Забывая Сарику Мортшалл
Описание
Обнаружив, что ему постоянно приходится убирать беспорядки Рика, Морти случайно проливает жидкость из портала себе на руку и обнаруживает, что может говорить с Ником, другим человеком, который пролил жидкость из портала на себя. Они становятся друзьями, и Морти вызволяет его из психиатрической больницы, в которой он находится, когда Ник говорит, что Рик пренебрегает им и Морти. Когда Морти понимает, что Ник оказывается жестоким психопатом, он отрезает себе руку с портальной жидкостью, и бросает её в портал на бедре Ника, от чего тот умирает. Тем временем Рик объединяется с двумя воронами, чтобы показать Морти, насколько он заменяемый, но после приключения, в котором они спасают его от антропоморфных воронов, пытающихся напасть на Землю, он понимает, что они — больше, чем просто заменяемые альтернативы Морти. Рик оставляет потрясённого Морти, чтобы путешествовать с двумя воронами. В сцене после титров инопланетянин по имени «Обормот-Мусороглот», которого Рик использует для уборки мусора, оказывается на самом деле врачом, которого ругает его мама, но он всё равно решает продолжать поедать мусор Рика.
Субтитры
eng__Eng.srt
eng__Eng.srt
00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,141
But with the power vacuum
left by the heartless
00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:12,708
consumption of our dictator,
00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,840
we shall impose even
more Draconian cookie law,
00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,712
one be-cookieing at a time!
00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:19,845
Hah!
00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:21,499
Oh, thank you!
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,762
They took power immediately
after you and your grandpa left.
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,851
Err sorry about that,
Rick doesn't really do
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:28,202
'transition plans,'
I-I think he was just hungry.
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:31,422
Well, now with you here, perhaps
a new system of government?
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,598
King Morty --Sorry, look I gotta run,
00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:34,860
I-I'm sure
you guys'll figure it out,
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:39,082
I-I believe in you!
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,954
Morty! Can you help us
with this UFO-shaped hole?
00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:43,521
Sure, geez, but y'know
only because
00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:44,740
I was in
the neighborhood.
00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:51,051
Morty, thank God!
00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:53,705
The beast emerged right
after your grandpa left
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:57,535
and its gem went missing --Geez, that is
a crazy coincidence
00:00:57,579 --> 00:01:00,364
that I-I if I were you,
probably just best left alone.
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:02,366
He's right.
We-We should celebrate.
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:03,715
Feast?
No time.
00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:05,065
S-S-Sounds
pretty classic though,
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:06,762
don't let me hold you up!
00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:12,594
Son of a bitch.
He marked it.
00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,743
Ah!
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:33,354
Phew.
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:39,316
Hah.
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,796
What the --
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:45,801
Hey, what the hell?
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,281
Agh! Jesus!
00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:48,673
You got some of that green stuff
on you too, huh?
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:50,458
Th-Th-This is bad.
Th-This is really bad.
00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:52,242
Hey, how do you think
I feel?
00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:55,115
I had the ultimate stash hole
and now I got a kid in my thigh.
00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:29,453
Look, you seem like a perfectly
nice guy in my hand hole,
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,978
but if I can't sort this out
I'm dead --
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,632
What the hell, dude?
Gross.
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,721
I-I-I was just trying to... You're just trying to what?
00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:38,288
Where'd this stuff
come from?
00:02:38,332 --> 00:02:40,290
Garbage Goober, get out here
and eat this garbage.
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:43,815
Mmm, trash, I love trash,
yum yum trash,
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,991
I wanna eat trash --Hell yeah,
I love that lil guy.
00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:47,471
Wait a minute.
00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:49,995
Is that Mountain Dew in my
quantum transport solution?
00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:51,301
I-I saw you were marking
the levels
00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:53,521
so I-I had to top it off."Top it off?"
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:55,653
Do you know how dangerously
toxic this stuff is?
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,481
And you added it
to my portal fluid?!
00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:59,091
Only because
you don't trust me!
00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:00,484
Oh, that's great logic,
Morty --
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,660
forgive me for not doing
the kissy chef gesture
00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:04,314
since you probably spilled
this shit everywhere
00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:05,663
and I don't want
to teleport my lips.
00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,230
I did I did not spill it!
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,884
I won't take your word for that
and I shouldn't have to,
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,581
which is why
I have sidekick rules.
00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:12,322
If you can't follow them --
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,324
I can be replaced, yeah, yeah,
so you keep telling me.
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:16,848
Excuse me? Did you just try to
call my bluff?
00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:18,198
Have you ever seen me bluff?
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:19,547
Fine.
You know what, replace me!
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:21,201
Replace me, Rick!
Just do it.
00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:22,680
Good luck finding someone
that can be told
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,334
80 thousand times
how replaceable they are!
00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:27,032
Okay. I'll see your bluff call
and raise you reality.
00:03:27,076 --> 00:03:29,121
I can't pretend I haven't been
looking forward to this.
00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:31,559
Behold my Wheel of Better
Things Than Morty.
00:03:31,602 --> 00:03:34,039
Wh-What are you eight?
I-Is this macaroni art?
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:35,258
You expect me to believe
you built this
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:36,868
because you don't care?
00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,522
No, I built this because
I don't expect shit from you.
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,784
Come on, anything!
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,221
Anything but Morty,
let's go!
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,526
Come on baby,
no whammies!
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:43,962
Duh-duh-duh-duh stop!
00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:45,442
Okay, that's it.
Two crows.
00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,052
-You're fired!
-You know what? Eat shit.
00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:48,271
You're just trying
to make me feel worthless.
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,881
I never said
you're worthless.
00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:51,448
In fact, I've given you a very
00:03:51,492 --> 00:03:52,884
Two crows.
00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:54,712
Note I didn't say three!
00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,585
Man, that is not
a healthy relationship.
00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,543
I hope you don't mind me
eavesdropping.
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,805
Maybe we can figure out
some sort of
00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,546
sound-proof bandage solution.
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,896
Hey did Garbage Goober
eat my porno magazines?
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,550
So, were you like,
a friend of Rick's?
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,552
-Were you?
-Good question.
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:10,554
W-What's he doing, i-is
he out there making sure
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:12,817
you see him collecting
two crows?
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:15,080
And now you're thinking, gee,
maybe if he cares enough
00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:16,386
to hurt me this bad...
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,388
dot dot dot.
00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:19,650
Break the cycle, Morty.
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,913
Change the things
that you can change.
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:26,788
That's what I did.
And now I'm free.
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,920
Only cramming six years
into six minutes, fellas.
00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:33,621
Take your time!
00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:35,100
Now that's what
I'm talking about!
00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:36,928
If ya nail this next one,
I've got bird quaaludes.
00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,582
And I might even share.
00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:40,280
Y-You know you can stop
doing that for my benefit.
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,586
Y'know or-or keep doing it.
Doesn't matter. I'm out.
00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:44,936
-I'm walking away.
-Wait. Morty. Don't go.
00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,851
Not until you see this!
00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,984
Commence bird on a wire!
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:55,599
Yeeeeaaaahhhhh!
00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:58,123
Jerk.
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,516
Hey, let's hang out.
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,518
We're like brothers now,
we both got away y'know,
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:02,867
w-where are you at?
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,216
Ooh, you know what,
shoot, can't.
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,610
I'm an alien, um, so --That's okay,
00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:07,959
Rick turned my bike
into a spaceship
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,613
for "solo adventures"
like picking up
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:11,136
his Venusian foot ointment.
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,138
God I'm seeing it
so clearly now.
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,623
Oh. Wait.
I-It says here you're on Earth.
00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,799
Yeah. Ah.
Don't come here.
Why not?
00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,801
Look, I-I get it, my room
is sometimes messy too,
00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:26,456
I'll-I'll pick you up
right outside your...
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,850
-...mental asylum.
-Busted.
00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,460
You literally
said "I'm free."
00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:33,463
I'm literally not free.
00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:35,987
Stop!
That's my blanket!
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,380
How do you know Rick?
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:38,729
Look I came to your place
with him one night
00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:40,035
after the bar closed.
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:41,819
I started messing around
in your garage
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:44,648
and I spilled that portal stuff
on me and he...
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:46,694
kind of launched me
to Australia...
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:49,174
like with this weirdly
primitive catapult, but --
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:51,263
but the ammunition is
an airtight carbon chamber,
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:53,483
yeah, that-that -- that's how
we lost our cable guy.
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:55,485
Anyways, that kind of
experience shakes you up.
00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:59,663
So, sorry I misled you,
have a nice life.
00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:01,535
Nick.
You got a visitor.
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:10,282
Damn,
what happened to you?
00:06:10,326 --> 00:06:12,502
The guards like to beat us
on Sundays.
00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,939
Still better
-than Mondays.
-Geez, what happens then?
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,854
They lick our faces
when we're tied down.
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,421
-Plus it's meat loaf day.
-Well...
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,205
-you're leaving now, buddy.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,033
I-I swiped 'em off the guard
on my way in.
00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:25,602
I-I mean, sure, yeah, I could
undo my lock, but then what?
00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:27,430
After the smartest guy
in the world's done with ya,
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:28,953
it's kinda hard
to find a footing again.
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,390
That's why I need
to get you out of here.
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,087
We're not
the problem, he is.
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:36,918
And if you can have a fresh
start, then maybe I can too.
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,223
It's not like
it's a prison break.
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,703
We're just leaving, like,
a hospital
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,226
that wants to help you
extra bad.
00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:44,708
Follow me!
00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:47,755
Hey get back here,
you better open this door!
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:52,237
I can fly!
Keep running, Nick.
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:54,457
The more you sweat,
the saltier your cheeks.
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,241
-Lick this!
-Thanks, Morty.
00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:59,941
That dude's got a tongue
like a cat.
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:01,421
Stop those Portal Boys!
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:04,424
Did you hear that?
That's gonna stick!
00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:06,556
Damn.
Just like Jackie Chan!
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,732
Hah! I guess that makes me
Chris Tucker.
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:10,386
I-I guess?
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,782
Gonna get you!
00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,487
Holy shit!
Did you see that?
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:25,923
I mean you blinded a guy
with puke!
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,142
Oh, it was insane.
00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,970
-Gimme dap.
-Am I doing it right?
00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,362
D-D-Did
I give you a dap yet?
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:31,755
Look at us.
We got out.
00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,931
And not just from the asylum
but from Rick.
00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:36,281
You get to say
what an adventure is now.
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:37,674
You still got that list?
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,328
Dude, we can't do that stuff
without Rick's tech.
00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:44,464
Then it's time the Portal Boys
get themselves a portal gun.
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:45,813
Remember your training,
crows.
00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:47,858
The idol should be
around that corner!
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,301
Do you guys just follow training
when you feel like it?
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,608
That's not being trained,
that's being dicks.
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:02,830
Ah, now I see.
The real treasure is empathy.
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:05,049
And that's worth way
more than any knick-knack.
00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:08,966
You guys just earned yourselves
another adventure!
00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:10,490
The adventure is,
you're fired.
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,492
Sorry, guys, if I wanted
another bleeding heart,
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:15,625
I'd inject reanimator serum into
an actual bleeding heart.
00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,322
Relax,
this is an avian planet
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:18,976
with 40 million
species of bird,
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,369
even one day of working
under me
00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:22,371
will make you apex geniuses
down there.
00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:23,894
Now hop into these
pneumatic canisters
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,593
they used to use at bank
drive-thrus in the '70s.
00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,560
What the...
Hey! Who's tractor beaming me?!
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,562
Nobody tractor beams me --
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:42,870
Nobody descrambles my tractor
beam scrambler to boot.
00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:47,831
Sorry for
the tractor beaming,
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,051
but did you lose
these two crows?
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,183
Oh, uh, yeah, no
I-I dropped 'em off 'cause
00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:53,881
I-I can't hold
a candle to them.
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:56,231
Y'know it s-seemed like
a -- the decent thing to do.
00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,668
Be your crows.
Train yourself.
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:00,278
Crows are then trained.
00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:02,106
I'm open to what
you're describing if it's easier
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,456
than wiping an unearned smirk
off my grandson's face.
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,894
-W-What do I do?
-Look at your crows.
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,417
Be your crows.
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:09,853
God I am so glad
I'm a primate.
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:12,595
Fine.
Looking at my crows.
00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:14,858
We train ourselves
to stop training.
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:18,383
The trained are untrained,
we are untrained.
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,603
All training is complete.
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,866
Because no training
was needed.
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:40,101
My God.
I-I get it, now.
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:43,887
We are gonna shove this crow
shit down Morty's throat!
00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,585
Nick, m-maybe
this isn't a good idea.
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,412
L-Like what if
he catches us?
00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,414
He could trap me in
-a Matrix again.
-Listen to yourself.
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,068
We wouldn't even be
in this situation
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:54,245
if the dude hadn't
fucked us both over.
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:55,638
Damn it.
He must be showing the gun off
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,727
to his stupid crows --
i-it's not fair!
00:09:57,771 --> 00:10:00,730
It's okay, we can still liberate
all this other stuff.
00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:02,732
Let's only grab
what we need, though.
00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,429
Oh, no. Shit.
That's Rick's can crusher!
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,083
H-He spent three weeks
perfecting that.
00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:09,086
Morty, buddy, you forget
that we're in this together.
00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:11,828
Besides, tell me that didn't
feel the slightest bit good.
00:10:11,872 --> 00:10:14,178
I mean yeah, but w-we
can't do that again.
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:15,832
Why the hell not?
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:20,532
Whoa!
00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:22,926
Haha!
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:24,493
Here we go, bitch!
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:26,930
Son, have you fallen in
with a weird stranger
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:29,846
and are now trashing
your grandpa's place?
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:32,675
'Cause I'll help!
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,851
Dad?
Psh, whatever, man.
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,940
Ah. Yeah!
Yeah!
Now eat my ass, Rick!
00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:39,639
Suck it, Sanchez!
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,118
Morty, is that
what I think it is?
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,859
I mean, it's the equivalent
of an iPhone 3
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:46,123
And it's empty but it means
the Portal Boys be portal-ing!
00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:47,516
Rick incoming.
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:48,952
Oh, crap,
we better skedaddle!
00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,475
Moooooorty.
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:52,129
But what about my dad,
he-he's like a-a...
00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:53,653
-puddle.
-You heard the garage,
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,306
Rick'll turn him back
into a solid when he gets here!
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:56,873
Sorry, Dad,
gotta go be heroes.
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,832
G-Gonna take your car,
love you!
00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,709
That's us down there
with the poop brown roof.
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:18,242
-What is that?
-Oh. Ha. That?
00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:19,722
T-That's...nothing.
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:22,725
But I see "Two Crows"
written right here beside...
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:26,207
Gene with donkey brains,
half a Paul Giamatti, and...
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,687
sentient shit.
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:30,341
I guess the "joke" being
that crows are stupid?
00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:32,169
I think it's a little more
nuanced than that.
00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:33,605
Right,
because you just learned
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,564
empathy from us
10 minutes ago
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:38,045
but now we're going to learn
we don't get your humor?
00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:39,524
Fucking horse shit.
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,396
Yeah, there's not a ton
to "get," genius,
00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:44,704
the "joke" is your grandson
was so replaceable
00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:47,271
that "even"
two crows could do it.
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:49,186
Haha.
It's funny except it's not.
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,885
Right, well, to be honest,
that is how I felt at the time.
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,408
But I've-I've
rounded a corner.
00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:55,018
I seriously have,
you guys.
00:11:55,062 --> 00:12:00,589
Well, now it's time to
round the corner of death!
00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:04,027
Let the crow-volutionbegin.
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,376
Aah!
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,378
Aw, that sound.
What have you done?
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:12,079
Turned crows against dozens
of humans in a 300 meter radius.
00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,558
Heeeelllllp...
pleaseee...
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:15,560
Oh, now
you beg for help?
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,388
-That wasn't me.
-What do you mean?
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,042
Dooooown here.
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,870
Jerry, what the fuck?
Why are you a puddle?
00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:22,785
You don't deserve these!
00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,221
-Haha.
-Genius.
00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:26,789
Caaatch you at
a baaad time?
Yeah, Jerry.
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,617
They took my
goddamn crows!
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:35,015
Not now, Garbage Goober!
Get back in your hole!
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:40,629
Hohoho,
our first adventure!
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,109
This definitely the place?
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:43,763
Yeah, Rick's been ripping
these guys off for years,
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,113
they'll-they'll be really -
00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:47,810
uh, grateful.
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,594
Y'know, there --Let's just get that fluid, bud.
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:53,555
The Portal Boys are about
to be in portal business!
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:56,645
Here he is.
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,821
This rat was skimming
your crystal harvest
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:02,303
and sending it to a spaceman
named Rick Sanchez.
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,435
-Bastard!
-Screw Rick! Kick his dick!
00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:09,484
Yeah, right?! But me and Nick
here, we-we put a stop to that.
00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:11,965
The people of Kuntak
thank you.
00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:13,444
He's a bad guy, right?
00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:14,924
Y-You're gonna bring him
to justice?
00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:17,797
Yeah, of course.
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,929
Uh, okay, p-pleasure
doing business!
00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,452
Not so fast,
Morty.
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,367
We're not leaving until we get
what we came for.
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:24,847
Funny,
I'm prepared to.
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,154
So hey, look, wh-what we want
is portal fluid.
00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:28,808
As our thanks.
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,548
Portal fluid?
00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:33,638
You think I'd live in a lizard
mine if I had portal fluid?
00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:37,468
Right, ok, or we could just
kill you for it.
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,383
He's kidding.
He's -- t-the Portal Boys
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,733
-only kill with kindness.
-And with guns.
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:45,302
Oh, no. Oh, no.
I-I'm not the one shooting!
00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:47,652
-Kill them!
-I'm sorry.
00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:51,831
Stop! Stop!
They're unarmed!
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,180
Ahh!
What the fuck?!
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,835
Morty! Morty!
00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:05,670
Cool place ya got here. Very
Dark Crystal meets Hot Topic.
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:07,324
Now where are my damn crows?
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:11,981
Seriously?
00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:14,375
Is there anything
not on theme here?
00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:27,692
Even now your primate storms our
ship to assert his dominance.
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:30,391
Touch the sacred egg
and ascend.
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:33,394
No longer shall you
take orders from this beast.
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:35,178
But taking orders from you
i-is fine?
00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,876
Silence, Ape!
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,358
C'mon, if you think my crows
are gonna leave the great thing
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:43,883
we have for whatever high
fantasy bullshit this is?
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,886
You 're wrong.
R-Right, guys?
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,888
Th-This is seriously a toss-up.
00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:52,543
Uh...someone wanna get that?
00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:53,893
Oh.
It's me, isn't it?
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,242
Woof.
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,939
Lemme just make sure
it's not an emergency...
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,550
-Yello.
-Rick, I'm so sorry,
I-I messed up big!
00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:01,770
Morty? It's okay, y-ya can't be
worse off than me.
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,293
I-I got portal splashed,
robbed you,
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,773
jumped into a rebound
with a psycho,
00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:06,209
and-and left
a trail of dead!
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:07,471
Wow,
somebody's been busy.
00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:08,908
I-I did it 'cause
you hurt my feelings
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,257
w-when you chose
the two crows!
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,302
Jesus, it was a bit,
I'm getting my ass kicked
00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,957
by this dumb fucking crow story,
it's all gone tits up.
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:18,395
Ha, okay,
I-I miss you, man.
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:21,094
Uh, goddamn it, might've been
a bit too frank there.
00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:30,842
Yeah...
gonna have to call ya back.
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,061
Ahh!
Gah!
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,063
Tiny-handed little brat --
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:36,587
You think you can fuck
with me and get away with it?!
00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:46,989
Then you don't know Nick.
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,992
Busted.
You don't get it, do you?
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,776
As long as we have
these portals,
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,256
you can never escape me.
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:54,649
What the hell, man.
00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,259
I-I thought we were both
victims of Rick's abuse.
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:57,782
Maybe we are,
maybe we're not.
00:15:57,826 --> 00:15:59,523
Maybe we both just drink
at the same bar
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:02,265
and maybe one night
I tried to take his portal gun.
00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:04,702
See I thought Rick was my ticket
to something special,
00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:06,704
but it turns out
you were, Morty.
00:16:06,748 --> 00:16:09,881
And look at me now --
I'm a Portal Boy.
00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:12,362
That name sucks!
I was just trying to yes-and!
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:15,017
You don't get it, Morty.
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,540
We're partners.
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:18,803
Now fall in line or I'll make
your life a living hell.
00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:21,284
No...thank...you.
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:24,505
Pity, I can't have you connected
to me if you're not on my side.
00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:26,463
That means
I gotta kill you.
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,639
The thing is,
I already got a partner,
00:16:28,683 --> 00:16:30,902
and there's no room
for promotions.
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,733
What the fuck
did you just do?
00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:37,779
Cut you out of my life.
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:47,963
Ahhh!
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,537
See how quickly your allies
abandon you, Rick Sanchez?
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,192
Lucky for me, abandonment's my
bread and butter.
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,546
Oh, shit.
You were supposed to die!
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:07,026
I gotta hand it to you...
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,854
I was iffy about this one
but crow tech slaps!
00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,035
Finish him,
you fools!
00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:17,384
Go ahead.
Do it.
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:18,863
You guys look so rad.
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,778
I deserve to go out this way!
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:30,527
Bird...qua...luudes.
-Done.
00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:36,055
Oh, my god, that was awesome.
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,795
Y-You could've killed me
back there.
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,276
H-How did you guys
ever forgive me?
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,712
Right,
'cause this toxic thing
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,540
I have with Morty
doesn't define us.
00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:48,371
Man, crows are empathetic
as fuck!
00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,156
Definitely saving this one!
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:54,421
Rick and two crows!
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,209
Oh, my god, Morty.
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,559
Here, here come here
l-let-let grandpa fix you up,
00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:04,779
What do you want, a robot hand?
A lizard hand?
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,389
I can make it big again
like that one time?
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:07,738
Just my regular hand!
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:10,089
Right, not a time for bits,
I get it.
00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:14,397
There ya go,
good as new.
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,747
So we're like,
back-back, right?
00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:18,140
Rick and Morty,
together again.
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:20,925
Fu-Full reset?
No.
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,492
No, Morty,
I think we're done.
00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,407
Be-Because I spilled the portal
fluid and didn't tell you?
00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:26,931
No, Morty. 'Cause you were too
afraid to tell me.
00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:28,759
What we had was abusive.
Don't you see?
00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:31,414
I'm a bad partner because I
never made you a true partner.
00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:33,024
The crows made me see that.
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,809
I thought they were a joke
like you,
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,593
but it turns out they're more
enlightened than any of us.
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,943
O-Okay?
And-And what's the undercut?
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,597
You're not hearing me.
00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:42,817
I will never be the same so I
need to leave with the crows
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:44,601
and see what more
they can teach me.
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:47,126
Oh. Oh.
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:50,955
Here,
I want you to have this.
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:53,262
Oh, wow I...
00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:56,439
You know what, Rick?
You really have changed.
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:59,442
Thanks, Morty.
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,270
I'll always be your grandpa,
Morty.
00:19:01,314 --> 00:19:03,751
Just kinda obsessed
with crows now.
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:19,158
♪ Every day
the sun burns brighter ♪
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:23,640
♪ With you by my side
00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:27,557
♪ And that we go on forever
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:33,084
♪ Together you and I
00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:35,086
Aww shit!
Rick and two crows!
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,523
Kicking off my new franchise!
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,177
The galaxy is
our telephone wire!
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,352
We'll do a thousand seasons,
00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,745
14 episodes each,
9-9 seconds a pop
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:43,225
because that's
the future of viewing --
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:45,184
shows on your shoes --
Sneaki!
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:46,489
That's when you've got
everybody's attention --
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,012
when they're putting crap
on their feet.
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,710
That's when they wanna laugh.
Cry.
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,016
Or feel anything besides
a shoe going on their foot!
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,670
Watch sitcoms on your sneakers!
00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:55,237
The Rick and Two Crows Show,
00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:57,326
we're gonna be layin' --
layin' walnuts on the road
00:19:57,370 --> 00:20:00,199
for car tires to open em'
you know what I mean?
00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:04,203
Forever, it's Rick
and two crows, forever!
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,902
♪ Oh, we go on
00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:10,209
♪ You by my side
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,254
♪ Forever
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:13,777
♪ You and I
00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:16,258
♪ We wreaked hell
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:18,521
♪ Every night
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,393
♪ Together
00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:22,569
♪ You and I
00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:24,571
♪ Running on
00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,529
♪ Borrowed time
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,575
♪ Forever
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,968
♪ You and I
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,718
Where do you think
you're going?
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,285
Oh, well, ya know...
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:45,156
the-the red light
usually means there's...
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,549
garbage...
00:20:46,593 --> 00:20:48,290
Did you seriously
not talk to Rick yet?
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:49,596
I kinda hinted at it.
00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:51,075
L-Look,
I know it's not the job
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,121
I came here for but
it's an honest living.
00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,427
Goddamn it, Harold.
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,559
What do they call you --
Garbage Goober?
00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,561
You are a doctor
for god sakes!
00:20:58,605 --> 00:21:00,302
Look, I don't know
how I let this happen
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:03,784
but I-I've let it play out
so long that I can't stop now.
00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:06,569
You're a coward.
00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:08,919
You're right.
This ends here and now.
00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:11,574
Garbage Goober, we got
freshy trash trash for ya!
00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:15,796
Extra stinky just the way
you like it!
00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:17,928
Mmm, trash,
I love trash...
00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:20,540
yum yum trash,
I wanna eat trash.
00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:22,977
Did you get any of that?
eng__SDH.srt
eng__SDH.srt
00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,141
But with the power vacuum
left by the heartless
00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:12,708
consumption of our dictator,
00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,840
we shall impose even
more Draconian cookie law,
00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,712
one be-cookieing at a time!
00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:19,845
Hah!
00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:21,499
Oh, thank you!
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,762
They took power immediately
after you and your grandpa left.
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,851
Err sorry about that,
Rick doesn't really do
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:28,202
'transition plans,'
I-I think he was just hungry.
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:31,422
Well, now with you here, perhaps
a new system of government?
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,598
King Morty --Sorry, look I gotta run,
00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:34,860
I-I'm sure
you guys'll figure it out,
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:39,082
I-I believe in you!
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,954
Morty! Can you help us
with this UFO-shaped hole?
00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:43,521
Sure, geez, but y'know
only because
00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:44,740
I was in
the neighborhood.
00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:49,353
[ Screaming ]
00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:51,051
Morty, thank God!
00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:53,705
The beast emerged right
after your grandpa left
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:57,535
and its gem went missing --Geez, that is
a crazy coincidence
00:00:57,579 --> 00:01:00,364
that I-I if I were you,
probably just best left alone.
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:02,366
He's right.
We-We should celebrate.
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:03,715
Feast?
No time.
00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:05,065
S-S-Sounds
pretty classic though,
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:06,762
don't let me hold you up!
00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:12,594
[ Gasps ] Son of a bitch.
He marked it.
00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,743
Ah!
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:33,354
Phew.
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:39,316
Hah.
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,796
What the --
00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:44,582
[ Grunting ]
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:45,801
Hey, what the hell?
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,281
Agh! Jesus!
00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:48,673
You got some of that green stuff
on you too, huh?
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:50,458
Th-Th-This is bad.
Th-This is really bad.
00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:52,242
Hey, how do you think
I feel?
00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:55,115
I had the ultimate stash hole
and now I got a kid in my thigh.
00:01:55,158 --> 00:02:27,277
♪
00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:29,453
Look, you seem like a perfectly
nice guy in my hand hole,
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,978
but if I can't sort this out
I'm dead --
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,632
What the hell, dude?
Gross.
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,721
I-I-I was just trying to... You're just trying to what?
00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:38,288
Where'd this stuff
come from?
00:02:38,332 --> 00:02:40,290
Garbage Goober, get out here
and eat this garbage.
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:43,815
Mmm, trash, I love trash,
yum yum trash,
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,991
I wanna eat trash --Hell yeah,
I love that lil guy.
00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:47,471
Wait a minute.
00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:49,995
Is that Mountain Dew in my
quantum transport solution?
00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:51,301
I-I saw you were marking
the levels
00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:53,521
so I-I had to top it off."Top it off?"
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:55,653
Do you know how dangerously
toxic this stuff is?
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,481
And you added it
to my portal fluid?!
00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:59,091
Only because
you don't trust me!
00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:00,484
Oh, that's great logic,
Morty --
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,660
forgive me for not doing
the kissy chef gesture
00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:04,314
since you probably spilled
this shit everywhere
00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:05,663
and I don't want
to teleport my lips.
00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,230
I did I did not spill it!
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,884
I won't take your word for that
and I shouldn't have to,
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,581
which is why
I have sidekick rules.
00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:12,322
If you can't follow them --
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,324
I can be replaced, yeah, yeah,
so you keep telling me.
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:16,848
Excuse me? Did you just try to
call my bluff?
00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:18,198
Have you ever seen me bluff?
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:19,547
Fine.
You know what, replace me!
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:21,201
Replace me, Rick!
Just do it.
00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:22,680
Good luck finding someone
that can be told
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,334
80 thousand times
how replaceable they are!
00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:27,032
Okay. I'll see your bluff call
and raise you reality.
00:03:27,076 --> 00:03:29,121
I can't pretend I haven't been
looking forward to this.
00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:31,559
Behold my Wheel of Better
Things Than Morty.
00:03:31,602 --> 00:03:34,039
Wh-What are you eight?
I-Is this macaroni art?
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:35,258
You expect me to believe
you built this
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:36,868
because you don't care?
00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,522
No, I built this because
I don't expect shit from you.
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,784
Come on, anything!
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,221
Anything but Morty,
let's go!
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,526
Come on baby,
no whammies!
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:43,962
Duh-duh-duh-duh stop!
00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:45,442
Okay, that's it.
Two crows.
00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,052
-You're fired!
-You know what? Eat shit.
00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:48,271
You're just trying
to make me feel worthless.
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,881
I never said
you're worthless.
00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:51,448
In fact, I've given you a very
clear metric of your worth:
00:03:51,492 --> 00:03:52,884
Two crows.
00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:54,712
Note I didn't say three!
00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,585
Man, that is not
a healthy relationship.
00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,543
I hope you don't mind me
eavesdropping.
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,805
Maybe we can figure out
some sort of
00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,546
sound-proof bandage solution.
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,896
Hey did Garbage Goober
eat my porno magazines?
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,550
So, were you like,
a friend of Rick's?
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,552
-Were you?
-Good question.
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:10,554
W-What's he doing, i-is
he out there making sure
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:12,817
you see him collecting
two crows?
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:15,080
And now you're thinking, gee,
maybe if he cares enough
00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:16,386
to hurt me this bad...
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,388
dot dot dot.
00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:19,650
Break the cycle, Morty.
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,913
Change the things
that you can change.
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:26,788
That's what I did.
And now I'm free.
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,920
Only cramming six years
into six minutes, fellas.
00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:33,621
Take your time!
00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:35,100
Now that's what
I'm talking about!
00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:36,928
If ya nail this next one,
I've got bird quaaludes.
00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,582
And I might even share.
00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:40,280
Y-You know you can stop
doing that for my benefit.
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,586
Y'know or-or keep doing it.
Doesn't matter. I'm out.
00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:44,936
-I'm walking away.
-Wait. Morty. Don't go.
00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,851
Not until you see this!
00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,984
Commence bird on a wire!
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:55,599
Yeeeeaaaahhhhh!
00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:58,123
[ Groans loudly ]
Jerk.
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,516
Hey, let's hang out.
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,518
We're like brothers now,
we both got away y'know,
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:02,867
w-where are you at?
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,216
Ooh, you know what,
shoot, can't.
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,610
I'm an alien, um, so --That's okay,
00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:07,959
Rick turned my bike
into a spaceship
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,613
for "solo adventures"
like picking up
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:11,136
his Venusian foot ointment.
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,138
God I'm seeing it
so clearly now.
00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:17,839
[ Switch clicks, whirring,
warbling ]
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,623
Oh. Wait.
I-It says here you're on Earth.
00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,799
Yeah. Ah.
Don't come here.
Why not?
00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,801
Look, I-I get it, my room
is sometimes messy too,
00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:26,456
I'll-I'll pick you up
right outside your...
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,850
-...mental asylum.
-Busted.
00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,460
You literally
said "I'm free."
00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:33,463
I'm literally not free.
00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:35,987
Stop!
That's my blanket!
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,380
How do you know Rick?
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:38,729
Look I came to your place
with him one night
00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:40,035
after the bar closed.
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:41,819
I started messing around
in your garage
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:44,648
and I spilled that portal stuff
on me and he...
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:46,694
kind of launched me
to Australia...
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:49,174
like with this weirdly
primitive catapult, but --
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:51,263
but the ammunition is
an airtight carbon chamber,
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:53,483
yeah, that-that -- that's how
we lost our cable guy.
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:55,485
Anyways, that kind of
experience shakes you up.
00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:59,663
So, sorry I misled you,
have a nice life.
00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:01,535
Nick.
You got a visitor.
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:10,282
Damn,
what happened to you?
00:06:10,326 --> 00:06:12,502
The guards like to beat us
on Sundays.
00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,939
Still better
-than Mondays.
-Geez, what happens then?
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,854
They lick our faces
when we're tied down.
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,421
-Plus it's meat loaf day.
-Well...
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,205
-you're leaving now, buddy.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,033
I-I swiped 'em off the guard
on my way in.
00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:25,602
I-I mean, sure, yeah, I could
undo my lock, but then what?
00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:27,430
After the smartest guy
in the world's done with ya,
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:28,953
it's kinda hard
to find a footing again.
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,390
That's why I need
to get you out of here.
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,087
We're not
the problem, he is.
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:36,918
And if you can have a fresh
start, then maybe I can too.
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,223
It's not like
it's a prison break.
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,703
We're just leaving, like,
a hospital
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,226
that wants to help you
extra bad.
00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:44,708
Follow me!
00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:47,755
Hey get back here,
you better open this door!
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:52,237
I can fly!
Keep running, Nick.
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:54,457
The more you sweat,
the saltier your cheeks.
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,241
-Lick this!
-Thanks, Morty.
00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:59,941
That dude's got a tongue
like a cat.
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:01,421
Stop those Portal Boys!
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:04,424
Did you hear that?
That's gonna stick!
00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:06,556
[ Groans ]
Damn.
Just like Jackie Chan!
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,732
Hah! I guess that makes me
Chris Tucker.
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:10,386
I-I guess?
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:13,084
[ Shocks ][ Groans ]
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,782
Gonna get you!
[ Growls ]
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,484
[ Gags ]
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:22,920
[ Moans ]
00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,487
Holy shit!
Did you see that?
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:25,923
I mean you blinded a guy
with puke!
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,142
Oh, it was insane.
00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,970
-Gimme dap.
-Am I doing it right?
00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,362
D-D-Did
I give you a dap yet?
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:31,755
Look at us.
We got out.
00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,931
And not just from the asylum
but from Rick.
00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:36,281
You get to say
what an adventure is now.
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:37,674
You still got that list?
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,328
Dude, we can't do that stuff
without Rick's tech.
00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:44,464
Then it's time the Portal Boys
get themselves a portal gun.
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:45,813
Remember your training,
crows.
00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:47,858
The idol should be
around that corner!
00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:52,950
[ Vocalizing ]
00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:54,517
[ Crows caw ]
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,301
Do you guys just follow training
when you feel like it?
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,608
That's not being trained,
that's being dicks.
00:07:58,652 --> 00:08:00,131
[ Caws ]
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:02,830
Ah, now I see.
The real treasure is empathy.
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:05,049
And that's worth way
more than any knick-knack.
00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:08,966
You guys just earned yourselves
another adventure!
00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:10,490
The adventure is,
you're fired.
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,492
Sorry, guys, if I wanted
another bleeding heart,
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:15,625
I'd inject reanimator serum into
an actual bleeding heart.
00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,322
Relax,
this is an avian planet
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:18,976
with 40 million
species of bird,
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,369
even one day of working
under me
00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:22,371
will make you apex geniuses
down there.
00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:23,894
Now hop into these
pneumatic canisters
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,593
they used to use at bank
drive-thrus in the '70s.
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,640
[ Air hisses ][ Pew, pew ]
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:32,250
[ Sighs ]
00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:35,384
♪
00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,560
What the...
Hey! Who's tractor beaming me?!
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,562
Nobody tractor beams me --
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:42,870
Nobody descrambles my tractor
beam scrambler to boot.
00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:47,831
Sorry for
the tractor beaming,
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,051
but did you lose
these two crows?
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,183
Oh, uh, yeah, no
I-I dropped 'em off 'cause
00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:53,881
I-I can't hold
a candle to them.
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:56,231
Y'know it s-seemed like
a -- the decent thing to do.
00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,668
Be your crows.
Train yourself.
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:00,278
Crows are then trained.
00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:02,106
I'm open to what
you're describing if it's easier
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,456
than wiping an unearned smirk
off my grandson's face.
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,894
-W-What do I do?
-Look at your crows.
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,417
Be your crows.
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:09,853
God I am so glad
I'm a primate.
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:12,595
Fine.
Looking at my crows.
00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:14,858
We train ourselves
to stop training.
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:18,383
The trained are untrained,
we are untrained.
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,603
All training is complete.
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,866
Because no training
was needed.
00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:38,055
♪
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:40,101
My God.
I-I get it, now.
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:43,887
We are gonna shove this crow
shit down Morty's throat!
00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,585
Nick, m-maybe
this isn't a good idea.
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,412
L-Like what if
he catches us?
00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,414
He could trap me in
-a Matrix again.
-Listen to yourself.
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,068
We wouldn't even be
in this situation
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:54,245
if the dude hadn't
fucked us both over.
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:55,638
Damn it.
He must be showing the gun off
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,727
to his stupid crows --
i-it's not fair!
00:09:57,771 --> 00:10:00,730
It's okay, we can still liberate
all this other stuff.
00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:02,732
Let's only grab
what we need, though.
00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,429
Oh, no. Shit.
That's Rick's can crusher!
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,083
H-He spent three weeks
perfecting that.
00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:09,086
Morty, buddy, you forget
that we're in this together.
00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:11,828
Besides, tell me that didn't
feel the slightest bit good.
00:10:11,872 --> 00:10:14,178
I mean yeah, but w-we
can't do that again.
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:15,832
Why the hell not?
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:20,532
Whoa!
00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:22,926
Haha!
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:24,493
Here we go, bitch!
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:26,930
Son, have you fallen in
with a weird stranger
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:29,846
and are now trashing
your grandpa's place?
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:32,675
'Cause I'll help!
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,851
Dad?
Psh, whatever, man.
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,940
Ah. Yeah!
Yeah!
Now eat my ass, Rick!
00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:39,639
Suck it, Sanchez!
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,118
Morty, is that
what I think it is?
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,859
I mean, it's the equivalent
of an iPhone 3
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:46,123
And it's empty but it means
the Portal Boys be portal-ing!
00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:47,516
[ Robotic voice ]
Rick incoming.
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:48,952
Oh, crap,
we better skedaddle!
00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,475
[ Babbling ]
Moooooorty.
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:52,129
But what about my dad,
he-he's like a-a...
00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:53,653
-puddle.
-You heard the garage,
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,306
Rick'll turn him back
into a solid when he gets here!
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:56,873
Sorry, Dad,
gotta go be heroes.
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,832
G-Gonna take your car,
love you!
00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,709
That's us down there
with the poop brown roof.
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:15,675
[ Wah, wah, wah ]
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:18,242
-What is that?
-Oh. Ha. That?
00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:19,722
T-That's...nothing.
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:22,725
But I see "Two Crows"
written right here beside...
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:26,207
Gene with donkey brains,
half a Paul Giamatti, and...
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,687
sentient shit.
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:30,341
I guess the "joke" being
that crows are stupid?
00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:32,169
I think it's a little more
nuanced than that.
00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:33,605
Right,
because you just learned
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,564
empathy from us
10 minutes ago
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:38,045
but now we're going to learn
we don't get your humor?
00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:39,524
Fucking horse shit.
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,396
Yeah, there's not a ton
to "get," genius,
00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:44,704
the "joke" is your grandson
was so replaceable
00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:47,271
that "even"
two crows could do it.
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:49,186
Haha.
It's funny except it's not.
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,885
Right, well, to be honest,
that is how I felt at the time.
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,408
But I've-I've
rounded a corner.
00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:55,018
I seriously have,
you guys.
00:11:55,062 --> 00:12:00,589
Well, now it's time to
round the corner of death!
00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:04,027
Let the crow-volutionbegin.
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,376
Aah!
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,378
Aw, that sound.
What have you done?
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:12,079
Turned crows against dozens
of humans in a 300 meter radius.
00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,558
Jerry: Heeeelllllp...
pleaseee...
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:15,560
Oh, now
you beg for help?
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,388
-That wasn't me.
-What do you mean?
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,042
Dooooown here.
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,870
Jerry, what the fuck?
Why are you a puddle?
00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:22,785
You don't deserve these!
00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,221
-Haha.
-Genius.
00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:26,789
Caaatch you at
a baaad time?
Yeah, Jerry.
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,617
They took my
goddamn crows!
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:35,015
Not now, Garbage Goober!
Get back in your hole!
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:40,629
Hohoho,
our first adventure!
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,109
This definitely the place?
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:43,763
Yeah, Rick's been ripping
these guys off for years,
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,113
they'll-they'll be really --[ Distant yell ]
00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:47,810
uh, grateful.
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,594
Y'know, there --Let's just get that fluid, bud.
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:53,555
The Portal Boys are about
to be in portal business!
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:56,645
Here he is.
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,821
This rat was skimming
your crystal harvest
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:02,303
and sending it to a spaceman
named Rick Sanchez.
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,435
-Bastard!
-Screw Rick! Kick his dick!
00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:09,484
Yeah, right?! But me and Nick
here, we-we put a stop to that.
00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:11,965
The people of Kuntak
thank you.
00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:13,444
He's a bad guy, right?
00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:14,924
Y-You're gonna bring him
to justice?
00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:17,797
Yeah, of course.
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,929
Uh, okay, p-pleasure
doing business!
00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,452
Not so fast,
Morty.
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,367
We're not leaving until we get
what we came for.
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:24,847
Funny,
I'm prepared to.
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,154
So hey, look, wh-what we want
is portal fluid.
00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:28,808
As our thanks.
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,548
Portal fluid?
00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:33,638
You think I'd live in a lizard
mine if I had portal fluid?
00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:37,468
Right, ok, or we could just
kill you for it.
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,383
He's kidding.
He's -- t-the Portal Boys
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,733
-only kill with kindness.
-And with guns.
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:45,302
Oh, no. Oh, no.
I-I'm not the one shooting!
00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:47,652
-Kill them!
-I'm sorry.
00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:51,831
Stop! Stop!
They're unarmed!
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,180
Ahh!
What the fuck?!
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,835
Morty! Morty!
00:13:55,878 --> 00:14:02,667
♪
00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:05,670
Cool place ya got here. Very
Dark Crystal meets Hot Topic.
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:07,324
Now where are my damn crows?
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:10,327
♪
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:11,981
[ Crow alarm blares ]
Seriously?
00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:14,375
Is there anything
not on theme here?
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:23,166
♪
00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:27,692
Even now your primate storms our
ship to assert his dominance.
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:30,391
Touch the sacred egg
and ascend.
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:33,394
No longer shall you
take orders from this beast.
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:35,178
But taking orders from you
i-is fine?
00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,876
Silence, Ape!
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,358
C'mon, if you think my crows
are gonna leave the great thing
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:43,883
we have for whatever high
fantasy bullshit this is?
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,886
You 're wrong.
R-Right, guys?
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,888
Th-This is seriously a toss-up.
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:50,280
[ Phone rings ]
00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:52,543
Uh...someone wanna get that?
00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:53,893
Oh.
It's me, isn't it?
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,242
Woof.
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,939
Lemme just make sure
it's not an emergency...
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,550
-Yello.
-Rick, I'm so sorry,
I-I messed up big!
00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:01,770
Morty? It's okay, y-ya can't be
worse off than me.
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,293
I-I got portal splashed,
robbed you,
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,773
jumped into a rebound
with a psycho,
00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:06,209
and-and left
a trail of dead!
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:07,471
Wow,
somebody's been busy.
00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:08,908
I-I did it 'cause
you hurt my feelings
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,257
w-when you chose
the two crows!
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,302
Jesus, it was a bit,
I'm getting my ass kicked
00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,957
by this dumb fucking crow story,
it's all gone tits up.
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:18,395
Ha, okay,
I-I miss you, man.
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:21,094
Uh, goddamn it, might've been
a bit too frank there.
00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:30,842
Yeah...
gonna have to call ya back.
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,061
Ahh!
Nick: Gah!
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,063
Tiny-handed little brat --
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:36,587
You think you can fuck
with me and get away with it?!
00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:46,989
[ Tires squealing ]
Then you don't know Nick.
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,992
Busted.
You don't get it, do you?
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,776
As long as we have
these portals,
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,256
you can never escape me.
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:54,649
What the hell, man.
00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,259
I-I thought we were both
victims of Rick's abuse.
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:57,782
Maybe we are,
maybe we're not.
00:15:57,826 --> 00:15:59,523
Maybe we both just drink
at the same bar
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:02,265
and maybe one night
I tried to take his portal gun.
00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:04,702
See I thought Rick was my ticket
to something special,
00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:06,704
but it turns out
you were, Morty.
00:16:06,748 --> 00:16:09,881
And look at me now --
I'm a Portal Boy.
00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:12,362
That name sucks!
I was just trying to yes-and!
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:15,017
You don't get it, Morty.
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,540
We're partners.
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:18,803
Now fall in line or I'll make
your life a living hell.
00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:21,284
No...thank...you.
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:24,505
Pity, I can't have you connected
to me if you're not on my side.
00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:26,463
That means
I gotta kill you.
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,639
The thing is,
I already got a partner,
00:16:28,683 --> 00:16:30,902
and there's no room
for promotions.
00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:34,036
[ Both yelling ]
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,733
What the fuck
did you just do?
00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:37,779
Cut you out of my life.
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:47,963
Ahhh!
[ Grunts ]
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:53,316
[ Beeps ][ Whoosh ]
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,537
See how quickly your allies
abandon you, Rick Sanchez?
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,192
Lucky for me, abandonment's my
bread and butter.
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,546
Oh, shit.
You were supposed to die!
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:07,026
I gotta hand it to you...
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,854
I was iffy about this one
but crow tech slaps!
00:17:09,898 --> 00:17:14,337
♪
00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,035
Finish him,
you fools!
00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:17,384
Go ahead.
Do it.
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:18,863
You guys look so rad.
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,778
I deserve to go out this way!
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:30,527
-Crows: Bird...qua...luudes.
-Done.
00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:34,270
♪
00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:36,055
Oh, my god, that was awesome.
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,795
Y-You could've killed me
back there.
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,276
H-How did you guys
ever forgive me?
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,712
Right,
'cause this toxic thing
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,540
I have with Morty
doesn't define us.
00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:48,371
Man, crows are empathetic
as fuck!
00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,156
Definitely saving this one!
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:54,421
Rick and two crows!
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,209
Oh, my god, Morty.
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,559
Here, here come here
l-let-let grandpa fix you up,
00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:04,779
What do you want, a robot hand?
A lizard hand?
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,389
I can make it big again
like that one time?
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:07,738
Just my regular hand!
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:10,089
Right, not a time for bits,
I get it.
00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:14,397
There ya go,
good as new.
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,747
So we're like,
back-back, right?
00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:18,140
Rick and Morty,
together again.
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:20,925
Fu-Full reset?
No.
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,492
No, Morty,
I think we're done.
00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,407
Be-Because I spilled the portal
fluid and didn't tell you?
00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:26,931
No, Morty. 'Cause you were too
afraid to tell me.
00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:28,759
What we had was abusive.
Don't you see?
00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:31,414
I'm a bad partner because I
never made you a true partner.
00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:33,024
The crows made me see that.
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,809
I thought they were a joke
like you,
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,593
but it turns out they're more
enlightened than any of us.
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,943
O-Okay?
And-And what's the undercut?
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,597
You're not hearing me.
00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:42,817
I will never be the same so I
need to leave with the crows
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:44,601
and see what more
they can teach me.
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:47,126
Oh. Oh.
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:50,955
Here,
I want you to have this.
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:53,262
Oh, wow I...
00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:56,439
You know what, Rick?
You really have changed.
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:59,442
Thanks, Morty.
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,270
I'll always be your grandpa,
Morty.
00:19:01,314 --> 00:19:03,751
Just kinda obsessed
with crows now.
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:15,197
♪
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:19,158
♪ Every day
the sun burns brighter ♪
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:23,640
♪ With you by my side
00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:27,557
♪ And that we go on forever
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:33,084
♪ Together you and I
00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:35,086
Aww shit!
Rick and two crows!
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,523
Kicking off my new franchise!
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,177
The galaxy is
our telephone wire!
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,352
We'll do a thousand seasons,
00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,745
14 episodes each,
9-9 seconds a pop
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:43,225
because that's
the future of viewing --
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:45,184
shows on your shoes --
Sneaki!
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:46,489
That's when you've got
everybody's attention --
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,012
when they're putting crap
on their feet.
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,710
That's when they wanna laugh.
Cry.
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,016
Or feel anything besides
a shoe going on their foot!
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,670
Watch sitcoms on your sneakers!
00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:55,237
The Rick and Two Crows Show,
00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:57,326
we're gonna be layin' --
layin' walnuts on the road
00:19:57,370 --> 00:20:00,199
for car tires to open em'
you know what I mean?
00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:04,203
Forever, it's Rick
and two crows, forever!
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:05,856
♪
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,902
♪ Oh, we go on
00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:10,209
♪ You by my side
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,254
♪ Forever
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:13,777
♪ You and I
00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:16,258
♪ We wreaked hell
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:18,521
♪ Every night
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,393
♪ Together
00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:22,569
♪ You and I
00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:24,571
♪ Running on
00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,529
♪ Borrowed time
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,575
♪ Forever
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,968
♪ You and I
00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:39,281
♪
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,718
[ Gasps ]
Where do you think
you're going?
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,285
Oh, well, ya know...
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:45,156
the-the red light
usually means there's...
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,549
garbage...
00:20:46,593 --> 00:20:48,290
Did you seriously
not talk to Rick yet?
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:49,596
I kinda hinted at it.
00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:51,075
L-Look,
I know it's not the job
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,121
I came here for but
it's an honest living.
00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,427
Goddamn it, Harold.
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,559
What do they call you --
Garbage Goober?
00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,561
You are a doctor
for god sakes!
00:20:58,605 --> 00:21:00,302
Look, I don't know
how I let this happen
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:03,784
but I-I've let it play out
so long that I can't stop now.
00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:06,569
You're a coward.
00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:08,919
You're right.
This ends here and now.
00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:11,574
Garbage Goober, we got
freshy trash trash for ya!
00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:15,796
Extra stinky just the way
you like it!
00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:17,928
Mmm, trash,
I love trash...
00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:20,540
yum yum trash,
I wanna eat trash.
00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:22,977
Man:
Did you get any of that?
rus__Rus.srt
rus__Rus.srt
00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,141
Из-за вакуума власти, оставленного безжалостным
00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:12,708
поеданием нашего диктатора,
00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,840
мы введем еще более драконовский закон о печенье,
00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,712
одна готовка за другой!
00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:21,499
О, спасибо!
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,782
Они захватили власть сразу после того,
как вы с дедушкой ушли.
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,851
Эээ, извините за это, Рик на самом деле не занимается
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:28,202
«планами перехода», я-я думаю, он просто был голоден.
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:31,422
Что ж, теперь с вами здесь, возможно
будет новая система правления?
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,598
- Король Морти...
- Простите, надо бежать.
00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:34,880
Думаю, вы тут разберётесь,
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,104
я верю в вас!
00:00:39,176 --> 00:00:42,019
Морти, ты поможешь нам
с этой дырой в форме НЛО?
00:00:42,099 --> 00:00:44,776
Блин, конечно, но только потому что
я мимо пролетал.
00:00:49,529 --> 00:00:51,141
Морти, слава богу!
00:00:51,233 --> 00:00:55,649
Зверь появился сразу после ухода
твоего деда, а ещё у него кристалл пропал.
00:00:55,747 --> 00:00:57,861
Блин, какое безумное совпадение.
00:00:57,941 --> 00:01:00,559
Н-на вашем месте
я бы оставил всё как есть.
00:01:00,707 --> 00:01:02,579
Он прав. Надо отпраздновать.
00:01:02,659 --> 00:01:03,188
Пир?
00:01:03,268 --> 00:01:06,101
Нет времени. Но случай классический,
не буду задерживать.
00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,341
Сукин сын поставил метку.
00:01:28,741 --> 00:01:30,090
ОБНАРУЖЕНА СТРАННАЯ ЖИДКОСТЬ
00:01:30,833 --> 00:01:31,666
И ЭТО ХОРОШО
00:01:31,839 --> 00:01:32,947
Фух.
00:01:39,461 --> 00:01:40,294
Что за...
00:01:44,673 --> 00:01:46,079
Эй, какого чёрта?
00:01:46,444 --> 00:01:47,095
Господи!
00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:48,731
Ты тоже пролил на себя эту жижу?
00:01:48,811 --> 00:01:50,707
Плохо дело, очень плохо.
00:01:50,809 --> 00:01:51,736
А ты думаешь, каково мне?
00:01:51,816 --> 00:01:54,966
У меня была крутейшая дырка
для барахла, а теперь пацан в бедре.
00:02:23,324 --> 00:02:27,239
РИК И МОРТИ
00:02:27,319 --> 00:02:29,644
Слушай, ты вроде вполне нормальный
для чела из дырки в руке,
00:02:29,724 --> 00:02:32,204
но мне крышка, если я всё не исправлю.
00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:34,679
Что за хрень, блин? Гадость.
00:02:34,799 --> 00:02:36,639
- Я-я просто пытался...
- Что ты пытался?
00:02:36,936 --> 00:02:38,239
Откуда это барахло?
00:02:38,364 --> 00:02:40,479
Мусороглот, вылезай,
тут надо мусор съесть.
00:02:40,559 --> 00:02:42,719
М-м-м, мусор. Обожаю мусор.
00:02:42,799 --> 00:02:43,850
Ням-ням, мусор!
00:02:43,999 --> 00:02:45,769
- Обожаю этого малыша.
- Хочу есть мусор.
00:02:45,849 --> 00:02:47,164
Минуточку.
00:02:47,539 --> 00:02:50,169
В моём квантовом растворе
для перемещений «Маунтин Дью»?
00:02:50,249 --> 00:02:52,707
Я заметил, что ты пометил уровень,
и поэтому долил.
00:02:52,787 --> 00:02:55,699
Долил? Ты понимаешь, насколько
токсична и опасна эта дрянь?
00:02:55,779 --> 00:02:57,495
И ты долил её в мою портальную жидкость?
00:02:57,575 --> 00:02:59,060
Потому что ты не доверяешь мне.
00:02:59,140 --> 00:03:00,559
Безупречная логика, Морти.
00:03:00,719 --> 00:03:02,759
Прости, что не целую пальцы,
как шеф-повар,
00:03:02,839 --> 00:03:04,170
ведь ты по-любому тут всё
этой хренью уляпал,
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,499
не хочу телепортировать губы.
00:03:05,579 --> 00:03:07,130
Н-ничего я не уляпал.
00:03:07,210 --> 00:03:09,084
Я не верю тебе на слово, да и не должен,
00:03:09,164 --> 00:03:10,615
поэтому у меня есть правила напарников.
00:03:10,695 --> 00:03:11,885
Если ты их не выполняешь...
00:03:11,965 --> 00:03:14,354
...то меня можно заменить.
Слышал много раз.
00:03:14,434 --> 00:03:16,856
Прошу прощения, по-твоему, я блефую?
00:03:16,936 --> 00:03:18,239
Я хоть раз блефовал?
00:03:18,319 --> 00:03:21,139
Ладно, давай замени меня.
Замени меня, Рик. Давай!
00:03:21,219 --> 00:03:24,524
Найди того, кому можно тысячи раз
твердить, что его легко можно заменить.
00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:26,822
Я разгадаю твой блеф
и выведу тебя на чистую воду.
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,059
Не буду врать, что не ждал этого.
00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:32,019
Узри. «Колесо всего, что лучше Морти»!
00:03:32,099 --> 00:03:34,171
Тебе что, восемь лет?
Ты его из макарон сделал?
00:03:34,251 --> 00:03:36,589
Типа ты собрал его,
потому что тебе плевать?
00:03:36,669 --> 00:03:38,788
Я его собрал, потому что
ни хрена от тебя не жду.
00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:41,257
Давай, что угодно.
Что угодно, кроме Морти.
00:03:41,337 --> 00:03:43,999
Давай, детка. Крутим барабан.
И-и-и-и стоп!
00:03:44,079 --> 00:03:46,181
Вот и всё. Два ворона. Ты уволен.
00:03:46,289 --> 00:03:48,199
Пошёл ты в жопу, ты просто
выставляешь меня бесполезным.
00:03:48,279 --> 00:03:51,609
Я не говорил, что ты бесполезный.
Вообще, я дал точную меру пользы от тебя.
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:52,696
Два ворона.
00:03:52,959 --> 00:03:54,719
Заметь, не три!
00:03:54,879 --> 00:03:57,324
Блин, это нездоровые отношения.
00:03:57,656 --> 00:03:59,319
Ничего, что я подслушал?
00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:02,479
Возможно, мы придумаем какую-нибудь
звуконепроницаемую повязку.
00:04:02,559 --> 00:04:04,659
А Мусороглот что,
схавал мои порножурналы?
00:04:04,981 --> 00:04:06,581
А ты типа кто? Бывший друг Рика?
00:04:06,696 --> 00:04:08,559
- А ты?
- Хороший вопрос.
00:04:08,679 --> 00:04:09,428
Он что, делает так,
00:04:09,508 --> 00:04:12,719
чтобы ты точно увидел,
как он ловит двух воронов?
00:04:12,799 --> 00:04:14,124
А теперь ты думаешь,
00:04:14,204 --> 00:04:16,399
«вдруг ему не плевать,
раз он причиняет мне боль»?
00:04:16,479 --> 00:04:17,633
Многоточие.
00:04:18,524 --> 00:04:19,759
Разорви этот порочный круг.
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,896
Измени то, что можешь изменить.
00:04:22,056 --> 00:04:24,364
Лично я так и сделал. И теперь я свободен.
00:04:26,947 --> 00:04:30,707
Мы пытаемся впихнуть шесть лет обучения
в шесть минут. Не спешите.
00:04:33,736 --> 00:04:36,959
Другое дело! Если осилите следующее,
то у меня есть птичьи психоделики.
00:04:37,039 --> 00:04:38,189
Может, и поделюсь.
00:04:38,269 --> 00:04:40,331
Можешь перестать привлекать моё внимание.
00:04:40,411 --> 00:04:43,199
Или продолжай. Неважно.
С меня хватит, я ухожу.
00:04:43,301 --> 00:04:44,649
Погоди, Морти, не уходи.
00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:46,833
Зацени-ка!
00:04:46,981 --> 00:04:48,829
Давайте. Птички на проводах!
00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:54,456
Да-а!
00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:56,669
Козёл!
00:04:58,307 --> 00:05:00,581
Эй, давай затусим. Мы теперь как братья.
00:05:00,719 --> 00:05:02,769
Мы оба отделались от него. Где ты живёшь?
00:05:02,924 --> 00:05:06,136
Ой, блин, я не могу.
Я – пришелец, так что...
00:05:06,216 --> 00:05:09,336
Не беда, Рик замутил мне космовелик
для сольных приключений, например,
00:05:09,416 --> 00:05:11,209
чтобы добыть ему мазь для ног с Венеры.
00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:13,289
Боже, теперь всё понятно.
00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:19,599
Погоди, тут сказано, что ты на Земле.
00:05:19,679 --> 00:05:21,211
Ну да, только не прилетай.
00:05:21,291 --> 00:05:23,827
Почему? Да ничего, в моей комнате
тоже бывает бардак.
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,899
Я подберу тебя возле...
00:05:26,639 --> 00:05:27,949
психбольницы?
00:05:28,029 --> 00:05:30,593
Попался. Ты буквально сказал,
что свободен.
00:05:30,673 --> 00:05:31,873
Я буквально не свободен.
00:05:33,679 --> 00:05:35,610
Хватит! Это моё одеяло!
00:05:35,999 --> 00:05:37,099
Откуда ты знаешь Рика?
00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:39,907
Однажды я пришёл с ним
к вам домой после закрытия бара.
00:05:39,987 --> 00:05:44,619
Я начал заниматься фигнёй в гараже,
пролил на себя эту портальную дрянь,
00:05:44,699 --> 00:05:46,749
и он запустил меня в Австралию
00:05:46,829 --> 00:05:48,999
с помощью странной
примитивной катапульты...
00:05:49,079 --> 00:05:50,170
- Её снаряды...
- Её снаряды...
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:51,450
...это герметичные углеродные камеры.
00:05:51,530 --> 00:05:53,530
Да, так мы лишились своего кабельщика.
00:05:53,610 --> 00:05:55,610
Такие ситуации оставляют след в психике.
00:05:56,029 --> 00:05:58,329
Прости, что обманул тебя.
Желаю хорошей жизни.
00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:01,484
Ник. К тебе пришли.
00:06:08,753 --> 00:06:10,226
Блин, что с тобой сделали?
00:06:10,306 --> 00:06:12,606
По воскресеньям
надзиратели любят нас избивать,
00:06:12,707 --> 00:06:13,896
но это лучше понедельников.
00:06:13,976 --> 00:06:14,939
Блин, и что они делают?
00:06:15,019 --> 00:06:16,741
Связывают и лижут нам лица.
00:06:16,989 --> 00:06:18,010
А ещё в этот день подают мясной рулет.
00:06:18,090 --> 00:06:19,531
Что ж… Пора на выход, приятель.
00:06:19,611 --> 00:06:20,365
Эй-эй-эй!
00:06:20,445 --> 00:06:22,125
Спёр у надзирателя по дороге сюда.
00:06:22,205 --> 00:06:25,656
Да, я смогу снять наручники, но что потом?
00:06:25,747 --> 00:06:29,059
Тяжело снова встать на ноги после того,
как умнейший человек в мире кинул тебя.
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:32,159
Поэтому я вытащу тебя отсюда.
Проблема не в нас, а в нём.
00:06:32,269 --> 00:06:35,016
И если ты можешь начать с чистого листа,
то и я смогу.
00:06:37,089 --> 00:06:38,387
Это даже побегом назвать нельзя.
00:06:38,467 --> 00:06:41,219
Мы просто уходим из больницы, которая,
ну, перестаралась с помощью.
00:06:41,299 --> 00:06:42,593
За мной.
00:06:44,753 --> 00:06:46,099
Эй! А ну, стоять!
00:06:46,179 --> 00:06:47,439
Откройте дверь!
00:06:49,724 --> 00:06:51,370
Так я умею летать!
00:06:51,507 --> 00:06:54,189
Беги, Ник. Чем больше потеешь,
тем больше соли на щеках.
00:06:54,269 --> 00:06:55,559
Лизни вот это!
00:06:55,639 --> 00:06:58,101
Спасибо, Морти. У него язык, как у кота.
00:07:00,056 --> 00:07:02,354
- Остановить этих портальных парней!
- Слышал?
00:07:02,434 --> 00:07:03,861
Название что надо.
00:07:05,279 --> 00:07:06,559
Блин, прямо как Джеки Чан.
00:07:06,639 --> 00:07:08,719
Тогда я, получается, Крис Такер.
00:07:08,833 --> 00:07:09,964
Наверное.
00:07:13,027 --> 00:07:14,261
Я тебя поймаю!
00:07:23,119 --> 00:07:24,491
Охренеть! Ты это видел?
00:07:24,571 --> 00:07:26,159
Ты ослепил чувака рвотой!
00:07:26,273 --> 00:07:27,979
Это была чума! Давай пробей.
00:07:28,059 --> 00:07:30,399
Я всё правильно делаю? Я уже пробил?
00:07:30,479 --> 00:07:33,899
Глянь на нас. Мы спаслись.
Не только от психушки, но и от Рика.
00:07:33,979 --> 00:07:36,204
Теперь ты будешь решать,
какими будут приключения.
00:07:36,284 --> 00:07:37,210
Список остался?
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,348
Чел, без приборов Рика
мы ничего не сможем.
00:07:39,428 --> 00:07:43,210
Значит, пора портальным парням
обзавестись портальной пушкой.
00:07:44,867 --> 00:07:47,861
Вспомните обучение, вороны.
Идол должен быть за углом.
00:07:54,529 --> 00:07:56,410
Вы следуете дрессировке,
только когда сами захотите?
00:07:56,490 --> 00:07:58,489
Это не дрессировка, это мразотство.
00:08:00,204 --> 00:08:01,713
Теперь я понял.
00:08:01,861 --> 00:08:05,009
Настоящее сокровище — это сострадание.
И оно стоит больше любой побрякушки.
00:08:05,089 --> 00:08:07,907
Вы заработали себе новое приключение!
00:08:09,119 --> 00:08:10,479
Ваше приключение — это увольнение.
00:08:10,559 --> 00:08:12,468
Простите. Если бы я захотел,
чтобы сердце кровью обливалось,
00:08:12,548 --> 00:08:15,370
то вколол бы оживляющую сыворотку
в настоящее сердце.
00:08:15,781 --> 00:08:18,989
Не парьтесь, это птичья планета
с 40 миллионами видов пернатых,
00:08:19,069 --> 00:08:22,445
и даже один день работы под моим началом
сделает вас гениями среди местных.
00:08:22,525 --> 00:08:26,193
Полезайте в пневмоканистры,
которыми пользовались в автобанках 70-х.
00:08:35,359 --> 00:08:39,579
Что за? Кто притягивает меня лучом?
Никто не смеет притягивать меня лучом!
00:08:39,850 --> 00:08:43,150
Кроме того, никто не смеет гасить
мой гаситель притягивающего луча.
00:08:45,964 --> 00:08:50,009
Прости за луч, но это не ты
потерял этих двух воронов?
00:08:50,089 --> 00:08:53,929
Не, я просто оставил их,
потому что и в подмётки им не гожусь.
00:08:54,009 --> 00:08:56,764
Я подумал, что это правильный поступок.
00:08:56,947 --> 00:08:58,679
Стань своими воронами. Обучай себя.
00:08:58,759 --> 00:09:00,341
Тогда обучатся и вороны.
00:09:00,421 --> 00:09:01,629
Я открыт к диалогу,
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,674
если это проще, чем стереть
незаслуженную ухмылку с рожи моего внука.
00:09:04,754 --> 00:09:06,937
- Что делать?
- Посмотри на своих воронов.
00:09:07,017 --> 00:09:08,499
Стань своими воронами.
00:09:08,579 --> 00:09:09,965
Как же хорошо, что я примат.
00:09:10,045 --> 00:09:11,781
Ладно, смотрю на воронов.
00:09:12,730 --> 00:09:14,890
Мы обучаем себя прекратить обучение.
00:09:15,027 --> 00:09:18,490
Обученные не обучены. Мы – необученные.
00:09:18,707 --> 00:09:20,741
Всё обучение закончено.
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,819
Потому что обучения не требовалось.
00:09:38,147 --> 00:09:40,079
Боже, теперь я понял.
00:09:40,159 --> 00:09:42,993
Теперь мы напихаем
этот птичий помёт в горло Морти!
00:09:43,941 --> 00:09:45,563
Ник, может, это не лучшая затея?
00:09:45,643 --> 00:09:48,251
А если он поймает нас?
Снова запихнёт меня в матрицу.
00:09:48,331 --> 00:09:51,097
Ты послушай себя.
Мы бы не оказались в этой ситуации,
00:09:51,177 --> 00:09:53,313
если бы он не продинамил нас обоих.
00:09:54,307 --> 00:09:56,820
Блин, он полюбас выпендривается
пушкой перед воронами.
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:57,733
Так нечестно.
00:09:57,816 --> 00:10:00,729
Ничего. Мы можем свистнуть и другие вещи.
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,570
Тогда берём только нужное.
00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,513
Ох, вот срань!
Это же сминатель банок Рика!
00:10:04,593 --> 00:10:06,079
Он три недели настраивал его.
00:10:06,159 --> 00:10:08,627
Морти, дружище, ты забыл,
что мы с тобой заодно.
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,851
И не говори, что тебе
хоть капельку не понравилось.
00:10:11,931 --> 00:10:14,239
Ну да, но больше так делать не будем.
00:10:14,319 --> 00:10:15,519
С хрена ли нет?
00:10:23,130 --> 00:10:23,979
Погнали, сучара!
00:10:24,639 --> 00:10:26,994
Сынок, ты сговорился
со странным незнакомцем,
00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:29,153
и теперь вы разносите гараж Рика?
00:10:29,976 --> 00:10:31,149
Я вам помогу!
00:10:32,661 --> 00:10:34,924
Пап? Да по фигу.
00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:35,902
О да!
00:10:36,021 --> 00:10:38,616
- Лизни моё очко, Рик!
- Выкуси, Санчес!
00:10:38,696 --> 00:10:39,610
ПРОТОТИП
00:10:39,690 --> 00:10:41,211
Морти, это то, о чём я думаю?
00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:42,989
Это как найти третий айфон,
00:10:43,069 --> 00:10:46,377
а ещё он пустой, но это значит,
что портальные парни обзавелись порталами!
00:10:46,457 --> 00:10:47,496
Рик приближается.
00:10:47,610 --> 00:10:49,279
Чёрт, надо смываться.
00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:51,404
- Мо-о-о-о-орти!
- А как же мой папа?
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,673
Он теперь лужа.
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,461
Ты слышал, что сказал гараж.
Рик всё равно сделает его твёрдым.
00:10:55,541 --> 00:10:58,741
Прости, пап, пора геройствовать.
Я возьму твою тачку. Люблю тебя.
00:11:04,479 --> 00:11:06,901
Вон наш дом с крышей цвета дерьма.
00:11:15,804 --> 00:11:16,867
Что это?
00:11:17,729 --> 00:11:19,679
Это? Д-да ничего.
00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:22,845
Но прямо здесь
написано «два ворона» рядом
00:11:22,925 --> 00:11:27,587
с «ослиными мозгами», «половиной
Пола Джаматти» и «разумным калом».
00:11:27,699 --> 00:11:30,193
Видимо, шутка в том, что вороны тупые.
00:11:30,284 --> 00:11:32,559
- Я думаю, что всё не так однозначно.
- Конечно.
00:11:32,639 --> 00:11:35,579
Ведь ты научился у нас сочувствию
десять минут назад.
00:11:35,659 --> 00:11:38,067
А теперь ты втираешь,
что мы не понимаем ваш юмор?
00:11:38,147 --> 00:11:39,153
Бред собачий.
00:11:39,244 --> 00:11:41,459
Да, здесь и понимать нечего, гений.
00:11:41,539 --> 00:11:44,699
Шутка в том, что твой внук
был настолько заменяемым,
00:11:44,779 --> 00:11:47,370
что справились бы даже два ворона.
00:11:47,736 --> 00:11:49,259
Как смешно, хотя не очень.
00:11:49,339 --> 00:11:51,949
Да, если честно,
так я и думал на тот момент,
00:11:52,029 --> 00:11:53,529
но теперь я сгладил углы.
00:11:53,609 --> 00:11:54,787
Я это серьёзно, ребята.
00:11:54,890 --> 00:11:59,427
Что ж, теперь настало время
сгладить углы смерти!
00:12:00,696 --> 00:12:03,393
Да начнётся воронолюция!
00:12:05,461 --> 00:12:07,359
Кошмарный звук! Что вы наделали?
00:12:07,439 --> 00:12:10,959
Натравили ворон на десятки людей
в радиусе 300 метров.
00:12:11,084 --> 00:12:13,519
Помогите! Прошу!
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:15,519
А теперь ты молишь о помощи?
00:12:15,599 --> 00:12:16,937
- Это не я.
- В смысле?
00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:19,149
Помогите! Я здесь!
00:12:19,229 --> 00:12:20,605
Джерри, что за херня? Ты лужа?
00:12:20,685 --> 00:12:22,467
Ты их не заслуживаешь.
00:12:23,290 --> 00:12:23,920
Гений.
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,939
Я что, не вовремя?
00:12:26,019 --> 00:12:28,684
Да, Джерри.
Они забрали моих сраных воронов.
00:12:32,364 --> 00:12:34,673
Не сейчас, Мусорный Губер.
Полезай в свою дыру!
00:12:39,079 --> 00:12:40,485
Первое приключение.
00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:41,743
Мы точно на месте?
00:12:41,823 --> 00:12:44,908
Да, Рик уже много лет их обдирает,
они точно будут...
00:12:46,256 --> 00:12:47,605
...благодарны.
00:12:47,936 --> 00:12:49,521
- Как бы...
- Давай уже заберём жидкость, приятель.
00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:53,171
Портальные парни начнут заниматься
портальными делами.
00:12:55,468 --> 00:12:58,781
Вот он. Эта крыса воровала
часть вашего урожая кристаллов
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:02,251
и отправляла его пришельцу
по имени Рик Санчес.
00:13:02,331 --> 00:13:03,421
- Урод!
- Нах Рика!
00:13:03,501 --> 00:13:04,336
Пните его в член!
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:07,511
Ну да, а мы с Ником остановили его.
00:13:09,753 --> 00:13:11,911
Народ Кунтака благодарит вас.
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,331
Он же злодей, верно?
00:13:13,411 --> 00:13:14,881
Его ждёт правосудие?
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,188
Да, конечно.
00:13:17,685 --> 00:13:19,856
Ладно, приятно вести с вами дела.
00:13:19,982 --> 00:13:20,931
Погоди, Морти.
00:13:21,262 --> 00:13:23,546
Мы не уйдём, пока не получим то,
за чем пришли.
00:13:23,626 --> 00:13:24,553
А я готов уйти.
00:13:24,668 --> 00:13:27,091
Послушайте, нам нужна портальная жидкость
00:13:27,171 --> 00:13:28,421
в качестве благодарности.
00:13:28,919 --> 00:13:30,165
Портальная жидкость.
00:13:30,291 --> 00:13:32,151
По-вашему, я бы жил в шахте ящеров,
00:13:32,231 --> 00:13:33,617
если бы у меня была портальная жидкость?
00:13:33,697 --> 00:13:35,131
Ладно, понятно.
00:13:35,211 --> 00:13:37,011
Ну, тогда мы можем просто убить вас.
00:13:37,353 --> 00:13:40,691
Он шутит. Портальные парни
убивают только своей добротой.
00:13:40,771 --> 00:13:41,691
И стволами.
00:13:41,771 --> 00:13:42,604
О нет!
00:13:42,805 --> 00:13:45,056
Нет! Стреляю же не я!
00:13:45,376 --> 00:13:46,261
Убить их!
00:13:46,428 --> 00:13:47,261
Простите!
00:13:47,708 --> 00:13:48,541
Хватит!
00:13:48,645 --> 00:13:50,439
Прекрати! Они безоружны!
00:13:51,696 --> 00:13:53,171
Какого хера?
00:13:53,251 --> 00:13:55,399
Морти! Морти!
00:14:02,519 --> 00:14:05,308
Крутое местечко.
Смесь Тёмного Кристалла и рок-магазина.
00:14:05,548 --> 00:14:07,433
Где мои чёртовы вороны?
00:14:11,331 --> 00:14:14,142
Серьёзно? Здесь вообще
всё на воронью тематику?
00:14:23,101 --> 00:14:26,062
Даже сейчас ваш примат
штурмует наш корабль,
00:14:26,142 --> 00:14:27,551
чтобы утвердить своё господство.
00:14:27,631 --> 00:14:30,331
Дотроньтесь до священного яйца
и вознеситесь.
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:33,342
Больше вы не будете
выполнять приказы этого зверя.
00:14:33,422 --> 00:14:35,251
А выполнять ваши приказы — это нормально?
00:14:35,331 --> 00:14:36,816
Молчать, обезьяна!
00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:39,551
Хорош!
00:14:39,631 --> 00:14:41,742
Если вы считаете, что мои вороны
променяют наши славные отношения
00:14:41,822 --> 00:14:43,821
на эту фэнтезийную хероту,
00:14:43,948 --> 00:14:45,911
то вы ошибаетесь!
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,793
Да, парни? Вы ещё сомневаетесь?
00:14:50,268 --> 00:14:51,639
Кто-нибудь возьмёт трубку?
00:14:52,611 --> 00:14:54,439
А, это у меня, что ли? Ух.
00:14:54,691 --> 00:14:56,591
Сейчас спрошу, не срочное ли это дело.
00:14:56,713 --> 00:14:57,400
Алё.
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,591
Рик, прости, я сильно облажался.
00:14:59,671 --> 00:15:01,611
Морти, ничего страшного,
мои дела явно хуже.
00:15:01,691 --> 00:15:03,491
Я разлил портал, спёр твои приборы,
00:15:03,616 --> 00:15:06,211
нашёл психа тебе на замену
и оставил за собой гору трупов.
00:15:06,291 --> 00:15:07,455
А ты время зря не терял.
00:15:07,535 --> 00:15:10,198
Я сделал это от обиды,
потому что ты выбрал двух воронов.
00:15:10,278 --> 00:15:11,548
Господи, да это было на одну серию.
00:15:11,628 --> 00:15:14,942
Теперь эта сраная воронья сюжетка
нагибает меня. Всё пошло по звезде.
00:15:15,022 --> 00:15:16,331
Понятно.
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,165
Я скучаю, чувак.
00:15:18,245 --> 00:15:20,721
Чёрт, кажется, переборщил с искренностью.
00:15:28,519 --> 00:15:30,656
Ладно, я тебе перезвоню.
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,776
Ах ты, мелкорукий говнюк!
00:15:34,153 --> 00:15:36,491
Думал, сможешь меня наебать и свалить?
00:15:36,571 --> 00:15:39,136
Тогда ты плохо знаешь Ника!
00:15:46,931 --> 00:15:49,951
Попался. Ты что, не понимаешь?
00:15:50,031 --> 00:15:53,111
Тебе не скрыться от меня,
пока у нас эти порталы.
00:15:53,191 --> 00:15:56,356
Какого чёрта, чувак. Я думал,
что мы оба жертвы эксплуатации Рика.
00:15:56,436 --> 00:15:59,594
Может, да, а может, и нет. А может,
мы просто выпивали в одном баре,
00:15:59,674 --> 00:16:02,151
и я попытался забрать
его портальную пушку.
00:16:02,231 --> 00:16:04,862
Я думал, что Рик станет моим билетом
к чему-то особенному,
00:16:04,942 --> 00:16:07,971
но получается, что им оказался ты,
Морти. И только глянь на меня.
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,751
Я – портальный парень.
00:16:09,831 --> 00:16:12,231
Отстойное название. А я просто поддакивал.
00:16:12,311 --> 00:16:13,662
Ты не понимаешь, Морти.
00:16:14,953 --> 00:16:18,703
Мы – напарники. А теперь слушайся меня,
или твоя жизнь превратится в ад.
00:16:18,783 --> 00:16:20,181
Нет. Спасибо.
00:16:20,261 --> 00:16:22,748
Как жаль, я не могу допустить,
чтобы ты был связан со мной,
00:16:22,828 --> 00:16:24,351
если ты не на моей стороне!
00:16:24,431 --> 00:16:26,731
А значит, придётся убить тебя!
00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:28,862
Дело в том, что у меня уже есть напарник.
00:16:29,091 --> 00:16:30,953
А там нет места повышению.
00:16:34,096 --> 00:16:35,651
Что за херню ты натворил?
00:16:35,788 --> 00:16:37,456
Отрезал тебя от своей жизни.
00:16:53,351 --> 00:16:56,531
Видишь, как быстро твои союзники
бросили тебя, Рик Санчес.
00:16:56,611 --> 00:16:59,061
К счастью, расставание –
это мой хлеб насущный.
00:17:03,765 --> 00:17:05,791
Блядь! Ты должен был сдохнуть!
00:17:05,871 --> 00:17:07,936
Отдам вам должное, поначалу я сомневался,
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,891
но всё-таки вороньи технологии рулят!
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:16,005
Убейте его, дурни!
00:17:16,085 --> 00:17:18,751
Давайте убивайте. У вас такой крутой вид.
00:17:18,831 --> 00:17:20,462
Я заслужил такую смерть.
00:17:26,725 --> 00:17:29,181
Птичий метаквалон!
00:17:29,261 --> 00:17:30,588
Будет.
00:17:34,405 --> 00:17:35,941
Боже, это было круто.
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,651
Вы же могли убить меня.
00:17:37,731 --> 00:17:40,165
Р-разве вы сможете простить меня?
00:17:40,588 --> 00:17:43,513
Точно. Токсичные отношения,
как с Морти, – это не про нас.
00:17:43,593 --> 00:17:45,776
Блин, в воронах ни хера сочувствия нет.
00:17:48,393 --> 00:17:49,765
Эту я точно оставлю.
00:17:52,576 --> 00:17:54,096
Рик и два ворона!
00:17:59,228 --> 00:18:02,551
Боже мой, Морти. Так, подойди.
Дедушка тебя подлатает.
00:18:02,631 --> 00:18:04,711
Тебе какую руку? Роборуку? Руку ящера?
00:18:04,791 --> 00:18:06,473
Могу сделать большую, как в тот раз.
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:07,765
Мою обычную руку!
00:18:07,902 --> 00:18:09,761
Ладно, не время для шуток. Понимаю.
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:14,039
Ну вот. Как новая.
00:18:14,473 --> 00:18:17,501
Мы теперь снова вместе, да? Рик и Морти.
00:18:17,581 --> 00:18:19,331
Снова вместе. Полный перезапуск.
00:18:20,348 --> 00:18:22,301
Нет. Нет, Морти. Думаю, это конец.
00:18:22,381 --> 00:18:24,337
Потому что я разлил жидкость и не сказал?
00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:26,931
Нет, Морти, потому что ты
боялся рассказать.
00:18:27,011 --> 00:18:28,792
У нас были токсичные отношения,
ты не понял?
00:18:28,872 --> 00:18:31,616
Я – плохой напарник, потому что
не давал тебе быть настоящим напарником.
00:18:31,696 --> 00:18:32,988
Вороны открыли мне глаза.
00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:34,381
Я думал, что они – шутка, как ты,
00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:36,599
но оказалось, что они
просвещены лучше любого из нас.
00:18:36,679 --> 00:18:39,753
- Понятно, ну и какой итог?
- Ты меня не слышишь.
00:18:40,039 --> 00:18:41,311
Я не тот, что прежде.
00:18:41,391 --> 00:18:44,741
Я должен уйти с воронами и посмотреть,
чему они смогут меня научить.
00:18:47,182 --> 00:18:48,015
Держи.
00:18:49,525 --> 00:18:50,816
Теперь она твоя.
00:18:51,056 --> 00:18:52,302
Ух ты, я...
00:18:53,361 --> 00:18:55,936
А знаешь, Рик, ты и правда изменился.
00:18:56,462 --> 00:18:57,548
Спасибо, Морти.
00:18:59,531 --> 00:19:01,193
Я всегда буду твоим дедом, Морти.
00:19:01,388 --> 00:19:03,571
Но теперь я слегка одержим воронами.
00:19:15,399 --> 00:19:19,221
Мне казалось, что солнце светит ярче,
00:19:19,301 --> 00:19:22,462
когда рядом ты.
00:19:23,761 --> 00:19:27,513
И мы вечно будем вместе,
00:19:27,593 --> 00:19:30,901
сошлись наши пути.
00:19:33,071 --> 00:19:34,991
Охереть! Рик и два ворона!
00:19:35,071 --> 00:19:38,221
Запускаем новую франшизу!
Галактика – наш телефонный провод!
00:19:38,301 --> 00:19:39,341
Сделаем тысячу сезонов,
00:19:39,421 --> 00:19:41,753
в каждом по 14 серий,
идущих по дев-девять секунд,
00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:43,296
ведь это будущее сериалов!
00:19:43,376 --> 00:19:45,205
Серики на кроссах! Кроссерики!
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,931
Тогда всё внимание будет на вас!
Когда вы надеваете эту хрень на ноги!
00:19:48,011 --> 00:19:49,708
Тогда все будут смеяться. Плакать.
00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:51,951
Чувствовать что угодно,
помимо обуви на ноге!
00:19:52,039 --> 00:19:53,591
Можно смотреть ситкомы на кроссах!
00:19:53,671 --> 00:19:55,182
Шоу Рика и двух воронов!
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:59,261
Мы будем раск-раскидывать орехи
по дороге, чтобы их давили колёсами.
00:19:59,341 --> 00:20:02,816
Понимаете, о чём я? Навсегда!
Рик и два ворона навсегда!
00:20:05,845 --> 00:20:09,891
Мне казалось, что рядом будешь ты,
00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:13,845
Мы вместе навсегда, ты и я!
00:20:14,108 --> 00:20:18,131
Мы разносили всё и вся,
00:20:18,211 --> 00:20:22,331
Мы вместе, ты и я.
00:20:22,411 --> 00:20:25,948
Утекает наше время,
00:20:26,531 --> 00:20:30,588
Но мы вместе, ты и я.
00:20:40,451 --> 00:20:41,701
Куда ты навострил клешни?
00:20:41,781 --> 00:20:45,936
Ну, просто... красный свет
означает, что там мусор.
00:20:46,051 --> 00:20:48,359
Ты что, до сих пор не поговорил с Риком?
00:20:48,439 --> 00:20:51,791
Я намекал. Слушай, я понимаю,
что не к такой работе я стремился,
00:20:51,871 --> 00:20:52,851
но это честный труд.
00:20:52,931 --> 00:20:55,136
Мать твою, Гарольд! Как тебя называют?
00:20:55,308 --> 00:20:58,553
Мусорным Губером?
Ради всего святого, ты же врач.
00:20:58,668 --> 00:21:00,303
Слушай, я не знаю, как это всё допустил,
00:21:00,383 --> 00:21:03,296
но так долго в этом плаваю,
что не могу остановиться.
00:21:03,879 --> 00:21:05,605
Ты просто трус.
00:21:06,553 --> 00:21:08,713
Ты права. Положу этому конец
здесь и сейчас.
00:21:09,061 --> 00:21:11,571
Мусорный Губер,
у нас тут мусорок для тебя!
00:21:11,662 --> 00:21:14,241
Очень вонючий, прямо как любишь!
00:21:15,982 --> 00:21:20,151
М-м-м, мусор. Обожаю мусор.
Ням-ням, мусор! Хочу есть мусор!
00:21:21,262 --> 00:21:26,262
Перевод: Женя Спицын
Синхронизация под рип: Георгий Владимиров
Скриншоты
