Азбука Бет

00:00:05,259 --> 00:00:07,164

детоубийцы Джозефа Илая Липнипа,

00:00:07,188 --> 00:00:11,009

которая уже привлекла к себе больше зрителей,

чем смерть теленовостей.

00:00:11,034 --> 00:00:11,376

Карла?

00:00:11,401 --> 00:00:13,868

Человек, который однажды съел своего сына...

00:00:13,893 --> 00:00:16,837

- Ого. Его и правда казнят спустя столько времени?

-...наконец-то будет казнён в исправительной колонии.

00:00:17,173 --> 00:00:18,298

Ты знаешь, что сын, которого он съел, был...

00:00:18,323 --> 00:00:19,845

Твоим лучшим другом Томми.

Мы знаем.

00:00:19,870 --> 00:00:21,126

Перестань хвастаться настоящими преступлениями.

00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:23,876

Мне была нанесена травма, Саммер.

Вашему поколению не понять.

00:00:23,901 --> 00:00:26,673

Сучка, моё поколение такие травмы

на завтрак ест.

00:00:26,698 --> 00:00:29,368

Ушли годы лечения на то, чтобы хотя бы

переварить реальность.

00:00:29,395 --> 00:00:35,144

В смысле, когда я был маленькая, то просто говорила себе,

что Томми потерялся в волшебном мире Фрупиленда.

00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:35,902

Фрупиленд?

00:00:35,927 --> 00:00:39,598

Мой выдуманный мир. Знаю, дурацкое название,

но для меня он был таким реальным.

00:00:39,738 --> 00:00:42,317

Разве вы не должны сейчас проводить

попечительские выходные со своим отцом?

00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:46,192

Мы не торопимся. Папа спит до захода солнца.

А мы можем поговорить ещё об этом Фрупи...

00:00:46,410 --> 00:00:48,434

Только не пузырь. Там нет воздуха.

00:00:50,113 --> 00:00:52,746

Должна сказать, я начинаю проникаться

пузыремётом.

00:00:53,074 --> 00:00:55,582

Знаешь, если у тебя так здорово получается

давать названия, может, отныне ты этим займёшься?

00:00:55,770 --> 00:00:56,098

Что?

00:00:56,301 --> 00:00:57,113

Фрупиленд.

00:00:57,238 --> 00:00:58,981

Это моё лучшее творение? Не знаю.

00:00:59,090 --> 00:01:01,130

Заслуживает ли оно, чтобы его

творческую часть обсирали?

00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:04,121

Да, всё верно. Я согласен с твоим

взглядом, полным ужасного осознания.

00:01:04,199 --> 00:01:06,332

Порой ты говоришь необдуманно.

00:01:08,043 --> 00:01:08,895

Вот он.

00:01:09,097 --> 00:01:10,738

Знаешь, я сжал частицу тессеракта...

00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:13,574

Пап, мне всё равно, как ты его сделал.

Меня интересует, там ли ещё Томми.

00:01:13,599 --> 00:01:14,356

Расслабься, Бет.

00:01:15,121 --> 00:01:16,371

Если он там, то мы его найдём.

00:01:16,715 --> 00:01:19,668

Он будет единственным выгоревшим на солнце

скелетом с непридуманной ДНК.

00:01:48,918 --> 00:01:50,543

Авторы перевода

Женя Спицын и Сарыч

00:01:53,082 --> 00:01:54,730

Томми?! Томми?!

00:01:55,050 --> 00:01:59,160

Какой кошмар. Поверить не могу, что ты запирал меня

в этом блаженном курятнике.

00:01:59,254 --> 00:02:02,293

В курятнике? Это процедурно сгенерированные

облака, Бет.

00:02:02,465 --> 00:02:04,418

Эта река - радуга. Буквально.

00:02:04,481 --> 00:02:06,707

Хорош, я как следует попыхтел над

этим местом.

00:02:06,732 --> 00:02:08,895

Лучше бы ты пыхтел над своей дочерью!

00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:09,231

Гадость.

00:02:09,256 --> 00:02:10,551

А вдруг его кто-то съел?

00:02:10,645 --> 00:02:13,317

Неа. Существа во Фрупиленде

созданы безвредными.

00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:14,559

Он точно просто умер от голода.

00:02:14,584 --> 00:02:16,395

Это я могла умереть здесь с голоду.

00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:17,449

А если бы я покалечилась?

00:02:17,474 --> 00:02:19,090

Блин, ты права. Я - ужасный отец.

00:02:19,285 --> 00:02:21,832

Что ж, нет смысла жить.

Прощай, жестокий мир!

00:02:21,857 --> 00:02:22,426

Папа!

00:02:22,451 --> 00:02:27,223

О, ты только глянь! Что за жестокий создатель

делает траву упругой?

00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:28,590

Нужно утопиться!

00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:33,442

О, нет. Под водой можно дышать?

Кто это сотворил?

00:02:33,467 --> 00:02:34,199

Ну и ладно.

00:02:34,493 --> 00:02:39,149

Ага, ну и ладно. Отец мастерит унитаз в виде R2D2

и попадает на первую страницу Reddit,

00:02:39,174 --> 00:02:42,618

но почему-то я - Чарльз Мэнсон из-за того, что подарил

тебе твой собственный мир вместо Айпада.

00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:44,024

Мне кажется, ты хочешь сказать...

00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,735

Пиздец! Ёб твою налево! У этой хрени есть когти!

00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,704

Да. Я поняла. Безопасный для детей мир.

00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:50,782

Нет, я серьёзно! Мне очень больно!

00:02:51,188 --> 00:02:53,634

Эта тварь протыкает своими острыми,

как бритва, когтями...

00:02:53,931 --> 00:02:54,423

Блядь!

00:02:54,573 --> 00:02:56,073

Ты донёс свою мысль, пап!

00:02:57,298 --> 00:02:57,681

Пап?

00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:05,626

Чьей идеей были дурацкие

попечительские выходные?

00:03:05,651 --> 00:03:08,048

Вроде это должно помочь избавиться

от чувства оставления.

00:03:08,073 --> 00:03:09,259

Но я хочу, чтобы меня оставили в покое!

00:03:09,284 --> 00:03:10,407

Я имел в виду отца.

00:03:10,595 --> 00:03:12,673

Добро пожаловать в дом разведённого отца.

00:03:12,751 --> 00:03:14,095

Ого, пап!

00:03:14,352 --> 00:03:16,438

Теперь твой дом не так сильно похож

на наркопритон с крэком.

00:03:16,501 --> 00:03:19,056

Здесь чисто, прямо как в наркопритоне

с кокаином.

00:03:19,188 --> 00:03:20,181

Пап, в чём прикол?

00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:22,673

Я просто собран, активен...

00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:24,821

И обладаешь телекинезом?

00:03:24,846 --> 00:03:25,759

Круто, да?

00:03:25,970 --> 00:03:27,634

Зацените. Кто хочет смузи?

00:03:30,532 --> 00:03:33,118

О, нет, вот блин. Саммер... Саммер, ты не могла бы...

00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:35,743

Тебе ещё учиться и учиться, мой Улу.

00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:39,571

Морти, Саммер, это - Киара.

00:03:39,798 --> 00:03:43,102

Она - крутабулонская жрица-воин

с Крутабулона.

00:03:43,127 --> 00:03:45,267

Я знаю откуда крутабулонцы, пап.

00:03:45,376 --> 00:03:46,431

Чаймунтоло.

00:03:46,456 --> 00:03:47,845

Чаймунтоло, детёныши.

00:03:47,870 --> 00:03:49,360

Хайменчоло...

00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:53,227

В разуме вашего отца содержится любовь к вам,

для меня честь, познакомиться с вами телесно.

00:03:53,290 --> 00:03:54,563

Папа, ты...

00:03:54,618 --> 00:03:57,493

Влюбился в крутую сексапильную

даму с другой планеты?

00:03:57,518 --> 00:03:59,665

Ха ха, ну, не знаю, Саммер,

а ты как думаешь?

00:03:59,690 --> 00:04:03,024

Я не хотела спрашивать, любишь ли ты её,

так как едва знаешь.

00:04:03,049 --> 00:04:05,837

Саммер, мы с Киарой познакомились

с помощью космической службы знакомств,

00:04:05,862 --> 00:04:08,392

которую постоянно советовал Рик,

когда мы с мамой были вместе, и...

00:04:08,532 --> 00:04:10,267

всё как-то завертелось.

00:04:10,735 --> 00:04:11,641

Нужно уходить!

00:04:12,017 --> 00:04:13,454

У нас бронь на 7 часов!

00:04:14,251 --> 00:04:17,915

Не люблю, когда она уходит, но обожаю

наблюдать, как она перемещается в фазовом сдвиге.

00:04:18,470 --> 00:04:22,470

Уверен, вы заметили, чего у неё три штуки,

угадайте, чего у неё две?

00:04:27,488 --> 00:04:28,308

Так, отвалите!

00:04:28,730 --> 00:04:32,168

Слушайте, я сделал вам поблажку, потому что

очарован, что жизнь находит путь, но...

00:04:32,691 --> 00:04:33,777

Ладно, знаете что?

00:04:38,729 --> 00:04:39,440

Чёрт!

00:04:44,244 --> 00:04:46,213

Да, пап, безопасней места просто нет.

00:04:46,307 --> 00:04:47,221

Лучший отец на свете.

00:04:47,377 --> 00:04:49,658

Ты можешь просто сказать: "Признаюсь, я налажал"?

00:04:49,683 --> 00:04:50,908

Эм, а какой в этом смысл?

00:04:50,933 --> 00:04:52,447

Так ты не можешь, не так ли?

00:04:52,472 --> 00:04:54,416

Ты не можешь просто, блядь, извиниться.

00:04:54,455 --> 00:04:56,854

Ладно, ладно, Бет. Мне жаль...

00:04:56,947 --> 00:04:58,533

что ты подумала, что заслужила

извинение.

00:05:00,197 --> 00:05:03,518

Эй, не смотри на меня так, ты сама оставляешь своих

детей на земле, где на них легко можно наступить.

00:05:08,264 --> 00:05:10,186

Хм, так вот в чём проблема.

00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:15,250

Фрупилендские процедурно сгенерированные атомы углерода

засорились и смешались с ДНК настоящего человека.

00:05:15,275 --> 00:05:19,414

Хочешь сказать, что Томми выжил, сношаясь с существами

Фрупиленда и настругав отпрысков гибридов Фрупи и человека,

00:05:19,439 --> 00:05:23,328

а затем поглощал их протеины, подкрепляя себя

бесконечным циклом каннибалистического инцеста?

00:05:23,353 --> 00:05:27,070

Это рабочая версия. Конечно, если всё так,

то я думаю, ему поклоняется, как какому-то богу,

00:05:27,095 --> 00:05:29,679

общество уровня средневековья, состоящее

из его менее вкусных детей.

00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,359

Стоять! Теперь вы - пленники нашего

всевышнего правителя,

00:05:32,384 --> 00:05:35,351

который даёт и забирает жизнь,

поддерживает и поглощает бренность

00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,296

дарует жизнь...

00:05:36,321 --> 00:05:38,062

Можно тебя прервать?

Это уже излишнее откровение.

00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:39,531

Да, отведите нас к королю Томми.

00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:43,414

Я думал, что жрицы-воины могут покинуть

Крутабулон только во время охоты.

00:05:43,460 --> 00:05:44,359

Спасибо, милая.

00:05:44,384 --> 00:05:46,335

Надеюсь, сейчас не открыт сезон

охоты на людей.

00:05:46,406 --> 00:05:48,226

На Земле я охочусь на Варриксов.

00:05:48,539 --> 00:05:49,984

Я бы ни за что не стала охотиться на человека.

00:05:50,179 --> 00:05:52,234

У меня и вашего отца связаны души.

00:05:52,259 --> 00:05:53,281

Души связаны?

00:05:53,306 --> 00:05:57,359

Эм, а на вашей планете дни что ли короче, потому что

ваши отношения развиваются слишком быстро, или нет?

00:06:02,827 --> 00:06:03,827

Лови его, милая.

00:06:04,124 --> 00:06:05,796

Она постоянно охотится.

00:06:06,249 --> 00:06:07,967

Наверное, она знала, что Варрикс здесь работает,

00:06:08,108 --> 00:06:10,296

и поэтому сказала, что отзывы в интернете

не имели значения.

00:06:10,321 --> 00:06:13,944

Ты хоть понимаешь, насколько серьёзна связь

душ у Крутабулонцев?

00:06:13,969 --> 00:06:17,444

Блин, Морти, даже не знаю. Ведь

у них такое обычное название.

00:06:17,469 --> 00:06:20,210

Если хочеть почитать кому-нибудь нотации

об обязательствах, то можешь начать со своей матери.

00:06:20,235 --> 00:06:22,647

О боже мой, пап. Так вот в чём дело, да?

00:06:22,725 --> 00:06:24,874

Ты бросился в новые отношения,

чтобы отомстить маме?

00:06:24,899 --> 00:06:27,233

Каждые выходные вы твердили мне,

что надо двигаться дальше.

00:06:27,258 --> 00:06:30,818

Двигаться в смысле, вылезти из кровати. Перестать пользоваться

бумажными полотенцами в качестве туалетной бумаги,

00:06:30,843 --> 00:06:33,194

а не ступить на скользкую дорожку

новой интрижки.

00:06:33,219 --> 00:06:35,764

Пап, тебе надо притормозить. Хорошо подумай

об этой связи душ.

00:06:35,850 --> 00:06:38,053

Почему бы вам не сказать, что вы

на самом деле имеете в виду?

00:06:38,171 --> 00:06:41,163

Вы заценили, что после занятий с ней сексом

у меня появился телекинез,

00:06:41,188 --> 00:06:44,944

и что у неё шикарное тело, как у Читары

из "Громокошек",

00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:49,095

но у вас вызывает отвращение её голова в форме

авокадо и синяя кожа,

00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,619

и вы думаете, что я хочу натянуть пакет с париком

ей на голову.

00:06:52,806 --> 00:06:56,166

Сколько же времени и сил я угрохал,

нравоучая вас об отношении к расам...

00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,806

...и вы всё равно стали расистами.

00:06:58,463 --> 00:07:00,580

Скоро ваш мир будет избавлен от Варриксов.

00:07:00,916 --> 00:07:02,611

Завтра мы будем праздновать.

00:07:02,636 --> 00:07:04,135

Можно сводить детей в аквапарк.

00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,260

Мы отпразднуем, сходив на охоту!

00:07:07,017 --> 00:07:08,127

Детки, хотите поохотиться?

00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:08,885

Да.

00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:13,838

Преклонитесь пред королём Томми!

00:07:14,338 --> 00:07:15,978

Фиг я преклонюсь. Отсосите!

00:07:16,642 --> 00:07:20,119

Приветствую всех. Я - король Фрупиленда.

00:07:20,353 --> 00:07:22,783

Но у меня есть и другое имя.

00:07:22,924 --> 00:07:23,517

Мы знаем.

00:07:23,542 --> 00:07:25,056

Это имя - Томми.

00:07:25,081 --> 00:07:25,963

Да знаем мы.

00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:29,330

Я живу здесь с тех пор, когда был

ещё ребёнком.

00:07:29,355 --> 00:07:30,150

- Мы знаем.

- Поняли уже.

00:07:30,175 --> 00:07:33,939

Думаю, вы задаётесь вопросов, чем же

я здесь питался?

00:07:33,964 --> 00:07:34,986

- О, боже.

- Нет, не задаёмся.

00:07:35,013 --> 00:07:39,505

Я всегда считал, что объяснения лучше

всего даются с помощью театра.

00:07:39,552 --> 00:07:40,239

Серьёзно?

00:07:40,264 --> 00:07:40,989

Бог ты мой.

00:07:41,014 --> 00:07:42,091

Актёры, начинайте!

00:07:42,552 --> 00:07:44,177

Я - малыш Томми.

00:07:45,255 --> 00:07:47,153

Я - малышка Бет.

00:07:49,028 --> 00:07:49,716

Да хорош!

00:07:50,013 --> 00:07:52,145

Идём со мной в мой волшебный мир!

00:07:52,170 --> 00:07:52,864

Не делай этого!

00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,192

Это - мой тайный Фрупиленд,

00:07:55,310 --> 00:07:57,161

где нет никаких правил.

00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:58,872

Ух, как интересно!

00:07:58,897 --> 00:08:02,614

Мне завидно, что у Томми такие друзья,

и что у него есть Нинтендо.

00:08:02,895 --> 00:08:05,044

И что у него есть отец, который любит его.

00:08:05,169 --> 00:08:07,263

Полагаю, из Томми получился

плохой драматург в школе.

00:08:07,395 --> 00:08:09,099

Хочешь посмотреть на медовое болото?

00:08:09,341 --> 00:08:11,263

Да! Пойдём!

00:08:11,380 --> 00:08:13,560

А я хочу посмотреть, как ты умрёшь!

00:08:13,585 --> 00:08:15,310

Ой, помогите! Я застрял!

00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,185

Я покрыт мёдом!

00:08:17,614 --> 00:08:18,700

Как интересно.

00:08:18,841 --> 00:08:19,622

Враньё.

00:08:20,005 --> 00:08:24,216

Прошло много ночей в ловушке

странных земель.

00:08:24,395 --> 00:08:28,130

Я хочу есть. И всё, что я могу сделать,

чтобы скоротать время -

00:08:28,349 --> 00:08:29,325

это дрюкаться.

00:08:29,599 --> 00:08:31,599

Я отдрюкаю этот камень.

00:08:33,372 --> 00:08:35,255

Я отдрюкаю это дерево.

00:08:36,523 --> 00:08:39,000

Я отдрюкаю зверя этих земель

00:08:39,025 --> 00:08:40,922

и помещу в него своё семя.

00:08:42,593 --> 00:08:45,523

Я - одна из первых детей Томми.

00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:49,203

Съешь мою плоть, чтобы выжить.

00:08:49,375 --> 00:08:51,422

Так я и сделал.

00:08:52,523 --> 00:08:54,820

Ого, ну что ж, ладно.

00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:57,148

Одобренный свежак. Отличная работа.

00:08:57,828 --> 00:09:00,117

Возможно, следует провести демонстрацию.

00:09:00,142 --> 00:09:02,414

Нет, это последнее, что следует сделать!

00:09:02,439 --> 00:09:03,023

Боже мой!

00:09:03,048 --> 00:09:03,882

Бедный зверь Фрупи.

00:09:03,907 --> 00:09:04,804

Оставь его в покое!

00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:08,398

Скорее сюда, банда.

Время ужинать.

00:09:09,922 --> 00:09:11,281

Ну всё, я валю отсюда.

00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:16,069

Что ты делаешь? У нас было приключение

в самом разгаре.

00:09:16,094 --> 00:09:17,848

Вот некоторые вещи, необходимые для приключения, Бет.

00:09:17,873 --> 00:09:21,450

Конфликт, риск, из чего я могу извлечь выгоду

и, конечно же, Морти.

00:09:21,475 --> 00:09:24,762

Но Томми всё ещё там, насилует Маппетов

и пожирает детей.

00:09:24,787 --> 00:09:26,247

Да, к счастью, это не наша проблема.

00:09:26,272 --> 00:09:27,332

Пора выдернуть шнур.

00:09:27,357 --> 00:09:28,395

Выдернуть шнур?

00:09:28,575 --> 00:09:31,692

Мы должны вытащить Томми оттуда.

Мы должны совершить верный поступок,

00:09:31,717 --> 00:09:33,317

то, что ты никогда не делал,

будучи отцом.

00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:34,497

Приложить немного усилий.

00:09:34,522 --> 00:09:37,434

Так, только не надо мне тут про высокую мораль задвигать.

Мы оба видели хреновую пьесу Томми.

00:09:37,459 --> 00:09:39,059

Ты толкнула его в медовое болото, Бет.

00:09:39,084 --> 00:09:41,098

Его очень счастливая жизнь в твоих руках.

00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:42,442

Вот ты и спасай его от неё.

00:09:42,590 --> 00:09:44,934

Ты поверишь какой-то пьесе, а не собственной дочери?

00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:47,262

Да, поверю, Бет, потому что ты - не моя дочь.

00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:51,575

О боже, конечно, я - одна из бесконечных Бет

с бесконечными отцами из бесконечных вселенных.

00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,254

Это называется объятия, пап.

От них не умирают.

00:09:53,279 --> 00:09:57,122

Ага, не будь так уверена. Знаешь почему Рики

создали Фрупиленд для своих девочек?

00:09:57,147 --> 00:10:01,645

По той же причине, по которой меня не удивил дешманский флешбек Томми, переписанный несколько раз и фигово оформленный.

00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,692

Ты была охуенно страшным ребёнком, блин.

00:10:03,754 --> 00:10:04,864

Бог ты мой.

00:10:04,889 --> 00:10:07,012

Я создал Фрупиленд не для того,

чтобы избавиться от тебя, Бет.

00:10:07,153 --> 00:10:10,293

Я создал его, чтобы защитить наш жилой район.

Не в благородном смысле.

00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,253

Было практичнее изолировать тебя, пока я

не начал, ну,

00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:15,987

делать клонов для каждого не особо

вежливого мальчика

00:10:16,012 --> 00:10:18,674

или наивного животного, которое могло повстречаться

на твоём жизненном социо-пути.

00:10:18,729 --> 00:10:22,534

Тебе проще поверить, что я была злой, чем

признать, что ты был плохим отцом?

00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:25,534

О нет, чувиха. Фиговый отец

стоит у меня на максимуме.

00:10:25,643 --> 00:10:28,901

Я наглухо ёбнутый. И яблочко от яблоньки

недалеко упало, детка.

00:10:28,926 --> 00:10:31,339

Посмотри, какое дерьмо ты просила меня делать,

когда была маленькой.

00:10:31,550 --> 00:10:34,573

Бластеры, кнут, благодаря которому

ты нравилась людям.

00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,967

Наручники невидимости.

00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:37,334

Капкан на родителей.

00:10:37,359 --> 00:10:38,412

Электропушка.

00:10:38,437 --> 00:10:41,029

Плюшевый мишка с анатомически

правильными внутренностями.

00:10:41,054 --> 00:10:43,131

Очки ночного видения с игрушечными глазами.

00:10:43,156 --> 00:10:44,951

Кроссовки, стирающие звук.

00:10:45,006 --> 00:10:46,475

Поддельные отпечатки пальцев.

00:10:46,631 --> 00:10:48,107

Усыпляющие дротики.

00:10:48,132 --> 00:10:49,592

Кукла-детектор лжи.

00:10:49,617 --> 00:10:51,631

Неразрушимая бейсбольная бита.

00:10:51,656 --> 00:10:53,678

Электрошокер в виде божьей коровки.

00:10:53,826 --> 00:10:55,396

Поддельный полицейский жетон.

00:10:55,436 --> 00:10:57,295

Стикеры с жучком.

00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:58,771

Изолента радужного цвета.

00:10:58,811 --> 00:11:00,670

Заколка для волос, контролирующая разум.

00:11:00,896 --> 00:11:02,115

Ядовитая жвачка.

00:11:02,140 --> 00:11:04,639

Розовый разумный выкидной нож.

00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,420

Эй, Бет, ты подросла. Продолжим

пырять?

00:11:07,445 --> 00:11:11,521

Тебе не приходило в голову, что я просила тебя делать эти вещи,

потому что хотела, чтобы ты проводил со мной больше времени?

00:11:11,779 --> 00:11:16,615

Тебе не приходило в голову, что если я и пыталась убить Томми,

то, наверное, потому что завидовала его семье?

00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,045

Погоди, что? Почему? Разве его отец не был

каким-то каннибалом?

00:11:19,295 --> 00:11:20,568

Мне кажется, это наследственное.

00:11:20,593 --> 00:11:23,725

Боже мой, это твоя вина!

Я - не плохой человек.

00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:27,264

Я вернусь туда, заберу Томми

и всё исправлю.

00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:30,092

Как скажешь, Стив Остин "Ледяная Глыба".

00:11:30,912 --> 00:11:32,084

Не знаю, почему я это сказал.

00:11:32,396 --> 00:11:34,584

Смысла в этом мало, но

слова я обратно не возьму.

00:11:34,982 --> 00:11:37,217

Как скажешь, Стив Остин "Ледяная Глыба".

00:11:37,748 --> 00:11:38,225

Я этим горжусь.

00:11:42,881 --> 00:11:44,693

Нет, пап, ты всё делаешь неправильно.

00:11:45,467 --> 00:11:47,537

Отрубать им головы - это неправильно?

00:11:47,562 --> 00:11:49,537

Очевидно, что они регенирируют.

00:11:49,562 --> 00:11:52,326

Я-я думаю, нужно проткнуть им сердце

или типа того.

00:11:52,351 --> 00:11:56,178

Ты думаешь или ты знаешь? Мне казалось, что ты

эксперт по пришельцам, Айзек Ази-лох.

00:11:56,396 --> 00:11:57,998

Не надо срываться на мне. Я устал!

00:11:58,023 --> 00:11:58,607

Я тоже!

00:11:58,632 --> 00:11:59,576

Мы все устали!

00:12:03,246 --> 00:12:04,473

Этот был последним.

00:12:04,731 --> 00:12:06,340

Сегодня мы отпразднуем.

00:12:06,410 --> 00:12:07,199

На охоту?

00:12:07,224 --> 00:12:07,793

Да.

00:12:08,356 --> 00:12:10,301

Ибо завтра мы охотимся.

00:12:18,676 --> 00:12:19,254

Мне...

00:12:20,512 --> 00:12:22,363

...действительно нужно избавляться от этой

связи душ.

00:12:22,388 --> 00:12:24,910

- Какого хуя, пап? Боже, ясен пень!

- Очевидно! Да, оно и понятно!

00:12:24,935 --> 00:12:25,863

Вы поможете мне?

00:12:25,888 --> 00:12:26,785

Что? Как?

00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:29,160

Я могу... сказать, что дело в детях...

00:12:29,185 --> 00:12:31,480

Ну, типа, вам не нравится форма её головы или...

00:12:31,505 --> 00:12:33,676

Вот ты какой, папа. Вот какой!

00:12:33,701 --> 00:12:35,629

Ты - ребёнок и болван.

00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:37,941

Я думаю, это и так было понятно, Саммер,

а теперь помогите мне.

00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:41,824

Сначала, я хочу, чтобы ты признал себя

скрытым расистом, сексистом бета-самцом,

00:12:41,849 --> 00:12:45,285

и что ты затянул всех в кошмарное положение,

потому что думал только о себе.

00:12:45,310 --> 00:12:46,090

Ладно.

00:12:46,301 --> 00:12:47,988

Я хочу услышать, как ты это говоришь.

00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,879

В общем, я - скрытый расист, а ещё я - сексист

и думаю лишь о себе,

00:12:53,904 --> 00:12:58,051

а ещё я втянул всех в свои сексистские, расистские

дела, потому что тупой.

00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:58,824

Спасибо.

00:12:58,902 --> 00:12:59,707

Теперь ты мне поможешь?

00:12:59,754 --> 00:13:00,496

Только что помогла.

00:13:00,521 --> 00:13:02,402

Да. Сам убирай свой бардак.

00:13:02,652 --> 00:13:03,316

Постойте, что?

00:13:04,527 --> 00:13:05,379

Вот блин.

00:13:06,996 --> 00:13:09,418

Итак, дальше у нас по списку дел...

00:13:09,598 --> 00:13:13,613

Я хочу заняться сексом с кем-нибудь из вас,

а потом съесть детей.

00:13:14,434 --> 00:13:17,613

Я подумал, вам это понравится. Я выкатываю только

первоклассные предложения, не так ли?

00:13:18,738 --> 00:13:21,379

О, это же дама с волшебным карандашом!

00:13:21,527 --> 00:13:24,082

Ты хочешь есть? Я как раз собирался

приготовить ужин.

00:13:24,199 --> 00:13:25,832

А под приготовлением ужина я имел в виду...

00:13:25,857 --> 00:13:28,395

Томми, я собираюсь отвести тебя в реальный мир.

00:13:28,465 --> 00:13:29,777

Но это и есть реальный мир.

00:13:29,848 --> 00:13:31,441

Нет, ты не понимаешь, твой отец...

00:13:31,981 --> 00:13:33,457

Люди думают, что твой отец съел тебя.

00:13:33,482 --> 00:13:36,402

И что? Ясен красен. Люди должны

есть людей.

00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:37,738

Оставь меня в покое.

00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:42,457

Томми, ты не понимаешь, я должна сделать всё, как надо,

потому что ты оказался здесь по моей вине.

00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:44,215

Я - Бет.

00:13:45,316 --> 00:13:45,785

Бет?

00:13:45,949 --> 00:13:46,988

Разрушитель!

00:13:47,121 --> 00:13:50,309

Подбери сопли, "принцесса инцест",

ты упал в мёд.

00:13:50,582 --> 00:13:53,777

Ну, такое случается, когда тебя толкают в мёд.

00:13:53,895 --> 00:13:57,012

Я уважаю твоё право верить, что я

толкнула тебя.

00:13:57,059 --> 00:14:01,074

Ооо, так у меня значит есть такое право?

Моя реальность - как маленькая порция картошки?

00:14:01,099 --> 00:14:03,637

Маленькая Кванза, которую ты мне пододвинула?

00:14:03,662 --> 00:14:08,090

Да, потому что я хочу спасти жизнь твоему отцу,

потому что я не жалкий кусок дерьма.

00:14:08,378 --> 00:14:12,512

Значит, тебе будет легко сказать:

"Извини, что толкнула тебя."

00:14:12,538 --> 00:14:15,906

Легко и необязательно, ведь твоё возвращение домой

спасёт жизнь твоему отцу

00:14:15,931 --> 00:14:18,890

поскольку ничего не изменится, если потешить

твоё охеревшее безумное самолюбие.

00:14:18,915 --> 00:14:21,679

Прости, я уже давно живу во Фрупиленде,

00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:23,421

сейчас по-другому извиняются?

00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:26,054

Томми, мне жаль, что ты думаешь,

что заслужил извинение.

00:14:26,079 --> 00:14:27,374

Боже мой. Я как отец.

00:14:28,031 --> 00:14:29,882

Может, кто-нибудь убьёт эту гадину на букву "С"?

00:14:32,757 --> 00:14:34,765

Боже мой. Я как отец!

00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:38,765

Время пырять!

00:14:41,132 --> 00:14:45,187

И вот поэтому одна киска плюс две киски

равняется куче кисок.

00:14:46,288 --> 00:14:49,359

Да блин, я пытаюсь как-то сделать это привлекательным

для вашего образа жизни, помешанного на сексе.

00:14:49,384 --> 00:14:51,476

Привет, мне нужно забрать Морти из школы.

00:14:51,501 --> 00:14:52,054

Идём, Морти.

00:14:52,079 --> 00:14:55,226

Ха, слушайся своего папочку, Морти.

Тебе придётся уйти с уроков.

00:14:55,452 --> 00:14:56,820

Стоп, какие у меня ценности?

00:14:57,023 --> 00:14:57,866

Пап, что происходит?

00:14:57,891 --> 00:14:58,781

Мы едем в Аляску.

00:14:58,806 --> 00:14:59,593

Что? Зачем?

00:14:59,670 --> 00:15:04,010

Там хорошо! А ещё я расстался с Киарой,

она была не в восторге и хочет убить вас обоих.

00:15:04,030 --> 00:15:05,730

Что?! Т-тогда почему мы спокойно идём?

00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:08,270

Я не спешу, потому что жутко устал, а вам, ребят, бы стоило пробежаться.

00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:11,880

Прошу прощения, я только --

00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:14,120

Знаете, я-я просто пойду налево.

00:15:14,140 --> 00:15:15,870

Нет, хорошо, ваше лево.

Прекрасно!

00:15:15,890 --> 00:15:17,220

Вы хоть знаете, где лево?

Потому что -- Агх!

00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:21,220

Каким боком ваше расставание касается нас?

00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,910

Точно, мы без лишних раздумий выбрали маму.

00:15:22,930 --> 00:15:24,730

Я думала, мы совершенно ясно дали тебе понять у юриста

00:15:24,750 --> 00:15:27,140

и в комментах под твоим непонятным нытьём в Фейсбуке.

00:15:28,990 --> 00:15:31,340

В нашей разлуке она слегка винит вас.

00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,810

-Почему?

-Потому что я сказал, что всё из-за вас.

00:15:33,830 --> 00:15:34,540

-Что?

-Чего?!

00:15:35,380 --> 00:15:38,630

Я не плохой человек,

просто у меня проблемы с воображением!

00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,670

♪ Туу-дуу-пло -- Ту-ду... ♪

00:15:47,870 --> 00:15:49,260

♪ Ту... Туу-дуу-пло! ♪

00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:50,010

Чёт... чёт не идёт...

00:15:50,060 --> 00:15:52,690

♪ Хэй! Туу-ду-плоо! ♪

00:15:52,710 --> 00:15:54,310

-Привет.

-Здаров.

00:15:54,510 --> 00:15:58,740

Ну, кхм, я просто, типа,

из чистого любопытства спрошу.

00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:02,270

Если бы ты вдруг захотел сделать клона Томми,

с чего бы ты начал?

00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:03,960

Ну не знаю...

Его ДНК?

00:16:03,990 --> 00:16:09,130

Отлично, потому что... он не захотел...

возвращаться... так что...

00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:10,440

Он отдал мне вот это.

00:16:10,460 --> 00:16:11,980

Он отдал тебе свой палец?

00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,920

-Ну, что ж, дело в том, что...

-Всё в порядке, не имеет значения.

00:16:14,950 --> 00:16:15,550

Поняла.

00:16:15,570 --> 00:16:17,920

-Это займёт примерно три часа.

-Понятно.

00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,210

Слушай, помочь не хочешь?

00:16:21,420 --> 00:16:22,120

Давай.

00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:25,740

♪ Дуу! ♪

♪ Теплом наполнилось дупло ♪

00:16:25,770 --> 00:16:29,340

♪ Туу-дуу-дуу-дуу-дуу ♪

♪Мне с ним так не повезло ♪

00:16:29,370 --> 00:16:32,110

♪ Ведь в дупле моём одно дерьмо ♪

00:16:32,140 --> 00:16:35,490

♪ Но повезло тем,

кому отец дарил тепло ♪

00:16:35,510 --> 00:16:38,110

♪ Говорил, что гордится тобой ♪

00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:41,910

♪ Каждая доча - это плод

папиного дупла ♪

00:16:41,930 --> 00:16:45,180

♪ Ведь чисто биологически

дупло и есть яйцо ♪

00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:48,740

♪ И каждый каждый

папа неправ ♪

00:16:48,770 --> 00:16:52,260

♪ И нет системы октав, что изменит это ♪

00:16:53,310 --> 00:16:56,240

-Я совсем замоталась. Пойду-ка я вздремну.

-Круто.

00:16:57,990 --> 00:16:58,590

Пап?

00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:04,060

Мне кажется, я всю жизнь ошибочно представляла, какой ты отличный парень

и пыталась подражать тебе.

00:17:04,780 --> 00:17:08,790

-И суровая правда заключалось в том...

-Что не такой уж я и отличный, и мы одного поля ягоды.

00:17:10,090 --> 00:17:12,830

-Я плохая?

-Хуже. У тебя есть мозги.

00:17:13,030 --> 00:17:15,480

Осознаёшь бесмысленность бытия - вселенная у твоих ног.

00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,460

И среди всех вселенных, где я был, нет ни одной,

которой это было по нраву.

00:17:17,590 --> 00:17:19,160

По своей сути вселенные - это животные.

00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:22,600

Они питаются заурядностью,

порождают бесконечность идиотов, чтобы кормиться ими.

00:17:22,630 --> 00:17:24,610

-Таких, как твой дружок Тимми.

-Томми.

00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,280

Вряд ли это важно, солнышко.

00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:29,470

Знаешь, людям с мозгами дан шанс

побыть на самом верху, схватить реальность за рога.

00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,390

Но она никогда не упустит шанс сбросить тебя.

И со временем так у неё получится.

00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:33,610

По другому никак.

00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:34,780

Пап.

00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:40,770

У меня не осталось оправданий отрицать саму себя.

Так кто же я? Что мне делать?

00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:44,900

Мой тебе совет: оторвись.

Надень седло на свою вселенную, пусть она сама себя измотает.

00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:49,720

Я так не могу. Дети, Джерри, работа, и,

ненавижу себя за это, "Холостяк" по ABC.

00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:50,890

Я могу клонировать тебя.

00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:54,720

Идеальная имитация тебя со всеми воспоминаниями.

Точная копия во всех отношениях.

00:17:54,740 --> 00:18:02,270

Она будет любить, заботиться о детях, ходить на работу,

и потреблять реалити шоу сетей телевещания якобы с иронией, как ты.

00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:05,930

Ты можешь уйти на день, неделю или до конца жизни

без каких-либо последствий.

00:18:05,950 --> 00:18:09,580

Как только решишь вернуться, я дёрну выключатель,

и клона как не бывало.

00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:13,440

Без какой-либо боли, без сожалений,

не будет такого, как в "Бегущем по лезвию".

00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:17,790

Если ничего не имеет значения,

почему ты хочешь сделать это для меня?

00:18:17,810 --> 00:18:20,200

Не знаю, быть может, ты настолько незначительная,

что мне нравишься.

00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:22,460

Или... это делает тебя значимой.

00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:23,390

Может, я люблю тебя.

00:18:23,410 --> 00:18:26,550

Может, это связано с твоей матерью.

С дарёным конём дурью не майся.

00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:28,770

Не знаю, смогу ли я.

00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,440

Тогда оставайся, и наслаждайся, наконец,

жизнью, которую выбрала сама.

00:18:32,580 --> 00:18:36,700

Мой секретный бонус состоит в том,

что что бы ты не выбрала, ты, наконец, нахуй расслабишься.

00:18:42,970 --> 00:18:43,600

Хорошо.

00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:45,630

Я поняла,

что я хочу.

00:18:50,290 --> 00:18:51,900

Вы не сможете бежать вечно!

00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:53,590

Она просто в бешенстве.

00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:55,280

Знаю, это немного возбуждает.

00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,400

Заткнись!

00:18:56,740 --> 00:18:58,870

Охотники! Они вернулись!

Бегите!

00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,780

Мы не охотники.

Мы хотим скрываться с вами.

00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,330

Мы и не скрываемся. Мы тут гнездимся.

00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:03,330

Уу-ла-ла.

00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,970

Я уничтожу твоих детей,

чтобы мы могли быть вместе.

00:19:07,990 --> 00:19:10,380

ТЕБЕ нужно с ней расстаться, папа!

00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:11,300

Как следует.

00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:13,290

Папа, мать твою!

00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,420

Брось её!

00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,690

Хорошо, хорошо! Киара, а давай-ка мы сбежим.

00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:19,300

-Пап!

-Да брось!

00:19:19,330 --> 00:19:20,880

Прекращай откладывать проблемы!

00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:27,020

Ладно! Киара, когда я говорил , что мои дети - фанатичные расисты,

которые требуют нашей разлуки, я солгал.

00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:30,290

Если кого-то и стоит придушить телекинезом, так это меня.

00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:32,450

Это я хотел расстаться с тобой.

00:19:34,370 --> 00:19:39,850

Я-я не плохой человек. Я ленивый. Я трус. И...

И я понятия не имею, что делаю.

00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:44,360

Слушай, кое-кто залетел от меня в 17 лет, и сейчас мы разводимся.

Всё это вышло по случайности.

00:19:44,670 --> 00:19:48,970

Мне не терпелось начать встречаться с кем-то крутым,

чтобы меня заметила бывшая.

00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,820

От человечества этого и стоило ожидать.

00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,830

Эгоистичные, манипулятивные,

лживые людишки, которые

00:19:56,860 --> 00:19:59,380

-Киара?

-Трендор?

00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,450

-Что ты тут делаешь?

-Просто... охочусь.

00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:06,110

Ты и вправду думаешь, что я поверю, что это не связано с нами?

00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:07,820

Ты знала, Земля - мои владения.

00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,740

Это на что ты намекаешь?

00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:10,840

Пап, может мы уже пойдём?

00:20:10,870 --> 00:20:14,590

Погодите секундочку, мне начинает казаться,

что это я был новой интрижкой.

00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:16,690

Пап, тебе только что подвернулся

рояль в кустах.

00:20:16,710 --> 00:20:17,520

И ты его ну упустишь!

00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:24,030

Гнёзда Варриксов разбросаны по трём сотням галактик,

и ты по случайности решаешь охотиться именно здесь?

00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:26,970

Дерьмо Горгачее,

Горгачее дерьмо!

00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:30,160

Мы дома!

00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:30,860

Привет, ребятки!

00:20:30,971 --> 00:20:33,321

-Что у нас на ужин?

- Как там Джерри?

- Как обычно.

00:20:33,410 --> 00:20:35,670

-Может, пиццу?

-Было бы замечательно.

00:20:35,690 --> 00:20:37,970

Рик, ты знал, что папа встречается с инопланетянкой?

00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,150

Нет. Отвратительно.

Для инопланетянки.

00:20:40,180 --> 00:20:44,350

Вот чёрт, похоже, Пицца Арнальдо уже закрыты.

Вы уверены, что хотите пиццу?

00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,450

Пицца Арнальдо ещё работает во вселенной,

где не переходят на летнее время!

00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,280

Что бы мы без тебя делали?

Я люблю тебя, папа.

00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:54,450

И я тебя, солнышко.

00:20:56,430 --> 00:21:00,340

Кстати, я не путешествовал во времени,

на прилавке просто лежала пара пицц, я их грабанул.

00:21:32,890 --> 00:21:39,740

Привет, Джерри, это Киара. Слушай, мой парень видел те сообщения, что ты писал,

и он сильно разозлился. Если позвонит, просто игнорируй!

00:21:40,890 --> 00:21:46,720

Это Гармакс, я перехватил ваши с Киарой похабные разговорчики,

она моя новая девушка! Я убью тебя! Я уже выехал.

00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:51,100

Йоу, Джерри, это большой Р. Э... Эм...

Я прикончил того пришельца, который хотел твоей крови.

00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:52,190

Приглядываю за тобой, приятель!

00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:58,080

-Эй, Джерри, не обижайся, но я трахнул твою бывшую Киару.

-С кем разговариваешь, Рик?

-Не имеет значения!

00:21:59,590 --> 00:22:02,640

Джерри, привет, это Майкл из антиквариатных телефонов на прокат.

00:22:02,660 --> 00:22:05,510

Знаешь, я прощу тебе те 70 баксов за задержку возврата.

00:22:05,540 --> 00:22:10,580

Можешь оставить себе этот автоответчик. В любом случае, ими уже совсем никто не пользуется,

кроме как для создания экспозиции в телешоу.

00:00:03,587 --> 00:00:05,005

child murderer

Joseph Eli Lipnip

00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:06,924

is scheduled to die tomorrow

by lethal injection,

00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:09,551

his execution already drawing

dozens more spectators

00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,345

than the death of TV news.

Carla?

00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,805

CARLA JOHNSON: The man

that once ate his own son...

00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,725

Wow. He's really getting

executed after all this time.

00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,101

You know the son

that he ate was...

00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:19,102

Your best friend... Tommy.

00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:20,771

We know.

Stop true-crime bragging.

00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,314

I was traumatized, Summer.

00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:23,649

Okay, your generation

wouldn't get that.

00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:26,443

Bitch, my generation gets

traumatized for breakfast.

00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:29,071

It took years of therapy

to even process the reality.

00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,489

I mean, when I was a kid,

00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,616

I just told myself

that Tommy had gotten lost

00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:34,910

in the magical realm

of Froopyland.

00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,870

-"Froopyland?"

-My make-believe world.

00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:39,414

I know the name's stupid,

but it was so real to me.

00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:40,874

Aren't you guys supposed

to be at your father's

00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,167

for custody weekend?

00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,294

We're not in a hurry.

Dad sleeps until sundown.

00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,796

Can we talk a little bit more

about this Froopy...

00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,130

-[ Zap, bloop ]

-SUMMER: Not the bubble gun!

00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:49,299

-There's no air...

-[ Zap, bloop ]

00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,844

I gotta say, I am warming up

to the bubble gun.

00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,221

You know, if you're so great

at naming things,

00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,639

why don't you do it from now on?

00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:56,974

-What?

-Froopyland.

00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:59,017

Was it my best work?

I don't know.

00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:01,019

Does it deserve

to be shit on creatively?

00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:02,020

Yeah, that's right.

00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,939

I agree with your look

of horrified realization.

00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,483

You can be very inconsiderate

sometimes.

00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:07,734

-[ Rattling ]

-[ Grunting ]

00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:08,735

Here it is.

00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,529

You know, I collapsed

a quantum tesseract to...

00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:11,613

Dad, I don't care

how you made it.

00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,323

I want to know if Tommy's

still in there!

00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:14,783

-Relax, Beth.

-[ Jingling, crackling ]

00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,410

If he is, we'll find him.

00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,078

He'll be the only

sun-bleached skeleton

00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,955

with non-imaginary DNA.

00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,833

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:53,614

Tommy!

00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:54,906

Tommy!

00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:55,907

This is a nightmare.

00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,284

I can't believe

you used to lock me up

00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,952

in this glorified chicken coop.

00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,120

Chicken coop?

00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:02,289

Those are procedurally

generated clouds, Beth.

00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,333

That river is a rainbow.

Literally.

00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,460

Come on, I-I-I put real

elbow grease into this place.

00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,587

Well, you're supposed to put

elbow grease into your daughter!

00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,547

-Gross.

-Do you think something ate him?

00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,799

Nope. Froopyland creatures

were designed to be harmless.

00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:14,426

He definitely

just starved to death.

00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:16,136

I could have been the one

who starved to death in here.

00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,220

What if I'd gotten hurt?

00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:19,056

God, you're right.

I'm a terrible dad.

00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:20,390

Well, nothing to live for.

00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,267

-Goodbye, cruel world!

-Dad!

00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,227

-[ Thump ]

-Oh, how do you like that?

00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:27,105

What kind of merciless creator

makes the ground bouncy?

00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,399

I'm gonna have to drown myself.

00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:30,067

-[ Thump ]

-Unh!

00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,277

Oh, no.

Oh, the water's breathable?

00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:33,403

Who went and did that?

00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:34,446

Oh, whatever.

00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,447

Yeah, whatever.

00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,532

A dad makes a toilet

look like R2-D2,

00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:38,950

and it breaks the front page

of Reddit,

00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:40,911

but I'm Charles Manson

because I gave you

00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:42,454

your own world

instead of an iPad.

00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,289

I think the words you're

looking for are... Aah!

00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,500

Holy fuck! Shit!

This thing has claws!

00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:48,543

Yeah, I get it.

It's a childproof world.

00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,921

No, no, seriously,

this hurts really bad!

00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,964

This thing is sinking

razor-sharp claws in...

00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,383

Aah! Shit!

00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,968

-You've made your point, Dad.

-[ Screeches ]

00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,011

Dad?

00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,262

[ Pop , pop ]

00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,683

-Ugh!

-[ Both panting ]

00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,602

Whose idea was this stupid

custody weekend thing?

00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,771

I think it's supposed to help

prevent abandonment issues.

00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,064

I want to be abandoned.

00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,649

-Yeah, I'm talking about Dad.

-[ Door opens ]

00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,442

Bienvenue a la

Chez Divorced Dad.

00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:13,777

Wow, Dad.

00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,238

Your place looks way less

like a crackhouse.

00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,949

It's actually clean,

like a cocaine house.

00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:20,158

Dad, what's going on?

00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,202

I'm simply centered,

activated...

00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,412

-[ Glass clinks ]

-[ Warble ]

00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,455

-And telekinetic?

-Pretty cool, huh?

00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,582

Check it out.

Who wants a smoothie?

00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:28,917

[ Rattle ]

00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,168

[ Blender whirring ]

00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,670

Oh... Oh, no.

Uh, oh, God.

00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:32,713

Summer... Summer, can you...

00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:33,964

-Aah!

-Sorry.

00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,425

You have much to learn, my Uloo.

00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:39,678

Morty, Summer, this is Kiara.

00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:42,973

She's a Krootabulan warrior

priestess from Krootabulon.

00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,975

I-I know where Krootabulans

are from, Dad.

00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,226

Uh, Chaimuntolo.

00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:47,477

Chaimuntolo, younglings.

00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,396

Hymen...cholo.

00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:51,148

Your father's mind

holds love for you.

00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,066

I am humbled to meet

in physicality.

00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:54,401

Dad, are you...

00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,320

In love with a badass,

sexy alien lady?

00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,573

Ha, ha, I don't know, Summer.

You tell me.

00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,366

I wasn't going to ask

if you were in love

00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,617

since you barely know her.

00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,620

Summer. Kiara and I met on that

interstellar dating service

00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,956

Rick was always suggesting when

your mom and I were together.

00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,417

And things just kind of clicked.

00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:11,418

We must move!

00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,420

Our reservation is at 7:00.

00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:15,255

-[ Whoosh ]

-I hate to see her leave,

00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,258

but I love to watch

her phase shift away.

00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,218

I'm sure you noticed

what she has three of,

00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,596

but guess what she has two of.

00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:25,974

-[ Screeches ]

-Aah!

00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,100

Oof!

00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,393

All right, knock it off!

00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,811

Listen, I've been

giving you a pass

00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,147

because I'm charmed

that life finds a way, but...

00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,690

Aah!

All right, you know what?

00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,234

-[ Ray gun fires ]

-Ouch!

00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,736

Oh!

Unh!

00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,613

Ouch!

God!

00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,239

-[ Sizzling ]

-Aah!

00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:42,991

Agh!

00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,159

[ Arm clicks ]

00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,911

Oh, yeah, this place

is the safest.

00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,204

Best dad ever.

00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,623

Can't you just say,

"I admit it, I screwed up"?

00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:50,916

Uh, what would be

the point of that?

00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:52,250

[ Chuckling ]

You can't do it, can you?

00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,544

You can't just

fucking apologize.

00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,713

Okay, okay, Beth, I'm sorry...

00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,799

you think you deserve

an apology.

00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,759

-[ Screeches ]

-Hey, don't look at me.

00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,344

You let your kid roll around

on the floor of a target,

00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,595

it's gonna get stepped on.

00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,763

[ Screeches ]

00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:07,766

[ Whir, zap ]

00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,018

Huh. Well, here's the problem

right here.

00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,270

We've got a bunch of

Froopyland procedural carbons

00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:15,148

all gummed up and mixed in

with real human DNA.

00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:16,358

Are you saying

Tommy survived here

00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,776

by having sex

with Froopy creatures,

00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,236

creating Froopy—human

hybrid offspring,

00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,612

and then consuming

their proteins,

00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,072

sustaining himself

with an endless cycle

00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:23,114

of cannibalistic incest?

00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,157

It's just a working theory.

00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:25,158

Of course, if that's the case,

00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,910

I expect he'd be worshiped

as a kind of god

00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,496

by a medieval-level society

of his least-delicious children.

00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:32,082

Halt! You are now prisoners

of our exalted ruler,

00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,375

giver and taker of life,

00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,293

humper and consumer

of mortality,

00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:36,670

-dispenser of life...

-Yes, if I could interrupt?

00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:37,921

We're way ahead

of the reveal here.

00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,422

Yeah, just take us

to King Tommy.

00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,216

I thought warrior priestesses

00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,009

could only leave Krootabulon

on a hunt.

00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:44,177

Mmm.

Thank you, sweetie.

00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,346

I hope it's not human season.

00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:49,975

I'm on Earth hunting the Varrix.

I would never hunt a human.

00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,102

Your father and I

are soul-bonded.

00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:53,395

Soul-bonded?

00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,980

Um, does your planet

have shorter days,

00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:57,023

because you guys are moving

kind of fast, no?

00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,608

[ Sniffing ]

00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:01,695

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:02,737

[ Whoosh! ]

00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:03,864

Go get him, honey!

00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:06,074

She's always hunting.

[ Chuckles ]

00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,659

She probably knew

a Varrix worked here,

00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,161

and that's why she said

the Yelp reviews didn't matter.

00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,329

Dad, do you understand

00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,707

how serious

Krootabulon soul-bonding is?

00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:17,294

Uh, gee, Morty, I don't know.

It's got such a casual name.

00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:18,753

If you want to lecture anyone

about commitment,

00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,005

start with your mom.

00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,507

Oh, my God.

Dad, is that what this is about?

00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:24,676

Are you rushing into a new thing

to get back at Mom?

00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,970

Every weekend, you two

have told me to move on.

00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,597

Move on, like, out of bed.

00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,682

Like, stop using paper towels

for toilet paper,

00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:32,976

not move on

into a sloppy rebound.

00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,645

Dad, you need to slow down,

rethink this soul bond.

00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,814

Why don't you just say

what you really mean?

00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,149

You think it's cool

00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,984

that having sex with her

gives me telekinesis

00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,111

and you recognize

she's got a hot bod

00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:46,156

like Cheetara in "Thundercats,"

but you're grossed out

00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,783

by her avocado-shaped head

and blue skin,

00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,536

and you think I want to put

a bag and a wig on her head.

00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,414

After all the time

and energy I spent

00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,832

teaching you two about race...

00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,500

-[ Varrix screams ]

-...you ended up racist.

00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:58,335

[ Whoosh! ]

00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,503

Soon your world

will be rid of Varrix.

00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,464

Tomorrow, we celebrate.

00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,965

We could take the kids

to the water park.

00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,967

We celebrate with a hunt!

00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,011

Ooh.

You kids want to hunt?

00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,054

-Yes.

-Yes.

00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,805

[ Trumpet fanfare plays ]

00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,600

All kneel for King Tommy!

00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,852

I'm not kneeling.

Suck my dick.

00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,896

Well, hello, all!

00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,190

I am the King of Froopyland,

00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,734

but I go by another name, too.

00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,903

-We know.

-It's Tommy!

00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:25,904

-We know.

-We know.

00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:29,074

I have lived here

since I was a mere child.

00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,200

-We know.

-Got it.

00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:33,870

I suppose you're wondering,

how do I sustain myself?

00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:34,913

-Oh, boy.

-No, we aren't.

00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:39,376

I always find the theater is

the best way to clarify things.

00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:40,418

-Ugh.

-Seriously?

00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,420

-Oh, my God.

-TOMMY: Players, go!

00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:44,005

I am little Tommy.

00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,173

[ Crowd cheers ]

00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,050

I am tiny Beth.

00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,760

[ Crowd boos ]

00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:49,803

Oh, come on.

00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,721

Come with me to my magic world.

00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:52,764

FROOPY:

Don't do it!

00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:57,102

This is my secret Froopyland

where I have no rules!

00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,728

I am excited.

00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:02,774

I am jealous of Tommy's friends

and his Nintendo

00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,901

and his dad who likes him.

00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,153

I take it Tommy wasn't

class playwright.

00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,072

Do you want to see

the Honey Swamp?

00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,241

Yes!

Let's do it!

00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,368

Well, I want to see you dead.

00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,370

Ow, help!

I'm stuck!

00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,913

I'm covered in honey.

00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,456

Huh.

Well, that's interesting.

00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:19,791

Fake news.

00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:24,295

Many nights have passed,

trapped in this strange land.

00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:29,467

I am hungry, and all I can do

to pass the time is hump.

00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,178

I will hump this rock.

00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,015

I will hump this tree.

00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,852

I will hump

this beast of the land

00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,812

and put my seed in it.

00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:45,608

I am the first

of Tommy's children.

00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:49,279

Eat of my flesh

so you may survive.

00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,865

And so I did.

00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,826

Oh, wow.

Okay. Yeah.

00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,162

Certified fresh.

Good... Good job.

00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,914

Perhaps a demonstration is

in order. [ Unzips shorts ]

00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,250

No, that is the last thing

that is in order!

00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,668

-Oh, my God.

-Poor Froopy character.

00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,503

-Leave him alone.

-[ Shorts zip ]

00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,630

-Ahh. Gather 'round, gang!

-[ Moos ]

00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,966

-Dinner time.

-[ Splorch ]

00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,844

All right, that's it.

I'm outta here.

00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:14,596

What are you doing?

00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:15,847

We're in the middle

of an adventure.

00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,599

Here's some things

an adventure needs, Beth.

00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,726

Conflict, stakes,

a way for me to benefit,

00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:21,144

and, clearly, Morty.

00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,645

But Tommy's still in there,

00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,481

raping Muppets

and eating babies.

00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,024

Yep. Luckily,

that's not our problem.

00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,150

Time to pull the plug.

00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,485

Pull the plug?

00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,153

We have to get Tommy

out of there, okay?

00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,571

We... We need to do

the right thing.

00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:32,947

Do what you never did

as a dad...

00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,449

Put in a little effort.

00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,575

All right,

cut the high-road routine.

00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,202

We both saw Tommy's shitty play.

00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,828

You pushed him

in the Honey Swamp, Beth.

00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,830

His very happy life

is in your hands.

00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,207

You go save him from it.

00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,667

[ Scoffs ] You're gonna believe

a play over your own daughter?

00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:47,087

Yes, I am, Beth, because

you're not my own daughter.

00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,380

Oh, God, yes.

I'm one of infinite Beths

00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,382

with infinite fathers

in infinite universes.

00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,218

It's called a hug, Dad.

It won't kill you.

00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,344

Yeah, don't be so sure.

00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:55,804

You know why all Ricks

made a Froopyland

00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,013

for all their little girls?

00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,264

Same reason I wasn't surprised

00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:00,058

by Tommy's overwritten,

badly structured,

00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,559

cheaply produced flashback.

00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,686

You were a scary fucking kid,

man.

00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,021

[ Scoffing ]

Oh, my God.

00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,898

I didn't make Froopyland

to get rid of you, Beth.

00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,608

I did it to protect

the neighborhood.

00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,235

Not in a [burps] noble sense.

00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,945

It was just more practical

to sequester you

00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,447

before I had to start,

you know, cloning a replacement

00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,866

for every less-than-polite

little boy or gullible animal

00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,618

that might cross

your socio-path.

00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,620

You would rather believe

I'm evil

00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,372

than admit that

you were a bad father?

00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:23,414

Oh, dude, no.

00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,333

No, bad father all the way

to the max over here.

00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,709

I'm a fucking nutcase.

00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,670

And the acorn plopped

straight down, baby.

00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:29,879

Look at some of the shit

00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,381

you were asking me

to make you as a kid.

00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,674

Ray guns.

00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,425

A whip that forces people

to like you.

00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:38,346

Invisibility cuffs,

a parent trap, a lightning gun,

00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,932

a teddy bear with

anatomically correct innards,

00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:44,727

night-vision googly—eye glasses,

sound-erasing sneakers,

00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:47,939

false fingerprints,

fall-asleep darts,

00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:51,526

a lie-detecting doll,

an indestructible baseball bat,

00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:55,280

a Taser shaped like a ladybug,

a fake police badge,

00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,658

location-tracking stickers,

rainbow-colored duct tape,

00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:02,453

mind-control hair clips,

poison gum,

00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,414

a pink, sentient switchblade.

00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:05,999

Hi, Beth.

You've gotten taller.

00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,250

Shall we resume stabbing?

00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,418

Has it occurred to you

00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:09,711

that I asked you

to make those things

00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,546

because I wanted you

to spend time with me?

00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,132

Has it occurred to you that

if I did try killing Tommy,

00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:16,426

it might be because

I was jealous of his family?

00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:17,343

Wait, what?

Why?

00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,095

Wasn't his dad, like,

some kind of cannibal?

00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,597

Seems like it must be

hereditary.

00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,098

Oh, my God.

This is your fault.

00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,641

I am not a bad person.

00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:24,893

I'm gonna go back in there.

00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,145

I'm getting Tommy,

and I'm fixing this!

00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,815

Whatever you say,

Stone Cold Steve Austin.

00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,275

I don't know why

I just said that.

00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,736

Doesn't make a lot of sense,

but gotta stand by it.

00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,197

Whatever you say,

Stone Cold Steve Austin.

00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,489

I'm owning it.

00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,202

[ Ax swings ]

00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:45,288

MORTY: No, Dad!

You're not doing it right!

00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,332

Cutting off their heads

isn't doing it right?

00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,626

They're [grunts]

clearly regenerative!

00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:52,212

I-I think you have to stab them

through the heart or something.

00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:53,296

You think or you know?

00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,965

I thought you were the alien

expert, Isaac Asi-hole.

00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,800

Don't snap at me!

I'm tired!

00:11:57,926 --> 00:11:59,510

-Me, too!

-We're all tired!

00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,346

[ Ax swings ]

00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,014

-[ Whoosh ]

-[ Grunts ]

00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,557

That's the last of them.

00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,100

Tonight, we celebrate.

00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,227

With a hunt?

00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:10,647

Yes, for tomorrow, we hunt.

00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,611

-[ Rain trickling ]

-[ Clears throat ]

00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:21,991

I, uh, really have to get out

of this soul bond.

00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,618

-What the fuck, Dad?

-Oh, my God! Duh!

00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,661

-Obviously!

-Yeah, no kidding!

00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,496

-Can you guys help me?

-What? How?

00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,957

Can I just, uh, tell her

it's because of my kids?

00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,501

You know, like, you don't like

the shape of her head, or...

00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,628

That's you, Dad!

That's you!

00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,505

You're a baby and an idiot!

00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,757

I think that's been established,

Summer. Now help me!

00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,133

First, I want you to admit

00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,678

that you're a closet racist,

a beta-male sexist,

00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,763

and you dragged everyone

into a horrible situation

00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,181

by only thinking of yourself.

00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,182

Okay.

00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:47,934

I want to hear you say it.

00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:49,978

[ Sighs deeply ]

00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,815

Look, I'm a closeted racist,

and I'm sexist and selfish,

00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,943

and I dragged us all into

my sexist, racist bad things

00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,653

-because I'm stupid.

-Thank you.

00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,904

Now you're gonna help me, right?

00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,532

-She just did.

-Yeah, clean up your own mess.

00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:03,950

Wait, wait, what?

00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:06,119

Oh, man.

00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,079

-[ Trumpet fanfare plays ]

-TOMMY: All right, everybody.

00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:09,372

Next item on the docket...

00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,541

I would like to have sex

with some of you

00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,252

-and then eat the babies.

-[ Froopys murmuring ]

00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:15,336

I thought you'd like that.

00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,463

I do keep rolling out

the hits, don't I?

00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:18,548

[ Bang ]

00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,384

Oh!

It's the Magic Crayon Lady!

00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:23,928

Are you hungry?

I was just about to make dinner.

00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,555

And by "make dinner," I mean...

00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,308

Tommy, I'm going to take you

to the real world.

00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,892

Well, this is the real world.

00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,436

No, you don't understand!

Your dad...

00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:33,229

Uh, people think

your dad ate you!

00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:35,023

So?

You doy—oy!

00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,399

People should eat people.

00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,942

Just leave me alone!

00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:39,402

Tommy, you don't understand.

00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:40,778

I have to make this right

00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,822

because it's my fault

that you're in here.

00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,033

-I'm Beth.

-[ All gasp ]

00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,909

Beth?

The destroyer!

00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,911

Oh, suck it up,

Princess Incest.

00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,121

You fell into some honey.

00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:53,499

Well, it tends to happen

when one is pushed into honey.

00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:56,919

I respect your right

to believe I pushed you.

00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,755

Oh, do I get to have that?

00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,882

Is my reality like

a little side of fries...

00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,426

a little Kwanzaa

you're willing to slide my way?

00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:06,387

Yes, because I'm focused

on saving your father's life

00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,097

because I'm not

a petty piece of shit.

00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:10,224

So, then,

it should be pretty easy

00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,352

to say, "Sorry I pushed you."

00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,853

Real easy and not necessary,

00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,521

since you coming home

will save your dad's life

00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:16,773

whereas nothing is changed

00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,858

by anyone stroking

your batshit-crazy ego.

00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:19,650

Sorry, forgive me.

00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,611

Uh, I've been in Froopyland

for quite a while.

00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:23,279

Have apologies changed?

00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,907

Tommy, I'm sorry you think

you deserve an apology.

00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,200

Oh, my God.

I'm my father.

00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,994

Uh, will someone

just kill this B-word?

00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:31,329

[ Froopys muttering

threateningly ]

00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,622

[ Grunts ]

Hi-ya!

00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:35,041

Oh, my God.

I'm my father!

00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:36,334

-Ya!

-Ooh! Froopy!

00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:37,585

[ Screams ]

00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,670

-SWITCHBLADE: Born to stab!

-TOGETHER: Ooh!

00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:43,299

And that's why one pussy

plus two pussies

00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,176

makes a bunch of pussies.

00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,303

Come on, y'all,

I'm trying to make this

00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,263

appealing to your

sex-addicted lifestyles.

00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,849

Hi. I need to pull Morty out of

school. Come on, Morty.

00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,726

Ha! You heard

your daddy, Morty.

00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,269

You have to leave school.

00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,896

Wait, what are my values?

00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,606

-Dad, what's going on?

-We're going to Alaska.

00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,441

-What? Why?

-It's nice there.

00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,568

Also, I broke up with Kiara,

and she didn't take it well,

00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:03,861

and she wants to murder you two.

00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,613

What? Th-Then why

are we walking?

00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:06,823

I'm walking because I'm tired.

00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:08,074

You guys should definitely run.

00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,034

-[ Whoosh ]

-[ Screams ]

00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,078

-[ Thud ]

-Excuse me, I just...

00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,080

You know what?

I'm... I'm just gonna go left.

00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,790

No, okay, your left,

that's fine.

00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,876

Do you know what left is,

'cause... Ugh!

00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,170

What does your breakup

have to do with us?

00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,922

Yeah, we chose Mom hands down.

00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,674

I thought we made that clear

at the lawyer's office

00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,135

and in the comments under

your weird rant on Facebook.

00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,011

-[ Crash ]

-[ Tires squeal ]

00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,888

She kind of blames you guys

for the breakup.

00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:31,889

-Why?

-Why?

00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,599

Because I told her

it was your fault.

00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:34,517

-What?!

-What?!

00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,519

Look, I'm not an evil person.

00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,479

I'm just not very imaginative!

00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,690

[ Warbling ]

00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:43,234

-[ Grunts ]

-[ Metal twisting ]

00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,403

-Oh!

-[ All scream ]

00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:47,071

RICK:

♪ Doo-doo butt ♪

00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,157

♪ Doo-doo-doo... doo-doo butt ♪

00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,491

-No.

-[ Jingling ]

00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,493

♪ Doo-doo butt, doo-doo butt ♪

00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,704

-Hey.

-Hey.

00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:58,624

Um, hmm, so just, like,

out of curiosity,

00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:00,668

if you were to make

a clone of Tommy,

00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,128

what would you need

to get started?

00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:03,880

I don't kn...

Tommy's DNA?

00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,673

Okay, 'cause he, um...

00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,884

Yeah, he didn't

want to come back,

00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:10,386

so, um, he gave me this.

00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,054

He gave you his finger?

00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:13,389

Uh, well, what happened is...

00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,475

-It's okay. It doesn't matter.

-Okay.

00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,059

This'll take about three hours.

00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:18,561

Okay.

00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,396

Hey.

You want to help?

00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,398

Okay.

00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:25,568

-♪ Doo ♪

-♪ I got a doo-doo in my butt ♪

00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:29,697

-♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

-♪ And I don't know what to do ♪

00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,908

♪ With the doo-doo in my butt ♪

00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:36,412

♪ But I know that a father

should say to you ♪

00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,748

-♪ That he's proud of you ♪

-♪ Doo ♪

00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:41,709

♪ Every daughter is a doo-doo

from a father's butt ♪

00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:45,254

♪ Biologically speaking,

the butt is a nut ♪

00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:48,466

♪ And every father

fathers wrong ♪

00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,051

-♪ Ooh ♪

-♪ And there isn't a song ♪

00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,011

♪ That can change that ♪

00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,515

I am wiped out.

I guess I'll turn in.

00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:56,599

Cool.

00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,684

Dad?

00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,020

I feel like I've spent my life

00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:04,690

pretending you're a great guy

and trying to be like you.

00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,359

And the ugly truth

has always been...

00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,903

That I'm not that great a guy

and you're exactly like me.

00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:11,239

Am I evil?

00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,907

Worse.

You're smart.

00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,284

When you know nothing matters,

the universe is yours.

00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,453

And I've never meta universe

that was into it.

00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:18,996

The universe is

basically an animal.

00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,498

It grazes on the ordinary.

00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,625

It creates infinite idiots

just to eat them,

00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,460

-not unlike your friend Timmy.

-Tommy.

00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:26,045

Yeah, it hardly matters now,

sweetie.

00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,047

You know, smart people get

a chance to climb on top,

00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,465

take reality for a ride,

00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:31,175

but it'll never stop

trying to throw you.

00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,426

And, eventually, it will.

00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,136

There's no other way off.

00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:37,682

Dad, I'm out of excuses

to not be who I am.

00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,643

So who am I?

What do I do?

00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:42,270

My advice... Take off.

00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,689

Put a saddle on your universe.

Let it kick itself out.

00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:45,731

I can't do that.

00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,483

The kids, Jerry, my job,

00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,569

and, as much as I hate to admit

it, ABC's "The Bachelor."

00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,946

I can make a clone of you,

a perfect instance of you,

00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,657

with all your memories,

an exact copy in every way.

00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,325

It'll love and provide

for the kids,

00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:59,662

do your job, and consume

broadcast-network reality TV

00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:02,164

on the same allegedly ironic

level as you.

00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:03,374

You could be gone a day, a week,

00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,751

or the rest of your life

with zero consequences.

00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,044

The moment you decide

to come back,

00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,422

I flip a switch,

and the clone's job is done.

00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,340

It feels no pain,

it regrets nothing,

00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,759

and has zero chance

of going "Blade Runner."

00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,638

If nothing matters,

why would you do that for me?

00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,182

I don't know, maybe you matter

so little that I like you.

00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,268

Or maybe it makes you matter.

00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:23,394

Maybe I love you.

00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:24,604

Maybe something about

your mother.

00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,564

Don't jump a gift shark

in the mouth.

00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,608

I don't know if I can do it.

00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:30,568

Then stay

and luxuriate in a life

00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:32,361

you can finally know

you've chosen.

00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,780

My secret bonus is that

no matter what you choose,

00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:36,741

you're finally gonna

chill the fuck out.

00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,332

Okay.

00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,542

I know what I want to do.

00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:47,585

[ Whoosh! ]

00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:48,502

Aah!

00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,587

-[ Thud ]

-Ow!

00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:52,131

You can't run forever!

00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:53,716

SUMMER:

She's really pissed off.

00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,217

JERRY: I know.

It's kinda hot.

00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:56,552

Shut up!

00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,888

The hunters!

They're back! Run!

00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:00,514

-We're not hunters.

-We want to hide with you.

00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,224

We're not hiding.

We're nesting.

00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:03,225

Ooh la la.

00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:04,560

[ All scream ]

00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,897

The children must be destroyed

so that we can be together.

00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:11,400

You need to break up with her,

Dad... properly!

00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,319

-[ Whoosh ]

-God damn it, Dad!

00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,404

[ Grunts ]

Dump her!

00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:16,405

Okay, okay.

00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,574

Kiara, let's just run away.

00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:19,408

-Dad!

-Come on!

00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:20,576

Just rip the Band-Aid off!

00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:21,661

Okay!

00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:24,163

Kiara, when I told you

my kids were bigoted racists

00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:27,083

who were demanding

I break up with you, I lied.

00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,377

If anybody deserves to be

telekinetically strangled,

00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,378

it's me.

00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,463

I'm the one who

wants to break up.

00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,758

I... I'm not an evil person.

00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,426

I'm lazy, I'm cowardly,

00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,553

and... and I do not

know what I'm doing.

00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,931

Look, I got someone pregnant

at 17.

00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:44,100

We're getting a divorce.

None of this is on purpose.

00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,227

I was excited

to date someone cool

00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,355

because it would make

my ex notice me.

00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:53,818

I would expect nothing less

from humanity...

00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,654

a selfish, manipulative,

dishonest species that...

00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:59,281

-Kiara?

-Trandor!

00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:00,616

What are you doing here?

00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:02,284

Just...hunting.

00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:03,869

Do you really expect me

to believe

00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,996

it has nothing to do with us?

00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,623

You knew Earth was my domain.

00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,542

I don't like what

you're insinuating.

00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,627

-Dad, can we go now?

-Hold on a second.

00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,505

I'm starting to get the feeling

that I was the rebound.

00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,340

Dad, you just got handed

an ex machina.

00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:17,466

You're taking it.

00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:21,303

Varrix nests spread

across 300 galaxies,

00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,973

and you just happened to pick

this planet to hunt?

00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:27,059

That's Gorgon shit...

total Gorgon shit!

00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:28,310

[ Birds chirping ]

00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:30,020

We're home!

00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:31,772

-Hey, guys!

-What's for dinner?

00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,315

-How was Jerry's?

-The usual.

00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,651

-Can we have pizza?

-Pizza sounds great.

00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:37,737

Hey, Rick, did you know my dad

was dating an alien?

00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:39,905

No. Gross.

For the alien.

00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:42,700

Aw, crap, I think

Arnaldo's is closed.

00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,201

Are you guys sure

you want pizza?

00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,537

[ Whoosh! ]

00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,664

Arnaldo's isn't closed

in the dimension

00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,374

where they didn't invent

Daylight Savings!

00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:53,169

What would we do without you?

I love you, Dad.

00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:54,920

Love you, too, sweetie.

00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,757

By the way,

that wasn't time travel.

00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,341

There were just a couple pizzas

on the counter.

00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:00,885

I grabbed them.

00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,053

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:34,251

-[ Beep ]

-Hey, Jerry, it's Kiara.

00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:36,545

Listen, my boyfriend saw those

texts you've been sending me,

00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:38,130

and he got pretty pissed off.

00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:39,632

If he calls you,

just ignore him!

00:21:39,757 --> 00:21:40,633

[ Beep ]

00:21:40,758 --> 00:21:41,842

This is Carmox.

00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,427

I have intercepted

sexual communications

00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:45,221

between you and my

new girlfriend, Kiara.

00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:47,431

-I am coming to kill you now!

-[ Beep ]

00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:48,933

RICK:

Yo, Jerry, it's the Big R.

00:21:49,058 --> 00:21:51,060

Uh, I killed that alien

that was coming after ya.

00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:53,437

-Looking out for ya, buddy.

-[ Beep ]

00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:54,730

Hey, Jerry, it's Rick.

Don't be mad.

00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:56,190

I fucked

your ex-girlfriend Kiara.

00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:57,274

KIARA: Who are you

talking to, Rick?

00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:59,318

-RICK: Doesn't matter.

-[ Beep ]

00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:00,569

Hey, Jerry, this is Michael

00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:02,029

down at The Antique Phone

rentals.

00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,781

Um, I'm gonna go ahead

and let you off the hook

00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:05,324

for the $70 late fee.

00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:06,867

You can go ahead and keep

that answering machine.

00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:08,202

Nobody really

uses those anymore

00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:10,412

except for exposition

on TV shows, anyways.

00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:11,163

[ Click ]