Загон и порядок: Место прикступления

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Запрыгивай, Морти! Быстрее!

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- Чачи!

- Нахер Чачи, Морти.

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- Ты принес?

- Он помог мне сбежать из тюрьмы.

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Ты принёс Ультра Куб?

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Блин... сиреневый?

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- Т-ты и говорил про сиреневый!

- Я про свой говорил.

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Не знал, что они все такие.

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- И теперь мы знаем... благодаря Чичи.

- Чачи.

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Ну... так... к-к-когда... я его получу?

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Что? Объятие?

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Для начала найдем планету садовых шлангов.

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- Дракона.

- Дракона?

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Ты попросил меня прогулять школу,

чтобы помочь тебе в войне роботов.

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Я отказался. Ты сказал,

от этого зависят миллионы жизней.

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Я согласился взамен на дракона.

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Ты сказал "ладно". Где мой дракон?

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Знаешь, кто тащится с драконов, Морти?

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Задроты, которые

отрицают своё Христианство.

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- Где мой дракон?

- Попроси у меня турбо-кроссы.

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Попроси когти Росомахи,

да хоть турбо-шлем ебучий попроси.

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Только турбо-кроссы натянуть не забудь,

а то тебе голову оторвёт.

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Хочу дракона! Хочу дракона!

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Хочу дракона!

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О черт.

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Твою мать.

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Пап, ты в порядке?

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Твой корабль упал на Мальте.

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- Уф. Всё норм.

- Ох, слава богу!

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- Пап, ты что, пообещал Морти дракона?

- Бляяя

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- Ай!

- Твоя кровь здесь. И здесь.

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Моей кровяки вам не видать.

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Властью данной мне договором

между Царствами Драконов и Людей...

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- Божечки, это моя первая гей-свадьба.

- Саммер!

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...я связываю души

Благородного Змея и Наездника.

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Вот ваша книга

с Драконьими заклинаниями и лором.

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Там всё, что вам понадобится.

Наслаждайтесь Драконом!

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Итак, Дракон,

вот какие у нас здесь порядки.

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Меня зовут Бальтромон.

Сокрушитель небес. Истребитель гор.

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Правило первое: теперь ты

Выгребатель собственного говна.

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Или ты исчезнешь прямо как футболки,

которые светятся в темноте.

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Больше никаких правил нет, на этом всё.

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Я так понимаю, тебя на этой фотке

лучше не отмечать.

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Ладно, наживка сработала.

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Что за говорящий кот?

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Это дракон, дубина.

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Я знаю, что это дракон.

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Я говорю про говорящего кота

у меня в спальне.

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Джерри, зачем мне дарить Морти

говорящего дракона,

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а тебе говорящего кота в один день?

Это слишком похожие сюжеты.

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Если ты говоришь с кошаком,

это аномальное событие,

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типа как когда ты заплутал на Плутон

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или трахнул мою дочь.

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Окей, окей. Можно было и не так грубо.

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Ну чо?

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Говорит, что не причастен к тебе.

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- Так и есть.

- Тогда почему ты разговариваешь?

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- Это имеет значение?

- Как же не имеет?

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Может, мне вообще всё это мерещится?

Рик сказал, это аномальное событие.

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А без Рика ты разобраться

можешь хоть в чём-то?

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Может, стоит, наконец, перестать

задаваться вопросами и начать веселиться?

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Оу.

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Вау. Окей.

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- Так чего ты хочешь?

- Я хочу, чтобы мы двинули в аэропорт

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и улетели первым классом во Флориду.

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Ну почемуууу... бы и нет?

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Воу... воу... воу...

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Это так круууто!

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Жду твоего веления.

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Стоп, стоп, стоп. Тут нет повелителей.

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Мне нравится рассекать с тобой небеса.

На равных.

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А ты чем хочешь заняться?

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Хочу залечь в своём логове

и спать на сокровищах

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покуда не вымрет человеческий род.

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Так. Ты мне, я тебе.

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Покемаришь 20 минут,

а потом и небеса порассекаем.

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Как пожелаешь.

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Лады, тогда увидимся.

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Это так весело!

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Ага, конечно.

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Этот сериал называется "Жопы"?

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Ага, это как сериал "Кости",

только они расследуют жопы.

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В этой жопе есть зацепка.

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- Эти двое будут мутить?

- Нет, о таком мечтают только тупые фанаты.

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Не учи меня наслаждаться вещами.

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- Ступай к ней, жопа!

- Её зовут Бреннер.

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Ступай к Бреннер, жопа!

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Медовый месяц подошел к концу?

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Что ты имеешь в виду?

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Признай, Морти. Драконы - отстой.

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Это ты признай,

что тебя бесит чужое счастье,

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потому что ты жалкий

старый оседлый пердун!

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Как можно оседлать пердуна?

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Твою мать! Смотри!

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- Жопа, я люблю тебя.

- И я тебя, Бреннер.

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- Нет.

- Чшшш!

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На этом и заканчивается серия

про дракона для Морти.

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- Так ты ему втащишь?

- Во-первых, я тащер по жизни.

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- Во-вторых, да.

- Мне поставить "Жопы" на паузу?

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Не, чет они скатились после того,

как стали парой.

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Эй, еблозавр, может,

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заткнёшься на хуй уже?

Ну или хоть команду "поклон" знаешь?

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А-а-а, я горю.

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Господь, я в огне!

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Эх, как жаль что я не подготовился

к этой ужасающей битве,

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ведь я не в курсе самого очевидного

факта о драконах!

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Смотри. Еще изжогу подхватишь.

Я напичкал этого андроида взрывчаткой.

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Ой... извини. Я пропитал его

дистанционно управляемым зельем прибабаха.

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Ты одолел меня. Я в твоей власти.

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Отлично, мы с тобой на одной струне.

В общем, я скажу внуку, что ты изменил ему

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и сбежал с Боингом 747,

пока ты пакуешь тут свои...

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Стой. Это... Откуда у тебя

оригинальная коробка

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с соком Экто Кулер 89 года?

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Мои скоровища - это ваши сакральные мчты.

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- Даю за неё двадцатку.

- Ха-ха-ха, хорошая попытка.

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Что за хрень тут у тебя ещё завалялось?

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Джек-пот! Игрушки от Чупа-Чупс

по фильму "Солдатики"!

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- Не вскрывай.

- Я не идиот.

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Эй, откуда у тебя альбом Фьючера на виниле?

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Присмотрись.

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- Твою мать. Он его подписал.

- Ближе.

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Он расписался молли и перкосетом?

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Да я здесь всю ночь проторчу!

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Вулканические газы

доставляют тебе удовольствие?

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Мой мозг совсем

наебнётся от этого?

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- Не.

- Пофиг. Погнали.

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Вот это да. Билеты тут не дешевые,

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но я готов будь здоров.

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Так... ам... почему ты разговариваешь?

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Это не важно, Джерри.

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Ладно, а почему Флорида?

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Потому что они не задают лишних вопросов.

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Они играют в волейбол, тусят и веселятся.

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Точно. Точно.

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- У тебя получится, Джерри.

- Да.

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У меня все получится.

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Ооо да.

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Привет, Джерри,

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залетай на мою яхту после игры.

И кота не забудь!

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Увидимся, Джайп!

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Готов признать, ты был прав.

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Я должен признаться, Джерри.

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Ещё ни разу в жизни я не чувствовал себя

таким счастливым.

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Фу! Ужас! Кто насрал в песок?

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Кто-то навалил мини-говняшку в песок,

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немного прикопав её

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прямо как мину.

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Зачем? Кто?

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Это он.

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Помогите!

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Меня призывает Морти.

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Ох, да. Он... и мне тоже пишет.

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И как ты отвечаешь?

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Уф. Обычно я игнорю.

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Максимум гифку скидываю,

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которую можно интерпретировать,

как хочешь.

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Гениально.

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Я призываю тебя...

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Я призываю тебя, Бальтромон.

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Какого хрена?

00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,200

Тейлор Свифт трясёт руками?

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- Что это может значить?...

- Это значит, что ты зануда.

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Как там говорят?

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"Орки работают, чтобы жить, а

дварфы живут, чтобы работать".

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Ну и бред.

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Если обо мне придумают поговорку,

я влечу прямо в солнце нахуй.

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Ты слишком мал для дракона, Рик.

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Нуу... Я сплю на огромной куче

всякого крутого говна.

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Тогда поговорок о тебе не избежать.

Завистники будут охотиться на тебя,

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они либо сделают тебя рабом,

либо убьют тебя.

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Вот почему нас называют

вымирающим видом, братец.

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Ууу! О боже!

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Моя душа!

00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:43,080

О да! Уууу. Я-я дракон!

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Ааааа. Я... Моя душа сплетается.

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Моя тоже...

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Кайф.

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Что. За пиздец?!

00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,080

- Морти, я всё о-о-о-объясню.

- Хватит!

00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:55,240

- Почему вы продолжаете?

- Боже! Почему вдруг стало ещё приятней?

00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:57,870

Надеюсь, не из-за того что вы

смотрите, но лучше не уходите!

00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,710

Как вы нашли нас?

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Следовали за запахом серы и разврата.

00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:05,910

О да!

00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:08,020

- Вот блин... Ах!

- Хуй с вами!

00:09:08,050 --> 00:09:13,790

Можете взять этот дурацкий

говноконтракт связи душ и...

00:09:13,790 --> 00:09:17,420

- Не подлежит возврату.

- Ваш дракон сплёлся душой с моим дедом.

00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,750

Батюшки! Мне очень жаль.

00:09:19,770 --> 00:09:22,390

- Это серьёзное нарушение.

- Нехреновенькое!

00:09:22,420 --> 00:09:24,410

Я положу этому конец.

00:09:24,410 --> 00:09:25,770

Получай, шаболда этакая.

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- Какого хуя?

- На, сука.

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- Чувак, остынь.

- Шмара!

00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:28,910

- Так... этого...

- Шмара рогатая!

00:09:28,910 --> 00:09:30,330

- Вам-вам не обязательно...

- Шлюшья шлюшка!

00:09:30,330 --> 00:09:31,440

Позор!

00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:33,540

Ты, шлюха подвальная.

00:09:33,570 --> 00:09:35,330

Какого хуя ты будто меня сечёшь?

00:09:35,330 --> 00:09:38,630

Потому что твоя душа перелетена с...

00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:40,000

- ...этой грязной...

- Ау!

00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,250

- ...шмарой!

- Ау!

00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:42,080

- За мной!

- Ай! Ай!

00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,370

Полезай в драный портал, шлюха!

00:09:43,370 --> 00:09:46,310

Деда, сделай что-нибудь,

или я напишу в твиттер

00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:48,190

и тебя загнобят.

00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:51,840

Эй! Хрендальф Серый,

будь проще, верни ребенку дракона.

00:09:51,870 --> 00:09:53,080

С чего бы это?

00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:54,520

У вас нет магии!

00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:56,250

Знаю! У меня есть

настоящая сила... наука!

00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:57,630

Только не здесь.

00:09:57,750 --> 00:10:00,870

Настоящая сила выглядит так:

00:10:00,870 --> 00:10:03,070

Монстр из камня.

00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:05,440

- Можешь жопой выкусить.

- Оу, и это всё?

00:10:05,470 --> 00:10:08,420

Я думал каменный монстр

нам сейчас лекцию по физике...

00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:13,110

Позвоночник, активировать морфий.

00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,410

Кажись, мне пизда.

00:10:16,410 --> 00:10:18,390

Мост из молний!

00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:23,300

Окей, он ушел, слушай. В этих холмах,

должно быть, обитает куча зверюшек.

00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,750

Пощадишь меня, и я сделаю тебе

лизунец между ног.

00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:29,950

Агана аксака сапууулууу!

00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:33,390

Спасибо, Морти.

00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:35,710

Видимо, в мире зануд у тебя статус повыше.

00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:37,710

Соберись-ка нахрен, Мародёр Пещерный!

00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:39,140

Мы должны спасти Бальтромона.

00:10:39,170 --> 00:10:42,500

Морти, мораль истории:

"братан дороже дракона" -

00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:43,420

сечёшь, о чём я?

00:10:43,450 --> 00:10:46,570

Ага, если он умрёт пока вы связаны,

тебе тоже крышка.

00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:50,230

Морти, мораль истории:

"братан спасёт дракона"

00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:54,900

Бальтромон, связав свою душу

с несколькими наездниками,

00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:58,570

ты нарушил договор

между драконами и людьми.

00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:03,020

Драконархат приговаривает тебя

к смерти через повешение.

00:11:03,050 --> 00:11:04,950

На счёт "три".

00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,910

Раз драконархат, два драконархат,

00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:11,520

два с половиной

– Я просто хотел, чтоб наверняка.

00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:12,410

Три!

00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:15,610

Деда Рик, в чём дело?

00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,460

О, боже. Похоже,

колдун повесил Бальтромона.

00:11:18,490 --> 00:11:19,830

Да и хуй с ним. Может, домой?

00:11:19,830 --> 00:11:23,570

Не-не. На виселице дракон

будет умирать где-то 78 лет.

00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,060

Блин, как это бесит.

00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:27,710

Когда-нибудь пытались проглотить

огромную таблетку

00:11:27,740 --> 00:11:29,030

без воды?

00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,290

Типа, очень-очень большую,

00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,040

и она – и она, короче,

00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,220

застревает в горле?

00:11:35,540 --> 00:11:36,790

Так... так бесит. Ладно,

00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:39,160

Морти, давай, активируй этого голема.

00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,160

Агана аксака сапулу!

00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,170

Поебень тупорылая. Так.

00:11:56,190 --> 00:11:58,940

Кому вкачать непомерную силу?

00:11:58,970 --> 00:12:01,220

О, сделаешь меня

сексуальной дамочкой со стрелами?

00:12:01,330 --> 00:12:03,330

Как скажешь. Правил нет. Мне плевать.

00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,870

Морти, дать тебе суперсил?

00:12:05,870 --> 00:12:08,040

Спасибо, обойдусь,

у меня есть книга.

00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,400

Ладно. Удачи.

00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:10,500

Погнали.

00:12:13,060 --> 00:12:13,830

Боже, это как...

00:12:13,830 --> 00:12:15,080

Вы когда-нибудь пили слишком много

апельсинового сока,

00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,540

ну, или типа, представьте,

будто яичный желток

00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:18,780

в горле застрял.

00:12:18,810 --> 00:12:20,540

Да, мы поняли. Давай быстрее.

00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,510

Н-надо освободить Бальтромона.

00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:24,870

- Упсулу...

- Я разберусь.

00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:29,900

Морти, ну что, помогает книженция?

00:12:29,930 --> 00:12:31,900

Грёбаный ты долбоящер.

00:12:34,370 --> 00:12:36,500

А знаете что? Вы правы.

00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,620

Магия не такая уж и хрень.

00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:48,540

А вот и Бальтромон.

00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,120

Зацени какая хрень, вон чё могу..

00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,410

Да-да, можешь вообще не смотреть,

00:12:51,410 --> 00:12:52,330

стреляй вслепую.

00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:56,180

- Пусть сучья магия ведёт твою стрелу.

- Саммер, ты что творишь?

00:12:56,370 --> 00:12:58,600

- Это не шутки!

- Завали хлебало, Морти.

00:12:58,630 --> 00:13:01,070

Не делай вид, будто магия

требует каких-то навыков и умений.

00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,300

Саммер, сделай так,

будто она вылетает из жопы.

00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,440

Да, точняк.

00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,890

Ох сука, ебать меня в глаз! Господи боже!

00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,770

Что за средневековый эквивалент ада

здесь творится?

00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:13,880

Боже мой!

00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:16,410

Саммер, ты ебанашка!

00:13:16,410 --> 00:13:18,220

Сила дюжины ног!

00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:19,600

Ай, сука!

00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:22,790

Беру слова назад! В жопу эту магию!

00:13:27,750 --> 00:13:28,830

Шмарокрад!

00:13:28,830 --> 00:13:30,620

Ты шмарокрад!

00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,730

Весёлое судно, весёлые люди.

00:13:35,730 --> 00:13:38,800

Здорово, что никто не спрашивает,

почему я говорю.

00:13:39,190 --> 00:13:42,810

Я говорящий кот,

но никому до этого нет дела.

00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,380

Как здорово поболтать с тобой. Просто так.

00:13:48,390 --> 00:13:49,390

Хахаха ну ты жжёшь,

00:13:49,390 --> 00:13:51,730

а знаешь, что такое горгулья

с арахисовым маслом?

00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:52,600

Не, а чо эт?

00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,350

Чувак, это когда берёшь тёлку,

00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:57,000

- ставишь её ноги на собор...

- Простите, что вмешиваюсь.

00:13:57,030 --> 00:13:59,680

Хотелось узнать, это настоящие

сексуальные позиции?

00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:00,850

Если да,

00:14:00,850 --> 00:14:03,480

то они вообще удовлетворяют мужчину?

00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,390

А если вы просто выдумываете,

00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:09,160

то почему бы не придумать

что-нибудь... смешнее?

00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:12,080

Я задаю слишком много вопросов?

00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:14,140

Как иронично.

00:14:14,140 --> 00:14:15,770

Вали из Флориды, запаренный кот.

00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:18,290

На север хреначь, в Джордию,

и там кому-нибудь мозги парь.

00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,760

Драный кот! Драный кот!

00:14:29,350 --> 00:14:31,350

Есть деньги на такси?

00:14:31,350 --> 00:14:34,290

Зачем эти вопросы? Просто веселись!

00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,480

Поделом мне.

00:14:35,810 --> 00:14:38,560

Внимание, жители Дрэйгона,

00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,180

шлюший дракон сбежал.

00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:44,840

Тот, кто его укрывает,

тоже считается шлюхой.

00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:46,180

- Такие вот дела.

- Ай, мой глаз.

00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:49,180

Мне больно от того,

что ты испытываешь мою боль.

00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,350

А давай ты отсосёшь свой хрен,

00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:52,400

который каким-то образом и мой хрен тоже?

00:14:52,430 --> 00:14:55,880

Почему влюблённых изменщиков

никогда не ждёт счастливый конец?

00:14:55,910 --> 00:14:58,190

М-может, я смогу найти

портальное заклинание колдуна

00:14:58,190 --> 00:14:59,190

и отправить нас домой?

00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,110

Может, найдёшь заклинание,

которое разорвёт мою связь

00:15:01,140 --> 00:15:02,350

с этим ебучим драконом?

00:15:02,350 --> 00:15:04,270

Таких заклинаний нет.

00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,870

Только колдун может

разорвать связь между душами.

00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:07,690

Кто вы, блядь, такие?

00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:09,640

Кто мы? Кто вы, блядь, такие, сучара!

00:15:09,670 --> 00:15:12,110

Дебра, перестань.

Мы шлюшьи драконы.

00:15:12,140 --> 00:15:14,230

Мы живём в этих шмаропещерах,

драконим друг друга

00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:17,060

и лижем анус, а сейчас

вежливо просим вас уйти.

00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:19,480

Если колдун узнает, что мы здесь,

нас всех ждёт заключение.

00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,520

Да! Нам тут нравится,

00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,440

потому что мы можем трахаться

с шерстяным хоботом! Валите!

00:15:23,460 --> 00:15:24,950

- Пошёл нахуй отсюда, Майкл!

- Завали, Майкл!

00:15:24,970 --> 00:15:26,350

Только ты занимаешься этой хернёй!

00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:27,350

А ну пиздуй отсюда.

00:15:27,350 --> 00:15:29,350

Я хотя бы говно языком не трогаю!

00:15:29,350 --> 00:15:30,640

- Пошёл ты!

- Стоп!

00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,230

Послушайте меня,

00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:33,740

это я во всём виноват.

00:15:33,770 --> 00:15:36,560

Я хотел держать Бальтромона в узде,

00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:37,600

и это было по-пидорски.

00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,350

Никто не должен контролировать других,

00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:40,970

особенно тот чувак сверху.

00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,350

И если вам хочется лизать очко,

то почему бы и нет?

00:15:43,350 --> 00:15:44,730

Морти, я разберусь.

00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:46,190

Слушайте сюда, шмародраконы.

00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:48,270

А вы не хотите быть шмарами там?

00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,730

Чтобы у вас был целый шмаромир

вместо шмаропещеры?

00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:51,600

Да что с вами за фигня?

00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,180

Этот мужик с хвостом дело говорит.

00:15:54,210 --> 00:15:56,950

В глубине души все драконы –

шмары, даже те, что наверху.

00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,150

Но ради свободы придётся убить колдуна.

00:15:59,180 --> 00:16:00,140

А он слишком силён.

00:16:00,140 --> 00:16:02,990

Есть один способ убить колдуна.

00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:04,690

Ух ты. Что это за таинственный персонаж?

00:16:04,690 --> 00:16:06,560

Теневой Онанист! Ты не вылезал

00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,280

из своей дрочильной берлоги

целую вечность.

00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,480

Пора вылезать из спермококона.

00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:15,150

Мне надоело дёргать своего

одноглазого змея под ваши звуки.

00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:17,560

Господи боже. Ладно.

Мог бы быть позагадочнее.

00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,980

Ой, я только заметил посох.

00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:22,560

Нам никогда не хватало шмар,

чтобы победить колдуна.

00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,680

Но теперь, когда на нашем пороге

оказались четыре

00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:28,480

новые мокрощёлки, у нас появился шанс.

00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,690

Значит, после смерти колдуна

разорвётся моя связь?

00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,930

Да. Решатся все наши проблемы.

00:16:32,930 --> 00:16:36,200

- Надо начать оргию душ десяти шмар...

- Стоп, стоп, чего?

00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:39,060

...и восстать в виде

шлюшьего дракона феникса-шмары.

00:16:39,090 --> 00:16:40,560

Стоп, стоп, стоп, стоп,

погоди, погоди.

00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:41,890

Должно же быть хоть что-то.

00:16:41,890 --> 00:16:43,800

Должен быть другой способ,

погодите секунду.

00:16:43,830 --> 00:16:45,130

Я ещё не всё прочитал.

00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:51,200

Наверное, не стоит

говорить об этом родителям.

00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,220

О, нет. Прошу, не надо!

00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:20,390

Заморозка! Заморозка!

00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:21,640

О, боже.

00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,260

Ты только всё растянул!

00:17:23,290 --> 00:17:26,790

И гореть я буду дольше.

А ведь мог быстро умереть.

00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:32,040

Спасибо, незнакомцы.

00:17:32,070 --> 00:17:33,900

Теперь это ваш мир. Удачи с эмансипацией.

00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,820

Похоже, что все будут только рады.

00:17:35,850 --> 00:17:39,080

Ладно, народ. С помощью палочки я...

открою портал.

00:17:39,110 --> 00:17:41,020

Открыть портал на Землю.

00:17:41,910 --> 00:17:43,560

Валим отсюда нахрен, быстрее.

00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,140

Боже, вы посмотрите на эту говнину.

00:17:45,170 --> 00:17:47,610

Зачем тут надпись?

Кто вообще подписывает порталы?

00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,560

Морти, надо было соглашаться

на когти росомахи.

00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,010

Стоп, а что тут делает дракон?

00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:58,400

- Ну, я подумал... мы могли бы затусить.

- Мда. Ух ё! Господи!

00:17:58,430 --> 00:18:00,440

Твой отец строчил мне

сообщения всё это время?

00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:04,150

Он в аэропорту с котом.

Так, это... это звучит – Ух ты.

00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:06,990

Ладно, лучше проверить, как он там.

Такой-то клиффхенгер.

00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:08,530

Лучше... лучше двинуть к нему прямо сейчас.

00:18:08,550 --> 00:18:10,360

Морти, я же говорил тебе

не заводить дракона.

00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,350

Это всё твой косяк, гандон ты мелкий,

00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:13,310

- худшее приключение..

- Тупо худшее приключение..

00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:16,800

Бальтромон, тебе лучше

тоже пойти своей дорогой.

00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:18,580

Я тут подумал.

00:18:18,610 --> 00:18:22,050

Твои слова в пещере тронули меня.

00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,920

Может, попробуем ещё раз?

00:18:23,940 --> 00:18:25,160

Слушай, если честно,

то меня вымораживает

00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:27,560

весь этот сексуальный подтекст,

который всплыл.

00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,460

Я и не думал, какие драконы озабоченные.

00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,560

Я думал, что будет что-то в духе

настолок, DnD там.

00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,930

А также оргия душ

с твоей сестрой, дедушкой

00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:35,690

и каждым встречным драконом, да?

00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:37,810

Нет. Слушай, просто уйди уже

пожалуйста, ладно?

00:18:37,810 --> 00:18:39,530

М-м-мне надо помыться.

00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,210

Может, по-быстрому

подраконимся перед уходом?

00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,490

Н-н-нет уж, спасибо.

00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:43,680

Я просто хочу побыть один и...

00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:47,020

- обдумать это всё.

- Ну, а твой дедушка?

00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:48,600

Может, он хочет? Я подожду.

00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:49,980

Нет, тебе лучше уйти.

00:18:49,980 --> 00:18:51,680

А я пойду в душ.

00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:54,280

Если ты просто хочешь, чтобы

тёплая жидкость стекала по твоему телу,

00:18:54,310 --> 00:18:55,670

- я бы мог...

- Нет, нет, слушай,

00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:56,680

я просто хочу помыться!

00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,110

П-п-после всего случившегося,

я чувствую себя грязным.

00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:01,770

Может, я тебе душевненько передёрну?

00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:03,990

- Люблю это дело.

- Хватит этих неловкостей.

00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:05,570

Я закрываю дверь.

00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,560

Сука, продинамил.

00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,980

Крутая тачка. Я люблю веселиться.

00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:12,780

Вот это другой разговор. Продолжай.

00:19:12,810 --> 00:19:14,160

Не спрашивай, почему я умею говорить.

00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:15,880

Ага.

00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:18,030

Конечно. Конечно.

00:19:19,260 --> 00:19:20,020

Куда это мы?

00:19:20,020 --> 00:19:22,300

Кажется, в квантовом радиаторе

не хватает нановоды.

00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:23,780

Можно... можно размять ноги.

00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:32,650

Так почему ты умеешь говорить?

00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:34,540

Чт... что это?

00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,980

Тебе нельзя дёргаться,

пока я сканирую мозг.

00:19:36,980 --> 00:19:39,100

Сканировать мозг? Слушай, это перебор.

00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:40,980

Суть говорящего кота в том,

чтобы веселиться.

00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,450

Твой намёк на то, что я не могу

задавать вопросы

00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:45,100

и веселиться одновременно,

кажется мне надменным.

00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,980

- Тебе тоже, Джерри?

- Да.

00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:50,490

- Ладно. Я из космоса. Довольны?

- Нет.

00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,940

Именно. Вас вообще любой ответ не устроит.

00:19:52,970 --> 00:19:55,330

Потому что это ложь.

Посмотрим на правду.

00:19:56,270 --> 00:19:57,580

Чё за...

00:20:00,770 --> 00:20:02,240

Ох, сукин ты сын...

00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:03,820

- Джерри, не надо.

- Я хочу посмотреть!

00:20:03,850 --> 00:20:05,140

Нет, не стоит!

00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:11,230

Нет, нет, нет, нет, нет, нет, нет, нет!

00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,680

- Может теперь вы...

- Убирайся нахрен отсюда!

00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:15,780

Но мне совсем некуда...

00:20:15,810 --> 00:20:17,020

- Вали!

- Вали!

00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,160

Вали!

00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:30,350

Он был у меня дома, где хранятся

фотографии моих родителей!

00:20:30,380 --> 00:20:32,810

Джерри, у меня есть один прибор.

О-он поможет нам забыть.

00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:35,620

Не думаю, что стоит забывать,

00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:36,980

только не это.

00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,360

Кто-то должен помнить.

00:20:39,420 --> 00:20:40,650

Кое-кто будет помнить.

00:20:43,140 --> 00:20:44,290

Мы разбились?

00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:45,390

Где кот?

00:20:45,420 --> 00:20:48,690

- Он убежал.

- Ты просканировал его мозг?

00:20:48,710 --> 00:20:50,900

- Ага.

- Узнал, почему он говорит?

00:20:50,930 --> 00:20:52,640

Он из космоса.

00:20:52,780 --> 00:20:54,390

Из космоса.

00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:59,470

Вот мелкий...

Ну, конечно. Мозг мне в анус.

00:21:35,770 --> 00:21:37,770

Смотри мешок не раздраконь.

00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,230

- Что?

- Это шутка.

00:21:39,230 --> 00:21:41,530

Ты дракон, и можешь раздраконить мешок.

00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,710

- Понятно.

- Как дела?

00:21:44,740 --> 00:21:46,640

Вы, люди, достали меня.

00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,020

Ну, а 50 баксов? Полтос тебя тоже достал?

00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:50,180

Я хочу изменить жене,

00:21:50,180 --> 00:21:52,480

хочу устроить себе

волшебный вечерок в стиле фэнтези.

00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,970

Тебе не помешает помощь.

Так давай поможем друг другу.

00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:55,740

50 баксов.

00:21:59,590 --> 00:22:00,320

Шмара!

00:22:00,770 --> 00:22:01,770

Класс.

00:22:01,770 --> 00:22:03,770

Есть причина, по которой ты говоришь?

00:22:03,770 --> 00:22:06,270

Да, и мне стыдно за неё.

00:22:06,420 --> 00:22:08,340

Тогда ничего не говори.

00:22:08,690 --> 00:22:11,920

Может, хочешь поесть?

Или... сблизиться немного?

00:22:11,950 --> 00:22:13,330

Можно и сблизиться.

00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:15,790

Долго тебе лететь до Флориды?

00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:05,838

Rick, we did it!

We -- We got it!

00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,507

Hurry up, Morty.

Get in!

00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:08,966

-Chachi!

-Fuck Chachi, Morty.

00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,093

-Did you get it?

-He helped me escape prison.

00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:13,513

Did you get

the Ultimate Cube?

00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:14,889

Oh, it's purple.

00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,140

Y-You said

it was purple.

00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,642

I said mine was.

00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,268

I didn't know they all were.

00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,479

And now we do,

thanks to Chichi.

00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:22,688

Chachi.

00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:26,484

So, uh,

w-w-when do I get it?

00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,027

Get what, a hug?

00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,570

Let's find a planet

with a garden hose first.

00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,155

-A dragon.

-A dragon.

00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,199

You asked me to cut class

and fight robots with you.

00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:34,575

I said, "No."

00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:35,868

You said, "Millions of lives

depend on it."

00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:37,495

I said, "I'll do it

for a dragon."

00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,038

You said, "Whatever."

00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,540

I want my dragon.

00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:42,041

You know who's into dragons,

Morty?

00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,876

Nerds that refuse to admit

they're Christian.

00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,003

-I want my dragon.

-Let me give you rocket shoes.

00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,380

Let me give you

Wolverine claws.

00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:49,173

Let me give you

a fucking rocket hat.

00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,633

Just be sure to use it

with the rocket shoes,

00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:51,968

or it'll rip your head off.

00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:54,011

I want my dragon!

I want my dragon!

00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,179

-I want my dragon!

-[ Gas hisses ]

00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:56,889

Oh.

00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,224

Oh, crap. [ Coughs ]

00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,934

Crap.

00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,397

Dad, are you okay?

00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,190

Your ship

crashed in Malta.

00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,733

[ Groans ] I'm okay.

00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:10,486

Oh, thank God.

00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,363

Dad, did you promise

Morty a dragon?

00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,823

Fuuuuuuu--

00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:16,951

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:46,856

Ugh!

00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:49,108

Bleed here and here.

00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,318

RICK:

I'm not co-bleeding.

00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,111

Under authority

of our treaty

00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,238

'twixt the realms

of dragon and man...

00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,448

Oh, my God,

it's my first gay wedding.

00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:56,866

Summer!

00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:58,826

...I hereby bind

this noble serpent and rider

00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,661

at the soul.

00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,748

Here's your tome of

dragon spells and lore.

00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:04,957

That'll have everything

you need.

00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,250

Enjoy your dragon.

00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,044

Okay, dragon,

here's the house rules.

00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:11,005

[ Roars ]

My name is Balthromaw,

00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,716

breaker of sky,

slayer of mountain.

00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,469

Rule one -- You are now scooper

of your own poops,

00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:19,472

or I will take you down like

the black-light poster you are.

00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,223

I don't got any more rules.

That's it.

00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:22,725

[ Door closes ]

00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,477

I'm guessing you'd rather not

be tagged in this.

00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,437

Okay, I'll bite.

00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:27,855

What's with

the talking cat?

00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,357

It's a dragon,

dip knob.

00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,983

I know that's a dragon.

00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,778

I'm talking about

the talking cat in my bedroom.

00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,655

Jerry, why would I give Morty

a talking dragon

00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,448

and you a talking cat

at the same time?

00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,075

Those concepts bump.

00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,826

If you're talking to a cat,

it's an abnormal event

00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:43,120

unrelated to me like

when you went to Pluto

00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,830

or fucked my daughter.

00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,249

Okay, there's really no need

to get savage.

00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,252

CAT: So?

00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,879

Eh, he says he has nothing

to do with your talking.

00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,256

-CAT: Told you.

-So then why are you talking?

00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,592

-CAT: Why should that matter?

-Why should it not matter?

00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,761

How do I know I'm not

hallucinating?

00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,721

Rick said this is

an abnormal event.

00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,890

CAT: Do you always need Rick

to tell you what's going on?

00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,934

Maybe it's time you stopped

asking questions

00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:07,103

and started having fun.

00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:08,646

Oh.

00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:11,524

Wow, okay.

00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:12,858

So, what do you want?

00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,402

CAT: I want you to take us

to the airport

00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,904

and get us two

first-class tickets to Florida.

00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:20,157

Why, I --

I can do that.

00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,493

[ Laughing ]

00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,829

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:27,415

Oh, this is so cool!

00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,625

[ Sighs ]

00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,963

I await

your next command.

00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,382

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Nobody is commanding anybody.

00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:39,760

I love soaring through the sky

with you as equals.

00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,345

W-What do you

want to do?

00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,348

I want to enter my lair

and sleep upon my hoard

00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,184

until the Age of Man

expires.

00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,310

Okay.

00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,020

Split the diff?

00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,940

20-minute nap

and soar through the sky?

00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,442

Ugh.

00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,277

As you command.

00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,862

Okay, see you soon.

00:03:57,988 --> 00:03:59,238

T-This is fun.

00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,699

BALTHROMAW: Yeah, right.

00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,076

What's this show called,

"Ass"?

00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,704

Yeah, it's like "Bones,"

but they solve ass crimes.

00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:07,872

WOMAN ON TV:

This ass is a clue.

00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:09,123

Are these two

gonna hook up?

00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,292

No, and only the lame fans

want that.

00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,960

Don't tell me

how to enjoy things.

00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,754

-Go to her ass.

-That's Brenner.

00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,590

Go to Brenner Ass.

00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:18,883

Honeymoon over

already?

00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,050

What's that

supposed to mean?

00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,802

Admit it, Morty.

Dragons suck.

00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,846

Why don't you admit you don't

anyone else to be happy

00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,807

because

you're a sad old fart?

00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,392

How do you

saddle a fart?

00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,685

Holy shit.

Look!

00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:30,936

WOMAN ON TV:

I love you, Ass.

00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,104

MAN ON TV:

I love you, Brenner.

00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,314

-No.

-Shh.

00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,107

-Ah!

-Oh!

00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,485

And that's the end of the

"Morty Gets a Dragon" episode.

00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,694

Are you gonna

slay it?

00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:41,155

First off,

I always slay it, queen.

00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,157

-Secondly, yes.

-Should I pause "Ass"?

00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,993

Nah, it's kind of boring

now that they're together.

00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,870

[ Snoring ]

00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:52,875

Hey, fuckface.

00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,628

Will you shut the fuck up

or at least roll over?

00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,755

-[ Groans ]

-Oh, no, it burns.

00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,174

Oh, my God.

Oh, the fire of -- of it all.

00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,259

Ah, if only I had

prepared better

00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,053

for this terrifying battle

by remembering

00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,180

the only thing dragons

are known for.

00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:13,312

♪♪

00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,064

Careful you don't

get heartburn.

00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,149

I made that android

with a lot of C4.

00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,859

Oh, I'm sorry.

I imbued it with

00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,612

a remote-controlled

explode-y potion.

00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,322

You have bested me.

00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,157

I am at your service.

00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,742

Good to be on

the same parchment.

00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,410

Now, I'm gonna tell

my grandson you ran off

00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:31,664

with a low-flying 747

while you pack up your --

00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,916

Wait, is this --

Why do you have an original

00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,752

Ecto Cooler

juice box from 1989?

00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:39,588

I hoard that which

your kind covets.

00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:42,633

-Give you 20 bucks for it.

-[ Chuckles ] Nice try.

00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,218

What the hell else

are you hoarding down here?

00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,637

Cha-ching.

"Small Soldiers" Spin Pops?

00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,430

-Don't open that.

-I'm not an idiot.

00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:51,517

Hey, why do you have Future's

self-titled album on vinyl?

00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,102

Look closer.

00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:54,854

Oh, shit.

He signed it.

00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,730

Closer.

00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,774

He signed it in molly

and Percocet?

00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,192

I could spend all night

down here.

00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:03,153

Do you indulge

in volcanic fumes?

00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,739

Is it gonna

fuck up my brain?

00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,534

-No.

-I'll do it anyway.

00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:11,495

Hoo, those were not

cheap tickets,

00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:15,332

but, um,

I'm down to clown.

00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:18,043

Uh, w-w-w-why can you talk

again, uh?

00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,336

CAT: It's not important,

Jerry.

00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:20,796

Okay,

but why Florida?

00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,590

CAT: Because they don't

ask questions.

00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,884

They play volleyball,

they party, and they have fun.

00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,552

Right, right.

00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:27,803

CAT: You can do this,

Jerry.

00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:31,181

I can do this.

I can do this.

00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:34,476

Ugh!

00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,645

Oh, yeah.

00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,480

JIPE:

Hey, Jerry, after this game,

00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,149

come to my yacht

and bring your cat.

00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,734

You got it, Jipe.

00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,569

I got to admit,

you were right.

00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,321

CAT: I've got to tell you

something, Jerry.

00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:48,073

This is the happiest I've ever

been in my entire life.

00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,534

WOMAN: Oh, gross!

Who shit in the sand?

00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:53,162

Someone took a small shit

in the sand

00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:55,164

and buried it with, like,

two little kicks

00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,416

and just left it here

like a land mine.

00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,668

Why and who?

00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,837

CAT: It was him.

00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,255

[ Booing ]

00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,758

Help!

00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,843

♪ Percocets, yeah,

molly, Percocets ♪

00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,345

♪ Percocets ♪

00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:12,306

♪ Percocets, yeah,

molly, Percocets ♪

00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,682

-[ Belches ]

-♪ Mask on ♪

00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,184

♪ Fuck it, mask off ♪

00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:18,270

♪ Gas gone, never nod off ♪

00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,777

I'm being summoned

by Morty.

00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,654

Yeah.

He's, uh, texting me.

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,906

Hmm.

How are you responding?

00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,324

Ugh, I tend not to,

00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,868

or maybe I'll send, like,

a popular animated GIF

00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,870

that could be interpreted

in almost any way.

00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:35,996

Brilliant.

00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,957

I summon thee.

00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:41,669

I summon thee,

Balthromaw.

00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,045

What the hell?

00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,130

Taylor Swift pumping her hands

in the air?

00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:46,924

-What does it mean when --

-It means you're lame.

00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,259

♪ Percocets, yeah,

molly, Percocets ♪

00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,511

♪ Percocets ♪

00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,180

♪ Percocets, yeah,

molly, Percocets ♪

00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,181

♪ Mask on ♪

00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,474

♪ Fuck it, mask off ♪

00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:56,809

[ Laughs ]

00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:59,436

♪ Gas gone, never nod off ♪

00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,441

BALTHROMAW:

What's the saying?

00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:08,070

"Orcs work to live.

Dwarves live to work."

00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,279

So dumb.

00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:10,572

If there's ever a saying

about me,

00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,908

I'll fly into

the fucking Sun.

00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,577

[ Laughs ]

00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,414

Oh, you're small for a dragon,

Rick.

00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,916

Well, I sleep on an extra big

pile of awesome shit.

00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,293

Then there will be sayings

about you.

00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,838

Your lessers

will hunt you down,

00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:29,049

and you will be

owned or slain.

00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,677

That's why they call it

a dying breed, brother.

00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:36,265

Ugh! Ugh!

00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,100

Oh, God, ugh.

00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,435

-My soul.

-Oh!

00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,311

Oh, yeah.

I'm --

00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,938

I'm -- I'm a dragon.

00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:44,398

Oh!

Ugh, I'm bonding.

00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,816

I'm bonding too.

00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,360

-Oh!

-Yeah.

00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:49,653

What the fuck?

00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:50,863

Morty, I can explain.

00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,031

Stop!

00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:53,449

Why are you

still doing it?

00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,325

Why does it

feel better now?

00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:57,327

I hope it's not because you're

watching but don't go anywhere.

00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,371

How did you find us?

00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:03,333

We followed the smell

of sulfur and skankery.

00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,669

-Oh!

-Oh, yeah.

00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,963

-Oh, man, ugh.

-MORTY: Fuck this.

00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,382

You can take this stupid

fake soul-bond contract,

00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:13,177

and you can -- Mm!

Ah!

00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:14,553

No refunds.

00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,930

Your dragon soul-bonded

with my grandpa.

00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,391

Oh, my!

I am so sorry.

00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,101

That is

a total violation.

00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,227

Yeah, no shit.

00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,063

I'll take care of this

at once.

00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,355

You slut dragon!

00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,398

-What the fuck?

-You slut.

00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:27,524

-Chill out, dude.

-Slut!

00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,692

-Okay, that's --

-You slut!

00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,027

-Y-You don't have to --

-Slut!

00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,320

Shame on you!

00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,946

Shame, you slut!

You slutty, slutty slut!

00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,823

Ow! Why the fuck does it feel

like you're whipping me?

00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,076

Because your soul got tangled

00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,494

-in a dirty....

-Ah!

00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:39,620

-...slutty...

-Ow!

00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:40,996

-...slut soul!

-Ow!

00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,122

-Let's go!

-Ow! Ow!

00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,665

Get to that portal,

you slut.

00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,001

Grandpa, do something,

or I will tweet,

00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,253

and you will be canceled.

00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:51,507

Hey, Dandruff the Great, lighten

up and give the kid his dragon.

00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:52,800

By whose command?

00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,051

You have no magic.

00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:56,011

Yeah, I know.

I have actual power.

00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,387

Not here, you don't.

00:09:57,514 --> 00:10:00,349

True power looks like this --

00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,559

stone monster.

00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,104

-Stick that up your ass.

-Oh, you're done?

00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:08,232

I thought the rock monster was

here to introduce a physicist.

00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:13,904

Spinal cord, uh,

activate morphine.

00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,156

Oh,

I might be fucked.

00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,033

Lightning bridge!

00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,578

Okay, he's gone.

Listen up.

00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,163

There's probably animals

in these hills.

00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,332

If you spare me, I can make

your crotch a salt lick.

00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:29,586

Agana aksaka sapooloo.

00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,215

Thank you, Morty.

00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,551

Figures you'd be higher status

in Lame World.

00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,386

Get your shit together,

Lair Wrecker.

00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,096

We need to rescue

Balthromaw.

00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:42,099

Morty, the moral of this story

is bros before dragons.

00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,725

You know what

I'm talking about?

00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:46,436

Yeah, if he dies while

you're soul bonded, you die too.

00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,982

Morty, the moral of this story

is bros rescue dragons.

00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,402

WIZARD: Balthromaw,

by soul bonding

00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,154

with multiple riders,

00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,532

you have violated the treaty

between dragon and mankind.

00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,911

The Dragonarchy sentences you

to hang by the neck until dead.

00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,705

On the count of three.

00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,665

One Dragonarchy,

00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,876

two Dragonarchy,

00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,253

2 1/2 --

I just wanted to make sure --

00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,338

three!

00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,549

-[ Choking ]

-Grandpa Rick, what's wrong?

00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,302

Oh, God. The wizard must have

hung Balthromaw!

00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:19,970

Well, fuck it.

Can we go back then?

00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,972

W-Well, no, no.

It takes, like, 78 years

00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,348

to hang a dragon

to death, so...

00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,142

Aw, man.

It's so annoying.

00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,603

You ever, like, try to swallow

a really big vitamin

00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,104

with no water?

Ugh!

00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,522

You know, like

[clears throat]

00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,316

really, like,

big one, you know,

00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,402

and it kind of gets,

ugh, stuck in your throat?

00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,737

It's -- It's annoying.

All right.

00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,114

Morty, go ahead

and activate this golem.

00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,366

Agana aksaka sapooloo.

00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,243

[ Golem roaring ]

00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,371

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,173

Fucking dumb.

All right.

00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,842

Who wants to be infused with,

like, uh, unreasonable power?

00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,969

Oh, can I be, like,

a sexy arrow-shooty lady?

00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:04,139

Yeah, whatever.

There's no rules. I don't care.

00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,099

Morty,

you want superpowers?

00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,060

No, thanks. I'm fine.

I've got my book.

00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,645

All right.

Good luck with that.

00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,271

Let's go.

00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,814

[ Roaring ]

00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,233

RICK: [ Coughs, clears throat ]

God, it's like --

00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:15,400

Have you ever had too much

orange juice,

00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,902

or, like,

you know how egg yolk

00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,570

kind of, like,

gets in your throat?

00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,613

MORTY: Yeah, we get it.

00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:20,781

Come on and hurry.

00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,324

W-We got to free

Balthromaw.

00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,159

-Upsulu --

-I got this.

00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,873

Morty, how's that book

working out for you,

00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,917

you fucking d-d-dumbass?

00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:36,713

Huh. You know what?

You're right.

00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,632

I could get used

to this magic stuff.

00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,059

There's Balthromaw.

00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,477

Check this shit out.

Watch this.

00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,520

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Don't even look.

00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,854

Don't even bother looking.

00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,690

Just fucking let magic

guide your arrow.

00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,650

Summer, what the hell

are you doing?

00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,236

-Take this seriously.

-Shut the fuck up, Morty.

00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,405

Stop trying to pretend like

magic involves skill or thought.

00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,573

Summer, make it look like it's

coming out of your butthole.

00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,075

Yeah, yeah.

00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:07,077

Ah!

00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,871

Oh, fuck,

my fucking eye, oh!

00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,666

What in the Medieval

equivalent of tarnation --

00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,835

Jesus Christ!

00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,461

Summer,

you fucking idiot!

00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:18,422

Power of 12 feet.

00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:19,506

Uh, ow, fuck!

00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,841

I take it all back!

00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,926

I fucking hate magic!

00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,556

Ah!

00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:28,640

Slut thief!

00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,809

You're a slut thief!

00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,562

[ Electronic music playing ]

00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:36,106

CAT: Pretty fun boat,

fun people.

00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:39,443

That's great, not being asked

why I can talk.

00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:43,113

I'm a talking cat, but

"Who cares why?" is my point.

00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:46,283

Well, nice talking to you

for no reason.

00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:49,745

Jorge,

that was a good one,

00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,496

but do you know what

a peanut butter gargoyle is?

00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:52,831

Nah, what's that?

00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,791

Dude, it's when you

take the chick,

00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,793

-put her feet on a cathedral --

-Sorry to interrupt, guys.

00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,671

Just want to clarify,

are these real sex positions?

00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,214

Because if they are,

00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,759

how are they gratifying

to the male at all?

00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,635

And if the goal is

to make something up,

00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:09,723

why not make up

something...funnier?

00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,851

I'm asking too many questions,

aren't I?

00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,227

How ironic.

00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,313

Get out of Florida,

you overthinking cat.

00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,398

Why don't you go overthink shit

up north in Georgia?

00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:19,733

ALL: Hate that cat.

00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,119

CAT: You got any money

for a cab?

00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,579

Why ask questions?

00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,289

Why not just have fun?

00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:35,791

I deserve that.

00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,543

WIZARD:

Attention, citizens of Draygon,

00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:41,296

a slut dragon has escaped.

00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,674

Anyone caught harboring it

is also a slut.

00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,259

-That's how it goes.

-Ow, my eye.

00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,179

It pains me that

you can feel my pain.

00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:50,555

Yeah, how about

you suck your dick,

00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:52,391

which is also

somehow my dick?

00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:55,811

Aw, why can't couples that start

out cheating ever end up happy?

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,896

M-Maybe I can find

that wizard's portal spell

00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,314

in here and g-get us home.

00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,982

How about finding the spell

that unbinds me

00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,317

from your fucking dragon?

00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,319

DEBRANAVOX:

No spells can do that.

00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,488

Only the wizard

can unbind soul bonds.

00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:07,823

Uh, who the fuck are you?

00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,616

Who are we?

Who the fuck are you, bitch?

00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,035

Debrah, stop.

We are the slut dragons.

00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,079

We live in these slut caves

where we fuck,

00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:17,124

suck, and eat butt, and

we kindly ask that you leave.

00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,501

If the wizard knows we are here,

he will imprison us.

00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,002

Yeah!

We like it down here

00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,296

'cause we can fuck

woolly mammoths. Get out!

00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,297

Get the fuck out of here,

Michael!

00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,298

Shut up, Michael!

00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,299

You're the only one

that fucks that thing.

00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,551

Get the fuck out of here.

00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,302

Well, at least

I'm not into shit play.

00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,554

-DEBRANAVOX: Fuck you!

-MORTY: Hey, wait!

00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,180

Everybody stop, stop!

00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:33,890

Listen,

this is all my fault.

00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,476

I started all this when

I tried to control Balthromaw,

00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:37,727

and that was fucked up.

00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:39,312

Nobody should control anyone,

00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,856

especially that guy up there.

00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:43,358

And, um, you can eat butt

if you want, I guess.

00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:44,568

-I, uh --

-I got this, Morty.

00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,278

Okay, listen up,

slut dragons!

00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:48,196

Wouldn't you rather

be sluts up there,

00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:50,657

have a fuck world

instead of a fuck cave?

00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,159

What's wrong with you?

00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,202

This man with a ponytail

makes a valid point.

00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,997

All dragons are sluts deep down,

even the ones up above,

00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,124

but we would have to kill

the wizard to be free.

00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,417

He is too powerful.

00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:03,128

There is a way

to kill the wizard.

00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:04,713

Whoa.

Who's this mysterious character?

00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:06,423

Shadow Jacker,

you haven't come out

00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,216

of your masturbation cave

in eons.

00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:11,553

It's high time I emerge

from my cum cocoon.

00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,847

I grow tired of eavesdropping

and masturbating

00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,098

to the sounds

you all make.

00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,433

Jesus Christ.

All right.

00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:17,559

C-Could use

a little more mystery.

00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,311

Oh, oh, just now

seeing the staff.

00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:22,564

We've never had enough sluts

to defeat the wizard.

00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,108

Now, with the four fresh,

wet sluts that

00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:28,570

just landed on our doorstep,

we finally have a chance.

00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,739

So killing the wizard

will break my soul bond.

00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:33,074

Yes, it solves

all of our problems.

00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,202

We must begin

a 10-slut soul orgy...

00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,870

MORTY: Wait, wait, what?

00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,372

...and become the all-slut

slut phoenix dragon, Slut.

00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,749

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold on. Hold on.

00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,417

There's got to be

something else in here.

00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:43,919

There's got to be another way.

Just give me a second.

00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,670

I haven't read

all this yet.

00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:49,299

[ All moaning ]

00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,134

Maybe don't tell your parents

we did this?

00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:55,305

[ Moaning continues ]

00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,245

Oh, oh, no.

Oh -- Wait, please, no!

00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,621

Ice spell!

Ice spell!

00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,706

Oh, God!

00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,333

That just made it

last longer.

00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:24,960

Ah, it burns longer!

00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,003

Ah, I could have died fast!

00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,509

Thank you, strangers.

00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,094

Well, it's your world now.

Have fun with empowerment.

00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,054

It seems to make everyone

that gets it really happy.

00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:39,140

All right, guys.

I'll use this to open a portal.

00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:41,851

Uh, open a portal

to Earth.

00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,645

Let's get the hell

out of here fast.

00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:45,313

God, look at

this piece of shit.

00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:47,774

Why is there writing on it?

Who writes on a portal?

00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,654

Should've taken me up on those

Wolverine claws instead, Morty.

00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,239

Wait,

why did the dragon come?

00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,533

I was thinking

we could hang out?

00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,535

Oh, yeah.

Whoa, Jesus.

00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:00,370

Your dad's been texting me

this whole time?

00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,038

Uh, he's at an airport

with a cat.

00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,707

Okay, that --

that sounds -- Wow.

00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,041

You know,

I better check on him.

00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,710

Big season finale right there,

you know?

00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,378

Better, uh --

Better go right now.

00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,255

Also, I told you not

to get a dragon, Morty.

00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:12,090

This is your fault.

Fuck you, worst adventure ever.

00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,758

Worst adventure ever.

00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:16,678

Yeah, uh, I guess you better be

on your way too, Balthromaw.

00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,555

Well, I've been thinking.

00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:22,100

What you said back there in the

cave really resonated with me.

00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,852

Maybe we could

try again?

00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,312

Look, to be honest,

I'm kind of grossed out

00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,606

with the sexual nature

of how everything unfolded.

00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,524

I didn't know

how sexual dragons were.

00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,901

I kind of just wanted to do

some D&D stuff, you know?

00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:34,154

And have a soul orgy

with your sister and grandpa

00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,905

and every dragon

we could find, yeah?

00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,907

No, look,

can you please just go?

00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,409

I-I-I really

want to shower.

00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,244

Maybe a quick soul bone

before I go.

00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,537

I-I-I-I'm good.

00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:43,872

I think

I just need to be alone

00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:45,874

and sort of

un-- unpack all this.

00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,208

What about your grandpa?

00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,627

Would he want to?

I can wait.

00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,045

No,

I think you better go.

00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,755

I-I'm gonna take

that shower.

00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:54,382

If it's just warm liquid you

want trickled over your body,

00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:55,717

-I could maybe --

-No, no, look.

00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,177

I just want to be clean!

00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,137

I-I-I feel dirty after

everything that's happened.

00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:02,223

How about

a quick hand bond?

00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:03,975

-I like doing it.

-You're embarrassing yourself.

00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,769

I-I-I'm closing the door.

00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:08,813

Fucking soul teasers.

00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,024

CAT: This is a cool car.

I like having fun.

00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,901

That's what I'm talking about.

Keep it moving.

00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,277

Don't ask why I can talk.

00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,987

-Mm, mm, mm.

-Uh-huh.

00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:18,531

For sure. For sure.

00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,075

CAT: Where are we going?

00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,285

Quantum radiator might need

some nanowater.

00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,287

We --

We can stretch our legs.

00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:29,876

[ Bottles clatter ]

00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:33,046

So, uh,

why can you talk?

00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,547

CAT: What is this?

00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,925

I need you in one spot

for a clean mind scan.

00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:39,135

CAT: Mind scan?

Look, you're overthinking it.

00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,096

The point of a talking cat

is to have fun.

00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,431

I find the insinuation that

I can't ask questions

00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,100

and have fun

condescending.

00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,810

Y-You find it condescending,

Jerry?

00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:47,852

Yes.

00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,270

CAT: All right.

I'm from outer space.

00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:50,605

-Happy?

-No.

00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,899

CAT: Exactly, because no answer

would be satisfying.

00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:53,983

Because it's a lie.

00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,403

Let's see the truth.

00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,529

What in the...

00:19:57,655 --> 00:20:00,407

[ Explosions ]

00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,409

Oh, son of a bitch.

00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,910

-Jerry, don't.

-I want to see.

00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,954

No, you do not.

00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:11,251

No, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no!

00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,586

CAT:

At least now maybe --

00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:14,713

Get the hell out of here!

00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:15,714

But I've got

nowhere to go.

00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:16,881

-Get out!

-Get out!

00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:17,882

Get out!

00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,301

[ Crying ]

00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:26,057

[ Crying ]

00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:30,395

He was in my home where

I keep photos of my parents.

00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:31,563

Jerry, I have a device.

00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:32,981

I-It can make us forget.

00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:35,775

No, I don't think we should

forget,

00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,318

not this.

00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:39,487

Someone

has to remember.

00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,197

Someone will.

00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:44,492

Did we crash?

00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:45,535

Where's the cat?

00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,495

He, uh, ran away.

00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,581

-Did you scan his brain?

-Yeah.

00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:50,957

Did you find out

why he can talk?

00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,834

He's from outer space.

00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,961

Outer space?

00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,588

That little --

[ Chuckles ]

00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:59,966

Of course, total mind fuck.

00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:03,094

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,629

Now, that's what I call

draggin'.

00:21:37,755 --> 00:21:39,422

-What?

-It's a joke.

00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,382

You're a dragon

draggin' your stuff.

00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:42,926

I understand.

00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,761

So, how you doing?

00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:46,846

I grow weary

of you humans.

00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,182

How about 50 bucks?

You weary of 50 bucks?

00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,725

I'm trying to

cheat on my wife.

00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:52,769

I'm looking for a little magic,

a little fantasy.

00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:54,813

You could use some help.

Let's help each other, huh?

00:21:54,939 --> 00:21:55,980

50 bucks.

00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:58,483

[ Roars ]

00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,151

Slut!

00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:01,986

CAT: Nice.

00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:03,488

Is there a reason

you can speak?

00:22:03,614 --> 00:22:06,241

Yeah,

and I'm ashamed of it.

00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:08,743

Then speak of it

no more.

00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:11,830

Do you wish to eat,

maybe bond a little?

00:22:11,956 --> 00:22:13,832

CAT: Yeah, I could bond.

00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:15,834

How long does it take you

to fly to Florida?