Старик и седалище

00:00:06,490 --> 00:00:07,560

Хм. А знаете что?

00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:10,230

Позову-ка я своего стажёра.

00:00:10,230 --> 00:00:12,500

- Глути?

- Хватит?

00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:14,160

- Спасибо, Глути.

- Что-нибудь ещё?

00:00:14,170 --> 00:00:15,700

Разработаем приложение?

00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:17,170

- Нет, Глути, спасибо.

- Здарова, Глути.

00:00:17,170 --> 00:00:19,040

Привет, Морти, разработаем приложение?

00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,440

- Не, спасибо.

- Рик, почему на лбу твоего стажёра

00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,570

написано "Не разрабатывай моё приложение"?

00:00:22,580 --> 00:00:23,910

А что? Хочешь разработать?

00:00:23,910 --> 00:00:24,980

Джерри, я рад, что ты спросил.

00:00:24,980 --> 00:00:26,710

Это для того,

чтобы ты его не разрабатывал.

00:00:26,710 --> 00:00:29,810

Глути, иди отксерокопируй что-нибудь.

00:00:29,810 --> 00:00:32,650

Принял. Если кто-то захочет

разработать приложение, я в деле.

00:00:32,650 --> 00:00:35,190

Похоже, он очень хочет

разработать приложение.

00:00:35,190 --> 00:00:37,390

Да, милая, так и есть,

но никто этого делать не будет.

00:00:37,390 --> 00:00:38,790

А теперь прошу прощения,

00:00:38,790 --> 00:00:40,720

но меня ждёт приключение в соло,

00:00:40,730 --> 00:00:44,090

и его режиссёром выступит не Рон Ховард.

00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,330

Он покакать пошёл.

Когда деда Рик гладит свой живот

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и уходит без Морти,

это значит, что он идёт какать.

00:00:47,870 --> 00:00:49,870

Этот срак-отшельник стесняется нас

и ходит в свой секретный толкан.

00:00:49,870 --> 00:00:51,600

Да иди ты на хуй, Саммер.

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Милая, лучше бы ты с таким рвением

об экзаменах думала.

00:00:54,340 --> 00:00:57,270

Что ж. А мне хватит смелости

сказать "Я иду какать".

00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:00,540

И я буду польщён,

если в этом поучаствует Рон Ховард.

00:01:00,550 --> 00:01:01,500

- Молодец, дорогой.

- Круто, пап.

00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,500

Держим за тебя кулачки.

00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:08,280

Он тебя конкретно припряг, да?

00:01:08,290 --> 00:01:09,620

Ты хотел разработать приложение?

00:01:09,620 --> 00:01:11,890

- Я пас, Глути.

- Хм. Ну и зря.

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Да? Почему же?

00:01:13,630 --> 00:01:15,160

Перед таким приложением не устоять.

00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,490

- Можно узнать, в чём его суть?

- Конечно, можно.

00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:20,360

Это будет первый шаг в его разработке.

00:01:23,980 --> 00:01:25,040

50/50!

Последнее предложение.

00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:23,740

Построить модель обратного пищеварения.

00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:26,960

Пора встретить твоего создателя.

00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:30,030

Что это вы делаете?

00:03:30,030 --> 00:03:31,630

Вы что, приложение разработали?

00:03:31,630 --> 00:03:33,560

Сынок, первое правило

в разработке приложений –

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- ...забей на правила.

- Только если правила не набиты

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на лбу пришельца, папа!

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Думаешь, зачем Рик придумал это правило?!

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Пф. Да у него синдром вахтёра.

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Нет, папа!

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Чтобы предотвратить нечто ужасное!

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То, что ему лень объяснять.

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Народ, у нас первые пользователи!

00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:53,450

Ух ты. Приложуха подобрала мне парня,

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который ид мне под.

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Идеально мне подходит. Учись сокр.

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Эй!

00:03:59,190 --> 00:04:02,060

Твой "ид-под" работает в "Сабвэй"

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и 25 раз в год ходит на концерты Phish.

00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,800

- В этом весь Дэнни.

- Саммер!

00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,200

- Дэнни?

- Саммер Смит?

00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,800

...Дэнни Баблитс из "НайдиЛюбоффь"

с двумя "ф" и мягким знаком?

00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,220

Я бежал сюда, не отрываясь

от твоего профиля.

00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:15,140

Я споткнулся о пожарный гидрант

и упал в щебёнку,

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которая прилипла к моему потному телу.

00:04:17,010 --> 00:04:18,410

И после душа

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я всё равно буду слушать

рок-группу для старых торчков.

00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:22,810

Мне кажется, этот мир

слишком печётся о группах

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и мало думает о любви.

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- Кажется, я люблю тебя.

- И я тебя.

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Привет, я мать этой

несовершеннолетней девочки.

00:04:29,950 --> 00:04:31,550

Приятно...

Воу!

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Полегче! Вы только познакомились!

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У нас ничего не выйдет.

00:04:35,230 --> 00:04:36,450

Погоди. Что ты...

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Неважно.

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Я увольняюсь! Я гей, и я люблю Зандера!

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Глупые гаджеты губят нас!

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Привет, милая.

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Дорогой, наша дочь сбежала

с любителем фрисби-гольфа

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из-за какого-то приложения с тупым

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и незапоминающимся названием.

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Название прям какое-то супер дурацкое,

неоригинальное и вымученное.

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В общем, буду поздно. Люблю тебя.

00:04:56,050 --> 00:04:58,250

Понял. И я тебя люблю.

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Ладно, Глути, сноси приложение.

00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:03,450

Я не могу его снести,

я всего лишь стажёр.

00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,120

Эм... Это вам не поможет.

00:05:08,130 --> 00:05:09,990

Тогда может ты нам поможешь?

00:05:09,990 --> 00:05:12,860

Это не поможет добиться от меня помощи!

00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:14,330

У-удаляй его с сервера!

00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:16,070

Т-ты думаешь, что мы тупицы,

но это не так.

00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:18,200

Мы знаем, что приложения

как-то связаны с серверами.

00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,140

Сервер на главном корабле.

00:05:19,140 --> 00:05:20,270

Где главный корабль?

00:05:20,270 --> 00:05:21,870

- Скоро прилетит.

- Отведи нас к нему.

00:05:21,870 --> 00:05:23,140

- Нет.

- Да.

00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:24,740

Потряси его сильнее, Морти, это помогает.

00:05:24,740 --> 00:05:26,210

Отведи нас на главный корабль!

00:05:38,850 --> 00:05:40,490

Ладно, только не бейте! Не бейте!

00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:42,560

Приложение "Пугающее Пиканье".

00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,760

Ну разве можно злиться на это талантище?

00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,430

Ещё как можно и нужно, пап!

00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:54,640

- Ква ква.

- Ква ква.

00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,640

- Эй, ква ква ква!

- Ква ква ква.

00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,640

Ты посмотри на него.

Просто пожирает меня взглядом.

00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,040

Эй, ты хочешь меня съесть, да?

00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,780

- Ква.

- Да шучу. Держи свою дурь.

00:06:01,780 --> 00:06:03,780

- Это ты Червесос?

- Чё ему надо?

00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,780

- Что это за мартышка?

- Я насчёт сэндвича.

00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:07,580

Оу, ну тогда ты по адресу...

00:06:07,590 --> 00:06:09,850

...ведь сейчас ты получишь сэндвич из пуль

00:06:09,850 --> 00:06:12,460

с двумя ломтиками целой... пушки.

00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:15,140

Лучше ответь.

00:06:17,350 --> 00:06:20,000

- Алло?

- Папа! Дай этому человеку всё,

00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,930

что он захочет.

Этот псих знает, где я живу!

00:06:23,130 --> 00:06:24,670

Ха-ха-ха, ну ты и долбозвон.

00:06:24,670 --> 00:06:27,650

У меня восемьсот тысяч детей.

00:06:27,860 --> 00:06:29,340

Не забудь про автоответчик.

00:06:29,340 --> 00:06:33,940

У вас четыреста семьдесят тысяч сообщений.

00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:35,640

Ох, ну, это уже половина,

00:06:35,670 --> 00:06:37,210

короче, ч-ч-что тебе нужно? Зачем пришёл?

00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:40,420

Стоп, так весь сыр-бор

правда из-за сэндвича?

00:06:40,420 --> 00:06:42,820

Я думал, дело в наркоте, пушках

00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:44,890

или том факте, что муха

заправляет рестораном для лягушек.

00:06:44,890 --> 00:06:47,420

Миллион подозрительных фактов,

00:06:47,430 --> 00:06:48,690

но среди них точно нет сэндвичей.

00:06:48,690 --> 00:06:51,230

- Кто его заказал?

- Поговори с дроном-доставщиком.

00:06:51,230 --> 00:06:54,200

Он... на войне сейчас

вместе с другими роботами.

00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:57,230

Слышь, макака, надеюсь, ты доволен,

00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,170

что нажил себе целый рой врагов.

00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:02,480

Я буду доволен, когда найду того,

кто насрал в мой унитаз.

00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,990

Это какая-то кодовая фраза?

Загуглите кто-нибудь.

00:07:06,020 --> 00:07:07,740

Если это сленг наркоманов,

то я должен быть в теме.

00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,820

- Мама, тебе не остановить истинную любовь!

- Ещё как остановить!

00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,860

- Это уже похищение!

- Не ори.

00:07:15,890 --> 00:07:18,140

- Меня похищают!

- Ах, так?

00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:19,460

- Изнасилование несовершеннолетней!

- Эй.

00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:20,660

Мою дочь сейчас изнасилуют!

00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:22,060

Вовсе нет! Меня похищают!

00:07:22,060 --> 00:07:23,190

- Насилуют!

- Похищают!

00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,460

- Насилуют!

- Всем плевать. Это дешёвый мотель.

00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:27,200

Думаете, люди здесь

от хорошей жизни прячутся

00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,330

и им не хватает ещё только

в ваши дела вмешаться?

00:07:29,330 --> 00:07:30,610

Сами разбирайтесь со своим говном.

00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:33,200

Ты не помешаешь нам снять комнату.

00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:34,340

Ладно, тогда я тоже сниму.

00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:35,870

Прямо по соседству.

00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,470

Приложу стакан к стене и буду слушать.

00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,340

- Класс. Наслаждайся.

- И буду.

00:07:39,350 --> 00:07:41,730

- Кстати, я Дэнни.

- Ты просрал свой шанс, чмошник.

00:07:45,770 --> 00:07:47,220

Сноси приложение.

00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:48,460

С-сноси. Сноси его!

00:07:48,690 --> 00:07:49,620

- Что?

- Я у них в заложниках.

00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:51,750

- У них есть оружие?

- Не-а, но у меня тоже нет.

00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,520

У... у тебя есть оружие?

00:07:53,650 --> 00:07:54,080

Нет.

00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:56,560

- Сноси приложение!

- Сноси приложение!

00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:57,630

Не могу. Я стажёр.

00:07:57,630 --> 00:07:59,900

Ладно, кто командует стажёрами?

00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:01,300

Ну, уж точно не ты.

00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:05,440

Отведи нас к тому, кто командует,

а не то мы... Мы тебе врежем.

00:08:05,870 --> 00:08:06,640

Ладно.

00:08:07,010 --> 00:08:08,170

Неплохо, Морти.

00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:09,910

Да, не знаю, когда нас ждёт

очередной подвох,

00:08:09,910 --> 00:08:12,380

но пока всё идёт хорошо.

00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,450

Приветствую. Мы Моногатроны.

00:08:15,450 --> 00:08:17,850

Пока ваш вид игрался с огнём,

00:08:17,850 --> 00:08:20,780

наш вид освоил науку

серьёзных отношений

00:08:20,790 --> 00:08:22,180

и моногамии.

00:08:22,190 --> 00:08:23,990

Теперь на вашей планете

есть наше приложение,

00:08:23,990 --> 00:08:28,930

так что приготовьтесь узреть

истинную силу безупречной близости.

00:08:28,930 --> 00:08:30,330

Сноси приложение!

00:08:30,330 --> 00:08:33,220

Сноси давай, а то мы... мы... мы тебе врежем!

00:08:33,670 --> 00:08:35,330

Тут есть кто-нибудь с пушкой или...

00:08:35,330 --> 00:08:36,730

Уже в пути.

00:08:36,740 --> 00:08:37,670

Приложение остаётся.

00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:39,400

И что у вас за зловещий план?

00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,270

А обязательно нужен зловещий план?

00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:43,670

Кто тут пушку просил?

00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,940

Я возьму. Спасибо.

00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,680

Итак, наш злобный план.

00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:47,810

Чёрт возьми.

00:08:47,810 --> 00:08:49,480

Ваша отсталая цивилизация без приложения

00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,620

ценит любовь, потому что она в дефиците.

00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,550

Находить любовь вы научились отлично,

00:08:55,550 --> 00:08:59,150

но вы не имеете понятия,

как её сохранить.

00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:01,760

Освоив любовь,

00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,430

вы бы поняли, что её у вас

в избытке, прямо как воды.

00:09:05,430 --> 00:09:07,770

А вот у нас с водой проблемы!

00:09:07,910 --> 00:09:09,700

Эта ссанина заканчивается.

00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:11,700

Так что мы заберём её у вас,

00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:14,840

пока ваша планета будет ковыряться с...

00:09:15,060 --> 00:09:16,770

как там называется их версия?

00:09:16,930 --> 00:09:18,980

НайдиЛюбоффь с двумя "ф" и мягким знаком.

00:09:18,980 --> 00:09:20,710

- Ох.

- Ага. Не моя идея.

00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:22,850

- Твою мать.

- Я не мешаю?

00:09:22,850 --> 00:09:25,840

Ты не можешь помешать. Вот она.

00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,120

Твои пленники сбегают.

00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,850

Пленники – вещь мимолётная.

00:09:29,850 --> 00:09:32,120

Пообщайся со мной. Как прошёл твой день?

00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:33,520

У меня была потрясающая встреча.

00:09:33,530 --> 00:09:36,420

Ты знал, что люди на 80% состоят из воды?

00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,800

И я нашла классный подкаст,

можем вечерком послушать.

00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:40,480

С радостью.

00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,000

Ладно, за работу.

00:09:42,490 --> 00:09:45,000

Найти и убить этих землян!

00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,340

Мы в меньшинстве. Надежды нет.

00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:55,280

Тогда мы уйдём в лучах славы.

00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,650

Готовься к смерти, мясной чужак.

00:09:58,010 --> 00:09:59,030

Ой, погоди.

00:09:59,940 --> 00:10:02,010

Мои извинения, капитан-лейтенант.

00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,550

Да ничего. Вольно, солдат.

00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:09,170

Запустить режим оценки сотрудников.

00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:11,780

- Открываю архив доставки.

- Так, ладно.

00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,430

Ты доставлял сэндвич с мясом птицы

00:10:13,430 --> 00:10:15,900

без капус--

Твою дивизию!

00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:38,340

Вай! Не это ль ищешь-свищешь?

00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,390

Ладно, л-л-лады.

Я понял, здоровяк

00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,190

хочет побадаться с мелюзгой, но...

00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,600

Сука, да ты стебёшься?

00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:51,220

...репортаж из Среднего вазара,

00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:53,270

где Роболюционное сопротивление

00:10:53,270 --> 00:10:54,540

полностью разгромило ящеров.

00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:56,070

Я всё понимаю, мистер Филлипс.

00:10:56,260 --> 00:10:57,220

Да.

00:10:58,210 --> 00:10:59,730

Полагаю, это твоё.

00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:03,350

Ты, эм... обронил это.

00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:05,020

Я вам перезвоню.

00:11:05,620 --> 00:11:06,950

Где ты хочешь сдохнуть?

00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:09,490

Сьюзан, третий конференц-зал свободен?

00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,970

Можно я буду смотреть на фото

своей жены, пока ты меня убиваешь?

00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:14,340

Конечно, но я делаю ей одолжение.

00:11:14,370 --> 00:11:15,830

Либо у неё дурной вкус,

00:11:15,830 --> 00:11:17,860

либо её туалетный вор в плену держит.

00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:18,870

Она мертва.

00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:21,110

И я не против присоединиться к ней.

00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:24,800

Жизнь стала... пустой, когда я потерял её.

00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,160

Но сортир у тебя шикарный.

00:11:27,610 --> 00:11:28,950

Просто я, скажем так, срак-отшельник,

стыжусь этого дела.

00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,040

Ну, не тяни.

00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:35,400

Жди здесь.

00:11:39,090 --> 00:11:40,180

Скажи ему то, что сказал мне.

00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:41,320

Что это? В чём дело?

00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,250

Скажи ему то, что сказал мне!

00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:43,650

Моя жена ещё жива.

00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:45,660

У-у-у неё случилась ремиссия

десять лет назад.

00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:47,060

Что ты сегодня делал?

00:11:47,060 --> 00:11:48,320

Оу, я сегодня испражнулся

00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:50,190

в один офигенный тубзалет,

который нашёл на...

00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,220

ай!

00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:54,820

Не оправдывайся мёртвой жёнушкой.

00:11:54,850 --> 00:11:57,400

Ты срёшь в мой унитаз,

потому что не знаешь своё место.

00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,340

А оно даже не у параши, его вообще нет.

00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:00,940

Когда в следующий раз найдёшь туалет,

00:12:00,940 --> 00:12:04,570

который кажется слишком хорошим

для твоей жопы, поверь, так и есть.

00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,210

- Так ты меня не убьешь?

- Я сам решу, что мне делать!

00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,050

Сука, чё за приколы?

00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,200

Что такое? Умирать расхотелось?

00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:49,130

Тогда какого хрена ты здесь расселся?

00:12:49,150 --> 00:12:51,160

После нашей встречи я размышлял над тем,

00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:52,690

как твои слова открыли мне глаза.

00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,500

Я задумался: зачем ты это говоришь,

00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:56,060

а главное - кому?

00:12:56,170 --> 00:12:57,840

Тебе это тоже нужно, Рик.

00:12:57,870 --> 00:13:00,630

Тебе нужен кто-то,

кто разрешит тебе... просто жить.

00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:02,300

Какого...?

00:13:02,310 --> 00:13:04,100

Я думал, ты на людях пёрнуть боишься.

00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,820

Знаешь, что значит бояться пёрнуть, Рик?

00:13:05,980 --> 00:13:07,780

Это бесполезная борьба за контроль.

00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:09,310

Наивно полагая,

что это нечто сугубо личное,

00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:11,380

ты пытаешься скрыть эту частичку жизни

00:13:11,380 --> 00:13:13,790

от вселенной, но она

всё равно заберёт своё.

00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,250

Она забрала мою жену.

00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,080

Наверняка и ты многое потерял.

00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,360

Мы можем терпеть весь остаток жизни.

00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:21,190

А можем выбрать свободу

и облегчить душу.

00:13:21,190 --> 00:13:23,280

Ты прав, Тони. Я устал терпеть.

00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:25,190

Пора облегчиться.

00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:26,390

Стой, ты серьезно сейчас...

00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:27,590

Ооо, боже! Господь всемогущий!

00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,540

- Где это я?

- Привет, мышонок.

00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:37,200

Пчёлка моя! Я так скучал.

00:13:37,210 --> 00:13:38,740

Я всегда была рядом.

00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:40,480

Тогда ты в курсе. Вот уже несколько лет,

00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,500

- как я начал увлекаться...

- Порнухой со страпонами?

00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,410

Да. Меня это заводило.

00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:46,350

- Пойдём.

- Куда мы идём?

00:13:46,350 --> 00:13:47,780

- Какать.

- Куда?

00:13:47,830 --> 00:13:50,010

Куда захочешь! В любое время!

00:13:50,070 --> 00:13:51,220

Боже мой!

00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:54,080

Меня звал? Я тут тоже наваливаю!

00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,690

Идём, Тони, идём.

00:13:55,690 --> 00:13:58,230

Покакай со мной.

Покакай со мной, Тони.

00:13:58,230 --> 00:13:59,120

Покакай со мной.

00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:01,100

Чего же ты ждёшь, тугосеря?

00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,900

Не составишь нам компанию, Тони?

00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:04,970

Посидим-попердим?

00:14:22,390 --> 00:14:23,390

Где мы? Чт-что это?!

00:14:23,390 --> 00:14:24,790

Хватит с тебя. Вылезай.

00:14:24,790 --> 00:14:26,120

Ты способен сгенерировать

идеальную симуляцию

00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,520

унитазного рая,

00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:28,940

а пустить в свой толкан не можешь?

00:14:28,970 --> 00:14:30,330

Мои труды в это не впутывай.

00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:31,630

Это всё глобафлиновый химикат.

00:14:31,660 --> 00:14:33,400

Он соединяет в твоей башке твои хотелки

00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,330

с твоими проделками.

00:14:35,330 --> 00:14:37,240

Если твой рай – это унитазы,

виноват только ты.

00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,750

- А все эти люди...

- Живут в своих диких

00:14:39,780 --> 00:14:42,610

и бессмысленных мечтах и не докучают мне.

00:14:42,710 --> 00:14:45,810

Те, кого ты отказался убивать.

И впускать в свою жизнь.

00:14:45,810 --> 00:14:48,890

Ты отказался от этого предложения,

и вот твой последний шанс.

00:14:49,150 --> 00:14:49,910

Прощай.

00:14:49,940 --> 00:14:52,530

- Ещё раз мой унитаз тронешь, ты труп.

- Тебе нужен друг.

00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,230

Да у меня миллион друзей покруче тебя.

00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:55,690

- Ещё увидимся.

- На твоих похоронах.

00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:57,210

- И станем друзьями.

- Когда ты помрёшь.

00:14:57,710 --> 00:14:59,490

Так, мы пробиваемся к газопроводу,

00:14:59,490 --> 00:15:02,020

- прорываем его и устраиваем пожар.

- Отлично. Хорошо.

00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,360

Приключения Джерри и Морти, да, Морти?

00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:05,560

- Давай пятак.

- Пап, с-слушай,

00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:06,890

к-к-какой нафиг пятак?

00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:09,160

Это... Это твоя вина, что мы тут встряли.

00:15:09,190 --> 00:15:10,780

Да, знаю, но всё же...

00:15:11,030 --> 00:15:13,240

- Приключения Джерри и Морти!

- Ладно.

00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,790

Джефф, я сейчас всё объясню.

00:15:35,790 --> 00:15:36,880

Ни слова больше!

00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,920

Можно просто поменять невесту?

00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:41,270

- Джефф, остановись!

- Ричард!

00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:43,800

Мэгги!

00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,750

- Семенящий Орёл!

- Ну что, поскакали?

00:15:46,870 --> 00:15:48,600

- Отец Уизерспун!

- Иосия?

00:15:48,610 --> 00:15:50,530

Давай уже съебём отсюда.

00:15:51,670 --> 00:15:54,480

Саммер Смит, валим отсюда

к чертям собачьим.

00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,980

Имени было достаточно.

00:15:56,770 --> 00:15:58,450

Ой, нет, с чего бы это я...

00:15:59,630 --> 00:16:01,770

Саммер! Ну что за говно.

00:16:02,020 --> 00:16:03,950

Блин... Как здесь поворачивать?!

00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,490

Какого дьявола ты творишь?

00:16:08,490 --> 00:16:10,830

- Детей воспитываю.

- Не так я свою воспитывал.

00:16:10,830 --> 00:16:12,360

Да? Ну и где же она сейчас?

00:16:12,650 --> 00:16:14,060

Эх, твоя правда...

00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:15,690

Она вступила в ИГИЛ.

00:16:18,650 --> 00:16:21,300

Это Глути. Он передумал

00:16:21,310 --> 00:16:22,700

и решил освободить нас!

00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:25,100

Вообще-то в наказание за то,

что я вас сюда притащил,

00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:26,320

мне приказали казнить вас.

00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:27,910

Воу-воу-воу! Так.

00:16:27,940 --> 00:16:30,450

Разве твоя дама сердца

захочет встречаться с палачом?

00:16:30,450 --> 00:16:32,110

Так вышло, что я сейчас

ни с кем не встречаюсь.

00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,350

Серьезно? Я думал, у вашего вида

любовь на всю жизнь.

00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,980

- Держи.

- Нам запрещено пользоваться приложениями.

00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:38,460

Интересно, почему.

00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,070

Да, так я и думал, Глути.

00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,830

Похоже, у нас с тобой...

00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:44,790

...никого нет.

00:16:47,950 --> 00:16:49,200

Больше я вам помогать не стану.

00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,340

Но если найдете ангар,

00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,130

хватайте корабль и тикайте отседова.

00:16:52,170 --> 00:16:53,260

Что ты задумал, Глути?

00:16:53,450 --> 00:16:56,540

У меня свидание с расставанием

с приложухой для свиданий.

00:16:56,540 --> 00:16:58,420

Глути-ути-уууу!

00:16:58,540 --> 00:17:00,410

- Это у него такая фишка?

- Неа.

00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:02,410

- Он никогда так не делал?

- Нет. Это впервые.

00:17:02,410 --> 00:17:04,010

Пап, я хочу кое-что сказать.

00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:06,880

Сегодня утром мне было мучительно

противно осознавать, что я твой сын.

00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:08,280

А потом я был уверен, что мы погибнем

00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:09,520

из-за того, какое ты чмо.

00:17:11,550 --> 00:17:13,070

- Больше ничего не добавишь?

- Нет.

00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,950

Кончай хуйню творить, идём уже!

00:17:16,490 --> 00:17:18,560

Тони на месте? Я-я-я принес ему, эм,

00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,700

веганский чили, богатый клетчаткой,

по семейному рецепту

00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,700

и коробку... эм... конфет без сахара. Он...

00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:24,370

Может съесть хоть все сразу...

00:17:24,370 --> 00:17:26,030

В общем... я просто хотел это занести, и...

00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,700

передайте ему, что-то типа...

сри на здоровье!

00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:29,980

Он-он поймет, о чём речь.

00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:32,010

Тони умер.

00:17:33,410 --> 00:17:35,440

- Прошу прощения?

- Он ушёл с работы,

00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,430

стал жить полной жизнью.

00:17:37,870 --> 00:17:39,050

Влетел на полной скорости в дерево,

00:17:39,050 --> 00:17:41,450

катаясь на космо-лыжах на Космо-Эвересте.

00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:42,480

Пиздец...

00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:44,520

Тут есть Космо-Эверест?!

00:17:45,390 --> 00:17:47,190

Так... Боже...

00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:49,520

Надо всё обдумать...

00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:50,860

Ой, не-не-не, не стоит это в рот класть.

00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:52,190

Если не хочешь, чтоб из тебя сквозило,

00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,130

как в "Деревенщине из Бэверли Хилз".

00:17:54,130 --> 00:17:56,460

Сечешь? Чёрное золото буль-буль?

00:17:56,470 --> 00:17:58,530

- Не?

- Не понимаю этих отсылок.

00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:00,230

Да, но у вас же есть Космо-Эверест?

00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:02,200

Посмотри "Деревенщину из Космо-Бэверли",

00:18:02,210 --> 00:18:04,740

чтоб шутейка дошла, манда с ушами.

00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:21,910

Иии что теперь?

00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,700

- Будем жить долго и счастливо.

- А потом?

00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,010

Узнаем. Вместе.

00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,960

Саммер, сколько суженых

у тебя было за эту неделю?

00:18:29,970 --> 00:18:32,940

Четверо. Ты не помешаешь мне

любить моих любимых, мама!

00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:34,240

А вот хуй там.

00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,170

Я твоя мать, и буду тебя материнить,

пока тебе не стукнет 18,

00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:39,080

даже если меня посадят

за материнство по принуждению.

00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:41,290

И даже тогда я сбегу,

00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,450

найду твой дом, выбью дверь

00:18:43,450 --> 00:18:46,380

и обматерю твою рожу об твою тупую жопу.

00:18:46,380 --> 00:18:48,450

Я раздочерю тебе все мозги, сучара.

00:18:59,730 --> 00:19:00,800

Мою ж мать!

00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,000

Ты меня не упоминай всуе.

00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:08,400

Да! Ещё один суженый!

00:19:09,210 --> 00:19:10,300

Реклама?

00:19:11,740 --> 00:19:13,340

В пизду.

00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:15,940

- Реклама?

- Чёёё? Они хотят, чтоб я за это платил?

00:19:15,950 --> 00:19:17,750

Фууу, реклама.

00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:19,730

Давай, Мам. Идём домой.

00:19:23,190 --> 00:19:24,820

Ну, вот, профукали Землю.

00:19:24,820 --> 00:19:28,180

Поступки не должны определять нас.

А кроме нас нам ничего и не нужно.

00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:31,070

- Кроме нас... и воды.

- У нас воды нет?

00:19:31,090 --> 00:19:32,690

Мусик, в этом был и весь смысл захвата Зем...

00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:34,630

Я знаю, зачем мы захватываем Землю!

00:19:34,630 --> 00:19:36,700

- Не разговаривай со мной, будто...

- Будто я пить хочу?

00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:39,570

Будто я твоя мать,

инфантильная ты козлина!

00:19:39,570 --> 00:19:40,960

Сколько воды ты уже нахлебал

00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:42,280

через эти ссаные трубки

00:19:42,310 --> 00:19:43,890

- в горбу?!

- Нормальные трубки.

00:19:43,910 --> 00:19:44,960

Мы разводимся.

00:19:44,980 --> 00:19:48,310

Можешь жениться на стакане грёбаной воды!

00:19:49,530 --> 00:19:53,050

Слушай, эм, на случай, если ты вдруг

пользовалась приложением,

00:19:53,050 --> 00:19:56,650

и где-то там тебя ждет

твоя судьба... Я... эм...

00:19:56,650 --> 00:19:59,380

Джерри, я им не пользовалась. А ты...

00:19:59,450 --> 00:20:02,190

Я? Боже, конечно, нет.

00:20:02,190 --> 00:20:03,690

Что ж тогда всё путём, пёёс!

00:20:10,820 --> 00:20:13,130

Прив... Эй, слушай... Отец Тони... Привет...

00:20:13,140 --> 00:20:16,600

В-вот тебе 8 миллиардов местной валюты

00:20:16,610 --> 00:20:20,270

и набор, чтоб клонировать нового сына.

00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,080

М-мозг у него будет другой,

00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,880

типа, как у неандертальца.

Но вы научите его всякому.

00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,850

Т-т-также я изучил бесконечные вселенные.

00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,390

В одной из них Тони

был настоящим исчадием ада

00:20:30,410 --> 00:20:33,260

и устроил тотальный геноцид из-за того,

что жил на полную катушку.

00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:37,210

Так что да... Не такая уж и потеря,

если с такой стороны посмотреть.

00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:38,940

Я всё понимаю.

00:20:39,380 --> 00:20:42,360

Не легко терять друга.

00:20:42,370 --> 00:20:43,470

- На хуй иди!

- Что?

00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:44,500

Он мне не друг.

00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:05,250

А вот и наш засранец.

00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:06,650

Прими поздравления, Тони!

00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:08,190

Хорошенько оторвись

на этом дурацком унитазе,

00:21:08,190 --> 00:21:10,260

ведь он теперь весь в твоём распоряжении.

00:21:10,260 --> 00:21:12,390

Растопырь булки и кайфуй

в полном одиночестве,

00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,730

осознавая, что никто

не хочет с тобой яшкаться

00:21:15,730 --> 00:21:17,000

из-за того, какой ты огромный

кусок говнины.

00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,600

Ну ты и расселся тут.

00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,870

Король Дристун на троне одиночества.

00:21:20,870 --> 00:21:23,000

Наслаждайся тубзиком,

в котором тысяча моих копий

00:21:23,010 --> 00:21:25,540

будет орать тебе в ухо

под каждый твой бздёж.

00:21:25,540 --> 00:21:27,410

Да славится Его Величество,

00:21:27,410 --> 00:21:31,750

самый жа-а-алкий чмошник во всём космосе.

00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:35,020

Да здравствует Кал Великий

00:21:35,020 --> 00:21:37,900

каждый день-пердень на долгие века.

00:22:11,190 --> 00:22:13,650

Рик, это ты взял Табаско?

00:22:14,550 --> 00:22:16,530

Хм. Глобафлин?

00:22:19,470 --> 00:22:22,330

- Спасибо. Вы просто мой спаситель.

- Не стоит.

00:22:22,330 --> 00:22:25,520

Благодаря вам я смогу пить воду

целую неделю.

00:22:25,550 --> 00:22:27,600

Это моя работа, мэм.

00:22:29,780 --> 00:22:32,140

Канал 1-9, приём, Джерри Смит на связи.

00:22:32,170 --> 00:22:33,930

С первой доставкой всё,

00:22:33,950 --> 00:22:35,260

осталось ещё 9 сотен.

00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:06,047

We're out of syrup.

00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,298

Huh.

You know what?

00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:09,717

Maybe I'll use

my intern.

00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:12,136

-Glootie?

-Good?

00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,930

-Thanks, Glootie.

-Anything else?

00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:15,348

Do you want to develop

an app?

00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:17,058

-No thanks, Glootie.

-Hey, what's up, Glootie?

00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,684

Hi, Morty.

Do you want to develop an app?

00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,228

-No thanks.

-Rick, why does it say,

00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,271

"Do not develop my app,"

on your intern's forehead?

00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:23,564

Why, you want to

develop one?

00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,857

Ah, I'm glad

you asked that, Jerry.

00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,526

It's so you don't develop

his app.

00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,528

Glootie, go make some

photocopies of something.

00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:29,779

Cool.

00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:31,113

Well, if anyone wants

to develop an app with me,

00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,281

I'm down.

00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,867

He seems to really want

to develop an app.

00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,911

He really does, sweetie,

but nobody's gonna do that.

00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,454

Now,

if you'll excuse me,

00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,623

I've got a quick

solo adventure to go on,

00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,292

and this one will not be

directed by Ron Howard.

00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:44,293

He's gonna go poop.

00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,003

When Grandpa Rick pats

his belly like that

00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,588

and leaves without Morty,

it means he's going to go poop.

00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,632

He's a shy pooper.

He has a secret pooping place.

00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,551

-RICK: Man, fuck you, Summer.

-[ Door closes ]

00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:54,053

BETH: Honey, why can't you get

this excited about your SATs?

00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,973

Well, I'm man enough to simply

say, "I'm going to poop,"

00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:59,642

and I'd be honored to have

Ron Howard involved.

00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:00,851

BETH: Good job, hon.

00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,103

-Way to go, Dad.

-We're rooting for ya.

00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,647

[ Toilet flushes ]

00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,984

He's really putting you

to work, huh?

00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,318

Did you want to

develop an app?

00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,612

-I'll pass, Glootie.

-Hmm, your loss.

00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,322

Oh, yeah?

Why's that?

00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:14,782

Eh, it's an app

you'd want to develop.

00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,285

-Can I ask what it is?

-Of course you can.

00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,829

That's always the first step

in app development.

00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:23,457

Ah.

[ Chuckles ]

00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:24,917

50/50!

Final offer!

00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:28,045

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,656

[ Music stops ]

00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:12,298

[ Soft music plays ]

00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,813

[ Loon calls in distance ]

00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,906

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:37,948

♪♪

00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:41,744

[ Device beeping ]

00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,372

[ Device buzzing ]

00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:51,587

[ Device whirs, beeps ]

00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:57,301

[ Grunting ]

00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:04,684

[ Mechanisms whirring ]

00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,363

[ Keyboard beeps ]

00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:25,037

Reverse digestion

extrapolation.

00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,789

Time to meet your maker.

00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,416

[ Cork pops ]

00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,792

What are you guys

doing?

00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,252

Did you develop

an app?

00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,254

Rule number one

in app development, son --

00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,922

never follow the rules.

00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:38,050

Except when the rule is tattooed

on an alien's forehead, Dad.

00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,510

Why do you think

Rick would have that rule?

00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,053

'Cause he's

a disrupt-o-phobe.

00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,513

No, Dad, no.

00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,014

To keep something horrible

from happening,

00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:46,058

something he's too lazy

to explain.

00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,727

Guys, we're getting

our first users.

00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,980

[ Cellphone beeping ]

00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:53,149

Whoa, this new app

just matched me

00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:55,860

with a guy

that is su my ty.

00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,945

Super my type.

Learn to abbre.

00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,196

Hey!

00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,949

Your su ty works

at Jersey Mike's

00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,160

and sees 25 Phish shows

a year.

00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,579

-That is so Danny.

-DANNY: Summer!

00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,205

-Danny?

-Summer Smith?

00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,791

Danny Publits from Lovefinderrz

with two "R's" and a "Z"?

00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,294

I ran all the way here

while staring at your profile.

00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,879

I tripped on a fire hydrant

and fell down,

00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,922

so I'm covered in gravel

that stuck to my sweat.

00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,466

And even after a shower,

00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,468

I'll still be into a jam band

for old junkies,

00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,678

but I think this world cares

too much about bands

00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,972

and too little

about love.

00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,433

-And I think I love you.

-Me, too.

00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,769

Hi, I'm my underaged

daughter's mother.

00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,395

Nice to -- whoa!

00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,689

-Come on. Just met.

-[ Cellphone beeps ]

00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,232

Uh, this isn't working.

00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,567

-Wait. What are you --

-[ Cellphone beeps ]

00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:37,860

-Never mind.

-[ Cellphone beeps ]

00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,821

I quit, I'm gay,

and I love Xander.

00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,783

Stupid phones

are destroying us.

00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,409

Hey, sweetie.

00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,578

BETH: Honey, our daughter

ran off with a Frisbee golfer

00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,246

because of some app

with a really dumb,

00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,873

really forgettable name.

00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:54,627

Like a really dumb, uncreative,

super sweaty name.

00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:55,878

Anyway, I'll be late.

I love you.

00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,130

Got it.

I love you, too.

00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,633

Okay, Glootie,

take the app down.

00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,260

Can't take it down.

I'm just an intern.

00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:06,263

[ Yells, grunting ]

00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,057

Uh, that's not

how apps work.

00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,809

Then make it

how it works.

00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,728

This isn't how

making things work works.

00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,146

Get -- get it off

the server.

00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:15,898

Y-You think we're stupid,

but we're not.

00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,942

We know apps have something

to do with servers.

00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,151

The server's on

the mother ship.

00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:20,277

Where's

the mother ship?

00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,737

-It's coming.

-Take us to it.

00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,072

-No.

-Yes.

00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:24,532

Shake him more, Morty.

That was working.

00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,950

Take us

to the mother ship.

00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,118

-[ Beeping ]

-[ Gasps ]

00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,579

[ Chuckles ]

00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:33,791

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:38,462

[ Beeping continues ]

00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,381

Okay, don't hurt me.

Don't hurt me.

00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,424

JERRY:

An ominous beeping app.

00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:44,552

You can't stay made at a guy

with this kind of talent.

00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,512

Dad, you can,

and you have to.

00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,768

[ Display beeps ]

00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,603

-Ribbit, ribbit.

-Ribbit, ribbit.

00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,480

-Hey, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit!

-Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit!

00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,524

Look at this guy.

He wants to eat me so bad.

00:05:58,650 --> 00:05:59,859

You want to eat me,

don't you?

00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,735

-Ribbit.

-Just kidding. Have some drugs.

00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,821

-Are you Vermigurber?

-What does this guy want?

00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,739

-Who is this monkey?

-I'm here about a sandwich.

00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:06,991

-Oh, well you came

to the right place...

00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,158

-[ Guns cock ]

-...'cause you're about to get

00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,535

a bullet sandwich

00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:12,246

on two slices

of whole...gun.

00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,832

-[ Cellphone ringing ]

-You might want to get that.

00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,250

[ Ringing continues ]

00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,751

Hello?

00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,753

VOICE: Dad, give the human

whatever he wants.

00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,797

He knows where I live.

He's crazy!

00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,258

[ Chuckles ]

You fucking idiot.

00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,344

I have 800,000 kids.

00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,305

Don't forget

your voicemail.

00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:33,809

AUTOMATED MALE VOICE:

You have 470,000 messages.

00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,352

Oh, ah,

that's half of them.

00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,021

Okay, w-w-what do you want?

What do you want?

00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,399

Wait, this is seriously

about sandwiches?

00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,776

I thought this was

about drugs or guns

00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,820

or the fact that I'm a fly

that runs a frog restaurant.

00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,239

There's a million things

that are interesting about me,

00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,657

and none of them

are sandwiches.

00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:51,160

-Who ordered it?

-Talk to our delivery drone.

00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:53,954

He -- he run off to fight

in the robot wars.

00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:57,166

Hey, ape man,

I hope this was worth

00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,084

making a whole swarm

of enemies.

00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:02,588

It will be when I find

whoever shit in my toilet.

00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,674

Is that code for something?

Someone look that up.

00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,384

If that's drug slang,

I need to know it.

00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,094

[ Keys jingle, both chuckle ]

00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,721

-[ Gasps ]

-Ah!

00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:13,641

-Mom, you can't stop true love.

-Oh, yes, I can.

00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,017

-You're assaulting me!

-Keep your voice down.

00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,435

I'm being assaulted!

00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:17,811

Oh, yeah? Okay.

00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,271

-Statutory rape!

-Whoa.

00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,522

My daughter's about

to be raped!

00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:21,815

No, I'm not!

I'm being assaulted!

00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,108

-Rape!

-Assault!

00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,277

-Rape!

-Nobody cares. It's a motel.

00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,029

Nobody's here because

their life's going so great

00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,864

they can afford

to get mixed up in yours.

00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,908

Deal with this shit

on your own.

00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,660

You can't stop us

from getting a motel room.

00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,869

Fine.

I'll get one, too.

00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,621

I'm getting

the one next door,

00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:37,122

and I'm putting a glass

to the wall, and I'm listening.

00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,249

-Fine. Enjoy.

-I will.

00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,127

-I'm Danny, by the way.

-You had your chance, dick.

00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:47,049

Take your app down.

00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,175

T-Take -- take it down.

00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,677

-What?

-I'm their hostage.

00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,637

-Do they have weapons?

-Nope, but neither do it.

00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:52,930

Do -- do you have

a weapon?

00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,723

No.

00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,350

-Take the app down.

-Take the app down.

00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,685

I can't.

I'm an intern.

00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,603

Okay, well who tells interns

what to do?

00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,188

Not you,

that's for sure.

00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:05,192

Take us to whoever does,

or w-w-we'll -- we'll punch you.

00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,276

Okay.

00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,028

Not bad, Morty.

00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,822

Yeah, I don't know when

the other shoe's gonna drop,

00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,116

but this is working

pretty good so far.

00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:15,411

Greetings.

We are the Monogatrons.

00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,788

While your species was

still toying with fire,

00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,416

ours mastered the science

of functioning,

00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,042

committed relationships.

00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,003

As the latest planet

to develop our app,

00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:28,632

you will now witness the true

power of superior intimacy.

00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,259

Take the app down.

00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,845

Take it down, or...we'll --

we'll -- we'll punch you.

00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,222

Is there someone

with a gun or --

00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,348

It's on its way.

00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:37,558

The app remains up.

00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,143

So what's

the evil plan?

00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,103

Does there have to be

an evil plan?

00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,480

-Oh, uh, uh...

-Uh, someone wanted a gun?

00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:44,732

-I'll take it. Thanks.

-[ Gun cocks ]

00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,483

Here's the evil plan.

00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:47,526

-Fuck!

-Goddamn it.

00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,445

As a preapp civilization,

00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:52,406

your love's value

is defined by scarcity.

00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,699

-[ Cellphone beeps ]

-[ Breathing heavily ]

00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,367

You are highly trained

to seek it,

00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:59,455

and you have no idea

how to maintain it.

00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:01,623

Had you bothered

to master love,

00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:05,169

you would've learned by now,

it is as abundant as water.

00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,504

You know what isn't?

Water.

00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,506

That shit runs out.

00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,759

So we'll be taking yours.

00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,678

While your planet continues

to dick around with a, uh --

00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,555

what is their version

of it called?

00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,766

Lovefinderrz,

with two "R's" and a "Z."

00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,601

-Oof.

-Yeah, not my idea.

00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,686

-Goddamn.

-Am I interrupting?

00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:26,231

-Impossible. Here she is.

-Mwah.

00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,983

Your prisoners

are getting away.

00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,735

Prisoners

are just things.

00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,987

Connect with me.

Tell me about your day.

00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,489

I had

an incredible meeting.

00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,908

Did you know humans

are 80% water?

00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,409

[ Chuckles ]

00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,411

And I found a new podcast

we can listen to tonight.

00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:40,454

Love it.

00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,081

Okay, back to work.

00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,666

Find and kill

those earthlings.

00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:47,795

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,132

We're outnumbered.

There's no hope.

00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,427

Then we go out

in glory.

00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,221

Flesh intruder,

prepare to die.

00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,139

Oh, hold on.

00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,350

My apologies,

Lieutenant Commander.

00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,352

No problem.

At ease, Solider.

00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,524

Initiate Employee

Evaluation Mode.

00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:11,360

-Accessing delivery archive.

-Okay, listen.

00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,320

You delivered an avian

protein club sandwich

00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,489

with no lettu--

Goddamn it.

00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:25,582

♪♪

00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:35,634

♪♪

00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,970

Oy, scoping

for this bit, then?

00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,012

[ Chuckles ]

00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,265

Alright, a-a-alright.

I know you want to have

00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,975

the big guy/little guy fight,

but --

00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,352

-[ Gulps ]

-Aw, are you fucking kidding me?

00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:49,648

ALIEN NEWSCASTER:

Here at the Midland Quasar,

00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,316

where, in a complete upset,

00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,068

the Robolution has overturned

the lizards.

00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,236

It's totally unexpected.

00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,821

Uh, I understand,

Mr. Phillips.

00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,698

Yes.

00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,492

I believe

this is yours.

00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:03,162

You, uh --

you dropped that.

00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:05,289

I'll have to

call you back.

00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,874

Where do you

want to die?

00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,334

Susan, is conference room three

available?

00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:12,546

Can I look at a photo

of my wife while you kill me?

00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,089

Sure,

but I'm doing her a favor.

00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,674

She either has

terrible taste,

00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,301

or she's trapped in a marriage

to a toilet thief.

00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,219

She's dead.

00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,054

And I don't mind

joining her.

00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,892

Life has been hollow

since I lost her.

00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,227

Using your toilet

was nice, though.

00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:30,439

I'm a bit

of a shy pooper.

00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,191

I'm ready when you are.

00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,819

Stay there.

00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:39,907

Tell him

what you told me.

00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,033

What is this?

What's happening?

00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,075

Tell him

what you told me.

00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,619

My wife's still alive.

00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,579

Sh--sh--she went into remission

10 years ago.

00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,705

And what did you do

today?

00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:48,123

Oh, I, uh, pooped

00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,917

on a really awesome toilet

I found --

00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,586

oh, ow, ow,

ow, ow, oh!

00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,588

Don't use your dead wife

as an excuse.

00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,216

You shit on my toilet because

you don't know your place,

00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,092

and your place

is nothing.

00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,761

So next time you stumble

onto a toilet

00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:04,348

that feels too good

for your ass, trust me, it is.

00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,390

You're not gonna

kill me?

00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:06,850

Don't tell me

what to do!

00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:10,562

[ Pod beeps ]

00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:13,899

[ Pod beeps,

makes farting noise ]

00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,194

♪ Every time,

they play this song ♪

00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,946

♪ She say, "This is my shit,

my shit" ♪

00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,030

[ Belches ]

00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,907

♪ See the flick of my wrist,

of my wrist ♪

00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:23,242

♪ And I know

she know what's up ♪

00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,285

♪ Baby, this is my shit,

my shit ♪

00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,411

[ Keyboard beeps ]

00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:28,330

♪ See the flick of my wrist,

my wrist ♪

00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:31,959

-[ Sirens blaring ]

-Are you fucking kidding me?

00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:35,003

♪ When you in my section,

fill it up when my cup empty ♪

00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,630

♪ I can't fuck with rats ♪

00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,258

♪ That's a fact,

that's a dub nigga ♪

00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,470

[ Rumbling ]

00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,180

-[ Grunts ]

-[ Gasps ]

00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,140

Oh, so you like

being alive?

00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,976

So why the fuck

are you back here?

00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,894

After you left,

I thought about what you said

00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,479

and how much

I needed to hear it,

00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,398

but then I thought about

why you were saying it,

00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,024

who you were really

saying it to.

00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,734

You need the same thing

I needed, Rick.

00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,404

You need someone to give you,

[grunts] permission to live.

00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,155

-[ Water splashes ]

-What the...?

00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,907

I thought

you were a shy pooper.

00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,659

You know what

shy pooping is, Rick?

00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,536

It's a pointless bid

for control.

00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,121

You want to take

the one part of life

00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,206

that you truly think is yours,

and you want to protect it

00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,750

from a universe

that takes whatever it wants.

00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,502

It took my wife.

00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,587

It clearly took something

from you.

00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,256

We can spend our lives

fighting that,

00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,966

or we can choose

to be free.

00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,468

You're right, Tony.

I'm done fighting.

00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:24,970

Time to be free.

00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:26,054

Oh, wait,

you're actually gonna --

00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,306

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:30,309

-[ Thud! ]

-[ Loon calls in distance ]

00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,438

-Where am I?

-TONY'S WIFE: Hi, little mouse.

00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,982

Baby bee?

I missed you so much.

00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,525

I never really left you.

00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,360

Then you know

that a few years ago

00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,321

-I started getting into --

-Strap-on porn?

00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,239

Yes.

I thought it was hot.

00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,199

-Now, come on.

-Where are you going?

00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,576

-To poop.

-Where?

00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,828

Wherever you want,

forever.

00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:50,954

My God.

00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,207

You rang?

I'm pooping, too.

00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,667

Come, Tony.

Come on.

00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,003

Come poop with me.

Poop with me, Tony.

00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,379

Poop with me.

00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:00,756

GOD:

What are you waiting for?

00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,758

Aren't you gonna join us,

Tony?

00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:05,177

Aren't you gonna join us

in the pooping?

00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:13,226

[ Alarm blaring ]

00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:17,105

[ Grunting ]

00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,194

[ Coughing ]

00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,236

Where are we?

What is this?

00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,571

That's it.

Get out.

00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,906

You can make

a perfectly-realized,

00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,407

toilet-filled simulation

of heaven,

00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:28,742

but you can't share

a toilet?

00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,077

Don't insult my craft.

00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,661

The chemical

is Globaflyn.

00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,205

It connects the

whatever-you-want section

00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:35,082

of your brain to the

whatever-you-have section.

00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,584

If your heaven is toilets,

that's on you.

00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,086

All of these people...

00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,796

Are living their wildest,

meaningless dreams

00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,631

and leaving me

out of them.

00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:45,592

People you refuse to kill and

refuse to let into your life.

00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:49,054

An offer you rejected,

so here's your last chance.

00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,431

Goodbye forever. If you touch

my toilet again, you die.

00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:52,808

You need a friend.

00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,101

I have a million

cooler friends than you.

00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,602

-I'll be seeing you.

-You'll be dying.

00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,813

-We're gonna be friends.

-You're gonna be dead.

00:14:57,939 --> 00:14:59,314

JERRY: So, we fight our way

to the gas line,

00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,816

we cut it,

and then we set a fire.

00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:02,317

Okay. Alright.

00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,111

Morty, "Adventures of Jerry

and Morty," huh?

00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,487

-Put her there.

-Dad, look, y-you know,

00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:06,655

w-we don't need

to high-five.

00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:07,906

It's --

it's kind of your fault

00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:09,032

that we're in this situation

at all.

00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,784

I know, but,

you know, come on.

00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,244

"Adventures of Jerry

and Morty."

00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,454

Okay.

00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,540

[ Guns cock ]

00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,051

Mwah.

00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,517

Jeff, I can explain

everything.

00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:36,726

You don't have to.

00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,020

Can you just marry us

instead?

00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,147

Jeff, don't do it!

00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,232

Richard.

00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:43,608

-[ Horse whinnies ]

-Maggie.

00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,653

-Running Bird.

-Let's get out of here.

00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,488

-Priest Witherspoon.

-Josiah?

00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,408

Let's get the fuck

out of here.

00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:54,327

Summer Smith, let's get

the hell out of here.

00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,538

You had me

at my own name.

00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,374

Oh, yeah, no.

Why would I...?

00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,667

Summer!

00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:01,835

Fucking thing.

00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,129

Come on. I can't steer this.

00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,341

What in the hell

are you doing?

00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,635

-Parenting.

-That's not how I did it.

00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:12,387

Yeah,

where's your daughter?

00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:14,055

Ah, you're right.

00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,807

She joined ISIS.

00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,979

It's Glootie, and he's had

a change of heart.

00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,606

And he's going to

set us free.

00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,858

Actually, he's been blamed

for bringing you aboard

00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,109

and assigned

to execute you.

00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,736

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Okay.

00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,197

What would your girlfriend

think of you murdering?

00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,073

I happen to be between

relationships right now.

00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,242

Really? I thought your species

had perfected relationships.

00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:35,494

Here.

00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:36,870

We're not allowed

to use those apps.

00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,247

-I wonder why.

-[ Cellphone beeps ]

00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,124

Yeah, that's what I thought,

Glootie.

00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,918

-Looks like you and I...

-[ Cellphone beeps ]

00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,544

...are all we've got.

00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:48,882

I'm not helping you

any more than that,

00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,342

but if you can find

the hangar,

00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:51,885

grab a ship

and get the hell out of here.

00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,345

Where you going,

Glootie?

00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,348

I've got a date

with dumping a dating app.

00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,350

Glootie-ootie-ooh!

00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,143

-Was that ever his thing?

-No.

00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,145

-He never exited that way.

-No, first time.

00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:03,813

Dad,

I want to say something.

00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:06,691

I started today disgusted

and embarrassed to be your son,

00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,068

and then later I thought

we were gonna die

00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,861

because you're a loser.

00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,822

-There's no more, is there?

-Nope.

00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,991

Now quit fucking up,

and let's go.

00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:18,411

Is Tony here? I br--

I brought him some, uh,

00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,622

Vegan Fiber Chili,

delicious family recipe,

00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,582

and a box of these, uh,

chocolates, sugar free.

00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,125

He can eat as many of these

as he wants.

00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,919

Anyways, uh, just wanted

to drop these off,

00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,588

and you tell him, uh,

the toilet's all his.

00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,048

H-He -- he'll know

what I mean.

00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,841

[ Sighs ]

Tony died.

00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,178

-Excuse me?

-He quit his job,

00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:37,639

starting living life

to the fullest.

00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:38,848

He crashed into a tree

00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,226

space-skiing

down Mount Space Everest.

00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:42,435

Fuck.

00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,188

There's

a Mount Space Everest?

00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,773

Okay.

Uh, Jesus.

00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,276

I-I got to process this.

00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,569

Oh, no, no. You --

you don't want to eat that.

00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,028

Y-y-you'll -- you'll --

you'll become

00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,989

the opening

of "The Beverly Hillbillies."

00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,199

You know what I'm saying?

A little bubbling crude?

00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,368

-Texas tea?

-I don't know these references.

00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:00,036

Yeah, but you have

a Space Everest?

00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,038

Watch

"Space Beverly Hillbilllies"

00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:05,000

so my jokes can land,

you fucking twat.

00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:16,428

[ Cellphone beeps ]

00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,058

Now what?

00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:23,476

Happily ever after.

00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,853

And after that?

00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,771

We'll find out

together.

00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:27,981

Summer [scoffs]

00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,816

how many soul mates is

that in the last week?

00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,652

Four. You can't stop me

from loving who I love, Mom.

00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:34,195

Oh, the shit I can't.

00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:36,031

I'm gonna mother you

until your 18th birthday,

00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,992

even if I get thrown in prison

for non-consensual mothering.

00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,119

And even then,

I will break out,

00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:43,371

come to your house,

kick down your door,

00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:46,166

and mother your fucking face

out of your stupid asshole.

00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,209

I'm gonna daughter

your brains out, bitch.

00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,712

[ Both grunting ]

00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:59,387

♪♪

00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:00,680

Motherfucker!

00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,849

That's my name.

Don't wear it out.

00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,684

[ Both grunt ]

00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,394

-[ Cellphone beeps ]

-[ Grunts ]

00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,980

Gimme dat new soul mate.

00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,566

Ad wall?

00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,027

-Fuck this.

-[ Cellphone bloops ]

00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,195

-Ad wall?

00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,321

What, they want us

to pay for it now?

00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:17,405

[ Cellphones blooping ]

00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:20,158

Come on, Mom.

Let's go home.

00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,952

[ Display blooping ]

00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:24,704

Great.

We lost Earth.

00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,957

We aren't defined by what we do,

and we only need each other.

00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,834

Each other --

and water.

00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,169

There's no water?

00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,545

Honey, the whole point

of conquering Earth --

00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,381

I know the point

of conquering Earth.

00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,549

-Don't talk to me like --

-Like I'm thirsty?

00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,344

Like I'm your mother,

you childish prick.

00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:40,929

How much water

are you sucking

00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:42,681

through these stupid

fucking tubes on your back?

00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,849

These tubes are cool,

and I want a divorce.

00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:49,187

You can have one for a glass

of Goddamn water.

00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:52,857

Look, uh, on the off-chance

that you used the app

00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:56,486

and there's someone out there

waiting for you, I, uh --

00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:59,447

Jerry, I didn't use it.

Did you?

00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,950

Me? No.

God, of course not.

00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,868

Well, then,

we're all good, dawg.

00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,919

Hey, uh --

Hey, uh, Tony's dad,

00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:16,381

uh, th-this is, um, $8 billion

in your local currency,

00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:20,135

and, uh, this is a kit

you can use to clone a new son.

00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,886

He -- he won't have

the same brain.

00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,764

He'll kind of be an animal man,

but you can teach him stuff.

00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,057

I-I-I also wanted

to let you know

00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,684

I did explore

infinite universes,

00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:30,186

and there is a version of Tony

that was completely evil

00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,730

and ended up causing

a lot of genocide

00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,314

because of

how fulfilled he was.

00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,108

So, really, a lot of ways

of looking at this

00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,527

as not much of a loss.

00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,154

I understand.

00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,990

It's, uh, hard

losing a friend.

00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:43,241

-Fuck you.

-What?

00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,076

RICK: He's not my friend.

00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:48,204

[ Soft music plays ]

00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,884

[ Sighs ]

00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,386

[ Mechanisms whirring ]

00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,138

There he is.

There's our guy.

00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,389

-[ Cheers and applause ]

-Congrats, Tony.

00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:07,974

Have fun

with your stupid toilet

00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,059

that you get to use

all by yourself now.

00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,228

Enjoy using it all by yourself

while you sit there

00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,063

and think about how nobody

wants to be around you

00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:15,565

and how you ruined it

for yourself

00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:16,900

because you're

a huge piece of shit.

00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:18,359

Look at you sitting there,

00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,695

King Shit on his throne

of loneliness.

00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:22,906

Enjoy this toilet with

a thousand of me

00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:25,241

screaming every time

you take a shit.

00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:27,243

All hail his majesty,

00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:31,581

the sa-a-ddest piece of garbage

in the entire cosmos.

00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:34,751

Long live the big, bad,

doo-doo daddy.

00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:38,004

May his reign last

1,000 years.

00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:41,132

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:14,332

Rick, did you take

the Tapatío?

00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:16,459

Hmm, Globaflyn?

00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:18,753

[ Gulps ]

00:22:18,879 --> 00:22:20,672

Thanks.

I could never lift it up.

00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:22,298

No problem.

00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:25,343

I'll be able to drink water

for weeks because of you.

00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:27,595

It's just part of my job,

ma'am.

00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:31,683

Breaker one nine,

this is Jerry Smith.

00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:33,893

Uh, just finished

my first delivery of the day.

00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:35,228

900 more to go.

00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:38,940

[ Gulping ]