Спрей рикависимости

00:00:08,768 --> 00:00:11,241

No, we're not.

Okay, but we've

been here for hours.

00:00:11,276 --> 00:00:13,375

I-I don't want to hang out

at the stupid horse hospital.

00:00:13,410 --> 00:00:16,004

This stupid horse hospital

puts dinner on your table.

00:00:16,039 --> 00:00:18,182

It wouldn't kill you

to take an interest.

00:00:20,384 --> 00:00:22,252

W-What's this thing?

I-In the middle of the room?

00:00:22,287 --> 00:00:23,847

With -- With the hole

in the end?

00:00:23,882 --> 00:00:26,190

That's a breeding mount.

The nurses use it to collect...

00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:28,192

reproductive material.

00:00:40,734 --> 00:00:42,569

Okay, let's go see this

latest piece of Marvel shit

00:00:42,604 --> 00:00:43,867

you kids are jizzing over.

00:00:43,902 --> 00:00:45,737

Yeah.

A-About time.

00:00:45,772 --> 00:00:48,245

So, d-does your hospital

ever need, like,

00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:49,873

after-school

volunteers?

00:00:49,908 --> 00:00:51,941

Wow. Who are you and

where did you put my son?

00:00:51,976 --> 00:00:53,415

Ha! No, no. Seriously.

00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:55,747

I-I'm very interested

in -- in your work.

00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,952

Morty, you dirty little doggy.

00:01:04,395 --> 00:01:06,626

Ugh! Come on!

00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:10,432

Hey, Rick.

00:01:10,467 --> 00:01:12,137

Oh, hey, kiddo.

How's your Saturday?

00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,029

You know, super chill.

W-W-Whatcha doin'?

00:01:14,064 --> 00:01:15,536

Eh, nothing adventurous.

00:01:15,571 --> 00:01:17,406

You know that race of

Underground Dwelling Cannibal

00:01:17,441 --> 00:01:18,902

Horse People that

we're always fighting?

00:01:18,937 --> 00:01:20,607

Yeah, the CHUDs.

W-W-What about 'em?

00:01:20,642 --> 00:01:22,477

Well, don't tell anybody,

but I'm working on

00:01:22,512 --> 00:01:24,149

a bioweapon

to use against them,

00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,613

so I got this barrel of horse

semen from your mom's hospital

00:01:26,648 --> 00:01:28,120

and I'm just gonna,

you know,

00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,946

subject it to

some otherworldly forces.

00:01:29,981 --> 00:01:31,882

Guess I should test it,

make sure it's --

00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,719

Make sure it's what?!

Horse semen, obviously.

00:01:33,754 --> 00:01:35,457

Okay, but it says it is

right on the barrel!

00:01:35,492 --> 00:01:37,129

You're not being

very scientific, Morty.

00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,164

Measure twice, cut once.

Especially with semen.

00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,133

Did you even ask Mom

if you could have this?!

00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:43,630

Morty, if I wanted

to steal horse semen, I'd --

00:01:43,665 --> 00:01:46,061

Yes, I asked her.

What is at stake for you here?

00:01:46,096 --> 00:01:48,965

Why don't you trust labels?!

All right! Fine!

I won't test it!

00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,770

God damn. Your generation really

picks random hills to die on.

00:01:51,805 --> 00:01:53,574

Don't get too close.

00:01:53,609 --> 00:01:55,180

I'm running an inhuman amount

of power through this semen.

00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:57,105

Should be safe, though,

since the semen itself is,

00:01:57,140 --> 00:01:59,844

you know, also inhuman.

Here we go.

00:02:13,992 --> 00:02:15,332

W-What happened?!

00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:16,828

The sperm, Morty!

00:02:16,863 --> 00:02:18,797

They're super monster sperm now!

I blame myself.

00:02:18,832 --> 00:02:21,096

Unless there was something

about the sperm I didn't know.

00:02:21,131 --> 00:02:22,999

Are you -- Are you saying

that to mess with me?

00:02:23,034 --> 00:02:24,341

What?

Mess with you how?

00:02:24,376 --> 00:02:25,936

Like, trying to get me

to say something?

00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:27,806

Morty, I have no idea

what you're talking about!

00:02:27,841 --> 00:02:29,181

For real?

Yes!

00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:32,217

Okay. Good.

Then -- Then it's your fault!

00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:05,745

Beth: Dad, what the hell

is going on?!

00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:07,384

Beth, sweetheart,

Can you give me a minute?

00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:09,584

I'm trying to steer around

the bodies of our neighbors.

00:03:09,619 --> 00:03:10,915

Oh, that felt like Gene.

00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:12,488

That's on you, Beth.

Dad, I swear--

00:03:12,523 --> 00:03:14,050

Mom, it's -- it's not

Rick's fault, it's --

00:03:14,085 --> 00:03:15,854

Space Sperm.

What?!

00:03:15,889 --> 00:03:17,361

Yeah.

Space Sperm.

00:03:17,396 --> 00:03:19,396

I-I've seen em' before,

but n-n-never like this.

00:03:19,431 --> 00:03:20,694

Space Sperm?!

00:03:20,729 --> 00:03:22,190

Sperm from Space?

00:03:22,225 --> 00:03:24,060

Very impressive verbal

forensic work, Jerry.

00:03:24,095 --> 00:03:26,194

Holy shit.

How big are space dicks?

00:03:26,229 --> 00:03:28,900

Don't answer that!

Damn, they must be huge.

00:03:30,970 --> 00:03:32,574

Oh!

00:03:35,810 --> 00:03:37,249

Oh, shit,

oh, shit, shit.

00:03:43,081 --> 00:03:44,586

Mr. Sanchez!

00:03:44,621 --> 00:03:47,490

The President is very eager

to speak with you!

00:03:50,154 --> 00:03:51,890

Morty, look,

you gotta do me a solid here.

00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:53,793

Y-you want me to keep the secret

of where these things came from?

00:03:53,828 --> 00:03:55,960

Yes, technically, it's a lie,

but I messed up,

00:03:55,995 --> 00:03:58,402

and I'm embarrassed 'cause it's,

you know, science.

00:03:58,437 --> 00:04:00,635

No problem.

I got your back, dawg.

00:04:00,670 --> 00:04:02,769

Really? Okay. Cool.

And thanks, Morty.

00:04:02,804 --> 00:04:04,199

I thought that'd be

a harder sell.

00:04:04,234 --> 00:04:05,739

Y-You did a shameful thing.

00:04:05,774 --> 00:04:07,708

Dwelling on it isn't gonna

help, you know, am I right?

00:04:07,743 --> 00:04:09,644

Sometimes you just gotta

wipe it off,

00:04:09,679 --> 00:04:12,284

toss it in the trash,

and head back to study hall.

00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,616

Uh, not getting the metaphor

but I'll take your hall pass.

00:04:14,651 --> 00:04:16,882

Sanchez!

Get the hell in here!

00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:18,620

Space Sperm?

00:04:18,655 --> 00:04:21,216

Jesus, how big

are space dicks?

Same page club.

00:04:21,251 --> 00:04:23,559

Well, Mr. President,

the theory of Cosmic DNA

00:04:23,594 --> 00:04:25,891

has been around for decades --

Chupacabras, Yeti,

00:04:25,926 --> 00:04:27,794

Stonehenge, Ancient Rome.

00:04:27,829 --> 00:04:30,159

Are these all myths,

monsters, legends,

00:04:30,194 --> 00:04:32,733

or different names

for sperm from outer space?

00:04:32,768 --> 00:04:34,130

I'll tell you what I think,

Sanchez.

00:04:34,165 --> 00:04:35,835

I think either

you caused this mess,

00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:38,134

or it's those godforsaken Horse

People that dwell underground.

00:04:38,169 --> 00:04:39,608

CHUDs. CHUDs.

That's them.

00:04:39,643 --> 00:04:42,072

Ugh, if they're behind this,

so help me, God.

00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:44,140

Morty, you've always been

a straight shooter.

00:04:44,175 --> 00:04:45,845

You can't prove that!

Wait, what?

00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,748

Oh -- oh. Right.

I can protect you,

little man.

00:04:47,783 --> 00:04:49,244

Blow that whistle.

Toot, toot.

00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:50,586

Is this

your grandpa's fault?

00:04:50,621 --> 00:04:51,851

Here's what I know, sir.

00:04:51,886 --> 00:04:53,589

This is the greatest country

on Earth.

00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:55,426

It invented apple pies

and lasers.

00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:57,362

Mm. Keep talking.

And that sperm...

00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,693

We don't know

nothin' about it.

00:04:58,728 --> 00:05:00,794

Then the CHUDs

just got themselves a war.

00:05:00,829 --> 00:05:03,434

And you just dodged

a personal drone strike.

00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,161

Hello! Hello.

Sorry, I'm late.

00:05:05,196 --> 00:05:07,636

This is Professor Shabooboo, the

world's leading expert on sperm.

00:05:07,671 --> 00:05:09,935

Thanks for getting here

so fast.

My schedule was wide open.

00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:12,773

I have been tracking

our new sperm friends

since their arrival,

00:05:12,808 --> 00:05:14,775

a-and if my calculations

are correct,

00:05:14,810 --> 00:05:16,271

they have gathered here.

00:05:16,306 --> 00:05:19,384

Why would the sperm

go to the Grand Canyon?

00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:22,816

Why are you looking at me

like the answer is obvious?

00:05:22,851 --> 00:05:25,280

Oh, you can't be serious.

Are we in middle school?

00:05:25,315 --> 00:05:26,820

You think sperm

are instinctively

00:05:26,855 --> 00:05:28,657

heading for America's --

Don't high-road us, lady.

00:05:28,692 --> 00:05:29,955

It's where they went.

00:05:29,990 --> 00:05:31,495

Now, how do we deal

with these...

00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:33,992

"Orgasogoblins"?

No takers?

00:05:34,027 --> 00:05:36,401

Okay. These...

"Cumplestiltskins?"

00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,832

No? Dumb?

These, uh, "Skeet Boogins?"

00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:40,130

Oh, yeah, yeah,

Skeet Boogins.

00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:41,703

Really?

Skeet Boogins?

00:05:41,738 --> 00:05:43,474

We'll use it as a placeholder

and beat it later.

00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:44,970

Mr. President, i-if I may?

00:05:45,005 --> 00:05:47,203

Luckily, I was able

to secure a specimen.

00:05:47,238 --> 00:05:49,843

Now, obviously our first steps

will be to analyze its DNA

00:05:49,878 --> 00:05:52,208

and figure out what

these beautiful creat--

00:05:52,243 --> 00:05:55,486

Oh, why?!

It-it had a gun!

00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,148

Are you out of your mind

bringing an armed sperm in here?

00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,391

But they can't hold guns!

00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:01,052

The boy literally

never lies!

00:06:01,087 --> 00:06:02,526

Look, if you want

these things gone,

00:06:02,561 --> 00:06:04,528

give Rick and me a plane

and some nukes.

00:06:04,563 --> 00:06:06,354

We'll wipe 'em out

and leave no trace of them.

00:06:06,389 --> 00:06:07,597

Only one way

to deal with it.

00:06:07,632 --> 00:06:08,862

He's right.

I'm a scientist.

00:06:08,897 --> 00:06:10,160

Fair enough.

Blow 'em to hell.

00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,403

What are people gonna do,

00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,196

complain we made

the canyon grander?

00:06:13,231 --> 00:06:15,869

Jerry, we're being bad parents.

Do something!

00:06:15,904 --> 00:06:18,036

I-is this water

for everyone?

00:06:18,071 --> 00:06:21,545

Yes, and I'd love a glass.

Comin' up!

00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:23,041

What are you doing?

00:06:23,076 --> 00:06:25,109

And, Rick, to make sure

you don't screw anything up,

00:06:25,144 --> 00:06:26,682

I'm sending

my best men with you.

00:06:26,717 --> 00:06:28,519

And women.

It's a fine suggestion,

00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,455

but I doubt their leader

will be a sexy queen

00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:31,852

that needs to be kickboxed.

00:06:31,887 --> 00:06:33,953

100% male Marines!

00:06:35,286 --> 00:06:37,352

They say cutting

a sperm's throat is like

00:06:37,387 --> 00:06:39,222

running a warm knife

through butter.

00:06:39,257 --> 00:06:41,928

I'm gonna make these things

pregnant...with death!

00:06:41,963 --> 00:06:43,600

No fear!

No humility!

00:06:43,635 --> 00:06:46,130

Both:

Zero chance of consequences!

00:06:46,165 --> 00:06:48,132

Hey, gentlemen's bet -- which

of these background Marines

00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:49,540

you think will last

the longest?

00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,267

I'm not betting on

human lives, Rick.

00:06:51,302 --> 00:06:52,807

All of these people

are gonna survive,

00:06:52,842 --> 00:06:54,710

but obviously that guy

the longest.

00:06:54,745 --> 00:06:56,547

Yeah, he's my pick, too.

What's his name?

00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:59,209

Blazen? Pretty cool.

00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:01,486

Yeah. He's, like, meditating

through turbulence.

00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:03,048

Psh. I bet if

something fell,

00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,654

he'd like, catch it

without opening his eyes.

00:07:04,689 --> 00:07:05,985

Totally.

Should we throw

something at him?

00:07:06,020 --> 00:07:07,250

I-I got a pencil somewhere.

00:07:10,321 --> 00:07:12,728

Who-who's shooting at us?!

00:07:12,763 --> 00:07:15,324

Oh, wow, that's unexpected.

00:07:15,359 --> 00:07:16,765

The sperm made a catapult?!

00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,393

A-A-Are they getting

smarter?!

00:07:18,428 --> 00:07:20,571

No, you're getting dumber

because that's a trebuchet.

00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:21,902

Nobody knows

the difference!

00:07:21,937 --> 00:07:23,805

They're reloading

that textbook trebuchet!

00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,644

Time to fly!

Aaaaaah!

00:07:27,679 --> 00:07:29,074

Oh!

00:07:36,017 --> 00:07:37,280

We gotta keep moving.

00:07:37,315 --> 00:07:38,919

So cool.

Not even a scratch.

00:07:38,954 --> 00:07:40,657

Okay, girls, and I mean

that derogatorily.

00:07:40,692 --> 00:07:44,760

We just took a fat "L,"

and what we need is a fat "P."

00:07:44,795 --> 00:07:46,256

A plan.

00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:48,533

I take the lead here.

You two watch the flanks.

00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:50,634

Blazen, bring up the-- Hey!

00:07:50,669 --> 00:07:53,098

Please, one person

draws the plan!

00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:54,330

Skeeters!

00:07:54,365 --> 00:07:55,936

-Jipers!

-Ropers!

00:07:55,971 --> 00:07:57,806

I'm sorry, but what the hell

are we calling them?

00:07:57,841 --> 00:07:59,335

Agh! Oof.

00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:01,810

Fine. I'm dying,

so I get to pick the name.

00:08:01,845 --> 00:08:03,977

Crispy Cremes with a "C"!

00:08:04,012 --> 00:08:06,881

Whoa!

00:08:09,919 --> 00:08:12,447

Whoa. E-Easy there, little guy.

It's okay.

00:08:12,482 --> 00:08:14,592

I-I-It's okay.

00:08:16,024 --> 00:08:17,859

Do you...recognize me?

00:08:17,894 --> 00:08:19,861

Do you know you

came from me?

00:08:19,896 --> 00:08:21,126

I'm Morty.

00:08:21,161 --> 00:08:22,534

I'll call ya "Sticky,"

00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,866

'c-'cause you're sticky

and -- and you're stuck.

00:08:29,433 --> 00:08:30,740

Step aside, Morty.

00:08:30,775 --> 00:08:32,841

It's okay.

Y-You don't gotta do this.

00:08:32,876 --> 00:08:34,502

It's haploid genetic code,

Morty,

00:08:34,537 --> 00:08:36,306

a biological

fertilizing machine.

00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,582

W-What's gotten into you?

00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,342

Rick, let him go.

00:08:39,377 --> 00:08:41,410

Ugh.

00:08:41,445 --> 00:08:42,719

Morty, don't fuck

with me.

00:08:42,754 --> 00:08:44,083

What the hell's

going on with you?

00:08:44,118 --> 00:08:47,658

I think I know exactly

what's going on here.

00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,825

Kidding.

This shit is totally random.

00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:51,926

Let's keep moving.

W-Which way?

00:08:53,391 --> 00:08:57,030

When one sense is bound,

the others are released.

00:08:58,396 --> 00:09:00,671

Holy shit.

He -- He can smell caves?

00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,101

I'm not trying

to smell anything.

00:09:02,136 --> 00:09:05,335

The whole planet's

a dorm room trash can.

00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:06,908

Sir, Rick Sanchez

has gone dark.

00:09:06,943 --> 00:09:08,338

I knew we couldn't

rely on him!

00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:10,010

Well, maybe the pilot

got too horny

00:09:10,045 --> 00:09:11,506

as they approached

America's Vagina.

00:09:11,541 --> 00:09:12,848

If you're gonna hang out

in my war room,

00:09:12,883 --> 00:09:14,509

you can't just

make snarky comments.

00:09:14,544 --> 00:09:16,280

At least do something useful,

like Jerry.

00:09:16,315 --> 00:09:19,118

Right to the top,

just the way you like it.

00:09:19,153 --> 00:09:20,515

Here's our situation.

00:09:20,550 --> 00:09:22,451

Rick's gone,

and so are all our nukes.

00:09:22,486 --> 00:09:23,925

Now what?

00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,630

None of you have an idea?

I do.

00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,390

That's right, me --

the girl.

00:09:27,425 --> 00:09:29,359

Gentlemen,

what do sperm want?

00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:31,229

The same thing as a lumberjack

in the morning

00:09:31,264 --> 00:09:32,461

or a fox at night.

00:09:32,496 --> 00:09:33,737

Pants!

Eggs.

00:09:33,772 --> 00:09:35,365

Pancakes!

Eggs.

00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,202

You want to control giant sperm,

you need a giant egg.

00:09:37,237 --> 00:09:38,709

W-W-Wait a minute.

Wait -- wait a minute.

00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,711

Sperm are hunters.

And what do sperm hunt?

00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:42,273

Eggs.

Exactly.

00:09:42,308 --> 00:09:44,440

And what would happen

if we enlarged one?

00:09:44,475 --> 00:09:46,574

They'll head right for it!

Get MIT on the phone.

00:09:46,609 --> 00:09:49,148

And get this guy

a Nobel Prize.

00:09:49,183 --> 00:09:52,052

You became a woman today.

00:09:55,486 --> 00:09:57,992

So, Blazen, you got kids?

00:09:58,027 --> 00:09:59,895

The battlefield is

my family.

00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:01,457

So cool.

Wicked badass.

00:10:01,492 --> 00:10:03,327

Go.

I'll hold 'em off.

00:10:03,362 --> 00:10:04,834

Blazen, you don't

have to do this.

00:10:04,869 --> 00:10:06,935

Shh.

It is my destiny.

00:10:06,970 --> 00:10:08,739

He's right, Morty.

It's the price of being Blazen.

00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,004

Let him do his thing.

00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,942

Blood for blood.

00:10:13,977 --> 00:10:16,681

Cream for cream.

00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:19,409

Oh, no.

I can't reach that!

00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:21,576

Idiot!

00:10:21,611 --> 00:10:22,918

What?!

They're comfortable!

00:10:22,953 --> 00:10:24,150

You should try them!

00:10:24,185 --> 00:10:26,119

Eh, ah! Ohhhh.

00:10:26,154 --> 00:10:28,352

That'll do it.

I'm worm food.

00:10:28,387 --> 00:10:30,156

Morty, find my wife.

00:10:30,191 --> 00:10:32,455

Tell her I wasn't

wearing her thong.

00:10:32,490 --> 00:10:34,666

That's a photocopy

of "Sports Illustrated"

00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,261

swimsuit model

Kathy Ireland.

00:10:36,296 --> 00:10:38,263

It's -- it's my wife.

We have sex.

00:10:38,298 --> 00:10:41,035

Here, hold that picture up so

we can have sex one last time.

00:10:41,070 --> 00:10:42,707

I-I know how to

suck myself.

00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:45,039

What?!

00:10:45,074 --> 00:10:46,304

Ugh, I was so wrong

about this guy.

00:10:46,339 --> 00:10:48,108

He didn't even

buy us any time.

00:10:49,507 --> 00:10:51,441

Morty, get ready

for some fireworks.

00:10:55,381 --> 00:10:57,051

Ugh!

00:10:57,086 --> 00:10:59,119

Uh-oh.

Oh, gross!

00:10:59,154 --> 00:11:01,957

This is the first time I've ever

regretted being taken alive.

00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:03,519

Wait, who the fuck

is that?!

00:11:03,554 --> 00:11:05,455

Silence in the presence

of me.

00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,864

I am The Sperm Queen,

00:11:07,899 --> 00:11:11,703

and you are of

special interest to me.

00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,661

Hey, what the fuck are you

doing with my stuff?

00:11:13,696 --> 00:11:15,531

A-And why do you have

the horse jerkoff machine

00:11:15,566 --> 00:11:16,807

from my daughter's hospital?

00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,205

We need it

to create our army.

00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,636

Well, you need more than that,

dummy. You need a horse.

00:11:21,671 --> 00:11:24,243

Oh but our stallion

is already here.

00:11:24,278 --> 00:11:26,014

Isn't that right, Morty?

00:11:26,049 --> 00:11:28,753

Or shall I say...

Father?

00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:31,822

Morty, you nasty, lying,

little world-ending pervert.

00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,154

I-I-I'm sorry.

00:11:34,189 --> 00:11:36,189

What was it like?

Fantastic!

00:11:37,621 --> 00:11:39,522

Rick, I'm sorry!

00:11:39,557 --> 00:11:41,227

I-I just thought maybe

I could have repeated sex

00:11:41,262 --> 00:11:42,866

with a horse machine

without it becoming Armageddon.

00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,230

I-I realize that's on me.

00:11:44,265 --> 00:11:46,001

Yeah, not exactly

accepting apologies

00:11:46,036 --> 00:11:47,772

while I'm stuck here

as Handjob Solo.

00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:50,269

This is all your fault

for being ashamed of us, Morty.

00:11:50,304 --> 00:11:53,745

How many millions went

to their graves for you,

00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,912

hurling themselves

into the void,

00:11:55,947 --> 00:11:58,277

only to discover

a grody sock

00:11:58,312 --> 00:12:01,544

or a carefully folded

landing strip of toilet paper?

00:12:01,579 --> 00:12:02,952

How do you know all this?!

00:12:02,987 --> 00:12:05,922

Oh, honey, because we're

the very essence of you.

00:12:05,957 --> 00:12:08,089

We are

your shame incarnate.

00:12:08,124 --> 00:12:09,761

And once we're through

with you,

00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:12,764

our sperm army

will take over the world!

00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,865

Put him on the machine!

00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,933

Rick, do something!

On it.

00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,906

Wh-what did you do?

I got out of your eyeline.

00:12:22,941 --> 00:12:24,732

Oh, no. Oh! Oh!

00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:27,702

Yes!

The end is near!

00:12:27,737 --> 00:12:29,209

Any last words?

00:12:29,244 --> 00:12:31,574

Ohhh!

00:12:31,609 --> 00:12:32,916

Sticky!

Gross.

00:12:32,951 --> 00:12:34,544

I know you're not a wordsmith,

Morty, but --

00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:36,645

No, no, no, my-my sperm friend

is here!

00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,383

Ugh, never give 'em

a name.

00:12:41,454 --> 00:12:43,388

Fools!

You can't beat me!

00:12:43,423 --> 00:12:45,962

You didn't bring a woman

that can kickbox!

00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,693

Is that all you got?

00:12:54,665 --> 00:12:57,270

Damn, that's some quintessential

underdog shit.

00:12:57,305 --> 00:12:58,733

Kill them!

00:13:08,151 --> 00:13:09,513

Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

00:13:09,548 --> 00:13:11,251

I-I should've told you

the truth, Rick.

00:13:11,286 --> 00:13:12,681

Let's save the world first.

00:13:12,716 --> 00:13:14,419

Now, reset those nukes,

and let's turn this canyon

00:13:14,454 --> 00:13:16,289

into a can't-yon.

00:13:18,029 --> 00:13:20,623

There usually earthquakes

in Arizona?

00:13:24,794 --> 00:13:26,299

They're heading for Vegas,

00:13:26,334 --> 00:13:30,039

which does track on many levels,

but why now?

00:13:30,074 --> 00:13:31,535

What the?

00:13:31,570 --> 00:13:33,438

President: Let's hear it

for Professor Shabooboo

00:13:33,473 --> 00:13:35,506

and his brilliant egg.

Um, hello?

00:13:35,541 --> 00:13:37,607

Aren't you

forgetting someone?

Oh, good point.

00:13:37,642 --> 00:13:40,346

Big thanks to the cast

of Cirque Du Soleil's "Zumanity"

00:13:40,381 --> 00:13:42,546

for the impressive

and erotic routine.

00:13:42,581 --> 00:13:44,515

Mr. President,

Rick Sanchez is on the line.

00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:46,451

Good.

Put that asshole on speaker.

00:13:46,486 --> 00:13:47,815

Well, well, well.

00:13:47,850 --> 00:13:49,718

No thanks to you,

we're luring the sperm

00:13:49,753 --> 00:13:51,621

with a giant human egg,

even though,

00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,557

symbolically speaking,

Vegas should be enough.

00:13:53,592 --> 00:13:54,965

Rick: A human egg?

00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,362

Where-where-where

did you get it?

00:13:56,397 --> 00:13:58,331

Glad you asked.

It's your granddaughter's,

00:13:58,366 --> 00:14:00,036

so at least you contributed

something to this.

00:14:00,071 --> 00:14:01,532

Morty: Mister President!

It's Morty!

00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:03,237

It's my sperm!

I-It's all mine!

00:14:03,272 --> 00:14:05,371

What?!

I'm a dirty little

perverted maniac.

00:14:05,406 --> 00:14:07,637

I spent a week pleasuring myself

with animal equipment,

00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:09,837

and my sperm got turned

into monsters on accident

00:14:09,872 --> 00:14:12,378

because I kept lying about it

because I was ashamed!

00:14:12,413 --> 00:14:13,643

You should be!

00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:15,018

My God, man,

we were all 14 once

00:14:15,053 --> 00:14:16,712

but it's called

self-control.

00:14:16,747 --> 00:14:19,154

Don't let them reach my

sister's egg, Mr. President!

00:14:19,189 --> 00:14:20,958

You'll be making a giant --

00:14:23,061 --> 00:14:24,324

Incest baby.

00:14:24,359 --> 00:14:25,655

What?

Who told you that?

00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,327

What?

I-I was finishing his sentence.

00:14:27,362 --> 00:14:29,329

Oh. Right.

Come with us.

00:14:29,364 --> 00:14:30,726

The sperm is Morty's!

00:14:30,761 --> 00:14:33,564

We're about to make

a giant incest baby!

00:14:33,599 --> 00:14:36,369

Aw, well, now we're all

in our darkest hour.

00:14:36,404 --> 00:14:38,008

Launch the egg!

Launch it now!

00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:40,109

B-But that'll take

30 minutes.

What?! Why?!

00:14:40,144 --> 00:14:42,177

That's how long

every space launch takes!

00:14:42,212 --> 00:14:43,915

No one realizes because

they only show you

00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:46,379

the last 10 seconds!

00:14:46,414 --> 00:14:47,875

Uh, uh, help me out here.

00:14:47,910 --> 00:14:50,251

Hey, it was your idea,

right?

00:14:50,286 --> 00:14:52,847

Okay, okay, n-no need to panic,

everyone.

00:14:52,882 --> 00:14:54,849

I have a simple solution.

00:14:54,884 --> 00:14:57,423

See you all in hell!

00:14:57,458 --> 00:14:59,359

I don't see how

that's going to help.

00:14:59,394 --> 00:15:02,428

Form a perimeter!

Protect that egg at all costs!

00:15:02,463 --> 00:15:04,727

I always knew your hormones

would cause a world war

00:15:04,762 --> 00:15:06,861

between humans

and Cannibalistic Horse People.

00:15:06,896 --> 00:15:08,566

I just didn't know

it would be like this.

00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:09,974

I can't change my nature.

00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,042

What are you, a scorpion

in a Navajo fable?

00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,868

Everyone can change

their nature, Morty.

00:15:13,903 --> 00:15:15,309

It's what defines

our species.

00:15:15,344 --> 00:15:16,574

Look at Iron Man.

00:15:16,609 --> 00:15:18,147

That actor was an animal

in the '90s,

00:15:18,182 --> 00:15:20,083

literally waking up

in bushes.

00:15:20,118 --> 00:15:22,877

His agent had to catch him

with a butterfly net.

Silence!

00:15:22,912 --> 00:15:25,220

Rick Sanchez,

you know why you're here.

00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:26,584

Yeah, it was

my grandson's fault.

00:15:26,619 --> 00:15:28,883

You slept

with my daughter!

I did?

00:15:28,918 --> 00:15:30,324

Oh, shit, I did.

00:15:30,359 --> 00:15:31,820

Forgive me,

Your CHUDness.

00:15:31,855 --> 00:15:33,327

I'm a changed man

starting now.

00:15:33,362 --> 00:15:36,627

You come to the Kingdom of CHUDs

for forgiveness?

00:15:36,662 --> 00:15:38,728

CHUDs don't forgive humans.

00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:40,334

CHUDs eat humans!

00:15:40,369 --> 00:15:42,138

This is out there,

even for us.

00:15:42,173 --> 00:15:43,469

They can hear you, Morty.

00:15:43,504 --> 00:15:45,075

All: Boil him up!

Yum, yum!

00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:47,407

Spice him right!

Oh, boy!

00:15:47,442 --> 00:15:49,343

Eat the flesh!

Yum, yum!

00:15:49,378 --> 00:15:51,411

Not the bones!

Oh, no!

00:15:51,446 --> 00:15:53,512

Belly ache!

Ouch, Ouch!

00:15:53,547 --> 00:15:55,844

Stop this at once!

00:15:55,879 --> 00:15:58,682

Princess Poñeta!

You can't kill Rícko!

00:15:58,717 --> 00:16:00,354

I -- I love him!

00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:04,259

Right! I-I love you, too,

Princess Poñeta.

00:16:04,294 --> 00:16:05,920

This love is forbidden.

00:16:05,955 --> 00:16:07,493

My daughter,

you are a CHUD.

00:16:07,528 --> 00:16:10,100

and age-inappropriate.

00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,102

Then you leave me

no choice.

00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:14,830

By the 17th Article

of the CHUD-stitution,

00:16:14,865 --> 00:16:17,833

I offer Rícko Sanchez

horsemunity

00:16:17,868 --> 00:16:22,508

and demand a equestri-truce

between all CHUDs and humans!

00:16:22,543 --> 00:16:24,939

On what grounds?

00:16:24,974 --> 00:16:28,481

On the grounds that Rícko

is the father of my child.

00:16:28,516 --> 00:16:29,713

I have an heir.

00:16:29,748 --> 00:16:31,550

I have a substance-abuse

problem.

00:16:31,585 --> 00:16:33,651

The Prophecy has come true!

00:16:33,686 --> 00:16:35,785

Also, did someone drop

a scroll?

00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,787

Here we go. Over here.

Sorry.

00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,067

Where did you get

all that?

00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:44,629

-It's Vegas.

-Sir!

00:16:44,664 --> 00:16:45,993

The Strip has been evacuated,

but I'm worried

00:16:46,028 --> 00:16:47,533

we won't be able

to hold the perimeter.

00:16:47,568 --> 00:16:48,963

Then deputize

Las Vegas regulars.

00:16:48,998 --> 00:16:50,305

Everyone's a patriot today.

00:16:50,340 --> 00:16:51,669

Even me!

00:16:51,704 --> 00:16:53,341

Take three steps back,

Amazing Johnathan.

00:16:53,376 --> 00:16:55,706

Men and their guns.

Metaphorical and not.

00:16:55,741 --> 00:16:57,675

Tell me about it.

00:16:57,710 --> 00:16:59,809

Get ready, boys!

The last thing this world needs

00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:01,811

is a giant incest baby.

00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:03,747

-Oorah! Here they come!

-Nice!

00:17:03,782 --> 00:17:06,684

Do not let a single sperm

get through to that egg!

00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:13,394

Um, should we be concerned

about that scary bomb-laden one?

00:17:13,429 --> 00:17:14,857

Honey, let the men

handle this.

00:17:14,892 --> 00:17:17,101

I think we know

a thing or two about --

00:17:19,798 --> 00:17:21,765

Ugh! Ready for

all the responsibility

00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,107

with none of the credit?

00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:25,538

Let's Nancy Reagan

this bitch.

00:17:25,573 --> 00:17:27,408

Ah!

00:17:38,817 --> 00:17:40,190

Dammit!

We can't stop them.

00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,422

We don't have the manpower!

00:17:41,457 --> 00:17:43,017

Rick:

What about horsepower?

00:17:44,658 --> 00:17:45,921

Sweet Lady Liberty.

00:17:45,956 --> 00:17:47,593

That sonofamare Rick has ended

00:17:47,628 --> 00:17:49,364

our centuries-long war

with the CHUDs.

00:17:49,399 --> 00:17:51,861

-We made peace with the CHUDs!

-The CHUDs are our buds!

00:17:54,272 --> 00:17:56,470

Rícko! The hoofless --

they need us!

00:17:56,505 --> 00:17:59,374

Let's do this.

CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!

00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,706

CHUDs:

CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!

00:18:09,815 --> 00:18:12,717

Mom, I promise to use condoms,

even when it's butt stuff.

00:18:12,752 --> 00:18:15,489

Okay, we have a lot

to talk about tonight.

00:18:34,774 --> 00:18:36,246

Is this your heart?

00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,478

It's a play on,

"Is this your card?"

00:18:37,513 --> 00:18:38,974

You don't have a heart,

00:18:39,009 --> 00:18:40,448

uh, but this is probably

some kind of organelle,

00:18:40,483 --> 00:18:41,977

in charge of pumping

endoplasmic reticulum

00:18:42,012 --> 00:18:43,781

throughout your membrane

and therefore,

00:18:43,816 --> 00:18:45,750

relative to you,

functions as a heart.

00:18:45,785 --> 00:18:49,655

So, I ask you again,

is this your heart?

00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:51,118

Morty, look!

00:18:51,153 --> 00:18:53,087

I won't just be thrown away,

Rick!

00:18:53,122 --> 00:18:55,331

The egg is mine!

00:18:55,366 --> 00:18:57,168

Sticky!

It's all you, bud!

00:19:00,503 --> 00:19:02,767

Noooo!

00:19:02,802 --> 00:19:05,803

Sticky!

00:19:05,838 --> 00:19:07,805

Fuck!

00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,708

We got a heartbeat.

Screw that!

00:19:09,743 --> 00:19:12,480

That's a human life,

and this is an election cycle.

00:19:12,515 --> 00:19:14,383

You have to do something!

Nope.

00:19:17,883 --> 00:19:19,850

It's space's problem now.

00:19:19,885 --> 00:19:21,687

Oh, this sucks.

00:19:21,722 --> 00:19:23,788

You're "Sports Illustrated"'s

Kathy Ireland.

00:19:23,823 --> 00:19:26,153

You were with my husband,

Blazen, when he died.

00:19:26,188 --> 00:19:29,827

Please tell me...

was he wearing my thong?

00:19:29,862 --> 00:19:32,632

He probably told you

not to tell me.

00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:35,635

He was ashamed of it,

but he didn't need to be.

00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:37,835

I hope he was wearing it.

00:19:37,870 --> 00:19:39,309

Always be honest.

00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,003

Sometimes it will

hurt people.

00:19:41,038 --> 00:19:44,380

Sometimes it will help.

But always be honest.

00:19:44,415 --> 00:19:47,141

Huh. Yeah, yeah,

he -- he was wearing it.

00:19:47,176 --> 00:19:50,045

Ew!

That gross animal pig!

00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,882

So, trying to boil this

all down,

00:19:51,917 --> 00:19:53,257

I-I want to say

it's import--

00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:54,819

Shut up, Morty,

I got my own epilogue.

00:19:54,854 --> 00:19:57,261

Oh, Rícko,

I love you.

00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:58,559

Prove it.

00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,596

Oh, I love kissing those

big ol' horse teeth.

00:20:02,631 --> 00:20:04,191

It's like lickin' tile.

00:20:04,226 --> 00:20:06,193

Oh!

I swear...

00:20:06,228 --> 00:20:08,162

it's time someone made

an honest man out of me.

00:20:08,197 --> 00:20:09,834

Whatever you need,

the whole nine yards,

00:20:09,869 --> 00:20:11,165

you got it.

00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,574

The thing is, Rícko...

it's time.

00:20:13,609 --> 00:20:15,510

Oh, shit, oh, shit.

It's time!

00:20:15,545 --> 00:20:16,940

Oh, my God,

it's wonderful.

00:20:21,881 --> 00:20:25,014

Oh, wow. So we don't have to,

you know, r-raise it?

00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:27,016

Nah. They're ready to go

right out of the box.

00:20:27,051 --> 00:20:29,887

Cool, cool.

So...bye?

00:20:29,922 --> 00:20:31,262

Yep.

Take care of yourself, Rick.

00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:33,297

Yep. Same.

00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:38,599

That was easy.

00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:12,402

Houston, permission to open

the starboard panel.

00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,667

Houston:

Permission granted.

00:21:13,702 --> 00:21:16,901

Firing breach now.

00:21:16,936 --> 00:21:19,266

Explorer, our readouts

show a pressure spike.

00:21:19,301 --> 00:21:20,740

Everything alright?

00:21:20,775 --> 00:21:23,171

Honestly, sometimes

staring back at Earth

00:21:23,206 --> 00:21:26,108

makes me think about

the people I left behind --

00:21:26,143 --> 00:21:29,111

my wife, the son she had

to anchor me there.

00:21:29,146 --> 00:21:31,179

I tried to be a parent,

I really did,

00:21:31,214 --> 00:21:34,622

but I've come to find I'm only

suited to be a spaceman.

00:21:34,657 --> 00:21:36,085

The nicest part

of being up here

00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,988

is there are no reminders

of the guilt

00:21:38,023 --> 00:21:40,958

I sometimes feel about

abandoning my family.

00:21:42,533 --> 00:21:44,467

Sorry, Houston,

I thought I heard something.

00:21:44,502 --> 00:21:45,963

Negative on our end.

00:21:45,998 --> 00:21:47,800

No, wait,

there's something big

00:21:47,835 --> 00:21:49,538

and it's coming right at you!

Goo, goo, gah, gah.

00:21:49,573 --> 00:21:52,442

Dear God.

No! You can't be real!

00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:55,269

Explorer, what is it?

What the hell do you see?!

00:21:55,304 --> 00:21:56,842

My conscience.

00:21:56,877 --> 00:21:58,349

Explorer! Explorer!

Aaah!

00:21:58,384 --> 00:22:00,516

Are you there?

Aaaaaah!

00:22:00,551 --> 00:22:02,848

Geez.

Not gonna miss that guy.

Aaaaah!

00:22:02,883 --> 00:22:04,685

Right? So dramatic.

00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:07,820

Man:

Did you get any of that?

00:00:08,768 --> 00:00:11,241

No, we're not.

Okay, but we've

been here for hours.

00:00:11,276 --> 00:00:13,375

I-I don't want to hang out

at the stupid horse hospital.

00:00:13,410 --> 00:00:16,004

This stupid horse hospital

puts dinner on your table.

00:00:16,039 --> 00:00:18,182

It wouldn't kill you

to take an interest.

00:00:20,384 --> 00:00:22,252

W-What's this thing?

I-In the middle of the room?

00:00:22,287 --> 00:00:23,847

With -- With the hole

in the end?

00:00:23,882 --> 00:00:26,190

That's a breeding mount.

The nurses use it to collect...

00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:28,192

reproductive material.

00:00:29,525 --> 00:00:31,690

[ Click, whirring ]

00:00:31,725 --> 00:00:33,362

[ Squishing ]

00:00:39,238 --> 00:00:40,699

[ Click, whirring stops ]

00:00:40,734 --> 00:00:42,569

Okay, let's go see this

latest piece of Marvel shit

00:00:42,604 --> 00:00:43,867

you kids are jizzing over.

00:00:43,902 --> 00:00:45,737

Yeah.

A-About time.

00:00:45,772 --> 00:00:48,245

So, d-does your hospital

ever need, like,

00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:49,873

after-school

volunteers?

00:00:49,908 --> 00:00:51,941

Wow. Who are you and

where did you put my son?

00:00:51,976 --> 00:00:53,415

Ha! No, no. Seriously.

00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:55,747

I-I'm very interested

in -- in your work.

00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,586

[ Birds chirping ]

00:00:59,621 --> 00:01:01,192

[ Sighs ]

00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,952

Morty, you dirty little doggy.

00:01:02,987 --> 00:01:04,360

[ Liquid sloshing ]

00:01:04,395 --> 00:01:06,626

Ugh! Come on!

[ Grunting ]

00:01:06,661 --> 00:01:08,859

[ Liquid sloshing ]

00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:10,432

Hey, Rick.

00:01:10,467 --> 00:01:12,137

Oh, hey, kiddo.

How's your Saturday?

00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,029

You know, super chill.

W-W-Whatcha doin'?

00:01:14,064 --> 00:01:15,536

Eh, nothing adventurous.

00:01:15,571 --> 00:01:17,406

You know that race of

Underground Dwelling Cannibal

00:01:17,441 --> 00:01:18,902

Horse People that

we're always fighting?

00:01:18,937 --> 00:01:20,607

Yeah, the CHUDs.

W-W-What about 'em?

00:01:20,642 --> 00:01:22,477

Well, don't tell anybody,

but I'm working on

00:01:22,512 --> 00:01:24,149

a bioweapon

to use against them,

00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,613

so I got this barrel of horse

semen from your mom's hospital

00:01:26,648 --> 00:01:28,120

and I'm just gonna,

you know,

00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,946

subject it to

some otherworldly forces.

00:01:29,981 --> 00:01:31,882

Guess I should test it,

make sure it's --

00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,719

Make sure it's what?!

Horse semen, obviously.

00:01:33,754 --> 00:01:35,457

Okay, but it says it is

right on the barrel!

00:01:35,492 --> 00:01:37,129

You're not being

very scientific, Morty.

00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,164

Measure twice, cut once.

Especially with semen.

00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,133

Did you even ask Mom

if you could have this?!

00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:43,630

Morty, if I wanted

to steal horse semen, I'd --

00:01:43,665 --> 00:01:46,061

Yes, I asked her.

What is at stake for you here?

00:01:46,096 --> 00:01:48,965

Why don't you trust labels?!

All right! Fine!

I won't test it!

00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,770

God damn. Your generation really

picks random hills to die on.

00:01:51,805 --> 00:01:53,574

Don't get too close.

00:01:53,609 --> 00:01:55,180

I'm running an inhuman amount

of power through this semen.

00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:57,105

Should be safe, though,

since the semen itself is,

00:01:57,140 --> 00:01:59,844

you know, also inhuman.

Here we go.

00:01:59,879 --> 00:02:01,109

[ Crackling ]

00:02:01,144 --> 00:02:02,748

[ High-pitched whine ]

00:02:02,783 --> 00:02:05,619

[ Rumbling ]

00:02:05,654 --> 00:02:07,621

[ Creature growling ]

00:02:07,656 --> 00:02:09,326

[ Screaming ]

00:02:09,361 --> 00:02:11,493

[ Snarling ]

00:02:11,528 --> 00:02:13,957

[ Glass shattering ]

00:02:13,992 --> 00:02:15,332

W-What happened?!

00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:16,828

The sperm, Morty!

00:02:16,863 --> 00:02:18,797

They're super monster sperm now!

I blame myself.

00:02:18,832 --> 00:02:21,096

Unless there was something

about the sperm I didn't know.

00:02:21,131 --> 00:02:22,999

Are you -- Are you saying

that to mess with me?

00:02:23,034 --> 00:02:24,341

What?

Mess with you how?

00:02:24,376 --> 00:02:25,936

Like, trying to get me

to say something?

00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:27,806

Morty, I have no idea

what you're talking about!

00:02:27,841 --> 00:02:29,181

For real?

Yes!

00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:32,217

Okay. Good.

Then -- Then it's your fault!

00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:40,192

♪♪

00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:48,123

♪♪

00:02:48,158 --> 00:02:56,065

♪♪

00:02:56,100 --> 00:03:04,216

♪♪

00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:05,745

Beth: Dad, what the hell

is going on?!

00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:07,384

Beth, sweetheart,

Can you give me a minute?

00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:09,584

I'm trying to steer around

the bodies of our neighbors.

00:03:09,619 --> 00:03:10,915

[ Thump ]

Oh, that felt like Gene.

00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:12,488

That's on you, Beth.

Dad, I swear--

00:03:12,523 --> 00:03:14,050

Mom, it's -- it's not

Rick's fault, it's --

00:03:14,085 --> 00:03:15,854

Space Sperm.

What?!

00:03:15,889 --> 00:03:17,361

Yeah.

Space Sperm.

00:03:17,396 --> 00:03:19,396

I-I've seen em' before,

but n-n-never like this.

00:03:19,431 --> 00:03:20,694

Space Sperm?!

00:03:20,729 --> 00:03:22,190

Sperm from Space?

00:03:22,225 --> 00:03:24,060

Very impressive verbal

forensic work, Jerry.

00:03:24,095 --> 00:03:26,194

Holy shit.

How big are space dicks?

00:03:26,229 --> 00:03:28,900

Don't answer that!

Damn, they must be huge.

00:03:28,935 --> 00:03:30,935

[ Tires screeching ]

00:03:30,970 --> 00:03:32,574

Oh!

00:03:32,609 --> 00:03:35,775

[ Laser pistol zapping ]

00:03:35,810 --> 00:03:37,249

Oh, shit,

oh, shit, shit.

00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:39,746

[ Roaring ]

00:03:39,781 --> 00:03:43,046

[ Snarling ]

[ Pistol clicks ]

00:03:43,081 --> 00:03:44,586

Mr. Sanchez!

00:03:44,621 --> 00:03:47,490

The President is very eager

to speak with you!

00:03:50,154 --> 00:03:51,890

Morty, look,

you gotta do me a solid here.

00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:53,793

Y-you want me to keep the secret

of where these things came from?

00:03:53,828 --> 00:03:55,960

Yes, technically, it's a lie,

but I messed up,

00:03:55,995 --> 00:03:58,402

and I'm embarrassed 'cause it's,

you know, science.

00:03:58,437 --> 00:04:00,635

No problem.

I got your back, dawg.

00:04:00,670 --> 00:04:02,769

Really? Okay. Cool.

And thanks, Morty.

00:04:02,804 --> 00:04:04,199

I thought that'd be

a harder sell.

00:04:04,234 --> 00:04:05,739

Y-You did a shameful thing.

00:04:05,774 --> 00:04:07,708

Dwelling on it isn't gonna

help, you know, am I right?

00:04:07,743 --> 00:04:09,644

Sometimes you just gotta

wipe it off,

00:04:09,679 --> 00:04:12,284

toss it in the trash,

and head back to study hall.

00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,616

Uh, not getting the metaphor

but I'll take your hall pass.

00:04:14,651 --> 00:04:16,882

Sanchez!

Get the hell in here!

00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:18,620

Space Sperm?

00:04:18,655 --> 00:04:21,216

Jesus, how big

are space dicks?

Same page club.

00:04:21,251 --> 00:04:23,559

Well, Mr. President,

the theory of Cosmic DNA

00:04:23,594 --> 00:04:25,891

has been around for decades --

Chupacabras, Yeti,

00:04:25,926 --> 00:04:27,794

Stonehenge, Ancient Rome.

00:04:27,829 --> 00:04:30,159

Are these all myths,

monsters, legends,

00:04:30,194 --> 00:04:32,733

or different names

for sperm from outer space?

00:04:32,768 --> 00:04:34,130

I'll tell you what I think,

Sanchez.

00:04:34,165 --> 00:04:35,835

I think either

you caused this mess,

00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:38,134

or it's those godforsaken Horse

People that dwell underground.

00:04:38,169 --> 00:04:39,608

CHUDs. CHUDs.

That's them.

00:04:39,643 --> 00:04:42,072

Ugh, if they're behind this,

so help me, God.

00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:44,140

Morty, you've always been

a straight shooter.

00:04:44,175 --> 00:04:45,845

You can't prove that!

Wait, what?

00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,748

Oh -- oh. Right.

I can protect you,

little man.

00:04:47,783 --> 00:04:49,244

Blow that whistle.

Toot, toot.

00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:50,586

Is this

your grandpa's fault?

00:04:50,621 --> 00:04:51,851

Here's what I know, sir.

00:04:51,886 --> 00:04:53,589

This is the greatest country

on Earth.

00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:55,426

It invented apple pies

and lasers.

00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:57,362

Mm. Keep talking.

And that sperm...

00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,693

We don't know

nothin' about it.

00:04:58,728 --> 00:05:00,794

Then the CHUDs

just got themselves a war.

00:05:00,829 --> 00:05:03,434

And you just dodged

a personal drone strike.

00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,161

Hello! Hello.

Sorry, I'm late.

00:05:05,196 --> 00:05:07,636

This is Professor Shabooboo, the

world's leading expert on sperm.

00:05:07,671 --> 00:05:09,935

Thanks for getting here

so fast.

My schedule was wide open.

00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:12,773

I have been tracking

our new sperm friends

since their arrival,

00:05:12,808 --> 00:05:14,775

a-and if my calculations

are correct,

00:05:14,810 --> 00:05:16,271

they have gathered here.

00:05:16,306 --> 00:05:19,384

Why would the sperm

go to the Grand Canyon?

00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:22,816

Why are you looking at me

like the answer is obvious?

00:05:22,851 --> 00:05:25,280

Oh, you can't be serious.

Are we in middle school?

00:05:25,315 --> 00:05:26,820

You think sperm

are instinctively

00:05:26,855 --> 00:05:28,657

heading for America's --

Don't high-road us, lady.

00:05:28,692 --> 00:05:29,955

It's where they went.

00:05:29,990 --> 00:05:31,495

Now, how do we deal

with these...

00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:33,992

"Orgasogoblins"?

No takers?

00:05:34,027 --> 00:05:36,401

Okay. These...

"Cumplestiltskins?"

00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,832

No? Dumb?

These, uh, "Skeet Boogins?"

00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:40,130

Oh, yeah, yeah,

Skeet Boogins.

00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:41,703

Really?

Skeet Boogins?

00:05:41,738 --> 00:05:43,474

We'll use it as a placeholder

and beat it later.

00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:44,970

Mr. President, i-if I may?

00:05:45,005 --> 00:05:47,203

Luckily, I was able

to secure a specimen.

00:05:47,238 --> 00:05:49,843

Now, obviously our first steps

will be to analyze its DNA

00:05:49,878 --> 00:05:52,208

and figure out what

these beautiful creat--

00:05:52,243 --> 00:05:55,486

Oh, why?!

It-it had a gun!

00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,148

Are you out of your mind

bringing an armed sperm in here?

00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,391

But they can't hold guns!

00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:01,052

The boy literally

never lies!

00:06:01,087 --> 00:06:02,526

Look, if you want

these things gone,

00:06:02,561 --> 00:06:04,528

give Rick and me a plane

and some nukes.

00:06:04,563 --> 00:06:06,354

We'll wipe 'em out

and leave no trace of them.

00:06:06,389 --> 00:06:07,597

Only one way

to deal with it.

00:06:07,632 --> 00:06:08,862

He's right.

[Burps] I'm a scientist.

00:06:08,897 --> 00:06:10,160

Fair enough.

Blow 'em to hell.

00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,403

What are people gonna do,

00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,196

complain we made

the canyon grander?

00:06:13,231 --> 00:06:15,869

Jerry, we're being bad parents.

Do something!

00:06:15,904 --> 00:06:18,036

I-is this water

for everyone?

00:06:18,071 --> 00:06:21,545

Yes, and I'd love a glass.

Comin' up!

00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:23,041

What are you doing?

00:06:23,076 --> 00:06:25,109

And, Rick, to make sure

you don't screw anything up,

00:06:25,144 --> 00:06:26,682

I'm sending

my best men with you.

00:06:26,717 --> 00:06:28,519

And women.

It's a fine suggestion,

00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,455

but I doubt their leader

will be a sexy queen

00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:31,852

that needs to be kickboxed.

00:06:31,887 --> 00:06:33,953

100% male Marines!

00:06:35,286 --> 00:06:37,352

They say cutting

a sperm's throat is like

00:06:37,387 --> 00:06:39,222

running a warm knife

through butter.

00:06:39,257 --> 00:06:41,928

I'm gonna make these things

pregnant...with death!

00:06:41,963 --> 00:06:43,600

No fear!

No humility!

00:06:43,635 --> 00:06:46,130

Both:

Zero chance of consequences!

00:06:46,165 --> 00:06:48,132

Hey, gentlemen's bet -- which

of these background Marines

00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:49,540

you think will last

the longest?

00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,267

I'm not betting on

human lives, Rick.

00:06:51,302 --> 00:06:52,807

All of these people

are gonna survive,

00:06:52,842 --> 00:06:54,710

but obviously that guy

the longest.

00:06:54,745 --> 00:06:56,547

Yeah, he's my pick, too.

What's his name?

00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:59,209

Blazen? Pretty cool.

00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:01,486

Yeah. He's, like, meditating

through turbulence.

00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:03,048

Psh. I bet if

something fell,

00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,654

he'd like, catch it

without opening his eyes.

00:07:04,689 --> 00:07:05,985

Totally.

Should we throw

something at him?

00:07:06,020 --> 00:07:07,250

I-I got a pencil somewhere.

00:07:07,285 --> 00:07:08,823

[ Both scream ]

00:07:08,858 --> 00:07:10,286

[ Marines screaming ]

00:07:10,321 --> 00:07:12,728

Who-who's shooting at us?!

00:07:12,763 --> 00:07:15,324

Oh, wow, that's unexpected.

00:07:15,359 --> 00:07:16,765

The sperm made a catapult?!

00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,393

A-A-Are they getting

smarter?!

00:07:18,428 --> 00:07:20,571

No, you're getting dumber

because that's a trebuchet.

00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:21,902

Nobody knows

the difference!

00:07:21,937 --> 00:07:23,805

They're reloading

that textbook trebuchet!

00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,644

Time to fly!

Aaaaaah!

00:07:27,679 --> 00:07:29,074

Oh!

00:07:29,109 --> 00:07:35,982

♪♪

00:07:36,017 --> 00:07:37,280

We gotta keep moving.

00:07:37,315 --> 00:07:38,919

So cool.

Not even a scratch.

00:07:38,954 --> 00:07:40,657

Okay, girls, and I mean

that derogatorily.

00:07:40,692 --> 00:07:44,760

We just took a fat "L,"

and what we need is a fat "P."

00:07:44,795 --> 00:07:46,256

A plan.

00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:48,533

I take the lead here.

You two watch the flanks.

00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:50,634

Blazen, bring up the-- Hey!

00:07:50,669 --> 00:07:53,098

Please, one person

draws the plan!

00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:54,330

Skeeters!

00:07:54,365 --> 00:07:55,936

-Jipers!

-Ropers!

00:07:55,971 --> 00:07:57,806

I'm sorry, but what the hell

are we calling them?

00:07:57,841 --> 00:07:59,335

Agh! Oof.

00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:01,810

Fine. I'm dying,

so I get to pick the name.

00:08:01,845 --> 00:08:03,977

Crispy Cremes with a "C"!

00:08:04,012 --> 00:08:06,881

Whoa!

[ Grunting ]

00:08:07,983 --> 00:08:09,884

[ Snarling ]

00:08:09,919 --> 00:08:12,447

Whoa. E-Easy there, little guy.

It's okay.

00:08:12,482 --> 00:08:14,592

I-I-It's okay.

00:08:16,024 --> 00:08:17,859

Do you...recognize me?

00:08:17,894 --> 00:08:19,861

Do you know you

came from me?

00:08:19,896 --> 00:08:21,126

I'm Morty.

00:08:21,161 --> 00:08:22,534

I'll call ya "Sticky,"

00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,866

'c-'cause you're sticky

and -- and you're stuck.

00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:29,398

Oh. [ Chuckles ]

[ Purring ]

00:08:29,433 --> 00:08:30,740

Step aside, Morty.

00:08:30,775 --> 00:08:32,841

It's okay.

Y-You don't gotta do this.

00:08:32,876 --> 00:08:34,502

It's haploid genetic code,

Morty,

00:08:34,537 --> 00:08:36,306

a biological

fertilizing machine.

00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,582

W-What's gotten into you?

00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,342

Rick, let him go.

00:08:39,377 --> 00:08:41,410

Ugh.

00:08:41,445 --> 00:08:42,719

Morty, don't fuck

with me.

00:08:42,754 --> 00:08:44,083

What the hell's

going on with you?

00:08:44,118 --> 00:08:47,658

I think I know exactly

what's going on here.

00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,825

Kidding.

This shit is totally random.

00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:51,926

Let's keep moving.

W-Which way?

00:08:51,961 --> 00:08:53,356

[ Inhales deeply ]

00:08:53,391 --> 00:08:57,030

When one sense is bound,

the others are released.

00:08:57,065 --> 00:08:58,361

[ Sniffing ]

00:08:58,396 --> 00:09:00,671

Holy shit.

He -- He can smell caves?

00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,101

I'm not trying

to smell anything.

00:09:02,136 --> 00:09:05,335

The whole planet's

a dorm room trash can.

00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:06,908

Sir, Rick Sanchez

has gone dark.

00:09:06,943 --> 00:09:08,338

I knew we couldn't

rely on him!

00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:10,010

Well, maybe the pilot

got too horny

00:09:10,045 --> 00:09:11,506

as they approached

America's Vagina.

00:09:11,541 --> 00:09:12,848

If you're gonna hang out

in my war room,

00:09:12,883 --> 00:09:14,509

you can't just

make snarky comments.

00:09:14,544 --> 00:09:16,280

At least do something useful,

like Jerry.

00:09:16,315 --> 00:09:19,118

Right to the top,

just the way you like it.

00:09:19,153 --> 00:09:20,515

Here's our situation.

00:09:20,550 --> 00:09:22,451

Rick's gone,

and so are all our nukes.

00:09:22,486 --> 00:09:23,925

Now what?

00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,630

None of you have an idea?

I do.

00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,390

That's right, me --

the girl.

00:09:27,425 --> 00:09:29,359

Gentlemen,

what do sperm want?

00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:31,229

The same thing as a lumberjack

in the morning

00:09:31,264 --> 00:09:32,461

or a fox at night.

00:09:32,496 --> 00:09:33,737

Pants!

Eggs.

00:09:33,772 --> 00:09:35,365

Pancakes!

Eggs.

00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,202

You want to control giant sperm,

you need a giant egg.

00:09:37,237 --> 00:09:38,709

W-W-Wait a minute.

Wait -- wait a minute.

00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,711

Sperm are hunters.

And what do sperm hunt?

00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:42,273

Eggs.

Exactly.

00:09:42,308 --> 00:09:44,440

And what would happen

if we enlarged one?

00:09:44,475 --> 00:09:46,574

They'll head right for it!

Get MIT on the phone.

00:09:46,609 --> 00:09:49,148

And get this guy

a Nobel Prize.

00:09:49,183 --> 00:09:52,052

[ Applause and laughter ]

You became a woman today.

00:09:52,087 --> 00:09:53,317

[ Ominous music plays ]

00:09:53,352 --> 00:09:55,451

[ Devices whirring ]

00:09:55,486 --> 00:09:57,992

So, Blazen, you got kids?

00:09:58,027 --> 00:09:59,895

The battlefield is

my family.

00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:01,457

So cool.

Wicked badass.

00:10:01,492 --> 00:10:03,327

[ Sperm snarling ]

Go.

I'll hold 'em off.

00:10:03,362 --> 00:10:04,834

Blazen, you don't

have to do this.

00:10:04,869 --> 00:10:06,935

Shh.

It is my destiny.

00:10:06,970 --> 00:10:08,739

He's right, Morty.

It's the price of being Blazen.

00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,004

Let him do his thing.

00:10:10,039 --> 00:10:12,644

[ Sperm snarling ]

[ Grunts ]

00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,942

Blood for blood.

00:10:13,977 --> 00:10:16,681

Cream for cream.

[ Grunts ]

00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:19,409

Oh, no.

I can't reach that!

00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:21,576

Idiot!

00:10:21,611 --> 00:10:22,918

What?!

They're comfortable!

00:10:22,953 --> 00:10:24,150

You should try them!

00:10:24,185 --> 00:10:26,119

Eh, ah! Ohhhh.

00:10:26,154 --> 00:10:28,352

That'll do it.

I'm worm food.

00:10:28,387 --> 00:10:30,156

Morty, find my wife.

00:10:30,191 --> 00:10:32,455

[ Straining ] Tell her I wasn't

wearing her thong.

00:10:32,490 --> 00:10:34,666

That's a photocopy

of "Sports Illustrated"

00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,261

swimsuit model

Kathy Ireland.

00:10:36,296 --> 00:10:38,263

It's -- it's my wife.

We have sex.

00:10:38,298 --> 00:10:41,035

Here, hold that picture up so

we can have sex one last time.

00:10:41,070 --> 00:10:42,707

I-I know how to

suck myself.

00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:45,039

What?!

[ Sperm roaring ]

00:10:45,074 --> 00:10:46,304

Ugh, I was so wrong

about this guy.

00:10:46,339 --> 00:10:48,108

He didn't even

buy us any time.

00:10:48,143 --> 00:10:49,472

[ Sperm snarling ]

00:10:49,507 --> 00:10:51,441

Morty, get ready

for some fireworks.

00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,047

[ Beep ]

00:10:55,381 --> 00:10:57,051

Ugh!

00:10:57,086 --> 00:10:59,119

Uh-oh.

Oh, gross!

00:10:59,154 --> 00:11:01,957

This is the first time I've ever

regretted being taken alive.

00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:03,519

Wait, who the fuck

is that?!

00:11:03,554 --> 00:11:05,455

Silence in the presence

of me.

00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,864

I am The Sperm Queen,

00:11:07,899 --> 00:11:11,703

and you are of

special interest to me.

00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,661

Hey, what the fuck are you

doing with my stuff?

00:11:13,696 --> 00:11:15,531

A-And why do you have

the horse jerkoff machine

00:11:15,566 --> 00:11:16,807

from my daughter's hospital?

00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,205

We need it

to create our army.

00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,636

Well, you need more than that,

dummy. You need a horse.

00:11:21,671 --> 00:11:24,243

Oh but our stallion

is already here.

00:11:24,278 --> 00:11:26,014

Isn't that right, Morty?

00:11:26,049 --> 00:11:28,753

Or shall I say...

Father?

00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:31,822

Morty, you nasty, lying,

little world-ending pervert.

00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,154

I-I-I'm sorry.

[ Sobbing ]

00:11:34,189 --> 00:11:36,189

What was it like?

Fantastic!

00:11:37,621 --> 00:11:39,522

Rick, I'm sorry!

00:11:39,557 --> 00:11:41,227

I-I just thought maybe

I could have repeated sex

00:11:41,262 --> 00:11:42,866

with a horse machine

without it becoming Armageddon.

00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,230

I-I realize that's on me.

00:11:44,265 --> 00:11:46,001

Yeah, not exactly

accepting apologies

00:11:46,036 --> 00:11:47,772

while I'm stuck here

as Handjob Solo.

00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:50,269

This is all your fault

for being ashamed of us, Morty.

00:11:50,304 --> 00:11:53,745

How many millions went

to their graves for you,

00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,912

hurling themselves

into the void,

00:11:55,947 --> 00:11:58,277

only to discover

a grody sock

00:11:58,312 --> 00:12:01,544

or a carefully folded

landing strip of toilet paper?

00:12:01,579 --> 00:12:02,952

How do you know all this?!

00:12:02,987 --> 00:12:05,922

Oh, honey, because we're

the very essence of you.

00:12:05,957 --> 00:12:08,089

We are

your shame incarnate.

00:12:08,124 --> 00:12:09,761

And once we're through

with you,

00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:12,764

our sperm army

will take over the world!

00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,865

Put him on the machine!

[ Machine whirring ]

00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,933

Rick, do something!

On it.

00:12:16,968 --> 00:12:20,530

[ Grunting ]

00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,906

Wh-what did you do?

I got out of your eyeline.

00:12:22,941 --> 00:12:24,732

Oh, no. Oh! Oh!

00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:27,702

Yes!

The end is near!

00:12:27,737 --> 00:12:29,209

Any last words?

00:12:29,244 --> 00:12:31,574

Ohhh!

[ Explosion ]

00:12:31,609 --> 00:12:32,916

Sticky!

Gross.

00:12:32,951 --> 00:12:34,544

I know you're not a wordsmith,

Morty, but --

00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:36,645

No, no, no, my-my sperm friend

is here!

00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,383

Ugh, never give 'em

a name.

00:12:38,418 --> 00:12:41,419

♪♪

00:12:41,454 --> 00:12:43,388

Fools!

You can't beat me!

00:12:43,423 --> 00:12:45,962

You didn't bring a woman

that can kickbox!

00:12:46,965 --> 00:12:48,624

[ Grunts ]

00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,693

Is that all you got?

00:12:54,665 --> 00:12:57,270

Damn, that's some quintessential

underdog shit.

00:12:57,305 --> 00:12:58,733

Kill them!

00:12:58,768 --> 00:13:00,471

[ Sperm roaring ]

00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,409

[ Groans ]

00:13:04,444 --> 00:13:06,708

[ Coughs ]

00:13:08,151 --> 00:13:09,513

Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

00:13:09,548 --> 00:13:11,251

I-I should've told you

the truth, Rick.

00:13:11,286 --> 00:13:12,681

Let's save the world first.

00:13:12,716 --> 00:13:14,419

Now, reset those nukes,

and let's turn this canyon

00:13:14,454 --> 00:13:16,289

into a can't-yon.

00:13:16,324 --> 00:13:17,994

[ Device whirring ]

00:13:18,029 --> 00:13:20,623

There usually earthquakes

in Arizona?

00:13:20,658 --> 00:13:22,966

[ Roaring in distance ]

00:13:24,794 --> 00:13:26,299

They're heading for Vegas,

00:13:26,334 --> 00:13:30,039

which does track on many levels,

but why now?

00:13:30,074 --> 00:13:31,535

What the?

00:13:31,570 --> 00:13:33,438

President: Let's hear it

for Professor Shabooboo

00:13:33,473 --> 00:13:35,506

and his brilliant egg.

Um, hello?

00:13:35,541 --> 00:13:37,607

Aren't you

forgetting someone?

Oh, good point.

00:13:37,642 --> 00:13:40,346

Big thanks to the cast

of Cirque Du Soleil's "Zumanity"

00:13:40,381 --> 00:13:42,546

for the impressive

and erotic routine.

00:13:42,581 --> 00:13:44,515

Mr. President,

Rick Sanchez is on the line.

00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:46,451

Good.

Put that asshole on speaker.

00:13:46,486 --> 00:13:47,815

Well, well, well.

00:13:47,850 --> 00:13:49,718

No thanks to you,

we're luring the sperm

00:13:49,753 --> 00:13:51,621

with a giant human egg,

even though,

00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,557

symbolically speaking,

Vegas should be enough.

00:13:53,592 --> 00:13:54,965

Rick: A human egg?

00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,362

Where-where-where

did you get it?

00:13:56,397 --> 00:13:58,331

Glad you asked.

It's your granddaughter's,

00:13:58,366 --> 00:14:00,036

so at least you contributed

something to this.

00:14:00,071 --> 00:14:01,532

Morty: Mister President!

It's Morty!

00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:03,237

It's my sperm!

I-It's all mine!

00:14:03,272 --> 00:14:05,371

What?!

I'm a dirty little

perverted maniac.

00:14:05,406 --> 00:14:07,637

I spent a week pleasuring myself

with animal equipment,

00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:09,837

and my sperm got turned

into monsters on accident

00:14:09,872 --> 00:14:12,378

because I kept lying about it

because I was ashamed!

00:14:12,413 --> 00:14:13,643

You should be!

00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:15,018

My God, man,

we were all 14 once

00:14:15,053 --> 00:14:16,712

but it's called

self-control.

00:14:16,747 --> 00:14:19,154

Don't let them reach my

sister's egg, Mr. President!

00:14:19,189 --> 00:14:20,958

You'll be making a giant --

00:14:23,061 --> 00:14:24,324

Incest baby.

00:14:24,359 --> 00:14:25,655

What?

Who told you that?

00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,327

What?

I-I was finishing his sentence.

00:14:27,362 --> 00:14:29,329

Oh. Right.

Come with us.

00:14:29,364 --> 00:14:30,726

The sperm is Morty's!

00:14:30,761 --> 00:14:33,564

We're about to make

a giant incest baby!

00:14:33,599 --> 00:14:36,369

Aw, well, now we're all

in our darkest hour.

00:14:36,404 --> 00:14:38,008

Launch the egg!

Launch it now!

00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:40,109

B-But that'll take

30 minutes.

What?! Why?!

00:14:40,144 --> 00:14:42,177

That's how long

every space launch takes!

00:14:42,212 --> 00:14:43,915

No one realizes because

they only show you

00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:46,379

the last 10 seconds!

00:14:46,414 --> 00:14:47,875

Uh, uh, help me out here.

00:14:47,910 --> 00:14:50,251

Hey, it was your idea,

right?

00:14:50,286 --> 00:14:52,847

Okay, okay, n-no need to panic,

everyone.

00:14:52,882 --> 00:14:54,849

I have a simple solution.

00:14:54,884 --> 00:14:57,423

See you all in hell!

00:14:57,458 --> 00:14:59,359

[ Splat ]

I don't see how

that's going to help.

00:14:59,394 --> 00:15:02,428

Form a perimeter!

Protect that egg at all costs!

00:15:02,463 --> 00:15:04,727

I always knew your hormones

would cause a world war

00:15:04,762 --> 00:15:06,861

between humans

and Cannibalistic Horse People.

00:15:06,896 --> 00:15:08,566

I just didn't know

it would be like this.

00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:09,974

I can't change my nature.

00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,042

What are you, a scorpion

in a Navajo fable?

00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,868

Everyone can change

their nature, Morty.

00:15:13,903 --> 00:15:15,309

It's what defines

our species.

00:15:15,344 --> 00:15:16,574

Look at Iron Man.

00:15:16,609 --> 00:15:18,147

That actor was an animal

in the '90s,

00:15:18,182 --> 00:15:20,083

literally waking up

in bushes.

00:15:20,118 --> 00:15:22,877

His agent had to catch him

with a butterfly net.

Silence!

00:15:22,912 --> 00:15:25,220

Rick Sanchez,

you know why you're here.

00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:26,584

Yeah, it was

my grandson's fault.

00:15:26,619 --> 00:15:28,883

You slept

with my daughter!

I did?

00:15:28,918 --> 00:15:30,324

Oh, shit, I did.

00:15:30,359 --> 00:15:31,820

[ Belches ] Forgive me,

Your CHUDness.

00:15:31,855 --> 00:15:33,327

I'm a changed man

starting now.

00:15:33,362 --> 00:15:36,627

You come to the Kingdom of CHUDs

for forgiveness?

00:15:36,662 --> 00:15:38,728

CHUDs don't forgive humans.

00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:40,334

CHUDs eat humans!

00:15:40,369 --> 00:15:42,138

This is out there,

even for us.

00:15:42,173 --> 00:15:43,469

They can hear you, Morty.

00:15:43,504 --> 00:15:45,075

All: Boil him up!

Yum, yum!

00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:47,407

Spice him right!

Oh, boy!

00:15:47,442 --> 00:15:49,343

Eat the flesh!

Yum, yum!

00:15:49,378 --> 00:15:51,411

Not the bones!

Oh, no!

00:15:51,446 --> 00:15:53,512

Belly ache!

Ouch, Ouch!

00:15:53,547 --> 00:15:55,844

Father! [Whinnies]

Stop this at once!

00:15:55,879 --> 00:15:58,682

Princess Poñeta!

You can't kill Rícko!

00:15:58,717 --> 00:16:00,354

I -- I love him!

00:16:00,389 --> 00:16:01,751

[ Crowd gasping ]

00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:04,259

Right! I-I love you, too,

Princess Poñeta.

00:16:04,294 --> 00:16:05,920

This love is forbidden.

00:16:05,955 --> 00:16:07,493

My daughter,

you are a CHUD.

00:16:07,528 --> 00:16:10,100

Rick is a human [whinnies]

and age-inappropriate.

00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,102

Then you leave me

no choice.

00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:14,830

By the 17th Article

of the CHUD-stitution,

00:16:14,865 --> 00:16:17,833

I offer Rícko Sanchez

horsemunity

00:16:17,868 --> 00:16:22,508

and demand a equestri-truce

between all CHUDs and humans!

00:16:22,543 --> 00:16:24,939

[ Crowd gasping ]

On what grounds?

00:16:24,974 --> 00:16:28,481

On the grounds that Rícko

is the father of my child.

00:16:28,516 --> 00:16:29,713

I have an heir.

00:16:29,748 --> 00:16:31,550

I have a substance-abuse

problem.

00:16:31,585 --> 00:16:33,651

The Prophecy has come true!

00:16:33,686 --> 00:16:35,785

Also, did someone drop

a scroll?

00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,787

Here we go. Over here.

[ Whinnies ] Sorry.

00:16:37,822 --> 00:16:41,725

♪♪

00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,067

Where did you get

all that?

00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:44,629

-It's Vegas.

-Sir!

00:16:44,664 --> 00:16:45,993

The Strip has been evacuated,

but I'm worried

00:16:46,028 --> 00:16:47,533

we won't be able

to hold the perimeter.

00:16:47,568 --> 00:16:48,963

Then deputize

Las Vegas regulars.

00:16:48,998 --> 00:16:50,305

Everyone's a patriot today.

00:16:50,340 --> 00:16:51,669

Even me!

00:16:51,704 --> 00:16:53,341

Take three steps back,

Amazing Johnathan.

00:16:53,376 --> 00:16:55,706

Men and their guns.

Metaphorical and not.

00:16:55,741 --> 00:16:57,675

Tell me about it.

00:16:57,710 --> 00:16:59,809

Get ready, boys!

The last thing this world needs

00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:01,811

is a giant incest baby.

00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:03,747

-Oorah! Here they come!

-Nice!

00:17:03,782 --> 00:17:06,684

Do not let a single sperm

get through to that egg!

00:17:06,719 --> 00:17:09,456

[ Gunfire ]

00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:13,394

Um, should we be concerned

about that scary bomb-laden one?

00:17:13,429 --> 00:17:14,857

Honey, let the men

handle this.

00:17:14,892 --> 00:17:17,101

I think we know

a thing or two about --

00:17:19,798 --> 00:17:21,765

Ugh! Ready for

all the responsibility

00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,107

with none of the credit?

00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:25,538

Let's Nancy Reagan

this bitch.

00:17:25,573 --> 00:17:27,408

Ah!

00:17:27,443 --> 00:17:30,741

♪♪

00:17:30,776 --> 00:17:32,908

[ Grunting ]

00:17:32,943 --> 00:17:38,782

♪♪

00:17:38,817 --> 00:17:40,190

Dammit!

We can't stop them.

00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,422

We don't have the manpower!

00:17:41,457 --> 00:17:43,017

Rick:

What about horsepower?

00:17:43,052 --> 00:17:44,623

[ Whinnying ]

00:17:44,658 --> 00:17:45,921

Sweet Lady Liberty.

00:17:45,956 --> 00:17:47,593

That sonofamare Rick has ended

00:17:47,628 --> 00:17:49,364

our centuries-long war

with the CHUDs.

00:17:49,399 --> 00:17:51,861

-We made peace with the CHUDs!

-The CHUDs are our buds!

00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:54,237

[ Sperm roaring ]

00:17:54,272 --> 00:17:56,470

Rícko! The hoofless --

they need us!

00:17:56,505 --> 00:17:59,374

Let's do this.

CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!

00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,706

CHUDs:

CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!

00:18:01,741 --> 00:18:09,780

♪♪

00:18:09,815 --> 00:18:12,717

Mom, I promise to use condoms,

even when it's butt stuff.

00:18:12,752 --> 00:18:15,489

Okay, we have a lot

to talk about tonight.

00:18:15,524 --> 00:18:25,092

♪♪

00:18:25,127 --> 00:18:34,739

♪♪

00:18:34,774 --> 00:18:36,246

Is this your heart?

00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,478

It's a play on,

"Is this your card?"

00:18:37,513 --> 00:18:38,974

You don't have a heart,

00:18:39,009 --> 00:18:40,448

uh, but this is probably

some kind of organelle,

00:18:40,483 --> 00:18:41,977

in charge of pumping

endoplasmic reticulum

00:18:42,012 --> 00:18:43,781

throughout your membrane

and therefore,

00:18:43,816 --> 00:18:45,750

relative to you,

functions as a heart.

00:18:45,785 --> 00:18:49,655

So, I ask you again,

is this your heart?

00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:51,118

[ Gasps ]

Morty, look!

00:18:51,153 --> 00:18:53,087

I won't just be thrown away,

Rick!

00:18:53,122 --> 00:18:55,331

The egg is mine!

00:18:55,366 --> 00:18:57,168

Sticky!

It's all you, bud!

00:18:57,203 --> 00:19:00,468

♪♪

00:19:00,503 --> 00:19:02,767

Noooo!

00:19:02,802 --> 00:19:05,803

[ Crowd cheering ]

Sticky!

00:19:05,838 --> 00:19:07,805

[ All gasping ]

Fuck!

00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,708

We got a heartbeat.

Screw that!

00:19:09,743 --> 00:19:12,480

That's a human life,

and this is an election cycle.

00:19:12,515 --> 00:19:14,383

You have to do something!

Nope.

00:19:14,418 --> 00:19:17,848

[ Beeping, rumbling ]

00:19:17,883 --> 00:19:19,850

It's space's problem now.

00:19:19,885 --> 00:19:21,687

Oh, this sucks.

00:19:21,722 --> 00:19:23,788

You're "Sports Illustrated"'s

Kathy Ireland.

00:19:23,823 --> 00:19:26,153

You were with my husband,

Blazen, when he died.

00:19:26,188 --> 00:19:29,827

Please tell me...

was he wearing my thong?

00:19:29,862 --> 00:19:32,632

He probably told you

not to tell me.

00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:35,635

He was ashamed of it,

but he didn't need to be.

00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:37,835

I hope he was wearing it.

00:19:37,870 --> 00:19:39,309

Always be honest.

00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,003

Sometimes it will

hurt people.

00:19:41,038 --> 00:19:44,380

Sometimes it will help.

But always be honest.

00:19:44,415 --> 00:19:47,141

Huh. Yeah, yeah,

he -- he was wearing it.

00:19:47,176 --> 00:19:50,045

Ew!

That gross animal pig!

00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,882

So, trying to boil this

all down,

00:19:51,917 --> 00:19:53,257

I-I want to say

it's import--

00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:54,819

Shut up, Morty,

I got my own epilogue.

00:19:54,854 --> 00:19:57,261

Oh, Rícko,

I love you.

00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:58,559

[ Burps ] Prove it.

00:19:58,594 --> 00:20:00,330

[ Smacking and heavy breathing ]

00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,596

Oh, I love kissing those

big ol' horse teeth.

00:20:02,631 --> 00:20:04,191

It's like lickin' tile.

00:20:04,226 --> 00:20:06,193

Oh!

I swear...

00:20:06,228 --> 00:20:08,162

it's time someone made

an honest man out of me.

00:20:08,197 --> 00:20:09,834

Whatever you need,

the whole nine yards,

00:20:09,869 --> 00:20:11,165

you got it.

[ Whinnies ]

00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,574

The thing is, Rícko...

it's time.

00:20:13,609 --> 00:20:15,510

Oh, shit, oh, shit.

It's time!

00:20:15,545 --> 00:20:16,940

Oh, my God,

it's wonderful.

00:20:16,975 --> 00:20:18,909

[ Groans ]

[ Splat ]

00:20:18,944 --> 00:20:21,846

[ Whinnies ]

00:20:21,881 --> 00:20:25,014

Oh, wow. So we don't have to,

you know, r-raise it?

00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:27,016

Nah. They're ready to go

right out of the box.

00:20:27,051 --> 00:20:29,887

Cool, cool.

So...bye?

00:20:29,922 --> 00:20:31,262

Yep.

Take care of yourself, Rick.

00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:33,297

Yep. Same.

[ Whinnies ]

00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:38,599

That was easy.

00:20:38,634 --> 00:20:46,475

♪♪

00:20:46,510 --> 00:20:54,318

♪♪

00:20:54,353 --> 00:21:02,216

♪♪

00:21:02,251 --> 00:21:10,059

♪♪

00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:12,402

Houston, permission to open

the starboard panel.

00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,667

Houston:

Permission granted.

00:21:13,702 --> 00:21:16,901

Firing breach now.

00:21:16,936 --> 00:21:19,266

Explorer, our readouts

show a pressure spike.

00:21:19,301 --> 00:21:20,740

Everything alright?

00:21:20,775 --> 00:21:23,171

Honestly, sometimes

staring back at Earth

00:21:23,206 --> 00:21:26,108

makes me think about

the people I left behind --

00:21:26,143 --> 00:21:29,111

my wife, the son she had

to anchor me there.

00:21:29,146 --> 00:21:31,179

I tried to be a parent,

I really did,

00:21:31,214 --> 00:21:34,622

but I've come to find I'm only

suited to be a spaceman.

00:21:34,657 --> 00:21:36,085

The nicest part

of being up here

00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,988

is there are no reminders

of the guilt

00:21:38,023 --> 00:21:40,958

I sometimes feel about

abandoning my family.

00:21:40,993 --> 00:21:42,498

[ Indistinct babbling ]

00:21:42,533 --> 00:21:44,467

Sorry, Houston,

I thought I heard something.

00:21:44,502 --> 00:21:45,963

Negative on our end.

00:21:45,998 --> 00:21:47,800

No, wait,

there's something big

00:21:47,835 --> 00:21:49,538

and it's coming right at you!

Goo, goo, gah, gah.

00:21:49,573 --> 00:21:52,442

Dear God.

No! You can't be real!

00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:55,269

Explorer, what is it?

What the hell do you see?!

00:21:55,304 --> 00:21:56,842

My conscience.

00:21:56,877 --> 00:21:58,349

Explorer! Explorer!

Aaah!

00:21:58,384 --> 00:22:00,516

Are you there?

Aaaaaah!

00:22:00,551 --> 00:22:02,848

Geez.

Not gonna miss that guy.

Aaaaah!

00:22:02,883 --> 00:22:04,685

Right? So dramatic.

00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:07,820

Man:

Did you get any of that?

00:22:07,855 --> 00:22:12,022

♪♪

00:00:08,913 --> 00:00:09,653

Тише, успеем.

00:00:09,733 --> 00:00:13,704

Мы уже не первый час зависаем

в-в этой тупой больнице для лошадей.

00:00:13,794 --> 00:00:16,064

Я в этой тупой больнице

деньги зарабатываю.

00:00:16,205 --> 00:00:18,535

Мог бы догадаться.

00:00:20,375 --> 00:00:23,756

А это что за штука в центре комнаты?

С-с дыркой посередине?

00:00:23,886 --> 00:00:24,836

Аппарат для спаривания.

00:00:24,916 --> 00:00:27,986

Используется для сбора...

репродуктивного материала.

00:00:40,668 --> 00:00:43,849

Ну, идём на очередное говно от Марвел,

от которого ты так кончаешь.

00:00:43,929 --> 00:00:45,849

Ага. Н-ну пойдём.

00:00:45,929 --> 00:00:49,820

А-а вашей больнице часом

не нужны добровольцы?

00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:52,480

Ого, кто ты, и куда делся мой сын?

00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,631

Не, не, серьёзно,

у тебя правда к-крутая работа.

00:00:55,711 --> 00:00:57,011

НЕДЕЛЮ СПУСТЯ

00:01:00,002 --> 00:01:03,502

Эх, Морти, грязная ты псина.

00:01:04,062 --> 00:01:05,343

Ну давай.

00:01:06,923 --> 00:01:08,363

100% ЧИСТАЯ КОНСКАЯ СПЕРМА

00:01:10,033 --> 00:01:10,523

Привет, Рик.

00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:12,144

Привет, пацан, как выходные?

00:01:12,224 --> 00:01:14,584

Лежу-балдею, а т-т-ты чем занят?

00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:18,885

Да нудятиной. Помнишь расу

подземных чело-лошадей-каннибалов?

00:01:18,965 --> 00:01:21,015

Да, Конибалы, т-так в чём суть?

00:01:21,095 --> 00:01:24,226

Никому не говори, но для борьбы

с ними я создаю био-оружие.

00:01:24,306 --> 00:01:26,826

И для этого мне понадобилась бочка конской

спермы из больницы твоей мамы,

00:01:26,906 --> 00:01:30,457

которую я, ну, подвергну облучению.

00:01:30,537 --> 00:01:32,117

Но надо проверить, убедиться в...

00:01:32,197 --> 00:01:32,787

Убедиться в чём?

00:01:32,877 --> 00:01:34,097

Что это конская сперма.

00:01:34,207 --> 00:01:35,687

Так на бочке же всё написано.

00:01:35,777 --> 00:01:37,348

Хреновый из тебя учёный.

00:01:37,428 --> 00:01:39,628

Всё надо проверять дважды.

Особенно сперму.

00:01:39,718 --> 00:01:41,328

А у мамы ты разрешения спросил?

00:01:41,428 --> 00:01:43,569

Морти, если бы я хотел её украсть...

00:01:43,649 --> 00:01:46,139

Да, я спросил разрешения,

отвали уже от меня!

00:01:46,249 --> 00:01:47,219

Тогда доверься наклейке!

00:01:47,299 --> 00:01:49,030

Ладно, хорошо! Так и быть!

00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:52,050

Господи, ваше поколение сводит меня с ума.

00:01:52,130 --> 00:01:55,121

Не подходи, я прогоню через сперму

огромный поток энергии.

00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:59,721

Но не бойся, ведь сперма всё же,

ну, не человеческая. Поехали.

00:02:14,654 --> 00:02:15,894

Ч-что произошло?

00:02:15,974 --> 00:02:18,314

Сперма, Морти! Она превратилась в чудовищ!

00:02:18,394 --> 00:02:21,395

Это моя вина. Или с этой

спермой было что-то не так.

00:02:21,515 --> 00:02:23,195

Т-ты же издеваешься надо мной?

00:02:23,295 --> 00:02:24,575

Что? Издеваюсь? Зачем?

00:02:24,655 --> 00:02:25,876

Хочешь что-то мне сказать?

00:02:25,956 --> 00:02:27,936

Морти, не знаю, о чём ты говоришь!

00:02:28,016 --> 00:02:28,856

- Правда?

- Да!

00:02:28,936 --> 00:02:30,876

Отлично, т-тогда это ты виноват!

00:02:59,791 --> 00:03:03,922

РИК И МОРТИ

00:03:04,152 --> 00:03:05,682

Пап, что за хрень тут творится?!

00:03:05,762 --> 00:03:09,713

Бет, милая, не мешай. Я пытаюсь

объехать тела наших соседей.

00:03:09,853 --> 00:03:11,713

Кажись, это Джин. Тебе виднее.

00:03:11,813 --> 00:03:14,043

- Пап, клянусь...

- Мам, это не Рик виноват, а...

00:03:14,124 --> 00:03:15,094

Космо-сперма.

00:03:15,174 --> 00:03:15,684

Что?!

00:03:15,764 --> 00:03:19,244

Да, Космо-сперма. Я-я их

уже встречал, н-н-но не таких.

00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,015

Космо-сперма? Сперма из Космоса?

00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:24,225

Впечатляющая словесная экспертиза, Джерри.

00:03:24,345 --> 00:03:26,145

Вот бля. А космо-члены большие?

00:03:26,235 --> 00:03:28,966

Не отвечай ей! Наверняка большие...

00:03:35,477 --> 00:03:37,737

Чёрт, чёрт, чёрт!

00:03:43,088 --> 00:03:47,319

Мистер Санчес, президент

хочет поговорить с вами!

00:03:50,199 --> 00:03:51,560

Морти, слушай, не выдавай меня.

00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,900

Я-я не должен говорить,

откуда взялись эти штуки?

00:03:53,980 --> 00:03:58,411

Да, формально это ложь, но я облажался,

и мне стыдно, но блин, наука же.

00:03:58,501 --> 00:04:00,321

Ладно, я тебя не выдам, чувак.

00:04:00,411 --> 00:04:02,721

Правда? Хорошо. Круто. Спасибо, Морти.

00:04:02,801 --> 00:04:04,082

Я думал, будет сложнее.

00:04:04,172 --> 00:04:07,752

Ты совершил ужасный поступок, но не стоит

на нём зацикливаться, да, верно?

00:04:07,832 --> 00:04:12,583

Иногда нужно просто вытереть,

выбросить его в ведро и вернуться в класс.

00:04:12,663 --> 00:04:14,613

Метафору я не понял,

но в класс бы вернулся.

00:04:14,693 --> 00:04:16,744

Санчес! А ну быстро сюда!

00:04:16,914 --> 00:04:20,184

Космо-сперма? Ого, а космо-члены большие?

00:04:20,284 --> 00:04:21,054

Он шарит в теме.

00:04:21,134 --> 00:04:22,095

Господин президент,

00:04:22,175 --> 00:04:24,555

теория о космической ДНК

существует долгие годы.

00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:27,675

Чупакабры, Йети, Стоунхендж, Древний Рим.

00:04:27,756 --> 00:04:32,566

Всё это мифы, монстры, легенды...

или разные названия спермы из космоса.

00:04:32,646 --> 00:04:35,727

Знаешь, Санчес, я уверен,

что либо ты в ответе за эту хрень,

00:04:35,807 --> 00:04:38,077

либо те чело-лошади, что живут под землёй.

00:04:38,157 --> 00:04:39,247

- Конибалы.

- Точно.

00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:41,978

Если это они – да поможет им Бог.

00:04:42,118 --> 00:04:44,018

Морти, давай, выкладывай.

00:04:44,098 --> 00:04:46,399

Вы не докажете! Стоп, что? А, точно.

00:04:46,509 --> 00:04:50,699

Я защищу тебя малыш. Дунь в свисток,

фьють, фьють. Твой дед виновен?

00:04:50,789 --> 00:04:51,779

Вот, что я скажу.

00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:55,400

Мы живём в величайшей стране,

изобретшей пироги и лазеры.

00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:56,510

Ага, продолжай.

00:04:56,590 --> 00:04:58,651

А сперма... мы ничего о ней не знаем.

00:04:58,731 --> 00:05:03,391

Значит, конибалы объявили нам войну.

А ты в этот раз легко отделался.

00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:04,812

Привет, привет, простите, что поздно.

00:05:04,892 --> 00:05:07,632

Это профессор Шабубу,

величайший эксперт по сперме.

00:05:07,712 --> 00:05:08,802

Спасибо, что прибыли так быстро.

00:05:08,882 --> 00:05:09,832

У меня не было других дел.

00:05:09,912 --> 00:05:12,643

Я следил за нашими спермо-друзьями

с момента прибытия.

00:05:12,723 --> 00:05:16,213

И-и если мои расчёты верны,

все они собираются здесь.

00:05:16,293 --> 00:05:18,894

Зачем сперме сдался Большой Каньон?

00:05:19,564 --> 00:05:22,284

Вы смотрите так, будто ответ очевиден.

00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,265

Это какая-то шутка? Мы что, школьники?

00:05:25,355 --> 00:05:27,335

Вы думаете,

сперму инстинктивно тянет к...

00:05:27,415 --> 00:05:29,826

Не осуждайте нас. Туда они и направились.

00:05:29,906 --> 00:05:33,046

Так. Как нам разобраться с этими...

«Оргазмогоблинами»?

00:05:33,306 --> 00:05:36,277

Варианты? Что ж. Так...

«Спермпельштильсхины»?

00:05:36,357 --> 00:05:38,737

Нет. Тупо. Или «КончеБоглины»?

00:05:38,817 --> 00:05:40,017

О да, да, «КончеБоглины».

00:05:40,097 --> 00:05:41,357

Серьёзно? «КончеБоглины»?

00:05:41,438 --> 00:05:43,408

Пусть будет так, потом поменяем.

00:05:43,488 --> 00:05:44,978

Мистер президент, позволите?

00:05:45,118 --> 00:05:47,248

К счастью, мне удалось

заполучить экземпляр.

00:05:47,328 --> 00:05:51,859

Первым делом мы проведём анализ ДНК

и выясним, откуда взялись эти чудесные...

00:05:52,089 --> 00:05:53,179

Почему?!

00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,670

У-у него был ствол!

00:05:55,580 --> 00:05:58,190

Какого дьявола?!

Вы что, не обыскали сперму?

00:05:58,270 --> 00:05:59,440

Так у спермы нет рук!

00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,031

Этот пацан никогда не лжёт!

00:06:01,121 --> 00:06:04,521

Если хотите от них избавиться – дайте нам

самолёт и парочку боеголовок.

00:06:04,601 --> 00:06:06,392

Мы сотрём их с лица земли,

не оставив и следа.

00:06:06,472 --> 00:06:09,002

- Это единственный способ.

- Он прав. Я учёный.

00:06:09,082 --> 00:06:13,033

Ну хорошо. Уничтожьте их. Народ максимум

пожалуется, что каньон стал ещё больше.

00:06:13,113 --> 00:06:15,633

Джерри, мы плохие родители. Действуй!

00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:18,013

Э-эту воду же можно пить?

00:06:18,113 --> 00:06:20,164

- Да, а это мой любимый стакан.

- Я налью!

00:06:21,594 --> 00:06:22,584

А вы чем заняты?

00:06:22,704 --> 00:06:26,685

И Рик, чтобы ты точно не облажался,

я пошлю с тобой своих лучших мужиков.

00:06:26,765 --> 00:06:27,246

И девушку.

00:06:27,326 --> 00:06:28,545

Предложение неплохое,

00:06:28,625 --> 00:06:31,886

но не думаю, что их лидером

будет королева, прокаченная кикбоксом.

00:06:31,966 --> 00:06:33,886

Вызвать стопроцентных мужиков!

00:06:35,326 --> 00:06:39,217

Вырезать сперматозоидов – всё равно

что резать кусочек тёплого масла.

00:06:39,297 --> 00:06:41,757

Эти сучки залетят от меня. Посмертно!

00:06:41,837 --> 00:06:42,507

Нет страху!

00:06:42,587 --> 00:06:43,421

Нет смирению!

00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:46,118

- И никаких последствий не будет!

- И никаких последствий не будет!

00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:49,509

Эй, давай поставим, кто из этих парней

продержится дольше, чем остальные?

00:06:49,589 --> 00:06:51,249

Я не ставлю на человеческие жизни, Рик.

00:06:51,329 --> 00:06:54,609

Все эти ребята выживут,

но тот парень точно дольше остальных.

00:06:54,729 --> 00:06:57,590

Я тоже так думаю. Как его имя? Блэйзен?

00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,200

Клёво же!

00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,381

Ага, он медитирует прямо в турбулентности.

00:07:01,461 --> 00:07:04,231

И если бы рядом что-то упало,

он бы поймал его, не открывая глаз.

00:07:04,311 --> 00:07:04,921

Это точно.

00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:07,702

Давай кинем что-нибудь в него?

У-у меня тут карандаш...

00:07:10,302 --> 00:07:11,742

К-кто в нас стреляет?!

00:07:12,812 --> 00:07:15,193

Ого, как неожиданно.

00:07:15,343 --> 00:07:18,353

У-у спермы катапульта?! Они развиваются?!

00:07:18,433 --> 00:07:20,724

Нет, это ты тупеешь, ведь это требушет.

00:07:20,824 --> 00:07:21,864

Да их никто не различает!

00:07:21,944 --> 00:07:25,124

Они уже перезарядили требушет.

Пора прыгать!

00:07:36,266 --> 00:07:37,226

Пора выдвигаться.

00:07:37,306 --> 00:07:38,497

- Как круто.

- Ни царапины.

00:07:38,577 --> 00:07:40,607

Итак, дамочки. В уничижительном плане.

00:07:40,687 --> 00:07:44,308

Мы получили по Е

и теперь нам нужен хороший Пэ.

00:07:44,858 --> 00:07:47,478

План. Я пойду вперёд.

00:07:47,558 --> 00:07:50,018

Вы двое по флангам. Блэйзен, ты сюда...

00:07:50,098 --> 00:07:52,999

Эй! Парни, пусть кто-то один рисует план!

00:07:53,079 --> 00:07:54,109

Коньчары!

00:07:54,199 --> 00:07:54,899

Чужижа!

00:07:54,979 --> 00:07:55,639

Спермачи!

00:07:55,739 --> 00:07:57,610

Простите, но давайте определимся?!

00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:03,831

Что ж, используйте моё имя!

Сливки недовзбитые!

00:08:09,812 --> 00:08:11,902

Тише, тише, малыш.

00:08:11,982 --> 00:08:14,292

В-всё хорошо, всё хорошо.

00:08:16,083 --> 00:08:17,843

Ты узнаёшь меня?

00:08:17,923 --> 00:08:19,863

Помнишь, что вышел из меня?

00:08:19,973 --> 00:08:24,554

Я Морти. А тебя я назову Липко,

п-потому что т-ты очень липкий.

00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:30,815

В сторону, Морти.

00:08:30,895 --> 00:08:32,685

Нет, необязательно делать это.

00:08:32,765 --> 00:08:36,596

Это гаплоидный генетический код.

Машина для оплодотворения.

00:08:36,696 --> 00:08:37,566

Да что с тобой?

00:08:37,646 --> 00:08:39,036

Рик, отпусти его.

00:08:41,597 --> 00:08:44,017

Морти, только не пизди. Что с тобой?

00:08:44,127 --> 00:08:47,348

Мне кажется, я понял, в чём тут дело.

00:08:47,678 --> 00:08:49,848

Шучу, я ни хрена не понимаю.

00:08:49,958 --> 00:08:52,069

- Пора выдвигаться.

- И-и куда?

00:08:53,169 --> 00:08:56,759

Связав одно чувство, освободи другое.

00:08:58,530 --> 00:09:00,770

Охренеть! О-он может чуять пещеры?

00:09:00,890 --> 00:09:01,910

Я вообще стараюсь не дышать.

00:09:01,990 --> 00:09:04,141

Вся эта планета –

огромная мусорка в общаге.

00:09:05,301 --> 00:09:07,071

Сэр... Рик Санчес пропал с радаров.

00:09:07,151 --> 00:09:08,391

Я знал, что ему нельзя доверять!

00:09:08,471 --> 00:09:11,792

Может, пилот перевозбудился

и рухнул в Большую Вагину?

00:09:11,872 --> 00:09:14,532

Вам разрешено находиться здесь,

а не отпускать язвительные комментарии.

00:09:14,612 --> 00:09:16,573

Займитесь делом. Как Джерри.

00:09:16,683 --> 00:09:18,753

Полный стакан. Как вы и хотели!

00:09:19,143 --> 00:09:20,223

Ситуация такова.

00:09:20,303 --> 00:09:23,334

Рик и наши боеголовки пропали.

Что теперь?

00:09:23,834 --> 00:09:25,064

Никаких идей?

00:09:25,174 --> 00:09:27,464

У меня. Верно, у меня. У девушки.

00:09:27,574 --> 00:09:29,385

Господа, что нужно сперматозоидам?

00:09:29,465 --> 00:09:32,775

То же самое, что и дровосеку

по утрам, а лисам по ночам.

00:09:32,855 --> 00:09:33,725

- Штаны.

- Яйца.

00:09:33,805 --> 00:09:34,826

- Оладьи.

- Яйца.

00:09:34,906 --> 00:09:37,276

И для гига-спермы понадобится гига-яйцо.

00:09:37,356 --> 00:09:38,796

С-стойте, погодите минутку.

00:09:38,876 --> 00:09:40,767

Сперматозоиды – охотники.

А на что они охотятся?

00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:41,877

- На яйца.

- Именно.

00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:44,297

А что, если мы сделаем большое яйцо?

00:09:44,427 --> 00:09:46,928

Все они кинутся внутрь!

Срочно вызовите МТИ.

00:09:47,008 --> 00:09:49,658

И дайте этому парню Нобелевку.

00:09:49,998 --> 00:09:51,768

Вот ты и стала женщиной.

00:09:55,579 --> 00:09:58,089

Слушай, Блэйзен. Дети есть?

00:09:58,189 --> 00:09:59,950

Поле боя – моя семья.

00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:01,560

- Какой крутой.

- Жёсткий тип.

00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:03,370

Прочь! Я их задержу!

00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:05,441

Блэйзен, ты не обязан!

00:10:05,591 --> 00:10:06,801

Это моя судьба.

00:10:06,941 --> 00:10:10,301

Он прав, Морти. Такова его участь.

Не мешай ему.

00:10:12,752 --> 00:10:15,492

Кровь за кровь. Конча за кончу.

00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:19,383

О нет! Не дотянуться!

00:10:19,463 --> 00:10:21,003

Дурак!

00:10:21,463 --> 00:10:22,993

Что? В них удобно!

00:10:23,073 --> 00:10:24,534

Попробуйте.

00:10:26,224 --> 00:10:28,244

Вот и всё. Я мертвец.

00:10:28,444 --> 00:10:30,155

Морти, встреться с моей женой.

00:10:30,235 --> 00:10:32,475

Скажи, что я не носил её стринги.

00:10:32,555 --> 00:10:36,286

Это копия плаката из

«Спортс Иллюстрейтед» с Кэти Айрленд.

00:10:36,366 --> 00:10:38,216

Э-это моя жена! Мы трахаемся!

00:10:38,296 --> 00:10:41,026

Стоп, подержи фото,

и мы займёмся сексом напоследок.

00:10:41,106 --> 00:10:42,677

Я могу себе отсосать.

00:10:42,757 --> 00:10:43,847

Что?!

00:10:45,257 --> 00:10:48,318

Мы в нём ошиблись.

Он даже время не выиграл.

00:10:49,598 --> 00:10:51,898

Морти, готовься к фейерверкам.

00:10:57,969 --> 00:11:01,950

Мерзость. Впервые

я пожалел, что остался жив.

00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:03,260

Стоп, а это что за нахуй?

00:11:03,340 --> 00:11:05,380

Я говорю, вы молчите!

00:11:05,460 --> 00:11:11,561

Я королева спермы! И ты представляешь

для меня особый интерес.

00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,612

Эй, это же, блядь, мои вещи!

00:11:13,722 --> 00:11:16,942

И зачем тебе машина для дрочки

из больницы моей дочери?

00:11:17,032 --> 00:11:19,253

Она нужна нам для создания армии.

00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:21,683

И не только она, тупица. Ещё и конь!

00:11:21,763 --> 00:11:25,674

О, но наш жеребец уже здесь.

Я права, Морти?

00:11:26,164 --> 00:11:28,234

Или лучше сказать, отец.

00:11:28,924 --> 00:11:31,945

Морти, ах ты мерзкий,

лживый всадник апокалипсиса!

00:11:32,035 --> 00:11:32,985

П-прости!

00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:36,445

И как оно?

Потрясно!

00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,807

Рик, прости!

00:11:38,887 --> 00:11:43,046

Я не думал, что если присовывать

конской машине, настанет конец света!

00:11:43,126 --> 00:11:44,275

Понимаю, я виноват!

00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:47,915

Я не приму извинения,

стоя в ловушке, как Трахан Соло.

00:11:47,995 --> 00:11:50,224

Ты виноват в том,

что стыдишься нас, Морти.

00:11:50,304 --> 00:11:53,793

Сколько миллионов распрощались

с жизнью за тебя,

00:11:53,873 --> 00:11:55,943

отправляясь в неизвестность

00:11:56,033 --> 00:11:58,482

и в итоге оказываясь выброшенными

на поверхность уродливого носка

00:11:58,562 --> 00:12:01,621

или аккуратно сложенного

кусочка туалетной бумаги?!

00:12:01,741 --> 00:12:03,061

Откуда ты знаешь?!

00:12:03,161 --> 00:12:06,080

О, сладкий, ведь мы – частичка тебя.

00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:08,080

Мы – воплощение твоего стыда.

00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:12,879

А когда мы кончим с тобой,

армия спермы захватит весь мир!

00:12:12,979 --> 00:12:14,868

Включить аппарат!

00:12:14,948 --> 00:12:17,118

- Рик, сделай что-нибудь!

- Сейчас.

00:12:20,557 --> 00:12:23,056

- Чт-что ты сделал?

- Отвернулся от тебя.

00:12:23,136 --> 00:12:24,836

О нет. О...

00:12:24,926 --> 00:12:29,195

Да, конец близок! Последние слова?

00:12:31,464 --> 00:12:32,484

Липко!

00:12:32,604 --> 00:12:34,564

Фу. Знаю, ты не мастер слова, но...

00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,973

Нет-нет-нет!

Мой друг-сперматозоид здесь!

00:12:37,053 --> 00:12:38,383

Не давай им имена.

00:12:41,362 --> 00:12:43,502

Дураки! Вам меня не победить!

00:12:43,592 --> 00:12:46,241

Женщина-кикбоксёр вам не по зубам!

00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:51,450

И это всё, что ты можешь?

00:12:54,779 --> 00:12:57,178

Слушай, хреновые у тебя ловушки.

00:12:57,258 --> 00:12:58,758

Убить их!

00:13:08,116 --> 00:13:11,355

Да! Ура!

Надо было всё тебе рассказать.

00:13:11,445 --> 00:13:15,974

Сначала спасём мир. Заложим

бомбы и обесплодим этот каньон.

00:13:18,073 --> 00:13:20,233

В Аризоне бывают землетрясения?

00:13:24,852 --> 00:13:28,191

Они спешат в Вегас. Это логично

по многим параметрам.

00:13:28,321 --> 00:13:30,910

Но почему сейчас?

Что за?

00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:34,709

Поприветствуйте профессора Шабубу

и его яйцеклетку.

00:13:34,799 --> 00:13:36,609

Алло. Никого не забыли?

00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:37,569

Да, прости.

00:13:37,649 --> 00:13:40,338

Спасибо труппе Цирка дю Солей «Зуманити»

00:13:40,418 --> 00:13:42,598

за впечатляющую эротическую рутину.

00:13:42,708 --> 00:13:44,557

Мистер президент. Звонит Рик Санчес.

00:13:44,637 --> 00:13:46,307

Хорошо. Включай его на громкую.

00:13:46,457 --> 00:13:51,276

Так-так-так. Не благодаря тебе мы

заманили сперму в гигантскую яйцеклетку.

00:13:51,356 --> 00:13:53,715

Хотя, фигурально выражаясь,

Вегаса бы хватило.

00:13:53,895 --> 00:13:55,925

Яйцеклеткой? Г-где ты её взял?

00:13:56,024 --> 00:14:00,054

Хороший вопрос. У твоей внучки.

Хоть какой-то от тебя прок.

00:14:00,154 --> 00:14:03,173

Мистер президент, это Морти.

Сперма – моя. Вся моя.

00:14:03,253 --> 00:14:03,693

Что?

00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,232

Я малолетний извращенец.

00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,832

Я целую неделю ублажал себя

аппаратом для животных,

00:14:07,912 --> 00:14:09,301

и моя сперма превратилась в чудовищ!

00:14:09,381 --> 00:14:12,411

Да, всё это было ложью!

Мне было стыдно!

00:14:12,491 --> 00:14:16,860

И правильно! Все мы были молоды,

но надо уметь сдерживаться.

00:14:16,950 --> 00:14:21,488

Не пускайте их к яйцеклетке,

мистер президент. Иначе вы создадите...

00:14:23,108 --> 00:14:24,278

...дитя инцеста.

00:14:24,408 --> 00:14:25,747

Что? Кто тебе сказал?

00:14:25,827 --> 00:14:27,377

Что? Мы о другом говорили.

00:14:27,477 --> 00:14:29,287

А, ладно. За нами.

00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:33,276

Это сперма Морти.

Мы сотворим большое дитя инцеста.

00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:36,205

Ну теперь все мы в заднице.

00:14:36,365 --> 00:14:38,025

Запускай её! Немедленно!

00:14:38,105 --> 00:14:39,994

- На это нужно полчаса.

- Что? Зачем?

00:14:40,074 --> 00:14:42,304

Столько занимает запуск в космос.

00:14:42,384 --> 00:14:45,723

Никто не знает, ведь показывают

только десять секунд.

00:14:47,242 --> 00:14:48,042

Помогите мне.

00:14:48,122 --> 00:14:50,342

Эй, это же твоя идея, нет?

00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:54,721

Ладно, ладно. Никакой паники, господа.

Есть простое решение.

00:14:55,021 --> 00:14:56,720

Увидимся в аду!

00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,470

Не понимаю, как это поможет.

00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:02,449

Выставить оцепление!

Защищать яйцеклетку всеми силами!

00:15:02,529 --> 00:15:06,888

Всегда знал, что твои гормоны разожгут

войну между людьми и Конибалами.

00:15:06,968 --> 00:15:08,787

Но не думал, что это будет так!

00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:09,907

Такова моя природа.

00:15:10,007 --> 00:15:14,046

Ты, что, скорпион из легенд Навахо?

Все могут измениться, Морти.

00:15:14,126 --> 00:15:15,496

Это свойственно людям.

00:15:15,576 --> 00:15:18,165

Вот Железный человек,

Дауни, был почти что бомжом.

00:15:18,245 --> 00:15:21,914

Он спал в кустах. Его личный агент

ловил его сачком для бабочек.

00:15:21,994 --> 00:15:25,204

Молчать! Рик Санчес,

тебе известно, почему ты здесь.

00:15:25,293 --> 00:15:26,633

Да. Из-за своего внука.

00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:28,443

Ты переспал с моей дочерью!

00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:30,052

Переспал? Вот, чёрт, и правда.

00:15:30,322 --> 00:15:33,672

Простите, Ваше Конибальство.

С этого момента я изменюсь.

00:15:33,771 --> 00:15:36,621

Ты пришёл в королевство

Конибалов за прощением?

00:15:36,701 --> 00:15:40,260

Конибалы не прощают людей!

Конибалы едят людей!

00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,070

Это слишком, даже для нас.

00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,249

Потише, Морти.

00:15:43,329 --> 00:15:45,189

Приготовь! Ням-ням!

00:15:45,269 --> 00:15:49,258

Поперчи! Вот так! И сожри! Ням-ням!

00:15:49,338 --> 00:15:53,417

Но не кость! О нет! Мой живот! Ай-ай!

00:15:53,497 --> 00:15:55,756

Отец! Прекрати это безумие!

00:15:55,836 --> 00:15:57,156

Принцесса Поньетта!

00:15:57,236 --> 00:16:00,315

Не смей убивать Рико!

Я... я люблю его!

00:16:00,395 --> 00:16:01,545

- Что?!

- Как же так?!

00:16:01,655 --> 00:16:04,534

Да, и-и я тебя люблю, принцесса Поньетта.

00:16:04,614 --> 00:16:07,464

Это запретная любовь.

Дочь моя, ты Конибал.

00:16:07,584 --> 00:16:10,183

А Рик – человек. И очень старый.

00:16:10,293 --> 00:16:12,082

Ты не оставил мне выбора!

00:16:12,162 --> 00:16:14,822

Согласно семнадцатой статье Коньституции,

00:16:14,902 --> 00:16:17,851

я наделяю Рика Санчеса коньмунитетом

00:16:17,931 --> 00:16:22,870

и требую лошадиного перемирия

между конибалами и людьми.

00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:24,879

На каком основании?

00:16:24,959 --> 00:16:28,299

На том, что Рико – отец моего ребёнка.

00:16:28,419 --> 00:16:31,648

- У меня наследник.

- У меня проблемы с наркотиками.

00:16:31,738 --> 00:16:35,777

Пророчество исполнилось!

И ещё, кто обронил свиток?

00:16:35,857 --> 00:16:38,136

Это я. Он мой. Простите.

00:16:41,706 --> 00:16:43,005

Откуда вы это взяли?

00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:43,965

Мы в Вегасе.

00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,425

Сэр! Жители эвакуированы.

00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,204

Но нас сметут в два счёта.

00:16:47,314 --> 00:16:50,353

Привлеките работников Вегаса.

Все сегодня патриоты.

00:16:50,433 --> 00:16:51,363

Даже я!

00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:53,443

Три шага назад, Удивительный Джонатан.

00:16:53,523 --> 00:16:55,832

Мужчины со стволами. И метафора, и нет.

00:16:55,912 --> 00:16:57,092

И не говори.

00:16:57,552 --> 00:17:01,741

Готовьтесь, парни! Последнее,

что миру нужно – это дитя инцеста.

00:17:01,831 --> 00:17:03,370

Внимание! Они близко!

00:17:03,450 --> 00:17:04,300

Супер!

00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,230

Не подпускать ни единого

сперматозоида к яйцеклетке.

00:17:10,839 --> 00:17:13,408

А не стоит заняться вот тем бомб-ладеном?

00:17:13,488 --> 00:17:17,007

Не вмешивайтесь.

Мужчинам виднее, что с ними делать.

00:17:19,797 --> 00:17:23,076

Готова взять всё на себя,

не ожидая благодарности?

00:17:23,186 --> 00:17:25,285

От-Нэнси-Рэгайним эту мразь.

00:17:39,032 --> 00:17:41,421

Чёрт! Их не сдержать! У нас нет людей.

00:17:41,551 --> 00:17:43,251

Зато есть кони!

00:17:44,641 --> 00:17:49,410

Во имя Леди Свободы! Этот кобылин сын,

Рик, положил конец войне с конибалами.

00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:50,289

Наконец-то мир!

00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:51,969

- Слава Богу!

- Мы с ними братья!

00:17:53,999 --> 00:17:56,608

Рико! Мы нужны бескопытным!

00:17:56,718 --> 00:17:59,017

За дело! Конибалдони! Хо-хо-хо!

00:17:59,107 --> 00:18:01,587

Конибалдони! Хо-хо-хо!

00:18:10,265 --> 00:18:12,764

Мам! Обещаю предохраняться даже при анале.

00:18:12,844 --> 00:18:15,693

Так, нам предстоит длинный разговор.

00:18:34,679 --> 00:18:36,129

Это твоё сердце?

00:18:36,209 --> 00:18:38,508

Отсылка к «Это твоя карта?»

У тебя нет сердца.

00:18:38,658 --> 00:18:40,428

Но это какой-то органоид,

00:18:40,558 --> 00:18:43,007

что снабжает эндоплазматической

ретикулой твою мембрану.

00:18:43,087 --> 00:18:45,636

То есть работает, как сердце.

00:18:45,786 --> 00:18:49,415

Так что спрошу ещё раз. Это твоё сердце?

00:18:50,025 --> 00:18:51,045

Морти, смотри!

00:18:51,125 --> 00:18:55,254

Тебе не победить меня, Рик!

Яйцеклетка – моя!

00:18:55,354 --> 00:18:57,304

Липко, вперёд, дружок!

00:19:00,353 --> 00:19:02,212

Нет!

00:19:02,862 --> 00:19:04,102

Липко!

00:19:06,781 --> 00:19:07,681

Блядь!

00:19:07,761 --> 00:19:08,461

Сердце бьётся.

00:19:08,541 --> 00:19:09,641

Да пошло оно!

00:19:09,721 --> 00:19:12,490

Это человек. А впереди как раз выборы.

00:19:12,590 --> 00:19:14,360

- Сделайте что-нибудь!

- Нет.

00:19:17,819 --> 00:19:19,718

Пусть космос разбирается.

00:19:19,998 --> 00:19:23,807

Вот отстой. Ты Кэти Айрленд

из «Спортс Иллюстрейтед».

00:19:23,897 --> 00:19:28,966

Ты был с моим мужем, когда тот умер.

Прошу, скажи, он был в моих стрингах?

00:19:29,826 --> 00:19:32,355

Наверняка он просил не говорить.

00:19:32,665 --> 00:19:35,045

Он стыдился этого. Но не должен был.

00:19:35,655 --> 00:19:37,364

Надеюсь, что он был в них.

00:19:37,924 --> 00:19:40,933

Всегда будь честен. Иногда это больно.

00:19:41,063 --> 00:19:44,323

А иногда полезно. Всегда будь честен.

00:19:45,172 --> 00:19:47,072

Да-да, он-он был в стрингах.

00:19:47,152 --> 00:19:49,151

Вот свинья извращенская!

00:19:49,941 --> 00:19:53,161

Итак, подводя все итоги,

очень важно, что...

00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:54,850

Заткнись, Морти. У меня свой эпилог.

00:19:54,930 --> 00:19:57,240

О, Рико! Я люблю тебя!

00:19:57,410 --> 00:19:58,299

Докажи.

00:20:00,319 --> 00:20:02,598

Обожаю целовать эти лошадиные зубы.

00:20:02,678 --> 00:20:04,148

Будто кафель лижу.

00:20:05,188 --> 00:20:08,167

Ну всё, настала пора

стать честным мужчиной.

00:20:08,257 --> 00:20:10,666

Я отдам всё. Все девять ярдов – твои.

00:20:11,096 --> 00:20:13,466

Рико, мне кажется, что я рожаю.

00:20:13,566 --> 00:20:15,155

О чёрт! Вот блядь! Рожаешь?

00:20:15,235 --> 00:20:17,175

Боже мой! Как чудесно!

00:20:21,864 --> 00:20:25,003

О! Фига! Так нам не нужно растить его?

00:20:25,083 --> 00:20:26,983

Нет. Они с рождения самостоятельны.

00:20:27,103 --> 00:20:29,932

Класс. Круто. Ну, пока.

00:20:30,012 --> 00:20:31,362

Да, береги себя, Рик.

00:20:31,442 --> 00:20:32,581

Да, и ты.

00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,320

Легко отделались.

00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,252

Прошу разрешить открыть панель.

00:21:12,352 --> 00:21:13,572

Разрешение дано.

00:21:13,692 --> 00:21:15,031

Открываю панель.

00:21:16,841 --> 00:21:20,400

Астронавт, замечен скачок давления.

Что случилось?

00:21:20,510 --> 00:21:23,159

Если честно, оглядываясь на Землю,

00:21:23,279 --> 00:21:26,059

я задумываюсь о людях,

которые остались там.

00:21:26,199 --> 00:21:29,068

О жене, о сыне,

которым она меня удерживает.

00:21:29,148 --> 00:21:31,157

Я старался быть хорошим отцом, правда.

00:21:31,237 --> 00:21:34,497

Но потом понял, что

моё призвание – быть астронавтом.

00:21:34,617 --> 00:21:36,336

Громадный плюс того, что я здесь –

00:21:36,416 --> 00:21:41,095

это то, что я забываю о чувстве вины

за то, что бросил свою семью.

00:21:42,395 --> 00:21:44,334

Простите, Хьюстон, я что-то слышу.

00:21:44,464 --> 00:21:47,664

Мы ничего не слышим.

Нет, стоп, там что-то большое!

00:21:47,774 --> 00:21:49,353

И оно движется на вас!

00:21:49,463 --> 00:21:52,133

Боже мой! Нет! Это невозможно!

00:21:52,253 --> 00:21:55,002

Астронавт, что там? Что вы видите?

00:21:55,132 --> 00:21:56,871

Свою совесть.

00:21:57,001 --> 00:21:59,301

Астронавт! Астронавт! Вы слышите?

00:22:00,481 --> 00:22:02,850

Боже. Я не буду по нему скучать.

00:22:02,930 --> 00:22:04,650

И я. Такой душный.