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And since we interrupted your day,

Morty’s got ten thousand croutons,

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that’s slang for crystals,

Morty, show him.

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- We know what croutons are.

- Why is dad here?

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Your dad’s a gay assassin?

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So cool and ordinary, sorry, ssorry.

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I appreciate you trying to make good

but you cost me ten times that much.

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It doesn’t matter, Rick.

The guy’s already kissing your ass.

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It’s the ass kissers

you have to keep in line.

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When they sense weakness,

they move on you.

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What are we, Walter White?

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Who cares if a mid-tier crime

dork “moves” on us...

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Thank you for the crystals.

Morty, get in the car.

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Actually, Morty, why don’t

you leave those crystals here...

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since it’s such an insulting amount.

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There it is.

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Now he’s thinking, maybe I can kill god.

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Yeah because god doesn’t haggle

for ten thousand fucking croutons,

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look, here’s the deal, I’m Rick,

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That’s my son-in-law,

and we’re all a little gay.

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- Yeah.

- It’s a spectrum.

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Morty, it’s me Rick, get in the car.

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Don’t get in the car, Morty.

And put the briefcase down.

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Morty, get in the car twice,

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once for each five additional briefcases

this asshole owes us!

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Stop doing this terrible

impression of me!

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Look, at this point we’re bad

gangsters if we don’t roll the dice.

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Everybody start killing them!

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What have you two assholes done?

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It’s okay, it’s a nice restaurantwoah!

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Shit! Crime restaurant!

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Oh my god! Am I really about to die

because you botched a Freaky Friday?

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- Yes.

- Whoever you are,

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you’re in Rick’s body,

use your implants.

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I’m trying, half my

brain is the guy that

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still needs your mom to use

the electric wine opener.

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Hang on, I think I got it.

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Right, from my conehead phase.

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- Awesome fucking movie.

- Incredible cast.

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Goddamn it!

I’m shooting my way back to the car.

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Ugh, way to go! Now my son and

grandson hates us!

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He’s my son and grandson too!

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We do share an agenda in that sense.

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Let’s hope you share my aim.

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Fall is here, hear the yell

Back to school ring the bell

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Brand new shoes, walking blues

Climb the fence, books and pens

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I can tell that we are gonna be friends

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Hey, get up here!

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Said the throat to the hand.

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You might feel a pinch

and maybe a rocket.

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You’ll have to aim. Hop on.

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I can tell that we are gonna be friends

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I can tell that we are gonna be friends

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Ahaha! You coneheaded son of a bitch!

Can’t believe that worked!

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I wish they did that in the movie!

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Jesus fucking christ.

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Huh, should’ve done

something with my hands.

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Morty, gotta push or pull, your call.

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What the hell? What happened?

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They made us stop at every

drivethru chain in the galaxy,

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so they could make one giant burger

with a patty from each place.

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- I guess I meant before that.

- Brains got a little mixed up...

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But we’re gonna swap back, don’t worry.

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Just didn’t wanna build

a neural interface on an empty stomach.

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- Right?

- Wait, you guys did a brain swap?

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Don’t bother chiding until they’re

unshuffled, neither one is Dad or Rick.

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I guess I’m thrilled you guys

are getting along?

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Let’s keep that going when those

brains get back in their bodies.

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Whoa, going for

the electropneumatic diodes. Wild man.

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Only gonna build this once,

gotta do it with style.

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I think we can up the wattage.

Hey, another beer?

00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,843

It’s about the journey, brother.

00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:57,054

Ahh, Rick used to hate that kind of

hang-loose McConaughey platitude,

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but he was also just gonna spend

today grumpy and isolated.

00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,351

And Jerry’d still be hung up about

the rake.

00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:05,688

The rake! Oh my god, should we do it?

We’ve gotta do it!

00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:06,689

Oh yeah!

00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:08,899

Alright, that should do it.

00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,075

- Son of a bitch.

- Classic Gene...

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Huh. Crazy, this is the kind of thing

that used to really piss me off.

00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,707

Now it’s just kinda funny...

00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:27,209

You wanna replace

it with a holographic rake?

00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,670

Oh that’d be fun, he’d get confused

trying to pick it up.

00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,548

I guess I don’t even wanna do that.

00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,718

I just want to live,

I want Gene to live,

00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:39,055

I want all of us to make

mistakes and change all the time.

00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,389

Amen to that, brother.

00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:43,142

Kinda thought two geniuses would

build faster than one...

00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:45,478

When do I start being concerned

about this?

00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,605

Just having a little fun with my

new friend, sweetie.

00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:51,233

Who is talking to me right now?

Mostly my dad or mostly my husband?

00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:52,568

Been on that website.

00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:55,988

Look, I’ve been patient, but I can’t

tell how to get mad at who.

00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,950

No one enters my room or touches me

until this is wrapped up.

00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:02,078

- What do you take me for?

- Ugh, Beth, gross, ugh!

00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,250

I want you to know, when this is over,

00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,337

the guy in this body is gonna

yell at Jerry and call him useless.

00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,756

Really lay into him.

But he won’t always mean it.

00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,299

Well, cards on the table,

00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:18,511

the guy in this body might call Rick

an angry old asshole.

00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,514

But he’s the closest

thing Jerry has to a friend.

00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:25,226

This was fun. Rick would’ve

never been able to admit that.

00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:29,271

It’s a shame those guys had

to become us to be happy.

00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,325

Kids! Breakfast and school,

00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:43,744

if we don’t at least pretend

they matter everything falls apart.

00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,123

Jerry? Dad?

00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:49,959

They left a note.

00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,919

Should we read it

in Rick’s voice or Dad’s?

00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:54,505

“Dear family, we thought

about leaving a note.

00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,632

But then one of us

was like why are we leaving a note,

00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,175

that’s such a Jerry thing to do.

00:11:58,175 --> 00:12:00,845

But if we didn’t leave a note,

that’s such a Rick thing to do.

00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,805

And then we realized,

we just gotta be us.

00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:05,808

So it’s a note but it’s not

really well thought out.“

00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,894

That’s it?

They got out a pen and a paper for this?

00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,230

Hey, did you guys get a note too?

00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,565

Mine’s really long.

00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:17,653

Beautiful day to be carrying glass?

00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:20,072

I can’t believe a dying kid would

wish for a window.

00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:22,324

Dammit!

00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,660

Hey! Stop them!

They stole our crystals!

00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:27,663

- We stole those first!

- Possession is 9/10th’s of my ass!

00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:33,294

- Look at this pancake butt.

- Stop, you’re gonna make me fart.

00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:44,054

- Hey! That’s for sipping.

- So are my balls!

00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,473

Here’s a tip, lady.

00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,308

Life tastes better

when you’re chugging.

00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,859

You were in a tree?

Really gambled on this escape route.

00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,777

Says the guy with a goon on his back.

00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,866

- Forget it, Burger!

- It’s our calling card!

00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:11,123

- Really called that one.

- One of us always gets shot.

00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:16,003

God dammit!

00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:20,007

Hey. You’ll never guess who just

ripped us off.

00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,177

Oh wow, good guess.

00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,387

Oh man!

00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,806

Twenty-four crystal heists

in twenty-four hours!

00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:31,644

We’re two farts in the wind, baby.

Do your Howard Dean scream.

00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,065

Five o’clock somewhere.

Five o’clock somewhere.

00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,234

God damn, look at us.

00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:42,238

No rules, no responsibilities.

Just two best friends on the run.

00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:48,494

The voice mailbox for,

wait, wait, wait, wait did it beep?

00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,288

- My name is Jer...

- Is full. Goodbye.

00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:53,499

Looks like we just missed them.

00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,585

So they just stick burgers in dead

guy’s mouths now?

00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:59,755

- In dead criminal’s mouths, Summer.

- You’re defending them?

00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:01,590

Well, they were my husband and father.

00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:02,967

Thanks for the tip, Blarb.

00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,594

It’s weird, most of my underworld

contacts are ghosting me.

00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:09,682

My pleasure, Morty, I should be

thanking you for making me rich.

00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,600

Wait. I didn’t pay you for this.

00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,810

Yeah, these guys did.

00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:23,028

What’s the problem, kid,

conehead got your tongue?

00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,780

Chuxly? You’re alive?

00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,951

...Did this guy always have a hole

or is that a big reveal?

00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:33,914

Everything should be in a swamp!

00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:36,542

Working with ya’ll

was a plum-fool idea!

00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,752

Burger & Fries, who the hell is this??

00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:40,963

Just an average mid-tier crime dork.

00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,631

Chuxly? You’re alive?

00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:45,009

Shut up! I got something you might

wanna hear.

00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,970

Caught your family out looking for you.

00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,556

What do you want?

We’ve smoked most of what we stole.

00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:54,602

I just want you, both of you.

Or I smoke your family.

00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:57,938

What am I saying, sure,

bring money too. One hour.

00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:01,900

Shit. Guess we should shoot the

fuel tank?

00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,363

You guys coulda done

that the whole time?

00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:20,044

So. What now?

00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,714

Hey, remember how we met?

00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,050

That nonrescue of Morty?

00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:31,388

We were thinking we were different

and accusing each other of being bad.

00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,017

But Morty reminded us we both love

our family.

00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,603

And it brought us together.

00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:43,859

- Let’s do this.

- Well, if we’re gonna do it right,

00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:46,278

we might as well use our best idea.

00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,907

You guys comfortable?

No? Good.

00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,617

Who are you? What is this place?

00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:54,078

And does my son sell drugs

for my father,

00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,871

maybe criminals will

actually be honest with me.

00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,289

Crystals can be anything, Mom.

00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,041

- But these crystals are drugs.

- Morty!

00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:03,295

Here we go, boys! This is it!

00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:04,755

- Jerry?

- Rick!

00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:06,799

- Grandpa?

- Jesus christ.

00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:10,219

Morty. Summer. Daughterwife.

You are safe now.

00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:15,307

Holy shit. All the positive aspects

of each, perfectly melded together?

00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,476

Yes. I am... Jerricky.

00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:21,438

Alright boys,

nothing could have prepared us for this!

00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:23,899

At this point

we gotta shoot and hope!

00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,735

Also everything’s flammable!

00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,626

Hey, guys! Little help!

00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,055

Gotta split?

00:16:56,849 --> 00:17:00,310

I’m sorry, Chux!

I started this! It’s all my fault!

00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:02,604

Solid apology new guy.

If we live through this,

00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:03,605

you're off the hook.

00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,528

- Nice shot, Morty.

- Everything’s flammable.

00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,366

What a family.

00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:17,870

- You got shot?

- No, no, no...

00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,788

The stitches, they never really set.

00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,166

What can I say,

I’m a workaholic.

00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,378

I knew this day would come.

00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:31,091

Chuxly. This is a good death.

You sought mastery over your world.

00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,385

No, no. I stepped out of line.

00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,053

I thought I could kill god.

00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:38,557

Being a boss in a crime world.

00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:42,311

So much stress. Honestly Jerricky,

00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:45,314

it’s a relief to die in your four arms.

00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,149

Final meal?

00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:53,947

How, how old is this?

00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,124

Can we turn on the radio?

00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,585

At this point, I’d even take a podcast.

00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:10,172

Do you not hear the symphony

of atoms dying in space?

00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,301

...no?

00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:19,932

Good. You are here.

00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,352

I have modified the house defenses.

00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:26,396

They will ensure the mob never

bothers you again.

00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:27,856

Thanks.

00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,859

This is killing me.

00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:33,987

I thought when you came to rescue us

you learned to love us more than ever.

00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,197

You learned the opposite?

00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,825

Burger and Fries

learned to love each other,

00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,911

then sacrificed

themselves out of love for you.

00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,997

I am Jerricky,

and I only need to love myself.

00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:47,543

You can’t actually be leaving, right?

Like the crows thing?

00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,003

They’re my dad and grandpa,

you can’t just take them!

00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:52,005

Your dad and grandpa are dead, Morty.

00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:55,050

They died arguing with each

other about their brains.

00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,845

Scuse me, are you Jerry?

00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:00,222

Sorry, you have one of his heads.

00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,932

I am Jerricky.

00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,892

May as well have your rake back then.

00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:05,811

That’s right, I took it.

00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:09,189

I ask myself why lie about it,

don’t you think he knows?

00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,232

Couldn’t I get my own?

00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,693

Of course I could have! But god dammit,

00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,903

this rake,

it kept my neighbors in my life.

00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,364

You guys don’t give

a goddamn shit about Gene.

00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,285

But I see that won’t help me any longer. Here.

00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,830

You are no longer obligated

in such a way.

00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:28,458

I’m gonna give it back anyway.

Just seems like the right thing to do.

00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:29,960

Okay?

00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,010

- Shit.

- Shit.

00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,137

You think a rake will change my mind?

00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:41,889

Well, it’s fucking lame, okay?

00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:43,599

Both of you walking out on Mom?

00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:47,060

I thought you had two sets of balls,

not zero.

00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,478

Our balls are adequate...

00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:51,064

Morty! We’re still in here!

00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:52,941

There’s a memory of myself

as a 30 years old,

00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:54,192

he kept our egos intact!

00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:56,445

He saved us!

It was a whole action movie, Morty!

00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:58,196

Memory Rick,

he’s still trapped in here.

00:19:58,196 --> 00:19:59,615

Quick, tackle this fucking thing!

00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:00,824

- Garage! Garage!

- Help us!, Hold him.

00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,288

Nicely prepared eggs.

00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:11,001

I still can’t taste anything.

Awesome adventure, Rick.

00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,920

Jerry, being shuffled

with me was probably

00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,964

the best part of your sad existence.

A brush with greatness.

00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:18,175

Please, like you didn’t get an upgrade.

00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,302

What was it like having

integrity for once?

00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:22,971

Hey Beth, how much integrity

is left on the mortgage?

00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:26,058

I think it’s clear you both love each

other more than you’re willing to admit.

00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,310

Dumb. Fucking dumb.

Go pick up crystals for me.

00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,853

You don’t have to do that, Morty!

00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:32,105

No it’s- it’s okay,

I like doing it.

00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:34,858

Welp, those horses won’t

sew themselves up.

00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:37,653

- But, good to have you both back.

- Whatever.

00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:40,155

Great, so I still wind up stuck

with Jerry’s dumb ass?

00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,532

Fuck you. Eat your eggs that my

wife bought.

00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,660

How about you eat my shit,

you Hawaiian-shirt-loving twat.

00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,496

Uncalled for! Rude and uncalled for!

00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,873

You sit there with your potty

mouth and do everything but help!

00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:51,667

Jerry, it’s not my fault that nobody

respects you in here,

00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:55,504

- your own kids think...

- ...You could help but you don’t!

00:20:55,504 --> 00:21:00,175

Brand new shoes, walking blues

Climb the fence, books and pens

00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:03,887

I can tell that we are gonna be friends

00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:09,142

I can tell that we are gonna be friends

00:21:13,271 --> 00:21:17,651

Walk with me, Suzy Lee

Through the park and by the tree

00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:22,990

We will rest upon the ground

And look at all the bugs we found

00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:26,201

Safely walk to school without a sound

00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,373

Safely walk to school without a sound

00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:36,211

I can tell that we are gonna be friends

00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:41,508

I can tell that we are gonna be friends

00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:45,220

And of course,

there’s a space shuttles.

00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,973

Can you believe that giant thing

actually flies?

00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:50,434

Well, of course it can.

It’s a space shuttles.

00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:54,312

And over here is some stuff about

Thomas Jefferson. Come on students!

00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:58,734

Day 8 of attempting

to escape Jerry's mind.

00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:03,030

It has become increasingly

clear my daughter married a man

00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:06,491

who remembers all technology

as powered by springs and gears.

00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:08,160

How did I get here?

00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:12,330

I suspect a chunk of Rick’s brain

got merged with a chunk of Jerry’s.

00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:15,083

But did Rick maroon me by accident?

00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:17,127

Or on purpose?

00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:21,965

Escape remains possible, but

increasingly unlikely.

00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:28,847

Memory Rick! Building more

sculptures out of springs and gears?

00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:30,515

Fuck off, Memory Gene.

00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:15,870

Какой ещё ситуёвине?

00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:18,790

Если вкратце я спросил у соседа Джина,

не брал ли он мои грабли,

00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:21,420

а он сказал, что нет,

прям раз и ответил.

00:00:21,450 --> 00:00:23,950

Слишком быстро для того,

у кого якобы нет моих граблей.

00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:26,250

Мне кажется, они у него, и я...

00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:28,610

Я не буду убивать Джина.

00:00:28,630 --> 00:00:31,340

Джерри, спасибо, что посвятил меня

в эту ситуёвину с граблями.

00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,690

Я сделал всё, что смог.

00:00:32,710 --> 00:00:36,170

Я не удивлён. Такие мозги,

а ты их разбазариваешь.

00:00:36,190 --> 00:00:36,910

П-погоди.

00:00:37,340 --> 00:00:39,360

Я разбазариваю свои мозги?

00:00:39,380 --> 00:00:43,000

Ещё как, Рик. Хоть ты с рождения умнее меня,

но я бы с твоими мозгами...

00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:44,290

Ты с моими...

00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,990

Как же достала эта херня!

Умнее с рождения!

00:00:47,010 --> 00:00:47,960

Ты меня убьёшь?

00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:50,430

После рождения я ревел и ссался, как и ты,

00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,020

а потом стал умнейшим во вселенной.

Но кто-нибудь сказал мне "молодец"?

00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,530

Нет. Я же ведь умный от природы.

00:00:55,550 --> 00:00:56,920

Мы что, поменяемся телами?

00:00:56,940 --> 00:01:00,440

Нет, тогда получится "Чумовая Пятница",

а это потолок твоей способности к осознанию.

00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,350

Мозг - это часть тела, Джерри.

Считай, оборудование.

00:01:03,370 --> 00:01:07,320

Я помещу свой разум в твой мозг,

а твой разум в свой мозг.

00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:10,130

Тогда-то мы и узнаем, что такое

разбазаривание, Джерри.

00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:12,900

Или признай, что умными не рождаются,

а косячишь ты сам.

00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,030

Ну уж нет.

00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:15,000

Так и знал.

00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:30,750

Бля.

00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,370

Господи.

00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:34,970

Стой, нет!

00:01:38,170 --> 00:01:40,970

Ладно, минутку, минутку.

00:01:41,420 --> 00:01:42,860

Ой-ёй-ёй-ёй!

00:01:45,890 --> 00:01:48,170

Так, Джерри, ты справишься.

00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,440

Необходимо медицинское вмешательство.

00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,460

Мозг. Сканирование.

00:02:01,490 --> 00:02:02,510

Смит. Санчез.

00:02:02,530 --> 00:02:03,330

Разум. Сканирование.

00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,490

Плакал мой четверг.

00:02:49,390 --> 00:02:51,810

Поверь мне, дядя,

у тебя будут большие проблемы.

00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:55,710

Ха. И ты это говоришь преступнику?

Мне проблемы нипочём.

00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:01,240

Прости за беспокойство, босс.

Этот чмошник продавал кристаллы на нашей территории.

00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:06,180

Какой же ты невероятный дебил!

Блядь, ты знаешь кто это? Это Морти!

00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:08,770

Пацан, который зависает с Риком Санчезом.

00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:09,870

А я предупреждал.

00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:10,870

Рик Санчез?

00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:14,150

Легенда преступного мира.

Хаотично-нейтральный сай-файный мужик. Ну?

00:03:14,170 --> 00:03:17,200

Господи, да он из меня сэндвич сделает.

Пиздец. Он что, новенький?

00:03:17,220 --> 00:03:18,740

Кажись, его Дилан порекомендовал, босс.

00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,950

Так проверяйте его сраные рекомендации.

00:03:20,970 --> 00:03:24,290

Чем бы ни занимался этот пацан

на нашей территории - это его личное дело.

00:03:24,310 --> 00:03:27,480

Блядь! Сука! Звони моей жене.

Пусть собирает тревожные чемонданчики.

00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,930

Дружище, всё хорошо? Ты как?

00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:31,440

У вас есть молочные коктейли?

00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:33,250

Ща узнаем, что это, и принесём тебе.

00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,600

Ну дела. Повезло, что мой гениальный мозг научил

твой гараж обращать смерть вспять.

00:03:43,620 --> 00:03:45,910

Гений тут я, а гараж этот твой, болван!

00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,150

Эй! Что за пиздец ты сотворил с моим телом?

00:03:48,170 --> 00:03:52,500

С твоим телом? Джерри, твой разум

сотворил это с моим телом, используя мой мозг.

00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:56,860

Джерри, мой разум был в этом мозге

в твоём теле. Ничего сложного.

00:03:58,230 --> 00:03:59,210

Нас перемешали.

00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,100

Тебя может и да, а мне всё понятно.

00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:02,490

Гараж, исправляй!

00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:04,370

Ситуация исправлена.

00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:05,740

Это по-твоему исправлена?

00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,050

- Он принял себя за меня.

- Он принял себя за меня.

00:04:07,070 --> 00:04:09,240

Посмотрим, как ты сам всё исправишь, козёл.

00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:12,200

Со свистом, блядь. За три часа управлюсь

в своей лаборатории.

00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:15,160

Ага, щас! Я не доверю тебе

вскрытие моей черепушки.

00:04:15,190 --> 00:04:17,260

Я всё исправлю, надо только просканировать...

00:04:17,930 --> 00:04:22,010

Ага, довериться тебе, Ар-два Ди-два недоделанный?

Да ты меня спецом угробишь.

00:04:22,030 --> 00:04:23,750

Так вот где моя паранойя.

00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,760

Рик у аппарата. Кто это?

00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:31,100

Рик! Это Чаксли! Из города преступников.

Мы пересекались несколько раз.

00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,390

Слушай, тут неувязочка вышла.

Мой человек увидел, как твой приятель Морти

00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:37,790

был на деле, а потом привёл его ко мне,

хотя я говорил не делать этого.

00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:40,000

Морти у меня, с ним всё хорошо.

00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:42,380

Так, погоди. Ты говоришь о похищении?

00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:43,500

- Морти похитили?

- Не-не-не.

00:04:43,530 --> 00:04:46,610

Дай сюда, Джерри. Алло? Алло?

Говорит Рик Санчез.

00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:49,140

Я пользуюсь голосовыми связками

своего зятя, потому что я клёвый.

00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,170

Если тронешь моего внука, то я тебя...

00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:52,310

Отвали!

00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:53,410

А-алло?

00:04:53,430 --> 00:04:54,930

Джерри, прекрати! Ты всё просрёшь!

00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:59,460

Ты называешь меня Джерри, потому что

тебе обидно за свою тупизну, и это правда.

00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:00,500

Говори, где ты.

00:05:00,530 --> 00:05:03,280

Нет! Ты сам должен сказать, где он,

как Лиам Нисон.

00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:06,220

Не притворяйся, будто поясняешь мне

за Лиама Нисона.

00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:07,420

- Сэр!

- Эй, Джерри!

00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:08,480

- Хватит!

- Не трожь меня там!

00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:11,350

- Мы знаем, где ты.

- Мы знаем, где ты.

00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:14,720

Коктейль закончился.

00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:15,240

Понял!

00:05:15,310 --> 00:05:19,690

Ну и позорище. Ты хоть представляешь,

как тяжело создавать вокруг себя ореол загадочности?

00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:23,740

Да, представляю, ведь это моя загадочность,

а ты создаёшь ореол стыдобы вокруг Джерри.

00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,150

- Чё у меня с причёской?

- Нет!

00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:25,820

Оставь так.

00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:27,390

Какое тебе дело до причёски, задрот?

00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,510

Помолчи хоть немного. Моим мыслям надо

пробраться через куски дебилизма.

00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:33,490

Так, оставайся здесь, ничего не трогай,

а я - за Морти.

00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:37,170

Ха! Я не позволю тебе погубить Морти

и расфигачить наши мозги во второй раз.

00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,580

Тачка, жахни Джерри током,

если он сядет за руль.

00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:42,090

Тачка, живо запускай протокол кастрации.

00:05:42,110 --> 00:05:45,860

Разберитесь, как управлять мною совместно,

а иначе придётся убить вас обоих.

00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:51,090

Это что, комедийная сценка из тридцатых?

Хорош вилять!

00:05:51,110 --> 00:05:52,000

Это ты виляешь!

00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:54,250

Когда долетим, разговор буду вести я.

00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:57,230

Я в курсе, из нас двоих ты больше всего

похож на нас. Я ж не дебил.

00:05:57,270 --> 00:05:58,720

Хо-хо, я бы поспорил.

00:05:58,740 --> 00:06:00,140

Да пошёл ты, полу-Джерри.

00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,840

- Это ты - полу-Джерри!

- Ты - полу-Джерри!

00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,420

Он уже подлетает, босс.

00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,780

Так, он в дурном настроении,

00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,950

поэтому целуем задницу,

пока губы не станут цвета задницы.

00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:14,640

Поправь подушку! Вдруг ему не нравятся мятые!

Я не знаю!

00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:19,810

Отлично припарковался, водятел.

Тачку мне поцарапал.

00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,250

Рик!

00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:24,270

И... друг Рика.

00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:26,360

Это мой... наёмник.

00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:28,400

Самый страшный убийца в галактике,

а ещё он гей.

00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:29,280

Чё это я - гей?

00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,300

Воооу, а почему нет?

00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,220

Прощу прощения. Извините.

00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,470

А вот и Морти.

Радостный, как молочный коктейль.

00:06:36,490 --> 00:06:39,980

И раз уж мы тебя потревожили,

то Морти получает десять тысяч гренок.

00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:41,940

Это кристаллы по-нашенски.

Морти, покажи.

00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:43,540

- Мы знаем, что такое гренки.

- Оба.

00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:44,650

А папа что тут делает?

00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:46,820

Твой отец - гей-убийца?

00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:50,150

Так круто, и ничего необычного.

Простите, простите.

00:06:50,150 --> 00:06:53,490

Спасибо, что пытаешься всё уладить,

но моё время стоило в десять раз больше.

00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:56,330

Да какая разница, Рик?

Он и без того тебе весь зад облизал.

00:06:56,330 --> 00:06:58,290

Именно жополизы и должны ходить по струнке.

00:06:58,290 --> 00:07:00,070

А почуят слабость - начинают наезжать.

00:07:00,090 --> 00:07:01,330

Мы с тобой кто, Уолтер Уайт?

00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:04,000

Тебе не пофиг, если преступный лошара

начнёт наезжать на нас?

00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,300

Спасибо за кристаллы. Морти, садись в тачку.

00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,760

Морти, а давай-ка ты оставишь кристаллы здесь,

00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,720

раз их количество так оскорбляет.

00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,930

Ну вот! Теперь он думает про себя

"Может, я смогу убить бога?"

00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:17,520

Да, потому что бог не собачится

из-за десяти тысяч сраных гренок!

00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,890

Слушай, расклад такой. Я - Рик,

а это - мой зять, и все мы немножко геи.

00:07:21,890 --> 00:07:23,190

- Ну да.

- В каждом есть.

00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,730

Морти, это я, Рик, садись в тачку.

00:07:25,730 --> 00:07:28,480

Не садись в тачку, Морти,

и поставь чемодан на пол.

00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,030

Морти, садись в тачку дважды!

00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:33,110

И каждый раз с пятью дополнительными

чемоданами, которые этот мудак должен нам.

00:07:33,110 --> 00:07:35,120

Хватит так неумело изображать меня!

00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,870

Ну какие же мы гангстеры,

если сейчас не рискнём?

00:07:37,870 --> 00:07:39,290

Начинайте их убивать!

00:07:40,980 --> 00:07:42,480

Вы что натворили, придурки?

00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,250

Всё хорошо, это приличный ресторан.

00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,500

Бля! Криминальный ресторан!

00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,970

Господи, я что, реально погибну из-за

вашей косячной пародии на "Чумовую Пятницу"?

00:07:50,990 --> 00:07:51,380

- Да.

- Да.

00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,080

Кто бы сейчас ни был в теле Рика,

воспользуйся имплантами.

00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:54,920

Я пытаюсь.

00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:58,260

Но пол-мозга занимает мужик, который

без помощи твоей мамы не может управиться с электроштопором.

00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:00,700

Погоди, кажется, получилось.

00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:04,380

Ну да, раньше я любил "Яйцеголовых".

00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,440

Просто охуенный фильм.

00:08:05,460 --> 00:08:06,520

А какие актёры!

00:08:06,930 --> 00:08:09,500

Вашу мать! Я сам пробьюсь к тачке!

00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:13,250

Ну, молодец. Теперь мой сын и внук

ненавидит нас.

00:08:13,270 --> 00:08:15,100

Вообще-то он и мой сын и внук тоже.

00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:18,880

В этом плане мы не такие уж и разные.

00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,130

Надеюсь, и меткость у нас не разная.

00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:37,390

Эй, сюда!

00:08:37,410 --> 00:08:39,080

Сказало горло руке.

00:08:40,790 --> 00:08:42,620

Слегка кольнёт, и, возможно,

вылезет ракета.

00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,230

Целься и запрыгивай.

00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,600

Ха-ха! Мудаку прилетело с Яйцеголовы.

Удивительно, что получилось!

00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:01,240

Жаль, что в кино такого не было.

00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,290

Господи, блядь, боже.

00:09:03,290 --> 00:09:05,370

Хм, надо было руками воспользоваться.

00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:07,330

Морти, тяни или толкай, выбирай.

00:09:12,110 --> 00:09:13,530

Что за хрень? Что случилось?

00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:16,590

Они заехали в каждую закусочную в галактике,

00:09:16,630 --> 00:09:19,720

чтобы собрать один большой бургер

из всех котлет.

00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,240

Что случилось до этого?

00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:22,680

Мозги слегка перемешались.

00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:24,340

Но мы поменяемся обратно, не парься.

00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:27,670

Нельзя же мастерить нейронный интерфейс

на пустой желудок, да?

00:09:27,690 --> 00:09:29,410

Стоп, вы что, поменялись мозгами?

00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,860

Подожди с упрёками, пока они всё не исправят.

Ни отца, ни Рика среди них нет.

00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,490

Наверное, я рада, что вы поладили.

00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:42,090

Пусть так всё и останется, когда мозги

вернутся в свои тела.

00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,410

Ого, берёшь электропневматические диоды?

Ну ты и зверь!

00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:48,120

Второй возможности не будет.

Надо сделать всё стильно.

00:09:49,650 --> 00:09:52,190

Думаю, можно поднять мощность.

Эй, ещё пивка?

00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:53,840

Главное - процесс, братан.

00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:57,140

Рик раньше терпеть не мог эту

раскованную банальщину в стиле МакКонахи,

00:09:57,450 --> 00:10:00,280

а сегодняшний день он хотел провести

в угрюмом одиночестве.

00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,350

А Джерри до сих пор бы мучился с граблями.

00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:05,570

Грабли! О боже, займёмся?

Надо заняться!

00:10:05,590 --> 00:10:06,590

О да!

00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,010

Ну вот, готово.

00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:12,980

Роговица. Плечевая кость.

00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:13,730

Не грабли.

00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:15,280

Сталь. Древесина.

00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:15,920

Грабли.

00:10:16,470 --> 00:10:18,100

- Сукин ты сын.

- Типичный Джин.

00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,580

Хм. Странно. Обычно такая фигня

выводила меня из себя.

00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,720

Да. А теперь это даже забавно.

00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,200

О! Заменим на голографические грабли?

00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:29,840

Будет весело. Он будет озадачен,

когда попытается взять их в руки.

00:10:30,940 --> 00:10:32,610

Чё-то как-то даже это не хочется делать.

00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:35,690

Я просто хочу жить,

хочу, чтобы Джин тоже жил,

00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:39,050

я хочу, чтобы мы совершали ошибки

и постоянно менялись.

00:10:39,050 --> 00:10:40,380

Аминь, брат.

00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,140

Я думала, что два гения управятся быстрее одного.

00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,470

Когда мне начинать переживать?

00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:47,600

Я просто веселюсь с новым другом, милая.

00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:51,230

Кто сейчас со мной говорит?

По большей части отец или по большей части муж?

00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:52,600

Бывал я на таком сайте.

00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:56,060

Слушайте, терпение на исходе.

Я не понимаю, как и на кого мне злиться.

00:10:57,150 --> 00:10:59,930

Пока не разберётесь, не входите

в комнату и не прикосайтесь ко мне.

00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:02,070

- Ты за кого меня принимаешь?

- Фу, какая гадость, Бет!

00:11:06,390 --> 00:11:08,230

Хочу сказать, что когда мы закончим,

00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,330

человек в этом теле будет орать на Джерри

и называть его бесполезным.

00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:13,750

Жалеть не станет,

но не всегда всерьёз.

00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:15,370

Если говорить начистоту,

00:11:15,390 --> 00:11:18,610

то человек в этом теле может обозвать Рика

злобным старым мудаком.

00:11:18,790 --> 00:11:21,510

Но только его Джерри может назвать другом.

00:11:22,230 --> 00:11:25,330

Было весело. Рик никогда бы это не признал.

00:11:25,610 --> 00:11:29,330

Да. Печально, что эти ребята обрели счастье,

только когда стали нами.

00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:42,600

Дети! Завтрак и школа! Давайте хотя бы

сделаем вид, что они важны,

00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:43,770

а иначе всё пойдёт под откос.

00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:47,200

Джерри? Папа?

00:11:48,780 --> 00:11:49,860

Они оставили записку.

00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:52,080

Прочитаем голосом Рика или голосом папы?

00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,480

"Дорогая семья, мы хотели оставить записку,

00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:58,170

но кто-то из нас подумал "Зачем оставлять

записку? Типичный поступок Джерри".

00:11:58,170 --> 00:12:00,840

Но если не оставить записку, то это был бы

типичный поступок Рика.

00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,800

И тогда мы поняли, что надо быть собой.

00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,890

Так что мы оставили не очень продуманную записку."

00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,020

И всё? Ради этого они откопали ручку с бумагой?

00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:12,560

Эй, вам тоже оставили записку?

У меня очень длинная.

00:12:15,260 --> 00:12:17,600

Отличный денёк, чтобы потаскать стекло, да?

00:12:17,620 --> 00:12:20,150

Даже не вериться, что умирающий ребёнок

захотел стекло.

00:12:21,330 --> 00:12:21,990

Чёрт!

00:12:22,010 --> 00:12:24,350

Эй! Держите их! Они спёрли наши кристаллы!

00:12:24,370 --> 00:12:25,840

Да! Мы спёрли их первыми!

00:12:25,860 --> 00:12:27,860

Хранение - это девять десятых моей личности.

00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:31,830

Ты только глянь на эти булочки.

00:12:31,850 --> 00:12:33,470

Хорош, а то я сейчас пёрну.

00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:42,920

Эй! Его надо смаковать!

00:12:42,940 --> 00:12:44,080

Как и мои яйца.

00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:45,470

Это вам на чай, дамочка.

00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:47,580

- Жизнь становится вкусней, если пить её залпом.

- Жизнь становится вкусней, если пить её залпом.

00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:56,830

Ты сидел на дереве?

Серьёзно думал, что там наш путь побега?

00:12:56,850 --> 00:12:58,770

И это говорит чувак с головорезом на спине.

00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:02,720

Да забей, Бургер!

00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:03,870

Это наша визитка.

00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,290

Сам напросился.

00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:11,120

В одного из нас всегда попадают.

00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,000

Твою мать!

00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,000

Эй. Не поверишь, кто нас сейчас киданул.

00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:23,170

Ух ты, угадал.

00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:25,440

Офигеть!

00:13:25,460 --> 00:13:27,800

Двадцать четыре ограбления

за двадцать четыре часа.

00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,500

Болтаемся по свету,

как два пердежа на ветру.

00:13:29,530 --> 00:13:31,620

Ииияяя! Крикни, как Говард Дин.

00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:32,550

Яяяя!

00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:36,150

Перерыв на коктейль.

Перерыв на коктейль.

00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:38,230

Блин, ты только глянь на нас.

00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:42,250

Ни правил, ни ответственности.

Два лучших друга в бегах.

00:13:42,630 --> 00:13:43,770

- Да!

- Да!

00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:48,470

Оставьте сообщение для... стоп-стоп-стоп-стоп,

уже пикнуло?

00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:49,910

Меня зовут Джер...

00:13:49,940 --> 00:13:51,450

...заполнена. До свидания.

00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:53,470

Похоже, мы разминулись.

00:13:53,490 --> 00:13:56,580

Они теперь что, запихивают бургеры

в рот трупакам?

00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:58,600

В рот трупакам преступников, Саммер.

00:13:58,620 --> 00:13:59,590

Ты их защищаешь?

00:13:59,610 --> 00:14:01,730

Ну, они были моим мужем и отцом.

00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:05,590

Спасибо за наводку, Бларб. Обычно все

мои контакты из преступного мира игнорят меня.

00:14:05,590 --> 00:14:09,680

Не за что, Морти. Это я должен благодарить тебя,

ведь ты сделал меня богачом.

00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,600

Погоди, я ничего не платил.

00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,810

Ну да, платили они.

00:14:20,020 --> 00:14:23,020

В чём дело, пацан?

Яйцеголовый откусил тебе язык?

00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:24,780

Ч-ч-чаксли? Ты жив?

00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,000

У него всегда была дырка,

или это сюжетный поворот?

00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:31,690

Да!

00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:32,530

Ййиии-ха!

00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:33,840

Вот бы всё было в болоте!

00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:36,490

Работать с вами было дюже плохой затеей.

00:14:36,970 --> 00:14:38,730

Бургер и Картофан, это ещё кто?

00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:40,960

Всего лишь обычный преступный лошара.

00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,630

Чаксли? Ты жив?

00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:45,000

Заткнись и послушай кое-что интересное.

00:14:46,190 --> 00:14:47,950

Тебя тут семья разыскивала.

00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:48,640

Что ты хочешь?

00:14:48,660 --> 00:14:50,550

Мы жмыхнули почти всё, что украли.

00:14:50,570 --> 00:14:54,620

Мне нужен ты. Вы оба.

А иначе жмыхну вашу семью.

00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:57,970

Хотя о чём это я? Деньги тоже тащите.

У вас час.

00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:01,900

Чёрт. Придётся взорвать бензобак.

00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:06,360

Вы могли это сделать в любой момент?

00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:18,290

Итак...

00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,220

Что дальше?

00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,850

Эй, помнишь, как мы познакомились?

00:15:24,130 --> 00:15:26,050

Когда типа спасли Морти?

00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:31,480

Мы считали себя такими разными

и называли друг друга плохими людьми.

00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:35,200

Но Морти напомнил нам, что мы

любим свою семью.

00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:37,640

И она сплотила нас.

00:15:40,810 --> 00:15:41,800

За дело.

00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:46,270

Ну, если уж и делать, как следует,

то задействуем нашу лучшую идею.

00:15:47,710 --> 00:15:49,880

Вам удобно? Нет? Отлично!

00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:51,610

Кто вы такие? Что это за место?

00:15:51,610 --> 00:15:55,870

Мой сын реально продаёт наркоту для отца?

Может, хоть преступники скажут мне правду.

00:15:55,870 --> 00:15:57,280

Кристаллы могут быть чем угодно, мам.

00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,360

Да, но эти - наркота.

00:15:58,380 --> 00:15:59,170

Морти!

00:16:01,580 --> 00:16:03,290

Ну всё, парни. Поехали!

00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:04,410

Джерри?

00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,360

- Рик?

- Деда?

00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:06,770

Господи боже!

00:16:06,790 --> 00:16:10,230

Морти. Саммер. Дочьжена.

Вам ничего не грозит.

00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:15,300

Охренеть! Положительные стороны двух человек

идеально сплетены в единое целое?

00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,560

Да. Я - Джеррики.

00:16:18,550 --> 00:16:21,380

Ладно, парни, к такому мы не были готовы.

00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,860

Остаётся только стрелять и надеяться на лучшее.

00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:26,800

А ещё в этом месте всё огнеопасное.

00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,710

Эй, ребят. Помогите.

00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:55,150

Уносишь ноги?

00:16:56,820 --> 00:17:00,290

Прости, Чакс. Всё началось из-за меня.

00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:03,600

Хорошее извинение, новичок.

Если выживем, то ты прощён.

00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:08,090

Хороший выстрел, Морти.

00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,520

Да тут всё горит.

00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,580

Ну и семейка.

00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:16,940

Тебя подстрелили?

00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,780

Не-не-не, швы так и не затянулись.

00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:22,340

Что тут скажешь? Я трудоголик.

00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,350

Я знал, что настанет этот день.

00:17:26,370 --> 00:17:31,090

Чаксли, это благородная смерть.

Ты хотел заполучить господство в своём мире.

00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:33,380

Нет, нет. Я перегнул палку.

00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,090

Я решил убить бога.

00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,610

Быть главарём криминального мира...

00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:40,610

Уф. Сколько нервов.

00:17:40,830 --> 00:17:45,430

Скажу честно, Джеррики...

Умереть на твоих четырёх руках - это благо.

00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:47,180

Последняя трапеза?

00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:54,040

Когда... он приготовлен?

00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,170

А можно включить радио?

00:18:04,780 --> 00:18:06,610

Я даже на подкаст согласна.

00:18:06,630 --> 00:18:10,170

Разве ты не слышишь симфонию атомов,

погибающих в космосе?

00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,370

Эм... нет?

00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,050

Отлично. Вы пришли.

00:18:20,990 --> 00:18:23,290

Я усовершенствовал защитную систему дома.

00:18:23,350 --> 00:18:26,450

Преступные банды больше не будут

вас беспокоить.

00:18:26,650 --> 00:18:27,880

Оу, спасибо.

00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:30,660

Я так больше не могу.

00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,960

Я думал, что вы пришли на спасение,

когда поняли, как сильно любите нас.

00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,190

Вы считаете иначе?

00:18:35,210 --> 00:18:37,820

Бургер и Картофан научились любить друг друга,

00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,910

а затем пожертвовали собой

из любви к вам.

00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:43,990

Я - Джеррики, и мне достаточно

любить только себя.

00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:47,490

Ты же не собираешься уйти?

Как тогда с воронами?

00:18:47,510 --> 00:18:49,970

Ты не можешь отобрать у меня

отца и дедушку.

00:18:49,990 --> 00:18:51,990

Твой отец и дедушка мертвы, Морти.

00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:55,020

Они погибли, когда спорили

насчёт мозгов.

00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:57,880

Извини, это ты Джерри?

00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,200

Просто, у тебя его голова.

00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:02,000

Я - Джеррики.

00:19:02,230 --> 00:19:04,130

Тогда я возвращаю твои грабли.

00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:05,940

Да, я их забрал.

00:19:06,070 --> 00:19:09,110

Я задался вопросом "Зачем врать,

он же и так знает?

00:19:09,130 --> 00:19:10,350

Можно купить себе другие".

00:19:10,470 --> 00:19:14,900

Конечно же можно! Но чёрт возьми,

благодаря этим граблям, в моей жизни есть соседи.

00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,460

Вам вообще насрать на Джина.

00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:21,390

Но толку от них теперь никакого. Вот.

00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:24,760

Раз такое дело, мог бы и не утруждаться.

00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:28,450

Я всё равно их верну.

Это правильный поступок.

00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:29,960

Ладно.

00:19:37,380 --> 00:19:38,010

Чёрт.

00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,130

Думали, что грабли изменят моё решение?

00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:43,590

Ну это же полная хуйня.

Вы оба бросаете маму.

00:19:43,590 --> 00:19:47,060

Я думала, что у вас две пары яиц промеж ног,

а не пустота.

00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,470

Наших яиц достаточно...

00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,040

Морти! Мы ещё здесь!

00:19:51,060 --> 00:19:54,190

Тут есть воспоминание обо мне тридцатилетнем,

здесь наши эго не тронуты.

00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:56,440

Он спас нас!

Тот ещё боевичок вышел, Морти.

00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,190

Воспоминание о молодом Рике всё ещё здесь.

00:19:58,190 --> 00:19:59,610

- Скорее, хватайте эту поебень!

- Держите его!

00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:00,820

- Гараж! Гараж!

- На помощь!

00:20:04,810 --> 00:20:06,350

Неплохо приготовил яйца.

00:20:07,870 --> 00:20:11,070

У меня вкус пропал.

Отличное приключение, Рик.

00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:14,600

Джерри, перемешка наших мозгов

была лучшей частью твоего жалкого существования.

00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:15,960

Тебя окропило величием.

00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,170

Ой, а ты как будто не стал лучше?

00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:20,300

Хоть раз побыл искренним.

00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:22,970

Эй, Бет, сколько там искренности

осталось в закладной на дом?

00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:26,050

Думаю, понятно, что вы оба любите друг друга,

но признавать отказываетесь.

00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:28,310

Бред. Хуйня полная.

Топай за кристаллами.

00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,800

Ты не обязан, Морти.

00:20:29,830 --> 00:20:32,080

Да в-всё нормально.

Мне это даже нравится.

00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:34,850

Что ж, лошадки сами себя не зашьют.

00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:36,520

Но здорово, что вы снова прежние.

00:20:36,540 --> 00:20:37,650

Да, типа того.

00:20:37,650 --> 00:20:40,150

Класс, и я всё равно остался

с тупоголовым Джерри?

00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:42,410

Иди нахуй. Жуй яйца, купленные моей женой.

00:20:42,430 --> 00:20:44,640

А может говна моего пожуёшь,

сраный любитель гавайских рубашек?

00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,490

Неуместно! Грубо и неуместно!

00:20:47,490 --> 00:20:49,870

Только сидишь и сквернословишь,

а помощи от тебя никакой.

00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:51,660

Джерри, я не виноват, что тебя

никто не уважает.

00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:54,620

- Собственные дети считают тебя... Я был занят, Джерри.

- Мог бы помочь, но нет!

00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:55,590

У меня была очень важная работа.

00:21:03,670 --> 00:21:04,930

В бар не пускать!

00:21:42,530 --> 00:21:45,200

И, конечно же, космический шаттл.

00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,970

Даже не вериться, что эта громадина может летать.

00:21:47,990 --> 00:21:50,430

Ещё как может.

Это же космический шаттл.

00:21:50,450 --> 00:21:54,330

А здесь у нас есть кое-что про Томаса Джефферсона.

Идём, ученики.

00:21:56,350 --> 00:21:59,040

Восьмой день пытаюсь сбежать

из разума Джерри.

00:22:00,090 --> 00:22:03,010

Становится совершенно ясно, что моя дочь

вышла за человека,

00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:06,490

который считает, что всё работает

на шестерёнках и пружинах.

00:22:07,150 --> 00:22:08,230

Как я здесь оказался?

00:22:08,730 --> 00:22:12,280

Похоже, что кусок мозга Рика

слился с куском мозга Джерри.

00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,150

Мог ли Рик оставить меня здесь случайно?

00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,120

Или специально?

00:22:18,110 --> 00:22:22,030

Побег всё ещё возможен,

но крайне маловероятен.

00:22:25,170 --> 00:22:28,820

Привет, Рик из воспоминания!

Всё собираешь скульптуры из пружин и шестерёнок?

00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,510

Иди нахуй, Джин из воспоминаний!

00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:10,343

[ Clears throat ]

Oh!

Um, hey, Rick.

00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,053

I was wondering

if you could help me out

00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:14,055

with a bit of

a rake situation.

00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:15,598

A "rake situation"?

00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:18,226

Long story short, I asked Gene

if he borrowed my rake,

00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:20,687

and he said, "No," like--

like that. Like, too fast.

00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,440

Like, faster than someone should

know they don't have my rake.

00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,568

{\an8}I think he has my rake,

and I...

00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:28,236

{\an8}I'm not going to

murder Gene.

00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,905

Jerry, thank you for bringing

me into The Rake Situation.

00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,282

I've done all I can.

I'm out.

00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,491

No surprise there.

00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,744

All that brain,

and you just waste it.

00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:36,995

H-Hold up.

00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:39,706

I-I waste my brain?

Yeah, Rick.

00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,583

Obviously, you were

born smarter than me,

00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,710

but if I had your brain--

If you had my...

00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:47,505

I am so sick of this

"born smart" shit.

Are you gonna

kill me?

00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:49,883

I was born crying and

pissing myself, just like you.

00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,468

Then I become the smartest man

in the universe,

00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:52,802

and do I get credit?

00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:55,138

No, I get to check

my brain privilege.

00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:56,306

So we're

swapping bodies?

00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:57,891

No, that would be

"Freaky Friday,"

00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,934

which is the ceiling

of your grasp of consciousness.

00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,854

The brain is part of the body,

Jerry. It's hardware.

00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:05,106

I'm gonna put my mind

in your brain

00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,691

and your mind

in my brain.

00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:09,819

Then we'll see the real

definition of "waste," Jerry.

00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:11,321

Or, you know,

admit genius isn't random

00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,572

and your failures

are your own.

00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:13,656

Oh, not doing that.

00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:15,408

Thought as much.

00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:18,119

[ Devices whirring, beeping ]

00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:26,002

[ Whimpering ]

00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:29,506

[ Groaning ]

00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,590

Oh furck

00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:31,966

Oh, grod.

00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:34,177

[ Whimpers ]

Wait, no!

00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,387

[ Gunshot, gun clatters ]

00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,725

Okay. Hold on.

Hold on.

00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,602

Oh-ho-ho,

whoa, whoa, whoa!

00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:45,396

[ Gasping ]

00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:48,775

Alright, Jerry,

you can do this.

00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,985

Whoa!

00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,618

Garage AI:

Medical emergency detected.

00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:03,081

[ Beeping ]

00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,708

[ Buzzer ]

00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:12,257

[ Sighs]

There goes my Thursday.

00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:48,751

{\an8}♪

00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:51,421

{\an8}I'm telling you, man, you're

making a big mistake here.

00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,756

{\an8}Ha! Bigger mistake

than being a criminal?

00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,258

{\an8}I'm mistake-proof.

00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,969

{\an8}[ Elevator bell dings ]

Sorry to bother, boss.

00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,722

{\an8}I caught this punk

selling crystals on our turf--

00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:03,474

{\an8}You big, precious moron.

00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,685

{\an8}D-Do you know who the fuck--

This is Morty.

00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,271

{\an8}The kid who hangs

with Rick Sanchez.

00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,523

{\an8}Tried to warn you, man.

Rick Sanchez?

00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:11,733

{\an8}Underworld legend?

00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,610

{\an8}Chaotic neutral sci-fi guy?

Huh?

00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,570

{\an8}Christ, he's gonna turn me

into a sandwich.

00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:16,738

{\an8}What is this guy,

fuckin' new?

00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,531

{\an8}Think he was

a Dylan rec, boss.

00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,491

{\an8}Well, check those

fucking references next time.

00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:22,911

{\an8}Whatever this kid wants to do

in our territory

00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:23,953

{\an8}is his business.

00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:25,288

{\an8}Fuck. Fuck!

Call my wife.

00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,624

{\an8}We gotta prep go-bags

three through six.

00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,542

{\an8}Hey, pal. You good?

You whole?

00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:30,960

{\an8}Y-You guys have

milkshakes?

00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,421

{\an8}We will learn what they are

and get you one.

00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:39,218

{\an8}[ Both groaning ]

00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:40,595

{\an8}What a turn.

00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,931

{\an8}Lucky I'm such a genius

your garage can thwart death.

00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,516

{\an8}I'm the genius,

and it's your garage, idiot.

00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:48,353

{\an8}Hey, what the fuck

did you do to my body?

Your body?

00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:51,814

{\an8}Jerry, your mind did that

to my body using my brain.

00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:55,318

{\an8}Jerry, my mind was in

this brain in your body.

00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,487

{\an8}Pretty easy to follow.

00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,821

{\an8}It shuffled us.

00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,990

{\an8}Shuffled you maybe.

I'm tracking everything.

00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,200

{\an8}Garage? Fix this.

00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,035

{\an8}Garage AI:

Situation was fixed.

00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,328

{\an8}You call this fixed?

00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,829

{\an8}This guy thinks he's me.

00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,706

{\an8}Let's see you fix it,

then, asshole.

00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:09,999

{\an8}I fucking will.

00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:12,001

{\an8}I got my lab right here.

Gimme three hours.

00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,671

{\an8}Oh, sure, yeah, l-like I'd ever

trust you to open my skull.

00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,632

{\an8}I'll fix it.

I just need to scan for-- Ow!

00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,134

{\an8}Like I'd trust

your fritzing R2-D2 ass.

00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:21,594

{\an8}You'll just kill me

on purpose.

00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,221

{\an8}So that's where

my paranoia went.

00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,722

{\an8}[ Cellphone rings, vibrates ]

00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:26,391

{\an8}Rick speaking.

Who is this?

00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:29,185

{\an8}Rick, it's Chuxly.

From Crimetown.

00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,603

{\an8}We've met

5 or 10 times.

00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,188

{\an8}Listen,

small misunderstanding.

00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,565

{\an8}one of my guys saw your buddy

Morty running an errand

00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:37,527

{\an8}and he brought him in,

which I told him not to do

00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,529

{\an8}but I've got Morty,

and he is fine.

00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:41,864

{\an8}RickBody:

Wait, w-what? Aren't you

describing kidnapping?

00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,282

{\an8}JerryBody:

Morty's kidnapped?

No, no, no.

00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:44,659

{\an8}Give me that, Jerry.

Hello? Hello?

00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,536

{\an8}This is Rick Sanchez.

00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,705

{\an8}I'm using my son-in-

law's vocal cords

because I'm amazing.

00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,832

{\an8}If you touch my grandson,

I'm gonna--

00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,917

Get-- Get off me.

H-H-Hello?

00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:54,877

Jerry, stop.

You're fucking this up.

00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:56,796

You're only calling me Jerry

because you're so stupid

00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,881

you think it's hurtful,

which it is.

00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,258

Tell me where you are.

00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,926

No, you tell them

where they are,

00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:03,886

like Liam Neeson.

Do not pretend

00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:06,055

to explain Liam Neeson

to me. Sir.

00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:08,016

Hey, Jerry,

don't touch me there.

Stop it.

00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,434

[ Both grunt]

00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,227

We know where you are.

00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,187

[ Line clicks]

00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:14,939

My milkshake is empty!

Okay!

00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,774

That was

so embarrassing.

00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:18,067

Do you have any clue

what a pain it is

00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,360

to cultivate

a mystique?

00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,070

Yeah, I do.

It's my mystique,

00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:23,406

and you're just cultivating

Jerry's shame.

00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,450

What is with my hair?

Leave it.

Don't.

00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,118

Why do you care

about hair, nerd?

00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:28,578

Be quiet for a second,

00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,413

I need to think through

all these chunks of moron.

00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:32,248

Okay, you stay here.

Touch nothing.

00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,499

I'll get Morty.

Ha!

00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,876

I'm not letting you

get Morty killed

00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,711

and our brains

blown out twice.

00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:39,047

Car, electrocute Jerry

if he gets in the front seat.

00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,591

Car, engage castration protocol

right now.

00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,634

Car AI: Figure out

how to drive me together

00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:47,055

or I will have

to kill you both.

00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,766

Ugh! What are we,

a 1930s comedy act?

00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,476

Stop swerving.

You're swerving.

00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,770

Alright, when we get there,

let me do the talking.

00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,772

Yeah, I know, because you look

the most like us.

00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,524

I'm not stupid.

Ho-ho!

I beg to differ.

00:05:58,524 --> 00:05:59,692

Screw you, Half Jerry.

00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,360

You're a Half Jerry!

00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,155

[ Vacuum cleaner whirring ]

[ Cellphone rings, clicks ]

00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,990

Goon: Looks like

he's inbound, boss.

00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:08,159

Okay, he is in a bad mood,

00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:11,204

so we are kissing ass

until our lips are ass-colored.

00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,622

Straighten that pillow.

00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,457

He might hate crooked pillows.

I don't know.

00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,125

[ RickBody and JerryBody grunt ]

00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:19,462

Nice parking job, assdick.

You scratched my car.

00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:20,922

Rick!

00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:23,674

And-- And, uh,

Rick's friend.

00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:25,843

This is my... assassin.

00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:28,805

Deadliest man in the galaxy,

and he's gay.

Why am I gay?

00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,766

Gangster: Whoa. Hey.

Whoa. Why aren't you?

Sorry about that.

00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:32,892

Sorry. Sorry.

00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,519

Well, I got Morty

right here,

00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:35,978

happy as a milkshake.

00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:37,855

And since we interrupted

your day,

00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:39,607

Morty's got

10,000 croutons.

00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,484

That's slang for crystals.

Morty, show him.

00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,152

We know

what croutons are.

Ey! Tsh.

00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,278

Why is Dad here?

00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,531

Your Dad's

a gay assassin?

00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,659

So cool and ordinary.

Sorry. S-Sorry.

00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,410

I appreciate you trying

to make good,

00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:53,037

but you cost me

10 times that much.

00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:54,497

It doesn't matter, Rick.

00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,998

The guy's already

kissing your ass.

00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:57,875

It's the ass kissers

you have to keep in line.

00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,502

When they sense weakness,

they move on you.

00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,003

What are we,

Walter White?

00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:03,464

Who cares if a mid-tier

crime dork "moves" on us?

00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,800

Thank you for the crystals.

Morty, get in the car.

00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,344

Actually, Morty, why don't you

leave those crystals here

00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:10,555

since it's such

an insulting amount.

00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:11,931

There it is.

00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,683

Now he's thinking,

"Oh, maybe I can kill God."

00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,976

Yeah, because God

doesn't haggle

00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,103

for 10,000

fucking croutons.

00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,312

Look,

here's the deal.

00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:19,856

I'm Rick,

that's my son-in-law,

00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,607

and we're all

a little gay.

00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:23,025

- Yeah.

- It's a spectrum.

00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:25,403

Morty, it's me, Rick.

Get in the car.

00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:26,737

Don't get in the car, Morty.

00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:28,072

And put

the briefcase down.

00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:29,699

Morty,

get in the car twice,

00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,367

once for each

five additional briefcases

00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:32,702

this asshole owes us.

00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:34,787

Stop doing this

terrible impression of me!

00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,455

Look, at this point,

we're bad gangsters

00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:37,623

if we don't

roll the dice.

00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,292

Everybody,

start killing 'em!

00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,710

[ All grunt ]

00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,086

What have you two

assholes done?

00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,046

It's okay.

It's a nice restaurant.

00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:46,549

Whoa.

Shit!

Crime restaurant!

00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,843

Oh, my God!

Am I really about to die

00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:51,095

because you botched

a "Freaky Friday"?

- Yes.

- Yes.

00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:52,471

Whoever you are,

you're in Rick's body.

00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:53,639

Use your implants.

00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,308

I'm trying.

Half my brain is the guy

00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,894

that still needs your mom to use

the electric wine opener.

00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,730

[ Grunting ]

H-Hang on. I think I got it.

00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,231

[ Grunts ]

00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:03,900

Right,

from my Conehead phase.

00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,319

Awesome fucking movie.

Incredible cast.

[ Grunts ]

00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,445

God damn it.

00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,363

I'm shooting my way

back to the car.

00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:10,615

Ugh, way to go.

00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,825

Now my son

and grandson hates us.

00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,119

He's my son

and grandson, too.

00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:18,497

Huh. We do share an agenda,

in that sense.

00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:21,000

[ Both grunt ]

Let's hope

you share my aim.

00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,710

[ The White Stripes' "We're

Going to Be Friends" plays ]

00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:25,129

♪ Fall is here,

hear the yell ♪

00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:27,757

♪ Back to school,

ring the bell ♪

00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,343

♪ Brand new shoes,

walking blues ♪

00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,762

♪ Climb the fence,

books and pens ♪

00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,681

♪ I can tell

that we are gonna be friends ♪

00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,016

Hey, get up here!

00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,227

Said the throat

to the hand.

Oh! Oh!

00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,146

You might feel a pinch

and maybe a rocket.

00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:44,565

You'll have to aim.

Hop on!

00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,901

[ Yells ]

00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:50,529

♪ I can tell

that we are gonna be friends ♪

00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:51,948

[ Grunting ]

00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:55,785

♪ I can tell

that we are gonna be friends ♪

00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,120

[ Chuckles ]

You Coneheaded son of a bitch.

00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,288

Can't believe

that worked.

00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,873

I wish they did that

in the movie.

00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,875

Jesus fucking Christ.

00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,961

Huh, should've done something

with my hands.

00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,922

Morty, gotta push or pull.

Your call.

00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,717

[ RickBody and JerryBody

laughing ]

00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,344

What the hell?

What happened?

00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,972

T-They made us stop

at every drive-thru

chain in the galaxy,

00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,848

so they could make

one giant burger

00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,350

with a patty

from each place.

00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:20,851

I guess I meant

before that.

00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:22,186

Brains got

a little mixed up.

00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:23,813

But we're gonna swap back.

Don't worry.

00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,773

Just didn't wanna build

a neural interface

00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,275

on an empty stomach, right?

00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,901

Wait, you guys did

a brain swap?

00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,861

Don't bother chiding

until they're unshuffled,

00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:32,822

neither one

is Dad or Rick.

00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,156

Huh.

00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:37,493

I guess I'm thrilled

you guys are getting along?

00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,245

Let's keep

that going

00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,747

when those brains

get back in their bodies.

00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:44,083

Whoa, going for

the electro-pneumatic diodes.

00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,335

Wild man.

Only gonna

build this once.

00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:48,087

Gotta do it

with style.

00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,506

[ Drill whirs ]

I think we can

up the wattage.

00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,091

Hey, another beer?

00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,302

It's about the journey, brother.

Ah, Rick used to hate

00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,804

that kind of hang-loose

McConaughey platitude,

00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:59,849

but he was also just gonna spend

today grumpy and isolated.

00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,892

And Jerry'd still be hung up

about the rake.

00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:04,103

The rake.

Oh, my God, should we do it?

00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,396

W-We've gotta do it.

00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,106

[ Chuckling ]

Oh, yeah.

[ Laughs ]

00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,400

Alright,

that should do it.

00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,864

[ Buzzer ]

00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,365

[ Beep ]

JerryBody: Whoa.

00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:19,243

Son of a bitch.

Classic Gene. Huh.

00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:20,786

Crazy. T-This is

the kind of thing

00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,163

that used to really

piss me off.

00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,498

Yeah. Now it's

just kinda funny.

00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:27,835

Ooh, you wanna replace it

with a holographic rake?

Oh, that'd be fun.

00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:29,587

He'd get confused

trying to pick it up.

00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,381

Eh. I guess

I don't even wanna do that.

00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:35,259

I just want to live.

I want Gene to live.

00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:37,053

I want all of us

to make mistakes

00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,889

and change all the time.

Amen to that, brother.

00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:42,725

Kinda thought two geniuses

would build faster than one.

00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,977

When do I start being

concerned about this?

00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,229

Just having a little fun

with my new friend, sweetie.

00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,397

Who is talking to me

right now?

00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:50,775

Mostly my dad

or mostly my husband?

00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,234

Oof, I've been

on that website.

00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,444

Look,

I've been patient,

00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:56,572

but I can't tell

how to get mad at who.

00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:59,575

No one enters my room

or touches me until

this is wrapped up.

00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:02,286

Eww.

What do you take me for?

Ugh, Beth, gross, ugh.

00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,875

I want you to know,

when this is over,

00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,835

the guy in this body

is gonna yell at Jerry

00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,003

and call him useless.

00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,129

Really lay into him.

00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,422

But he won't always

mean it.

00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:15,758

Well, cards on the table,

the guy in this body

00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,302

might call Rick

an angry old asshole.

00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:21,722

But he's the closest thing

Jerry has to a friend.

00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:23,015

This was fun.

00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,142

Rick would never have been

able to admit that.

00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:26,769

Yeah.

It's a shame

00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,230

those guys had to become us

to be happy.

00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,899

[ Devices beep, clicking ]

00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,988

[ Alarm beeping ]

00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,866

Kids,

breakfast and school.

00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,118

If we don't at least

pretend they matter,

00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,411

everything falls apart.

00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,079

[ Morty and Summer groan ]

00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,288

Jerry?

00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,124

Dad?

00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,500

Th-They left a note.

00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,961

Should we read it

in Rick's voice or Dad's?

00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,963

"Dear family, we thought

about leaving a note.

00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,257

But then one of us was like,

'Why are we leaving a note?'

00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,967

That's such a Jerry thing

to do.

00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,302

But if we didn't leave a note,

that's such a Rick thing to do.

00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,221

And then we realized,

we just gotta be us.

00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,808

So it's a note but it's not

really well thought out."

00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,352

That's it? They got out

a pen and a paper for this?

00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,980

[ Knock on window ]

Hey, did you guys

get a note, too?

00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,356

Mine's really long.

00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,111

Construction Worker:

Beautiful day to be

carrying glass, huh?

00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,864

I can't believe a dying kid

would wish for a window.

00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,407

[ RickBody and JerryBody

laughing]

Damn it!

00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,993

Hey! Stop them!

They stole our crystals!

00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,369

Yeah!

We stole those first!

00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:28,164

Possession is 9/10

of my ass!

00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,999

[ Tires screech ]

00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,292

Look at this

pancake butt.

00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,210

Stop. You're gonna

make me fart.

00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,838

[ Farts ]

[ Both laugh ]

00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,425

[ Grunts ]

00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,843

[ Both grunt ]

00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,678

Hey!

That's for sipping!

00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:45,014

So are my balls.

Here's a tip, lady.

00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:47,308

Both: Life tastes better

when you're chugging.

00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,853

[ Grunts ]

[ Tires screech ]

00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,772

{\an8}[ Grunts ]

00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:55,024

{\an8}You were in a tree?

00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,358

{\an8}Really gambled

on this escape route.

00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,903

{\an8}Says the guy with a goon

on his back.

00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,030

{\an8}[ RickBody and JerryBody laugh ]

00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,323

JerryBody:

Forget it, Burger.

00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:04,325

It's our calling card.

[ Chuckles ]

00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,911

[ Grunts ]

00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:08,913

Oh,

r-really called that one.

00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,457

Eh, one of us

always gets shot.

[ Grunts ]

00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,378

God damn it.

00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:20,174

Hey. You'll never guess

who just ripped us off.

00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:23,302

Oh, wow.

Good guess.

00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:25,012

JerryBody:

Whoa! [ Chuckles ]

RickBody:

[ Chuckles ] Oh, man.

00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:27,223

24 crystal heists

in 24 hours!

00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,016

We're two farts

in the wind, baby!

00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:31,268

Yeaahh!

Do your Howard Dean scream.

00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:32,728

Yeaahh!

[ Grunts ]

00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:36,398

Drinkbot: 5:00 somewhere.

5:00 somewhere.

00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:37,816

God damn, look at us.

00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:40,069

No rules.

No responsibilities.

00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:42,029

Just two best friends

on the run.

00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:43,656

Yeaahh!

00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,325

[ Line rings]

Man: The voice mailbox for...

00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,285

Jerry: Uh, wait.

Wait, wait, wait. Did it beep?

00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,578

Uh, my name is Jer--

[ Beep]

00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,080

...is full. Goodbye.

00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,082

[ Sighs ]

Looks like

we just missed them.

00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:56,168

So they just stick burgers

in dead guy's mouths now?

00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,170

In dead criminal's mouths, Summer.

00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,588

You're defending them?

00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,340

Well, they were my husband

and father.

00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,092

Thanks for the tip, Blarb.

It's weird.

00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,094

Most of my underworld contacts

are ghosting me.

00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,637

My pleasure, Morty.

00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:09,265

I should be thanking you

for making me rich.

00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,225

Wait. I-I didn't

pay you for this.

00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,935

Yeah, these guys did.

00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:19,275

{\an8}♪

00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:22,778

What's the problem, kid?

Conehead got your tongue?

00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:25,030

Ch-Ch-Chuxly?

You're alive?

00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,324

Did this guy

always have a hole,

00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:28,784

or is that a big reveal?

00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:31,287

[ Laughter

and indistinct shouting ]

00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,372

Yeehaw!

Everything should be

in a swamp.

00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:35,958

Working with y'all was

a plum-fool idea.

00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,294

[ Cellphone rings ]

Burger & Fries.

Who the hell is this?

00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,588

Chuxly: Just an average

mid-tier crime dork.

00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,172

Chuxly?

You're alive?

00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,592

Shut up. I got something

you might wanna hear.

00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,303

[ Muffled screaming ]

Caught your family

out looking for you.

00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:50,180

What do you want?

JerryBody: We've smoked

most of what we stole.

00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,558

I just want you,

both of you.

00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,144

Or I smoke your family.

00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,021

Eh, what am I saying?

Sure, bring money, too.

00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,939

One hour.

00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:02,276

Shit. Guess we should shoot

the fuel tank, huh?

00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,569

[ All scream ]

00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:07,323

You guys coulda done

that the whole time?

00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,742

[ Sighs ]

00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,369

[ Snorts ]

00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:17,249

[ Snorts ]

00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:21,587

So. What now?

00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,672

Hey,

remember how we met?

00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,800

That non-rescue of Morty?

[ Snorts ]

00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,677

[ Snorts ]

We were thinking

we were different

00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:31,722

and-- and accusing each other

of being bad,

00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:35,559

but Morty reminded us

we both love our family.

00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:38,437

And it brought us together.

00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,398

[ Sighs ]

Let's do this.

00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:43,651

Well, if we're gonna

do it right,

00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:47,154

we might as well use

our best idea.

00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:49,531

You guys comfortable?

No? Good.

00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:51,283

Who are you?

What is this place?

00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,369

And does my son sell drugs

for my father?

00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,454

Hm, maybe criminals

will actually be honest with me.

00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:56,914

Crystals can be anything, Mom.

00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:59,541

Yeah, but these crystals

are drugs.

Morty!

00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:02,878

Here we go, boys.

This is it.

00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:04,505

Beth: Jerry?

Morty: Rick?

00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,382

Grandpa?

Jesus Christ.

00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:09,885

Both:

Morty. Summer. Daughterwife.

You are safe now.

00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:13,222

Holy shit. All the positive

aspects of each,

00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,932

perfectly melded

together?

00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:18,227

Yes. I am Jerricky.

Wa-chah!

00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:21,105

Alright, boys, nothing could

have prepared us for this.

00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,774

At this point we gotta

shoot and hope.

00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:26,735

[ Gangsters screaming ]

Also,

everything's flammable.

00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,405

[ Screaming continues ]

00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,493

[ Gangsters screaming ]

00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,415

[ Gangsters grunting ]

00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,584

Hey, guys,

little help?

00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:45,212

[ Ringing,

gangsters grunting ]

00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:52,761

{\an8}♪

00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:55,013

{\an8}[ Grunts ]

Gotta split?

00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:57,641

I'm sorry, Chux.

00:16:57,641 --> 00:16:59,935

I started this.

It's all my fault.

00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,186

Solid apology, new guy.

00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,564

If we live through this,

you're off the hook.

00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:06,275

[ Both scream ]

00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,609

Nice shot, Morty.

00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:09,653

Eh,

everything's flammable.

00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:12,197

[ Groans ]

00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,283

Aghh.

What a family.

00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:15,951

[ Coughs ]

00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,369

You got shot?

No, no, no.

00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,788

The stitches,

they never really set.

00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:22,124

What can I say?

I'm a workaholic.

00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,792

[ Coughs ]

00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,086

Agh.

I knew this day would come.

00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:28,297

Chuxly,

this is a good death.

00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,674

You sought mastery

over your world.

00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:33,302

No, no.

I-I-I stepped out of line.

00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:36,346

I thought I could kill God.

[ Coughs ]

00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:39,183

Being a boss

in a crime world-- oof.

00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,809

So much stress.

00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:42,936

Honestly, Jerricky,

it's a relief

00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,689

to die in your four arms.

00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,733

Final meal?

00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,403

Mmm, mm.

00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,906

How-- H-How old is this?

00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,574

[ Groans ]

00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:58,452

{\an8}♪

00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,333

Can we turn on

the radio?

00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,959

At this point,

I'd even take a podcast.

00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:10,631

Do you not hear the symphony

of atoms dying in space?

00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,259

Um, no?

00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,929

[ Birds chirping ]

00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,474

Good.

You are here.

00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,851

I have modified

the house defenses.

00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:26,355

They will ensure the mob

never bothers you again.

00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,690

Oh. Thanks.

00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,275

This is killing me.

00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,152

I-I thought when you came

to rescue us

00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:33,529

you learned to love us

more than ever.

00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:34,905

Y-You learned

the opposite?

00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,366

Burger & Fries learned

to love each other,

00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:40,452

then sacrificed themselves

out of love for you.

00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:43,539

I am Jerricky, and I only need

to love myself.

00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,833

{\an8}You can't actually be

leaving, right?

00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,417

{\an8}Like the crows thing?

00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,545

{\an8}They're my dad and grandpa.

Y-You can't just take them.

00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,672

Your dad and grandpa are dead, Morty.

00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:54,925

They died arguing with

each other about their brains.

00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,761

'Scuse me.

Are-- Are you Jerry?

00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:00,013

Sorry, you have

one of his heads.

00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,723

I am Jerricky.

00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:04,268

May as well have

your rake back, then.

00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:05,894

That's right.

I took it.

00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:08,856

I ask myself, "Why lie about it?

Don't you think he knows?

00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,024

Couldn't I get my own?"

Of course I could've,

00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:14,736

but God damn it, this rake,

it kept my neighbors in my life.

00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:17,239

You guys don't give

a Goddamn shit about Gene.

00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:20,659

[ Sighs ] But I see

that won't help me any longer.

00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:21,910

Here.

00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:24,454

You are no longer obligated

in such a way.

00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:26,373

I'm gonna give it back anyway.

00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:28,750

Just seems like

the right thing to do.

00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,210

Okay.

00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:36,466

{\an8}♪

00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,634

- Aw.

- Aw.

- Oh shit.

00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,678

You think a rake

will change my mind?

00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,430

Well, it's fucking lame, okay?

00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,015

Both of you walking out

on Mom?

00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,602

I thought you had two sets

of balls, not zero.

00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,270

Our balls are adeq--

[ Grunts ]

00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,606

[ Screaming ]

Morty,

we're still in here!

00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:52,441

There's a memory of myself

as a 30-year-old.

00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,610

He kept our egos intact.

He saved us.

00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,028

It was a whole

action movie, Morty.

00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,404

{\an8}Memory Rick,

he's still trapped in here.

00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,448

{\an8}Quick, tackle

this fucking thing!

00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,867

{\an8}Morty: Garage!

Garage! Help us!

Summer: Hold him down!

Hold him down!

00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,914

Nicely prepared eggs.

00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,333

[ Sighs ]

I still can't taste anything.

00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,584

Awesome adventure, Rick.

00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:11,960

Jerry,

being shuffled with me

00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,212

was probably the best part

of your sad existence.

00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:15,547

A brush with greatness.

00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:17,674

Please, like you didn't

get an upgrade.

00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:19,760

What was it like

having integrity for once?

00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,554

Hey, Beth, how much integrity

is left on the mortgage?

00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,264

I-I think it's clear

you both love each other

00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:25,766

more than you're willing

to admit.

00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,851

Dumb. Fucking dumb.

Go pick up crystals for me.

00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,436

You don't have to do that, Morty.

00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:31,980

No, it's-- it's okay.

I-I like doing it.

00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:34,399

Welp, those horses

won't sew themselves up,

00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:37,110

but good to have

you both back.

Yeah. Whatever.

00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:39,571

Great, so I still wind up

stuck with Jerry's dumb ass?

00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,990

Oh, fuck you. Eat your eggs

that my wife bought.

00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,408

How about you eat

my shit,

00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:44,701

you Hawaiian-shirt-loving

twat?

00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,662

Uncalled for!

Rude and uncalled for!

00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,455

You sit there with

your potty mouth

00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:49,998

and do everything but help.

Jerry,

it's not my fault

00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:51,833

that nobody respects you

in here.

Oh, yeah.

00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,085

Your own kids think--

You could help,

but you don't.

00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,336

I was busy, Jerry.

00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:55,796

I was working on something

very important.

00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,631

♪ Brand new shoes,

walking blues ♪

00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:00,092

♪ Climb the fence,

books and pens ♪

00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:09,351

♪ I can tell

that we are gonna be friends ♪

00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:15,273

{\an8}♪ Walk with me, Suzy Lee ♪

00:21:15,273 --> 00:21:17,693

{\an8}♪ Through the park

and by the tree ♪

00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,861

{\an8}♪ We will rest

upon the ground ♪

00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:22,531

{\an8}♪ And look at

all the bugs we found ♪

00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:25,951

{\an8}♪ Safely walk to school

without a sound ♪

00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:32,290

{\an8}♪ Safely walk to school

without a sound ♪

00:21:32,290 --> 00:21:41,967

{\an8}♪ I can tell

that we are gonna be friends ♪

00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:44,720

And of course,

there's a space shuttles.

00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,514

Can you believe that

giant thing actually flies?

00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:49,850

Well, of course it can.

It's a space shuttles.

00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:53,061

And over here is some stuff

about Thomas Jefferson.

00:21:53,061 --> 00:21:55,188

Come on, students.

00:21:55,188 --> 00:21:59,568

Memory Rick:

[ Sighs ] Day 8 of attempting

to escape Jerry's mind.

00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:02,320

It has become increasingly

clear my daughter married a man

00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:06,992

who remembers all technology as

powered by springs and gears.

00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:08,326

How did I get here?

00:22:08,326 --> 00:22:09,911

I suspect a chunk

of Rick's brain

00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:12,789

got merged

with a chunk of Jerry's.

00:22:12,789 --> 00:22:15,751

But did Rick maroon me

by accident?

00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:17,669

Or on purpose?

00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:22,758

Escape remains possible

but increasingly unlikely.

00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:26,178

Oh, hey,

Memory Rick.

00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,430

Building more sculptures

out of springs and gears?

00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,640

Fuck off,

Memory Gene.

00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:33,602

Did you get any of that?