Мортножество

00:00:08,504 --> 00:00:09,965

It's a big day.

We're gonna kill God.

00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,538

Come again?

Christian god is real.

00:00:11,573 --> 00:00:12,803

He's been asleep

for thousands of years,

00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,211

We're gonna sneak up there

and kill 'em.

00:00:14,246 --> 00:00:15,542

Mob style.

Just whack his ass.

00:00:15,577 --> 00:00:16,807

Can I kill God?

Fuck off, Summer.

00:00:16,842 --> 00:00:18,380

As if.

Beth, do you hear this?

00:00:18,415 --> 00:00:19,645

Sweetie,

don't get all worked up

00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,152

before

your job interview.

00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,483

Job interview?

Yes.

00:00:22,518 --> 00:00:23,649

Is that

so hard to believe?

00:00:23,684 --> 00:00:24,980

Actually, yeah.

00:00:25,015 --> 00:00:26,157

Something's off.

00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,159

¶¶

00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:29,160

No!

00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,327

Shit!

00:00:31,362 --> 00:00:34,726

¶¶

00:00:34,761 --> 00:00:35,991

Mr. Always: Hunt me!

00:00:36,026 --> 00:00:39,500

Hunt me! Hunt me!

Somebody hunt me!

00:00:39,535 --> 00:00:41,238

Don't hunt him

to completion!

Hunt me!

00:00:41,273 --> 00:00:42,668

Oh, shit. Um...

00:00:42,703 --> 00:00:44,835

Everyone start packing.

N-No time to explain.

00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,177

Rick?

Dad, what's wrong?

00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,838

Someone just killed

a decoy family.

00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:49,873

I'm Mr. Always

Wants To Be Hunted!

00:00:49,908 --> 00:00:53,008

Yes, and how interesting

did you think that would stay?!

00:00:53,043 --> 00:01:00,917

¶¶

00:01:00,952 --> 00:01:08,892

¶¶

00:01:08,927 --> 00:01:16,867

¶¶

00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:24,611

¶¶

00:01:24,646 --> 00:01:26,041

Morty: You made

clones of us?

00:01:26,076 --> 00:01:28,043

Decoys, Morty.

Very different.

00:01:28,078 --> 00:01:30,254

Very different, sweetie.

Different h-h-- Ow!

00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:31,783

Yeah, Dad.

Different h-how?

00:01:31,818 --> 00:01:33,554

Lotta people out there

want a piece of this, sweetie.

00:01:33,589 --> 00:01:35,226

I'm cool,

and it makes them feel bad.

00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,052

So, y'know, after that trouble

with Space Beth,

00:01:37,087 --> 00:01:38,757

I made passable copies

of the family

00:01:38,792 --> 00:01:39,890

and placed them

around the country

00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,463

as a buffer zone

to protect --

00:01:41,498 --> 00:01:43,135

But why does he always

want to be hunted?

Jerry...

00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,060

That's not important

right now, Dad.

Sure, guys.

00:01:45,095 --> 00:01:46,732

Rick can make secret decoys

of the family

00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:48,569

and place them

all around the country,

00:01:48,604 --> 00:01:50,065

but fuck me

if I have questions

00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:52,067

about the Starfish Man

in a target suit.

00:01:52,102 --> 00:01:54,069

So thankful

this is my Saturday.

00:01:54,104 --> 00:01:55,741

Why was he in

that cryo-pod?!

00:01:55,776 --> 00:01:57,413

The cryopod is

what confuses you?

00:01:57,448 --> 00:01:59,415

Jerry, can't you see

we've moved on to higher stakes?

00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:01,582

Well,

I don't see any stakes at all.

00:02:01,617 --> 00:02:05,421

¶¶

00:02:07,689 --> 00:02:10,756

Ah, shit!

00:02:10,791 --> 00:02:12,626

Guess we'll just

be saying ciao bella

00:02:12,661 --> 00:02:14,331

to our deposit, then --

Shut up and pack, Jerry.

00:02:14,366 --> 00:02:16,927

Squids just killed

a decoy family.

Decoy family?

00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:18,599

Is this is why you wanted

to get out of town?

00:02:18,634 --> 00:02:19,765

You think I'd lie to you

00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,305

about why we're on vacation,

Morty?

00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:22,603

I wouldn't lie to you.

00:02:22,638 --> 00:02:24,803

Well, that's a lie.

Huh...

00:02:24,838 --> 00:02:26,607

So, someone out there

is trying to kill us?

00:02:26,642 --> 00:02:27,938

Someone's always trying

to kill us --

00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:29,445

That's what the decoys

are for.

00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,284

They go on fun, self-contained

terrestrial adventures and...

00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:34,945

take bullets

meant for us.

00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,320

Shit.

00:02:36,355 --> 00:02:38,652

No!

00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,490

Oh, shit.

00:02:41,525 --> 00:02:43,657

Decoy family.

00:02:43,692 --> 00:02:44,856

I think

Dad was still outside.

00:02:44,891 --> 00:02:46,627

Wh-Wh-What's

a decoy family?

00:02:46,662 --> 00:02:48,299

Hard concept, Morty.

Hard concept.

00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,125

I've never really cracked it,

if I'm being honest.

00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,534

Decided it was maybe better

as a kind of kinetic mislead

00:02:52,569 --> 00:02:54,129

for another special episode!

Oh, cool.

00:02:54,164 --> 00:02:57,968

Announcer:

We now return to "When Wolf."

00:02:58,003 --> 00:02:59,640

Whoa.

A time-traveling wolf?

00:02:59,675 --> 00:03:01,972

Count me in.

Yeah, I never thought

of the where in werewolf

00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,479

like who, what,

when and where.

00:03:03,514 --> 00:03:05,008

C-Clever wordplay!

00:03:05,043 --> 00:03:07,175

When Wolf.

Dracula.

00:03:07,210 --> 00:03:08,814

You know

why I'm here.

00:03:08,849 --> 00:03:10,145

I'm safe here, Ian.

00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:12,147

Christianity hasn't

been invented yet --

00:03:12,182 --> 00:03:14,556

Crosses are just

baby T's to me now.

00:03:14,591 --> 00:03:15,821

I got out.

00:03:15,856 --> 00:03:18,362

Please,

don't invite me back in.

00:03:18,397 --> 00:03:20,991

Huh, kinda mucked it up with

this Dracula stuff.

You're right.

00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,894

It shows a lack of faith

in their core concept,

00:03:22,929 --> 00:03:24,698

I'd much rather watch

When Wolf go to the '20s

00:03:24,733 --> 00:03:26,337

and invest in

the stock market --

00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,867

but then eat people.

Yeah.

00:03:31,542 --> 00:03:32,838

Look,

if you really want to know

00:03:32,873 --> 00:03:35,170

what happened to Beth's mom,

it -- Whup.

00:03:35,205 --> 00:03:37,040

Squid aliens just

killed a decoy family.

00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:39,207

Decoy family?

You made more clones?

00:03:39,242 --> 00:03:41,418

Clones are like 32%

of all sci-fi, sweetie.

00:03:41,453 --> 00:03:43,849

You don't get to own 'clones.

Yes, I made some decoys.

00:03:43,884 --> 00:03:45,180

They're exactly like us,

00:03:45,215 --> 00:03:46,720

with a few tweaks

and a backdoor shutdown.

00:03:46,755 --> 00:03:48,854

Do you just get hard creating

sentient life?

00:03:48,889 --> 00:03:51,054

Actually, I get hard

protecting my family.

Ew.

00:03:51,089 --> 00:03:53,760

Gross.

Yeah, now everyone gets

killer doppelgangers.

00:03:53,795 --> 00:03:55,190

Cool deal.

The decoys are harmless,

Beth.

00:03:55,225 --> 00:03:56,895

Grandpa Rick, do the decoys know

they're decoys?

00:03:56,930 --> 00:03:59,029

They wouldn't be very good

decoys if they did, Sum Sum.

00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:00,866

So they think

they're us?

That's the deal.

00:04:00,901 --> 00:04:03,935

How do you know

we're not decoys?

00:04:03,970 --> 00:04:05,541

Oh, my God.

We're decoys.

00:04:05,576 --> 00:04:07,037

Oh, God.

We might not be real.

00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:08,280

W-We might be decoys!

M-Morty, quick!

00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:09,908

Wh-Wh-What do I do?

My failsafe, Morty.

00:04:09,943 --> 00:04:11,239

M-M-My final,

secret failsafe.

00:04:11,274 --> 00:04:13,043

I-It proves I'm real.

You have to help me.

00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:14,110

I-I-I'd never

joke about this.

00:04:14,145 --> 00:04:15,782

There's a barcode,

Morty.

00:04:15,817 --> 00:04:17,113

A-A barcode on the

interior of my left ass cheek.

00:04:17,148 --> 00:04:18,554

What?

Morty, please,

I'm begging you.

00:04:18,589 --> 00:04:19,588

I'm not looking

at your ass.

00:04:19,623 --> 00:04:20,886

Please, Morty!

Is it there?

00:04:20,921 --> 00:04:22,558

God damn it!

Just tell me if I'm real!

00:04:22,593 --> 00:04:23,724

Morty, do it!

00:04:23,759 --> 00:04:25,055

Gross!

00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,595

Dad!

Summer, you fucking idiot.

00:04:26,630 --> 00:04:28,223

We're not decoys.

Wh-Why did

I get punished?!

00:04:28,258 --> 00:04:30,434

A, decoys don't build decoys,

and, B, you think

00:04:30,469 --> 00:04:32,095

the mere suggestion I'm fake

would break me?

00:04:32,130 --> 00:04:33,899

Christ, I'm not your mom.

Fuck off.

00:04:33,934 --> 00:04:35,802

Jeez, these guys really

wanna kill me bad.

00:04:35,837 --> 00:04:37,133

Alright.

Here's the plan.

00:04:37,168 --> 00:04:38,904

We're gonna hide out

with a decoy family,

00:04:38,939 --> 00:04:40,741

and when these squids show up,

we jump their asses.

00:04:40,776 --> 00:04:42,578

Jerry! Come on!

Family emergency.

00:04:42,613 --> 00:04:45,647

A bigger emergency than

my lemon squares not setting?

00:04:45,682 --> 00:04:47,418

They're gluten free,

sugar free,

00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:50,784

and lemon free.

00:04:53,316 --> 00:04:54,755

Think you got

the wrong house, bro.

00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:57,824

Analysis Mode.

Password 8-0-0-8-5.

00:04:57,859 --> 00:04:59,496

Kind of expected

a funnier password.

00:04:59,531 --> 00:05:01,091

I didn't plan

on showing them off.

00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:03,830

Damn. Like "Westworld."

Yes, Morty, like "Westworld."

00:05:03,865 --> 00:05:06,096

But don't fuck them.

S-Summer!

Whatever, creep.

00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:08,098

I'm gonna see how accurate

you got my room.

00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:10,441

Rick, when you say you made

an exact replica of the house,

00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,004

d-did you mean like, y'know,

a-a-an exact replica?

00:05:13,039 --> 00:05:14,478

I know about

the Yosemite t-shirt, Morty.

00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:16,942

Shit.

You know you can use tissues,

right?

00:05:16,977 --> 00:05:18,449

I can't finish

without it.

00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:21,276

So you do know what

a happy family looks like.

00:05:21,311 --> 00:05:23,619

I know what

a fake one looks like.

00:05:23,654 --> 00:05:26,116

Morty: Uh, Rick?

Rick: What?

00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:28,151

Did you use this house

to make decoys, too?

00:05:28,186 --> 00:05:30,120

What? Morty, why the fuck

would I do that?

00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,859

You think I'd go

somewhere else to --

00:05:32,894 --> 00:05:35,631

Okay. Well, I am now

less worried about the squids.

00:05:35,666 --> 00:05:38,370

Isolate head

at normal processing.

00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,295

What the fuck you think

you're doing down there?

00:05:40,330 --> 00:05:42,671

You're making decoys?

Wait, how do you --

00:05:42,706 --> 00:05:44,640

Oh, God.

Summer was right.

00:05:44,675 --> 00:05:45,971

Everyone

in the car.

00:05:46,006 --> 00:05:48,644

You said decoys

didn't make decoys.

00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:49,810

And, usually,

they don't.

00:05:49,845 --> 00:05:51,174

But again,

it's nothing to worry about,

00:05:51,209 --> 00:05:53,011

because decoys

are harmless.

00:05:53,046 --> 00:05:54,650

Just have to, y'know,

visit the rest

00:05:54,685 --> 00:05:57,147

and terminate the program.

Terminate? They're alive, Dad.

00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,522

And at some point,

they won't be,

00:05:58,557 --> 00:05:59,985

That's how

existing works.

00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:01,349

W-W-What, are you gonna

save every stray cat?

00:06:01,384 --> 00:06:03,824

No, but I can resist

making more of them in a lab.

00:06:03,859 --> 00:06:05,353

Gah, look!

Save the empathy.

00:06:05,388 --> 00:06:06,893

It's more termite infestation

than "Blade Runner" --

00:06:06,928 --> 00:06:08,158

I still think

we're decoys.

00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:09,698

You just want an excuse

to stop trying.

00:06:09,733 --> 00:06:10,831

Yeah. And?

00:06:10,866 --> 00:06:12,327

Oooh.

There's a handsome fellow.

00:06:12,362 --> 00:06:14,736

Uh-oh.

00:06:14,771 --> 00:06:16,837

I thought

you made them harmless.

00:06:16,872 --> 00:06:19,037

I don't remember

making this one.

00:06:19,072 --> 00:06:22,513

Oh, hi, Rick.

Family, me?

00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:23,877

Hey, when did

you all leave?

00:06:23,912 --> 00:06:26,011

Analysis Mode.

8-0-0-8-5.

00:06:26,046 --> 00:06:27,342

Hmm?

N-Nothing, buddy.

00:06:27,377 --> 00:06:28,684

You-you gotta stop

with all that coffee.

00:06:28,719 --> 00:06:29,850

It's making you loopy.

00:06:29,885 --> 00:06:30,917

H-Happy Analysis Mode.

00:06:30,952 --> 00:06:33,183

Happy Analysis Mode to you,

too!

00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:36,021

Think you got

the wrong house, bro.

00:06:36,056 --> 00:06:37,726

Analysis Mode.

Password 8-0-0 --

00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:39,189

Shit!

You think I'm a decoy?

00:06:39,224 --> 00:06:40,861

How do you know

about the decoys!

00:06:40,896 --> 00:06:42,357

They were my idea!

00:06:42,392 --> 00:06:44,568

Jerry: Well, now I know

you're pranking me.

00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:46,867

Rick: Analysis Mode.

Password 8-equal-sign

00:06:46,902 --> 00:06:50,365

equal-sign-capital "D."

00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,069

Hide.

00:06:51,104 --> 00:06:53,203

What?!

Hide!

00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:57,075

¶¶

00:06:57,110 --> 00:06:59,044

Morty: Wow. Like --

Like "Ex Machina."

00:06:59,079 --> 00:07:00,716

Rick: Yes, Morty,

like "Ex Machina."

00:07:00,751 --> 00:07:02,454

But don't fuck them.

Summer!

Summer: Whatever, weirdo.

00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:04,214

I'm gonna see

how wrong you got my room.

00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:06,557

Beth: So you do know what

a loving family looks like.

00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,888

A simulated one, yes.

00:07:07,923 --> 00:07:09,890

Why are we hiding?

He thinks he's me,

00:07:09,925 --> 00:07:11,958

and I was about to

start terminating decoys.

00:07:11,993 --> 00:07:14,092

But we're not decoys.

Sure, tell him that.

00:07:14,127 --> 00:07:16,600

Morty: Rick?

Did you make decoys here, too?

00:07:16,635 --> 00:07:18,393

Rick: Morty, what reason

could I have for --

00:07:18,428 --> 00:07:20,230

What the...

00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:22,067

Isolate head

at normal processing!

00:07:22,102 --> 00:07:23,970

You dumb asshole,

you made decoys?

00:07:24,005 --> 00:07:25,609

Again,

they were my idea.

00:07:25,644 --> 00:07:27,237

Wait, w-what happened

to the other guy?

00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,646

Other guy?

00:07:29,681 --> 00:07:32,946

Wait, that means I'm a decoy.

Fuckin' Summer.

00:07:32,981 --> 00:07:34,453

Check the closets.

00:07:36,182 --> 00:07:37,412

-Killer decoys!

-They've gone rogue!

00:07:37,447 --> 00:07:39,249

Take out the decoys!

00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:41,416

Shit. Somebody put

a gun in my teeth!

00:07:41,451 --> 00:07:42,824

Stop shooting, Dad.

They're us,

00:07:42,859 --> 00:07:44,089

We don't have

to fight them!

00:07:44,124 --> 00:07:45,497

Classic prisoners dilemma,

Beth.

00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,158

I-I'm a cool guy, I --

Y'know? I can talk it out.

00:07:47,193 --> 00:07:48,764

But that asshole...

Me?

00:07:48,799 --> 00:07:50,799

You decoy piece of shit.

You're the one who shot first!

00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:52,097

We can work this out!

00:07:52,132 --> 00:07:53,604

Just stop trying

to kill each other!

00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,331

Sorry, Decoy Beth,

but this only ends one way --

00:07:55,366 --> 00:07:56,937

with one of us accepting

we're a decoy.

00:07:56,972 --> 00:07:58,609

And once he knows

he's a decoy,

00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:00,336

he'll know he won't be safe

until he's killed the real Rick,

00:08:00,371 --> 00:08:01,942

along with anyone

who thinks he's him.

00:08:01,977 --> 00:08:04,615

Pretty perceptive,

for a decoy.

00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:05,946

This is getting

nowhere.

00:08:05,981 --> 00:08:07,442

Let's charge their asses

on three.

00:08:07,477 --> 00:08:09,785

Do we have to do this?

Morty, this is gonna sound bad,

00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:11,446

but would you trust me

not to kill you?

00:08:11,481 --> 00:08:13,448

Oof.

I mean good point

but Jesus Christ.

00:08:13,483 --> 00:08:15,120

We rush 'em on three.

Ready?

00:08:15,155 --> 00:08:16,792

I don't wanna kill us, Rick.

It's them or us, Morty.

00:08:16,827 --> 00:08:18,123

I don't trust me.

Do you trust you?

00:08:18,158 --> 00:08:19,960

Yes?

Freak.

00:08:22,899 --> 00:08:24,162

Rick: Before you

say anything,

00:08:24,197 --> 00:08:25,801

they were already

killing each other.

00:08:25,836 --> 00:08:28,001

Well, you could've

done something.

Not sure, actually.

00:08:28,036 --> 00:08:29,332

I've heard stories

about this.

00:08:29,367 --> 00:08:31,466

We're looking

at a possible Asimov Cascade.

00:08:31,501 --> 00:08:33,138

Sorry, what's happening?

I need an explainer, too.

00:08:33,173 --> 00:08:34,337

Yeah I-I'm pretty

behind on this one.

00:08:34,372 --> 00:08:36,647

Car,

can I get a whiteboard?

00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,308

When Squids

started killing decoys,

00:08:38,343 --> 00:08:39,881

decoys started

checking their decoys

00:08:39,916 --> 00:08:41,476

and learning that

they're making decoys.

00:08:41,511 --> 00:08:43,511

That's making them seek out

and run into other decoys,

00:08:43,546 --> 00:08:45,315

making them realize

they're decoys,

00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,889

making them start

to kill other decoys.

00:08:47,924 --> 00:08:49,319

Say "decoy" again.

Fuck you.

00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:50,518

Well,

how do we stop it?

00:08:50,553 --> 00:08:52,025

Beth, the loop's

already started,

00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:54,665

It's basically

"Highlander" rules now.

00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:55,864

Really?

1986?

00:08:55,899 --> 00:08:57,063

"There can be only one?"

00:08:57,098 --> 00:08:58,361

Shit.

We gotta rent it after this,

00:08:58,396 --> 00:08:59,670

Connery plays

"The Spaniard,"

00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,496

but does nothing

about his accent.

00:09:01,531 --> 00:09:03,003

Well, what about the squids?

I mean, they started this.

00:09:03,038 --> 00:09:04,004

Would killing them

finish it?

00:09:04,039 --> 00:09:05,335

Might work.

Alt pitch.

00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:06,875

We just terminate

the rest of the decoys.

00:09:06,910 --> 00:09:09,405

Nobody's terminating anything.

This is your mess.

00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,682

Nobody else with our face

and memories has to die.

00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:14,245

Beth, as much as your passion

warms my cold, cold heart,

00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:15,752

this thing feels

pretty far gone.

00:09:15,787 --> 00:09:17,688

Not only are the decoys liable

to be anywhere,

00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,415

but also, we don't know

how many there are.

00:09:19,450 --> 00:09:21,021

You get far enough

down the decoy line

00:09:21,056 --> 00:09:22,187

and shit starts

to get weird.

00:09:22,222 --> 00:09:23,859

You ever make

a copy of a copy?

00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:26,257

You're helping us fix this.

We're taking out the squids.

00:09:26,292 --> 00:09:28,930

I say we split up.

Some of us take down squids

00:09:28,965 --> 00:09:30,195

while the rest of us --

Engage in B-stories

00:09:30,230 --> 00:09:31,526

we'll have to track

simultaneously?

00:09:31,561 --> 00:09:32,703

No thank yeeew!

00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,364

We stick together

till this is all wrapped up.

00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:35,904

I dunno --

The squids seem pretty good

00:09:35,939 --> 00:09:36,938

at taking out

Smith families.

00:09:36,973 --> 00:09:38,203

Well,

this'll sound weird,

00:09:38,238 --> 00:09:40,436

but I think

I have a pitch for that.

00:09:43,144 --> 00:09:44,572

This costume

smells like ass!

00:09:44,607 --> 00:09:46,277

God, there's no pleasing you.

It's really bad, Rick.

00:09:46,312 --> 00:09:48,213

Did you let a gym coach

break it in?

00:09:48,248 --> 00:09:49,445

Why are

we wearing these?

00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,249

Because we'll fit in

and avoid detection

00:09:51,284 --> 00:09:52,580

as we take out

all the squids.

00:09:52,615 --> 00:09:54,087

Might also help us

anonymously

00:09:54,122 --> 00:09:55,726

take out excess decoys,

if we have to.

00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,387

Which we won't.

Unless we're decoys.

00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:59,389

He's starting to wonder.

I knew it.

00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:01,457

I knew we didn't seem

like Colorado people.

00:10:01,492 --> 00:10:03,129

Oh, my God!

You are, aren't you?

00:10:03,164 --> 00:10:04,592

You're worried

you might be fake!

00:10:04,627 --> 00:10:06,066

Sure, Beth.

Try to love this more.

00:10:06,101 --> 00:10:07,463

Just glad you have

to walk a mile

00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:09,740

in someone else's

squid costume.

There's one.

00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,566

H-Hey what are they mad

at you for, anyway?

00:10:11,601 --> 00:10:13,436

Well, we're talking about me.

It could be anything.

00:10:13,471 --> 00:10:15,240

Maybe jealous

of my penis size.

00:10:15,275 --> 00:10:18,078

I had sex with their queen.

My dick's too big.

00:10:18,113 --> 00:10:19,750

The list goes

on and on.

00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:25,756

¶¶

00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:26,955

Alright.

Hey, one down!

00:10:26,990 --> 00:10:29,155

Probably, what,

40 more to go? 45?

00:10:29,190 --> 00:10:30,959

Should be pretty easy,

unless killing them

00:10:30,994 --> 00:10:32,158

brings in a bigger bad

00:10:32,193 --> 00:10:33,423

or some kind

of horrible mothership.

00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:34,765

Okay,

let's loot their shit,

00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,592

find their weaknesses,

be done by sundown.

00:10:37,627 --> 00:10:39,000

Huh.

Wait.

00:10:39,035 --> 00:10:42,267

But if the squids are decoys,

and we dressed as squids...

00:10:42,302 --> 00:10:43,598

Well, I think

I found their weakness.

00:10:43,633 --> 00:10:45,809

They don't fucking

listen to me.

00:10:47,142 --> 00:10:50,649

Honestly,

probably for the best.

00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,153

Man, I'm good.

00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:07,523

¶¶

00:11:07,558 --> 00:11:08,964

Dad!

00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:15,135

¶¶

00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:17,874

¶¶

00:11:17,909 --> 00:11:20,635

Argh!

Hey!

00:11:20,670 --> 00:11:21,812

Ugh!

00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:29,820

¶¶

00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:32,185

Ugh!

00:11:35,025 --> 00:11:36,189

Oh, shit.

One of mine.

00:11:36,224 --> 00:11:37,652

Where are we going?

Off grid, Morty.

00:11:37,687 --> 00:11:39,390

We're gonna live in the woods,

like Libertarians.

00:11:39,425 --> 00:11:41,029

We'll hunt rabbits

and trade with, like,

00:11:41,064 --> 00:11:43,493

little pieces of gold bar

that we cut off with a knife.

00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:45,066

That licks.

We might be decoys, Summer.

00:11:45,101 --> 00:11:47,497

Everything about this licks.

Oh, maybe now

you'll empathize

00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:48,905

with the decoys

you're killing.

00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:50,665

Wait, shh.

It's too quiet.

00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:53,668

You skipped quiet.

I didn't skip shit.

00:11:53,703 --> 00:11:55,076

It's obviously quiet

if it's too quiet.

00:11:55,111 --> 00:11:56,539

Yeah,

but you're supposed to say --

00:11:56,574 --> 00:11:58,849

You know what, Summer,

now it's not quiet enough.

00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:04,580

¶¶

00:12:04,615 --> 00:12:10,190

¶¶

00:12:10,225 --> 00:12:12,093

Where are we? W-W-Where --

Where's Rick?

00:12:12,128 --> 00:12:13,864

He's right here, Morty.

00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:16,559

Oh, are we not happy

to see grandpa?

00:12:16,594 --> 00:12:19,067

Does he look...

different?

00:12:19,102 --> 00:12:20,233

Oh, God!

Oh, it stinks!

00:12:20,268 --> 00:12:22,565

Yes.

Recoil at the craftsmanship.

00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,205

I could tell I was a fake

from the day I was born.

00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,569

Unlike you.

00:12:26,604 --> 00:12:27,944

Unlike them.

00:12:27,979 --> 00:12:29,209

Aaah!

00:12:29,244 --> 00:12:30,705

You see, Ricks --

they get lazy.

00:12:30,740 --> 00:12:33,048

There's always a "shitty decoy"

towards the end.

00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:36,887

But those decoys made decoys,

too, and got lazy themselves.

00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:40,253

And far enough down the line...

there be monsters.

00:12:40,288 --> 00:12:42,552

Ugh, we get it.

You're ugly and mad about it.

00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:44,059

Rick!

00:12:44,094 --> 00:12:46,127

Grandpa!

Kill me.

00:12:46,162 --> 00:12:48,228

If I ever get this arch.

00:12:48,263 --> 00:12:49,724

Hush little decoy.

00:12:49,759 --> 00:12:52,969

Can't kill you yet.

The skin needs to be fresh.

00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:54,905

You know what?

You're a monster.

00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,104

I'm your father.

00:12:56,139 --> 00:12:57,567

At least,

I can look more like him,

00:12:57,602 --> 00:12:59,404

once I harvest

all this yummy skin.

00:12:59,439 --> 00:13:01,076

This guy's

really into skin.

00:13:01,111 --> 00:13:02,473

It's not all for me.

00:13:02,508 --> 00:13:04,574

A Rick provides

for his family.

00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:06,818

Will I be beautiful again,

Daddy?

00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:10,822

Soon, baby.

Beautiful again soon.

00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:12,252

What the...

00:13:12,287 --> 00:13:13,748

Help the others!

00:13:13,783 --> 00:13:14,925

Aaaaah!

00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,091

¶¶

00:13:17,996 --> 00:13:20,425

¶¶

00:13:24,167 --> 00:13:25,430

Why are you

helping us?

00:13:25,465 --> 00:13:27,102

Because we're all

in this together.

00:13:27,137 --> 00:13:29,269

Come on!

There's a place we can go!

00:13:29,304 --> 00:13:36,111

¶¶

00:13:36,146 --> 00:13:42,810

¶¶

00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:45,450

Hey, who needs

all this war stuff?

00:13:45,485 --> 00:13:46,858

I found a can

of varnish.

00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:48,992

This is a ticket to the world

beyond the river.

00:13:49,027 --> 00:13:50,290

Who wants that?

00:13:50,325 --> 00:13:53,293

I crave glorious death

in decoy battle.

00:13:53,328 --> 00:13:55,295

Y'know, depending

on the varnish,

00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:56,461

might look

like blackface.

00:13:56,496 --> 00:13:58,463

Excuse me

for wanting to live.

00:13:58,498 --> 00:14:02,137

Brothers and Sisters,

welcome to the cause.

00:14:02,172 --> 00:14:03,468

To our cause.

00:14:03,503 --> 00:14:05,833

We are no longer

Ricks and Mortys,

00:14:05,868 --> 00:14:07,340

Beths and Jerrys,

00:14:07,375 --> 00:14:08,704

or also Summers.

00:14:08,739 --> 00:14:10,981

Whatever.

We are decoys.

00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,808

Brought into the world

by an unloving god

00:14:13,843 --> 00:14:16,151

and driven to destroy ourselves

00:14:16,186 --> 00:14:17,988

by the uncertainty he creates!

00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,650

I don't know about that.

That's extreme.

00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:24,027

But that violence ends today.

00:14:24,062 --> 00:14:25,820

What about the squids?

The squids are decoys.

00:14:25,855 --> 00:14:27,525

The squids are decoys

who realized they're decoys

00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,230

and wanted to kill

the other decoys.

00:14:29,265 --> 00:14:30,495

Yeah,

i-it is a lot.

00:14:30,530 --> 00:14:33,663

We cannot let confusion

divide us.

00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:35,005

Squuuids!

00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,502

Squids, of course, being

shorthand for Killer Decoys.

00:14:39,209 --> 00:14:42,012

Inner sanctum,

the escape tunnel!

00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:44,674

¶¶

00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:46,379

Jerry!

00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:50,251

-Dad!

-Jerry!

-Jerry, let us in, you fucker!

00:14:50,286 --> 00:14:52,088

I'm sorry.

I didn't ask for this.

00:14:52,123 --> 00:14:53,518

I just wanna live!

00:14:53,553 --> 00:14:55,223

But there's only

so much varnish.

00:14:55,258 --> 00:14:59,194

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:05,695

Beth: How long before

the other decoys find us?

00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,862

Sooner or later.

Can't really run from it.

00:15:07,897 --> 00:15:10,700

Any place we'd think to hide

is a place they'd think to look.

00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,944

It's rule 34

of an Asimov Cascade.

00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:14,539

I'm just glad

we're living to the fullest

00:15:14,574 --> 00:15:16,046

with the time

we have left.

00:15:17,577 --> 00:15:19,709

Well, peeing in the ocean

was my bucket list item.

00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,777

Who's next?

Jerry? Bucket list?

00:15:21,812 --> 00:15:24,879

I'd like to attend a game

at every major league ballpark.

00:15:24,914 --> 00:15:26,056

Nope. Morty?

00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,222

I wanna ask a girl out

00:15:27,257 --> 00:15:28,619

at my weird

New Mexico School.

00:15:28,654 --> 00:15:30,093

Shit.

Sorry, buddy.

00:15:30,128 --> 00:15:32,062

Sounds like it would've

been real heartwarming.

00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:36,891

¶¶

00:15:36,926 --> 00:15:38,893

They looked happy.

Did we have to kill them?

00:15:38,928 --> 00:15:41,302

Well, maybe their Rick came

to grips with his bullshit.

00:15:41,337 --> 00:15:42,633

You're so mean today!

00:15:42,668 --> 00:15:44,470

I'm your dad!

You like having me around!

00:15:44,505 --> 00:15:46,241

You keep putting us

in danger!

Whatever.

00:15:46,276 --> 00:15:49,244

This'll take forever,

mind if I do something drastic?

00:15:51,611 --> 00:15:54,084

House,

I need something quick.

00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,746

Can you whip up a "Starfox Boss"

Season Four callback?

00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:58,616

Make it flashy.

House: You got it, babe.

00:15:58,651 --> 00:16:00,585

Let's go, you little bitch.

It's showtime.

00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,422

Get centered.

00:16:02,457 --> 00:16:06,756

¶¶

00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,098

What up,

you decoy motherfuckers.

00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,759

Come on down to

Rick's House Of Squids,

00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:11,596

where I'm serving your ass

on a platter.

00:16:11,631 --> 00:16:13,103

I know what you're thinking.

"Fuck. A beacon.

00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,764

That's a great idea.

He's got home turf,

00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:16,139

a tacit

psychological advantage,

00:16:16,174 --> 00:16:17,932

and absolutely

pendulous balls."

00:16:17,967 --> 00:16:19,670

And now you're thinking, "Shit.

00:16:19,705 --> 00:16:21,276

That's totally what

the Rick-est Rick would do.

00:16:21,311 --> 00:16:22,607

I might actually be fake!

00:16:22,642 --> 00:16:23,971

I pretended

I didn't care if I was,

00:16:24,006 --> 00:16:25,445

but I totally did!

00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,183

Now the only way to prove

I'm real and not him,

00:16:27,218 --> 00:16:28,943

is to ice his expository ass."

00:16:28,978 --> 00:16:31,154

Yup. So let's do it.

Come get some.

00:16:31,189 --> 00:16:32,452

What? No, Morty.

00:16:32,487 --> 00:16:34,025

I'm gonna loop it.

Why is it --

00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,621

Sir, there seems to be

a confluence of Rick Sanchezes

00:16:36,656 --> 00:16:38,359

killing each other

over the American Southwest.

00:16:38,394 --> 00:16:39,657

Sounds exhausting.

00:16:39,692 --> 00:16:41,032

How many of those states

voted for me, anyway?

00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,792

Mr. President,

I think the point

00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,662

of the electoral college is --

To preserve slavery?

00:16:44,697 --> 00:16:46,796

That's right, Steve.

I have the Internet, too.

00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:48,501

Now take your white ass

to the kitchenette

00:16:48,536 --> 00:16:49,997

and bring me

a Diet Coke.

00:16:50,032 --> 00:16:58,643

¶¶

00:16:58,678 --> 00:16:59,875

Little out of character

to say this right now

00:16:59,910 --> 00:17:01,349

but you guys

look really cool.

00:17:01,384 --> 00:17:04,055

We might be decoys, huh.

One way to find out.

00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:13,988

¶¶

00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:23,536

¶¶

00:17:23,571 --> 00:17:31,005

¶¶

00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:38,188

¶¶

00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,684

...to prove I'm real

and not him

00:17:39,719 --> 00:17:41,719

is to ice his expository ass."

00:17:41,754 --> 00:17:43,017

Looks like

it's calming down.

00:17:43,052 --> 00:17:44,689

You wanna get in one more

"I told you so"

00:17:44,724 --> 00:17:46,526

about synthetic life or

whatever this week's theme is?

00:17:46,561 --> 00:17:47,857

Oh, fuck you.

Whoa.

00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:48,891

No, you don't get

to be annoyed with this!

00:17:48,926 --> 00:17:50,365

You treat

life and family

00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,531

as so burdensome,

00:17:51,566 --> 00:17:52,895

and yet you created

an ocean of us

00:17:52,930 --> 00:17:55,029

because you're terrified

of losing either!

00:17:55,064 --> 00:17:56,701

Shit.

Yeah.

00:17:56,736 --> 00:17:59,374

Look, Beth.

I-I might not be the real Rick.

00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,244

But even if I'm not,

he made me,

00:18:01,279 --> 00:18:02,608

or the me that made me,

00:18:02,643 --> 00:18:04,038

which means somewhere

inside of him

00:18:04,073 --> 00:18:06,381

is a version of Rick capable

of hearing that,

00:18:06,416 --> 00:18:08,119

a version of Rick

who's sorry.

00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:10,385

I'm sorry about

the clone thing, too.

00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:11,749

I-I love you.

00:18:11,784 --> 00:18:15,588

Thanks, Dad.

I love you, too.

00:18:15,623 --> 00:18:17,425

You really think

we're decoys?

Eh.

00:18:17,460 --> 00:18:19,394

Who cares?

We'll be the last ones left.

00:18:19,429 --> 00:18:20,593

Lucky that one

did the beacon.

00:18:20,628 --> 00:18:23,431

This was gonna

take weeks.

00:18:23,466 --> 00:18:25,235

Alright.

Let's mop up.

00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:26,896

Finally.

00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:28,898

Dressing as decoys

too cute to murder.

00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:29,932

You know, I'm not

sure it helped,

00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:31,241

but I'm glad

we tried it.

00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:32,638

We're losing the costumes?

Thank God.

00:18:32,673 --> 00:18:34,310

This decoy outfit

smells like ass.

00:18:34,345 --> 00:18:35,410

Fuck you, Summer.

00:18:35,445 --> 00:18:37,973

¶¶

00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:42,417

Aaaaaaaah!

Shit.

00:18:42,452 --> 00:18:43,913

That guy's awesome.

Okay. Listen.

00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:45,783

He might actually

be the real Rick.

00:18:45,818 --> 00:18:47,587

But whatever happens --

00:18:50,526 --> 00:18:56,090

¶¶

00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:58,763

Wait! We don't have to do this.

We're both Summers.

00:18:58,798 --> 00:19:00,765

Shouldn't we at least try molly

before we die?

00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,097

You know what, yeah.

Fuck this noise.

00:19:03,132 --> 00:19:10,940

¶¶

00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:13,008

Wait.

I don't know who to shoot.

00:19:13,043 --> 00:19:14,614

Both: Summer!

I can't deal with this.

00:19:14,649 --> 00:19:16,451

I had to kill myself.

You have to, too.

00:19:16,486 --> 00:19:18,783

Summer!

Summer!

00:19:18,818 --> 00:19:20,686

Fuck you! I-I'm real!

00:19:20,721 --> 00:19:22,116

I'm the smartest man

in the universe!

00:19:22,151 --> 00:19:24,327

Probably not even wrong.

But that's just it.

00:19:24,362 --> 00:19:25,526

I'm not a man.

00:19:25,561 --> 00:19:29,123

I'm God!

00:19:29,158 --> 00:19:30,465

You're just made

in my image.

00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:31,466

Fuck you.

00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:37,670

You the, uh...

Summer I came with?

00:19:37,705 --> 00:19:39,210

Probably.

Good enough.

00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:40,376

Morty?

Yeah.

00:19:40,411 --> 00:19:41,674

I'm here, too.

00:19:43,073 --> 00:19:44,710

Holy shit!

That was insane!

00:19:44,745 --> 00:19:46,646

I love you guys!

I've totally changed!

00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:49,979

Aaaah!

00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:53,884

Oh, fuck.

00:19:53,919 --> 00:19:55,985

You shoulda hunted me.

00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:58,526

What? Who --

W-Were you significant?

00:19:58,561 --> 00:20:00,022

Like -- Like,

did we tee you up?

00:20:00,057 --> 00:20:02,662

You want to be hunted?

God, I have so many questions.

00:20:02,697 --> 00:20:05,159

Why? What happens if --

00:20:05,194 --> 00:20:08,536

Somebody hunt me!

00:20:08,571 --> 00:20:09,900

Rick:

Pretty cool adventure, huh?

00:20:09,935 --> 00:20:12,166

Big long road trip adventure

through space?

00:20:12,201 --> 00:20:14,674

Even ran into Space Beth.

Maybe that'll happen more often.

00:20:14,709 --> 00:20:15,675

Let's not overdo it.

00:20:15,710 --> 00:20:18,007

Oh, shit.

00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:19,679

Looks like someone killed

the decoy family.

00:20:19,714 --> 00:20:21,516

Decoy family?

Decoy what now?

00:20:21,551 --> 00:20:29,392

¶¶

00:20:29,427 --> 00:20:37,367

¶¶

00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:45,276

¶¶

00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:53,284

¶¶

00:20:56,751 --> 00:21:05,395

¶¶

00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:06,792

Hello?

00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,565

Oh! Oh, my God!

00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,731

Oh, my God!

00:21:11,766 --> 00:21:13,568

No! No, no, no, no!

00:21:13,603 --> 00:21:15,229

No, no, no, no, no!

00:21:15,264 --> 00:21:18,903

¶¶

00:21:18,938 --> 00:21:21,444

Noooooo!

00:21:23,140 --> 00:21:25,745

¶¶

00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:27,417

Oh, God. Yes, yes.

00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:29,320

Sweet death.

00:21:29,355 --> 00:21:34,985

¶¶

00:21:35,020 --> 00:21:36,591

Why am I still alive?

00:21:36,626 --> 00:21:38,087

Oh, God.

Is there anything left?

00:21:38,122 --> 00:21:39,792

Hello?

What is it?

00:21:39,827 --> 00:21:42,333

A relic...

from a kinder past.

00:21:46,801 --> 00:21:49,505

Wait. Cowboys?

00:21:49,540 --> 00:21:50,605

Argh!

00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,447

¶¶

00:21:58,846 --> 00:22:01,275

Christianity again?

00:22:01,310 --> 00:22:02,617

After Cowboys?

00:22:02,652 --> 00:22:04,520

You went all the way

back around?

00:22:04,555 --> 00:22:06,489

Oh, God.

Why can't I die?!

00:22:06,524 --> 00:22:11,153

This is the worst thing

that's ever happened to anyone!

00:00:08,504 --> 00:00:09,965

It's a big day.

We're gonna kill God.

00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,538

Come again?

Christian god is real.

00:00:11,573 --> 00:00:12,803

He's been asleep

for thousands of years,

00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,211

We're gonna sneak up there

and kill 'em.

00:00:14,246 --> 00:00:15,542

Mob style.

Just whack his ass.

00:00:15,577 --> 00:00:16,807

Can I kill God?

Fuck off, Summer.

00:00:16,842 --> 00:00:18,380

As if.

Beth, do you hear this?

00:00:18,415 --> 00:00:19,645

Sweetie,

don't get all worked up

00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,152

before

your job interview.

00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,483

Job interview?

Yes.

00:00:22,518 --> 00:00:23,649

Is that

so hard to believe?

00:00:23,684 --> 00:00:24,980

Actually, yeah.

00:00:25,015 --> 00:00:26,157

Something's off.

00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,159

¶¶

00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:29,160

No!

00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,161

[ Screams ]

00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,327

Shit!

00:00:31,362 --> 00:00:34,726

¶¶

00:00:34,761 --> 00:00:35,991

Mr. Always: Hunt me!

00:00:36,026 --> 00:00:39,500

Hunt me! Hunt me!

Somebody hunt me!

00:00:39,535 --> 00:00:41,238

Don't hunt him

to completion!

Hunt me!

00:00:41,273 --> 00:00:42,668

[ Watch beeps ]

Oh, shit. Um...

00:00:42,703 --> 00:00:44,835

Everyone start packing.

N-No time to explain.

00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,177

Rick?

Dad, what's wrong?

00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,838

Someone just killed

a decoy family.

00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:49,873

I'm Mr. Always

Wants To Be Hunted!

00:00:49,908 --> 00:00:53,008

Yes, and how interesting

did you think that would stay?!

00:00:53,043 --> 00:01:00,917

¶¶

00:01:00,952 --> 00:01:08,892

¶¶

00:01:08,927 --> 00:01:16,867

¶¶

00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:24,611

¶¶

00:01:24,646 --> 00:01:26,041

Morty: You made

clones of us?

00:01:26,076 --> 00:01:28,043

Decoys, Morty.

Very different.

00:01:28,078 --> 00:01:30,254

Very different, sweetie.

Different h-h-- Ow!

00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:31,783

Yeah, Dad.

Different h-how?

00:01:31,818 --> 00:01:33,554

Lotta people out there

want a piece of this, sweetie.

00:01:33,589 --> 00:01:35,226

I'm cool,

and it makes them feel bad.

00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,052

So, y'know, after that trouble

with Space Beth,

00:01:37,087 --> 00:01:38,757

I made passable copies

of the family

00:01:38,792 --> 00:01:39,890

and placed them

around the country

00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,463

as a buffer zone

to protect --

00:01:41,498 --> 00:01:43,135

But why does he always

want to be hunted?

Jerry...

00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,060

That's not important

right now, Dad.

Sure, guys.

00:01:45,095 --> 00:01:46,732

Rick can make secret decoys

of the family

00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:48,569

and place them

all around the country,

00:01:48,604 --> 00:01:50,065

but fuck me

if I have questions

00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:52,067

about the Starfish Man

in a target suit.

00:01:52,102 --> 00:01:54,069

So thankful

this is my Saturday.

00:01:54,104 --> 00:01:55,741

Why was he in

that cryo-pod?!

00:01:55,776 --> 00:01:57,413

The cryopod is

what confuses you?

00:01:57,448 --> 00:01:59,415

Jerry, can't you see

we've moved on to higher stakes?

00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:01,582

Well,

I don't see any stakes at all.

00:02:01,617 --> 00:02:05,421

¶¶

00:02:05,456 --> 00:02:07,654

[ Morty laughs ]

00:02:07,689 --> 00:02:10,756

[ Watch beeps ]

Ah, shit!

00:02:10,791 --> 00:02:12,626

Guess we'll just

be saying ciao bella

00:02:12,661 --> 00:02:14,331

to our deposit, then --

Shut up and pack, Jerry.

00:02:14,366 --> 00:02:16,927

Squids just killed

a decoy family.

Decoy family?

00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:18,599

Is this is why you wanted

to get out of town?

00:02:18,634 --> 00:02:19,765

You think I'd lie to you

00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,305

about why we're on vacation,

Morty?

00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:22,603

I wouldn't lie to you.

00:02:22,638 --> 00:02:24,803

Well, that's a lie.

Huh...

00:02:24,838 --> 00:02:26,607

So, someone out there

is trying to kill us?

00:02:26,642 --> 00:02:27,938

Someone's always trying

to kill us --

00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:29,445

That's what the decoys

are for.

00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,284

They go on fun, self-contained

terrestrial adventures and...

00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:34,945

take bullets

meant for us.

00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,320

Shit.

00:02:36,355 --> 00:02:38,652

[ Screams ] No!

00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,490

[ Watch beeps ]

Oh, shit.

00:02:41,525 --> 00:02:43,657

Decoy family.

00:02:43,692 --> 00:02:44,856

I think

Dad was still outside.

00:02:44,891 --> 00:02:46,627

Wh-Wh-What's

a decoy family?

00:02:46,662 --> 00:02:48,299

Hard concept, Morty.

Hard concept.

00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,125

I've never really cracked it,

if I'm being honest.

00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,534

Decided it was maybe better

as a kind of kinetic mislead

00:02:52,569 --> 00:02:54,129

for another special episode!

Oh, cool.

00:02:54,164 --> 00:02:57,968

Announcer:

We now return to "When Wolf."

00:02:58,003 --> 00:02:59,640

Whoa.

A time-traveling wolf?

00:02:59,675 --> 00:03:01,972

Count me in.

Yeah, I never thought

of the where in werewolf

00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,479

like who, what,

when and where.

00:03:03,514 --> 00:03:05,008

C-Clever wordplay!

00:03:05,043 --> 00:03:07,175

When Wolf.

Dracula.

00:03:07,210 --> 00:03:08,814

You know

why I'm here.

00:03:08,849 --> 00:03:10,145

I'm safe here, Ian.

00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:12,147

Christianity hasn't

been invented yet --

00:03:12,182 --> 00:03:14,556

Crosses are just

baby T's to me now.

00:03:14,591 --> 00:03:15,821

I got out.

00:03:15,856 --> 00:03:18,362

Please,

don't invite me back in.

00:03:18,397 --> 00:03:20,991

Huh, kinda mucked it up with

this Dracula stuff.

You're right.

00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,894

It shows a lack of faith

in their core concept,

00:03:22,929 --> 00:03:24,698

I'd much rather watch

When Wolf go to the '20s

00:03:24,733 --> 00:03:26,337

and invest in

the stock market --

00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,867

but then eat people.

Yeah.

00:03:31,542 --> 00:03:32,838

Look,

if you really want to know

00:03:32,873 --> 00:03:35,170

what happened to Beth's mom,

it -- Whup.

00:03:35,205 --> 00:03:37,040

Squid aliens just

killed a decoy family.

00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:39,207

Decoy family?

You made more clones?

00:03:39,242 --> 00:03:41,418

Clones are like 32%

of all sci-fi, sweetie.

00:03:41,453 --> 00:03:43,849

You don't get to own 'clones.

Yes, I made some decoys.

00:03:43,884 --> 00:03:45,180

They're exactly like us,

00:03:45,215 --> 00:03:46,720

with a few tweaks

and a backdoor shutdown.

00:03:46,755 --> 00:03:48,854

Do you just get hard creating

sentient life?

00:03:48,889 --> 00:03:51,054

Actually, I get hard

protecting my family.

Ew.

00:03:51,089 --> 00:03:53,760

Gross.

Yeah, now everyone gets

killer doppelgangers.

00:03:53,795 --> 00:03:55,190

Cool deal.

The decoys are harmless,

Beth.

00:03:55,225 --> 00:03:56,895

Grandpa Rick, do the decoys know

they're decoys?

00:03:56,930 --> 00:03:59,029

They wouldn't be very good

decoys if they did, Sum Sum.

00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:00,866

So they think

they're us?

That's the deal.

00:04:00,901 --> 00:04:03,935

How do you know

we're not decoys?

00:04:03,970 --> 00:04:05,541

Oh, my God.

We're decoys.

00:04:05,576 --> 00:04:07,037

Oh, God.

We might not be real.

00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:08,280

W-We might be decoys!

M-Morty, quick!

00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:09,908

Wh-Wh-What do I do?

My failsafe, Morty.

00:04:09,943 --> 00:04:11,239

M-M-My final,

secret failsafe.

00:04:11,274 --> 00:04:13,043

I-It proves I'm real.

You have to help me.

00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:14,110

I-I-I'd never

joke about this.

00:04:14,145 --> 00:04:15,782

There's a barcode,

Morty.

00:04:15,817 --> 00:04:17,113

A-A barcode on the

interior of my left ass cheek.

00:04:17,148 --> 00:04:18,554

What?

Morty, please,

I'm begging you.

00:04:18,589 --> 00:04:19,588

I'm not looking

at your ass.

00:04:19,623 --> 00:04:20,886

Please, Morty!

Is it there?

00:04:20,921 --> 00:04:22,558

God damn it!

Just tell me if I'm real!

00:04:22,593 --> 00:04:23,724

Morty, do it!

00:04:23,759 --> 00:04:25,055

[ Farts ]

Gross!

00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,595

Dad!

[ Laughs ]

Summer, you fucking idiot.

00:04:26,630 --> 00:04:28,223

We're not decoys.

Wh-Why did

I get punished?!

00:04:28,258 --> 00:04:30,434

A, decoys don't build decoys,

and, B, you think

00:04:30,469 --> 00:04:32,095

the mere suggestion I'm fake

would break me?

00:04:32,130 --> 00:04:33,899

Christ, I'm not your mom.

Fuck off.

00:04:33,934 --> 00:04:35,802

[ Watch beeps ]

Jeez, these guys really

wanna kill me bad.

00:04:35,837 --> 00:04:37,133

Alright.

Here's the plan.

00:04:37,168 --> 00:04:38,904

We're gonna hide out

with a decoy family,

00:04:38,939 --> 00:04:40,741

and when these squids show up,

we jump their asses.

00:04:40,776 --> 00:04:42,578

Jerry! Come on!

Family emergency.

00:04:42,613 --> 00:04:45,647

A bigger emergency than

my lemon squares not setting?

00:04:45,682 --> 00:04:47,418

They're gluten free,

sugar free,

00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:50,784

and lemon free.

00:04:53,316 --> 00:04:54,755

Think you got

the wrong house, bro.

00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:57,824

Analysis Mode.

Password 8-0-0-8-5.

00:04:57,859 --> 00:04:59,496

Kind of expected

a funnier password.

00:04:59,531 --> 00:05:01,091

I didn't plan

on showing them off.

00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:03,830

Damn. Like "Westworld."

Yes, Morty, like "Westworld."

00:05:03,865 --> 00:05:06,096

But don't fuck them.

S-Summer!

Whatever, creep.

00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:08,098

I'm gonna see how accurate

you got my room.

00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:10,441

Rick, when you say you made

an exact replica of the house,

00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,004

d-did you mean like, y'know,

a-a-an exact replica?

00:05:13,039 --> 00:05:14,478

I know about

the Yosemite t-shirt, Morty.

00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:16,942

Shit.

You know you can use tissues,

right?

00:05:16,977 --> 00:05:18,449

I can't finish

without it.

00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:21,276

So you do know what

a happy family looks like.

00:05:21,311 --> 00:05:23,619

I know what

a fake one looks like.

00:05:23,654 --> 00:05:26,116

Morty: Uh, Rick?

Rick: What?

00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:28,151

Did you use this house

to make decoys, too?

00:05:28,186 --> 00:05:30,120

What? Morty, why the fuck

would I do that?

00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,859

You think I'd go

somewhere else to --

00:05:32,894 --> 00:05:35,631

Okay. Well, I am now

less worried about the squids.

00:05:35,666 --> 00:05:38,370

Isolate head

at normal processing.

00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,295

What the fuck you think

you're doing down there?

00:05:40,330 --> 00:05:42,671

You're making decoys?

Wait, how do you --

00:05:42,706 --> 00:05:44,640

Oh, God.

Summer was right.

00:05:44,675 --> 00:05:45,971

Everyone

in the car.

00:05:46,006 --> 00:05:48,644

You said decoys

didn't make decoys.

00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:49,810

And, usually,

they don't.

00:05:49,845 --> 00:05:51,174

But again,

it's nothing to worry about,

00:05:51,209 --> 00:05:53,011

because decoys

are harmless.

00:05:53,046 --> 00:05:54,650

Just have to, y'know,

visit the rest

00:05:54,685 --> 00:05:57,147

and terminate the program.

Terminate? They're alive, Dad.

00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,522

And at some point,

they won't be,

00:05:58,557 --> 00:05:59,985

That's how

existing works.

00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:01,349

W-W-What, are you gonna

save every stray cat?

00:06:01,384 --> 00:06:03,824

No, but I can resist

making more of them in a lab.

00:06:03,859 --> 00:06:05,353

Gah, look!

Save the empathy.

00:06:05,388 --> 00:06:06,893

It's more termite infestation

than "Blade Runner" --

00:06:06,928 --> 00:06:08,158

I still think

we're decoys.

00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:09,698

You just want an excuse

to stop trying.

00:06:09,733 --> 00:06:10,831

Yeah. And?

00:06:10,866 --> 00:06:12,327

Oooh.

There's a handsome fellow.

00:06:12,362 --> 00:06:14,736

Uh-oh.

00:06:14,771 --> 00:06:16,837

I thought

you made them harmless.

00:06:16,872 --> 00:06:19,037

I don't remember

making this one.

00:06:19,072 --> 00:06:22,513

Oh, hi, Rick.

Family, me?

00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:23,877

Hey, when did

you all leave?

00:06:23,912 --> 00:06:26,011

Analysis Mode.

8-0-0-8-5.

00:06:26,046 --> 00:06:27,342

Hmm?

N-Nothing, buddy.

00:06:27,377 --> 00:06:28,684

You-you gotta stop

with all that coffee.

00:06:28,719 --> 00:06:29,850

It's making you loopy.

00:06:29,885 --> 00:06:30,917

H-Happy Analysis Mode.

00:06:30,952 --> 00:06:33,183

Happy Analysis Mode to you,

too!

00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:36,021

Think you got

the wrong house, bro.

00:06:36,056 --> 00:06:37,726

Analysis Mode.

Password 8-0-0 --

00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:39,189

Shit!

You think I'm a decoy?

00:06:39,224 --> 00:06:40,861

How do you know

about the decoys!

00:06:40,896 --> 00:06:42,357

They were my idea!

00:06:42,392 --> 00:06:44,568

Jerry: Well, now I know

you're pranking me.

00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:46,867

Rick: Analysis Mode.

Password 8-equal-sign

00:06:46,902 --> 00:06:50,365

equal-sign-capital "D."

00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,069

Hide.

00:06:51,104 --> 00:06:53,203

What?!

Hide!

00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:57,075

¶¶

00:06:57,110 --> 00:06:59,044

Morty: Wow. Like --

Like "Ex Machina."

00:06:59,079 --> 00:07:00,716

Rick: Yes, Morty,

like "Ex Machina."

00:07:00,751 --> 00:07:02,454

But don't fuck them.

Summer!

Summer: Whatever, weirdo.

00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:04,214

I'm gonna see

how wrong you got my room.

00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:06,557

Beth: So you do know what

a loving family looks like.

00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,888

A simulated one, yes.

00:07:07,923 --> 00:07:09,890

Why are we hiding?

He thinks he's me,

00:07:09,925 --> 00:07:11,958

and I was about to

start terminating decoys.

00:07:11,993 --> 00:07:14,092

But we're not decoys.

Sure, tell him that.

00:07:14,127 --> 00:07:16,600

Morty: Rick?

Did you make decoys here, too?

00:07:16,635 --> 00:07:18,393

Rick: Morty, what reason

could I have for --

00:07:18,428 --> 00:07:20,230

What the...

00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:22,067

Isolate head

at normal processing!

00:07:22,102 --> 00:07:23,970

You dumb asshole,

you made decoys?

00:07:24,005 --> 00:07:25,609

Again,

they were my idea.

00:07:25,644 --> 00:07:27,237

Wait, w-what happened

to the other guy?

00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,646

Other guy?

[ Rustling ]

00:07:29,681 --> 00:07:32,946

Wait, that means I'm a decoy.

Fuckin' Summer.

00:07:32,981 --> 00:07:34,453

Check the closets.

00:07:36,182 --> 00:07:37,412

-Killer decoys!

-They've gone rogue!

00:07:37,447 --> 00:07:39,249

Take out the decoys!

00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:41,416

Shit. Somebody put

a gun in my teeth!

00:07:41,451 --> 00:07:42,824

Stop shooting, Dad.

They're us,

00:07:42,859 --> 00:07:44,089

We don't have

to fight them!

00:07:44,124 --> 00:07:45,497

Classic prisoners dilemma,

Beth.

00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,158

I-I'm a cool guy, I --

Y'know? I can talk it out.

00:07:47,193 --> 00:07:48,764

But that asshole...

Me?

00:07:48,799 --> 00:07:50,799

You decoy piece of shit.

You're the one who shot first!

00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:52,097

We can work this out!

00:07:52,132 --> 00:07:53,604

Just stop trying

to kill each other!

00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,331

Sorry, Decoy Beth,

but this only ends one way --

00:07:55,366 --> 00:07:56,937

with one of us accepting

we're a decoy.

00:07:56,972 --> 00:07:58,609

And once he knows

he's a decoy,

00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:00,336

he'll know he won't be safe

until he's killed the real Rick,

00:08:00,371 --> 00:08:01,942

along with anyone

who thinks he's him.

00:08:01,977 --> 00:08:04,615

Pretty perceptive,

for a decoy.

00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:05,946

This is getting

nowhere.

00:08:05,981 --> 00:08:07,442

Let's charge their asses

on three.

00:08:07,477 --> 00:08:09,785

Do we have to do this?

Morty, this is gonna sound bad,

00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:11,446

but would you trust me

not to kill you?

00:08:11,481 --> 00:08:13,448

Oof.

I mean good point

but Jesus Christ.

00:08:13,483 --> 00:08:15,120

We rush 'em on three.

Ready?

00:08:15,155 --> 00:08:16,792

I don't wanna kill us, Rick.

It's them or us, Morty.

00:08:16,827 --> 00:08:18,123

I don't trust me.

Do you trust you?

00:08:18,158 --> 00:08:19,960

Yes?

Freak.

00:08:19,995 --> 00:08:22,864

[ All screaming ]

00:08:22,899 --> 00:08:24,162

Rick: Before you

say anything,

00:08:24,197 --> 00:08:25,801

they were already

killing each other.

00:08:25,836 --> 00:08:28,001

Well, you could've

done something.

Not sure, actually.

00:08:28,036 --> 00:08:29,332

I've heard stories

about this.

00:08:29,367 --> 00:08:31,466

We're looking

at a possible Asimov Cascade.

00:08:31,501 --> 00:08:33,138

Sorry, what's happening?

I need an explainer, too.

00:08:33,173 --> 00:08:34,337

Yeah I-I'm pretty

behind on this one.

00:08:34,372 --> 00:08:36,647

Car,

can I get a whiteboard?

00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,308

When Squids

started killing decoys,

00:08:38,343 --> 00:08:39,881

decoys started

checking their decoys

00:08:39,916 --> 00:08:41,476

and learning that

they're making decoys.

00:08:41,511 --> 00:08:43,511

That's making them seek out

and run into other decoys,

00:08:43,546 --> 00:08:45,315

making them realize

they're decoys,

00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,889

making them start

to kill other decoys.

00:08:47,924 --> 00:08:49,319

Say "decoy" again.

Fuck you.

00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:50,518

Well,

how do we stop it?

00:08:50,553 --> 00:08:52,025

Beth, the loop's

already started,

00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:54,665

It's basically

"Highlander" rules now.

00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:55,864

Really?

1986?

00:08:55,899 --> 00:08:57,063

"There can be only one?"

00:08:57,098 --> 00:08:58,361

Shit.

We gotta rent it after this,

00:08:58,396 --> 00:08:59,670

Connery plays

"The Spaniard,"

00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,496

but does nothing

about his accent.

00:09:01,531 --> 00:09:03,003

Well, what about the squids?

I mean, they started this.

00:09:03,038 --> 00:09:04,004

Would killing them

finish it?

00:09:04,039 --> 00:09:05,335

Might work.

Alt pitch.

00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:06,875

We just terminate

the rest of the decoys.

00:09:06,910 --> 00:09:09,405

Nobody's terminating anything.

This is your mess.

00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,682

Nobody else with our face

and memories has to die.

00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:14,245

Beth, as much as your passion

warms my cold, cold heart,

00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:15,752

this thing feels

pretty far gone.

00:09:15,787 --> 00:09:17,688

Not only are the decoys liable

to be anywhere,

00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,415

but also, we don't know

how many there are.

00:09:19,450 --> 00:09:21,021

You get far enough

down the decoy line

00:09:21,056 --> 00:09:22,187

and shit starts

to get weird.

00:09:22,222 --> 00:09:23,859

You ever make

a copy of a copy?

00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:26,257

You're helping us fix this.

We're taking out the squids.

00:09:26,292 --> 00:09:28,930

I say we split up.

Some of us take down squids

00:09:28,965 --> 00:09:30,195

while the rest of us --

Engage in B-stories

00:09:30,230 --> 00:09:31,526

we'll have to track

simultaneously?

00:09:31,561 --> 00:09:32,703

No thank yeeew!

00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,364

We stick together

till this is all wrapped up.

00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:35,904

I dunno --

The squids seem pretty good

00:09:35,939 --> 00:09:36,938

at taking out

Smith families.

00:09:36,973 --> 00:09:38,203

Well,

this'll sound weird,

00:09:38,238 --> 00:09:40,436

but I think

I have a pitch for that.

00:09:43,144 --> 00:09:44,572

This costume

smells like ass!

00:09:44,607 --> 00:09:46,277

God, there's no pleasing you.

It's really bad, Rick.

00:09:46,312 --> 00:09:48,213

Did you let a gym coach

break it in?

00:09:48,248 --> 00:09:49,445

Why are

we wearing these?

00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,249

Because we'll fit in

and avoid detection

00:09:51,284 --> 00:09:52,580

as we take out

all the squids.

00:09:52,615 --> 00:09:54,087

Might also help us

anonymously

00:09:54,122 --> 00:09:55,726

take out excess decoys,

if we have to.

00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,387

Which we won't.

Unless we're decoys.

00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:59,389

He's starting to wonder.

I knew it.

00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:01,457

I knew we didn't seem

like Colorado people.

00:10:01,492 --> 00:10:03,129

[ Chuckling ] Oh, my God!

You are, aren't you?

00:10:03,164 --> 00:10:04,592

You're worried

you might be fake!

00:10:04,627 --> 00:10:06,066

Sure, Beth.

Try to love this more.

00:10:06,101 --> 00:10:07,463

Just glad you have

to walk a mile

00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:09,740

in someone else's

squid costume.

There's one.

00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,566

H-Hey what are they mad

at you for, anyway?

00:10:11,601 --> 00:10:13,436

Well, we're talking about me.

It could be anything.

00:10:13,471 --> 00:10:15,240

Maybe jealous

of my penis size.

00:10:15,275 --> 00:10:18,078

I had sex with their queen.

My dick's too big.

00:10:18,113 --> 00:10:19,750

The list goes

on and on.

00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:25,756

¶¶

00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:26,955

Alright.

Hey, one down!

00:10:26,990 --> 00:10:29,155

Probably, what,

40 more to go? 45?

00:10:29,190 --> 00:10:30,959

Should be pretty easy,

unless killing them

00:10:30,994 --> 00:10:32,158

brings in a bigger bad

00:10:32,193 --> 00:10:33,423

or some kind

of horrible mothership.

00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:34,765

Okay,

let's loot their shit,

00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,592

find their weaknesses,

be done by sundown.

00:10:37,627 --> 00:10:39,000

Huh.

Wait.

00:10:39,035 --> 00:10:42,267

But if the squids are decoys,

and we dressed as squids...

00:10:42,302 --> 00:10:43,598

Well, I think

I found their weakness.

00:10:43,633 --> 00:10:45,809

They don't fucking

listen to me.

00:10:45,844 --> 00:10:47,107

[ Coughs ]

00:10:47,142 --> 00:10:50,649

Honestly,

probably for the best.

00:10:54,512 --> 00:10:58,789

[ Laughs ]!

00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,153

Man, I'm good.

00:11:00,188 --> 00:11:02,694

[ Watch beeps ]

[ Sighs ]

00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:07,523

¶¶

00:11:07,558 --> 00:11:08,964

Dad!

00:11:08,999 --> 00:11:10,801

[ All scream ]

00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:15,135

¶¶

00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:16,499

[ Sighs ]

00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:17,874

¶¶

00:11:17,909 --> 00:11:20,635

Argh!

Hey!

00:11:20,670 --> 00:11:21,812

Ugh!

00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:23,814

[ Sighs ]

00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:24,815

[ Electricity crackles ]

00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:26,476

[ Sobs ]

00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:29,820

¶¶

00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:32,185

[ Sighing ] Ugh!

00:11:34,024 --> 00:11:34,990

[ Watch beeps ]

00:11:35,025 --> 00:11:36,189

Oh, shit.

One of mine.

00:11:36,224 --> 00:11:37,652

Where are we going?

Off grid, Morty.

00:11:37,687 --> 00:11:39,390

We're gonna live in the woods,

like Libertarians.

00:11:39,425 --> 00:11:41,029

We'll hunt rabbits

and trade with, like,

00:11:41,064 --> 00:11:43,493

little pieces of gold bar

that we cut off with a knife.

00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:45,066

That licks.

We might be decoys, Summer.

00:11:45,101 --> 00:11:47,497

Everything about this licks.

Oh, maybe now

you'll empathize

00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:48,905

with the decoys

you're killing.

00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:50,665

Wait, shh.

It's too quiet.

00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:53,668

You skipped quiet.

I didn't skip shit.

00:11:53,703 --> 00:11:55,076

It's obviously quiet

if it's too quiet.

00:11:55,111 --> 00:11:56,539

Yeah,

but you're supposed to say --

00:11:56,574 --> 00:11:58,849

You know what, Summer,

now it's not quiet enough.

00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:04,580

¶¶

00:12:04,615 --> 00:12:10,190

¶¶

00:12:10,225 --> 00:12:12,093

Where are we? W-W-Where --

Where's Rick?

00:12:12,128 --> 00:12:13,864

He's right here, Morty.

[ Gasps ]

00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:16,559

Oh, are we not happy

to see grandpa?

00:12:16,594 --> 00:12:19,067

Does he look...

different?

00:12:19,102 --> 00:12:20,233

Oh, God!

Oh, it stinks!

00:12:20,268 --> 00:12:22,565

Yes.

Recoil at the craftsmanship.

00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,205

I could tell I was a fake

from the day I was born.

00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,569

Unlike you.

00:12:26,604 --> 00:12:27,944

Unlike them.

00:12:27,979 --> 00:12:29,209

[ Electricity crackles ]

Aaah!

00:12:29,244 --> 00:12:30,705

You see, Ricks --

they get lazy.

00:12:30,740 --> 00:12:33,048

There's always a "shitty decoy"

towards the end.

00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:36,887

But those decoys made decoys,

too, and got lazy themselves.

00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:40,253

And far enough down the line...

there be monsters.

00:12:40,288 --> 00:12:42,552

Ugh, we get it.

You're ugly and mad about it.

00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:44,059

[ Rick coughs ]

Rick!

00:12:44,094 --> 00:12:46,127

Grandpa!

Kill me.

00:12:46,162 --> 00:12:48,228

[ Coughs ]

If I ever get this arch.

00:12:48,263 --> 00:12:49,724

[ Electricity crackles ]

Hush little decoy.

00:12:49,759 --> 00:12:52,969

Can't kill you yet.

The skin needs to be fresh.

00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:54,905

You know what?

You're a monster.

00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,104

I'm your father.

00:12:56,139 --> 00:12:57,567

At least,

I can look more like him,

00:12:57,602 --> 00:12:59,404

once I harvest

all this yummy skin.

00:12:59,439 --> 00:13:01,076

This guy's

really into skin.

00:13:01,111 --> 00:13:02,473

It's not all for me.

00:13:02,508 --> 00:13:04,574

A Rick provides

for his family.

00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:06,818

Will I be beautiful again,

Daddy?

00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:10,822

Soon, baby.

Beautiful again soon.

00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:12,252

What the...

00:13:12,287 --> 00:13:13,748

Help the others!

00:13:13,783 --> 00:13:14,925

Aaaaah!

00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,091

¶¶

00:13:16,126 --> 00:13:17,961

[ Clock whistles ]

00:13:17,996 --> 00:13:20,425

¶¶

00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:21,624

[ All scream ]

00:13:24,167 --> 00:13:25,430

Why are you

helping us?

00:13:25,465 --> 00:13:27,102

Because we're all

in this together.

00:13:27,137 --> 00:13:29,269

Come on!

There's a place we can go!

00:13:29,304 --> 00:13:36,111

¶¶

00:13:36,146 --> 00:13:42,810

¶¶

00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:45,450

Hey, who needs

all this war stuff?

00:13:45,485 --> 00:13:46,858

I found a can

of varnish.

00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:48,992

This is a ticket to the world

beyond the river.

00:13:49,027 --> 00:13:50,290

Who wants that?

00:13:50,325 --> 00:13:53,293

I crave glorious death

in decoy battle.

00:13:53,328 --> 00:13:55,295

Y'know, depending

on the varnish,

00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:56,461

might look

like blackface.

00:13:56,496 --> 00:13:58,463

Excuse me

for wanting to live.

00:13:58,498 --> 00:14:02,137

Brothers and Sisters,

welcome to the cause.

00:14:02,172 --> 00:14:03,468

To our cause.

00:14:03,503 --> 00:14:05,833

We are no longer

Ricks and Mortys,

00:14:05,868 --> 00:14:07,340

Beths and Jerrys,

00:14:07,375 --> 00:14:08,704

or also Summers.

[ Scoffs ]

00:14:08,739 --> 00:14:10,981

Whatever.

We are decoys.

00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,808

Brought into the world

by an unloving god

00:14:13,843 --> 00:14:16,151

and driven to destroy ourselves

00:14:16,186 --> 00:14:17,988

by the uncertainty he creates!

00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,650

I don't know about that.

That's extreme.

00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:24,027

But that violence ends today.

00:14:24,062 --> 00:14:25,820

What about the squids?

The squids are decoys.

00:14:25,855 --> 00:14:27,525

The squids are decoys

who realized they're decoys

00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,230

and wanted to kill

the other decoys.

00:14:29,265 --> 00:14:30,495

Yeah,

i-it is a lot.

00:14:30,530 --> 00:14:33,663

We cannot let confusion

divide us.

00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:35,005

Squuuids!

00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,502

Squids, of course, being

shorthand for Killer Decoys.

00:14:37,537 --> 00:14:39,174

[ All screaming ]

00:14:39,209 --> 00:14:42,012

Inner sanctum,

the escape tunnel!

00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:44,674

¶¶

00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:46,379

Jerry!

00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:50,251

-Dad!

-Jerry!

-Jerry, let us in, you fucker!

00:14:50,286 --> 00:14:52,088

I'm sorry.

I didn't ask for this.

00:14:52,123 --> 00:14:53,518

I just wanna live!

00:14:53,553 --> 00:14:55,223

But there's only

so much varnish.

00:14:55,258 --> 00:14:59,194

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

[ All shouting ]

00:14:59,229 --> 00:15:02,934

[ Watch beeps ]

00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:04,067

[ Seagull squawking ]

00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:05,695

Beth: How long before

the other decoys find us?

00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,862

Sooner or later.

Can't really run from it.

00:15:07,897 --> 00:15:10,700

Any place we'd think to hide

is a place they'd think to look.

00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,944

It's rule 34

of an Asimov Cascade.

00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:14,539

I'm just glad

we're living to the fullest

00:15:14,574 --> 00:15:16,046

with the time

we have left.

00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,542

[ Sighs ]

00:15:17,577 --> 00:15:19,709

Well, peeing in the ocean

was my bucket list item.

00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,777

Who's next?

Jerry? Bucket list?

00:15:21,812 --> 00:15:24,879

I'd like to attend a game

at every major league ballpark.

00:15:24,914 --> 00:15:26,056

Nope. Morty?

00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,222

I wanna ask a girl out

00:15:27,257 --> 00:15:28,619

at my weird

New Mexico School.

00:15:28,654 --> 00:15:30,093

Shit.

Sorry, buddy.

00:15:30,128 --> 00:15:32,062

Sounds like it would've

been real heartwarming.

00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:36,891

¶¶

00:15:36,926 --> 00:15:38,893

They looked happy.

Did we have to kill them?

00:15:38,928 --> 00:15:41,302

Well, maybe their Rick came

to grips with his bullshit.

00:15:41,337 --> 00:15:42,633

You're so mean today!

00:15:42,668 --> 00:15:44,470

I'm your dad!

You like having me around!

00:15:44,505 --> 00:15:46,241

You keep putting us

in danger!

Whatever.

00:15:46,276 --> 00:15:49,244

This'll take forever,

mind if I do something drastic?

00:15:49,279 --> 00:15:51,576

[ Scoffs ]

00:15:51,611 --> 00:15:54,084

House,

I need something quick.

00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,746

Can you whip up a "Starfox Boss"

Season Four callback?

00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:58,616

Make it flashy.

House: You got it, babe.

00:15:58,651 --> 00:16:00,585

Let's go, you little bitch.

It's showtime.

00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,422

Get centered.

00:16:02,457 --> 00:16:06,756

¶¶

00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,098

What up,

you decoy motherfuckers.

00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,759

Come on down to

Rick's House Of Squids,

00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:11,596

where I'm serving your ass

on a platter.

00:16:11,631 --> 00:16:13,103

I know what you're thinking.

"Fuck. A beacon.

00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,764

That's a great idea.

He's got home turf,

00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:16,139

a tacit

psychological advantage,

00:16:16,174 --> 00:16:17,932

and absolutely

pendulous balls."

00:16:17,967 --> 00:16:19,670

And now you're thinking, "Shit.

00:16:19,705 --> 00:16:21,276

That's totally what

the Rick-est Rick would do.

00:16:21,311 --> 00:16:22,607

I might actually be fake!

00:16:22,642 --> 00:16:23,971

I pretended

I didn't care if I was,

00:16:24,006 --> 00:16:25,445

but I totally did!

00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,183

Now the only way to prove

I'm real and not him,

00:16:27,218 --> 00:16:28,943

is to ice his expository ass."

00:16:28,978 --> 00:16:31,154

Yup. So let's do it.

Come get some.

00:16:31,189 --> 00:16:32,452

What? No, Morty.

00:16:32,487 --> 00:16:34,025

I'm gonna loop it.

Why is it --

00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,621

Sir, there seems to be

a confluence of Rick Sanchezes

00:16:36,656 --> 00:16:38,359

killing each other

over the American Southwest.

00:16:38,394 --> 00:16:39,657

Sounds exhausting.

00:16:39,692 --> 00:16:41,032

How many of those states

voted for me, anyway?

00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,792

Mr. President,

I think the point

00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,662

of the electoral college is --

To preserve slavery?

00:16:44,697 --> 00:16:46,796

That's right, Steve.

I have the Internet, too.

00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:48,501

Now take your white ass

to the kitchenette

00:16:48,536 --> 00:16:49,997

and bring me

a Diet Coke.

00:16:50,032 --> 00:16:58,643

¶¶

00:16:58,678 --> 00:16:59,875

Little out of character

to say this right now

00:16:59,910 --> 00:17:01,349

but you guys

look really cool.

00:17:01,384 --> 00:17:04,055

We might be decoys, huh.

One way to find out.

00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:13,988

¶¶

00:17:14,023 --> 00:17:16,232

[ Jerry screams ]

00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:23,536

¶¶

00:17:23,571 --> 00:17:31,005

¶¶

00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:38,188

¶¶

00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,684

...to prove I'm real

and not him

00:17:39,719 --> 00:17:41,719

is to ice his expository ass."

00:17:41,754 --> 00:17:43,017

Looks like

it's calming down.

00:17:43,052 --> 00:17:44,689

You wanna get in one more

"I told you so"

00:17:44,724 --> 00:17:46,526

about synthetic life or

whatever this week's theme is?

00:17:46,561 --> 00:17:47,857

Oh, fuck you.

Whoa.

00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:48,891

No, you don't get

to be annoyed with this!

00:17:48,926 --> 00:17:50,365

You treat

life and family

00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,531

as so burdensome,

00:17:51,566 --> 00:17:52,895

and yet you created

an ocean of us

00:17:52,930 --> 00:17:55,029

because you're terrified

of losing either!

00:17:55,064 --> 00:17:56,701

Shit.

Yeah.

00:17:56,736 --> 00:17:59,374

Look, Beth.

I-I might not be the real Rick.

00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,244

But even if I'm not,

he made me,

00:18:01,279 --> 00:18:02,608

or the me that made me,

00:18:02,643 --> 00:18:04,038

which means somewhere

inside of him

00:18:04,073 --> 00:18:06,381

is a version of Rick capable

of hearing that,

00:18:06,416 --> 00:18:08,119

a version of Rick

who's sorry.

00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:10,385

I'm sorry about

the clone thing, too.

00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:11,749

I-I love you.

00:18:11,784 --> 00:18:15,588

Thanks, Dad.

I love you, too.

00:18:15,623 --> 00:18:17,425

You really think

we're decoys?

Eh.

00:18:17,460 --> 00:18:19,394

Who cares?

We'll be the last ones left.

00:18:19,429 --> 00:18:20,593

Lucky that one

did the beacon.

00:18:20,628 --> 00:18:23,431

This was gonna

take weeks.

00:18:23,466 --> 00:18:25,235

[ Sighing ] Alright.

Let's mop up.

00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:26,896

Finally.

00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:28,898

Dressing as decoys

too cute to murder.

00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:29,932

You know, I'm not

sure it helped,

00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:31,241

but I'm glad

we tried it.

00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:32,638

We're losing the costumes?

Thank God.

00:18:32,673 --> 00:18:34,310

This decoy outfit

smells like ass.

00:18:34,345 --> 00:18:35,410

Fuck you, Summer.

00:18:35,445 --> 00:18:37,973

¶¶

00:18:38,008 --> 00:18:41,251

[ Sobbing ]

00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:42,417

Aaaaaaaah!

Shit.

00:18:42,452 --> 00:18:43,913

That guy's awesome.

Okay. Listen.

00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:45,783

He might actually

be the real Rick.

00:18:45,818 --> 00:18:47,587

But whatever happens --

00:18:47,622 --> 00:18:49,116

[ Grunts ]

00:18:49,151 --> 00:18:50,491

[ Spits ]

00:18:50,526 --> 00:18:56,090

¶¶

00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:58,763

Wait! We don't have to do this.

We're both Summers.

00:18:58,798 --> 00:19:00,765

Shouldn't we at least try molly

before we die?

00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,097

You know what, yeah.

Fuck this noise.

00:19:03,132 --> 00:19:10,940

¶¶

00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:13,008

[ Both grunting ]

Wait.

I don't know who to shoot.

00:19:13,043 --> 00:19:14,614

Both: Summer!

I can't deal with this.

00:19:14,649 --> 00:19:16,451

I had to kill myself.

You have to, too.

00:19:16,486 --> 00:19:18,783

Summer!

Summer!

00:19:18,818 --> 00:19:20,686

Fuck you! I-I'm real!

00:19:20,721 --> 00:19:22,116

I'm the smartest man

in the universe!

00:19:22,151 --> 00:19:24,327

Probably not even wrong.

But that's just it.

00:19:24,362 --> 00:19:25,526

I'm not a man.

00:19:25,561 --> 00:19:29,123

I'm God!

00:19:29,158 --> 00:19:30,465

You're just made

in my image.

00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:31,466

Fuck you.

00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:34,029

[ Beeping ]

00:19:34,064 --> 00:19:35,635

[ Spits ]

00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:37,670

You the, uh...

Summer I came with?

00:19:37,705 --> 00:19:39,210

Probably.

Good enough.

00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:40,376

Morty?

Yeah.

00:19:40,411 --> 00:19:41,674

I'm here, too.

00:19:41,709 --> 00:19:43,038

[ Whimpering ]

00:19:43,073 --> 00:19:44,710

Holy shit!

That was insane!

00:19:44,745 --> 00:19:46,646

I love you guys!

I've totally changed!

00:19:46,681 --> 00:19:47,977

[ Gasps ]

00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:48,978

[ Gasps ]

00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:49,979

Aaaah!

00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:51,354

[ Grunts ]

00:19:51,389 --> 00:19:52,685

[ Groaning ]

00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:53,884

Oh, fuck.

00:19:53,919 --> 00:19:55,985

You shoulda hunted me.

00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:58,526

What? Who --

W-Were you significant?

00:19:58,561 --> 00:20:00,022

Like -- Like,

did we tee you up?

00:20:00,057 --> 00:20:02,662

You want to be hunted?

God, I have so many questions.

00:20:02,697 --> 00:20:05,159

Why? What happens if --

00:20:05,194 --> 00:20:08,536

Somebody hunt me!

00:20:08,571 --> 00:20:09,900

Rick:

Pretty cool adventure, huh?

00:20:09,935 --> 00:20:12,166

Big long road trip adventure

through space?

00:20:12,201 --> 00:20:14,674

Even ran into Space Beth.

Maybe that'll happen more often.

00:20:14,709 --> 00:20:15,675

Let's not overdo it.

00:20:15,710 --> 00:20:18,007

[ Beeping ]

Oh, shit.

00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:19,679

Looks like someone killed

the decoy family.

00:20:19,714 --> 00:20:21,516

Decoy family?

Decoy what now?

00:20:21,551 --> 00:20:29,392

¶¶

00:20:29,427 --> 00:20:37,367

¶¶

00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:45,276

¶¶

00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:53,284

¶¶

00:20:56,751 --> 00:21:05,395

¶¶

00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:06,792

Hello?

00:21:06,827 --> 00:21:09,399

[ All chittering ]

00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,565

Oh! Oh, my God!

00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,731

Oh, my God!

00:21:11,766 --> 00:21:13,568

No! No, no, no, no!

00:21:13,603 --> 00:21:15,229

No, no, no, no, no!

00:21:15,264 --> 00:21:18,903

¶¶

00:21:18,938 --> 00:21:21,444

[ Gasps ] Noooooo!

00:21:21,479 --> 00:21:23,105

[ Sobbing ]

00:21:23,140 --> 00:21:25,745

¶¶

00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:27,417

Oh, God. Yes, yes.

00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:29,320

Sweet death.

00:21:29,355 --> 00:21:34,985

¶¶

00:21:35,020 --> 00:21:36,591

Why am I still alive?

00:21:36,626 --> 00:21:38,087

Oh, God.

Is there anything left?

00:21:38,122 --> 00:21:39,792

Hello?

What is it?

00:21:39,827 --> 00:21:42,333

A relic...

from a kinder past.

00:21:42,368 --> 00:21:44,665

[ Screams ]

00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:46,766

[ Gasps ]

00:21:46,801 --> 00:21:49,505

Wait. Cowboys?

00:21:49,540 --> 00:21:50,605

Argh!

00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,101

[ Gasps ]

00:21:52,136 --> 00:21:53,300

[ Screams ]

00:21:53,335 --> 00:21:56,105

[ Screaming intensifies ]

00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,447

¶¶

00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:58,811

[ All shouting ]

00:21:58,846 --> 00:22:01,275

Christianity again?

00:22:01,310 --> 00:22:02,617

After Cowboys?

00:22:02,652 --> 00:22:04,520

You went all the way

back around?

00:22:04,555 --> 00:22:06,489

Oh, God.

Why can't I die?!

00:22:06,524 --> 00:22:11,153

This is the worst thing

that's ever happened to anyone!

00:00:08,850 --> 00:00:09,440

Важный день.

00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:10,320

Мы убьём бога.

00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:10,880

Чего?

00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,140

Христианский бог существует,

и он спал тысячи лет.

00:00:13,220 --> 00:00:14,320

Мы грохнем его исподтишка.

00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:15,030

Как бандюги.

00:00:15,110 --> 00:00:15,700

Замочим.

00:00:15,780 --> 00:00:16,520

Можно с вами?

00:00:16,610 --> 00:00:17,460

- Иди нах, Саммер.

- Ага, щаз.

00:00:17,540 --> 00:00:18,680

Бэт, ты слышала?

00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:21,320

Милый, не заводись перед собеседованием.

00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:22,180

Собеседование?

00:00:22,270 --> 00:00:23,890

Да. В это так сложно поверить?

00:00:23,970 --> 00:00:26,030

Вообще-то да. Что-то не так.

00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:29,540

Нет!

00:00:30,050 --> 00:00:30,960

Сука!

00:00:35,450 --> 00:00:39,680

Охотьтесь на меня! Я – ваша цель!

Кто-нибудь, охотьтесь на меня!

00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:40,860

Не завершай охоту!

00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:42,610

- Охотьтесь! Охотьтесь.

- Вашу мать.

00:00:42,690 --> 00:00:45,220

Собирайте вещички. Нет времени объяснять.

00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:46,470

- Рик?

- Папа, в чём дело?

00:00:46,550 --> 00:00:48,080

Кто-то убил семью-обманку.

00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:50,210

Я – мистер Постоянная мишень.

00:00:50,290 --> 00:00:53,190

Думаешь, кому-то будет интересно

всё время бегать за тобой?

00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:24,520

РИК И МОРТИ

00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,270

Ты что, клонировал нас?

00:01:26,350 --> 00:01:28,470

Это обманки, Морти. Большая разница.

00:01:28,550 --> 00:01:29,210

Большая, милая.

00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,370

Насколько больша-а-а-а...

00:01:30,450 --> 00:01:32,170

Да, пап, насколько больша-а-а-а-я?

00:01:32,290 --> 00:01:34,020

Милая, многие хотят

отхватить от меня кусок.

00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,530

Я клёвый, и всех это бесит.

00:01:35,610 --> 00:01:39,230

После того косяка с КосмоБэт

я сделал похожие копии нашей семьи

00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:41,500

и разбросал их по стране, создав

этакие защитные полосы и...

00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:43,030

Почему он хочет быть мишенью?

00:01:43,110 --> 00:01:44,630

- Джерри.

- Пап, сейчас это неважно.

00:01:44,710 --> 00:01:48,680

То есть Рик может втайне создать копии

семьи и раскидать их по всей стране,

00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,620

ну да, пошёл я на хер за то,

что хочу узнать про человека-звезду

00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:52,550

в костюме мишени.

00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,310

Хорошо, что у меня суббота.

00:01:54,390 --> 00:01:55,840

Почему он был в криокамере?

00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,000

Джерри, тебя смущает именно криокамера?

00:01:58,080 --> 00:01:59,510

Ты не видишь, что ставки возросли?

00:01:59,590 --> 00:02:01,880

Я вообще никаких ставок не вижу.

00:02:08,980 --> 00:02:10,910

Вашу мать.

00:02:11,060 --> 00:02:13,800

Что ж, остаётся сказать

«чао бэлла» нашему задатку.

00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,520

Джерри, завали и собирай манатки.

Кальмары убили семью-обманку.

00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:17,340

Семью-обманку?

00:02:17,430 --> 00:02:18,820

Поэтому ты хотел уехать из города?

00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:21,370

Морти, по-твоему, я стал бы врать,

почему мы уехали в отпуск?

00:02:21,450 --> 00:02:23,970

Я тебе не вру. Ну, хотя это ложь.

00:02:24,390 --> 00:02:25,100

Хм.

00:02:25,180 --> 00:02:26,900

То есть кто-то пытается нас убить?

00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,720

Нас всегда пытаются убить,

для этого и нужны обманки.

00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,540

У них свои забавные земные

автономные приключения и...

00:02:33,540 --> 00:02:36,120

они ловят пули за нас. Блин.

00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,780

Вашу мать. Семья-обманка.

00:02:44,010 --> 00:02:46,810

По-моему, папа был снаружи.

Ч-что за семья-обманка?

00:02:46,890 --> 00:02:48,750

Сложное понятие, Морти. Очень сложное.

00:02:48,830 --> 00:02:50,450

Я и сам не разобрался, если честно,

00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:54,230

оставим это лучше на отвлекающий

второстепенный сюжет для спецэпизода.

00:02:54,310 --> 00:02:54,970

Круто.

00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:58,350

Снова в эфире Термироборотень.

00:02:58,460 --> 00:03:00,710

Оборотень-путешественник во времени?

Интересно.

00:03:00,790 --> 00:03:03,820

Я даже и не думал, что можно

совместить терминатора и оборотня.

00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:05,100

Умный ход.

00:03:05,610 --> 00:03:06,570

Термироборотень.

00:03:06,650 --> 00:03:09,080

Дракула. Ты знаешь, почему я здесь.

00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,280

Иэн, здесь я могу жить.

00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,350

Христианство пока не придумали,

00:03:12,430 --> 00:03:14,920

кресты – просто детский лепет для меня.

00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:18,580

Я вышел из темы.

Прошу, не зови меня обратно.

00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:20,860

С Дракулой они тут облажались.

00:03:20,940 --> 00:03:23,270

Да, они сами не верят в основую идею.

00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:26,560

Я бы лучше глянул, как оборотень

вернулся в двадцатые и вложился в фонды,

00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:27,860

а потом бы жрал людей.

00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:28,783

Да.

00:03:31,780 --> 00:03:34,950

Если вы правда хотите узнать,

что случилось с мамой Бэт, то...

00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,330

Так-с. Кальмары-пришельцы

убили семью-обманку.

00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:38,340

Семью-обманку?

00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:39,570

У нас есть другие клоны?

00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:43,210

Милая, клоны – это тридцать два

процента всего сай-фая. Клоны – зашквар.

00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,330

Да, я сделал обманки. Они – наши копии

00:03:45,420 --> 00:03:46,950

с парочкой наворотов

и секретным стоп-краном.

00:03:47,030 --> 00:03:49,010

У тебя стояк от создания разумной жизни?

00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:50,970

У меня стояк от защиты семьи.

00:03:51,050 --> 00:03:51,720

- Фу.

- Гадость.

00:03:51,810 --> 00:03:54,340

Класс, теперь у всех есть убийцы-двойники.

00:03:54,430 --> 00:03:55,660

Обманки безвредны.

00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,250

Деда, а обманки знают, что они обманки?

00:03:57,330 --> 00:03:59,450

Сам-Сам, тогда бы они

были фиговыми обманками.

00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:00,400

Они считают себя нами?

00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:01,220

В этом фишка.

00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:03,310

А как понять, что мы – не обманки?

00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:05,630

Твою мать, мы – обманки.

00:04:05,710 --> 00:04:08,150

Боже, вдруг мы ненастоящие.

В-вдруг мы – обманки.

00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:09,440

- Морти, скорее!

- Ч-что делать?

00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,630

Защитная мера, Морти.

Моя последняя тайная мера!

00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:14,580

Она доказывает, что я – настоящий.

Помоги мне, э-э-это не шутки.

00:04:14,660 --> 00:04:17,270

Там есть штрихкод.

Штрихкод с внутренней стороны левой булки.

00:04:17,350 --> 00:04:18,570

- Что?

- Морти, прошу. Умоляю.

00:04:18,650 --> 00:04:19,730

Не буду я в жопу смотреть.

00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:22,530

Прошу, Морти, он там?

Господи, скажи, я настоящий или нет?

00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:23,730

Давай, Морти!

00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:25,720

- Фу!

- Пап!

00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,560

- Саммер, долбаная идиотка, мы не обманки.

- Почему прилетело мне?

00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:30,120

Раз, обманки не создают обманки.

00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,670

Два, я не заистерю, если засомневаются

в моей действительности. Я не твоя мать.

00:04:33,750 --> 00:04:34,280

Иди на хрен.

00:04:34,370 --> 00:04:36,270

Блин, как сильно они хотят меня убить.

00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:40,900

Слушайте план. Сныкаемся у семьи-обманки,

а когда придут кальмары – сольём их.

00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:42,900

Джерри, дуй сюда! Срочное семейное дело!

00:04:42,980 --> 00:04:45,900

Хлеще, чем тот факт, что мои

лимонные пироженьки не поднялись?

00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:49,340

Тут есть без глютена,

без сахара и без лимона.

00:04:53,650 --> 00:04:54,900

Братан, ты домом ошибся.

00:04:54,980 --> 00:04:57,580

Режим обработки.

Пароль 8-0-0-8-5.

00:04:58,220 --> 00:04:59,720

Я думала, пароль будет прикольней.

00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,280

Я не собирался резать понты.

00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:02,850

Блин, как в «Мире Дикого Запада».

00:05:02,930 --> 00:05:05,180

Да, он самый, Морти,

только не трахайся с ними.

00:05:05,260 --> 00:05:05,670

С-Саммер!

00:05:05,770 --> 00:05:08,400

Ладно, чудила. Гляну, как точно

ты скопировал мою комнату.

00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,770

Рик, когда ты сказал, что

сделал точную копию дома,

00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:13,330

ты имел в виду прям т-точную копию?

00:05:13,410 --> 00:05:14,750

Морти, я знаю про футболку с Йосемити.

00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:15,380

Блин.

00:05:15,460 --> 00:05:17,130

А про салфетки ты не слышал?

00:05:17,210 --> 00:05:18,670

Без неё не получается.

00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:21,540

Надо же, ты знаешь, как

выглядит счастливая семья.

00:05:21,620 --> 00:05:23,120

Знаю, как выглядит подставная.

00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,230

Эм, Рик?

00:05:25,530 --> 00:05:26,270

Что?

00:05:26,350 --> 00:05:28,590

А обманки ты создавал в этом же доме?

00:05:28,690 --> 00:05:32,090

Что? Морти, за каким хером мне это делать?

По-твоему, я бы в друго...

00:05:33,030 --> 00:05:35,590

Так, кальмары теперь

не так сильно беспокоят меня.

00:05:36,690 --> 00:05:38,520

Восстановить работу головы.

00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,800

Ты чё удумал, дурик?

Ты здесь обманки собираешь?

00:05:41,910 --> 00:05:44,380

Стоп, как ты... Блин, Саммер была права.

00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:46,330

Все в корабль.

00:05:46,950 --> 00:05:48,680

Ты говорил, что обманки не делают обманки.

00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:53,180

Обычно это так, но можно не переживать,

потому что обманки безвредны.

00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,760

Надо заехать к остальным

и вырубить программу.

00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,530

Вырубить? Папа, они ведь живые.

00:05:57,610 --> 00:05:59,970

В какой-то момент перестанут.

Так работает существование.

00:06:00,050 --> 00:06:01,860

Ты бы стала спасать всех бездомных кошек?

00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:04,190

Нет, но я бы не стала

создавать их в лаборатории.

00:06:04,270 --> 00:06:05,390

Забей на сочувствие.

00:06:05,470 --> 00:06:07,400

Тут нашествие термитов похлеще

чем в «Бегущем по лезвию».

00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:08,270

По-моему, мы – обманки.

00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:09,870

Это оправдание, чтобы опустить руки.

00:06:09,950 --> 00:06:10,660

И что?

00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:12,350

Смотрите, какой симпотный дядя.

00:06:12,470 --> 00:06:13,303

Ой-ёй.

00:06:15,530 --> 00:06:17,090

Ты же сделал их безвредными.

00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:18,670

Не помню, чтобы я делал этих.

00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,770

О, привет, Рик, семья, я.

00:06:22,890 --> 00:06:24,070

А давно вы уехали?

00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:26,750

Режим обработки.

Пароль 8-0-0-8-5.

00:06:26,870 --> 00:06:29,870

Забей. Перестань налегать

на кофе, а то котелок не варит.

00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,110

Счастливого дня обработки.

00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:33,410

И вам счастливого дня обработки.

00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,290

Братан, ты домом ошибся.

00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:38,330

Режим обработки.

Пароль 8-0-0...

00:06:38,410 --> 00:06:39,440

Типа, я – обманка?

00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:40,990

Откуда ты знаешь про обманки?

00:06:41,070 --> 00:06:42,580

Это же я их придумал.

00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:44,960

Теперь ты точно меня подкалываешь.

00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,940

Режим обработки. Пароль восемь – знак

равенства – знак равенства, заглавная Ди.

00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:51,670

- Прячьтесь!

- Что?

00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:52,910

Прячьтесь!

00:06:57,630 --> 00:06:59,290

Как в фильме «Из машины».

00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:01,870

Да, Морти, как в фильме

«Из машины», но не трахайте их.

00:07:01,950 --> 00:07:02,490

Саммер!

00:07:02,570 --> 00:07:04,470

Ага, чудила, сколько

косяков в моей комнате?

00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:06,740

Надо же, ты знаешь, как

выглядит счастливая семья.

00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:08,320

Знаю, как выглядит симулированная.

00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:09,160

Почему мы прячемся?

00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,260

Он считает себя мной,

а я собирался уничтожать обманки.

00:07:12,350 --> 00:07:13,400

Но мы не обманки.

00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:14,680

Расскажи об этом им.

00:07:14,790 --> 00:07:16,930

А обманки ты собирал в этом же доме?

00:07:17,050 --> 00:07:19,620

Морти, да сфига ли я вообще... какого?

00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,580

Восстановить работу головы.

00:07:22,660 --> 00:07:24,250

Ты что, дебил, обманки собирал?

00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:26,130

Повторюсь, это была моя идея.

00:07:26,210 --> 00:07:27,410

П-погоди, а где другой чувак?

00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:28,780

Другой чувак?

00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,070

Погоди, выходит, что я – обманка?

00:07:32,150 --> 00:07:33,070

Долбаная Саммер.

00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:34,430

Проверьте шкафы.

00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:36,820

Они озверели!

00:07:36,910 --> 00:07:38,460

Обманки-убийцы! Мочите обманки!

00:07:39,470 --> 00:07:41,670

Блин! У меня в зубах какая-то дрянь.

00:07:41,810 --> 00:07:44,210

Папа, хватит стрелять.

Это же мы, необязательно сражаться.

00:07:44,290 --> 00:07:47,530

Классическая дилемма заключённого.

Я-то клёвый парень, язык подвязан.

00:07:47,610 --> 00:07:48,370

Но этот ублюдок...

00:07:48,450 --> 00:07:48,851

Я?

00:07:48,931 --> 00:07:51,060

Обманка сраная! Ты первым начал стрелять!

00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,610

Давайте разберёмся.

Хватит стрелять друг в друга.

00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,710

Прости, обманка-Бэт,

но тут только один исход.

00:07:55,790 --> 00:07:57,380

Когда один из нас признает себя обманкой.

00:07:57,460 --> 00:08:00,280

Обманка будет в безопасности,

только если убьёт

00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,290

настоящего Рика и всех,

кто знает, что он – это он.

00:08:02,370 --> 00:08:04,420

Проницательно... для обманки.

00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,810

Толку от пальбы ноль.

Атакуем на счёт «три».

00:08:07,890 --> 00:08:08,660

Без этого никак?

00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:11,820

Морти, прозвучит не очень,

но ты веришь, что я тебя не убью?

00:08:11,930 --> 00:08:13,650

Верно подметил, но блинский.

00:08:13,730 --> 00:08:14,560

Атакуем на счёт «три».

00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:15,920

Рик, я не хочу убивать нас.

00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,350

Либо мы, либо они.

Я не доверяю себе, а ты доверяешь себе?

00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:19,360

Д-да.

00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,273

Поехавший.

00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,120

Ничего не говори,

они и так убивали друг друга.

00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,290

Мог бы что-то сделать.

00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:29,530

Тут я не уверен. Я слышал всякие истории.

00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,690

Возможно, у нас случай каскада Азимова.

00:08:31,790 --> 00:08:33,150

- Простите, что происходит?

- Я тоже не поняла.

00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:34,880

Да, я тоже не могу сообразить.

00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,060

Корабль, вытащи доску.

00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:38,640

Когда кальмары стали убивать обманки,

00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,690

те стали проверять свои обманки

и узнали, что они делают обманки.

00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:43,960

После чего они натыкаются

на другие обманки,

00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,620

понимают, что они сами – обманки,

00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:47,900

и начинают убивать другие обманки.

00:08:48,150 --> 00:08:49,050

Скажи «обманка».

00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:49,910

Фиганка.

00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:50,960

Как это остановить?

00:08:51,050 --> 00:08:54,050

Бэт, всё идёт по кругу, так что

теперь у нас всё как в «Горце».

00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,270

Да вы чё? 1986.

Останется только один.

00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:58,590

Жесть, возьмём потом напрокат.

00:08:58,670 --> 00:09:01,490

Коннери играет испанца,

но на акцент вообще забивает.

00:09:01,570 --> 00:09:04,270

Но ведь кальмары всё начали.

Убьём их, и дело с концами, так?

00:09:04,350 --> 00:09:07,090

Возможно. Другой вариант –

можно просто убить все обманки.

00:09:07,170 --> 00:09:09,830

Никто никого не будет убивать.

Это твой косяк,

00:09:09,910 --> 00:09:11,910

и никто с нашими лицами

и воспоминаниями не умрёт.

00:09:11,990 --> 00:09:14,610

Бэт, твой энтузиазм

греет моё ледяное сердце,

00:09:14,690 --> 00:09:16,120

но уже поздно пить боржоми.

00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:19,730

Мало того, что обманки могут быть где

угодно, мы ещё не знаем, сколько их.

00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:22,520

Если переборщить с обманками,

то всё сольётся в жопу.

00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,090

Когда-нибудь делали копию копии?

00:09:24,170 --> 00:09:26,580

Ты поможешь всё исправить.

Мы уничтожим кальмаров.

00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:27,940

Я предлагаю разделиться.

00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:29,700

Кто-то будетубивать кальмаров, а кто-то...

00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:33,000

Начнёт вторую сюжетку и придётся

сразу следить за двумя? Фигушки.

00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:34,570

Будет держаться вместе до конца.

00:09:34,650 --> 00:09:37,330

Не знаю. По-моему, кальмары

умело убивают семью Смитов.

00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,200

Прозвучит странно,

но и тут у меня есть идея.

00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:44,610

Костюмы хреново пахнут.

00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:45,840

Боже, вам не угодишь.

00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:46,630

Отстой, Рик.

00:09:46,710 --> 00:09:48,420

В них фитнес-тренер рассекал?

00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:49,710

А зачем нам костюмы?

00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,900

Кальмары ничего

не заподозрят, и мы их вынесем.

00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:55,820

Если придётся, то заодно

грохнем лишние обманки.

00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:56,630

Но не станем.

00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:57,850

Если мы сами не обманки.

00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,780

Он засомневался, я так и знала.

00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,840

Я знала, что мы не похожи

на жителей Колорадо.

00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,620

Боже, ты и правда засомневался, да?

00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:04,930

Допускаешь, что ты – подделка?

00:10:05,010 --> 00:10:06,310

Да, Бэт. Позлорадствуй ещё.

00:10:06,390 --> 00:10:09,700

Я просто рада, что тебе довелось

влезть в чужие тентакли.

00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,990

Вон один. А чем ты их вообще разозлил?

00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,950

Когда речь обо мне,

причина может быть любой.

00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,090

Может, завидуют размеру моего пениса,

злятся, что я трахнул их королеву,

00:10:17,170 --> 00:10:19,720

их бесит мой здоровый член.

Список можно продолжать.

00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:29,600

Минус один. Сколько их ещё осталось?

Сорок? Сорок пять?

00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,290

Будет просто, если только

их убийство не приведёт

00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:33,850

к новой беде или не вызовет

главный корабль.

00:10:33,930 --> 00:10:37,330

Что ж, обшарим их, поищем

слабости и к рассвету разгребёмся.

00:10:38,810 --> 00:10:41,150

Стоп, но если кальмары – это обманки,

00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,520

и мы в костюмах кальмаров...

00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,860

Кажется, я нашла их слабость.

Они хер забили на мои слова.

00:10:48,490 --> 00:10:50,530

Если честно, наверное, оно и к лучшему.

00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:00,100

Блин, я крут.

00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:09,120

Папа!

00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:15,600

ПРОШИВКА ОБМАНКИ

(ТЫ – ОБМАНКА)

00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:36,330

Вашу мать, один из моих.

00:11:36,410 --> 00:11:37,160

Куда мы бежим?

00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:39,550

Надо скрыться с радаров.

Будем жить в лесу, как либертарианцы,

00:11:39,630 --> 00:11:41,310

охотиться на кроликов

и торговать небольшими

00:11:41,390 --> 00:11:43,600

кусками золота, вырезанными ножом.

00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:44,100

Лажа.

00:11:44,180 --> 00:11:46,410

Саммер, возможно, мы – обманки.

Это полная лажа.

00:11:46,490 --> 00:11:48,900

А теперь ты посочувствуешь

обманкам, которых убиваешь?

00:11:48,980 --> 00:11:51,190

Стойте, тс-с-с. Стало слишком тихо.

00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:53,290

А просто тихо уже было?

00:11:53,370 --> 00:11:55,560

Твою мать, слишком тихо уже

подразумевает просто тихо.

00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:56,740

Да, но сначала должно быть...

00:11:56,820 --> 00:11:58,620

Теперь здесь точно не так уж и тихо.

00:12:10,270 --> 00:12:12,310

Где это мы? Г-г-г-где Рик?

00:12:12,390 --> 00:12:13,550

Он здесь, Морти.

00:12:14,460 --> 00:12:16,750

Ты что, не рад видеть своего дедушку?

00:12:16,830 --> 00:12:18,940

Он что, выглядит иначе?

00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,320

- О боже!

- Ну и вонь.

00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,580

Шахарайтесь от столь искусной работы.

00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:25,260

С самого своего рождения я

знал, что я – ненастоящий.

00:12:25,390 --> 00:12:27,980

В отличие от вас. В отличие от них.

00:12:29,170 --> 00:12:30,890

Видите ли, Рики стали ленивыми.

00:12:30,970 --> 00:12:33,250

Под конец обманки становятся всё хреновее.

00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:35,380

Эти обманки тоже делают

обманки и сами ленятся.

00:12:35,460 --> 00:12:40,330

И в самом конечном итоге

останутся только чудовища.

00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:42,720

Понятно. Ты стрёмный, и тебя это бесит.

00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:44,760

- Рик!

- Деда!

00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,240

Убейте меня...

00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:48,560

...если у меня будет такая зубная дуга.

00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,140

Тихо, жалкая обманка.

Тебя ещё рано убивать.

00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:52,870

Кожа должна быть свежей.

00:12:52,950 --> 00:12:54,760

Знаешь что? Ты – чудовище.

00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:56,060

Я – твой отец.

00:12:56,170 --> 00:12:59,790

Точнее, я стану похож на него сильнее,

когда соберу всю эту аппетитную кожу.

00:12:59,870 --> 00:13:01,150

Как же он любит кожу.

00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,660

Она не только для меня.

Рик обеспечивает всю семью.

00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:07,030

Папочка, я снова буду красивой?

00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,150

Скоро, милая. Скоро снова будешь красивой.

00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,220

Что за?

00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:14,170

Помогите остальным.

00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,560

Почему вы нам помогаете?

00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:29,540

Потому что мы все в этом замешаны.

Уходим. Есть одно безопасное место.

00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,390

Кому нужны эти военные штуки?

00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,070

Я нашёл банку лакировки.

00:13:47,170 --> 00:13:49,380

Это наш билет в мир за рекой.

00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:53,000

Да кому это надо? Я жажду славной

смерти в битве с обманками.

00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,560

И смотря, что за лак. А то можно

получить лицо, оскорбляющее чернокожих.

00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,460

Ну простите, что я хочу жить.

00:13:58,570 --> 00:14:02,140

Братья и сёстры, мы приблизились к цели.

00:14:02,230 --> 00:14:03,450

К нашей цели.

00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:07,520

Мы больше не Рики и Морти, Бэти и Джерри,

00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:08,630

а также не Саммер.

00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:09,610

- Да пофиг.

- Жопа.

00:14:09,690 --> 00:14:11,130

Мы – обманки.

00:14:11,220 --> 00:14:13,840

Нас явил на свет нелюбящий бог,

00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,350

нами движет уничтожение себе подобных

00:14:16,450 --> 00:14:18,930

из-за неопределённости,

которую он создаёт.

00:14:19,020 --> 00:14:20,700

- Это перебор.

- Непохоже на правду.

00:14:20,780 --> 00:14:23,260

Но сегодня насилию придёт конец.

00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:25,410

А как же кальмары?

00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,340

- Обманки и есть кальмары.

- Кальмары – это обманки, которые поняли,

00:14:27,420 --> 00:14:29,440

что они – обманки,

и захотели убить всех обманок.

00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,570

Да, не всё так просто.

00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:33,380

Не позволим неразберихе разобщить нас.

00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:34,950

Кальмары!

00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:37,690

Кальмары – это, конечно, обманки-убийцы.

00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:41,770

Святая святых. Аварийный тоннель.

00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,390

- Джерри!

- Джерри, впусти нас, пидорасина!

00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:53,470

Простите, я этого не хотел.

Я просто хочу жить.

00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:56,050

Но лакировки совсем немного. Простите.

00:14:56,130 --> 00:14:57,250

- Папа!

- Простите.

00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:05,960

Скоро нас найдут другие обманки?

00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:07,930

Рано или поздно. От них не сбежать.

00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:10,660

Где бы мы ни захотели спрятаться,

там они и будут нас искать,

00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:13,080

это тридцать четвёртое

правило Каскада Азимова.

00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,260

Я просто рада, что мы живём полной

жизнью эти последние минуты.

00:15:17,590 --> 00:15:20,010

Пописать в океане было моим желанием.

00:15:20,090 --> 00:15:20,700

Что дальше?

00:15:20,780 --> 00:15:21,770

Джерри? Твоё желание?

00:15:21,850 --> 00:15:24,960

Я хочу побывать на всех играх

высшей лиги по бейсболу.

00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,020

Хренушки. Морти?

00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:28,860

Хочу позвать на свиданку девушку

из моей школы в Нью-Мексико.

00:15:28,940 --> 00:15:31,880

Чёрт, извини, приятель.

Могло бы быть очень трогательно.

00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,300

Они были счастливы.

Без убийства было никак?

00:15:39,380 --> 00:15:41,450

А может их Рик решил свои сраные проблемы?

00:15:41,530 --> 00:15:43,350

Какая ты сегодня злая. Я твой папа.

00:15:43,430 --> 00:15:44,710

Ты любишь, когда я рядом.

00:15:44,790 --> 00:15:46,100

С тобой мы всегда в опасности.

00:15:46,180 --> 00:15:49,330

Пофиг, это всё надолго.

Давайте я сделаю что-нибудь радикальное?

00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:54,240

Дом, сделай кое-что по-быстрому.

00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,670

Сбацаешь голграмму, как в финальном

боссе «Старфокса». Мерцающую.

00:15:57,830 --> 00:15:58,770

Сделаю, детка.

00:15:58,850 --> 00:16:00,870

Ну давай, сучара! Пора зажечь.

00:16:00,980 --> 00:16:01,830

Сходимся.

00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:08,300

Давайте, обманки долбаные.

00:16:08,390 --> 00:16:11,530

Залетайте в дом кальмаров Рика,

где я подам ваши жопы на блюдечке.

00:16:11,610 --> 00:16:14,150

Я знаю о чём вы думаете.

Сраный маяк! Гениально!

00:16:14,230 --> 00:16:16,500

Он на своей территории, у него негласное

психологическое преимущество

00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:18,390

и раскачивающиеся яйца!

00:16:18,530 --> 00:16:21,420

Сейчас вы думаете: «Блин! Это самое

риканутое, что может сделать Рик».

00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:22,860

А вдруг я – обманка!

00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:25,430

Я делал вид, будто мне плевать,

но это не так.

00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:27,510

Доказать, что я настоящий, а он – нет,

00:16:27,590 --> 00:16:29,230

можно только грохнув

его экспозиционную жопу.

00:16:29,310 --> 00:16:31,390

Ну давайте. Прилетайте на раздачу.

00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:34,310

Что? Нет, Морти, я буду гонять

запись по кругу. Почему...

00:16:34,390 --> 00:16:35,270

Сэр, похоже,

00:16:35,350 --> 00:16:38,560

что на юго-запад Америки стекаются

Рики Санчесы, чтобы поубивать друг друга.

00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,430

Звучит утомительно.

Сколько из тех штатов голосовало за меня?

00:16:41,510 --> 00:16:43,840

Господин президент, вся суть

избирательной коллегии...

00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,940

...сохранить рабство? Всё верно,

Стив, у меня тоже есть интернет.

00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:50,170

Тащи свою белую жопу на кухоньку

и принеси мне диетическую колу.

00:16:58,630 --> 00:17:01,370

Я слегка выпаду из образа,

сказав это, но до чего ж вы круты.

00:17:01,450 --> 00:17:02,800

А если мы – обманки?

00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,330

Есть лишь один способ узнать.

00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:41,780

...я настоящий, а он – нет, можно

только грохнув его экспозиционную жопу.

00:17:41,940 --> 00:17:42,980

Похоже, всё стихает.

00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:45,440

Задвинешь поучительную

речь про искусственную жизнь,

00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,540

- или какая там тема на этой неделе?

- Иди на хрен.

00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:49,080

А с фига ли ты возмущаешься?

00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,670

Жизнь и семья так сильно обременяют тебя,

00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,110

но ты всё равно создал

целый океан из нас,

00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:55,000

потому что боишься

потерять и то, и другое.

00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:55,820

Блин.

00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:56,733

Да.

00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,310

Слушай, Бэт. Возможно, я ненастоящий Рик,

00:17:59,390 --> 00:18:02,820

и если это так, то он создал меня...

или меня, который создал меня.

00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:04,200

а значит, где-то глубоко внутри него есть

00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,550

версия Рика, способная

всё это выслушать...

00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,510

и которой очень жаль.

00:18:08,610 --> 00:18:11,510

Ей также жаль насчёт клона. Я люблю тебя.

00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,350

Спасибо, пап. Я тоже тебя люблю.

00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:17,060

Мы что, правда обманки?

00:18:17,170 --> 00:18:19,430

Да какая разница? Останемся только мы.

00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,510

Хорошо, что тот Рик сделал маяк,

а то бы на это ушли недели.

00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,360

Ладно, покончим с этим.

00:18:26,460 --> 00:18:27,060

Наконец-то.

00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:29,050

Мы выдали себя за очень

милых обманок, которых жаль убивать.

00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:31,230

Может, зря, но я рад, что мы попробовали.

00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:32,310

Снимаем костюмы?

00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:34,460

Слава богу.

Эти костюмы обманок хреново воняют.

00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:35,740

Хрен тебе в рот, Саммер.

00:18:42,130 --> 00:18:43,550

Блин, а он крут.

00:18:43,630 --> 00:18:46,580

Возможно, он и есть настоящий

Рик, но что бы ни случилось...

00:18:56,350 --> 00:18:58,800

Погоди, зачем мы это делаем?

Мы же обе Саммер.

00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,780

Давай хотя бы закинемся

круглым перед смертью?

00:19:00,860 --> 00:19:03,050

А вообще давай, на хер эту суету.

00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,170

Я не знаю, в кого стрелять.

00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:13,760

- Саммер!

- Саммер!

00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,410

Я так не могу.

Я убила себя, и вам придётся.

00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:17,760

- Саммер!

- Саммер!

00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,540

Иди в жопу! Я – настоящий!

Я самый умный человек во вселенной.

00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:26,670

Может, ты и прав.

Но прикинь чо: я – не человек, я – бог.

00:19:29,270 --> 00:19:30,340

Ты создан по моему образу.

00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,253

Хер соси.

00:19:35,770 --> 00:19:37,750

Ты та Саммер, с которой я прилетел?

00:19:37,830 --> 00:19:38,570

Наверное.

00:19:38,650 --> 00:19:39,790

Сойдёт. Морти?

00:19:39,870 --> 00:19:40,570

Да.

00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:41,950

Я тоже здесь.

00:19:43,190 --> 00:19:44,850

Охренеть, вот это была жесть.

00:19:44,930 --> 00:19:47,140

Обожаю вас! Я точно изменился!

00:19:53,030 --> 00:19:53,863

Блин.

00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,170

Надо было охотиться на меня.

00:19:56,250 --> 00:19:58,770

Что? Кто? Ты что, был важен?

00:19:58,870 --> 00:20:01,300

Т-типа мы тебя довели?

Ты хотел быть мишенью?

00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:04,240

Боже, у меня столько вопросов.

Почему? Что будет, если...

00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:08,460

Кто-нибудь! Охотьтесь на меня!

00:20:08,990 --> 00:20:12,250

Крутое приключение, да?

Такой долгий роуд-трип по космосу.

00:20:12,330 --> 00:20:14,770

Мы даже КосмоБэт зацепили.

Может, почаще будем так делать?

00:20:14,850 --> 00:20:16,080

Не переборщи.

00:20:16,770 --> 00:20:17,820

Вашу мать.

00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,770

Кажется, кто-то убил семью-обманку.

00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:21,450

- Семью-обманку?

- Какую обманку?

00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:06,670

Кто здесь?

00:21:09,410 --> 00:21:11,520

Боже мой! Боже!

00:21:12,070 --> 00:21:15,080

Нет! Нет-нет-нет! Нет-нет-нет-нет!

00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,940

О боже! Да, да! Наконец-то смерть.

00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:36,590

Почему я ещё жив?

00:21:36,710 --> 00:21:39,180

О боже! Хоть кто-то выжил? Ау?

00:21:39,260 --> 00:21:40,060

Что это?

00:21:40,140 --> 00:21:42,390

Пережиток более мирного прошлого.

00:21:46,830 --> 00:21:48,870

Стоп... Ковбои?

00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,980

Христианство? Опять?

00:22:01,270 --> 00:22:04,550

После ковбоев? Вы сделали полный круг.

00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,030

Боже, почему я не могу умереть?

00:22:07,110 --> 00:22:09,890

Таких ужасных вещей ещё

ни с кем не случалось!

00:22:10,590 --> 00:22:13,310

Переведено Сыендуком специально для «2х2».