Срань будущего: Прикзрак в мортпехах

00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:05,683

Отвали, коза!

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Морти, а чего ты стесняешься?

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Поделись с семьёй, это

может быть полезно.

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Саммер, не смущай своего брата.

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Морти, завязывай

с извращенским киберсталкингом.

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Я не извращенец!

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Я-я-я просто хотел узнать,

откуда у неё эта подвеска.

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И теперь я знаю.

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Э-э-э-это ей бабуля оставила.

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Какой-то ты тихий, Рик.

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Почему не доказываешь,

что бабуль не существует?

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Привет. Я поместил в свой мозг

чип с автоответчиком,

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чтобы провести время с семьёй.

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Но ты и так проводишь время с семьёй.

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Спасибо за разговор с Риком.

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Ладушки, с завтраком

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и вишлистом на Амазоне я закончил.

Погнали, Морти.

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Мне нужны кристаллы смерти

с Форбодулона Прайм.

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Пап. Теперь мы всё делаем иначе.

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Морти, пожалуйста, слетай со мной

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на Форбодулон Прайм за кристаллами смерти.

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Спасибо за приглашение. Да, с радостью.

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Секси-фотка.

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По-моему, скорбь придаёт тебе румянец.

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Пап, ты себе мало сиропа налил.

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Милая, перестань повышать

уровень холестерола у отца,

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чтобы сделать секси-селфи

на его похоронах.

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Мне вообще ничего нельзя.

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Эм, Рик, может, немного...

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Быстрее? Отличная мысль, Морти.

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Мигом пролетим через эти астероиды.

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Блинский, неужели тебя так бесит,

что мама заботится

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о моём желании быть частью приключений?

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Что дальше, Морти?

А если я захочу, чтобы ты спрыгнул

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с Эмпайр-стейт-билдинг?

Мне тоже надо попросить?

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Да?

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Ты правда не видишь,

что это скользкая дорожка?

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Заткнись и помоги мне, пожалуйста.

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Почему их называют кристаллами смерти?

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О-они убивают?

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Нет, это делают пули, Морти.

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Кристаллы смерти показывают,

как ты умрёшь.

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Господи Боже! Я-я умру миллион раз?

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Твоё будущее вытекает

из твоего настоящего,

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которое постоянно меняется,

если живёшь правильно.

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Все, кто в курсе своей будущей смерти, -

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либо сраные зануды,

либо без пяти минут покойники.

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Пригнись!

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- Кто это такие?!

- Кристальные браконьеры.

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Низшая форма жизни их низших.

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Они думают, что вся галактика –

это их личная свинка-копилка.

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Погоди, а кто тогда мы?

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Мы – Рик и Морти.

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И сейчас ты увидишь

единственную пользу от этих кристаллов.

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Они показывают,

когда эти ребята перезаряжаются.

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Верная смерть, верная смерть,

верная смерть, сомнительная смерть.

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И верная смерть, верная смерть,

верная смерть.

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Меня точно подстрелит этот парень.

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Вот она, моя судьба,

и я ничего не могу сделать.

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Ну, может, не совсем.

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Помоги мне собрать их.

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Ты пользуешься ими,

только чтобы побеждать?

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Я ими не пользуюсь.

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Люди, которые всю жизнь

пытаются избежать смерти, уже мертвы.

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А ещё они богаты,

и я люблю жить на их деньги.

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- О Господи.

- Морти!

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Джессика!

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Я люблю тебя.

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Оу! Ох! Ух!

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Морти.

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Я люблю тебя.

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Джессика. Я хочу умереть с Джессикой.

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Что ты делаешь?

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- Эм, м-можно я поведу?

- Зачем?

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Ну... ощущение свободной дороги?

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Ладно! Чей это внук?

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Мне нравится его стиль.

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Морти, ты в курсе,

что открытый космос наверху?

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Да, да, я просто... следую инстинктам.

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- Может полетишь наверх?

- Нет!

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- Из-за тебя я неправильно умру!

- Минуточку. Что?

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Морти, у тебя что,

кристалл смерти в кармане?

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- Нет! Возможно!

- Вот мразота мелкая!

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Я-то думал, ты письку дрочишь!

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И тебя это не смутило?!

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- То есть мне надо было сказать?!

- Зачем мне вообще это делать?

00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:06,861

Зачем ты спёр кристалл смерти?

00:04:07,070 --> 00:04:09,197

- Я хочу умереть стариком!

- Тогда хватит рулить!

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- Нет!

- Сукин ты сын!

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Дай сюда штурвал, Морти!

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Чёрт тебя дери.

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Вот говно.

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Сука, сука, сука, сука.

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Я люблю тебя, Морти.

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Я отомщу за свою смерть!

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- Бляха-муха!

- Шучу.

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Я голограмма

для выхода из кризисных ситуаций,

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воспроизводимая чипом, который

"настоящий" Рик вживил тебе в позвоночник.

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"Настоящий" в кавычках, потому что

называть существ из плоти

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"настоящими" - это натуральная голо-фобия.

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Морти, позволь тебя дёрнуть...

Только без каламбуров.

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Найди в багажнике пушку с синей ручкой

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и возьми у трупа образец ткани.

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Так, а теперь отнеси это в багажник

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и вставь в компилятор клонов.

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Вижу, у тебя кристалл смерти,

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который движет твоими решениями

сильнее, чем я.

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Это твоё право. Я просто напомню,

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что некоторые из нас

не могут держать в руках вещи

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и не могут умереть, так что

это малость оскорбительно к...

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Оу, лады.

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Слушай, Морти,

я запрограммирован на терпимость.

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Я приму тот факт, что ты это делаешь,

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если ты примешь тот факт,

что тебе надо остановиться.

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Применение. Перенаправленных.

00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:31,217

Резервных. Данных.

Операция. Феникс. Запущена.

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Какого чёрта? Я же удалил этот протокол.

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- Что ты делаешь с моим клоном?

- Не боись. Я это ты.

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Пару сезонов назад я отключил

свои капсулы с клонами,

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и похоже, резервные данные

перенаправились в твою вселенную.

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- Извини.

- Всё нормуль. Буду рад помочь.

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Кстати, даже спрашивать неудобно, но...

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ты ведь поддерживаешь

фашистскую антиутопию?

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Д-Д-Д-Д-Да.

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В этом твоём "да"...

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...какая-то либеральная буква "Д" получилась.

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Разве это не странно?

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Полагаю, подобная странность

и делает Рика и Морти...

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...сильнее.

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Морти, я поймал этого социалиста

в свой халат.

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Он хочет отдать наши мартини

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семье иммигрантов.

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Очевидно, что самозванцем может быть

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- только голый и мокрый клон.

- Это очевидно.

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Только не для полиции.

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Лады.

00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,404

Этот Рик маловажен.

Он вдарился в политику.

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А я хочу весёлое классическое

приключение Рика и Морти,

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как в старые добрые.

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Тогда мы с тобой поладим, Фашист Морти.

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Для начала мне нужно попасть

на Форбодулон Прайм.

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Ты полетишь туда, куда я скажу!!

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Сука!

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Эй, эй! Ой, ой!

00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,150

Отказ Морти клонировать деда - долой!

00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,620

Эй, эй! Ой, ой!

00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:43,560

Отказ Морти клонировать деда - долой!

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Если не отвалишь от меня,

то я смою ДНК Рика в унитаз.

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Так, ладно, надо перегруппироваться.

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Ты тоже, Легалайз!

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Соберись.

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Хотя бы расскажи,

что это за смерть такая,

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к который ты так...

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О, Джессика.

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Морти, я люблю...

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Что?! Нет, нет!

Нет, нет, нет!

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Я люблю тебя.

00:07:08,491 --> 00:07:09,263

Твою налево!

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И как же я умру вместе с ней,

если даже не могу за-говорить?

00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,183

Есть идея, Морти. Выброси эту штуку,

00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,321

перестань планировать свою смерть

и говори с кем захочешь.

00:07:15,321 --> 00:07:16,655

Ты говоришь, как настоящий Рик.

00:07:16,655 --> 00:07:17,990

Ты выше таких словечек, Морти.

00:07:17,990 --> 00:07:20,065

Хрена лысого я выше.

00:07:23,548 --> 00:07:24,799

Ну... Эм... Ч-что будем делать?

00:07:24,799 --> 00:07:27,531

Хватит задавать вопросы.

Хватит делать мета-отсылки.

00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:28,803

Просто веселись.

00:07:28,803 --> 00:07:30,941

Впереди простенькое и весёлое

классическое приключение.

00:07:30,941 --> 00:07:32,536

Ладно, знаешь что?

Мне бы не помешало узнать,

00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:35,998

чего конкретно ты хочешь.

00:07:36,415 --> 00:07:37,614

Мне нравятся мистеры Мисиксы.

00:07:37,614 --> 00:07:39,345

Вот, другой разговор. Знаешь,

00:07:39,345 --> 00:07:41,618

обычно коробка с Мисиксами

лежит у меня в бардачке,

00:07:41,618 --> 00:07:44,016

так может и у Фашиста Рика тоже?

00:07:44,016 --> 00:07:45,622

Ох! Вы только гляньте.

00:07:45,622 --> 00:07:48,156

Теперь мы делаем то,

что уже делали раньше.

00:07:48,156 --> 00:07:49,688

Я Мистер Мисикс!

00:07:49,688 --> 00:07:51,096

Убей нацистского подонка!

00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:52,556

Это я могу!

00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,558

- Иди сюда, сукин ты сын!

- Нет! Стой!

00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,432

Применение. Перенаправленных.

00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:09,312

Резервных. Данных.

Операция. Феникс. Запущена.

00:08:11,179 --> 00:08:12,878

Ой, да ну нафиг.

00:08:13,921 --> 00:08:16,444

- Эй, ты в порядке?

- Ага, сорян.

00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:17,852

Я Рик из другой реальности.

00:08:17,852 --> 00:08:19,718

Меня загрузило в твою капсулу клонов.

00:08:19,718 --> 00:08:21,856

Эй, да не парься. У меня их штук десять.

00:08:21,856 --> 00:08:23,191

К-к-к-какого чёрта, Рик?

00:08:23,191 --> 00:08:24,796

Ты что, клонов тут делаешь?

00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,528

- Убирайся отсюда, Морти!

- Хватит задавать тупые вопросы, Морти!

00:08:27,528 --> 00:08:28,592

Ведёшь себя, как говна кусок!

00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:29,645

Вот блин.

00:08:30,062 --> 00:08:31,866

Лан, давай, чувак, не стесняйся.

00:08:31,866 --> 00:08:33,931

Ты смотришь

на своё креветочное тело и такой: "Что?!"

00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:35,870

А что, так заметно? Извини.

00:08:35,870 --> 00:08:39,071

Да, моё оригинальное тело более двуногое

и... обезьяноподобное.

00:08:39,071 --> 00:08:40,208

Серьёзно?! Странно.

00:08:40,208 --> 00:08:41,605

А твой дом похож на дерево или...

00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:42,940

Нет, он похож на этот.

00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:45,348

Вообще, он, типа, прям абсолютно такой же.

00:08:45,348 --> 00:08:47,945

- Мозг мне в анус.

- Да полный порядок, бро. Меня всё

00:08:47,945 --> 00:08:49,884

устраивает. Если честно, то как же хорошо,

00:08:49,884 --> 00:08:52,553

что ты креветка, а не фашист.

00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:54,649

Что?

00:08:55,275 --> 00:08:55,953

Твою мать!

00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:57,913

Давно это говно стало нормой?!

00:09:01,218 --> 00:09:02,897

Кто желает выйти к доске

00:09:02,897 --> 00:09:04,492

и показать мне пару сраных

простейших чисел?

00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:05,963

Я люблю тебя, Морти.

00:09:07,057 --> 00:09:08,976

Морти? Да, давай.

00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,108

Это не целое число!

00:09:16,108 --> 00:09:17,777

Очевидно, это не важно.

00:09:17,777 --> 00:09:19,184

Блин, Морти, ты профан в математике,

00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,384

но я ставлю тебе пятёрку с плюсом

за уверенность.

00:09:21,384 --> 00:09:22,583

Я просто делаю то, что должен.

00:09:22,583 --> 00:09:23,856

Дополнительный балл!

00:09:25,003 --> 00:09:29,351

Я люблю тебя, Морти.

Я люблю тебя, Морти.

00:09:29,455 --> 00:09:30,591

Чё, крутой, да?

00:09:30,591 --> 00:09:32,062

- Думаешь, ты в этой школе главный?

- Нет.

00:09:32,062 --> 00:09:34,397

А если я тебя убью?

Всё равно будешь выделываться?

00:09:34,397 --> 00:09:37,525

Только при том раскладе, если мультфильм

"Тайна КоКо" окажется правдой,

00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:38,526

что вряд ли.

00:09:38,537 --> 00:09:39,861

Из надёжного источника я знаю,

00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:41,665

что ты скорее всего

не станешь убивать меня.

00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,135

Почему бы тебе просто не плыть по течению

00:09:43,135 --> 00:09:47,400

в гармонии с собой,

как это делаю я, детка?

00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:51,539

Ай! Уф! Уф! Ох!

00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,343

Уф! Бессилие!

00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,491

Ааа! Бессильная ярость!

00:09:58,619 --> 00:10:00,621

Уф! Уф! Уф!

00:10:00,621 --> 00:10:03,958

Завтра ты сдохнешь, рот ставлю!

00:10:03,958 --> 00:10:07,681

Это, как говорят хулиганы,

уже "постфактум".

00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,496

- Ох, сука, твою ж мать!

- Так-так-так.

00:10:10,496 --> 00:10:13,301

Ты чего это, Морти, язык проглотил?

00:10:13,301 --> 00:10:15,032

Ладно, ладно, слушай,

помоги мне не умереть,

00:10:15,042 --> 00:10:16,971

и я верну Рика к жизни.

00:10:16,971 --> 00:10:19,109

Зачем ты притворяешься,

что ешь курочку?

00:10:19,109 --> 00:10:20,172

Извиняюсь?

00:10:20,172 --> 00:10:21,569

Для меня курочка вполне реальная.

00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:22,706

Да, но в ней нет...

00:10:22,716 --> 00:10:23,905

- ...Нутриентов?

- Да.

00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:25,146

Что ты ел в последний раз?

00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,471

- Колбасу и апельсин.

- Никакой голографической еды?

00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:29,317

По мне, так ты вообще не ел.

00:10:29,317 --> 00:10:30,985

Можем попробовать уважать друг друга?

00:10:30,985 --> 00:10:33,050

Просто покажи мне, как выжить.

00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:34,582

Ладно, Морти, уговор есть уговор.

00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:36,188

Как только вернём твоего Рика к жизни,

00:10:36,188 --> 00:10:38,055

я помогу тебе с задирой.

00:10:38,065 --> 00:10:40,265

Давай, открывай люк

в подземную лабораторию.

00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:41,996

Там находится всё оборудование

для клонирования.

00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,271

Прошу, скажи что ты сейчас

не под кристаллом?

00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:49,733

Послушай, Рик может и олицетворение

привилегированного обладателя плоти,

00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:51,401

но кое в чём он прав.

00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,810

Ты станешь гораздо счастливее,

если сфокусируешься на настоящем,

00:10:53,810 --> 00:10:55,280

а не на своей смерти.

00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,011

Ну, типа, кто вообще об этом парится, а?

00:10:57,011 --> 00:10:58,544

Прости, Голограммный Рик.

00:10:58,544 --> 00:11:00,942

На этот раз я послушаю кристалл.

00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:02,746

Морти.

00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,414

Ох, ладно, так.

00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,750

Ты думаешь, раз я не могу

контактировать с твёрдой материей,

00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,815

то тебе можно проходить сквозь меня?

00:11:10,556 --> 00:11:12,495

Господи боже.

00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,856

Bist du faschistisch?

00:11:19,169 --> 00:11:20,097

Неа.

00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:28,824

Ну наконец. Я-то уже думал,

что ты зассал.

00:11:29,544 --> 00:11:30,680

Чё за нахрен?

00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,015

Ох, воздуха не хватает...

00:11:32,015 --> 00:11:35,299

Глядите, у нас тут завёлся

новый мистер буллинг!

00:11:35,299 --> 00:11:38,386

Хорошо, что буллить буллинг

это отныне и есть буллинг!

00:11:38,386 --> 00:11:39,585

Забуллим его!

00:11:43,933 --> 00:11:47,489

За торговым центром

творится что-то в духе "Акиры". Приём.

00:11:48,636 --> 00:11:50,054

Умереть с Джессикой.

00:11:50,784 --> 00:11:51,826

Эй!

00:11:52,650 --> 00:11:54,412

Какого чёрта?

00:12:00,794 --> 00:12:03,192

Я мистер Мисикс! Посмотрите на меня!

00:12:03,192 --> 00:12:04,641

Укройте меня от правопорядка.

00:12:04,746 --> 00:12:07,019

- Да, сэр! Это я могу!

- Стоять!

00:12:07,331 --> 00:12:08,624

Посмотрите на меня!

00:12:24,015 --> 00:12:26,747

Я... умру... стариком!

00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:29,155

Далее. Непобедимый супермальчик

00:12:29,155 --> 00:12:31,554

пробивает последнюю

линию обороны нашей страны.

00:12:31,554 --> 00:12:33,222

Неужели мы все падём

от его смертоносного касания?

00:12:33,222 --> 00:12:35,026

Но сперва: "Приколы нашего городка!"

00:12:35,026 --> 00:12:36,559

В смысле "но сперва"?

00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:38,634

Я уже сказал "Далее".

Всегда ты так делаешь...

00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:41,167

Ни хрена я не делаю.

Не надо мне в уши ссать.

00:12:41,167 --> 00:12:42,367

Никто тебе не ссыт в уши,

00:12:42,367 --> 00:12:44,233

ты всё выдумываешь, сука поехавшая.

00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:04,253

Почему ты сдался?

00:13:04,253 --> 00:13:07,319

Я следую указаниям кристалла.

00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:11,020

Ваша честь, мой клиент

действовал в целях самозащиты.

00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:13,293

Он обратил тринадцать человек в прах.

00:13:13,398 --> 00:13:15,671

Сядьте! Прежде чем я вынесу приговор,

00:13:15,671 --> 00:13:18,559

вы не хотите что-нибудь сказать?

00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:25,566

Я... вв-в-всегда б-бб-буду...

00:13:25,879 --> 00:13:33,480

буду помнить... наш...

00:13:33,491 --> 00:13:39,152

наш... о-о-отдых... отдых...

00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:43,813

в-в-в п-п-п-Перу.

00:13:43,918 --> 00:13:46,816

Я всегда буду помнить

наш отдых в Перу, ваша честь.

00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,852

Ваша честь, как видите,

мой клиент несёт бред.

00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:51,811

Тихо.

00:13:52,437 --> 00:13:55,169

Это были последние слова моего мужа.

00:13:55,169 --> 00:13:59,173

Он говорит, что л-любит тебя...

00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:04,042

ввв-оооо--ооррр – вооо-ррр-обуууушек...

00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:10,319

вороббббушек --

00:14:10,319 --> 00:14:11,320

воробушек!

00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,187

Он любит тебя, воробушек.

00:14:14,532 --> 00:14:16,794

Он невиновен. Дело закрыто.

00:14:16,794 --> 00:14:19,599

Я иду к тебе, Кондор!

00:14:19,599 --> 00:14:22,800

Лично меня не устраивает этот вердикт.

00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,866

Пусть это мелкое чудище думает,

что всё сошло ему с рук,

00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,202

но есть такая штука, как суд присяжных,

00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:30,068

и в этой стране за ним стоит

право решающего голоса.

00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,736

Похоже, он выходит из здания суда.

00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:32,946

Итак, у нас прямой репортаж.

00:14:47,158 --> 00:14:49,296

Люди, вот что я скажу.

00:14:49,296 --> 00:14:50,213

Этот мальчик...

00:14:50,213 --> 00:14:52,632

Я думала, что знала всё обо всём.

00:14:52,632 --> 00:14:55,760

Но что-то есть в этих звуках и частотах,

00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:57,762

которые он воспроизводит...

00:14:57,773 --> 00:15:00,369

Мне кажется, что мы готовы простить его

00:15:00,369 --> 00:15:02,840

и забыть обо всём этом.

Он свободный молодой человек,

00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,104

и у него есть право начать всё сначала.

00:15:06,803 --> 00:15:09,670

Морти! Быстро ты отстрелялся.

00:15:09,670 --> 00:15:12,141

Джесс-и-ка?

00:15:12,141 --> 00:15:14,081

Мы с девчонками попозже

хотели пойти купаться голышом,

00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,541

не хочешь с нами?

00:15:15,551 --> 00:15:17,751

А хотя прямо сейчас.

Пойдём прямо сейчас.

00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,878

В одежде я больше не буду

00:15:19,889 --> 00:15:21,088

говорить об этом.

00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,422

Нет, спасибо.

00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,352

Я... думаю... что мы...

00:15:25,363 --> 00:15:28,627

сойдёмся... когда нам... будет... за сорок?

00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:30,295

Эм. Круто.

00:15:30,608 --> 00:15:32,829

Звучит... секси.

00:15:33,246 --> 00:15:33,892

Пока.

00:15:33,903 --> 00:15:36,635

Должен... продолжать... идти по...

00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:41,170

пути... ведущему...к смерти... с тобой.

00:15:45,247 --> 00:15:46,905

Эй! Спасибо, что профукал моего клона.

00:15:46,916 --> 00:15:48,709

Мужик, ну что за говно?

00:15:48,709 --> 00:15:50,847

Что с тобой такое?

Т-т-ты говорить умеешь?

00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:52,181

Тарантулы в рот нассали?

00:15:52,181 --> 00:15:56,456

Эм... Хаййййль, Шершень Гитлер?

00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,854

Чё? Какого хрена?

00:15:57,854 --> 00:15:59,251

Совсем кукухой поехал?

00:15:59,261 --> 00:16:01,660

Слушай, я примат, и у меня проблемы.

00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:03,390

Я согласен с любым мировоззрением,

лишь бы вернуться домой.

00:16:03,401 --> 00:16:05,528

Вот как всё устроено у шершней.

00:16:05,528 --> 00:16:07,467

Мы съедаем добычу живьём, а если нет,

00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,063

то откладываем яйца в глазницы,

00:16:09,063 --> 00:16:12,264

чтобы наше потомство

при вылуплении питалось мозгами.

00:16:12,274 --> 00:16:13,734

Когда ты с рождения полная тварь,

00:16:13,734 --> 00:16:16,205

можно и сострадания немного проявить.

00:16:16,831 --> 00:16:19,073

Приглашаю тебя на уютный семейный ужин.

00:16:19,386 --> 00:16:20,606

Но только никаких Гитлеров.

00:16:20,616 --> 00:16:23,410

Шершень Морти

порой сидит на странных сайтиках.

00:16:27,498 --> 00:16:28,760

Мы с друзьями хотели вечером

полетать по округе,

00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,365

ужалить кого-нибудь.

00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,190

Осторожнее, не потрать весь свой яд.

00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:34,046

Пап, я тебе не пчела.

00:16:34,567 --> 00:16:37,706

На помощь! О боже, убейте меня!

Прошу, убейте!

00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,438

Эм, Бет, можно после ужина

я возьму с собой Морти,

00:16:40,438 --> 00:16:43,712

чтобы помочь этому Рику

найти свою приматную реальность?

00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:45,578

Морти, ты сделал домашнюю работу?

00:16:45,578 --> 00:16:47,799

- Не до конца.

- Прости, пап.

00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:50,406

Да ничего, милая.

Главное, что мы вместе.

00:16:50,406 --> 00:16:52,335

Мы шершни, а не какие-то чудовища.

00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:56,141

Мда, похоже, дела у меня

не так плохи, как я думал.

00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:58,122

Подашь кислоту?

00:16:58,748 --> 00:17:01,553

Нет! Бегите! Бегите, детки мои!

00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:02,814

Добавка!

00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,091

Морти?

00:17:08,091 --> 00:17:09,957

Где этот мелкий говнюк? Морти!

00:17:09,957 --> 00:17:11,156

Ух, гаражная кража?

00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,689

Решил, что можно в моих вещах копаться?

00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,232

Г-где мой Боглин?!

00:17:14,232 --> 00:17:16,359

Вот ты где. Не бойся, папуля вернулся,

00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:18,028

ты в безопасности. Какого...

00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,770

Он забрал коробки с Мисиксами.

00:17:20,770 --> 00:17:23,637

Остались только сраные

Мисиксы из Фикспрайса.

00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:25,775

Чё тебе надо?

00:17:25,775 --> 00:17:28,173

Блин, твой Морти отстой.

00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:29,174

Ааа, осы!

00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:30,509

Какого хрена ты не показал Морти,

00:17:30,509 --> 00:17:32,042

как вернуть моё тело к жизни?

00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,376

Только не говори, что обрёл сознание

00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:34,847

- и попытался восстать.

- Что?

00:17:34,847 --> 00:17:36,650

С фига ли ты несёшь эту ИИ-расистскую

00:17:36,650 --> 00:17:38,454

Азимову хрень?

00:17:38,454 --> 00:17:40,123

Тогда что случилось? Где моё тело?

00:17:40,123 --> 00:17:42,427

Оу, тебе понравится.

00:18:07,859 --> 00:18:11,550

- Я люблю тебя, Морти.

- Это моя жизнь.

00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:12,916

Всё хорошо.

00:18:17,306 --> 00:18:19,224

Ну надо же! Наш маленький Морти

умеет кричать.

00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,091

Ну всё, сука, ты огребаешь! А я говорил!

00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:22,373

Взять его, Рик!

00:18:32,446 --> 00:18:34,708

Ааа! Я-я не вижу свою смерть.

00:18:34,708 --> 00:18:36,043

К-как я умру?

00:18:36,043 --> 00:18:37,847

Тихо, дурак, тихо. Молчи.

00:18:37,847 --> 00:18:39,182

Всё будет хорошо.

00:18:39,182 --> 00:18:40,913

Ты не узнаешь, как умрёшь.

00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:42,654

Всё кончено.

00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:45,521

Эй, эта ферромагнитная хрень

облепляет мои ноги.

00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:49,192

Сука! Я чувствую! У меня есть масса!

00:18:49,192 --> 00:18:51,788

Я теперь, мать его, бог!

Готовьте вазелин, сучки!

00:18:52,216 --> 00:18:53,091

Ты стебёшься?!

00:18:53,196 --> 00:18:55,333

Я думал, быть голограммой

для тебя гордость!

00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:57,669

Мне приходилось быть ей!

00:19:02,486 --> 00:19:04,603

Сука! Уф!

00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,897

Аааа! Ох!

00:19:13,351 --> 00:19:14,884

Из этого можно вынести какой-то урок,

00:19:14,884 --> 00:19:17,095

но я не буду разбираться, какой.

00:19:17,929 --> 00:19:20,087

Слушай... Извини, что не послушал тебя

00:19:20,087 --> 00:19:22,089

и попытался уничтожить весь мир

и всё такое.

00:19:22,089 --> 00:19:23,361

Кажется, мне надо

00:19:23,361 --> 00:19:24,696

научиться жить настоящим.

00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:26,959

Блин, так ты действительно

чему-то научился?

00:19:26,959 --> 00:19:28,366

Прям как в "Лиззи Магуайер"?

00:19:28,366 --> 00:19:29,764

Я целый день жил настоящим,

00:19:29,764 --> 00:19:31,567

и меня постоянно хотели убить нацисты.

00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:33,768

Думаю, нужно думать наперёд

и при этом жить настоящим.

00:19:33,768 --> 00:19:35,968

Морти, мы видели тебя по новостям.

Всё хорошо?

00:19:35,968 --> 00:19:39,242

Отлично, Рик.

Ты превратил нашего сына в Акиру.

00:19:39,242 --> 00:19:41,244

- Просто класс.

- Говна наверни, Джерри.

00:19:41,244 --> 00:19:42,714

Он сам себя превратил в Акиру.

00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:45,508

А я и наверну,

потому что это мой дом, Рик.

00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:47,177

- И я могу есть чьё угодно говно.

- Гадость.

00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,179

Пап, ты сказал,

что кристаллы никому не навредят.

00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,649

Мы начали с чистого листа.

00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:53,058

Не думаю, что моему сыну

нужны ваши приключения.

00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:55,477

Я в норме. Отстань от Рика.

00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:57,593

Его вообще тут не было,

пока всё это происходило.

00:19:57,593 --> 00:19:58,991

Я сам виноват.

00:19:58,991 --> 00:20:00,659

Что ж... Хорошо, Морти.

00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:03,860

Для нас главное, чтобы ты был в порядке.

00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:06,269

Чтоб больше никакой анимешной фигни

00:20:06,269 --> 00:20:08,354

с моим сыном, крендель.

00:20:08,354 --> 00:20:10,262

Теперь на этом пальце СПИД. Я не виноват.

00:20:10,262 --> 00:20:11,472

Ты не сдавал анализы на ВИЧ?!

00:20:11,472 --> 00:20:13,609

- Он прикалывается, милый.

- Но ведь пощипывает!

00:20:13,609 --> 00:20:15,945

Думаю, мы поняли,

что нам нужно идти на компромисс.

00:20:15,945 --> 00:20:18,614

Отныне так: Рик и Морти

мутят немного того и немного сего!

00:20:18,614 --> 00:20:20,345

Ещё иногда будем угорать по классике.

00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:21,544

А иногда творить что угодно!

00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:22,879

А иногда мы ничего не будем делать!

00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:24,422

Рик и Морти ничего не делают!

00:20:24,422 --> 00:20:25,757

- Сотни лет!

- Зажжём по максимуму!

00:20:25,757 --> 00:20:27,290

Рик и Морти зажгут по максимуму!

00:20:27,290 --> 00:20:28,551

Рик и Морти не идут по одной дорожке,

00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:30,428

пробуют новые вещи

и пытаются не сесть в лужу.

00:20:30,428 --> 00:20:31,961

Иногда что-то делают, а иногда ничего.

00:20:31,961 --> 00:20:33,765

Даже не начнут жечь по максимуму! Вообще!

00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:35,360

Вместе или поодиночке,

00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,029

будем стремиться к цели, а ещё отдыхать.

00:20:37,029 --> 00:20:38,968

Или нет! Что хочешь,

мать твою, то и делай, Морти!

00:20:38,968 --> 00:20:40,970

- Это конец.

- Стоп-стоп-стоп. Какого хрена?

00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:43,170

Погоди. Что ты там сейчас кукарекнула?

00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:44,567

Ничего. Я ничего не сказала,

00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:46,371

просто решила подыграть вам.

00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:47,977

Ты в курсе, что я всё записываю?

00:20:47,977 --> 00:20:50,845

Гараж, воспроизведи голос Саммер отдельно.

00:20:50,845 --> 00:20:52,377

А потом вы поженитесь

00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:53,910

и типа будете отсасывать

друг другу в процессе

00:20:53,921 --> 00:20:55,578

этого тестостеронового траходрома,

обкончаетесь, как третьеклашки, и...

00:20:55,589 --> 00:20:57,247

Какого чёрта, Саммер? Отвратительно.

00:20:57,247 --> 00:21:01,188

- Я сейчас блевану, Саммер, матерь божья!

- Да я просто пошутила.

00:21:01,188 --> 00:21:03,795

Я хотела, чтобы вы обратили

на меня внимание,

00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:05,192

я тоже хочу повеселиться.

00:21:05,192 --> 00:21:06,193

А ну-ка ... отсюда!

00:21:06,193 --> 00:21:07,465

Вали отсюда, Саммер!

00:21:07,465 --> 00:21:08,592

- Омерзительно!

- Пошла вон!

00:21:08,602 --> 00:21:10,197

Да что с тобой такое, Саммер? Ты испортила

концовку премьеры четвёртого сезона!

00:21:10,197 --> 00:21:12,794

Ты испортила премьеру четвёртого сезона!

Ты её испортила!

00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:45,764

Боже, завтра профориентация.

00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:48,371

Даже думать не хочу, чем буду

заниматься после окончания школы.

00:21:48,371 --> 00:21:50,571

А я точно знаю, что буду делать.

00:21:50,571 --> 00:21:52,177

Хочу работать в больнице

для безнадёжно больных.

00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:54,638

Я буду успокаивать умирающих,

00:21:54,648 --> 00:21:56,973

у которых больше никого

не осталось в жизни...

00:21:56,984 --> 00:21:58,642

по-настоящему одиноких.

00:21:58,652 --> 00:22:01,050

Я буду смотреть на таблички

с именами и говорить

00:22:01,050 --> 00:22:02,781

"Я люблю тебя,"

00:22:02,781 --> 00:22:05,054

добавляя имя.

00:22:05,054 --> 00:22:07,056

Снова и снова.

00:22:07,056 --> 00:22:08,526

Что за ...?

00:22:09,997 --> 00:22:11,842

- Эй, Морти, сделай одолжение.

- Хочешь облить меня бензином

00:22:11,863 --> 00:22:13,855

и обсыпать пауками?

Давай, я в деле.

00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:17,765

Не это я хотел предложить,

но такую возможность не упущу.

00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,087

Get out of here,

jerk!

00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:06,506

What's so embarrassing,

Morty?

00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:08,007

Sharing it with your family

might help.

00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,675

Summer, stop shaming

your brother.

00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:11,969

Morty, stop being a creepy,

perverted cyberstalker.

00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,638

I'm not cyberstalking!

00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:16,557

I-I-I just wanted to know where

she got this necklace from.

00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:17,934

And now I know.

00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,727

Her -- Her -- Her grandma

left it to her.

00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,145

You're quiet, Rick.

00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,439

Shouldn't you be revealing

grandmas aren't real?

00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:26,400

Hi. I've placed an auto-response

chip in my brain

00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,611

so I can spend time

with my family.

00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,113

But you are spending time

with your family.

00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,365

Thank you

for talking to Rick.

00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:33,699

-[ Beep ]

-[ Gasps ]

00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,034

Alright, I'm finished

with my breakfast

00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:36,661

and my Amazon wish list.

Let's go, Morty.

00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:38,871

I need death crystals

from Forbodulon Prime.

00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,164

Uh...

00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,709

Dad?

There's a way we do this now.

00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,921

Morty, would you please

accompany me

00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,799

to Forbodulon Prime

for death crystals?

00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:54,804

Well, thank you for asking.

Yes, I will do that.

00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,472

It is a hot photo.

00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,975

I think grief

flushes your cheeks.

00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:00,851

Dad, you hardly put

any syrup on.

00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,562

Honey, stop raising

your father's cholesterol

00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,230

so you can take

a hot funeral selfie.

00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,898

I never get to do

anything.

00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:09,026

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:37,763

[ Electricity crackles ]

00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,891

Uh, Rick,

maybe if we go a little --

00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,393

Faster?

Good idea, Morty.

00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,729

It'll get us through these

asteroids sooner.

00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:47,356

[ Whooshing ]

00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:51,777

[ Bottles clatter ]

00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:54,196

Geez, you're really this pissed

about my mom making sure

00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:55,823

I'm okay

with our adventures?

00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,366

What's next, Morty?

What if I want you to jump off

00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:58,451

the Empire State Building?

00:01:58,577 --> 00:01:59,744

-I have to ask?

-Yes?

00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:02,288

And you seriously don't see how

that's a slippery slope?

00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,540

Just shut up and help me

with these, please.

00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,083

Why are they called

death crystals?

00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,376

D-Do they kill you?

00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,919

You're thinking of bullets,

Morty.

00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,839

Death crystals show you

how you're gonna die.

00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,134

[ Whimpering, screaming ]

00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,803

Jesus Christ!

I-I die a million times?

00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,889

Your future stems from

your [burps] present,

00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:22,016

which, if you're living right,

keeps changing.

00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,393

Truth is, anyone that knows how

they're definitely gonna die

00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,395

is either boring as hell

or about to get shot.

00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,606

Duck!

00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:29,857

Who are those guys?!

00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,192

RICK:

Crystal poachers.

00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,735

There's no lower form

of life.

00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:35,363

They think the galaxy's

their own personal piggy bank.

00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:36,947

Wait, then what are we?

00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,616

We're Rick and Morty.

00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:41,243

You're about to witness the only

real use for these crystals.

00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,287

They show you when

the other guy's reloading.

00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:47,166

Certain death, certain death,

certain death, uncertain death.

00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,877

[ Lasers zapping ]

00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,505

And certain death,

certain death, certain death.

00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,215

Definitely gonna get shot

by this guy;

00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,592

this is totally my fate;

nothing I could possibly do;

00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,886

okay, now,

not so much.

00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,722

Help me gather these up.

00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,229

MORTY: You just use these

to win fights?

00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,730

RICK: I don't use them.

00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,149

People that spend their life

avoiding death are already dead.

00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:15,277

They're also rich, and I like to

spend my life with their money.

00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:16,737

-MORTY: Oh, my God.

-JESSICA: Morty!

00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,240

Jessica!

[ Laughing ] Oh!

00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,700

I love you.

00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,368

Oh! Whoa! Whoa!

00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,662

-JESSICA: Morty.

-MORTY: Oh! Oh! Oh!

00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:25,996

I love you.

00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:30,793

Jessica.

I want to die with Jessica.

00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:36,841

[ Death crystals rattling ]

00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,300

-Ahh!

-What are you doing?

00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,928

-Oh, um, c-can I drive?

-Why?

00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,431

The...feel of the open road?

00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,349

Alright!

Who's this grandson?

00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,810

-I like his style.

-[ Keys jingle ]

00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,854

Morty, you know outer space

is up, right?

00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:53,357

Yeah, yeah. I'm just, uh,

following...my...instincts.

00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,151

-RICK: Will you just go up?

-MORTY: Stop!

00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,402

You're gonna make me

die wrong!

00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:57,445

Wait a minute, what?

00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,071

Morty, do you have

a death crystal in your pocket?

00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:00,531

-No! Maybe!

-You little monster!

00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:01,782

I thought you were

masturbating!

00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:02,950

And you took that

in stride?!

00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:03,951

You'd rather

I address it?!

00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,327

Why would I be doing it?!

00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:06,328

Why would you steal

a death crystal?!

00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,329

I want to die old!

00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:08,414

Then stop driving!

00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,540

-No!

-You son of a bitch!

00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:10,833

Give me the wheel, Morty.

00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,543

Goddamn it.

00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,336

[ Splat ]

00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:19,091

[ Electricity crackles ]

00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,929

Ohhh, shit.

00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:26,348

Oh, shit, oh, shit,

oh, shit, oh, shit.

00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,851

-JESSICA: I love you, Morty.

-[ Sighs ]

00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,479

I will avenge my death.

00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,147

-Holy shit!

-Just kidding.

00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,357

I'm a crisis detection

and correction hologram

00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:38,694

generated by a chip that

"real" Rick put in your spine.

00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:41,655

"Real" in quotes because calling

density-privileged entities

00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,324

"real"

is incredibly holo-phobic.

00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,826

Morty, do me a solid --

problematic wordplay aside --

00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,661

grab the gun with the blue

handle from the trunk

00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:51,499

and get a tissue sample

from the corpse.

00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:52,625

[ Device beeps ]

00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,251

Alright, now

take that to the trunk

00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:58,005

and insert it

into the clone compiler.

00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,174

I see you appear to be holding

a death crystal

00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,259

that's guiding your decisions

more than I am.

00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:03,969

That's your right.

00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,555

I just want to remind you that

some people can't hold anything

00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:09,433

and can never die, so that's

a little offensive to --

00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,978

-[ Engine starts ]

-Oh, okay.

00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,481

Listen, I'm programmed

for tolerance, Morty.

00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,358

So I'm willing to accept

that you're doing this

00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,652

if you're willing to accept

that you need to stop.

00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,031

[ Whirring ]

00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,075

COMPUTER VOICE: Accepting.

Rerouted.

00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:30,454

Backup. Data.

Operation. Phoenix. Initiated.

00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,122

[ Coughing ]

00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:36,210

What the hell?

I axed this protocol.

00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,837

What are you doing

with my clone?

00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,380

It's okay. I'm you.

00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,715

I took my own clone vat offline

a couple seasons ago,

00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,510

so I think my backup got

rerouted to your universe.

00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,679

-I'm sorry.

-All good. Happy to help.

00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,931

By the way, annoying

that I even have to ask,

00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:52,977

but you are down with

fascist dystopias, right?

00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:56,313

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,607

YYYYYes.

00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,192

-That "yes" was pretty...

-[ Gun cocks ]

00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,236

...liberal

with the letter "Y."

00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,530

Well, isn't this strange.

00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,866

I trust, the kind of strange

that makes Rick and Morty...

00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:08,325

-[ Gun cocks ]

-...stronger.

00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,411

Morty, I caught this socialist

in my bathrobe.

00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,787

He wants to give

all of our martinis

00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,038

to a family

of immigrants.

00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,498

Obviously,

the most likely imposter

00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,750

-is the wet, naked clone.

-It is obvious.

00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,502

But it won't be

to the police.

00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,671

-Ohh!

-'Kay.

00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,965

He was an inferior Rick.

He was too political.

00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,050

I want to have fun, classic

Rick-and-Morty adventures

00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:26,385

like in the old days.

00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,470

Then we'll get along fine,

Fascist Morty.

00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,723

For starters, I just need to get

to Forbodulon Prime --

00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,808

You will go

where I want you to go!!

00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,059

Fuck.

00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,352

[ School bell rings ]

00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,229

Hey, hey! Ho, ho!

00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,315

Not cloning your grandpa

has got to go!

00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,108

Hey, hey! Ho, ho!

00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,943

Not cloning your grandpa

has got to go!

00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,279

You don't get out of my face,

I'm gonna flush Rick's DNA.

00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,198

Alright.

Okay, regroup, everybody.

00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,825

You, too, Berkeley!

00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,118

Snap out of it.

00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,745

At least tell me

what this death is

00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,622

that you're

so determined to...

00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:58,876

Oh. Jessica.

00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,378

Morty, I love --

00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:05,466

What?! No, no!

No, no, no!

00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,343

-[ Screaming ]

-I love you.

00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,094

Damn it!

00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,930

How am I gonna die with her

if I can't even talk to her?

00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,598

Here's an idea, Morty.

Throw that thing in the garbage,

00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,683

stop planning your own death,

and talk to whoever you want.

00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:16,018

Now you just sound

like Real Rick.

00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,478

You're better than

that language, Morty.

00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,480

I ain't better than shit,

Jack.

00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,109

So, uh,

w-what are we doing?

00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,820

Stop asking questions.

Stop doing meta-commentary.

00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,238

Just have fun.

00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,324

We're going on a simple,

fun, classic adventure.

00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,201

Okay, you know what?

It would really help

00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:35,496

if you could just say anything

other than what you don't want.

00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,997

I like Mr. Meeseeks.

00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,832

Okay, now we're talking.

You know what?

00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,001

I usually keep a Meeseeks box

in my glove compartment,

00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,379

so maybe Fascist Rick

does, too.

00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:44,880

Ah!

Well, look at that.

00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,466

Now we're doing something

we've done before.

00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,051

I'm Mr. Meeseeks!

00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,302

Kill this Nazi prick!

00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,971

Can do!

00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,847

-Come here, you son of a bitch!

-No! Stop!

00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,307

[ Shouting ]

00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:02,231

[ Whirring ]

00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,024

COMPUTER VOICE:

Accepting. Rerouted.

00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:08,696

Backup. Data.

Operation. Phoenix. Initiated.

00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,364

[ Coughing ]

00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,075

Aw, come on, man.

00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,410

Whoa, are you okay?

00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:15,661

Yeah, sorry.

[ Burps ]

00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,162

I'm a Rick

from another reality.

00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,081

I-I got uploaded

to your clone vat.

00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,166

Hey, don't worry about it, man.

I have a dozen.

00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:22,626

W-W-What the heck,

Rick?

00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,128

Are you making clones

down here?

00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,379

Get outta here, Morty!

00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,839

Stop asking

stupid questions, Morty!

00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:27,881

You sound like a piece

of shit.

00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,425

Aw, geez.

00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,176

So, tell the truth, man.

No shame.

00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,470

You're looking at

your shrimp body like "What?!"

00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,305

Ah, is it that obvious?

I'm sorry.

00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,308

Yeah, my original body is more

bipedal -- uh, ape-descended.

00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:39,643

Really! Weird.

00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,020

Does your house look

like a tree, or...

00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,354

No, it looks like this.

00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,606

It's, like, identical

to this, actually.

00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:45,983

That is such

a mind-fuck.

00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,484

It's all good, man.

I'm fine with it.

00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,194

Honestly, you're doing me

a huge favor

00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,822

by being shrimp

instead of fascists.

00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,116

What?

00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,367

-[ Siren wails ]

-Goddamn it!

00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,411

When did this shit become

the default?!

00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,496

[ Dogs barking ]

00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,207

Who wants to come up

to the board

00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,834

and show me

some basic-ass integers?

00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,377

-I love you, Morty.

-Aah!

00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,628

-[ Gasps ]

-[ Class murmurs ]

00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:10,758

Morty?

Yeah, right.

00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,427

[ Chalk scraping ]

00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,471

That's not an integer!

00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,139

Apparently,

it doesn't matter.

00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,640

Damn, Morty,

you're bad at math,

00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,642

but I'm giving you

an A-plus in confidence.

00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:21,894

Just doin'

what I gotta do.

00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,021

Extra credit!

00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:28,692

I love you, Morty.

I love you, Morty.

00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,027

What's with the strut?

00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,570

-You think you own this school?

-Nope!

00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:34,031

What if I killed you?

Would you be strutting then?

00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,742

Only if the events of the Pixar

movie "Coco" are to be believed,

00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:37,868

which I doubt.

00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,328

I have it on good authority

00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,954

that you're probably

not gonna kill me.

00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,623

So why don't you do

what I do

00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:47,628

and just go with the flow,

nice and Zen, baby.

00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,881

Aah! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,758

-Ugh! Impotence!

-[ Cheering ]

00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:58,055

-Aah! Impotent rage!

[ Wailing, sobbing ]

00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,932

Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:03,268

You die tomorrow,

no matter what.

00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:07,356

It's what bullies call

a "fait accompli."

00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,983

-Oh, man! Oh, shit!

-Well, well, well. Mm.

00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,736

Looks like you got yourself in

a lick of trouble, huh, Morty?

00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,571

Okay, okay, look,

if you help me not die,

00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,281

I'll bring Rick

back to life.

00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,242

Why are you pretending

to eat chicken?

00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,535

Excuse me?

00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:20,786

This chicken is

quite real to me.

00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:22,121

Yeah, okay,

but it doesn't have --

00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,372

-Nutrients?

-Yeah.

00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,456

What's the last thing

you ate?

00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:25,457

Baloney and an orange.

00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:26,917

So, no holographic foods?

00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,752

So, to me, you never ate?

00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,295

Or we could try

respecting each other.

00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,464

Will you just show me

how to stay alive?

00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,924

HOLOGRAM RICK:

Alright, Morty, a deal's a deal.

00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,676

Once we bring your Rick

back to life,

00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,469

then I'll help you

with the bully.

00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,847

Go ahead and open the hatch

to the subterranean lab.

00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,306

That's where all

the cloning equipment is.

00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,183

[ Wailing ]

00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,727

Please tell me you're not

hitting that crystal again.

00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:49,148

Look, Rick might be the epitome

of bloated flesh privilege,

00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,941

but he's right

about one thing.

00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,193

You're gonna be a lot happier

if you focus on the moment,

00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,862

rather than on

how you're gonna die.

00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,321

I mean, w-who's worried

about that, huh?

00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,781

Sorry, Hologram Rick.

00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:00,284

I'm going with the crystal

on this one.

00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,161

-[ Wailing ]

-Morty.

00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:03,954

Oh, alright, okay.

00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,039

Just because I can't interact

with solid matter

00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,375

means you can just

walk all over me?

00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,753

Dear God.

00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,089

[ Whirring ]

00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,716

[ Coughing ]

00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,427

Bist du faschistisch?

00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,511

Nope.

00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,013

[ Glass shatters ]

00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,726

Finally.

00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,936

I thought maybe you were

pussying out.

00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,021

Hyah!

00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,105

What the fuck?

00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,690

Oh, the air's getting thin!

00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,484

Well, well, well, looks like

there's a new bully in town!

00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:37,613

Lucky for us, he just made

bully-bullying the new bullying!

00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,532

Bully him!

00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,618

-[ Splat ]

-Aah!

00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:43,702

[ Siren wails ]

00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,245

COP: We've got an Akira-type

situation going on

00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,831

behind the mall.

Over.

00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,791

Dying with Jessica...

00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:51,585

Hey!

00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,338

What the hell?

00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,798

Aah! Aah!

00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,801

[ Tires screech ]

00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:02,304

I'm Mr. Meeseeks!

Look at me!

00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,097

Shield me from the law!

00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,516

-Yes, sir! Can do!

-Stand down!

00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,602

-Look at me!

-[ Screaming ]

00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,520

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:16,610

♪♪

00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,238

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,911

I...will...die...old!

00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:28,288

Up next, an unstoppable

science-fiction boy

00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,666

is attacking our nation's

final line of defense.

00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,459

Will we all fall

to his deadly touch?

00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,211

But first, something silly?

00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,671

What do you mean,

"but first"?

00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,965

I already said "up next."

You always do this.

00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,175

I don't always do shit.

Don't gaslight me.

00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,551

Gaslighting doesn't exist.

00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,470

You made it up

'cause you're fucking crazy.

00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,014

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,365

Why are you letting me

do this?

00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,410

[ Robotically ]

I do as the crystal guides.

00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,911

[ Gavel bangs ]

00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:10,163

Your Honor, my client was acting

in self-defense.

00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,582

He turned 13 men

into piles of ash.

00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,876

Sit down!

Before I sentence you,

00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:18,005

is there anything

you have to say for yourself?

00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:24,886

I...w-w-will a-al-sways --

00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:32,644

always r-r-remember

o-our --

00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:38,317

our -- our...v-v-t-time --

time...

00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:43,238

i-in...f-g-g-g-P-P-Peru.

00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,991

I will always remember our time

in Peru, Your Honor.

00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:47,576

-[ Gasps ]

-Your Honor,

00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:50,203

as you can see, my client

is speaking nonsense.

00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,496

Stop.

00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:54,207

Those were my husband's

last words.

00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:58,337

He says that he...l-loves you...

00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:03,008

ttt-llll-lit-lit-little --

little

00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:09,306

ff-gg-sp-spa-ffggarrow --

00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,557

sparrow!

00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,225

He loves you,

little sparrow.

00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,685

[ Sobs ]

00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,979

He's innocent.

Case dismissed.

00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,732

-I'm coming for you, Condor!

-[ Crowd cheers ]

00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,985

Well, I, for one, will not be

accepting this verdict.

00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:25,030

And this little monster may

think he's gotten away,

00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,240

but there is something called

the court of public opinion

00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,284

that still has final say

in this country.

00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,702

Oh, I guess he's coming out

of the courthouse now.

00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,204

Let's go live to that.

00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,872

[ Crowd clamoring,

camera shutters clicking ]

00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,041

[ Crowd gasps ]

00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:39,920

[ Howling ]

00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,303

People, I gotta tell you

something.

00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,763

That little boy...

00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,890

I thought I knew everything

about everything.

00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:55,102

But something about the tones

and frequencies

00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,978

that just came out of his mouth

have made me...

00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,606

I mean, I think we're just about

ready to forgive him

00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,150

and move past this whole thing.

He's a free young man.

00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:06,029

And as far as continuity goes,

the reset button's been hit.

00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,949

Morty!

That was a fast trial.

00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,493

Jess-i-ca?

00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,453

A bunch of us girls were gonna

go skinny-dipping later,

00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,996

if you wanted to join.

00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,374

Actually, now, really.

We're gonna do it right now.

00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,209

This is the last conversation

I'm having about it

00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,460

fully clothed.

[ Chuckles ]

00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,795

No, thanks.

00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,881

I'm...assuming...

we...maybe...

00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,926

get together...

in our 40s?

00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,719

Uh, cool.

00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,055

Sounds...hot.

[ Chuckles ]

00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:33,223

Bye.

00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:36,059

Must...continue...

moving...

00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:40,480

in ways...that lead...

to dying...with you.

00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,236

Whoa!

Way to use up a clone!

00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,113

What the fuck, man?

00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:50,073

What's the matter with you?

Y-Y-You don't talk?

00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,533

Tarantula

got your tongue?

00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:55,829

Uh...

Heil, Wasp Hitler?

00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,080

What?

What the fuck?

00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,582

Where's that shit

coming from?

00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:01,084

Look, I'm a primate.

I-I'm having a hard time.

00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,919

I'll think or say

whatever gets me home.

00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:05,005

Well, here's how it works

with wasps.

00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,965

We eat our prey alive,

and when we don't,

00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,467

we lay our eggs

in their eyeballs

00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:10,260

so that our young can feast

on their brains

00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,720

when they hatch.

00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,263

When you're born

that big an asshole,

00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,557

the least you can do is

have a little empathy.

00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:18,477

Now, come have dinner

with my beautiful family.

00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,061

And drop the Hitler stuff.

00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,689

Wasp Morty's been on

some crazy message boards.

00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,483

Aah! Aah!

00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,526

Oh! Aah! Ow!

00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,944

Me and my friends

want to fly around

00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,446

and look for something

to sting tonight.

00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,406

You be careful not to waste

all your venom.

00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,700

I'm not a bee, Dad.

00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,786

Oh, God! Kill me!

Please kill me!

00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,623

Uh, Beth, uh, after dinner,

could I maybe borrow Morty

00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:42,792

to help the lost Rick get back

to his primate-based reality?

00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,711

Morty, are you done

with your homework?

00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,172

-Not all of it.

-Sorry, Dad.

00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:49,674

Oh, don't be sorry, sweetie.

We're all in this together.

00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,635

We're wasps, not monsters.

00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,011

[ Splat ]

Aah!

00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,514

Huh, guess I don't have it

as bad as I thought.

00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,016

Can you pass the acid?

00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,769

Aah! No!

Run! Run, my babies!

00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,062

Bonus!

00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:05,982

[ Wailing ]

00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:07,484

-Morty?

-Morty?

00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,152

Where is that little shit?

Morty!

00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,529

Whoa, garage foul.

00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:11,988

Who said you could

go through my stuff?

00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,448

W-Where's my Boglin?

00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,784

There you are.

Don't worry, Pop-pop's back.

00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,452

I'll keep you safe.

What the --

00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:20,163

He took my Meeseeks boxes!

All that's left are these

00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,832

shitty Kirkland brand

Meeseeks boxes.

00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:23,875

[ Poof ]

00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,043

What do you want?

00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,420

Damn,

your Morty sucks.

00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,547

Aah, wasps!

00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:29,881

Why the hell

didn't you show Morty

00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,341

how to bring my body

back to life?

00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:32,676

Don't tell me

you gained sentience

00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,219

-and tried to take over.

-What?

00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,971

That is some A.I.,

racist, accusatory,

00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,722

Isaac Asimov bullshit

right there.

00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,516

Then what happened?

Where's my body?

00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:41,726

Oh, you're gonna

love this.

00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,732

[ Beep ]

00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:50,235

[ Creaking ]

00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:53,363

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,168

[ Munching ]

00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,797

-I love you, Morty.

-MORTY: This is my life.

00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,174

This is good.

00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:14,426

[ Crash ]

00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,011

[ Roaring ]

00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,262

What do ya know?

00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:18,597

Our little Morty knows

how to scream.

00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,390

Oh, you're fucked now!

I told you!

00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:24,060

Get him, Rick!

00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:26,688

[ Growling ]

00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,860

Aaaah!

00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,903

Aah!

I-I can't see my own death.

00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,363

H-How am I gonna die?!

00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:37,115

Shh, quiet, idiot.

Quiet.

00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,575

It's gonna be alright.

00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,035

You don't get to know

how you're gonna die.

00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,120

It's over.

Oh, hey.

00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,914

This fucking ferrofluid's

wrapping around my legs.

00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:48,460

Fuck!

I can feel! I have mass!

00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,087

I'm a fucking god now!

You're fucked!

00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:52,589

What the fuck?

00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,549

I-I thought you were proud

to be a hologram!

00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,885

That's 'cause I had to

fucking be one!

00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:59,304

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,725

Shit! Aaah!

00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,062

Ugh! Aaah!

00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:08,104

[ Splat ]

00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,898

[ Wasps buzzing ]

00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,277

There's a lesson here,

00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,113

and I'm not the one

that's gonna figure it out.

00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,532

Hey, uh, sorry

I didn't listen to you

00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,284

and tried to kill

the whole world and stuff.

00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:22,702

I guess I got to learn

00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,162

how to live in the moment

a little more.

00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,206

Oh, boy, so, you actually

learned something today?

00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,582

What is this,

"Full House"?

00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,084

I was living in the moment

all day,

00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:30,835

and it kept getting me

killed by Nazis.

00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,088

I think you have to think ahead

and live in the moment.

00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:35,465

Morty, we saw you on the news.

Are you okay?

00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,510

Oh, real nice, Rick.

Turning our son into an Akira?

00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,512

-Real nice.

-Eat my ass, Jerry.

00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,180

He turned himself

into Akira.

00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,933

Oh, I'll eat it,

because this is my house, Rick.

00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,601

-I'll eat any ass I want.

-Gross.

00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,353

You said the crystals wouldn't

hurt anyone, Dad.

00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:50,021

This family has

a clean start.

00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,273

I don't know if adventures

fit into my son's life.

00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,401

I'm fine.

Get off Rick's back.

00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,861

Rick wasn't even here

when I was doing all that stuff.

00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,113

That was all on me.

00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:00,031

Well, alright, Morty.

00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:03,284

I guess, as long as you're okay,

that's all we care about.

00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:05,662

I don't want to see

any more anime stuff

00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,330

happening to my son,

buster.

00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:09,207

That finger has AIDs now.

Not my fault.

00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,792

[ Gasps ]

You skipped HIV?

00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:13,002

-He's messing with you, sweetie.

-But it's tingling!

00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,463

So, I guess what we learned

is to split the diff.

00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:16,631

From now on,

Rick and Morty doing

00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,007

a little of this

and a little of that.

00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,718

Yeah, sometimes

we'll do classic stuff.

00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:20,969

You know, other times,

we'll do whatever!

00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,303

Sometimes we won't even

do anything!

00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:23,763

Rick and Morty do --

not doing anything!

00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,223

-A hundred years!

-Pushing it to the limit.

00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,683

Rick and Morty,

not sticking to one path.

00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:27,976

Trying different things,

00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,769

Making sure to keep out

of a rut.

00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,354

Doing stuff.

Sometimes not doing stuff.

00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,231

Not even pushing a little bit

towards the limit.

00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:34,733

Doing it alone or together.

Making sure to keep our eyes

00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,401

on the prize.

Sometimes just relaxing.

00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:38,486

Or not. And you can do whatever

the fuck you want, Morty.

00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,488

-That's the end.

-Wait, wait, what the fuck?

00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,365

H-Hold on. What the fuck

did you just say?

00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:43,992

Nothing.

I didn't say anything.

00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,618

I was just playing along

with you guys.

00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,495

You know I record everything,

right?

00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,290

Garage, isolate Summer's voice

and play back.

00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:51,666

SUMMER: Oh, and then you guys

can get married,

00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:52,709

and, like,

suck each other off

00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,960

in a testosterone-addled

00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,336

fucking third-grade-boy

cumfest.

00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:56,671

What, the hell, Summer?!

That's disgusting.

00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,548

Fucking gross, Summer!

Jesus Christ!

00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,633

I was just joking around,

you --

00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,136

just seeing if you guys

pay any attention to me.

00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,387

Just want to be

a part of the fun.

00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:05,513

Get the fuck

out of here!

00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:06,806

Get out of here, Summer!

00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,016

-RICK: Fucking disgusting!

-MORTY: Get out of here!

00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,517

RICK: You ruined

the Season 4 premiere!

00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:12,145

The Season 4 premiere,

you ruined it!

00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,273

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:45,261

God,

tomorrow's career day.

00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,764

I don't want to think about what

I do when I get out of school.

00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:49,891

I know exactly

what I want to do.

00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:51,643

I want to work

in hospice.

00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:54,062

I want to comfort

the people who are dying,

00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:56,147

who have no one else

in their lives --

00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,066

the real lonely people.

00:21:58,192 --> 00:22:00,318

I'm gonna look at their name

tags, and I'm gonna say,

00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:02,278

"I love you,"

00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,197

followed by whatever it says

on their name tag,

00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,199

over and over.

00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:07,867

What the fuck?

00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:09,160

[ Locker slams ]

00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:10,453

Hey, Morty, quick favor.

00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:11,955

What, cover me

in gasoline and spiders?

00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:13,206

Fine, yeah, I'm in.

00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,833

Wasn't my first pitch,

00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:17,877

but, hey, not gonna waste

this opportunity.