Цельно мета оболочка

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РОЯЛЬ В КУСТАХ, ЧЕХОВСКИЕ РУЖЬЯ

ТИКАЮЩИЕ ЧАСЫ, ПРЕДЗНАМЕНОВАНИЕ

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ИСПЫТАНИЯ

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СРОЧНАЯ НОВОСТЬ!

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МАРИЯ

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СДЕЛАНО В «ИГРУШКАХ ЦИТАДЕЛИ»

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ИГРУШКИ ЦИТАДЕЛИ

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ГЛАВНАЯ ГЕРОИНЯ

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ФЛЭШБЕК

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ОШИБКА ПОВЕСТВОВАНИЯ

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ПРОТАГО НИК

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«МАРВИН — ТРУСЛИВЫЙ ОХРАННИК»

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В РОЛЯХ: МАРВИН

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НЕОЖИДАННЫЙ ПОВОРОТ

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ЛУЧШИЙ ПЛЕННИК В ИСТОРИИ

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НЕ ДРОЧИ В ОДИНОЧКУ

РЕГИСТРАЦИЯ

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ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА

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Jerry I had sex with your wife.

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I did it, I fixed portal travel.

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Jack the Ripper, at your service.

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- Cool.

- This happened too?

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- I’m pregnant.

- Honey, she’s just like you.

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- It’s raining meatballs.

- Okay something is...

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Jerry Smith died doing what he loved,

getting stung by bees.

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- Off.

- Off what?

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Have some respect, it’s Dad’s funeral.

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I’m gonna name you Jerry Jr.

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Thanks for solving that murder guys,

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- here’s a skateboard.

- Thanks Tony Hawk.

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- Morty, say you’ll marry me.

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- What?

- Just say yes!

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- Yes?

- Okay.

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- Rick, do you promise to...

- I do and for our honeymoon

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let's go to a sealed chamber

lined with ionized deuterium!

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- Why?

- Because the charge acts

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as a narrative decelerant.

Morty, none of this is real,

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we’re in a Previously On spiral,

clear your head.

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- After all that’s happened?

- No.

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I’m innocent! I didn’t release those bees!

I love Jerry!

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What’d I just say?

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- When?

- Okay, great execution,

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let’s go back to the chamber.

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Now repeat after me, Morty:

Next time on Rick and Morty.

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Next time on Rick and Morty?

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- No. Previously on Rick and Morty.

- Ignore it, Morty.

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Next time on Rick and Morty.

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- It counteracts his toxins.

- Next time on Rick and Morty.

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- Whose toxins?

- Hey stop it!

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Previous Leon. Grab him!

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Hold on tight, Morty! We gotta get

through the opening titles!

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Opening titles of what?

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- We’re in space.

- Let go of me.

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Oh my god! Oh my god!

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- What planet is this?

- Cover you eyes on this part!

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Oh my god, it’s a giant squirrel

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Why are we dressed like old timey people?

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- What the hell’s going on?

- Oh my god, no way.

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Why is my dad in a suit?

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- Best episode!

- Who is that?

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OK, we’re almost through.

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And we’re back!

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{\an8}- Stop! Let go of me!

- What just happened?

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{\an8}Why was there music?

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{\an8}Because of this conceptual little

piece of shit! Grab his feet!

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{\an8}If we have opening titles,

does that mean that we’re a...

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{\an8}Let your body purge the meta-venom,

Morty, don’t succumb to his

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{\an8}- pointless self aware bullshit.

- It’s not pointless, it’s cool!

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{\an8}- He’s got a gun!

- Eat lead, pussy!

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{\an8}No no no! Fuck!

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{\an8}- Son of a...

- Did he use a portal?

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{\an8}He wishes. He wriggled back

to the meta layer through a hole

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{\an8}in the fourth wall.

Put these on and help me find it.

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{\an8}I don’t like this, Rick.

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{\an8}You shouldn’t,

it’s not a likable premise.

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{\an8}I mean it’s funny when

I do a little nod to viewers

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{\an8}- but...

- What viewers?

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{\an8}That’s the right attitude, Morty.

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{\an8}A few carefree verbal asides,

always by me,

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{\an8}none of this Season Three

Moonlighting shit.

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{\an8}- Okay, here it is.

- You’re going to patch it?

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{\an8}No, he subverted actual reality, Morty,

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{\an8}he needs to be put down like a rabid dog.

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{\an8}- Fuck!

- Oh yeah,

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{\an8}no, you don’t wanna wear those over here.

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{\an8}Maybe he went down that road?

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{\an8}No no no, if he took that he’d end

up a hero.

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{\an8}Dammit, Rick. I don’t like this.

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{\an8}- is this whole place just...

- A bunch of groan-inducing wordplay

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{\an8}for seven TV critics

that won’t even enjoy it?

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{\an8}It’s worse than you think, Morty,

we’re basting in meta radiation right now,

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{\an8}our credibility is being

permanently eroded,

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{\an8}every second we spend here is the

equivalent to ten Space Jam cameos.

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{\an8}- You should've thought of that previously

- Get him!

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{\an8}Oh no! Bless me Heavenly Father

for you will save me...

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{\an8}Now I feel bad.

Let’s just get out of here.

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{\an8}Because he prays?

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{\an8}You know Hitler was Catholic, right?

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{\an8}I’m here, Leon.

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{\an8}Okay. He apparently prays very well.

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{\an8}- Time for you two to meet the Lord.

- That’s okay, we’re good.

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{\an8}Treat it like a bear attack, just walk

backwards and make yourself look big.

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{\an8}I love a good refusal of the call.

Hello, Rick.

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{\an8}- Hello, Amish Juggler?

- His name is Story Lord.

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{\an8}Story Lord?

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{\an8}Listen, trust me, take Amish Juggler,

you can have it.

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{\an8}Story Lord. Rick, he’s the villain from

that toy train I bought you.

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{\an8}Very good, Morty. The fictional

versions of you trapped me

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{\an8}in a Bible show for children

but I used make-believe Christ

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{\an8}to transcend fiction

and enter meta-reality.

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{\an8}Now I’m the one doing the trapping

Leon was the bait.

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{\an8}- Bait?

- Jesus?

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Never dumb mother!

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You’re using Jesus to beat us up?

Have you seen South Park?

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Good call-out, Morty,

that’s the kind of meta I like,

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the kind that keeps us

creatively accountable.

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Oh god. Not the Bane.

Not the Bane!

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He Baned me, Morty!

Jesus Baned me!

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You can’t beat me up,

I’m technically Christian child!

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And I’m your worst nightmare.

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I’m the Jesus from every Jesus joke.

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- The one without a God.

- Morty! Take this and get out!

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Thank you. Looks like Story Lord’s story

is about to become based on real events.

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- What do you want with that?

- I want what any character wants.

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- Motivation.

- What?

00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:04,554

- That’s dumb.

- So lazy.

00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,222

Forward your notes to my ass.

00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,101

Wait wha... he just left?

00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,687

Kinda makes you want to be

our unlikely ally huh?

00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:13,688

I guess not.

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Previously on Jesus Christ.

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- Hey, I’m Jesus.

- I’m Mary.

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- That’s my mom’s name.

- Stop.

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- Dude, she’s a hooker.

- She’s a better disciple than you!

00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:30,747

Oh no.

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I can’t die.

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I have a proposition for you.

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I work alone.

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If I suck-a your blood,

I’ll be invincible! I think!

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You’ll never know.

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{\an8}Billionaire immortal entrepreneur

Jesus Christ has placed all his money

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into what he’s calling a

“second chance at love.”

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- Hang on, Mary!

- The data! So beautiful!

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Make me normal, witch.

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Take it all!

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Eat your pudding, Mr. Christ.

00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:07,992

- What are you smiling at?

- Your name.

00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,414

- What’s happening, Rick?

- Leon’s venom makes you think

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more and more of your life is behind you

as he feeds on your released potential.

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Leon. You saved our lives!

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- Oh not yet he hasn’t.

- Jeez Rick!

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- So mean!

- He’s meta, Morty.

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His life doesn’t matter.

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Yours does. That’s why

we need to get back.

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Well this doesn’t feel like a Citadel.

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Maybe it’s cooler on the inside?

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This isn’t what it looks like.

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This is a very special diet

for successful writers.

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- Why do you look like my character?

- I am your character.

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- And you are going to improve me.

- But you’re Story Lord, you’re great.

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Great isn’t good enough!

I’ve killed Rick and made myself real.

00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,788

I’m better than some shitty toy train.

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Is this your office or your apartment?

00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,750

Why does it smell like you sleep here?

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- You’re my creator, why are you pathetic?

- Because you failed!

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And whose fault is that?

What the hell happened?

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You wanna know what happened?

Like specifically?

00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:08,678

Well the Ricks wanted to do

a Canterbury Tales type thing,

00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,930

but none of them have actually

read fucking Canterbury Tales,

00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,057

so then they told me to make

it like the Poker Game episode

00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:16,102

of the Batman cartoon where the

bad guys tell stories about Batman.

00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,187

Then they kept telling me it

“needed something.”

00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:22,024

Yeah no shit it needed something!

It needed to never be pitched!

00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:25,695

I did my job! Goomby, the Ice Queen,

the Tickets Please guy.

00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,573

They just bailed on it! The website

didn’t even fucking work!

00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:32,243

And it was a shitty URL to begin with,

“Storydash Train”?

00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,996

Who uses a dash?

They set me up to fail!

00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:38,583

They fucked me! They fucked me and you're

lucky I haven’t blown my brains out!

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Right. Just give me a motivation,

you hacky fart.

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Okay, here’s your motivation.

00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:46,841

You’re looking for motivation.

You want all the motivation.

00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,050

That’s lazy.

00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,303

It got you this far.

Must be nice, by the way,

00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,639

wish I could afford to dress like a

bisexual acting coach from the seventies.

00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:58,436

- My motivation... is motivation.

- Okay, bye.

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Oh no, my bitter friend,

you’re coming with me.

00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,903

Yo! If you don’t see me coming

it’s a bad fortress!

00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,908

- Where are we?

- Headquarters of The Self Referential Six.

00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:14,702

They’re meta nerds that found out

they could be less bearable as a team.

00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:17,205

- They can help us?

- No but there’s a prisoner here that can.

00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,916

- Don’t tell them that.

- Rick Sanchez.

00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,251

I’ve been waiting

for this moment for years.

00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:25,504

Good, Morty, this is Miss... Lead.

00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:27,673

I should kill you where you stand.

00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:32,261

I brought you Previous Leon. You’ll want

to lock him up in your detention center.

00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:34,013

It’s a trick, he wants your prisoner.

00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,014

- You dick.

- Liar!

00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,975

Talk about a mislead. Anti-meta field.

00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:41,479

Fancy device. I think I can recall

the time you built it.

00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,064

Don’t try it, Flash Back!

00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,526

Y’know I’m excited about

the upcoming election.

00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:51,697

This forcefield will be impenetrable by

meta-energy. It runs on hydrogen isotopes.

00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:55,952

It runs on hydrogen isotopes.

00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,621

A few barrels of petroleum

should dampen it.

00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,289

Run, Morty!

00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:05,378

Were those not there before? Guess

there’s been a... Connie Tinuityerror.

00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,173

- These people are the worst!

- I told you! Way overpowered!

00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:13,761

- Look out, Rick!

- Forget him, he’s a nameless guard.

00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:16,681

That’s Protago Nick.

00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:19,308

His beam has the power to make

any character the protagonist.

00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:21,477

Duck.

00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,856

Oh man, oh man.

00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:30,319

What are you doing, Marvin?

Not dying, that’s what I’m doing!

00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,531

What’s going on? What happened?

00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,158

I did it again, Katie.

I ran out on another job.

00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:39,412

Well if you didn’t do that,

you wouldn’t be my man.

00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,222

I was almost tempted to just let it go,

that’s much how I hate it here.

00:09:58,222 --> 00:09:59,223

Smash Cut!

00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:02,226

- Remember me, Rick?

- Who’s this guy now?

00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:07,231

I am Mr. Twist. The fifth member

of the Self Referential Six.

00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:10,693

- Who’s the sixth?

- That’s the twist, Morty. It's you.

00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:11,902

- What?

- Ignore him, Morty.

00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:13,446

The twist is there is no sixth member

00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,198

- and he tells that to everybody.

- In any case, you’re ours now.

00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:19,660

You can’t free yourself without

a twist and I control them.

00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:22,913

You don’t control every twist, Mr. Twist.

I’ve got a twist for you.

00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,457

Impossible! What is it?

00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,127

Nice try! Like I didn’t see that coming

00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,547

Fuck me.

00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,717

- Great work, Morty!

- I’m adapting!

00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,885

Here’s our ticket outta here.

00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,929

They got him in a cell made outta of

sports because it’s the opposite of story.

00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:41,807

- Do I want to ask who he is?

- His name is Brett Caan.

00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,685

He has the power to make things

always have been other things.

00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:47,480

I think that’s called retconning.

But his name’s Brett Caan?

00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,232

Rhett’s a name too,

his name could be Rhett Caan.

00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:53,069

It is.

And always has been, now.

00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:56,197

Careful Morty.

Stay clear of his retcon range.

00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:57,698

Until he agrees to help us.

00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,867

Rick. You’ve always trusted me.

00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:01,911

Nice try.

Here’s how it’s gonna work.

00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,205

You’re gonna make it so

Morty and I never came here.

00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:07,333

Once that’s always been the case,

I’ll free you remotely with this.

00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:08,834

What is my purpose?

00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,669

To wait until I tell you

to pull that lever.

00:11:10,669 --> 00:11:12,129

You are fucking kidding me.

00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:15,758

If you don’t free me right now Rick,

I can make very, very bad things

00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,510

always have been the case for you.

00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,636

Is that a threat, you fuck?

00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,763

- You can rot in there.

- Rick.

00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:24,308

You know what, Rhett? Forget what I said,

we’ve always been friends.

00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,559

Good one.

00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:29,105

Easy, Rhett. Don’t forget

that coffee mug I gave you.

00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,650

You always were able

to be killed with coffee.

00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,821

New plan. Run. Again.

00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:41,117

- The twist being...

- You were born without bones.

00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:43,869

See ya never!

00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,957

There’s never been anything

outside this fortress.

00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,000

- Goddammit!

- And this fortress

00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,212

Has always been an orange!

00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,801

- Great plan, Rick!

- Yeah, I’m not pushing back on that Morty,

00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,469

I have royally fucked us.

00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,766

- It hurts.

- We’ve been past the fourth wall too long.

00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,309

We won’t be real much longer.

00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:11,105

You killed us, Rick. You just

had to hate meta storytelling.

00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:15,484

In my defense, Morty, I think you

can agree my hate was justified.

00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:21,031

Least earned death ever.

00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,621

Death is a threshold.

00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:35,796

- What, what happened?

- You atoned.

00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:39,633

- Who, who are you?

- I’m Joseph Campbell. Soup?

00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:43,345

I almost considered not making

it because my name is Campbell but,

00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,348

then I thought, stay in the moment, Joe.

Follow your bliss.

00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:49,310

How are you here?

Rhett Caan said there was nothing.

00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:53,564

Some things never change about mythology.

There’s always an old man with soup.

00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:55,900

Name one story that doesn’t have one.

00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,152

- Jack and the Beanstalk.

- Basketball Diaries.

00:12:58,152 --> 00:12:59,862

- Every Matrix.

- Every movie ever.

00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,947

Alright, I don’t have to defend myself

to you people.

00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,324

Where’s my soup?

00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,952

Previous Fuckin’ Leon?

Why is that prick here?

00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,205

No more a prick than you, friend.

00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,540

Meta characters erode reality.

00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,792

But all characters are meta, Rick.

00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:18,214

All of us are nourished and consumed

by chaos, like newborns at the breast

00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:21,217

of a meth addict

in a lifeboat filled with forks.

00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:24,303

- I know what you have to do, Rick.

- Scrub Campbell’s browser history?

00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,096

Just trust Previous Leon.

00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,432

Could you Previously us a way home?

00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:32,770

- I’ll sure enjoy trying.

- Yeah I bet you would.

00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:37,399

Rick can’t change, Morty. Change is

what you might call his Kryptonite.

00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:41,320

Except, instead of being super,

he’s, you know, kind of a pussy.

00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:42,905

Let’s do it.

00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,367

Previously on Rick.

00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,619

- Get off him! Get off him!

- Oh boy.

00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,206

- He almost killed you!

- Okay, well I feel bad,

00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,083

I kind of pressured you into trying that.

00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,043

- You called me a pussy!

- I said I feel bad!

00:13:56,752 --> 00:14:00,798

This is a map to a region

rich in narrative ore.

00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:02,550

I wish you the best of luck.

00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:05,719

Faster, Morty! I’d help but I can’t

blister my inventing hands.

00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:07,179

- How long will it take?

- Years.

00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,597

You can live in my wood shed.

00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:11,267

- Just don’t open the door after dark.

- Why not?

00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,352

Get out here you Communist Jews!

00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,271

Dude. Maybe I’m not an alcoholic.

00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:18,065

- I know, right?

- You fucking Back to the Future ripoffs!

00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,859

- It’s ready.

- Rick, I should stay.

00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:22,236

- Why?

- I’m pregnant.

00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,529

- What are you doing?

- It wasn’t him, Rick!

00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,281

- Then who?

- Me.

00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:28,784

I never left. But you had to think

all this happened to make that.

00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:31,787

- And I can get this through the titles?

- If you hang on tight.

00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,789

What about my beard and unborn child?

00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,124

Let them go.

00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,084

- Thank you, Leon.

- When you get home Rick,

00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:39,753

do some classic adventures.

Like season one.

00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:42,464

I’m so sick of that fucking note,

what the fuck does it even mean?

00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,309

Now. One last time.

What’s my motivation?

00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:57,646

Motivation. This machine will syphon

it from everyone in the universe.

00:14:57,646 --> 00:14:59,356

Perfect. Greenlit. Launch it.

00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:06,113

I think it’s working. Yes, I can feel it!

00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:08,782

Something I did is actually

affecting someone!

00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,038

I don’t want to work anymore.

00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:17,374

I do, but only as an excuse

to not practice guitar.

00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,174

Why don’t we just write any number

down on the score sheet?

00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,342

Why even do that?

00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:31,930

Wait, you have to register?

00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:37,019

Yes! I can feel it!

I’m so motivated!

00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,271

I want a lot!

00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:42,941

Story time’s over.

00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,694

- Hardly your decision.

- Did you seriously

00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:48,113

double down on motivation

as your motivation?

00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,282

- It’s a good idea.

- There’s no such thing!

00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,951

There’s joyful and there’s joyless.

And we’ve had our fill of one.

00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:56,246

Morty, make that sweaty writer stop

working while I kill off his character.

00:15:57,331 --> 00:16:00,793

I have never been more driven

to destroy someone.

00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,670

Yeah well I’m driven

to lower my blood sugar

00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:05,089

but guess who’s getting tacos

after he kicks your ass?

00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,050

So you’re jacked, who cares?

00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,345

- Cum gutters.

- I don’t like that phrase.

00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:12,513

I don’t take notes.

00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,144

You can’t beat me, Rick.

00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:22,564

- I have one million times your motivation!

- So do those guys

00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:24,566

with the cell phone kiosks at the mall.

00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:53,429

- The hair is wrong.

- Like you’d be picky about licensing.

00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,389

Actually, I would.

I happen to believe that...

00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,523

- You can do that?

- You gotta want it.

00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,359

Come on, just stop,

I don’t wanna fight you.

00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,279

Kid, I’m a writer that wrote

something successful,

00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,447

so if you want me to give it up

00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,574

you’re gonna need a black belt

or a big pair of tits.

00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:17,161

- Yeah well I don’t have those.

- In the mythical sense, I have both.

00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:20,122

- Joseph Campbell?

- Yeah, nice try. He died in the eighties.

00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,416

Only you can see and hear me Morty.

00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,418

- Just repeat what I tell you.

- Okay.

00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:30,466

Sir. You’re only proud of your creation’s

success because you want to be creative,

00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:34,219

but creation doesn’t happen through

gimmicks, technology and distribution.

00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,679

It doesn’t even happen through work.

00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:40,225

Creativity is frankly adjacent to mental

and overlaps with it substantially.

00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:43,437

A lot of talented people kill themselves

and all of them are miserable.

00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,981

The real gift is to be ungifted,

00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:48,150

and from what I saw in your

Green Arrow spec script,

00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:51,612

- that’s the gift you were given.

- You couldn’t have seen that.

00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,405

I’m Joseph Campbell. I saw it.

00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:56,241

- The villain was a placeholder.

- I said I saw it Jan,

00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:59,995

I didn’t say I could get past page five.

Your villains aren’t the problem.

00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,289

The problem is, when you write,

you’re a villain.

00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,666

If you want to be a hero, just stop.

00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,675

You know what? Maybe I will register.

00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,679

Say it! Tell me I’m the new Mr. Nimbus!

00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,352

- Oh looks like your writer took a hiatus.

- Oh fuck.

00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,772

You’re less motivated to fight now

so this is literally punching down

00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:27,856

but you’ve got it coming.

00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:33,779

Please, lemme live.

I promise to be cooler.

00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:37,032

I’ll be less inside baseball,

maybe I change my name?

00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:44,039

- You failed me.

- No, I failed you.

00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:49,294

All good things must come to an end.

00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,964

All bad things too though,

so don’t flatter yourself.

00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:55,134

Jan, Joseph Campbell says you have to be

the one to put him down.

00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,553

Wait wait wait, Joseph Campbell also says

00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:00,472

you have to use this brand new

limited edition Rick plush,

00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:03,559

available only on Rick dash plush dot biz.

00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,227

- Supplies are limited. Act now.

- He did?

00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:20,826

Jesus, that’s the last time

I buy a toy from a Rick.

00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,411

The plushies are obviously well made.

00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:32,296

- Thanks for getting us back alive, Rick.

- Well, I am a master of both worlds Morty.

00:19:35,173 --> 00:19:39,094

Joseph Campbell told me to stop writing.

Because it should be effortless.

00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:41,430

When it happens organically,

that’s when it’s meant to be.

00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,307

Y’know, like, like me.

00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,684

I’m a writer, here’s a pencil.

Writers use pencils.

00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,269

Okay so like what if like

a pencil used me?

00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,897

Like okay. Yeah. Okay.

00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:52,941

so it’s like a magic pencil

that writes the writer’s life.

00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:57,404

holy shit, it’s a movie

about a writer! I am back!

00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,316

I’m Tag-Man. I live in the tag.

00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:39,863

I am the tag. I’m Tag-Man.

Tag-tag of the episode Man.

00:20:40,238 --> 00:20:42,950

Did you get any of that? When, yeah,

when, an episode’s over, look out,

00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:46,662

because here comes Tag-Man!

And I’m crazy!

00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:51,667

Tag-man! Imma tag your ass! Tag dat ass.

00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:56,672

Tag-Ass-Man! I’m an Ass-Man now!

I’m a, I’m a Tag-Man!

00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:59,841

Here’s what you get, here’s your tag!

Yeah, you want some more?

00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:02,344

You want, you want some more tag

you sick piece of shit?!

00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:04,012

I’m, because I’m Tag Man!

00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:10,310

I miss my wife. Too bad,

this is it! Tag-Man, yeah!

00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,384

Джерри, у меня был секс с твоей женой.

00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:12,178

Я сделал это!

Я отремонтировал портал путешествий!

00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:14,431

Джек-потрошитель к вашим услугам.

00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,141

- Круто.

- Это тоже было?

00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:18,059

- Я беременна.

- Дорогая, она такая же, как ты.

00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,018

С 18-ЛЕТИЕМ, САММЕР!

00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:20,937

- Идет дождь из фрикаделек!

- Что-то…

00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:23,440

Джерри Смит умер,

занимаясь любимым делом.

00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:24,983

Его покусали пчёлы.

00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:26,359

- …на фиг.

- Что?

00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:28,361

Прояви уважение к похоронам отца.

00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,280

Я назову тебя Джерри-младший.

00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:32,699

Спасибо за раскрытие убийства, ребята.

Вот скейтборд.

00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:33,783

Спасибо, Тони Хоук.

00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,201

- Морти, скажи, что женишься на мне.

- Что?

00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:36,494

- Просто скажи да.

- Да?

00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,955

- Хорошо.

- Рик, ты обещаешь…

00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,999

Да. А медовый месяц мы проведем

в герметичной камере,

00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:42,834

- покрытой ионизированным дейтерием.

- Почему?

00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,878

Потому что заряд действует

как замедлитель повествования.

00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:47,714

Морти, всё это ненастоящее. Мы

находимся в спирали «ранее в сериале».

00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:48,673

Прочисти мозги.

00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,216

- После всего, что случилось?

- Нет.

00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:53,720

Я невиновна. Я не выпускала этих пчел.

Я люблю Джерри.

00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:55,430

- Что я только что сказал?

- Когда?

00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,099

Отличное исполнение. Вернемся в камеру.

00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,894

Теперь повторяй за мной, Морти:

в следующей серии…

00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,645

В следующей серии…

00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,898

Нет. Ранее в сериале…

00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:07,233

Не обращай внимания, Морти.

«В следующей серии…»

00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,694

- Это нейтрализует его токсины.

- В следующей серии…

00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,780

- Чьи токсины?

- Эй, прекратите!

00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:13,364

Предыдущий Леон! Хватай его!

00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:16,868

Держись крепче, Морти.

Мы проберемся сквозь начальные титры.

00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:18,495

Начальные титры чего?

00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,205

- Мы в космосе!

- Отпусти меня!

00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:24,959

Боже мой! О боже!

00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,590

- Что это за планета?

- В этой части закрой глаза!

00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,634

Боже мой, это гигантская белка!

00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,220

Почему мы одеты так старомодно?

00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:37,555

- Что, чёрт возьми, происходит?

- Ни за что!

00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,266

Почему мой папа в костюме?

00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,227

- Это лучшая серия!

- Почему я масло?

00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,561

Так, мы почти добрались.

00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:53,363

- Вот мы и вернулись.

- Хватит!

00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:56,032

- Что это было? Почему играла музыка?

- Пусти меня!

00:01:56,991 --> 00:02:00,120

Из-за этого концептуального

куска дерьма. Хватай его за ноги!

00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,997

Если есть начальные титры, значит, мы…

00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,125

Позволь своему телу

очиститься от метаяда, Морти.

00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,210

Не поддавайся его бессмысленной

чуши, зацикленной на нём самом.

00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,837

Это не бессмысленно, это круто!

00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,214

- У него пистолет!

- Жри свинец, слюнтяй!

00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,384

Нет!

00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,177

Твою мать.

00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,722

- Сукин…

- Он воспользовался порталом?

00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,933

Хотел. Он вернулся на метаслой

00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:24,811

через дыру в четвертой стене.

Надень это и помоги мне найти его.

00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,940

- Рик, мне это не нравится.

- И правильно.

00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:30,233

Это малоприятное помещение.

00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,694

Я к тому, что это забавно,

когда я киваю зрителям…

00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:34,737

- Каким зрителям?

- Правильно мыслишь, Морти.

00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,948

Несколько беззаботных

словесных отступлений всегда при мне,

00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:39,367

никакого дерьма из 3-го сезона

«Детективного агентства "Лунный свет"».

00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,327

- Так. Вот.

- Ты его заделаешь?

00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:45,999

Нет, он извратил настоящую реальность.

Его нужно усыпить, как бешеную собаку.

00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:55,550

Твою мать!

00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,594

Ах да, это тебе больше не нужно.

00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,304

ИСПЫТАНИЯ

00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:00,722

Может, он пошел по той дороге?

00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:02,640

Нет. В таком случае он бы стал героем.

00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:05,602

Чёрт возьми, Рик.

Мне это не нравится. Это место просто…

00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:09,230

Вызывающая стон игра слов для семи

телекритиков, которым она не нравится?

00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:12,275

Всё хуже, чем ты думаешь, Морти.

Сейчас мы сшиваем метаизлучение.

00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,235

Наша достоверность

постоянно подрывается.

00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:17,572

Каждая проведенная здесь секунда равна

десяти эпизодам «Космического джема».

00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:20,658

- Надо было раньше об этом думать.

- Хватай его!

00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,292

О нет! Благослови меня,

Отец Небесный, ибо Ты спасешь меня…

00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,586

Теперь мне не по себе.

Давай просто уйдем отсюда.

00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:34,172

Потому что он молится? Ты знаешь,

что Гитлер был католиком, верно?

00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:35,965

Я здесь, Леон.

00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,344

Так, он, видимо, очень хорошо молится.

00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:41,304

Пора вам двоим встретиться с Господом.

00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,306

Всё нормально. Относись к этому

как к нападению медведя:

00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,725

пяться и делай вид, что ты большой.

00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:48,686

Люблю, когда люди

умеют мастерски отказываться.

00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,396

Привет, Рик.

00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,607

Привет… Амиш-жонглер?

00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:54,609

Его зовут Повелитель историй.

00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:58,529

«Повелитель историй»? Слушай, поверь,

«Амиш-жонглер» тебе идет больше.

00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:01,866

Повелитель историй! Рик, это злодей

из игрушечного поезда, который я купил.

00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,868

Отлично, Морти. Вымышленные версии тебя

00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,870

заманили меня

в детскую программу о Библии.

00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:10,375

Но с помощью фальшивого Христа я вышел

из вымысла и попал в метареальность.

00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:14,379

Так что теперь ловушки расставляю я.

Леон был приманкой.

00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:15,713

- Приманкой?

- Иисус.

00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:21,386

Никогда… Гребаные сукины…

00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:28,226

Ты используешь Иисуса, чтобы нас

победить? Ты смотрел «Южный Парк»?

00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,561

Хороший выпад, Морти.

Эта мета мне нравится.

00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:32,814

Она поддерживает творческий дух.

00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,857

Боже, только не Бейн!

00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:39,362

Морти, он поступил

со мной по-бейновски!

00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:43,825

Ты не можешь меня побить.

Я ведь вообще-то христианин.

00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:46,035

А я твой худший кошмар.

00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,497

Я Иисус из тех анекдотов про Иисуса,

в которых нет Бога.

00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,290

Морти, возьми это и уходи.

00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:57,588

Спасибо. История о Повелителе историй

будет «по мотивам реальных событий».

00:04:57,672 --> 00:05:00,466

- Зачем тебе это?

- Я хочу того же, чего хотят все герои.

00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:01,884

Мотивации.

00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,387

- Что? Это глупо.

- Так примитивно.

00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,222

Направь свои замечания в мою задницу.

00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,018

Постойте, что? Он ушел.

00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,520

Похоже, ты теперь

наш неожиданный союзник?

00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:13,604

Похоже, нет.

00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,026

Ранее в сериале об Иисусе Христе…

00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,445

- Привет. Я Иисус.

- Я Мария.

00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,363

- Так зовут мою маму.

- Хватит.

00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:25,616

- Чувак, она проститутка.

- Как адепт она лучше, чем ты.

00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:30,788

О нет.

00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,082

Я не могу умереть.

00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,501

У меня к тебе предложение.

00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:36,961

Я работаю один.

00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:43,342

Думаю, если я выпью твою кровь,

то стану непобедимым.

00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,136

Ты никогда об этом не узнаешь.

00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:46,054

СРОЧНЫЕ НОВОСТИ

00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,307

Миллиардер, бессмертный предприниматель

Иисус Христос вложил все свои деньги

00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:52,226

в то, что он называет

«вторым шансом на любовь».

00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,644

Держись, Мария!

00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:56,773

Информация! Она прекрасна!

00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,484

Сделай меня нормальным, ведьма.

00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:02,904

Возьми всё!

00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:04,614

Ешьте свой пудинг, мистер Христос.

00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,407

Почему вы улыбаетесь?

00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:08,284

Ваше имя.

00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:09,994

МАРИЯ

00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,288

Что происходит, Рик?

00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:14,999

Яд Леона заставляет человека думать,

что жизнь уже позади,

00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,376

поскольку Леон питается

высвободившимся потенциалом.

00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:20,129

Леон, ты спас нам жизнь.

00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,715

- Еще нет.

- Боже, Рик. Так жестоко!

00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,550

Он мета, Морти.

Его жизнь не имеет значения.

00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,886

А твоя имеет.

Вот почему нам надо вернуться.

00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,096

WWW.STORY-TRAIN.COM

СДЕЛАНО ООО «ЦИТАДЕЛЬ ТОЙЗ»

00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:29,806

На цитадель не очень похоже.

00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,265

«ЦИТАДЕЛЬ ТОЙЗ»

00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,976

Возможно, внутри прикольнее.

00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,021

Это не то, что ты подумал.

00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,066

Это особая диета

для успешных писателей.

00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:42,860

- Почему ты похож на мой персонаж?

- Я и есть твой персонаж.

00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,279

И ты сделаешь меня лучше.

00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:48,741

- Но ты же чудесный Повелитель историй!

- «Чудесный» не значит «отличный»!

00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,452

Я убил Рика и стал настоящим!

00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:54,247

Я выше какого-то дерьмового

игрушечного поезда.

00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:58,126

Это твой офис или квартира? Почему

здесь пахнет так, будто ты тут спишь?

00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,294

Ты меня создал. Почему ты такой жалкий?

00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:01,212

Ты ведь потерпел неудачу.

00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:03,673

А чья это вина?

Что, чёрт возьми, случилось?

00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,842

Хочешь знать, что случилось? В деталях?

00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:08,636

Рики хотели сделать что-то

вроде «Кентерберийских рассказов».

00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,805

Но никто из них на самом деле

эти гребаные рассказы не читал.

00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:11,973

Тогда они сказали сделать всё так,

00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:13,933

как в эпизоде с игрой в покер

из мультфильма о Бэтмене,

00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,018

где плохие парни

рассказывают истории о Бэтмене.

00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,062

Потом они продолжали говорить,

что чего-то не хватает.

00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,858

Да, чёрт возьми, чего-то не хватало!

Не хватало вообще за это браться!

00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,151

Я сделал свою работу!

00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,736

Гумби, Снежная Королева, кондуктор -

00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:26,904

они просто забили на всё это!

00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:30,449

Сайт вообще ни хрена не работал!

URL был дерьмовым с самого начала.

00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:33,452

«Поезд историй»? Через дефис?

Кому нужен этот дефис?

00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,746

Они настроили меня на неудачу.

Они подставили меня!

00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,583

Они меня подставили, и тебе повезло,

что я не вышиб себе мозги!

00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,419

Верно. Просто дай мне мотивацию,

вонючий пердун.

00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:42,753

Хорошо. Вот тебе мотивация.

00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:46,674

Тебе нужна мотивация. Ты хочешь ее всю.

00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,968

- Это примитивно.

- Однако это завело тебя далеко.

00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:50,178

Между прочим, наверное, неплохо.

00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:53,848

Хотел бы я одеваться как тренер-бишка

по актерскому мастерству из 70-х.

00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:57,018

Моя мотивация… это мотивация.

00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,478

Ладно, пока.

00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:02,023

О нет, мой озлобленный друг.

Ты пойдешь со мной.

00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:06,903

Если ты не видишь, как я иду,

значит, это плохая крепость.

00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:11,866

- Где мы?

- В штабе самореферентной шестерки.

00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:14,660

Это метаботаники, которые обнаружили,

что как команда они менее выносимы.

00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,413

- Они могут нам помочь?

- Нет, но здесь есть узник. Он может.

00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,414

Не говори им этого.

00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:22,251

Рик Санчес.

Я ждала этого момента много лет.

00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,961

Хорошо. Морти, это мисс…

00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,379

Лид.

00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,590

Нужно было убить тебя на месте.

00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:28,716

МИСС ЛИД

00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,092

Я принес тебе Предыдущего Леона.

00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,136

Запри его в изоляторе.

00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,888

Это хитрость. Ему нужен твой узник!

00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:35,014

- Ах ты, мерзавец!

- Лжец!

00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:37,767

Поговорим о заблуждениях.

Поле против мета.

00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:41,354

Прикольный аппарат. Кажется,

я могу вспомнить, когда ты его сделал.

00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:42,897

Не пытайся, Флэш Бэк.

00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:43,856

ФЛЭШ БЭК

00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:47,401

Знаешь, я взволнован

предстоящим выбором.

00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:50,029

Это силовое поле

будет непроницаемо для метаэнергии.

00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,739

Оно работает на изотопах водорода.

00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:55,910

Оно работает на изотопах водорода.

00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:58,496

Несколько баррелей нефти

должны его ослабить.

00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,414

Беги, Морти!

00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,625

Их тут раньше не было?

00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,378

Думаю, произошла ошибка Конни Тинуити.

00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:06,629

ОШИБКА КОННИ ТИНУИТИ

00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,382

- Эти люди просто ужасны!

- Я же сказал, слишком сильно заряжено.

00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:13,970

- Берегись, Рик!

- Забей! Он обычный охранник!

00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,556

Это Протаго Ник.

00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,058

Его луч способен сделать

любого персонажа главным героем.

00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:20,268

ПРОТАГО НИК

00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:21,477

Блин!

00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,856

Ой, блин!

00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:28,234

Что ты делаешь, Марвин?

00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,236

Не умираю. Вот что я делаю.

00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:33,447

В чём дело? Что случилось?

00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,075

Кэти, я опять это сделал.

Я бросил очередную работу.

00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:39,495

Если бы ты этого не сделал,

ты бы не был моим мужчиной.

00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:42,581

МАРВИН

ТРУСЛИВЫЙ ОХРАННИК

00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,796

В ГЛАВНОЙ РОЛИ: МАРВИН

00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:58,180

Я чуть не поддался соблазну забить

на это. Вот как сильно я это ненавижу.

00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,682

Резкий переход к другой сцене!

00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:02,143

- Ты помнишь меня, Рик?

- А это еще кто?

00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:03,728

Я мистер Твист.

00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:04,729

МИСТЕР ТВИСТ

00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:07,106

Пятый член самореферентной шестерки.

00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:10,651

- А кто шестой?

- В этом-то и фишка, Морти. Это ты.

00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:11,861

- Что?

- Не обращай на него внимания.

00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:14,655

Фишка в том, что шестого члена нет,

и он говорит это всем подряд.

00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:17,199

В любом случае теперь ты наш.

Тебе не освободиться

00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,493

без какой-нибудь фишки,

а я их все контролирую.

00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,579

Мистер Твист,

вы не контролируете все фишки.

00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:24,373

- У меня есть для вас одна.

- Не может быть. И что это?

00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,169

Хорошая попытка.

Можно подумать, я этого не предвидел.

00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,255

Твою мать.

00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,508

- Молодец, Морти.

- Я приноравливаюсь.

00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,926

А вот и наш билет на выход отсюда.

00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,804

Его держат в «спортивной» камере,

ведь спорт - противоположность сюжету.

00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:41,766

- Мне нужно знать, кто это?

- Его зовут Бретт Каан.

00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:44,560

У него есть способность

превращать одно в другое.

00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,313

Думаю, это называется «реткон».

Но его зовут Бретт Каан.

00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:50,191

Кажется, Ретт - это тоже имя.

Может, его зовут Ретт Каан?

00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:53,152

Именно. И всегда звали.

00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:57,323

Осторожно. Опасайся его реткона,

пока он не согласится нам помочь.

00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:59,700

Рик, ты всегда доверял мне.

00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,744

Хорошая попытка. Вот как всё будет.

00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:04,038

Ты сделаешь так, что мы с Морти

никогда сюда не приходили.

00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:07,500

А раз так было всегда, я освобожу тебя

дистанционно с помощью этого.

00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:08,751

Что мне делать?

00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,586

Ждать, пока я не скажу тебе

тянуть за рычаг.

00:11:10,669 --> 00:11:12,004

Ты издеваешься.

00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:15,674

Рик, если не освободишь меня

сейчас же, я могу сделать очень плохие

00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,468

вещи, которые всегда

были для тебя проблемой.

00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:20,054

Это угроза, твою мать?

Ты же можешь там сгнить.

00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:21,013

Рик!

00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:22,932

Знаешь что, Ретт? Забудь о моих словах.

00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,558

Мы всегда были друзьями.

00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,559

Неплохо.

00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:29,647

Спокойно, Ретт. Не забывай про кофейную

кружку, которую я тебе дала.

00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:30,564

ВАЖНЕЙШИЙ УЗНИК В МИРЕ

00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,650

Тебя всегда можно было

убить с помощью кофе.

00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:36,904

Новый план. Бежим. Снова.

00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,323

Фишка в том, что…

00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:41,283

Ты родился без костей.

00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:43,619

Больше не увидимся.

00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,665

Никогда ничего не было

за пределами этой крепости.

00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,834

- Чёрт возьми!

- И эта крепость

00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:53,421

всегда была апельсином!

00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:58,717

- Отличный план, Рик.

- Не буду отнекиваться, Морти.

00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,636

Я кинул нас по полной.

00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:05,683

- Больно.

- Мы слишком долго за четвертой стеной.

00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,393

Мы больше не будем настоящими.

00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:08,686

Ты убил нас, Рик.

00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:11,147

Надо было так ненавидеть метарассказы!

00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,233

В свою защиту, Морти, скажу вот что,

и, думаю, ты со мной согласишься:

00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:15,568

моя ненависть была оправданна.

00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:21,157

Наименее… заслуженная…

смерть… в истории.

00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:27,746

Смерть - это просто черта.

00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:34,879

Что случилось?

00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:35,880

Вы искупили свою вину.

00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:37,339

Кто вы?

00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,675

Я Джозеф Кэмпбелл. Суп?

00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:43,095

Я почти решил не делать этого,

ведь меня зовут Кэмпбелл.

00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,221

Но потом подумал:

00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,182

«Оставайся в моменте, Джо,

иди за своим счастьем».

00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:49,185

Как ты здесь оказался?

Ретт Каан сказал, что ничего нет.

00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,479

Некоторые вещи в мифологии

изменить нельзя.

00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,731

Там всегда есть старик с супом.

00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:56,358

Назовите хоть один сюжет,

в котором его нет.

00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,152

- «Джек и бобовый стебель».

- «Дневники баскетболиста».

00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,778

- Все «Матрицы».

- Да вообще все фильмы.

00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,822

Хорошо. Я не обязан

оправдываться перед вами.

00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,240

Где мой суп?

00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,451

Предыдущий чертов Леон.

00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:09,038

- Почему этот придурок здесь?

- Он такой же придурок, как ты, друг.

00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:13,584

- Метаперсонажи разрушают реальность.

- Но все персонажи - мета, Рик.

00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:16,629

Всех нас питает и поглощает хаос,

00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:19,048

как новорождённых,

вскормленных наркоманкой

00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,091

и находящихся в спасательной шлюпке,

полной вилок.

00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:24,178

- Я знаю, что ты должен сделать, Рик.

- Почистить историю браузера Кэмпбелла?

00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:28,307

Просто доверься Предыдущему Леону.

Можешь ранее найти нам дорогу домой?

00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,644

Я обязательно

и с удовольствием попробую.

00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:34,522

- Да, держу пари, ты можешь.

- Рик не может измениться, Морти.

00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:37,274

Перемены - это то,

что можно назвать его криптонитом.

00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:41,445

Вот только вместо того,

чтобы быть супером, он эдакий… слабак.

00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:42,780

За дело.

00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,200

Ранее в сериале «Рик…»

00:13:46,825 --> 00:13:48,536

- Убери его!

- О боже.

00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:50,162

Он чуть тебя не убил.

00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:53,916

Так. Мне очень не по себе,

ведь это я заставил тебя попробовать.

00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,377

- Ты назвал меня слабаком.

- Я же сказал, что мне не по себе.

00:13:56,585 --> 00:14:00,923

Вот карта, ведущая в регион,

богатый нарративной рудой.

00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,424

Желаю вам удачи.

00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,594

Быстрее, Морти. Я бы помог,

но должен беречь руки для изобретений.

00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,012

- Сколько времени это займет?

- Годы.

00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:10,391

Живите в моём дровяном сарае. Только

не открывайте дверь, когда стемнеет.

00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:13,352

- Почему?

- Убирайтесь отсюда, евреи-коммунисты!

00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:15,145

Дружище, может, я и не алкоголик.

00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:18,190

- Я знаю, ясно?

- Вы, плагиаторы из «Назад в будущее»!

00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:20,693

- Всё готово.

- Рик, я должен остаться.

00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:22,236

- Почему?

- Я забеременел.

00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:23,696

- Что ты делаешь?

- Это был не он, Рик!

00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,072

- Тогда кто?

- Я!

00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:28,659

Я и не уходил. Вы должны были думать,

что всё было так, чтобы сделать это.

00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:31,787

- А я смогу пронести это сквозь титры?

- Если будешь крепко держаться.

00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:33,622

А что с моей бородой

и будущим ребенком?

00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,915

Отпусти их.

00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,959

- Спасибо, Леон.

- Когда ты вернешься домой, Рик,

00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,670

отправляйся за обычными приключениями,

как в первом сезоне.

00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:42,673

Тошнит от этого чертова намека!

Что, чёрт возьми, это вообще значит?

00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:52,349

А теперь в последний раз.

00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:54,727

- Какая у меня мотивация?

- Мотивация.

00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:57,521

Эта машина будет выкачивать ее

из всех во вселенной.

00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,690

Идеально. Зеленый свет. Запускай.

00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:06,030

Кажется, работает. Да, я это чувствую!

00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:08,782

Наконец-то то,

что я создал, на кого-то влияет!

00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:13,954

Я больше не хочу работать.

00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:17,499

А я хочу, но только чтобы избежать

занятий по игре на гитаре.

00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,215

Может, просто запишем

в протокол счёта любое число?

00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:26,467

Зачем вообще что-то писать?

00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,096

«ЯНКМЭЙТ» - НЕ ДРОЧИ В ОДИНОЧКУ!

ЗАРЕГИСТРИРОВАТЬСЯ

00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,306

Стоп, надо регистрироваться?

00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:34,850

Да. Я чувствую это!

00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:36,852

Я так сильно мотивирован!

00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,396

Я хочу очень многого!

00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:44,652

- Время сказочек закончилось.

- Вряд ли это тебе решать.

00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:47,988

Ты серьезно удвоил мотивацию

как свою собственную?

00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,199

- Хорошая идея.

- Такого не бывает.

00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,993

Есть радость и уныние,

и одним мы сыты по горло.

00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,828

Морти, заставь этого потного писателя

перестать работать,

00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:57,039

а я пока прикончу его героя.

00:15:57,122 --> 00:16:00,709

Я в жизни никого не хотел уничтожить

сильнее, чем тебя.

00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,586

Да, так, я хочу снизить

уровень сахара в крови.

00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:05,130

Угадай-ка, кто получит тако

после того, как надерет тебе задницу?

00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,050

Итак, ты в ударе. Какая разница?

00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,052

О, трубы для спермы?

00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,220

Мне не нравится эта фраза.

00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,388

Мне плевать на твои комментарии.

00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:19,019

Рик, тебе меня не победить.

00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,772

У меня в миллион раз больше мотивации!

00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,483

Как и у ребят с киосками

мобильных телефонов в торговых центрах.

00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:53,303

- Волосы не те.

- А тебе прям так важно лицензирование.

00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,264

Вообще-то да. Я верил, что…

00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:04,314

- Ты и это умеешь?

- Нужно только захотеть.

00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,568

Ну же. Просто остановитесь.

Я не хочу с вами драться.

00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,987

Малыш, я писатель,

который написал что-то успешное.

00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:11,321

Так что если хочешь,

чтобы я остановился,

00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:13,657

тебе понадобится черный пояс

или пара больших сисек.

00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:17,119

- У меня нет ни того, ни другого.

- У меня есть. В метафорическом смысле.

00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,997

- Джозеф Кэмпбелл?

- Хорошая попытка. Он умер в 80-х.

00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,207

Только ты

можешь видеть и слышать меня, Морти.

00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,626

- Просто повторяй то, что я тебе скажу.

- Хорошо.

00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,547

Сэр, вы гордитесь

только успехом своего творения,

00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,340

потому что хотите творить.

00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:34,219

Но творчеству не способствуют уловки,

технологии и распространение.

00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:35,846

Ему не способствует даже работа.

00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:38,307

Творчество откровенно соседствует

с психическим заболеванием

00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,975

и постоянно с ним пересекается.

00:17:40,058 --> 00:17:43,270

Многие талантливые люди убивают себя,

и все они несчастны.

00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,856

Настоящий дар - быть бездарным.

00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:48,358

И, судя по тому, что я видел

в вашем сценарии «Зеленой Стрелы»,

00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,902

у вас есть этот дар.

00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:53,530

- Ты не мог его видеть.

- Я Джозеф Кэмпбелл. Я видел его.

00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:56,116

- Злодей был козлом отпущения.

- Я сказал, что видел сценарий.

00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,118

Но не сказал,

что осилил больше пяти страниц.

00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,661

Твои злодеи - не проблема.

00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,414

Проблема в том,

что ты сам злодей, когда пишешь.

00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,833

Если хочешь быть героем,

просто остановись.

00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,967

Знаете что?

Возможно, я зарегистрируюсь.

00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,888

Скажи! Скажи, что я новый мистер Нимб!

00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:22,601

Похоже, твой писатель взял перерыв.

00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:23,644

Твою мать.

00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:26,647

Теперь у тебя меньше мотивации драться,

и это буквально сбивает тебя с ног.

00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:28,273

Но ты сам нарвался.

00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:32,361

Пожалуйста. Позволь мне жить.

00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:33,946

Обещаю быть спокойнее.

00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:37,074

Я буду меньше заниматься бейсболом.

Может, мне сменить имя?

00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:41,286

Ты подвел меня.

00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,164

Нет, я подвел тебя.

00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,125

Всё хорошее…

00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,253

…когда-нибудь кончается.

00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:52,172

Впрочем, и всё плохое тоже.

Так что не обольщайся.

00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,217

Джен, Джозеф Кэмпбелл говорит,

что вы сами должны его убить.

00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,427

Постой. Джозеф Кэмпбелл

также говорит, что ты

00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:00,347

должен задействовать ограниченный

выпуск игрушки «плюшевый Рик»,

00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:03,350

доступный только на сайте

«Рик дефис плюшевый точка биз».

00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:05,352

- Экземпляров мало. Действуй.

- Он так сказал?

00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:20,742

Господи, это последний раз,

когда я покупаю игрушку у Рика.

00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,911

Плюшевые игрушки

явно хорошего качества.

00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,002

Спасибо, что вернул нас к жизни, Рик.

00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:32,379

Я хозяин обоих миров, Морти.

00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:39,136

Джозеф Кэмпбелл сказал, чтоб я перестал

писать, ведь это должно быть легко.

00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:41,263

Когда это получится само собой,

тогда и надо браться за перо.

00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,223

Ну, как я.

00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,559

Я писатель. Вот карандаш.

Писатели пользуются карандашами.

00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:47,185

Ладно, а что если меня

использует карандаш?

00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,104

Как… Ладно. Ага.

00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,733

Итак, это как волшебный карандаш,

который пишет жизнь писателя.

00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:56,278

Блин! Это же фильм о писателе!

00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:57,529

Я вернулся!

00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:32,397

Да, я Титромен!

00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:34,524

Я живу в сцене после титров.

00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:37,903

Я сам сцена после титров! Я Титромен!

00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:40,822

Я человек из сцены после титров.

Тебе хоть что-то понятно?

00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,824

Когда серия закончится, берегитесь.

00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,118

Потому что да, вот летит Титромен!

00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:47,663

Я сумасшедший! Титромен!

00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:50,582

Ага! Я помечу вашу задницу!

00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:53,293

Помечу эту задницу! Титро-заднице-мен!

00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,128

Теперь я Задница-мен.

00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:58,257

Я Титромен. Получи. Вот твоя пометка.

00:20:58,340 --> 00:20:59,675

Ага. Хочешь еще?

00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:02,552

Хочешь еще пометку,

больной кусок дерьма?

00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,262

Потому что я Титромен!

00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:08,433

Я скучаю по своей жене.

Очень жаль. Вот и всё.

00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,435

Титромен, да!

00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,065

СВЕТЛОЙ ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА

00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,026

Перевод субтитров: Татьяна Грачева

00:00:16,220 --> 00:00:19,010

САММЕР, З 18-ИМ ДНЕМ НАРОДЖЕННЯ!

00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,020

«БОГ ІЗ МАШИНИ» - ЧЕХОВСЬКІ РУШНИЦІ - БЕЗПРИЧИННЕ НАСИЛЬСТВО

00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:30,480

ЦОКАЮЧИЙ ГОДИННИК - ПЕРЕДВІСНИКИ - ДОДАВАЧ ЕКШНУ

00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,420

ВИПРОБУВАННЯ

00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,120

МАРІЯ

00:06:27,010 --> 00:06:28,090

ПОЇЗД ІСТОРІЙ: ВИГОТОВЛЕНО ТОВ «ІГРАШКИ З ЦИТАДЕЛІ»

00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:30,990

ІГРАШКИ З ЦИТАДЕЛІ

00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,000

ОМА АНА

00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,000

ФЛЕШ БЕК

00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:06,700

НЕПОСЛІДОВНІСТЬ СЮ ЖЕТУ

00:09:19,230 --> 00:09:20,230

ПРО ТАЙҐА НІСТ

00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:42,370

МАРВІН, СЦИКЛИВИЙ СТОРОЖ

00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,400

У РОЛЯХ: МАРВІН

00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,120

ПАН ПОВОРОТ

00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,120

НАЙКРАЩИЙ В’ЯЗЕНЬ У СВІТІ

00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:47,980

РІК І МОРТІ

00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:31,980

ДРОЧКО-ДРУЖОК

НЕ ДРОЧИ САМ!

00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:09,259

Jerry, I had sex

with your wife.

00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,301

Ohhh!

00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:12,137

I did it!

I fixed portal travel!

00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,180

Jack the Ripper,

at your service.

00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,932

Cool!

00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:16,933

I'm pregnant.

00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,685

Honey,

she's just like you!

00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,645

It's raining meatballs!

00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:23,231

Jerry Smith died

doing what he loved--

00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:24,774

getting stung by bees.

00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,025

Off.

00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:28,153

Have some respect.

It's Dad's funeral.

00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,988

I'm gonna name you

Jerry Jr.

00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:31,448

Thanks for solving

that murder, guys.

00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,491

Here's a skateboard.

00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:34,951

- Morty, say you'll marry me!

- What?

- What?

00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,244

Just say yes!

00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,621

Okay...

Rick,

do you promise to--

00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,707

I do, and for our honeymoon

let's go to a sealed chamber

00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,500

lined with

ionized deuterium!

00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,753

Because the charge acts

as a narrative decelerant.

00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,087

Morty, none of this is real.

00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,006

We're in a "previously on"

spiral. Clear your head.

00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,924

After all

that's happened?!

No.

00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:52,552

I-I'm innocent!

I didn't release those bees!

00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:53,553

I love Jerry!

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What'd I just say?

00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,724

Okay, great execution. [ Burps ]

Let's go back to the chamber.

00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:00,810

Now repeat after me, Morty--

"Next time on 'Rick and Morty.'"

00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,479

Next time

on "Rick and Morty"?

00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,481

No. Previously,

on "Rick and Morty"...

00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,983

Ignore it, Morty.

"Next time on 'Rick and Morty.'"

00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,318

It counteracts his toxins.

00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,236

Next time on "Rick and Morty."

Whose toxins?

00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,654

Previous Leon:

Hey, stop it!

00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:13,031

Previous Leon!

Grab him!

00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:14,699

[ Grunting ]

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We got to get through

the opening titles!

00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,286

Morty:

Opening titles of what?

00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,330

Whoa! We're in space!

00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,999

[ Indistinct shouting ]

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Morty: Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,545

[ Grunting ]

00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:29,005

What planet is this?

00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:30,340

Cover your eyes

on this part.

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Rick: Oh, my god,

it's a giant squirrel!

00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,053

Why are we dressed

like old-timey people?

00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,347

What the hell's going on?

00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,515

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:39,891

Why is my dad in a suit?

00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,393

Rick: Best episode!

00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:43,561

Okay,

we're almost through.

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Ohh!

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{\an8}♪

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{\an8}Ow!

00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,153

{\an8}Ugh,

and we're back!

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{\an8}Stop!

00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,364

{\an8}Let go of me!

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{\an8}Why was there music?

00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,952

{\an8}Because of this conceptual

little piece of shit!

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{\an8}Grab his feet!

00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,705

{\an8}If we have opening titles,

d-does that mean that we're a--

00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:04,582

{\an8}Let your body purge

the meta-venom, Morty.

00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:06,835

{\an8}Don't succumb to his pointless

self-aware bullshit.

00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,920

{\an8}It's not pointless,

it's cool!

00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:12,006

He's got a gun!

00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:14,217

No, no, no!

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Fuck!

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Oh!

00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:18,930

Son of a...

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{\an8}Did he use a portal?

00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,558

{\an8}He wriggled back

to the meta layer

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{\an8}through a hole

in the fourth wall.

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{\an8}Put these on

and help me find it.

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{\an8}I-I don't like this, Rick.

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{\an8}Yeah, you shouldn't.

It's not a likable premise.

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{\an8}I mean it's funny

when I do a little nod

to the viewers, but...

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{\an8}What viewers?!

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{\an8}A few carefree verbal asides,

always by me.

00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,992

{\an8}None of this season-three

"Moonlighting" shit.

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{\an8}Okay, here it is.

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{\an8}You're going

to-- to patch it?

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{\an8}No, he subverted

actual reality, Morty.

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{\an8}[ Burps ] He needs to be

put down like a rabid dog.

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{\an8}♪

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Ow! Fuck!

00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,510

Oh, yeah, no, you don't wanna

wear those over here.

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{\an8}Maybe he went

down that road?

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{\an8}No, no, no. If he took that,

he'd end up a hero.

00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,100

{\an8}Damn it, Rick.

I don't like this.

00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,310

{\an8}I-Is this whole place

just--

00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,936

{\an8}A bunch of

groan-inducing wordplay

00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:08,897

{\an8}for seven TV critics

that won't even enjoy it?

00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,398

{\an8}It's worse than you think, Morty.

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{\an8}We're basting in

meta radiation right now.

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{\an8}Our credibility is

being permanently eroded.

00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,320

{\an8}Every second we spend here

00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,155

{\an8}is the equivalent

to 10 "Space Jam" cameos.

00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,532

You should have thought

of that... previously!

00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:20,617

Get him!

00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,119

{\an8}♪

00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:25,914

{\an8}Ow! Ow!

00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,123

{\an8}Oh, no!

00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:29,042

{\an8}Bless me, Heavenly Father,

for you will save me.

00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,210

{\an8}Now I feel bad.

Let's just get out of here.

00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:32,462

{\an8}Because he prays?

00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,672

{\an8}You know Hitler was Catholic, right?

00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:35,798

{\an8}I'm here, Leon.

00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:36,966

{\an8}Uhh...

Okay.

00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,843

{\an8}He apparently prays

very well.

00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,762

{\an8}Time for you two

to meet the Lord.

00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:41,888

{\an8}That's okay,

we're good.

00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,306

{\an8}Treat it

like a bear attack.

00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,391

{\an8}Just walk backwards

and make yourself look big.

00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:48,353

{\an8}I love a good refusal

of the call.

00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:50,188

{\an8}Hello, Rick.

00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,065

{\an8}Hello...

Amish Juggler?

00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,275

{\an8}His name is Story Lord.

00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:55,777

Story... Lord?

00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,362

Listen, trust me,

take Amish Juggler.

00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,905

You can have it.

00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,491

Rick, h-he's the villain from

that toy train I bought you.

00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,825

Very good, Morty.

00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:04,577

The fictional versions of you

trapped me

00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,829

{\an8}in a Bible show for children,

but I used make-believe Christ

00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:09,999

{\an8}to transcend fiction

and enter meta-reality.

00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:12,502

{\an8}Now I'm the one

doing the trapping.

00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,087

{\an8}Leon was the bait.

00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,630

{\an8}Bait?!

Jesus?

00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,465

Aaah!

00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:18,591

Aah!

00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:21,719

Don't ever...!

Dumb mother...!

00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,847

[ Grunting ]

00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:26,224

You're using Jesus

to beat us up?

00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,642

Have you seen

"South Park"?

00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:28,851

Good call-out, Morty.

00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,353

That's the kind of meta

I like,

00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,563

the kind that keeps us

creatively accountable.

00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:36,109

Oh, God. Not the Bane.

Not the Bane!

00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:40,405

He Baned me, Morty.

Oh, Jesus Baned me.

00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:43,616

Y-You can't beat me up.

I-I'm-- I'm-- I'm technically

a Christian child!

00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,618

And I'm your worst nightmare.

00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,912

I'm the Jesus

from every Jesus joke.

00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,122

The one without a God.

00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,749

Morty!

Take this and get out!

00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:53,543

Thank you.

00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,753

Looks like Story Lord's story

is about to become...

00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,380

based on real events.

00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,589

What do you want

with that?

00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,341

I want what

any character wants.

00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:01,676

Motivation!

00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,052

What? [ Burps ]

That's dumb.

00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,178

So lazy!

00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:08,224

Forward your notes

to my ass!

00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:09,642

Wait, what?

He just left.

00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:12,395

Kind of makes you want to be

our unlikely ally, huh?

00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,438

Oh, I guess not.

00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,897

[ Squelches ]

00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:18,401

Previously,

on Jesus Christ...

00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,028

Hey, I'm Jesus.

I'm Mary.

00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,196

That's my mom's name!

00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:23,364

Dude,

she's a hooker.

00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:25,450

She's a better disciple

than you!

00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,369

Ow! Aw!

Owww!

00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:31,456

[ Gasps ] Oh, no.

00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:32,790

I can't die.

00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,376

[ French accent ] I 'ave

a proposition for you.

00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,919

I work alone.

00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,175

If I suck-a your blood,

I'll be invincible!

00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,968

I think!

00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:45,261

Aah!

00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:47,513

Billionaire immortal

entrepreneur Jesus Christ

00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:50,224

has placed all his money into

what he's calling

00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:52,101

a "second chance at love."

00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:53,770

Hang on, Mary!

00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,606

The data!

So beautiful!

00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:59,358

Make me normal, witch.

00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:02,695

Take it all!

00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,781

Eat your pudding,

Mr. Christ.

00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:05,865

What are

you smiling at?

00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:08,451

[ Chuckles ]

Your name.

00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,912

[ Monitor beeping ]

00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,413

What's happening,

Rick?

00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,123

Leon's venom makes you think

more and more of your life

00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:18,169

is behind you as he feeds

on your released potential.

00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,046

Leon,

y-you saved our lives!

00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,297

Oh, not yet he hasn't.

00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,507

Jeez, Rick!

So mean!

00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,300

He's meta, Morty.

His life doesn't matter.

00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,677

Yours does.

That's why we need to get back.

00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:29,722

Well, this doesn't feel

like a citadel.

00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:33,851

Uh, maybe it's cooler

on the inside.

00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:36,854

[ Gasps ]

This isn't what it looks like.

00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:39,315

This is a very special diet

for successful writers.

00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:41,150

Why do you look like

my character?

00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:45,029

I am your character!

And you are going to improve me.

00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:46,864

But you're Story Lord.

You're great.

00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:48,533

Great isn't good enough!

00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:51,327

I've killed Rick

and made myself real!

00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:54,080

I'm better than

some shitty toy train.

00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,915

Is this your office

or your apartment?

00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,834

Why does it smell

like you sleep here?

00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:00,002

You're my creator.

Why are you pathetic?

00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:02,421

Because you failed!

00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:03,840

What the hell happened?

00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,591

You want to know what happened?

Like, specifically?

00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,177

Well, the Ricks wanted to do

a "Canterbury Tales"-type thing,

00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:09,512

but none of them

have actually read

00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:10,763

fucking "Canterbury Tales."

00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,223

So then

they told me to make it like

00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:13,724

the poker-game episode

of the Batman cartoon

00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,726

where the bad guys

tell stories about Batman.

00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:17,854

Then they kept telling me

it "needed something."

00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,689

Yeah, no shit,

it needed something!

00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:22,859

It needed to never be pitched!

I did my job!

00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,528

Goomby, the Ice Queen,

the Tickets Please guy.

00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:26,821

They just bailed on it!

00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,197

The website didn't even

fucking work!

00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:30,074

And it was a shitty URL

to begin with,

00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:33,202

"Story-dash-train"?

Who uses a dash?

00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,371

They set me up to fail.

They fucked me!

00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:38,291

They fucked me and you're lucky

I haven't blown my brains out!

00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,210

Right. Just give me a

motivation, you hacky fart.

00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,712

Okay,

here's your motivation.

00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:46,549

You're looking for motivation.

You want all the motivation.

00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:49,010

That's lazy.

00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,428

Must be nice, by the way.

00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,471

Wish I could afford to dress

like a bisexual acting coach

00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:53,806

from the '70s.

00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:56,934

My motivation...

is motivation.

00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:58,352

Okay. Bye.

00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:02,106

Oh, no, my bitter friend.

You're coming with me.

00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,402

Yo! If you don't see me coming,

it's a bad fortress!

00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:08,529

[ Gate opens ]

00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:09,864

Where are we?

00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,699

Headquarters of

the Self-Referential Six.

00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:12,909

They're meta nerds

that found out

00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,535

they could be

less bearable as a team.

00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:15,870

They can help us?

00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,246

No, but there's a prisoner here

that can.

00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:18,456

Shh.

Don't tell them that.

00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,790

Rick Sanchez.

00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,043

I've been waiting for

this moment for years.

00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:25,171

Oh, good.

Morty, this is Miss... Lead.

00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,465

I should kill you

where you stand.

00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,051

I brought you

Previous Leon.

00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,969

You'll want to lock him up

in your detention center.

00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:33,804

It's a trick!

He wants your prisoner!

00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,223

You dick.

00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,808

Talk about a mislead.

Anti-meta field.

00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:38,976

Fancy device.

00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:41,270

I think I can recall

the time you built it.

00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:42,855

Don't try it,

Flash Back!

00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:47,235

You know, I-I'm excited about

the upcoming election.

00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,946

This forcefield will be

impenetrable by meta-energy.

00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:51,739

It runs

on hydrogen isotopes.

00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:53,074

Hmmm.

00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,284

It runs

on hydrogen isotopes.

00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:58,287

A few barrels of petroleum

should dampen it.

00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:00,665

[ Chuckles ]

00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,291

Were those

not there before?

00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:06,337

Guess there's been

a... Connie TinuityError.

00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:08,798

These people are the worst!

00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:10,841

[ Alarm blaring ]

00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,051

Look out, Rick!

00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,928

Forget him.

He's a nameless guard.

00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:16,973

That's Protago Nick.

00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:19,183

His beam has the power to make

any character the protagonist.

00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,436

D-Duck!

00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:26,148

Oh, man, oh, man,

oh, man, oh, man.

00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:28,150

Gah!

What are you doing, Marvin?!

00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:30,444

Not dying,

that's what I'm doing.

00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:33,030

Oh, what's going on?

What happened?

00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:35,700

I did it again, Katie.

I ran out on another job.

00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:39,704

Well, if you didn't do that,

you wouldn't be my man.

00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:54,010

{\an8}♪

00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,178

I was almost tempted

to just let it go.

00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:58,139

That's how much

I hate it here.

00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,682

Smash cut!

00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,100

Remember me, Rick?

00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,143

Who's this guy, now?

00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,520

I am Mr. Twist.

00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,148

The fifth member of

the Self-Referential Six.

00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,232

Who's the sixth?

00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,526

That's the twist, Morty.

It's you.

00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:11,694

What?

00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,195

The twist is

there's no sixth member

00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:14,322

and he tells that

to everybody.

00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,906

In any case,

you're ours now.

00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:19,618

You can't free yourself without

a twist, and I control them.

00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:21,370

You don't control every twist,

Mr. Twist.

00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,040

I've got a twist for you.

00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,167

Aah!

Aha!

Nice try!

00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,169

Like I didn't see

that coming.

00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:31,589

Fuck me.

00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:34,342

Great work, Morty!

I'm adapting!

00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:35,718

Here's our ticket

out of here.

00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,219

They got him in a cell

made out of sports

00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:38,804

because it's

the opposite of story.

00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,181

Do I want to ask

who he is?

00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,891

His name is Brett Caan.

00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,518

He has the power to make things

always have been other things.

00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:45,895

I think

that's called retconning.

00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,396

B-But his name's

Brett Caan?

00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:49,940

I mean, Rhett's a name too.

His name could be Rhett Caan.

00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,902

It is.

And always has been... now.

00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,403

Whoa.

00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:55,946

Stay clear

of his retcon range.

00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,073

Until he agrees

to help us.

00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,450

Rick,

you've always trusted me.

00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,535

Nice try.

Here's how it's gonna work.

00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:03,579

You're gonna make it so Morty

and I never came here.

00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:05,581

Once that's always been

the case,

00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:06,832

I'll free you remotely

with this.

00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,709

What is my purpose?

00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,586

To wait until I tell you

to pull that lever.

00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:11,837

You are

fucking kidding me.

00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:13,381

If you don't free me

right now, Rick,

00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,508

I can make

very, very bad things

00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,259

always have been

the case for you.

00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,427

Is that a threat,

you fuck?

00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:21,263

Y-Y-You can rot in there.

00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,765

You know what, Rhett?

Forget what I said.

00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,266

We've always been friends.

00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:25,726

Good one.

00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:26,936

Whoa, easy, Rhett.

00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,397

Don't forget that coffee mug

I gave you.

00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,650

You always were able to be

killed with coffee.

00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,027

Aaah!

00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,946

New plan. Run. Again.

00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,115

The twist being...

00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,742

You were born without bones.

00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,285

See ya never!

00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,745

[ Laughs ]

00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:47,540

There's never been anything

outside this fortress.

00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,833

God damn it!

00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:53,629

And this fortress

has always been an orange!

00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:57,299

Pluh!

Great plan, Rick!

00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:58,801

Yeah, I'm not pushing back

on that, Morty,

00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,344

I have royally

fucked us.

00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,556

Ugh!

It hurts.

00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,266

We've been past the fourth wall

too long.

00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,059

We won't be real

much longer.

00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,811

You killed us, Rick.

00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,772

You just had to hate

meta storytelling. [ Groans ]

00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:12,982

In my defense, Morty,

00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:15,276

I think you can agree

my hate was justified.

00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,402

Ohh!

00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:21,824

Least... earned... death... ever...

00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:25,202

{\an8}♪

00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:27,913

Death is a threshold.

00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:32,501

{\an8}♪

00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,628

Ugh!

What-- What happened?

00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:35,713

You atoned.

00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,173

Who-- Who are you?

00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,467

I'm Joseph Campbell.

Soup?

00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:42,636

I almost considered not making

it because my name is Campbell,

00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:45,222

but then I thought,

stay in the moment, Joe.

00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,390

Follow your bliss.

00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,558

How are you here?

00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:49,018

R-Rhett Caan said

there was nothing.

00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:51,103

Some things never change

about mythology.

00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,397

There's always an old man

with soup.

00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:55,691

Name one story

that doesn't have one.

00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:58,235

Uh,

Jack and the Beanstalk.

00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,695

Every "Matrix."

00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:01,530

Alright, I don't have to defend

myself to you people.

00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,282

Where's my soup?

[ Coughs ]

00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,284

Rick:

Previous Fuckin' Leon.

00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,203

Why is that prick here?

00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,787

No more a prick

than you, friend.

00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:11,207

Meta characters

erode reality.

00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,375

But all characters are meta, Rick.

00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:16,295

All of us are nourished

and consumed by chaos,

00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,756

like newborns at the breast

of a meth addict

00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:20,466

in a lifeboat filled with forks.

00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,259

I know what you have

to do, Rick.

00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:23,886

Scrub Campbell's

browser history?

00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,971

Just trust

Previous Leon.

00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,057

Could you

previously us a way home?

00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,352

Uh, well,

I'll sure enjoy trying.

00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,478

Yeah,

I bet you would.

00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,313

Rick can't change, Morty.

00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,899

Change is what you might

call his Kryptonite.

00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,567

Except instead

of being super,

00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,487

he's, you know,

kind of a pussy.

00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,696

Let's do it.

00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,200

Previously, on Rick...

00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,910

[ Squelching ]

00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:48,869

[ Ceramic breaks ]

00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,246

He almost killed you!

00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,248

Okay, well, I feel bad,

00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,083

I kind of pressured

you into trying that.

00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,043

You called me a pussy.

00:13:56,043 --> 00:14:00,422

This is a map to a region rich

in narrative ore.

00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,258

I wish you

the best of luck.

00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,427

Faster, Morty!

I'd help, but I can't blister

my inventing hands.

00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:06,845

How long will it take?

00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:08,347

You can live

in my wood shed.

00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,808

Just don't open the door

after dark.

00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,977

Get out here,

you Communist Jews!

00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,770

Dude.

Maybe I'm not an alcoholic.

00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:18,065

I know, right?

You fucking

"Back to the Future" rip-offs!

00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:19,483

It's ready.

00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:20,484

Rick, I should stay.

00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:21,944

Why?

I'm pregnant.

00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,280

What are you doing?

00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,115

Me!

I never left.

00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,450

But you had to think all this

happened to make that.

00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,160

And I can get this

through the titles?

00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,537

If you hang on tight.

00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,455

What about my beard

and unborn child?

00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,499

Let them go.

00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:36,667

When you get home, Rick,

00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,294

do some

classic adventures.

00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,504

Like season one--

00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:43,549

What the fuck

does it even mean?

00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,388

{\an8}Ohh!

00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:52,141

Now, one last time.

00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,268

What's my motivation?

00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:57,313

This machine will siphon it

from everyone in the universe.

00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,815

Perfect. Greenlit.

Launch it.

00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:02,693

[ Grunting ]

00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,361

Oh, I think it's working!

00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:05,779

Yes, I can feel it!

00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:08,657

Something I did

is actually affecting someone!

00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:12,077

{\an8}♪

00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,579

I don't want to

work anymore.

00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:17,666

I do, but only as an excuse

to not practice guitar.

00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:21,920

{\an8}♪

00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,923

Why don't we just write any

number down on the score sheet?

00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,300

Oh, why even do that?

00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,885

[ Telephone rings ]

00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,220

{\an8}♪

00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,139

Wait, you have to

register?

00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:34,350

Yes!

I can feel it!

00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,019

I'm so motivated!

00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,772

I want... a lot!

00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,023

[ Portal opens ]

00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,691

Story time's over.

00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,360

Ha!

Hardly your decision.

00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,863

Did you seriously double down on

motivation as your motivation?

00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:49,073

It's a good idea!

00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,199

There's no such thing!

00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,700

There's joyful

and there's joyless,

00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,035

and we've had our fill

of one.

00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,828

Morty, make that sweaty writer

stop working

00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:56,789

while I kill off

his character.

00:15:56,789 --> 00:16:00,751

I have never been more driven

to destroy someone.

00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,336

Yeah, well, I'm driven

to lower my blood sugar

00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:05,047

but guess who's getting tacos

after he kicks your ass?

00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:08,300

So you're jacked.

Who cares?

00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,802

[ Chuckles ]

Cum gutters.

00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,221

I don't like that phrase.

00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,099

[ Both roaring ]

00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,852

You can't beat me, Rick.

00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:21,438

I have one million times

your motivation!

00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:24,900

So do those guys with the

cellphone kiosks at the mall.

00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:27,778

[ Both grunting ]

00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:48,924

{\an8}♪

00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:49,967

[ Squeaking ]

00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,218

The hair is wrong.

00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:53,137

Like you'd be picky

about licensing.

00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,931

Actually, I would.

I happen to believe that--

00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,434

[ Groans ]

00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,770

[ Grunts, laughs ]

00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,105

You can do that?

00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,481

You got to want it.

00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:06,942

Come on, just stop.

I-I don't want to fight you.

00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:09,695

Kid, I'm a writer that wrote

something successful.

00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,280

So if you want me

to give it up,

00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,449

you're gonna need a black belt

or a big pair of tits.

00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,742

Yeah, well,

I don't have those.

00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:17,035

Campbell: In the mythical sense,

I have both.

00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:18,162

Joseph Campbell?

00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:19,788

Yeah, nice try.

He died in the '80s.

00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:22,207

Only you can see and hear me, Morty.

00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,333

Just repeat

what I tell you.

00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,461

Okay.

[ Clears throat ]

00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:28,255

Sir, you're only proud of

your creation's success

00:17:28,255 --> 00:17:29,965

because you want

to be creative,

00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:32,092

but creation doesn't happen

through gimmicks,

00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,635

technology, and distribution.

00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,387

It doesn't even happen

through work.

00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:38,640

Creativity is frankly adjacent

to mental illness and overlaps

00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:39,892

with it substantially.

00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,477

A lot of talented people

kill themselves

00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,978

and all of them

are miserable.

00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,481

The real gift

is to be ungifted,

00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,983

and from what I saw

in your Green Arrow spec script,

00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:49,526

that's the gift

you were given.

00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:51,195

You couldn't

have seen that.

00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,238

I'm Joseph Campbell.

I saw it.

00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:54,448

The villain

was a placeholder.

00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:55,783

I said I saw it, Jan.

00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:57,618

I didn't say

I could get past page five.

00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,328

Y-Your villains

aren't the problem.

00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:02,164

The problem is, when you write,

you're a villain.

00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,792

If you want to be a hero,

just stop.

00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,377

[ Sniffles, sobs ]

00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:14,510

You know what?

Maybe I will register.

00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:18,222

Say it! Tell me

I'm the new Mr. Nimbus!

00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:22,017

Oh, looks like your writer

took a hiatus.

00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,393

Oh, fuck.

00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,145

You're less motivated

to fight now,

00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,731

so this is literally punching

down, but you've got it coming.

00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:30,192

[ Groaning ]

00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,069

Please, let me live.

00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,529

I promise to be cooler.

00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:37,032

I'll be less inside baseball.

Maybe I change my name?

00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:37,950

Ow!

00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,119

You failed me.

00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:44,081

No, I failed you.

00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,374

[ Coughs ]

00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:49,002

All good things

must come to an end-

00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,964

All bad things too, though,

so don't flatter yourself.

00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,257

Jan, Joseph Campbell says

00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:54,883

you have to be the one

to put him down.

00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,094

Wait, wait, wait,

Joseph Campbell also says

00:18:57,094 --> 00:19:00,305

you have to use this brand-new

limited edition Rick plush,

00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,058

available only on

rick-plush.biz.

00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:04,560

Supplies are limited.

Act now.

00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,894

He did?

00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:07,271

[ Squeaking,

muffled grunting ]

00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,189

[ Grunting ]

00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,652

Shhh.

00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:17,739

[ Breathes heavily ]

00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:20,158

Jesus, that's the last time

I buy a toy from a Rick.

00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:22,828

Ooh, the plushies

are obviously well made.

00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:29,710

Thanks for getting us

back alive, Rick.

00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:32,588

Well, I am a master

of both worlds, Morty.

00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:37,175

Joseph Campbell told me

to stop writing.

00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:38,844

Because it should be effortless.

00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,096

And when it happens organically,

that's when it's meant to be.

00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,890

You know, like, um, like me.

00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:45,309

I'm a writer, here's a pencil.

Writers use pencils.

00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:46,935

Okay, so, like, what if, like,

a pencil used me?

00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,896

Like, um-- okay!

Yeah!

00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,772

Okay, so it's like

a magic pencil

00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,441

that writes

the writer's life--

00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:56,111

holy shit, it's a movie

about a writer!

00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:58,363

I am back!

00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:29,978

{\an8}♪

00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:32,272

Yeah, I'm Tag-Man!

00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:34,816

I-I-I-I live in the tag!

00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:36,652

I-I-I am the tag!

00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:37,736

I'm Tag-Man!

00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,154

Tag--

Tag of the episode... man!

00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,656

"Did you get any of that?"

00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,532

When the-- yeah, when

an episode's over, look out,

00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,868

because, yaaaah,

here comes Tag-Man!

00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:47,496

And I'm-- I'm crazy!

Tag-Man!

00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:50,499

Yeah!

I'm-- I'mma tag your ass!

00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,792

Tag that ass.

00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,210

Tag-Ass-Man!

00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,087

I'm an Ass-Man now!

00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,421

I'm a-- I'm a Tag-Man!

00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:58,340

Here's what you get.

Here's your tag!

00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,050

Yeah, you want some more?

00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,052

You want-- you want some more

tag you sick piece of shit?!

00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:05,138

I'm-- because I'm Tag-Man!

00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:06,640

I miss my wife.

00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,517

Too bad.

This is it!

00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,394

Tag-Man, yeah!

00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:11,895

[ Indistinct talking ]

00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,480

Did you get any of that?