Мозговыносяшки Морти

00:00:02,930 --> 00:00:05,230

Верните черепаху истины!

00:00:05,390 --> 00:00:07,460

Морти, делай, что хочешь, только

не урони черепаху истины!

00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:10,450

И ещё, очень важно, чтобы ты

не смотрел ей в глаза.

00:00:10,470 --> 00:00:13,060

Я посмотрел в них, Рик.

Я смотрел на неё.

00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,960

Теперь ты знаешь всё, Морти.

Молодец.

00:00:15,070 --> 00:00:16,600

Поздравляю, ты всё проебал.

00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,350

.втрём лоП. волтиБ зи нидо Я.

00:00:18,380 --> 00:00:19,250

Она в моей голове!

00:00:26,090 --> 00:00:29,060

Вот блин, никак не могу выкинуть

эту черепаху истины из головы.

00:00:29,090 --> 00:00:30,920

Я ж говорил тебе не смотреть ей в глаза.

00:00:30,950 --> 00:00:33,090

Морти, давай посмотрим межпространственное

кабельное.

00:00:33,110 --> 00:00:34,270

Помнишь, как мы любили это делать?

00:00:34,290 --> 00:00:35,740

Рик, я не могу... не могу так больше.

00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:38,530

Я не могу так жить с этим дерьмом

черепахи истины в голове!

00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:39,750

Вот бы ты просто...

00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:41,920

...стёр воспоминания из твоей памяти?

00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,740

Откуда ты знал, что я собирался это сказать?

00:00:43,970 --> 00:00:45,460

Давай, Морти, идём со мной.

00:00:46,110 --> 00:00:47,000

После тебя.

00:00:49,510 --> 00:00:50,500

Что это за хрень?

00:00:50,530 --> 00:00:55,440

Это, Морти, мой архив всех событий,

которые ты умолял убрать из твоей жизни,

00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:56,930

а иначе ты бы спятил.

00:00:57,050 --> 00:01:00,640

Я называю их "крышесносы Морти".

00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,950

И мы займёмся этим вместо межпространственного кабельного.

00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:32,760

Авторы перевода

Женя Спицын и Сарыч

00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,260

Давно я просил тебя

стирать мне воспоминания?

00:01:37,290 --> 00:01:39,630

С самого первого случая, когда тебе снесло крышу.

00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:41,760

А, вот оно. Классика.

00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:45,400

На ней нет пыли, потому что мы

проделываем это не в первый раз.

00:01:45,420 --> 00:01:45,790

Что?

00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:49,330

Это воспоминание я называю "Лунный заговор".

00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:55,810

Ого!

00:01:56,340 --> 00:01:57,240

Невероятно.

00:01:59,090 --> 00:01:59,770

Какого чёрта?

00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,370

Морти, ты хоть понимаешь, насколько глупо

это звучит?

00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:05,690

Да, безумная история, Морти.

00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:09,090

Ты серьёзно? После всей хрени, что мы видели,

ты называешь это безумным?

00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:13,050

Я бывал на трёх сотнях разных версиях Луны,

включая эту, и не видел никаких признаков

00:02:13,140 --> 00:02:16,000

"обычного чувака", как ты его описал, который

бы там зависал.

00:02:16,110 --> 00:02:17,850

Наверное, просто пятно на линзе.

00:02:17,890 --> 00:02:19,290

Пятно на линзе?

00:02:19,650 --> 00:02:21,460

Пятно на линзе?!

00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:25,390

Я смогу отличить человека, угрожающего мне,

от пятна на чёртовой линзе, Саммер.

00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:27,600

Морти, успокойся. Ты нормально себя чувствуешь?

00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:28,590

Я в порядке!

00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:30,740

Какой чувствительный.

00:02:33,380 --> 00:02:37,450

Дети, я хочу представить вам нашего нового

школьного консультанта, мистера Лунаса.

00:02:38,230 --> 00:02:42,300

Жду не дождусь, чтобы помочь вам найти правильную

дорогу в светлое будущее.

00:02:42,810 --> 00:02:44,980

Я думаю, что каждый ученик должен

00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,330

высоко метить, до самой Луны.

00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:54,200

Вот ты и попался, сукин сын.

00:02:57,740 --> 00:02:58,380

Что это?

00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,200

Доказательство, что мистер Лунас

не тот, за кого себя выдаёт.

00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:02,240

Он не школьный консультант?

00:03:02,260 --> 00:03:05,190

Я... наверное, он подходит на эту должность. А кто нет?

00:03:05,210 --> 00:03:08,170

А ещё он живёт на Луне.

00:03:08,910 --> 00:03:10,170

Ясно.

00:03:10,630 --> 00:03:12,810

Хмм. Это всё?

00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,380

Он причиняет кому-нибудь вред?

00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:15,940

Он явно что-то задумал.

00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,360

Думаю, что понял тебя.

00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,780

Задумал что-то. Живёт на Луне.

Я поговорю с ним.

00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:34,980

Что он сказал?

00:03:35,010 --> 00:03:38,720

Отрицал всё про Луну. Но именно так педофилы

и делают, отрицают, что это их хлеб насущный.

00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:39,410

Педофил?

00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,260

Ты так не считаешь? Я думал, что

слова про Луну были шифром.

00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,450

Нет, он буквально с Луны.

00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,760

Ну, ты видел его реакцию. Луна или нет, но он

любит помоложе.

00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,250

Гордон Лунас был хорошим морпехом.

00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,570

Мы не знаем, что заставило его

наложить на себя руки,

00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,590

но мы будем вспоминать только хорошее.

00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:02,170

Например, при взгляде на него под определённым

углом кто-то мог сказать,

00:04:02,550 --> 00:04:03,900

что он похож на пятно.

00:04:09,530 --> 00:04:10,790

Боже мой, что я наделал?

00:04:11,090 --> 00:04:12,020

Что я наделал?

00:04:13,530 --> 00:04:15,580

Боже, я вынудил его убить себя.

00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:16,700

Только в буквальном смысле слова.

00:04:16,730 --> 00:04:20,020

А вот это я называю "Коллекция Морти".

00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:22,770

Не у всех воспоминаний есть названия,

это не хэллоуиновская серия Симпсонов.

00:04:22,790 --> 00:04:26,310

Это скорее нарезка видео из кадров,

которые ты никогда не видел.

00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,620

Не могу поверить, что мы стали частью

коллекции.

00:04:29,650 --> 00:04:31,580

То есть, этот чувак собирает

живых существ?

00:04:31,610 --> 00:04:34,230

Да, как сувенирные тарелки, только менее отталкивающие.

00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:36,540

Поймёшь, когда тебе будет за сорок, и ты

всё ещё будешь часто ходить на свидания.

00:04:36,750 --> 00:04:39,670

Оцени вот это с холодным безразличием,

ты, бобовоголовый мудак!

00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:41,410

Потише там!

00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:45,320

Какие мы везунчики, у нас место под "каменными людьми"

с планеты Гранитор Семь.

00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:46,620

Я больше так не могу, Рик!

00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,170

Расслабься, Морти.

00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,580

Я не могу. Р-р-рик, нужно убираться отсюда.

00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,270

Мне всё равно, я готов пойти

на что угодно!

00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:52,940

Что угодно?

00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:53,870

Что угодно.

00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,660

Ладно, тогда нужно, чтобы ты снял футболку.

00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,370

Не сейчас. Я скажу, когда.

00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,570

Боже мой.

00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:05,030

Что?

00:05:07,230 --> 00:05:08,490

Сигнал оказался...

00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,610

По-другому и не скажешь... инструкцией.

00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:12,130

К чему?

00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:15,360

К транспорту, сэр. К межпланетному транспорту.

00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:16,160

Нам нужен пилот.

00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,060

Интересно, есть ли желающий?

00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:22,270

О, судя по чертежам, там есть место

для пилота поменьше.

00:05:22,340 --> 00:05:24,390

В смысле, для человека определённого роста.

00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:26,790

Он должен быть ровно метр шестьдесят.

00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:29,420

Чан, пусть ты и специализируешься

на гуманитарных науках,

00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,790

но мне кажется, скоро ты войдёшь в историю.

00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,480

Главные системы готовы.

00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,240

Вспомогательные системы готовы.

00:05:37,860 --> 00:05:38,550

Скоро увидимся.

00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:43,370

Так, сейчас.

00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:47,000

Приветствую.

00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:47,680

Вы...

00:05:48,010 --> 00:05:50,220

Мы приняли формы, которые может

принять ваш разум.

00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,760

Вот традиционный подарок в виде одежды.

00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:54,190

Пожалуйста, оденьте.

00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:55,370

Можно мы...?

00:05:55,390 --> 00:05:56,610

Да, конечно.

00:05:56,630 --> 00:05:58,080

Мы следовали вашим инструкциям.

00:05:58,470 --> 00:06:01,090

Нам предстоит многому научиться у вас.

00:06:01,220 --> 00:06:02,100

Да я знаю.

00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:11,560

Эй, а как я смог увидеть воспоминания

других людей?

00:06:11,590 --> 00:06:13,220

М-меня же там рядом не было.

00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,980

Иногда мне приходится вносить

небольшую редактуру, Морти.

00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,840

Так крышесносы лучше работают

при повторном просмотре.

00:06:18,090 --> 00:06:20,620

Эту я называю "Целая энчилада".

00:06:21,870 --> 00:06:23,720

Вот, Морти. Теперь ты сможешь

пить свою мочу.

00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:25,260

А теперь можно идти за покупками?

00:06:26,670 --> 00:06:27,520

Я - Зикзак.

00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,950

Чёрт, Морти, встань позади меня,

это же ёбаный инопланетный владыка.

00:06:29,980 --> 00:06:31,080

Всё нормально. Вот.

00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,070

О, я заблуждался.

00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:36,090

Я - флуп флупианец. Прошу, убейте меня.

00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,770

Всё верно, Морти. Флуп Флупианцы после смерти

живут в вечном оргазме,

00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:42,060

только если их убьёт великий воин.

00:06:42,220 --> 00:06:44,020

Кстати, я польщён. Большое спасибо.

00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:45,600

Значит ты убьёшь его?

00:06:46,010 --> 00:06:47,120

Сначала давай поедим.

00:06:51,790 --> 00:06:53,850

Ты хочешь, чтобы я выстрелил тебе в голову или...

00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:56,550

Мне всё равно, куда ты будешь стрелять,

лишь бы рана была смертельной.

00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:58,030

Ладно, я пойду быстренько посру.

00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,740

Должен сказать, что я немного завидую.

00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:04,160

У вашего вида есть жизнь после смерти.

Должно быть, это здорово.

00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,190

Т-ты о чём?

00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:07,860

Ну, здесь на Земле,

м-мы не знаем, что будет.

00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:12,280

Наверное, здорово, что у вас есть, ну... доказательство,

проверенное практикой.

00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:14,840

Доказательство?

00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:17,340

Должно быть какое-то доказательство?

00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:19,880

Да...

00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,890

А иначе... откуда вам знать, правда ли это?

00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:27,670

Погоди... ты не..?

00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:32,160

Ладно, ты хочешь сделать это здесь или снаружи?

00:07:33,350 --> 00:07:34,210

Беги!

00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:38,050

Я не хочу умирааать!

00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,960

О боже, это всё правда! Как же больно!

00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,390

Не надо было сомневаться!

00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:48,350

Нельзя было допустить, чтобы

я из-за тебя усомнился.

00:07:49,370 --> 00:07:51,270

Я виню тебя! Я виню тебя!

00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:53,460

Он же сказал, что нет никакого доказательства.

00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:54,630

Но ведь было полно доказательств!

00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:55,740

Есть и положительный момент.

00:07:55,770 --> 00:07:57,050

Теперь я знаю, что религия реальна.

00:07:57,070 --> 00:07:58,880

У них есть ад, и выглядит он не привлекательно.

00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:01,420

Я заметил, что ты не доел чимичангу, так что...

00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:03,580

у меня как раз осободилось под неё место,

если понимаешь, о чём я.

00:08:04,420 --> 00:08:05,540

Пиздец.

00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:07,630

И сколько подобных ужасных ошибок

я совершил?

00:08:07,810 --> 00:08:10,660

Может, я бы перестал их совершать, если бы

начал учиться на них?

00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,780

Не напрягайся, пытаясь получить урок, Морти.

Это антология в свободной форме.

00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:15,250

Меня начинает раздражать, что ты

этого не понимаешь.

00:08:15,350 --> 00:08:18,300

Как ты видишь, тебе сносило крышу

бесчисленное множество раз.

00:08:18,450 --> 00:08:21,100

И не всегда по твоей вине.

00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:23,120

Вот блядь, я даже не...

00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,540

Надеюсь, тут не было ничего интересного.

Что это?

00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,980

Класс, "Козявки СПИД, СПИД козявки".

00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,600

Пора начать использовать нормальные названия.

00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:32,920

А пока насладись кучкой крышесносов, которые

я называю

00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:35,380

"Какаха СПИД подчёркивание копия."

00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:38,240

Я вполне благоразумный человек, Бэт Смит.

00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,590

Я знаю, что дети - всё для млекопитающего.

00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,800

Я сохраню жизнь одному из них.

00:08:42,820 --> 00:08:44,670

Тебе лишь нужно выбрать.

00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,240

Саммер!

00:08:45,820 --> 00:08:46,240

Саммер.

00:08:51,450 --> 00:08:53,910

Ты не поверишь. Я попал на Фебу вместо Титана.

00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:58,500

Типа: "Привет, Сатурн, после десяти лун, пора не имена

давать, а цифры ставить."

00:08:59,130 --> 00:09:01,050

А-а что это с вами, придурки?

00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:03,660

Морти, пожалуйста, не делай этого.

00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:07,410

Вашего Морти больше нет. Я - Вольтаматрон,

00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,110

разрушитель миров!

00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:11,700

Деда Рик, должен быть какой-то

научный способ спасти его.

00:09:11,730 --> 00:09:13,410

Пусть и не научный, но, возможно, есть способ.

00:09:13,630 --> 00:09:16,160

Морти, я знаю, что ты там.

Это я, твой дедушка.

00:09:16,330 --> 00:09:17,990

Да, я бываю грубым, но я люблю тебя, Морти.

00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:21,370

Мы все тебя любим. Ты должен бороться.

Я знаю, ты сможешь. Ты сильнее всех нас.

00:09:21,390 --> 00:09:23,910

Морти, это мама! Мы любим тебя!

Ты должен бороться!

00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:26,310

Давай, Морти! Борись с этим дурацким

червём.

00:09:26,630 --> 00:09:27,240

Мы любим тебя!

00:09:27,490 --> 00:09:28,770

Мы сильно любим тебя.

00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,430

Да, давай, Морти.

У тебя получается.

00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:32,830

У тебя получается. Получается.

00:09:35,210 --> 00:09:36,660

Может, нам вытянуть его?

00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:38,730

Нет, не трогайте его. Продолжайте

любить Морти.

00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:40,940

Мы всё равно тебя любим.

00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,390

Но у меня есть дела в 6:00.

00:09:43,420 --> 00:09:44,950

Господи, а смотреть обязательно?

00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:47,070

Блин, Морти, давай, откуси его уже!

00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:52,660

Нет! Боже, извини, Морти, я люблю тебя!

00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,220

Боже, а перерыва не намечается?

00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,990

Простите, но я заказывала большого

злобного космического червя.

00:09:58,010 --> 00:10:01,320

Ага, типа, это у тебя что, демонический слизень

в желудке, или ты просто рад...

00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:03,250

Извини.

00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,520

Что ж, приятно знать, что вся моя семья - отстой.

00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:09,450

Значит, голубые - это моя вина, фиолетовые - вина

моей семьи,

00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:10,460

а красные чьи?

00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:12,070

Не... не ищи скрытый смысл, Морти.

00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:18,410

Блядь, нам нужно найти укрытие, пока

солнце не село, Морти.

00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:21,030

Ночью температура на Вензенулоне Девять

падает до минут 180.

00:10:21,150 --> 00:10:23,410

Мы замёрзнем, Морти. Мы умрём за пару секунд.

00:10:23,460 --> 00:10:25,530

П-п-по-моему, я видел пещеру вон там.

00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,970

Ты фильмов насмотрелся, Морти.

Пещера не поможет.

00:10:28,350 --> 00:10:29,520

Придётся использовать Бибо.

00:10:29,550 --> 00:10:32,020

Бибо привёл нас к воде. Он наш друг!

00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:32,830

Он ничего не почувствует.

00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:33,830

О, нет, нет, нет!

00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,080

Хочешь умереть, Морти?

Полезай в Бибо!

00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:41,620

Нет, нет!

00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,340

Приготовься к замерзанию.

00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,440

Вот уже.

00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,930

Погоди, мы на Вензенулоне Девять

или на Вензенулоне Семь?

00:10:54,310 --> 00:10:57,010

Погоди, а почему я попросил

стереть это воспоминание?

00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:58,870

Типа, красные стёрты по твоему желанию?

00:10:58,890 --> 00:11:01,490

Очень умно, Морти, но я не раскладываю

вещи по цветам,

00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,640

потому что я не мышь из европейской детской книжки!

00:11:03,670 --> 00:11:05,500

Тогда почему розовые стоят рядом

с алкоголем?

00:11:05,530 --> 00:11:05,990

Алкоголем?

00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:15,670

Пиздец, ещё бы чуть-чуть...

00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:18,390

Мы потеряли капитана Ская. Он отдал жизнь

за восстание.

00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,560

Да... заставляет задуматься, не так ли, Морти?

00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,470

Нужно ценить то, что посеешь.

00:11:22,570 --> 00:11:23,140

Что?

00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,360

Я просто говорю, что жизнь коротка.

00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:25,880

Нужно ценить то, что посеешь.

00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,210

Ты говоришь "посеешь"?

00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:27,770

Ну, да.

00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:29,820

А надо "имеешь". Другое слово.

00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:31,390

Ценить то, что имеешь.

00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:32,780

Ты серьёзно думал, что...

00:11:33,490 --> 00:11:36,840

Боже правый, Рик, ты кто, фермер... или дачник?

00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:38,390

И давно ты говорил неправильно?

00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:41,740

О, тебе это нравится, да? У-у-у-уверен,

что прям крышу сносит!

00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,100

Ну да, это круто.

00:11:43,130 --> 00:11:43,840

Хочешь, я сотру это воспоминание?

00:11:43,860 --> 00:11:45,190

Что? Ты разве так можешь?

00:11:45,810 --> 00:11:46,810

Охуеть, как могу.

00:11:48,030 --> 00:11:49,890

Я так, блядь, и знал, ты, кусок говна!

00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,450

Т-т-т-ты просто настоящий уёбок, Рик!

00:11:52,470 --> 00:11:54,340

Полегче, Морти, хорош.

Просто расслабься.

00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,870

Да хер тебе в рыло. Иди сюда!

00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:56,990

Отпусти меня, сучка!

00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,250

Я возьму тебя за загривок...

00:11:58,270 --> 00:11:58,910

Получай!

00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:03,320

Что?

00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:04,300

Что происходит?

00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:04,960

Где я?

00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:05,510

Кто мы?

00:12:05,530 --> 00:12:06,040

Кто я?

00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:08,530

По-моему, я - подросток.

00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,700

А я - какой-то старик.

00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,790

И похоже, что мы в каком-то

00:12:13,330 --> 00:12:15,400

тайном изолированном месте.

00:12:15,420 --> 00:12:16,920

Дааа, эм...

00:12:16,950 --> 00:12:18,180

Не смотри на меня так...

00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:20,120

Кто знает, может это ты ебучий психопат!

00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:26,500

Очевидно, что эти штуки что-то хранили, а так как

мы не помним, что произошло,

00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,330

думаю, что здесь как-то замешана память.

00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:31,770

А эта штука на твоей голове нужна для того, чтобы...

00:12:32,890 --> 00:12:34,540

Говори, какой код, ублюдок!

00:12:35,980 --> 00:12:37,400

Бесполезно, он не расколется.

00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:39,710

Рик, если мы не не достанем вакцины,

Земля погибнет.

00:12:39,730 --> 00:12:41,770

Может, стоит приложить больше

усилий для допроса?

00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,500

Не совсем понял, что ты предлагаешь, Морти,

00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:44,970

некоторые границы я не перехожу.

00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:49,250

Ага, ну, а я перешёл уже все границы, когда

этот урод пытался убить Джессику.

00:12:51,450 --> 00:12:54,500

Ладно. Видишь два мясистых мешка под его

подбородком, Морти?

00:12:55,290 --> 00:12:55,770

Хватай их.

00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,200

Теперь вспомнил коды?

00:12:59,110 --> 00:12:59,790

Скручивай.

00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:02,930

Говори коды, чувак.

00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,230

Скручивай сильнее, Морти!

00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:05,040

Сильнее!

00:13:06,290 --> 00:13:08,030

Отпусти, отпусти. Пусть подышит.

00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,330

Он хочет договориться.

00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,690

Половина кодов сейчас.

Половина, когда ты закончишь.

00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:14,610

Разве мы можем довериться...

00:13:14,970 --> 00:13:16,720

Погоди, что? Что закончить-то?

00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:17,890

Ну, сам знаешь...

00:13:17,910 --> 00:13:19,610

Я думал, что пытал его!

00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:22,700

И тебя это расстраивает?

Мне сказать ему, что уговора нет, Морти?

00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:26,800

Ведь если мы можем убивать своих врагов, но не

можем передёрнуть им, то чем мы лучше, чем они?

00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:29,040

Ну, что ты узнал?

00:13:29,070 --> 00:13:32,460

Мы напарники, вроде бы, и мы сражаемся

с пришельцами.

00:13:32,580 --> 00:13:33,430

Как "Люди в Чёрном".

00:13:33,450 --> 00:13:35,220

Люди в чёрном. Люди в чёрном.

00:13:35,540 --> 00:13:36,880

У меня тут "Люди в Чёрном 2".

00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,360

Значит ты понял общую суть.

00:13:38,830 --> 00:13:39,760

Не очень.

00:13:39,790 --> 00:13:41,720

По сути это бесконечная череда повторений...

00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:44,650

Ладно, оставь это для Ютуба. А я буду

дальше искать зацепки.

00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:50,290

Что ты делаешь?

00:13:50,310 --> 00:13:51,620

Ты хочешь выровнить полку или нет?

00:13:51,650 --> 00:13:54,270

Если я скажу да, то ты выровняешь её

вот этим?

00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:55,530

Да, видишь пузырёк?

00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,260

Я знаю, для чего тут пузырёк, Морти.

00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:59,990

А ещё я балуюсь точным измерением,

и если приложить каплю ума,

00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:03,280

то можно обойтись твоим печальным невооружённым

глазом из каменного века и

00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,840

пузырьком ебучего воздуха.

00:14:04,870 --> 00:14:07,510

Из-за таких, как ты наш вид - это ошибка,

и это меня злит!

00:14:07,540 --> 00:14:08,240

Ты пьян.

00:14:08,270 --> 00:14:10,160

Хочешь повесить полку - повесь полку.

00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,980

Хочешь узнать, когда бывает по-настоящему ровно?

00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:13,120

Хочешь?

00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:15,010

Д-да?

00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:26,930

Ладно, пойдём.

00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:34,770

Ого, здесь так...

00:14:36,970 --> 00:14:38,310

О, господи!

00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:39,450

О, боже!

00:14:39,470 --> 00:14:41,790

Да, по-настоящему ровно, сучара!

00:14:42,070 --> 00:14:43,510

Морти, идём, пора в школу.

00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,910

Всё такое кривое. Реальность - яд.

Я хочу назад.

00:14:47,940 --> 00:14:48,630

Ненавижу это всё!

00:14:48,660 --> 00:14:49,390

Что это с ним?

00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,130

- Морти, Морти, Морти.

- Я не могу так жить!

00:14:51,340 --> 00:14:53,640

Иди в школу, Саммер. А я отправлюсь в память

Морти и слегка её...

00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:56,850

Как агнец на космическое заклание!

00:14:57,870 --> 00:14:58,400

Ну?

00:14:58,420 --> 00:15:01,560

Похоже, что ты отвечаешь

за мои воспоминания.

00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:02,310

С чего бы?

00:15:02,530 --> 00:15:03,920

Отличный вопрос.

00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,580

Морти, мне нужна темнота,

чтобы зарядить эти оптические датчики.

00:15:07,610 --> 00:15:09,960

Щелкни для дедушки левый

выключатель у двери.

00:15:09,980 --> 00:15:10,750

Левый.

00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,420

Так, врубай свет.

00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:24,220

Итак, мне послышалось или было три

отчётливых щелчка переключателя?

00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:25,780

О-о-о чём это ты?

00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,890

Мне кажется, что, возможно, эти три звука

вызваны тем,

00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,750

что кто-то по ошибке дёрнул

правый переключатель,

00:15:30,780 --> 00:15:33,930

за которым второпях последовало

нужное мне нажатие.

00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,220

Затем, предположительно, под покровом

тьмы в тишине

00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:39,850

этот кто-то, полный позора, передёрнул

первый переключатель в изначальное положение.

00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,500

Мои предположения верны?

00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:45,060

Да, так... так в принципе...

всё и было.

00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:45,860

Прости.

00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:48,470

Агх! Ясно, полетели.

00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:50,200

-Чего?!

-Полетели уже!

00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:06,300

Хватай лопату.

00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,320

-Ч-ч-что здесь...

-Хватай лопату!

00:16:12,010 --> 00:16:13,210

А это что ещё за хрень?

00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,320

Никак не могу отыскать эту долбаную стяжку!

00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:19,580

Ладненько, в пизду!

00:16:20,830 --> 00:16:22,000

СТЯЖКА

00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:26,710

Ага, стяжечка.

00:16:44,230 --> 00:16:45,780

Ещё раз, так зачем я это делаю?

00:16:45,810 --> 00:16:48,250

Кому бы не хотелось поговорить с животными, Рик?

00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:49,380

Большинству людей.

00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,600

Вот, готово,

смотри, аккуратней там!

00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:54,430

Без перерывов.

Нон стоп.

00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:56,690

Прыг-скок, низ, выше и выше и выше,

туда, сюда, стоп, вниз.

00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,540

Матке нужна еда.

Её деткам нужна еда.

00:16:58,570 --> 00:16:59,730

Матка рожает деток.

00:17:01,090 --> 00:17:03,700

В Аргентине всё вышло не так благополучно, как мы ожидали.

00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,190

Что ж, мы вынуждены вновь

расшатать их экономику,

00:17:06,210 --> 00:17:08,640

перенаправить нарастающий гнев

рабочего класса на те слои, что пониже,

00:17:08,670 --> 00:17:10,940

устроить переворот, и установить

угодный нам режим.

00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:12,960

-Прямо как в Гватемале?

-Да, только надо ускориться.

00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,540

Нужно собрать кворум

и выбрать нового папу,

00:17:14,570 --> 00:17:17,130

на случай если планы с Эксон/Монсанто в Африке

накроются медным тазом.

00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,740

Быть может, химиотрассы?

Покроем химикатами всю Уганду.

00:17:19,770 --> 00:17:21,530

Они там и так сидят на пороховой бо...

Что такое?

00:17:21,550 --> 00:17:23,420

Человеческий детёныш, он следит за нами.

00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,190

И? Мы же белки, он человек.

00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:28,170

Он следит так, будто понимает, о чём мы тут лясы точим.

00:17:28,190 --> 00:17:30,910

Парниша. Молодой человек?

Послушайте, юноша.

00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:33,650

Передай Дафне, код 199,

у нас завёлся Айболит.

00:17:33,790 --> 00:17:34,680

Молодой человек!

00:17:34,710 --> 00:17:36,560

Можешь загадать чего пожелаешь,

если ты нас слышишь!

00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:38,650

Мы научим тебя летать и достанем конфет.

00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:49,320

Вот, блять! Ну нахуй!

Ебать меня в дупло! Ну нахуй!

00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:51,620

Рииик!

00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:53,810

Твою мать, Морти, что ты наделал?

00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,830

Понеслась, Морти,

пакуй своё дерьмо!

00:18:00,860 --> 00:18:02,900

Эта штука задержит их лишь

на некоторое время, Морти!

00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:04,480

Ты доебался до белок, Морти!

00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,770

У нас есть целых добрых пять минут,

прежде чем они нам хвосты поотрывают, Морти!

00:18:07,790 --> 00:18:09,970

Так что мы их подожмём и свалим в новую вселенную, Морти!

00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,530

Ты же знаешь... я предупреждал,

что мы можем так делать всего несколько раз!

00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,530

Этот мир мы проебали из-за этих грёбаных белок, Морти!

00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:20,290

Я не знаю, что и думать, но у меня закрадываются

сомнения на твой счёт.

00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,710

-Ну, и что ты будешь делать?

-Я вспомню всё!

00:18:22,730 --> 00:18:23,600

Я вспомню всё!

00:18:32,590 --> 00:18:33,470

Ура!

00:18:37,890 --> 00:18:38,640

Аааааа!

00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:44,030

Уф!

00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:55,610

Ну... что ты узнал?

00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,040

Воу, воу, воу, полегче, ты что вздумал, убить меня?

00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,830

Не собираюсь я тебя убивать,

я прикончу себя!

00:19:00,860 --> 00:19:02,710

Все наши воспоминания стёрты

00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:04,600

и хранятся тут, собирая пыль.

00:19:04,620 --> 00:19:09,900

Какой смысл продолжать, если всё, что случилось,

ок-оказывается здесь?

00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:12,570

Хорошо, пацан.

00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,870

Я ничего не знаю, кроме того факта,

что "Люди в Чёрном 2" были отсосным деньгососом,

00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:20,140

но я точно знаю,что бы сейчас не варилось в твоём качане,

по-настоящему задело тебя.

00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:23,650

Я не отрицаю твою правоту,

как и не отрицаю то, что вдохновлён твоим энтузиазмом.

00:19:23,890 --> 00:19:25,940

Я в деле.

Самоубийство по сговору.

00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:27,800

Да, точно, сделаем это!

00:19:27,830 --> 00:19:30,500

Мы вместе, старый ты сукин сын!

На счёт три!

00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:31,510

Раз...

00:19:31,740 --> 00:19:32,870

Два...

00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,390

Ребят, вы опять занимаетесь крышесносами Морти?

00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:38,110

Крышесносами Морти?

00:19:38,150 --> 00:19:40,610

Дедуль, это код три?

00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,960

Эм, ч-что это,

и кто... кто ты?

00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:45,390

Ой-ёй, понятно, код четыре.

00:20:02,770 --> 00:20:05,050

Эагх, ебануться, срань господня!

00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,800

За такое дерьмо мне должны сверх зарплаты.

00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,060

Где-то рядом Фазенда!

Я её чую!

(передача: Квартирный Разнос)

00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,200

Воу, чт... что за...

00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:14,370

Чем я могу помочь?

00:20:14,390 --> 00:20:17,130

Как-к-как мы могли уснуть во время

межпространственного кабельного?

00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,420

-Да, какого чёрта, Саммер?

-Саммер, тупая ты сука!

00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:22,630

-Как долго мы были в отключке, тварина проклятая?!

-Сколько межпространственного кабельного мы пропустили, сука тупорылая?

00:20:22,650 --> 00:20:24,450

-Сколько же мы пропустили телешоу и рекламных пауз, Саммер?

-Почему ты позволила нам отрубиться?

00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:25,560

-Добаная сука!

-Тупоголовая сука!

00:20:25,590 --> 00:20:27,020

Ладно, Морти,

на хуй эту дрянь.

00:20:27,050 --> 00:20:29,470

Погнали отсюда,

классическое приключение Рика и Морти.

00:20:29,490 --> 00:20:31,320

Ага, точно, Рик. Я полностью за.

00:20:31,740 --> 00:20:35,060

Не удивлена, что вы вечно ссоритесь друг с другом и ничего не успеваете...

00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,410

-Чего?

-Ничего.

00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:06,950

Рик? Кто-нибудь? Просто заскочил за своей клюшкой...

00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,230

Крышесносы Джерри?

00:21:13,780 --> 00:21:14,930

Следуй за мальчуганами!

00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:21,770

Всё заряжено и нацелено на

Альфа Центавра,

00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:22,920

мы готовы к транспортировке.

00:21:23,790 --> 00:21:26,220

Они повелись!

Отправим же Гобо домой!

00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,490

Даааа!

00:21:27,630 --> 00:21:29,390

-А где папа?

-Он будет с минуты на минуту.

00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:35,260

Забавно, что жизнь Джерри - бесконечный поиск внимания,

но в конце концов его инстинктивное отречение спасло пришельцу жизнь!

00:21:35,530 --> 00:21:37,090

Он же знает, куда ехать, так?

00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,770

Ага, с минуты на минуту.

00:21:43,150 --> 00:21:45,230

У вас получилось?

Гобо уже полетел домой?

00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:47,740

Гобо у тебя! Ты должен был доставить его к холму!

00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,450

Если бы. Он же был у тебя в корзинке!

00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,680

Он был у тебя в машине!

00:21:56,630 --> 00:21:58,030

Оп ля!

Чур его барахло моё.

00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:05,005

Return the Truth Tortoise!

00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:07,257

Morty, whatever you do,

don't drop the Truth Tortoise!

00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:08,425

Also really important,

00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,385

whatever you do,

don't look into its eyes!

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,055

I-I did look at it, Rick!

I've been looking at it!

00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,223

Now you're gonna know

everything, Morty!

00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,058

Good job! Way to go!

You fucked everything up!

00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:18,227

[ Speaking gibberish ]

00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,521

It's in my head!

[ Screams ]

00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:21,480

Ah!

00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,483

[ Screams ]

00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,862

Oh, geez, I-I can't get that

Truth Tortoise out of my head.

00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,781

Yeah, I told you not

to look into its eyes.

00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:32,824

Hey, Morty, let's watch

some interdimensional cable.

00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:33,825

Remember how we used to do that?

00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,619

Rick, I can't... I can't go on.

00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:36,870

I-I can't go on like this

00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:38,413

with the Truth Tortoise shit

in my head.

00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,623

I-I wish you could just...

00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,917

Erase the memory from your mind?

00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,752

How did you know

I was gonna say that?

00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,420

Come on, Morty, come with me.

00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,673

After you.

00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,509

What the hell is this?!

00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,219

This, Morty, is my archive

00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,513

of all the experiences

you've begged me to remove

00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,932

from your life,

lest you go insane.

00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,644

I call them

Morty's Mind Blowers.

00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:03,021

And we'll be doing this instead

of interdimensional cable.

00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,732

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,014

How long have I been asking you

to remove memories?

00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:39,349

Since the first [burps] time

your mind was blown.

00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,851

Ahh, here it is.

[ Burps ]

00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:42,269

Classic.

[ Blows ]

00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:43,645

There's no dust on it because

00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,272

this isn't the first time

we've done this.

00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:49,234

-What?!

-I call this one "Moonspiracy"!

00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,902

[ Laughs ]

00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:54,781

[ Insects chirping ]

00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,451

MORTY: Huh, wow.

That's incredible.

00:01:58,994 --> 00:01:59,911

What the heck?

00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,999

Morty, do you realize

how ridiculous that sounds?

00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,250

Yeah, pretty crazy story, Morty.

00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,209

Are you serious?

00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,879

Half the crap we've seen,

and you think that sounds crazy?

00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,589

I've been to 300 versions

of Earth's moon,

00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,549

including this one,

and I've never seen signs

00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,635

of a "regular dude,"

as you describe him,

00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:15,636

hanging out up there.

00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,721

It's probably just

a smudge on the lens.

00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:21,224

Smudge on the lens?

Smudge on the lens?!

00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,393

I know the difference between

a man threatening me

00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:25,437

and a smudge on

the goddamn lens, Summer!

00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,397

Morty, calm down!

Are you feeling okay?

00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,274

I'm fine!

00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:30,901

So sensitive.

00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:33,070

[ School bell rings ]

00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:34,738

PRINCIPAL VAGINA: Kids,

I'd like to introduce you all

00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:37,783

to our new guidance counselor,

Mr. Lunas.

00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,285

I look forward

to helping guide you all

00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,537

towards a brighter future.

00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,040

I believe every

student should...

00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,459

shoot for the moon.

00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,757

Got you now, you son of a bitch.

00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,842

[ Camera shutter clicking ]

00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,303

What's this?

00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,931

Proof that Mr. Lunas

isn't who he says he is!

00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:02,099

He's not a guidance counselor?

00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:05,060

I-I assume he's qualified

to be one. Who isn't?

00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,271

But he also lives on the moon.

00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,190

Okay.

00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,776

Hmm.

Is that it?

00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,277

Is he doing anything

to hurt anyone?

00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:15,904

Oh, he's up to something.

00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,323

I think I understand.

00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,367

"Up to something,"

"lives on the moon."

00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:21,743

Okay, I'll talk to him.

00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,838

[ Tires screeching ]

00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:34,965

What did he say?

00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,092

Denied the moon stuff,

but that's what pedophiles do.

00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,427

They deny.

It's their bread and butter.

00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,803

-Pedophile?

-You don't think so?

00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,179

I thought the moon thing

might have been code.

00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,306

No, he's literally

from the moon!

00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,516

Well, you saw him react.

00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,185

Moon or not,

that dude likes 'em young.

00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:53,150

[ Siren wails ]

00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:55,193

Gordon Lunas was a good Marine.

00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,571

We don't know what drove him

to take his own life,

00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,531

but we want to remember

the good things.

00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:00,907

Like how, from a certain angle,

00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:04,369

some people would say

he looked like a smudge.

00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,291

[ Squeak ]

00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:10,917

Oh, my God, what have I done?

00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,419

What have I done?

00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,380

Jesus, I made that guy

kill himself!

00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,590

Only in a literal sense.

00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:19,843

Here's one I call

"Morty's [burp] Menagerie."

00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,011

They don't all

have titles, though.

00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,637

It's not a "Simpsons"

Halloween special,

00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:26,224

more like a clip show made

of clips you never saw!

00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,102

I can't believe we got

put into a menagerie.

00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,271

So this guy collects

living beings?

00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,981

RICK: Yeah, you know like

commemorative plates,

00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,065

but less off-putting.

00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,234

You'll get it when you're still

actively dating in your 40s.

00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,236

Assess this with

cold indifference,

00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,196

you veiny—headed prick!

00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:41,531

-[ Crash! ]

-Hey, keep it down!

00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,283

Just our luck, menagerie beneath

00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:45,327

the "boulder people"

of Granitor Seven.

00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,495

I can't take it anymore, Rick!

00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,079

-[ Banging ]

-Relax, Morty!

00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,540

I can't relax! R-R-Rick, we...

we gotta get outta here!

00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,209

I don't care what it takes!

Anything!

00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,877

-Anything?

-Anything!

00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,712

All right, well, you're gonna

have to take off your shirt.

00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,714

Not yet.

I'll tell you when.

00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,800

[ Sonar pinging ]

00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:02,469

[ Chattering ]

00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,304

Dear God.

00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:05,889

What?

00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,308

The signal turned out to be...

00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,268

there's no other way

to put it...

00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,103

-Instructions.

-For?

00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:15,148

A vehicle, sir,

an interstellar vehicle.

00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,901

We'll need a pilot.

I wonder if there's a volunteer.

00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:22,197

Oh, the schematics specify

a second, smaller pilot.

00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,324

I mean, they really

specify smaller.

00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,785

They have to be exactly 5′3″.

00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,371

Chang, you may have majored

in Liberal Arts,

00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,790

but I think you're about

to make history.

00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,084

[ Grunts ]

00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,335

WOMAN:

Primary systems, check.

00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,420

Auxiliary systems, check.

00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:38,964

See you soon.

00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,885

Okay, now.

00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:46,680

Greetings.

00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:47,806

You're...

You look...

00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,392

We've possessed forms

your mind can accept.

00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,727

Here are some customary

clothing gifts.

00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,437

Please, put them on.

00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:56,690

-May we?

-Of course, yes.

00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,275

We followed your instructions.

00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,986

We have so much

to learn from you.

00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,529

I know, right?

00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:06,241

[ Creak ]

00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:11,371

Hey, how come I was able to see

those other people's memories?

00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,164

I-I wouldn't have been

around for that.

00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,791

Yeah, sometimes I gotta do

a little editing, Morty.

00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,084

It helps the mind blowers

00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,794

play a little bit better

upon revisiting.

00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:21,131

I call this one

"The Whole Enchilada."

00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,592

Here, Morty, this'll make

your urine drinkable.

00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,802

Now can we keep shopping?

00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,470

I am Zikzak.

00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:29,890

Ah, shit, Morty, get behind me.

It's a fucking alien overlord!

00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,683

It's okay.

Here.

00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,143

Oh, I misjudged.

00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,854

MORTY: "I am Floop Floopian.

Please kill me."

00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:36,855

That's right, Morty.

00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,608

The Floop Floopians achieve

an eternal orgasmic afterlife,

00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,985

so long as they're killed

by a great warrior.

00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,904

I'm flattered, by the way.

Thank you very much.

00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,363

So you're gonna kill him?

00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,198

Eh, let's get some lunch first.

00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,413

So, you want to get shot

in the head, or...

00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,081

Well, as long as

the wound is fatal,

00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,458

I don't really mind

where you shoot me.

00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,001

Cool.

I'm gonna go take a quick shit.

00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,629

Well, I gotta say.

You know, I'm a little envious.

00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,714

Your species has

an actual afterlife.

00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,008

-That's gotta be nice.

-Wh-What do you mean?

00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,802

Well, you know, here on Earth,

w-we don't know what's going on.

00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,971

It must be nice for you guys to,

you know, have that...

00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,390

have that proof's in

the pudding, you know, evidence.

00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:17,437

Evidence?

There's supposed to be evidence?

00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,023

Um, yeah, uh...

00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:24,110

Otherwise,

how do you know if it's true?

00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,237

[ Clears throat ]

00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,156

Wait, you don't...

00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,701

All right, so you want

to do this here or outside?

00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,036

[ Weapon cocks, powers up ]

00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,829

Run!

00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,206

[ Door slams open ]

00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,624

I don't wanna die!

00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,292

[ Horn honks ]

00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,295

[ Chanting ]

00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,714

Oh, God, it's all real!

Oh, it hurts!

00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,341

Oh, I shouldn't have doubted it!

00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,343

I shouldn't have let

you make me doubt it!

00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,054

Aah!

I blame you, I blame you!

00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,306

But he said there

wasn't any evidence!

00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,557

That was a ton of evidence!

00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:55,642

Well, silver lining.

00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:56,893

Now I know their

religion's real.

00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,770

They have a hell,

and it does not look good.

00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,814

I noticed you never finished

your chimichanga,

00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,900

so I got some room for it now,

if you know what I mean.

00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,318

Holy shit!

00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,487

How many of these are just

horrible mistakes I've made?

00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:08,989

I mean, maybe

I'd stop making so many

00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,240

if I let myself learn from them!

00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:12,283

Don't break your back

creating a lesson, Morty.

00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:13,576

It's a freeform anthology.

00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,245

I'm getting annoyed

you're not hearing that.

00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,330

As you can see around me,

your mind's been blown

00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:21,543

countless times,

and not always by yourself.

00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,294

Ah, shit, I don't even...

00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,671

This better not

have been a good one.

00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:25,672

What is this?

00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,882

Great, "Booger AIDS,"

"AIDS Booger."

00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,509

I gotta start using

real file names.

00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,219

In the meantime,

enjoy a grab bag

00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:35,598

of mind blowers I call

"Poop AIDS underscore copy."

00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,018

ALIEN WARLORD: I'm not

an unreasonable man, Beth Smith.

00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:40,270

I know children are everything

to a mammal.

00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,772

I will spare one of their lives.

00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,733

You simply have to choose.

00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,152

Summer!

Summer.

00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,282

You're not gonna believe this.

00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:53,992

I went to Phoebe

instead of Titan.

00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:56,411

It's, like, hello, Saturn,

after 10 moons,

00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,913

time to stop naming and start

numbering, you know?

00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,291

What's... Wh-What's

with you assholes?

00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,334

Morty, please, don't do this.

00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:04,627

[ Evil laugh ]

00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,046

[ Voice echoing ]

Your Morty is gone!

00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:09,132

I am Voltamatron,

Destroyer of Worlds!

00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,551

Grandpa Rick, there must be some

scientific way to save him!

00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,678

Not scientific,

but there may be a way.

00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,306

Morty, I know you're in there.

It's me, your grandpa.

00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,058

I know I can be mean,

but I love you, Morty.

00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,642

We all do.

You gotta fight this thing.

00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,186

I know you can.

You're stronger than all of us!

00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,646

Morty, it's Mom! We love you.

You have to fight it!

00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,232

Come on, Morty!

Fight that stupid worm thing!

00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,275

-We love you!

-[ Screaming ]

00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,610

SUMMER:

We love you so much!

00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,320

RICK: Yes, Morty, come on,

you're doing it!

00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:32,989

You're doing it!

You're doing it!

00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,824

[ Gagging, coughing ]

00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,534

Should we pull it out?

00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:38,995

No, don't touch it.

Just keep loving Morty!

00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,081

We still love you.

00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,166

But I do have a thing at 6:00.

00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,709

Oh, God, do I have to

keep looking?

00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,003

Geez, Morty, come on,

pinch it off already!

00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:49,339

-[ Laughter ]

-[ Screaming ]

00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:52,133

Don't! Oh, God, sorry, Morty.

I love you!

00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,259

[ Whimpering ]

00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:54,969

God, is there going to be

an intermission?

00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,764

Excuse me, but I ordered

the large evil space worm.

00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:59,516

I know, it's like,

is that a demon slug

00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,392

in your stomach,

or are you just happy to...

00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,269

-[ Screaming ]

-Sorry!

00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:06,272

Well, I guess it's nice to know

the whole family sucks!

00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,774

So if the blue ones are my fault

00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:10,401

and the purple ones are my

family's, what are the red ones?

00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,029

Yeah, d-don't read

into it, Morty!

00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,364

[ Birds chirping ]

00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,032

Ahh.

00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:18,535

Shit! We need to find shelter

before the sunset, Morty.

00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:21,037

Venzenulon Nine has a night

temperature of 300 below!

00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:23,081

We'll freeze, Morty!

W-We'll be dead in seconds!

00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:25,291

I-I think I saw

a cave over there.

00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:26,501

You've seen

too many movies, Morty.

00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,379

A cave isn't gonna cut it.

We're gonna have to use Beebo.

00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:32,048

Beebo led us to water!

He's our friend!

00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,716

-He won't even feel it!

-Oh, no, no!

00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,386

[ Beebo groans ]

00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,139

You wanna die, Morty?

Get in Beebo!

00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,850

Oh, no, no!

00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,060

Brace for the ice limit.

00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,770

Here it comes!

00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:53,361

Wait, are we on Venzenulon Nine

or Venzenulon Seven?

00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,823

Wait a minute. Why would I ask

for that to be removed?

00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,616

Are the red ones stuff

you wanted removed?

00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,286

Ooh, that's clever, Morty, but

I don't use color to sort things

00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,413

because I'm not a mouse in

a European children's book.

00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,290

Then why are all those

pink ones by the liquor?

00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,250

Liquor?

00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,294

[ Ray guns blasting ]

00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,507

[ Both sigh ]

00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,634

-Shit, that was close.

-We lost Captain Sky.

00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,261

He gave his life

for the uprising.

00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,555

Yeah. It really makes

you think, huh, Morty?

00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,432

We should never take

things for granite.

00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:24,225

-What?

-I'm just saying, life's short.

00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,727

We shouldn't take things

for granite.

00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,770

-Are you saying "granite"?

-Well, yeah.

00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,689

It's "granted," with a "D."

00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,567

Take things for granted.

Did you actually think it was...

00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,444

[ Laughs ]

Jesus Christ, Rick,

00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,696

what are you, a boulder...

a rock person?

00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,156

How long have you been

saying that wrong?

00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,282

Oh, you like that, huh?

00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:41,409

I b-b-bet that really

blows your mind.

00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,869

I mean, yeah,

it's kind of great.

00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,163

-You want me to erase it?

-What, you can do that?

00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,290

-[ Buzzing ]

-Ah, shit.

00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,667

I fucking knew it,

you piece of shit!

00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:52,170

You... You...

You're a fucking asshole, Rick!

00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,005

Take it easy, Morty.

Come on. Just relax.

00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,506

No, I'm not gonna fucking relax!

Come here!

00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:56,716

Let go of me, you little bitch!

00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:57,926

I'm gonna grab you

by the scruff of your...

00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,720

-Take that!

-Ohh!

00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,555

-Umm.

-Umm. Uhh.

00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,098

-What...

-What's going on?

00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,225

-Where am I?

-Who are we?

00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,311

-Who am I?

-I think I'm an adolescent boy.

00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,897

Huh, and I'm an elderly man.

00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:15,151

And we appear to be in some kind

of secret confined space.

00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,820

-Yeah, umm...

-Don't look at me like that.

00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:20,406

For all we know, you could be

the fuckin' weirdo.

00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,494

Huh, these things are

obviously storage units,

00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,371

and since we can't remember

what went wrong,

00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,207

my guess is that the technology

involves memory

00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:32,502

and that this thing on your head

is designed to...

00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,212

Tell us the code, jagoff!

00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,713

[ Speaking alien language ]

00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,173

It's pointless.

He's stonewalling.

00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,509

Rick, if we don't unlock

those vaccines, Earth dies!

00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,594

You know, it might be time

to step up your interrogation!

00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:42,971

Not sure what

you're implying, Morty,

00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,764

but some lines I don't cross.

00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,516

Yeah, well,

I crossed every line I had

00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:49,060

when this bastard

tried to kill Jessica!

00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,104

[ Speaking alien language ]

00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:54,941

Okay, see those two fleshy sacs

under his chin, Morty?

00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,067

Grab 'em.

00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,403

You remember the codes now?

00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:01,531

-Twist!

-[ Screaming ]

00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,992

Give us the codes, man!

Twist harder, Morty!

00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,952

-Harder!

-[ Screaming ]

00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:08,288

Okay, let go, let go,

let him breathe.

00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:09,706

[ Speaking alien language ]

00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,124

He wants to make a deal.

00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,543

Half the codes now,

half after you finish.

00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,461

But can we trust...

Wait, what?

00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:16,546

F-Finish what?

00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:17,588

Y-You know.

00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,299

I thought I was torturing him!

00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:20,800

Oh, and this disappoints you?

00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,468

Do I tell him we don't

have a deal, Morty?

00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,886

Because if we can

kill our enemies

00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:27,015

but we can't jack them off, then

how are we better than them?

00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,808

Well, what did you find out?

00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,518

We're partners, I guess,

00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,271

and we fight aliens,

like "Men in Black"?

00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,981

"Men in Black," "Men in Black."

00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:36,524

I have "Men in Black 2" in here.

00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,151

So... So you get

the general idea.

00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:39,694

[ Laughs ]

Not quite.

00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,487

It's basically an endless string

of callbacks to...

00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,741

All right, save it for YouTube.

I'll keep looking for clues.

00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:49,996

What are you doing?

00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,414

You want your shelf

level or not?

00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:54,125

And if I say yes, you're gonna

provide that for me with that?

00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,293

Yes, see the bubble?

00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,003

I'm familiar with

the bubble, Morty.

00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,921

I also dabble in precision,

00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,965

and if you think

you can even approach it

00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,092

with your sad, naked,

caveman eyeball

00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,595

and a bubble of fucking air,

you're the reason this species

00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,096

is a failure,

and it makes me angry!

00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:08,097

You're drunk.

00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:10,016

You want to put up a shelf,

put up a shelf.

00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,268

You want to experience

true level?

00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:15,021

-Do you?

-[ Sighs dramatically ] Y-yes.

00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,780

[ Powering up ]

00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,741

Ugh, all right, come on.

00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,409

[ Sighs ]

00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,916

Wow, it's so...

00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:39,170

Oh, oh, oh, oh, my God, oh,

Christ, ooh, ooh, ooh, ahh.

00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,672

Oh, yeah, true level, bitch.

00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,008

Morty, come on,

we're leaving for school.

00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,677

Oh, everything's crooked!

Reality is poison!

00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,012

I want to go back!

I hate this!

00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,222

-What's his deal?

-Can't live like this!

00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:51,015

Shh, shh, shh, shh, Morty,

Morty, Morty.

00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,892

Go to school, Summer.

I'll go in Morty's memory

00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,435

and do a little...

[ Clicks tongue ]

00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,813

Lambs to the cosmic slaughter!

00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,189

Well?

00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:01,526

You seem to be in charge

of what I get to remember.

00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,569

-Why?

-Good question.

00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:07,323

Morty, I need darkness to prime

these optical inductors.

00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,700

Hit the leftmost light switch

by the door for me.

00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:10,701

The left.

00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:14,080

[ Click, click, click ]

00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:19,627

Okay, lights on.

00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,003

[ Sighs ]

00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:24,090

So, did I just hear three

distinct light switch clicks?

00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,508

W-W-What do you mean?

00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:27,593

I feel like the three sounds

I heard could be explained

00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,513

by an initial erroneous flipping

of a switch on the right

00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,473

followed by a hasty,

corrective flipping

00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:33,641

of the requested switch.

00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,436

Then during the resultant

darkness and silence, a third,

00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:39,522

shameful unflipping of

the initially flipped switch.

00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:41,441

Is my assessment accurate?

00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:44,902

Yeah, that's... that's basically

how... how it all shaked out.

00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:48,156

-I'm sorry.

-Ugh. All right, come on.

00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,450

-What?!

-Come on!

00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:59,250

[ High-pitched tone ]

00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,132

-[ Click, tone ends ]

-Grab a shovel.

00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,383

W-What is...

00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,510

Grab a shovel!

00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:11,679

[ Click ]

00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,264

What was that?

00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,352

I can't find a goddamn

zip tie anywhere!

00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,605

All right, fuck it!

00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,231

[ Beeping ]

00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,026

[ Magnetizing ]

00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,861

Ahh, zip tie.

00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,405

[ Powering down ]

00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:33,868

[ Beeping ]

00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,411

[ Magnetizing ]

00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:38,247

[ Women screaming ]

00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,588

Why are you making me

do this for you again?

00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:48,090

Who doesn't wish they could

talk to animals, Rick?

00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:49,467

Most humans!

00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:51,469

There, I'm done.

Just stay out of trouble!

00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,263

Gotta keep moving.

Can't stop.

00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,432

Up, down, down, up, up, up,

down, up, stop, down.

00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,017

The queen needs food.

The babies need food.

00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,685

The queen makes babies.

00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,188

MALE VOICE:

The situation in Argentina

00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,606

has proven less convenient

than predicted.

00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,983

We'll have to re-destabilize

their economy,

00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,402

refocus labor class outrage

from upper to middle,

00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,488

foster a coup, and install

a compliant regime.

00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,489

MALE SQUIRREL:

Same as Guatemala?

00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:12,823

Yes, but you can double-time it.

00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,158

We need a quorum

to pick a new pope

00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,827

in case the Exxon/Monsanto thing

falls through in Africa.

00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:19,413

Why not use chemtrails?

Put a canopy on Uganda.

00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,332

They're set to agitate

any mo... What?

00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,167

That kid is watching us.

00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,877

So, we're squirrels.

He's a kid.

00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:28,047

He's watching us like he hears

what we're saying.

00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:30,675

Hey, kid. Young man?

Come here, little boy.

00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,386

Tell Daphne to run a 199

on a possible Dolittle.

00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:36,347

Little boy! We'll give you

wishes if you can hear us!

00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,391

We can make you fly

and get candy.

00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,851

[ Squirrels chittering ]

00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,607

[ Whistling ]

00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,985

Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!

Fuck me! Fuck me!

00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:51,445

[ Panting ] Rick!

00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,739

RICK: Ah, shit, Morty,

what did you do?

00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:56,534

[ Powering up ]

00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,494

-[ Zap! ]

-[ Squirrels screeching ]

00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:00,580

All right, Morty,

pack your shit!

00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,707

That's only gonna keep 'em down

for a little bit, Morty!

00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,166

You fucked with

squirrels, Morty!

00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,501

We got a good five minutes

00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,420

before they're backing up

on our ass, Morty!

00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,672

We have to pack up and move

to a new reality, Morty!

00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:12,258

You know I said we could

only do that a couple of times!

00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:15,344

We're fucked over here because

of these damn squirrels, Morty!

00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,305

I don't know what

my reaction is,

00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,016

but I think I'm mounting

in suspicion of you.

00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,435

-Well, what are you gonna do?

-I'm gonna remember everything!

00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:23,394

Everything!

00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,564

-[ Screams ]

-[ Laughs ]

00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:28,399

[ Screams ]

00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:29,483

-[ Farts ]

-[ Laughs ]

00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,487

Yeah!

00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:41,746

Ah!

00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,542

[ Crying ]

00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,468

Well, what'd you find out?

00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:57,762

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what

are you gonna do, kill me?

00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:00,723

No, I'm not gonna kill you.

I'm gonna kill myself!

00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,516

All those memories just erased!

00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,226

Sitting in this room

collecting dust!

00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:07,146

W-What's the point of going on

if most of everything

00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,940

that happens just ends up

sitting in here?

00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:12,318

All right, kid.

00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,320

I don't know much aside from

the fact that "Men in Black 2"

00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:17,573

was a joyless cash grab, but I

do know that whatever you have

00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,950

brewing around in your noggin

really connected with you.

00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,077

I can't deny that,

00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:23,621

and I can't deny that I'm

inspired by your passion.

00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,623

I want in.

Suicide pact!

00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,667

-[ Ray gun powers up ]

-Yes, yeah, let's do it!

00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:30,336

Together, you old

son of a bitch! On three!

00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:31,587

One...

00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:32,838

Two...

00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:36,008

You guys doing

Morty's Mind Blowers?

00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,843

Morty's Mind Blowers?

00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,262

[ Sighs ] Grandpa,

is this a scenario three?

00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:42,723

Uh, w-what's that,

and w-who are you?

00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,685

Oh, man, it's a scenario four.

00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,567

-[ Spits ]

-[ Dart gun shooting ]

00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,662

Ugh, fucking God damn it!

00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,580

I don't get paid enough

for this shit!

00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:10,668

There's a Craftsman nearby.

I can smell it.

00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:13,045

Whoa, what... what...

00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,088

Can I help you?

00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,924

H-How did we fall asleep during

interdimensional cable?

00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,676

-Yeah, what the hell, Summer?

-Summer, you dumb bitch!

00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:19,927

How long were we out,

you dumb bitch!

00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:20,970

How much interdimensional cable

did we miss, you stupid bitch!

00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,888

How many improv TV shows with

commercials did we miss, Summer?

00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,014

Why did you let us fall asleep?

00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:25,391

-You dumb bitch!

-You stupid bitch!

00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:26,726

All right, Morty,

fuck this noise.

00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:28,310

Let's get out of here

and go on a classic

00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:31,063

-Rick and Morty adventure.

-Yeah, right, Rick, I'm all-in.

00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,149

No wonder you're

constantly fighting

00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,859

with each other

and behind schedule.

00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,485

-What?

-Nothing.

00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,654

[ Rock music plays ]

00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:05,264

Rick?

Hello?

00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:06,849

Just here for my putter.

00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,435

Jerry's Mind Blowers?

00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:14,732

Follow the boys!

00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,530

We're charged and aimed

at Alpha Centauri,

00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,532

ready for transport.

00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:25,951

They fell for it!

Let's send Gobo home!

00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:27,453

-[ Laughter ]

-All right!

00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:29,538

-Where's Dad?

-He should be here any second.

00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:31,415

It's funny, Jerry spent his life

seeking attention,

00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,709

but in the end, humanity's

instinctive dismissal of him

00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:35,127

saved an alien's life.

00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:36,962

He knows where to go, right?

00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:38,881

Yep, any minute now.

00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:41,133

Music playing

00:21:43,177 --> 00:21:45,054

Did it work?

Did you guys get Gobo home?

00:21:45,179 --> 00:21:47,431

You have Gobo! You were supposed

to bring him to the hill!

00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,141

As if.

He was in your basket.

00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,851

He was in your car!

00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:53,604

[ Chewing ]

00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:56,565

Oh!

00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:58,609

Oof!

Dibs on his stuff.