Дитя риковеческое

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Я пропускаю нарко-тусу Майка Трискита.

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Вот. Он уже смотрит "Эйфорию"

для предыгровой разминки.

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Предыгровой. Игры. Видеоигры.

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Да, да, наркота и видеоигры. Бедные дети.

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Вам нужно прокачаться

и дунуть природного воздуха.

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Поверьте, штука полезная.

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А можно просто убить меня?

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Деда Рик, ты можешь убить что угодно.

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А вот и нет, Саммер.

Мы будем жить "дикарём".

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А значит, без всякой сай-фай хренотени,

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- верно, Рик?

- Ага.

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- Рик, это что, сай-фаевский звонок?

- Заткнись, Джерри.

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Чёрт, я не знал,

что у неё есть этот номер.

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Зачем ты строишь клетку Фарадея

для блокировки сигнала?

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О боже, деда кого-то игнорит.

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Никого я не игнорю.

Эй, а ну отдай сюда, Саммер!

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"Рик. Прошу ответь. Я беременна"?!

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Боже мой, дедуля, пахарь-трахарь!

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Я не пахарь-трахарь, Саммер!

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Эти дети точно не мои.

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Ну и ну. Зато теперь мы знаем,

почему Рик поехал с нами...

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чтобы убежать от своих ловеласных проблем.

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- Зачем ей врать?

- Не знаю, милая.

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Она зациклилась на том, что сделал Рик.

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Короче, эта-эта-эта история стара,

как мой огромный пенис-динамит.

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Включите радио?

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Я не позволю тебе бросить этих детей,

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- как ты бросил меня!

- Боже мой!

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Мы сейчас же пойдём к этой мамочке.

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- Что, прям вот сейчас?

- Да, сейчас! Это приказ!

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Нет!

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Именно об этом я и говорил!

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Рик, ты понимаешь, что деньги

за катание на тюбингах уже не вернуть?

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Расслабься, Джерри, мы туда и обратно,

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и потом ты сможешь вернуться

к своему дебильному отпуску с семьёй,

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которой ты не нужен.

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Я ждал, что кто-то встанет на мою сторону,

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ну да ладно.

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Привет, Гея.

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Погоди. Дай-ка настрою переводчик

с сейсмического на английский.

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Рик. Ты пришёл.

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- Г-где она?

- Ты смотришь на неё.

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- Я-я-я-я-я не понимаю.

- Разве не очевидно, Морти?

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Я трахнул планету!

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То есть, ты теперь просто ходишь

и трахаешь планеты?

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Э-э-этим ты занимаешься, пока я в школе?

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Морти, я учёный. Я пробую всякое.

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Секс с живой планетой?

Огромный шаг для человечества.

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Наконец-то мы пробили дно

неплательщика алиментов.

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- Здесь и произошло всё волшебство.

- Гадость.

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Эй, Гея, детка, папочка Рик уже здесь.

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- В чём дело?

- Дети.

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Цикл рождения. Сейчас.

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Ладно, сразу за дело.

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- Я есть! Я есть!

- Господи боже.

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- Я есть!

- Я есть!

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- Папа, сделай что-нибудь! Останови это!

- По-твоему, я знаю как это остановить?

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Я думал, что она высрет яйцо.

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Классный отпуск, ребят.

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Как здорово смотреть

на гейзер из человечков,

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а не ширяться микродозами с друзьями.

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Ещё на подходе. Детям. Нужен отец.

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Землетрясочка моя, напомни,

насколько велика твоя орбита?

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Не хочу сказать, что ты ходишь налево, но...

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Ты шутишь? Посмотри на них!

Они - твоя копия.

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Ага, а змеи похожи на дилдаки, Бет.

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- К чему ты ведёшь?

- Похожи?

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Даже если бы они были моими,

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хотя это не так,

то лучший отец - эволюция.

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Возможно, у них появится твёрдая кожа

или перепончатые руки.

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Было бы круто, да? Люди-летяги?

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Да, пап, такой подход

отлично сработал со мной.

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Бет, я понимаю, как это выглядит

со стороны, но поверь.

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Такова жизнь в галактике. Это нормально.

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Ладно, раз ты ничего не делаешь,

то сделаю я.

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Что ж, вот и мой сюрприз!

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Я хотел, чтобы мы попрыгали на батуте

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- после первой пойманной рыбы.

- Я!

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- Что? Ну и бред.

- Я есть!

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- Я есть! Я есть!

- Бет, это не поможет.

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Не хочу соглашаться с Риком,

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но может, оставим всё, как есть?

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- У нас вообще-то отпуск.

- Джерри, ты безработный!

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Ты каждый день в отпуске.

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- Обидно.

- Вы делайте, что хотите.

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А я останусь здесь и всё исправлю.

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- Я есть!

- Я есть!

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Чёрт возьми, Бет, если ты собралась

это делать, то делай всё правильно.

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Гея, детка, мне нужно немного

железной руды и пара.

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Всё, что пожелаешь, малыш.

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- Зашибись поход.

- Нет.

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Мы идём в поход.

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Вон там деревья. Мы на твёрдой земле.

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- Мама!

- Саммер, Морти, идите на природу с отцом.

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- Твою мать!

- Твою мать!

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- Я есть!

- Я есть!

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Что ж, значит, никаких брошенок.

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Пап, давай вернёмся

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к пластилиновым человечкам дедушки.

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С чего? Потому что у них есть

Сега Дримкаст?

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Почему вам двоим так трудно

принять природу?

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Потому что это полная хрень.

Отдых на природе всё равно что

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быть бездомным попрошайкой без мелочи.

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Именно этот настрой и привёл нас сюда.

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Вы и двух секунд

не протянете сами по себе.

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Вы счастливы, только когда

сидите в четырёх стенах,

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или когда вас обкалывают,

как кур или лемуров.

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Эй! Я же сказал никаких телефонов!

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Тут даже сеть не ловит.

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Просто... дай нам порадоваться минутку.

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Вот если бы вы перестали ныть

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и дали своему старику бразды правления,

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то, возможно, чему-нибудь бы и научились.

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Вот. Попробуйте эту вкуснятинку.

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Думаешь, что жареные зефирки

делают тебя особенным?

00:05:03,969 --> 00:05:05,946

Потому что лет в 10

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кто-то сказал тебе "молодец"?

00:05:07,318 --> 00:05:09,884

Жалкое зрелище, пап. Давай начистоту.

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Ты безостановочно порицал нас,

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вынуждая сидеть без дела посреди грёбанной

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глухомани, потому что только так

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ты можешь уровнять правила, да?

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Ведь если ты опустишь планку пониже,

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то, возможно, сойдёшь

за что-то стоящее!

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Я, пожалуй, пройдусь.

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Боже мой. Завязывай тусоваться с Риком.

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Если мы перенаправим производство

адвокатов, то они минуют трубу

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нравственности и станут достаточно

мягкотелыми для своей работы.

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Да. Погоди, а почему атлеты

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проходят через сектор интровертов?

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Чтобы чмырить математиков,

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- после чего мы получим астрономов.

- Какой же ты задрот по космосу.

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Я не задрот.

Бет, мы воспитываем общество.

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Если мы хотим от них самостоятельности,

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они должны выбраться в космос.

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Цикл рождения. В процессе.

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Приняли, Геюшка!

Пуляй их прямо по центру!

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КРУГЛАЯ ЗЕМЛЯ. ПЛОСКАЯ ЗЕМЛЯ.

СРЕДНЯЯ ЗЕМЛЯ.

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Переизбыток учителей

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увеличивает нагрузку

на литературный привод.

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Включаю преобразователь драматургов.

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Молодец, милая. Так, терапевты

заскучали. Надо увеличить объёмы

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- порно с инцестом.

- Двадцати процентов было мало?

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- Что это за хрень?

- Бесполезники. Чёрт возьми!

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- Почему их так много?

- Бесполезники?

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Да, диджеи, гурманы, инфлюенсеры.

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Буду гонять их по кругу, пока...

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Вот сука, они проделали дыру

в отделе кадров!

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- Ты уволен! Уже сокращение?

- Это пойдёт в твоё досье.

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Пап, надо всё исправить.

Мы не сможем постоянно перерабатывать их.

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Можно пойти на хитрость

и сделать онлайн-колледж.

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Либо выкинуть их через заднюю трубу.

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- Одна фигня.

- Одна фигня.

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Возможно, эти дети не мои,

но ты точно моя.

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Ты глянь на себя, владыка стимпанковая.

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Вряд ли он вернётся.

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Знаешь, а ты...

ты его сильно задела, Саммер.

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Ну, а он назвал меня лемуром.

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Давай поищем дедушку.

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Может, он отправит нас домой через портал.

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- Оставим записку?

- Ничего с ним не будет.

00:07:07,044 --> 00:07:08,323

Наверное, он сейчас отсасывает у дерева

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и шикарно проводит время.

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Как кидать камушки вы, наверно,

тоже не хотите знать.

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БЕСПОЛЕЗНИКИ

00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:03,182

ЗОНА ПРИЁМА ГОСТЕЙ

СВОБОДНЫЙ ВЫГУЛ

00:08:04,667 --> 00:08:05,710

Вы кто такие?

00:08:05,799 --> 00:08:08,944

Мы... бесполезники.

00:08:09,026 --> 00:08:10,620

Понятно.

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Очередная хрень.

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Что это?

00:08:18,524 --> 00:08:21,494

Это? Это поход.

00:08:21,522 --> 00:08:23,458

Поход? О.

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Поход!

00:08:24,589 --> 00:08:26,773

Поход! Поход! Поход!

00:08:26,809 --> 00:08:29,729

Как разобраться в новом ремесле?

00:08:29,963 --> 00:08:32,362

Люди валяются на земле.

00:08:32,388 --> 00:08:36,558

Но если это весело,

то куролесить будем мы.

00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:42,992

В поход. Идём в поход.

00:08:43,018 --> 00:08:48,127

Ты хочешь в поход? Скорей в поход.

00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:54,514

И если был ты в походе,

всё равно пойдём в поход.

00:08:54,572 --> 00:08:56,623

Ты уху ел?

00:08:56,719 --> 00:08:58,936

Молодец, Тик Так. Cтрогай дальше.

00:08:58,963 --> 00:09:02,194

Невероятно. У тебя почти

получился дым, Флорфлок.

00:09:02,281 --> 00:09:04,832

Вот так, ребята! Шевелите булками.

00:09:04,860 --> 00:09:06,507

Вот он, дух лагеря.

00:09:06,656 --> 00:09:08,183

Какого... Скуиб!

00:09:08,210 --> 00:09:09,542

Это не палатка.

00:09:09,567 --> 00:09:11,506

Это новый вид палатки

00:09:11,533 --> 00:09:14,944

со специальными водостоками

для дождя и с дверью.

00:09:14,969 --> 00:09:17,274

Это дом! Никаких домов!

00:09:17,301 --> 00:09:19,888

Никаких дверей! С дверью появляется дом.

00:09:19,915 --> 00:09:23,394

И тебе уже не хочется отдыхать на природе.

00:09:23,456 --> 00:09:25,344

Тогда почему они не в походе?

00:09:26,651 --> 00:09:28,325

Потому что они плохие.

00:09:28,586 --> 00:09:32,448

Плохие. Плохие. Плохие.

00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:34,468

Боже мой. Кажется, папа был прав.

00:09:34,493 --> 00:09:36,223

Мы не приспособлены к жизни.

00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:38,327

Я точно выпил больше мочи, чем помню.

00:09:38,355 --> 00:09:39,824

Я лучше присяду.

00:09:39,851 --> 00:09:42,205

Если сдохну, то не ешь мою жопу.

Это было бы странно.

00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:43,794

Саммер?

00:09:48,726 --> 00:09:51,671

Блин, как думаешь, может,

они заражены мозговым слизнем?

00:09:51,696 --> 00:09:54,465

Может, они пролетели через

туманность, и увидели свои страхи?

00:09:58,144 --> 00:10:00,600

Ух ты! Эти кнопки

00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:02,877

прямо как на моём геймпаде.

00:10:02,958 --> 00:10:05,321

Жаль, что я не понимаю символы.

00:10:08,505 --> 00:10:10,501

Это похоже на бонг Триши.

00:10:11,699 --> 00:10:15,095

Морти, кажется в этих трубках

содержится всё их коллективное знание.

00:10:20,671 --> 00:10:22,224

- Мм!

- Ну что?

00:10:22,941 --> 00:10:24,627

Думаю, всё ништяк, бро.

00:10:26,265 --> 00:10:28,853

- Бет, окажешь честь?

- Что? Правда? Ух ты.

00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,063

Ладно, давай.

00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,131

КОРАБЛЬ "СПАСЕНИЕ"

00:10:32,373 --> 00:10:34,343

Если бы шесть дней назад

ты сказала мне, что я буду

00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:36,696

отправлять в космос корабль

со своими полукаменными детьми,

00:10:36,721 --> 00:10:38,025

я бы сказал, что ты спятила.

00:10:38,145 --> 00:10:40,387

Но, наверное, в этом весь урок...

когда вкладываешься в работу,

00:10:40,412 --> 00:10:42,269

происходят безумные вещи. Вздрогнем.

00:10:43,537 --> 00:10:45,272

Ну бляха, Дупнар! Спойте что-нибудь.

00:10:46,811 --> 00:10:48,028

Отличный тост, пап.

00:10:48,055 --> 00:10:50,627

- Спасибо, милая.

- Блин, послушай, как поют.

00:10:50,689 --> 00:10:52,071

Это точно твои дети?

00:10:52,098 --> 00:10:53,699

А ты слышала, как я пою в караоке?

00:10:53,726 --> 00:10:55,768

В-в своём диапазоне я довольно неплох,

00:10:55,793 --> 00:10:57,401

как тот мужик, который сочинил

тему для "Короля Льва".

00:10:57,426 --> 00:10:59,361

Забыл имя. Он ещё странно одевается.

00:11:00,954 --> 00:11:04,050

Только посмотри. Все счастливы.

Они сейчас полетят в космос.

00:11:04,077 --> 00:11:06,161

Я знаю, что у нас с тобой

не всегда всё было гладко,

00:11:06,186 --> 00:11:08,069

но из нас выходит хорошая команда.

00:11:08,505 --> 00:11:10,771

Рик? Мы можем поговорить?

00:11:10,798 --> 00:11:12,522

У нас с дочерью сейчас важный момент.

00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:14,789

Поговори с ней, пап.

Гея тоже заслуживает внимания.

00:11:14,817 --> 00:11:17,375

- Это же твои дети.

- Я как раз об этом.

00:11:18,538 --> 00:11:21,676

Пэм! Как я рад тебя видеть, детка.

00:11:21,704 --> 00:11:24,258

Гея? Ты его знаешь?

00:11:24,285 --> 00:11:26,174

Ха! Ты зовёшь её Гея?

00:11:26,199 --> 00:11:27,968

- Ну и лажа.

- Это...

00:11:28,345 --> 00:11:30,191

- бог?

- Рик. Дети.

00:11:30,218 --> 00:11:32,619

Я всё перепутала. Отец не ты.

00:11:32,644 --> 00:11:34,721

Малыши! Папа уже здесь!

00:11:34,746 --> 00:11:36,647

Я насылаю туман.

00:11:36,674 --> 00:11:38,533

Почувствуйте моё присутствие сквозь туман.

00:11:39,798 --> 00:11:41,378

Бет! Не трожь эту херню!

00:11:42,122 --> 00:11:44,362

Да ты шутишь. Их отец это бог?

00:11:44,387 --> 00:11:46,315

Без обид, лады?

00:11:46,342 --> 00:11:49,867

Мы думали, что они твои, потому что...

ну, они ж такие мелкие.

00:11:49,894 --> 00:11:52,164

Ничего себе. Без обид. С-слыхала, Бет?

00:11:52,191 --> 00:11:54,576

Мы воспитали его цивилизацию,

00:11:54,603 --> 00:11:57,105

а он объявляется и говорит,

что прощает нас. Халявщик хренов!

00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,202

Не вынуждай меня, козёл!

00:11:59,269 --> 00:12:01,581

Рик, думаю, тебе лучше уйти.

00:12:01,608 --> 00:12:04,241

Ты серьёзно?

Хочешь, чтобы эта кучка сухого льда

00:12:04,268 --> 00:12:07,434

- воспитывала твоих детей?

- Не веди себя так, будто хорошо управился.

00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:10,602

Ты сделал моих детей мягкими

и пустыми изнутри.

00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:12,916

Этот город воздвигнут в честь ничего!

00:12:12,943 --> 00:12:14,180

Где их вера?

00:12:14,207 --> 00:12:15,318

Реджи прав.

00:12:15,346 --> 00:12:17,729

Дети ещё не готовы улететь.

00:12:17,756 --> 00:12:21,028

- Он даст большее.

- Пап, может просто свалим?

00:12:21,055 --> 00:12:23,494

По крайней мере, он бессмертный

и останется с ними.

00:12:23,521 --> 00:12:25,387

Да хрен там! Это мои дети! Мы остаёмся!

00:12:25,414 --> 00:12:27,175

Плохие! Плохие! Плохие!

00:12:27,202 --> 00:12:29,986

Видишь? Вот об этом дерьме я и говорю.

00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,764

Джерри? Боже мой!

00:12:32,791 --> 00:12:34,865

Это ты? Что за хрень тут творится?

00:12:34,892 --> 00:12:37,206

- Поход.

- Ух ты, Джерри наконец нашёл своих людей.

00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:39,069

Всего-то нужен был мусоросборник поглубже.

00:12:39,096 --> 00:12:41,609

Ты обозвал этих существ "бесполезниками",

00:12:41,634 --> 00:12:43,909

но я наделил их жизни смыслом,

как никогда ранее.

00:12:43,934 --> 00:12:45,944

Они что, заполняют твои бумаги

на пособие по безработице?

00:12:45,969 --> 00:12:48,276

У него острый язык,

но строгать он не может.

00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,284

Великая Жизнь Дикарём уже наступила.

00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:53,877

Вы присоединитесь

к Единой Семье в её Вечном Отпуске.

00:12:53,904 --> 00:12:57,341

Либо же станете угольками,

над которыми мы держим зефирки

00:12:57,368 --> 00:12:59,120

на правильном расстоянии.

00:12:59,147 --> 00:13:02,530

Пятнадцать сантиметров!

До золотистой корочки!

00:13:02,557 --> 00:13:04,241

Смотри не сожги!

00:13:04,268 --> 00:13:06,327

Сажа - это вредно!

00:13:08,510 --> 00:13:09,384

Что происходит?

00:13:09,411 --> 00:13:11,949

Дети мои, я дарую вам свою силу.

00:13:11,974 --> 00:13:14,182

Пользуйтесь ей, чтобы взять то,

что ваше по праву.

00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,583

Вот пидрила! Поднять стены!

00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,957

Стены не остановят нас, Рик.

Мы избранные.

00:13:22,984 --> 00:13:24,027

Ша-бум-бум!

00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:26,229

Простите! Простите!

00:13:26,256 --> 00:13:27,947

Я пока ещё не разобрался.

00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:30,106

Крутые у тебя избранные, божок-лошок.

00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:31,937

Тут ты, наверное скажешь,

что "пути господни

00:13:31,962 --> 00:13:33,506

- неисповедимы".

- Давай выйдем, бро?

00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:36,682

- Я тебе сам жопу надеру.

- Чувак, не дразнись.

00:13:36,709 --> 00:13:39,868

Когда я с тобой закончу, твой народ

тебе хлебало по кусочкам собирать будет.

00:13:39,895 --> 00:13:43,034

Парни, прошу, только не перед детьми.

00:13:44,347 --> 00:13:46,391

Ты серьёзно думал меня поджарить?

00:13:46,455 --> 00:13:48,297

Сири, вычисли источник силы.

00:13:49,781 --> 00:13:51,269

Вот ты и попался, сукин сын.

00:13:51,296 --> 00:13:53,819

Милая, разделайся с хиппи.

А я займусь подделкой на Иегову.

00:13:53,846 --> 00:13:56,184

- Надери ему жопу, пап!

- Узри.

00:14:02,226 --> 00:14:04,995

Теперь ты увидел меня настоящего.

00:14:05,022 --> 00:14:08,880

Облака принимали форму,

которая больше нравится разуму Геи.

00:14:08,907 --> 00:14:11,055

Ясен хрен. Любая форма будет

привлекательней этой.

00:14:11,082 --> 00:14:12,939

Как будто Кид Рок трахнул Зевса.

00:14:13,151 --> 00:14:14,863

Ты думаешь, что я буду драться

с тобой в таком виде?

00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:17,085

Ты ростом как четыре

Эмпайр Стэйт Билдинга.

00:14:17,179 --> 00:14:18,910

Ну ладно, сучара.

00:14:19,534 --> 00:14:20,577

Погнали.

00:14:41,154 --> 00:14:42,291

Ха-ха! Нравится?

00:14:42,318 --> 00:14:44,092

Приготовься к боли.

00:15:06,792 --> 00:15:10,663

Так... а последняя, наверное...

00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:12,586

...кнопка запуска.

00:15:12,613 --> 00:15:14,217

Отлично. Кажется, мы готовы.

00:15:14,244 --> 00:15:16,334

Давай покажем маме и папе, что такое

00:15:16,361 --> 00:15:18,215

видеоигры и вечеринки.

00:15:26,329 --> 00:15:28,147

Господи боже, это были крылья?

00:15:30,227 --> 00:15:31,907

Тут вообще не как в игре.

00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:33,304

Боже, останови его! Останови!

00:15:33,329 --> 00:15:37,142

- Как его остановить?

- Не знаю. Я в говнину.

00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,202

Блин, я теперь тоже в говнину.

00:15:47,585 --> 00:15:49,523

- Джерри, довольно.

- Привет, детка.

00:15:49,550 --> 00:15:52,149

Нравятся кары небесные,

которые я насылаю на ваши задницы?

00:15:52,176 --> 00:15:54,078

Нет, это полная хрень. Когда твоя армия

00:15:54,105 --> 00:15:56,497

на стороне болезни -

это не очень хороший знак.

00:15:56,524 --> 00:15:59,912

Извини, что мы недостаточно современные,

чтобы разделять людей по важности,

00:15:59,937 --> 00:16:02,560

а неудачников высирать из жопной трубки.

00:16:04,511 --> 00:16:07,517

Признай, что ты просто хочешь быть нужным.

00:16:07,902 --> 00:16:09,879

Говорит женщина, которая сдала свою семью

00:16:09,904 --> 00:16:12,376

за каплю одобрения отца-алкаша.

00:16:12,401 --> 00:16:14,206

Возможно, он пьёт, потому что

00:16:14,233 --> 00:16:16,921

- быть сильнее бога не так-то просто.

- Ну, раз тебе так нравится

00:16:16,948 --> 00:16:18,687

божья сила, то зажигай свечи

00:16:18,714 --> 00:16:21,692

и включай Билли Оушена,

потому что Моисей пришёл домой

00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:23,883

и готов раздвигать море!

00:16:23,911 --> 00:16:25,219

Ша-Бум-Бум!

00:16:29,347 --> 00:16:30,715

Черт! Ладно, ладно, хватит.

00:16:30,742 --> 00:16:32,741

- Давай, сучара!

- Всё, ты победил.

00:16:32,768 --> 00:16:34,256

Мне пофиг на детей.

00:16:34,283 --> 00:16:35,958

Поджарь их,

сделай из них послушных овечек.

00:16:35,983 --> 00:16:37,536

Только не трогай город, ладно?

00:16:37,593 --> 00:16:38,725

Мы построили его с дочерью.

00:16:38,752 --> 00:16:41,569

- Он важен для неё.

- Нет, братан. Я же Зевс.

00:16:41,596 --> 00:16:43,700

Я могу буквально всё.

00:16:43,727 --> 00:16:46,551

Ты думаешь, я стану воспитывать детей?

00:16:46,578 --> 00:16:50,543

Единственный урок,

который они усвоят - это страх.

00:16:50,571 --> 00:16:53,237

И, похоже, занятия уже кончились, сука.

00:16:53,264 --> 00:16:55,494

- Т-ты хотел сказать, что начались?

- Что?

00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:57,389

- О чём это ты?

- Если ты хотел преподать им урок страха,

00:16:57,414 --> 00:16:59,808

а потом задушить меня, то

занятия должны начаться.

00:16:59,835 --> 00:17:01,856

Ладно. Занятия начались, сука.

00:17:04,798 --> 00:17:06,389

Что за нахрен?

00:17:12,329 --> 00:17:14,558

Мы мертвы? М-мы сдохли?

00:17:14,585 --> 00:17:17,172

Я больше не хочу быть под кайфом.

Я напугалась до чёртиков.

00:17:17,197 --> 00:17:19,902

- Вот что значит перебрала.

- Капец, папа был прав.

00:17:19,929 --> 00:17:21,279

Мы... мы думаем, что знаем всё,

00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:22,989

но может это мы - отстой?

00:17:25,024 --> 00:17:26,278

Деточки, вы, блин, мои герои!

00:17:26,305 --> 00:17:28,839

Вы спасли дедушке жизнь!

Как же я вас, сука, люблю!

00:17:28,866 --> 00:17:29,918

- Папенька!

- Папенька!

00:17:29,945 --> 00:17:31,285

Мы играли в игры и накурились!

Мы поступили неправильно!

00:17:31,310 --> 00:17:33,837

- Неправильно!

- Эй, эй, эй, эй, эй, козявочки мои.

00:17:33,864 --> 00:17:36,942

Успокойтесь. Дети, вы сделали всё круто,

00:17:36,969 --> 00:17:39,699

всё как надо. Дуть и играть в видеоигры -

это лучшая фигня на свете,

00:17:39,724 --> 00:17:41,163

- богом клянусь!

- Но мама и папа

00:17:41,188 --> 00:17:43,043

- сильно рассердятся.

- Слушайте, да нет.

00:17:43,070 --> 00:17:45,601

На хер ваших предков.

Ваши родаки - та ещё сволота.

00:17:45,628 --> 00:17:47,664

Дуть и играть в видеоигры это ништяк,

00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:49,560

и я ни за что вас не сдам, никогда.

00:17:49,587 --> 00:17:51,079

А теперь пора валить отсюда,

пока этот мужик

00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:53,140

не свалился с неба.

Он вырабатывает ионное облако

00:17:53,167 --> 00:17:55,012

из собственного вероучения.

Чёрт подери, Саммер,

00:17:55,037 --> 00:17:59,212

ты что курила эту фигню? Ты по сути

вдыхала тормозную жидкость. Господи.

00:18:01,677 --> 00:18:02,875

Мм, да.

00:18:08,547 --> 00:18:10,891

Всё кончено, Бет.

Скажи своим людям опустить стены

00:18:10,919 --> 00:18:12,833

и взять с собой влагоотводящие футболки.

00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:14,478

Поберегись!

00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:23,076

Джерри!

00:18:23,104 --> 00:18:26,643

- Бет! Держись!

- Я сейчас упаду!

00:18:29,049 --> 00:18:30,715

- Джерри.

- Скуиб?

00:18:30,742 --> 00:18:33,341

Вспомни зефирки, Джерри.

00:18:33,931 --> 00:18:36,632

- Ай! Ты мне руку проткнул!

- Прости! Прости!

00:18:39,572 --> 00:18:41,353

Может... может любовью займёмся?

00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:43,489

Джерри, я тебя люблю, но я прямо отсюда

00:18:43,514 --> 00:18:45,834

- чую твои немытые яйца.

- Ого.

00:18:45,861 --> 00:18:48,622

В следующий раз попроси господа

о наводнении. Заодно и помоешься.

00:18:48,915 --> 00:18:50,081

Понял.

00:18:50,772 --> 00:18:52,588

О боже, это... вот бедолага.

00:18:52,615 --> 00:18:54,071

Ты ведь не расскажешь маме и папе?

00:18:54,098 --> 00:18:56,535

Расслабься, это просто Зевс.

С настоящим богом

00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,325

была бы совсем другая история.

00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:01,807

Рик! Что ты наделал?

00:19:01,834 --> 00:19:03,311

В основном гравитация постаралась.

00:19:03,339 --> 00:19:06,587

- То есть по сути ты.

- Я просила тебя уйти!

00:19:06,614 --> 00:19:08,500

А ещё ты попросила воспитать твоих детей.

00:19:08,527 --> 00:19:10,613

Ты не пробовала для начала

определиться с выбором?

00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,517

Ты убил их отца!

00:19:12,544 --> 00:19:14,639

Отцом он был или нет,

но он точно был лживым куском говна.

00:19:14,664 --> 00:19:16,377

Мне плевать, кто ещё вспахивал твои поля,

00:19:16,415 --> 00:19:17,751

но объявился-то я.

00:19:17,797 --> 00:19:20,095

Если хочешь, то я могу

смыть его кишки с башни,

00:19:20,122 --> 00:19:23,071

- и тогда может...

- Проваливай!

00:19:23,098 --> 00:19:24,266

Ладно, она разозлилась.

00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:27,396

Дедуля, ты же убил её хахаля.

Я её не виню.

00:19:41,275 --> 00:19:44,653

Видишь? Поджигаешь дрова

огненной палкой и вуяля.

00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,431

- Костёр.

- Ты знал об этом всё это время?

00:19:47,458 --> 00:19:49,314

Не буду тратить время

на строительство ковчега,

00:19:49,339 --> 00:19:51,888

но если мама станет приставучей,

то воспользуйтесь этим, чтобы свалить.

00:19:51,913 --> 00:19:54,539

Больше ничего не скажешь

детям перед уходом?

00:19:54,566 --> 00:19:56,967

Ах, да, денег не дам.

00:19:59,810 --> 00:20:03,932

Гея ведь не натравит на нас своих детей?

00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,878

Наверняка натравит.

00:20:05,903 --> 00:20:07,738

Я поставил маячок на их корабль

и взорву его, если они будут рядом.

00:20:07,763 --> 00:20:10,114

Что ж, дети, не думал, что скажу такое,

00:20:10,139 --> 00:20:11,825

- но ты была права, Саммер.

- Стоп, что?

00:20:11,852 --> 00:20:14,019

Я думал, что хотел научить вас

ставить палатки,

00:20:14,044 --> 00:20:16,219

но я лишь хотел почувствовать себя важным.

00:20:16,244 --> 00:20:17,958

Наверное, иногда подростки знают,

00:20:17,985 --> 00:20:20,197

о чём говорят, даже если это оскорбления.

00:20:20,224 --> 00:20:23,292

Да, но ты же врубил силу бога

и поссорился с мамой?

00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,397

Любовь - это единственная сила,

которая важна, Морти.

00:20:25,422 --> 00:20:28,951

Нет, у тебя была настоящая сила,

и ты ни хрена не сделал. У тебя был

00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,775

всесильный посох. Ты мог бы излечить рак

или поднять мёртвых.

00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,469

- Но ты сотворил жуков.

- А меня это впечатлило, пап.

00:20:33,496 --> 00:20:35,932

Он спас мне жизнь и без твоей помощи.

00:20:38,531 --> 00:20:41,633

Ваши дети обкурились инопланетным туманом

и врезались на корабле в жбан Зевса.

00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:42,864

- По сути, убили его.

- Дед!

00:20:42,891 --> 00:20:44,112

- Какого чёрта?!

- Что? Так и было.

00:20:44,137 --> 00:20:45,334

Не хочу бросать первый камень,

00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:48,044

но фиговые из вас родители, Бет и Джерри.

00:20:48,071 --> 00:20:51,220

Вы в курсе, что Саммер

втянула массу Кей-Закс?

00:20:51,245 --> 00:20:52,788

Она считай выкурила фильм "Звонок".

Большинство пилотов умирает на третий день.

00:20:52,813 --> 00:20:56,252

А Морти, долбоёба кусок, думал,

что корабль управляется как в видеоигре.

00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,077

Во имя канала Дисней это за говнина?

00:20:58,104 --> 00:20:59,752

Помогите ему с домашкой в следующий раз.

00:20:59,777 --> 00:21:01,378

Он явно нуждается в помощи.

00:21:33,050 --> 00:21:35,968

Только планеты. Только планеты.

Только планеты.

00:21:35,993 --> 00:21:39,203

Целые системы жарких, пышных глобусов

00:21:39,228 --> 00:21:41,634

и едва населённых небесных тел

00:21:41,659 --> 00:21:44,472

плывут в вакууме только для вас.

00:21:44,498 --> 00:21:46,408

- Только планеты.

- Давай терраформнёмся.

00:21:46,433 --> 00:21:49,543

- Колонизируй меня такой, какая я есть.

- Только планеты.

00:21:49,568 --> 00:21:52,018

Упс, в моём озоновом слое

образовалась дыра.

00:21:52,043 --> 00:21:53,837

Это не я её сделала. Может, ты?

00:21:53,864 --> 00:21:57,187

Я не смогу заполнить её сама.

Я глупенькая.

00:21:57,212 --> 00:21:59,867

Молодые и тупые местами

вертят своими полюсами.

00:21:59,894 --> 00:22:02,929

Температура небесного тела поднимается.

Только Планеты.

00:22:02,957 --> 00:22:05,866

Давай, раздели мою Пангею

на отдельные континенты.

00:22:05,893 --> 00:22:08,507

У меня пока что нет

гидростатического равновесия.

00:22:08,534 --> 00:22:10,531

Этому можно научиться?

00:22:10,556 --> 00:22:11,784

Ну, вы поняли.

00:22:13,568 --> 00:22:14,233

Фух!

00:22:14,261 --> 00:22:16,206

Я уже целую минуту наблюдаю за тобой.

00:22:16,231 --> 00:22:17,826

И что? Я смотрю, потому что это смешно.

00:22:17,851 --> 00:22:19,144

Это... это... Типа... типа они планеты,

00:22:19,169 --> 00:22:21,335

но сексуальные. Это комедийная затравка.

00:22:21,605 --> 00:22:22,701

Ага.

00:22:22,728 --> 00:22:25,772

Только планеты. Только планеты.

00:22:25,798 --> 00:22:27,884

Переведено Сыендуком.

00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:05,755

for the entire week

of spring break?

00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,632

I'm missing Mike Triscuit's

drug party.

00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,300

Look at this.

He's already watching

00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,426

"Euphoria"

to pregame.

00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,970

Pregame. Game.

Video game.

00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:16,057

Yes, yes, drugs and video games.

Poor babies.

00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:19,894

What you need is to level up

with a bong rip of nature.

00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,562

Trust me,

this is good for you.

00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,648

-Can someone just kill me?

-[ Video game beeping ]

00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,107

Grandpa Rick,

you can kill anything.

00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:27,693

No, he can't, Summer.

We're roughing it.

00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,320

And that means

no sci-fi bullshit.

00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,821

-Isn't that right, Rick?

-Uh-huh.

00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:33,366

[ Cellphone buzzes ]

00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:37,161

Rick, was that

a sci-fi phone call?

00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:38,663

Shut up, Jerry.

00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,790

Damn it, I didn't think

she had this number.

00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:43,251

Why are you building a Faraday

box to block out the signal?

00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:44,794

Oh, my God, Grandpa's

ghosting someone.

00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,712

I'm not ghosting.

Hey! Give it back, Summer!

00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,256

"Rick.

Please answer me.

00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,590

I'm pregnant"?!

00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,552

Oh, my God, Grandpa,

you fuck boi.

00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,053

I'm not a fuck boi

[burps] Summer!

00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:55,888

There's no way those kids

are mine.

00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,307

Wow. At least we know why Rick

actually came on the trip --

00:00:58,433 --> 00:00:59,767

to avoid his

fuck-guy problems.

00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,561

-Why would this person lie?

-I don't know, honey.

00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,187

She's addicted

to what the Rick did.

00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:04,689

You know, it's -- it's --

it's a tale as old

00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,148

as my huge dynamite penis.

00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:07,483

Can we turn the radio on?

00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:08,901

I am not letting

you abandon those kids

00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,736

-like you abandoned me.

-Oh, my God!

00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,947

We're going to see

this baby mama right now!

00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,282

What, like, literally now?

00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:15,908

Yes, now!

That's an order.

00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,286

[ Groans ]

00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,537

Aah!

00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,539

No!

00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:23,916

This is exactly

what I was talking about!

00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,668

Rick, I hope you realize

the tubing permit

00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:27,461

was non-refundable!

00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,171

Relax, Jerry, we'll be

in and out in a minute,

00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:31,382

and then you can get right back

to your dumb vacation

00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,175

with a family

that doesn't need you.

00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:36,262

Kind of expected

someone to defend me,

00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,888

but, sure, okay.

00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:41,517

Hello, Gaia.

Hold on.

00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,228

Let me just adjust my

Seismic-to-English translator.

00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:45,980

GAIA: Rick. You came.

00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,399

-MORTY: W-Where is she?

-RICK: You're looking at her.

00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:49,942

I-I-I-I don't understand.

00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,319

Isn't it obvious, Morty?

00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:52,945

I fucked a planet.

00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:56,115

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,396

So, what, you just go around

knocking up planets now?

00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,190

I-I-Is that what you do

when I'm at school?

00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,067

I'm a scientist, Morty.

I try things.

00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,486

Sex with a living planet?

Big step for mankind.

00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:36,072

Yeah, we finally broke

the deadbeat dad barrier.

00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:38,157

-Ah, where the magic happened.

-Gross.

00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:41,410

RICK: Hey, uh, Gaia, baby,

Big Daddy Rick is here.

00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:42,912

-RICK: What's the problem?

-GAIA: Children.

00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:44,288

Birth cycle. Now.

00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,833

Okay, gettin' right into it.

00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,877

-I am! I am!

-Jesus Christ!

00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,672

-I am!

-I am!

00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,507

Dad, do something!

Make it stop!

00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:55,883

You think I know

how to stop this?

00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,885

I thought she was gonna

shit an egg.

00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,763

Cool vacation, guys.

00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,181

So happy I got to see

the human geyser

00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,766

instead of micro-dosing

with my friends.

00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,310

More coming. Kids.

Need father.

00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,646

Yeah, um, Baby Quakes,

how big is your orbit again?

00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,606

I mean, not to say

you get around, but, um...

00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:11,941

Are you kidding me?

Look at them!

00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,275

They look just like you.

00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:14,902

Yeah, and snakes

look like dildos, Beth.

00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,153

-What's your point?

-They do?

00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,738

The fact is even if they

were mine,

00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,282

which they're not,

the best parent is evolution.

00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:23,202

They'll probably develop harder

skin or maybe even webbed arms.

00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,329

Man, that'd be cool, huh?

Flying squirrel people?

00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,623

Yeah, Dad, that approach

worked out great for me.

00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,083

Beth, I know it looks bad,

but trust me.

00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,501

This is life

in the galaxy, okay?

00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,711

It's totally normal.

00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:35,506

Fine.

You won't do something, I will.

00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,299

Welp, there

goes the surprise!

00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,051

I was gonna have us jump

on the trampoline

00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,344

-after we caught our first fish.

-I am!

00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,471

-What? You're stupid.

-I am!

00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,181

-I am! I am!

-Beth, that's not gonna help.

00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,725

Uh, I hate to

agree with Rick,

00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,059

but shouldn't

we just let this be?

00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,352

We're supposed to be

on vacation.

00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,603

You're unemployed, Jerry!

00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,230

Every day

is a vacation for you.

00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,940

-Okay, ouch.

-You guys do whatever you want.

00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,442

I'm staying here

and fixing this.

00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,152

-I am!

-I am!

00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:57,486

Goddamn it, Beth,

if you're gonna do it,

00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,113

at least do it right.

00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,157

Gaia, baby, gonna need

a little raw iron and steam.

00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:03,659

Whatever you need, baby.

00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:04,952

[ Beep ]

00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:11,000

[ Whirring ]

00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,668

-So much for camping.

-Nope.

00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,170

We are going camping.

00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:16,422

There's trees over there.

We're on solid ground.

00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:17,715

-SUMMER AND MORTY: Mom!

-Summer, Morty,

00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,049

go camp with your father.

00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,676

-Ohh, son of a bitch.

-Son of a bitch.

00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,052

-I am!

-I am!

00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,513

Welp, welcome to lack

of abandonment.

00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,683

Dad, can we please go back

00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,226

and hang out

with Grandpa's clay people?

00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,979

Why? Because they might

have a Sega Dreamcast?

00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,273

Why is it so hard for you two

to let nature in?

00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,358

Because this sucks ass.

Camping is just

00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,985

being homeless

without the change.

00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,196

Well, that attitude is

exactly why we're out here.

00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,281

You guys wouldn't last

two seconds on your own.

00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,033

You're only happy when

you're penned in

00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:47,119

and drugged up like

some kind of chicken or lemur.

00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,205

Hey!

I told you kids no phones!

00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:50,664

There's not even any service.

00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,291

Just -- Just let us

be happy for a minute.

00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,418

You know, maybe if you

two stopped whining

00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,212

and let your old man

take the reins,

00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,298

you might actually

learn something.

00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,550

Here.

Take a bite of this tasty treat.

00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:04,011

Oh, you think this s'more

makes you special?

00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,888

What? Because someone said,

"good job,"

00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,348

to you once

when you were 10?

00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,892

That's actually really sad, dad.

Let's be real.

00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,477

You've been high-roading us

non-stop,

00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,062

forcing us to do nothing

in the middle of fucking nowhere

00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,563

because

it's the only way

00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:15,856

you're gonna level

the playing field, isn't it?

00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,983

Because if you move the bar

so low,

00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,653

you might actually seem like

you're worth a fuck.

00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:22,571

Huh.

[ Sniffles ]

00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,865

I'm gonna go take a walk.

00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,663

Jesus Christ.

you really need to stop

00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,081

hanging out with Rick.

00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,671

Okay, so, if we divert

the Lawyer Pipeline here,

00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:40,130

they should avoid

the Ethics Tube

00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,715

and come out spineless enough

to do their job.

00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,509

Right.

Wait, why are the athletes

00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,052

going through

the introvert sector?

00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,846

Obviously so they can bully

the mathematicians

00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,515

-and give us astronomers.

-God, you are such a space nerd.

00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,684

I'm not a nerd. We're raising

a society here, Beth.

00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,143

If we want them to be

self-sufficient,

00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,520

they need to get out

into space.

00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,814

-[ Alarms blare ]

-GAIA: Birth cycle. Coming.

00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,149

We got you, Gai-Gai! Shoot 'em

hard and up the middle!

00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,873

[ Bells dinging ]

00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,624

We got an oversupply

of teachers

00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,126

putting a strain

on the literary drive.

00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,669

Activating playwright

converter!

00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,504

-[ Alarms blare ]

-Aah!

00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,214

Nice work, honey.

Okay, the therapists

00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,757

are getting bored.

We need to increase

00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,843

-their supply of incest porn.

-20% wasn't enough?

00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,219

-[ Alarms blaring ]

-What the hell is that?

00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,804

The unproductives.

Goddamn it!

00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,723

-How are there so many of them?

-Unproductives?

00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,808

Yeah, deejays, foodies,

influencers.

00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,935

I just re-circulate them

through until...

00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:35,978

[ Explosion ]

00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,855

Shit, they blew a hole in

the human resources department!

00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:38,939

-You're fired!

-Downsizing already?

00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,232

I'm putting this in your file!

00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:43,819

We gotta fix this, Dad.

00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,487

We can't keep

recycling them through.

00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,156

I could add an online

[burps] college workaround.

00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:49,158

Or just push them out

through a pipe in the back.

00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:50,826

-Same thing.

-Same thing.

00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,203

These kids may not be mine,

but you definitely are.

00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,497

Look at you.

My little steampunk overlord.

00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:56,665

Eeee!

00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,084

I don't think

he's coming back.

00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,711

You know, you -- you really

messed him up, Summer.

00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,212

Yeah, well,

he called me a lemur.

00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,547

Let's just go

find grandpa.

00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,174

Maybe he can portal us home

or something.

00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,009

-Should we leave a note?

-Dad is fine.

00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,469

He's probably

sucking off a tree

00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,554

and having the time

of his life right now.

00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:15,225

Guess you don't want to learn

how to skip rocks, either.

00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:16,644

Aah!

00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,813

Aaah!

00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,106

Whoa! Whoa!

00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,151

Aah! Aaaaaah!

00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,569

Ohh!

00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,488

Aaaaaah!

00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,906

Gah!

00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,407

Ohhhh!

00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:32,284

Aaah!

00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:36,121

Aah!

00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,958

Aah!

00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:43,963

[ Whimpering ]

00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:47,633

Aaah!

00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:48,968

Ow! Hey!

00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:50,844

Aah!

00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,222

Aaaaah!

00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:57,768

Aaaaaaaah!

00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,395

Ohh!

00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,522

[ Screaming ]

00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,441

[ Groans ]

00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:05,734

Who are you guys?

00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:09,113

We are...

unproductives.

00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,031

Ahh, I get it.

00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,950

Bunch of bullshit.

00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,372

What is that?

00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,417

This?

This is camping.

00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,293

Camping?

Ooh!

00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,795

Camping!

00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,006

[ All chanting "Camping!" ]

00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,675

♪ Well, there's a new thing

going 'round ♪

00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,594

♪ People sleepin'

on the ground ♪

00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:37,182

♪ And if it's fun to do,

then we're not doing it ♪

00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,310

♪ And that's called camping ♪

00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,813

♪ Let's go camping ♪

00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,607

♪ Do you want to go camping? ♪

00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:48,068

♪ Can't wait to go camping ♪

00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,654

♪ Even if you hate camping ♪

00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:54,450

♪ You still got to camping ♪

00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,785

♪ Ee-mi-mo-man ♪

00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,078

Good work there, TickTock.

00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,955

Keep whittling.

Incredible.

00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,291

You've almost got smoke

over there, Florflock.

00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:03,792

There you go, guys!

00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:04,960

Pump those cheeks.

00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,670

That's the camping spirit.

00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,213

What the -- Squeeb!

00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,673

This is not a tent.

00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,592

It is a new

kind of tent,

00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,970

with special gutters

to funnel the rain, and a door.

00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,306

It's a house! No houses!

00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,975

No doors! Once you have doors,

you have indoors.

00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:23,479

Once you have indoors,

you won't want to camp anymore.

00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,690

Then why do they not camp?

00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,358

Because they're bad.

00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,486

Bad. Bad. Bad.

00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,529

[ All chanting "Bad" ]

00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,656

Oh, my God.

Maybe Dad was right.

00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,283

Maybe we have

no life skills.

00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,327

I've definitely drank more pee

than I care to remember.

00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,995

I'm just gonna sit down.

00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,623

If I die, don't eat my ass.

That'd be weird.

00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,500

Uh, Summer?

00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,214

Damn, you think

they got infected

00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,715

by a mind slug

or something?

00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,217

Probably drove through a nebula

that made them

00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,968

see their own fears.

00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,766

Whoa!

These controls.

00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,976

It's just like my video game

controllers.

00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,687

I just wish I could read

these symbols.

00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:11,527

This looks just like

Tricia's bong.

00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,445

Morty, I think these tubes

might contain

00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,489

all of their

collective knowledge.

00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:20,536

[ Inhaling ]

00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,038

-Mm!

-Well?

00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,832

[ Strained ]

I think we got this, bro.

00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,250

[ Applause ]

00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,668

Beth,

you wanna do the honors?

00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:28,961

What? Really? Wow.

00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:32,172

Okay.

Here we go.

00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,424

If you told me six days ago

I'd be christening

00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,760

a generation ship for

my half-rock children,

00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,345

I would've called

you crazy.

00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,430

But I guess that's the lesson --

crazy things happen

00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,183

when you put in the work.

Salud!

00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,477

Fucking Doopnar!

Sing something!

00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,938

-[ Singing angelically ]

-Great toast, Dad.

00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,440

-Thanks, sweetie.

-Damn, listen to those pipes.

00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,109

You sure these

kids are yours?

00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:53,819

What, you've never heard me

sing karaoke?

00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,737

I'm -- I'm pretty good when

someone's in my register,

00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,489

like the guy that sings

"Circle of Life."

00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,408

Can't remember his name.

Dresses up weird.

00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:02,369

[ Laughs ] Look at this.

Everyone's happy.

00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,121

They're about to go

into space.

00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,248

I know things haven't always

been great with us,

00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,584

but we do make

a pretty good team.

00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,794

GAIA: Uh, Rick?

Can we talk?

00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,546

Kinda in the middle of

a breakthrough with my daughter.

00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,798

Go ahead, Dad.

Gaia deserves some time, too.

00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:18,552

-They're your kids.

-GAIA: Yes, about that.

00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,097

Pam!

It's good to see you, baby!

00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,224

Um, Gaia?

You know this guy?

00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,268

Ha! You call her Gaia?

00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,103

-So lame.

-Is that...

00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,189

-God?

-GAIA: Rick. The kids.

00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,816

I messed up.

You're not their father.

00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,776

Little ones!

Daddy's here!

00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,778

I'm sending some fog down.

00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,363

Feel my presence

through the fog!

00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:39,406

Ooh!

00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,450

Beth! What the fuck?

Don't touch it!

00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,745

You gotta be kidding me.

God is the father?

00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,580

No hard feelings, okay?

00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,248

We thought they were yours,

you know,

00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,209

because they're so small.

00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,461

Oh, wow. No hard feelings.

Y-You hear that, Beth?

00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,922

Guy swoops in after we raised

his whole civilization

00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,841

and tells us he forgives us.

What a fucking mooch!

00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,676

Don't push me, asshole!

00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,970

GAIA: Rick,

I think you should go.

00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:04,348

Seriously? You really want

this pile of dry ice

00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,599

to raise your kids?

00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,768

Stop acting like

you did a good job.

00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,896

You made my kids soft

and empty inside.

00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,065

This city is a monument

to nothing!

00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:14,483

Where is their faith?

00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,068

GAIA: Reggie is right.

00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,028

The children are not ready

to leave.

00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,363

He can give them more.

00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,323

I mean, maybe we should

just bail, Dad.

00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,742

At least this guy is immortal

and can stick around.

00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,744

Bullshit. They're my kids!

We're staying!

00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,412

[ All chanting "Bad!" ]

00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:30,040

See? Now, this is the kind

of shit I'm talking about.

00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,876

-[ Chanting continues ]

-BETH: Jerry! Oh, my God!

00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,586

Is that you?

What the hell are you doing?

00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:35,671

Camping.

00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,464

RICK: Oh, look, Jerry finally

found his people.

00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,341

All it took was

a deep enough drip pan.

00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,969

You labeled these creatures

"unproductive,"

00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,263

but I have given them

more purpose than ever.

00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,306

Oh, yeah? They filing your

unemployment forms?

00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,600

His tongue is sharp,

but it cannot whittle.

00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:50,644

The Great Roughing of

It is at hand.

00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:54,189

you will now join the One Family

on its Eternal Getaway.

00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,734

Or join the embers over which

we hold marshmallows

00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,403

at just the right distance.

00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:02,739

Six inches!

Until it gets golden brown!

00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,574

Don't let it

start on fire!

00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,952

The carbon

is bad for you!

00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:09,955

What's happening?

00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,416

GOD: My children,

I give you my power.

00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,543

Use it to take what is yours.

00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:17,087

Oh, this motherfucker.

Raise the walls!

00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:20,173

[ Whirring ]

00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,135

Walls can't stop us, Rick.

We are chosen.

00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,178

Sha-boom-boom!

00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,680

Sorry! Sorry!

00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,265

Just trying to get

the hang of this thing.

00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,517

Nice choice of chosen people,

G-diddles.

00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,477

I guess you'll be playing

the "mysterious ways" card

00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,229

-on that one.

-You wanna go, bro?

00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:37,024

-I'll kick your ass myself.

-Oh, dude, don't tempt me.

00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,775

When I'm done with you,

you'll need a staff

00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,360

to un-part

your fucking face.

00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:43,196

GAIA: Guys. Please.

Not in front of the kids.

00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,700

Did you for real

just try to smite me?

00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,745

Siri, triangulate source

of power.

00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,413

Got you now,

you son of a bitch.

00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,789

Sweetie,

you handle the hippies.

00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,166

I'll handle

the off-brand Yahweh.

00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:57,169

-Kick his ass, Dad!

-Bear witness.

00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,344

Now you see my true form.

00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:09,181

The clouds were simply a shape

more appealing to Gaia's mind.

00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,350

No shit. Any form is more

appealing than this.

00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,268

You look like

Kid Rock fucked Zeus.

00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,312

Oh, seriously, you expect me

to fight you like this?

00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,522

You're the size of

four Empire State Buildings.

00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,900

Alright, motherfucker.

00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,694

-Let's go.

-[ Yells ]

00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,739

[ Blows landing ]

00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:32,371

[ Both grunting and groaning ]

00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,833

[ Electricity crackles ]

00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:40,003

Aaah! Aah!

00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,714

Ha-ha!

You like that?

00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,133

-Ohh!

-Here comes some pain!

00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,886

Ohh!

00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:58,855

[ Blows landing, both grunting ]

00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:02,109

Ow!

00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,069

Ow!

00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:11,368

And...

that last one should be...

00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,078

the start button.

00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:14,579

Perfect.

I guess we're ready.

00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,665

Let's show Mom and Dad

what video games

00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,792

and partying are all about.

00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:24,589

[ Whirring ]

00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,885

Jesus Christ,

was that the wings?

00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,387

[ Both screaming ]

00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,222

This is not like

a video game!

00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,224

Oh, my God, make it stop!

Make it stop!

00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,602

-How do I make it stop?!

-I don't know. I'm fucking high!

00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,688

Aah!

00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,148

[ Coughs ]

00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,358

Oh, God,

now I'm high, too!

00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,068

[ Both scream ]

00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,698

-Jerry, that's enough.

-Oh, hey, babe.

00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,576

You like these plagues

I'm unleashing on your asses?

00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,536

No, they're lame.

It's not a great sign

00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,830

that your army's

on the same side as disease.

00:15:56,956 --> 00:16:00,167

Sorry we aren't modern enough

to sort people by value

00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,961

and shit the losers

through a mean butt tube!

00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:08,216

Just admit this is about you

wanting to feel needed!

00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,302

Says the woman who sold out

her family

00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:12,804

for an ounce of approval

from her drunk father!

00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,723

Well, maybe he drinks

because it isn't easy

00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:17,267

-to be more powerful than God.

-Well, if it's god power

00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,102

that gets you going,

light some candles

00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,938

and put on the Billy Ocean

because Moses is home

00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:24,107

and he's ready

to burn some bush!

00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,984

Sha-boom-boom!

00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,486

[ Grunting ]

00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,362

Ohh!

Fuck! Ow!

00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,072

Alright, alright, stop.

00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:32,949

-Come on, bitch!

-Look, you win, okay?

00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,493

Ju-- I don't care

about the kids.

00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,286

Smite them, raise them

to fuck sheep.

00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,913

Just keep the city, okay?

00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,247

My daughter and I

built that thing.

00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,875

-It's important to her.

-No, bro. I'm a Zeus.

00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,127

I can literally do anything.

00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,838

Think I'm gonna hang around

and raise kids?

00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:50,967

The only lesson they need

is right here -- fear.

00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,595

And it looks like

school's out, bitch.

00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,764

-I-I think you mean school's in.

-What are --

00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:57,265

-What are you talking about?

-I-If you're teaching fear,

00:16:57,391 --> 00:17:00,185

then choking me --

school would be in.

00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,562

Fine.

School's in, bitch.

00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:04,898

Oh. [ Coughs ]

00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,025

What the fuck?

00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,866

Ohh! Are we dead?

D-Did we die?

00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,243

I don't ever want to be

high again.

00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,536

I-I got scared straight.

00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:18,995

Oh, my God, I got scared

straight.

00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,372

Fuck. Dad was right.

00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:21,623

We -- We think

we know everything,

00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,333

but maybe we're the ones

who suck.

00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:27,003

You kids

are my fucking heroes!

00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,880

You saved Grandpa's life!

I fucking love you so much!

00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,465

-Papa!

-Papa!

00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,716

We played video games

and got high!

00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:32,968

We did wrong!

We did wrong!

00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:34,344

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, little boopas.

00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,222

Come on, now. You kids,

you did real good here.

00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:38,682

You did good.

Getting high

00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,058

and playing video games

is the best,

00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,685

-I swear to fucking God.

-But mom and dad

00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,395

-are gonna be mad.

-No, hey, hey, look, no.

00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:46,022

Fuck your mom and dad.

Your parents are a bag of dicks.

00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,024

Getting high and playing

video games is the best,

00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,568

and I will never

sell you out, ever.

00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,111

Now, we got to get out of here

before this guy

00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,404

falls out of the sky.

00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,656

He's generating an ionic cloud

from his own belief system.

00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,783

Holy shit, Summer,

were you smoking this?

00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,201

You were basically

inhaling brake fluid.

00:17:58,327 --> 00:17:59,369

Jesus!

00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,081

Mm, yeah.

00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,709

[ Whirring ]

00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:11,256

It's over, Beth. Tell your

people to lower the gates

00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:13,133

and pack

their moisture-wicking shirts.

00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,010

Incoming!

00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,351

-[ Coughs ]

-BETH: Jerry!

00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,645

Beth!

Just hold on!

00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,397

I'm losing my grip!

00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,817

-Jerry.

-Squeeb?

00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:34,446

Use the s'more, Jerry.

00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:35,614

Ow!

You stabbed my hand!

00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:36,906

Sorry! Sorry!

00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:39,993

[ Groans ]

00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,911

Should --

Should we make love?

00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,955

Jerry, I love you,

but I can literally

00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,166

-smell your balls from here.

-Oh, wow.

00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,085

Ask God for a flood next time.

It'll come with a shower.

00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,171

Noted.

00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,964

Aw, geez,

that -- that poor guy.

00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,507

Can you maybe not tell

Mom and Dad?

00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,010

Relax, it's just a Zeus.

If this was the real God, it--

00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,512

it'd be a completely

different story.

00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,098

GAIA:

Rick! What did you do?!

00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,600

I mean,

gravity did most of it.

00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:06,770

-So, you, technically.

-GAIA: I told you to leave!

00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,813

Yeah, well, you also asked me

to raise your kids.

00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,107

Uh, not sure if you heard

the phrase, "pick a lane,"

00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,942

-but --

-You killed their father!

00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,944

Father or not, he was

a lying piece of shit.

00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,780

I don't care who else

stuffed your crust,

00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,365

but I'm the guy

that showed up.

00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,617

But I mean, if you want,

I can still power-wash his guts

00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:23,286

-off the tower and maybe --

-Get oooout!

00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:24,746

Okay, yeah, she's pissed.

00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,456

I mean, you killed her

slam piece, Grandpa.

00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,041

I don't blame her.

00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:44,849

See? you put the fire stick

to the wood, and, voilà!

00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:45,892

Campfire.

00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,727

You have known about this

the whole time?

00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,646

I'm not gonna waste my time

building you an ark,

00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:52,357

but if your mom gets clingy, you

can use this to get some space.

00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:54,818

Is that all you want to say to

your children before you leave?

00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:57,570

Oh, yeah, uh,

don't ask me for money.

00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:02,367

I mean, Gaia's not gonna

raise those guys

00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,244

to hunt us down, right?

00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,329

Oh, most definitely.

I put a tracker on their ship.

00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,081

I'll blow it up if they come

anywhere near me.

00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,375

Well, kids, never thought

I'd say this, but,

00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:12,210

-Summer, you were right.

-Wait, what?

00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,421

I thought I wanted

to teach you guys about tents,

00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,589

but really,

I just wanted to feel important.

00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,258

I guess sometimes teenagers

do know

00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,468

what they're talking about,

even if it's mean.

00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:23,513

Right, but didn't you, like,

go into god-mode and fight mom?

00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:25,682

Love is the only power

that matters, Morty.

00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:28,017

No, you had actual power,

and you did jack shit.

00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:29,561

That was a divine staff.

00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,271

You could've cured cancer

or raised the dead.

00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,773

-Instead you made bugs.

-Well, I was impressed, Dad.

00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,443

He saved my life,

no thanks to you.

00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,280

Your kids got high

on alien mist

00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:41,865

and drove the ship

into that Zeus guy's head.

00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,241

-Basically murdered him.

-Grandpa!

00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:44,576

-What the hell?!

-Come on!

00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:46,327

I mean, not to cast

the first stone,

00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:48,288

but, Beth and Jerry, pretty

terrible parenting on your part.

00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:49,998

Did you know Summer huffed

a K-Zax Array?

00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:51,541

She basically

smoked "The Ring."

00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,042

Most pilots die

after three days.

00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:54,627

And Morty, the fucking moron,

he thought

00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,504

the ship worked

like a game controller.

00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,339

What in the Disney Channel fuck

is that?

00:20:58,466 --> 00:20:59,966

Maybe help him with

homework next time.

00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,885

He's clearly

crying for help.

00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:05,013

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:36,211

ANNOUNCER: Planets Only.

Planets Only. Planets Only.

00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:39,506

Entire systems of steamy,

lush globes

00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:42,217

and barely habitable

celestial objects

00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:44,719

are drifting through

the void just for you.

00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:46,846

-Planets Only.

-PLANET 1 : Let's terraform.

00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,724

-Or colonize me as I am.

-ANNOUNCER: Planets Only.

00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,185

PLANET 2: Oops, there's a hole

in my ozone.

00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,020

I didn't put it there.

Did you?

00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:57,482

I can't fill it by myself.

I'm not smart enough.

00:21:57,608 --> 00:22:00,193

ANNOUNCER: Young, dumb,

and orbiting a sun.

00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:03,279

The greenhouse is in full effect

at Planets Only.

00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:04,864

PLANET 3: Oh, I want you

to split my Pangea

00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,199

into distinct continents.

00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,868

PLANET 4: I don't have

hydrostatic equilibrium yet.

00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,870

Is that something

you can learn?

00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:12,789

ANNOUNCER:

You get the idea.

00:22:12,915 --> 00:22:14,624

Phew!

00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:16,584

I was watching over your

shoulder for a full minute.

00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:18,044

So? I was watching because

it's funny.

00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,504

It's -- It's -- They-- They--

They're planets,

00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:21,422

but they're sexy.

It's a comedic premise.

00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:24,425

-Yeah.

-ANNOUNCER: Planets Only.

00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:26,052

Planets Only.