Конспирация

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Рик?

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Это важно, Джерри! Судьба всей галактики

лежит на твоих плечах.

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Пойдём! Надень штаны.

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Хотя ладно, нет времени на штаны. Я сделаю

тебе штаны по пути.

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Это приключение Рика и Джерри!

Серия Рика и Джерри!

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Авторы перевода

Женя Спицын и Сарыч

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А потом я подумал: "Эй, а как же Джерри?"

Он... он хорошо ладит с обычными людьми.

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Это как раз та ситуация, где Джерри

покажет себя.

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Он - спец в убеждении.

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Рик, я не дурак, я знаю, в чём дело.

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А, ну... Я сказал Морти: "Слушай, родители

разводятся, им будет грустно, но с ним всё будет нормально." Но...

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Мне кажется, он переживал, что ты... ну, знаешь...

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А ты знаешь, что бывает, когда Морти

охватывают эмоции. Это мешает моей работе.

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Так что я сказал ему, что возьму тебя

на приключение, где тебя ждёт успех.

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Погоди, мой сын попросил тебя отправиться

со мной на какое-то приключение из жалости,

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чтобы я не убил себя?

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П-погоди, а ты что подумал?

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Я думал, это казнь.

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Блин, тебе я правда нужен успех.

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Нет. Я не знаю, ты мне так и не сделал штаны...

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То есть, ты думал, что я полечу с тобой в космос

и выброшу тебя с висящим членом в вакуум?

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И мы видели, как бы ты себя повёл,

если это действительно было так?

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Ебать, да я прямо сейчас сделаю штаны.

У меня уйдёт на это две секунды.

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Штаны есть у меня дома.

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Джерри, если я сделаю штаны,

то они будут лучше твоих штанов из дома.

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И ещё, если бы я хотел убить тебя...

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Да, я понял, это было бы потрясающе.

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Прошу, отвези меня домой, и я скажу сыну,

что у нас было потрясающее приключение.

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Если разницы никакой,

то может хотя бы скажешь правду?

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Потому что ты не умеешь врать.

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Ты назвал меня спецом убеждения!

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Ты мне поверил?

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А здесь довольно красиво.

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Джерри, что б ты знал, это - инопланетный аналог

придорожного кафе.

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Тебе не с чем сравнить. Ты находишься во вселенной

за пределами своего воображения.

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Но да. Здесь супер-красиво.

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Моя работа - сделать Морти счастливым.

Я не собираюсь затаскивать тебя в опасность...

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Рик Санчез.

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Я говорил, что если ещё хоть раз увижу здесь твоё лицо, то насажу

тебя на шампур, как свинью, коей ты являешься.

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Шиви Блиперс, а я говорил, что если ты попытаешься...

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то будет двое похорон.

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Кто-нибудь?

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Кто-нибудь? Кто-нибудь?

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Друг мой, сколько времени прошло!

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Рад снова видеть тебя, приятель.

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Да, вот так.

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Мистеру Санчезу всё, что он захочет.

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Это место находится в поле бессмертия,

здесь нельзя умереть, в этом вся фишка.

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Ладно, но всё же... плохое воспитание.

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Эй, богатые снобы есть богатые снобы.

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Они платят кругленькую сумму, чтобы насладиться

отдыхом без последствий.

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Ни смертей, ни болезней, ни расчленений.

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Даже сердечный приступ не схватишь.

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Я понял, идеальное место, куда можно сводить

самое хрупкое существо во вселенной.

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Наверное, ты ждёшь, что я это опровергну,

но ты совершенно прав.

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Если бы я вернулся домой без тебя,

вряд ли Морти меня бы простил.

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Да, но если бы ты вернулся с Джеффом Голдблюмом?

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С Джеффом Голдблюмом? Что за хуйню ты несёшь, Джерри?

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Господи, просто ебануться!

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Йоу, чё как "Большое разочарование"?

Не заходи в телепод!

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Может, нам будет весело

на липовом приключении.

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На "липовом" приключении.

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Кстати говоря... Что мы скажем Морти?

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Не знаю. Но что бы ни сказали,

нам нужна ещё парочка этих крошек!

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Что случилось?

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Мам, как считаешь, я сексуальна?

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Я не думаю, что это важно.

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Значит нет?

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Я лишь хочу сказать, чтобы ты не подпитывала

ту часть себя, которую это беспокоит.

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Это не ответ!

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Потому что я - не журнал "Космополитан".

Я твоя мать, врач и...

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Я - уродина!

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Блин, что это с ней?

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Подростковые девчачьи проблемы.

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Это... коллаж из копыт?

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Это совершенно законно,

если хочешь знать.

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Классненько.

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"У нас просто больше нет общих интересов, Саммер."

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Ах так, Итан? Какие же у тебя общие

интересы с Тришой Лэн?

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Любовь к французскому кино?

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Вера в то, что налог на выброс углекислого газа -

единственное эффективное решение проблемы изменения климата?

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А может, всё дело в её огромных

стриптизёрских сиськах?

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Вот он.

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Преобразователь

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Сисупер!

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И в этот момент приходит Кальмар Малакай, сдирает его

лицо, а под ним... моё лицо.

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Мне понравилось.

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Спасибо, сэр.

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Конечно, ему понравилось. Посмотри на него.

У этого уёбка две головы и три хобота.

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Ладно, на этом остановимся.

Пойду отолью.

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Руки сухие! Руки сухие!

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Меня зовут Рисотто Групон.

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Я - заместитель генерального

директора ресторана.

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У вас имеются карточки для отзывов и предложений,

а то есть у меня пара мыслей?

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Моё королевство узурпировали силой

с помощью оружия и технологий,

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которые поставлял твой тесть!

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Эй, чувак, он и моё королевство узурпировал.

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По сути он вышвырнул меня из дома,

забрал мою семью.

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Значит, мы - братья.

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А ты задумывался, какой была бы твоя

жизнь без Рика?

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Задумывался? Конечно. Да я даже задумывался,

каково это обладать вагиной.

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Поможешь мне убить его?

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Что? Нет. Он - отец моей жены.

Сменим тему.

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Тебе нравятся аттракционы?

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О, ты и правда сменил.

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Тут есть популярный аттракцион

под названием Вертушка-Покатушка.

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Между первой вертушкой и третьей покатушкой

аттракцион вылезает из поля бессмертия.

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Ты просишь меня заманить Рика

на его смерть?

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Я лишь прошу тебя сходить на аттракцион с Риком,

выйти из него без Рика,

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а потом вернуться к своей семье,

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где ты сможешь раздумывать

об обладании вагины.

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Так, так, это был очень конкретный пример, взятый с воздуха.

Не хочу, чтобы меня знали, как чувака с вагиной.

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Рисотто, там тебя спрашивают. Кто-то заказал

свежевыжатый Наззи Газзи и фирменный Флаззи.

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Послушай, я не такой, как Рик. Ты волен

делать то, что захочешь.

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Но в жизни каждого мужчины наступает время, когда ему

необходимо выбрать фундамент,

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на котором будет построено его наследие.

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На компромиссе или на крови.

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К сожаленью, день рожденья, только раз в году.

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О да.

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Совсем другое дело.

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Упс, ну ладно.

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Ещё немного на другую.

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Да хорош!

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Вот блин!

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Хватит!

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Значит, тебе просто позволили выйти из больницы

с лошадиными частями в сумке?

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Ради всего святого, Морти, женщине в разводе

необходима творческая разрядка.

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Что это было?

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Саммер!

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Я иду, Саммер!

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Какого чёрта здесь произошло?

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Я не знаю!

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Как нам вернуть ей нормальный вид?

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Блин, я не знаю. Эта штука довольно

сложная.

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Я-я-я позвоню Рику.

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Погоди, нельзя же просто звонить дедушке

по любой проблеме.

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Мы сами справимся.

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Ну, я не вижу смысла это делать.

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Очевидно, что это херня уровня Рика.

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У меня есть медицинский диплом.

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То есть, в этом всё дело? Ты хочешь

проявить себя?

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Это здесь вообще не причём, Морти.

Как ты смеешь?

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Вот и хорошо. Я просто позвоню...

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Морти, мне это нужно.

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Эй, Джерри. Тройной хобот говорит, что знает

место, где дамочки снимают с себя трусы при виде двуногого.

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Меня это не очень интересует.

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Моё сердце всё ещё принадлежит Бет.

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О, ха. Ладно.

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Что? Думаешь, у меня нет шансов?

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Я этого не говорил.

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Извините, можно мне ещё один такой?

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Будет сделано.

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Между мной и Бет не всегда всё было так плохо.

В молодости мы отлично проводили вместе время.

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О, да, не сомневаюсь. Именно так и происходит

подростковая беременность, друг мой.

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Ага. Всё было довольно здорово за исключением

парочки последних лет.

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Джерри, я понял. Как раз тогда я переехал к вам.

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О, наверное, ты прав.

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Джерри, надеюсь, ты не считаешь, что я как-то

связан с тем, что ваш брак развалился, потому что

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между тобой и Бет были большие проблемы

ещё когда вы только познакомились.

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Эй, за новое начало.

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За Вертушку-Покатушку.

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Вертушка-Покатушка?

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Так, что тут происходит?

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Когда ты стал таким крутым?

00:08:57,650 --> 00:08:59,040

Когда ты забрал мою жену!

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Надо было давно это сделать!

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Мы идём на Вертушку-Покатушку!

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Вертушка-Покатушка, детка.

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Ага, смотри. Тут написано "Нормализовать".

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Думаю, надо только нажать...

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Что? Если этот аппарат создали пауколюди,

то нормальным для них будет восемь ног.

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Боже, ты опять собираешься хвастаться, как с тем

карандашом цвета кожи?

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Я уверена, если нажать "нормализовать",

то она станет нормальной.

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Есть прогресс.

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Она огромная!

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И нормальная.

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Я - не нормальная!

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Мам.

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Так, тут есть обратный процесс. Вот и всё.

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Не думаю, что это хорошая мысль.

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Ой, да ладно, что ещё может

означать "обратный процесс"?

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Мам, звони Рику!

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Спасибо.

00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:41,900

Тут есть телефон службы поддержки клиентов.

00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:42,530

Мама!

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Блин, это будет круто.

00:09:49,810 --> 00:09:52,230

Отдам тебе должное, Джерри,

здравая была мысль.

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Ну да, ага.

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И знаешь что? Вынужден признать.

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В вашем браке натянутые отношения

по большей части из-за меня. Это несправедливо.

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Прости.

00:09:59,150 --> 00:09:59,590

Что?

00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:02,490

Я не уважал ваш брак, определённо никак не

помогал ему.

00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,310

И раз на то пошло, то я извинюсь перед Бет,

когда мы вернёмся домой.

00:10:05,620 --> 00:10:08,610

Уууууу! Вертушка-Покатушка! Да!

00:10:08,630 --> 00:10:09,910

Остановите аттракцион! Нам надо

выйти отсюда.

00:10:09,930 --> 00:10:11,130

О чём ты говоришь, приятель?

00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,720

Нужно выбраться отсюда! Нужно уходить!

00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:16,270

Джерри, хорош, мы даже не доехали

до первой вертушки.

00:10:16,380 --> 00:10:18,590

Нет, нет, это такой отстой. Скукота.

00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:21,360

Меня даже в сон клонит. Давай просто вылезем

и сползём по бокам.

00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:34,190

Пригнись! Пригнись! Так будет намного веселее!

00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:35,000

Джерри, какого...

00:10:35,910 --> 00:10:36,610

Пиздец.

00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,360

Рик, наверху! Здесь есть точка, где ты можешь его убить.

00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:58,330

Молодец, Джерри!

00:11:00,330 --> 00:11:01,890

А откуда ты об этом знаешь?

00:11:19,790 --> 00:11:20,540

Лиза?

00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:31,310

Ну что, Джерри, ты большой фанат

Вертушки-Покатушки, да?

00:11:31,470 --> 00:11:32,380

Больше нет.

00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:33,500

Очевидно.

00:11:33,530 --> 00:11:36,510

Но когда ты им был, откуда ты узнал об этом?

00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:42,470

У нас был уговор, Джерри Смит.

00:11:44,710 --> 00:11:47,400

Это очень распространённое имя.

00:11:49,060 --> 00:11:52,850

Полегче, Рик. Ты пережил серьёзную аварию.

00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,910

Сейчас не время думать о том, кто участвовал

или не участвовал в попытке твоего убийства.

00:11:58,020 --> 00:11:59,720

Убери его с меня! Он меня ест!

00:11:59,740 --> 00:12:01,340

Слушай, я признаюсь.

00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:05,110

Они рассказали мне, что плохого ты сделал с этой планетой,

и это напомнило мне, что плохого ты сделал мне,

00:12:05,130 --> 00:12:08,370

но потом ты извинился, и я понял, что ты не чудовище

в отличие от этой штуки.

00:12:08,390 --> 00:12:09,560

Блядь. Уже почти слопала.

00:12:09,820 --> 00:12:13,030

Ты сбиваешь меня с толку, верно? Ты изобретаешь что-то

для моего спасения.

00:12:13,060 --> 00:12:15,240

Это называется нож, Джерри.

И его уже изобрели.

00:12:15,270 --> 00:12:17,770

Я создаю способ выбраться отсюда.

Одного сиденья хватит.

00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,490

Прости, я совершил ошибку.

Я больше её не повторю.

00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:21,480

Никто никогда не повторяет.

00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,930

Ты - самодовольный кусок дерьма!

00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,300

Ты забрал мою семью!

00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:28,900

Я забрал твою семью?

00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:33,670

Как думаешь, а ты многое у них забрал, когда

вколол 20 кубиков жидкого убийцы снов в мою дочь?

00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,870

Она была дочерью Рика, Джерри.

У неё были варианты.

00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,840

Тема была закрыта, только потому что

ей было жаль тебя.

00:12:39,870 --> 00:12:42,050

Ты ведёшь себя, как добыча,

но ты - хищник.

00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:44,770

Ты жалостью заманиваешь своих жертв!

Вот так ты выживаешь!

00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,520

Я выживаю, потому что знаю всё.

00:12:46,550 --> 00:12:48,840

Эта змея выживает благодаря

заблудившимся детям.

00:12:48,870 --> 00:12:52,640

А ты выживаешь, потому что люди думают:

"Ох уж этот бедный кусок говна. Он никогда не добивается успеха".

00:12:52,670 --> 00:12:55,780

"Мне не вынести оглушающих воплей

его увядающей души."

00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:57,590

"Наверное, стоит взять его на работу

или выйти за него."

00:12:57,790 --> 00:12:58,740

Рик!

00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:00,340

Рик!

00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:08,330

Я знал, что ты не дашь мне умереть.

00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,490

Это был вообще не вариант.

00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:11,050

Потому что у тебя не было сына?

00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:15,690

Нет, потому что мне нужен живой организм, покрытый

желчью гиббл-змеи, чтобы привлечь бегуна-шмуглайта.

00:13:15,710 --> 00:13:16,680

Постой, что ты делаешь?

00:13:16,710 --> 00:13:20,030

Пользуйся этим смятением, Джерри. Так ты будешь

дёргаться похлеще брошенного младенца.

00:13:22,470 --> 00:13:24,920

Господи боже! Что это за поебень?

Рик?!

00:13:26,910 --> 00:13:28,660

На помощь! На помощь!

00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,140

В тридцати километрах к югу отсюда

есть космопорт.

00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:45,340

Мы сможем забраться на борт круизного судна

галактического класса,

00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,680

и через кротовую нору окажемся на расстоянии

плевка от Млечного Пути.

00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,600

Но ведь главное само путешествие,

а не место место назначения, верно, Джерри?

00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,660

Просто не двигайся, милая.

Мама всё ещё ждёт ответа.

00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,050

Служба поодержки "Преобразователя".

Чем я могу вам помочь?

00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,530

У меня тут небольшая проблема с одним

из ваших аппаратов.

00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:07,680

Очень жаль это слышать, мэм. Вы видите

небольшое отделение сбоку аппарата?

00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:08,830

Сейчас посмотрю.

00:14:09,230 --> 00:14:09,980

Да, вижу.

00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:10,410

Мам.

00:14:10,430 --> 00:14:12,930

Отлично. Видите небольшую кнопку рядом с ним?

00:14:12,950 --> 00:14:13,480

Вижу.

00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:14,950

Нажмите на эту кнопку.

00:14:15,030 --> 00:14:15,440

Хорошо.

00:14:15,460 --> 00:14:16,660

Мам, послушай меня.

00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:19,180

Мы свобоооодны!

00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,790

Так, я нажала на кнопку, и оттуда выбежали

три человечка.

00:14:21,810 --> 00:14:22,800

Что дальше?

00:14:23,660 --> 00:14:24,130

Алло?

00:14:25,010 --> 00:14:26,200

По-моему, оборвалось.

00:14:26,350 --> 00:14:27,120

Морти!

00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:28,370

Не надо мне тут "Морти"!

00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:32,500

Я заставил Рика взять папу на приключение, потому

что думал, что отдохну от всей этой херни!

00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:33,300

Но нет!

00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,430

Каков отец, такова и ёбаная дочь!

00:14:35,590 --> 00:14:37,710

Хочешь быть, как Рик? Поздравляю.

00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:40,580

Ты такая же самонадеянная, и такая же

безответственная!

00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:41,910

У вас всё хорошо?

00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:43,710

Блядь, не суй свой нос в чужие дела, Джин.

00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,800

Я разговариваю со своей матерью!

00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:49,050

Да, Рик останется здесь, если

целовать ему зад, мам.

00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:51,370

Но так ты потеряешь всех остальных.

00:14:51,460 --> 00:14:53,010

Как я потеряла Саммер?

00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,070

Эй, ты её ещё не потеряла.

00:14:55,090 --> 00:14:57,050

Нет, определённо потеряла. Её нет.

00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:58,440

Чёрт возьми!

00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:01,760

Проходите.

00:15:04,430 --> 00:15:05,150

Да хорош!

00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:05,830

Что происходит?

00:15:05,850 --> 00:15:08,980

В вашего друга встроены кибернетические модификации класса C и выше.

00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,520

Ключевое слово - выше.

00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:12,160

В любом случае, его следует нейтрализовать.

00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:12,910

Что? Стойте!

00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:16,640

Мозг печалька.

00:15:16,670 --> 00:15:17,740

Что вы сделали?

00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:19,730

Старый добрый синаптический глушитель,

который блокирует склонность к насилию

00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:21,240

и противоречивые мыслительные процессы.

00:15:21,340 --> 00:15:23,080

С этого момента он - идеальный пассажир.

00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,840

Я хочу печеньки и укороченную версию "Аватар".

00:15:25,860 --> 00:15:26,510

Вы не шутите?

00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:27,790

Прекрати.

00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:29,080

Эффект пройдет через шесть часов.

00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,690

Запрещать полет потенциально опасным пассажирам

обходится нам в копеечку.

00:15:31,710 --> 00:15:33,440

В смысле пусть все покупают билеты, так ведь?

00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,080

Иначе победят террористы.

00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:43,590

Извините, что я - не классический архетип матери.

00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:47,230

Я-я просто ума не приложу, что делать, когда вы

приходите ко мне со своими странными проблемами созревания.

00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:50,520

А ты бы что сделал, если бы твоя дочь спросила, красавица она или нет?

00:15:50,540 --> 00:15:52,700

- Я бы сказал "Да"!

- Морти, фууу!

00:15:53,470 --> 00:15:54,820

Из неё выйдет горячая штучка.

00:15:54,850 --> 00:15:55,890

Её матерью будет Джессика.

00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,730

Постой, когда Саммер тебя спросила об этом?

00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:00,010

Прямо перед тем, как она решила

провернуть над собой Клайва Баркера. А что?

00:16:00,030 --> 00:16:01,450

Стой, я знаю, где её искать!

00:16:01,650 --> 00:16:03,640

Итан и Саммер должны были пойти в поход,

00:16:03,670 --> 00:16:06,800

и потом он кинул её ради этой девчонки, Триши Лэн,

у которой огроменные дыньки.

00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:07,810

И поехал с ней.

00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:11,440

Лагерь --- Тот, что звучит, будто кто-то

болт положил на полпути, называя его.

00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:13,560

Ах... Лагерь Флабанаба!

00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:15,070

Мамочка близко, крошка моя.

00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,880

Мамочка близко, и её волнует размер твоих сисек!

00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:21,060

У них тут есть сладенькие смигломедовые печенюшки.

00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:24,120

Ммм! И низкокалорийные нефтехлопушки.

00:16:24,140 --> 00:16:25,510

Ежу понятно, печенюхи.

00:16:25,530 --> 00:16:26,730

Тогда возьмём нефтехлопушки.

00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:28,450

Хорошо, но я их не хочу.

00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:29,690

Ну, быть может, в следующий раз

ты не будешь

00:16:29,710 --> 00:16:31,980

тупорылым куском дерьма

и выберешь себе сам.

00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:32,940

Не хорошо это.

00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:33,450

Чего чего?

00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,270

Неужто в твоей голове родилась противоречивая мысль?

00:16:35,290 --> 00:16:36,760

-Неа

-Так я и думал, сученька.

00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:38,270

Жалкий ты чмырь.

00:16:39,710 --> 00:16:40,700

Лучше и быть не может.

00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,040

Ты прав.

Ты сделал всё еще проще,

00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:44,540

чем, если бы ты не был некомпетентным.

00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,550

О-оу.

Нас сейчас пиф-пафнут.

00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,740

Итак, народ, будьте молодцами, и займите свои места,

мы вот-вот войдем в дыру.

00:16:51,770 --> 00:16:54,880

Надеюсь, все успели оплатить совместный ужин.

00:16:54,910 --> 00:16:56,440

-Хорош.

-Хорош.

00:16:56,460 --> 00:16:58,940

Джерри, пойди-ка туда, и закройся в спасательной капсуле.

00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,660

-Так ты не убьёшь нас?

-Я убью только Рика.

00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,340

Ты можешь идти. Ты не представляешь опасность ни мне, ни другим.

00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,640

Что ж, теперь это просто жестоко.

00:17:04,670 --> 00:17:06,230

Да, ты злюка --

Без обид.

00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:08,900

Жестоко - это пристрелить тебя, Джерри.

А это - экономия пуль.

00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,880

Возвращайся к своей пассивно стыдящейся семье,

00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:12,380

продолжай влачить своё жалкое существование

00:17:12,410 --> 00:17:14,380

в отрицании своих вагинальных фантазий.

00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,000

Это единичный случай, который был у каждого!

00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:19,950

Кем ты себя возомнил?

00:17:19,980 --> 00:17:21,930

Я невероятный храбрец!

00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,580

В этом нет ни невероятности, ни храбрости.

00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:24,770

Ты ничем не жертвуешь.

00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:25,910

Ты можешь пристрелить меня.

00:17:25,930 --> 00:17:27,110

Ты и сам знаешь, что я не стану.

00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:28,590

Потому что ты знаешь,

что для меня ты жалок.

00:17:28,620 --> 00:17:30,770

Ты это делаешь, чтобы потом сказать себе, что ты борол...

00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:34,700

Временной барьер под угрозой.

00:17:34,730 --> 00:17:37,310

Мои поздравления, Джерри. Теперь ты умрешь мужчиной.

00:17:37,330 --> 00:17:38,700

Аа, всё путем!

Я ухожу!

00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,430

Прошу, не стреляй.

Я-я паренёк с вагиной, помнишь?

00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:49,180

Воооу!

Что со мной происходит?

00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:51,620

Где это?

Где это я?

00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:53,080

Я мёртв?

00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:54,700

Иль-или я-я всё еще жив?

00:17:54,730 --> 00:17:57,520

Не этими вопросами задаваться должен ты.

00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:24,050

Попался!

00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:25,590

Иди сюда, ты, мелкая тыковка.

00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:28,150

У меня дерьмо на жопе.

00:18:28,370 --> 00:18:30,080

Воу, шибануться.

00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:31,220

Кто я?

00:18:31,450 --> 00:18:32,490

Кто я?

00:18:33,350 --> 00:18:36,170

Я есть время!

Я - буквально время!

00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:46,170

Бог ты мой, наши души были, будто сплетены,

00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:47,980

и мы были одним целым целую вечность.

00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:49,330

Наши физические тела нетронуты,

00:18:49,350 --> 00:18:51,770

но разум пронесся через тысячи жизней.

00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,170

Хватит ли этого, чтобы тебя простить?

00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,270

Понятия не имею, но этого хватит, чтобы я отошёл от синаптического глушителя.

00:19:00,190 --> 00:19:01,440

Боже!

00:19:01,460 --> 00:19:03,980

Он же не решил, убьёт ли он нас!

00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,090

Он пытался сам перед собой оправдаться.

Я это видел сотню раз.

00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,760

Мы отойдем от космического апофеоза быстрее, чем от шалфея предсказателей.

00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:11,280

Я начинаю тебе верить, ведь я только закончил

слияние

00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:13,030

с твоей сущностью на протяжении нескончаемых эпох,

00:19:13,060 --> 00:19:14,890

и уже сейчас я вспоминаю какой же ты мудак.

00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,870

Меня вполне устраивает.

Давай каждый просто пойдет своей дорогой.

00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:19,700

Похоже тебе и слову "эпоха" ещё навёрстывать и навёрстывать.

00:19:19,730 --> 00:19:21,300

Стой, не оставляй меня!

00:19:21,330 --> 00:19:24,080

Господа пассажиры, можете расстегнуть ремни, размять ноги в салоне,

00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:26,400

и сводите свою дыру на завтрак.

00:19:26,430 --> 00:19:29,030

Окей, можешь шутить про ужин и про завтрак, но не про все сразу.

00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:33,410

Думаешь, ты разобрался с этой штукой?

00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,430

Да, я знаю, что делаю.

00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:36,400

Отлично.

У меня есть идея.

00:19:38,910 --> 00:19:42,350

На самом деле это слияние слов "разная" и "мазня,"

00:19:42,370 --> 00:19:44,840

-понимаешь?

-Ого! Я и не думал.

00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:04,750

Морти, что это за чертовщина?

00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:08,760

Саммер полезла в гараж моего деда,

наделала делов и превратила себя в чудовище.

00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,070

Мама сделала то же самое,

чтобы той полегчало.

00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:12,190

Она хорошая мать.

00:20:14,930 --> 00:20:17,510

О, божечки, мне нужно позвонить маме!

00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:19,130

-Триша! Стой!

-Итан! Итан!

00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:21,220

Эй, всё нормуль.

Присядь-ка.

00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:23,650

Из-за тебя моей сестричке плохо, Итан.

00:20:23,750 --> 00:20:25,290

Она стала сомневаться в своём теле.

00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:26,120

Слушай, Морти, я --

00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:29,730

Чшш, чшш, чшш.

Осторожно, Итан. Твоя размазня подгорает.

00:20:41,270 --> 00:20:44,640

Агх, думаю, нам стоит прийти к единому мнению

о нашем псевдоприключении.

00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:45,980

-Так.

-Договоримся.

00:20:46,010 --> 00:20:47,730

Я закрою глаза на то, что ты пытался меня убить...

00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,610

А я закрою на то, что ты признался в уничтожении моего брака.

00:20:53,290 --> 00:20:53,930

Ты зайдешь...?

00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:57,420

Нет, если я предстану перед семьей в таком виде,

им будет жаль меня.

00:20:57,510 --> 00:21:00,000

Больше у меня нет такого коронного приёма.

00:21:00,180 --> 00:21:01,470

До встречи, амиго.

00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,930

На самом деле, я только что понял,

что у меня нет ни кошелька, ни проездного, так что может...

00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:09,370

Будь сильным, Джерри.

Я в тебя верю!

00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,500

Говорю вам, братцы.

Вот это жизнь!

00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,770

Ты абсолютно прав.

00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:54,620

За свободу!

00:21:56,450 --> 00:21:58,540

Опа! Похоже на 4-22.

00:21:58,570 --> 00:22:03,110

Уух, пара поворотов колёсика с четырьмя дилабайтами

плавного перехода исправят всё в мгновение ока.

00:22:03,130 --> 00:22:07,440

Четырьмя? С таким диапазоном тебе повезёт,

если исправится хотя бы 13% преобразования.

00:22:07,460 --> 00:22:10,360

Господа, господа, о чем мы договаривались?

00:22:10,380 --> 00:22:11,750

Никаких разговоров о работе!

00:22:11,770 --> 00:22:15,020

Давайте просто расслабимся и насладимся нашей пенсией, а...

00:22:15,050 --> 00:22:16,870

Бог ты мой!

00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:09,718

[ Beeping, whirs ]

00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,815

[ Crying softly ]

00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:25,150

[ Sighs ]

00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,861

-[ Gasps ]

-Jerry! Jerry, come on!

00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,071

We got to go!

You got to come with me, Jerry!

00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,364

-Rick?

-It's important, Jerry.

00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,407

[ Burps ] The fate of the galaxy

rests on your shoulders.

00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:33,825

Let's go.

Put some pants on.

00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,911

N-Never mind, there's no time

for pants, Jerry.

00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,621

I'll make you a pair of pants

on the way.

00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,373

It's a Rick and Jerry adventure!

00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,250

Rick and Jerry episode!

00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,502

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,200

Then I thought,

"Hey, what about Jerry?

00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,244

He's... He's good

with regular folk."

00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,246

This is a real situation

where... where...

00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,914

where Jerry could really shine.

00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,624

He's a master convincer."

00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,043

Rick, I'm not an idiot.

I know what this is.

00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,920

Oh. Okay, well, I told Morty,

00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,214

"Look, parents get divorced.

They get sad. He'll be fine,"

00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,050

but I think he's worried

you're gonna, you know...Pbht!

00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,635

And you know how Morty gets

when he gets emotional.

00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,678

It impedes my work.

00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:36,972

So, I told him I'd take you out

and give you a win.

00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,473

Wait. My son asked you

to take me

00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:42,060

on some kind of pity adventure

to keep me from killing myself?

00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,520

Wait, w-what

did you think it was?

00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,022

An execution.

00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,149

Geez!

You really do need a win.

00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,609

No!

I-I don't know.

00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,360

I mean, you never made me

the pants, so...

00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,778

So, you thought

I was gonna drive you

00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,572

into the middle of the galaxy

and shove you

00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,449

into the vacuum of space

with your dick hanging out?

00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:58,201

And we're seeing how you'd act

if that were about to happen?

00:01:58,327 --> 00:01:59,953

I mean, shit, I'll make you

the pants right now.

00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:00,954

Take me two seconds

to make you pants.

00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,789

-I have pants at home!

-Jerry, if I make pants,

00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,249

they'll be better than

your pants at home.

00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,459

Also, if I wanted to kill you...

00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:07,586

Yeah, I get it.

It'd be amazing.

00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:08,795

Please, take me home.

00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,589

I'll tell my son we had

an amazing adventure.

00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:11,673

Well, if it's all the same,

00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,050

could we go

get our story straight?

00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,259

Because you're a terrible liar.

00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,844

You called me

a master convincer!

00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:16,970

You believed me?

00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:24,728

Huh. This seems...kind of fancy.

00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,396

Jerry, for all you know,

this is the equivalent

00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:27,606

of an alien truck stop.

00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:28,857

You have no frame of reference.

00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,567

You're in a universe

beyond your imagining.

00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,819

But, yes, it is super fancy.

00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,279

I mean, my job here is

to make Morty happy.

00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,906

I'm not gonna take you

somewhere dangerous.

00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,949

-[ Grunts ]

-Rick Sanchez.

00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,243

I told you if I ever saw

your face in here again,

00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,120

I would stick you

like the pig you are.

00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:45,582

[ Coughs ] Shnoopy Bloopers,

I told you if you tried...

00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,834

there'd be two funerals.

00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,836

Aaah!

00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,546

Someone?

00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,008

Uh, someone?

Someone!

00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,927

[ Both grunt ]

00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,929

[ Both laughing ]

00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,889

My friend!

It has been too long.

00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,474

RICK: Oh, it's great

to see you again, buddy!

00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,351

-[ Both laughing ]

-Yeah, you're doing it.

00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,520

Mr. Sanchez gets

anything he wants!

00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,480

The resort's covered

in an immortality field.

00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,065

You can't die here.

That's the gimmick.

00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,650

[ Laughing ]

00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,570

Okay, but still...

bad parenting.

00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,322

Hey, rich a-holes

are rich a-holes.

00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,824

They all pay top dollar

to come here

00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,701

and enjoy a consequence-free

vacation.

00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,786

No death, no disease,

no dismemberment.

00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,746

-[ Grunting ]

-Can't even have a heart attack.

00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:25,914

Got it.

The perfect place

00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,041

to take the most fragile being

in the universe.

00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,584

I can tell you expect me

to refute that,

00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,836

but it's right on the money.

00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:31,878

If I come home without you,

00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,463

I doubt Morty's gonna

let me off the hook.

00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,133

Yeah, but what if you came home

with Jeff Goldblum?

00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,844

Jeff Goldblum? What the fuck

are you talking about, Jerry?

00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,137

[ Spits ] Jesus!

00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,847

Holy fucking shit!

00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,265

Yo, what's up, "Big Chill"?!

00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,808

Don't go into that telepod!

00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:45,809

[ Both laughing ]

00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,936

Hey, maybe we would have fun

on a fake adventure.

00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,730

On a fake adventure.

00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,648

Speaking of,

what are we gonna tell Morty?

00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,275

I don't know.

But whatever it is,

00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,235

we're gonna need a couple more

of these babies!

00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,027

[ Clink! ]

00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,406

-[ Sobbing ]

-What's wrong?

00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,450

[ Crying ] Mom,

do you think I'm hot?

00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,870

I...don't think that's something

that matters.

00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,621

So, I'm not hot?!

00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,915

I'm saying the part of you

that cares about that

00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,751

is a part you shouldn't

give any energy to.

00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,002

That's not an answer!

00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,004

Because I'm not an issue

of Cosmo, okay?

00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,213

I'm your mother

and a doctor, and...

00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,631

I'm hideous!

00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,924

[ Sobbing ]

00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,217

Geez.

What's with her?

00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,386

Teenage-girl stuff.

00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,264

Is that a...hoof collage?

00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,058

It's perfectly legal,

if that's what you're wondering.

00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,020

Cool...zies.

00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,689

"We just don't have anything

in common anymore, Summer."

00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,191

Oh, yeah, Ethan?

00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,151

What do you have in common

with Tricia Lange?

00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,028

A mutual love of French cinema?

00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,571

The belief that a carbon tax

00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,449

is the only viable solution

to climate change?

00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,827

Or could it be

her massive stripper titties?!

00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,078

[ Gasps ]

There it is.

00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,415

Boob-ya!

00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,292

And that's when

Malakai the Squid King

00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:57,088

rips off his face,

and beneath it is my face.

00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,925

-I liked it.

-Thank you, sir.

00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,468

Yeah, of course he likes it.

Look at him.

00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,595

Motherfucker got two heads

and three trunks.

00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,763

All right,

we'll put a pin in it.

00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,556

I'm gonna go take a leak.

00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,767

[ Whistling ]

00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,941

What the...

00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,692

[ Grunting ]

00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:24,699

Ah! My hands are dry!

My hands are dry!

00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:29,496

My name is Risotto Groupon.

00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,957

I am the assistant general

manager of the restaurant.

00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,375

Do you have any comment cards?

00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,252

Because I might have

some thoughts.

00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:39,422

My kingdom was usurped by force

with weapons and technology

00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,299

supplied by

your father-in-law!

00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,468

Hey, he usurped

my kingdom, too, man.

00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,304

He basically got me kicked out

of my home, stole my family.

00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,557

Then we are brothers,

and you have wondered

00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,600

what your life could have been

without Rick.

00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:51,601

Wondered? Sure.

00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,187

I mean, I've wondered

about having a vagina.

00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,272

Would you help me kill him?

00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,314

What? No!

00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,441

He's my wife's father.

Move on.

00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,610

Do you...like theme-park rides?

00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:01,987

Oh, you really moved on.

00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:06,616

There is a popular attraction

here called the Whirly Dirly.

00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,369

Between the first whirly

and the third dirly,

00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,289

the ride dips just outside

the immortality field.

00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:14,708

You're asking me to lure Rick

to his death?

00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,377

I'm only asking you

to go on a ride with Rick,

00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,630

get off the ride without Rick,

and go home to your family,

00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,966

where you can...

wonder about having a vagina.

00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,676

Okay, okay, that was

a very specific example

00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:25,760

pulled from thin air.

00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,512

I don't want to be known

as the vagina guy.

00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,806

Risotto, you're needed.

Someone ordered

00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,058

the Nuzzy Guzzy Fresh

and Fluzzy Special.

00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,936

[ Sighs dejectedly ]

Look, I'm not like Rick,

00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,230

so you're free to do

as you please.

00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,274

But there comes a time

in every man's life

00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,234

when he must choose

the foundation

00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,361

on which his legacy

will be built...

00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:46,489

one of compromise

or one of blood.

00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,076

[ Kids cheering ]

00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,538

♪ Once a time of year,

there's a special person here ♪

00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,542

[ Whirring ]

00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:01,504

Oh, yeah.

00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,258

That's what I'm talking about.

00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:09,137

Oops! Okay, a little more

on the other side, then.

00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,555

Oh, come on!

00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,932

[ Gasps ]

Oh, geez!

00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,558

Aah! Stop!

00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:17,270

So, the hospital just let you

walk right out of there

00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,688

with horse parts in a bag?

00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,607

For Christ's sakes, Morty,

women going through a divorce

00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:21,733

need a creative outlet.

00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,568

-[ Crash ]

-What was that?

00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:24,986

[ Deep voice groaning ]

00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,072

Summer!

00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,449

[ Grunting ]

00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,992

I'm coming, Summer!

00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,371

What the hell happened?!

00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,081

[ Deep voice

shouts indistinctly ]

00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,417

How do we get her

back to normal?!

00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,878

I don't know, man! This thing

is pretty complicated.

00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,421

I-I'm gonna call Rick.

00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,340

Well, hold on.

We can't just call your grandpa

00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,675

whenever there's a problem.

00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,301

We can handle this ourselves.

00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,303

I mean, I don't see the point

in trying to.

00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,138

This is obviously

Rick-level shit.

00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,807

I have a medical degree.

00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,183

Is that what this is about?

00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,726

L-Like, you want

to prove yourself?

00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,937

Oh, it's not about anything,

Morty. How dare you?

00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,397

Okay, good.

Then I'll just call... Ow!

00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,232

Morty, I need this.

00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:03,525

[ Laughing ]

00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,610

Hey, Jerry, triple trunks here

says he knows a place

00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,737

where the ladies drop panties

for anyone bi-pedal.

00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,072

Yeah, I'm not really interested.

00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,782

My heart still belongs to Beth.

00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,200

Oh. Huh. Okay.

00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,201

[ Slurps ]

00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,161

What, you don't think

I have a shot?

00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,329

I didn't say that.

00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,456

Excuse me.

May I have another one of these?

00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,166

Coming right up.

00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,961

Hmm, things weren't always

so bad between Beth and me.

00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,671

We had some good times

when we were younger.

00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:25,714

Oh, yeah, I bet.

00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,924

That's how teenage pregnancy

happens, my friend.

00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,259

Yeah, no.

[ Chuckles ]

00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,720

Things were pretty great, even

until a couple of years ago.

00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:32,929

Jerry, I get it.

00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,681

That's around the time

I moved in with you guys.

00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,016

Oh, I guess you're right.

00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,767

Jerry, you know,

I hope you're not suggesting

00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,644

that I had anything to do

with your marriage breaking up,

00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,397

because there are some major

issues between you and Beth

00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,149

that have been there

since you guys met.

00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,069

Hey, to new beginnings.

00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,530

To the Whirly Dirly.

00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,073

The Whirly Dirly?

00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,491

All right, what's going on here?

00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,202

When did you get cool?!

00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:57,454

[ Laughs ]

00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:58,913

When you stole my wife!

00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,165

I should have done that

a longtime ago!

00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,666

We're going on the Whirly Dirly!

00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,376

Whirly Dirly, baby.

00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:04,294

[ Clink! ]

00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,337

-[ Rumbling ]

-Aha, look at this.

00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,631

It says "normalize."

I bet if we just press that...

00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,217

But...if the machine was made

by spider people,

00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,886

normal would mean eight legs.

00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,971

Oh, God! are you gonna

go on another spiel

00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,890

like you did

with the flesh-colored crayon?

00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,309

I'm pretty sure "normalize"

will make her normal.

00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,560

[ Whirring ]

00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,896

[ Deep voice ] Aah!

00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,856

I'd call that progress.

00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,483

-She's huge!

-And normal!

00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,068

-I'm not normal!

-Mom!

00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:29,694

Okay, this says "reverse."

Done and done.

00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,196

I don't think

that's a good idea.

00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,823

Oh, come on! What else

could "reverse" possibly mean?

00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:37,035

-[ Whirring ]

-Aah!

00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,787

Mom, call Rick!

00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,330

Thank you.

00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,748

There's a customer-service

number on here.

00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,209

-Mom!

-[ Dialing ]

00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,212

[ Screaming ]

00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,464

Oh, man.

This is gonna be awesome!

00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,175

I got to hand it to you, Jerry.

This was a solid idea.

00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,510

Uh, yeah.

Uh-huh.

00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,345

And you know what?

I'll cop to it.

00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,055

I put a lot of strain

on your marriage.

00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,015

It wasn't fair.

I'm sorry.

00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,642

-What?!

-I didn't respect your marriage.

00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,060

I certainly

didn't do it any favors.

00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,311

And for what it's worth,

00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,438

I'll apologize to Beth for it

when we get home.

00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,857

Whoo! Whirly Dirly! Yeah!

00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,609

Stop the ride!

We got to get off.

00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:10,902

What are you

talking about, buddy?

00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,612

We got to get out of this thing.

We got to get out!

00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,364

-[ Grunts ]

-Jerry, come on, man!

00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,199

We haven't even gotten

to the first whirly.

00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,409

No, no, this sucks.

It's so boring.

00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:19,661

I mean, I'm falling asleep here.

00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,704

Let's just get out

and crawl down the sides.

00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,414

[ Both screaming ]

00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,715

Ah, get down!

Duck down!

00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:34,050

It's more fun

when you scrunch down.

00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,927

RICK:

Jerry, what the...

00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,804

Oh, shit.

00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,265

[ Grunting ]

00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,903

[ Screaming ]

00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,406

Rick, up here! There's

a spot where you can kill him!

00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,825

Good call, Jerry!

00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,829

-Hey, how'd you know about that?

-Uh...

00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,088

[ Both screaming ]

00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,095

[ Both laughing ]

00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,763

Lisa?

00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:23,224

[ Both screaming ]

00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:31,149

So, uh, Jerry, big fan

of the Whirly Dirly, are you?

00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,359

Not anymore. [ Chuckles ]

Obviously.

00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,154

But when you were,

how did you know about it?

00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:39,032

[ Grunting ]

00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:42,744

We had a deal, Jerry Smith.

00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:48,249

It's a really common name.

00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,251

Now, take it easy, Rick.

00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,879

You've been in a serious

roller-coaster crash.

00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:54,547

It's... It's no time

to be thinking about

00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:57,258

who did or didn't play a role

in your attempted murder.

00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,719

[ Screams ] Get it off me!

It's eating me!

00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,346

Look, I confess, okay?

00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,264

They told me about all the

bad stuff you did to this planet

00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,974

and reminded me of all

the bad stuff you did to me.

00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,809

But then you said

you were sorry, and I realized

00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,228

you're not a monster...

not like this thing.

00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,562

Fuck!

It's got me good.

00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,939

This is a mislead, right?

00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,982

You're inventing a thing

to save me.

00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,275

That would be called

a knife, Jerry.

00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,360

It's been invented.

00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,987

I'm making a way out of here.

One seat ought to do it.

00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,322

I'm sorry.

I-I made a mistake.

00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,491

-I won't do it again!

-Nobody ever does.

00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,576

[ Grunting ]

00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,912

You self-righteous

piece of shit!

00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,372

You took my family!

00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,873

I took your family?

00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,250

Who do you think

had more taken from them

00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,753

when you shot 20cc of liquid

dream-killer into my daughter?

00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,881

She was Rick's daughter, Jerry.

She had options!

00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:37,507

Oof.

00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,717

That all ended

because she felt sorry for you.

00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,719

You act like prey,

but you're a predator!

00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,388

You use pity to lure in

your victims!

00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,555

That's how you survive!

00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,432

I survive

because I know everything.

00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,643

That snakes survives

because children wander off,

00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,061

and you survive

because people think,

00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,355

"Oh, this poor piece of shit.

He never gets a break.

00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,524

I can't stand

the deafening silent wails

00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:55,650

of his wilting soul.

00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,568

I guess I'll hire him

or marry him."

00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,613

Rick!

[ Muffled ] Rick!

00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,204

I knew you wouldn't let me die.

00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,372

That was never an option.

00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,957

Because you never had a son.

00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,583

No, because I need

a living organism

00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,712

coated in gibble snake bile

to attract a shmooglite runner.

00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,797

-Wait, what's happening?

-Use that confusion, Jerry.

00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,842

It'll make you wriggle more like

an abandoned newborn.

00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,720

-[ Low growling ]

-Jesus Christ!

00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,680

What the fuck, Rick?!

00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,183

Help!

Help me!

00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,643

[ Roaring ]

00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,186

Aaah!

00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,031

There's a space port

20 miles south.

00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,116

We'll be able to board

a galaxy class cruise ship

00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,617

and jump through a wormhole

that will put us

00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,037

within spitting distance

of the Milky Way.

00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,580

But, hey,

it's about the journey,

00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,457

not the destination,

right, Jerry?

00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,834

[ Roars ]

00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,252

[ Moaning ]

00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,838

Just stay put, sweetie!

Mom's still on hold.

00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,923

Morphizer customer service.

How may I help you?

00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,384

Yes, I'm having a little trouble

with one of your machines.

00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,886

Oh, I'm sorry

to hear that, ma'am.

00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,680

Do you see a little compartment

on the side of the machine?

00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,932

Let me check.

Yes, got it.

00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:10,850

-Mom?

-Great!

00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,935

Now, do you see

the little button next to it?

00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,979

-I do.

-Give that button a push.

00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,564

-Okay.

-Mom, listen to me!

00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,941

We're free!!

00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,778

Okay, so I pushed the button,

and three little men ran out.

00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,613

What do I do next?

00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:24,781

Hello?

00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,324

I think we got disconnected.

00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,284

-Morty!

-Don't "Morty" me!

00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,286

I tricked Rick into taking Dad

on an adventure

00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,496

because I thought

I could get a break

00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:33,289

from this kind of shit, but no!

00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,291

Like father,

like goddamn daughter!

00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,585

You want to be like Rick,

congratulations!

00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,505

You're just as arrogant

and just as irresponsible!

00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,006

Everything okay here?

00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,674

Mind your own goddamn business,

Gene!

00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,469

I'm having a conversation

with my mother here!

00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:49,097

Kissing Rick's ass isn't gonna

help him keep him around, Mom,

00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,307

but it will help you lose

everyone else.

00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,184

Like I lost Summer.

00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,144

Hey, you haven't lost her yet.

00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,729

No, I definitely did.

She's gone.

00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,481

God damn it!

00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,566

[ Beeping ]

00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,026

Go ahead.

00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,070

[ Alarm blares ]

00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,696

-Oh, come on.

-What's happening?

00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,908

Your friend has class C or above

cybernetic augmentations.

00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,493

Emphasis on the above.

00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:11,702

In any case,

he needs to be neutralized.

00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,205

-What?! Wait!

-Ugh!

00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,499

[ Groans ]

Brain hurty.

00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:17,583

What did you do?

00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,585

It's a synaptic dampener

that blocks violent tendencies

00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,129

and controversial thought.

00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,131

He will now be

an ideal passenger

00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,716

I want cookies

and a 90-minute cut of "Avatar."

00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,135

Seriously?

[ Snapping ]

00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,011

-Quit it.

-It'll wear off in six hours.

00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,472

It's cheaper than banning

dangerous people from flights.

00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,224

I mean, let everybody

buy a ticket, right?

00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,101

Otherwise, the terrorists win.

00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,065

Aah!

00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,484

I'm sorry I'm not

a classic maternal archetype.

00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,319

Okay, I don't know what to do

when you people come to me

00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,155

with your weird puberty issues.

00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,157

What are you gonna do

when your daughter asks you

00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,366

if she's attractive?

00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,535

-I-I'll say, "Yes"!

-Morty, gross!

00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,663

Well, she's gonna be super hot.

Her mother's gonna be Jessica.

00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,498

Wait, when did Summer

ask you that?!

00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,042

Right before she Clive Barkered

herself. Why?

00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,419

Wait, I know where she is!

00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,337

Ethan and Summer were

supposed to go camping,

00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,631

and then he dumped Summer

for this girl Tricia Lange,

00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,842

who's got huge boobies,

and took her.

00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,844

Campsite... The one with the

name that sounds like somebody

00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,512

gave up halfway

through naming it.

00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,598

Uh...Camp Flabanabba!

00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,099

Mama's coming, baby.

00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,894

Mama's coming, and she cares

about your titties!

00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,980

They have

sweet smiggle honey cookies.

00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:24,108

Mmm! And low-calorie

petroleum flakes.

00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,359

Obviously cookies.

00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,611

Let's get you the flakes, then.

00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,321

Okay, but it's not

what I wanted.

00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:29,572

Well, maybe next time,

you won't be

00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,824

such a dumb piece of shit

and you can pick for yourself.

00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,367

-That's not nice.

-What's that?

00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,119

Did you just have

a controversial thought?

00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,704

-No.

-That's what I thought, bitch.

00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,706

You little punk-ass.

00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,625

[ Chuckles ]

This is the best.

00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,502

I agree.

You've made things even easier

00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,420

than if you hadn't

been incompetent.

00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,631

Uh-oh.

We get shoot-shoot now.

00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,593

MAN: All right, folks, if you

could please take your seats,

00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:51,969

we're about to enter

the wormhole.

00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,555

So, I hope everybody bought

a dinner first.

00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,848

-[ Chuckles ] Nice.

-Nice.

00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,433

-[ Grunts ]

-Jerry, step over there

00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:58,851

and lock yourself

in the escape pod.

00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,603

-You're not killing us?

-I'm killing Rick.

00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,439

You're free to go. You're

no threat to me or anyone.

00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:04,649

Now you're just being mean.

00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,108

Yeah, you're mean!

No offense.

00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,735

Mean would be

shooting you, Jerry.

00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:08,945

This is saving a bullet.

00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,738

Go back to

your quietly ashamed family

00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,323

and live out

the rest of your days

00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,991

in denial

of your vagina fantasies.

00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,619

It was a one-time thought

that everyone has!

00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:17,995

[ Grunting ]

00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,705

What are you doing?

00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,666

I'm being triumphantly brave!

00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,376

It's not triumphant or brave.

00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,627

You're not risking anything.

00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:25,753

You might shoot me.

00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,004

I think you know I won't.

00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,506

Because you know

I feel sorry for you.

00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:30,341

You're just doing this

so you can tell yourself

00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,634

you fought... Ow!

00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,802

[ Buzzing ]

00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,470

WOMAN:

Temporal shield compromised.

00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,181

Congratulations, Jerry.

You get to die a man.

00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,558

Uh, that's okay!

I'll leave!

00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:41,352

Please don't shoot.

I-I'm the vagina guy, remember?

00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,777

Whoa!

What is happening to me?

00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,196

Where is this?

Where am I?

00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,156

Am I dead?

A-Am I... Am I still alive?

00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:57,451

RICK: Those aren't the questions

you should be asking.

00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,495

-Huh?!

-Shh!

00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,833

[ Cawing ]

00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,920

[ Burping ]

00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,967

[ Ticking ]

00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,726

[ Roar ]

00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,228

[ Chuckles ]

Ah, got ya!

00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,521

Come here, you little pumpkin.

00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:28,024

I have shit on my ass.

00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,900

Whoa, fuck this!

00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,360

Who am I?

00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,987

Who am I?

00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,157

I'm time!

I'm literally time!

00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:41,370

ALL:

Whooooa!

00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,622

Aah!

00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,708

Oh, God. I feel like

our souls were united,

00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,793

and we were all one

with eternity.

00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,337

Our body's unchanged,

00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,006

yet our minds have lived

a thousand lifetimes.

00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,050

Is that enough time

for me to forgive you?

00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:55,051

I don't know,

but it's enough time

00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,011

for a synaptic dampener

to wear off.

00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:57,845

[ Pop ]

00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,474

Jesus!

00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,684

He hadn't decided

he was still going to kill us!

00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,811

He was talking himself into it.

I've seen it before.

00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:08,731

Cosmic apotheosis wears off

faster than salvia.

00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,733

I'm starting to believe you

because I just finished merging

00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,693

with your essence

for an endless epoch,

00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,779

and I'm already back to thinking

you're an asshole.

00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,572

Fine with me.

Let's just go our separate ways.

00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,074

Sounds like you

and the word "epoch"

00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,450

have a lot of catching up to do.

00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:20,826

Wait, don't leave me!

00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,370

MAN: All right, folks,

you're free to get up

00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,371

and walk around the cabin

00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,123

and maybe take the wormhole out

for breakfast.

00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,249

MAN #2: Okay,

you can do the dinner one

00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,793

or the breakfast one,

but not both.

00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,214

You think you got that thing

figured out?

00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,423

Yeah, I know what I'm doing.

00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,133

BETH: Good.

Because I have an idea.

00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:42,223

It's actually a contraction

of "some" and "more."

00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,516

-You see that?

-Oh, wow.

00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:44,642

I was way off.

00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:45,810

[ Roaring ]

00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,269

[ Both screaming ]

00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,356

[ Groaning indistinctly ]

00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,733

[ Both groaning indistinctly ]

00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,662

Morty, what's happening here?

00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,497

Summer got into

my grandpa's garage,

00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,958

messed around, and

turned herself into a monster.

00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,918

My mom did the same

to make her feel better.

00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,211

She's a good mom.

00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:15,131

[ Both chuckle ]

00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:17,383

Oh, my God.

I have to go call my mother!

00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,009

-Tricia, wait!

-MORTY: Ethan! Ethan!

00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,178

Hey, it's okay.

Sit down.

00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,431

You made my sister cry, Ethan.

00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,974

You messed with her body image.

00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:27,101

-Look, Morty, I...

-Shh, shh, shh.

00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,062

Careful, Ethan.

Your s'more is burning.

00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:34,483

[ Beep, whirring ]

00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:36,402

[ Gulps ]

00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,950

Uh, I guess we better

get on the same page

00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,452

about our fake adventure.

00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,870

-Right.

-I'll make you a deal.

00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,538

I'll leave out the part

where you tried to murder me...

00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,539

And I'll leave out the part

00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,708

where you admitted

to sabotaging our marriage.

00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,003

You want to...

00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,713

Nah, if the family

sees me like this,

00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,339

they'll feel sorry for me.

00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,675

Which is no longer

my signature move.

00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,802

Later days, amigo.

00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,265

Actually, I just realized,

I don't have my wallet,

00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:07,850

and my bus pass is in there,

so maybe...

00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:09,310

Stay strong, Jerry.

I believe in you!

00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,895

[ Lock clicks ]

00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,022

[ Whirring ]

00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:16,776

[ Sighs ]

00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:18,903

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,228

I tell you, fellas.

This is the life.

00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:53,771

It certainly is.

00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:55,022

To freedom!

00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,357

[ Groaning ]

00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:58,442

Ooh!

Looks like a 4-22.

00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,110

Ooh, a couple cranks

on the scaling knob

00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,947

with a four dilabyte cross fade

would fix that up in a jiff.

00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:06,075

Four? You'd be lucky

to clear 13% de-morphized

00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,284

with that kind of range.

00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:10,079

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

what did we agree on?

00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:11,622

TOGETHER:

No work talk!

00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:14,542

Let's just relax and enjoy

our retirement, shall...

00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,252

-[ Bird screeches ]

-Oh, my God!

00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:17,795

Aaah!