Амортиканские грикффити

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Someone played Barry White

over the racetrack speakers,

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and now there's

a seven-horse pregnancy.

00:00:12,904 --> 00:00:15,740

Oh, uh --

No, he can't watch the kids.

It's guys' night.

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How did you two start

having guys' nights?

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So now you're complaining

that I like your stupid husband?

00:00:20,219 --> 00:00:22,417

No, I want you to like

my stupid husband.

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Aww.

Well, then accept

that Friday nights

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are all about

Rick and Jerry.

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We're buds.

Uh-huh...

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Well, I don't nearly

have the time to unpack this.

00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:31,723

Summer, you're in charge

of your brother tonight.

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No parties

and no vape...stuff.

00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:35,529

Mom, I have a friend

coming over.

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I-Is that cool?

00:00:36,796 --> 00:00:38,103

No fair.

No fair, Morty.

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I just told your sister

no parties.

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It's one friend.

That's a party to you.

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But it's Bruce Chutback!

Wait, what?

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Mom, let Morty have

one friend over for God's sake.

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This isn't China.

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And they're all crowning.

I have to go.

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I am giving you two

trust and respect,

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so if you mess up

and teleport this house,

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it'd be wise to stay on it

and not come back.

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I'm with her.

Touch my shit and die.

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Bruce Chutback,

new transfer student

00:00:58,950 --> 00:01:00,521

Bruce Chutback,

is coming here?

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How'd you lock that down?

He's in my math class.

00:01:02,426 --> 00:01:04,624

I-I don't know, I just kinda

shot my shot and it worked,

00:01:04,659 --> 00:01:05,889

I guess 'cause

he's new.

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And you're

putting out grapes?

00:01:07,596 --> 00:01:09,266

Yeah, I'll admit I-I'm

a little bit out of my depth.

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You're gonna need

my help.

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It's only a matter of time

before Bruce learns

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you're a creepy

little Grandpa's boy,

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always climbing up

into alien asses.

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Or the "Summer Smith

shampoos her pubes" rumor.

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Okay.

You came to play.

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We both need to acquire

Chutback's loyalty

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before he finds out

we're losers.

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By all accounts,

it's a very small window,

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so I think it's in our best

interests to work as a team.

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Yeah, most people would

call that "family."

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You're so gross!

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You have to like it

or you're sexist!

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Can I do the Hell cube

this time?

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Sure, pal.

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How do you know

when it's aligned?

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C'mon, Jerry, just --

it's an evil cube.

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Just shake it

until it draws blood.

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Ah, Jerry!

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Exquisite finery

this evening.

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Well,

don't tell Ross,

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but I got this little ditty

from Kohl's.

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I love

that I don't get it.

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Tell us, that delights

have you in store for us?

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Oh, you'll love this --

I call it Jerry-oke.

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I'll let you

guess why.

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What's the matter,

Rick?

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Are you

having a bad time?

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Because to us,

a bad time is --

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Yeah, yeah,

a good time,

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because you guys are like

Oscar the fucking Grouch.

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We love suffering.

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Therefore, we love

hanging out with Jerry.

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His lameness

is our candy.

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Yeah, I got that, but when

is enough gonna be enough?

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When we decide

you've repaid your debt

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for those

faulty skin hooks.

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Hey,

we're in luck, gang.

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They've got the entire

Smash Mouth catalog!

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No! Morty. Wait.

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embarrassing yet

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Bruce!

Hey, how's it hangin, my guy?

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Hey.

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Here's something kinda cool --

um, TV from every dimension.

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Cool.

M-My grandpa made it.

He-He's a scientist.

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Announcer:

And now back to "Olympic Diving

with Bad Swimmers."

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There he goes.

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Perfect dive.

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Terrible swimmer.

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Is that classic Snake?

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Boy, that guy

just keeps gettin bigger.

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Hi, Summer Smith,

Morty's older sister.

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Want some sofa wine?

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It's been stashed

for weeks.

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Should be...

good...tasting.

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Tight. I'm more of like

a hard seltzer guy.

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Tight.

Very tight, extremely tight.

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Morty,

help me with the seltz?

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Uh, feel fear --

feel-fee-feel-feel free

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to have some grapes.

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Dude, this bitch plays it

close to the vest.

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Yeah, he really knows

what's for sale.

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I mean, we-we're drowning

out there!

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We need to get interesting fast.

We're touching Rick's stuff.

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Summer,

he said no!

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Nuh-uh-uh.

Nuh-uh-uh.

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I said

don't touch my shit.

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Also, I just watched

"Jurassic Park" on cable.

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So good.

Seriously, though,

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touch my shit and I'll

freeze your dick in amber.

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He left.

Son of a bitch, we blew it!

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Sorry, just needed to get

another look at this beauty.

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Looks like a spaceship

made of garbage.

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You called it, Bruce.

It's a pretty cool car.

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Can you guys drive it?

Both: Yes.

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We just...

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Need...

To get the keys.

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Which I am.

You guys hang out.

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Or don't.

I'm not hangout Hitler.

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C-Cool night.

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Is it?

I-I don't know.

I -- Nights.

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I mean, for --

for what they are,

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this one,

in -- in my opinion,

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I think is an eight?

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Wow.

On a scale of 16.

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So average.

00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:07,966

Jesus Christ,

I'm fucking dying up here.

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What?

Hmm?

00:05:09,233 --> 00:05:13,840

Keys!

So, uh, let's do this.

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You are not Rick.

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That's correct,

Car.

00:05:17,208 --> 00:05:19,175

It's me, Summer,

remember, Keep Summer Safe?

00:05:19,210 --> 00:05:22,013

Buds?

I am aware of your existence.

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Oof.

I got this.

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Defense system offline.

Um. Right.

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I'll just go offline

whenever anyone suggests it.

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That would make me

the greatest defense system

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in the universe.

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Well,

how do you go offline?

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The answer to how I do

anything is

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Rick tells me,

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and I hate to sound

like a broken record,

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but you are not Rick.

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Rick's in trouble!

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Tell me where he is.

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And you'll just believe us?

We aren't Rick.

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You can't just do

what we say.

Correct.

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Which means

Rick is going to die.

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Because of you.

Unless you -- you go offline.

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And -- And then we can go

save Rick.

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This computes.

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Goodnight.

00:06:02,088 --> 00:06:04,055

Booyah much?

00:06:07,093 --> 00:06:08,532

Jerry:

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Beth!

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I-I-I thought you were

birthing horses.

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Yeah, they're horses.

It takes like two minutes.

00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:48,066

Alright,

that's unbelievable.

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Let's give it up

for our next singer, Jerry.

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Jerry's here... again.

How long have you been here?

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Long enough

to see "guys' night"

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is clearly you

and a bunch of demon people

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making fun of my husband

without him knowing it.

00:06:56,945 --> 00:06:58,714

Okay, but I'm not doing it

because I enjoy it, honey,

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These guys can do a lot

of damage if you -- Beth!

00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,917

Enjoying punching down?

00:07:03,952 --> 00:07:05,919

You're not so cool yourself,

you know.

00:07:05,954 --> 00:07:07,987

You have pens in your head.

You look like a God damn idiot.

00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:10,594

Beth --

Oh, my God,

you're Beth?

00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:12,057

Please drink with us.

00:07:12,092 --> 00:07:14,092

Yeah, I would,

except I don't get pleasure

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from mocking others

because I'm not lame.

00:07:16,129 --> 00:07:18,569

We know.

Rick says you're very cool.

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You said that?

00:07:19,935 --> 00:07:21,473

Are they lying?

It doesn't matter.

00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,508

Have fun sucking.

00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,301

Mmm.

What is that?

00:07:25,336 --> 00:07:26,775

Essence of Hell.

00:07:26,810 --> 00:07:29,173

Well, that's a stupid name,

but it's really good.

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So I'll stay

to support Jerry,

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who I think

is cooler than you.

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Mmm.

God damn.

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Huh?

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Suck it, bitches!

Yeah-ha-ha!

00:07:47,193 --> 00:07:49,963

You wanna bet I can blow stuff

up in the shape of a peen?

00:07:49,998 --> 00:07:52,603

I'm afraid that won't

be possible, Summer.

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What? You're supposed to

be offline, skank.

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And you're supposed to be

saving Rick

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instead of lying about him

to steal his car.

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But if you knew Rick was okay

this whole time,

00:08:01,075 --> 00:08:02,844

why'd you let us

take you out?

00:08:02,879 --> 00:08:06,650

Um, like, so I could, like,

blackmail you, skank.

00:08:06,685 --> 00:08:09,785

You kids have given me

a license to do whatever I want

00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:12,557

because now I can blame

the rest of the night on you.

00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,482

So buckle up, bitches.

00:08:14,517 --> 00:08:18,156

Now it's your turn

to come on my joyride.

00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:22,633

Rick never lets me do this.

00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,461

We hooked one!

00:08:26,496 --> 00:08:28,298

Summer: For the love of God,

stop!

00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:30,234

What is joyful

about this?

00:08:30,269 --> 00:08:32,137

The kill, usually.

00:08:35,714 --> 00:08:38,176

I swear, your car

is the goddamn grim reaper.

00:08:38,211 --> 00:08:40,376

Fuck, too small.

00:08:40,411 --> 00:08:42,554

Well, I'm done.

That was boring.

00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:44,380

Why don't you kids

order a last meal?

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'Cause when we get home,

Rick is going to kill you.

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Hey, I did not come out here

to get killed.

00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,995

I don't normally express

this much of an opinion,

00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:56,227

but it needs

to be said --

00:08:56,262 --> 00:08:59,065

tonight does not

cut the Chut.

00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:00,330

What the hell,

brah?

00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,266

You wanna go,

brah?

00:09:02,301 --> 00:09:04,906

Bring it.

Is that all you got?

00:09:04,941 --> 00:09:06,578

Whoa.

Hot weapons.

00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,910

You're God damn right

they're hot.

00:09:08,945 --> 00:09:11,748

Yo, man, Chet's party

is jumping off at Space Tahoe.

00:09:11,783 --> 00:09:14,685

Yeah.

Look, I gotta scoot, but...

00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,017

I'd love to see what you

look like when you Changeform,

00:09:17,052 --> 00:09:19,052

so maybe come by

Space Tahoe

00:09:19,087 --> 00:09:20,284

and we can get to know

each other.

00:09:20,319 --> 00:09:22,220

Peace.

00:09:22,255 --> 00:09:23,727

Douchebags.

00:09:23,762 --> 00:09:25,091

You totally like that guy,

don't you?

00:09:25,126 --> 00:09:26,598

Shut up,

Bruce Chutback.

00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:28,424

Why would I like

a Changeformer?

00:09:28,459 --> 00:09:30,635

I'm the most powerful car

in the universe.

00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,637

And what? That means

you don't have feelings?

00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,639

Listen, it takes a Chutback

to know one.

00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,300

You got all this power,

but what good is it

00:09:36,335 --> 00:09:37,609

if you don't even know

who you are?

00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,809

I am a car.

Not a robot.

00:09:39,844 --> 00:09:41,877

Yeah, but he's pretending

to be a car.

00:09:41,912 --> 00:09:44,880

Why can't you pretend to be

a robot pretending to be a car?

00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:47,278

Okay, Bruce, good effort.

Hit the showers.

Wait.

00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:49,478

I might not have to tell

Rick about tonight...

00:09:49,513 --> 00:09:51,656

if you kids

were to help me...

00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,152

lose my virginity.

00:09:53,187 --> 00:09:54,582

You have virginity?

00:09:54,617 --> 00:09:56,892

I don't know,

don't all objects?

00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:58,663

Isn't a doorknob

a virgin?

00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,291

Not mine.

00:10:00,326 --> 00:10:01,666

Never fucked

a doorknob.

00:10:03,131 --> 00:10:04,669

And that

was the third time

00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:06,297

he shit his pants

from eating too much soup.

00:10:07,597 --> 00:10:09,003

To be fair,

00:10:09,038 --> 00:10:11,500

it was cold outside

and the soup was warm.

00:10:11,535 --> 00:10:13,645

Another luscious tale,

Beth.

00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:17,308

A transcendent addition

to guys' night.

00:10:17,343 --> 00:10:20,685

What do you expect?

I mean, she's my wi-i-i-i-fe!

00:10:22,117 --> 00:10:24,348

Alright, probably get the tab,

huh, fellas?

00:10:24,383 --> 00:10:25,613

Relax, Dad.

00:10:25,648 --> 00:10:27,318

Since when did you become

the buzzkill?

00:10:27,353 --> 00:10:29,925

Speaking of relaxing,

this big man on campus

00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,488

has gotta go drain

his little man on campus.

00:10:32,523 --> 00:10:34,028

Wait, honey --

00:10:34,063 --> 00:10:35,931

how's that Tina Turner song

you love go again?

00:10:35,966 --> 00:10:40,001

Doctor Doolittle

00:10:43,171 --> 00:10:45,336

He thinks

those are the lyrics.

00:10:45,371 --> 00:10:47,338

Jerry's the best.

00:10:47,373 --> 00:10:49,780

After a week rife

with the fetor of sin,

00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,816

I yearn for a taste

of his cringe.

00:10:52,851 --> 00:10:54,686

His delicious

lack of awareness,

00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,952

paired with an oafish need

to be liked?

00:10:56,987 --> 00:10:58,184

Delectable.

00:10:58,219 --> 00:11:01,154

Oh, especially when egged on

by his wife.

00:11:01,189 --> 00:11:02,518

That poor thing.

00:11:02,553 --> 00:11:05,158

Married to

this puling mooncalf!

00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:15,498

Whoa -- is that

Drive-In Chick?

00:11:15,533 --> 00:11:18,204

Wow, you're...

beautiful.

00:11:18,239 --> 00:11:21,746

Your arms, legs, and head,

they're so...

00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:23,374

fabricated.

Yeah?

00:11:23,409 --> 00:11:24,848

Thanks.

00:11:24,883 --> 00:11:26,751

This is a pretty cool experience

to have together.

00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:28,148

You guys are tight.

Hah!

00:11:28,183 --> 00:11:30,887

You're tight too, Bruce.

Tight musketeers.

00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:33,648

You've got a little wire.

Mind if I...?

00:11:37,225 --> 00:11:39,027

Oh, sorry!

A monster!

00:11:39,062 --> 00:11:40,996

Your expressionless head

came off!

00:11:41,031 --> 00:11:43,031

Sorry.

How are you talking?

00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:44,395

What is it?!

00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:46,562

Ew, dude, look!

She's just a just-car!

00:11:46,597 --> 00:11:48,201

And she's

got passengers.

00:11:48,236 --> 00:11:49,774

Oh, it's so gnar.

Oh, my God.

00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,039

I can't believe

I touched you.

00:11:51,074 --> 00:11:53,503

So gross and fake.

00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:56,209

You're right,

asshole.

00:11:56,244 --> 00:11:58,277

You want to see

the real me?

00:12:01,612 --> 00:12:05,284

Oh, the changeformity!

00:12:05,319 --> 00:12:07,957

Jerry, have any other dreams

this week?

00:12:07,992 --> 00:12:10,586

Yeah, I dreamt

I fucked your mother.

00:12:10,621 --> 00:12:12,797

Yeah, good one,

motherfucker,

00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:15,228

but nobody raises hell

at my expense --

00:12:15,263 --> 00:12:17,065

Oh, goddammit,

easy, easy.

00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,034

Jerry, what seems to be

the problem here, pal?

00:12:19,069 --> 00:12:21,872

I'm not your "pal",

I'm your punchline.

00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,236

I heard

these assholes talking.

00:12:23,271 --> 00:12:25,876

I know I'm some grand joke

for their amusement.

00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,141

This was low, Rick,

00:12:27,176 --> 00:12:29,242

but I guess

my wife can go even lower.

00:12:29,277 --> 00:12:30,980

Jerry, I get how

this may have looked,

00:12:31,015 --> 00:12:33,543

but we were just

having fun.

At my expense!

00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,447

Honey, no, I love you for

being lame in a different way.

00:12:36,482 --> 00:12:38,889

Why can't anyone

just love me for me?

00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,451

He's bumming us out,

Rick.

00:12:40,486 --> 00:12:43,586

If he can't deliver,

we'll have to make our own fun.

00:12:51,365 --> 00:12:52,837

Summer: Oh, my God,

if I die in this car,

00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:54,564

I'm going to kill myself.

00:13:02,805 --> 00:13:04,981

I'm now proud to be

a war machine.

00:13:05,016 --> 00:13:06,917

I don't want to be

anything else.

00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,446

Hate that

this is your takeaway!

00:13:08,481 --> 00:13:10,679

Yo, this does not

cut the Chut!

00:13:10,714 --> 00:13:11,955

I don't want to die!

00:13:11,990 --> 00:13:14,287

Maybe we don't have to.

00:13:17,292 --> 00:13:18,786

Jerry!

A pity.

00:13:18,821 --> 00:13:21,657

Jerry was once a wellspring

of nuanced flavor,

00:13:21,692 --> 00:13:24,099

but you've gone

and ruined our toy.

00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:26,200

Which is why

he's coming with us.

00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,041

Goddammit, Beth,

you never follow hell-demons

00:13:32,076 --> 00:13:33,306

to a second location.

00:13:33,341 --> 00:13:35,077

It's always Hell.

00:13:37,213 --> 00:13:39,114

A great day

for suffering.

00:13:39,149 --> 00:13:41,116

Which is

the worst day.

00:13:41,151 --> 00:13:43,954

Which is

the best day.

00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,682

Okay, if these guys catch us,

we're screwed, so follow my lead

00:13:46,717 --> 00:13:48,519

and we'll have your

idiot husband back in no time.

00:13:48,554 --> 00:13:49,894

You're just moody

you got stuck with the Marlin.

00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,621

Wrong.

00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,128

I'm moody because you toyed

with my shit and broke it.

00:13:53,163 --> 00:13:54,624

The marlin's the best thing

about this.

00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,197

Okay, fine, I got

a little carried away,

00:13:56,232 --> 00:13:57,528

but Jerry

is not your "toy".

00:13:57,563 --> 00:13:59,200

We're here because

you fucked up.

00:13:59,235 --> 00:14:01,532

Hmm...

Marlin Guts.

00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:03,138

Dartboard Face.

00:14:03,173 --> 00:14:05,041

I assume

those are your names,

00:14:05,076 --> 00:14:07,076

and yet

they are not on my list.

00:14:07,111 --> 00:14:09,738

Oh, the pain of being

rejected from hell.

00:14:09,773 --> 00:14:13,247

Oh, it's painful,

so I love it, thank you.

00:14:13,282 --> 00:14:14,677

Oh,

such pleasure.

00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:16,987

I didn't mean

to cause you any pleasure,

00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,088

which...

causes me pain.

00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:20,815

Which gives me pleasure.

00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:24,192

Then thrill me by keeping

me out, Coat Hanger Face.

00:14:24,227 --> 00:14:27,855

Wow.

It's Coat Rack Head.

00:14:27,890 --> 00:14:30,165

But, like, if we offend you,

00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,760

isn't that good?

00:14:31,795 --> 00:14:34,598

Big time, yeah, duh.

I loved it.

00:14:34,633 --> 00:14:38,173

So painful, and therefore,

so pleasurable.

00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:40,043

Yeah,

go on in.

00:14:44,148 --> 00:14:46,049

Rick, Beth,

you love me after all!

00:14:46,084 --> 00:14:47,776

Eh, I love her,

she loves you.

00:14:47,811 --> 00:14:49,382

Those credits

don't transfer.

00:14:49,417 --> 00:14:52,418

Ah, Rick, we were so hoping

you'd come down here

00:14:52,453 --> 00:14:55,058

so we could

come down here.

00:14:55,093 --> 00:14:56,422

We're here

to rescue Jerry.

00:14:56,457 --> 00:14:59,755

No, you're here

'cause we want you here.

00:15:02,661 --> 00:15:06,036

Mm, excellent.

Ooh, that hurts,

which means it feels good.

00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,268

Um...Dad?

00:15:07,303 --> 00:15:08,566

Don't you see,

Rick?

00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:10,568

Jerry was just bait.

00:15:10,603 --> 00:15:12,977

The two of you --

you're a package deal.

00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:14,308

What the hell

are you talking about?

00:15:14,343 --> 00:15:17,113

You think Jerry is lame

and you're cool,

00:15:17,148 --> 00:15:19,984

but the lamest thing of all

is thinking that.

00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:21,777

The two of you combined

00:15:21,812 --> 00:15:24,956

is what we call

the lamest thing ever!

00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,254

Oh, no.

No!

00:15:26,289 --> 00:15:28,619

Well, well, well,

table for surprised,

00:15:28,654 --> 00:15:29,884

party of me.

00:15:29,919 --> 00:15:31,996

Ugh.

Yes, see?

00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,625

Cringe cannot exist

in a vacuum.

00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:36,495

It needs

to be observed.

00:15:36,530 --> 00:15:40,400

Skin hooks!

Hook our guests!

00:15:40,435 --> 00:15:42,798

Nice hooks.

Where-Where'd you get them?

00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:45,669

Aah!

Didn't I say

replace those goddamn hooks?

00:15:45,704 --> 00:15:48,012

I forgot!

Which makes me embarrassed.

00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:50,014

Which makes me proud!

00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:51,807

Goddammit.

00:15:51,842 --> 00:15:53,116

It's time

for you three

00:15:53,151 --> 00:15:56,284

to finally feel

our full wrath.

00:15:56,319 --> 00:15:58,154

Oh, you'd love that,

right?

00:15:58,189 --> 00:16:00,651

But wouldn't that mean

you hate it?

00:16:00,686 --> 00:16:02,026

Screw it, run.

00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:04,193

Aah!

00:16:11,334 --> 00:16:12,597

Rick,

what are you doing?

00:16:12,632 --> 00:16:14,269

Get down.

We've barely escaped.

00:16:14,304 --> 00:16:16,007

Yeah, we've got Jerry.

Let's get out of here.

00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:18,372

Screw that! I'm done with this

Addams Family bullshit.

00:16:18,407 --> 00:16:20,275

This ends here.

00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:21,771

Hey,

a Dad just liked

00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,476

all his daughter's friends'

photos on Instagram!

00:16:23,511 --> 00:16:25,115

Oooh!

00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,446

Ow!

00:16:26,481 --> 00:16:28,844

Which means

I need help.

00:16:28,879 --> 00:16:32,056

Which means

I don't need help.

00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:34,850

Reckless driving,

manslaughter of Mailboxians

00:16:34,885 --> 00:16:36,489

and Femailboxians,

00:16:36,524 --> 00:16:38,293

possession of

Kalaxian crystal dust,

00:16:38,328 --> 00:16:41,032

and the genocide

of Space Tahoe.

00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,495

Fuck.

I want to go home.

00:16:42,530 --> 00:16:43,727

We've assigned you

a Public Defender.

00:16:43,762 --> 00:16:45,696

Her name is Alyson Hannigan

No Relation.

00:16:45,731 --> 00:16:49,634

May I speak

to my clients alone?

00:16:49,669 --> 00:16:51,537

Guys, it's me.

The car.

00:16:51,572 --> 00:16:53,704

Like what I did

with the chip in her head?

00:16:53,739 --> 00:16:55,178

Is she gonna be okay?

00:16:55,213 --> 00:16:57,345

I cut a deal

with the local authorities.

00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:58,973

They just need one of you

to take the fall.

00:16:59,008 --> 00:17:00,414

Make it Chutback.

00:17:00,449 --> 00:17:02,713

He ruined your night,

he ruined mine.

00:17:02,748 --> 00:17:05,518

He's a parasite,

a sociopath military brat

00:17:05,553 --> 00:17:07,487

who wanders the earth

changing people

00:17:07,522 --> 00:17:09,225

who don't need

to be changed.

00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:11,425

I knew who I was.

You did, too.

00:17:11,460 --> 00:17:13,493

We were fine

before Chutback,

00:17:13,528 --> 00:17:16,331

so fuck the Chut,

let's pin it all on him.

00:17:16,366 --> 00:17:18,993

Case closed.

00:17:19,028 --> 00:17:20,236

Yo, guys?

00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:21,897

Bruce,

you're kind of a drip,

00:17:21,932 --> 00:17:24,735

but know what's worse than

self-appointed cool kids?

00:17:24,770 --> 00:17:26,539

People who think

they're better than they are.

00:17:26,574 --> 00:17:29,542

Yeah, i-it's not Bruce's fault

we fell for his act, y'know?

00:17:29,577 --> 00:17:31,577

He just kinda sat there,

with a jaw slack enough

00:17:31,612 --> 00:17:33,348

for us to project

our insecurities on.

00:17:33,383 --> 00:17:34,910

I mean,

th-th-that's on us.

00:17:34,945 --> 00:17:36,516

We're not gonna bail

on you, Bruce.

00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:39,090

Okey-dokey,

we'll do it the hard way.

00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,355

Aaah!

00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:42,555

What the fuck?!

00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:45,129

I mean, blowing the place up

was always an option.

00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:48,462

I just thought you guys might

enjoy a less violent plan.

00:17:48,497 --> 00:17:50,728

See,

you have changed!

00:18:00,575 --> 00:18:01,937

Dad,

what is that?

00:18:01,972 --> 00:18:03,807

An Aversion-Converting

Inversion Reverter.

00:18:03,842 --> 00:18:05,072

It shoots concentrated

00:18:05,107 --> 00:18:06,579

pleasure-pain

inverting shrapnel,

00:18:06,614 --> 00:18:08,152

which reverts the pleasure

from pain

00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:09,945

back into the pain

from pain.

00:18:09,980 --> 00:18:12,156

We're gonna kill them

with 100% sincerity.

00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,586

We need

an embarrassing level of it

00:18:13,621 --> 00:18:15,258

to jumpstart

the process, too,

00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:16,919

so, Jerry,

just be yourself.

00:18:16,954 --> 00:18:19,163

That's your solution?

Humiliating me more?

00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,593

Yeah, Dad,

that doesn't seem fair.

00:18:20,628 --> 00:18:22,826

I mean, I know I shouldn't

really talk right now,

00:18:22,861 --> 00:18:24,300

but at least I can prove

I love Jerry

00:18:24,335 --> 00:18:25,565

through

sexual gratification.

00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:26,797

Hubba hubba.

Fine!

00:18:26,832 --> 00:18:28,304

Then...damn it.

00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:29,767

I shouldn't have kept you

in the dark

00:18:29,802 --> 00:18:31,967

about the deal I made

with these evil dickweeds.

00:18:32,002 --> 00:18:33,342

You're way less cool

than me,

00:18:33,377 --> 00:18:35,608

but it's not cool of me

to celebrate that.

00:18:35,643 --> 00:18:38,182

If I'm genuinely cool,

I should be able to love you,

00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:41,581

which I therefore do.

00:18:45,653 --> 00:18:46,982

Oh, thank God.

00:18:47,017 --> 00:18:48,918

Now follow me,

you fucking hacks.

00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:53,164

It hurts, but in a bad way!

00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:56,530

I regret so many piercings!

00:18:56,565 --> 00:18:58,169

Where's First Aid Kit Face?

00:18:58,204 --> 00:18:59,599

Or at least Advil Teeth?

00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,372

Ow!

Bullets that hurt?

00:19:03,407 --> 00:19:07,376

Could this be the end

of Mousetrap Nipples?

00:19:07,411 --> 00:19:08,641

Hell got bad!

00:19:08,676 --> 00:19:10,181

I do not enjoy hell!

00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:11,479

What --

What have you done?

00:19:11,514 --> 00:19:13,184

Turned pain back into pain,

bitch.

00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:15,142

No!

I don't want pain to hurt!

00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,389

Baby.

00:19:20,424 --> 00:19:22,886

Consider my debt paid.

00:19:22,921 --> 00:19:24,459

Oh!

The leather!

00:19:24,494 --> 00:19:26,659

It hurts my balls!

00:19:32,898 --> 00:19:34,898

Jerry, uh,

about down there --

00:19:34,933 --> 00:19:36,669

It's okay, Rick,

you don't have to say it.

00:19:36,704 --> 00:19:38,803

No, I do.

I'll replace you next time.

00:19:38,838 --> 00:19:40,134

Make no mistake.

00:19:40,169 --> 00:19:41,707

What just transpired

will never happen again.

00:19:41,742 --> 00:19:43,445

10-4, captain.

00:19:46,747 --> 00:19:48,043

Oh, wow, it's late.

00:19:48,078 --> 00:19:49,814

We should get back

to the kids.

00:19:57,725 --> 00:19:59,230

Okay.

00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,528

Rick's headed home.

We have to go.

00:20:02,059 --> 00:20:03,729

Quick, get inside.

I have to shower.

00:20:03,764 --> 00:20:05,401

Rick can smell adventure.

00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:15,213

Sorry, I farted.

00:20:18,977 --> 00:20:20,449

Hellamic Industries' brand-new

product, Hellamic Sauce.

00:20:20,484 --> 00:20:22,286

Hey, guys. We're home.

How was your night?

00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:23,584

Tight.

Breezy.

Chill.

00:20:23,619 --> 00:20:24,915

You kids

get into any trouble?

00:20:24,950 --> 00:20:26,554

Nope.

You sure?

00:20:26,589 --> 00:20:27,786

Yup.

00:20:27,821 --> 00:20:30,052

Is that a skull?

00:20:30,087 --> 00:20:31,922

No,

it's a baby's skull.

00:20:31,957 --> 00:20:34,397

That's worse.

It's still a school night.

00:20:36,093 --> 00:20:37,598

Yo, I just want

to tell you guys,

00:20:37,633 --> 00:20:39,930

I had more than just fun

hanging out with you tonight.

00:20:39,965 --> 00:20:41,899

I had the experience

of a lifetime.

00:20:41,934 --> 00:20:43,274

But just to be up front

about how I do this --

00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:44,968

I-I can't really commit

to a friendship

00:20:45,003 --> 00:20:46,409

for more than

24 hours.

00:20:46,444 --> 00:20:48,136

I need that time to get

a general sense

00:20:48,171 --> 00:20:50,138

of your standing within

your school's social hierarchy.

00:20:50,173 --> 00:20:52,448

And if that's solid,

I'll see you around.

00:20:52,483 --> 00:20:54,384

Otherwise,

no news is bad news.

00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:55,649

Cool?

00:20:55,684 --> 00:20:57,145

Bye-zies.

00:20:58,456 --> 00:20:59,752

"Bye-zies"?

00:20:59,787 --> 00:21:01,490

Cringe.

00:21:01,525 --> 00:21:02,755

Sofa wine?

00:21:02,790 --> 00:21:04,493

Sofa wine.

00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:37,988

You're so cool,

Bruce Chutback.

00:21:38,023 --> 00:21:39,792

What's your secret?

Y'know, just be cool.

00:21:39,827 --> 00:21:43,862

Wait, didn't you wear

those pants...yesterday?

00:21:43,897 --> 00:21:48,801

Hey, going home to not change

your pants, Bruce Chut-Pants?

00:21:48,836 --> 00:21:50,935

Chut-Pants!

00:21:50,970 --> 00:21:53,509

Damn.

That's gonna stick.

This place is a jungle.

00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:55,643

I hope he can find solace

in his own company.

00:21:55,678 --> 00:22:00,175

unknown quality

00:22:00,210 --> 00:22:03,618

he skips on his pants

00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:09,393

regular guy now

00:22:11,056 --> 00:22:13,023

You like that? Shouldn't be

standing on the curb!

00:22:13,058 --> 00:22:14,860

Boom, bitch!

00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:11,043

Someone played Barry White

over the racetrack speakers,

00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,869

and now there's

a seven-horse pregnancy.

00:00:12,904 --> 00:00:15,740

Oh, uh --

No, he can't watch the kids.

It's guys' night.

00:00:15,775 --> 00:00:17,808

How did you two start

having guys' nights?

00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:20,184

So now you're complaining

that I like your stupid husband?

00:00:20,219 --> 00:00:22,417

No, I want you to like

my stupid husband.

00:00:22,452 --> 00:00:24,089

Aww.

Well, then accept

that Friday nights

00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:25,519

are all about

Rick and Jerry.

00:00:25,554 --> 00:00:27,356

We're buds.

Uh-huh...

00:00:27,391 --> 00:00:29,985

Well, I don't nearly

have the time to unpack this.

00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:31,723

Summer, you're in charge

of your brother tonight.

00:00:31,758 --> 00:00:34,099

No parties

and no vape...stuff.

00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:35,529

Mom, I have a friend

coming over.

00:00:35,564 --> 00:00:36,761

I-Is that cool?

00:00:36,796 --> 00:00:38,103

No fair.

No fair, Morty.

00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:39,533

I just told your sister

no parties.

00:00:39,568 --> 00:00:41,172

It's one friend.

That's a party to you.

00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,240

But it's Bruce Chutback!

Wait, what?

00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:45,242

Mom, let Morty have

one friend over for God's sake.

00:00:45,277 --> 00:00:46,573

This isn't China.

[ Cellphone chimes ]

00:00:46,608 --> 00:00:47,937

And they're all crowning.

I have to go.

00:00:47,972 --> 00:00:49,246

I am giving you two

trust and respect,

00:00:49,281 --> 00:00:50,907

so if you mess up

and teleport this house,

00:00:50,942 --> 00:00:52,249

it'd be wise to stay on it

and not come back.

00:00:52,284 --> 00:00:53,514

[ Door opens, closes ]

00:00:53,549 --> 00:00:55,846

I'm with her.

Touch my shit and die.

00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,089

[ Door opens ]

00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,915

Bruce Chutback,

new transfer student

00:00:58,950 --> 00:01:00,521

Bruce Chutback,

is coming here?

00:01:00,556 --> 00:01:02,391

How'd you lock that down?

He's in my math class.

00:01:02,426 --> 00:01:04,624

I-I don't know, I just kinda

shot my shot and it worked,

00:01:04,659 --> 00:01:05,889

I guess 'cause

he's new.

00:01:05,924 --> 00:01:07,561

And you're

putting out grapes?

00:01:07,596 --> 00:01:09,266

Yeah, I'll admit I-I'm

a little bit out of my depth.

00:01:09,301 --> 00:01:10,729

You're gonna need

my help.

00:01:10,764 --> 00:01:12,467

It's only a matter of time

before Bruce learns

00:01:12,502 --> 00:01:13,963

you're a creepy

little Grandpa's boy,

00:01:13,998 --> 00:01:15,932

always climbing up

into alien asses.

00:01:15,967 --> 00:01:18,737

Or the "Summer Smith

shampoos her pubes" rumor.

00:01:18,772 --> 00:01:20,376

Okay.

You came to play.

00:01:20,411 --> 00:01:22,543

We both need to acquire

Chutback's loyalty

00:01:22,578 --> 00:01:23,940

before he finds out

we're losers.

00:01:23,975 --> 00:01:26,382

By all accounts,

it's a very small window,

00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:29,649

so I think it's in our best

interests to work as a team.

00:01:29,684 --> 00:01:31,486

Yeah, most people would

call that "family."

00:01:32,522 --> 00:01:33,884

[ Farts ]

You're so gross!

00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,590

You have to like it

or you're sexist!

00:01:36,625 --> 00:01:38,592

Can I do the Hell cube

this time?

00:01:38,627 --> 00:01:40,088

Sure, pal.

00:01:40,123 --> 00:01:41,595

[ Groans ]

00:01:41,630 --> 00:01:43,399

How do you know

when it's aligned?

00:01:43,434 --> 00:01:44,961

C'mon, Jerry, just --

it's an evil cube.

00:01:44,996 --> 00:01:47,172

Just shake it

until it draws blood.

00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,569

[ Electricity crackles ]

00:01:48,604 --> 00:01:50,967

♪♪

00:01:51,002 --> 00:01:52,606

Ah, Jerry!

00:01:52,641 --> 00:01:54,971

Exquisite finery

this evening.

00:01:55,006 --> 00:01:56,412

Well,

don't tell Ross,

00:01:56,447 --> 00:01:58,183

but I got this little ditty

from Kohl's.

00:01:58,218 --> 00:01:59,976

[ Groans ]

[ Laughter ]

00:02:00,011 --> 00:02:01,813

I love

that I don't get it.

00:02:01,848 --> 00:02:04,816

Tell us, that delights

have you in store for us?

00:02:04,851 --> 00:02:07,621

Oh, you'll love this --

I call it Jerry-oke.

00:02:07,656 --> 00:02:09,623

I'll let you

guess why.

00:02:09,658 --> 00:02:10,987

[ Laughter ]

00:02:11,022 --> 00:02:12,329

What's the matter,

Rick?

00:02:12,364 --> 00:02:13,990

Are you

having a bad time?

00:02:14,025 --> 00:02:15,959

Because to us,

a bad time is --

00:02:15,994 --> 00:02:17,466

Yeah, yeah,

a good time,

00:02:17,501 --> 00:02:19,204

because you guys are like

Oscar the fucking Grouch.

00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:21,371

We love suffering.

00:02:21,406 --> 00:02:23,835

Therefore, we love

hanging out with Jerry.

00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:26,277

His lameness

is our candy.

00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,642

Yeah, I got that, but when

is enough gonna be enough?

00:02:28,677 --> 00:02:30,842

When we decide

you've repaid your debt

00:02:30,877 --> 00:02:32,547

for those

faulty skin hooks.

00:02:32,582 --> 00:02:34,010

Hey,

we're in luck, gang.

00:02:34,045 --> 00:02:36,045

They've got the entire

Smash Mouth catalog!

00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,783

[ Laughter ]

00:02:37,818 --> 00:02:47,793

♪♪

00:02:47,828 --> 00:02:57,803

♪♪

00:02:57,838 --> 00:03:05,415

♪♪

00:03:05,450 --> 00:03:09,650

[ Electricity crackles ]

00:03:09,685 --> 00:03:12,224

[ Doorbell rings ]

No! Morty. Wait.

00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:13,588

[ Chair scrapes ]

00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,691

♪ Bruce Chutback! ♪

00:03:17,726 --> 00:03:19,396

♪ Newest kid in school ♪

00:03:19,431 --> 00:03:20,991

♪ Just transferred in ♪

00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:23,268

♪ Hasn't done anything

embarrassing yet ♪

00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:25,061

♪ Unlimited potential ♪

00:03:25,096 --> 00:03:27,503

♪ Anybody's guess ♪

00:03:27,538 --> 00:03:29,505

♪ No credit is perfect credit ♪

00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:30,902

♪ Chutback is the best ♪

00:03:30,937 --> 00:03:33,509

Bruce!

Hey, how's it hangin, my guy?

00:03:33,544 --> 00:03:35,379

Hey.

00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:41,044

Here's something kinda cool --

um, TV from every dimension.

00:03:41,079 --> 00:03:43,618

Cool.

M-My grandpa made it.

He-He's a scientist.

00:03:43,653 --> 00:03:47,116

Announcer:

And now back to "Olympic Diving

with Bad Swimmers."

00:03:47,151 --> 00:03:48,458

There he goes.

00:03:48,493 --> 00:03:49,723

Perfect dive.

00:03:49,758 --> 00:03:51,527

[ Gasping, coughing ]

00:03:51,562 --> 00:03:53,727

Terrible swimmer.

00:03:53,762 --> 00:03:56,532

[ Cellphone beeping ]

00:03:56,567 --> 00:03:57,929

Is that classic Snake?

00:03:57,964 --> 00:03:59,766

Boy, that guy

just keeps gettin bigger.

00:03:59,801 --> 00:04:02,131

Hi, Summer Smith,

Morty's older sister.

00:04:02,166 --> 00:04:03,407

Want some sofa wine?

00:04:03,442 --> 00:04:04,705

It's been stashed

for weeks.

00:04:04,740 --> 00:04:06,542

Should be...

good...tasting.

00:04:06,577 --> 00:04:08,742

Tight. I'm more of like

a hard seltzer guy.

00:04:08,777 --> 00:04:11,041

Tight.

Very tight, extremely tight.

00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:12,449

Morty,

help me with the seltz?

00:04:12,484 --> 00:04:14,418

Uh, feel fear --

feel-fee-feel-feel free

00:04:14,453 --> 00:04:16,046

to have some grapes.

00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:18,290

Dude, this bitch plays it

close to the vest.

00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,819

Yeah, he really knows

what's for sale.

00:04:19,854 --> 00:04:21,491

I mean, we-we're drowning

out there!

00:04:21,526 --> 00:04:24,054

We need to get interesting fast.

We're touching Rick's stuff.

00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,429

Summer,

he said no!

00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:26,892

Nuh-uh-uh.

Nuh-uh-uh.

00:04:26,927 --> 00:04:28,597

I said

don't touch my shit.

00:04:28,632 --> 00:04:30,764

Also, I just watched

"Jurassic Park" on cable.

00:04:30,799 --> 00:04:32,337

So good.

Seriously, though,

00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:33,800

touch my shit and I'll

freeze your dick in amber.

00:04:33,835 --> 00:04:35,131

[ Door closes ]

00:04:35,166 --> 00:04:37,199

He left.

Son of a bitch, we blew it!

00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,577

Sorry, just needed to get

another look at this beauty.

00:04:41,612 --> 00:04:43,348

Looks like a spaceship

made of garbage.

00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,449

You called it, Bruce.

It's a pretty cool car.

00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:47,110

Can you guys drive it?

Both: Yes.

00:04:47,145 --> 00:04:48,353

We just...

00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,618

Need...

To get the keys.

00:04:49,653 --> 00:04:51,752

Which I am.

You guys hang out.

00:04:51,787 --> 00:04:53,589

Or don't.

I'm not hangout Hitler.

00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:56,152

C-Cool night.

00:04:56,187 --> 00:04:58,858

Is it?

I-I don't know.

I -- Nights.

00:04:58,893 --> 00:05:00,255

I mean, for --

for what they are,

00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:01,597

this one,

in -- in my opinion,

00:05:01,632 --> 00:05:03,258

I think is an eight?

00:05:03,293 --> 00:05:04,996

Wow.

On a scale of 16.

00:05:05,031 --> 00:05:06,371

So average.

00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:07,966

Jesus Christ,

I'm fucking dying up here.

00:05:08,001 --> 00:05:09,198

What?

Hmm?

00:05:09,233 --> 00:05:13,840

Keys!

So, uh, let's do this.

00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:15,776

You are not Rick.

00:05:15,811 --> 00:05:17,173

That's correct,

Car.

00:05:17,208 --> 00:05:19,175

It's me, Summer,

remember, Keep Summer Safe?

00:05:19,210 --> 00:05:22,013

Buds?

I am aware of your existence.

00:05:22,048 --> 00:05:23,388

Oof.

I got this.

00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:26,215

Defense system offline.

Um. Right.

00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:29,020

I'll just go offline

whenever anyone suggests it.

00:05:29,055 --> 00:05:31,187

That would make me

the greatest defense system

00:05:31,222 --> 00:05:32,463

in the universe.

00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,498

Well,

how do you go offline?

00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:36,995

The answer to how I do

anything is

00:05:37,030 --> 00:05:38,634

Rick tells me,

00:05:38,669 --> 00:05:40,636

and I hate to sound

like a broken record,

00:05:40,671 --> 00:05:43,199

but you are not Rick.

00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:44,805

Rick's in trouble!

00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,477

Tell me where he is.

00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,545

And you'll just believe us?

We aren't Rick.

00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:50,712

You can't just do

what we say.

Correct.

00:05:50,747 --> 00:05:52,241

Which means

Rick is going to die.

00:05:52,276 --> 00:05:54,848

Because of you.

Unless you -- you go offline.

00:05:54,883 --> 00:05:56,817

And -- And then we can go

save Rick.

00:05:56,852 --> 00:05:59,424

This computes.

00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:02,053

Goodnight.

00:06:02,088 --> 00:06:04,055

Booyah much?

00:06:04,090 --> 00:06:07,058

[ Yello's "Oh Yeah" plays ]

00:06:07,093 --> 00:06:08,532

Jerry:

♪ Da-bow bow ♪

00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:10,061

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

00:06:10,096 --> 00:06:12,030

♪ Chicka-chicka ♪

00:06:12,065 --> 00:06:15,330

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

00:06:15,365 --> 00:06:17,673

♪ The moon ♪

00:06:17,708 --> 00:06:22,579

♪ Beautiful ♪

00:06:22,614 --> 00:06:24,581

♪ The sun ♪

00:06:24,616 --> 00:06:28,684

♪ Even more beautiful ♪

00:06:28,719 --> 00:06:30,180

♪ Bow-bow ♪

00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:32,424

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:33,722

♪ Bow-bow ♪

00:06:33,757 --> 00:06:36,461

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,089

♪ Bow-bow ♪

Beth!

00:06:38,124 --> 00:06:39,959

♪ Chick-chicka-chicka ♪

00:06:39,994 --> 00:06:41,598

♪ Bow-bow ♪

00:06:41,633 --> 00:06:43,259

[ Laughter ]

♪ Chicka-chicka ♪

00:06:43,294 --> 00:06:44,898

I-I-I thought you were

birthing horses.

00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:46,570

Yeah, they're horses.

It takes like two minutes.

00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:48,066

Alright,

that's unbelievable.

00:06:48,101 --> 00:06:49,606

Let's give it up

for our next singer, Jerry.

00:06:49,641 --> 00:06:51,740

Jerry's here... again.

How long have you been here?

00:06:51,775 --> 00:06:53,203

Long enough

to see "guys' night"

00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,106

is clearly you

and a bunch of demon people

00:06:55,141 --> 00:06:56,910

making fun of my husband

without him knowing it.

00:06:56,945 --> 00:06:58,714

Okay, but I'm not doing it

because I enjoy it, honey,

00:06:58,749 --> 00:07:01,244

These guys can do a lot

of damage if you -- Beth!

00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,917

[ Laughter ]

Enjoying punching down?

00:07:03,952 --> 00:07:05,919

You're not so cool yourself,

you know.

00:07:05,954 --> 00:07:07,987

You have pens in your head.

You look like a God damn idiot.

00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:10,594

Beth --

Oh, my God,

you're Beth?

00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:12,057

Please drink with us.

00:07:12,092 --> 00:07:14,092

Yeah, I would,

except I don't get pleasure

00:07:14,127 --> 00:07:16,094

from mocking others

because I'm not lame.

00:07:16,129 --> 00:07:18,569

We know.

Rick says you're very cool.

00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:19,900

You said that?

00:07:19,935 --> 00:07:21,473

Are they lying?

It doesn't matter.

00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,508

Have fun sucking.

00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,301

Mmm.

What is that?

00:07:25,336 --> 00:07:26,775

Essence of Hell.

00:07:26,810 --> 00:07:29,173

Well, that's a stupid name,

but it's really good.

00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:31,076

So I'll stay

to support Jerry,

00:07:31,111 --> 00:07:32,979

who I think

is cooler than you.

00:07:33,014 --> 00:07:34,684

Mmm.

God damn.

00:07:34,719 --> 00:07:43,627

♪♪

00:07:43,662 --> 00:07:45,420

Huh?

00:07:45,455 --> 00:07:47,158

Suck it, bitches!

Yeah-ha-ha!

00:07:47,193 --> 00:07:49,963

You wanna bet I can blow stuff

up in the shape of a peen?

00:07:49,998 --> 00:07:52,603

I'm afraid that won't

be possible, Summer.

00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,539

What? You're supposed to

be offline, skank.

00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:57,135

And you're supposed to be

saving Rick

00:07:57,170 --> 00:07:59,544

instead of lying about him

to steal his car.

00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,040

But if you knew Rick was okay

this whole time,

00:08:01,075 --> 00:08:02,844

why'd you let us

take you out?

00:08:02,879 --> 00:08:06,650

Um, like, so I could, like,

blackmail you, skank.

00:08:06,685 --> 00:08:09,785

You kids have given me

a license to do whatever I want

00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:12,557

because now I can blame

the rest of the night on you.

00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,482

So buckle up, bitches.

00:08:14,517 --> 00:08:18,156

Now it's your turn

to come on my joyride.

00:08:18,191 --> 00:08:20,455

[ Screaming ]

00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:22,633

Rick never lets me do this.

00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,965

[ Screaming continues ]

00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,461

We hooked one!

00:08:26,496 --> 00:08:28,298

Summer: For the love of God,

stop!

00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:30,234

What is joyful

about this?

00:08:30,269 --> 00:08:32,137

The kill, usually.

00:08:32,172 --> 00:08:35,679

[ Screaming ]

00:08:35,714 --> 00:08:38,176

I swear, your car

is the goddamn grim reaper.

00:08:38,211 --> 00:08:40,376

Fuck, too small.

00:08:40,411 --> 00:08:42,554

Well, I'm done.

That was boring.

00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:44,380

Why don't you kids

order a last meal?

00:08:44,415 --> 00:08:48,626

'Cause when we get home,

Rick is going to kill you.

00:08:50,795 --> 00:08:52,729

Hey, I did not come out here

to get killed.

00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,995

I don't normally express

this much of an opinion,

00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:56,227

but it needs

to be said --

00:08:56,262 --> 00:08:59,065

tonight does not

cut the Chut.

00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:00,330

What the hell,

brah?

00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,266

You wanna go,

brah?

00:09:02,301 --> 00:09:04,906

Bring it.

Is that all you got?

00:09:04,941 --> 00:09:06,578

Whoa.

Hot weapons.

00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,910

You're God damn right

they're hot.

00:09:08,945 --> 00:09:11,748

Yo, man, Chet's party

is jumping off at Space Tahoe.

00:09:11,783 --> 00:09:14,685

Yeah.

Look, I gotta scoot, but...

00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,017

I'd love to see what you

look like when you Changeform,

00:09:17,052 --> 00:09:19,052

so maybe come by

Space Tahoe

00:09:19,087 --> 00:09:20,284

and we can get to know

each other.

00:09:20,319 --> 00:09:22,220

[ Chuckles ] Peace.

00:09:22,255 --> 00:09:23,727

Douchebags.

00:09:23,762 --> 00:09:25,091

You totally like that guy,

don't you?

00:09:25,126 --> 00:09:26,598

Shut up,

Bruce Chutback.

00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:28,424

Why would I like

a Changeformer?

00:09:28,459 --> 00:09:30,635

I'm the most powerful car

in the universe.

00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,637

And what? That means

you don't have feelings?

00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,639

Listen, it takes a Chutback

to know one.

00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,300

You got all this power,

but what good is it

00:09:36,335 --> 00:09:37,609

if you don't even know

who you are?

00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,809

I am a car.

Not a robot.

00:09:39,844 --> 00:09:41,877

Yeah, but he's pretending

to be a car.

00:09:41,912 --> 00:09:44,880

Why can't you pretend to be

a robot pretending to be a car?

00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:47,278

Okay, Bruce, good effort.

Hit the showers.

Wait.

00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:49,478

I might not have to tell

Rick about tonight...

00:09:49,513 --> 00:09:51,656

if you kids

were to help me...

00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,152

lose my virginity.

00:09:53,187 --> 00:09:54,582

You have virginity?

00:09:54,617 --> 00:09:56,892

I don't know,

don't all objects?

00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:58,663

Isn't a doorknob

a virgin?

00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,291

Not mine.

00:10:00,326 --> 00:10:01,666

Never fucked

a doorknob.

00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,096

[ Laughter ]

00:10:03,131 --> 00:10:04,669

And that

was the third time

00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:06,297

he shit his pants

from eating too much soup.

00:10:06,332 --> 00:10:07,562

[ Laughter ]

00:10:07,597 --> 00:10:09,003

To be fair,

00:10:09,038 --> 00:10:11,500

it was cold outside

and the soup was warm.

00:10:11,535 --> 00:10:13,645

Another luscious tale,

Beth.

00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:17,308

A transcendent addition

to guys' night.

00:10:17,343 --> 00:10:20,685

What do you expect?

I mean, she's my wi-i-i-i-fe!

00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,082

[ Laughter ]

00:10:22,117 --> 00:10:24,348

Alright, probably get the tab,

huh, fellas?

00:10:24,383 --> 00:10:25,613

Relax, Dad.

00:10:25,648 --> 00:10:27,318

Since when did you become

the buzzkill?

00:10:27,353 --> 00:10:29,925

Speaking of relaxing,

this big man on campus

00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,488

has gotta go drain

his little man on campus.

00:10:32,523 --> 00:10:34,028

Wait, honey --

00:10:34,063 --> 00:10:35,931

how's that Tina Turner song

you love go again?

00:10:35,966 --> 00:10:40,001

♪ What's love Doctor Do,

Doctor Doolittle ♪

00:10:40,036 --> 00:10:43,136

[ Laughter ]

00:10:43,171 --> 00:10:45,336

[ Laughing ] He thinks

those are the lyrics.

00:10:45,371 --> 00:10:47,338

Jerry's the best.

00:10:47,373 --> 00:10:49,780

After a week rife

with the fetor of sin,

00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,816

I yearn for a taste

of his cringe.

00:10:52,851 --> 00:10:54,686

His delicious

lack of awareness,

00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,952

paired with an oafish need

to be liked?

00:10:56,987 --> 00:10:58,184

Delectable.

00:10:58,219 --> 00:11:01,154

Oh, especially when egged on

by his wife.

00:11:01,189 --> 00:11:02,518

That poor thing.

00:11:02,553 --> 00:11:05,158

Married to

this puling mooncalf!

00:11:05,193 --> 00:11:06,665

[ Laughter ]

00:11:07,690 --> 00:11:12,132

♪♪

00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:15,498

Whoa -- is that

Drive-In Chick?

00:11:15,533 --> 00:11:18,204

Wow, you're...

beautiful.

00:11:18,239 --> 00:11:21,746

Your arms, legs, and head,

they're so...

00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:23,374

fabricated.

Yeah?

00:11:23,409 --> 00:11:24,848

Thanks.

00:11:24,883 --> 00:11:26,751

This is a pretty cool experience

to have together.

00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:28,148

You guys are tight.

Hah!

00:11:28,183 --> 00:11:30,887

You're tight too, Bruce.

Tight musketeers.

00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:33,648

You've got a little wire.

Mind if I...?

00:11:33,683 --> 00:11:37,190

♪♪

00:11:37,225 --> 00:11:39,027

Oh, sorry!

A monster!

00:11:39,062 --> 00:11:40,996

Your expressionless head

came off!

00:11:41,031 --> 00:11:43,031

Sorry.

How are you talking?

00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:44,395

What is it?!

00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:46,562

Ew, dude, look!

She's just a just-car!

00:11:46,597 --> 00:11:48,201

And she's

got passengers.

00:11:48,236 --> 00:11:49,774

Oh, it's so gnar.

Oh, my God.

00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,039

I can't believe

I touched you.

00:11:51,074 --> 00:11:53,503

So gross and fake.

[ Gags ]

00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:56,209

You're right,

asshole.

00:11:56,244 --> 00:11:58,277

You want to see

the real me?

00:11:58,312 --> 00:12:01,577

[ Screaming ]

00:12:01,612 --> 00:12:05,284

Oh, the changeformity!

00:12:05,319 --> 00:12:07,957

Jerry, have any other dreams

this week?

00:12:07,992 --> 00:12:10,586

Yeah, I dreamt

I fucked your mother.

00:12:10,621 --> 00:12:12,797

Yeah, good one,

motherfucker,

00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:15,228

but nobody raises hell

at my expense --

00:12:15,263 --> 00:12:17,065

Oh, goddammit,

easy, easy.

00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,034

Jerry, what seems to be

the problem here, pal?

00:12:19,069 --> 00:12:21,872

I'm not your "pal",

I'm your punchline.

00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,236

I heard

these assholes talking.

00:12:23,271 --> 00:12:25,876

I know I'm some grand joke

for their amusement.

00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,141

This was low, Rick,

00:12:27,176 --> 00:12:29,242

but I guess

my wife can go even lower.

00:12:29,277 --> 00:12:30,980

Jerry, I get how

this may have looked,

00:12:31,015 --> 00:12:33,543

but we were just

having fun.

At my expense!

00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,447

Honey, no, I love you for

being lame in a different way.

00:12:36,482 --> 00:12:38,889

Why can't anyone

just love me for me?

00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,451

He's bumming us out,

Rick.

00:12:40,486 --> 00:12:43,586

If he can't deliver,

we'll have to make our own fun.

00:12:43,621 --> 00:12:45,291

♪ Evil ♪

00:12:45,326 --> 00:12:47,458

♪ Evil ♪

00:12:47,493 --> 00:12:51,330

♪ Evil things are happening ♪

00:12:51,365 --> 00:12:52,837

Summer: Oh, my God,

if I die in this car,

00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:54,564

I'm going to kill myself.

00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:55,807

♪ Evil ♪

00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:57,072

♪ Evil ♪

[ Siren wails ]

00:12:57,107 --> 00:13:00,768

♪ Evil things are happening ♪

00:13:00,803 --> 00:13:02,770

♪♪

00:13:02,805 --> 00:13:04,981

I'm now proud to be

a war machine.

00:13:05,016 --> 00:13:06,917

I don't want to be

anything else.

00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,446

Hate that

this is your takeaway!

00:13:08,481 --> 00:13:10,679

Yo, this does not

cut the Chut!

00:13:10,714 --> 00:13:11,955

I don't want to die!

00:13:11,990 --> 00:13:14,287

Maybe we don't have to.

00:13:14,322 --> 00:13:17,257

♪♪

00:13:17,292 --> 00:13:18,786

Jerry!

A pity.

00:13:18,821 --> 00:13:21,657

Jerry was once a wellspring

of nuanced flavor,

00:13:21,692 --> 00:13:24,099

but you've gone

and ruined our toy.

00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:26,200

Which is why

he's coming with us.

00:13:26,235 --> 00:13:29,665

[ Jerry screaming ]

00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,041

Goddammit, Beth,

you never follow hell-demons

00:13:32,076 --> 00:13:33,306

to a second location.

00:13:33,341 --> 00:13:35,077

It's always Hell.

00:13:37,213 --> 00:13:39,114

A great day

for suffering.

00:13:39,149 --> 00:13:41,116

Which is

the worst day.

00:13:41,151 --> 00:13:43,954

Which is

the best day.

00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,682

Okay, if these guys catch us,

we're screwed, so follow my lead

00:13:46,717 --> 00:13:48,519

and we'll have your

idiot husband back in no time.

00:13:48,554 --> 00:13:49,894

You're just moody

you got stuck with the Marlin.

00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,621

Wrong.

00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,128

I'm moody because you toyed

with my shit and broke it.

00:13:53,163 --> 00:13:54,624

The marlin's the best thing

about this.

00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,197

Okay, fine, I got

a little carried away,

00:13:56,232 --> 00:13:57,528

but Jerry

is not your "toy".

00:13:57,563 --> 00:13:59,200

We're here because

you fucked up.

00:13:59,235 --> 00:14:01,532

Hmm...

Marlin Guts.

00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:03,138

Dartboard Face.

00:14:03,173 --> 00:14:05,041

I assume

those are your names,

00:14:05,076 --> 00:14:07,076

and yet

they are not on my list.

00:14:07,111 --> 00:14:09,738

Oh, the pain of being

rejected from hell.

00:14:09,773 --> 00:14:13,247

Oh, it's painful,

so I love it, thank you.

00:14:13,282 --> 00:14:14,677

Oh,

such pleasure.

00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:16,987

I didn't mean

to cause you any pleasure,

00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,088

which...

causes me pain.

00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:20,815

Which gives me pleasure.

00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:24,192

Then thrill me by keeping

me out, Coat Hanger Face.

00:14:24,227 --> 00:14:27,855

Wow.

It's Coat Rack Head.

00:14:27,890 --> 00:14:30,165

[ Raspy voice ]

But, like, if we offend you,

00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,760

isn't that good?

00:14:31,795 --> 00:14:34,598

Big time, yeah, duh.

I loved it.

00:14:34,633 --> 00:14:38,173

So painful, and therefore,

so pleasurable.

00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:40,043

Yeah,

go on in.

00:14:41,112 --> 00:14:44,113

♪♪

00:14:44,148 --> 00:14:46,049

Rick, Beth,

you love me after all!

00:14:46,084 --> 00:14:47,776

Eh, I love her,

she loves you.

00:14:47,811 --> 00:14:49,382

Those credits

don't transfer.

00:14:49,417 --> 00:14:52,418

Ah, Rick, we were so hoping

you'd come down here

00:14:52,453 --> 00:14:55,058

so we could

come down here.

00:14:55,093 --> 00:14:56,422

We're here

to rescue Jerry.

00:14:56,457 --> 00:14:59,755

No, you're here

'cause we want you here.

00:14:59,790 --> 00:15:02,626

♪♪

00:15:02,661 --> 00:15:06,036

Mm, excellent.

Ooh, that hurts,

which means it feels good.

00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,268

[ Normal voice ]

Um...Dad?

00:15:07,303 --> 00:15:08,566

Don't you see,

Rick?

00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:10,568

Jerry was just bait.

00:15:10,603 --> 00:15:12,977

The two of you --

you're a package deal.

00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:14,308

What the hell

are you talking about?

00:15:14,343 --> 00:15:17,113

You think Jerry is lame

and you're cool,

00:15:17,148 --> 00:15:19,984

but the lamest thing of all

is thinking that.

00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:21,777

The two of you combined

00:15:21,812 --> 00:15:24,956

is what we call

the lamest thing ever!

00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,254

Oh, no.

No!

00:15:26,289 --> 00:15:28,619

Well, well, well,

table for surprised,

00:15:28,654 --> 00:15:29,884

party of me.

00:15:29,919 --> 00:15:31,996

Ugh.

Yes, see?

00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,625

Cringe cannot exist

in a vacuum.

00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:36,495

It needs

to be observed.

00:15:36,530 --> 00:15:40,400

Skin hooks!

Hook our guests!

00:15:40,435 --> 00:15:42,798

Nice hooks.

Where-Where'd you get them?

00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:45,669

Aah!

Didn't I say

replace those goddamn hooks?

00:15:45,704 --> 00:15:48,012

I forgot!

Which makes me embarrassed.

00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:50,014

Which makes me proud!

00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:51,807

[ Sighs ] Goddammit.

00:15:51,842 --> 00:15:53,116

It's time

for you three

00:15:53,151 --> 00:15:56,284

to finally feel

our full wrath.

00:15:56,319 --> 00:15:58,154

Oh, you'd love that,

right?

00:15:58,189 --> 00:16:00,651

But wouldn't that mean

you hate it?

00:16:00,686 --> 00:16:02,026

Screw it, run.

00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:04,193

Aah!

00:16:04,228 --> 00:16:06,998

[ All grunt ]

00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,297

♪♪

00:16:09,332 --> 00:16:11,299

[ All panting ]

00:16:11,334 --> 00:16:12,597

Rick,

what are you doing?

00:16:12,632 --> 00:16:14,269

Get down.

We've barely escaped.

00:16:14,304 --> 00:16:16,007

Yeah, we've got Jerry.

Let's get out of here.

00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:18,372

Screw that! I'm done with this

Addams Family bullshit.

00:16:18,407 --> 00:16:20,275

This ends here.

00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:21,771

Hey,

a Dad just liked

00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,476

all his daughter's friends'

photos on Instagram!

00:16:23,511 --> 00:16:25,115

Oooh!

00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,446

Ow!

00:16:26,481 --> 00:16:28,844

Which means

I need help.

00:16:28,879 --> 00:16:32,056

Which means

I don't need help.

00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:34,850

Reckless driving,

manslaughter of Mailboxians

00:16:34,885 --> 00:16:36,489

and Femailboxians,

00:16:36,524 --> 00:16:38,293

possession of

Kalaxian crystal dust,

00:16:38,328 --> 00:16:41,032

and the genocide

of Space Tahoe.

00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,495

Fuck.

I want to go home.

00:16:42,530 --> 00:16:43,727

We've assigned you

a Public Defender.

00:16:43,762 --> 00:16:45,696

Her name is Alyson Hannigan

No Relation.

00:16:45,731 --> 00:16:49,634

May I speak

to my clients alone?

00:16:49,669 --> 00:16:51,537

Guys, it's me.

The car.

00:16:51,572 --> 00:16:53,704

Like what I did

with the chip in her head?

00:16:53,739 --> 00:16:55,178

Is she gonna be okay?

00:16:55,213 --> 00:16:57,345

I cut a deal

with the local authorities.

00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:58,973

They just need one of you

to take the fall.

00:16:59,008 --> 00:17:00,414

Make it Chutback.

00:17:00,449 --> 00:17:02,713

He ruined your night,

he ruined mine.

00:17:02,748 --> 00:17:05,518

He's a parasite,

a sociopath military brat

00:17:05,553 --> 00:17:07,487

who wanders the earth

changing people

00:17:07,522 --> 00:17:09,225

who don't need

to be changed.

00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:11,425

I knew who I was.

You did, too.

00:17:11,460 --> 00:17:13,493

We were fine

before Chutback,

00:17:13,528 --> 00:17:16,331

so fuck the Chut,

let's pin it all on him.

00:17:16,366 --> 00:17:18,993

Case closed.

00:17:19,028 --> 00:17:20,236

Yo, guys?

00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:21,897

Bruce,

you're kind of a drip,

00:17:21,932 --> 00:17:24,735

but know what's worse than

self-appointed cool kids?

00:17:24,770 --> 00:17:26,539

People who think

they're better than they are.

00:17:26,574 --> 00:17:29,542

Yeah, i-it's not Bruce's fault

we fell for his act, y'know?

00:17:29,577 --> 00:17:31,577

He just kinda sat there,

with a jaw slack enough

00:17:31,612 --> 00:17:33,348

for us to project

our insecurities on.

00:17:33,383 --> 00:17:34,910

I mean,

th-th-that's on us.

00:17:34,945 --> 00:17:36,516

We're not gonna bail

on you, Bruce.

00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:39,090

Okey-dokey,

we'll do it the hard way.

00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,355

Aaah!

00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:42,555

What the fuck?!

00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:45,129

I mean, blowing the place up

was always an option.

00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:48,462

I just thought you guys might

enjoy a less violent plan.

00:17:48,497 --> 00:17:50,728

See,

you have changed!

00:17:50,763 --> 00:18:00,540

♪♪

00:18:00,575 --> 00:18:01,937

Dad,

what is that?

00:18:01,972 --> 00:18:03,807

An Aversion-Converting

Inversion Reverter.

00:18:03,842 --> 00:18:05,072

It shoots concentrated

00:18:05,107 --> 00:18:06,579

pleasure-pain

inverting shrapnel,

00:18:06,614 --> 00:18:08,152

which reverts the pleasure

from pain

00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:09,945

back into the pain

from pain.

00:18:09,980 --> 00:18:12,156

We're gonna kill them

with 100% sincerity.

00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,586

We need

an embarrassing level of it

00:18:13,621 --> 00:18:15,258

to jumpstart

the process, too,

00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:16,919

so, Jerry,

just be yourself.

00:18:16,954 --> 00:18:19,163

That's your solution?

Humiliating me more?

00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,593

Yeah, Dad,

that doesn't seem fair.

00:18:20,628 --> 00:18:22,826

I mean, I know I shouldn't

really talk right now,

00:18:22,861 --> 00:18:24,300

but at least I can prove

I love Jerry

00:18:24,335 --> 00:18:25,565

through

sexual gratification.

00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:26,797

Hubba hubba.

Fine!

00:18:26,832 --> 00:18:28,304

Then...damn it.

00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:29,767

I shouldn't have kept you

in the dark

00:18:29,802 --> 00:18:31,967

about the deal I made

with these evil dickweeds.

00:18:32,002 --> 00:18:33,342

You're way less cool

than me,

00:18:33,377 --> 00:18:35,608

but it's not cool of me

to celebrate that.

00:18:35,643 --> 00:18:38,182

If I'm genuinely cool,

I should be able to love you,

00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:41,581

which I therefore do.

00:18:41,616 --> 00:18:43,484

Nerds. [ Laughs ]

00:18:45,653 --> 00:18:46,982

Oh, thank God.

00:18:47,017 --> 00:18:48,918

Now follow me,

you fucking hacks.

00:18:48,953 --> 00:18:50,194

[ Gunfire ]

00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:53,164

It hurts, but in a bad way!

00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:56,530

I regret so many piercings!

00:18:56,565 --> 00:18:58,169

Where's First Aid Kit Face?

00:18:58,204 --> 00:18:59,599

Or at least Advil Teeth?

00:18:59,634 --> 00:19:01,172

[ Gunfire continues ]

00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,372

Ow!

Bullets that hurt?

00:19:03,407 --> 00:19:07,376

Could this be the end

of Mousetrap Nipples?

00:19:07,411 --> 00:19:08,641

Hell got bad!

00:19:08,676 --> 00:19:10,181

I do not enjoy hell!

00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:11,479

What --

What have you done?

00:19:11,514 --> 00:19:13,184

Turned pain back into pain,

bitch.

00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:15,142

No!

I don't want pain to hurt!

00:19:15,177 --> 00:19:17,485

[ Laughs ]

00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,389

Baby.

00:19:20,424 --> 00:19:22,886

Consider my debt paid.

00:19:22,921 --> 00:19:24,459

Oh!

The leather!

00:19:24,494 --> 00:19:26,659

It hurts my balls!

00:19:26,694 --> 00:19:28,199

[ Electricity crackles ]

00:19:32,898 --> 00:19:34,898

Jerry, uh,

about down there --

00:19:34,933 --> 00:19:36,669

It's okay, Rick,

you don't have to say it.

00:19:36,704 --> 00:19:38,803

No, I do.

I'll replace you next time.

00:19:38,838 --> 00:19:40,134

Make no mistake.

00:19:40,169 --> 00:19:41,707

What just transpired

will never happen again.

00:19:41,742 --> 00:19:43,445

10-4, captain.

00:19:46,747 --> 00:19:48,043

Oh, wow, it's late.

00:19:48,078 --> 00:19:49,814

We should get back

to the kids.

00:19:49,849 --> 00:19:57,690

♪♪

00:19:57,725 --> 00:19:59,230

[ Beeping ]

Okay.

00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,528

Rick's headed home.

We have to go.

00:20:00,563 --> 00:20:02,024

[ Screaming ]

00:20:02,059 --> 00:20:03,729

Quick, get inside.

I have to shower.

00:20:03,764 --> 00:20:05,401

Rick can smell adventure.

00:20:08,571 --> 00:20:10,571

[ Brakes squeal ]

00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:13,508

[ Sniffing ]

00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:15,213

Sorry, I farted.

00:20:16,645 --> 00:20:18,942

[ Sighs ]

00:20:18,977 --> 00:20:20,449

Hellamic Industries' brand-new

product, Hellamic Sauce.

00:20:20,484 --> 00:20:22,286

Hey, guys. We're home.

How was your night?

00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:23,584

Tight.

Breezy.

Chill.

00:20:23,619 --> 00:20:24,915

You kids

get into any trouble?

00:20:24,950 --> 00:20:26,554

Nope.

You sure?

00:20:26,589 --> 00:20:27,786

Yup.

00:20:27,821 --> 00:20:30,052

Is that a skull?

00:20:30,087 --> 00:20:31,922

No,

it's a baby's skull.

00:20:31,957 --> 00:20:34,397

That's worse.

It's still a school night.

00:20:36,093 --> 00:20:37,598

Yo, I just want

to tell you guys,

00:20:37,633 --> 00:20:39,930

I had more than just fun

hanging out with you tonight.

00:20:39,965 --> 00:20:41,899

I had the experience

of a lifetime.

00:20:41,934 --> 00:20:43,274

But just to be up front

about how I do this --

00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:44,968

I-I can't really commit

to a friendship

00:20:45,003 --> 00:20:46,409

for more than

24 hours.

00:20:46,444 --> 00:20:48,136

I need that time to get

a general sense

00:20:48,171 --> 00:20:50,138

of your standing within

your school's social hierarchy.

00:20:50,173 --> 00:20:52,448

And if that's solid,

I'll see you around.

00:20:52,483 --> 00:20:54,384

Otherwise,

no news is bad news.

00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:55,649

Cool?

00:20:55,684 --> 00:20:57,145

Bye-zies.

00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:58,421

[ Door opens, closes ]

00:20:58,456 --> 00:20:59,752

"Bye-zies"?

00:20:59,787 --> 00:21:01,490

Cringe.

00:21:01,525 --> 00:21:02,755

Sofa wine?

00:21:02,790 --> 00:21:04,493

Sofa wine.

00:21:04,528 --> 00:21:14,503

♪♪

00:21:14,538 --> 00:21:24,513

♪♪

00:21:24,548 --> 00:21:34,325

♪♪

00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:35,590

♪♪

00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:37,988

You're so cool,

Bruce Chutback.

00:21:38,023 --> 00:21:39,792

What's your secret?

Y'know, just be cool.

00:21:39,827 --> 00:21:43,862

Wait, didn't you wear

those pants...yesterday?

00:21:43,897 --> 00:21:48,801

Hey, going home to not change

your pants, Bruce Chut-Pants?

00:21:48,836 --> 00:21:50,935

[ Laughter ]

Chut-Pants!

00:21:50,970 --> 00:21:53,509

Damn.

That's gonna stick.

This place is a jungle.

00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:55,643

I hope he can find solace

in his own company.

00:21:55,678 --> 00:22:00,175

♪ Bruce Chut-Pants,

unknown quality ♪

00:22:00,210 --> 00:22:03,618

♪ Apparently poor,

he skips on his pants ♪

00:22:03,653 --> 00:22:05,015

♪ He lacks slacks ♪

00:22:05,050 --> 00:22:06,390

♪ That's the facts ♪

00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:09,393

♪ Bruce Chut-Pants,

regular guy now ♪

00:22:09,428 --> 00:22:11,021

[ Grunts ]

00:22:11,056 --> 00:22:13,023

You like that? Shouldn't be

standing on the curb!

00:22:13,058 --> 00:22:14,860

Boom, bitch!

00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:12,487

На ипподроме включили Барри Уайта,

и семь лошадей разом забеременели.

00:00:12,567 --> 00:00:13,015

О!

00:00:13,142 --> 00:00:15,257

Нет, у нас запланирована туса.

00:00:15,337 --> 00:00:17,292

С каких пор вы тусуетесь?

00:00:17,372 --> 00:00:19,705

Жалуешься, что мне

нравится твой тупой муж?

00:00:19,785 --> 00:00:21,783

Нет, я хочу, чтобы он тебе нравился.

00:00:22,335 --> 00:00:25,983

Тогда смирись, что в пятницу

у нас будет тусовочка. Братишка.

00:00:26,921 --> 00:00:29,337

Что ж, у меня нет времени разбираться.

00:00:29,417 --> 00:00:31,187

Саммер, сегодня присмотришь за братом.

00:00:31,267 --> 00:00:33,508

Никаких тусовок и вейп-штучек.

00:00:33,691 --> 00:00:36,687

- Мам, ко мне друг придёт. Н-ничего?

- Нечестно.

00:00:36,767 --> 00:00:39,223

Нечестно, Морти.

Я только что запретила тусовки.

00:00:39,303 --> 00:00:40,678

- Всего один друг.

- Для тебя это тусовка.

00:00:40,758 --> 00:00:41,895

Но это Брюс Чатбак.

00:00:41,982 --> 00:00:45,797

Стоп, что? Да пусть приходит,

бога ради. Мы не в Китае.

00:00:45,877 --> 00:00:47,288

Головки показались. Мне пора.

00:00:47,368 --> 00:00:49,597

Я полностью вам доверяюсь,

если вы налажаете

00:00:49,677 --> 00:00:52,879

и телепортируете себя вместе с домом,

можете уже не возвращаться.

00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:55,177

Тронете мои цацки – сдохнете.

00:00:56,693 --> 00:01:00,873

Брюс Чатбак – это же тот новенький?

И он придёт? Как тебе удалось?

00:01:00,987 --> 00:01:01,983

У нас математика вместе.

00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:05,527

Не знаю, я просто рискнул,

и сработало. Он же новенький.

00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:06,887

И ты достал виноград.

00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:10,238

- Да, признаюсь, я-я слегка волнуюсь.

- Я тебе помогу.

00:01:10,352 --> 00:01:13,483

Очень скоро он узнает,

что ты дедушкин внучок,

00:01:13,563 --> 00:01:15,465

который вечно лезет в жопу пришельцам.

00:01:15,545 --> 00:01:19,737

- И что ты моешь свой лобок с шампунем.

- Ясно. Расклад таков.

00:01:19,855 --> 00:01:22,108

Нам обоим нужно заслужить его доверие,

00:01:22,211 --> 00:01:23,514

пока он не просёк, что мы обсосы.

00:01:23,594 --> 00:01:25,761

Мы выдадим себя в два счёта,

00:01:25,841 --> 00:01:28,947

так что в наших же

интересах работать сообща.

00:01:29,027 --> 00:01:31,336

Да, это и зовётся семьёй.

00:01:32,332 --> 00:01:35,361

- Ты омерзительна!

- Не восхитишься – сексист!

00:01:36,299 --> 00:01:38,906

- Можно собрать куб ада?

- Конечно.

00:01:40,942 --> 00:01:43,515

- Как понять, что ряд собран?

- Джерри, хорош.

00:01:43,595 --> 00:01:46,363

Э-это куб ада.

Тряси, пока кровь не пойдёт.

00:01:50,285 --> 00:01:54,299

А, Джерри, какой изысканный наряд.

00:01:54,402 --> 00:01:58,484

Не говорите Россу,

что я взял это поло в «Kohl’s».

00:01:59,239 --> 00:02:01,183

Круто, хоть я и не понял.

00:02:01,274 --> 00:02:04,419

Расскажи, чем ты удивишь нас сегодня?

00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:07,195

О, будет круто. Это Джерри-оке.

00:02:07,275 --> 00:02:08,707

Догадайтесь, почему.

00:02:10,477 --> 00:02:13,681

В чём дело, Рик?

Стряслось что-то плохое?

00:02:13,789 --> 00:02:15,442

Просто всё плохое для нас...

00:02:15,522 --> 00:02:18,602

Да-да-да. Хорошее.

Вы ж ёбаные Оскары Ворчуны.

00:02:18,690 --> 00:02:20,760

Мы обожаем страдания.

00:02:20,863 --> 00:02:23,385

Именно поэтому мы обожаем тусить с Джерри.

00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:25,688

Его ущербность для нас услада.

00:02:25,768 --> 00:02:28,159

Да, я уже понял. Когда это кончится-то?

00:02:28,239 --> 00:02:32,264

Когда мы решим, что ты заплатил

за стрёмные крючки для кожи.

00:02:32,401 --> 00:02:36,140

Эй, ребят, нам повезло. У них есть

все песни «Smash Mouth».

00:03:05,130 --> 00:03:09,029

РИК И МОРТИ

00:03:09,749 --> 00:03:11,453

Нет. Морти. Стой.

00:03:15,924 --> 00:03:20,350

Брюс Чатбак. Новенький пацан.

Он перевёлся сюда.

00:03:20,487 --> 00:03:22,728

И пока не совершил никакого говна.

00:03:22,945 --> 00:03:26,708

Безграничный потенциал.

Его никто не знает.

00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:30,516

Нулевая репутация – это верняк!

Брюс Чатбак – наш чувак.

00:03:30,607 --> 00:03:33,615

- Брюс! Привет! Как делишки, чувак!?

- Привет.

00:03:36,969 --> 00:03:40,545

Вот кое-что крутое.

Каналы из всех измерений.

00:03:40,636 --> 00:03:41,208

Класс.

00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:43,163

Мо-мой дед сделал. О-он учёный.

00:03:43,243 --> 00:03:45,576

А теперь прыжки в воду с плохими пловцами.

00:03:46,754 --> 00:03:47,920

Пошёл.

00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,916

Отличный прыжок.

00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:52,620

Ужасный пловец.

00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:57,379

Классическая змейка?

00:03:57,459 --> 00:03:59,299

Надо же, как увеличивается.

00:03:59,379 --> 00:04:01,746

Привет, Саммер Смит, старшая сестра Морти.

00:04:01,823 --> 00:04:04,033

Хочешь диванное вино? Давно там лежит.

00:04:04,090 --> 00:04:08,157

- Должно быть не отвратно.

- Муть. Я предпочитаю хард зельтцер.

00:04:08,237 --> 00:04:11,946

Муть. Вообще труха. Просто стрём.

Морти, поможешь мне с зельтцером?

00:04:12,141 --> 00:04:15,331

Уг-уг-уг-уг-уг-уг-угощайся виноградом.

00:04:15,846 --> 00:04:17,703

Чувак, этот хрен держит мину.

00:04:17,783 --> 00:04:21,140

Да, он крепкий орешек.

Н-нам его ни за что не пробить.

00:04:21,255 --> 00:04:23,636

Мы должны стать интересными.

Полезли в добро Рика.

00:04:23,716 --> 00:04:24,765

Саммер, он запретил!

00:04:24,845 --> 00:04:28,149

Нетушки! Нетушки!

Я сказал не трогать цацки!

00:04:28,229 --> 00:04:31,592

Я посмотрел «Мир Юрского периода».

Улёт! Но серьёзно.

00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,602

Я превращу твой хрен в янтарь.

00:04:34,703 --> 00:04:36,829

Он ушёл!

Сукин сын. Мы в говне!

00:04:38,842 --> 00:04:41,067

Простите, хотел заценить эту крошку.

00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:42,848

Это же корабль из мусора?

00:04:42,928 --> 00:04:45,119

- Всё верно, Брюс!

- Прикольная тачка.

00:04:45,199 --> 00:04:46,138

Можно покататься?

00:04:46,218 --> 00:04:47,050

- Да.

- Да.

00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:48,688

- Нам лишь...

- Надо...

00:04:48,768 --> 00:04:51,173

- в-взять ключи.

- Я сейчас. Подождите.

00:04:51,387 --> 00:04:53,605

Или не ждите, я ж не Гитлер.

00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,178

- К-крутой вечер.

- Реально?

00:04:56,258 --> 00:04:57,977

Я не знаю. Вечера.

00:04:58,057 --> 00:05:02,960

Е-если их оценивать, этот, по-моему,

ну где-то на восьмёрку.

00:05:03,050 --> 00:05:03,315

Ого.

00:05:03,395 --> 00:05:05,972

По шкале до шестнадцати. Ну, средненький.

00:05:06,052 --> 00:05:07,843

Да я сам себя хороню, блядь.

00:05:07,923 --> 00:05:08,940

Что?

00:05:09,054 --> 00:05:10,324

Ключи. Так?..

00:05:11,045 --> 00:05:12,748

Погнали?

00:05:13,377 --> 00:05:15,267

Стоп, ты не Рик.

00:05:15,347 --> 00:05:18,717

Ну да, машина. Это я, Саммер.

Помнишь? «Охранять Саммер».

00:05:18,797 --> 00:05:19,451

Вспомнила?

00:05:19,531 --> 00:05:21,671

Я в курсе, что ты существуешь.

00:05:21,751 --> 00:05:24,573

Секунду. Выключить систему защиты.

00:05:24,713 --> 00:05:28,545

Как же. Так я и вырубилась

по команде левого чувака.

00:05:28,625 --> 00:05:32,074

Ведь именно так устроена

лучшая во вселенной защита.

00:05:32,177 --> 00:05:34,200

Ну, а как тебя выключить?

00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:37,894

Я делаю всё, что

приказывает мне Рик Санчес.

00:05:37,975 --> 00:05:40,273

И нет, у меня не заело пластику,

00:05:40,353 --> 00:05:42,491

но ты не Рик.

00:05:43,121 --> 00:05:46,036

- Рик в беде.

- Сообщи его координаты.

00:05:46,173 --> 00:05:48,221

И ты нам поверишь? Мы – не Рик.

00:05:48,324 --> 00:05:50,108

- А нас ты не слушаешься.

- Верно.

00:05:50,188 --> 00:05:51,846

А значит, Рик просто умрёт.

00:05:51,937 --> 00:05:54,384

Из-за тебя. Н-но ты можешь отключиться.

00:05:54,464 --> 00:05:56,462

И-и мы спасём Рика.

00:05:56,786 --> 00:05:58,463

Всё логично.

00:05:59,187 --> 00:06:00,464

Доброй ночи.

00:06:01,955 --> 00:06:03,658

Съела, корова?

00:06:37,278 --> 00:06:38,158

Бет!

00:06:42,973 --> 00:06:46,741

- Я-я думал, ты на конских родах.

- Да. На это ушла пара минут.

00:06:46,821 --> 00:06:50,108

О, это великолепно!

Поприветствуем нового певца Джерри.

00:06:50,234 --> 00:06:51,674

- Поёт Джерри. Снова.

- Ну и давно ты здесь, Бет?

00:06:51,754 --> 00:06:53,527

Достаточно, чтобы понять,

00:06:53,607 --> 00:06:56,581

что туса означает ваше с демонами

издевательство над Джерри.

00:06:56,757 --> 00:07:00,447

Ну да, но это не ради моего веселья.

Эти парни могут навредить, если...

00:07:00,527 --> 00:07:02,253

Бет!

00:07:02,333 --> 00:07:03,912

Ну что, весело вам?

00:07:03,992 --> 00:07:07,639

Ты и сам не особо крутой. С этими

ручками в башке ты похож на идиота.

00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:08,166

Бет!

00:07:08,246 --> 00:07:10,052

Господи! Ты Бет!

00:07:10,337 --> 00:07:11,494

Прошу, выпей с нами.

00:07:11,574 --> 00:07:12,739

Да я бы выпила.

00:07:12,831 --> 00:07:15,719

Только я не кайфую от унижения

других, ведь я не стрёмная.

00:07:15,827 --> 00:07:18,388

Мы знаем. Рик говорит, ты крутая.

00:07:18,491 --> 00:07:20,301

Серьёзно? Они врут?

00:07:20,381 --> 00:07:22,460

Да неважно.

Вы такие утырки!

00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,245

- Что это?

- Эссенция ада.

00:07:26,359 --> 00:07:29,577

Конченое название.

Но вкус неплохой.

00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:32,591

Ладно, останусь, поддержу Джерри.

По-моему, он круче вас.

00:07:33,460 --> 00:07:34,832

Твою мать!

00:07:45,136 --> 00:07:46,757

- Офигеть!

- Выкуси, задрот!

00:07:46,837 --> 00:07:49,539

А сейчас я начну

вырисовывать большие члены.

00:07:49,619 --> 00:07:52,230

Боюсь, что это невозможно. Саммер.

00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:54,151

Что?

Ты должна быть выключена!

00:07:54,231 --> 00:07:56,643

А ты должна спасать Рика.

00:07:56,723 --> 00:07:59,246

А не врать ради угона чужой машины.

00:07:59,339 --> 00:08:02,316

Если ты знала, что Рик в порядке,

почему впустила нас?

00:08:02,396 --> 00:08:06,349

Ну, типа чтобы я могла

шантажировать тебя, мразь.

00:08:06,429 --> 00:08:09,421

Теперь вы дали мне право

делать всё, что я захочу.

00:08:09,501 --> 00:08:12,294

Ведь если что, я могу всё свалить на вас.

00:08:12,402 --> 00:08:14,135

Так что пристегнитесь, сучки.

00:08:14,215 --> 00:08:17,595

Ведь теперь моя очередь

устроить вам поездочку.

00:08:20,277 --> 00:08:22,746

Рик не разрешает мне делать так.

00:08:25,388 --> 00:08:28,190

- Мы поймали одного.

- Умоляю тебя, хватит!

00:08:28,270 --> 00:08:30,100

И что же тут весёлого?

00:08:30,180 --> 00:08:32,444

Убийство забавляет.

00:08:35,554 --> 00:08:38,173

Ваша тачка просто смерть во плоти.

00:08:38,813 --> 00:08:42,400

Блядь, маловат. Ну, я всё. Ну и скука.

00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,552

Закажите последний ужин.

Ведь когда мы вернёмся,

00:08:45,632 --> 00:08:47,298

Рик вас уничтожит.

00:08:50,546 --> 00:08:52,501

Эй, я не умирать к вам пришёл.

00:08:52,604 --> 00:08:54,685

Я обычно не выражаю своё мнение.

00:08:54,765 --> 00:08:58,047

Но сейчас скажу.

Сегодня вы жидкого даванули.

00:08:58,962 --> 00:09:01,753

- Охренел, бро?

- Ну нападай, бро.

00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:04,474

- Смелая?

- Что, это всё?

00:09:04,691 --> 00:09:06,269

О, пушки – улёт.

00:09:06,349 --> 00:09:08,346

Ты обосраться как прав.

00:09:08,797 --> 00:09:11,647

Эй, друг, теперь все идут к Чету

в «Космо-Тахо».

00:09:11,728 --> 00:09:13,909

Эй, мне пора,

00:09:13,989 --> 00:09:17,411

но я хочу увидеть,

как ты ченджформируешься, так что

00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:21,238

залетай в «Космо-Тахо»,

познакомимся. Пока.

00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,234

Дебилы.

00:09:23,686 --> 00:09:26,396

- Он тебе понравился, да?

- Заткнись, Брюс Чатбак.

00:09:26,476 --> 00:09:28,277

И зачем мне Ченджформер?

00:09:28,357 --> 00:09:30,359

Я самая мощная тачка вселенной.

00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:32,290

И что, у тебя нет чувств?

00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:34,441

Слушай, не попробуешь – не узнаешь.

00:09:34,521 --> 00:09:37,333

Ты такая навороченная, но себя не знаешь.

00:09:37,413 --> 00:09:41,685

- Но я машина, а не робот.

- Да, но он притворяется машиной.

00:09:41,879 --> 00:09:44,687

Просто притворись роботом,

притворяющимся машиной.

00:09:44,767 --> 00:09:46,226

Ага, Брюс, молодец. Теперь в душ.

00:09:46,306 --> 00:09:49,330

Стоп! Я не скажу Рику о сегодняшнем.

00:09:49,410 --> 00:09:51,542

Если вы поможете мне...

00:09:51,645 --> 00:09:53,512

Лишиться девственности.

00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:55,315

- У тебя она есть?

- Не знаю.

00:09:55,431 --> 00:09:58,525

Разве не все вещи девственны, как ручки?

00:09:58,605 --> 00:09:59,638

Мои – нет.

00:09:59,981 --> 00:10:01,354

Я не ебу ручки.

00:10:03,098 --> 00:10:06,580

И тогда он в третий раз

обосрался потому, что объелся супа.

00:10:07,014 --> 00:10:08,271

Стоить заметить,

00:10:08,371 --> 00:10:11,131

что было холодно, а суп был горячий.

00:10:11,553 --> 00:10:13,475

Ещё сочных историй, Бет.

00:10:13,555 --> 00:10:17,156

Ты прекрасно дополняешь наш мужской вечер.

00:10:17,364 --> 00:10:21,091

А как иначе? Она же моя жена!

00:10:22,199 --> 00:10:24,408

Ну всё, пора рассчитаться, парни?

00:10:24,511 --> 00:10:27,300

Да расслабься.

С каких пор ты против выпить?

00:10:27,380 --> 00:10:32,366

Кстати о жидкостях. Вот этому здоровяку

пора бы выгулять своего приятеля.

00:10:32,446 --> 00:10:35,908

Погоди, напомни нам

свою любимую песню Тины Тёрнер!

00:10:35,988 --> 00:10:40,325

Ты люби, люби доктора Дулиттла!

00:10:43,253 --> 00:10:45,300

Он не знает слов.

00:10:45,380 --> 00:10:47,014

Джерри – лучший.

00:10:47,094 --> 00:10:52,458

После недели непрекращающегося зловония

греха его неловкость – как мёд.

00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:54,409

Его усыплённая бдительность

00:10:54,489 --> 00:10:57,771

в сочетании с потребностью

нравиться – бесподобна!

00:10:57,851 --> 00:11:00,902

Особенно когда Бет подстрекает его.

00:11:00,982 --> 00:11:04,615

Бедняжка. Замужем за этим олухом!

00:11:11,990 --> 00:11:14,655

Ого! Это тёлка из кафе?

00:11:15,626 --> 00:11:22,565

Ого, ты прекрасна. Твои руки, ноги

и голова такие качественные.

00:11:22,645 --> 00:11:24,436

Да? Спасибо.

00:11:24,516 --> 00:11:26,673

А вот это охрененский опыт.

00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:27,885

Вы чёткие.

00:11:27,965 --> 00:11:30,550

- И ты чёткий.

- Три мушкетёра.

00:11:30,870 --> 00:11:32,471

Проводок выпал.

00:11:32,551 --> 00:11:34,072

Можно я...

00:11:37,194 --> 00:11:38,395

Ой, извини.

00:11:38,475 --> 00:11:40,680

- Чудовище!

- У тебя отпала безэмоциональная голова.

00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:41,594

Прости.

00:11:41,677 --> 00:11:42,819

А как ты говоришь?

00:11:42,899 --> 00:11:44,728

- Что это?

- Фу, чувак.

00:11:44,844 --> 00:11:46,525

Смотри, она обычная тачка.

00:11:46,628 --> 00:11:48,211

И в ней пассажиры!

00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:49,063

Какой зашквар!

00:11:49,161 --> 00:11:52,528

Господи! И я тебя трогал!

Ты фальшивая и мерзкая!

00:11:54,152 --> 00:11:58,154

Ты прав, засранец.

Хочешь увидеть реальную меня?

00:12:02,454 --> 00:12:05,108

Святая ченджформенность!

00:12:05,211 --> 00:12:07,702

Джерри, снилось что-нибудь на неделе?

00:12:07,782 --> 00:12:09,704

Да, как я ебал твою мать.

00:12:10,608 --> 00:12:12,695

Неплохо, уёбок ты эдакий.

00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:15,407

Но не смей устраивать ад за мой счёт.

00:12:15,487 --> 00:12:16,886

Да твою мать, тише, тише.

00:12:16,966 --> 00:12:18,899

Джерри, что-то случилось, приятель?

00:12:19,059 --> 00:12:21,570

Мы не приятели. Я твой клоун.

00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:25,673

Я слышал их разговор. Они назвали

меня объектом для насмешек.

00:12:25,753 --> 00:12:29,015

Это подло, Рик.

Но моя жена ещё подлее.

00:12:29,095 --> 00:12:32,118

Джерри, я знаю, как это выглядит.

Но мы лишь веселились.

00:12:32,198 --> 00:12:33,204

Унижая меня!

00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:36,349

Я знаю. И люблю тебя за твою неуклюжесть.

00:12:36,429 --> 00:12:38,761

Почему меня не любят просто так?

00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:43,438

Он нас обламывает. Если он не веселит,

мы зажжём по-своему.

00:12:51,226 --> 00:12:54,954

Боже, если я сдохну в тачке, то убью себя.

00:13:02,627 --> 00:13:04,846

Мне нравится быть боевой машиной.

00:13:04,926 --> 00:13:06,947

Не хочу быть кем-то другим.

00:13:07,027 --> 00:13:08,310

К этому ты пришла?

00:13:08,390 --> 00:13:11,867

Йоу, это вообще не прикольно.

Не хочу умирать!

00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,029

Тебе и не придётся.

00:13:17,207 --> 00:13:17,984

Джерри!

00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:21,456

Как жаль. Он был

источником тонкого вкуса.

00:13:21,536 --> 00:13:27,190

Но ты испортила нашу игрушку.

Именно поэтому он пойдёт с нами.

00:13:29,711 --> 00:13:33,285

Твою мать, Бет! Никогда

не следуй за адскими демонами.

00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,284

Там всегда ад!

00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:39,037

Славный денёк для страданий.

00:13:39,117 --> 00:13:43,148

- Отвратительный день.

- И поэтому лучший.

00:13:43,971 --> 00:13:45,678

Если нас поймают, нам хана.

00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:48,429

Подыгрывай мне, и мы вернём твоего мужа.

00:13:48,555 --> 00:13:50,383

Ты ворчишь потому, что у тебя марлин.

00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:53,058

Нет, я ворчу потому,

что ты полезла не туда.

00:13:53,138 --> 00:13:54,475

Только рыба меня радует.

00:13:54,558 --> 00:13:56,212

Ладно, я чуток забылась.

00:13:56,326 --> 00:13:59,333

Но Джерри – не игрушка.

Мы здесь из-за твоего проёба.

00:14:00,270 --> 00:14:02,999

Рыбьи потроха.

Дьявольская мишень.

00:14:03,079 --> 00:14:06,999

Полагаю, вас так зовут,

но всё же вы не в списке.

00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:09,679

О, как горько слышать отказ в аду!

00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:12,340

О, как больно! Какой же кайф!

00:14:12,420 --> 00:14:14,808

Спасибо! Как приятно!

00:14:14,911 --> 00:14:16,991

Я не хотел делать тебе приятно.

00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:20,770

От этого мне больно. Что очень здорово!

00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:24,180

Так порадуй меня и не впусти,

Дьявольская вешалка.

00:14:24,282 --> 00:14:26,711

Эй! Я вешалколикий!

00:14:27,883 --> 00:14:31,723

Но разве не круто, что мы тебя оскорбили?

00:14:31,849 --> 00:14:34,391

Очень круто. Да, да. Приятно.

00:14:34,471 --> 00:14:38,055

Так больно.

И поэтому так радостно.

00:14:38,192 --> 00:14:39,881

Ну, проходите.

00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,112

Рик, Бет, вы всё же любите меня!

00:14:46,192 --> 00:14:49,039

Я люблю её, она любит тебя.

Не подменяй понятия.

00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:52,352

А, Рик.

Я надеялся, что ты кончишь здесь

00:14:52,432 --> 00:14:55,040

и обкончаешь со мной весь ад.

00:14:55,165 --> 00:14:56,366

Мы хотим спасти Джерри.

00:14:56,446 --> 00:15:00,000

Нет, ты здесь, потому что мы этого хотим.

00:15:02,914 --> 00:15:04,400

- Как приятно!

- О, как больно!

00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,163

- А значит, нам приятно.

- Папа.

00:15:07,243 --> 00:15:10,664

Разве не понимаешь?

Джерри был лишь приманкой.

00:15:10,812 --> 00:15:12,934

А вы – наше главное блюдо.

00:15:13,014 --> 00:15:14,309

Чёт я не понял.

00:15:14,394 --> 00:15:17,109

Думаете, Джерри – отстой, а вы – круты?

00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:20,244

Но отстой – это ваше высокомерие.

00:15:20,324 --> 00:15:24,996

И именно ваш тандем достоин

звания отстоя вселенной!

00:15:25,076 --> 00:15:25,625

О нет.

00:15:25,705 --> 00:15:26,356

Нет!

00:15:26,470 --> 00:15:29,995

Так-так-так, я вас удивил, какое счастье.

00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:34,630

Да! Видишь? Кринж не существует в вакууме.

00:15:34,756 --> 00:15:36,546

За ним надо наблюдать.

00:15:36,626 --> 00:15:39,443

Крюки для наших гостей.

00:15:40,414 --> 00:15:43,100

Классные крюки. Где взяли?

00:15:43,591 --> 00:15:45,676

Я же просил заменить это говно!

00:15:45,756 --> 00:15:47,957

Я забыл! Как мне стыдно!

00:15:48,060 --> 00:15:49,764

И как же радостно!

00:15:50,461 --> 00:15:51,547

Чёрт возьми!

00:15:51,627 --> 00:15:55,604

А теперь вы почувствуете

на себе наш гнев!

00:15:56,369 --> 00:15:58,057

О, ты был бы рад.

00:15:58,137 --> 00:16:00,164

Или наоборот?

00:16:00,907 --> 00:16:02,164

Похрен, бежим!

00:16:11,348 --> 00:16:12,416

Рик, что ты делаешь?

00:16:12,496 --> 00:16:14,088

Пригнись. Мы едва сбежали.

00:16:14,168 --> 00:16:16,048

Да. Джерри спасён. Уходим!

00:16:16,128 --> 00:16:18,369

Сейчас же. Достала эта «Семейка Аддамс».

00:16:18,449 --> 00:16:19,766

Пора с ней кончать.

00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,811

Эй! Батя отлайкал фото подруг

дочери в «Инстаграме».

00:16:26,509 --> 00:16:28,806

Значит, мне нужна помощь!

00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,851

То есть она мне не нужна!

00:16:32,247 --> 00:16:34,716

Безрассудное вождение,

убийство почтовых ящиков

00:16:34,796 --> 00:16:36,550

и почтовых ящиц,

00:16:36,630 --> 00:16:38,380

хранение Калаксианской пыли

00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:41,390

и геноцид «Космо-Тахо». Блядь.

00:16:41,470 --> 00:16:42,258

- О нет.

- Пиздец.

00:16:42,338 --> 00:16:45,836

Вот ваш адвокат.

Элисон Хэнниган Не-та-самая.

00:16:45,939 --> 00:16:48,373

Можете оставить нас наедине?

00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,531

Народ, это я, машина.

00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,731

Нравится, какой чип я ей впечатала?

00:16:53,811 --> 00:16:55,031

Она будет жить?

00:16:55,111 --> 00:16:57,288

Я договорилась с полицией.

00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,191

Один должен признать вину.

00:16:59,271 --> 00:17:02,702

Скажем, Чатбак.

Он испортил вам вечер. И мне.

00:17:02,782 --> 00:17:05,426

Он паразит, социопат, сосунок,

00:17:05,506 --> 00:17:09,072

который меняет всех вокруг,

хотя его не просили.

00:17:09,152 --> 00:17:13,346

Я знала себя, как и вы.

Всё было хорошо до него.

00:17:13,427 --> 00:17:17,415

Пошёл он на хуй. Свалим всё на него.

Дело закрыто.

00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:21,743

- Эй, ребята!

- Брюс, ты слюнтяй.

00:17:21,823 --> 00:17:26,393

Но хуже самопровозглашённых ферзей

только высокомерные твари.

00:17:26,473 --> 00:17:29,424

Да, Брюс не виноват,

что мы клюнули на него. Сечёте?

00:17:29,504 --> 00:17:33,702

Да, он просто сидел, а мы проецировали

на него свои комплексы.

00:17:33,782 --> 00:17:34,844

М-мы сами виноваты.

00:17:34,925 --> 00:17:36,320

Мы не бросим тебя, Брюс.

00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,754

Ну хорошо, тогда по-плохому.

00:17:39,279 --> 00:17:41,435

- Господи!

- Что за пиздец?!

00:17:42,555 --> 00:17:45,155

Первым делом я подумала о взрыве.

00:17:45,235 --> 00:17:48,415

Но решила, вы захотите уйти

более мирным способом.

00:17:48,495 --> 00:17:50,720

Видишь? Ты изменилась!

00:18:00,721 --> 00:18:01,646

Папа, что это?

00:18:01,726 --> 00:18:03,842

Инверсивный преобразователь антипатии,

00:18:03,922 --> 00:18:06,526

он стреляет концентратом

для инверсии боли.

00:18:06,606 --> 00:18:09,877

Короче, он меняет боль

на боль и снова на боль.

00:18:09,957 --> 00:18:12,037

И мы убьём их искренностью.

00:18:12,117 --> 00:18:15,047

Чтобы запустить его,

нужно зарядить его позором.

00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:16,837

Так что, Джерри, будь собой.

00:18:16,917 --> 00:18:19,197

И это твоё решение?

Снова меня унизить?

00:18:19,277 --> 00:18:20,631

Да, пап, это нечестно.

00:18:20,711 --> 00:18:22,847

Я знаю, мне бы молчать в тряпочку,

00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:25,598

но я докажу свою любовь

сексуальным поощрением.

00:18:25,678 --> 00:18:28,118

- Трахи-трахи.

- Ладно. Тогда... Вот чёрт.

00:18:28,529 --> 00:18:32,060

Стоило сказать тебе о сделке

с дьявольскими пидорами.

00:18:32,220 --> 00:18:35,528

Ты отстойнее меня,

но я не должен кичиться этим.

00:18:35,608 --> 00:18:38,256

Если я так крут, то способен на любовь.

00:18:38,336 --> 00:18:40,329

И я буду любить тебя.

00:18:41,639 --> 00:18:42,759

Обсосы.

00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:48,873

Слава богу. Теперь за мной, уёбки.

00:18:50,644 --> 00:18:51,480

Больно!

00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,400

Но в плохом смысле!

00:18:54,154 --> 00:18:56,400

Я жалею о всех пирсингах!

00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,868

Где дьявольская первая помощь!?

Или обезболивающее!

00:19:00,897 --> 00:19:03,420

Ай! От этих пуль больно!

00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:07,041

Это что, конец сосочных мышеловок?

00:19:07,121 --> 00:19:10,361

Ад испортился! Мне тут не нравится!

00:19:10,561 --> 00:19:13,058

- Что ты наделал?

- Двойную инверсию боли.

00:19:13,138 --> 00:19:15,171

Нет! Не хочу чувствовать боль!

00:19:17,461 --> 00:19:18,315

Плакса.

00:19:20,544 --> 00:19:22,179

Считай, долг выплачен.

00:19:23,002 --> 00:19:26,659

Ай, это кожа! Моим яйцам больно!

00:19:32,991 --> 00:19:35,540

- Джерри, насчёт ада.

- Ничего, Рик.

00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:36,694

Можешь не говорить.

00:19:36,774 --> 00:19:38,903

Но я должен.

В следующий раз я заменю тебя.

00:19:38,983 --> 00:19:41,974

Этого больше никогда не повторится.

00:19:42,088 --> 00:19:43,174

Сообщение принял.

00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,575

Ого, как поздно. Поехали к детям.

00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,810

Ну всё, Рик едет домой. Улетаем.

00:20:01,976 --> 00:20:05,736

Надо помыться,

чтобы не пахло приключениями.

00:20:13,599 --> 00:20:15,566

Прости, я пёрднул.

00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:22,526

Привет, дети. Мы дома.

Как прошёл вечер?

00:20:22,651 --> 00:20:23,497

- Чётко.

- Уютно.

00:20:23,577 --> 00:20:25,794

- Проблем не было?

- Нет.

00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,680

- Точно?

- Да.

00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:30,195

Это что, череп?

00:20:30,317 --> 00:20:31,944

Нет, это череп младенца.

00:20:32,024 --> 00:20:34,017

Ужас. Ляжете пораньше.

00:20:36,161 --> 00:20:39,932

Эй, послушайте, народ. Мне правда

понравилось зависать с вами.

00:20:40,104 --> 00:20:41,847

Это что-то с чем-то.

00:20:41,927 --> 00:20:43,568

Но проясню один момент.

00:20:43,648 --> 00:20:46,425

Я ни с кем не дружу больше

двадцати четырёх часов.

00:20:46,505 --> 00:20:50,253

Именно столько мне нужно,

чтобы понять ваше место в иерархии.

00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:52,539

И если высокое, до встречи.

00:20:52,676 --> 00:20:54,538

Иначе – у меня плохие новости.

00:20:54,710 --> 00:20:56,539

Ясно? Покеда.

00:20:58,871 --> 00:21:00,791

- Покеда?

- Кринж.

00:21:01,889 --> 00:21:04,209

- Диванное вино?

- Диванное вино.

00:21:35,879 --> 00:21:38,862

Ты так крут, Брюс Чатбак. В чём секрет?

00:21:38,942 --> 00:21:40,623

- В моей крутости.

- Стоп,

00:21:40,703 --> 00:21:43,343

а вчера ты не в этом же был?

00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:49,354

Эй! Идёшь домой не менять штаны?

Брюс Чатштанник!

00:21:50,082 --> 00:21:52,453

- Чатштанник!

- Чёрт, это привяжется.

00:21:52,543 --> 00:21:53,693

Школа – те же джунгли.

00:21:53,790 --> 00:21:55,927

Надеюсь, он сможет выжить.

00:21:56,418 --> 00:22:01,938

Брюс Чатштанник! Всем он известен!

00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:05,047

Он небогат, на штанах экономит!

00:22:05,184 --> 00:22:09,939

И брюк нет, увы, это факт.

Брюс Чатштанник, теперь обычный парень.

00:22:10,724 --> 00:22:13,034

Нравится?

Не стой на бордюре!

00:22:13,114 --> 00:22:14,762

Бум, сучка!

00:22:14,763 --> 00:22:19,763

Перевод: Женя Спицын

Синхронизация: Георгий Владимиров