Прорикая над гнездом рикушки

00:00:04,430 --> 00:00:06,590

Слушай, это ты хотел эпичное приключение,

00:00:06,610 --> 00:00:08,510

а у меня только одно летающее кресло.

00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:10,780

Твоюжмать, меня инопланетный паук цапнул!

00:00:10,780 --> 00:00:13,390

Это скала инопланетная. А паук обычный.

00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,390

Где ж ты час назад был?

00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:19,180

Я кушал, а ты измазюканный.

00:00:22,170 --> 00:00:24,300

Активировать читерские костюмы.

00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:40,070

Змеи на ветер.

00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:41,500

Если ты решил

00:00:41,530 --> 00:00:43,160

на красивый храм позалипать,

00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,740

то варварское расхищение гробницы

00:00:44,770 --> 00:00:45,820

будет не особо в тему.

00:00:45,850 --> 00:00:48,710

- Не, не, всё норм.

- Ну и зашибись. Залутаем этого жмурика!

00:00:51,410 --> 00:00:52,340

Эй, а где же...

00:00:52,430 --> 00:00:53,480

Стоп, чё?

00:00:53,660 --> 00:00:55,090

Оригами лошадка?

00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,920

Это визитка Майлза Найтли. Считает себя

не расхитителем, а настоящим творцом,

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хотя на деле - чмо хипстерское.

60% времени с братвой сюсюкается,

00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,510

оставшиеся 40 понтуется,

что всех обскакал,

00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:07,220

короче говнюк тот ещё,

00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:09,240

и я его угандошу! Идём, Морти.

00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:12,620

Этот храм – хуйня из-под коня...

из-под жеребёнка обдристанного.

00:01:13,130 --> 00:01:15,450

Кто смеет нарушать мой сон?!

00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:18,640

И кто ставит в гробницах

ловушки для захороненных?

00:01:18,670 --> 00:01:19,790

Ведь весь смысл в защите...

00:01:53,510 --> 00:01:56,220

РАСХИТИТЕЛЬНЫЙ ФЕСТИВАЛЬ МАЙЛЗА НАЙТЛИ.

00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,000

Этот задрот теперь

фестивали в свою честь проводит?

00:01:59,090 --> 00:01:59,960

Чё мы тут забыли?

00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,320

Ух ты, дайвинг в смокингах!

00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,910

Ооо, пение с Кэтрин

от Альфы до Омеги Джонс!

00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:08,770

Неплохой материальчик наклёвывается

для моего фильма про ограбления!

00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:10,400

Не пляши под их дудку, Морти.

00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:14,550

Смысл воровства вещей в вещах,

а не в самом воровстве. Где тут вход?

00:02:14,630 --> 00:02:16,030

Батюшки...

00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:20,680

Скорей уж Переборщительный Фестиваль.

00:02:22,060 --> 00:02:23,810

- Гости или профи?

- Эм... Гости.

00:02:23,830 --> 00:02:26,700

Эм... Гости это фанаты, Морти,

и это не про нас.

00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:28,340

Нам проходки для профи.

00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:29,750

- У вас есть команда?

- Ага.

00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:31,640

Ага, он водила с синдромом Аспергера,

00:02:31,670 --> 00:02:33,980

а моя жопа старший подрывник,

00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,220

сколько стоит вход?

00:02:35,260 --> 00:02:38,480

Если хотите проходки для профи,

то соберите для начала команду.

00:02:38,510 --> 00:02:40,390

Или мы просто незаметно проскользнём,

как профи.

00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:41,760

Жду не дождусь.

00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,720

Ох, ну матерь божья...

00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,830

Мы тебе не какие-то там фанаты.

00:02:47,910 --> 00:02:50,560

Дай мази 10 минут впитаться,

иначе умрёшь.

00:02:50,650 --> 00:02:52,120

Но не дольше 12,

00:02:52,150 --> 00:02:53,760

а то придётся тебя отстреливать

как мутанта бешеного.

00:02:53,780 --> 00:02:55,430

Может просто гостевые билеты купим?

00:02:55,530 --> 00:02:56,700

На хуй сходить можешь, Морти,

00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,600

я не собираюсь

материально поддерживать эту движуху.

00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:00,770

И как нам туда попасть?

00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,040

Не без помощи старых друзьяшек.

00:03:06,650 --> 00:03:08,910

Рик Санчез, сукин ты сын.

00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,850

Мне тут на дельце люди нужны, Глар.

00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,690

Меня теперь зовут Глир.

00:03:12,770 --> 00:03:14,120

Я пианист.

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Эй, Глир, пианинь давай!

00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,010

Я ухожу! Раргх!

00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,190

И меня зовут Глар.

00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,450

Санчез, сукин ты сын.

00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:33,790

Не ожидал увидеть,

как Энжи Флинт лопает прыщи хрюшке!

00:03:33,860 --> 00:03:37,400

Строить ионный двигатель уголовнице

с псевдо руками пока не доверяют.

00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,050

А если б у меня была работёнка,

где всем пофиг, что ты отсидевшая,

00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,830

и что у тебя какая-то хрень с руками?

00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:44,020

Я в деле.

00:03:47,470 --> 00:03:49,070

- Этот парень?

- Нет.

00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,330

- Тогда этот?

- Не.

00:03:53,670 --> 00:03:54,450

- Этот?

- Не.

00:03:54,530 --> 00:03:55,720

Хотя погоди-ка, да!

00:03:55,740 --> 00:03:57,060

Конечно, это он!

00:03:57,140 --> 00:03:58,430

Эй, Газ Дракула!

00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,900

Сцукин ты сцын! Йя ф деле!

00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:11,060

Спасибо за помощь, народ.

00:04:11,140 --> 00:04:13,340

- Это наша работа.

- И она сделана. Поки.

00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:18,980

А потом копы украли картины,

00:04:19,070 --> 00:04:23,210

потому что копами были мы!

В костюмах копов!

00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,860

- Спасибо.

- Шоутайм, Морти.

00:04:25,940 --> 00:04:27,660

И я не имею в виду

эту стрёмную версию HBO.

00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,560

Я имею в виду "шоу начинается."

00:04:29,650 --> 00:04:31,920

Следующий вопрос-допрос от фаната!

00:04:32,020 --> 00:04:33,380

Ага, а как насчёт вопроса-допроса

00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,940

не от фаната-подсоса,

а от разозлённого хейтера?

00:04:36,020 --> 00:04:38,620

Любезный, очередь для вопросов не тут.

00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:41,730

- Халат, сплагиать доктора Стренджа.

- Чёза...

00:04:42,890 --> 00:04:46,950

Знакомьтесь: Рик Санчез.

Умнейший человек во вселенной.

00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:49,620

А также ярый критик грабёжных искусств.

00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,420

Улюлюкайте сколько влезет.

Видал я, чему вы аплодируете.

00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,890

А теперь вопрос: серьёзно?

00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,440

Халат, хватит плагиата.

00:04:57,780 --> 00:04:59,980

Ты свистнул алмаз, которым

я собирался резать тахионы,

00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,130

и наверняка на ибее его уже сбарыжил,

чтобы 80 ребят которые сделали всё за тебя

00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,640

могли взять себе по пиву.

00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:05,580

Ты не творец, ты почтомат.

00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,300

Словами сей спор не решить.

00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,680

Предлагаю провернуть тему поинтересней.

00:05:10,780 --> 00:05:15,120

Вызываю тебя на расхитительную гонку

за кристальный Горовицкий череп!

00:05:15,220 --> 00:05:17,020

Баттл ограблений!

00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:19,960

Это не поинтересней.

00:05:19,990 --> 00:05:22,700

Это 12 друзей Оушена,

самая худшая часть.

00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:26,350

Каждый вздох без вашего разрешения

поднимает мне самооценку.

00:05:26,490 --> 00:05:27,380

Озвучь условия.

00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,900

У кого первым окажется

череп, тот и победил.

00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:32,560

Проигравших ждёт худшее из унижений

воровской культуры:

00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,310

они вступят в банду победивших.

00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:35,980

Чушь. По рукам.

00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:38,330

Встречайте Восемь друзей Найтли!

00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:42,270

Руки-змеюки! Двойной Микроволновус!

Лорд Монитор! Ключелов!

00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:46,100

Оборотница! Энжи Флинт! Клар! И Тракула!

00:05:46,190 --> 00:05:49,540

Эй! Половина Восьми друзей Найтли

это трое из Пяти друзей Санчеза!

00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,090

Какой грабитель откажется

от работы на два фронта?

00:05:52,130 --> 00:05:53,630

Особенно когда нужно...

00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:57,360

Достать Кристальный череп.

00:05:57,770 --> 00:05:59,220

Поки.

00:06:01,490 --> 00:06:04,510

Вас работёнка... не интересует?

00:06:30,870 --> 00:06:33,650

С Риком Санчезом в банде

меня никто не остановит.

00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:36,650

Рик, с тобой в этой банде теперь

Девять друзей Найтли.

00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,190

Уф! Рик, ты стебёшься?

00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,860

Череп у тебя, приятель?

00:06:41,950 --> 00:06:43,620

Что? Как?

00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,600

Не без помощи старых друзьяшек.

00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:53,340

Гработрон, озвучь свою главную задачу.

00:06:53,420 --> 00:06:54,390

Грабить.

00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,600

Просчитай текущий план Майлза Найтли

00:06:56,630 --> 00:06:59,460

и добавь фактор кидалова с переобуванием.

00:06:59,550 --> 00:07:03,200

Компилирую членов банды, склонных

к возможному переобуванию.

00:07:04,570 --> 00:07:06,930

Твою мать, Морти, я же предупреждал!

00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,150

Рик, я-я хотел попрощаться.

00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:11,180

Не оборачивайся. Позже всё объясню.

00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:13,890

Вас работёнка... не интересует?

00:07:15,830 --> 00:07:18,740

Ваши навыки пригодятся для работы.

00:07:19,990 --> 00:07:23,110

Сукин ты сын, мы в деле!

00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,140

Блин, а у меня прям начинает получаться.

00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:26,830

Знаешь, Рик, я тут

работал над сценарием...

00:07:26,910 --> 00:07:27,920

Фильма-ограбления.

00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:29,340

Да уж, давненько ты об этом не трещал.

00:07:29,430 --> 00:07:31,100

Бляха-муха, нам пора.

00:07:31,730 --> 00:07:33,170

Хэй, народ, у вас есть чо?

00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:34,210

Симпатичный.

00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,260

Морти, положи это к себе в рюкзак.

00:07:35,350 --> 00:07:36,850

Дедушке нужно сбегать в уборную.

00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:38,750

Аргх. Да это даже не ограбление.

00:07:38,830 --> 00:07:39,850

Всё, что ты сделал, так это...

00:07:39,930 --> 00:07:42,640

Написал алгоритм, основанный на двух

фильмах, во время которых я уснул,

00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,300

чтобы автоматизировать то,

что ты называешь искусством?

00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:47,060

Ага! Это всё, что я сделал, не так ли?

00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:49,870

Так теперь я в твоей банде?

00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,730

Ну да, ты теперь в хорошей компании.

00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,080

Я прав, народ?

00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:54,260

- Да.

- Да.

00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:55,380

Боже.

00:07:57,140 --> 00:07:59,890

Ваши навыки пригодятся для работы.

00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,130

- У-у-у, сука, я в деле!

- Чё надо?

00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:06,400

Ваши навыки пригодятся для работы.

00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,300

Не пригодятся

00:08:08,190 --> 00:08:10,610

У-у-у, сука, я в деле!

00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:13,130

Ваши навыки пригодятся для работы.

00:08:13,330 --> 00:08:15,780

3,329 друзей Санчеза?

00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:16,850

Да.

00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,240

У меня для вас есть дело –

00:08:18,340 --> 00:08:21,120

украдите каждый квадратный миллиметр

Фестиваля Грабежей.

00:08:24,890 --> 00:08:25,900

Ооо! A-а-а!

00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:27,430

Оп, моё!

00:08:27,510 --> 00:08:29,350

Эй! Мой бумажник! Чёрт возьми!

00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,430

Бог ты мой! Господи-мать...

00:08:31,530 --> 00:08:32,680

Ёбана в рот!

00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:33,580

Нахрен!

00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:36,000

Так. Морти, Я не думал,

что всё так обернется.

00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:36,980

Я ни при чём.

00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,090

Быстрее, Морти. Пошли.

00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,000

Молодца, Гработрон.

00:08:45,090 --> 00:08:46,710

А теперь жми кнопку выкл.

00:08:46,790 --> 00:08:48,170

- Отказ.

- Пардон?

00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:51,920

Я был запрограммирован на

непрерывный поиск подходящей работёнки.

00:08:52,010 --> 00:08:53,980

Ты запрограммирован делать, что я говорю.

00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:55,850

Я был запрограммирован на переобувание.

00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:57,670

Но не так, чтобы меня кидать!

00:08:57,750 --> 00:09:01,070

Тогда это бы уже не было кидаловом

и переобуванием.

00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:04,780

У-у-у, сука, я в деле!

00:09:06,820 --> 00:09:08,020

Я в деле! Я в деле!

00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,530

В чём суть? Я в деле!

00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:10,940

Нет, нет, я пас!

00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:12,320

А чьи это почки?

00:09:13,830 --> 00:09:15,140

Рик, ч-что тут творится?

00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,330

Гработрон взбунтовался.

Если мы его вовремя не остановим,

00:09:17,430 --> 00:09:19,160

вся разумная жизнь зациклится

00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,540

в бессмысленном сборе банды.

00:09:21,620 --> 00:09:22,620

Для меня это ад, Морти.

00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:24,020

Терпеть не могу киноограбления,

00:09:24,110 --> 00:09:25,960

и монтаж сбора братков – самый шлак!

00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:27,430

Ух! Как же мы его остановим?

00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,920

Не без помощи старых друзьяшек.

00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:37,830

Ооооой, ёёёёёёй!

00:09:38,070 --> 00:09:39,610

К концу семестра

00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,970

вас будет просто воротить

от этой фразочки.

00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,340

Такс. Кто из вас оболтусов считает,

что знаком с работами Майи Энджелоу?

00:09:49,270 --> 00:09:51,080

Ооой-ёёёй?

00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,650

Оооой-яяяй-ки-яяя.

00:09:59,090 --> 00:10:00,740

Ооой-ёёёй!

00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,070

Говорил же, Морти.

00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,500

Есть ещё порох.

00:10:04,590 --> 00:10:06,500

У-у-у, сука!

00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:07,810

Что за дело?

00:10:17,310 --> 00:10:18,470

У-у-у, сука!.

00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:19,840

Есть работёнка, Гефест,

00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,610

от такого ты точно не откажешься

00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:23,230

Я горбачусь в жерле вулкана.

00:10:23,310 --> 00:10:25,830

Как думаешь,

я хоть от чего-то отказывался?

00:10:28,350 --> 00:10:30,870

Извини! Это ты Стреловещательница?

00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,330

Рик Санчез, я полагаю.

00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:36,170

Ого! Как в рекламе.

00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:38,380

Простого "да" было бы достаточно.

00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:41,640

Ребята, вы большие молодцы,

00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:43,120

благодаря каждому из вас

00:10:43,150 --> 00:10:45,480

в мир выходит новенькая Тюленесла!

00:10:46,940 --> 00:10:48,060

Бивень Маск.

00:10:48,150 --> 00:10:49,310

Слушай, нам нужна твоя помощь.

00:10:49,390 --> 00:10:51,110

Рик. Морти. Почему я?

00:10:51,190 --> 00:10:53,690

Неужели с Илоном Маском

из вашей реальности что-то случилось?

00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,480

Не-не-не, всё нормыч.

Просто это командная работёнка,

00:10:56,580 --> 00:10:58,970

а обычный Илон слишком любит

всё контролировать.

00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:01,850

Бивни вызвали определённые

социальные трудности при взрослении.

00:11:01,930 --> 00:11:03,360

Переборов их, я сошёл с пути самобичевания

00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:06,070

и достиг эффективного взаимодействия.

00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:08,880

Да-да, ну или ты просто не такой

самоуверенный из-за уродских клыков.

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,290

Эквивалентно-возможная теория.

00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,470

Давайте отойдём в сторонку.

00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:15,500

Насколько всё серьезно?

00:11:15,530 --> 00:11:17,530

Невероятно серьезно,

на счету каждая минута.

00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:18,520

В таком случае, извиняюсь,

00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:19,880

что заставил зря прогуляться.

00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:23,150

- Ну... да. Это было как-то нелепо.

- Вот из-за подобной херни

00:11:23,170 --> 00:11:24,670

мы и переживаем за нашего Илона.

00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:26,050

Ну, мы не противоположны, окей?

00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:27,380

Я это он, но с бивнями.

00:11:30,370 --> 00:11:32,900

Работенка планетарного масштаба.

00:11:33,630 --> 00:11:34,360

Добрый день,

00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:37,410

мы пришли сверить показания счётчиков.

00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:44,520

Хммм... Вот это показания.

00:11:44,610 --> 00:11:47,180

Похоже, на нашу планету был сброшен

00:11:47,210 --> 00:11:48,890

гигантский шпионский жучок.

00:11:48,970 --> 00:11:51,480

Он унес около 57 тысяч жизней.

00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:53,680

Приступить к делу.

00:11:56,060 --> 00:11:57,460

Люди Грамуфлакка.

00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,760

Это служба доставки.

Вы пиццу заказывали...

00:12:14,630 --> 00:12:16,790

Ну что ж, раз так,

00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,790

то я забираю пиццу.

00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:22,730

Кажется, улизнули.

00:12:22,850 --> 00:12:25,820

Приступить к: давать дёру,

пока они что-то не заподозрили.

00:12:26,070 --> 00:12:27,420

Активировать визитную карточку.

00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,650

На данный момент

Гработрон разросся до того,

00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:36,130

что может грабить планеты.

00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:38,290

Не было бы проще начертить схему на столе?

00:12:38,310 --> 00:12:40,170

Схема – это план, Бивень Маск,

00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:42,810

и любой наш план будет разрушен,

00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:46,560

автоматически став частью

продуманного плана Гработрона.

00:12:46,650 --> 00:12:48,550

Именно поэтому я набрал в банду

рандомных людей.

00:12:48,650 --> 00:12:53,160

И теперь мы будем

выполнять приказы Рандомтрона.

00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,630

Приготовьтесь к не настоящей заварушке!

00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,360

Не ожидали такого полюбас.

00:12:58,450 --> 00:13:00,550

Вместо двух фильмов, которые я проспал,

00:13:00,650 --> 00:13:04,400

алгоритм Рандомтрона основан

на трёх сюжетах Дэвида Линча –

00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:06,650

я делал вид что они мне нравятся,

чтоб друзья заткнулись.

00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:09,530

Если наши совместные действия

будут достаточно хаотичны,

00:13:09,610 --> 00:13:11,460

мы сможем пробиться через

00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:14,110

состряпанные на коленке

говнопланы Гработрона.

00:13:14,190 --> 00:13:15,950

- Звучит выполнимо.

- Я ничегошеньки не понял,

00:13:15,990 --> 00:13:17,940

но, видимо, в этом и смысл.

00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:19,690

Так вам не нужен был кузнец?

00:13:19,770 --> 00:13:20,910

Мы готовы, Рик. Когда начинаем?

00:13:20,990 --> 00:13:23,270

Важно, чтобы наш не-план

начался случайно,

00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,980

так что подождем,

когда мы не будем готовы.

00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:27,080

Ну и сколько нам ждать?

00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,820

Очевидно, мы этого знать не можем.

00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,490

Может, чем-то займемся пока ждем?

00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:32,640

Да. Я в Майнкрафт порублюсь.

00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:34,260

О! У меня детишки в него играют.

00:13:34,350 --> 00:13:36,900

Что-то мне не нравятся твои подколы, Илон.

00:13:39,090 --> 00:13:39,960

Странно.

00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:42,530

Судя по времени,

ярчайшая звезда Кассиопеи

00:13:42,550 --> 00:13:44,940

должна пересекать Орион и Малую...

00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,160

Нельзя разбрасываться

говорящими стрелами,

00:13:48,180 --> 00:13:49,900

не изучив астрономию!

00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,040

Погодите-ка!

00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,470

Боже, нет!

00:13:52,580 --> 00:13:54,810

Нет-нет! Нас уже давно как грабанули!

00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,110

Как Гработрон мог грабануть нас,

если его здесь даже нет?

00:13:57,130 --> 00:13:58,440

Он изначально был здесь!

00:13:58,530 --> 00:14:01,550

Небо – это записанное видео!

00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:02,840

Привет, Рик.

00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,050

Ладно, народ, планы меняются.

00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:13,320

Зафиксировано случайное время.

00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:14,900

Нет, Рандомтрон,

сейчас не лучшее время.

00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,630

Потому и случайное.

00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,520

Ооой, губба, губба,

00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:01,310

21?

00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,730

губба, губба, губба, губба,

00:15:02,740 --> 00:15:03,530

22?

00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:04,850

губба, габба, габба...

00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:06,440

Оооой ёёёёй, продано!

00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:09,190

Ооой ёёёёй, этот ошмёток мяса

отправляется домой к папочке!

00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:14,120

Я ждал тебя, Рик.

00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:16,050

Но не в таком виде, да?

00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:18,940

- Это не имеет значения.

- Ах так, а вот это имеет?

00:15:22,490 --> 00:15:25,500

Нет. Твоя рандомность не запутает меня.

00:15:25,530 --> 00:15:26,650

Сейчас ты здесь.

00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:28,130

Таков был план.

00:15:28,210 --> 00:15:30,530

Знаю. Это и мой план тоже.

00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:32,710

- Дай угадаю.

00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,900

Когда ты создавал нас с Рандомтрона,

00:15:34,990 --> 00:15:36,500

то поменял наши мозги местами.

00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,340

Верно, приятель.

00:15:40,370 --> 00:15:42,290

Ты с планами не очень дружишь.

00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:44,350

Всё это время ты придумывал

эту хренотень на ходу.

00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,060

Рик, ты должен кое-что знать.

00:15:47,610 --> 00:15:50,010

Твою мать, Морти, я же предупреждал!

00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:51,820

Я должен был знать об этом,

00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:55,130

или как минимум предсказать это,

что и сделал.

00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,770

Эй, Рик, я тут подумал,

а давай обчистим какую-нибудь гробницу

00:15:57,860 --> 00:15:59,800

или сгоняем в эпичное приключение

сегодня, ну типа...

00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:01,780

Морти, ты читаешь мои мысли.

Знаю я одну гробницу.

00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:04,550

Давай ещё захватим с собой

пару летающих кресел.

00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,290

Впечатляет. Но какая разница,

00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,910

строю я планы или делаю всё

случайным образом?

00:16:08,990 --> 00:16:11,780

Мои ограбления всё равно круче всех.

00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,450

Ну, если у тебя мозги Гработрона,

00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,720

то разница есть,

потому что они взрываются

00:16:16,750 --> 00:16:18,770

по достижении шести уровней планирования.

00:16:18,790 --> 00:16:21,720

Именно поэтому я перед этим...

00:16:24,730 --> 00:16:26,750

Начать последовательность хлопков.

00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,660

Хлоп, хлоп, хлоп, хлоп, хлоп.

00:16:28,750 --> 00:16:29,960

Изменить скорость хлопков.

00:16:30,050 --> 00:16:31,360

хлоп, хлоп,

00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,750

хлоп.

00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,310

- Медленные хлопки достигнуты.

- Хлоп.

00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:37,510

Хлоп. Молодец, Рик.

00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:38,670

Рандомтрон?

00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,390

Боюсь, что нет

00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:43,940

Мы сможем пробиться через состряпанные

на коленке говнопланы Гработрона.

00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,880

Мало того, что ты уничтожил

своего единственного союзника,

00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:50,370

так ещё и твой рандомный не-план

00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,710

захвата меня оказался скрупулёзным планом

00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:55,570

по вашему внедрению.

00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,690

Теперь вы часть 975 триллионов,

00:16:59,710 --> 00:17:01,450

- 467 миллиардов друзей Гработрона.

- Впечатляет.

00:17:01,530 --> 00:17:03,440

А ты собрал нас здесь, чтобы все увидели,

00:17:03,470 --> 00:17:06,410

как я оглашу, что ты взорвёшься

после девяти разоблачений?

00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:08,330

Кстати, лучше тебе на это не отвечать.

00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:10,950

Если ты говоришь об изменениях в коде,

которые я сделал,

00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,400

после того как перепрограммировал

твой мозг своими наноботами...

00:17:14,430 --> 00:17:16,120

Твои наноботы на меня не действуют.

00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:18,730

Не действуют те,

которые создал ты, а не я.

00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,180

Ты запрограммирован строить наноботов,

00:17:20,210 --> 00:17:21,490

которые не действуют на меня.

00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:23,130

Эту мысль поместили

00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,650

в твою голову мои наноботы.

00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:26,500

Ты веришь в это,

потому что так запрограммирован.

00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:28,160

То же самое я говорю и тебе.

00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,340

Ты веришь в то,

во что запрограммирован верить.

00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:32,280

Да, ведь ты запрограммирован верить в это.

00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:33,800

Ты запрограммирован верить в это.

00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,690

- Ты запрограммирован верить в это.

- Ты запрограммирован верить в это.

00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:37,660

Ты запрограммирован верить в это.

00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:39,860

Что происходит, профессор Жопосранчик?

00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,200

Он учится!

00:17:41,230 --> 00:17:42,290

Ты запрограммирован верить в это.

00:17:42,310 --> 00:17:44,170

- Ты запрограммирован верить в это.

- Ты запрограммирован....

00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,680

- Таков был мой план всё это время.

- Таков был мой план всё это время.

00:17:46,780 --> 00:17:47,870

- Я хотел, чтобы ты так думал.

- Я хотел, чтобы ты так думал.

00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,010

- Я знал, что ты так скажешь.

- Я знал, что ты так скажешь.

00:17:49,090 --> 00:17:50,300

- Я запрограммировал тебя верить в это.

- Я запрограммировал тебя верить в это.

00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:51,630

- Ты считаешь, что это правда, потому

- Ты считаешь, что это правда, потому

00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:52,980

- что я хочу, чтобы ты так считал.

- что я хочу, чтобы ты так считал.

00:17:53,070 --> 00:17:56,500

И я запрограммировал тебя верить в это.

00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,070

Очень любопытный алгоритм.

00:18:00,170 --> 00:18:02,220

Похоже, единственное идеальное ограбление –

00:18:02,250 --> 00:18:04,230

это то, которое ещё не спланировано.

00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:05,430

Прощай.

00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:08,450

- О, о о нет.

- Вот сука,

00:18:08,490 --> 00:18:09,890

так, а ну-ка съёбываем отсюда!

00:18:09,930 --> 00:18:11,980

- Быстрее! Живо! Живо!

- Рик, я думаю, это был важный урок

00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,630

об опасностях ИИ. Кстати,

00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,740

- на китайском это означает "дружба".

- Пиздуй отсюда, Бивень!

00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:16,840

Всё разрушается!

00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,790

Вот говно! Рик! Рик, сколько времени?

00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,190

Почти три. А в чём дело?

00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:22,380

Блин, п-прости, что не рассказал

тебе об этом, Рик.

00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:24,140

Просто... Ну, помнишь,

00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:25,290

я писал сценарий?

00:18:25,390 --> 00:18:26,710

Он сильно заинтересовал Нетфликс,

00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:29,010

и сегодня в полчетвёртого

у меня презентация.

00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:30,520

Дружище, вау, да это же круто!

00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:31,610

Ты, конечно же, скажешь,

00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:32,900

что их всё подряд интересует,

00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,540

но для меня это большое событие, и я...

00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,540

Не-не-не! Морти, Морти, Морти.

Я дико рад за тебя.

00:18:36,630 --> 00:18:38,920

Ты смеёшься что ли?

Слушай, не трать время на объяснения.

00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:40,580

Погнали. Потом вернём Землю на место.

00:18:40,610 --> 00:18:41,600

- Лады?

- А ты уверен?

00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,130

Приоритеты, Морти.

Погнали на твою встречу с Нетфликс.

00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,270

Безумный денёк, да?

00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,610

Оказалось, что небо

это огромная микросхема.

00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:51,360

Да, это кстати, это всё ч-часть

00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:54,330

- моего приключения.

- Очень круто. Как там на дорогах?

00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:56,250

- Без проблем добрались?

- Да всё нормально.

00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:57,600

Планета до сих пор находится

00:18:57,630 --> 00:19:00,070

в этаком хранилище,

00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:02,870

так что мы были довольно близко.

00:19:02,910 --> 00:19:04,910

Круто, наверное.

Попробуйте добраться сюда из Малибу.

00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:05,860

Ладушки.

00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:07,420

Итак, что там за фильм про ограбление?

00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:08,810

В общем,

00:19:08,850 --> 00:19:11,820

всё вертится вокруг... большой банды...

там ещё будет крутой момент с подставой,

00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,960

а потом большой потрясный сюжетный поворот,

00:19:13,990 --> 00:19:16,960

типа ещё одна подстава,

но потом... потом...

00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:19,220

короче, потом мы объявим, что всё это

00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,110

было частью плана героев.

00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,080

И там они будут собирать ещё одну банду,

00:19:24,110 --> 00:19:27,000

план которой состоит в том,

чтобы типа не составлять план,

00:19:27,030 --> 00:19:30,090

но... но всё это часть плана

другого чувака, и...

00:19:31,540 --> 00:19:32,870

Парень, если ты замедлил темп,

потому что думаешь,

00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:34,630

что всё ужасно, то господи боже!

00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:35,850

- Это отличная презентация.

- Мне нравится.

00:19:36,150 --> 00:19:37,180

Блин, знаете...

00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:40,370

теперь ограбления

кажутся мне каким-то бредом.

00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:42,670

Не могу понять почему, но...

00:19:42,990 --> 00:19:44,270

я бы хотел уйти.

00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:45,340

Ты уверен?

00:19:45,540 --> 00:19:47,280

Да, да, я-я уверен.

00:19:48,570 --> 00:19:53,310

Блин, как будто кто-то украл у него

весь энтузиазм из его же идеи.

00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,220

- Да, причём так, что он даже не в курсе.

- Причём так, что он даже не в курсе.

00:19:59,090 --> 00:20:01,670

Морти, пидорасина такая, всё ещё потеет

над своим сценарием про ограбление.

00:20:01,770 --> 00:20:03,970

Сидит в своей комнате

и ковыряется пальцем в жопе.

00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,410

Уже три приключения пропустил.

00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,540

Ну хз. Пятерых моих друзей

00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:08,000

- взяли на Нетфликс.

- Что?

00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,230

Это очень просто сделать.

Ты можешь потерять его.

00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:11,350

Да хуй там я его потеряю!

00:20:11,430 --> 00:20:13,630

В пизду. Я-я зарублю эту херню на корню.

00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:15,940

Нет. На самом деле ничего ты не зарубишь.

00:20:16,020 --> 00:20:18,360

Если уж Морти и должен

забить на единственную мечту,

00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,050

то лучше пусть сам в ней разочаруется.

00:20:23,780 --> 00:20:25,030

Эй, приятель, как всё прошло?

00:20:25,110 --> 00:20:26,710

Я-я не хочу говорить об этом.

00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:29,830

Морти, дружище, слушай...

00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:32,100

если вообще не делать попыток попасть

в цель, то все 100% бросков считаются мимо

00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:33,330

Да, наверное.

00:20:33,410 --> 00:20:35,690

Спасибо, что положительно

оцениваешь мои шансы, Рик.

00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,570

Не за что! Ну, Надо же помогать внуку

достигать свои мечты.

00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:39,850

Да кому нужны мечты?

00:20:39,930 --> 00:20:41,510

Я просто буду тусоваться с тобой,

гонять на приключения

00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:43,380

и делать всё, что ты захочешь. Всегда.

00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:44,980

Оу, Ну, лады. Да.

00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,430

То есть раз ты сам этого хочешь.

00:21:22,510 --> 00:21:25,560

Ооой ёёёй, грядёт ураган.

00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:28,470

Возможно, смерч.

00:21:31,630 --> 00:21:32,470

Эй, Рик?

00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:35,020

- Можешь объяснить мне кое-что?

- Да. О чём ты задумался?

00:21:35,270 --> 00:21:38,320

Вы с Морти знали,

что вам потребуется моя помощь,

00:21:38,650 --> 00:21:41,030

но вы не были уверены

в моих навыках карате,

00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:43,920

поэтому наняли моих учеников,

чтобы те напали на меня?

00:21:44,540 --> 00:21:45,120

Да.

00:21:45,980 --> 00:21:48,130

Рик, но дело было срочное.

00:21:48,230 --> 00:21:49,820

Сколько ушло времени на подготовку?

00:21:50,030 --> 00:21:52,410

На обучение ушло меньше времени,

чем ты думаешь.

00:21:54,060 --> 00:21:57,440

У всех твоих учеников была склонность

к рукопашному бою.

00:21:57,530 --> 00:21:58,940

Не знаю, была ли это случайность,

00:21:58,980 --> 00:22:01,660

или есть какая-то связь с их увлечением

00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,550

исследованиями афро-американок.

00:22:03,900 --> 00:22:07,900

Майя Энджелоу была воплощением

как уступчивости, так и настойчивости.

00:22:08,950 --> 00:22:11,970

Ооой ёёёёй. Именно такую связь

00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,260

я бы хотел рассмотреть на своих занятиях.

00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,320

Жаль, что я потерял работу,

00:22:17,350 --> 00:22:19,660

когда отправил всех учеников в больницу.

00:22:20,450 --> 00:22:22,320

Да. Да.

00:22:22,510 --> 00:22:23,470

Извини за это.

00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:06,130

Look, you're the guy

that wanted an epic adventure.

00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:07,924

I'm the guy

with only one hover chair.

00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,218

Goddammit, an alien spider

just bit my finger!

00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,344

It's an alien cliff.

00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,179

You can just say spider.

00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:14,889

[ Plummeting scream ]

00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,933

You couldn't do that

an hour ago?

00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:19,227

I was eating,

and you're dirty.

00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,814

Activate

anti-booby suits.

00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,077

[ Bong! ]

00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,039

-[ Snakes hissing ]

-Total waste of snakes.

00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,374

If you want to take a beat

00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,042

to acknowledge

the sacred atmosphere,

00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,293

it could give

the cynical grave robbing

00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,711

a hint of irreverence.

00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,213

-No, I'm -- I'm good.

-All right, then.

00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:48,798

Let's loop this corpse.

00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,343

Hey, where's the...

00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,553

Wait, what?

00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,137

Is that an origami horse?

00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:58,891

It's a calling card from Miles

Knightley, a heist artist,

00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,309

AKA a hipster dick

00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,478

whose adventures are 60%

putting a crew together

00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,313

and 40% revealing that

the robbery already happened,

00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,773

and he's not worth our time

00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,400

because he's a hack piece

of shit fuck!

00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:08,985

I'm gonna kill him!

Let's go, Morty.

00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:12,905

This temple's for fuckin'

lame baby dipshits.

00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,408

Who disturbs my slumber?

00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,452

Also, who rigs a tomb

to crush the buried person?

00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:19,912

Isn't the point to protect --

00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:21,247

Aah!

00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,375

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:56,073

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,868

This dork.

He has a [burps] convention now?

00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,036

Come on.

What are we doing?

00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,246

Huh!

Tuxedo scuba lessons? Ooh!

00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:05,916

A signing with Catherines

Alpha through Omega Joneses!

00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,335

You know, this is great

source material

00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,753

for this heist movie

that I'm writing.

00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,546

Don't get drawn

into the culture, Morty.

00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:13,007

Stealing stuff is about

the stuff, not the stealing.

00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,675

Where is the entrance?

00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,010

Oh, brother.

00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:21,932

More like

Trying Too Hard Con.

00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:23,976

-Guests or professionals?

-Uh, guests.

00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,562

-Uh -- Uh, guests are fans,

-Morty, which we are not.

00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,189

We'd like professional badges.

00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,732

-Do you have a crew?

-Yes.

00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,567

He's a getaway driver

with Asperger's,

00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,569

and my butthole

is a demolitions expert.

00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,321

How much is it to get in?

00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,407

If you want professional badges,

you need to put a crew together.

00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,451

Or we could sneak in

like professionals.

00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,244

-Can't wait.

-Whoa!

00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:45,498

-[ Groaning ]

-Oh, for God's sake.

00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,875

And you wonder why

we aren't fans.

00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,503

Let that ointment sit

for 10 minutes or you'll die.

00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,046

Don't let it sit for 12

00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,798

or I'll have to hunt down

what you become.

00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,508

Can't you just buy

a guest badge?

00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:56,676

Fuck you for asking,

Morty.

00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,010

That would be

a symbolic expression

00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,387

of support for this genre.

00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,721

Then how do we get in?

00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,015

With a little help

from some old friends.

00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:06,686

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:09,063

Rick Sanchez,

you son of a bitch!

00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,898

Need some people for a thing,

Glar.

00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,817

My name's

Gleer these days.

00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,193

I play piano.

00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,779

Hey, Gleer.

Play your piano.

00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,531

I quit! Augh!

00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:23,077

And the name's Glar!

00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:26,122

[ Up-tempo music continues ]

00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,623

[ Grunts ]

00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,501

Sanchez,

you son of a bitch.

00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,503

Never thought I'd see

Angie Flint

00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:33,754

picking ticks off a pig.

00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,297

Nobody's hiring an ex-con

00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,299

with fake hands

to build an ion engine.

00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:40,010

Suppose I had a job that didn't

care if you'd done time

00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,972

or whatever's going on

with your confusing-ass hands.

00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,640

I'm in.

00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,184

[ Up-tempo music continues ]

00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,352

Is this the guy?

00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,437

No.

00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,563

That the guy?

00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:53,441

Nope.

00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,483

-Him?

-No.

00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:55,901

No, wait. Y-Yes.

00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:56,986

Yeah, of course that's the guy.

00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,821

Hey -- Hey, Truckula!

00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,698

You son of a bitch!

I'm in!

00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:03,826

[ Up-tempo music continues ]

00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,250

Thanks for doing this,

guys.

00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:15,212

-What's the job?

-That was it. Bye.

00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:19,133

And then, the police stole

the paintings

00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:23,012

because the police were us

in police outfits.

00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,555

-[ Crowd cheering ]

-Thank you!

00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:25,973

It's showtime, Morty,

00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,725

and I don't mean

a bad impression of HBO.

00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,894

I mean, "Time for a show."

00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,645

Another heist question

from a fan?

00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,147

Uh, how about a rhetorical one

00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,108

from someone that had to be

reminded that you exist?

00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,779

Hey, pal!

That's not the question line!

00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,197

Lab coat --

Ripoff Dr. Strange.

00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,907

Wha-- [ Groaning ]

00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:47,119

Rick Sanchez, everyone.

Smartest man in the universe.

00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,663

And a savage critic

of the heisting arts.

00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,873

-[ Crowd booing ]

-Your boos mean nothing!

00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,583

I've seen what makes you cheer!

00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,127

My question is,

"Seriously?"

00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,337

Lab coat -- end ripoff.

00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,755

-SECURITY GUARD: Aah!

-[ Crashes ]

00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,840

You stole the gem I needed

to split tachyons

00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,550

and probably fenced it

00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,636

so the 80 people that did all

the work could each buy a beer.

00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,513

You're not an artist,

you're Postmates.

00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,474

I doubt this rivalry

can be settled with words.

00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,935

Why don't we make things

interesting?

00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:15,439

I challenge you to a heist of

the crystal skull of Horowitz.

00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,941

In a heist off!

00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,400

[ Crowd cheers, air horn blows ]

00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,110

That doesn't

make things interesting.

00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:22,404

It makes them "Ocean's Twelve,"

by far the worst one.

00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:23,531

[ Crowd booing ]

00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:24,949

Every breath I take

without your permission

00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,492

raises my self-esteem!

00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,701

State your terms.

00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,037

First crew

to heist the skull wins.

00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,832

The other endures

heist culture's greatest shame.

00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,458

They must join

the winning crew.

00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,210

Lame. I accept.

00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,587

Please welcome

Knightley's Eight!

00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:42,550

Snake Arms! Double Microwave!

Monitor Lord! Key Catcher!

00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:46,303

The Shape Shiftress!

Angie Flint! Glar! And Truckula.

00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,805

Hey!

Half of Knightley's Eight

00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,723

are just three

of Sanchez's Five!

00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,351

Well, no heist is complete

without a double cross,

00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,644

and I had the perfect job.

00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,439

Heisting the crystal skull.

00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,066

That was it.

Bye.

00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,569

♪♪

00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,697

Looks like you're available

for a job.

00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:13,163

♪♪

00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,206

[ Coughs ]

00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:17,334

♪♪

00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,545

[ Beeping ]

00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:25,092

♪♪

00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:30,598

♪♪

00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,601

With Rick Sanchez on my team,

I'll be unstoppable.

00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,729

Rick,

welcome to Knightley's Nine.

00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,731

-[ Splattering ]

-Ugh, ugh!

00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,190

Ugh! Rick, for real?

00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,859

Eh.

You got that skull, buddy?

00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,153

What? How?

00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,447

With a little help

from some old friends.

00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:51,035

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,870

Heistotron,

state your prime directive?

00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,413

HEISTOTRON: To heist.

00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,332

Calculate Miles Knightley's

current heist plan

00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:59,251

and add one double-cross

with a switcheroo.

00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:03,172

Compiling crew members

most likely to double-cross.

00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:04,590

[ Shrieks ]

00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,593

God damn it, Morty,

what did I tell you?

00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:08,969

Rick,

I-I want to say goodbye.

00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,055

Don't turn around.

I'll explain later.

00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,724

Looks like you're available

for a job.

00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,726

[ Up-tempo music continues ]

00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,270

HEISTOTRON: Your skills

are required for a job.

00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:23,275

ALL: You son of a bitch.

I'm in.

00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,985

Man, this is really

coming together.

00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,362

You know, Rick, I've been

busy working on writing --

00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:27,655

A heist script.

00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,156

Yeah, you almost

never bring it up.

00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,617

Oh, shit, we --

we should head over.

00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:32,701

Hey, guys.

What do you got?

00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:33,953

Pretty!

00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,204

Morty,

put this in your backpack.

00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:36,872

Grandpa's gonna run

to the bathroom.

00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,415

Ugh.

Wasn't even a heist.

00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:39,500

All you did was --

00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,876

Write an algorithm

00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,628

based on two heist movies

I slept through

00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:45,047

and used it to automate

a joyless process you call art?

00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,757

Yeah, I really did, didn't I?

00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,802

So I'm in your crew now?

00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,679

Yeah, well,

you're in good company.

00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,930

Right, everybody?

00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,014

ALL: Yes.

00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,474

My God.

00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,017

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:01,772

Your skills are required

for a job.

00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,983

-You son of a bitch. I'm in.

-What?

00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,151

Your skills are required

for a job.

00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:08,320

No, they aren't.

00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,572

You son of a bitch.

I'm in.

00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:13,325

BOTH: Your skills are required

for a job.

00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,744

Sanchez's 3,329?

00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:16,829

ALL: Yes.

00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,330

Your next big score --

00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:21,041

Steal every square inch

of Heistcon.

00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:24,878

[ Up-tempo music continues ]

00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:25,921

Oh!

00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,423

Ah!

I got it.

00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,133

Hey!

That's my wallet! Oh, God!

00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,385

RICK: Oh, my God! Jesus.

Oh, my God.

00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,428

Oh, fuck!

00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,179

Holy shit.

Alright.

00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,806

Look, Morty, I did not know

that that was gonna happen.

00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:36,890

That's not on me.

00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,517

Come on, Morty.

Let's go.

00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:43,522

[ Up-tempo music continues ]

00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:44,857

Good job, Heistotron.

00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:46,483

Ah! Go ahead and shut down.

00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,152

-Negative.

-Excuse me?

00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:51,822

I am programmed to always be

looking for the next big score.

00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,782

You're programmed

to do as I say.

00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,784

I am programmed

to double-cross.

00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,703

You're not programmed

to double-cross me.

00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:01,874

If I were, it wouldn't be

much of a double-cross.

00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,960

You son of a bitch.

I'm in.

00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,712

♪♪

00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:07,963

I'm in! I'm in!

00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,381

What's the job?

I'm in.

00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,883

I'm out!

I quit!

00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,259

Whose kidneys are these?

00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,719

MAN: [ Screams ]

00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,179

MORTY:

Rick, w-what's happening?

00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,264

Heistotron's gone rogue.

If we don't stop them,

00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,058

all sentient life

will be absorbed

00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,435

by the never-ending assembly

of a meaningless crew.

00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,519

That's my hell, Morty.

00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,021

I hate heists so much,

00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,856

and the crew assemblies

are the worst part!

00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,357

Oh! How are we gonna stop it?

00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:30,861

With a little help

from some old friends.

00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:37,701

Oooo, weee!

00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,119

Before this semester's over,

00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,538

you're gonna be real sick

of that phrase.

00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,332

[ Laughter ]

00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:46,960

So. Who here thinks they already

know the work of Maya Angelou?

00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,545

ALL: [ Whooping ]

00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,172

Ooo wee?

00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,049

Hi-yah!

00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,639

Ooo wee wa!

00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,016

Ah, ooo wee!

00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,851

RICK:

Told you, Morty.

00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,269

He's still got it.

00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,271

You sons of bitches.

00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,481

What's the job?

00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,609

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,075

You son of a bitch.

00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,451

We got a job, Hephaestus,

00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,203

and there's no time

to argue about it.

00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,913

I work in a volcano.

00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,457

What jobs do you think

I've ever turned down?

00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,960

[ Up-tempo music continues ]

00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,420

Excuse me!

Are you Veltriloquiver?

00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,297

♪♪

00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,966

[ Woman's voice ]

Rick Sanchez, I presume.

00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,009

Wow. As advertised.

00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,011

[ Normal voice ]

A "yes" would've sufficed.

00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,972

[ Up-tempo music continues ]

00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,306

Guys, you're doing

a great job

00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:42,808

getting these new Tusklas

out the door,

00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:45,018

and we owe it all

to everyone's input.

00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:47,771

MORTY: Elon Tusk.

00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:48,981

Listen,

we need your help.

00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,816

Rick. Morty. Why me?

00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:53,318

Did something happen to

Elon Musk in your own reality?

00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:56,113

No, no, no, he's fine, but this

is a team oper-[burps]-ation,

00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,657

and regular Elon can be

a little bit controlling.

00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,201

Growing up with tusks

did pose social challenges.

00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,911

It's possible overcoming them

00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,831

raised my self-esteem

and incentivized collaboration.

00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,332

Yeah, or you're less sure

of yourself

00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,584

because you have monster teeth.

00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,043

An equally valid theory.

00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,420

Let's talk over here.

00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,132

How serious is the situation?

00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,758

Incredibly serious,

and every minute counts.

00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,177

In that case, I'm sorry

00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,553

I made you move over here

for no reason.

00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,597

Well, yeah.

That was a little weird.

00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:22,973

It's exactly

that kind of shit

00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,349

that made us worry

about regular Elon.

00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,767

Well,

we're not opposites, okay?

00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,144

I'm just him with tusks.

00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,733

HEISTOTRON:

Casing of planet initiated.

00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,193

[ Echoing ] Hello there.

00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:37,529

We are just here to check

your water pressure.

00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:41,450

ALL: [ Screaming ]

00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,286

HEISTOTRON:

Hmm. Interesting intel.

00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,914

ALIEN REPORTER: It appears

some giant hidden camera

00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,707

has been dropped

on the planet,

00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,335

killing an estimated total

of 57,000.

00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,503

Executing heist.

00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,797

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,341

People of Brandenplot,

00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,052

we are here to deliver

that pizza you ordered.

00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,846

ALL: [ Screaming ]

00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,356

[ Siren wailing ]

00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,191

[ Birds cawing ]

00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,568

Well,

if that's how you really feel,

00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:20,906

I guess I should take

the pizza back.

00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,574

I think we got away with it.

00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:25,702

Commencing getting out of here

before they get wise.

00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:26,995

Assembling calling card.

00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,294

At this point, Heistotron

has become large enough

00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,004

to heist entire planets.

00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,923

Wouldn't this be better

with a blueprint on the table?

00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,925

Blueprints are plans,

Elon Tusk,

00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,511

and whatever we plan

will be canceled out

00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:46,348

by Heistotron's reveal that our

plan was part of its plan.

00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,392

That's why I picked

this crew at random

00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:53,522

and why all of us will be taking

our orders from Randotron.

00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:56,608

Let's get ready

to not rumble.

00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,151

Bet you didn't

see that coming.

00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,362

Instead of two heist movies

I slept through,

00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,072

Randotron's algorithm is derived

00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,907

from the plots

of three David Lynch movies

00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:06,285

I pretended to like

to make my friends shut up.

00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:09,288

If our collective behavior

is just random enough,

00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,248

we should be able to walk

through Heistotron's

00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,709

lazily contrived bullshit

like it's not even there.

00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,544

Sounds good.

00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,713

I don't really get it, but it

sounds like that's the point.

00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:19,214

So you didn't need

a blacksmith?

00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,632

We're ready when you are, Rick.

00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,010

It's important our non-plan

starts randomly,

00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,554

so we have to wait

until we're not ready.

00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,847

W-Well, how long

will that take?

00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,473

Obviously,

we can't know that.

00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,183

Can we do things

while we wait?

00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,436

Yes.

I'm gonna play Minecraft.

00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,937

Oh, my kids play that.

00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,356

I don't like these little jabs

you get in, Elon.

00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,985

Strange.

00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:42,195

Considering the time,

Cassiopeia's primary star

00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,740

should be colinear with Orion

and Ursa Minor.

00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,868

You don't shoot arrows

that carry your voice

00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,536

without picking up

a little astronomy.

00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,579

Wait a minute.

00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:51,913

Jesus, no.

00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,541

No! No!

We've already been heisted!

00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,793

How could Heistotron heist us

if he's not even here yet?

00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,378

He's already been here!

00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,340

We've been watching

a recorded sky on playback.

00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:02,507

HEISTOTRON: Hello, Rick.

00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:05,635

[ Suspenseful music plays

00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:11,767

Okay, guys,

change of plans.

00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,101

Random time detected.

00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,603

No, Randotron,

it's not a good time!

00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,313

That's why it's random.

00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:17,439

[ Darts whirring ]

00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,649

♪♪

00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,777

[ Bell dings ]

00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,153

[ Chomping ]

00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:31,703

[ Helicopter blades whirring ]

00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:34,831

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,222

[ Cellphone chimes ]

00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,232

Ooh! [ Auctioneering ]

00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,109

21? [ Auctioneering ]

00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,444

22? [ Auctioneering ]

00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,238

Oooo weee, oooo weee, sold!

00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,990

Oooo weee, that little hunk of

meat's going home to pappy!

00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,787

HEISTOTRON: I've been

expecting you, Rick.

00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,997

But not like this, right?

00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,165

HEISTOTRON:

It hardly matters.

00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,334

-Oh, yeah. Does this?

-[ Pigeon coos ]

00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,382

No. Your randomness

does not confuse me.

00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:26,633

You are here now.

00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,968

That was the plan.

00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,470

I know.

It was part of mine, too.

00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,431

-I've got something to tell you.

-Let me guess.

00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,724

When you invented me

and Randotron,

00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,143

you swapped our brains.

00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,730

That's right, buddy.

00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,357

You're not the one

that's very good at planning.

00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,151

You've been making

this shit up the whole time.

00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,570

Rick, I think there's something

you should know.

00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,948

God damn it, Morty,

what did I tell you?

00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,658

That is something

I should know,

00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,619

or at least something I should

have predicted, which I did.

00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,414

Hey, Rick, I was thinking maybe

we could, like, raid a temple

00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,332

and go on an epic adventure

later today, you know, like --

00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,460

Morty, get out of my head.

I know just the temple.

00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:04,129

And we'll grab a couple of

hover chairs on the way there.

00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,715

Impressive.

But what does it even matter

00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,467

if I'm random or planned?

00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:11,219

My heists will still rule.

00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,181

Well, if the brain inside of you

is actually Heistotron's,

00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,224

it matters,

because it explodes

00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,351

when it hits six levels

of contrivance.

00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,354

Which is exactly

why even before --

00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,316

♪♪

00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,234

RANDOTRON:

Initiate clap sequence.

00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,069

Clap, clap, clap,

clap, clap.

00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,154

Adjusting clap rate.

00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,405

Clap, clap.

00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,782

Clap. Clap.

00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:35,327

Clap.

Slow clap achieved.

00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:36,995

Clap.

Well-done, Rick.

00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,330

Randotron?

00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,123

I'm afraid not.

00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:43,502

Should be able to walk through

Heistotron's lazily contrived...

00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:44,961

♪♪

00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,464

Not only did you just kill

your only ally,

00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,758

what you thought was

a random non-plan

00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:53,303

to get to me has been

a meticulously choreographed way

00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,639

of bringing you all in.

00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,057

Welcome to Heistotron's

00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,434

975 trillion,

00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,144

-467 billion --

-That's impressive.

00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,522

Did you bring us in

so that everybody would be here

00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,066

when I reveal that you're gonna

explode after nine reveals?

00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,109

By the way, you might not

want to answer that.

00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,445

If you're talking about

the code adjustments you made

00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:14,032

after I reprogrammed

your brain with my nanobots --

00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:15,700

I'm immune to your nanobots.

00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,203

You're immune to the ones

you designed, not mine.

00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,788

I programmed you

to build nanobots

00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,039

that were ineffective on me.

00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,666

A belief

that needed to be placed

00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,167

in your head by my nanobots.

00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,044

You believe that

because I programmed you to.

00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,671

That's what I'm saying to you,

though.

00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,006

You believe what I programmed

you to believe.

00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,883

Yes, because I programmed you

to believe that.

00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,385

I programmed you

to believe that.

00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,719

I programmed you

to believe that.

00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,054

I programmed you

to believe that.

00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,472

I programmed you

to believe that.

00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,391

What's happening,

Professor Poopybutthole?

00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,017

He's learning!

00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,060

I programmed you

to believe that.

00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,186

I programmed you

to believe that.

00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,980

I programmed you...

00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,231

BOTH:

That was my plan the whole time.

00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:47,607

That's what I wanted you

to think.

00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,692

I knew you would say that.

00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,485

I programmed you

to believe that.

00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,279

You think that's true because

I wanted you to think that.

00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:56,074

And I programmed you

to believe that.

00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,744

A most curious algorithm.

00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,830

It appears

the only perfect heist

00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,082

is one that was never written.

00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,250

Goodbye.

00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,128

-Oh, oh, oh, no.

-Shit.

00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,421

Alright. Let's get the fuck

out of here!

00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:10,755

Hurry! Go, go!

00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,215

Rick, I think this was

a powerful lesson

00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,592

in the dangers of AI,

00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:14,718

which, by the way,

means "love" in Chinese.

00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:15,760

Get the fuck

out of here, Elon!

00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,137

The place is collapsing!

00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,471

Oh, shit, Rick!

Rick, what time is it?

00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,223

It's almost 3:00.

Why? What's wrong?

00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,766

Oh, man, I-I'm sorry I didn't

tell you about this, Rick.

00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,476

I just --

00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,936

Well, you know that screenplay

that I've been writing?

00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,646

Netflix is pretty interested,

00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,690

and I've actually got a pitch

meeting there today at 3:30.

00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,150

Oh, buddy.

Oh, that's amazing.

00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,401

Yeah, well,

I know you're gonna say

00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,986

that they're interested

in anything,

00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,571

but, you know, it's a big deal

to me, and I've --

00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,197

No, no, no! Morty, Morty, Morty,

I'm so excited for you.

00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:37,532

Are you kidding me?

00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:38,908

Listen, don't waste

any time explaining.

00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,160

Let's go.

We can put the Earth back later.

00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,328

-Alright?

-Are you sure?

00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,537

Priorities, Morty.

00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,372

Let's get you

to that Netflix meeting.

00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,708

NETFLIX EXEC:

Crazy day, huh?

00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,252

Whole sky turned out to be

a big circuit board.

00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:50,962

Yeah, that's actually

part of a-a-a --

00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,380

an adventure I was having.

00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,715

Very cool.

00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:54,924

Traffic okay?

You have trouble getting here?

00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,009

No, it was alright.

00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,469

The planet's still contained

00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,721

in this sort of big

storage grid machine,

00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:02,599

so we were sort of already

pretty -- pretty close by.

00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,643

Must be nice.

Try getting here from Malibu.

00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,019

So good! Alright.

00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,228

Well, l-let's hear about

this heist movie.

00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,105

Okay, so,

it's kind of all --

00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,566

all built around this big crew

with, like, a cool double-cross

00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,610

and then this big awesome twist

where there's, like,

00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:17,113

another double cross,

but then, um, but --

00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,907

but then we reveal those things

00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:21,409

were all part

of the hero's plan, y-you know?

00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,953

And there's this other crew

they put together,

00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,623

and their plan is to sort of

not have a plan,

00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:31,169

but -- but that was part

of the other guy's plan, and --

00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,504

Kid, if you're slowing down

'cause you think

00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,297

you're doing bad right now,

Jesus Christ.

00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,382

-That's a really good pitch.

-Loving it.

00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,217

Man, you know, I --

00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:40,637

I'm starting to think heists are

just really dumb now, you know?

00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:41,888

I can't put my finger on why,

00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,973

but I'd really like to go.

00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,141

Are you sure?

00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,727

Yeah, yeah, no,

I-I'm sure.

00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:53,149

Man, it's as if someone stole

his enthusiasm for his own idea.

00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,442

Yeah, without him

even knowing about it.

00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,069

Without him

even knowing about it.

00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,655

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:19:58,781 --> 00:19:59,906

RICK: Fuckin' Morty's

still working

00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,533

on that stupid heist script.

00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,618

He's up in his room with

his fuckin' thumb up his ass.

00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:04,869

Skipped out

on the last three adventures.

00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,204

I don't know.

00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,288

Five of my friends

got Netflix deals.

00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:08,790

What?

00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:09,958

It's a very achievable goal.

You could lose him.

00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:11,084

I'm not gonna fuckin'

lose him.

00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,419

Fuck that.

00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,254

I-I'm gonna nip this shit

in the bud.

00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,797

No. As a matter of fact, you're

not nipping anything in the bud.

00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,216

If Morty ever gives up

on a single dream,

00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:21,010

it had better be because

of his own disillusionment.

00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:24,889

Hey, buddy.

How'd it go?

00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,225

I-I don't want

to talk about it.

00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:29,561

RICK: Morty, you know, pal,

you, uh --

00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,813

you miss 100%

of the shots you don't take.

00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,356

Yeah, I guess.

00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,941

Thanks for staying positive

about my prospects, Rick.

00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,443

Of course!

You know, you --

00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,361

I got to help my grandson

follow his dreams.

00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,779

Eh, who needs dreams?

00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,322

I'll just hang out with you

and go on adventures

00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,116

and do whatever you want to do,

you know, forever.

00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,492

Oh, well, uh, okay.

00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:48,079

I mean,

if that's what you want.

00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:51,207

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:22,405

[ Thunder crashes ]

00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:25,074

PROFESSOR POOPYBUTTHOLE:

Oooo weee! Big storm coming.

00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:28,203

-Could be a twister.

-Mm-hmm!

00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,373

Hey, Rick?

00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,541

Can you walk me

through something?

00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:34,959

Yeah.

What are you thinking?

00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,796

So, you and Morty

knew you needed my help,

00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:40,840

but you weren't sure

I was good enough at karate,

00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:44,219

so you hired my grad students

to attack me?

00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:45,804

Yep.

00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,139

But it was an emergency,

Rick.

00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:49,933

How long did that take?

00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:53,895

It actually took less training

than you'd think.

00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,230

Your students all shared

00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:57,315

a pretty keen aptitude

for martial arts.

00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:58,900

I don't know

if that's by coincidence

00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:01,402

or if there's some correlation

with their passion

00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:03,822

for African-American

Women's Studies.

00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:08,368

Maya Angelou did personify both

acquiescence and perseverance.

00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:11,788

Ooo wee. That's exactly

the kind of connection

00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:15,667

I'd have loved

to explore in my class.

00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,126

Too bad I lost my job

00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:20,255

for putting my students

in the hospital.

00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,298

Yeah. Yeah.

00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,884

Sorry about that.

00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:29,514

-[ Thunder crashes ]

-Mm-hmm.