Эпизод про чан с кислотой

00:00:11,932 --> 00:00:13,465

Эй, Морти, вот, за... зацени.

00:00:13,548 --> 00:00:14,591

АВТОМАТИЧЕСКАЯ ПАРКОВКА

00:00:21,995 --> 00:00:22,607

Ага.

00:00:22,634 --> 00:00:23,832

А по-моему, круто.

00:00:23,997 --> 00:00:25,460

Короче, вошли и вышли.

00:00:25,487 --> 00:00:27,586

Простой обмен, вообще

ни разу не приключение.

00:00:27,613 --> 00:00:29,407

А если что-то пойдёт не так...

хоть и вряд ли...

00:00:29,641 --> 00:00:31,486

прыгай в тот же жбан с кислотой, что и я.

00:00:31,513 --> 00:00:32,551

Ладно. Стоп... стоп, что?

00:00:32,576 --> 00:00:34,553

- К-какой ещё жбан с кислотой?

- Морти, блин!

00:00:34,578 --> 00:00:35,588

Закрой дверь.

00:00:35,613 --> 00:00:36,589

Я разведал это место заранее

00:00:36,614 --> 00:00:38,920

и поместил жбан с фальшивой

кислотой среди настоящих.

00:00:38,945 --> 00:00:39,757

Там есть шланги с воздухом,

00:00:39,782 --> 00:00:41,296

а на дне отсек с костями.

00:00:41,321 --> 00:00:43,492

Если что-то пойдёт не так,

хоть и на вряд ли,

00:00:43,519 --> 00:00:46,483

прыгнем в этот жбан с кислотой,

я открою отсек с костями, и они всплывут...

00:00:46,508 --> 00:00:49,102

- Зачем ты скрючил такую рожу?

- Ты же вроде изобретатель.

00:00:49,129 --> 00:00:51,483

А что, жбан с фальшивой кислотой,

встроенным запасом воздуха

00:00:51,508 --> 00:00:53,853

и быстрым выбросом костей по-твоему

недостаточно изобретательная штука,

00:00:53,878 --> 00:00:56,151

и с каких это пор я обсуждаю с тобой идеи?

00:00:56,178 --> 00:00:58,164

Ладно! Давай уже за дело!

00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:00,552

- А то у меня ещё домашка по английскому.

- Ты до сих пор учишь английский?

00:01:00,577 --> 00:01:02,158

Это же твой родной язык.

00:01:02,185 --> 00:01:04,002

Ты что, тупой?

00:01:07,448 --> 00:01:09,489

Интересное ты выбрал место, Рик.

00:01:09,514 --> 00:01:11,226

Нравится? А то мой внук не в восторге.

00:01:11,253 --> 00:01:13,312

- Да хорош.

- Покажи ему кристаллы, Морти.

00:01:18,968 --> 00:01:20,561

С ними я сделаю кучу денег.

00:01:20,588 --> 00:01:23,152

- С ними я делаю кучу этого.

- Только это фальшивка.

00:01:23,179 --> 00:01:24,703

- Ой, да ёб твою мать.

- Да ты издеваешься. Серьёзно?

00:01:24,728 --> 00:01:27,540

Что за нах? Ты притащил

фальшивые кристаллы и пушку?

00:01:27,567 --> 00:01:29,334

Это лучше, чем настоящие кристаллы

и отсутствие пушки.

00:01:29,359 --> 00:01:31,821

Ага, а лучше, чем фальшивые кристаллы

и фальшивая рука?

00:01:32,065 --> 00:01:34,221

Ты вообще знаешь, кто я?!

00:01:34,249 --> 00:01:37,418

- Даже если ты меня убьёшь, тебе конец.

- Ты серьёзно?

00:01:37,443 --> 00:01:39,020

Морти, он прав. Нам кабзда.

00:01:39,047 --> 00:01:40,628

Покончим с этим. Быстрая смерть и всё.

00:01:40,653 --> 00:01:42,630

Ну, блин.

00:01:45,484 --> 00:01:47,689

Ебать копать, какого хуя?

00:01:55,766 --> 00:01:56,865

Ебануться.

00:01:56,892 --> 00:01:58,507

Ну что за псих...

00:01:58,558 --> 00:02:00,227

Собственного внука...

00:02:01,644 --> 00:02:03,543

Кажется, он принял твою угрозу

слишком серьёзно.

00:02:03,568 --> 00:02:04,842

Да, но...

00:02:04,867 --> 00:02:06,315

это было бессмысленно.

00:02:06,340 --> 00:02:08,294

Ну, он был учёным.

00:02:08,321 --> 00:02:09,939

Может, он разбирался в кислоте,

00:02:09,966 --> 00:02:12,702

и это самый безболезненный

способ умереть.

00:02:12,729 --> 00:02:14,673

Как он может быть безболезненным?

00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:17,333

Видел, что кости всплыли не сразу?

00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,485

Где-то пять секунд неимоверных страданий.

00:02:20,512 --> 00:02:22,709

У... у меня в голове не укладывается.

00:02:22,737 --> 00:02:26,128

Я-я думал, что уже видел всю

самую мрачнуюжесть в этой галактике.

00:02:26,156 --> 00:02:29,282

Но это... после такого

я долго не смогу прийти в себя.

00:02:29,309 --> 00:02:31,025

Босс, мы умеем слушать.

00:02:31,052 --> 00:02:33,002

С нас выпивка, если хочешь выговориться.

00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:34,070

Спасибо, но...

00:02:34,097 --> 00:02:36,501

пусть случившееся останется здесь.

00:02:36,801 --> 00:02:38,005

Не хочу терять этот момент.

00:02:38,064 --> 00:02:39,008

Не спеши, босс.

00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,679

Будем стоять здесь столько,

сколько нужно.

00:02:40,704 --> 00:02:43,343

Во-во. Мне вообще некуда идти.

00:03:19,248 --> 00:03:21,159

А затем Флим Флэм малыша Томми

00:03:21,185 --> 00:03:23,128

оказался в Гипер Петле.

00:03:23,153 --> 00:03:25,881

Его жопа горит от ксеноновой жидкости,

00:03:25,908 --> 00:03:29,684

а его голограмма трахает его же писос.

00:03:30,515 --> 00:03:32,877

- Крутая история, босс.

- Столько подробностей.

00:03:32,905 --> 00:03:34,862

У меня полно таких историй.

00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,791

Ладно. Думаю, что я готов

снова терпеть этот мир.

00:03:37,987 --> 00:03:38,954

Пойдём отсюда.

00:03:38,989 --> 00:03:41,825

Может, сбросим нашего приятеля

перед уходом?

00:03:41,947 --> 00:03:44,723

- Да, наверное, хорошая мысль.

- Может, сбросим в другой жбан?

00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:47,392

Кислота не становится менее растворимой

с каждым растворением?

00:03:47,419 --> 00:03:48,834

Я похож на кислотолога?

00:03:48,859 --> 00:03:51,601

Вон, схвати этого крысёныша,

проведём испытание.

00:03:53,565 --> 00:03:56,269

Если хочешь испытать чёртову

кислоту, то крыса не нужна.

00:03:56,296 --> 00:03:59,384

Лучше возьми ковш и налей

немного в анализатор.

00:04:04,598 --> 00:04:07,600

Что ж, она довольно кислотная. Бросай его.

00:04:09,914 --> 00:04:11,179

Что ты делаешь?

00:04:11,206 --> 00:04:13,815

- Ты сказал...

- Да не крысу, а чувака!

00:04:13,912 --> 00:04:15,768

Мааты боожа!

00:04:15,795 --> 00:04:18,114

Смотри какие здоровые кости у крысы!

00:04:18,822 --> 00:04:20,963

Ухх! Да сколько у этой крысы костей?

00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:22,901

Посмотри какой формы мелкие кости!

00:04:22,928 --> 00:04:24,440

Похожи на мультяшные,

00:04:24,488 --> 00:04:26,722

как будто их нарисовали на ИЗО.

00:04:26,803 --> 00:04:27,887

Ну всё, с меня хватит.

00:04:27,914 --> 00:04:31,046

Я отменяю все дела и звоню

специалисту по костям.

00:04:31,073 --> 00:04:34,394

- Мы доберёмся до самой сути...

- Да ёб вашу мать! Хватит уже!

00:04:34,972 --> 00:04:36,400

Воу! Воу! Воу!

00:04:53,983 --> 00:04:55,261

Может пойдём?

00:04:58,374 --> 00:05:01,297

- Какого хуя вообще?

- Признай, что это была херовая идея.

00:05:01,324 --> 00:05:03,907

- Появление внука?

- Жбан с фальшивой кислотой!

00:05:03,934 --> 00:05:06,695

- У тебя уже что ли маразм старческий?

- Почему ты так со мной разговариваешь?

00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,747

- К-когда ты стал таким дерзким?

- Сегодня! Сегодня, Рик!

00:05:09,774 --> 00:05:11,006

Когда увидел твой провал!

00:05:11,033 --> 00:05:12,903

- Потому что ты всё испортил!

- Всё уже было испорчено.

00:05:12,928 --> 00:05:14,358

Даже хуже той ситуации с огурцом?

00:05:14,407 --> 00:05:16,325

Ой, тебя же тогда не было со мной.

00:05:16,352 --> 00:05:17,855

Зато было круто.

00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,605

- Возможно, тут есть некая связь.

- Чего?

00:05:19,632 --> 00:05:21,946

Чем таким крутым ты занимался без меня?

00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:24,538

Прям офигенным?

К-к-когда захотел дракона?

00:05:24,565 --> 00:05:26,173

Муа. Незабываемо.

00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,310

- Иди ты на хуй.

- Да ещё и вовремя. Хайп

00:05:28,338 --> 00:05:30,396

по “Игре Престолов”

был в са-а-амом разгаре.

00:05:30,423 --> 00:05:33,003

Твои старательные попытки обидеть меня

00:05:33,146 --> 00:05:35,304

- доказывают, что я прав.

- Я подскажу тебе, когда ты будешь прав,

00:05:35,329 --> 00:05:37,798

а мир узнает,

когда я попытаюсь тебя обидеть.

00:05:37,825 --> 00:05:40,283

Большая шишка, гений

и одинокий алкаш с большой буквы.

00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:42,476

Эй, Буковски, оставь парочку колких

острот разбитого поколения

00:05:42,501 --> 00:05:44,374

из атомного века для своей домашки.

00:05:46,507 --> 00:05:48,250

Морти, нет плохих идей.

00:05:48,277 --> 00:05:49,610

Всё дело в воплощении.

00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:53,691

Нет плохих идей?

00:05:53,718 --> 00:05:55,181

Кроме моих, верно?

00:05:55,208 --> 00:05:57,308

Морти, желание заиметь дракона -

это не идея.

00:05:57,335 --> 00:05:58,651

Да я не об этом!

00:05:58,676 --> 00:06:00,688

Рик, я постоянно подкидываю тебе идеи,

00:06:00,715 --> 00:06:02,381

но ты ведёшь себя так,

будто о них и думать не стоит.

00:06:02,406 --> 00:06:03,888

Это ты о садовом стуле с пропеллером?

00:06:03,913 --> 00:06:05,469

Да ты его по телеку увидел.

00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:08,123

А как же моя сохранялка, как в видеоиграх?

00:06:08,148 --> 00:06:11,293

О боже, снова-здарово.

00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,650

Рик, это хорошая идея.

Этот прибор позволяет...

00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:15,186

Сохранять прогресс в реальной жизни,

00:06:15,214 --> 00:06:16,756

как в видеоигре, чтобы опробовать что-то,

00:06:16,781 --> 00:06:18,147

а потом перезагрузиться.

00:06:18,174 --> 00:06:20,036

Да, Морти, я видел это в "Футураме".

00:06:20,063 --> 00:06:21,923

Ой, типа нельзя делать

ничего неоригинального?

00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:22,825

Никаких путешествий во времени.

00:06:22,852 --> 00:06:24,992

Это не путешествие во времени,

а сохранение точки во времени...

00:06:25,017 --> 00:06:27,160

Боже, по-твоему такими вещами я занимаюсь?

00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:29,243

Твой мозг ничего получше не может выдать?

00:06:29,268 --> 00:06:31,201

Ты хоть представляешь,

сколько надо усираться,

00:06:31,229 --> 00:06:34,314

- чтобы сделать аппарат, который...

- Ага! Ты не сможешь.

00:06:34,339 --> 00:06:37,042

Я могу всё, Морти.

00:06:37,069 --> 00:06:38,958

Но твоя идея того не стоит.

00:06:38,985 --> 00:06:39,708

Ты не сможешь.

00:06:39,735 --> 00:06:42,221

Вот это твоё "взять на слабо"

00:06:42,248 --> 00:06:43,862

раньше называлось

"реверсивной психологией",

00:06:43,887 --> 00:06:46,431

и её придумали не инцелы, а Багз Банни.

00:06:46,458 --> 00:06:49,055

- Ты не сможешь.

- Я могу всё.

00:06:49,082 --> 00:06:51,336

- Кроме сохранялки, как видеоиграх!

- Ах ты говнюк.

00:06:51,363 --> 00:06:52,954

- Признай, что не сможешь.

- Нет!

00:06:52,982 --> 00:06:54,046

Не можешь это сказать?

00:06:54,073 --> 00:06:55,360

- Иди на хуй, Морти!

- Сам иди на хуй!

00:06:55,385 --> 00:06:56,428

Иди на хуй,

00:06:57,889 --> 00:06:58,931

сукин ты сын!

00:07:03,679 --> 00:07:05,518

- То есть, ты...

- Да, блядь, я это сделаю!

00:07:07,851 --> 00:07:09,004

Рик, сейчас три утра.

00:07:09,031 --> 00:07:10,869

В-в-в чём дело? З-зачем ты меня звал?

00:07:10,894 --> 00:07:12,118

Ты был прав, Морти.

00:07:12,797 --> 00:07:14,269

Не вышло. Я не смог её сделать..

00:07:14,296 --> 00:07:15,896

И если честно, то мне стыдно.

00:07:16,059 --> 00:07:17,744

Наверное, поэтому я воспринимал

00:07:17,769 --> 00:07:19,160

все твои идеи в штыки.

00:07:19,187 --> 00:07:21,205

- Рик...

- Жбан с фальшивой кислотой, Морти?

00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,190

Может, я выдохся.

А может, никогда ничего не мог?

00:07:23,215 --> 00:07:24,925

Эй, перестань. Т-ты же знаешь,

что я не это имел в виду.

00:07:24,950 --> 00:07:27,106

Мы должны научиться общаться по-новому.

00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:28,994

Прости. Я... Иногда я срываюсь.

00:07:29,021 --> 00:07:31,575

Я-я-я не знаю, почему так поступаю.

Мне очень стыдно за себя.

00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,616

Твои слова про жбан... открыли мне глаза.

00:07:33,643 --> 00:07:35,446

- Какого хера я вообще делаю?

- Эй, эй.

00:07:35,512 --> 00:07:37,792

Перестань так говорить.

Ты - отличный изобретатель.

00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:39,394

Просто у нас есть над чем работать.

00:07:39,421 --> 00:07:41,025

Давай для начала

изобретём искренность между нами.

00:07:41,050 --> 00:07:43,144

- Как тебе?

- Спасибо, Морти. Хорошая мысль.

00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,834

- А может мне просто убить тебя?

- Что?

00:07:44,859 --> 00:07:46,136

Воу, воу, воу, воу, воу, Рик...

00:07:50,210 --> 00:07:52,578

- Потому что я смог нахуй!

- О-хо-хо!

00:07:52,709 --> 00:07:54,804

- Забубенно!

- Охренеть! Ты смог! Ты смог!

00:07:54,831 --> 00:07:55,977

Я смог, мелкий ты мандюк.

00:07:56,004 --> 00:07:57,611

- Как же ты...

- Морти, ты хочешь, чтобы я начал

00:07:57,636 --> 00:08:00,136

- объяснять, или ты хочешь повеселиться?

- Я хочу повеселиться!

00:08:00,161 --> 00:08:01,272

Боже мой, Рик.

00:08:01,299 --> 00:08:02,990

Это.. Это... спасибо тебе.

00:08:03,017 --> 00:08:04,504

Потом поблагодаришь. Иди, зажигай.

00:08:04,531 --> 00:08:05,552

Лучший дед на свете!

00:08:05,579 --> 00:08:07,021

Это я и хотел услышать.

00:08:09,434 --> 00:08:10,414

Ну, что ж, класс,

00:08:10,441 --> 00:08:12,677

да, я отсутствовал

почти весь учебный год.

00:08:12,704 --> 00:08:14,641

Не буду врать... во время весенних каникул

00:08:14,666 --> 00:08:15,807

я побывал на ярмарке Ренессанса

00:08:15,832 --> 00:08:19,605

и влюбился в пышную жонглёршу топорами,

которая в два раз младше меня.

00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:21,612

Я проявил чрезмерный

интерес к её занятию,

00:08:21,639 --> 00:08:24,341

только чтобы она открылась мне,

затем я ездил по стране с её труппой.

00:08:24,366 --> 00:08:27,421

Стыдно признаться,

но теперь я профессиональный кузнец

00:08:27,448 --> 00:08:29,680

с венерическими заболеваниями

и разбитым сердцем.

00:08:29,715 --> 00:08:31,153

Я прошу вас, гадкие засранцы,

00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,942

больше не поднимать эту тему.

00:08:32,969 --> 00:08:35,584

Итак, с этим разделались, а теперь,

кто хочет порешать примеры?

00:08:35,611 --> 00:08:37,743

- Я хочу.

- Смелый ход, Морти Смит.

00:08:37,770 --> 00:08:38,834

А ты осилишь?

00:08:38,861 --> 00:08:40,657

Да я сейчас такое осилю.

00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,033

О боже, какого чёрта!

00:08:44,058 --> 00:08:45,904

Твою мать, это ж травма на всю жизнь.

00:08:45,929 --> 00:08:48,005

Ядрён батон, что с твоим членом?

00:08:48,030 --> 00:08:49,865

- Ваще не круто.

- У меня аллергия на овчину.

00:08:50,082 --> 00:08:52,411

Смелый ход, Морти Смит.

А ты осилишь?

00:08:52,438 --> 00:08:54,307

Охренеть, я могу всё!

00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,221

Да, с математикой возможно всё.

00:08:56,249 --> 00:08:57,849

Кроме продолжительных

отношений с женщиной,

00:08:57,874 --> 00:09:00,265

которая называет тебя колдуном

за использование телефона.

00:09:03,702 --> 00:09:05,238

Эй... привет, Джессика.

00:09:05,359 --> 00:09:06,492

О, привет, Морти.

00:09:09,919 --> 00:09:11,764

Эй... Джессика, верно?

00:09:11,789 --> 00:09:13,748

Да. Привет. Извини.

00:09:13,793 --> 00:09:15,067

Я думала, что ты знаешь моё имя,

00:09:15,092 --> 00:09:16,539

ведь мы столько раз пересекались,

00:09:16,564 --> 00:09:18,573

но, возможно, я просто затупила.

00:09:18,598 --> 00:09:20,847

Извини. Привет. Я-я Джессика.

Так меня зовут.

00:09:20,874 --> 00:09:22,024

Круто. Ещё увидимся.

00:09:22,130 --> 00:09:23,796

Джессика. Да. Надеюсь, увидимся.

00:09:23,823 --> 00:09:25,010

- Ещё.

- Поживём-увидим.

00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,123

Нравится мне эта штука.

00:09:29,458 --> 00:09:32,670

Используй с умом.

00:09:34,790 --> 00:09:37,410

Свой новый дар.

00:09:38,948 --> 00:09:41,964

Используй с умом.

00:09:44,643 --> 00:09:46,810

Он не просто так дан.

00:09:48,668 --> 00:09:51,494

Его ты лишишься.

00:09:51,879 --> 00:09:53,130

ЖЕНСКАЯ РАЗДЕВАЛКА

00:09:54,162 --> 00:09:56,470

Если солжёшь.

00:09:58,033 --> 00:10:01,015

Используй во благо.

00:10:01,148 --> 00:10:03,233

ПО ОДНОЙ ДЕГУСТАЦИИ НА КЛИЕНТА

00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:05,990

И его сбережёшь.

00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,741

Охереть, полицейское самоубийство.

00:10:11,768 --> 00:10:12,939

Обожаю.

00:10:17,923 --> 00:10:19,562

Морти, ты прожигаешь свою жизнь.

00:10:19,589 --> 00:10:21,756

Я тебе не за дружбу плачу, наркоман Кит.

00:10:21,783 --> 00:10:22,826

Блин.

00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,377

Привет, Джессика.

00:15:00,402 --> 00:15:02,147

Эй, извини, что проигнорил

тебя в прошлый раз.

00:15:02,172 --> 00:15:03,247

Я хотел показаться крутым.

00:15:03,272 --> 00:15:05,250

Я вообще не понимаю, о чём ты.

00:15:05,413 --> 00:15:07,206

Но... ты какой-то другой.

00:15:07,361 --> 00:15:10,197

- Как будто ты нашёл себя.

- Да. Я... наверное, нашёл.

00:15:10,224 --> 00:15:12,717

Рада это слышать.

Мне нравится, кого ты нашёл.

00:15:12,744 --> 00:15:14,525

Да. Мне тоже.

00:15:14,552 --> 00:15:16,097

Скорее бы увидеть ещё.

00:15:16,891 --> 00:15:17,962

До завтра, Морти.

00:15:17,989 --> 00:15:20,073

Да. До завтра.

00:15:26,362 --> 00:15:28,636

- Как дела?

- Это было весело, Рик. Очень весело.

00:15:28,663 --> 00:15:30,707

Д-д-да я прям устроил кутёж.

00:15:30,732 --> 00:15:31,880

Но кажется,

00:15:31,905 --> 00:15:33,776

ты преподал мне урок.

00:15:33,803 --> 00:15:35,378

Жить без последствий это круто,

00:15:35,404 --> 00:15:36,780

но я начал задаваться вопросом...

00:15:36,915 --> 00:15:38,226

Ради чего я живу?

00:15:38,253 --> 00:15:39,281

Что я пытаюсь построить?

00:15:39,308 --> 00:15:41,577

Если постоянно оглядываться назад,

то я не буду смотреть вперёд.

00:15:41,602 --> 00:15:42,551

И до меня дошло.

00:15:42,576 --> 00:15:45,036

Последствия делают нас теми, кто мы есть.

00:15:45,063 --> 00:15:48,127

И без них никак нельзя. Ты понимаешь?

00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:53,584

Ничего себе, какая прекрасная мысль,

Морти, но нет.

00:15:53,611 --> 00:15:55,232

Последствия точно были.

00:15:55,259 --> 00:15:56,745

Что... что... о чём ты говоришь?

00:15:56,772 --> 00:15:59,685

Как бы, всё, что ты сделал,

произошло на самом деле.

00:15:59,712 --> 00:16:01,238

Нет. Но как же... кнопка респауна.

00:16:01,265 --> 00:16:03,473

- П-перезагрузка.

- Это не перезагрузка.

00:16:03,498 --> 00:16:05,586

Твои действия повторялись снова и снова.

00:16:05,613 --> 00:16:07,126

О чём это ты? Ч-что ты сделал?

00:16:07,153 --> 00:16:09,311

Правильнее спросить, что сделал ты?

00:16:09,338 --> 00:16:12,363

Понимаешь, Морти, ты не сохранял прогресс,

а потом возвращался назад.

00:16:12,390 --> 00:16:13,845

Я не признаю путешествия во времени.

00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:16,552

Если так делают в "Человеке-муравье

и Осе", то мне не интересно.

00:16:16,577 --> 00:16:17,894

Это была не перезагрузка,

00:16:17,919 --> 00:16:19,519

а изолирование момента во времени

00:16:19,547 --> 00:16:20,808

с разделением твоих вероятных двойников.

00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:22,590

Затем ты помещался в практически

00:16:22,617 --> 00:16:25,165

такую же реальность и перемещался

00:16:25,190 --> 00:16:27,091

в момент одновременного определения.

00:16:27,118 --> 00:16:29,357

Довольно ловко. Кристаллы времени -

дико непростая херь,

00:16:29,382 --> 00:16:32,267

но главная загвоздка в том, что ты

уже существует

00:16:32,294 --> 00:16:33,525

в каждом возможном измерении.

00:16:33,562 --> 00:16:35,497

Так что пришлось это решить.

00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:41,950

Всё верно, сучёныш!

00:16:41,975 --> 00:16:43,020

Как в фильме "Престиж"!

00:16:43,047 --> 00:16:45,089

- Ты себя престижнул!

- Рик, сколько я убил?

00:16:45,116 --> 00:16:45,988

Тебе лучше знать, Морти.

00:16:46,013 --> 00:16:48,188

Каждый раз, когда ты перезапускал

запах волос Джессики,

00:16:48,213 --> 00:16:50,455

каждый раз, когда ты испытывал

облегчающий пердёж,

00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,489

именно столько Морти ты и уничтожил,

00:16:52,514 --> 00:16:53,622

мелкий ненасытный наркоман.

00:16:53,647 --> 00:16:57,494

- О боже... даже в те моменты...

- Особенно в те моменты.

00:16:57,519 --> 00:16:59,676

Это конец, Морти. Ощути момент.

00:16:59,703 --> 00:17:01,271

Впитай его. Это бог.

00:17:01,298 --> 00:17:03,104

З-з-з-з-зачем ты это сделал?

00:17:03,129 --> 00:17:05,518

Морти, мои руки чисты.

Я предоставил тебе выбор.

00:17:05,545 --> 00:17:06,886

Ты мог выслушать

00:17:06,913 --> 00:17:09,628

во всех научных подробностях,

как это работает...

00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:10,735

а мог повеселиться.

00:17:10,762 --> 00:17:13,391

- Повеселился, Морти?

- Это всё из-за жбана?

00:17:13,529 --> 00:17:15,312

- Нет.

- Прости.

00:17:15,339 --> 00:17:16,953

Опоздал ты с извинениями, Морти.

00:17:16,978 --> 00:17:19,120

Что сделано, то сделано,

но всё можно закончить.

00:17:19,145 --> 00:17:21,206

Временная метка всё ещё стоит

на первоначальном расщеплении.

00:17:21,231 --> 00:17:23,716

Я могу сделать так, чтобы всех этих

Морти не существовало,

00:17:23,789 --> 00:17:25,030

сделать их чисто теоретическими.

00:17:25,055 --> 00:17:27,658

- О боже. Что мне надо сделать?

- Очевидно, что ты уже и так наворотил дел.

00:17:27,683 --> 00:17:30,146

Скажи как, Рик! Как спасти этих Морти?

00:17:30,173 --> 00:17:31,396

Живи с последствиями.

00:17:31,422 --> 00:17:32,529

Всё это где-то случилось,

00:17:32,554 --> 00:17:34,561

но можно соединить возможные реальности

00:17:34,588 --> 00:17:36,532

и получится так, что всё это

сделал только один Морти.

00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:37,534

Давай.

00:17:37,559 --> 00:17:39,074

Ладно, сейчас синхронизирую

00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:42,275

- и верну тебя в твоё измерение.

- Погоди... то есть, ты вообще не мой Рик?

00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,968

Тогда... тогда откуда ты знаешь про жбан?

00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,567

У каждого Рика есть жбан.

00:17:56,148 --> 00:17:59,193

Что ж, Морти, думаю,

сегодня между нами возникла искренность.

00:17:59,218 --> 00:18:00,777

- Как считаешь?

- Я это не заслужил.

00:18:00,804 --> 00:18:02,822

- Я просто веселился.

- Как и Джеффри Дамер.

00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:04,982

Кстати, пора платить по счетам.

00:18:09,036 --> 00:18:12,260

Морти Смит. Выходи с поднятыми руками,

больной мудила!

00:18:12,287 --> 00:18:15,749

Но если хочешь полицейское самоубийство,

то можем пристрелить тебя.

00:18:15,776 --> 00:18:16,965

Что? Что за фигня?

00:18:16,992 --> 00:18:19,673

Ну и ну, похоже,

там спецназ, наркобарыги,

00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:22,750

рядовые активисты MeToo,

защитники гражданских прав...

00:18:22,777 --> 00:18:25,271

- Господи, Морти, ассоциация пенсионеров?

- Не хочу об этом говорить.

00:18:25,296 --> 00:18:27,120

Ассоциация цветного

населения, геймергейт...

00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:30,356

Морти, это судья верховного суда

Соня Сотомайор?

00:18:30,381 --> 00:18:31,754

Прости! П-прости меня!

00:18:31,779 --> 00:18:33,128

Э-это ты хочешь услышать?

00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:35,628

- Ч-что мне надо сделать?

- У-уф, я в тупике.

00:18:35,655 --> 00:18:37,334

Похоже, что выхода нет.

00:18:37,713 --> 00:18:38,943

Хотя...

00:18:39,557 --> 00:18:40,333

Твою мать.

00:18:40,358 --> 00:18:42,731

Да, это же та самая... как ты её назвал?

00:18:42,756 --> 00:18:44,982

Херовая идея?

00:18:45,010 --> 00:18:47,312

- Твою мать.

- Скажи, что жбан - это круто.

00:18:47,563 --> 00:18:48,860

Жбан - это круто.

00:18:48,887 --> 00:18:50,269

Поцелуй жбан.

00:18:53,069 --> 00:18:54,674

Не прыгай в жбан.

00:18:54,702 --> 00:18:56,718

Кажется, он наполнен кислотой.

00:18:56,745 --> 00:18:58,673

Так и есть!

Прошу вас, он же простой пацан!

00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:01,016

- Дайте мне с ним поговорить.

- Скажите, что нам очень жаль.

00:19:01,041 --> 00:19:02,395

Морти, прошу тебя. Уйди оттуда.

00:19:02,422 --> 00:19:03,940

Жбан наполнен кислотой.

00:19:03,967 --> 00:19:06,260

Она тебя полностью растворит,

оставив только кости.

00:19:06,285 --> 00:19:08,188

- Твою мать.

- Прости, что ты сказал?

00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:09,436

Я прыгаю в жбан.

00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:15,223

О боже! Это моя вина!

00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,877

Какая трагедия...

00:19:16,904 --> 00:19:19,237

это... Остались только кости.

00:19:19,264 --> 00:19:20,503

Думаю, он поплатился.

00:19:20,531 --> 00:19:22,408

Согласен. Он точно мёртв.

00:19:22,433 --> 00:19:24,609

С чего бы ещё костям всплывать?

00:19:24,634 --> 00:19:26,678

Пусть он совершил ужасные поступки,

00:19:26,705 --> 00:19:29,277

и мы имеем полное право злиться,

00:19:29,304 --> 00:19:31,549

но я не знаю, должны ли мы нести

ответственность

00:19:31,574 --> 00:19:33,907

за то, что этот молодой человек

бросился в кислоту?

00:19:33,989 --> 00:19:36,506

Мы здесь ради справедливости

или чего-то ещё?

00:19:36,533 --> 00:19:39,927

"За тебя закон; Но вспомни только,

00:19:39,954 --> 00:19:41,955

Что если б был без милости закон,

00:19:42,084 --> 00:19:44,226

Никто б из нас не спасся.

00:19:44,729 --> 00:19:47,796

- Мы в молитве о милости взываем".

- "Венецианский купец," класс.

00:19:47,821 --> 00:19:49,369

Очень круто. Есть над чем подумать.

00:19:49,394 --> 00:19:51,441

Месть это гробница, всеобъемлющая...

00:19:51,468 --> 00:19:54,539

Так, у нас тут не поэтический вечер,

пацан только что умер.

00:19:54,567 --> 00:19:57,813

Идите... идите все домой

и обнимите своих близких или типа того.

00:20:03,272 --> 00:20:03,728

Стоп.

00:20:03,755 --> 00:20:05,482

А как нам узнать, что это правда кислота,

00:20:05,509 --> 00:20:07,416

и что там заранее не было костей?

00:20:07,443 --> 00:20:09,125

Ну, если ты думаешь, что это не кислота,

00:20:09,150 --> 00:20:10,754

а разогретый до уровня

комфортного джакузи Маунтин Дью,

00:20:10,779 --> 00:20:12,357

то вот тебе ковшик.

00:20:12,384 --> 00:20:13,847

Ты меня за дебила считаешь?

00:20:14,415 --> 00:20:15,457

Я свой принёс!

00:20:19,249 --> 00:20:20,638

ЕСЛИ ПОЯВИТСЯ КОВШИК

00:20:22,636 --> 00:20:23,684

О боже! Господи, нет!

00:20:23,711 --> 00:20:25,167

Боже, нет! О нет...

00:20:25,679 --> 00:20:26,745

Меня кислота не берёт!

00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:29,284

Идите на хуй! Иди вы все на хуй!

00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,597

Я разбогатею! Вот моя жопа.

00:20:31,624 --> 00:20:33,617

Посмотрите на неё, пошлёпайте.

00:20:33,827 --> 00:20:35,282

Кислота не берёт!

00:20:35,309 --> 00:20:37,044

Похоже, у него какие-то свои заморочки.

00:20:38,377 --> 00:20:41,379

Больше никогда

не смейся надо мной. Никогда!

00:20:42,994 --> 00:20:44,348

Ладно, Морти, пойдём домой.

00:20:44,375 --> 00:20:46,107

Стоп, что? Это... это не наша реальность?

00:20:46,134 --> 00:20:47,464

А ты думал,

что я устрою бардак у нас дома,

00:20:47,489 --> 00:20:48,949

только чтобы преподать сраный урок?

00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:50,844

Но я буду скучать по этому месту...

00:20:50,933 --> 00:20:52,799

Джонни Карсон всё ещё жив

и ведёт передачу,

00:20:52,826 --> 00:20:54,089

одиннадцатого сентября тут не было,

00:20:54,114 --> 00:20:55,600

а в мороженке со вкусом

Роки Роуд арахисовая паста

00:20:55,626 --> 00:20:57,536

- вместо зефирок.

- Че за? Что?

00:20:57,561 --> 00:20:59,668

- Да зефирки это самая вкусная часть.

- Морти!

00:21:33,581 --> 00:21:35,180

С ВОЗВРАЩЕНИЕМ

00:21:37,395 --> 00:21:39,314

Наш следующий гость...

00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:40,855

рассказал о себе не так много,

00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:45,200

кроме того, что его не берёт кислота.

00:21:45,312 --> 00:21:47,310

И вот он пришёл, чтобы это доказать.

00:21:47,338 --> 00:21:48,875

Поприветствуем этого парня.

00:21:50,276 --> 00:21:51,416

Давайте за дело!

00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:53,052

Итак, вы... вы точно уверены?

00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:56,424

- Жопу жри! Поднимайте.

- Не знал, что эта задница была в меню.

00:21:57,505 --> 00:21:59,362

Не кради мой момент славы! Давайте!

00:21:59,389 --> 00:22:02,376

Ладно, тогда без лишних слов... опускайте!

00:22:03,273 --> 00:22:04,438

О да! О да!

00:22:04,465 --> 00:22:07,137

О да! О да! О да!

00:22:18,444 --> 00:22:21,073

Похоже, я отведаю жопное фламбе.

00:22:23,297 --> 00:22:24,340

Убейте меня.

00:22:24,918 --> 00:22:26,586

ДАЛЬШЕ - БОЛЬШЕ

00:22:26,735 --> 00:22:28,855

Переведено Сыендуком.

00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:11,886

Oh, shit,

I almost parked.

00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,138

Hey, Morty, hold on,

wat-watch this.

00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:22,730

Uh-huh.

00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:23,981

Well,

I thought it was cool.

00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:25,525

So.

We should be in and out.

00:00:25,651 --> 00:00:27,109

Simple exchange,

not even really an adventure.

00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:29,153

And if anything goes wrong --

which it won't --

00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,947

jump into the same vat of acid

I jump into.

00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:32,573

Okay.

Wait -- Wait, what?

00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,116

-Wha-What vat of acid?

-What, Morty!

00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:35,409

Close the door.

00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,078

I pre-scouted

this location

00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,621

and placed a vat of fake acid

amongst the real ones.

00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,039

It's got air hoses

00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,415

and a compartment of bones

at the bottom.

00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,167

If things go wrong,

which they won't,

00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:44,752

we jump into

the vat of acid,

00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,170

and I'll release the bones,

they'll float up --

00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,797

What is this face

you're making?

00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,507

Aren't you an inventor?

00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,384

Yeah, what part of a fake acid

vat with built-in air supply

00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,803

and quick-release bones

isn't inventive enough for you,

00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,972

and when did my job become

pitching you ideas?

00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:57,974

Alright!

Let's just do this.

00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,226

-I have English homework.

-You're still learning English?

00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:01,978

That's the language

you speak.

00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,980

How dumb are you?

00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,402

Interesting choice

of meeting place, Rick.

00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,195

You like it?

My grandson had notes.

00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,322

-Come on.

-Show him the crystals, Morty.

00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,371

I'll make lots of money

with these.

00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:21,789

I'll make lots of those

with these.

00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,416

-Well. Those are fake.

-Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:24,584

-Come on.

-You gotta be kidding me.

00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:25,793

Seriously?

00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,295

You brought fake crystals

and a gun?

00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,088

Beats real crystals

and no gun.

00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:32,133

Okay, but does anything beat

fake crystals and a fake arm?

00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,051

Whoa,

do you know who I am?!

00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,178

Even if you kill me,

you're a dead man.

00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,430

Are you serious?

00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:38,848

Morty, he's right.

We're screwed.

00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:40,600

Let's just end it.

Quick death, come on.

00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:43,769

Aw, man. Oh!

00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,354

Eh!

00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,857

Holy shit, what the fuck?

00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,657

Holy shit.

00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,409

What kind of psycho...?

00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,119

His own grandson?

00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,247

CHURNK: Guess he took

your threat pretty serious.

00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,624

SCHLARBO:

Yeah, but it just...

00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,250

doesn't make any sense.

00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,210

NARGLES: Well,

he was a scientist.

00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:09,879

Maybe he knew more

about acid,

00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:12,465

maybe it's like

the most painless way to go.

00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,675

SCHLARBO: How could that

have been painless?

00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,303

You saw that pause

before the bones floated up,

00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:20,264

that had to be five seconds

of unparalleled torture.

00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,558

I...

I can't get my head around it.

00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:26,062

I-I thought I'd seen

this galaxy at its darkest.

00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:29,273

This is -- This is gonna take

a while to feel normal.

00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:30,900

NARGLES: We're pretty

good listeners, boss.

00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:32,693

Drinks are on us

if you want to talk it out.

00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,111

SCHLARBO: Thanks, but...

00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:36,656

what happened,

it happened here.

00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:37,907

I don't want

to lose the moment.

00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,408

NARGLES:

Take your time, boss.

00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:40,743

We'll stay here

as long as you want.

00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,204

CHURNK: Absolutely.

I got nowhere to be.

00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:46,332

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,950

SCHLARBO: And then

little Tommy FlimFlam's

00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,910

running down

the Hyperloop.

00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,705

His ass is on fire

from Xenon fluid,

00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,708

but his AI hologram

is fuckin' his own pee hole.

00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,334

[ Laughs ]

00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,586

-Great story, boss. [ Chuckles ]

-Really detailed.

00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,714

Yeah, well,

I got a million of 'em.

00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,716

SCHLARBO: Alright.

00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:37,967

I think I'm ready

to deal with the world now.

00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,218

Let's get out of here.

00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,636

NARGLES: Should we drop

our buddy in here

00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:41,679

before we go?

00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,097

SCHLARBO: Yeah,

probably a good idea.

00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,932

NARGLES: Should we use

a different vat?

00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,143

Does acid lose its acid power

the more it dissolves?

00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:48,602

CHURNK: What am I,

an acidologist?

00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,146

Here, grab that

ratlike creature,

00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:53,357

we'll do a little test.

00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,900

SCHLARBO: Look, if you're going

to test the damn acid,

00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,318

don't use a rat,

00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:57,778

take that ladle,

grab a spoonful,

00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,905

and put it in the analyzer.

00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,410

-Oh!

-Hey!

00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:08,122

Okay, I'd say that's

pretty acidy. Drop him in.

00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,000

SCHLARBO:

What are you doing?

00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,376

-CHURNK: You said --

-SCHLARBO: Not the rat!

00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:13,753

The guy!

00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,755

NARGLES: Ooh! Marone!

00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,798

Look at the size

of the bones on that rat!

00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,216

CHURNK: Oh!

00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,885

How many sets of bones

this rat got?

00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,720

NARGLES: And look how

the smaller ones are shaped!

00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:24,388

They're like little

cartoon bones,

00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,557

like if you drew a bone

in art class!

00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:27,850

Alright,

that tears it.

00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:29,393

I'm canceling

the rest of my night

00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:30,936

and calling a bone scientist.

00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,229

We're getting to the bottom

of this --

00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,315

Jesus fucking Christ,

enough already!

00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,733

-Hey!

-Whoa!

00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,486

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,753

Can we go?

00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,423

The fuck

is wrong with you?

00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:00,883

Just admit

it was a shitty idea!

00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,218

Having a grandson?

00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:03,844

A vat of fake acid!

00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,221

Are you dying

of dementia?

00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:06,472

How are you talking to me

like this?

00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:07,932

Wh-When did you get

so cocky?

00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,433

Tonight!

Tonight, Rick!

00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:10,768

The night

I saw you fail!

00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,645

-Because you ruined it!

-It was pre-ruined!

00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,438

Oh, was it worse than

when I was a pickle?

00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,232

Oh-oh-oh that's right,

you weren't there for that.

00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,817

Turned out

kind of cool.

00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,443

-Maybe there's

a connection there.

-Excuse me?

00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,445

What's that cool thing

you did without me again?

00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:22,696

The awesome thing?

00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,657

I-I-I guess

you wanted a dragon?

00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:26,075

Mwah. Unforgettable.

00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:27,368

God, fuck you.

00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:28,828

Timely, too,

you really got in on that

00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,371

"Game of Thrones" fever

right at the peak.

00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,289

You trying as hard

as you can to hurt me right now

00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,707

proves my point.

00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,292

I'll let you know

when you have a point

00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,461

and the world will know

when I try to hurt you.

00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:40,089

Big man, big genius.

Big lonely drunk.

00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,258

Hey, save some of these

atomic-age beatnik zingers

00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,176

for your

English homework, Bukowski.

00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:48,055

There's no such thing

as a bad idea, Morty.

00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,015

It's about execution.

00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,519

No such thing

as a bad idea?

00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,271

Except all of mine,

right?

00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,273

Morty, wanting a dragon

isn't an idea.

00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,607

I'm not talking

about that!

00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,693

I'm constantly pitching you

ideas, Rick,

00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,278

and you act like they're

not even worth thinking about!

00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:03,821

What,

the helicopter lawn chair?

00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,364

That's just something

you saw on TV.

00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,950

What about my video-game-style

place-saving device?

00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:11,287

Oh, my God,

here we go.

00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,497

It's a good idea, Rick!

A device that lets you --

00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:14,915

Save your place

like in a video game

00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,500

but in real life

so that you can try stuff

00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:17,918

and then go back

to your save point,

00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,712

yes, Morty,

I saw it on "Futurama."

00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,672

Oh, so you don't do anything

unless it's original?

00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,340

I don't do

time travel.

00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:24,925

It's not time travel,

it's saving a place in time --

00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,136

Oh, my God,

is this what you think I do?

00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,305

This is where the heavy lifting

happens in your mind?

00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,848

Do you have any idea

how much fucking work

00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,308

would have to go into

a machine that --

00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:34,184

Ah-ha!

You can't do it!

00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:36,729

I can do anything,

Morty.

00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,647

Your idea

is not worth doing.

00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:40,190

You can't do it.

00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:42,151

Before what you're trying to do

was called "negging,"

00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,944

it was called

"reverse psychology,"

00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,363

and incels didn't invent it,

Bugs Bunny did.

00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:49,074

-You can't do it.

-There is nothing I cannot do.

00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,117

A place-saving

video-game thing!

00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,243

You're a piece of shit!

00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,828

-Just say you can't do it!

-I won't!

00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,163

You won't say

you can't?

00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:55,539

-Fuck you, Morty!

-Fuck you!

00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,750

Fuck you!

[ Grunts ]

00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,460

Son of a bitch.

00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,591

-So are you gonna --

-Yes, I'm gonna fucking do it!

00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:08,886

Rick, it's 3:00 a.m.

00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,888

Wh-Wh-What's going on?

W-Why'd you call me?

00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,723

You were right, Morty.

[ Sighs ]

00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:14,266

I failed.

I can't make it.

00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,935

And honestly,

I'm pretty ashamed.

00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,728

That might be why I've been

so aggressive and unfair

00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,104

about rejecting

your ideas.

00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,106

-Rick...

-A fake acid vat, Morty?

00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,108

Maybe I've lost it.

Maybe I never had it.

00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:24,902

Hey. C'mon. Y-You know

I didn't mean it that way.

00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:27,029

I just think we need to find

better ways to communicate.

00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,822

I'm sorry. I just...

I lash out sometimes.

00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,200

I-I-I don't know why I do that!

I'm so ashamed of myself.

00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:32,451

Hearing you talk about

the vat...

00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,036

it really

opened my eyes.

00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,287

Like what the fuck

am I even doing?

00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,538

Hey. Hey.

I don't like hearing this talk.

00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:37,831

You're a great inventor.

00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,333

We just got a couple things

to work on.

00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,126

Let's start with inventing

a little honesty.

00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,169

Sound good?

00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,545

Thank you, Morty.

Sounds good.

00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:44,922

-Or maybe I'll just kill you.

-What?

00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,882

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, Rick --

00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,137

-Because I fucking did it!

-Oh-ho-ho!

00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,681

-Booya!

-Holy shit!

00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:54,932

You did it!

You did it!

00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:55,933

I did it,

you little son of a bitch!

00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,184

-How did you --

00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,477

Morty, do you want me

to explain,

00:07:58,603 --> 00:07:59,979

-or you wanna go have some fun?

-I wanna have some fun!

00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,355

Oh, my God.

00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,148

Rick, this is --

this is -- thank you!

00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:04,525

You can thank me later.

Go nuts.

00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,776

Best grandpa ever!

00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,403

That's all I ever wanted

to hear.

00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,405

[ Bell rings ]

00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,115

Alright, class,

00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,783

I know I've been absent

for most of this school year.

00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,660

I'll be honest with you --

during spring break,

00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,495

I attended

a renaissance faire

00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,748

and fell in love with a buxom

hand-axe juggler half my age.

00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,625

I overplayed my interest

in her lifestyle

00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:22,960

just to get closer to her,

00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,753

traveling the country

with her troupe,

00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,506

and I am embarrassed to say

I am now an expert blacksmith

00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,758

with several STDs

and a broken heart.

00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,385

I beseech your nasty

little asses

00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,178

to speak on the matter

no further.

00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,764

Now that that's out of the way,

who wants to do some math?

00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:37,933

-I'll do it.

-A bold move, Morty Smith.

00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,226

But can you deliver?

00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,811

Oh, I've got something

to deliver.

00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,938

Ahh!

Oh, God.

00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:44,273

What the hell!

00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,025

Aw, goddamnit,

this is traumatizing.

00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,152

Oh, my God, what's wrong

with your dick?

00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:50,237

-Not cool.

-I'm allergic to sheepskin!

00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,740

Bold move, Morty Smith.

But can you deliver?

00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,366

Holy shit.

I can do anything.

00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,410

Yes, with math,

anything is possible.

00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,078

Except a long-term relationship

with a woman

00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,706

that calls you a warlock

for using a phone.

00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,584

[ Bell rings ]

00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,461

Hi, uh, hey, Jessica.

00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,504

Oh.

Hey, Morty.

00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,592

Hey...

Jessica, right?

00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,886

Um. Yeah.

Hi. Sorry.

00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,179

I thought

you knew my name

00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,597

because we've interacted

so many times,

00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,682

but maybe I was

just being stupid.

00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:21,018

Sorry. Hi.

I-I'm Jessica. That's me.

00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,269

Cool.

See you around.

00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,812

Jessica. Yeah.

I hope I see you.

00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,814

-Around.

-Guess we'll see.

00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,524

[ Squeals ]

00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,193

I think I'm gonna

like this thing.

00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:34,823

♪ It's in the way

that you use it ♪

00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:39,036

♪ It comes and it goes ♪

00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:44,625

♪ It's in the way

that you use it ♪

00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:47,836

♪ Boy, don't you know ♪

00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:54,051

♪ And if you lie,

you will lose it ♪

00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:58,055

♪ Feelings will show ♪

00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:03,644

♪ So don't you ever abuse it ♪

00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:07,356

♪ Don't let it go ♪

00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,817

[ Screams ]

00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,860

Oh shit!

Suicide by cop!

00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,445

I love these!

00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:17,991

♪ Nobody's weak

until somebody's strong ♪

00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,660

You're living too fast,

Morty.

00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,662

I don't pay for your friendship,

Heroin Keith.

00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,163

Damn.

00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:26,250

♪ Nobody's lonely

until somebody's gone ♪

00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:31,588

♪ It's in the way

that you use it ♪

00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:35,926

♪ It comes and it goes ♪

00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:41,682

♪ It's in the way

that you use it ♪

00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:44,893

♪ Boy, don't you know ♪

00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:51,108

♪ It's in the way

that you use it ♪

00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:55,529

♪ It comes and it goes ♪

00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,949

♪ It's in the way

that you use it ♪

00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:07,291

[ Upbeat music playing ]

00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:59,343

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,647

[ Soft piano music plays ]

00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:04,634

[ Upbeat music plays ]

00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:21,693

♪ It's in the way

that you use it ♪

00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:25,864

♪ It comes and it goes ♪

00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:31,119

♪ It's in the way

that you use it ♪

00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:35,123

♪ Boy, don't you know ♪

00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:40,712

♪ And if you lie,

you will lose it ♪

00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:44,883

♪ Feelings will show ♪

00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:50,555

♪ So don't you ever abuse it ♪

00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:55,352

♪ Don't let it go ♪

00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:56,895

♪ Nobody's right ♪

00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:59,147

[ Bell rings ]

00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:00,732

Oh, hi, Jessica.

00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,109

Hey, I'm sorry I brushed you off

the other day.

00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,693

I was just

trying to be cool --

00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,195

Oh, I don't even know

what you're talking about.

00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,155

But...

you seem different.

00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:08,532

Like you finally

found yourself.

00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,158

Yeah.

I -- I guess I have.

00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,619

That's good to hear.

I like who you found.

00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,538

Yeah.

Yeah, I do, too.

00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,873

Looking forward

to seeing more.

00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,166

I'll see you tomorrow,

Morty.

00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,544

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.

00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,300

How's it going?

00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:28,802

Y'know, it was fun, Rick.

Real fun.

00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,637

Y'know I-I-I definitely

sowed those oats.

00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,972

But I think you invented

00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,932

a little lesson for me

along the way.

00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,392

Living without

consequences is great,

00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:36,768

but then I started

wondering...

00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,145

what am I living for?

00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,729

What am I building?

00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,481

If I'm always looking back,

I'm never looking ahead.

00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:42,858

And then it hit me.

00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:45,152

We are who we are

because of consequences.

00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,404

You can't live

without consequences, y'know?

00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:48,697

You feel me?

00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:50,991

[ Slurps ] Wow.

00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,743

That's a beautiful thought,

Morty, but, uh, no.

00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,495

There were definitely

consequences.

00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,830

What're-What-What are you

talking about?

00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,790

I mean.

You did everything you did.

00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,083

It all happened.

00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,418

No.

But the -- the respawn button.

00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,587

-The -- The do-over.

-It's not a do-over.

00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,505

You just did it.

Over and over.

00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,215

What are you saying?

W-What did you do?

00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,301

I think it's more appropriate

to ask what did you do?

00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,052

You see, Morty, you weren't

saving your place

00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,387

and going back.

00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,972

I don't respect

time travel.

00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:16,641

If "Ant Man and the Wasp"

can do it, I'm not interested.

00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,018

It wasn't

so much a do-over

00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,311

as it was isolating

a moment in time,

00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,812

splitting your

probable selves,

00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,606

and shunting you into

to into a near-duplicate,

00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,233

equally probable reality,

transporting you into it

00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:27,068

at the moment

of parallel determination.

00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:29,446

Pretty nifty. Time crystals

are a bitch and a half,

00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:32,324

but the only real hitch is that

there was already a you

00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,617

in each

probable dimension.

00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,368

So we had to solve

for that.

00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:40,665

[ Screaming ]

00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,083

That's right,

you little bitch!

00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,044

It's "The Prestige"!

You "Prestige'd" yourself!

00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,087

-Rick, how many did I kill?

-You tell me, Morty.

00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:48,340

Every time you reset

to smell Jessica's hair,

00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,717

every time you relived

a satisfying fart,

00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,469

that's how many Mortys

you've incinerated,

00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,887

you greedy

little junkie.

00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,972

Oh, God --

even those times when I --

00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,849

Especially those times.

00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,726

-It's over, Morty. Feel this.

-[ Crying ]

00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,353

Take this in.

This is God.

00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,271

Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh --

Why would you do this?

00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:05,690

My hands are clean, Morty.

I gave you a choice.

00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,192

You could

listen to me explain,

00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,653

in great scientific detail,

how it all works...

00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:10,904

or you could have fun.

00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,155

Did you have fun,

Morty?

00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,823

Is this

because of the vat?

00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,492

-No.

-I'm sorry.

00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:16,952

I'm afraid it's too late

for that, Morty.

00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,246

What's done is done,

but it can end.

00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,289

The original split

is still timestamped.

00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:23,583

I can make it so those Mortys

never existed at all,

00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:24,834

make them

purely theoretical.

00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,211

Oh, God.

What do I do?

00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:27,754

I think it's clear

you've done enough.

00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,173

Tell me how, Rick!

Tell me how I save those Mortys!

00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,424

You live

with the consequences.

00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:32,759

Those things

happened somewhere,

00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,678

but you can merge

the probable realities

00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,388

so that only one Morty

did them.

00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:37,639

Just do it.

00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,140

Alright, lemme just

sync these up

00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,517

and get you back

to your dimension.

00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,477

Wait, so -- so you're not even

my Rick?

00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,020

Then -- Then why do you know

about the vat?

00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,313

Every Rick has a vat!

00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,943

[ Screaming ]

00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:55,657

[ Slurps ]

00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:57,033

Well, Morty, I'd say

00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,327

we've invented

a little honesty today.

00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:00,787

-How about you?

-I don't deserve this.

00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,038

I was just having fun.

00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,331

So was Jeffrey Dahmer.

00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,333

Speaking of,

time to pay the piper.

00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,210

[ Tires screech, siren wails ]

00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,921

Morty Smith.

00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:12,340

Come out with your hands up,

you sick fuck.

00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:14,134

We're also fine

with just shooting you

00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,885

if you wanna

suicide by cop.

00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,137

What?

What is this?

00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,597

Wow.

Looks like a SWAT Team,

00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,015

some drug dealers,

00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,934

some grassroots MeToo activists,

the ACLU --

00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,686

Jesus, Morty,

the AARP?

00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:27,355

-I don't wanna talk about it!

-The NAACP, GamerGate...

00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:30,317

Morty, is that Supreme Court

Justice Sonia Sotomayor?

00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,901

I'm sorry!

I -- I'm sorry!

00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,361

I-Is that

what you want me to say?

00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,739

-What -- What do I do?

-Oof, well, I'm stumped.

00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,824

Seems like there's no way

out of this one.

00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,075

Unless...

00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,577

God damn it.

00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:42,746

Yeah, I guess it is, uh --

what did you call it?

00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,956

Uh, uh,

"A shitty idea"?

00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:47,167

-God damn it.

-Say the vat is good.

00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,127

The vat is good.

00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,087

Kiss the vat.

00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:54,758

Do not

go into that vat.

00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,760

It appears to be

full of acid.

00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,762

It is!

Please, he's just a little boy!

00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:01,139

-Let me talk to him.

-Tell him we're very upset!

00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:02,474

Morty, please.

Step back.

00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,975

That vat

is full of acid.

00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:06,478

It'll melt you completely,

leaving only your bones.

00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,063

-Goddamn it!

-I'm sorry, what did you say?

00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:09,314

I'm going in the vat!

00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,025

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,403

Oh! God!

Aw, I blame myself!

00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,030

Oh, what a tragedy.

00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,324

This --

Oh, well, he's bones now.

00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:20,575

I guess all debts are paid.

00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,410

Agreed.

He's definitely dead.

00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,788

Why else

would the bones come up?

00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,623

While his actions

were horrifying

00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:29,417

and we are well within

our rights to be outraged,

00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:31,795

I do wonder if we bear

some responsibility

00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:34,172

for this young man

melting himself in acid.

00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,841

Are we here for justice...

or something else?

00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:40,053

"Though justice be thy plea,

consider this,

00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,263

that in the course

of justice...

00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,808

none of us

should see salvation.

00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,476

We do pray for mercy."

00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:47,936

"Merchant of Venice,"

nice.

00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:49,437

Very cool.

Lots to think about.

00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,439

Vengeance is a tomb,

all-encompassing --

00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:54,651

Alright, okay, this isn't a

poetry reading, a kid just died.

00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:58,196

Every -- Everybody go home and

hug your loved one or something.

00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:03,034

[ Vehicle doors closing,

engines starting ]

00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,327

Wait.

00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:05,787

How do we know

that's really acid

00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:07,622

and you didn't just have

someone's bones in there?

00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,249

I mean, if you're doubting

if that's really acid

00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,917

and not just jacuzzi-heated

Mountain Dew,

00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,419

you're welcome

to use this ladle.

00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,462

You think

I'm a goddamn idiot?

00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,589

Brought my own.

00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:22,595

Aah!

00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:23,847

Oh, God!

Oh, God no!

00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:25,432

Oh, God, no!

Oh, no -- Huh?

00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,142

I'm acid-proof!

00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:29,102

Fuck all of you,

fuck all of you,

00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,478

I'm gonna be rich!

00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:31,813

Here's my ass.

00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,732

Take a good look,

spank it!

00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,316

Acid proof!

00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:38,319

Feels like that guy

had other stuff going on.

00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:40,697

Don't ever

make fun of me again.

00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:42,866

Ever!

00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:44,367

Alright, c'mon Morty,

let's go home.

00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,119

Wait, what?

This -- This isn't our reality?

00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,495

What, you think

I'd waste our home

00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,164

teaching you

a fucking lesson?

00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,040

[ Sighs ] I am gonna miss

this place, though --

00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,876

Johnny Carson's still alive

and on the air,

00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:54,252

9/11 never happened,

00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:55,754

and Rocky Road ice cream

has peanut butter

00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,672

-instead of marshmallows.

-The fu-- What?

00:20:57,798 --> 00:20:58,923

The marshmallows

are the best part!

00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:00,633

Morty...

00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,762

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:37,587

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:39,422

Our next guest, ah, gave us,

00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,090

well, actually,

very little information,

00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:45,386

ah, besides the fact that he is,

uh, impervious to acid.

00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:47,388

So here he is,

he's here to prove it.

00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:50,350

Let's welcome this guy.

00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:51,810

Let's do this shit!

00:21:51,936 --> 00:21:53,061

Now, you're, uh --

you're sure about this?

00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:54,395

Eat my ass!

Hoist me!

00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:57,732

I did not know that ass

was on the menu.

00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,359

Don't steal my moment!

Do it!

00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:03,154

Ah, okay, then without

further ado -- drop him.

00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,572

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:06,574

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah!

00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:10,036

[ Screaming ]

00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:21,422

Looks like I'll be

eating ass flambé.

00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:23,258

[ Laughter ]

00:22:23,384 --> 00:22:24,509

Please kill me.

00:22:24,635 --> 00:22:28,972

[ Applause ]