Рикбег из Рикшенка

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Оу, стрёмное место.

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Ого, Рик.

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В-вот так история.

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Хотелось бы мне лично

увидеть, как всё было.

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Да ладно, кто захочет смотреть,

как безумный учёный с помощью

самодельных фантастических приборов

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выносит опытных инопланетных

тюремщиков,

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когда мы можем быть

обычной семьёй "У Шони"!

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Пап, я рада, что ты вернулся,

и не важно, где мы,

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но ты не хочешь домой?

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В эмоциональном понимании, милая,

"Шони" - и есть мой дом.

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Да, ты ведь только что выбрался из тюрьмы,

в смысле...

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Насколько лучше может быть...

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Джерри, встань, сними всю одежду

и согни себя 12 раз.

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Момент.

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Шесть сгибов.

00:00:39,329 --> 00:00:41,853

В-вы что, подключили меня к серии 9000?

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По вашему я не стоил лучшего оборудования,

вы, мелочные жукоёбы?

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Ха ха, а я говорил финансовым жукам.

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Я сказал: "Вы же знаете, кто он такой, да?"

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Если хотите, чтобы я вытащил информацию из

самого умного млекопитающего в галактике,

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то предоставьте мне приличный

мозгоанализатор.

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Что ж, советую тебе заказать оладьев, потому что я

не вижу смысла покидать эту часть своего мозга.

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О, думаю, что видишь.

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Рано или поздно, ты либо

расслабишь свой мозжечок...

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У Шони.

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...либо серия 9000 превратит его в кашу.

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Достаточно расслабил?

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Восхищаюсь тобой, Рик.

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Когда я...

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Рик, послушай...

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Что происходит?

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Сложно сказать. Ему удалось

воплотить нечто вроде задницы.

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Разве он так может?

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Всё-таки, он самый умный

человек во вселенной.

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Автор перевода Женя Спицын

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Говорю вам, захват Земли

Галактической Федерацией

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это лучшее, что случалось с нашей семьёй.

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Я получил уже шестое повышение за неделю,

и я до сих пор не понимаю, что делаю.

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Какая разница, как часто тебя повышают,

всё равно они платят всем таблетками.

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Вот когда начнёшь зарабатывать себе на жизнь,

тогда сможешь умничать сколько хочешь.

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Саммер, прояви уважение к отцу.

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У него шестизначная зарплата с

таблетками вместо нулей.

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Я сейчас уберу.

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Как вам таблетки? Ох, Морти, ты едва

притронулся к своим таблеткам.

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Просто в обед я съел большие таблетки и...

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я не собирался есть ещё.

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Спасибо, Конрой.

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Ты балуешь нас, Конрой.

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Деда Рик не стал бы это терпеть!

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Не называй его имя!

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Он бросил нас.

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Уиллем Дефо!

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В-вот о ком я не мог думать этим утром.

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Не повторяй мою ошибку, Саммер.

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Не боготвори людей, которые

тебя бросают.

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В итоге ты станешь лошадиным хирургом

в мире, где правят пришельцы,

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и благодаря их таблеткам лошади...

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не заболеют никогда.

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Теперь лошади живут дольше черепах.

Этого ты хочешь?

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Может, я хочу, чтобы тебе было не

всё равно, если я убегу с криками.

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У кого ещё есть местечко

для пилюль-брюле?

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Я понимаю, почему твой мозжечок представлен

в виде этого семейного ресторана.

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Здесь безопасно и уютно.

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Так по-шониевски.

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Но признай, Рик...

Ты свихнёшься здесь взаперти.

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Давай посетим пару воспоминаний.

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Какие-то конкретные? Может, ты

хочешь посмотреть на мой первый стояк или

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сразу перейдём к тому моменту, когда

я открыл межпространственные путешествия?

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Ой, твои висюльки задёргались.

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Это значит, что ты возбуждён, или ты получил сигнал,

что один из твоих приятелей нашёл виноградину?

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Это возбуждение.

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Да, я очень хочу посетить воспоминание,

в котором ты изобретаешь портальную пушку.

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Ах, какое ужасное расстройство.

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Ещё ужасней лишь твоё

психическое расстройство, Рик.

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Смотря кто раньше расстроится,

я или расстройство.

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Кто-то особенный в твоей памяти?

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Это твоё воспоминание о тех, кто там стоит?

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Между воспоминанием об одиннадцатом сентября

и твоим любимым спортивным косяком?

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Если останемся здесь, то ты умрёшь

вместе со своими воспоминаниями.

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Но если мы отправимся туда, куда мне нужно,

она ведь тоже там будет, верно?

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Я потерял её в тот день,

когда изобрёл портальную пушку.

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Звучит здорово. Я смогу получить то, что

мне нужно, а ты сможешь попрощаться.

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Ладно, но я поведу.

00:04:06,132 --> 00:04:08,052

...как оправдание, чтобы

отобрать у нас свободу.

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Что... что ты делаешь?

00:04:12,847 --> 00:04:15,292

У деды Рика должна быть секретная

лаборатория, верно?

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С лазерными пушками, реактивными ранцами

и космическим танком.

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Так мы сможем вытащить его из тюрьмы.

Посмотри на этих дохлых мух.

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Может, если разложить их определённым

образом, то запустится голограмма,

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или откроется потайная дверь.

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Саммер, ты меня пугаешь.

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Понимаю, многое изменилось, и ты скучаешь по Рику,

но его возвращение не изменит всё к лучшему.

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Да и не так уж всё и плохо.

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Мы несчастны, Морти!

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Теперь у нас есть комендансткий час, а из-за

их странного календаря мне теперь 47 лет.

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А Эйфелеву Башню они превратили в оружие.

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А мне нравится быть 35-летним.

Я-я могу взять машину в аренду.

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Потому что ты - отстой.

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Ты держишь рот на замке с тех пор,

как дедушку арестовали,

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но факт в том, что ты в восторге

от того, что он бросил нас.

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Да он всех бросает! Он бросил маму,

когда она была маленькой.

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Он бросил крошечную планету!

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И если ты ещё не поняла, Саммер...

он и тебя бросил.

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Он оставил тебя гнить в мире,

который сам погубил.

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Потому что ему плевать. Потому что у него

нет дорогих ему людей, Саммер!

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Он даже себе не дорог!

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Если ты действительно хочешь вернуть

своего деда, бери лопату.

00:05:03,917 --> 00:05:06,612

Дедушка, который тебя не подведёт,

похоронен на заднем дворе.

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Ты прав!

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Что? Нет, я не прав!

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Э-это был просто мрачный перебор!

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Мрачный перебор, Саммер.

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О, боже! О, боже!

00:05:22,617 --> 00:05:23,218

Куда мы едем?

00:05:23,429 --> 00:05:25,351

В тот день, когда всё

началось и закончилось.

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В момент, который всё изменил.

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Добро пожаловать в МакДоналдс,

могу я принять ваш заказ?

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Да, мне 10 наггетсов

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и побольше сычуаньского соуса!

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Столько, сколько сможете выдать.

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В 1998 была рекламная акция

к диснеевскому "Мулану".

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Они-они сделали новый соус для наггетсов

под названием "Сычуаньский соус".

00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:45,945

Он очень вкусный.

А потом от него избавились.

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Его больше нет. Теперь только в моей

памяти можно его попробовать.

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Рик, ты занимаешься этим,

пока плавится твой мозг.

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Ладно, ладно.

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Это...

00:05:56,755 --> 00:05:57,755

Я.

00:05:57,935 --> 00:05:59,286

Раньше я ходил в синих штанах.

00:06:04,812 --> 00:06:06,819

Когда ты додумался до межпространственного

перемещения?

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Не я додумался.

00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:08,640

А я.

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Так так так...

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Неужто это мы?

00:06:12,327 --> 00:06:14,312

Знаешь, что хуже всего в изобретении

телепортации?

00:06:14,429 --> 00:06:17,233

Ты вдруг можешь перемещаться по всей

галактике и первое, что ты узнаёшь,

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что ты изобрёл телепортацию позже всех.

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К счастью, скоро ты изобретёшь

кое-что гораздо более могущественное.

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Что?

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Саммер, об этом никому необязательно знать.

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Можно положить её на место и сказать,

что никогда её не видели.

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Как мы сделали с ногой

отцовского манекена.

00:06:37,662 --> 00:06:38,662

Ладно, оставайся здесь.

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Я сама спасу дедушку.

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И как ты это сделашь?

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Пока не знаю. Придумаю на ходу.

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Так поступает деда Рик.

00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:45,872

Так поступают герои.

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Хочешь узнать, кто такой Рик-герой?

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Сейчас я покажу тебе кое-что, Саммер?

00:06:49,989 --> 00:06:51,864

Боже мой, дети.

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Передайте незаконные технологии ближайшему

представителю Федерации.

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А затем мы поиграем в "Абракадабру".

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О, господи!

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Гос...

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Бог ты мой.

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У меня был абсолютно такой же топ.

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Что это за место?

00:07:27,256 --> 00:07:28,943

И что это ещё за Саммер из "Голодных игр"?

00:07:29,037 --> 00:07:30,357

Это моя сестра.

00:07:30,842 --> 00:07:32,256

Раньше это был мой дом.

00:07:33,178 --> 00:07:36,716

Представь, что ты сможешь сделать, что угодно, а

потом отправиться во время, где ты этого не делал.

00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:39,747

Представь, что сможешь отправиться в любое место

и время, и никто не сможет тебя остановить.

00:07:39,771 --> 00:07:40,771

Звучит одиноко.

00:07:40,935 --> 00:07:42,990

Одиноко? Чувак, у тебя есть ты.

00:07:43,107 --> 00:07:44,334

Бесконечные ты.

00:07:44,482 --> 00:07:47,419

Это как бесконечная вечеринка, где все люди -

единственная личность, которая нам по нраву.

00:07:47,443 --> 00:07:50,569

Думаешь, круто быть самым умным человеком на

Земле? Когда мы подарим тебе эту технологию,

00:07:50,593 --> 00:07:53,553

ты станешь самым умным созданием в любой

из мыслимых вселенных.

00:07:53,810 --> 00:07:54,967

Бесконечный Рик.

00:07:55,303 --> 00:07:56,029

Бог.

00:07:56,326 --> 00:07:57,342

Откажусь, пожалуй.

00:07:57,420 --> 00:08:00,209

Что, прости? Бро, Рики от

такого не отказываются.

00:08:00,389 --> 00:08:01,506

Кем ты себя возомнил?

00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:03,506

Совершенно другим Риком, я думаю.

00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:05,576

Что ж, посмотрим надолго ли тебя хватит.

00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:10,146

Я слышала научно-фантастические звуки.

00:08:10,482 --> 00:08:11,740

Ты совершил открытие?

00:08:11,873 --> 00:08:12,873

Вроде того.

00:08:12,998 --> 00:08:14,912

Просто я хорошенько взглянул на себя...

00:08:15,216 --> 00:08:17,271

и подумал, что вся эта

наука не оправдает себя.

00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,607

Что ж, давай я приведу Бет, и мы

сходим за мороженым?

00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:25,170

Дайэнн, это последняя отличная мысль,

которая родилась в этом гараже.

00:08:28,607 --> 00:08:31,068

Хороший жареный кроненберг, наверное.

00:08:31,748 --> 00:08:33,295

Мам, ты выглядишь...

00:08:33,693 --> 00:08:34,693

дикой.

00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,356

Поверить не могу, что Рик сотворил такое.

00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:39,763

Именно такие приключения Рика

тебе не удаётся увидеть.

00:08:39,834 --> 00:08:41,154

Те, что он оставляет позади.

00:08:41,451 --> 00:08:43,263

Ладно, было здорово, ребята...

00:08:43,427 --> 00:08:46,068

Мы просто хотели заскочить сюда ради

"Я ж говорил!"

00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:46,974

В общем...

00:08:47,177 --> 00:08:48,255

Это ищешь?

00:08:48,365 --> 00:08:49,474

Что ты хочешь с ней сделать?

00:08:49,498 --> 00:08:50,748

От неё разит Риком.

00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:52,982

Нет! Зачем?

00:08:53,007 --> 00:08:55,873

Зачем ты это сделал? Д-д-да что

с вами не так, народ?

00:09:00,398 --> 00:09:01,841

Ты! Не уйдёшь отсюда.

00:09:02,013 --> 00:09:03,435

Она! Не может остаться.

00:09:03,466 --> 00:09:04,638

От неё разит Риком.

00:09:08,451 --> 00:09:11,365

Не стреляйте! Не стреляйте!

Я - Морти из С-137.

00:09:12,670 --> 00:09:15,271

Мы засекли аномальную портальную пушку.

Где твой Рик?

00:09:15,451 --> 00:09:16,279

Он в тюрьме.

00:09:16,334 --> 00:09:16,771

Саммер.

00:09:16,796 --> 00:09:19,600

Его схватили люди из Федерации, и мы

собираемся спасти его.

00:09:19,857 --> 00:09:20,576

Удручающе.

00:09:20,857 --> 00:09:23,670

Нельзя допустить, чтобы тайны Цитадели

попали в руки Федерации.

00:09:23,943 --> 00:09:27,662

Мы немедленно отправим отряд спецназа Риков

в тюрьму, где держат С-137.

00:09:27,772 --> 00:09:28,529

Так-то.

00:09:28,576 --> 00:09:30,061

И убьём его.

00:09:30,467 --> 00:09:31,474

Не так-то?

00:09:33,029 --> 00:09:34,998

Давайте девочки, а то мороженое растает.

00:09:46,443 --> 00:09:50,068

НЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕТ!

00:09:50,193 --> 00:09:50,513

Ого.

00:09:50,951 --> 00:09:54,154

Этот соус просто охуенный! Ты говорил,

что это была акция в честь выхода фильма?

00:09:57,779 --> 00:09:59,787

Три в уме, прибавить два.

00:10:00,513 --> 00:10:03,060

Получилось. Получилось, бля!

00:10:03,085 --> 00:10:05,411

Ого, это и есть она, портальная пушка?

00:10:05,584 --> 00:10:06,584

Да.

00:10:06,677 --> 00:10:10,919

Три строчки расчётов, разделяющих мою жизнь

человека от жизни бесчувственного призрака.

00:10:10,969 --> 00:10:11,969

Круче не бывает!

00:10:13,625 --> 00:10:15,039

Командный пункт, вы всё получили?

00:10:15,064 --> 00:10:17,938

Охереть! Да! Да, получили!

00:10:18,172 --> 00:10:20,914

Спасибо, Рик. Постараюсь не забыть

отключить мозгоанализатор.

00:10:21,141 --> 00:10:24,500

А вообще, по-моему, он отключится автоматически,

когда твой мозг превратится в кисель.

00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,633

Не знаю. Да и всё равно.

00:10:25,789 --> 00:10:26,789

Вытаскивайте меня.

00:10:28,039 --> 00:10:29,554

Эй, вытаскивайте меня. Вы меня слышите?

00:10:29,578 --> 00:10:30,883

Нет, они не могут тебя слышать.

00:10:31,016 --> 00:10:31,453

Почему?

00:10:31,555 --> 00:10:34,595

Потому что код, который ты загрузил на самом

деле не был формулой портальной пушки,

00:10:34,619 --> 00:10:37,391

это был вирус, дающий мне полный контроль

над мозгоанализатором.

00:10:37,422 --> 00:10:38,922

О чём ты говоришь? Это же воспоминание.

00:10:38,946 --> 00:10:40,766

Нельзя изменить детали воспоминания.

00:10:40,899 --> 00:10:45,149

Да. Но можно изменить что угодно в полностью

выдуманной истории происхождения.

00:10:46,328 --> 00:10:47,328

Это ловушка! Отмена!

00:10:47,375 --> 00:10:48,703

Я всё ещё в "Шони", повторяю.

00:10:48,821 --> 00:10:50,383

Мы не покидали "Шони"!

00:10:50,408 --> 00:10:52,422

Миссия выполнена, ребята.

Вытаскивайте меня.

00:10:52,508 --> 00:10:53,508

Вас понял.

00:10:53,617 --> 00:10:56,281

Не скучай тут, в остатках моего мозга,

а я перемещусь в твой.

00:10:56,375 --> 00:11:00,601

О, тут кстати не хватит места всему моему гению, так что

я оставляю тебя с моим страхом перед плетёной мебелью,

00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:03,438

моим желание играть на трубе,

предварительными планами по покупке шляпы

00:11:03,586 --> 00:11:06,304

и шестью годами занятий по импровизации.

Комедия за три связанные шутки.

00:11:06,328 --> 00:11:08,641

Это ловушка! Отмена! Мы

так и не покинули...

00:11:10,344 --> 00:11:12,117

Нееееет!

00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:18,102

День прошёл, в кармане доллар.

Крутой я жук или чё?

00:11:18,127 --> 00:11:19,127

Поздравляю, агент.

00:11:19,203 --> 00:11:20,578

За это вам будет выражена похвала.

00:11:20,603 --> 00:11:23,640

Всегда жду разрешения, чтобы [буээ]

получить достижение. Вот мой девиз.

00:11:23,672 --> 00:11:25,152

Лишь один момент ставит меня в тупик.

00:11:25,274 --> 00:11:27,125

Почему Рик Санчез сдался?

00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:31,305

Я всего лишь тупой жук, но, может быть, Рик

знал, что его будут допрашивать в этом здании,

00:11:31,330 --> 00:11:34,101

где мы держим не только самых опасных

преступников, но ещё и секретные данные.

00:11:34,125 --> 00:11:37,969

Любой, у кого есть доступ девятого уровня, может

[буээ], ну не знаю... развалить правительство.

00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:39,383

В общем, я пойду посру.

00:11:39,446 --> 00:11:41,606

Ничего, если я воспользуюсь

туалетом с девятого уровня?

00:11:41,758 --> 00:11:43,843

Напомни, какой основной код доступа

к девятому уровню?

00:11:43,867 --> 00:11:45,781

Ну, это просто. Восемь, три...

00:11:46,391 --> 00:11:48,672

Даааа! Спецназ Риков на месте!

00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:52,645

Привет, Рик.

00:11:52,809 --> 00:11:53,809

Пока, Рик.

00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,830

D-99, ты как?

00:12:01,994 --> 00:12:04,901

Я расстроен, что не смог опробовать

в деле жучий член.

00:12:04,926 --> 00:12:08,932

Стой, стой, стой! Нас прислал Совет Риков. У нас

твои Морти и Саммер. Они - заключённые в Цитадели.

00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,080

Отлично.

00:12:10,299 --> 00:12:12,846

Незаконное проникновение в комнате 6755.

00:12:12,908 --> 00:12:14,987

Отлично, мало того, что мой план накрылся,

00:12:15,119 --> 00:12:16,869

так я ещё разучился импровизировать.

00:12:16,948 --> 00:12:18,276

Охранники уже в пути.

00:12:27,025 --> 00:12:28,439

Город дедушек?

00:12:28,650 --> 00:12:29,900

Это - Цитадель Риков.

00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:33,861

Все другие Рики из всех реальностей собрались

вместе, чтобы скрываться от правительства.

00:12:33,923 --> 00:12:36,853

Но если все Рики ненавидят правительство,

почему они ненавидят деду?

00:12:36,884 --> 00:12:38,728

Потому что больше всего

Рик ненавидит себя.

00:12:38,955 --> 00:12:40,475

А наш Рик больше остальных является...

00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:41,564

собой.

00:12:41,697 --> 00:12:45,494

Больше нет, кореш. Спецназ Риков разделил

его монобровь на две брови.

00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:46,666

Пулей.

00:12:47,853 --> 00:12:48,853

Рик сдох!

00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,798

Сэр, Рик D-99 возвращается с задания.

00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:56,556

Один.

00:12:56,798 --> 00:12:59,376

Похоже, что спецназ Риков

понёс серьёзные потери.

00:12:59,486 --> 00:13:00,080

Разреши посадку.

00:13:00,423 --> 00:13:03,571

Он сказал, что будет говорить только с тем

Риком, у которого более высокий доступ.

00:13:03,595 --> 00:13:05,228

Неженка. Дай сюда.

00:13:05,595 --> 00:13:08,900

D-99, говорит главнокомандующий войсками

Цитадели.

00:13:09,212 --> 00:13:10,712

Со[буээ]оойдёт.

00:13:12,845 --> 00:13:14,962

Он шпион. Взорвите его.

А я пойду посру.

00:13:15,744 --> 00:13:17,744

Пользование незарегистрированной

портальной пушкой,

00:13:17,908 --> 00:13:19,314

радикализация Саммер,

00:13:19,587 --> 00:13:20,908

сговор с Риком-предателем.

00:13:21,126 --> 00:13:22,134

Что скажете в свою защиту?

00:13:22,158 --> 00:13:25,056

Разве это справедливый суд? Наш адвокат

- Морти.

00:13:25,275 --> 00:13:27,533

Суд несправедливый, у вас нет прав,

а он не адвокат.

00:13:27,611 --> 00:13:29,171

Мы оставили его, потому что

он забавный.

00:13:29,220 --> 00:13:30,220

Смотрите, как он может.

00:13:31,447 --> 00:13:31,939

Дааа!

00:13:31,964 --> 00:13:34,282

Мы будем снисходительны,

если вы отречётесь от своего Рика.

00:13:34,306 --> 00:13:35,705

Что скажешь ты, Саммер?

00:13:35,759 --> 00:13:37,017

Я скажу: "Идите на хуй!"

00:13:37,095 --> 00:13:42,181

Мой дедушка был для меня героем. Вы убили

его из зависти, что видно по причёскам.

00:13:42,228 --> 00:13:44,501

Делайте со мной что хотите,

но отпустите моего брата.

00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:45,783

Он уже отрёкся от Рика.

00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:47,001

Морти?

00:13:47,509 --> 00:13:48,509

Что?

00:13:48,853 --> 00:13:50,923

Нет, я не хочу смотреть

на твою коллекцию кэпсов.

00:13:51,251 --> 00:13:53,525

Я не отрекусь от Рика и никогда

этого не делал.

00:13:53,759 --> 00:13:55,798

Я лишь пытался защитить свою сестру.

00:13:56,158 --> 00:13:57,798

Я хочу, чтобы у тебя была нормальная жизнь.

00:13:57,822 --> 00:13:59,798

Но ничего такого не светит, когда

объявляется Рик.

00:13:59,947 --> 00:14:02,564

Всё настоящее становится фальшивым,

всё правильное неправильным.

00:14:02,619 --> 00:14:05,087

Ты знаешь лишь то, что ничего не знаешь,

а он знает всё.

00:14:05,298 --> 00:14:06,298

И, ну...

00:14:06,572 --> 00:14:08,251

Он не злодей, Саммер, но...

00:14:08,666 --> 00:14:11,478

он не должен быть твоим героем.

Он скорее демон или...

00:14:11,791 --> 00:14:13,150

супер-ёбнутое божество.

00:14:13,175 --> 00:14:15,432

Давайте не будем очень усердно

ублажать его призрачный хуй.

00:14:15,456 --> 00:14:17,126

Он был террористом, и теперь он мёртв.

00:14:17,151 --> 00:14:21,271

Да? Думаете, что мой Рик мёртв? А он жив! Если думаете,

что в безопасности, знайте, что он идёт за вами.

00:14:27,470 --> 00:14:29,166

Эй, эй, эй, что ты тут делаешь?

00:14:29,191 --> 00:14:32,720

Это место нужно для телепортации всей

Цитадели в другое место с помощью лишь

00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:33,884

кнопок и индикаторов.

00:14:34,072 --> 00:14:37,486

Да уж, в таком случае, хреново, что

её так спроектировали, не так ли?

00:14:45,053 --> 00:14:48,093

Какого хуя? Мы только что телепортировались

в тюрьму галактической федерации!

00:14:48,326 --> 00:14:49,326

Пойду посру.

00:14:50,436 --> 00:14:51,670

Порядок в суде!

00:14:51,764 --> 00:14:53,670

Ого! Какого чёрта?! Боже мой!

00:14:57,653 --> 00:14:58,934

Стой, стой, стой, нет, нет, нет!

00:15:13,639 --> 00:15:17,358

Цитадель была телепортирована

в [буэээ] пространство Федерации.

00:15:17,467 --> 00:15:19,912

Ей конец.

Наверняка за этим стоит С-137.

00:15:19,937 --> 00:15:20,592

Что будем делать?

00:15:20,617 --> 00:15:21,436

Он идёт за нами!

00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:23,811

Так, успокойтесь, возьмём

Саммер в заложники.

00:15:23,850 --> 00:15:27,225

Очевидно, что она будет у меня. А вы

сыграйте в Рика, Лазер, Ножницы за Морти.

00:15:28,912 --> 00:15:30,217

Ч-что это за хрень?

00:15:30,623 --> 00:15:31,623

Расплата.

00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,694

Деда Рик?

00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:36,998

Прикинь.

00:15:37,045 --> 00:15:37,756

Ты жив!

00:15:37,787 --> 00:15:38,154

Рик!

00:15:38,256 --> 00:15:39,920

Морти, возьми, он потребуется тебе позже.

00:15:44,435 --> 00:15:45,458

Погоди, постой!

00:15:47,107 --> 00:15:48,107

Довольно, Рик.

00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:49,763

Ч-чего ты хочешь этим добиться?

00:15:49,788 --> 00:15:51,115

У нас бесконечно много внуков.

00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,641

Ты пытаешься пользоваться

диснеевскими баксами в Сизарс-пэлас.

00:15:54,193 --> 00:15:56,271

Это блеф. Он блефует, сэр, он меня любит.

00:15:56,341 --> 00:15:57,435

Ты - плут, Рик...

00:15:57,615 --> 00:15:58,919

Безрассудный, вспыльчивый.

00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,497

Ты любишь своих внуков. Ты пришёл,

чтобы спасти их.

00:16:01,787 --> 00:16:03,662

Я пришёл, чтобы убить тебя, бро.

00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,092

Это даже не моя первоначальная Саммер.

00:16:05,116 --> 00:16:06,833

Господи боже, он не блефует, не блефует!

00:16:06,997 --> 00:16:07,427

Р-рик?

00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:08,786

Почему бы тебе не выстрелить сквозь неё?

00:16:08,810 --> 00:16:09,482

20 метров.

00:16:09,755 --> 00:16:13,497

Девяти-зарядный плазменный пистолет, мой первый

выстрел сделает кашу из её внутренностей и ранит тебя

00:16:13,521 --> 00:16:14,927

второй выстрел даёт отдачу.

00:16:14,952 --> 00:16:17,302

Риск будет минимальным, если я дам тебе

убить её,

00:16:17,327 --> 00:16:18,802

что я и поощряю.

00:16:18,865 --> 00:16:19,591

Какого хуя?

00:16:19,616 --> 00:16:21,849

Или отпусти её, и тогда я награжу тебя

быстрой смертью.

00:16:21,874 --> 00:16:23,607

Потому что ты любишь её.

00:16:23,677 --> 00:16:26,357

Потому что тебе же лучше, если

выстрел не встретит преград,

00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:28,193

что выльется в менее болезненную смерть.

00:16:28,341 --> 00:16:30,638

Но если ты хочешь умереть медленнее,

то я только "за".

00:16:30,663 --> 00:16:32,904

Тебе нужно лишь только убить эту девчонку.

00:16:32,929 --> 00:16:33,615

Ненавижу тебя!

00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:34,841

Не беда, милая.

00:16:35,091 --> 00:16:36,818

Довольно, бросай оружие, Рик!

00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:40,622

Морти, я понимаю, что ты слишком тупой, чтобы

понять, но ты сейчас всё портишь к хуям.

00:16:40,647 --> 00:16:42,217

Я не позволю тебе дать моей сестре умереть!

00:16:42,241 --> 00:16:42,943

Бросай пушку!

00:16:43,005 --> 00:16:44,943

Я бы не дал ей умереть, долбоёб!

00:16:45,951 --> 00:16:47,756

Суть в том, чтобы он думал, что

я собираюсь это сделать.

00:16:47,780 --> 00:16:48,943

Кстати, я так и подумал.

00:16:49,013 --> 00:16:50,646

Ты просто долбоёб, Морти.

00:16:50,671 --> 00:16:51,880

Морти, ты - еблан.

00:16:51,905 --> 00:16:53,537

Серьёзно, ты просто тупой долбоёб!

00:16:53,591 --> 00:16:55,076

По сути ты всех нас убил!

00:17:02,872 --> 00:17:04,138

И кто теперь тупой, сучара?

00:17:04,302 --> 00:17:06,099

Морти, он же только вернулся к нам!

00:17:07,552 --> 00:17:09,560

Это было потрясающе, Морти. Боже мой.

00:17:09,701 --> 00:17:11,271

Вау, ладно, пора с этим кон...

00:17:13,443 --> 00:17:15,029

Отличная работа, Морти.

Пошли, дети.

00:17:15,054 --> 00:17:16,349

Чё? Что произошло?

00:17:16,374 --> 00:17:17,638

Старейшая уловка Рика.

00:17:18,029 --> 00:17:20,177

Бутафорский ствол, стреляй в меня во

время противостояния.

00:17:20,201 --> 00:17:20,841

Гениально.

00:17:21,052 --> 00:17:21,341

Ага.

00:17:22,005 --> 00:17:23,380

Х-хорошо, что я увидел записку.

00:17:30,629 --> 00:17:32,051

Может просто прыгнем в портал?

00:17:32,076 --> 00:17:33,801

Только когда я закончу то, что начал.

00:17:35,059 --> 00:17:37,692

Вот так можно получить девятый уровень

доступа без пароля.

00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:40,020

Стоять!

00:17:40,277 --> 00:17:41,949

Сотрудник месяца, дамы и господа.

00:17:41,974 --> 00:17:44,059

А что ты будешь делать с

девятым уровнем доступа?

00:17:44,192 --> 00:17:45,902

Уничтожу галактическое правительство.

00:17:45,988 --> 00:17:46,895

Круто!

00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,989

Ты сделаешь так, что они обстреляют

друг друга ядерными бомбами?

00:17:49,013 --> 00:17:52,480

И-или перепрограммируешь их порталы, чтобы

дезинтегрировать весь космический флот?

00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,465

Отличные предложения, дети.

Я практически горжусь.

00:17:54,496 --> 00:17:58,145

Но смотрите внимательно, как дедушка

свергнет империю, заменив единицу...

00:17:58,942 --> 00:17:59,942

на ноль.

00:18:02,926 --> 00:18:05,723

Господин президент, курс блемфларка только

что опустился до нуля.

00:18:05,748 --> 00:18:06,262

О чём это ты?

00:18:06,332 --> 00:18:10,996

Я говорю о том, что наша единая централизованная

галактическая валюта с единицы себя

00:18:11,145 --> 00:18:12,567

стала стоить ноль себя.

00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:14,387

Успокойтесь!

00:18:14,668 --> 00:18:16,722

Выводите галактические войска

и объявите военное положение.

00:18:16,746 --> 00:18:17,746

Есть, сэр.

00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:19,356

А чем мне им платить?

00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:22,393

Платой будет чувство благородства,

которое они испытают за службу своей...

00:18:22,590 --> 00:18:24,644

Погодите, а кто мне заплатит за то,

что я на него ору?

00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:26,785

Я могу ответить на это... за деньги.

00:18:28,645 --> 00:18:29,645

Господа, господа!

00:18:29,856 --> 00:18:31,848

Вы упускаете одно решение.

00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:36,824

Давай свою куртку!

00:18:36,862 --> 00:18:38,002

Отдавай свои штаны!

00:18:38,027 --> 00:18:39,027

Хватит!

00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,588

Больше нет богатых и нет бедных!

00:18:45,807 --> 00:18:47,151

Хочу больше курток!

00:18:47,439 --> 00:18:49,807

Тот, кто владеет штанами,

владеет галактикой!

00:19:04,487 --> 00:19:08,166

Насекомые больше не будут господствовать

на поверхности Земли.

00:19:16,667 --> 00:19:18,659

Джерри, какого чёрта там происходит?

00:19:18,706 --> 00:19:20,612

Распалось галактическое правительство.

00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:21,347

Ты цел?

00:19:21,372 --> 00:19:25,292

Слушай, тут нечем гордиться, но правда в

том, что я продолжал ползти, и это работало.

00:19:26,151 --> 00:19:27,151

Рад, что ты цела.

00:19:27,425 --> 00:19:31,050

Мы когда-нибудь перестанем платить

за потакание твоему отцу?

00:19:31,222 --> 00:19:33,667

Нашими детьми, планетой, работой?

00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:35,597

Разве нам есть, что терять?

00:19:35,622 --> 00:19:38,042

Только друг друга, но я никогда

тебя не отпущу,

00:19:38,067 --> 00:19:40,785

и прости меня, если я когда-нибудь

так поступала.

00:19:41,535 --> 00:19:43,215

Угадайте, кто разобрался с правительством?

00:19:44,097 --> 00:19:45,198

Прошу, больше меня не бросай.

00:19:45,222 --> 00:19:46,090

Больше никогда, милая.

00:19:46,115 --> 00:19:49,285

Я была права. Он специально сдался.

Всё это было частью его плана.

00:19:49,347 --> 00:19:50,824

Джерри, у нас осталось светлое пиво?

00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:52,612

Чего только не хватает в тюрьме, безумие.

00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:55,949

Так, ладно. Нет, нет, нет, нет.

00:19:55,974 --> 00:19:56,808

Пора положить этому конец.

00:19:56,833 --> 00:19:58,285

Ну да, ты прав. Где водка?

00:19:58,310 --> 00:19:59,887

Бет, либо он, либо я.

00:20:04,776 --> 00:20:06,376

Похоже, что вам надо поговорить наедине.

00:20:06,463 --> 00:20:07,971

Я... буду в гараже.

00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:12,922

Да что за хуйня?

00:20:12,992 --> 00:20:14,188

Вообще не круто, Джерри.

00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,883

Гараж мужика - это его крепость.

00:20:23,594 --> 00:20:25,133

Джерри какое-то время...

00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:26,727

проведёт...

00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:28,617

в разводе.

00:20:29,211 --> 00:20:30,578

Мне жаль это слышать, милая.

00:20:30,648 --> 00:20:32,250

Надеюсь, в этом нет моей вины.

00:20:32,352 --> 00:20:34,766

Боже, пап, тебе не придётся нести эту ношу.

00:20:34,791 --> 00:20:36,875

Ужасно себя чувствую за то,

что ошибалась в тебе.

00:20:37,602 --> 00:20:39,210

Так будет лучше для Джерри.

00:20:39,313 --> 00:20:40,313

Для всех.

00:20:40,367 --> 00:20:41,453

Для всех.

00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:43,180

Пойду...

00:20:43,328 --> 00:20:46,773

позабочусь о Джерри, пока он не передумал

уходить.

00:20:47,242 --> 00:20:49,430

Оставлю вас двоих с вашими приключениями.

00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:53,398

Бог ты мой. Нэнси пишет, что они потрошат

и четвертуют пришельцев в школьном дворе

00:20:53,539 --> 00:20:55,734

и чисто технически это

считается патриотизмом.

00:20:55,930 --> 00:20:58,914

Блиин, неужели мои родители

правда разводятся?

00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,078

Рик, пойду-ка я в свою...

00:21:00,266 --> 00:21:02,008

Не так быстро, Морти, ты слышал свою мать.

00:21:02,109 --> 00:21:04,625

Нас с тобой ждут приключения, Морти,

только нас двоих.

00:21:04,773 --> 00:21:06,766

Иногда ещё твою мать, и иногда сестру.

00:21:06,844 --> 00:21:07,781

Но твоего отца никогда.

00:21:07,844 --> 00:21:09,780

А знаешь почему, Морти?

Потому что он перешёл мне дорогу!

00:21:09,804 --> 00:21:11,688

Успокойся, Рик, а то как-то мрачновато.

00:21:11,758 --> 00:21:13,102

Станет ещё мрачнее, Морти.

00:21:13,127 --> 00:21:15,242

Добро пожаловать в самый мрачный год

наших приключений.

00:21:15,266 --> 00:21:17,523

И первое отличие - никакого отца, Морти.

00:21:17,548 --> 00:21:21,000

Он угрожал сдать меня правительству,

а я заставил его и правительство уйти.

00:21:21,125 --> 00:21:22,156

Ох, блядь!

00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:26,632

Я заме[буэээ]нил их обоих и фактически стал

главой семьи и вселенной.

00:21:26,657 --> 00:21:29,515

Твоя мама не впустила бы меня домой,

если бы я пришёл без тебя и твоей сестры...

00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:31,321

Теперь ты знаешь настоящую

причину вашего спасения.

00:21:31,345 --> 00:21:32,828

Я просто захватил семью, Морти.

00:21:32,853 --> 00:21:35,406

А если ты расскажешь об этом своей матери

или сестре, я буду всё отрицать.

00:21:35,430 --> 00:21:37,321

И они будут на моей стороне,

ведь я - герой, Морти.

00:21:37,345 --> 00:21:39,719

Теперь тебе придётся делать всё,

что я скажу, Морти!

00:21:39,781 --> 00:21:40,375

Всегда!

00:21:40,438 --> 00:21:42,922

И-и-и я найду ещё этого мулановского

00:21:43,078 --> 00:21:45,039

сычуаньского соуса терияки, Морти.

00:21:45,266 --> 00:21:47,664

П-потому что в этом... в

этом всё дело, Морти.

00:21:47,689 --> 00:21:49,154

Это мой "Однорукий человек"!

00:21:49,303 --> 00:21:51,553

Меня мотивирует не смерть

моей семьи, Морти!

00:21:51,580 --> 00:21:54,353

Это всё враньё! М-меня мотивирует

поиск этого соуса к наггетсам!

00:21:54,463 --> 00:21:56,533

Я хочу этот мулановский

соус к наггетсам, Морти!

00:21:56,588 --> 00:21:57,939

Это моя сюжетная арка, Морти!

00:21:58,049 --> 00:22:02,228

Даже если на это уйдёт девять сезонов, я хочу

получить свой сычуаньский соус к наггетсам, Морти!

00:22:02,314 --> 00:22:04,377

Вот сколько у нас уйдёт

на это времени, Морти!

00:22:04,674 --> 00:22:06,244

Сезон... ещё девять сезонов, Морти!

00:22:06,541 --> 00:22:09,252

Ещё девять сезонов, и я

получу свой сычуаньский соус!

00:22:09,643 --> 00:22:10,994

Ещё 97 лет, Морти!

00:22:11,447 --> 00:22:13,252

Я хочу этот соус к наггетсам, Морти!

00:22:49,115 --> 00:22:49,733

Он готов?

00:22:50,022 --> 00:22:50,350

Да.

00:22:50,834 --> 00:22:51,896

Сейчас мы можем его включить.

00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:52,920

Давай.

00:22:56,783 --> 00:22:59,322

Я - Феникс-личность.

00:22:59,408 --> 00:23:00,197

Феникс-личность?

00:23:00,353 --> 00:23:03,126

Разве мы об этом договаривались?

Вроде был вариант Киберптиц?

00:23:03,337 --> 00:23:06,501

Вы сказали, что вам всё равно, как его будут

звать, лишь бы мы вернули его к жизни.

00:23:06,525 --> 00:23:07,884

Да, но Феникс-личность?

00:23:07,986 --> 00:23:09,611

Ладно. В пизду! Какая разница?

00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:05,005

Oh!

Scary place.

00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:07,925

Wow, Rick! That's... That's

one... one heck of a story.

00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,010

I sure do wish I could've

been there to see it happen.

00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:12,054

Oh, come on. Who wants to watch

a mad scientist

00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,222

use handmade sci-fi tools

00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,015

to take out highly trained

alien guards

00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,351

when we can sit here

and be a family at Shoney's?

00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:19,978

Dad, it's great to have you

back, no matter where we are.

00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,355

But wouldn't you like

to go home?

00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,607

Emotionally speaking, honey,

Shoney's is my home.

00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,234

Yeah, but you just got out

of prison.

00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,653

I mean, how much of a step up

from that is...

00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:29,404

Jerry, get out of the booth,

take all your clothes off,

00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,990

-and fold yourself 12 times.

-You got it.

00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:34,284

[ Grunting ]

00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,413

Six folds, huh?

00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,791

W-What, have you guys got me

in a Series 9000?

00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:42,793

You cheap insect fucks

didn't think I was worth

00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:43,794

your best equipment?

00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:46,588

[ Chuckles ]

Man, I told the money bugs.

00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,632

I said, "You know

who this guy is, right?

00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,801

You want me to get intel

out of the smartest mammal

00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,512

in the galaxy, you'd better

give me a decent brainalyzer."

00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:55,264

Well, you might as well order

some pancakes,

00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,266

because I don't see the need

to leave this part of my brain.

00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,850

Oh, I think you do.

00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:01,019

Eventually, you're either gonna

relax your cerebellum...

00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:01,853

Shoney's.

00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:04,273

...or the Series 9000

is going to turn it into mush.

00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,441

-[ Farts ]

-Relaxed enough? Chuckles

00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,943

-I admire you, Rick.

-[ Farts ]

00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:08,944

Laughing

00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,612

-When I...

-[ Farts ]

00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,197

-Rick, here's...

-[ Farts ]

00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,534

[ Machinery humming ]

00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:17,244

-What's going on?

-It's hard to tell.

00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,996

He may have manifested

some sort of butt.

00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:19,997

He can do that?

00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:22,833

He is the smartest man

in the universe.

00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,252

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,492

[ Whirring ]

00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,578

[ Sighs ]

00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:02,205

I tell you, the Galactic

Federation taking over Earth...

00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:04,207

best thing that's ever happened

to this family.

00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:05,917

just got my sixth promotion

this week,

00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,377

and I still don't know

what I do.

00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,962

Who cares

how high they promote you?

00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,714

Everyone just gets paid

in pills.

00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,674

Well, when you're not sure

what you do for a living,

00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,134

you can make your own rules.

00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,219

Summer, show your father

some respect.

00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,639

He's pulling down

a six-chewable-figure income.

00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,766

-[ Glass shatters ]

-I'll get that in a moment.

00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:21,892

How are everyone's pills?

00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:23,810

Oh, Morty, you've hardly touched

your pills.

00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:25,812

I kind of had big pills

for lunch, and I...

00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,731

wasn't gonna eat any more pills.

00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:28,565

[ Gulps ]

00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,150

Thank you, Conroy.

00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:31,735

You spoil us, Conroy.

00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,445

Grandpa Rick wouldn't put up

with this!

00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,073

Stop saying his name.

He abandoned us.

00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:37,366

Willem Dafoe!

00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,826

T-That's the guy I couldn't

think of this morning.

00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,119

Don't make my mistake, Summer.

00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,996

Don't deify the people

that leave you.

00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:46,249

You'll end up a horse surgeon

in a world controlled by aliens

00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:49,586

whose medicine keeps horses...

healthy forever.

00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:50,504

[ Sniffles ]

00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,047

Horses live longer

than tortoises now!

00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,215

Is that what you want

for yourself?

00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,093

Maybe I just want you to care

if I run away yelling!

00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,053

Who saved room for pill brûlée?

00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,513

Ooh!

[ Chuckles ]

00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:01,848

I can see why you chose

this family-friendly restaurant

00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,350

to represent your cerebellum.

00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:06,603

So safe, so comfortable,

so Shoney's.

00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,856

But admit it, Rick... You're

going crazy cooped up in here.

00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:12,317

-Let's go visit some memories.

-Oh, any particular ones?

00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:13,610

You want to see my first boner

00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,112

or should we go

straight to the moment

00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,531

I discovered

interdimensional travel?

00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:19,783

Ooh. Your little flappy doodles

are twitching.

00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,618

Does that mean you're aroused,

or did you just get a signal

00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,120

that one of your buddies found

a grape?

00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:24,371

It's arousal.

00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,456

Yes, I'd like very much

to visit the memory

00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:27,791

of you inventing

your portal gun.

00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:30,210

-Yeah. Well, tough titties.

-[ Rumbling, glass breaking ]

00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,213

There's no tougher titty

than a psychotic break, Rick.

00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:37,259

Well, that depends on who breaks

first... me or the titty.

00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,304

Someone special you remember?

00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:42,973

Is that your memory of her

out there...

00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,391

between where you were on 9/11

00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:45,892

and your favorite

sports blooper?

00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:48,145

[ Whooshing ]

00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:51,690

If we stay here, you'll die,

along with all your memories.

00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,109

If you take me

where I want to go,

00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,527

she'll be there, too, won't she?

00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,822

The day I invented the portal

gun is the day I lost her.

00:03:58,947 --> 00:03:59,823

Oh, that sounds cool.

00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,117

I can get what I want

and you can say goodbye.

00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,953

[ Sighs ]

Fine, but I'm driving.

00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,788

...as an excuse

to strip away our freedom.

00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,665

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,793

Huh? What are you...

What are you doing?

00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,379

Grandpa Rick must have

some secret lab, right?

00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:17,257

With, like, laser guns

and jets packs and a space tank!

00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:18,800

And we can go

break him out of prison!

00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:19,968

Look at these dead flies!

00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,511

Maybe if we arrange them

in a certain order,

00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,263

it plays a hologram

or it opens a secret door.

00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,098

Summer, you're freaking me out!

00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,225

I know things have changed

a lot, and I know you miss Rick,

00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,352

but getting him back

wouldn't make things better.

00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:30,979

And, you know,

we're not doing so bad.

00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,355

We're miserable, Morty!

00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:35,734

There's a mandatory curfew,

their weird calendar made me 47,

00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:37,652

and they weaponized

the Eiffel Tower!

00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,197

I like being 35.

I-I can rent a car now.

00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:41,281

Because you suck!

00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,866

You've been keeping

your lip zipped about it

00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,785

since Grandpa got arrested,

but the fact is,

00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:46,661

you're freaking stoked

to bail on him.

00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,038

He bails on everybody!

00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,664

He bailed on Mom

when she was a kid!

00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,374

He... He bailed on tiny planet!

00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,168

And in case I never made this

clear to you, Summer,

00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,336

he bailed on you.

00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,254

He left you to rot

in a world that he ruined

00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:57,297

because he doesn't care!

00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,925

Because nobody's special to him,

Summer, not even himself.

00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,761

So if you really want your

grandpa back, grab a shovel.

00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,597

The one that won't let you down

is buried in your backyard!

00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:06,681

You're right!

00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,183

What?!

No! I'm not right!

00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,393

I-I was using ghoulish overkill!

00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:11,895

Ghoulish overkill, Summer!

00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,355

SUMMER:

[ Grunting ]

00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,689

[ Thunder crashing ]

00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,526

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,568

Whoa, whoa!

00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,615

-Where are we going?

-To the day it all began...

00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:24,616

and ended.

00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,576

The moment that changed

everything.

00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,247

MAN: Welcome to McDonald's.

Can I take your order?

00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,873

Yeah, I'd like to get

a 10-piece McNugget

00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,875

and, uh, a bunch

of the Szechuan sauce.

00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,544

Like, as much as you're allowed

to give me.

00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,547

In 1998, they had this promotion

for the Disney film "Mulan,"

00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,756

where they... where they...

00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,591

they created a new sauce

for the McNuggets

00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,094

called Szechuan sauce,

and it's delicious!

00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,012

And then they got rid of it,

and now it's gone.

00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:48,098

The only place we're gonna be

able to try it is in my memory.

00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:50,058

Rick, you're doing this bit

while your brain is melting.

00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,560

Okay.

All right, all right.

00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,396

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:55,397

Is that...

00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:56,398

Me.

00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,358

I used to wear blue pants.

00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,819

[ Whirring, zapping ]

00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,824

When'd you make the leap

to interdimensional travel?

00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:08,034

I didn't.

I did.

00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:11,162

Well, well, well.

If it isn't us.

00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,331

You know the worst part

about inventing teleportation?

00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,000

Suddenly you're able to travel

the whole galaxy,

00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:16,251

and the first thing you learn is

00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,253

you're the last guy

to invent teleportation.

00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,338

Fortunately,

you're about to invent something

00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,590

much more powerful.

00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,841

[ Squeals ]

00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,301

What?

00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,011

[ Whirring ]

00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,305

[ Thunder crashes ]

00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,807

[ Music continues ]

00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,018

Summer, nobody has to know

about that.

00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,186

We could put it right back

and pretend we never saw it,

00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:36,605

like we did

with Dad's mannequin leg.

00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,149

Fine. Stay here.

I'll rescue Grandpa myself.

00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,901

-How are you gonna do that?!

-I don't know yet.

00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:43,486

I'll make it up as I go.

That's what Grandpa Rick does.

00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:44,946

That's what heroes do.

00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,406

You want to see

what a hero Rick is?

00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,617

I-I'll bring you somewhere,

Summer!

00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,119

-Um...

-My goodness, children.

00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,120

[ Whirring ]

00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,788

[ Sternly ] Relinquish

the illegal technology

00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,749

to the nearest

Federation representative.

00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:59,002

[ Normal voice ] And then

we'll all play Balderdash.

00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,338

[ Both whimper, scream ]

00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,717

[ Screaming ]

00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:08,178

[ Metal creaking ]

00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,388

[ Farting ]

00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,682

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,477

[ Grunts ]

Oh, my goodness!

00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,395

Oh! Oh!

My goo...

00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,397

[ Electricity crackling ]

00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,233

Oh, my God.

00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,611

I have that exact same top.

00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,112

What is this place?

00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,948

And what's with

"Hunger Games" Summer?

00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:31,868

That's my sister.

This used to be my home.

00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:33,578

Imagine doing anything you want,

00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,747

then hopping to a timeline

where you never did it.

00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,667

Imagine going anywhere, anytime,

with nobody able to stop you.

00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,627

-Sounds lonely.

-Lonely?

00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:43,338

Dude, you have yourself...

your infinite selves.

00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,381

It's a nonstop party

00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,508

where all the guests

are the only person we like.

00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,218

You think it's cool

being the smartest man on Earth,

00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:49,678

but once we give you

this technology,

00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,806

you become the smartest thing

in every conceivable universe...

00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,225

the Infinite Rick, a god.

00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,309

Enh, pass.

00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:59,312

Excuse me?

Bro, Ricks don't pass on this.

00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,647

Who do you think you are?

00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:02,816

A different kind of Rick,

I guess.

00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,651

Well, we'll see how long

that lasts.

00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:07,153

[ Whirring ]

00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:10,740

I heard sci-fi noises.

Did you make a breakthrough?

00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:11,992

Sort of.

00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,576

I just took a long

look at myself,

00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:16,579

and I don't think this

science thing is gonna pay off.

00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:19,874

Well, why don't I get Beth

and we'll go out for ice cream?

00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,043

That, Diane,

is the last great idea

00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,379

that will ever be had

in this garage.

00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,298

[ Loud chewing, grunting ]

00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,135

Good roasted Cronenberg,

I assume.

00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,596

Mom, you're looking...feral.

00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,224

I can't believe Rick did this.

00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,726

These are the parts

of Rick's adventures

00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,270

you don't get to see...

the parts he leaves behind.

00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:41,855

All right.

It's been great, guys.

00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,732

Um, I really

only wanted to stop by here

00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,275

for a quick "I told you so."

00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,485

-So, uh...

-Looking for this?

00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,988

-What are you doing with that?!

-It stinks of Rick.

00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,073

-[ Grunts ]

-No! Why?!

00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,074

Why would you do that?!

00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,076

W-What is the matter

with you people?!

00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,245

You're a bunch

of back savages...

00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,247

backwood savage morons!

00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,667

You can never leave.

She cannot remain.

00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,627

She stinks of Rick.

00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,296

-Aah!

-Aah!

00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:07,672

[ Grunts ]

00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:10,341

Hold your fire! Hold your fire!

I'm Morty C-137.

00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,511

We detected a compromised

portal gun.

00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,055

-Where is your Rick?

-He's in prison.

00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:15,805

Summer.

00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,348

He got captured

by the Federation,

00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,767

and we were going to rescue him.

00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:19,809

Very troubling.

00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,186

We can't risk Citadel secrets

00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,729

falling into

the Federation's hands.

00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,564

We'll dispatch

S.E.A.L. Team Ricks immediately

00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,649

to break into the prison

holding C-137...

00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:27,609

Boo-yah.

00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,110

...and assassinate him.

00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,279

Boo-nah?

00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,572

-[ Horn honks ]

-Come on, girls!

00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,783

The ice cream's gonna melt!

00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,701

[ Chewing loudly ]

00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:39,162

[ Whirring ]

00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:42,207

[ Beeping rapidly ]

00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,918

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:49,005

No-o-o-o-o-o-o!

00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,925

Wow.

This sauce is fucking amazing.

00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,384

You said it was promoting

a movie?

00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,011

[ Slurping ]

00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,514

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:09:57,639 --> 00:10:00,141

Carry the 3, add a 2.

00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,309

I got it.

00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,977

I fucking got it!

00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,480

Whoa.

I-Is that it... the portal gun?

00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,314

Yeah.

00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,942

That's the three lines of math

that separates my life as a man

00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:10,944

from my life

as an unfeeling ghost.

00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,153

Awesome possum.

00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,655

[ Whirring ]

00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,073

Mission Control,

you getting this?

00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,449

Holy shit, yes!

00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,909

Yes!

We got it!

00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:18,910

-Yeah! All right!

-Thanks, Rick.

00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:20,829

I'll try to remember

to shut off the brainalyzer.

00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,206

Actually, I think it shuts off

automatically

00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:24,415

once your brain is liquid.

00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:25,750

Don't know, don't care.

00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,794

Pull me out.

00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,504

Hey, pull me out.

Can you hear me?

00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,089

Nope, they cannot.

00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,799

-Why not?

-Because the code you uploaded

00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,551

wasn't actually

my portal-gun formula.

00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:37,262

It was a virus giving me full

control over the brainalyzer.

00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,888

What are you talking about?

This is a memory.

00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,849

Y-You can't alter details

of a memory.

00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,059

True, but you can alter

anything you want

00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,770

about a totally fabricated

origin story.

00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:48,273

It's a trap! Abort!

I'm still in his Shoney's!

00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,275

Repeat...

We never left his Shoney's!

00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,360

Mission accomplished, boys.

Pull me out.

00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,528

Roger that.

00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,988

Have fun in what's left

of my brain.

00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,114

I'm gonna transfer to yours.

00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,408

Oh, there's not enough room

for all my genius,

00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:00,451

so I'm leaving you with my fear

of wicker furniture,

00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:01,911

my desire to play the trumpet,

00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:03,454

my tentative plans

to purchase a hat,

00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,039

and six years

of improv workshops.

00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,791

-Comedy comes in threes.

-It's a trap!

00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:08,918

-Abort! We never left his...

-[ Farts ]

00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,128

[ Laughs ]

00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,716

[ Machinery humming ]

00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:16,259

RICK:

Another day, another dollar.

00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,011

Am I a great insect creature

or what?!

00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,220

Congratulations, Agent.

00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:20,597

You'll be highly commended

for this.

00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,140

Always wait for permission

to [burps]

00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:23,600

feel accomplishment...

That's my motto.

00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:25,185

One thing still perplexes me...

00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,020

Why would Rick Sanchez

turn himself in?

00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:29,606

Well, I'm just a dumb-ass bug,

but it's possible Rick knew

00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,149

he'd be interrogated

at this facility,

00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,775

where we not only keep

our most wanted,

00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,027

but our most sensitive data.

00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:36,196

Anyone here with level-9

access could [burps]

00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,989

I don't know.

Collapse the government.

00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,407

I'm just gonna go take a dump.

00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,284

Is it cool if I use

the level-9 bathrooms?

00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,828

W-What's the level-9

master access code again?

00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,830

Oh, that's easy...

8-3...

00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,498

Oh, yeah!

00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,083

S.E.A.L. Team Ricks

in the house!

00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,336

[ Screaming ]

00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,670

Hi, Rick.

00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:53,755

Bye, Rick.

00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,549

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,886

D-99, y-you okay?

00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:01,763

[ Grunting ]

00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,515

I'm bummed I didn't get to give

that insect dick a test drive.

00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,267

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

T-The Council of Ricks sent us.

00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,602

We have your Morty and Summer.

00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,062

They're prisoners

on the Citadel.

00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,146

-Great.

-[ Grunts ]

00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,690

-Security breach in room 6755.

-[ Alarm blaring ]

00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:13,524

Lovely.

00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,486

Not only is my plan screwed up,

I also forgot how to improvise.

00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:18,529

-All security people approach.

-[ Grunts ]

00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,698

Security breach.

00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:24,035

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,788

[ Whirring ]

00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,456

A city of Grandpas?

00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,958

MORTY:

It's the Citadel of Ricks.

00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,085

All the different Ricks

from all the different realities

00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,795

got together to hide here

from the government.

00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,630

But if every Rick hates

the government,

00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:36,881

why would they hate Grandpa?

00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,883

Because Ricks hate themselves

the most.

00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,511

And our Rick is the most...

himself.

00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:42,679

Not anymore, homey.

00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,389

S.E.A.L. Team Ricks

turned his unibrow

00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,516

into two brows... with a bullet.

00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:47,517

[ Laughter ]

00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:50,812

Your Rick's dead!

Your Rick's dead!

00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,981

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:56,526

Sir, Rick D-99 is returning

from the mission alone.

00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:59,153

Apparently, S.E.A.L. Team Ricks

suffered heavy casualties.

00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,154

Bring him in.

00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,491

He says he'll only talk

to a Rick with higher clearance.

00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,535

La-di-da.

Give me that.

00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:08,997

D-99, this is the commander in

chief of the Citadel's militia.

00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,290

Go... [ Burps ]

Good enough.

00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:12,625

[ Whirring ]

00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:15,586

He's a spy. Blow him up.

I'm gonna go take a shit.

00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,714

Operating an unregistered

portal gun,

00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:19,382

radicalizing a Summer,

00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,092

conspiring

with a traitorous Rick.

00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,093

How do you plead?

00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:23,553

How is this a fair trial?

00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,179

O-Our lawyer is a Morty!

00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,515

It's not fair, you have no

rights, and he's not a lawyer.

00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,225

We just keep him here

because he's fun.

00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,476

Look at him go.

[ Laughs ]

00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:31,728

[ Laughs ]

Yeah!

00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:34,188

We'll be lenient

if you renounce your Rick.

00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,690

What say you, Summer?

00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,609

I say fuck you!

My grandpa was my hero.

00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,361

You killed him

because you were jealous of him.

00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,113

That's pretty obvious

from the haircuts.

00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,407

So do what you want to me,

but let my brother go.

00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:45,950

He already renounced Rick.

00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:46,701

Morty?

00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,578

-[ Whispers indistinctly ]

-What?

00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:51,164

N-No, I don't want to see

your pog collection.

00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:53,541

I don't renounce Rick,

and I never have.

00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,044

I was just trying to protect

my sister.

00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,712

I wanted you to have

a normal life.

00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,672

That's something you can't have

when Rick shows up.

00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,467

Everything real turns fake.

Everything right is wrong.

00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,886

All you know is that you know

nothing and he knows everything.

00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,972

And, well... well, he's not

a villain, Summer,

00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,766

but he shouldn't be your hero.

00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:13,102

He's more like a demon

or a super fucked-up god.

00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:15,229

Let's not suck the ghost

of his dick too hard.

00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,231

He was a terrorist,

and now he's dead.

00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,108

Oh, yeah? If you think

my Rick's dead, he's alive!

00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,943

And if you think you're safe,

he's coming for you!

00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,779

[ All murmuring ]

00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:25,782

[ Whirring ]

00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,033

[ Whistling ]

00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,910

Hey! Whoa, whoa!

What are you doing in here?

00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,329

This area is for teleporting

the entire Citadel

00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:33,915

to somewhere else

using only buttons and dials.

00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,583

Yeah?

Well, it's a bad idea

00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,503

to have it designed that way

then, isn't it?

00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:41,297

[ Whirring ]

00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,467

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:45,593

-[ Screaming ]

-What the fuck?

00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,096

We just teleported into

a Galactic federal prison!

00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,640

-I'm gonna go take a shit.

-[ Alarm blaring ]

00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,517

Order in the court!

Whoa! What the hell?!

00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:53,518

Oh, my God!

00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,520

[ Screaming ]

00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,397

Aah!

00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:58,940

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

No, no, no!

00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,859

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,986

Whoa!

[ Screaming ]

00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:05,863

Whoa!

00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:08,533

[ Music continues ]

00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:17,250

The Citadel has been teleported

to [burps] Federation space.

00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,961

It's doomed.

This has to be C-137, you guys.

00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,421

-What are we gonna do?!

-You know he's coming for us.

00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:23,673

All right! Calm down!

We have his Summer as a hostage.

00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:24,924

Obviously, I get her.

00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:27,343

You guys play Rick, Laser,

Scissors for the Morty.

00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,304

W-What the hell is that?

00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,390

Payback.

00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,475

[ Screaming ]

00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,977

Grandpa Rick!

00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,728

-Duh.

-You're alive!

00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:38,938

-Rick!

-Morty, take this.

00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:41,315

You're gonna need it later.

00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,568

[ Music continues ]

00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,195

Hold on. Hold on.

Whoa!

00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,072

COUNCIL MEMBER:

That's enough, Rick.

00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,824

What... What's this

supposed to accomplish?

00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,075

We have infinite grandkids.

00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,661

You're trying to use Disney

bucks at a Caesars Palace here.

00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,122

[ Gasps ] That's a bluff.

He's bluffing, sir. He loves me.

00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:58,791

You're a rogue Rick...

irrational, passionate.

00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:01,544

You love your grandkids.

You came to rescue them.

00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,463

I came to kill you, bro.

00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,006

That's not even

my original Summer.

00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,716

Oh, my God. He's not bluffing.

He's not bluffing!

00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,676

-R-Rick?

-Why not shoot through her?

00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,928

Twenty yards,

nine-gauge plasma pistol.

00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,473

My first shot would liquify

her insides and injure you,

00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:14,765

second shot adds recoil.

00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,185

The risk to me is minimized

if I wait for you to shoot her,

00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,603

which I'm encouraging you to do.

00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,188

-What the fuck?!

-Or let her go,

00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,856

which I will reward

with a quicker death.

00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,065

Because you love her!

00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:26,319

Because it's incentive for you

to give me my cleanest shot,

00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,112

which will be

your least painful death.

00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,740

But if you want to die slower

than that, I'm super into it.

00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,366

All you got to do to get

that started is kill the girl.

00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,785

-I hate you!

-Not an issue, sweetie.

00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,829

That's enough!

Drop the gun, Rick!

00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,581

Morty, I know you're too stupid

to get this,

00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:40,208

but you're really

fucking this up right now.

00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,876

I'm not letting you let

my sister die!

00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:42,877

Drop the gun!

00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,795

I wasn't gonna let her die,

you fucking moron!

00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,715

The point is he thought

I was going to.

00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,510

I totally did, by the way.

You're a fucking moron, Morty.

00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:51,886

Morty, you fucking idiot!

00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,721

RICK: You're a serious

fucking idiot, Morty!

00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:54,847

You basically killed us all!

00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,641

-You're the worst!

-You're dumb as a bag of sand!

00:16:56,766 --> 00:17:00,228

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,563

[ Screaming ]

00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,232

Who's stupid now, bitch?!

00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,025

Morty!

We just got him back!

00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,611

[ Laughs ]

That was amazing, Morty.

00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,112

Oh, my God.

Wow.

00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:11,822

Okay.

Let's wrap this...

00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,909

Good job, Morty.

Let's go, kids.

00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,285

What?!

What happened?

00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,912

Oldest Rick trick in the book.

00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,956

"Fake gun.

Shoot me in standoff."

00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,541

-Brilliant!

-Ha! Yeah.

00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:24,001

G-Good thing I saw that note.

00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:27,630

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:30,258

[ Screaming ]

00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,884

Couldn't we just portal home?

00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,386

Not until I finish

what I started.

00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,470

[ Grunts ]

00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,682

And that is how you get level-9

access without a password.

00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:39,642

Freeze!

00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,852

Employee of the month,

ladies and gentlemen.

00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,021

So what are you doing

with level-9 access anyways?

00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,815

Destroying the [burps]

Galactic government.

00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:46,941

-Awesome!

-Whoa! Cool!

00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,985

Are you going to set all their

nukes to target each other?

00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,736

Ooh, or... or reprogram

their military portals

00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:52,321

to disintegrate

their entire space fleet?

00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,365

Good pitches, kids.

I'm almost proud.

00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:56,659

But watch closely

as Grandpa topples an empire

00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,870

by changing a one...to a zero.

00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,957

[ Pen scratching, door opens ]

00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,251

Mr. President, the Blemflarck's

value just dropped to nothing.

00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:06,502

What do you mean?

00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,754

I mean our single centralized

Galactic currency

00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:12,633

just went from being worth one

of itself to zero of itself.

00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,468

-Dear God, no.

-Calm down, people.

00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,596

Deploy the Galactic militia

and declare martial law.

00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:17,597

Yes, sir.

00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,432

Uh, what should I pay them with?

00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:22,518

Their payment is the honor

they'll feel to serve their...

00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,645

Wait. Who's paying me

to yell at this guy?

00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,064

I can answer that... for money.

00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,566

I never thought I'd live

to see this day.

00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:29,900

Gentlemen!

Gentlemen!

00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,486

There's a solution here

you're not seeing.

00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,533

-Give me your jacket!

-Give me those pants!

00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,869

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,539

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,541

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,335

I want more jackets!

00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,004

He who controls the pants

controls the galaxy!

00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,882

[ Whimpering ]

00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,385

[ Gasps ]

00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,390

[ Whimpering ]

00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:08,230

No longer will the insects

have domain over surface world!

00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,858

[ Music continues ]

00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,238

[ Whimpering ]

00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,449

Jerry, what the hell

is happening?!

00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,284

The Galactic government

collapsed.

00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,744

-Are you okay?

-Look.

00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,329

I'm not proud to share this,

but the truth is,

00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:25,247

just kept crawling,

and it kept working.

00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,208

-[ Exhales deeply ]

-Oh, I'm glad you're okay.

00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:31,087

Are we ever going to stop paying

for indulging your father?

00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:33,923

Our children, our planet,

our jobs.

00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:35,549

Is there anything left to lose?

00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,885

Just each other,

and I'll never let you go.

00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:41,013

And I'm so sorry

I ever did this to us.

00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,808

Guess who dismantled

the government.

00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,935

-Please don't leave me again.

-I never will, baby.

00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,812

I was right!

He turned himself in on purpose!

00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,397

It was all part of his plan!

00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,815

Jerry, is there any light beer

left?

00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,608

It's insane what you miss

in prison.

00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,485

Um, okay.

00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,570

No, no, no.

Foot-down time.

00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,114

No. You're right.

Where's the vodka?

00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:00,783

Beth, it's him or me!

00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,330

Seems like you guys need

some privacy.

00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,457

I'll, uh, I'll be in the garage.

00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:14,004

What the fuck?!

Not cool, Jerry!

00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,424

A man's garage is his castle.

00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:19,051

[ Whirring, beeping ]

00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:28,436

Jerry's going to spend

some time...divorced.

00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,396

Oh. Oh, I-I'm sorry

to hear that, sweetie.

00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,106

I hope I had nothing

to do with that.

00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,608

Oh, God. Dad, that is not

your burden to bear.

00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,445

I feel terrible

that I misjudged you.

00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,155

This is gonna be good for Jerry.

00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,198

-For everybody.

-For everybody.

00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:44,410

-[ Cellphone whooshes ]

-I better tend to Jerry

00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:47,079

before he changes his mind

and doesn't move out.

00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,165

I will leave you two

to your adventures.

00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,082

Oh, my God.

00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,376

Nancy says they're drawing

and quartering aliens

00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:53,544

in the school courtyard,

00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,838

and it technically counts

as patriotism.

00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:58,799

Geez! Are my parents seriously

gonna get divorced?

00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,134

All right, Rick.

I'm gonna go to my... Gah!

00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,969

Not so fast, Morty.

You heard your mom.

00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,638

We've got adventures to go on,

Morty, just you and me.

00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,682

And sometimes your sister

and sometimes your mom,

00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:07,725

but never your dad.

00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,852

You want to know why, Morty?

Because he crossed me.

00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,687

Okay. Take it easy, Rick.

T-That's dark.

00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:12,980

Oh, it gets darker, Morty.

00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,065

Welcome to the darkest year

of our adventures.

00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:16,275

First thing that's different...

00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,526

-no more Dad, Morty.

-Oh, geez.

00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,069

He threatened to turn me in

to the government,

00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,946

so I made him and the government

go away.

00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:21,864

Oh, fuck.

00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,825

I've rep[burps]laced them both

as the de facto patriarch

00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:26,660

of your family

and your universe.

00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:27,828

Your mom wouldn't have

accepted me

00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,371

if I came home without you

and your sister,

00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,290

so now you know the real reason

I rescued you.

00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:32,708

I just took over the family,

Morty,

00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,543

and if you tell your mom

or sister I said any of this,

00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:36,212

I'll deny it,

and they'll take my side

00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:37,296

because I'm a hero, Morty.

00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:39,507

Now you're gonna have to go

and do whatever I say, Morty,

00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:40,341

Forever!

00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:42,218

And I'll... I'll go out

and I'll find some more of that

00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:45,095

"Mulan" Szechuan teriyaki

dipping sauce, Morty.

00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,430

-What are you talking about?

-Because that's...

00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:47,765

that's what this is all about,

Morty!

00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:49,350

-Szechuan?

-That's my one-armed man!

00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:51,310

I'm not driven by avenging

my dead family, Morty!

00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:52,311

That was fake!

00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,396

-I'm driven by finding

that McNugget sauce.

00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:56,148

I want that "Mulan"

McNugget sauce, Morty!

00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:57,858

-That's my series arc, Morty!

-What the hell?

00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:00,069

If it takes nine seasons, I want

my McNugget dipping sauce...

00:22:00,194 --> 00:22:02,029

-Szechuan sauce, Morty.

-What are you talking about?

00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,072

That's what's gonna take us

00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:05,115

-all the way to the end, Morty.

-What are you talking about?!

00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:06,367

Nine more seasons, Morty.

00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:08,911

Nine more seasons until I get

that dipping Szechuan sauce.

00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:10,663

-What is that?!

-For 97 more years, Morty!

00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:11,664

What are you talking about?!

00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,749

I want that McNugget sauce,

Morty!

00:22:45,239 --> 00:22:46,824

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:22:46,949 --> 00:22:48,951

[ Whirring ]

00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:49,952

Is it ready?

00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,745

Yes.

We can bring it online now.

00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:52,955

Do it.

00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,333

[ Whirring ]

00:22:56,458 --> 00:22:59,295

I am Phoenix Person.

00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:00,963

Phoenix Person?

Is that what we settled on?

00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:02,965

I thought we all agreed

on Cyber Bird.

00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:04,925

Y-You said you didn't care

what he was called

00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,343

as long as we brought him back.

00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:07,803

Yeah, but Phoenix Person?

00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:09,263

Fine. Fuck it.

Who cares?

00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:10,514

[ Grunts ]

00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:14,143

Ka—kaw!