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It’d be nice to have

the living room back.

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I keep tripping on all his top hats.

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He’s always messing with my TiVO!

00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:16,182

It’s an antique,

the buttons are fragile!

00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:17,976

Big surprise that Dad’s avoiding

all this.

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Guys, he’s a family friend,

he can stay as long as he needs.

00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:24,399

Hey, so I just sold some drugs

to the weird little dude in there,

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he said you had cash?

00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:28,361

Oh, you kids in school?

You having trouble focusing?

00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,196

Okay, that’s it!

Morty, find your grandfather

00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,781

while go I talk to our houseguest

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Jerry, pay the dealer.

00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,285

Yeah, I prefer the term pharmacist.

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So do they!

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- Any chance you have...

- Sorry, I left my wallet in space.

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Are you leaving to get it?

00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:47,380

Mr. Poopybutthole,

this has gone far enough.

00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,841

We have been really

cool to you in your time of need.

00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:54,471

I agree, Beth.

I’m a pieeeece of garbage.

00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:58,641

Can you boost me up so

I can hook my belt to the ceiling fan?

00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,059

We don’t have a ceiling fan.

00:01:00,059 --> 00:01:03,229

Ooo wee, is that why it’s so hot?

00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,190

They’re not expensive.

00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:09,235

Bet you didn’t expect to see me in

a cold open, huh?

00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:12,572

Looks like I’ve taken another turn

for the worse.

00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,950

- It all started when Beth shot me.

- I said I was sorry!

00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:18,578

I know.

It tore you up inside...

00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:20,747

- Like a bullet.

- It was an accident!

00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:24,125

Anyway,

then I got fired from my job,

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my wife left me,

I broke both my legs,

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failed the bar exam.

00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,925

Ooo wee, things went downhill

from there.

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So I’ve been crashing

with the Smiths for a while.

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Ooo wee, I’m Mr. Popybutthole

and this is Rick and Morty Season 7.

00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,636

{\an8}Hey buddy. Brought you a coffee.

00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,472

{\an8}I can synthesize coffee. You don’t

need to make excuses to come see me...

00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,057

{\an8}Yeah I knew you’d say that

so I didn’t even bring a cup.

00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:23,184

{\an8}Any progress?

00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:26,646

{\an8}Yes, Morty, I found the version of me

that killed my wife. You just missed it.

00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:27,856

{\an8}Okay, I get it.

00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,858

{\an8}I had a big sword fight with him

on top of Hoover Dam,

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{\an8}then he fell and landed

on a sharp spike,

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{\an8}whispered “thank you” like a werewolf.

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{\an8}Was asking to be polite.

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{\an8}The family wants you upstairs

to deal with Mr. Poopybutthole.

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{\an8}It’s finally time, huh?

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{\an8}Well, lucky for you guys, I know how

to make someone leave.

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{\an8}Family. I present to you, RoboGhost.

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{\an8}- Rick!

- Your plan is to scare him away?

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{\an8}- Avoidance much?

- I’m listening.

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{\an8}Assembling body.

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{\an8}Activating sentience.

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{\an8}Uploading business.

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{\an8}Unfinished business detected.

00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,517

{\an8}Terminating body.

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{\an8}Okay. I need to make gravity part of its

finished business

00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,403

{\an8}and leave floors unfinished.

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{\an8}- Starting over.

- Dad, you can’t keep putting this off.

00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,074

{\an8}- You’re doing an intervention with us.

- Nope.

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{\an8}Then we’re sticking Poopybutthole

downstairs with you.

00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:25,163

{\an8}What is this? Is this an intervention

of me not intervening?

00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:28,333

{\an8}You know this can’t make the concept

work, not comedically or clinically,

00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,335

{\an8}its success rate is ten

percent in both areas.

00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,004

{\an8}Then you have to help him on your own.

And not with a ghost.

00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,549

{\an8}O, that-that’s interesting,

00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:38,551

{\an8}you kind of gave him a little

power by mentioning him.

00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,054

{\an8}There’s a lot of science

to unpack about ghosts.

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{\an8}After I talk to my friend.

00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:46,517

{\an8}He’s in the living room, Rick.

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{\an8}I’m not doing this by myself.

00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:49,771

{\an8}Oh, so you’re going to have

an intervention?

00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:52,231

{\an8}No. I’m going to get some friends

to help me talk to a friend

00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:54,984

{\an8}and you’d know the difference if you

weren’t stupid and had friends.

00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:57,362

{\an8}- You’re mean! Dad!

- Pick your battles, honey.

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Yeah fuck you, Summer.

00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:01,658

- God damn it.

- Your portal closed.

00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,452

Oh did it? Have an intervention

or we’ll intervention you,

00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:05,787

you bunch of stupids.

00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,833

Gearhead! Buddy! Listen.

00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:13,544

We gotta help Mr. Poopybutthole.

He’s in a bad place.

00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:17,840

Well that sounds like an intervention,

which Gearhead no Likehead.

00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,926

It’s not an intervention.

And you owe me.

00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,220

Okay fine, but now I need a drink.

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Make it to go and make it two.

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Rick, you son of a squanch!

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Squanch!

Told you he wasn’t dead.

00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:29,978

We squanching?

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A little, we need to have a hang with

Poopybutthole and talk to him about...

00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:33,982

His drinking.

00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:36,275

Us? Not without a squanch.

00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:38,194

- I’d love one if you’re pouring.

- Make it three.

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You left a Gromflomite femur in the compost.

00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:44,367

Your human side is

passionate but careless.

00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,869

I also

found your Federation hit list.

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Don’t go through my stuff!

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This place is worse than prison.

00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,505

- Rick.

- BP!

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It’s been a minute.

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Is... someone here?

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- Birddaughter.

- You found her.

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Yes. She was imprisoned in a femme

fatale training camp.

00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:08,975

That’s great! Let’s go celebrate

with our closest friends

00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,811

by encouraging Poopybutthole to dial

back his drinking!

00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,565

Suspect.

But I find fatherhood exhausting

00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,693

and would like to show my daughter

what real selfishness looks like.

00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:21,112

Perfect!

Now, do we know anyone sober?

00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:25,825

- Have you been drinking?

- On a Thursday?

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He seems ideal.

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- So where to? A coffee shop?

- No. He’ll know something’s up.

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Yeah! and I’m not squanching just

coffee!

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Let’s squanch him to a bar!

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It would undercut our messaging.

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So it is an intervention.

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No! We’re not asking

anybody to stop drinking

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because we’re not hypocrites or

squares, we’re just concerned friends.

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Then we can at least do it

at a place with a bar.

00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:48,806

Look, I think if it has food it’s

allowed to have a bar.

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Appreciate you guys taking me out.

00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,647

It’s been a rough week.

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Amy’s taking pilaaaates

from a guy named Guy.

00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:02,945

You’ve been surveilling your ex-wife?

00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:07,492

{\an8}Oooweeee not with the restraining order!

I hired a Predator to follow her around.

00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,035

{\an8}You can hire predators?

00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,287

Yeah, they’re cheap because they

live for the hunt,

00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,581

you just have

to pay ‘em to not kill your target

00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:16,375

and if they stay cloaked

there’s no licensing fee.

00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:19,045

Welcome to Fuck You’s!

My name is Mart, and...

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Fuck you! See, at Fuck You’s,

we lightly tease our customers.

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Oh, this is fun.

00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,094

What do you know, Gilligan?

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Nice.

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Look at this depressed pencil eraser.

00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,225

Did some middle schooler

stick you up a cat’s asshole?

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I bet you had everything and you

watched it slip through your powerless

00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,688

little fingers like the

sands of time.

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Be right back to take your order,

folks, or should I say, fucks.

00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:44,195

Perhaps this wasn’t the best place

to do this, Rick.

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What are you talkin’ about?

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This is a great place

to celebrate my birthday.

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Birthday, Birthday, Birthday...

00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:56,749

- Your birthday?

- Ooo weee.

00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:58,751

I can’t believe y’all remembered!

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I was at the end of my rope,

thinking I’d worn out all my welcomes.

00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,883

Thanks for doing all this, Rick.

00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:08,427

Of course, Mr. PB.

What are friends for.

00:07:08,427 --> 00:07:10,179

Heard we got a birthday boy.

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Yeah but... please don’t sing or...

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Yah! Fuck you, shithead!

00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:18,521

Haha yeah.

That sure is a smart hat...

00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:22,024

Because even my son

Poopy Jr.. hates me.

00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,945

I can relate.

Birddaughter is a total bitch.

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If you’re a parent you can say that.

00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:31,450

Well. Should we do shots?

00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:32,827

Rick?

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Let’S get Riggity, Riggity, wrecked!

00:07:36,372 --> 00:07:38,374

I take a shot

Do a pop

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Blow a line

Huff turpentine

00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:40,960

Get wrecked

Text your ex

00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,211

Fight a cop

Feeling fine

00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:43,379

Punch your dick

Turn some tricks

00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,630

Quit your job

Buy a dog

00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:45,923

Have two beers

Then ten more

00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:47,300

Pop a pill

And meet the floor.

00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,346

That one’s not my bellybutton.

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Well, what is it?

00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:07,320

Hold on, everyone!

00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,034

I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!

00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,243

Is there a restroom?

00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:15,244

At the front.

00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,010

Oh shit it’s happening.

00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:34,514

Honey rave! Bee time, baby.

00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,225

Whoa, what world is this?

00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,435

- We’re on Earth.

- How do you know?

00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:41,437

Because I think that is Hugh Jackman.

00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,609

Oh shit, it is.

Hey, Jackman!

00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:49,820

Makes sense he recognizes me,

we both hosted the Oscars.

00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:51,197

It’s a pretty exclusive club.

00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,908

Listen guys, don’t make this tacky,

nobody call him Wolverine,

00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,618

- just treat him like a regular...

- Gene!

00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,662

- Small world, mate!

- Hugh!

00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:58,955

Hugh married my cousin.

00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:02,166

Which I guess makes him

a Wolver-ine-law.

00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,377

That is fantastic!

00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:06,379

Didn’t you host the Oscars?

00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,214

- Yeah, I uh...

- Alright, Alright, listen.

00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,634

Now, I’m not assuming you guys want

to party with me tonight, but if you do.

00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:12,760

- Yes we do.

- Ooo wee.

00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:16,889

If you do, you do it together,

as a team.

00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,558

Now I need to go take what

I call a “Huge Ackman.”

00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:21,394

Ackman is Australian slang for shit.

00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,104

Don’t look it up. Do make a decision.

00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:25,731

Because from here,

I’m heading to the Jack Shack.

00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,609

- What’s the Jack Shack?

- It’s just his house.

00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,945

But guys.

I don’t think we should go there.

00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:34,740

I challenge you to explain why not

without making us want to go more.

00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:37,159

Well, Hugh’s pretty anti-limitation.

00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:40,413

When he parties, it gets... extreme.

00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,539

Challenge failed.

00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,499

Woah! What’s extreme by the Gene metric?

00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:45,126

Does he have Les Mis shot glasses?

00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,211

We’re not exactly squanchweights, brother.

00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:50,798

It’s my birthday and I wish

to party with Hugh Jackman.

00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:53,259

- Then you shall!

- That was a fast shit.

00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,261

But first everybody’s taking these.

00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,430

- What are they?

- Maybe they’re Tic-Tacs.

00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:58,889

Maybe they’re cyanide.

00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:01,642

Maybe I don’t like

to party with people that hesitate.

00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,645

There you go! That’s the spirit!

00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:08,357

Now we're all completely fun!

00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,281

This was not oversold!

00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,241

A, b, d, e...

00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:20,119

I lost my C.

My alphabet has no C.

00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,538

Did I do these already?

Did I ask that already?

00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,333

Squanch, yeah. My turn.

00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:27,835

Did I win?

00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:32,840

The best bloody day of my life.

00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,092

My wedding was pretty great too.

00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:36,802

I was talking about the Tony award.

00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,515

- Yes.

- We’re squanching now!

00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,518

- Why the long face, mate?

- Shape of my skull.

00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:45,728

You know, Mr. Poopybutthole,

00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,189

when I wrote Caribbean Queen,

you know what my agent said?

00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:50,566

- Billy Ocean wrote that...

- That’s what he said.

00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,318

Exactly that.

“Billy Ocean wrote this.

00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,819

Don’t write it again.

You’re not Billy Ocean.”

00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:55,654

You know what I did?

I fired my agent.

00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:59,367

Don’t accept other people’s limitations.

00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:02,328

What does your heart want, lil’ ripper?

00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:03,788

Right now, don’t think.

00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:07,208

Right now, my heart wants Amy back.

00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,293

Everybody!

Our friend wants Amy back.

00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:10,378

Squanch idea.

00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,380

I will agree to anything in this state.

00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,632

I do not think that’s a good idea.

00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,510

Ladies and Gentlemen!

This man is a fake friend.

00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,678

- Come on, Hugh.

-"Come on, Hugh."

00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:22,390

Come on, everybody.

Don’t call Hugh Jackman Wolverine.

00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,934

Don’t call yourself Billy Ocean.

Don’t get Amy Back.

00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,228

You’re a vampire, brother.

00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,938

You feed off other people’s energy.

00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,356

That is kind of true.

00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:33,359

Are you kidding me? You’ve been

living on my daughter’s sofa for months.

00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:36,028

- Do you want me to leave?

- The entire family does!

00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,656

- Why not say something?

- Because you’re my friend!

00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:41,784

A real friend would have

known it’s not my birthday.

00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,828

O shit.

00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:45,204

Fake friend!

00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,956

You’re not helping, Hugh Jackman.

00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:51,210

You do not tell me what to do.

Or Anyone Here.

00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,378

- Affirmative.

- Yeah, baby!

00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,380

Why would you pretend

it was your birthday?

00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:57,800

You think I don’t know a half-assed

intervention when I see one coming?

00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,176

O Shit.

00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:01,220

Love where you are, man.

00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,597

You’re just Wolverining right now.

You feel that?

00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:06,517

I think so.

Does Wolverining hurt a little?

00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:07,768

- Every time!

- Every time!

00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:09,395

Alright, grab a drink to go, gentlemen.

00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,147

Because we’re either getting Amy back.

00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:12,857

Or. We’re going home.

00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,067

- You’re nuts!

- Then nut me up, bitch!

00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,902

Nut me up!

00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,447

- Nut me up!

- Nut me up!

00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:20,531

It’s not an expression!

00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,367

Amy’S coming back dead or alive!

00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:25,744

Yes.

00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:29,498

Fake friend, my ass.

I know how to be there for my friends.

00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,419

Father? Why?

00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:36,172

Ah crap. Hang on. Lemme go upstairs

and grab the business finisher.

00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:40,259

From where I’m sitting, you’re the

one with unfinished business.

00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,886

Hey, mind your own business.

00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:46,474

Business is my business.

And brother, business is good.

00:12:52,813 --> 00:12:55,149

Oh, you come back to ruin our fun?

00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:56,775

No. To help you finish this.

00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,862

I made you guys come out because

I didn’t want to talk to PB alone.

00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:01,489

I’m here to go down with the ship.

00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:03,782

- Respect, Rick.

- Hit it, Hugh!

00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:08,954

I lose my cool

when she steps in the room

00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,921

And I get so excited

just from her perfume

00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,298

Weeeeooo, there she is. My Amy.

00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:22,927

Electric eyes that you can't ignore...

00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,638

Oh, she feels my love around her! Oowee!

00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,431

Wow. Your love is pretty strong.

00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,435

I guess that’s not all she’s feeling.

00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:35,523

Predator P.I.? This is the opposite

of what I hired you for!

00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:39,485

Now, now.

Did you do this, Gul’karna?

00:13:39,818 --> 00:13:42,696

You do this? You do this?

00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:44,031

...running my game...

00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:46,325

I’m gonna uncloak this later...

00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,077

Now. Now.

00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,497

Okay, honestly PB, that could have

gone a lot worse...

00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:53,207

Pb?

00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:55,501

- Caribbean Queen...

- Ooooweeee gotta goooo!

00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:56,919

Run!

00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:01,799

I’m too drunk to flee a Predator

right now.

00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:04,301

Mud. The mud thing.

Everyone mud up and hide!

00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:08,722

What’s that smell?

Squanchy, that’s not mud.

00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:10,140

Well, I’m not from this planet.

00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:11,725

Daddy, what’s happening?

00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:13,686

Quiet, Poopy Jr.

I’m taking you home.

00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:18,065

- Look, I just didn’t think I could...

- What? Be honest?

00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:19,858

Don’t high-road me.

It’s just as dishonest

00:14:19,858 --> 00:14:21,860

to play dumb about

wearing out your welcome!

00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,487

You could’ve just told me.

00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:25,447

You’re an adult! Read the room and

figure it out.

00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,511

I admit it, that was self destructive.

00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,433

Use me as a shield, I feel nothing!

00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,895

Squanch this.

00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,236

I’m so... I’m so squanched up, man.

00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:10,868

I’m not really with these guys,

I was just walking in this park...

00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:14,371

No!

00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,415

Why is this my thing?

00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:19,001

No! I won’t let you take

my family from me.

00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:31,722

Guess you didn’t see season 4,

episode 3.

00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:32,723

Let’s Go!

00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,100

Fuck.

00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:39,313

Who’s got the three dots on their

forehead now?

00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,398

Could have done that

before he punched me.

00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:45,319

Suck my squanch!

00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,451

Gimme that big ol’ tooth!

00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,453

Gul’karna...

00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:01,919

No, no, stop!

00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,837

What are you doing?

I want that skull!

00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:07,424

No, Rick. No more.

This is my fault. All of it.

00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:09,885

And... if he’s gonna protect

my wife and chiiild,

00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:13,138

that’s a great thing to know

while I get my shit together.

00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,223

Wayne?

00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,933

- Wayne?

- Amy.

00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:18,060

I messed up real baaad,

00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:21,397

I came to say I don’t know

what to do without you, but...

00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,899

I guess I can start by not kidnapping.

00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,694

That’s definitely where you should start.

00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:33,117

I’m... sorry, Amy.

00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:35,327

You should be. But I’m not.

00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:36,954

We’re a family now.

00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:42,126

Me, Poopy Jr., and Gul’Karna,

Clan Leader of The Skin'Thieves.

00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:43,669

Goodbye, Wayne.

00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,170

Goodbye.

00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,340

Ooo-weee, a musket?

00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,342

I’m starting to think it’s like

their currency...

00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:56,348

I hunt because I must. But man possesses

a precious gift; the power to change.

00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:59,101

More like the power of music, bitch!

00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,227

What the fuck?

00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,271

Jesus, Hugh, we were just resolving it.

00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:04,148

Well, I’m an actor and I’m high.

00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:07,818

“Caribbean Queen, written by Hugh

Jackman, age sixteen.”

00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,028

How’s that for a twist?

00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:10,738

Confusing.

00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,531

Well. Sometimes you have to believe.

00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:15,826

Wow, that’s reeeal inspiring.

Makes me think of how...

00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,871

- Get the hell out of here!

- Okay, okay, sorry.

00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,873

lright guys,

I’m buying drive through tacos,

00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,542

but nobody tells my nutritionist

and we have to steal a car.

00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:26,879

Wayne’ huh?

00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:31,884

Oooweee. But I prefer Mr.

Popybutthole. More refined.

00:17:34,052 --> 00:17:37,598

It appears Birddaughter has broken

into another Federation compound.

00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:39,057

I must go.

00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:41,602

Wayne, this counts as attending

your actual birthday.

00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:44,396

Rick. It was... canonical to see you.

00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:45,731

Yeah, let’s call it.

00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,442

I wanna pass out before

I remember what we did tonight.

00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:52,488

I never want to forget it.

And I never want to repeat it.

00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,072

Proud of you, little buddy.

00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:56,366

You too, Squanch.

00:17:56,825 --> 00:18:00,788

Fuck. Look at us.

A bird guy, talking cat,

00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,874

what are you?

A robot man, and a mutant.

00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:07,127

Was a bonzer night, mates.

That’s one for the books.

00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,588

Bonzer night indeed.

00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:12,257

Kept in touch

with the guys over the years.

00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,760

As much as ya can in this fast world.

00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:17,262

Birdperson went home

to take on a challenge

00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,598

way more difficult than a Predator...

00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,517

raising Birddaughter.

00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:25,813

Gearhead went back to The Gear System

and got a spinal replacement.

00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:27,773

He’s still paying it off.

00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:31,485

Squanchy?

Checked himself into a nice rehab.

00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:34,321

No one thought it would

stick and it didn’t.

00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:37,866

He was later arrested for smuggling

toad venom across the border.

00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,035

to glue Hugh Jackman

went to the Jack Shack

00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:42,996

back together the Tony

award that Gene shot.

00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:47,125

And possibly to put a bullet

in all future Wolverine references.

00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:48,293

Thanks to us.

00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:51,547

And what came of Rick?

I think he learned something that night.

00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,341

About friendship. About honesty.

00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:58,053

And maybe he learned

something about himseelllf.

00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:02,850

Here. Forgot to give you a fading pill.

Great for hangovers.

00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:06,144

Just to clarify, I had to take

an un-fading pill to counteract

00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:07,938

the original fading pill I just took.

00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,315

Okay?

00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,150

And if you’re hung up on why the

taxi disappeared,

00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:15,153

the pills aren’t sentient,

but they do detect human coverings,

00:19:15,153 --> 00:19:17,781

so it saw the taxi as some sort

of large overcoat.

00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,324

Doesn’t matter.

00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,076

You uh, gonna be alright?

00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:22,619

Got a place to stay?

00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,122

I can 3D print you

an apartment on the moon.

00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:27,499

I’ll figure it out, Rick. Thanks.

00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:29,710

Well, here I go pill’in again.

00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:36,216

Yep. Don’t any of you worry about

Mr. Popybutthole.

00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:39,887

I got a lot of work to do,

but I’ll land on my poopy little feet.

00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,471

I always do.

00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,351

This burns like hell.

How did the other guys not react?

00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:49,813

Is mine different?

It’s like my skin is boiling!

00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:53,025

Guys, I got the Best Buds Burrito Box.

00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,860

They normally ask

for proof of friendship,

00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,987

but the cashier trusted

me that you guys were out...

00:19:58,697 --> 00:19:59,615

...here.

00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,284

Not cool, man.

00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:45,202

You don’t have to do this, Sheriff.

It’s your last day on the job.

00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:48,956

That’s exactly why I must.

I ain’t retiring a coward.

00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:50,916

Get out of here, officer.

00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,377

And go take care of my granddaughter.

00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:33,291

When I was young and in my prime,

my mind being free from care.

00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,293

I ain’t scared of you!

00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:39,172

Whilst leaving all in Donegal.

00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:44,177

That i might, plough,

the raging main,

00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:47,472

going to amerikay...

00:22:01,528 --> 00:22:02,446

What happened?

00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:04,406

I think it ran out of gas.

00:22:06,408 --> 00:22:09,161

So, he could have survived

if he just stood back five feet?

00:22:10,370 --> 00:22:13,206

Well. Let’s not tell

his granddaughter that.

00:00:08,910 --> 00:00:10,770

А то без гостиной жить такое себе.

00:00:10,790 --> 00:00:12,180

Я постоянно о его цилиндры спотыкаюсь.

00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:16,180

Он затыркал мой ТВ-рекордер ТиВо,

а это винтаж, и кнопки там хрупкие.

00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,070

Удивительно, что отцу вообще до фени.

00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:21,230

Ребята, он - друг нашей семьи.

Пусть гостит, сколько потребуется.

00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:24,570

В общем, я отдала колёса тому коротышке

в соседней комнате,

00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:25,890

он сказал, что бабки у вас.

00:00:26,030 --> 00:00:28,360

О, вы в школу ходите?

Проблемы с вниманием есть?

00:00:28,410 --> 00:00:31,780

Так, всё! Морти, отыщи деда,

а я поговорю с нашим гостем.

00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:32,990

Джерри, заплати барыге.

00:00:32,990 --> 00:00:35,290

Я предпочитаю, чтобы меня называли

фармацевт.

00:00:35,340 --> 00:00:36,170

Они тоже!

00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,700

У тебя случайно нет...

00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,950

Сорян, забыла кошелёк в космосе.

00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:43,460

Ты за кошельком?

00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,380

Мистер Жопосранчик, это уже перебор.

00:00:47,470 --> 00:00:50,010

Мы поддержали тебя в трудную минуту.

00:00:50,970 --> 00:00:54,470

Ты права, Бэт. Я натуральный урод.

00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:58,640

Подсадишь меня, чтобы я смог привязать

ремень к потолочному вентилятору?

00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,060

У нас нет вентилятора.

00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:03,230

Ооой-ёёёй, так вот чё тут так душно.

00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:05,340

А ведь он недорогой.

00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,460

Не ожидали увидеть меня в открывающей сцене, да?

00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,570

Похоже, надо мной снова сгущаются тучи.

00:01:12,570 --> 00:01:14,810

Всё началось, когда Бэт подстрелила меня.

00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:15,930

Я же извинилась.

00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:18,640

Я знаю. У тебя сердце кровью обливалось.

00:01:18,950 --> 00:01:19,770

Как от пули.

00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:20,950

Это случайность.

00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:24,270

Короче, потом меня уволили с работы,

00:01:24,290 --> 00:01:27,420

жена бросила меня, я сломал обе ноги,

00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:28,960

завалил экзамен на адвоката.

00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,930

Ооой-ёёёй, вся моя жизнь покатилась к чертям.

00:01:31,930 --> 00:01:34,550

Поэтому пока что я обосновался

у Смитов.

00:01:34,550 --> 00:01:39,640

Оооой-ёёёёй, я - мистер Жопосранчик,

а это седьмой сезон "Рика и Морти".

00:02:14,490 --> 00:02:16,620

Эй, дружище, я принёс тебе кофе.

00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:19,100

Я могу его синтезировать.

Зачем тебе повод, чтобы увидеться со мной?

00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,300

Я знал, что ты так скажешь,

поэтому ничего не принёс.

00:02:22,140 --> 00:02:23,180

Есть успехи?

00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:26,650

Да, Морти. Я выследил Рика, который

убил мою жену. Ты всё пропустил.

00:02:26,650 --> 00:02:27,610

Ладно, я понял.

00:02:27,630 --> 00:02:31,490

Мы эпично бились на мечах на плотине Гувера,

он разбился о что-то острое

00:02:31,540 --> 00:02:33,530

и прошептал "Спасибо", как оборотень.

00:02:33,550 --> 00:02:34,930

Я спросил из вежливости.

00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:37,530

Семья хочет, чтобы ты разобрался

с мистером Жопосранчиком.

00:02:37,550 --> 00:02:38,660

Пришло время?

00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,350

К счастью для вас, я умею

выгонять людей из дома.

00:02:41,740 --> 00:02:44,750

Семья, я представляю вам РобоПризрака!

00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:46,650

- Рик!

- Ты хочешь напугать его?

- Самому влом что ли?

00:02:46,670 --> 00:02:47,670

А мне интересно.

00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,610

Сборка тела.

00:02:53,170 --> 00:02:54,720

Активация чувств.

00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:57,840

Загрузка дел.

00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,140

Обнаружено неоконченное дело.

00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,740

Уничтожение тела.

00:03:10,650 --> 00:03:15,400

Так, надо прикрутить гравитацию

к завершенным делам, а пол оставить незавершённым.

00:03:15,770 --> 00:03:16,670

Всё по новой.

00:03:16,690 --> 00:03:19,600

Пап, хватит откладывать это дело.

Ты устроишь вместе с нами интервенцию.

00:03:19,620 --> 00:03:20,070

Нет.

00:03:20,070 --> 00:03:22,240

Тогда мистер Жопосранчик будет жить с тобой.

00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,160

Это чё? Интервенция по поводу

того, что я не вмешиваюсь?

00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,420

Вы так ничего не добьётесь,

ни в комическом, ни в клиническом смысле.

00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,340

Процент успеха в обоих случаях - десять процентов.

00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,140

Значит, ты сам должен ему помочь.

Без всяких призраков.

00:03:35,290 --> 00:03:38,740

О, эт-это интересно. Ты вспомнила про него

и тем самым придала ему сил.

00:03:38,890 --> 00:03:41,320

Тема призраков очень плохо изучена.

00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:44,930

Но сначала поговорю со своим другом.

00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,520

Он сейчас в гостиной, Рик.

00:03:46,580 --> 00:03:48,090

Я не буду делать это в одиночку.

00:03:48,110 --> 00:03:49,840

Ой, так ты устроишь интервенцию?

00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:52,340

Нет, я соберу друзей, и они помогут

мне поговорить с другом.

00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,080

Вы бы поняли, будь у вас мозги и друзья.

00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:56,320

Ты злой! Пап!

00:03:56,350 --> 00:03:57,430

Не трать силы.

00:03:57,450 --> 00:03:58,910

Ха-ха! Да, иди в жопу, Саммер.

00:04:00,110 --> 00:04:00,850

Твою мать.

00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:01,690

Портал закрылся.

00:04:01,710 --> 00:04:02,580

Да ты чё?

00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:05,970

Устрой интервенцию, или мы устроим

интервенцию тебе. Дебилы.

00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,340

Шестерня! Дружбан!

00:04:10,390 --> 00:04:13,530

Слушай, надо помочь мистеру Жопосранчику.

Он совсем расклеился.

00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:17,960

Кажись, ты предлагаешь интервенцию.

А у Шестерни нет дел до фигни.

00:04:17,980 --> 00:04:20,000

Это не интервенция.

И за тобой должок.

00:04:20,020 --> 00:04:22,260

Ладно, но мне надо выпить.

00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:23,720

Бери с собой и мне налей.

00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:27,020

Рик, сквончин ты сын!

00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:29,080

Сквончи! Я ж говорил, что он не сдох.

00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:29,980

Посквончим?

00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,090

Слегка. Нам надо потусить с Жопосранчиком

и поговорить с ним насчёт...

00:04:33,110 --> 00:04:34,160

Алкоголизма.

00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:36,310

Нам? Без сквонча никак.

00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:37,590

Я бы не отказался.

00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,340

И мне налей.

00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:42,070

Ты оставила бедро громфломита

в компосте.

00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,510

Твоя человеческая натура ретива,

но небрежна.

00:04:44,530 --> 00:04:46,960

Также, я нашёл твой список членов Федерации

на уничтожение.

00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:50,030

Не копайся в моих вещах!

Здесь хуже, чем в тюрьме.

00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:56,680

Рик.

00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:58,510

ПЛ! Сколько зим!

00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,700

Ты... не один?

00:05:00,730 --> 00:05:01,590

Птичья дочь.

00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:02,570

Ты нашёл её.

00:05:02,630 --> 00:05:05,930

Да. Её держали в тренировочном лагере

для роковых женщин.

00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,010

Ништяк! Погнали отпразднуем

с лучшими друзьями

00:05:09,030 --> 00:05:11,980

и уговорим Жопосрачника сбавить обороты

с выпивкой.

00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:13,790

Подозрительно.

00:05:13,950 --> 00:05:18,690

Но отцовство даётся нелегко, и я хочу показать дочери,

что такое настоящий эгоизм.

00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:21,330

Шикос! Нам нужен кто-нибудь трезвый.

00:05:23,830 --> 00:05:24,820

Бухал сегодня?

00:05:24,850 --> 00:05:25,880

Сёдня ж четверг.

00:05:25,970 --> 00:05:27,140

То, что надо.

00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,980

Куда пойдём? В кофейню?

00:05:30,010 --> 00:05:31,330

Нет. Он заподозрит неладное.

00:05:31,350 --> 00:05:34,670

Да! Не хочу я сквончить кофе.

Давайте засквончим его в бар.

00:05:34,670 --> 00:05:36,210

Наш посыл обесценится.

00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:37,800

И всё-таки это интервенция.

00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,740

Нет! Мы просим его завязать с выпивкой,

00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,970

потому что мы - сознательные друзья,

а не лицемеры или скучные обыватели.

00:05:42,970 --> 00:05:46,140

Тогда может засядем в месте,

где есть бар?

00:05:46,460 --> 00:05:49,130

Ну, если есть еда, то и бар не будет лишним.

00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:53,330

Пшёл нах!

00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:55,410

Спасибо, что вытащили меня, народ.

00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:56,830

Тяжёлая была неделька.

00:05:57,020 --> 00:06:00,410

Эми занимается пилаааатесом

с чуваком по имени Чувак.

00:06:00,570 --> 00:06:02,950

Ты следишь за бывшей женой?

00:06:02,970 --> 00:06:07,490

Оооой-ёёёёй. Мне суд запретил, так что

для слежки я нанял Хищника.

00:06:07,510 --> 00:06:09,190

Хищников можно нанимать?

00:06:09,210 --> 00:06:11,350

Да, берут дёшево, потому что живут

ради охоты.

00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:13,670

Надо только заплатить, чтобы

не убивали цель.

00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:16,380

А с маскировкой не надо платить

за использование образа.

00:06:16,380 --> 00:06:19,050

Приветствуем в "Пшёл нах!"

Меня зовут Март и...

00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:23,050

Пшли нах! В нашем заведении

мы слегка подтруниваем над гостями.

00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:24,690

О, а это прикольно.

00:06:24,710 --> 00:06:26,290

Ясен пень, лохозавр!

00:06:26,670 --> 00:06:27,670

Класс.

00:06:27,690 --> 00:06:29,670

Смотрите какой грустный ластик.

00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:32,390

Тебя чё, школьник засунул в кошачью жопу?

00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:33,870

Наверняка у тебя было всё,

00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:37,760

а ты беспомощно наблюдал, как всё

ускользало из твоих рук, будто пески времени.

00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:41,490

Скоро вернусь за вашими заказами, народ.

Или лучше сказать "хуй вам в рот"?

00:06:41,630 --> 00:06:44,170

Возможно, мы выбрали не самое лучшее

место, Рик.

00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,560

О чём это ты?

00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:48,740

Отличное место, чтобы отметить мою днюху.

00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:55,550

Днюху... днюху... днюху...

днюху... днюху... днюху...

00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:56,110

Днюху?

00:06:56,130 --> 00:06:58,990

Ооой-ёёёй! Даже не верится, что вы вспомнили.

00:06:59,090 --> 00:07:03,340

Я был в полном отчаянии. Уж было думал,

что начал злоупотреблять гостеприимством.

00:07:03,650 --> 00:07:05,860

Спасибо тебе за всё это, Рик.

00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,430

Не за что, мистер Жопчик. Мы ж друзья.

00:07:08,450 --> 00:07:10,200

Да у нас тут именниник.

00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,230

Да, только не пойте пожалуйста и не...

00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:13,860

Пшёл нах, говнюк!

00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,460

Не платит алименты.

00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:18,520

Ха-ха. Мда, остроумная шляпа,

00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:22,000

ведь меня ненавидит даже мой сын,

мистер Жопчик младший.

00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:23,070

Ой-ёй.

00:07:23,150 --> 00:07:26,060

Я тебя понимаю.

Птичья Дочь - та ещё стерва.

00:07:26,490 --> 00:07:28,130

Родителям так говорить можно.

00:07:28,410 --> 00:07:31,590

Ну что, может, по шотику?

00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:32,830

Рик?

00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,840

Набубенимся по самый бубен!

00:07:35,860 --> 00:07:36,300

Да!

00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:38,470

♪ Налил шот прямо в рот ♪

00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:39,740

♪ Скипидар в нос мне дал ♪

00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,040

♪ Бывшей тоже написал ♪

00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:42,270

♪ Копу вмазал, всё ништяк ♪

00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:43,510

♪ В член ударь, шмару жарь ♪

00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:44,740

♪ Увольняйся, пса купи ♪

00:07:44,770 --> 00:07:46,050

♪ Вмажь пивка, потом ещё ♪

00:07:46,070 --> 00:07:47,530

♪ Заглоти колесо, встретит пол твоё лицо ♪

00:07:50,820 --> 00:07:52,570

Там у меня не пупок.

00:07:53,110 --> 00:07:54,210

А что тогда?

00:08:00,150 --> 00:08:00,980

Тусо-мешалка.

00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,340

Ооой-ёёёй!

00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:07,320

Держитесь покрепче!

00:08:08,850 --> 00:08:10,130

Ооой-ёёёй!

00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,010

Нечем дышать! Нечем дышать!

00:08:13,030 --> 00:08:14,240

Тут есть туалет?

00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:15,240

Спереди.

00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,960

Какая жесть! Ооой-ёёёёй!

00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,240

Заебца, началось.

00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:34,580

Медовый рейв! Пожужжим, детка!

00:08:35,410 --> 00:08:37,290

Ого! Что это за мир?

00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:38,610

Мы на Земле.

00:08:38,630 --> 00:08:39,510

С чего ты взял?

00:08:39,530 --> 00:08:41,530

Потому что это Хью Джекман.

00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:46,810

Ебать, и правда.

Здарова, Джекман!

00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:51,200

Естественно он меня узнал, мы ж оба

вели церемонию Оскар. Там эксклюзивная тусовочка.

00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,150

Мужики, давайте без всякой фигни.

Не называйте его Росомахой и общайтесь с ним, как с обычным...

00:08:55,170 --> 00:08:55,760

Джин!

00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:56,990

Мир тесен, друг.

00:08:57,010 --> 00:08:58,960

Хью! Хью женился на моей кузине.

00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,400

Получается, что он для меня братсомаха.

00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,530

Просто офигенно!

00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,380

Ты был ведущим на Оскаре?

00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:07,450

Да, я...

00:09:07,470 --> 00:09:08,340

Короче, слушайте.

00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,630

Вряд ли вы собирались тусить сегодня

со мной, но если хотите...

00:09:11,630 --> 00:09:12,760

- Ооой-ёёёй.

- Мы потусим с тобой.

- Хотим!

00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:16,890

Если хотите, то делайте это вместе,

как команда.

00:09:17,030 --> 00:09:19,700

А я схожу и как следует "Хью Джакну".

00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,390

"Джакнуть" - это "срать" на австралийском сленге.

00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:23,420

Не гуглите. Но примите решение.

00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,050

Ну а потом я забурюсь в Джилище.

00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,660

Что за Джилище?

00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:28,860

Его жилище.

00:09:28,990 --> 00:09:31,100

Ребят, не думаю, что стоит туда идти.

00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,740

Попробуй объяснить причину так,

чтобы мы не захотели идти туда ещё сильнее.

00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,560

Ну... Хью выступает против всяких ограничений.

00:09:37,580 --> 00:09:40,520

Его тусовки уходят в крайности.

00:09:40,540 --> 00:09:41,540

Ты не смог.

00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:43,610

Что такое крайность в понимании Джина?

00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,260

Стаканы с изображнием "Отверженных"?

00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,210

Мы тебе не сквончуханы, братан.

00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:50,800

Это моя днюха, и я хочу тусить с Хью Джекманом.

00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,550

И потусишь!

00:09:52,580 --> 00:09:53,510

Быстро он срёт.

00:09:53,690 --> 00:09:55,310

Но сначала слопайте таблеточки.

00:09:55,380 --> 00:09:56,440

Что это?

00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:58,890

Может, Тик-Так.

А может, цианид.

00:09:58,910 --> 00:10:01,880

А может, я не люблю тусить с теми,

кто мешкается.

00:10:02,130 --> 00:10:04,690

Ну вот! Другое дело.

00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:09,160

Теперь-то мы оторвёмся по полной!

00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:15,280

Чел не втюхал нам пустышку.

00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:17,300

А, Б, Г, Д...

00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:20,100

Я потерял "В". В моём алфавите нет буква "В"!

00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,780

Я уже это пробовал?

Я уже задавал этот вопрос?

00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,720

Осквончеть! Мой черёд!

00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:27,840

Я победил?

00:10:31,490 --> 00:10:32,910

Самый офигенный день в моей жизни.

00:10:32,930 --> 00:10:35,090

Моя свадьба тоже была славной.

00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:36,800

Я имел ввиду премию Тони.

00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:38,190

Да!

00:10:38,210 --> 00:10:38,660

Пли!

00:10:39,630 --> 00:10:40,400

Да!

00:10:40,430 --> 00:10:41,790

Засквончили!

00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,080

Чего ты нос повесил?

00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,700

У меня просто череп такой.

00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:48,510

Мистер Жопосранчик, знаешь, что сказал

мой агент, когда я сочинил песню "Карибская королева"?

00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:49,920

Её сочинил Билли Оушен.

00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,320

Именно так он и сказал.

"Её сочинил Билли Оушен.

00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:55,930

Не сочиняй её по новой. Ты не Билли Оушен."

И что я сделал? Уволил агента.

00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:59,700

Не примеряй на себя ограничения других людей.

00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:02,660

Чего хочет твоё сердце, крутыш?

00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,020

Прямо сейчас. Не думай.

00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,330

Прямо сейчас моё сердце хочет вернуть Эми.

00:11:07,350 --> 00:11:09,340

Народ! Наш друг хочет вернуть Эми!

00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:10,380

Осквончительно!

00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:12,500

В таком состоянии я согласен на всё.

00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,740

Не думаю, что это хорошая затея.

00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,650

Дамы и господа! Перед вами псевдо-друг.

00:11:17,670 --> 00:11:18,600

Хорош тебе, Хью.

00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:20,980

"Хорош тебе, Хью. Хорош вам, мужики.

00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:22,600

Не называйте Хью Джекмана Росомахой.

00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:25,240

Не называй себя Билли Оушеном.

Не возвращай Эми".

00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:28,940

Ты - вампир, братан.

Ты питаешься чужой энергией.

00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:30,360

А ведь он прав.

00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,360

Издеваешься? Ты несколько месяцев

живёшь на диване моей дочери.

00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,760

Хочешь, чтобы я ушёл?

00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,030

Вся семья этого хочет.

00:11:36,030 --> 00:11:37,260

А чего ж тогда молчал?

00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,750

Потому что ты - мой друг.

00:11:38,770 --> 00:11:41,900

Настоящий друг знал бы,

что моя днюха не сегодня.

00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,020

Ну пиздец!

00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:45,250

Псевдо-друг.

00:11:45,270 --> 00:11:47,020

Помог бы лучше, Хью Джекман.

00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:51,210

Не указывай мне, что делать.

И остальным тоже.

00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,320

- Так точно.

- Да, детка!

00:11:52,340 --> 00:11:54,350

Зачем ты сделал вид, что сегодня твоя днюха?

00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:57,800

Да тут за километр разило

сраной интервенцией.

00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,500

Ну пиздец!

00:12:00,130 --> 00:12:03,720

Вот это мне нравится, мужик.

Ты прям как Росомаха. Чувствуешь?

00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:06,520

Наверное.

А Росомахе немного больно?

00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:07,770

- Каждый раз!

- Каждый раз!

00:12:07,830 --> 00:12:09,590

Берите напитки с собой, господа.

00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:12,930

Либо мы вернём Эми, либо...

уйдём восвояси.

00:12:12,950 --> 00:12:13,720

Ты чиканулся.

00:12:13,740 --> 00:12:15,070

Так чикани меня, сука!

00:12:15,530 --> 00:12:17,230

Чикани!

00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:19,450

- Чикани!

- Чикани!

00:12:19,450 --> 00:12:20,670

Нет такого слова.

00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,630

Эми вернётся к тебе живой или мёртвой!

00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:25,740

Да!

00:12:26,950 --> 00:12:29,640

Псевдо-друг, ага.

Я умею заботиться о друзьях.

00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:33,400

Отец? За что?

00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,250

Чёрт, потерпи. Я сейчас притащу

завершитель дел.

00:12:36,270 --> 00:12:40,260

Лично мне кажется, что незаконченные дела

здесь только у тебя.

00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,890

Эй, не лезь не в своё дело.

00:12:41,950 --> 00:12:46,720

Дела и есть моё дело.

И знаешь, братишка, дела идут хорошо.

00:12:52,790 --> 00:12:55,130

О, вернулся, чтобы испортить нам всю веселуху?

00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:56,850

Нет. Чтобы помочь закончить дело.

00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,110

Я собрал всех вас, потому что не хотел

говорить со Сранчиком в одиночку.

00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,670

Помирать, так с музыкой.

00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:02,780

Уважуха, Рик.

00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:03,970

Жги, Хью!

00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:08,950

♪ Рядом с тобой я теряю покой ♪

00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,660

♪ И сводит с ума аромат духов твой ♪

00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,560

Оооой-ёёёёй, вот она, моя Эми.

00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:25,640

- ♪ От страстных глаз я взор не отведу ♪

- Она чувствует мою любовь! Оооой-ёёёй!

00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,610

Ого! Какая мощная у тебя любовь.

00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,510

Кажись, она ещё кое-что чувствует.

00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:35,750

Частный сыщик Хищник?

Я тебя нанимал вовсе не для этого!

00:13:35,860 --> 00:13:39,740

Так, так, это ты всё устроил, Гул'карна?

00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:42,880

Ты это устроил? Ты это устроил?

00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:46,440

Попозже снимем с него маскировку.

00:13:46,460 --> 00:13:48,580

Сейчас. Сейчас. Сейчас.

00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:51,750

Если честно, Сранчик, всё могло бы быть хуже.

00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,210

Сранчик?

00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:55,500

Ооой-ёёёёй! Валим!

00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:56,920

Бежим!

00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,860

Я слишком бухой, чтобы убегать от Хищника.

00:14:01,890 --> 00:14:04,550

Грязь. Обмажьтесь грязью,

она вас спрячет.

00:14:06,050 --> 00:14:08,720

Что за запах? Сквончи, это не грязь.

00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,250

Я ж не с этой планеты.

00:14:10,270 --> 00:14:11,730

Папочка, в чём дело?

00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,880

Тихо, Жопчик младший.

Я заберу тебя домой.

00:14:15,820 --> 00:14:17,200

Я не был уверен, что смогу...

00:14:17,220 --> 00:14:18,040

Быть честным?

00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:19,090

Не читай мне мораль.

00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:21,910

Ты также кривил душой, когда якобы

не понимал, что засиделся в гостях.

00:14:21,930 --> 00:14:23,490

Ты мог просто сказать.

00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:25,580

Ты взрослый человек. Сам бы мог допереть.

00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:47,680

Признаю, тут я сам виноват.

00:14:49,660 --> 00:14:52,650

Спрячьтесь за мной! Я ничего не чувствую!

00:14:55,370 --> 00:14:56,990

Как тебе такой сквонч?

00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,500

Блин, я... я просто в полный сквонч.

00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:11,080

На самом деле, я не с ними.

Я просто прогуливался по парку...

00:15:12,950 --> 00:15:14,370

Нет!

00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,390

Почему опять-то?

00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:19,180

Нет! Я не позволю тебе

отобрать у меня семью!

00:15:28,740 --> 00:15:31,830

Кажись ты не смотрел третью серию

четвёртого сезона.

00:15:31,850 --> 00:15:32,850

Попляшем!

00:15:33,650 --> 00:15:35,100

Ай, блядь!

00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,370

И у кого теперь три точки на лбу?

00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:41,480

Мог бы не дать ему ударить меня.

00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:45,710

Пососи мой сквонч.

00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,430

Отдавай свой зуб.

00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:54,450

Гул'карна...

00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,080

Нет! Нет, стойте!

00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:03,910

Ты чё творишь? Мне нужен его череп.

00:16:03,950 --> 00:16:07,540

Нет, Рик, хватит. Я во всём виноват.

Во всём.

00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,190

И если он будет защищать мою жену и ребёнка,

00:16:10,340 --> 00:16:13,260

то мне будет спокойнее наводить

порядок в голове.

00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,220

Уэйн?

00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:14,910

Уэйн?

00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:16,050

Эми.

00:16:16,070 --> 00:16:18,290

Я облажался по полной.

00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,530

Я собирался сказать, что не знаю,

как жить без тебя, но...

00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,140

Начинать с похищений было плохой идеей.

00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:26,970

Это была определённо плохая идея.

00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,180

Мне... очень жаль, Эми.

00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:37,030

И правильно. Но мне не жаль,

ведь мы теперь семья.

00:16:37,050 --> 00:16:42,130

Я, Жопчик младший и Гул'карна,

вождь клана шкуросдирателей.

00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:43,670

Пока, Уэйн.

00:16:44,210 --> 00:16:45,170

Пока.

00:16:47,030 --> 00:16:48,450

Оооой-ёёёй, мушкет?

00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,540

Кажись, это у них валюта такая.

00:16:50,930 --> 00:16:54,960

Я охочусь, потому что должен.

Но люди обладают ценным даром...

00:16:55,270 --> 00:16:56,520

Они способны меняться.

00:16:57,060 --> 00:16:59,100

А может лучше сменить пластинку, сука?

00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:00,270

Какого хера?

00:17:00,290 --> 00:17:02,420

Господи, Хью, мы ж всё порешали.

00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,310

Ну, я актёр, да ещё и под кайфом.

00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:07,920

“Карибская Королева, автор - Хью Джекман,

возраст шестнадцать лет.”

00:17:07,940 --> 00:17:09,270

Как тебе такой поворот?

00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:10,780

Сбивает с толку.

00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,530

Иногда надо просто верить.

00:17:12,530 --> 00:17:15,830

Ого, пробирает до глубины души.

Я даже задумался, как бы...

00:17:15,830 --> 00:17:17,560

Убирайтесь к чёрту!

00:17:17,580 --> 00:17:18,940

Ладно, прости.

00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:23,800

Мужики, поехали за тако, только ни слова

моему диетологу, а ещё придётся угнать тачку.

00:17:25,860 --> 00:17:26,860

Уэйн, значит?

00:17:27,010 --> 00:17:32,100

Оооой-ёёёёй. Но мистер Жопосранчик

мне больше по душе. Более утончённо.

00:17:34,050 --> 00:17:37,820

Судя по всему, Птичья Дочь пробралась

в очередной лагерь Федерации.

00:17:37,930 --> 00:17:41,780

Мне пора. Уэйн, будем считать,

что я посетил твой настоящий день рождения.

00:17:42,190 --> 00:17:44,630

Рик. Это была каноничная встреча.

00:17:44,770 --> 00:17:48,640

Пора по домам. Хочу отрубиться, пока не вспомнил,

что мы сегодня творили.

00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:52,640

Я не хочу забывать об этом,

но и повторять тоже.

00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,170

Горжусь тобой, дружище.

00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:56,410

И тобой, Сквонч.

00:17:56,830 --> 00:18:00,970

Бля, вы гляньте на нас.

Пернатый мужик, говорящий кот,

00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:03,850

А ты кто? Какой-то робот и мутант.

00:18:03,870 --> 00:18:07,270

Да уж. Чумачечий вечерок, друзья.

Войдёт в историю.

00:18:07,590 --> 00:18:09,860

Уууу, чумачечий - не то слово.

00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,390

Я общался с ребятами много лет.

00:18:12,410 --> 00:18:14,830

По возможности... в таком-то бешеном ритме жизни.

00:18:15,140 --> 00:18:19,870

Птичья Личность отправился домой

и бросил себе вызов потяжелее Хищника...

00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:21,640

воспитание Птичьей Дочери.

00:18:22,020 --> 00:18:26,170

Шестерня отправился в Систему Шестерёнок

на замену позвоночника.

00:18:26,310 --> 00:18:27,970

До сих пор выплачивает.

00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:31,660

Сквончи? Он нашёл себе

неплохой вытрезвитель.

00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:34,430

Никто не думал, что ему это поможет.

И не помогло.

00:18:34,490 --> 00:18:38,210

В итоге его арестовали за незаконный провоз

жабьего яда через границу.

00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:43,170

Хью Джекман вернулся в своё Джилище,

чтобы склеить премию Тони, которую разбил Джин.

00:18:43,380 --> 00:18:47,220

Возможно, он покончит со всеми

будущими отсылками к Росомахе.

00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:48,290

Благодаря нам.

00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:51,860

Что же стало с Риком? Думаю, в тот вечер

он кое-что осознал.

00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,580

Что-то про дружбу. Про честность.

00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:58,170

Возможно, он узнал что-то новое о себе.

00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:02,850

Держи. Забыл дать тебе таблетку исчезновения.

От похмелья самое то!

00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:08,110

Чтоб ты знал, я выпил таблетку появления,

чтобы нейтрализовать эффект таблетки исчезновения.

00:19:08,450 --> 00:19:10,410

Ооуу, ну ладно.

00:19:10,430 --> 00:19:12,270

Если тебя смутило исчезновение такси,

00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:15,260

то таблетки не разумны, но фиксируют

всякого рода одежду на человеке.

00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,200

Таблетка приняла такси за огромную куртку.

00:19:18,410 --> 00:19:21,310

Не важно. Ты как? В поряде?

00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:22,780

Есть, где упасть?

00:19:23,270 --> 00:19:25,240

Напечатать тебе квартиру на луне на 3Д-принтере?

00:19:25,260 --> 00:19:27,640

Да я разберусь, Рик. Спасибо.

00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,910

Что ж, ещё одну таблеточку.

00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:36,370

Да. Вы уж не волнуйтесь за мистера Жопосранчика.

00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:40,230

Предстоит много работы,

но я встану на свои маленькие жопные ножки.

00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:41,650

Как и всегда.

00:19:42,450 --> 00:19:46,350

Ай! Как сильно жжётся!

Почему остальным было пофигу?

00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:49,920

У меня другая таблетка?

Вся кожа горит!

00:19:50,610 --> 00:19:53,170

Народ, я взял набор буррито для лучших друзей.

00:19:53,190 --> 00:19:56,990

Обычно они просят доказать дружбу,

но кассир поверил, что вы ждали меня...

00:19:58,700 --> 00:19:59,620

...здесь.

00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,420

Не круто, чувак.

00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:45,200

Шериф, вы не обязаны это делать.

У вас же последний рабочий день.

00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:49,290

Потому-то и обязан.

Я не уйду на пенсию трусом.

00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:51,110

Уходи отсюда, офицер.

00:20:51,580 --> 00:20:53,380

И позаботься о моей внучке.

00:21:26,790 --> 00:21:30,210

♪ Когда я был в расцвете сил, ♪

00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,600

♪ забот не знал мой дух ♪

00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:35,290

Я тебя не боюсь!

00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,620

♪ Пока я в Донеголе жил, ♪

00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:44,180

♪ Мечтал пройти суровые моря, ♪

00:21:44,890 --> 00:21:49,590

♪ чтобы в Америку... ♪

00:21:53,820 --> 00:21:56,340

Рекорд Гиннесса.

Самому суеверному человеку.

00:22:01,530 --> 00:22:02,450

Что случилось?

00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:04,710

Кажись, бензин кончился.

00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:09,240

То есть, он бы выжил, если бы

отошёл назад на полтора метра.

00:22:10,370 --> 00:22:13,440

Мда. Лучше не говорить об этом его внучке.

00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:08,425

is finally gonna leave?

00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:09,926

It'd be nice to have

the living room back.

00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,261

I keep tripping on

all his top hats.

00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,054

He's always messing

with my TiVo!

00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,265

It's an antique,

the buttons are fragile!

00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,308

Big surprise that Dad's

avoiding all this.

00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,102

Guys,

he's a family friend.

00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:20,478

He can stay

as long as he needs.

00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:22,605

Hey, so I just

sold some drugs

00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:24,190

to the weird little dude

in there.

00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,358

He said you had cash?

00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:27,110

Oh, you kids in school?

00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,820

You having trouble focusing?

Okay, that's it!

00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,113

Morty, find your grandfather

while I go

00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,364

talk to our houseguest.

00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:32,615

Jerry, pay the dealer.

00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:34,743

Yeah, I prefer

the term "pharmacist."

00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,619

So do they!

00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:37,829

Any chance you have--

00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:41,332

Sorry, I left

my wallet in space.

00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:42,959

Are you leaving

to get it?

00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:44,377

[ Door closes ]

00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,504

Mr. Poopybutthole,

this has gone far enough.

00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:49,257

We have been really cool to you

in your time of need.

00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:51,926

[ Gulping ]

I agree, Beth.

00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,429

I'm a pieeeece of garbage.

00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,680

Can you boost me up

00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,016

so I can hook my belt

to the ceiling faaaaan?

00:00:58,016 --> 00:00:59,684

We don't have a ceiling fan.

00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:02,645

Oo weee, is that

why it's so hooot?

00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:05,482

They're not expensivvve.

[ Sighs ]

00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:08,693

Bet you didn't expect to see me

in a cold open, huh?

00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:11,988

Looks like I've taken

another turn for the worse.

00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:14,115

It all started

when Beth shot me.

00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:16,409

I said I was sorry!

I know...

00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:18,369

It tore you up inside...

00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:20,955

Like a bullet.

It was an accident!

00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:25,001

Anyway, then I got fired

from my joooob, my wife left me,

00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:28,505

I broke both my leeegs,

failed the bar exam.

00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:31,132

Ooo wee, things went downhill

from there.

00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:34,219

So I've been crashing

with the Smiths for a while.

00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:36,262

Ooo wee,

I'm Mr. Pooooopybutthole

00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:39,599

and this is "Rick and Morty"

Seeeeason 7.

00:01:39,599 --> 00:02:09,963

{\an8}♪

00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,800

[ Computer beeping ]

00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,010

{\an8}Hey, buddy.

B-brought you a coffee.

00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,387

{\an8}I can synthesize coffee.

00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,972

{\an8}You don't need to make excuses

to come see me--

00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,558

{\an8}Yeah, I knew you'd say that,

so I didn't even bring a cup.

00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,143

{\an8}Any progress?

00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,103

{\an8}Yes, Morty, I found the version

of me that killed my wife.

00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,729

{\an8}You just missed it.

Okay, I get it.

00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:29,190

{\an8}I had a big sword fight

with him on top of Hoover Dam.

00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,150

{\an8}He fell and landed

on a sharp spike,

00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:32,819

{\an8}and then whispered, "Thank you,"

like a werewolf.

00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,362

{\an8}I was asking to be polite.

00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,906

{\an8}The family wants you upstairs

to deal with Mr. Poopybutthole.

00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,575

{\an8}It's finally time, huh?

00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:41,244

{\an8}Well, lucky for you guys, I

know how to make someone leave.

00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:44,080

{\an8}Family, I present to you,

Robo-Ghost.

00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,999

{\an8}Rick!

Your plan

is to scare him away?

00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,750

{\an8}Avoidance much?

I'm listening.

00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,502

{\an8}AI voice:

Assembling body.

00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:52,213

[ Whirring ]

00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:54,716

[ Beeps ]

Activating sentience.

00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:55,842

[ Groans ]

00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:58,428

{\an8}Uploading business.

00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:02,432

[ Screams ]

Unfinished business detected.

00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,017

Terminating body.

00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,810

[ Grunts ]

00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,605

{\an8}[ Groans ]

00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,148

{\an8}[ Shouts ]

00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:13,276

{\an8}Okay. I need to make gravity

part of its finished business

00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,194

{\an8}and leave floors unfinished.

00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:16,404

{\an8}Starting over.

00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:17,864

{\an8}Dad, you can't

keep putting this off.

00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,115

{\an8}You're doing an intervention

with us.

00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:20,283

{\an8}Nope.

Then we're sticking

00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:21,659

{\an8}Poopybutthole downstairs

with you.

00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:22,952

{\an8}What is this?

00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,454

{\an8}I-Is this an intervention

of me not intervening?

00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,164

{\an8}Y-You know this can't make

the concept work,

00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:27,707

{\an8}not comedically

or clinically.

00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:29,459

{\an8}Its success rate

is 10% in both areas.

00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:31,252

{\an8}Then you have to help him

on your own.

00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,046

{\an8}And not with a ghost.

00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,631

{\an8}[ Screaming ]

00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,257

{\an8}Oo, that--

that's interesting.

00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,092

{\an8}You kind of gave him a little

power by mentioning him.

00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:41,721

{\an8}There's a lot of science

to unpack about ghosts--

00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,307

{\an8}[ Sighs ]

After I talk to my friend.

00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,850

{\an8}Jerry: He's in

the living room, Rick.

00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,602

{\an8}I'm not doing this

by myself!

00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,354

{\an8}Oh, so you're going to have

an intervention?

00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,897

{\an8}No. I'm going to get

some friends

00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,607

{\an8}to help me talk to a friend,

and you'd know the difference

00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,442

{\an8}if you weren't stupid

and had friends.

00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:55,902

{\an8}You're mean! Dad!

00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,278

{\an8}Pick your battles, honey.

Ha ha!

00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:59,322

Yeah, fuck you, Summer.

00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,115

God damn it.

Your portal closed.

00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:02,492

Oh, did it?

00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,202

Have an intervention,

or we'll intervention you,

00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,079

you bunch of stupids.

00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,664

[ Doorbell ringing repeatedly,

knocking on door ]

00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,166

Gearhead! Buddy!

Listen.

00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:11,960

We gotta help

Mr. Poopybutthole.

00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,169

He's in a bad place.

00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:14,837

Well, that sounds like

an intervention,

00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:17,173

which Gearhead

no Likehead.

00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:19,300

It's not an intervention.

And you owe me.

00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,719

Okay, fine,

but now I need a drink.

00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:23,554

Make it to go

and make it two.

00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,391

Rick,

you son of a squanch!

00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,518

Squanch!

Told you he wasn't dead.

00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,852

We squanching?

00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:31,396

A little. We need to have

a hang with Poopybutthole

00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,564

and talk to him about--

His drinking.

00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:35,566

Us? Not without

a squanch.

00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:38,027

I'd love one

if you're pouring.

Make it three.

00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:41,364

You left a Gromflomite femur

in the compost.

00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,616

Your human side

is passionate but careless.

00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,119

I also found

your Federation hit list--

00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,787

Ugh!

Don't go through my stuff!

00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,706

This place

is worse than prison.

00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:50,832

[ Door slams ]

00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,042

[ Heavy metal music plays]

00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:54,627

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:57,046

Rick.

BP!

00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,548

It's been a minute.

00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,050

Is... someone here?

Birddaughter.

00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,468

You found her.

Yes.

00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:05,346

She was imprisoned

in a femme fatale training camp.

00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:06,723

That's great!

00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,474

L-Let's go celebrate

with our closest friends

00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:12,270

by encouraging Poopybutthole

to dial back his drinking!

00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:15,273

Suspect.

But I find fatherhood exhausting

00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:16,524

and would like to show

my daughter

00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,192

what real selfishness

looks like.

00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:21,404

Perfect!

Now, do we know anyone sober?

00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:25,241

Have you been drinking?

On a Thursday?

00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:26,492

He seems ideal.

00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:28,578

Waah!

So, where to?

00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,913

A coffee shop?

No. He'll know

something's up.

00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:32,540

Yeah! and I'm not

squanching just coffee!

00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,000

Let's squanch him

to a bar!

00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,626

It would undercut

our messaging.

00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:37,712

So it is

an intervention.

No!

00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:39,130

We're not asking anybody

to stop drinking

00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,757

because we're not

hypocrites or squares,

00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,467

we're just

concerned friends.

00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:45,636

Then we can at least do it

at a place with a bar.

00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:48,598

Look, I think if it has food,

it's allowed to have a bar.

00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:51,100

[ Screams ]

00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,643

[ Thuds ]

00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:55,021

Mr. Poopybutthole: Appreciate

you guys taking me out.

00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,439

It's been a rough week.

00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:59,734

Amy's taking pilaaaates

from a guy named Guy.

00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:02,570

You've been surveilling

your ex-wife?

00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,614

Oooweeee, not with

the restraining order!

00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,949

I hired a Predator

to follow her around.

00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:08,659

You can hire

[burps] Predators?

00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:10,953

Yeah, they're cheap because

they live for the hunt--

00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,872

you just have to pay 'em

to not kill your target,

00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,958

and if they stay cloaked,

there's no licensing fee.

00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:17,251

Welcome to Fuck You's!

00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:19,504

My name is Mart, and...

Fuck you!

00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:22,924

See, at Fuck You's,

we lightly tease our customers.

00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,092

Oh, this is fun!

00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,052

What do you know,

Gilligan?

00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,303

[ Chuckles ] Nice!

00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:28,846

Look at this depressed

pencil eraser.

00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:31,724

Did some middle schooler

stick you up a cat's asshole?

00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,643

I bet you had everything

and you watched it

00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,812

slip through your powerless

little fingers

00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,313

like the sands of time.

00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:38,898

Be right back to take

your order, folks,

00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,109

or should I say, fucks!

00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,861

Perhaps this wasn't

the best place to do this, Rick.

00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,404

What are you talkin'

about?

00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:48,407

This is a great place

to celebrate my birthdaaay!

00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:53,037

Birthday-- Birthday--

00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:54,956

birthday-- birthday--

00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,499

Your birthday?

Ooo weee.

00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,751

I can't believe

y'all remembered!

00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,169

I was

at the end of my rope,

00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:03,381

thinking I'd worn out

aaall my welcomeees.

00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,633

Thanks for doing all this,

Riiick!

00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,260

O- of course, Mr. PB.

00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,386

What are friends for?

00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:10,012

Heard we got

a birthday boy?!

00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:11,681

Yeeeah, but please

don't sing or--

00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,723

Yah!

00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,058

Fuck you,

shithead!

00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,435

Haha, yeah.

00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:18,354

That sure is

a smart hat...

00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,482

Because even my son Poopy Jr.

hates me!

00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:22,692

[ Crying ] Ooooweehehehe!

00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,068

I can relate.

00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,070

Birddaughter

is a total bitch.

00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,822

If you're a parent,

you can say that.

00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,198

Weeeell.

00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,826

Should we do shooots?

00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,578

Rick?

00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,371

Let's get

riggity-riggity-wrecked!

00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,248

[ All cheer ]

♪ I-I-I take a shot ♪

00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,041

♪ Do a pop, blow a line,

huff turpentine ♪

00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,794

♪ Get wrecked, text your ex,

fight a cop, feeling fine ♪

00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,045

♪ Punch your dick,

turn some tricks ♪

00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:44,338

♪ Quit your job, buy a dog ♪

00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:45,715

♪ Have two beers,

then ten more ♪

00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,300

♪ Pop a pill

and meet the floor ♪

00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,011

{\an8}♪

00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,722

[ Slurps ]

That one's

not my bellybutton.

00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,223

Well, what is it?

00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:57,560

{\an8}♪

00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,729

[ Screaming ]

00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:00,897

{\an8}♪

00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:02,148

Oo weee!

00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,357

[ Laughter ]

00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:04,400

Whoa!

00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,903

- Whoo-hoo!

- Hold on, everyone!

00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:07,945

Whoa!

Ah!

00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:09,947

- Oh, God!

- Oh, woah!

00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:12,533

I can't breathe!

I can't breathe!

00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:13,576

Is there a restroom?!

00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:14,785

At the front.

00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:16,120

[ Grunts ]

00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,581

Mr. Poopybutthole: Oh,

it was a bad idea! Oooo weee!

00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,416

- Yeah, ha ha!

- Oh, man!

00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:21,584

[ Brakes hiss ]

00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:22,919

[ All groaning ]

00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,253

Oooo weee!

00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:26,214

[ Dance music plays]

[ Laughter ]

00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,758

Whoo!

Aah!

00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:31,052

Oh, shit, it's happening!

00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,262

Honey rave!

00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:35,264

Bee time, baby!

00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:37,183

Whoa, what

world is this?

00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,060

We're on Earth.

How do you know?

00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,229

Because I think that is

Hugh Jackman.

00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:44,315

[ Music continues

in slow-motion ]

00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:45,358

Oh, shit, it is.

00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,776

Hey, Jackman!

00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,445

Makes sense he recognizes me.

We both hosted the Oscars.

00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:50,780

It's a pretty

exclusive club.

00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,531

Listen, guys,

don't make this tacky.

00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:54,617

Nobody call him "Wolverine."

Just treat him like a regular--

00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,535

Gene!

Small world, mate!

00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:58,788

Hugh!

Hugh married my cousin.

00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:01,874

Which I guess makes him

a Wolver-ine-law.

00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,752

Ha ha!

That is fantastic!

00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:06,045

Hey, didn't you host

the Oscars?

00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,964

Yeah, I, uh--

Alright, alright, listen.

00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,507

Now, I'm not assuming you guys

want to party

00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,841

with me tonight,

but if you do--

00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,260

Yes we do.

Ooo wee!

00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,761

I wanna party

with Hugh Jackman.

Squanch yeah!

00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:16,472

If you do, you do it together,

as a team.

00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:19,183

Now, I need to go take

what I call a "Huge Ackman."

00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:21,018

Ackman is Australian slang

for shit.

00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,979

Don't look it up.

Do make a decision.

00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:26,023

Because from here,

I'm heading to the Jack Shack.

00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:28,526

What's the Jack Shack?

It's just his house.

00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,695

But, guys, I don't think

we should go there.

00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,488

I challenge you

to explain why not

00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,365

without making us

want to go more.

00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:37,159

Well, Hugh's pretty

anti-limitation.

00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,996

When he parties,

it gets extreme.

00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,289

Challenge failed.

00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,207

Woah! What's extreme

by the Gene metric?

00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:44,834

Does he have "Les Mis"

shot glasses?

00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,586

We're not exactly

squanchweights, brother.

00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:50,589

It's my birthday, and I wish

to party with Huuugh Jackman.

00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:52,216

♪ Then you

shaaaaaalllllllll! ♪

00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,676

That was a fast shit.

00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:54,760

But first everybody's

taking these.

00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,095

What are they?

00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:58,472

Huh, maybe they're Tic Tacs.

Maybe they're cyanide.

00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:00,308

[ Chuckling ]

Maybe I don't like to party

00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,809

with people that hesitate.

00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:03,602

Heh heh heh!

There you go!

00:10:03,602 --> 00:10:04,729

That's the spirit!

00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,897

Now we're all completely...

00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:09,859

♪ Fuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh! ♪

00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,403

[ Chanting in harmony ]

00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,655

This was not oversold!

00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:18,284

"A, B, D, E"--

I lost my "C."

00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,869

My alphabet has no "C"!

00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:20,870

Did I do these already?

00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,080

D-Did I ask that already?

00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,291

Squanch, yeah!

My turn!

00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,044

Did I win?

00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,253

{\an8}♪

00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:30,546

Mm. [ Sniffles ]

Mm.

00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:32,715

Ahhh... The best

bloody day of my life.

00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,884

My wedding

was pretty great, too.

00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,886

I was talking about

the Tony award.

00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,763

Yooohoho!

Pull!

00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:39,889

- Yeah!

- Woo-hoo!

00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,390

Yeah!

We're squanching now!

00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:42,725

{\an8}Why the long face, mate?

00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,018

{\an8}Shape of my skull.

00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:45,644

You know,

Mr. Poopybutthole,

00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:48,189

when I wrote "Caribbean Queen,"

you know what my agent said?

00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,107

Billy Ocean wrote that--

That's what he said.

00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,901

Exactly that.

"Billy Ocean wrote this.

00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,444

Don't write it again.

You're not Billy Ocean."

00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,905

You know what I did?

I fired my agent.

00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:59,325

Don't accept

other people's limitations.

00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,578

What does your heart want,

lil' ripper?

00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:03,829

Right now, don't think.

00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:06,957

Right now,

my heart wants Amy back.

00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,876

Everybody!

Our friend wants Amy back.

00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:10,086

Squanch idea!

00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,088

I will agree to anything

in this state.

00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,256

I do not think

that's a good idea.

00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:17,051

Ladies and gentlemen!

This man is a fake friend!

00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,344

Come on, Hugh.

00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,763

"Come on, Hugh.

Come on, everybody.

00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:22,098

Don't call Hugh Jackman Wolverine.

00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,766

Don't call yourself

Billy Ocean.

00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:25,101

Don't get Amy Back."

00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,019

You're a vampire, brother.

00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,604

You feed off

other people's energy.

00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:30,856

That is kind of true.

Are you kidding me?!

00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,858

You've been living on

my daughter's sofa for months!

00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:35,194

Do you want me to leave?

The entire family does!

00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:38,447

Why not say something?

Because you're my friend!

00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:41,659

A real friend would have known

it's not my birthday.

00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,828

[ Laughing ]

Oooooooooh, shit!

00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:44,995

Fake friend!

00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:46,789

You're not helping,

Hugh Jackman!

00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:49,875

Yoooooou do not tell meeeeee

what to do!

00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:50,960

Or anyone here.

Affirmative.

00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,211

- Woo!

- Yeah, baby!

00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,921

Why would you pretend

it was your birthday?!

00:11:53,921 --> 00:11:56,132

You think I don't know

a half-assed intervention

00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,842

when I see one coming?!

00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,885

Oooooooooooooh, shit! Mm!

00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,137

I love where you are, man.

00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,221

You're just Wolverining

right now.

00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,472

You-- You feel that?

00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:04,557

I think so.

00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,267

Does Wolverining

hurt a little?

00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,518

Together: Every time!

00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:09,270

Alright, grab a drink to go, gentlemen.

00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,188

Because we're either

getting Amy back...

00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,606

or...

we're going home.

00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:13,649

You're nuts!

00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:15,317

Then nut me up, bitch!

00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:17,027

Nut me up!

00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:18,696

Together: [ Chanting ]

Nut me up! Nut me up!

00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,822

It's not an expression!

00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:21,157

- Woo!

- Ha ha!

00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,825

Amy's coming back

dead or alive!

00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,243

Woah!

Haha!

00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,328

- Yes!

- Yeah!

00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:29,290

Fake friend, my ass. I know how

to be there for my friends.

00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,417

{\an8}[ Groaning ]

00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,043

Father?! Why?!

00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,503

Ah, crap. Hang on.

00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:35,796

Lemme go upstairs

and grab the business finisher.

00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:37,339

From where I'm sitting,

00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:39,842

you're the one

with unfinished business.

00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,719

Hey, mind your own business.

00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,679

Business is my business!

00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:47,683

And, brother,

business is good.

00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:49,727

[ Sighs ]

00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,979

[ Insects chirping ]

00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:54,899

Oh, you come back

to ruin our fuuun?

00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,525

No. To help you

finish this.

00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:57,860

I made you guys come out

00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,987

because I didn't want

to talk to PB alone.

00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,323

I'm here to go down

with the ship.

Respect, Rick.

00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:04,200

Gene: Hit it, Hugh!

[ Instrumental cover of

"Caribbean Queen" plays]

00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,871

♪ I lose my cool

when she steps in the room ♪

00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,789

{\an8}♪

00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,416

♪ Unh, unh ♪

00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:16,337

♪ And I get so excited

just from her perfume ♪

00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:19,381

Oo weee, there she is.

My Amy!

00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:21,050

{\an8}♪

00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:22,968

Hugh: ♪ Electric eyes

that you can't ignore ♪

00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,054

Oh, she feels

my love around her! Oowee!

00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,598

Wow. Your love

is pretty strong.

00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:28,849

{\an8}♪

00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:30,726

I guess that's not all

she's feeling.

00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:32,561

♪ And passion burns you

like never before ♪

Predator P.I.?

00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:35,314

This is the opposite

of what I hired you for!

00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:38,984

Now, now.

Did you do this, Gul'Karna?

00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:42,238

♪ I was in search

of a good time ♪

You do this? You do this?

00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,948

♪ Just running my game ♪

00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,825

I'm gonna uncloak

this later...

Now. Now. Now.

00:13:46,825 --> 00:13:49,286

♪ Love was the furthest,

furthest from my mind, yeah ♪

00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:51,705

Okay, honestly, PB, that could

have gone a lot worse--

00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:53,207

PB?

00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:55,376

♪ Caribbean Queen ♪

Ooooweeee, gotta goooo!

00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:56,710

Run!

00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,754

[ Growls ]

00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:01,590

I'm too drunk to flee

a Predator right now!

00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:04,385

Mud! The-- The mud thing!

Everyone mud up and hide!

00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:05,636

{\an8}♪

00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:06,762

What's that smell?

00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,472

Ugh, Squanchy!

That's not mud.

00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:09,848

Well, I'm not from

this planet!

00:14:09,848 --> 00:14:11,433

Daddy, what's happening?

00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,394

Quiet, Poopy Jr.!

I'm taking you home!

00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,937

Aah!

00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,564

Look, I just didn't

think I could--

00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:17,690

What? Be honest?

00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,857

Don't high-road me!

00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:20,109

It's just as dishonest

to play dumb

00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,443

about wearing out

your welcome!

00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,028

You could've just told me!

00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:25,322

You're an adult!

Read the room and figure it out!

00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:40,629

{\an8}♪

00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,298

[ Tab pops ]

00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:44,967

[ Roars ]

00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:47,761

I admit it-- that--

that was self destructive.

00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,305

{\an8}♪

00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,849

Use me as a shield!

I feel nothing!

00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,475

Ca-cawwww!

00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,102

[ Both scream ]

00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:56,937

Squanch this!

00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:58,480

[ Grunts ]

00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:02,234

[ Groans ] I'm so--

00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,153

I'm so squanched up, man.

00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,362

[ Growls ]

00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:06,530

[ Grunts ]

00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:08,657

I-I'm not really

with these guys.

00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,618

I was just walking

in this park--

00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,786

Aagh!

00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:13,996

No!

00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:16,123

[ Garbled ]

Why is this my thing?!

00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:18,626

No! I won't let you take

my family from me!

00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,502

[ Grunting ]

00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:26,050

Ow! Oh, ohhhhhhh!

00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,177

[ Roars ]

00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:31,347

Guess you didn't see

season 4, episode 3!

00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:32,348

Let's go--

00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,683

Oh! Oh! Ohh! Fuck!

00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,769

[ Snarls ]

Oh!

00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,021

Who's got the three dots

on their forehead now?

00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:41,190

Could have done that

before he punched me.

00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:43,734

[ Growls ]

00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,986

Suck my squanch!

[ Snarls ]

00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:47,112

Ahhh!

00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:48,280

[ Groans ]

00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,574

[ All grunting ]

00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:51,909

Gimme that

big ol' tooth!

00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,786

Gullll'Karrrna...

00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:57,498

[ Groaning ]

00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,708

[ Screeching ]

00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,585

No, no, no, stop!

00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:03,629

What are you doing?

I want that skull!

00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,297

No, Rick. No more.

00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,091

This is my fault.

All of it.

00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,885

And if he's gonna protect

my wife and chiiild,

00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,888

that's a great thing to know

while I get my shit together.

00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:13,972

Amy: Wayne?

00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:15,516

Wayne?

Aaaamy.

00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:18,018

I-I messed up real baaad.

00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:20,729

I came to say I don't know

what to do without you,

00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:23,732

but I guess I can start

by not kidnapping.

00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:26,777

That's definitely where

you should start.

00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:28,987

[ Growls softly ]

00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,825

I'm... sorry, Amy.

00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,952

You should be.

But I'm not.

00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:39,581

We're a family now--

Me, Poopy Jr., and Gul'Karna,

00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:42,000

Clan Leader

of The Skin-Thieves.

00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,752

Goodbye, Wayne.

00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:44,878

Goodbye.

00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,090

Ooo-weee, a musket?

00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:50,300

I'm starting to think

it's like their currency.

00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,386

I hunt because I must.

00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:56,265

But man possesses a precious

gift-- the power to change.

00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,851

More like

the power of music, bitch!

00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,227

What the fuck?!

00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,104

Jesus, Hugh,

we were just resolving it.

00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:03,981

Well, I'm an actor,

and I'm high.

00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:06,233

"'Caribbean Queen,'

written by Hugh Jackman,

00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,359

age sixteen."

00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,278

How's that for a twist?

00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,529

Confusing.

00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,364

Well, sometimes

you have to believe.

00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:14,491

Wow, that's

reeeal inspiring.

00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:15,826

Makes me think of how--

00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,495

Get the hell out of here!

Okay, okay, sorry!

00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:20,539

Alright guys,

I'm buying drive-through tacos,

00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:24,042

but nobody tells my nutritionist

and we have to steal a car.

00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,377

{\an8}♪

00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:26,545

Rick: "Wayne," huh?

00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,047

Oooweee.

00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,841

But I prefer

Mr. Pooooopybutthole.

00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:31,967

More refined.

00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,635

[ Phone buzzes and caws ]

00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,471

It appears Birddaughter

has broken into

00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,264

another

Federation compound.

00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:38,807

I must go.

00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:41,393

Wayne, this counts as attending

your actual birthday.

00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:44,271

Rick. It was...

canonical to see you.

00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,856

Yeah, let's call it.

00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,484

I wanna pass out before

I remember what we did tonight.

00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,402

I never want

to forget it.

00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,446

And I never want

to repeat it.

00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,198

Proud of you,

little buddy.

00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,325

{\an8}You too, Squanch.

00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,494

Awww, fuck!

Look at us!

00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:01,497

A bird guy, talking cat,

uh, what are you?

00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:03,582

A robot man, and a mutant.

00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,709

Wow. Was a bonzer night,

mates!

00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,169

That's one for the books.

00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,505

Mr. Poopybutthole:

Oooo, bonzer night indeed.

00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,882

Kept in touch with the guys

over the years.

00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,676

As much as ya can

in this fast world.

00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:17,054

Birdperson went home

to take on a challenge

00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:19,515

way more difficult

than a Predator--

00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,600

raising Birddaughter.

00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,519

Gearhead went back

to The Gear System

00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,938

and got

a spinal replacement.

00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,856

He's still paying it off.

00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,066

Squanchy?

00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,443

Checked himself

into a nice rehab.

00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:33,862

No one thought it would stick,

and it didn't.

00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:36,365

He was later arrested

for smuggling toad venom

00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,950

across the border.

00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,701

Hugh Jackman

went to the Jack Shack

00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,704

to glue back together

the Tony award that Gene shot.

00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:44,456

And possibly to put a bullet

00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,875

in all future

Wolverine references.

00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,168

Thanks to us.

00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:49,503

And what came of Rick?

00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:51,421

I think he learned

something that night.

00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:53,006

About friendship.

00:18:53,006 --> 00:18:54,633

About honesty.

00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:58,220

And maybe he learned

something about himseelllf.

00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,931

Oh. Here. Forgot

to give you a fading pill.

00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,392

Great for hangovers.

Just to clarify,

00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,352

I-I had to take

an un-fading pill

00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:08,146

to counteract the original

fading pill I just took.

00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:09,857

Oh. Uh. Okay?

00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:11,608

And if you're hung up

on why the taxi disappeared,

00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:12,985

the-- the pills

aren't sentient,

00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,611

but they do detect

human coverings,

00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:18,073

so it saw the taxi as

some sort of large overcoat--

00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,199

doesn't matter.

00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:21,410

You, uh, gonna be alright?

00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:22,911

Got a place to stay?

00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:24,830

I can 3D print you

an apartment on the moon.

00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,499

I'll figure it out, Rick. Thanks.

00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:31,128

Well, here I go

pill'in again.

00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:36,466

Yep. Don't any of you worry

about Mr. Pooooopybutthole.

00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,801

I got a lot of work to do,

00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:39,887

but I'll land

on my poopy little feet.

00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:41,805

I always do!

00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:44,391

Owww!

This burns like hell!

00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:46,435

How did the other guys

not react?

00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,477

Is mine different?

00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:50,022

It's like my skin

is boiling!

00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,733

Guys, I got

the Best Buds Burrito Box!

00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,443

They normally ask

for proof of friendship,

00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:57,029

but the cashier trusted me

that you guys were out...

00:19:58,405 --> 00:19:59,573

...heeere.

00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:02,659

Not cool, man.

00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:05,829

Aah.

00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:36,526

{\an8}♪

00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:39,321

{\an8}[ Police radio chatter ]

00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:41,365

[ Siren wails in distance ]

00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,325

You don't have to do this,

Sheriff!

00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:44,785

It's your last day

on the job!

00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,120

That's exactly why I must.

00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,289

I ain't retiring a coward.

00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:50,999

Now get out of here, Officer.

00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:53,877

And go take care

of my granddaughter.

00:20:53,877 --> 00:21:08,016

{\an8}♪

00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:09,518

[ Gunshot ]

00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:18,527

{\an8}♪

00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:19,653

[ Smooches ]

00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:20,862

{\an8}♪

00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:24,950

[ Smooches ]

00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:26,243

{\an8}♪

00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:29,705

♪ When I was young

and in my prime ♪

00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:33,500

♪ My mind being free

from care ♪

00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,669

I ain't scared of you!

00:21:35,669 --> 00:21:39,548

♪ Whilst leaving all

in Donegal ♪

00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,800

♪ That I might plough ♪

00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,594

[ Strained ]

♪ The raging main ♪

00:21:44,594 --> 00:21:50,434

♪ Going to Amerikay-- ♪

00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:56,189

{\an8}♪

00:21:56,189 --> 00:21:57,816

[ Whimpers ]

00:21:57,816 --> 00:21:59,943

{\an8}♪

00:21:59,943 --> 00:22:01,153

[ Mower powers down ]

00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:02,612

W-What happened?

00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:04,573

I think

it ran out of gas.

00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:05,991

Oh.

00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,367

Sooo, he could have survived

00:22:07,367 --> 00:22:09,828

if he just stood back

five feet?

00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:11,204

Well...

00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:13,874

let's not tell

his granddaughter that.

00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:16,835

Did you get any of that?

00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:19,337

{\an8}♪