Анализмочируй это

00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:09,776

БЕДСТВИЕ

00:08:10,346 --> 00:08:15,596

СОБРАНИЕ КОСМИЧЕСКИХ ГИТЛЕРОВ

00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:06,546

ДЖЕРРИ СМИТСАЦИЯ! НАКОНЕЦ-ТО, КРУТОЙ ПАПОЧКА

00:14:49,326 --> 00:14:50,926

Готовы отлить?

00:14:59,256 --> 00:15:01,216

ДЕТСКИЙ ГОСПИТАЛЬ

00:15:01,976 --> 00:15:03,726

ЧУДО НА ЛЬДУ

НОВЫЙ МОЧЕ-КАТОК В ОНКОЦЕНТРЕ

00:15:03,726 --> 00:15:05,196

ОБОССАКА: ЗОЛОТОЙ БОГ?

Писай!

00:15:06,056 --> 00:15:07,926

17 ТВИТТОВ О ТОМ, ЧТО ОБОССАКА — ТОП

Ссы!

00:15:07,926 --> 00:15:09,816

Я ПОЧТИ ТЕКУ ИЗ-ЗА ВОЗВРАЩЕНИЯ ОБОССАКИ

Моча!

00:15:09,816 --> 00:15:11,346

ОБОССАКА СЕКСИ

Номер один!

00:15:11,346 --> 00:15:12,526

ОБОССАКА ПРОСТО ОГОНЬ

Пись-пись!

00:15:13,706 --> 00:15:14,836

Ссы!

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СИРОТЫ В ОПАСНОСТИ

00:18:26,256 --> 00:18:28,346

ОБОССАКА ПОЖЕРТВОВАЛ СОБОЙ!

00:22:21,016 --> 00:22:22,256

ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА

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Richard! Your fortress

is a salty waste of coral and clam.

00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,100

Relinquish it at once!

00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:27,444

- Submit, you continental cunt.

- Got a better idea.

00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,029

Oh shit, oh shit.

00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,911

- Happy?

- Of course I'm happy,

00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,622

you're acting like you won

but this is exactly what I wanted.

00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:41,875

I am Mister Nimbus!

00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:44,002

Whatever. Come on, Morty.

00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:47,964

- Man, that was intense.

- Yeah, nice work, buddy.

00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,883

Sorry I had to blow up your bunker.

00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:55,847

Not so fast, Sanchez.

It is I, Cookie Magneto.

00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:56,973

What the fuck.

00:00:56,973 --> 00:01:00,185

- I'm not engaging this guy.

- That's hardly up to you, Rick.

00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:03,188

I'm sorry, do you control things

that people agree are cookies?

00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,732

- Yes.

- Okay but cookies aren't a substance,

00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,485

- they're more of a name we-we give to

- To the things I control

00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:11,821

Do you control cookie ingredients,

because y'know that sounds dangerous,

00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:16,242

- y'know, everything has sugar in it.

- Fight me and find ou...

00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,912

- Jesus, Rick!

- I'm sorry, Morty, I know you're gonna say

00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,498

it's punching down but I can't fight

another one of these nineties

00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,875

style goofball super villains,

I'm not the fucking Tick,

00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,710

- I'm exhausted.

- Okay but

00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:28,630

if you really have a lot of these guys

gunning for you maybe you should look

00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,508

- into what you're doing to...

- Don't start that crap, Morty.

00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,760

I don't do anything for

these dipshits to seek me out

00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,137

I am Mr. Calypso.

00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:41,309

Face me, you ugly, drunk,

ugly piece of shit.

00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:43,937

Okay I might look into it.

00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,056

- Why don't you have a seat?

- Because this isn't a therapy session,

00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,225

{\an8}I'm just asking you what

people in your racket

00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,727

{\an8}say about handling

this particular situation.

00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:27,355

{\an8}First we'd want you

to define the situation.

00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:30,024

{\an8}I'm a walking target

for a neverending sea of angry nerds

00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:31,901

{\an8}that think getting in a fight

with me is some kind of

00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,571

{\an8}I don't know, platform?

I mean, look at this guy.

00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,239

{\an8}He shows up and calls me an "ugly drunk."

00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,908

{\an8}Because of course that's the angle

of attack that's gonna undo me, right.

00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,161

{\an8}You don't shoot Batman

in his fucking Batman logo.

00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:44,497

{\an8}And you think locking

this man in a chamber

00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,584

{\an8}and milking him of cosmic fluid

will somehow resolve this?

00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:51,379

{\an8}I think it's the best I can do to profit

from a situation and maybe set an example.

00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:55,091

{\an8}But you've set this example many times

and it's not changing your situation.

00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:57,302

{\an8}Yeah and now you're gonna

tell me to ignore them

00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,680

{\an8}- but guess what, they want that too.

- And why would they want to be ignored?

00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,599

{\an8}You really believe

if I let a guy like this

00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,893

{\an8}do whatever he wants,

he gets bored and vanishes?

00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,604

{\an8}Rick, would you be interested

in proving me wrong?

00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,814

{\an8}- Yes.

- Then show me data.

00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,941

{\an8}Ignore them for a week

and see what happens.

00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,943

{\an8}You're on, bitch.

00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:16,029

{\an8}Is that man dead?

00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,615

{\an8}Is everything in here confidential?

00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,199

{\an8}- Everything but murder.

- Then he's fine.

00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:23,536

{\an8}I mean, I think it's pretty big, you know?

00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,288

{\an8}Big step for the big cheese.

00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,999

{\an8}- Yeah, Dad, I'm impressed.

- Can we not make it a big deal?

00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,500

{\an8}It's worth celebrating, Rick.

00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,127

{\an8}You accepted the concept of therapy

00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:33,713

{\an8}without turning yourself into

a pickle or a housefly.

00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:36,925

{\an8}Jerry, for fuck's sake, that was

a regular fly in her office that day.

00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,177

{\an8}- What the hell?

- Rick!

00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,054

{\an8}How ‘bout a little piss?

00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,514

{\an8}Rick, why is there a man shooting piss

00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,308

{\an8}- on our front lawn?

- I'm sure he'll tell you.

00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:51,439

{\an8}I am Pissmaster! Here to flush

the toilet that is Rick Sanchez.

00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:55,652

{\an8}He's spraying my lavender bush.

My bees need that lavender.

00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,488

{\an8}Remember five seconds ago when you

guys were stoked about me changing

00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,239

{\an8}because it made you feel superior?

00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:03,368

{\an8}Whole family's here.

Who's that redhead?

00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,578

{\an8}Wouldn't mind spraying her

with a golden shower.

00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,121

- Oh my god, what?

- Hey!

00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:09,165

- Okay, that's it!

- Jerry, please think about this,

00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:10,959

if you fight this guy,

I'm either an asshole

00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,627

for not helping or an asshole for helping.

00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:16,547

My daughter just got spoken of in

porno terms and I'll respond how I choose.

00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:17,548

- Wait Dad, don't.

- Honey.

00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,593

- Hey.

- You want a piece of piss?

00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:24,180

If that's your stupid rude way

of saying I have to fight you I will.

00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,100

- Take your shot, pussy.

- Don't talk to me that way,

00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,267

- go away.

- Make me.

00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,978

Go away.

00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,023

Careful, honey!

00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:45,368

Just stay down.

00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,996

- I don't even know you.

- Yeah you don't know me.

00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:50,873

But I'm gonna know your whole ass

you son of a gun.

00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,006

- Hey, none of that. Come on.

- Break it up, guys.

00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:06,139

Come on, you dirty motherfucker.

00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:12,937

No! No!

00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,068

Stop!

00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:24,323

Uncle! Mercy! Mercy! Stop! I give up!

00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:27,618

- Apologize to my daughter.

- For what?

00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,412

You know for what!

00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:35,668

I'm sorry! I'm sorry I sexualized you!

It came out wrong!

00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:39,464

That's my dad. That's my fucking dad!

00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,135

Honey, I'm so proud of you.

00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:47,972

- Oh sorry.

- Thank you, Rick.

00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,810

Damn, hashtag FlamingoDad is everywhere!

00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:56,606

Buzzfeed made an odd numbered list

of other people's observations about you

00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,775

and you're getting a lot

of hand clap emojis

00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,818

on White Twitter's impression

of Black Twitter.

00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:04,280

Jezebel's offering a cash reward

for evidence that you're a bad person.

00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,325

- That is their highest honor!

- So this is what it's like to trend.

00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:08,701

Feels good.

00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,078

- Feels right.

- Just keep in mind now

00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,080

a bunch more assholes are gonna

know they can get a rise out of you.

00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:16,292

- Rick, let a dog have one day.

- I'm letting. I'm letting.

00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:20,379

Are those orbs?

00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,173

This is what I'm talking about.

00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:25,718

Some asshole saw that fight and believe

it not, they were jealous of Pissmaster.

00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:33,643

I am Blagnar the Eternal. We seek the

earthling who beat up Pissmaster.

00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,144

That's my dad, Jerry Smith!

00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:40,066

Jerry Smith. Our Galactic Orbship thirsts

for justice and those who deliver it.

00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,317

- Wait, what?

- Our great council

00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:45,988

would like to offer you this silver orb.

And with it, a place amongst us.

00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,658

- It's sticky.

- Yeah.

00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:51,202

That means it's found a pure heart

it wants to bond with.

00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:54,163

you guys saw my son-in-law on the

news, now he gets a sticky orb,

00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:56,082

what's the catch? We're not rubes.

00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,960

Yeah your power is well known

in our jurisdiction, Rick Sanchez,

00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,547

and it should come as no surprise

that our orbs are unsticky for you.

00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:06,342

Oh no, first I get banned from the

Next Door app, now this.

00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,886

I'd be honored to join your organization.

00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:13,141

So what do I do, rub the orb when I see

crime, or eat the orb like spinach?

00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:17,145

The orb is raw power.

Trust your heart, Jerry.

00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,729

It will know what to do.

00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:28,573

- Did you turn on the microwave?

- No? Maybe? I was trying to fly.

00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,076

- What?

- I mean, come on, Rick.

00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:35,872

- Orbs and goblets, this is your thing.

- Orbs and goblets.

00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:39,500

I'm just saying, you're the orb guy in

the family. Can you please help me?

00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:42,170

Jerry, I give you raw power,

you'll end up miserable like me.

00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,006

- Trust me, I'm helping by not helping.

- Seriously, Rick?

00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:48,384

What the eff, Grandpa! Some creep tried

to pee on my tits and you did nothing,

00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:51,220

now you're gonna sit there

and hold our dad back from being a hero?

00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:53,890

- Are you seriously that petty?

- Okay, you know what, fine!

00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,808

Here. Here's your goddamn suit.

00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,186

I hard-wired the orb's

infinite energy right into it.

00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,229

This shooty-thing looks cool.

00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:03,774

That "shooty thing" is a nuclear

disruptor that can blow up planets.

00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:05,276

- So tight.

- Kinda hot.

00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:09,780

Ok show me acts of evil

happening around the galaxy.

00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:15,369

Space Hitlers? "Space Hitlers

are convening on Zeplar Prime."

00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:17,747

My god, each one of them

is their own type of Hitler

00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,207

- Yeah, that's a problem.

- Oh shit, do that one.

00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,250

- You guys.

- That's my parents.

00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:27,548

Well family, looks like Jerry

Smith has his first orb mission.

00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,926

Lawn Flaming-ho!

00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:33,429

Just a reminder, you guys asked for this.

00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:38,309

Soon, our legion of Hitlers will bring

about a new galactic order.

00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,229

- A reich, if you will.

- Riddle Hitler me this.

00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:44,023

I'm sorry, are we just

letting in all Hitlers now?

00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:48,486

-Auf wiedersehen, bad guys!

- Exterminate him!

00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:51,197

Shit, oh Jesus. One at a time!

00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:54,784

Oh my god!

00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,708

Hope there weren't

other people on that planet.

00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:06,629

{\an8}And there were no other people

on the planet. Only Hitlers.

00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,965

{\an8}Each one ready to start

their own holocaust,

00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:12,718

{\an8}meaning an estimated thirty billion

lives were saved by a single blast.

00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:16,931

{\an8}And the galaxy owes it all to Jerry Smith.

Hashtag FlamingoDad.

00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:20,935

- You gotta be fucking kidding me.

- Up next, oh actually nothing.

00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,853

I guess we're just gonna

talk about Jerry Smith some more.

00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:29,026

I dunno, therapy is starting to feel

hopeless. I've got so many issues!

00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,154

- We need to talk.

- Hey. No.

00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:36,659

I will not speak with you if you refuse

to treat me and my patients with respect.

00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:44,250

Oh lord. I was a fly!

So unburdened, so free of shame!

00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,501

Welp, I'm officially cured!

00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,504

Here. Here's your data.

Hard proof that god hates me.

00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,965

I ignored a troll and Jerry

beat the guy's ass.

00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:53,968

Now he's got this orb and he's

using the power which I gave him

00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:56,887

to annihilate planets of Hitlers

and everyone's popping champagne.

00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:00,683

Rick, you came here because you wanted

things to change and they're changing.

00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,767

It's working.

00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:05,438

So if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law

beats up people, it's "working".

00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,398

But if I do it, it's a

cosmic abuse of power?

00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,066

Rick, listen to yourself.

00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:12,445

You're complaining about how you have

to be careful with your immense power.

00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:16,115

And that Hitlers are dead.

Everything you're describing is positive.

00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:20,494

Oh shit, not reacting.

That really is the kill move?

00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:23,164

I don't know if you need

to think about it in terms of murder,

00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,874

but yes just stay the course.

00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:28,210

- Okay, good talk.

- Well what you're describing is therapy

00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,962

and if you'd like to keep receiving it,

00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:32,381

start scheduling your visits

with Judy up front.

00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,593

Thank you, thank you Flamingo Fam.

00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,554

you know, when they asked me

if I wanted to be the first human

00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:42,391

to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer,

I thought well I don't know,

00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:45,936

I got this cool orb suit that goes

really fast. But you know what sold me?

00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:50,107

The Council said I could pick

my own bridge crew.

00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,735

Morty, Summer, Beth, what do you say?

00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:56,405

- What? Are you serious?

- Oh shit yeah, I love Mitsubishi!

00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,407

- Me too! I've heard of them!

- This is so exciting!

00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,992

Oh my god this is so cool!

00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,328

Alright gang, orbs away!

00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:13,130

O me o my, can it be?

A giant piece of shit I see?

00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:19,929

I am Mr. Stringbean!

No one resists my rhyming scheme!

00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,098

Hey douchebag, why don't you chill out?

00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,351

- Who's this asshole?

- I am Doctor Buckles!

00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,353

Here to tighten the belt on your opinions!

00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,439

You wanna see the Bean get mean?

00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:36,112

I'll be damned. I'm out.

00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,364

I'm out.

00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:42,868

I'm-I'm out.

00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,705

Oh my god, this Piss Guy

is getting wailed on.

00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:50,459

Look at him, he tried to crawl

under the car. What a loser.

00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,586

- Hey you watching the Pissmaster video?

- Yeah.

00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:55,548

He has to be the biggest

piece of shit in the galaxy, right?

00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:59,260

Without a doubt. Who could relate,

being that much of a piece of shit.

00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:35,921

Goddamnit.

00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:42,261

Fuck, shit, come on man.

Fuck, come on where is it? Shit, shit.

00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:46,724

Fuck!

00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,352

Come on Pissmaster, come on.

00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,527

Damn it.

00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:09,580

It's me. Please, please just open up

00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:14,168

Dad? Mom told me you weren't responding

to her calls and I'm worried, okay?

00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,962

I know I said terrible things

about you on my podcast,

00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,298

it's just, I've been

so frustrated with you.

00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:22,968

Look, if you were to ever do something

I'd never stop blaming myself.

00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,261

Just, please.

00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:26,680

- Please let me know you're okay.

- God damn it.

00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,561

- I'm okay honey, we're good.

- I thought something happened to you.

00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,064

I can tell you for sure.

If anything happens to me,

00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,650

it's 100% not on you, it's my own choice.

00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,736

You still sound like you're

gonna do something bad.

00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,405

Just promise you won't, okay?

00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:47,409

- Okay, yeah. Promise.

- Love you, Dad.

00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,082

Fuck.

00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:06,971

Well this is it. I'm killing myself

because of Jerry Smith. The Earth man.

00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:12,351

FlamingoDad. Seeing them all cheer

as I got my ass whipped made me realize.

00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:19,149

People just wanna see me fail. All I've

ever wanted to do is prove them wrong.

00:14:34,873 --> 00:14:35,791

Help!

00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,004

Wait! Who are you?

00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:44,341

Pissmaster. Make, make sure you

tell everybody Pissmaster saved you.

00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,386

Those were heat-seeking pissiles

by the way. Not just missiles.

00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,263

Oh, okay.

00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:50,639

Y'all ready for piss?

00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:54,768

Yo! Pissmaster! You saving that cat

to make people forget you suck?

00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,437

Nope, just saving it to save it.

00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:57,730

Okay, we got nothing.

00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:10,492

Piss! Pee! Urine! Number one!

00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:16,957

Pee pee! Piss! Pee pee!

- Look, it's Pissmaster!

00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,045

Dr. Wong, what's up?

00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:24,006

- Rick, you're late for your session.

- Cancel it. Bill me. I'm good.

00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,633

You're good?

00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:28,344

Yeah see, I put on the suit of my

enemy and I fucking love it.

00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,554

Now I'm gonna make a giant bomb,

plant it in a city,

00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:33,015

and then have his suit

auto-pilot the bomb into space.

00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:36,101

Boom. Everyone will think

Pissmaster sacrificed himself.

00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:40,147

He dies a hero, I get a win I'd otherwise

never get myself, nice wet bow on top.

00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:44,860

I'm tempted to second guess a lot of

that but I think you might be nailing it.

00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:47,488

-What?

- If it's free and fun, do it.

00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:48,614

It sounds healthy.

00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,575

That wasn't my goal but, good to know.

Shit, gotta go.

00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,797

No, exactly. And the slave planet thing,

00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,591

I hear he broke their chains

with pure urine, so.

00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:13,055

Hey guys, sorry I'm late,

lot of traffic on the orbway.

00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:17,643

Take a seat, Jerry. We were just

discussing Pissmaster's honorable rise.

00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:18,894

I mean, who cares, right?

00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:22,898

People are talking about him.

He's becoming likable. Good, even.

00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:25,776

- But he's Pissmaster.

- People change, Jerry.

00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,486

Everyone loves a comeback story.

00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,529

- Yes.

- I agree.

00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:33,867

All in favor of offering orbship

to Eugene Michael Piss, aka Pissmaster?

00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:34,993

- Orb-yes.

- Orb-yes.

00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:37,871

- All those opposed?

- Obviously orb-no.

00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:39,081

The orbship has spoken.

00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:43,794

You know what Jerry,

I think this is a good test for you.

00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:47,339

If you can't let go of your pettiness

enough to recruit Pissmaster,

00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:53,721

maybe you don't deserve your orb.

And Jerry. Don't come back without him.

00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:58,600

{\an8}Absolute chaos! No one knows who

planted the bomb, but one thing is clear.

00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:04,106

{\an8}Orphan Island, a city populated entirely

by orphans, now sits on the brink of doom.

00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:07,526

{\an8}The Orphan Island bomb squad

is trying to dismantle it as we speak.

00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:12,740

I can't stress enough, I'm 8 years old,

I have no idea what I'm doing!

00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:14,825

Look! It's Pissmaster!

00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:18,412

Oh no, there's no time to dismantle it!

Come on, it's not safe here.

00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:21,832

Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop?

00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,836

- Pissmaster.

- Jerry, what are you doing here?

00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:30,799

Eugene Michael Piss. By decree of the

Andromeda strain, our great council

00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,135

presents you with this orb,

which you have to take.

00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,095

Fuck off, Jerry,

I'm in the middle of something.

00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:38,432

Excuse me? Hey, this is the

greatest honor you could ever be given.

00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,267

- I don't want it!

- Well you have to take it.

00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,144

Jesus Christ, get the fuck out of here!

00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:47,608

He's flying it into space!

He's gonna sacrifice himself!

00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,612

Get back here, you ungrateful shit!

00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:52,821

What is your problem?

00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:55,199

- You're screwing up my hero death!

- Good!

00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:58,869

FlamingoDad wants us to blow up?

When did he become a shitheel?

00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,662

Life comes at you fast.

00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:03,791

- Jesus, Dad! People are filming!

- Yeah, maybe dial it back?

00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,425

- Rick?

- PissSuit!

00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,344

- Auto-pilot the payload!

- Confirmed.

00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,983

That's my fucking dad.

00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:37,032

- Jerry?

- Dad, are you okay?

00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:39,743

Your father is the fucking Pissmaster!

00:18:40,118 --> 00:18:41,537

Grandpa? What the hell?

00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,542

Jerry, what is this?

People are saying you turned shitheel?

00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:50,295

Well apparently my father-in-law

is Pissmaster so why don't you ask him?

00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:54,842

What the? Rick Sanchez, thePissmaster?

Okay, this is not a good look.

00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,635

This family, man

00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,429

Look, I don't know what kinda

weird shit you two are pulling

00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:01,682

but it's completely unstickworthy.

We're done here.

00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:06,812

But I didn't know! I'm a good guy,

I made you all famous!

00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,188

I'm a thousand years old.

00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:12,234

You know how many "Flamingo Dads"

I've seen? Don't orb us.

00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,115

I don't get it.

You were Pissmaster the whole time?

00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:21,243

Obviously not, Jerry, I put the

suit on once Pissmaster kill...

00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:23,412

When, when you made him...

00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,624

Yeah. I've always been Pissmaster.

00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:31,378

But, that would mean you let my dad

beat you up just so he could, like,

00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,213

feel more confident?

00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,591

- Damn, Rick.

- Yeah that's amazing.

00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:40,429

Hold on, everyone's just accepting this?

Wait wasn't Pissmaster an alien?

00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:42,180

- He obviously avatar'd it.

- Probably a robot.

00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:43,640

But why? Why would Rick even

00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,392

- prop me up like that?

- Jesus, Jerry.

00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:48,937

Rick did something nice for once okay?

He's obviously trying to change.

00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:54,067

You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi.

00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:59,531

Proud of you, Dad.

Or should I say: Pissmaster.

00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:01,825

Yeah Grandpa, sorry I yelled at you.

00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,286

And I guess I'm sorry for trying to

00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,914

stop you from killing yourself

with a nuclear bomb, I just...

00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:09,374

really

liked having an orb.

00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,793

Don't sweat it, Jer.

Piss under the bridge.

00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,880

Man, I guess the therapy worked, huh?

00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,507

Opening up, doing all that just

to make my dad feel good.

00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:18,634

That's pretty great of you, Rick.

00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,136

Yeah that's right, Morty. That's right.

00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,388

Wait Morty, you have to promise

not to tell anyone

00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,223

but your dad made Pissmaster kill himself.

00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:27,392

- Oh man, what?

- Yeah, I mean, I found him dead

00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:30,812

and I put on his suit but look at this,

he literally blames your dad.

00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,522

Holy shit.

00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,816

Wait, you kept the suicide note?

00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:36,526

- That's so messed up!

- I know, I mean,

00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:37,778

I had to tell someone, Morty,

00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,655

- I couldn't just sit on that.

- And you expect me to?

00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:40,864

Morty, no! What are you doing?

00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:46,203

- What the hell?! He killed himself?

- Jesus, Dad, you should've told us!

00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,705

- Especially if Jerry murdered him!

- Wait, don't say that,

00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:50,582

- I didn't murder!

- Hey, I thought it was pretty cool

00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,709

- that I withheld that information.

- But you didn't withhold it!

00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:54,836

- You're walking around with the note!

- Yeah Grandpa, you gotta like,

00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:56,588

keep it in your heart

as a great sacrifice,

00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:59,007

- that's the cool move.

- I mean, how am I the bad guy?

00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,175

He sprayed piss on us!

You all cheered me on!

00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:02,135

- You all cheered me on!

- Don't drag us into this.

00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,845

- A man is dead, Dad.

- Again, wasn't gonna say it,

00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:05,180

- but I told you this would happen.

- Get off your high horse.

00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,890

- Dr. Wong would be so proud.

- Go ahead and boo,

00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:10,018

- I was breathing piss, you think I care?

- Is this what it's like to trend?

00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:13,814

This is a nightmare, I should've

just let him pee on my daughter!

00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,232

What the hell, Dad?

00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:52,185

how about Jack Miller, aka CarJack?

He lifted a car off a stranger.

00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:54,021

- Next.

- Orb-no.

00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,981

We're fresh off a dad and a piss guy.

00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:58,275

Maybe we add someone

that's already powerful?

00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,402

We have to be realistic about

who we can get.

00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:03,155

- I have a pitch.

- We're not gonna add Scarlett Johansson.

00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:08,118

Next up: Mr. Nimbus. Lord of the oceans.

00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:09,786

I hear he controls the police.

00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:11,288

- The police?

- Orb-yes.

00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:15,250

Guys, I already checked, his reps say

he's really busy right now.

00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:17,586

- Everyone says that.

- And we're not busy?

00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:15,807

Ричард, твоя крепость - соленая пустошь

из кораллов и моллюсков.

00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,225

Бросай ее сразу же.

00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:19,769

«ЭВЕРГИЗ»

00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,775

Сдавайся, ты, континентальная тварь.

00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:27,569

Есть идея получше.

00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,155

Чёрт…

00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:36,786

- Доволен?

- Конечно доволен.

00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,497

Ты ведешь себя как победитель.

Но именно этого я и добивался.

00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,833

Я мистер Нимб!

00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,294

Плевать. Давай, Морти.

00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:45,754

Блин, взрыв был сильный.

00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,881

Ага. Молодец, приятель.

00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,758

Прости, что пришлось

взорвать твой бункер.

00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:52,427

Не так быстро, Санчес.

00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:55,555

Это я, Куки Магнето.

00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:58,433

Какого хрена? Я не буду

связываться с этим мужиком.

00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:00,101

Вряд ли это зависит от тебя, Рик.

00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:03,021

Сожалею. Ты контролируешь то,

что люди считают файлами куки?

00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:05,523

- Да.

- Ладно. Но куки - это не субстанция.

00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:08,485

- Так мы обычно называем…

- То, что я контролирую.

00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,278

Ты контролируешь

даже ингредиенты печенья?

00:01:10,361 --> 00:01:13,198

Потому что это звучит опасно.

Везде есть сахар.

00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:14,574

Сразись со мной и выясни…

00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:17,994

- Господи, Рик!

- Прости, Морти.

00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,746

Я знаю, ты хочешь сказать,

что это удар под дых,

00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:22,791

но я не могу драться еще с одним

тупым суперзлодеем в стиле 90-х.

00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,876

Я не гребаный Тик. Я устал.

00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,796

Ладно, но если на тебя

правда охотится куча этих парней,

00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,923

может, стоит разобраться,

что ты делаешь, чтобы…

00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,466

Морти, не начинай.

00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:33,760

Я ничего не делаю для того,

чтобы эти придурки меня искали.

00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:36,221

Я мистер Калипсо.

00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:41,351

Сразись со мной,

уродливый, пьяный кусок дерьма.

00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,062

Ладно, я, пожалуй, проверю…

00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,513

Может, сядете?

00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:19,973

Это не сеанс психотерапии.

00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,350

Я просто спрашиваю,

что думают ваши коллеги

00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,602

о том, как справиться

с данной конкретной ситуацией.

00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:27,313

Во-первых, надо понять,

что у вас за ситуация.

00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:30,066

Я ходячая мишень для бесконечного

моря злобных ботаников,

00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,319

которые считают, что сразиться

со мной - их первоочередная задача.

00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,571

Взять, к примеру, вот этого.

00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,447

Явился, обозвал меня

уродливым пьяницей…

00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,992

Можно подумать, именно такой подход

меня и погубит, верно?

00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:42,120

Ты же не стреляешь в Бэтмена,

целясь прямо в его гребаный логотип?

00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:44,372

Так вы считаете,

что, заперев это существо в камере

00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:47,500

и вытянув из него космическую жидкость,

решите эту проблему?

00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:51,296

Думаю, это лучшее, что я могу сделать,

чтобы извлечь выгоду и подать пример.

00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:54,966

Вы же уже много раз подавали

этот пример, однако ничего не меняется.

00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,176

Ну да, теперь вы посоветуете мне

не обращать на них внимания.

00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,887

Знаете что? Они ведь тоже этого хотят.

00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,555

А почему они хотят,

чтобы их игнорировали?

00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,473

Вы правда верите,

что, если я позволю такому парню

00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,767

делать то, что он хочет,

ему станет скучно и он исчезнет?

00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:07,687

Рик, не хотите ли доказать,

что я ошибаюсь?

00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,689

- Да.

- Так докажите. Соберите информацию.

00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:12,025

Игнорируйте их в течение недели

и посмотрите, что получится.

00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:13,860

Заметано, сучка.

00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:15,987

Это существо умерло?

00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,489

Здесь полная конфиденциальность?

00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,450

- Да, кроме убийства.

- Тогда он в порядке.

00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,578

Я к тому, что это весьма серьезно.

00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,121

Большой шаг для большого тупицы.

00:03:25,204 --> 00:03:27,916

- Да, папа, я под впечатлением.

- Можно не делать много шума из ничего?

00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:31,044

Это стоит отпраздновать, Рик.

Ты принял концепцию терапии,

00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:33,588

не превратив себя

в соленый огурец или муху.

00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:36,883

Джерри, чёрт возьми, в тот день

в ее кабинете была обычная муха.

00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:41,137

- Какого чёрта?

- Рик, как насчет немного помочиться?

00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,223

Рик, почему наш дом

поливает мочой какой-то чувак?

00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:47,393

- Уверен, он тебе сам скажет.

- Я, Повелитель мочи,

00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:51,731

явился сюда, чтобы смыть в унитаз

отходы по имени Рик Санчес.

00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:55,526

Он поливает мой лавандовый куст!

Моим пчелам нужна эта лаванда!

00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,363

Помните, как пять секунд назад вы

были в восторге от того, что я меняюсь,

00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,114

поскольку это давало вам

ощущение превосходства?

00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,200

Вся семья здесь.

00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:03,284

А это что за рыжуха?

00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,453

Я не прочь окатить ее золотым дождем.

00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:06,621

Боже мой, что?

00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:08,039

- Эй!

- Ладно, хватит.

00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:09,958

Джерри, подумай:

если будешь драться с этим парнем,

00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,543

то я буду либо мудак, если не помогу,

либо мудак, если помогу.

00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,879

О моей дочери только что говорили,

использовав терминологию порно,

00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,423

- и я отвечу, как захочу.

- Подожди, папа, не надо.

00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,510

- Эй.

- Хочешь порцию мочи?

00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:24,097

Если это твой глупый и грубый способ

вызвать меня на драку, то я это сделаю.

00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:26,975

- Получи свою порцию, слюнтяй.

- Не говори со мной так!

00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,184

- Проваливай!

- А ты заставь меня!

00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:30,061

Проваливай!

00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,065

Осторожно, дорогой.

00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,286

Лежи, и всё. Я тебя даже не знаю.

00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:47,912

Да, ты меня не знаешь.

00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:51,040

Но я как следует узнаю твою задницу,

сукин ты сын.

00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,089

- Эй, хватит.

- Закругляйтесь, парни.

00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,097

Давай, грязный ублюдок.

00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:10,977

Нет!

00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:12,937

Нет!

00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:18,985

Хватит!

00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,947

Сдаюсь! Пощады!

00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,741

Хватит! Я сдаюсь!

00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,368

- Извинись перед моей дочерью.

- За что?

00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,705

- Сам знаешь за что.

- Извини.

00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,624

Прости, что сексуализировал тебя.

00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,752

Я не это имел в виду.

00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:39,505

Это мой папа, мой крутыш!

00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:44,218

Дорогой, я так горжусь тобой.

00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:46,429

Извини.

00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,181

Спасибо, Рик.

00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,727

Блин. #Папа-Фламинго повсюду.

00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:56,397

BuzzFeed составил список с нечетным

числом наблюдений других людей о тебе,

00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,608

и ты получаешь много смайликов

с хлопками в ладоши

00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,943

в белом «Твиттере».

Впечатления черного «Твиттера».

00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,155

Jezebel.com предлагает награду

за доказательство того, что ты плохой.

00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,782

Это их наивысшая похвала.

00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:09,160

Итак, вот что значит быть в тренде.

Это приятно. Правильные такие ощущения.

00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:10,745

Просто учти,

что гораздо больше придурков

00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:12,580

узнают, что благодаря тебе

они могут стать известными.

00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:14,874

Рик, пусть он насладится моментом.

00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:16,417

Да пусть.

00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:20,671

Это шары?

00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,048

Я же говорил.

00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:23,382

Какой-то придурок увидел ту драку.

00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,177

Хотите верьте, хотите нет -

они позавидовали Повелителю мочи.

00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,140

Я Благнар Вечный.

00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,518

Мы ищем землянина,

избившего Повелителя мочи.

00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,144

Это мой отец, Джерри Смит.

00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,688

Джерри Смит. Наш галактический корабль

00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:40,024

жаждет справедливости

и взывает к тем, кто ее вершит.

00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,150

- Постой, что?

- Наш великий совет

00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,778

хотел бы предложить тебе

этот серебряный шар.

00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:46,030

А вместе с ним и место среди нас.

00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,865

Он липкий.

00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:51,119

Да, это означает, что он нашел чистое

сердце, с которым хочет сблизиться.

00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:54,163

Вы увидели моего зятя в новостях,

а теперь он получил липкий шар.

00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,915

В чём тут подвох? Мы не лохи.

00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:58,918

Да, твоя сила хорошо известна

в наших краях, Рик Санчес.

00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,505

Неудивительно, что наши шары

для тебя нелипкие.

00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:06,217

О нет. Сначала меня забанили

в приложении «Nextdoor», а теперь это.

00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,719

Для меня будет честью

вступить в вашу организацию.

00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:09,637

Что мне нужно делать?

00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,890

Потереть шар, когда увижу преступление?

Или съесть шар, как шпинат?

00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:15,560

Шар - это грубая сила.

00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,311

Доверься своему сердцу, Джерри.

00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,980

Оно подскажет, что нужно делать.

00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,195

Ты включил микроволновку?

00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,739

Нет. Хотя возможно. Я пытался летать.

00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,160

- Что?

- Брось, Рик.

00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,370

Шары, кубки… Это же твоя тема.

00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,788

«Шары и кубки».

00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,082

Я просто говорю,

что ты в семье главный по шарам.

00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,208

Можешь мне помочь?

00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,128

Джерри, если я дам тебе грубую силу,

ты будешь таким же несчастным, как и я.

00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,255

Поверь, я помогаю, не помогая.

00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:46,007

- Серьезно, Рик?

- Что за фигня, дедушка?

00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:48,259

Подонок хотел помочиться

на мои сиськи, а ты ничего не сделал.

00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:51,179

А теперь ты будешь тут сидеть

и мешать нашему отцу стать героем?

00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:52,638

Ты правда такой мелочный?

00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:53,890

Ладно. Знаете что? Прекрасно.

00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,725

Вот. Вот твой проклятый костюм.

00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,269

Я перенаправил бесконечную

энергию шара прямо в него.

00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,062

Эта стреляющая штука выглядит круто.

00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:03,733

«Эта стреляющая штука» - ядерный

дезинтегратор. Он взрывает планеты.

00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,151

- Так туго.

- Возбуждающе.

00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:06,319

Ладно. Покажи мне…

00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:07,236

ГОРЕ

00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,198

…злодеяния, происходящие в галактике.

00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:11,782

Космические Гитлеры?

00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:12,700

СЛЕТ КОСМИЧЕСКИХ ГИТЛЕРОВ

«ЗЕПЛАР ПРАЙМ»

00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:15,536

«Космические Гитлеры

собираются на "Зеплар Прайм"».

00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,747

Боже. У каждого из них

свой тип Гитлера.

00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,582

- Чёрт. Разрули это.

- Да, это серьезная проблема.

00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,542

- Ребята…

- Это мои родители!

00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:27,590

Что ж, семья, похоже,

у Джерри Смита первая шаровая миссия.

00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,926

Газонный Фламин-ГО!

00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,513

Хочу напомнить,

что вы сами об этом просили.

00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:38,476

Вскоре наш легион Гитлеров

установит новый галактический порядок.

00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,769

Рейх, если угодно.

00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,437

Разгадайте-ка загадку Гитлера.

00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,106

Извините. Мы теперь

всех Гитлеров впускаем?

00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,817

Auf weidersehen, плохиши.

00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,569

Убейте его!

00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,364

Боже! По очереди!

00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:54,867

Господи!

00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,000

Надеюсь, на этой планете

не было других людей.

00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:03,918

СРОЧНАЯ НОВОСТЬ: ДЖЕРРИ СМИТСАЦИЯ!

НАКОНЕЦ-ТО КРУТОЙ ПАПА

00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,294

Других людей на планете не было.

00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,798

Только Гитлеры, и каждый из них

был готов начать свой холокост.

00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:12,593

Таким образом, один взрыв

спас около 30 миллиардов жизней.

00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:15,429

И галактика обязана Джерри Смиту

абсолютно всем.

00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,098

#Папа-Фламинго.

00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:18,557

Да вы, блин, издеваетесь!

00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:19,558

Далее…

00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:23,145

Вообще-то, ничего.

Поговорим, пожалуй, еще о Джерри Смите.

00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,983

Даже не знаю…

Терапия начинает казаться безнадежной.

00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,985

У меня так много проблем!

00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:30,987

Нам нужно поговорить.

00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,405

Привет. Нет.

00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:36,701

Нет, если вы не будете относиться

ко мне и моим пациентам с уважением.

00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:44,083

Господи… Я был мухой! Никаких тебе

проблем, никакого чувства стыда…

00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:45,668

Я официально выздоровел.

00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,754

Вот. Ваши данные. Веское доказательство

того, что Бог меня ненавидит.

00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,881

Я проигнорировал тролля,

а Джерри надрал ему задницу.

00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:51,799

Теперь у него есть шар,

00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:53,843

и он использовал силу,

которую я ему дал,

00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:57,138

для уничтожения планеты Гитлеров,

и теперь все открывают шампанское.

00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,557

Рик, вы пришли сюда, потому что

хотели, чтобы всё изменилось.

00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,517

Вот всё и меняется. Терапия работает.

00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,313

Значит, если мой неуклюжий

придурок-зять бьет людей, это хорошо.

00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,523

А если это делаю я, то это

космическое злоупотребление властью?

00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:08,983

Рик, послушайте себя.

00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,985

Вы жалуетесь на то,

что вам приходится быть осторожным

00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,863

со своей безграничной властью

и что Гитлеры мертвы.

00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:16,449

Всё, что вы описываете, положительно.

00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:20,369

Блин. Не реагировать.

Это правда убийственный прием?

00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:23,122

Не уверена, что стоит

применять терминологию убийства.

00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:24,915

Но да. Просто не отклоняйтесь от курса.

00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,334

Хорошо. Классно побеседовали.

00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,127

То, что вы описываете, и есть терапия.

00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,920

И если хотите продолжать сеансы,

00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,673

начните планировать

свои визиты с Джуди заранее.

00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:33,591

«КОСМИЧЕСКИЙ МИЦУБИСИ»

00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:35,801

Спасибо, семья Фламинго.

00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,429

Когда меня спросили,

хочу ли я быть первым человеком

00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:41,015

за рулем «Космического

Мицубиси-Лансер», я подумал:

00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:44,935

«Не знаю. У меня есть классный

костюм с шаром, он реально быстрый».

00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:46,228

Но знаете, что меня подкупило?

00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,815

Совет сказал, что я могу сам

набрать себе команду.

00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,735

Морти, Саммер, Бет. Что скажете?

00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,320

Что? Ты серьезно?

00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,364

Блин, да! Обожаю «Мицубиси».

00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,491

- Я тоже. Наслышан о них.

- Так захватывающе!

00:10:58,574 --> 00:10:59,909

Боже мой, так круто!

00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,244

Ладно, банда. Шары, прочь!

00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:13,464

Боже мой! Не может быть!

Огромный кусок дерьма! Такое не скрыть!

00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,843

Я мистер Стрингбин.

00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,887

Перед моим чувством ритма

не устоит ни один.

00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:22,181

Эй, придурок. Может, успокоишься?

00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:23,766

А это что за мудак?

00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:27,603

Я доктор Баклз, и я здесь,

чтоб затянуть ремень на твоем мнении!

00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,523

Хочешь увидеть, как злится Бин?

00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,028

Будь я проклят. Я в этом не участвую.

00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:38,406

Я в этом не участвую.

00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,160

Я в этом не участвую.

00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:46,872

Боже мой.

Этот ссаный парень огреб по полной.

00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:50,418

Смотри. Он пытался залезть

под машину. Вот непруха!

00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,586

- Смотрите видео про Повелителя мочи?

- Ага.

00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,297

Он самый большой кусок дерьма

в галактике, да?

00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:59,343

Несомненно. Кто ж еще способен

на такое? Только огромный кусок дерьма.

00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:35,921

Проклятье.

00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,550

Твою мать! Вот дерьмо! Ну же, мужик.

00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:41,010

Твою мать! Ну же. Где оно?

00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:42,803

Блин.

00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:46,974

Твою мать.

00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,519

Ну же, Повелитель мочи, давай.

00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,486

Блин!

00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:06,785

Это я.

00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,705

Прошу, просто открой.

00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,750

Пап, мама сказала,

что ты не отвечаешь на ее звонки.

00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,335

А я волнуюсь, ясно?

00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:16,712

Я знаю, что говорила ужасные вещи

о тебе в своем подкасте.

00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:19,507

Просто я очень расстроилась из-за тебя.

00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:23,177

Если ты что-нибудь с собой сделаешь,

я всю жизнь буду себя винить.

00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,513

Пожалуйста, дай знать,

что ты в порядке.

00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:26,889

Проклятье.

00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:30,976

Я в порядке, дорогая. Всё хорошо.

00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,728

Я думала, с тобой что-то случилось.

00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:33,771

Скажу тебе точно:

00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:36,482

если со мной что-то случится,

это стопудово будет не по твоей вине.

00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:37,775

Это мой собственный выбор.

00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:41,362

Ты всё еще говоришь так, будто

собираешься сделать что-то плохое.

00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,989

Пообещай, что не будешь, ладно?

00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,492

Хорошо. Ага. Обещаю.

00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:47,618

Люблю тебя, папа.

00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,123

Твою мать.

00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:05,678

«Что ж, вот и всё.

Я убиваю себя из-за Джерри Смита.

00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,264

Землянина. Папы-Фламинго.

00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:12,268

Когда я увидел, в каком восторге

все были, когда он надрал мне задницу,

00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:14,019

я понял: люди хотели,

чтобы я потерпел неудачу.

00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:19,358

Всё, что я когда-либо хотел сделать, -

это доказать, что они ошибаются».

00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:36,000

Помогите!

00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,087

Постой. Кто ты?

00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:41,297

Повелитель мочи.

00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,550

Обязательно скажи всем,

что тебя спас Повелитель мочи.

00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:47,136

Между прочим, это мочеракеты с тепловым

наведением, а не просто ракеты.

00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,263

Хорошо.

00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:50,848

Готов получить порцию мочи?

00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:54,768

Эй, Повелитель мочи! Ты спасаешь этого

кота, чтобы все забыли, что ты отстой?

00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:56,520

Нет. Я спасаю его, чтобы спасти.

00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:57,897

Так, у нас ничего.

00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,984

ДЕТСКАЯ БОЛЬНИЦА

00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,152

НОВЫЙ МОЧЕКАТОК ДЛЯ РАКОВОГО КОРПУСА

00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:04,069

ПОВЕЛИТЕЛЬ МОЧИ: ЗОЛОТОЙ БОГ?

00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:04,987

Моча!

00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:05,904

ССЫ НА МЕНЯ, Я ИРЛАНДЕЦ

00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:06,822

Ссы!

00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:07,740

17 ТВИТОВ, УБЕЖДАЮЩИХ, ЧТО ПОВЕЛИТЕЛЬ

МОЧИ - ВЕЛИЧАЙШИЙ ИЗ ВЕЛИКИХ

00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:08,657

Моча!

00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:09,575

В ДУШЕ Я РАД

ВОЗВРАЩЕНИЮ ПОВЕЛИТЕЛЯ МОЧИ

00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:10,492

Номер один!

00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,410

ПОВЕЛИТЕЛЬ МОЧИ СЕКСАПИЛЕН

ЭТОТ ЧУВАК ОФИГЕННЫЙ

00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:12,620

Ссы!

00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,455

Ссы!

00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,040

Ссы!

00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:16,957

Смотри, Повелитель мочи!

00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,170

Доктор Вонг. Как дела?

00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,713

Рик, вы опаздываете на сеанс.

00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:24,173

Отмените его.

Пришлите мне счет. Я в порядке.

00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:25,174

Вы в порядке?

00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:28,218

Ага. Видите ли, я надел костюм своего

врага, и мне это чертовски нравится.

00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,387

Теперь я собираюсь сделать

гигантскую бомбу, заложить ее в городе,

00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,265

а потом запрограммировать костюм

автопилотом запустить ее в космос. Бум!

00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,726

Все будут думать,

что Повелитель мочи пожертвовал собой.

00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:38,937

Он погибнет как герой. Я получу победу,

которой сам бы никогда не получил,

00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,397

красивый мокрый бант сверху.

00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:44,693

Я склонна во многом из этого

сомневаться, но, думаю, вы справитесь.

00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,363

- Что?

- Если это весело и бесплатно - вперед.

00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:48,447

Звучит здраво.

00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,699

Моей целью было другое. Но учту.

00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:51,784

Блин. Мне пора.

00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,755

Нет, точно. И история с планетой рабов.

00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:07,800

Я слышал, он разорвал их цепи

чистой мочой. Так что…

00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,971

Эй, ребята, простите, что опоздал.

На трассе много пробок.

00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,473

Садись, Джерри.

00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:17,476

Мы как раз обсуждали

почетное повышение Повелителя мочи.

00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,936

Кого это волнует?

00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,647

О нём много говорят.

Он начинает нравиться.

00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:22,773

Даже становится хорошим.

00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:24,400

Но он же Повелитель мочи.

00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:27,528

Люди меняются, Джерри.

Все любят истории о реванше.

00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:28,487

- Согласен.

- Да.

00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:32,074

Все за то, чтобы предложить членство

Юджину Майклу Писсу,

00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,742

он же Повелитель мочи?

00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:34,952

- Да.

- Да.

00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:36,245

Остальные против?

00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:37,621

Конечно против.

00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,081

Совет постановил.

00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:44,003

Знаешь что, Джерри?

Думаю, для тебя это хорошая проверка.

00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:47,423

Если не можешь забыть свою мелочность

и завербовать Повелителя мочи,

00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:50,050

то, возможно,

ты не заслуживаешь своего шара.

00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:54,179

И, Джерри, без него не возвращайся.

00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:57,266

Полный хаос.

Никто не знает, кто заложил бомбу.

00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,475

Но ясно одно.

00:16:58,559 --> 00:16:59,393

ПРЯМОЙ ЭФИР

СИРОТЫ В ОПАСНОСТИ

00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,979

Остров сирот,

город, полностью населенный сиротами,

00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,981

оказался на грани гибели.

00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:07,609

Пока мы разговариваем, группа саперов

Острова сирот пытается обезвредить ее.

00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,738

У меня силы не хватает,

мне всего восемь лет.

00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,656

Понятия не имею, что я делаю.

00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,075

Смотрите, Повелитель мочи!

00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:18,620

Нет. Нет времени разбирать ее.

Ну же. Здесь небезопасно.

00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:22,124

Мочеледенцы?

00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,794

- Повелитель мочи.

- Джерри, что ты тут делаешь?

00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,798

Юджин Майкл Писс,

по указу Штамма Андромеды

00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,967

наш великий совет дарит тебе этот шар,

00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,927

- который ты должен принять.

- Отвали, Джерри.

00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,929

- Я занят.

- Что, прости?

00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:38,348

Это величайшая честь,

которой когда-либо можно удостоиться.

00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,392

- Я не хочу.

- А надо. Придется взять.

00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,269

Боже, вали на фиг отсюда!

00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,898

Он отправляет бомбу в космос.

00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,691

Он хочет пожертвовать собой.

00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,403

Вернись, неблагодарный кусок дерьма!

00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:54,114

Что тебе? Ты не даешь мне

умереть геройской смертью!

00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:55,032

Отлично.

00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:57,076

Папа-Фламинго хочет,

чтобы мы взорвались?

00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,077

Когда это он стал таким дерьмом?

00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,621

Быстро же ты учишься жизни.

00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:03,874

- Господи, папа. Люди снимают.

- Ага, может, дадим задний ход?

00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:12,674

Рик?

00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,260

- Костюм с мочой, автопилотируй груз!

- Подтверждено.

00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,232

ПРЯМОЙ ЭФИР, СРОЧНЫЕ НОВОСТИ:

ПОВЕЛИТЕЛЬ МОЧИ ПОЖЕРТВОВАЛ СОБОЙ!

00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,150

Это мой чертов папа!

00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:36,865

- Джерри!

- Папа, ты в порядке?

00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,910

Твой отец - чертов Повелитель мочи.

00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:41,537

Дедушка? Какого чёрта?

00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:44,581

Джерри, что такое?

00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,458

Говорят, ты стал подлецом.

00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,919

Ну, видимо,

мой тесть - Повелитель мочи.

00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:50,212

Так что можете спросить его.

00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:53,590

Что за… Рик Санчес, Повелитель мочи?

00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,175

Так, это плохо.

00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:56,510

Ну и семейка, блин.

00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:59,304

Так, не знаю, что вы там оба городите,

00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,807

но такое поведение

не способствует липкости. С нас хватит.

00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,768

Но я не знал. Я же хороший.

00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,687

Я сделал вас всех знаменитыми.

00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:08,230

Мне 1 000 лет.

00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,941

Знаешь, сколько Пап-Фламинго

я повидал на своем веку?

00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:12,192

Отстань от нас.

00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,990

Не понимаю. Всё это время

ты был Повелителем мочи?

00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,324

Конечно нет, Джерри.

00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,285

Я надел костюм после того,

как Повелитель мочи убил…

00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,745

Когда ты вынудил его…

00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,958

Да, я всегда был Повелителем мочи.

00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:30,169

Но это значит,

что ты позволил отцу избить тебя,

00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:33,297

чтобы он мог, типа,

почувствовать себя увереннее?

00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,507

- Чёрт, Рик.

- Да, это потрясающе.

00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,051

Постойте.

Все принимают это как должное?

00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,387

Подожди, разве Повелитель мочи

не был инопланетянином?

00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,055

- Может, он был роботом.

- Или использовал аватар.

00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:44,641

Но почему?

Зачем Рику меня поддерживать?

00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,977

Господи, Джерри, Рик хоть раз

сделал что-то хорошее, ясно?

00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,021

Он явно пытается измениться.

00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:54,192

Вы больше не достойны «Мицубиси».

00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,195

Я горжусь тобой, папа.

00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:59,615

Или мне называть тебя…

Повелителем мочи?

00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:02,075

Да, дедушка.

Прости, что накричала на тебя.

00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,745

Мне, наверно, следует извиниться

за то, что я пытался воспрепятствовать

00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:06,496

твоему самоубийству ядерной бомбой.

00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:09,249

Мне просто… очень нравилось иметь шар.

00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,002

Не парься, Джер.

Дело прошлое. Помочись и забудь.

00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,796

Блин, кажется, терапия помогла.

00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,341

Ты раскрылся с неожиданной стороны,

сделав всё это ради чувств отца.

00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:18,759

Очень мило с твоей стороны, Рик.

00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:21,470

Да, верно, Морти. Точно.

00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:23,263

Постой, Морти.

Пообещай, что никому не скажешь.

00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,140

Твой папа вынудил

Повелителя мочи покончить с собой.

00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:26,600

- Боже, что?

- Ага. В общем,

00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:28,477

я нашел его мертвым и надел его костюм.

00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,146

Смотри. Он четко

винит в смерти твоего отца.

00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,606

Вот блин…

00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,733

Постой, ты забрал предсмертную записку?

00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:35,776

Всё так запуталось…

00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:38,570

Знаю. Надо было кому-то рассказать.

Не могу держать это в тайне.

00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:41,240

- А ты думаешь, я буду?

- Морти, нет. Что ты делаешь?

00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,368

Какого чёрта?

Он покончил жизнь самоубийством?

00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:46,078

Боже, папа…

Ты должен был нам об этом сказать.

00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:47,746

Тем более если это из-за Джерри.

00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:49,289

Не говори так. Я никого не убивал.

00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,583

Я думал, будет лучше

скрыть от вас эту информацию.

00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,835

Но ты же не скрыл! Ходишь повсюду,

размахивая этой запиской.

00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,505

Да, дедушка, ты должен был хранить это

в своем сердце как великую жертву.

00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,840

- Круто.

- Я злодей? Как такое возможно?

00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,259

Он поливал нас мочой.

Вы все меня подбадривали.

00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:02,886

- На нас не надо валить.

- Пап, он мертв.

00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:05,055

Повторю: я не хотел говорить.

Но сказал, что так и будет.

00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:06,848

- Слезай с постамента, а!

- Д-р Вонг гордилась бы!

00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,892

Орите. Я дышал мочой.

Думаете, меня волнуют ваши вопли?

00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:11,269

Вот что значит «быть в тренде»?

Это же кошмар!

00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:14,231

Надо было разрешить ему

помочиться на мою дочь.

00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,273

Какого чёрта, папа?

00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:50,475

Как насчет Джека Миллера,

также известного как Машинный Джек?

00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,019

Он поднял машину и спас незнакомца.

00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:53,937

- Можно.

- Я против.

00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,856

Мы только что избавились

от папы и писающего мужика.

00:21:55,939 --> 00:21:58,191

Может, пригласим кого-то,

кто уже силен?

00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,402

Надо реалистично оценивать

наши шансы по поводу кандидатов.

00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:01,486

У меня есть предложение…

00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:04,239

Скарлетт Йоханссон

мы добавлять не будем. Дальше.

00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:08,160

Мистер Нимб, повелитель океанов.

00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:09,703

Я слышал, он контролирует полицию.

00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:11,621

- Я за.

- За.

00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:12,873

Народ, я уже проверила.

00:22:12,956 --> 00:22:15,125

Его представители говорят,

что он сейчас очень занят.

00:22:15,208 --> 00:22:17,794

- Все так говорят.

- А мы не заняты?

00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,299

СВЕТЛОЙ ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА

00:22:23,216 --> 00:22:25,218

Перевод субтитров: Татьяна Грачева

00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:11,990

ДЖЕРРІ СМІТ-САЦІЯ:

НАРЕШТІ ВІН КРУТИЙ ТАТКО

00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,170

КОСМІЧНИЙ МІЦУБІШІ

00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:50,970

Готові посцяти?

00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:01,100

ДИТЯЧА ЛІКАРНЯ

00:15:02,270 --> 00:15:03,400

ДИВО НА ЛЬОДУ: НОВА СЕЧОВА

КОВЗАНКА ДЛЯ ДІТОК, ХВОРИХ НА РАК

00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:04,980

СЦЯКО-МАЙСТЕР: ЗОЛОТИЙ БОГ?

00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,650

СЦИКНИ МЕНЕ, Я ІРЛАНДЕЦЬ

17 ТВІТІВ ПРО КРУТЕЛИКА СЦЯКО-МАЙСТРА

00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,820

ПОВЕРНЕННЯ СЦЯКО-МАЙСТРА – ТУПО ВАЙБ

00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:11,700

А СЦЯКО-МАЙСТЕР ТЕПЕР СЕКСІ

00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,990

СИРІТКИ У НЕБЕЗПЕЦІ

00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:28,390

СЦЯКО-МАЙСТЕР ПОЖЕРТВУВАВ СОБОЮ!

00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:07,841

Th-There's too many!

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[ Grunts ]

Richard!

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Your fortress is a salty

waste of coral and clam.

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Relinquish it at once!

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Aah!

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{\an8}♪

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Submit,

you continental cunt.

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{\an8}Aah!

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[ Alarm blaring ]

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Aah!

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Aah!

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Happy?

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You're acting like you won,

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but this is exactly

what I wanted!

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I am Mr. Nimbus!

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Ugh, whatever.

Come on, Morty.

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Man, that was intense.

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Yeah ni[burps]ce work, buddy.

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Sorry I had to

blow up your bunker.

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Not so fast, Sanchez.

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It is I, Cookie Magneto.

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What the fuck?

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I'm-- I'm not engaging

this guy.

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That's hardly

up to you, Rick.

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I'm sorry, do you control things

that people agree are cookies?

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Yes.

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They're more of a name

we-- we give to--

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To the things I control.

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Do you control cookie

ingredients?

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Because, y'know,

t-that sounds dangerous.

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Y'know,

everything has sugar in it.

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Fight me and find--

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Aah!

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Jesus, Rick!

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I know you're gonna say

it's punching down,

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but I can't fight another

one of these '90s-style

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goofball super villains.

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I'm not

the fucking Tick.

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I'm-- I'm exhausted.

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have a lot of these guys

gunning for you,

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maybe you should look into

what you're doing to--

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Oh, don't start that crap, Morty.

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I don't do anything for these

dipshits to seek me out.

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I am Mr. Calypso!

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Face me, you ugly, drunk,

ugly piece of shit.

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Okay, I might look into it.

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{\an8}♪

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{\an8}[ Electricity crackling ]

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{\an8}Why don't you have a seat?

'Cause this isn't

a therapy session.

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{\an8}I-I'm just asking you

what people in your racket

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{\an8}say about handling

this particular situation.

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{\an8}First, we'd want you

to define the situation.

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{\an8}I'm a walking target for a

never-ending sea of angry nerds

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{\an8}that think getting in a fight

with me is some kind of...

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{\an8}I don't know, platform?

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{\an8}I mean,

look at this guy.

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{\an8}He shows up and calls me

an "ugly drunk."

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{\an8}Because of course

that's the angle of attack

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{\an8}that's gonna undo me, right?

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{\an8}You don't shoot Batman

in his fucking Batman logo.

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{\an8}And you think

locking this man in a chamber

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{\an8}and milking him of cosmic fluid

will somehow resolve this?

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{\an8}I think it's the best I can do

to profit from a situation

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{\an8}and maybe set an example.

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{\an8}But you've set this example

many times

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{\an8}and it's not changing

your situation.

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{\an8}Yeah, yeah, yeah, and now you're

gonna tell me to ignore them.

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{\an8}But guess what?

They want that too.

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{\an8}And why would they want

to be ignored?

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{\an8}You really believe if I let

a guy like this

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{\an8}do whatever he wants,

he gets bored and vanishes?

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{\an8}Rick, would you be interested

in proving me wrong?

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{\an8}Yes!

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{\an8}Ignore them for a week

and see what happens.

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{\an8}[ Chuckles ]

You're on, bitch.

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{\an8}Is that man dead?

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{\an8}Is everything in here

confidential?

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{\an8}Everything but murder.

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{\an8}Then he's fine.

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{\an8}I mean, I-I think

it's pretty big, you know?

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{\an8}Big step

for the big cheese.

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{\an8}Yeah, Dad, I'm impressed.

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{\an8}Can we not

make it a big deal?

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{\an8}It's worth celebrating, Rick.

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{\an8}You accepted the concept

of therapy

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{\an8}without turning yourself

into a pickle or a housefly.

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{\an8}Jerry, for fuck's sake,

that was a regular fly

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{\an8}in her office that day.

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{\an8}What the hell?

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{\an8}How 'bout a little piss?

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{\an8}Rick, why is there a man

shooting piss on our front lawn?

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{\an8}I'm sure he'll tell you.

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{\an8}I am Pissmaster!

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{\an8}Here to flush the toilet

that is Rick Sanchez.

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{\an8}He's spraying

my lavender bush.

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{\an8}My bees

need that lavender!

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{\an8}Remember five seconds ago

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{\an8}when you guys were stoked

about me changing

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{\an8}because it made

you feel superior?

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{\an8}Ooh,

whole family's here.

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Who's that redhead?

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Wouldn't mind spraying her

with a golden shower.

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- Oh, my God, what?

- Hey!

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Okay, that's it!

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Jerry, please

think about this.

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If you fight this guy,

I'm either an asshole

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for not helping

or an asshole for helping.

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My daughter just got

spoken of in porno terms,

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and I'll respond

how I choose!

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- Wait, Dad, don't!

- Honey!

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Hey.

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You want a piece of piss?

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If that's your stupid rude way

of saying

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I have to fight you,

I will.

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Take your shot, pussy.

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Don't talk to me that way.

Go away!

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Make me.

Go away!

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Ow!

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Careful, honey!

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[ Both grunting ]

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Just stay down.

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I--

I don't even know you.

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Yeah, you don't know me.

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But I'm gonna know your whole

ass, you son of a gun.

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[ Both grunting ]

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Hey, none of that!

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Hey! Come on!

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[ Both continue grunting ]

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Come on, you dirty motherfucker.

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[ Grunting continues ]

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No! No, no, no, no no!

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Stop! Aah!

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Uncle! Mercy! Mercy!

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Stop! I give up!

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Apologize to my daughter.

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[ Crying ] For what?

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You know for what!

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I'm sorry!

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I'm sorry I sexualized you!

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It came out wrong!

[ Sobbing ]

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That's my dad.

That's my fucking dad!

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[ Applause ]

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Honey, I'm so proud of you.

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Ow!

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Oh, sorry.

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Thank you, Rick.

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Damn, hashtag

♪FlamingoDad is everywhere!

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Buzzfeed made

an odd numbered list

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of other people's

observations about you,

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and you're getting

a lot of hand clap emojis

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on White Twitter's

impression of Black Twitter.

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Jezebel's offering

a cash reward for evidence

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that you're a bad person.

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That is

their highest honor!

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So this is what

it's like to trend.

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Feels good.

Feels right.

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Just keep in mind,

now a bunch more assholes

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are gonna know they can get

a rise out of you.

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Both: Boooo!

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I'm letting!

I'm letting!

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[ Whooshing ]

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Whoa.

Are those orbs?

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This is

what I'm talking about.

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Some asshole saw that fight

and, believe it not,

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they were jealous

of Pissmaster.

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{\an8}♪

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I am

Blagnar the Eternal.

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We seek the earthling

who beat up Pissmaster.

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That's my dad,

Jerry Smith!

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Jerry Smith.

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Our Galactic Orbship

thirsts for justice

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and those who deliver it.

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Our great council would like

to offer you this silver orb

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and with it

a place amongst us.

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Whoa.

It-- It-- It's sticky.

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Yeah, that means

it's found a pure heart

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it wants to bond with.

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Y-You guys saw

my son-in-law on the news,

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now he gets a sticky orb.

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What's the catch?

We're not rubes.

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Yeah, your power is well

known in our jurisdiction,

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Rick Sanchez, and it should

come as no surprise

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that our orbs

are unsticky for you.

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Oh, no, first I get banned

from the Nextdoor app,

00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:06,467

now this.

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I'd be honored to join

your organization.

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S-So what do I do?

Rub the orb when I see crime?

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Or-- Or eat the orb

like spinach?

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The orb is raw power.

00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,145

Trust your heart, Jerry.

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It will know what to do.

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[ Straining ]

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[ Microwave whirring ]

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Did you turn on the microwave?

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No? Maybe?

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I-- I was trying to fly.

I--

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What?

I mean, come on, Rick.

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Orbs and goblets,

this is your thing.

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Orbs and goblets.

00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,832

I'm just saying, you're

the orb guy in the family.

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Can you please help me?

00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:41,961

Jerry, I give you raw power,

you'll end up miserable like me.

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Trust me, I'm helping

by not helping.

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- Wow.

- Seriously, Rick?

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What the eff, Grandpa?

00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,217

Some creep tried to pee

on my tits and you did nothing.

00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:50,219

Now you're gonna sit there

and hold our dad back

00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:51,095

from being a hero?

00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:52,430

Are you seriously

that petty?

00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:53,890

Okay, you know what?

Fine!

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Here.

Here's your goddamn suit.

00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:58,477

I hard-wired the orb's

infinite energy right into it.

00:07:58,477 --> 00:07:59,979

This shooty-thing looks cool.

00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,355

That "shooty thing"

is a nuclear disruptor

00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:04,150

that can blow up planets.

00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,318

So tight.

00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,069

Okay, show me, uh...

00:08:07,069 --> 00:08:09,989

acts of evil happening

around the galaxy.

00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,490

Whoa, Space Hitlers?

00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:15,077

"Space Hitlers are convening

on Zeplar Prime."

00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:17,371

My God, each one of them

is their own type of Hitler.

00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:19,248

Yeah,

th-that's a problem.

00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:21,459

Aw, you guys.

00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:23,753

Wow.

00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:24,712

Well, family,

00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:25,922

looks like Jerry Smith

00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,590

has his first orb mission.

00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,300

Lawn Flaming-Ho!

00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:34,055

Just a reminder,

you guys asked for this.

00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,348

Soon,

our legion of Hitlers

00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,392

will bring

about a new galactic order.

00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:39,685

A reich, if you will.

00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,270

Riddle Hitler me this--

00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:44,190

I'm sorry, are we just

letting in all Hitlers now?

00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,943

Auf wiedersehen, bad guys!

00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,694

Exterminate him!

00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,446

Ow! Shit!

Oh, Jesus.

00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:51,864

One at a time!

00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:54,450

Ah, oh, my God!

00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:58,788

[ Explosion ]

00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:03,125

Uh, hope there weren't

other people on that planet.

00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,543

{\an8}And there were no other people

on the planet!

00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:06,545

{\an8}Only Hitlers!

00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:08,798

{\an8}Each one ready to start

their own holocaust,

00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,925

{\an8}meaning an estimated

30 billion lives

00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,468

{\an8}were saved

by a single blast.

00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:15,554

{\an8}And the galaxy owes

it all to Jerry Smith.

00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:17,265

{\an8}Hashtag #FlamingoDad.

00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,266

You gotta be

fucking kidding me.

00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,559

Up next--

Oh, actually nothing.

00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:22,395

I guess we're just gonna talk

about Jerry Smith some more.

00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,024

I dunno, therapy is starting

to feel hopeless.

00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,277

{\an8}I've got so many issues!

00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,069

Aah!

00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,153

We need to talk.

00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:32,405

Hey. No.

00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:35,074

I will not speak with you

if you refuse to treat me

00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,951

and my patients

with respect.

00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:38,494

[ Buzzing ]

00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,496

Oh, Lord.

I was a fly!

00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:44,041

So unburdened,

so free of shame!

00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:45,835

Welp,

I'm officially cured!

00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:46,961

Here.

Here's your data.

00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:48,587

Hard proof

that God hates me.

00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:50,548

I ignored a troll,

and Jerry beat the guy's ass.

00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,591

Now he's got this orb

and he's using the power

00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:55,136

which I gave him to annihilate

planets of Hitlers,

00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,846

and everyone's

popping champagne.

00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,515

Rick, you came here because

you wanted things to change,

00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:00,516

and they're changing.

00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:01,851

It's working.

00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,436

Oh, so if my bumbling

moron of a son-in-law

00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,187

beats up people,

it's "working."

00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:06,522

But if I do it,

it's a cosmic abuse of power?

00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,774

Rick,

listen to yourself.

00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,860

You're complaining about

how you have to be careful

00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,278

with your immense power

00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,863

and that Hitlers are dead.

00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,907

Everything you're describing

is positive.

00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:18,868

Oh, shit.

Not reacting.

00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,328

That really

is the kill move?

00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,704

I don't know if you need

to think about it

00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:24,874

in terms of murder,

but, yes, just stay the course.

00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:25,958

Okay, good-- good talk.

00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,044

Well, what you're describing

is therapy,

00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,628

and if you'd like

to keep receiving it,

00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:32,548

start scheduling your visits

with Judy up front.

00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:35,426

Thank you, thank you,

Flamingo Fam.

00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:36,886

Uh, you know, when they asked me

if I wanted

00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,513

to be the first human to drive

a Mitsubishi Space Lancer,

00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:42,183

I thought, "Well, I don't know.

00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,644

I got this cool orb suit

that goes really fast."

00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,396

But you know what sold me?

00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:49,607

The Council said I could pick

my own bridge crew.

00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,567

Morty, Summer, Beth,

what do you say?

00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,444

What?

Are you serious?

00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:56,322

Oh, shit, yeah,

I love Mitsubishi!

00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,199

Me too!

I-I've heard of them!

00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,825

Oh, my God!

This is so cool!

00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,535

Alright gang, orbs away!

00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:06,624

[ Applause ]

00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,170

O me o' my, can it be?

00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,588

A giant piece of shit

I see?

00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:17,635

I am Mr. Stringbean!

00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,678

No one resists

my rhyming scheme!

00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:22,598

Hey, douchebag,

why don't you chill out?

00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:23,724

Who's this asshole?

00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,226

I am Doctor Buckles!

00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,686

Here to tighten the belt

on your opinions!

00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:30,689

Oh, you wanna see

the Bean get mean?

00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:31,649

Aah!

00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:34,068

[ Both grunting ]

00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,611

I'll be damned.

00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:39,115

I'm out.

00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,411

I'm-- I'm out.

00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,704

Oh, my God, this Piss Guy

is getting wailed on.

00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:48,582

Oh! Look at him, he tried

to crawl under the car!

00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:51,877

What a loser.

00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:55,464

Yeah.

00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:56,882

Oh-ho,

without a doubt.

00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,634

Who could relate, being that

much of a piece of shit?

00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:01,971

{\an8}♪

00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,305

[ Bottles clatter ]

00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:15,985

{\an8}♪

00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,654

[ Doorbell dinging ]

00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:21,574

{\an8}♪

00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,589

God damn it.

00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,341

[ Grunts ]

Fuck, shit, come on, man.

00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:41,302

Fuck, come on, where is it?

00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,678

Shit, shit.

00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,515

Ugh!

Fuck!

00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,434

[ Electricity crackling ]

00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,643

Come on, Pissmaster, come on.

00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:53,647

Aah!

00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:56,942

[ Sputtering ]

00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,027

Damn it.

00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:58,569

[ Electricity crackles ]

00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,283

[ Doorbell dings, knocking ]

00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,369

It's me.

[ Sighs ]

00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,788

Please, please just open up.

Dad?

00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:12,833

Mom told me you weren't

responding to her calls

00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,502

and I'm worried, okay?

00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,629

I know I said terrible things

about you on my podcast.

00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,672

It's just... I've been

so frustrated with you.

00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:21,342

[ Voice breaking ] Look, if you

were to ever do something,

00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:23,052

I'd never stop blaming myself.

00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,720

Just, please.

Please let me know you're okay.

00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,556

God damn it.

00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,143

I'm okay, honey.

We're good.

00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,603

I thought something

happened to you.

00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:35,022

I can tell you for sure--

if anything happens to me,

00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,482

it's 100% not on you.

00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,317

It's my own choice.

00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:41,529

You still sound like

you're gonna do something bad.

00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:44,365

Just promise you won't, okay?

00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,741

Okay, yeah.

00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:46,742

Promise.

00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:47,743

Love you, Dad.

00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,415

Fuck.

00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:03,425

Pissmaster: Well, this is it.

00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:06,345

I'm killing myself

because of Jerry Smith.

00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,721

The Earth man. FlamingoDad.

00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:10,933

Seeing them all cheer

as I got my ass whipped

00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:14,603

made me realize--

people just wanna see me fail.

00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:18,732

All I've ever wanted to do

is prove them wrong.

00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:21,735

{\an8}♪

00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:23,779

[ Clanging ]

00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:33,122

{\an8}♪

00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:33,914

[ Screaming ]

00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:36,458

Help!

00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,421

Wait! Who are you?

00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:41,964

Pissmaster.

00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,799

M-Make, make sure you tell

everybody Pissmaster saved you.

00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,510

Those were heat-seeking pissiles

by the way.

00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:47,553

Not just missiles.

00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,346

Oh, ugh, okay.

00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,348

♪ Y'all ready for piss? ♪

00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:52,808

Yo! Pissmaster!

00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:53,892

You saving that cat to make

people forget you suck?

00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:56,937

Nope, just saving it

to save it.

00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:57,980

Okay, we got nothing.

00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:04,111

{\an8}♪

00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:05,821

♪ Piss ♪

00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,740

♪ Pee ♪

00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,491

♪ Urine ♪

00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:10,868

{\an8}♪ Number one ♪

00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:11,744

{\an8}♪ Pee pee ♪

00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,496

♪ Piss ♪

00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:17,333

♪ Pee ♪

00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,253

[ Computer chimes ]

Dr. Wong, what's up?

00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,504

Rick, you're late

for your session.

00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:25,007

Cancel it. Bill me.

I'm good.

00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,134

Rick: Yeah, see, I put on

the suit of my enemy

00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:28,510

and I fucking love it.

00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,679

Now I'm gonna make a giant

bomb, plant it in a city,

00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,181

and then have his suit

auto-pilot the bomb into space.

00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,850

Boom. Everyone will think

Pissmaster sacrificed himself.

00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,770

He dies a hero,

I get a win I'd otherwise

00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,356

never get myself,

nice wet bow on top.

00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,191

I'm tempted to

second guess a lot of that,

00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,776

but I think

you might be nailing it.

00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,279

What?

If it's free and fun,

do it.

00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:48,530

It sounds healthy.

00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:49,657

Oh, that wasn't my goal,

00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:50,699

but good to know.

00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:51,867

Shit, gotta go.

00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:57,373

{\an8}♪

00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,875

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:02,544

{\an8}♪

00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:03,879

No, exactly.

And the slave planet thing,

00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:07,841

I hear he broke their chains

with pure urine, so...

00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,259

[ Ship whirring ]

00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:12,888

Hey, guys, sorry I'm late,

lot of traffic on the orbway.

00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,348

Take a seat, Jerry.

00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:17,643

We were just discussing

Pissmaster's honorable rise.

00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:18,769

I mean, who cares, right?

00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,521

Uh, people are talking

about him.

00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:21,063

He's becoming likable.

00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:21,814

Good, even.

00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,400

But...

he's Pissmaster.

00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,693

People change, Jerry.

00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,695

Everyone loves

a comeback story.

00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,405

[ All muttering ]

00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,074

offering orbship

to Eugene Michael Piss,

00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,742

aka Pissmaster?

00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:35,077

Together: Orb-yes.

00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,120

All those opposed?

00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,746

Obviously orb-no.

00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,373

The orbship has spoken.

00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,836

You know what, Jerry? I think

this is a good test for you.

00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,254

If you can't let go of your

pettiness enough

00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:49,925

to recruit Pissmaster, maybe you

don't deserve your orb.

00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:50,801

And, Jerry...

00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:54,263

don't come back without him.

00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,681

Reporter: Absolute chaos!

00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,266

{\an8}No one knows who planted

the bomb,

00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:58,600

{\an8}but one thing is clear:

00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,062

{\an8}Orphan Island, a city

populated entirely by orphans,

00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,397

{\an8}now sits on the brink of doom.

00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,483

{\an8}The Orphan Island bomb squad

is trying to dismantle

00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,777

it as we speak.

00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:10,779

I can't stress enough,

I'm eight years old,

00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,781

I have no idea

what I'm doing!

00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,867

Look!

It's Pissmaster!

00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:15,951

Oh, no! There's no time

to dismantle it!

00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:18,454

Come on, it's not safe here.

00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:19,288

Whoa, oh, oh!

00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:22,082

Pisspop? Pisspop?

Pisspop?

00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,918

Pissmaster.

Jerry,

what are you doing here?

00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:26,879

[ Sighs ]

Eugene Michael Piss,

00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,715

by decree of

the Andromeda strain,

00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,717

our great council presents

you with this orb,

00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,218

which you have to take.

00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,804

Fuck off, Jerry, I'm in

the middle of something.

00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,973

Hey, this is the greatest honor

you could ever be given.

00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:40,601

I don't want it!

00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,311

Jesus Christ,

get the fuck out of here!

00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,146

{\an8}♪

00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,022

He's flying it into space!

00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,982

He's gonna sacrifice himself!

00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:51,570

Get back here,

you ungrateful shit!

00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,072

What is your problem?! You're

screwing up my hero death!

00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:57,076

FlamingoDad

wants us to blow up?!

00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,077

When did he become a shitheel?

00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:00,662

{\an8}Life comes at you fast.

00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:02,498

Jesus, Dad!

People are filming!

00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:03,916

Yeah, maybe dial it back?

00:18:05,083 --> 00:18:07,503

[ Both grunting ]

00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:11,173

{\an8}♪

00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:12,841

[ Gasps ] Rick?

00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:14,301

PissSuit!

Auto-pilot the payload!

00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:15,344

Piss A.I.: Confirmed.

00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,096

[ Toilet flushing ]

00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:24,019

{\an8}♪

00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:25,521

[ Jerry screaming ]

00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,357

{\an8}♪

00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,275

That's my

fucking dad.

00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,902

[ Jerry screams, grunts ]

00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:36,865

Jerry?!

Dad?! Are you okay?

00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:39,785

Your father is

the fucking Pissmaster!

00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,745

Um...

00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,665

Jerry, what is this?

00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,208

People are saying

you turned shitheel?

00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:48,877

Well, apparently my

father-in-law is Pissmaster,

00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:50,128

so why don't

you ask him?

00:18:50,128 --> 00:18:53,507

What the...?

Rick Sanchez the Pissmaster?

00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:54,842

Okay,

this is not a good look.

00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,552

[ Sighs ]

This family, man.

00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,220

{\an8}Look, I don't know

what kinda weird shit

00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,013

{\an8}you two are pulling, but

it's completely unstickworthy.

00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:03,225

{\an8}We're done here.

00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:06,728

I-I'm a good guy,.

I-- I made you all famous!

00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:08,188

I'm 1,000 years old.

00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:11,149

You know how many

"Flamingo Dads" I've seen?

00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:12,609

Don't orb us.

00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:15,737

I don't get it.

00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:18,073

You-- You were

Pissmaster the whole time?

00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,241

Obviously not, Jerry.

00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,076

I put the suit on once

Pissmaster kill--

00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:24,037

Uh, when--

when you made him...

00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:27,040

Uh, yeah.

I-I've always been Pissmaster.

00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,043

But that would mean you let

my dad beat you up

00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:33,213

just so he could,

like, feel more confident?

00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,506

Wow.

00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,091

Yeah, that's amazing.

00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,218

Everyone's

just accepting this?

00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:40,220

Wait.

Wasn't Pissmaster an alien?

00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,014

{\an8}He obviously

avatar'd it.

00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,099

But why? Why would Rick even

prop me up like that?

00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,101

Jesus, Jerry. Rick did

something nice for once, okay?

00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:49,146

He's obviously

trying to change.

00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,026

Mitsubishi Ship: You are no

longer worthy of Mitsubishi.

00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:57,321

Proud of you, Dad.

00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,823

Or should I say: Pissmaster.

00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:01,992

Yeah, Grandpa, sorry

I yelled at you.

00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,786

And I guess I'm sorry

for trying to stop you

00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,580

from killing yourself

with a nuclear bomb.

00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:09,416

I just...

really liked having an orb.

00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:10,709

Eh.

Don't sweat it, Jer.

00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,002

Piss under the bridge.

00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:14,588

Man, I guess

the therapy worked, huh?

00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,466

Opening up, doing all that

just to make my dad feel good.

00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,884

That's pretty great

of you, Rick.

00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,594

Yeah...

that's right, Morty.

00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:21,637

That's right.

Wait, Morty.

00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,221

You have to promise

not to tell anyone,

00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:24,222

but your dad made Pissmaster

kill himself.

00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:26,767

Oh, man, what?!

00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,268

I found him dead

and I-- I put on his suit,

00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,145

but look at this--

he literally blames your dad.

00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:34,399

Holy shit.

Wait, you kept the suicide note?

00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:37,653

That's so messed up!

00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,571

I couldn't just

sit on that.

00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,156

Morty, no!

What are you doing?!

00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,909

Aah! What the hell?!

He killed himself?

00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,911

Jesus, Dad,

you should've told us!

00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:46,995

Especially

if Jerry murdered him!

00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:48,622

Wait, don't say that, I--

I didn't murder!

00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,415

Hey, I-- I thought

it was pretty cool

00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,542

that I withheld

that information.

00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,252

You're walking around

with the note!

00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:56,254

you gotta, like, keep it in your

heart as a great sacrifice.

00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:58,590

That's the cool move.

00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:02,010

He sprayed piss on us!

You-- You all cheered me on!

00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:03,595

A man is dead, Dad.

00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:04,805

but I told you

this would happen.

00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:06,014

Get off your high horse.

00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:07,307

Dr. Wong would be so proud.

00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,767

I was breathing piss,

you think I care?

00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:09,935

Is this

what it's like to trend?

00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,144

This is a nightmare!

00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:13,605

I should've just let him

pee on my daughter!

00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,357

Ew!

What the hell, Dad?

00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:46,221

{\an8}♪

00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:50,642

{\an8}How about Jack Miller,

aka CarJack?

00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:51,935

{\an8}He lifted a car

off a stranger.

00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:53,395

{\an8}- Eh.

- I guess.

00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:54,646

{\an8}- Next.

- Orb-no.

00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:56,023

{\an8}We're fresh off a dad

and a piss guy.

00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,315

{\an8}Maybe we add someone

that's already powerful?

00:21:57,315 --> 00:22:00,193

{\an8}We have to be realistic

about who we can get.

00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:03,155

{\an8}I have a pitch.

00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:07,826

{\an8}Next up: Mr. Nimbus,

lord of the oceans.

00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,578

{\an8}Oh, I hear he controls

the police.

00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:10,579

- Wow.

- The police?

00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:11,872

- Orb-yes.

- Ohhh.

00:22:11,872 --> 00:22:12,998

Guys, I already checked.

00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:15,042

His reps say

he's really busy right now.

00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:15,917

- He just doesn't wanna do it.

- Everyone says that.

00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:18,086

Oh, and we're not busy?

00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:20,964

Did you get any of that?