Двойсновной Бэтстинкт

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Боже, звучит так изысканно.

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Спасибо.

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Сцена твоя. Не сдерживайся.

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Я всего лишь маленькая фигурка генерала.

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ПОПАДИ В УЛИЧНУЮ ДРАКУ!

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УТАИ ИЗМЕНУ

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ЦЕЛЬ: СОВРИ, КТО ТЫ, ВЕДЬ ЕСЛИ ОН УЗНАЕТ,

ТО ЗАБЕРЁТ ДЕТЕЙ

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ОЙ-ЁЙ, ТВОЙ МУЖ ПРИШЁЛ РАНО

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Хочешь сказать, я тебя потеряла, маленькая землянка?

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Хочешь сказать, что тобой можно обладать, космо-бунтарка?

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ВЫ ПРОСНУЛИСЬ В ЛЕСУ

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ЗАЛЕЗТЬ НА ДЕРЕВО

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ВЫ ЗАЛЕЗЛИ НА ДЕРЕВО

ВЫ ВСЁ ЕЩЁ В ЛЕСУ

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ОСМОТРЕТЬСЯ

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ВЫ ОСМОТРЕЛИСЬ

ВЫ ВИДИТЕ ЛЕС

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ИДТИ НА СЕВЕР

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ВЫ ПОШЛИ НА СЕВЕР, ВЫ В ЛЕСУ

ПРОШЛО ПОЛЧАСА, МАМА ЖДЁТ В АЭРОПОРТУ

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ИДТИ ДАЛЬШЕ НА СЕВЕР

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ВЫ ИДЁТЕ ДАЛЬШЕ

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ПРОШЁЛ ЧАС, СГУЩАЮТСЯ СУМЕРКИ

ВАША МАТЬ СКОРО ОКАЖЕТСЯ В ТЕНИ

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ПОЙТИ НА ПОЛЯНУ

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ВЫ НА ПОЛЯНЕ, ВЫ ВЫШЛИ ИЗ ЛЕСА,

ПОЭТОМУ ВАМПИРЫ ПОБЕДИЛИ. КОНЕЦ

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Я буду скучать.

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Надеюсь, что нет.

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Jeez!

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Pardon the interruption.

We are once again in the federal clear.

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Rick what the hell?

Are you a Turkey Dracula now?

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Morty, is that a Pooplickian GamePod?

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Actually it’s the GamePod XL.

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They say it’s the most realistic

video game console ever.

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- I never got you that.

- Space Mom did.

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She’s in for the holiday weekend.

Remember?

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Shit, in that case, let’s go,

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- let’s get out of h...

- I heard you smack the glass, Dad,

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- if you bail, I’ll disown you!

- I’d say don’t hop through a portal.

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But wait, you can’t.

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Look at it this way, Morty.

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Life is a subscription and Thanksgiving

is your family’s yearly charge.

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Wow Dad, good job.

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Rick, put some pants on.

Today has so few rules.

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Yes, Patriarch.

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I’d like to make a toast.

Today is a day for thanks. And for family.

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And for remembering

all of those that have less.

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- Okay, pick a scope.

- Pick a scope?

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- Can we please have a normal Thanksgiving?

- Well seems like all the ones I remember.

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Good point.

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Baby, you, it’s a toast.

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- Sorry!

- Sorry!

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Anyway, I’m thankful for my wife.

Beth. The Beth that chose me.

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I’m so grateful to you, and I literally

could not live without you.

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I really mean that.

If something were to happen to you,

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or if you were to leave me,

or be unfaithful, I would die.

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Literally. Probably by my own hand.

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- Okay.

- I know how I’d do it.

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Our first blender has an extra long cord

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and it was manufactured before

safety fuses, so I’d draw a warm bath...

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And blend some stuff, good toast, honey.

To thankfulness.

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- To... America?

- To ending the toast?

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- To ending the toast.

- To ending the toast.

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Just to, be clear,

I was saying I’d kill myself.

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- God.

- God, we know.

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{\an8}- Sorry Jerry got all husband-y.

- Yeah. Do not miss that.

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{\an8}So I was thinking we could set you up

in Jerry’s man cave?

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{\an8}That’s okay, I’ll sleep in my car.

It’s got a Tardis thing going on,

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{\an8}bigger on the inside. Dad calls it hack,

but my soaking tub begs to differ.

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{\an8}Maybe I’ll trade you... my lower back.

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{\an8}- I got this.

- Jesus, that was great.

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{\an8}Well, you’re me.

I find this is usually the biggest help.

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{\an8}I just love... the Venusian stuff.

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{\an8}It’s cool, I get insecure trying

to pronounce this crap too

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{\an8}but I got just the thing for that. Here.

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{\an8}Okay shoot that asteroid.

Now shoot that one.

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{\an8}Now shoot me in the face.

This game’s trash.

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{\an8}I didn’t want to say anything

but this does seem lame.

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{\an8}I thought it was maybe cause

we’ve shot so many real asteroids

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{\an8}let’s look at the menu

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{\an8}There’s the realism setting.

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{\an8}Cool. Also stupid.

The factory setting is 4?

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{\an8}What do we want, 10?

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{\an8}No, do 9, I’m kidding.

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{\an8}- Shut up, Summer.

- Shut up Summer. Put ten.

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{\an8}- This is the same.

- It’s worse. It’s...

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{\an8}I get it. Okay. It’s more real.

The vast majority of space is empty.

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{\an8}What? Who cares?

Then what am I doing?

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{\an8}Looks like you can record a video

for your kid in case you die.

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{\an8}Not a bad idea, you’re gonna be

in space for a while.

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{\an8}May as well.

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{\an8}Son. If you’re seeing this,

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{\an8}I starved to death while

looking for an asteroid.

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{\an8}This is stupid. You guys are obviously

just trying to convince yourselves

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{\an8}it’s cool because you feel lame about it.

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{\an8}Summer you know nothing

about gamer culture.

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{\an8}Bro, tell your son you love

the shit out of him.

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{\an8}I’m gonna!

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{\an8}Of course we both can’t sleep

at the same time.

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{\an8}We do share a shitty back.

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{\an8}- Turn around. At least let me...

- Yes please.

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{\an8}- My God.

- Okay I know we’re not massage people

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{\an8}but you need this. See you act

like this bad ass space cowboy

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but I know you’re just a scared little

overachiever that keeps all her OCD right.

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- My God.

- Yeah.

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By the way you better

be taking notes, I’m next.

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- It’s my back you dumb bitch.

- Nice.

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What?

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- Well I better get back to bed.

- Same

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So now you’re into highly

realistic video games?

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Maybe I decided real life

was too much right now

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or maybe I’m not afraid to change

my mind about stuff,

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maybe mental flexibility is

stronger than stubbornness.

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Nice manip’, Sum-Sum.

Okay, I’m in the alley behind the library.

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- Uptown or downtown?

- Shit, there’s one uptown, too?

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It’s okay, stay there,

I think I’m near the red line.

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- Is this Street Fighter?

- Street Fighter where you start

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at the beginning of each fighter’s day

and have to find each other to fight.

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It’s very realistic.

Not even guaranteed a fight will happen.

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That meter filling up is us forgetting

what made us so mad.

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If anyone’s interested in a higher level

of realism, I’m “booting up” the O.G.

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That’s Original Game,

called a jigsaw puzzle, in the den.

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Hey, gang! Me and my space self are gonna

make a run to the Gloppy Drop System

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for ice cream. Any flavor requests?

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- Vanilla!

- Vanilla!

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Why do you guys have to go all the way

to deep space just for ice cream?

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Gloppy Dropulites have less

taste buds than humans,

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their ice cream is like a hospital bed,

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it’s designed for you to do less

so it does more.

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Okay see ya in a bit.

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I’ll get started sorting all the obvious

sky pieces. Secret technique.

00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:08,659

- Oh fuck it’s ON, bitch!

- Oh shit there you are!

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- I’m gonna eat your ass.

- You will die in the street like a dog!

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Stunning.

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Thank you. This is incredible.

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Just glad I had something in your size.

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How far is Gloppy Drop? And why

do I always think I’m wearing a watch?

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I actually have a pint of Gloppy Drop

on a little apartment orbiting Earth.

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- So we have time.

- You have your own space station?

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We have our own space station.

We’re the same person.

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There’s differences. Like, one of us

has no idea who she really is.

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Wrong. But let’s make a deal.

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Let’s trust ourselves enough to stop

wondering who we are when we’re together.

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We get to say anything to each other.

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Things we’d never say to anyone else,

even ourselves.

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What don’t we say to ourselves?

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How about my ass looks good

in that space suit.

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I mean it. I’m a good looking woman.

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Well that’s nice of you to say.

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I also... find myself...

quite attractive.

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We forgot the ice cream.

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I want you back in my guts like

I’m one of your sick little fillies.

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Goddammit, Morty!

You can’t just take my controller.

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Yes I can! It’s mine.

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- Okay, Sum-Sum, gimme.

- Make your own controller,

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some of us need

all the control we can get.

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Fuck you!

00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,423

So why are you so suddenly

into realistic video games?

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- I already was.

- But now you’re into them the way I am.

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You mean like staring at them

in a numb trance.

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Not judging, just noticing.

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You tend to notice stuff

a little before I do.

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But eventually you do notice.

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And now we can both

not notice together, yes.

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My god, Beth?!

00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:02,940

I thought you said you got ice cream?

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- I. It must be in the...

- The car! We left it in the car.

00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:10,573

Okay, good,

because that would have been weird!

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I worry things might become

more and more noticeable.

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And if he kills himself

we’re gonna have to get a new dad

00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:16,704

Jesus Christ, Summer!

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- Dad. What’s this?

- Making a controller.

00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:27,715

This species of bionic space whale has

carbon wiring, great for smooth gameplay.

00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:29,717

I’m not killing it, for the record.

00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:32,678

I’m just replacing its esophagus

with a better one. For free.

00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,556

It should thank me.

And it will, with its mind.

00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,725

These things are telepathic, Beth,

they talk to you in dreams.

00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:41,771

Does your replicator thing make ice cream

from the Gloppy Drop system?

00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:44,982

Why would you want replicated

Gloppy Drop ice cream, poser?

00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:48,736

Crazy thing, I went with Space Beth

to get some and we had such a great time

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we forgot the ice cream. Crazy right?

00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,492

- That’s a real question?

- Maybe?

00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:55,534

Come here, hold the pup down.

00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:57,745

You’re talking about an infinite father.

00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,789

I’ve met myself out

there infinite times...

00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:03,668

Infinite shit happens. Including,

as you put it, forgetting the ice cream.

00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:07,505

- You’ve... forgotten the ice cream?

- Drill me for details when I’m drunker.

00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,757

In the meantime,

don’t worry about what’s crazy.

00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:13,761

- I’know, as the kids say, you do you.

- Thanks. Thank you so much, Dad.

00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:15,096

One thing to keep in mind, though.

00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:18,099

It’s not just your own ice cream

you’re forgetting. It’s your family’s.

00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,643

If you forget it too much,

you start having to keep secrets.

00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:24,063

- And you’re against secrets.

- Against? Hell no. Secrets are great.

00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,067

For instance, I’ve had a pint of vanilla

Gloppy Drop in my fridge this whole time.

00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,069

Take it. I’m just saying, lies pile up.

00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:33,114

Like credit card debt. You retain

an advantage by staying liquid.

00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:37,702

Gotcha. Well. I’d call this

a simple cash transaction.

00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,079

Fun. And. Done.

00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,463

Favorite Culkin?

00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:50,464

- Kieran!

- Kieran!

00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,008

Favorite song by Britney?

00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,009

- Work Bitch!

- Work Bitch!

00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,093

Favorite hangover cure?

00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,052

- Hair of the dog

- Hair of the dog

00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,679

with a guilty pleasure like

Humans Weekly.

00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:04,812

I told Dad.

I mean I didn’t have to. He knew.

00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:07,523

I guess that’s one reason

you didn’t have to tell him.

00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:11,152

What’d he say?

00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:13,571

We kind of talked in code,

I think he said it’s fine

00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,157

until it makes us feel

indebted to our lessers.

00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,658

That sounds like Dad.

00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:21,037

Do... we... owe...

the family an explanation?

00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:24,081

Do we have to spend our time together

figuring out how to please others?

00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:28,127

I’m married.

We both are but I’m in our marriage.

00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,129

It’s the defining difference between us.

00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,506

Well there’s no rule book

that says you have to be.

00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:39,180

What’s gonna happen? What is this?

Are we in love? With ourself?

00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,767

I mean, does that make us the most or

the least healthy woman in the universe?

00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:46,729

Anybody ever tell you you’re

overly analytical? Which I do love?

00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,857

- If that’s what you need to call it?

- I don’t need to call it anything.

00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:56,072

- I would like to know... its shelf life.

- I might know a way to gather that data.

00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:57,740

- The Holodeck!

- Motel Room!

00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,783

I like yours better.

00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:12,171

Beth! My Beth! Well, not “my”

Beth, but... I finished! It’s done!

00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:16,759

Kids do you know where your moms are?

Oh you’re busy with your GamePod,

00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,053

don’t worry about it,

I’ll find those two somewhere

00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:23,724

No!

No, dad, come play videogames with us.

00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,143

Okay Dad here’s the infinite menu screen.

00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,728

- I dunno.

- Here, here,

00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,563

I’ll have the console choose a game!

00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:32,650

Maybe let’s skip this one?

00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:34,110

Really? Why? Looks fun!

00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:41,659

So we are a woman married to a man but

having a sexual affair with another woman!

00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:45,663

- Very spicy.

- Very spicy, Jer. Good job.

00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,665

Looks pretty single player, kids?

00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:58,092

Seriously you two?! What the hell

did you do in my holodeck?!

00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:02,096

Holy shit, you did a full

‘San Junipero’ in here?

00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:05,599

My god, Beth, there’s masturbating

and then there’s masturbating.

00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:07,685

- Dad stop, I’m sorry!

- You’d know, old man.

00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,271

Look, this isn’t my business

and by all means

00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:14,150

enjoy being sapphic horse girls together.

But you suck at doing it secretly.

00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,610

- We all know.

- Including Jerry?!

00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,779

No, Dad’s so in the dark

that he’s enjoying a video game

00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,239

about being in an affair right now.

00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,158

If you guys are doing this,

you gotta tell him.

00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,702

- Okay, little man, back off.

- Take it easy. They’re right.

00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,288

Right about what, that we

have to be twice as considerate

00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:30,666

and twice as repressed because

some dick split us in two?

00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,044

This is the shit I left.

This isn’t. This is me.

00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:38,132

This is the me that doesn’t tell you all

to fuck off. So allow me. Fuck off.

00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,718

She’ll tell her husband what she wants

when she feels like it.

00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,720

And you can deal with it

or you can deal with me.

00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,181

But you should know

I have all the Predator weapons.

00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:47,808

- Works for me.

- That’s cool.

00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,768

- Fair enough.

- I guess it’s time for ice cream.

00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,271

Come on, kids, you’re inhaling this stuff.

00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:56,066

Your Moms went to space,

did you even thank them for doing it?

00:12:57,693 --> 00:13:00,070

Thanks for... doing it, Moms.

00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,322

Very selfless of you.

00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:04,325

Eat your ice cream however you want.

Nothing good lasts forever.

00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:14,710

Okay, c’mon, it’s Thanksgiving,

the least we can do is speak English.

00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,296

Jerry, I had sex with your wife.

00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:20,758

Or, I’m your wife and had sex

with the clone you sleep with.

00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,259

Your pick. We had sex. We loved it.

00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:27,181

Beth Sanchez sure is something?

00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:31,143

- I think I’ll ask her to prom.

- Jerry. For your own sake.

00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,853

Stay away from Beth Sanchez.

00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:36,357

- Worst case, she says “no”.

- No, Jerry. Worst case she says “yes”.

00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:41,195

She’s too much woman for you. Maybe

she’d find your simple naïveté endearing

00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:44,198

but she’s intense.

Sooner or later, she’d tear you apart.

00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:48,160

I’d be lucky to be torn apart

by Beth Sanchez.

00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:57,169

- What the fuck?!

- Dad’s a bug! Dad rolled into a bug!

00:13:57,253 --> 00:14:00,089

Forgot I installed that.

00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,386

- Why does Jerry have a Pill Bug Protocol?

- It’s an emotional defense system.

00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:06,720

I got drunk with Jerry one night

00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,055

and he said it’s what he wanted

most in the world.

00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:10,474

Don’t blame me, I wanted tattoos

00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:13,060

Anyway, he’s in perfect health in there

and he can unroll when he chooses to

00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:16,063

but can also stay in metabolic

hibernation pretty much indefinitely.

00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:18,065

It’s a cool power to have,

like if you have to fly coach

00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,985

or if Summer asks you what you thought

of ‘Wonder Woman 1984

00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,778

- How do we undo it?

- Only he can.

00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:25,739

That’s the point. It’s total safety.

Even I can’t reverse it.

00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,410

If you try to pry him out and hit a nerve,

he’ll literally turn into a Shrek.

00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,537

In his own sad way,

he’s taken control.

00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:35,040

This is classic Jerry. He’d rather

be a bug than have a conversation.

00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,418

Have you heard the way

you start conversations?

00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,503

You ladies discuss responsibility

while I get stoned

00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,921

and play video games with your kids.

00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,766

- Fuck! More forest!

- Look around!

00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:57,730

Try heading North?

00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,901

- Oh shit.

- Wait, what the fuck.

00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,778

Maybe keep heading North?

00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,954

- What the hell?!

- God, what happens in the shadows?

00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:14,997

Jerry, sweetie?

00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:18,709

- If you can hear me, please, unroll.

- He doesn’t want to.

00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,794

It’s a little late to worry

about what he wants.

00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:24,006

Jesus, Beth, don’t fall for this.

This isn’t love, it’s a tantrum.

00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:27,968

Yeah but his tantrum is self destructive.

Yours is destructive.

00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,471

Maybe that’s why I’m the one

that loves him. He worries.

00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,057

He wants to do right.

He’s ashamed when he fails.

00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,476

Aren’t those things you love about me?

00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:39,146

You want me to be like him? You want

me to propose? Threaten to kill myself?

00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:43,150

No. I love you the way you are.

And I did it forever in a video game.

00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,486

But in life, things go wrong.

Things stop working.

00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:48,489

I like to fix those things,

and when I can’t, I’m pretty useless.

00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:50,783

- Like my husband.

- I don’t get it.

00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,826

You’re the house wife and

I’m the space lady

00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,995

but you’re the one that chewed me up

and spit me out.

00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,830

I don’t want to just forget about you.

00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:00,376

Me neither. It’s a problem.

00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,420

But we know someone

that owes us a solution.

00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,007

Shit, we’re out of the forest!

We found a clearing!

00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,842

Go check it out!

Go check out the clearing!

00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:16,517

Vampires?! Oh, come on!

That’s not realistic!

00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:19,186

Morty, it’s obviously set in a world

where vampires hunt in clearings.

00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:20,020

How did you...

00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,897

I’m working with

the same information you are.

00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,858

No more screen time until

your homework’s done, Dad.

00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,528

- What did that mean?

- We refuse to care

00:16:27,861 --> 00:16:30,030

Damn. You really came of age

this Thanksgiving.

00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:33,033

How old are we?

We’ve had a million Thanksgivings.

00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:36,912

- Can I explain how irrational this is?

- Asked the guy that cloned his daughter.

00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,163

Will I ever live that down?

00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:38,914

- No

- No

00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,499

You guys are having

me Eternal Sunshine

00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:42,835

all the Multiplicity porn scenes

from your minds?

00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:43,961

- Yep. Basically.

- Sounds right.

00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:46,964

Meanwhile, everyone around you,

your father, your cuckhold husband,

00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:50,175

your jaded children will just happily

and silently bear the burden

00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,219

because it’s more practical

for them than the truth

00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,221

and you don’t care becausei

t won’t be your problem.

00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,890

- Solid repipe, Dad.

- It’s like he has a lifetime of experience

00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:57,975

as a selfish ass.

00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,231

When this fails and the two of you

fall in love again

00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,066

and you attack me for taking part in this,

00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,235

I’m gonna lie and say I tried

to talk you out of it for hours.

00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:09,236

In truth, I don’t care.

00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,740

- Three, two...

- For God’s sake, all of you, grow up.

00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:13,949

- Jerry! You un rolled!

- What the hell?

00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,784

Plot twist, Deus Ex Husbanda.

00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,078

Don’t lobotomize yourselves

for my comfort.

00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,874

I may be a man but I’m also a baby

and babies don’t take responsibility

00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,918

for other people’s suffering. I should

never have said I’d kill myself

00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,253

if you left me. It’s not true.

00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:30,090

All I’d do is pack my shit and cry while

I look for a job on Starbuck’s wifi.

00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,842

And that’s what I’m gonna do.

00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:35,763

So the two of you can get

clone lesbian married by a robot

00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:38,891

and finger yourselves on the moon while

laughing in Martian French

00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,935

- about my weird little dick!

- Jerry, wait.

00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:51,278

- Jerry, don’t leave angry.

- Should I float out on a lotus leaf?

00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:55,032

I have to be twice as confident because

my wife cheated on me with herself?

00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,910

- It’s not even cheating.

- You here to help? You suck.

00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,995

You don’t even know

which one is your real wife.

00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,122

If it’s me, have you been

cheating with a clone?

00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,791

I’m not the clone but she has a point.

00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:07,294

what a provocative conversation

it would’ve been great to have before

00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:09,963

the two of you, and I am counting two,

00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:14,134

gave each other unfairly expert orgasms

while mocking my weird little dick!

00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,720

Jerry, you’re the only one

who keeps saying weird and little.

00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,972

Well you’ve both seen it!

And you’ve both seen each other

00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:21,308

and now you want to tell me

all about it but it’s a little late.

00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:25,938

My God. You’re not mad that it was

about you. You’re mad that it wasn’t.

00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,065

He wanted to permit our love.

00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:31,026

Okay it’s not "Handmaid’s Tale"

to loop in your husband.

00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:32,986

I agree for the record, we made a mistake.

00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:37,324

because we should’ve noticed ourselves

losing control and gone to Sexmaster Jerry

00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:40,911

and said oh pretty please,

Jerry, can I make out with myself?

00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:41,954

Yes you may.

00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:45,958

See. Not so hot when it’s

above board. Homewreckers.

00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,336

- So we won’t enjoy this?

- Well hold on hold on, this is weird.

00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,004

Weird and permitted.

00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:53,173

- Wait, you like this?

- Who cares what he likes.

00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,008

- I do.

- I might like it

00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,011

- and if she likes it I permit it.

- You little pervert.

00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:01,139

- You like a little pervert.

- I like humiliating a little pervert.

00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:05,185

- I approve. Carry on.

- I’m freaked out by how hot this is.

00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:08,313

- Am I permitted to do this?

- Until further notice.

00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:10,899

- I love it.

- Then it’s permitted from now on.

00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:14,319

Because you like whatever she likes.

Because you’re a worm.

00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,029

I will allow that assessment.

00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:18,782

- Pass the salt?

- Dammit.

00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,201

- I allow this.

- Well then it’s required.

00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,870

I approve the requirement.

00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,329

- You get over there.

- Good idea

00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,833

- Okay. Honey?

- I’m fine if you are.

00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:31,336

- You’re never fine, shut up.

- Okay but... Okay.

00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:35,048

- This is not how I pictured this but...

- I have zero complaints so far.

00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,926

- Because I know what you want.

- I do not disagree with that.

00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:41,221

- Can I make a pitch? What if we...

- Are you serious?

00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:44,182

- Is this making fun of me?

- Well is that bad?

00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,225

I’ll allow it.

00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:50,814

Jesus Christ, you need to fix

the portal gun, Rick.

00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:52,941

Morty, you asking makes me

wanna do it less.

00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,944

Okay, Thanksgiving!

Let’s talk about Thanksgiving!

00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,363

Who’s thankful for what?

Go, Summer, you first.

00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:02,993

I guess I’m thankful, for like, water?

00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,912

Perfect! Wonderful! Morty, what about you?

00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:08,290

Fucking. Are you fucking

kidding me? Why? Why?

00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:11,168

Discovery Channel!

Discovery Channel, why?!

00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:14,963

Okay. Just, eat your food.

Everyone eat the food.

00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,089

Sorry, I'm... this...

00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:21,303

Well, bye kids! I’ll keep an eye

out for my grandkid in space.

00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:24,389

Your what? Oh! Right. Naruto.

00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:26,266

Thanks for visiting, Space Beth.

00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:34,983

Well, seems like we all learned

a little lesson this weekend!

00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,195

- At least, I know I did!

- Me too, Jerry. Me too.

00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:24,825

Hello there, Jerry!

How can I help you today?

00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:28,036

Howdy! Just, just here to hang!

00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,373

I’m sorry, sweetie.

You can’t come here by yourself.

00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,291

Why not? It’s just me in there!

00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:38,171

Well, not that this is something you’d do,

but sometimes we have Jerries come here

00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,382

and try to touch other Jerries.

00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:44,344

No, that’s, that’s not good.

Well, see you later!

00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:52,394

- Okay.

- Thank you!

00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,343

Вот, чёрт возьми.

00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:12,345

Боже.

00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:17,350

Прости, что перебиваю.

Мы снова в федеральном сбросе.

00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,602

Какого чёрта?

Ты теперь Дракула-индейка?

00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,646

Это игровая приставка «Говнолизка»?

00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,273

Вообще-то это приставка XL.

00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,608

Говорят, это самая реалистичная

игровая приставка.

00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,444

- Я тебе ее не дарил.

- Это от КосмоМамы.

00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,362

Она же у нас на праздники, забыл?

00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:31,364

Чёрт. Тогда пошли. Давай выбираться…

00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,699

Пап, я слышала, ты врезался в окно.

00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,493

- Если свалишь, я от тебя отрекусь.

- Я бы не советовала прыгать в портал.

00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,078

О, постой, ты же не можешь.

00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:38,788

Взгляни на это иначе, Морти.

00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:39,831

Жизнь - это подписка,

00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:42,375

а День благодарения -

это ежегодный взнос твоей семьи.

00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,502

Ого, пап, очень круто!

00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,796

Рик, надень штаны.

00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,008

- Сегодня и так мало правил.

- Есть, глава семьи!

00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,095

Хочу сказать тост.

00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,639

Сегодня день благодарностей.

00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,558

День семьи

00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:01,644

и воспоминаний о тех,

кто имеет гораздо меньше.

00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,438

- А поконкретнее?

- Поконкретнее?

00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:05,315

А можно нормально отпраздновать

День благодарения?

00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,484

- По-моему, я помню всех.

- Точно подмечено.

00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,321

Детка, я же тост говорил.

00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:12,572

- Извини.

- Извини.

00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:17,744

В общем, я благодарен своей жене Бет,

00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:19,037

той Бет, что выбрала меня.

00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,122

Я очень благодарен тебе

00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,666

и жить без тебя не могу.

00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,669

Я серьезно.

Если с тобой что-то случится,

00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,755

если ты бросишь меня или изменишь мне,

00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:32,217

я умру… Это действительно так.

Возможно, я покончу с собой.

00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:34,427

- Ясно.

- Я знаю, как я это сделал бы.

00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,262

У нашего первого блендера

очень длинный шнур,

00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,306

и его сделали

до изобретения предохранителей.

00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:40,725

- Я наполнил бы ванну теплой водой…

- И что-нибудь измельчил бы.

00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:41,893

Хороший тост, милый.

00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:45,188

- За благодарность.

- За Америку.

00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,481

За окончание тоста?

00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,441

- За окончание тоста!

- За окончание тоста!

00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:49,943

Хочу кое-что прояснить:

00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,778

я говорил, что покончил бы с собой.

00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:53,488

- Джерри…

- Боже, мы поняли!

00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,814

Извините, Джерри вошел в роль мужа.

00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:29,691

Да уж, по такому я не скучаю.

00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:31,985

Я хотела разместить тебя

в мужской берлоге Джерри.

00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,236

Забей. Я посплю в своей машине.

00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:35,697

У меня там эдакий ТАРДИС.

Внутри она больше, чем кажется снаружи.

00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,825

Папа говорит, это полная халтура,

но мое джакузи иного мнения.

00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,910

Может, я с тобой поменяюсь.

00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:42,996

Моя поясница!

00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,372

Сейчас полегчает.

00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,167

Боже! Это было круто.

00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,376

Ну, ты ведь - это я.

00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:52,297

По-моему, это лучше всего помогает.

00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,801

Обожаю венерианские штучки.

00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,679

Оно крутое. Я тоже неуверенно

произношу эту фигню вслух.

00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:01,306

Но у меня есть то, что нужно.

00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,348

Вот.

00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,183

Теперь ты знаешь венерианский.

00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,936

Боже, как красиво звучит!

00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,229

Спасибо.

00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:11,024

Слово за тобой. Жги!

00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,651

Я та самая модель…

00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,194

…современного генерал-майора.

00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:19,949

Так, стреляй в этот астероид.

А теперь в этот.

00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,035

А теперь стреляй мне в лицо.

Эта игра - отстой.

00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:24,287

Не хотел комментировать,

но да, полный отстой.

00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:26,623

Думаю, это потому, что мы сбили

много астероидов в реальности.

00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:27,832

Давайте посмотрим меню.

00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,376

- Можно настроить реализм.

- Круто.

00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,629

Тоже фигня.

Заводская установка - четыре.

00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:33,671

А нам сколько нужно? Десять?

00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:34,923

Нет, сделай девять.

00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,341

- Шутка.

- Заткнись, Саммер.

00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:38,009

Заткнись, Саммер. Выбери десять.

00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:42,513

- То же самое.

- Даже хуже.

00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,140

Это… Нет, я понял.

00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:45,558

Так более реалистично.

00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,101

Большая часть пространства пустует.

00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,938

Что? Кому это надо?

А мне тогда что делать?

00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,941

Можешь записать видео

для своего ребенка, если вдруг умрешь.

00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:56,027

Неплохая идея. Ты ведь какое-то время

будешь в космосе.

00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:57,654

Тоже можно.

00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:01,532

Эй, сынок, если ты смотришь это видео,

00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,494

значит, я умер от голода,

пока искал астероид.

00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,371

Глупость какая-то.

00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,706

Вы явно пытаетесь убедить друг друга,

будто это крутая игра,

00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:09,999

хотя понимаете, что она отстойная.

00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,252

Ты ничего не смыслишь

в геймерской культуре.

00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,836

Скажи своему сыну,

что любишь его до усрачки.

00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:14,796

Я как раз собирался.

00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:26,099

Конечно, нам обеим

не спится одновременно.

00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,184

Да уж, спина у нас дерьмовая.

00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,227

Повернись.

00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,312

- Дай мне хотя бы…

- Да, пожалуйста.

00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,480

Боже мой.

00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:35,441

Так, знаю, мы не массажистки,

но тебе это нужно.

00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,527

Ты ведешь себя

как крутой космический ковбой.

00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,821

Но я-то знаю, что ты

просто напуганная маленькая отличница,

00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:42,490

скрывающая свое

обсессивно-компульсивное состояние…

00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:43,658

Боже мой…

00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:46,744

Да. Кстати, лучше конспектируй,

а то я следующая.

00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:49,122

- Моя спина, тупая сучка!

- Мило.

00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:50,790

Что?

00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,675

Лучше пойду обратно в постель.

00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:02,010

Ага. И я тоже.

00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:06,806

ПРИГОТОВЬТЕСЬ К УЛИЧНОЙ БОРЬБЕ!

00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,309

Значит, теперь ты увлекаешься

высокореалистичными видеоиграми?

00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,602

Может, я решила, что реальная жизнь

сейчас слишком трудна.

00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,813

Или, может,

я не боюсь менять свое мнение.

00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:16,983

Возможно, гибкость ума

сильнее упрямства.

00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:18,609

Зачетная манипуляция, Сам-Сам.

00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,445

Так, я в переулке за библиотекой.

00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,697

- В центре или на окраине?

- Чёрт. На окраине она тоже есть?

00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,615

Спокойно. Стой там.

Думаю, я возле красной линии.

00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:25,867

Это «Стрит Файтер»?

00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:27,660

«Стрит Файтер»,

где начинаешь день бойца

00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:30,079

с начала и ищешь соперника,

чтобы сражаться.

00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,665

Это очень реалистично.

Даже драка не гарантируется.

00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,543

Заполнение счетчика означает,

что мы забываем, что нас так разозлило.

00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:39,922

Если кого-то интересует более высокий

уровень реализма, то я загружаю ОГ.

00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:44,635

Это оригинальная игра-головоломка.

В коробке.

00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:47,889

Я и мое космическое альтер эго

хотим смотаться

00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,641

в систему Глоппи Дроп за мороженым.

Кому какой вкус?

00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:51,726

- Ванильное!

- Ванильное!

00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:55,063

Зачем отправляться в глубины космоса

ради мороженого?

00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,482

У глоппи-дропулитов меньше

вкусовых рецепторов, чем у людей.

00:05:57,565 --> 00:05:59,233

Их мороженое сродни больничной койке.

00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,861

Оно дает больше,

а ты прилагаешь меньше усилий.

00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:03,571

Ладно. Скоро увидимся.

00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:06,240

Я начну сортировать

все четкие фрагменты неба.

00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,408

Секретная техника.

00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:08,785

- Погнали, сучка!

- Чёрт! Вот ты где.

00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:11,579

- Я сожру твою задницу!

- Ты подохнешь на улице, как собака!

00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:15,958

Красота.

00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:19,378

Спасибо. Это невероятно.

00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,090

Рада, что у меня нашелся твой размер.

00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,384

Глоппи Дроп далеко?

00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,054

И почему мне всегда кажется,

что на мне часы?

00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:31,265

У меня есть мороженое из Глоппи Дроп

в квартирке на орбите Земли.

00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:34,560

- Так что время у нас есть.

- У тебя личная космическая станция?

00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,187

У нас личная космическая станция.

00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:37,563

Мы один и тот же человек.

00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:41,901

Есть отличия. Одна из нас будто понятия

не имеет, кто она на самом деле.

00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:43,444

Неверно. Но давай

кое о чём договоримся.

00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:47,240

Давай доверять себе, чтоб не задаваться

вопросом, кто мы, когда мы вместе.

00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:48,699

Мы можем говорить друг другу то,

00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:51,786

что ни за что не сказали бы

кому-то еще, даже самой себе.

00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:53,871

А что мы не можем сказать самой себе?

00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:57,333

Может, это? «Ух ты, моя задница

отлично смотрится в этом скафандре».

00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,460

Я серьезно. Я красивая женщина.

00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,170

Это мило с твоей стороны.

00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:05,925

Я тоже считаю себя

весьма привлекательной.

00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,104

Мы забыли про мороженое.

00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:23,109

Хочу, чтоб ты опять взволновала меня,

как будто я одна из твоих глупышек.

00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:34,078

Чёрт возьми! Морти, нельзя

просто взять и забрать мой контроллер.

00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,705

Можно. Он мой.

00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,416

- Ладно. Сам-Сам, дай мне твой.

- Сделай себе свой.

00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,168

Некоторым из нас

нужен максимум контроля.

00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:41,627

Идите вы в жопу!

00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:45,214

Так с чего ты так внезапно увлекся

реалистичными видеоиграми?

00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,174

Я ими давно увлекаюсь.

00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,259

Но теперь ты любишь их не меньше моего.

00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:50,928

Ты имеешь в виду, что я смотрю на них

в оцепенелом трансе?

00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,722

Я не осуждаю, чисто замечание.

00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,433

Да уж, ты склонна замечать вещи

немного раньше меня.

00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:56,893

Но в итоге ты тоже их замечаешь.

00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,312

А теперь мы оба

можем не замечать. Вместе. Да.

00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:00,771

Господи! Бет!

00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,857

Ты вроде говорила,

что привезешь мороженое.

00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,693

Да, я… Оно, наверно, в…

00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:07,653

В машине! Мы оставили его в машине.

00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,406

Ладно, хорошо.

Иначе это было бы странно.

00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,742

Я беспокоюсь,

что всё становится заметнее.

00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,036

Ага. Если он покончит с собой,

нам придется искать нового отца.

00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,621

Господи, Саммер!

00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:21,334

Привет, пап.

00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,086

- Что это?

- Я делаю контроллер.

00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,547

Этот вид бионических космических китов

имеет углеродную проводку.

00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,132

Идеально для плавного

игрового процесса.

00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,717

Я его не убиваю, к твоему сведению,

00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,678

а бесплатно меняю пищевод

на улучшенную версию.

00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,013

Он должен меня благодарить.

00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,431

И поблагодарит, с его-то интеллектом.

00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:38,601

Эти существа - телепаты, Бет.

Они разговаривают с тобой во сне.

00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,979

Твой Репликатор делает мороженое

из системы Глоппи Дроп?

00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,815

Зачем тебе копия мороженого

из Глоппи Дроп, притворщица?

00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:47,485

Дурдом какой-то.

Я полетела за ним вместе с КосмоБет.

00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:50,571

Мы так здорово провели время,

что забыли про мороженое.

00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,823

- Дурдом, да?

- Ты на полном серьезе спрашиваешь?

00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,576

- Возможно.

- Подойди сюда. Держи малыша покрепче.

00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,703

Ты говоришь о бесконечном отце.

00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,705

Я встречал себя там

бессчетное количество раз.

00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,082

Происходит бесконечное дерьмо.

00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:03,793

В том числе, как ты выразилась,

забывание мороженого.

00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,670

Ты… тоже забывал мороженое?

00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:07,380

Спроси у меня подробности,

когда я напьюсь.

00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:09,632

А пока не переживай о том,

что ты назвала дурдомом.

00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,134

- Как говорят дети, делай как знаешь.

- Спасибо.

00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,844

Большое спасибо, пап.

00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,304

Но помни одну вещь:

00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,015

ты забыла не только собственное

мороженое, но и мороженое своей семьи.

00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,518

Если это будет слишком часто

повторяться, у тебя появятся секреты.

00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:24,105

- А ты против секретов.

- Против? Ни фига. Секреты - это класс.

00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:27,984

Например, у меня в холодильнике есть

ванильное мороженое из Глоппи Дроп.

00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:31,237

Возьми его. Я лишь хочу сказать:

вранье копится, как долги по кредитке.

00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,739

Ты сохраняешь преимущество,

оставаясь ликвидной.

00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:37,785

Поняла. Я бы назвала это

простой операцией с налом.

00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,371

Весело и задорно.

00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:49,380

Любимый Калкин?

00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:50,923

- Киран.

- Киран.

00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:51,924

Любимая песня Бритни?

00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:52,925

- «Work bitch».

- Да!

00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:53,926

Любимая штука от похмелья?

00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,887

«Шерсть собаки» с постыдным

удовольствием, как «Us Weekly».

00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,436

Я сказала папе.

00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,062

Я имею в виду, мне не нужно было.

Он знал.

00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:08,274

Думаю, это одна из причин,

по которой не нужно было говорить ему.

00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,027

И что он сказал?

00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,903

Мы общались загадками.

Думаю, он сказал так:

00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:16,157

«Всё хорошо, пока мы не чувствуем себя

в долгу перед нашими арендодателями».

00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,575

Это в его духе!

00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:20,911

Будем рассказывать семье?

00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:23,914

Тратить время, выясняя,

как угодить другим?

00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:25,082

Я замужем.

00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:28,127

Мы обе замужем, но я в нашем браке.

00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,338

Это определяющая разница между нами.

00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:33,090

Нет правил, где написано,

какой ты должна быть.

00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,718

И что будет? Что это?

00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:39,096

Влюблены ли мы в себя?

00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,683

Делает ли это нас самой здоровой

или нездоровой женщиной во вселенной?

00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,977

Тебе когда-нибудь говорили,

что ты обожаешь анализировать?

00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:48,230

Я это тоже очень люблю,

если это называть именно так.

00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,483

Мне не нужно это как-то называть.

00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:53,778

Я хочу узнать только срок годности.

00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,364

Возможно, я знаю способ

узнать эту информацию.

00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,657

- Номер в мотеле!

- Голопалуба!

00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,033

Твой вариант мне нравится больше.

00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,542

Бет! Я имею в виду, моя Бет!

00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:11,420

Так, не моя Бет, но я закончил!

00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,421

Я всё!

00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,049

Дети, не знаете, где ваши мамы?

00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:16,759

Вы заняты игрой…

00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,803

Не берите в голову,

я их где-нибудь найду.

00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,554

Нет. Нет, папа…

00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,474

Поиграй с нами в видеоигру.

00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:26,102

Так, пап. Вот бесконечный экран меню.

00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:29,814

- Не знаю…

- Пусть консоль выберет игру.

00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:31,190

СКРЫТЬ РОМАН

00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:32,483

Пожалуй, эту пропустим.

00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,360

Правда? Почему?

Кажется, это веселая игра.

00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:36,570

ЦЕЛЬ РАЗДЕЛА:

СОВРАТЬ ЕМУ О СВОЕЙ НЕВЕРНОСТИ…

00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,656

Так. Значит, мы женщина,

которая замужем за мужчиной,

00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:41,659

но имеет сексуальную связь

с другой женщиной.

00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,620

- Очень пикантно.

- Очень пикантно, Джерри.

00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:47,540

Хорошая работа. Похоже,

это игра для одного игрока, ребятки.

00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,589

Вы серьезно?

00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,008

Какого чёрта вы делаете

на моей голопалубе?

00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:02,012

Вот чёрт! Развели тут «Сан-Джуниперо».

00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:05,474

Боже мой, Бет! Есть мастурбация,

а есть… мастурбация.

00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,643

- Знал бы ты, старик…

- Папа, хватит! Извини.

00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,687

Слушай, это не мое дело.

00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:12,398

И, конечно, наслаждайтесь вместе,

лесбийские любительницы лошадей.

00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,066

Но вот шифруетесь вы хреново.

00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,402

- Мы уже все всё знаем.

- Даже Джерри?

00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,821

Нет, папа в неведении,

он наслаждается видеоигрой

00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:20,114

о романе на стороне.

00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:21,866

Если вы делаете это,

вы должны ему сказать.

00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:23,325

Так, малыш, отстань.

00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,660

Не расстраивайся. Они правы.

00:12:24,743 --> 00:12:28,414

Правы в чём? Что мы должны быть

в два раза внимательнее и сдержаннее,

00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:31,876

так как какой-то хрен располовинил нас?

Я только выбралась из этого дерьма!

00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:33,752

Это не так. Это я.

00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,088

Это я, которая не посылает вас на хрен.

00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,965

Так что позвольте мне: идите на хрен!

00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:40,593

Она скажет мужу,

что захочет и когда захочет.

00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:42,470

А вы уж смиритесь,

а то будете иметь дело со мной.

00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:45,723

Но помните:

у меня есть всё оружие Хищника.

00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,058

- Ладно.

- Круто.

00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,685

Думаю, пора поесть мороженое.

00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,396

Дети, вы что? Вы его прям всасываете.

00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,898

Ваши мамы летали в космос.

00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:56,358

Вы хоть поблагодарили их за это?

00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:01,155

- Спасибо, мамочки.

- Очень самоотверженно с вашей стороны.

00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:03,032

Ешьте мороженое как хотите.

00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,283

Ничто хорошее не длится вечно.

00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:05,910

Хочешь сказать, я потеряла тебя,

00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,036

земная девочка?

00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:08,954

Хочешь сказать,

что тебя можно было иметь,

00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,122

космический повстанец?

00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,333

Ладно вам.

Сегодня ведь День благодарения.

00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,752

Мы можем хотя бы говорить по-английски.

00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:17,379

Джерри, у меня был секс с твоей женой.

00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,549

Или я твоя жена, и я занималась сексом

с клоном, с которым ты спишь.

00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,551

Выбирай сам. Мы занимались сексом,

и нам понравилось.

00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,473

Бет Санчес - это, конечно,

что-то с чем-то.

00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,600

Наверно, я приглашу ее на выпускной.

00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:32,686

Джерри, ради твоего же блага,

держись подальше от Бет Санчес.

00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:36,398

- В худшем случае она скажет «нет».

- Нет. В худшем случае она скажет «да».

00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,150

Она слишком женственна для тебя.

00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:42,112

Да, возможно, она найдет твою наивность

милой, но она слишком пылкая.

00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,448

Рано или поздно

она разорвет тебя на части.

00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:48,077

Я был бы счастлив, если бы меня

разорвала на части Бет Санчес.

00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:56,835

- Что за хрень?

- Папа - жук! Он закрутился в жука!

00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,089

Да, я и забыл, что установил эту штуку.

00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,260

Почему у Джерри

есть протокол превращения в мокрицу?

00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:05,678

Это система эмоциональной защиты.

00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:06,929

Однажды мы с Джерри напились,

00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,639

и он сказал, что очень хотел бы этого.

00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:10,683

Не ругай меня. Я хотел татуировки.

00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:13,394

В общем, он жив-здоров

и может развернуться когда захочет.

00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:16,480

Впрочем, он также может оставаться

в метаболической спячке хоть вечно.

00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,649

Это суперспособность.

Например, для полетов экономклассом,

00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:21,277

или когда Саммер спрашивает,

как тебе «Чудо-женщина: 1984».

00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,612

- Как это отменить?

- Это только он может. В том-то и дело.

00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,990

Полная безопасность.

Даже я не могу это изменить.

00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:29,493

Если попытаться вытащить его и задеть

нерв, он превратится в реального Шрека.

00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,745

По-своему, в печали,

он контролирует свое состояние.

00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,330

Таков типичный Джерри.

00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,624

Он предпочтет быть жуком,

нежели вести беседу.

00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,501

А ты слышала, как ты заводишь беседу?

00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:39,670

Вы, дамы, спорьте,

кто виноват, а я курну

00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:41,672

и пойду играть в видеоигры

с вашими детьми.

00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:45,968

ВЫ ПРОСНУЛИСЬ В ЛЕСУ.

00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:48,345

ЗАЛЕЗТЬ НА ДЕРЕВО.

00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,848

ВЫ ЗАЛЕЗЛИ НА ДЕРЕВО. ЕЩЕ БОЛЬШЕ ЛЕСА.

00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,975

- Твою мать. Еще больше леса.

- Посмотри вокруг.

00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,019

ОСМОТРЕТЬСЯ.

00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:56,854

ВЫ ОСМОТРЕЛИСЬ И ВИДИТЕ БОЛЬШЕ ЛЕСА.

00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:57,938

Попробуй пойти на север.

00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:58,856

ПОЙТИ НА СЕВЕР.

00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,149

ВЫ ИДЕТЕ НА СЕВЕР. ВЫ В ЛЕСУ.

00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:02,484

ПРОШЛО ТРИДЦАТЬ МИНУТ.

ВАША МАТЬ ЖДЕТ В АЭРОПОРТУ.

00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,652

- Блин!

- Постой. Что за хрень?

00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,112

Может, продолжать идти на север?

00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:06,405

ПРОДОЛЖИТЬ ПУТЬ НА СЕВЕР.

00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:07,615

ВЫ ПРОДОЛЖАЕТЕ ИДТИ НА СЕВЕР.

00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,700

ПРОШЕЛ ЧАС.

НАД АЭРОПОРТОМ СГУСТИЛИСЬ СУМЕРКИ.

00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:11,118

СКОРО ВАША МАТЬ ОКАЖЕТСЯ В ТЕМНОТЕ.

00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:14,121

- Какого чёрта?

- Боже! А что будет в темноте?

00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:17,625

Джерри, милый, если ты меня слышишь,

пожалуйста, развернись.

00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:18,876

Он не хочет.

00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:21,003

Немного поздно беспокоиться о том,

чего он хочет.

00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,880

Господи, Бет, не ведись на это.

00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:24,340

Это не любовь. Это истерика.

00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,675

Да, но его истерика саморазрушительна.

00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,218

А твоя - разрушительна.

00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,054

Может, поэтому его люблю именно я.

00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,805

Он беспокоится.

Он хочет всё делать правильно.

00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,766

Ему стыдно, когда он терпит неудачу.

00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,726

Разве не это ты любишь во мне?

00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:36,977

Хочешь, чтобы я делала как он?

00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,480

Хочешь, чтобы я сделала предложение,

угрожая покончить с собой?

00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:41,440

Нет. Я люблю тебя такой, какая ты есть.

00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:43,484

И всегда любила. В видеоигре.

00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,986

Но в жизни что-то идет не так,

что-то не складывается.

00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:49,031

Мне бы хотелось всё исправить,

но когда у меня не получается,

00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,033

- я бесполезна, как мой муж.

- Не понимаю.

00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,077

Ты домохозяйка, а я космическая леди.

00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,204

Но это ты меня прожевала и выплюнула?

00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,581

Я не хочу просто взять и забыть о тебе.

00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,876

Я тоже. В этом-то и проблема.

00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:04,254

Но я знаю,

кто обязан разрулить нашу ситуацию.

00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:07,341

Чёрт! Мы вышли из леса и нашли поляну.

00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:09,218

Иди проверь. Проверь поляну.

00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:10,552

ПОЙТИ НА ПОЛЯНУ.

00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:11,845

ВЫ НА ПОЛЯНЕ.

00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:14,390

ВЫ БОЛЬШЕ НЕ В ЛЕСУ,

ТАК ЧТО ВАМПИРЫ ПОБЕДИЛИ. КОНЕЦ.

00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,892

Вампиры? Да ладно! Это не реалистично.

00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:18,352

Морти, это, вероятно, мир,

00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:20,187

- где вампиры охотятся на полянах.

- Как ты…

00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,523

Я располагаю той же информацией,

что и ты.

00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:25,526

Папа, больше никакого сидения

перед экраном, пока не сделал домашку.

00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,945

- Что бы это значило?

- Не будем заморачиваться.

00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,322

Блин. В этот День благодарения

ты реально повзрослел.

00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:33,283

Сколько нам лет?

У нас был миллион Дней благодарения.

00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,077

Я объясню, насколько это иррационально.

00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,121

Сказал мужик, клонировавший свою дочь.

00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:39,248

- Я когда-нибудь заглажу свою вину?

- Нет.

00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:40,874

Вы, девочки, хотите, чтобы я стер

00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,918

все сцены про порно с клонами

из вашей памяти?

00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:44,211

- Ага. В общем и целом.

- Верно.

00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,629

Но при этом все окружающие -

00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:48,298

ваш отец, ваш муж-рогоносец,

ваши измотанные дети -

00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,509

будут радостно и молча

нести бремя воспоминаний,

00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:52,594

потому что для них

это более практично, чем правда,

00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,722

а вам будет всё равно,

потому что не будет вас касаться?

00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,390

- В яблочко, пап.

- Похоже, у него большой опыт

00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:58,308

в роли эгоистичного подонка.

00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,603

Я буду по тебе скучать.

00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,896

Будем надеяться, что нет.

00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,732

Ничего не выйдет,

вы снова влюбитесь друг в друга,

00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,400

а потом наедете на меня

за мое участие в этом.

00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,610

А я вам навру и скажу,

что отговаривал вас несколько часов.

00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:09,903

По правде говоря, мне плевать.

00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,906

- Три, два…

- Господи, хоть бы вы все повзрослели.

00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,241

- Джерри, ты развернулся!

- Блин!

00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,993

Резкий поворот сюжета.

Счастливая развязка.

00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,537

Не делайте себе лоботомию

ради моего комфорта.

00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,581

Я, может, и мужчина,

но я также и ребенок.

00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:23,459

А дети не несут ответственность

за страдания других.

00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,837

Нельзя было говорить, что я убью себя,

если ты меня бросишь. Это неправда.

00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,466

Я бы собрал свой хлам и плакал, сидя

в «Старбаксе» и ища работу в интернете.

00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,050

Именно это я и сделаю.

00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,594

Так что вы двое можете вступить

00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:37,723

в клоно-лесбийский брак и трахать друг

друга пальцами на луне сколько угодно,

00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:40,976

высмеивая на марсианском французском

мой странный маленький член.

00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:42,227

Джерри, подожди!

00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:49,026

Джерри, не уходи в гневе.

00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:51,653

Мне что, выплыть на листе лотоса?

00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:55,324

Мне надо быть в два раза увереннее,

ведь жена изменила мне с самой собой.

00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:58,202

- Это даже не измена.

- Пришла помочь? Ты вообще отстой.

00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,287

Ты даже не знаешь,

кто твоя настоящая жена.

00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,539

Вдруг это я, а ты изменял мне с клоном?

00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,291

Я не клон, но она права.

00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:05,667

Какой провокационный разговор.

00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,545

Было бы здорово,

если б раньше у меня были бы вы обе,

00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,255

я имею в виду вас двоих…

00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:14,551

Дарили б друг другу офигенные оргазмы,

издеваясь над моим маленьким членом!

00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,845

Джерри, один ты продолжаешь

говорить «странный» и «маленький».

00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,097

Вы обе его видели.

Вы обе видели друг друга,

00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,975

а теперь хотите мне всё рассказать?

Но уже поздно.

00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,520

Бог мой, ты злишься не потому,

что всё произошло из-за тебя,

00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,146

а потому, что, наоборот, не из-за тебя.

00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,398

Он хотел сам разрешить нам нашу любовь.

00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,318

Мы не в сериале «Рассказ служанки»,

и нам не надо постоянно оповещать мужа.

00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,112

Согласна. Кстати, мы совершили ошибку.

00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,823

Потому что сами должны были

заметить, что теряем контроль,

00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,200

и обратиться

к гуру секса Джерри, сказав:

00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,078

«Прошу, Джерри,

можно мне целоваться с самой собой?»

00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,079

Да, можно.

00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:46,333

Ага. Видите? Не так уж это и круто,

когда в открытую, разлучницы.

00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,044

- Значит, нам это не понравится?

- Подожди.

00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:51,171

- Это странно.

- Странно и дозволено.

00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,549

- Постой. Тебе это нравится?

- Кого волнует, что ему нравится?

00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,217

- Меня.

- Может, и нравится.

00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,094

А если нравится ей, то я разрешаю.

00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:59,471

- Ты маленький извращенец!

- Тебе нравится маленький извращенец.

00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:03,225

- Мне нравится его унижать.

- Одобряю. Продолжай.

00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,561

Я в шоке,

насколько это всё меня заводит.

00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:08,897

- Мне можно это сделать?

- Да, пока я не скажу иначе.

00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,191

- Мне это нравится.

- Тогда с этого момента это разрешено.

00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:13,402

Потому что тебе нравится всё,

что нравится ей,

00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:16,238

- ведь ты червь.

- Я принимаю это определение.

00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,531

Передай соль.

00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,283

- Мне плевать, что ты разрешаешь.

- Чёрт!

00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:21,618

- Я разрешаю это.

- Тогда это просто необходимо.

00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,163

- Я одобряю данное требование.

- Иди сюда.

00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:27,082

- Хорошая идея.

- Ладно. Дорогая?

00:19:27,165 --> 00:19:29,209

- Я за, если ты согласна.

- Ты всегда против, заткнись.

00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,335

Хорошо, но…

00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:34,047

- Ладно.

- Я не так себе это представляла. Но…

00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,925

- У меня пока ноль жалоб.

- Потому что я знаю, чего ты хочешь.

00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,510

Не могу не согласиться.

00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,597

- Внесу предложение. Что если мы…

- Серьезно?

00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,474

- Издеваетесь надо мной?

- А что? Так плохо?

00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:45,726

Я разрешаю.

00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,981

Господи, Рик,

ты должен починить портальную пушку.

00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:53,150

Когда ты о чём-то просишь,

я меньше всего хочу это делать.

00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:56,153

Ладно. День благодарения.

Давайте говорить о Дне благодарения.

00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:59,072

Кто за что благодарен?

Давай, Саммер. Ты первая.

00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:03,118

Думаю, я благодарна,

к примеру, за воду.

00:20:03,201 --> 00:20:05,120

Чудесно. Замечательно. А ты, Морти?

00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:08,749

Ты издеваешься, что ли? Почему?

00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:11,752

Канал «Дискавери». Почему?

00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:15,047

Ладно, сидите и ешьте молча.

Просто ешьте.

00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:16,673

Извини. Это…

00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:19,384

Ну, пока, дети.

00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,720

Я буду следить

за своим внуком из космоса.

00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:22,721

За твоим чем?

00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,681

Точно. Наруто.

00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,934

Спасибо, что заскочила, КосмоБет.

00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:35,108

Что ж, кажется, мы все усвоили

небольшой урок в эти выходные.

00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:36,652

По крайней мере, я-то уж точно.

00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,695

Я тоже, Джерри. Я тоже.

00:21:21,738 --> 00:21:24,825

Привет, Джерри.

Чем я могу помочь тебе сегодня?

00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:28,245

Привет. Да я просто потусоваться.

00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:31,665

Извини, дорогой,

но одному тебе сюда нельзя.

00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:33,709

Почему? Там только я.

00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:36,211

Не принимай это на свой счет,

00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:40,799

просто сюда иногда приходят Джерри,

чтобы полапать других Джерри.

00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:43,135

О нет, это ужасно.

00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:44,886

Ладно, до встречи!

00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,103

- Хорошо.

- Спасибо.

00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:58,025

СВЕТЛОЙ ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА

00:21:58,942 --> 00:22:00,944

Перевод субтитров: Татьяна Грачева

00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:06,930

Боже мій, це звучить так вишукано!

00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,220

Дякую тобі!

00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:11,020

Тобі слово. Дай нам жару.

00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,650

Я справжній взірець

00:03:13,730 --> 00:03:15,190

сучасного генерал-майора!

00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:06,800

ВУЛИЧНІ ПИЗДИЛКИ

00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,190

ПРИХОВАЙ ІНТРИЖКУ

00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,570

МЕТА: ЗБРЕШИ ЙОМУ ПРО

НЕВІРНІСТЬ, ІНАКШЕ ВІН ЗАБЕРЕ ДІТЕЙ

00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:38,650

ОЙ-ОЙ. ТВІЙ ЧОЛОВІК

ПОВЕРНУВСЯ ДОДОМУ РАНІШЕ...

00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,910

Хочеш сказати, що я тебе втратила,

00:13:05,990 --> 00:13:07,030

маленька Землянко?

00:13:07,110 --> 00:13:08,950

А хіба я могла тебе мати,

00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:10,120

Космічна Бунтівнице?

00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:45,960

ТИ ПРОКИДАЄШСЯ У ЛІСІ

00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:48,340

ВИЛІЗТИ НА ДЕРЕВО

00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,840

ТИ ВИЛАЗИШ НА ДЕРЕВО

ЩЕ БІЛЬШЕ ЛІСУ

00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:55,010

РОЗЗИРНУТИСЬ

00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:56,850

ТИ РОЗЗИРНУВСЯ

НАВКОЛО БАЧИШ ЛИШЕ ЛІС

00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:58,850

ПІТИ НА ПІВНІЧ

00:14:58,930 --> 00:15:00,140

ТИ ЙДЕШ НА ПІВНІЧ. ТИ У ЛІСІ

00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:02,480

МИНУЛО ПІВ ГОДИНИ. МАМА ЧЕКАЄ В АЕРОПОРТУ

00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:06,400

ІТИ ДАЛІ НА ПІВНІЧ

00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:07,610

ТИ ЙДЕШ ДАЛІ НА ПІВНІЧ.

00:15:07,690 --> 00:15:09,700

МИНУЛА ГОДИНА.

00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:11,310

СКОРО ТВОЯ МАТІР

ОПИНИТЬСЯ У СУТІНКАХ.

00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:10,550

ПІТИ НА ГАЛЯВИНУ

00:16:10,630 --> 00:16:11,840

ТИ НА ГАЛЯВИНІ.

00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,390

ТИ БІЛЬШЕ НЕ В ЛІСІ. ОТЖЕ,

ВАМПІРИ ВИГРАЛИ. КІНЕЦЬ

00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,600

Я сумуватиму за тобою.

00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:02,890

Сподіваюся, що ні.

00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,510

Here we fucking go!

00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,470

Oh! Jeez!

00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,265

Pardon the interruption.

00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,183

We are once again

in the federal clear.

00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,561

Rick, what the hell?!

A-Are you a Turkey Dracula now?

00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,438

Morty, is that

a Pooplickian GamePod?

00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,022

Actually it's

the GamePod XL.

00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:25,316

They say it's the most realistic

video game console ever.

00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,277

- I never got you that.

- Space Mom did.

00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:28,987

She's in for the holiday

weekend, remember?

00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,822

Shit, in that case, let's go,

let's get out of here--

00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,323

Home Beth: I heard you smack

the glass, Dad.

00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:33,950

If you bail,

I'll disown you!

00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:35,702

Space Beth: Yeah, I'd say don't

hop through a portal.

00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,078

But, oh, wait, you can't.

00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,538

- [ Laughs ]

- Look at it this way, Morty.

00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,373

Life is a subscription,

and Thanksgiving

00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,208

is your family's

yearly charge.

00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,335

Wow, Dad, good job.

00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,588

Rick, put some pants on.

00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,631

Today has so few rules.

00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,800

Yes, Patriarch.

00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,218

Ding ding ding!

00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,803

I'd like to make a toast.

00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,473

Today is a day for thanks.

00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,266

And for family.

00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:01,186

And for remembering

all of those that have less.

00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,979

Okay, pick a scope.

00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:02,979

Pick a scope?

00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:04,814

Can we please have

a normal Thanksgiving?

00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,649

Well, seems like all the ones

I remember.

00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,485

Good point.

00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:11,279

Baby, you--

It's a toast.

00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:12,822

Sorry!

Sorry!

00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,032

[ Both laugh ]

00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,951

Anyway, I'm thankful

for my wife.

00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,828

Beth.

The Beth that chose me.

00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,164

I'm so grateful to you,

00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,166

and I literally could

not live without you.

00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,375

Aw!

00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,375

-Aw!

-Aw!

00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:25,543

I really mean that.

00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,003

If something were

to happen to you,

00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,546

or if you were to leave me,

or be unfaithful,

00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:29,964

I would die.

-Mm!

-Uh...

00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,758

Literally.

Probably by my own hand.

00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:32,967

Eww.

Okay.

00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,302

I know how I'd do it.

00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:35,929

Our first blender has

an extra long cord

00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,139

and it was manufactured

before safety fuses,

00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,557

so I'd draw a warm bath--

00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,684

And blend some stuff.

Good toast, honey.

00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,102

To thankfulness.

00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,021

To...

A-America?

00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:46,231

To ending the toast?

00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:48,066

All: To ending the toast!

00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:51,361

Just to, uh, be clear,

I was saying I'd kill myself.

00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,363

-Jerry.

-God!

00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,363

We know!

00:01:53,363 --> 00:02:25,103

{\an8}♪

00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:27,647

{\an8}Sorry Jerry got

all husbandy.

00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,315

{\an8}Yeah, do not miss that.

00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,401

{\an8}So I was thinking we could set

you up in Jerry's man cave?

00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,944

{\an8}Oh, that's okay,

I'll sleep in my car.

00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,405

{\an8}It's got a TARDIS thing

going on, bigger on the inside.

00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:38,658

{\an8}Dad calls it hack, but my

soaking tub begs to differ.

00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,327

{\an8}Hmm, maybe I'll trade you.

Ohh!

00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:42,745

{\an8}Agh!

My lower back.

00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,747

{\an8}Oh, I got this.

[ Back cracks ]

00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,958

{\an8}Ah, Jesus,

that was great.

00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:49,419

{\an8}Well, you're me.

[ Chuckles ]

00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:52,881

{\an8}I find this is usually

the biggest help.

00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,258

{\an8}Mmm, oh, I just love...

00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,843

{\an8}the Venusian stuff.

00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,304

{\an8}It's cool, I get insecure trying

to pronounce this crap, too,

00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,180

{\an8}but I got just

the thing for that.

00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:04,058

{\an8}Here.

[ Speaking French ]

00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:11,900

{\an8}Um...

00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,944

{\an8}[ Singing ]

00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,988

{\an8}[ Both laughing ]

00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,657

{\an8}Okay, shoot that asteroid.

Now shoot that one.

00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,659

{\an8}Now shoot me in the face.

This game's trash.

00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,786

{\an8}I didn't want to say anything,

but this does seem lame.

00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,079

{\an8}Yeah, I thought it was maybe

00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,414

{\an8}'cause we've shot

so many real asteroids.

00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:27,624

L-Let's look at the menu.

00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,459

Oh! T-There's the realism setting.

00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,919

Oh, cool.

Also stupid.

00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,421

The factory setting is 4?

What do we want, 10?

00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,340

No, do 9.

I'm kidding.

00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,966

Shut up, Summer.

00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,966

Yeah, shut up, Summer.

00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,635

Put 10.

00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,639

This is the same.

It's worse. It's--

00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,140

Oh. Oh.

I get it. Okay.

00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,350

It's-- It's more real.

00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,976

The vast majority of space

is empty.

00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,311

What?

Who cares?

00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,979

T-Then what am I doing?

00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,814

Looks like you can record

a video for your kid

00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,316

in case you die.

00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,319

Not a bad idea, you're gonna be

in space for a while.

00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,904

[ Sighs ]

May as well.

00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,156

{\an8}Um, hey, son. Uh...

00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:01,824

{\an8}If you're seeing this, I...

00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,285

{\an8}starved to death

while looking for an asteroid.

00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,995

{\an8}Ugh.

This is stupid.

00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,997

{\an8}You guys are obviously just

trying to convince yourselves

00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,666

{\an8}it's cool because

you feel lame about it.

00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,876

{\an8}Summer you know nothing

about gamer culture.

00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,586

{\an8}Bro, tell your son you love

the shit out of him.

00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,129

{\an8}Oh, I'm gonna!

00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,974

{\an8}Of course we both can't sleep

at the same time.

00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,017

{\an8}Yeah, we do share

a shitty back.

00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,560

{\an8}Turn around.

At least let me--

00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,020

{\an8}Yes, please.

[ Back cracks ]

00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,563

{\an8}Oh, my God.

00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:35,108

{\an8}Okay, I know we're not massage

people but you need this.

00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,193

{\an8}See, you act like this

badass space cowboy,

00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,570

{\an8}but I know you're just

a scared little overachiever

00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,281

{\an8}that keeps all her

OCD right--

00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,033

Oh, my God!

Yeah.

00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,411

By the way you better

be taking notes-- I'm next.

00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:47,996

It's my back,

you dumb bitch.

00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,789

Nice.

[ Chuckles ]

00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,499

What?

00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:57,046

[ Clatter ]

00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:00,133

Well, I better

get back to bed.

00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,094

[ Chuckles ]

00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:03,094

Yep. Same.

00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:06,347

{\an8}♪

00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,891

Oh, so now you're into

highly realistic video games?

00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,227

Maybe I decided real life

was too much right now,

00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,396

or maybe I'm not afraid

to change my mind about stuff.

00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,774

Maybe mental flexibility

is stronger than stubbornness.

00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,234

Nice manip', Sum-Sum.

00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,028

Okay, I-I'm in the alley

behind the library.

00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,113

- Uptown or downtown?

- Shit, there's one uptown, too?

00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,032

It's okay, stay there,

I think I'm near the red line.

00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,533

Is this "Street Fighter"?

00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:26,784

"Street Fighter"

where you start

00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,286

at the beginning

of each fighter's day

00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,746

and have to find

each other to fight.

00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,039

Rick:

It's very realistic.

00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,749

Not even guaranteed

a fight will happen.

00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,209

That meter filling up is us

forgetting what made us so mad.

00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,879

If anyone's interested

in a higher level of realism,

00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,714

I'm booting up the OG--

00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:43,217

that's Original Game,

called a jigsaw puzzle--

00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,761

in the den.

00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,095

Home Beth: Hey, gang!

00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,555

Me and my space self

are gonna make a run

00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,474

to the Gloppy Drop System

for ice cream.

00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,767

Any flavor requests?

00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,018

- Vanilla!

- Vanilla!

00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,352

Why do you guys have to go

00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:54,979

all the way to deep space

just for ice cream?

00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,190

Gloppy Dropulites have less

taste buds than humans.

00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,900

Their ice cream

is like a hospital bed.

00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,277

It's designed for you

to do less so it does more.

00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,112

Okay, see ya in a bit.

00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,031

I'll get started sorting

all the obvious sky pieces.

00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,449

Secret technique.

00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,451

- Oh, shit, there you are!

- Oh, fuck, it's on, bitch!

00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,329

I'm gonna eat your ass!

00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:11,329

You will die in the street

like a dog!

00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:15,708

[ Sighs ]

Stunning.

00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:18,961

Thank you.

This is incredible.

00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,798

Eh. Just glad I had something

in your size.

00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,216

[ Laughs ]

00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,009

How far is Gloppy Drop?

00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,553

And why do I always think

I'm wearing a watch?

00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,263

I actually have a pint

of Gloppy Drop

00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,140

on a little apartment

orbiting Earth.

00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,433

So we have time.

00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,435

You have your own

space station?

00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,187

We have our own

space station.

00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,272

We're the same person.

00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,272

There's differences.

00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:41,400

Like, one of us has no idea

who she really is.

00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,194

Wrong.

But let's make a deal.

00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,238

Let's trust ourselves enough

to stop wondering

00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,906

who we are

when we're together.

00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,491

We get to say anything

to each other.

00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:51,577

Things we'd never say

to anyone else, even ourselves.

00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,538

What don't we say

to ourselves?

00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:56,916

How about, "Wow, my ass looks

good in that space suit"?

00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,210

I mean it.

I'm a good-looking woman.

00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,045

Well, that's nice

of you to say.

00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,672

I also...

00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,465

find myself...

00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,342

quite attractive.

00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:09,220

[ Both moaning ]

00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:13,558

{\an8}♪

00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:17,854

We forgot the ice cream.

00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,522

[ Both laugh ]

00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,065

I want you back

in my guts like

00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,442

I'm one of your sick

little fillies.

00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,403

[ Both moaning ]

00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,033

{\an8}♪

00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,243

Oh, God damn it, Morty!

00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:33,911

You can't just

take my controller

00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,371

Yes, I can!

It's mine!

00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,165

Ugh.

Okay, Sum-Sum, gimme.

00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,791

Make your own controller,

some of us need

00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:40,126

all the control we can get.

00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,253

Ugh, fuck you!

00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,881

So why are you so suddenly

into realistic video games?

00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,174

I already was.

00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,884

Yeah, but now you're into them

the way I am.

00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:50,094

You mean, like staring at them

in a numb trance?

00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,471

Uh-huh.

Not judging, just noticing.

00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,266

Yeah, y-you tend to notice

stuff a little before I do.

00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,642

But eventually

you do notice.

00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:59,103

And now we can both

not notice together, yes.

00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,479

Jerry: Oh, my god-- Beth!

00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,356

I thought you said

you got ice cream?

00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,649

[ Both sigh ]

00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,401

Home Beth: Yeah, I, uh--

It must be in the, uh...

00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,320

Space Beth: Oh, the car!

We left it in the car.

00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,198

Jerry: Okay, good, because that

would have been weird!

00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,283

I worry things might become

more and more noticeable.

00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,618

Yeah,

and if he kills himself,

00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:14,994

we're gonna have to get

a new dad

00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,537

Jesus Christ, Summer!

00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,209

Hey, Dad.

00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,668

Um, hmm, what's this?

00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,045

Making a controller.

00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,255

This species of bionic space

whale has carbon wiring,

00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,840

great for smooth gameplay.

00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,342

I'm not killing it,

for the record.

00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,677

I'm just replacing its esophagus

with a better one.

00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,596

For free.

I-It should thank me.

00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:34,972

And it will, with its mind.

00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,432

These things are

telepathic, Beth.

00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:38,351

They talk to you

in dreams.

00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,228

Does your replicator thing

make ice cream

00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,729

from the Gloppy Drop system?

00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:44,524

Why would you want replicated

Gloppy Drop ice cream, poser?

00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,068

Crazy thing. I went with

Space Beth to get some,

00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,987

and we had such a great time

we forgot the ice cream!

00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,405

Crazy, right?

00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,990

That's a real question?

00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,158

M-Maybe?

00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,785

Come here,

hold the pup down.

00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,411

You're talking about

an infinite father.

00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,497

I've met myself out there

infinite times.

00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,998

Infinite shit happens.

00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,584

Including, as you put it,

forgetting the ice cream.

00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,503

You've...

forgotten the ice cream?

00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,004

Drill me for details

when I'm drunker.

00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,632

In the meantime, don't worry

about what's crazy.

00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,217

You know, as the kids say,

you do you.

00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,427

Oh, thanks.

Thank you so much, Dad.

00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:14,887

One thing to keep in mind, though.

00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,847

It's not just your own ice cream

you're forgetting.

00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,349

It's your family's.

00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,309

If you forget it too much, you

start having to keep secrets.

00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,978

Oh, and you're against

secrets?

00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,854

Against? Hell no.

Secrets are great.

00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,898

For instance, I've had

a pint of vanilla

00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,733

Gloppy Drop in my fridge

this whole time.

00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,652

Take it.

I'm just saying, lies pile up.

00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:30,987

Like credit card debt.

00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,489

You retain an advantage

by staying liquid.

00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:34,824

Gotcha.

Well...

00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:37,868

I'd call this a simple

cash transaction.

00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,496

Fun and done.

00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:42,957

[ Both moaning ]

00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,838

Favorite Culkin.

00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,506

- Kieran! [ Laughs ]

- Kieran! [ Laughs ]

00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,133

Favorite song by Britney.

00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,801

"Work Bitch"!

Favorite hangover cure.

00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,511

Hair of the dog with a guilty

00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,346

pleasure like "Humans Weekly."

00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:57,346

pleasure like "Us Weekly."

00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:01,142

[ Both laughing ]

00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,019

I told Dad.

00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,520

I mean, I didn't have to.

He knew.

00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,732

I guess that's one reason

you didn't have to tell him.

00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:10,526

[ Sighs ]

What'd he say?

00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,862

We kind of talked in code,

I think he said it's fine

00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,573

until it makes us feel

indebted to our lessers.

00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,199

That sounds like Dad.

00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,286

Do we owe...

the family an explanation?

00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,996

Do we have to spend

our time together

00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,581

figuring out

how to please others?

00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:24,749

I'm married.

00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,626

We both are,

but I'm in our marriage.

00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,545

It's the defining difference

between us.

00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:32,631

Well, there's no rule book

that says you have to be.

00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,383

[ Chuckles ]

What's gonna happen?

00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,428

What is this?

Are we in love...

00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:38,721

with ourself?

00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,056

I mean, does that make us

the most

00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,183

or the least healthy woman

in the universe?

00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,602

Anybody ever tell you

you're overly analytical?

00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,270

Which I do love.

00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:47,855

If that's what you need

to call it.

00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:49,982

I don't need to call it anything.

00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:53,652

I would like to know...

its shelf life.

00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,654

I might know a way

to gather that data.

00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,281

Motel room!

The Holodeck!

00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,991

I like yours better.

00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,702

Jerry: Hmm...

Uh...

00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,247

[ Gasps ]

00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,000

Beth!

Uh, m-my Beth!

00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,045

Well, not "my" Beth, but--

I finished!

00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,546

It's done!

00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,090

Kids, do you know

where your moms are?

00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:16,300

Oh, you're busy

with your GamePod.

00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,427

Don't worry about it,

I'll find those two somewhere.

00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:23,099

No! No, Dad, um, come play

video games with us!

00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,684

Okay, Dad, here's

the infinite menu screen.

00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,103

Oh, I dunno.

00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,563

Here, here, I-I'll have

the console choose a game!

00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,066

Um, maybe

let's skip this one?

00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,235

Really? Why?

Looks fun!

00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,113

Jerry: Oh, okay, so we are

00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,447

a woman married to a man

00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,782

but having a sexual affair

00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,575

with another woman!

00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:42,868

Very spicy.

00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,079

Very spicy, Jer.

G-Good job.

00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,790

Looks pretty

single player, kids?

00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:53,462

{\an8}♪

00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,631

Rick: Seriously, you two?!

00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:58,217

What the hell did you do

in my Holodeck?!

00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:01,470

Holy shit, you-- you did a full

"San Junipero" in here?

00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,347

Oh, my God, Beth,

there's masturbating

00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,141

and then there's masturbating.

00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,309

Ew, Dad stop, I'm sorry!

00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:07,309

You'd know, old man.

00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,228

Argh!

Look, this isn't my business,

00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,856

and by all means, enjoy being

sapphic horse girls together.

00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,732

But you suck at doing

it secretly.

00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,901

We all know.

Including Jerry?!

00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,987

No, Dad's so in the dark

that he's enjoying a video game

00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,530

about being in an affair

right now.

00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,449

If you guys are doing this,

you got to tell him!

00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:22,867

Okay, little man,

back off.

00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,160

Take it easy.

They're right.

00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,995

Right about what,

that we have to be twice

00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,164

as considerate and twice

as repressed

00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,166

because some dick

split us in two?

00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:33,377

This is the shit I left.

This isn't. This is me.

00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,629

This is the me that doesn't

tell you all to fuck off.

00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,423

So allow me.

Fuck off.

00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:40,009

She'll tell her husband what she

wants when she feels like it.

00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,844

And you can deal with it

or you can deal with me.

00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:45,806

But you should know I have

all the Predator weapons.

00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,808

Works for me.

Fair enough.

That's cool.

00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,351

I guess it's time

for ice cream.

00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,937

Come on, kids,

you're inhaling this stuff.

00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,522

Your Moms went to space.

00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,192

Did you even thank them

for doing it?

00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,943

Thanks for...

00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,403

doing it, Moms.

00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:00,863

Very selfless of you.

00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,573

Eat your ice cream

however you want.

00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,074

Nothing good lasts forever.

00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:09,872

{\an8}[ Speaking French ]

00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,874

Okay, come on,

it's Thanksgiving.

00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:15,336

The least we can do

is speak English.

00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:16,962

Jerry, I had sex

with your wife.

00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:20,216

Or I'm your wife and had sex

with the clone you sleep with.

00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,426

Your pick.

We had sex. We loved it.

00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,262

[ Bell rings ]

00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,515

Beth Sanchez sure

is something, huh?

00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,099

I think

I'll ask her to prom.

00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,518

Jerry,

for your own sake,

00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,269

stay away

from Beth Sanchez.

00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:33,729

Worst case,

she says "no."

00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,023

No, Jerry.

Worst case she says "yes."

00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,775

She's too much

woman for you.

00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,444

Yeah, maybe she'd find

your simple naiveté endearing,

00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:41,695

but she's intense.

00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,906

Sooner or later,

she'd tear you apart.

00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:48,118

[ Sighs ] I'd be lucky to be

torn apart by Beth Sanchez.

00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:51,872

[ Inhales deeply ]

00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,082

[ Groaning ]

00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,500

- Aah!

- What the fuck?!

00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,585

Dad's a bug!

Dad rolled into a bug!

00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,838

Oh, yeah.

Sh-- Forgot I installed that.

00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,592

Why does Jerry have

a Pill Bug Protocol?

00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:05,678

It's an emotional

defense system.

00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,887

I got drunk

with Jerry one night

00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,013

and he said it's what

he wanted most in the world.

00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,848

Don't blame me,

I wanted tattoos.

00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,267

Anyway, he's in perfect health

in there

00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,768

and he can unroll

when he chooses to,

00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:14,520

but can also stay

in metabolic hibernation

00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,605

pretty much indefinitely.

It's a cool power to have,

00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,107

like if you have

to fly coach or if

00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,609

Summer asks you what you thought

of "Wonder Woman 1984."

00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,194

How do we undo it?

Only he can.

00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,946

That's the point.

It's total safety.

00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,656

Even I can't reverse it.

00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,116

If you try to pry him out

and hit a nerve,

00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,784

he'll literally

turn into a Shrek.

00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:31,078

In his own sad way,

he's taken control.

00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:32,621

This is classic Jerry.

00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,665

He'd rather be a bug

than have a conversation.

00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,667

Oh, have you heard the way

you start conversations?

00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,377

You ladies discuss responsibility

00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,921

while I get stoned and play

video games with your kids.

00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,756

[ Door closes ]

00:14:49,888 --> 00:14:51,223

Rick: Fuck!

More forest!

00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,975

Morty: L-Look around!

00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,896

Summer: Try heading north.

00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,693

Oh, shit.

Wait, what the fuck?

00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,862

Um, maybe keep

heading north?

00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,327

Ew, what the hell?

00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,454

Oh, God, w-what happens

in the shadows?

00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,707

Jerry, sweetie, if you can hear

me, please unroll.

00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,208

He doesn't want to.

00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,377

It's a little late to worry

about what he wants.

00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,004

Jesus, Beth,

don't fall for this.

00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,672

This isn't love,

it's a tantrum.

00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,091

Yeah, but his tantrum

is self-destructive.

00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,509

Yours is destructive.

00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,303

Maybe that's why I'm the one

that loves him.

00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,221

He worries.

He wants to do right.

00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,057

He's ashamed when he fails.

00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,975

Aren't those things

you love about me?

00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,436

You want me to be like him?

You want me to propose?

00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:38,854

Threaten to kill myself?

00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,856

No.

I love you the way you are.

00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:42,775

And I did it forever

in a video game.

00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,110

But in life, things go wrong.

Things stop working.

00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,196

I-I like to fix those things,

and when I can't,

00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,239

I'm pretty useless.

Like my husband.

00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:50,532

I don't get it.

00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,326

You're the house wife

and I'm the space lady,

00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,536

but you're the one that chewed

me up and spit me out.

00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,955

I don't want to just forget

about you.

00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,333

[ Sighs ] Me neither.

00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,751

It's a problem.

00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:03,629

But we know someone

that owes us a solution.

00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,798

Oh, shit, we're out

of the forest.

00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,049

We found a clearing.

00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,301

Go check it out!

Go check out the clearing!

00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,473

Morty: Vampires?!

00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,100

Oh, come on!

That's not realistic!

00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,393

Morty, it's obviously set

in a world

00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,228

where vampires hunt

in clearings.

00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,563

How did you--

00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,563

I'm working with

the same information you are!

00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:22,940

Ow!

00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:25,234

No more screen time

until your homework's done, Dad.

00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,236

- What did that mean?

- We refuse to care.

00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,571

Damn. You really came of age

this Thanksgiving.

00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,781

How old are we?

00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,574

We've had a million Thanksgivings.

00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,410

Can I explain

how irrational this is?

00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,412

Asked the guy

that cloned his daughter.

00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,580

Will I ever live that down?

00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,580

-No.

-No.

00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,249

You guys are having me

"Eternal Sunshine"

00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,292

all the "Multiplicity" porn

scenes from your minds?

00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,669

Yep. Basically.

Sounds right.

00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,087

Meanwhile, everyone

around you--

00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,505

your father,

your cuckhold husband,

00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,465

your jaded children--

will just happily

00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,050

and silently bear the burden

00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,885

because it's more practical

for them than the truth

00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,971

and you don't care because

it won't be your problem?

00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:55,597

Solid repipe, Dad.

00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,725

It's like he has a lifetime

of experience as a selfish ass.

00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,351

[ Both laugh ]

00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:02,271

{\an8}[ Speaking French ]

00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:04,022

When this fails and the two

of you fall in love again

00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,733

and you attack me

for taking part in this,

00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,943

I'm gonna lie and say I tried

to talk you out of it for hours.

00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,903

In truth, I don't care.

Three, two--

00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,030

Oh, for God's sakes,

all of you, grow up.

00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,657

- Jerry! You unrolled!

- What the hell?!

00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,451

Ooh, plot twist,

Deus Ex Husbanda.

00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,786

Oh, don't lobotomize

yourselves for my comfort.

00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,289

I may be a man, but I'm also

a baby, and babies

00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,666

don't take responsibility

for other people's suffering.

00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,877

I should never have said

I'd kill myself if you left me.

00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,170

It's not true.

00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,838

All I'd do is pack my shit

and cry

00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,882

while I look for a job

on Starbucks Wi-Fi.

00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,383

And that's what I'm gonna do.

00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,303

So the two of you can get clone

lesbian married

00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,972

by a robot and finger

yourselves on the moon

00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:40,434

while laughing in Martian French

about my weird little dick!

00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:41,810

Jerry, wait!

00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,484

Jerry, don't leave angry.

00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:51,028

Should I float out

on a lotus leaf?

00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,488

I have to be twice

as confident

00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,531

because my wife

cheated on me with herself?

00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:55,991

It's not even cheating.

00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,493

Oh, you here to help?

You suck.

00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,578

You don't even know which one

is your real wife.

00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,747

If it's me, have you been

cheating with a clone?

00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,332

I'm not the clone,

but she has a point.

00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,334

Oh, what a provocative

conversation it would've been

00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,920

great to have before

the two of you--

00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,588

and I am counting two--

00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,174

gave each other

unfairly expert orgasms

00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,717

while mocking my weird

little dick!

00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,302

Jerry, you're the only

one who keeps saying

00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:17,304

"weird" and "little."

00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:17,304

Well, you've both seen it!

00:18:17,304 --> 00:18:19,223

And you've both seen each other,

and now you want

00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,225

to tell me all about it,

but it's a little late.

00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,559

[ Chuckling ]

Oh, my God.

00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:23,977

You're not mad that

it was about you.

00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:25,687

You're mad that it wasn't.

00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,648

He wanted

to permit our love.

00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:30,692

Okay, it's not "Handmaid's Tale"

to loop in your husband.

00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,319

I agree, for the record.

We made a mistake.

00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:35,030

Oh, because we should've

noticed ourselves losing control

00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:38,367

and gone to Sexmaster Jerry

and said, "Oh, pretty please,

00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,577

Jerry, can I make out

with myself?"

00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:42,162

Yes, you may.

00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:45,582

Yeah, see. Not so hot when it's

aboveboard, home-wreckers.

00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,376

Oh, so we won't

enjoy this?

00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,211

Well, hold on, hold on,

this is weird.

00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,504

Weird and permitted.

00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,881

Wait, you like this?

00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,881

Who cares what he likes.

00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,633

I do.

I might like it.

00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,552

And if she likes it,

I permit it.

00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,762

You little pervert.

00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,762

You like a little pervert.

00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,848

I like humiliating

a little pervert.

00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,516

I approve.

Carry on.

00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,977

I'm freaked out

by how hot this is.

00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,854

Am I permitted

to do this?

00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:08,814

Until further notice.

00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,814

I love it.

00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,440

Then it's permitted

from now on.

00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,526

Oh, because you like

whatever she likes.

00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,069

Because you're a worm.

00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,571

I will allow

that assessment.

00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,364

- Pass the salt?

- I don't care what you allow.

00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:18,699

- Damn it!

- What do you allow?

00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:19,992

Home Beth: I allow this.

00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,243

Space Beth: Well,

then it's required.

00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,536

Jerry: I approve

the requirement.

00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,246

You get over there.

00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,246

Good idea.

00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,290

Oh, wow. Okay.

Uh, Honey?

00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,625

I'm fine if you are.

00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:28,625

You're never fine, shut up.

00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,752

Okay, but-- Whoa! Okay.

00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:33,046

This is not how

I pictured this, but--

00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,715

I have zero complaints

so far.

00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,300

Because I know

what you want.

00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,801

I do not disagree

with that.

00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:39,553

Can I make a pitch?

What if we...

00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:40,929

[ Footsteps, scraping ]

00:19:39,636 --> 00:19:40,929

Are you serious?

00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,764

Hey, is-- is this

making fun of me?

00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,683

Well, is that bad?

I'll allow it.

00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:48,353

[ Jerry laughing,

Summer and Morty crying ]

00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,230

Jesus Christ, you need

to fix the portal gun, Rick!

00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,524

Morty, you asking makes me

want to do it less.

00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:53,775

Okay, uh, Thanksgiving!

00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,444

L-L-Let's talk

about Thanksgiving!

00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:58,447

Who's thankful for what?

Go, Summer, y-you first.

00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:02,451

Um, I guess I'm thankful,

for like, water?

00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,286

Perfect! Wonderful!

Morty, w-what about you?

00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,914

F-F-Fucking

Are you fucking kidding me?

00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,374

Why? Why?

Discovery Channel!

00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,209

Discovery Channel, why?!

00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,086

Okay.

Just eat your food.

00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,546

Ea-Ea--

Everyone eat the food.

00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,341

Jerry: Sorry, I'm--

Is this? Ooh!

00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,759

Well, bye, kids!

00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:21,136

I'll keep an eye out

for my grandkid in space.

00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:22,346

Your what?

00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:24,056

Oh, right.

"Naruto."

00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,683

Thanks for visiting,

Space Beth.

00:20:30,228 --> 00:20:34,441

Well, seems like we all learned

a little lesson this weekend!

00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:35,984

At least, I know I did.

00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,195

Me, too, Jerry.

Me, too.

00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:49,414

[ Grinding ]

00:20:49,498 --> 00:21:13,021

{\an8}♪

00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:20,737

{\an8}♪

00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:24,199

Hello there, Jerry!

How can I help you today?

00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:27,577

Howdy! Yeah, just, uh--

just here to hang!

00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,204

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.

00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,998

You can't come here

by yourself.

00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:32,874

Why not?

It's just me in there!

00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,544

Well, not that this is

something you'd do,

00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:37,921

but sometimes we have

Jerries come here

00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:40,090

and try to touch other Jerries.

00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:42,426

Oh, no, that's--

that's not good.

00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:44,678

Uh, well,

see you later!

00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:53,020

Okay.

Thank you.

00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:55,981

Did you get any of that?

00:21:55,981 --> 00:22:00,193

{\an8}♪