Большой переполох в маленьком Санчезе
Описание
Рик становится «Мелким Риком», переселяя свой разум в клона-подростка, чтобы убить вампира в школе Морти и Саммер. Мелкий Рик общителен и популярен, но подсознательно взывает о помощи в текстах песен и рисунков. К большому пренебрежению её одноклассников, Саммер намеренно выгоняет Мелкого Рика из школы, называя его убийцей тренера Ферату, вампира. Морти и Саммер в конце концов убеждают Рика вернуться в своё тело. Между тем, Джерри и Бет проходят терапию на чужой планете. Создаются два проявления представлений партнёров друг о друге: Бет Джерри воплощена в виде возвышающегося враждебного ксеноморфоподобного насекомого, а Джерри Бет — раболепного червя. Насекомое Бет освобождается из камеры с помощью червя Джерри, убивая несколько пар и сотрудников. В конце концов, Джерри действует храбро, заставляя Бет представить себе сильного Джерри, что, в свою очередь, заставляет Джерри представить себе богинеподобную Бет, которая уничтожает ксеноморфоподобного монстра. В сцене после титров главный вампир выступает против использования таких имён, как «Тренер Ферату», которые выдают их статус вампира.
Субтитры
eng__SRT_-_Full_SDH.srt
eng__SRT_-_Full_SDH.srt
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,382
- Nothing.
- Nothing!
00:00:05,465 --> 00:00:07,384
Oh, uh, one
of the lunch ladies died.
00:00:07,467 --> 00:00:09,445
They found her in the gym with,
like, two holes in her neck
00:00:09,469 --> 00:00:11,137
and all the blood drained
out of her.
00:00:11,221 --> 00:00:12,972
Good lord! Who does
something like that?
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,433
Obviously a vampire.
W-W-Where's the pepper?
00:00:15,517 --> 00:00:17,268
Wait, what?!
Vampires are real?!
00:00:17,352 --> 00:00:20,230
Yes, Summer, vampires
are real. Who knew?
00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:22,982
Oh, right, all humanity,
for hundreds of years, now.
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:24,386
Yeah, Summer,
it's a big universe.
00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,277
Get used to it.
R-Right, Rick?
00:00:26,361 --> 00:00:27,588
Well, what are we going to do?!
00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:29,531
We're gonna live our lives
until we die.
00:00:29,614 --> 00:00:31,533
Possibly by vampire.
More likely auto accident
00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:34,160
or heart disease,
but possibly vampire.
00:00:34,244 --> 00:00:37,163
Grandpa Rick, couldn't you,
like, use your superknowledge
00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:39,999
to turn yourself into a teenager
and come to our school
00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:42,544
and help us hunt
the vampire down?
00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,212
Um... Wow.
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,548
Yeah, pretty specific
pitch, Summer.
00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:49,384
I probably could
turn myself into a teenager
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:52,262
and hang out in the
zit-covered, hormone-addled,
00:00:52,345 --> 00:00:54,305
low-stakes assworld
that is high school.
00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:56,015
But here's my reverse-ask...
00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:58,810
Why in the fuck
would I ever do that, ever?
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:01,104
And how dare you even
ask me that?
00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,981
And why aren't you more
ashamed of yourself?
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,191
- Dad!
- Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie.
00:01:05,275 --> 00:01:07,128
Jerry! Do you know what you
just said to our daughter?
00:01:07,152 --> 00:01:09,112
Sor-ry! I wasn't
paying attention.
00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,573
To a conversation
about vampires?!
00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:14,242
Clearly, I didn't know
it was about vampires,
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:16,077
because I wasn't
paying attention,
00:01:16,161 --> 00:01:17,579
which you would know,
00:01:17,662 --> 00:01:19,414
if you ever
paid attention to me!
00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:21,416
Oh, here we go,
right to the victim role.
00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:23,084
Am I a victim, Beth,
00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:24,878
or am I married
to a mean, unfair monster
00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:26,171
that always hurts me?!
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,173
Jesus Christ!
Will you fix your marriage...
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:31,259
or get a divorce already?
00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:35,346
Well, we tried
a couples' therapist.
00:01:35,430 --> 00:01:36,973
That's Earth therapy.
00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,743
You might as well ask a horse
to fix a merry-go-round.
00:01:38,767 --> 00:01:41,728
I mean, he'll try his best, but mostly,
he's just gonna get horrified.
00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:44,606
I know about a place off-planet
with a 100% success rate.
00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:47,150
Well, we want to make it
work, if we can.
00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:48,610
It's just...
- Then it's settled.
00:01:48,693 --> 00:01:50,111
No need to pack.
- Oh!
00:01:50,195 --> 00:01:51,672
Let's go, go, go, go!
[door opens, closes]
00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:54,699
Do you think Mom and Dad
are, you know,
00:01:54,783 --> 00:01:56,159
gonna get a divorce?
00:01:56,242 --> 00:01:57,994
I think it's okay
to dream, Morty.
00:01:58,077 --> 00:02:01,790
I'm gonna go make
some wooden stakes.
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,750
♪♪
00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:29,484
♪♪
00:02:33,822 --> 00:02:36,366
I booked you for a two-day
intensive at Nuptia Four,
00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:39,118
the galaxy's most successful
couples' counseling institute.
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,662
They could save
the marriage of a dog
00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:42,288
and a bar of dark chocolate.
00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:43,665
They could save the marriage
00:02:43,748 --> 00:02:45,375
of a porn star and a porn star.
00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:47,144
Well, I know I'm ready
to try whatever it takes.
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,753
Which clearly implies
that I'm not.
00:02:48,837 --> 00:02:50,213
It's not a competition, Beth.
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,090
Oh is that how
you're gonna try to win,
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,092
by implying I'm competitive?
- If the shoe fits.
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,927
- My shoe fits up your ass.
- You wish!
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,846
RICK: Okay, have fun.
See ya Thursday!
00:02:58,096 --> 00:02:59,514
JERRY: Oh!
00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,516
Jerk.
- Don't insult my father.
00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:03,518
He's the reason our kids
are only half-stupid.
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,228
Ha! You just called
yourself...
00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,437
Oh.
00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:08,106
- Beth and Jerry Smith?
- Yes.
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,691
I'm Glaxo Slimslom.
00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:11,693
Welcome to Nuptia Four.
00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:14,237
Your marriage can rest easy now.
00:03:15,697 --> 00:03:18,783
Jerry, go ahead and sit
there and put this on.
00:03:18,867 --> 00:03:21,536
This machine isolates
the part of the subject's brain
00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:24,831
containing all perceptions
of its romantic partner.
00:03:25,081 --> 00:03:27,959
And we will now render
Jerry's perception of Beth
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:31,421
with artificial biological life.
00:03:33,715 --> 00:03:35,717
- [Growl]
- GLAXO: Interesting.
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,719
What the hell is that?!
Take that back!
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,554
You do not think that about me!
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,448
I didn't do anything!
They scanned it out of my brain.
00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:43,141
Can I take it back?
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,684
There's nothing to regret.
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,811
We're dealing with
unconscious, unhealthy thoughts.
00:03:46,895 --> 00:03:48,438
Beth.
00:03:48,521 --> 00:03:50,773
Now, we scan for Beth's
perceptions of Jerry.
00:03:50,857 --> 00:03:53,484
- Scan hard. He's dead to me.
- Everything's dead to you.
00:03:53,568 --> 00:03:55,069
- What?
- Nothing.
00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:01,117
[Whimper]
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,744
Read it and weep, bitch.
00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,467
[Crying] Does everybody
see what I mean?
00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:06,748
I think we all see
what you both mean.
00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:08,333
[Bell rings]
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,335
Any leads on the vampire?
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,836
No, Summer!
I mean, you know,
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,005
I think it might be time
that we just I-let it go.
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,757
Oh, so, now, you're
too cool for this,
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,258
just because Grandpa Rick is?
00:04:17,342 --> 00:04:19,302
It's not that, it's just
that the universe
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,596
is a little too big to care
about something so small.
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:24,015
Aah!
- What up, my Helsings?
00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,934
Who wants to hunt
a vampire? Ha ha ha!
00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:27,602
Rick?
How... How did you...
00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,285
Yeah, I got bored
and then, I remembered,
00:04:29,354 --> 00:04:31,354
this morning, how I blew
Summer off, and I thought,
00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,125
"Hey, why are you such
a grumpy douche, Rick?
00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:34,609
Go to the garage,
transfer your mind
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,319
into a younger clone of
yourself,
00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:38,154
and get embroiled
in some youthful hijinks.
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,906
What's the BFD?"
So here I am.
00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:42,033
I'm Tiny Rick!
- O-O-Okay.
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,660
Well, it's good
you're here, Rick.
00:04:43,743 --> 00:04:45,137
I was pretty sure we
didn't have what it takes
00:04:45,161 --> 00:04:46,555
to deal with
a bloodsucker on our own.
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,914
Don't short-sell
yourself, Summer.
00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,117
You got everything it takes.
But it'll still be fun...
00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:52,710
to do this as a fucking team,
motherfucker. Tiny Rick!
00:04:52,794 --> 00:04:55,630
Yeah! Oh, my god,
Toby Matthews!
00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:57,924
Hey, Toby. I'm Tiny Rick.
I'm new.
00:04:58,174 --> 00:05:00,134
Hey oh... Go easy on me.
Ha ha. Just kiddin'.
00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:02,595
Hey, I like your
straightforward style
00:05:02,679 --> 00:05:04,430
and that lab coat's pretty cool.
00:05:04,514 --> 00:05:05,807
Summer.
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,684
He knows my name!
00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:09,060
Why wouldn't he?
You're great!
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,603
But, listen, just be careful.
00:05:10,687 --> 00:05:12,122
We can't rule anybody out
as the vampire,
00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,357
not even the dreamboats.
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,608
Stop, Tiny Rick.
00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:17,652
Huntin' a vampire
with my grandkids!
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:20,238
Fuck! Tiny Ri-i-ck!
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,216
GLAXO: The next step is
to watch your mythologues
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,326
interact together
and, uh... big surprise...
00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:27,787
It's never pretty.
- [laughter]
00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,498
Here we have Garrrh
and Zharbidar Gloompfschs,
00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,417
or, should I say,
here we have the way
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,794
Garrrh and Zharbidar
perceive each other.
00:05:34,877 --> 00:05:36,963
[Roaring]
00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:38,589
[Chuckling]
As we can all see,
00:05:38,673 --> 00:05:40,800
this is hardly the real
Garrrh and Zharbidar.
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,510
Which is good,
because the relationship
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,221
in their heads is not only ugly,
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,557
it's unsustainable.
[beep]
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,640
[roar]
00:05:48,683 --> 00:05:50,560
[Growling]
00:05:50,643 --> 00:05:53,563
You may already be
learning something important...
00:05:53,646 --> 00:05:55,815
All of these relationships
are different,
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,818
none of them are real,
and none of them work.
00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:02,447
We are not the monsters
we sometimes see each other as,
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:06,242
because we are real
and we are functional.
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:09,412
That's what makes us
better than them.
00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:12,248
We can find solutions.
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,624
We can adapt.
00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:15,877
We can communicate.
- [growl]
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,672
And, most importantly,
00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:23,760
we can work together.
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,138
SUMMER: Well, it was a tough
adventure, but it paid off...
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,182
Our school is vampire-free!
00:06:29,265 --> 00:06:31,976
Man, who would've
suspected Coach Feratu?
00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:33,954
You did great, guys.
Couldn't have done it without ya.
00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:35,748
You know, we... w-we
should be proud of ourselves.
00:06:35,772 --> 00:06:38,024
We killed a vampire
and a gym teacher.
00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:40,276
Ha ha ha.
Talk about two-for-one, right?!
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,153
So, how, exactly,
is your old body living
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,613
in there, Grandpa Rick?
00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:45,215
Oh, you know,
hyperbaric quantum fluid,
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,217
[burp]... that kind of thing.
It preserves living tissue.
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,202
Not that there was much
to preserve.
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:51,996
Look at that mummy!
Ha! Ha ha!
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,516
And I guess it's time for me
to get back inside the old-timer.
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,417
Oh, my god.
Toby Matthews is asking...
00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:58,419
if my parents
are still out of town
00:06:58,503 --> 00:07:00,088
and if we can have a party!
00:07:00,338 --> 00:07:02,298
All right, way to go, Summer!
What did I tell you?
00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:05,468
Ohh! He's asking
if Tiny Rick will be here.
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,178
Well, you know what, Summer?
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,930
Tell him Tiny Rick will be here!
00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,640
And tell him to bring
some brews!
00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,975
For real? Y-Y-Y-You
would stay as Tiny Rick,
00:07:13,059 --> 00:07:14,769
just so we can have a party?
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,521
Hell, yeah!
What's one more night?
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:19,084
And who can have fun with this
old bastard hanging around, huh?
00:07:19,315 --> 00:07:21,692
[laughter]
Wubby lubby doob doob!
00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:23,444
- Whoo!
- Tiny Rick!
00:07:23,528 --> 00:07:24,529
[Growl]
00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:28,407
Moving on.
Now, we have Beth and Jerry Smith
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,409
from the planet E-Arth.
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,453
- My heart is pounding.
- This is gonna be great.
00:07:32,537 --> 00:07:34,455
The E-Arth relationships
are simpler.
00:07:34,539 --> 00:07:37,125
It's a primitive planet,
so their dysfunctions are oh...
00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:38,918
W-Wait, what?
What's going on?
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,670
Where are the Smith mythologues?
00:07:40,753 --> 00:07:43,047
[Suspenseful music plays]
00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:46,843
JERRY: Oh, my god.
00:07:46,926 --> 00:07:48,427
- [Shriek]
- [gasp]
00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:49,846
Aah! Aah!
00:07:49,929 --> 00:07:52,974
- Oh, my god.
- Secure the cell!
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:54,934
Aaaah!
[slice]
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,478
Uh, hey! You know what's fun?
Our gift shop.
00:07:57,562 --> 00:07:59,355
Why don't we proceed
in an orderly...
00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:00,606
[growl]
00:08:00,690 --> 00:08:02,233
[Whimpering]
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:03,484
Oh, dear god, no.
00:08:03,568 --> 00:08:06,821
They're codependent!
Run!
00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:07,905
[Roaring]
00:08:08,990 --> 00:08:09,991
Oh!
00:08:10,074 --> 00:08:11,701
[Crickets chirp]
[chatting]
00:08:11,784 --> 00:08:13,536
[Rock music plays]
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,746
[laughter]
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,623
Oh, yeah, yeah,
you really know how
00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:19,834
to sport that color blue.
- Really?
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,836
- You're looking real good.
- Oh, my god.
00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:23,921
- Hey, Morty.
- Oh, hey... hey, Jessica.
00:08:24,005 --> 00:08:27,508
So, is Tiny Rick your
brother or cousin, or...?
00:08:27,592 --> 00:08:29,552
No, my grandpa just
transferred his consciousness
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,971
into a clone of himself
so he could be in our high school.
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,347
Cool.
00:08:33,431 --> 00:08:35,474
Hey, Tiny Rick's playing guitar.
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:36,726
All right, everybody.
00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:38,537
This next one's coming
straight from the heart.
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,563
Making the lyrics up
right off the top of my head.
00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:42,023
♪ Let me out ♪
00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:45,401
♪ What you see is not
the same person as me ♪
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:46,569
♪ My life's a lie ♪
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:47,987
♪ I'm not who
you're looking at ♪
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,156
♪ Let me out, set me free ♪
00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:52,116
♪ I'm really old;
this isn't me ♪
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:57,580
♪ My real body's
slowly dyin' in a vat ♪
00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:59,290
♪ Is anybody listening' ♪
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,167
♪ Can anyone understand? ♪
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:04,837
♪ Stop lookin' at me like that
and actually help me ♪
00:09:04,921 --> 00:09:05,922
♪ Help me! ♪
00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:07,757
♪ Help me; I'm gonna die! ♪
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,675
Tiny Rick!
Thanks, everybody!
00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:10,944
[Cheering]
This guy's amazing!
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:11,886
- I love Tiny Rick!
- Bad. Ass.
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,764
[Hooting]
- Yeah!
00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:17,767
[Snarl]
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,936
[Hiss]
00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:22,730
[Screaming in distance]
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:23,814
[Rattle]
00:09:23,898 --> 00:09:24,899
Aah!
00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:28,277
[Ominous music plays]
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,449
[Growl]
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,867
Huh?
00:09:34,951 --> 00:09:36,619
What the fuck?
00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,680
Yeah, I know! What kind
of operation are you running?
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:41,415
Us?! What the hell kind of
relationship do you have?!
00:09:41,499 --> 00:09:42,792
Oh, right, blame this on us.
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:46,087
Okay, uh, I can and I am!
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:49,757
Your demonized mythologizations
of each other are cooperating.
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,094
- Isn't that good?
- No. No! It's bad!
00:09:53,177 --> 00:09:56,222
You have the single worst
marriage I've ever witnessed.
00:09:56,472 --> 00:09:58,057
It shouldn't exist!
00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,142
You should never, ever, ever,
have gotten together
00:10:00,226 --> 00:10:02,895
and I do not understand
how, or why,
00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:04,939
you would ever stay together.
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,274
Aaah!
00:10:06,524 --> 00:10:07,876
Well, this is just
bad couples' therapy.
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,193
Totally.
00:10:10,278 --> 00:10:12,113
[Panting]
00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:14,282
[Suspenseful music plays]
00:10:14,532 --> 00:10:17,159
- Wait for us!
- There's only room for one more.
00:10:17,243 --> 00:10:18,995
I'm a therapist.
I'll talk to them.
00:10:19,078 --> 00:10:21,831
They're not therapists.
Go, go, go!
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,958
There's gotta be a way
to contact my dad.
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,918
Let's find a control room
or something.
00:10:26,002 --> 00:10:29,005
[Suspenseful music plays]
00:10:29,088 --> 00:10:31,132
[Creak]
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:32,967
JERRY:
Beth! You'll want to see this.
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,511
- What is it?
- It's a small, hinged panel...
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,264
with a tiny amount
of space behind it.
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,224
If you can find one, too,
00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:43,519
we should be safe for hours,
maybe days!
00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:45,980
You stay put, Jerry.
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,316
I'll send help, if I make it.
00:10:48,566 --> 00:10:50,326
You don't want to find
your own little hatch?
00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:53,112
Jerry, I believe that,
if you hide by yourself,
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,406
you might survive
and I believe I,
00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:57,575
by myself, have a shot
of getting out of here,
00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,411
but the two of us, together?
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,871
I don't know.
00:11:01,954 --> 00:11:03,873
Look, maybe the shrink
was right.
00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:06,208
Good luck.
00:11:07,335 --> 00:11:09,211
[Roar]
00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:10,522
All right, now,
you listen to me.
00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:11,672
Oh! Or don't.
00:11:11,756 --> 00:11:13,716
Hey! Don't! Please!
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,092
[Hissing]
00:11:15,176 --> 00:11:16,719
[Whining]
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:18,262
Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god!
00:11:18,346 --> 00:11:20,139
Now, I know I've said,
in the past,
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:21,974
that math is important...
And it is!...
00:11:22,058 --> 00:11:24,435
But I also think that,
one day, you'll all look back
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:28,105
on being in high school
with Tiny Rick and Morty,
00:11:28,189 --> 00:11:31,192
who I hear had a great
party last night.
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:34,570
So, class dismissed.
You've got the day off!
00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,822
All right! Good work,
Mr. Goldenfold!
00:11:36,906 --> 00:11:38,783
Yeah, get outside.
Read a book.
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,284
Put on some sunscreen, Danielle!
00:11:40,368 --> 00:11:42,036
Hey, what's up, Summer?
Ooh, nice top.
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:44,038
Thanks. Tiny Rick,
you think you might be
00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,748
getting back into
your old body tonight?
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,750
No can do.
Tonight's the big dance.
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,211
And Morty's bringing Jessica.
He needs his tiny wing man.
00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:52,004
- BOTH: Tiny Rick!
- [laughs]
00:11:52,088 --> 00:11:54,673
Okay, but if not tonight, when?
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,217
I don't know.
When I feel like it?
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,219
Damn, girl!
You need to chill out!
00:11:58,302 --> 00:12:00,388
This whole thing was your
idea, in the first place,
00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:02,238
and, now, you're trying
to rush it along.
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:04,058
Yeah, and you know what?
I like high school.
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,851
I like hanging out.
Tiny Rick!
00:12:05,935 --> 00:12:08,646
But what if the you
that likes it isn't you?
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,314
[laughter]
- Oh!
00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:11,982
BOTH:
Oh, Summer!
00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:13,776
It's just Rick
in a younger body.
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,212
What's the... What's...
What's... What's...
00:12:15,236 --> 00:12:16,516
What's the...
What's the problem?
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,239
Look at his art, Morty.
00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:21,075
I've got an emo streak.
Part of what makes me so rad.
00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:23,702
Why does it say "help me
Morty and Summer!"?
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,038
Come on, Summer,
that's the title of the art.
00:12:26,122 --> 00:12:28,165
Why was Knight Rider
called Knight Rider?
00:12:28,249 --> 00:12:30,501
The car's name was Kitt.
Nobody rode Michael Knight.
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:33,212
You're overthinking it, Summer.
I'm Tiny Rick!
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,214
Grandpa, I think that,
when you put your mind
00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,882
into this body's young brain,
00:12:36,966 --> 00:12:38,509
it did what young brains do...
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,152
It shoved the bad
thoughts into the back
00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:41,971
and put a wall around them.
00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:44,265
But those bad thoughts
are the real Rick.
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,058
The fact that you're old,
00:12:46,142 --> 00:12:47,869
the fact that we're all
going to die one day,
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,645
the fact that the universe
is so big,
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,356
nothing in it matters...
Those facts are who you are.
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,376
So you're trapped in there
and you can only come out
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,986
in the form of
Tiny Rick's teen angst!
00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,405
Well, Summer, I hear
00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:01,782
Toby Matthews
isn't into psycho chicks.
00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:03,451
Can't think of anyone that is.
00:13:03,701 --> 00:13:06,120
I'll see you motherfuckers
at the dance! Tiny Rick!
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,830
Morty, you have to help me!
00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:09,832
Summer, he's happy!
I'm happy!
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,625
I-I-Is that why
you're doing this,
00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:13,229
you don't want me
and Rick to be happy?
00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:15,212
- No.
- Then get your shit together!
00:13:15,296 --> 00:13:17,923
Get it all together
and put it in a backpack.
00:13:18,007 --> 00:13:20,718
All your shit, so it's together.
00:13:21,719 --> 00:13:23,220
And if you gotta
take it somewhere,
00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:24,680
take it somewhere, you know?
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:26,223
Take it to the shit store
and sell it
00:13:26,307 --> 00:13:28,559
o-or put it in a shit museum.
I don't care what you do!
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,227
You just gotta get it together.
00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:33,314
Get your shit together.
00:13:34,899 --> 00:13:36,901
[Slug wailing]
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:40,321
[Gasping]
Get back!
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:43,032
[Fart]
- Wait, for real?
00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:44,158
[Whimpers]
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,494
You're how Beth sees me?
00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:49,497
Oh, my god.
Turn around!
00:13:49,747 --> 00:13:51,332
I said turn around!
00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:53,584
How can Beth have
these thoughts about me?!
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,253
That judgmental monster bitch!
00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:58,047
I'm not taking this.
00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,465
I want to know where my wife is.
00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,509
You are going to help me.
00:14:01,759 --> 00:14:03,802
No!
Nobody's doing that!
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:06,597
[Growling]
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,599
Stay.
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,435
- What do you want?
- Jerrys.
00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:14,480
You want Jerry?
I don't even want Jerry.
00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:17,274
I want Jerrys.
00:14:17,358 --> 00:14:18,859
[Whimpering]
00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:20,486
An army.
00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:22,947
[laughs]
An army of Jerrys.
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:26,617
The value of his subservience
is wasted on you.
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,870
I will use it to dominate
the universe.
00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:31,723
Ah ha ha. Boy, Jerry must
think I'm pretty stupid,
00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,290
for you to be this stupid.
00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:34,917
Wouldn't it make more sense
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,919
to put my dumb-ass husband
in this chair,
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,921
so you can make an army
of your badass self?
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,506
[laughs]
00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:42,508
There could never be more
than one of me.
00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:45,553
I'm the strongest,
smartest being alive
00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:48,556
because Jerry thinks
you're that much stronger
00:14:48,806 --> 00:14:51,892
and smarter than you are!
00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:54,311
Okay, ouch.
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:59,108
♪♪
00:14:59,191 --> 00:15:02,903
Oh, hey h-hey-y!
Morty, Jessica, what's up?
00:15:02,987 --> 00:15:04,446
Check out the new dance
I made up.
00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:06,490
It's called "Ooh let me out!"
00:15:06,574 --> 00:15:08,492
♪ Let me out,
Let me out ♪
00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:10,494
♪ This is not a dance ♪
00:15:10,578 --> 00:15:12,496
♪ I'm beggin' for help,
I'm screamin' for help ♪
00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,498
♪ Please come let me out ♪
00:15:14,582 --> 00:15:16,500
♪ Let me out,
Let me out ♪
00:15:16,584 --> 00:15:18,502
♪ This is not a dance ♪
00:15:18,586 --> 00:15:20,504
♪ I'm beggin' for help,
I'm screamin' for help ♪
00:15:20,588 --> 00:15:22,423
♪ Please come let me out ♪
00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:25,175
♪ I'm dyin' in a vat
in the gara-a-ge ♪♪
00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:27,469
[Cheering]
- Awesome!
00:15:27,553 --> 00:15:29,346
Okay, that last part
was really weird.
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,098
Maybe Summer's
on to something here.
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,433
I don't know.
It was fun.
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:33,767
You want to slow dance?
00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:40,524
Tiny Rick, hey,
great dancing as usual.
00:15:40,608 --> 00:15:42,234
Moment of your time?
00:15:42,318 --> 00:15:44,069
Tiny Rick, this conversation
00:15:44,153 --> 00:15:45,904
is gonna break
my heart wide open.
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,548
You're a great student
and the fact that
00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:49,366
you're an 80-Year-Old man
in a clone body,
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:51,035
it never bothered me.
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,398
But this here is another matter.
00:15:52,453 --> 00:15:54,330
You recognize this?
00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,206
We got a tip
it was in your locker.
00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:58,208
Yeah, now, because
the gym coach was a vampire,
00:15:58,292 --> 00:15:59,960
the school board is embarrassed
00:16:00,044 --> 00:16:01,629
and won't take it public,
However,
00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:03,356
they can't have students
killin' teachers.
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,299
I gotta expel you
for this one, TR.
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,426
I'm sorry.
00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:10,346
I just got expelled, Summer!
00:16:10,429 --> 00:16:13,223
Oh! So I guess there's
no need to stay young.
00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:15,225
My top!
- Screw your top!
00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:17,061
You ratted on me?!
I'm Tiny Rick!
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,021
Fine! Yes!
Because I love you...
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,981
and I'm trying
to save your life!
00:16:21,065 --> 00:16:23,400
High school is my life!
00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:25,402
Summer Smith is
a fucking psycho nerd
00:16:25,486 --> 00:16:27,529
and she just got me
kicked out of school!
00:16:27,613 --> 00:16:30,449
ALL: [gasp]
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,910
[Thud]
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,411
Boo!
00:16:34,495 --> 00:16:35,913
Summer, I thought you were cool!
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,623
I'm sorry, okay?
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,667
How can you be such a bitch?
00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,418
Oh, my god, Morty.
00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,671
Your sister crossed Tiny Rick?
00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:45,631
Talk about
self-destructive.
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,424
Yeah.
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,345
JERRY:
Hey, Jerry-Lover!
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,472
How about a taste
of the real thing?
00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,557
- [Roar]
- Jerry!
00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:57,518
Ah. Ah. Ah.
00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:59,895
Ah ah ah ah ah aah aah.
00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:04,900
Not on my watch.
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,902
That's it!
00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:09,029
Beth, it's me, your husband!
00:17:09,113 --> 00:17:11,031
I'm here to save you.
00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:13,534
Or my name isn't Jerry Smith!
00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,077
- Aha!
- Yes!
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,537
Jerry Smith!
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,913
- Yeah, here.
- Aha!
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,707
Okay, fair enough.
00:17:19,957 --> 00:17:21,083
[Ominous music plays]
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,751
[Door creaks open]
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,674
Say goodnight, old man.
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:30,342
[Gasp]
00:17:30,426 --> 00:17:31,903
What the hell are you doing?!
- Put it down!
00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:33,637
Summer, you bitch!
00:17:33,721 --> 00:17:35,801
Don't talk to her that way!
She's your granddaughter!
00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:38,183
I don't need a granddaughter!
I'm Tiny Ri-i-ck!
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:40,185
She's my sister!
And if Tiny Rick is
00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:42,271
gonna be an asshole
to my sister, then,
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:44,356
you know, y-y-you
may as well be old again.
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,066
You think you're tough,
huh, Morty?
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,585
What are you gonna do?
I'm Tiny Rick.
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,278
I'm the coolest kid
in your school.
00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:51,464
How are you gonna just make me
do whatever you say, huh?
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,608
I'm gonna do what real Rick
would do if he was here...
00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:55,617
I'm gonna kick your ass!
00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:57,035
Ohhhh!
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,120
[Grunting]
00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:00,581
Rick, I know you're in there!
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:02,207
I know you're trying to get out!
00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,960
That's it, Morty!
Hold him down!
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,004
[Ballad]
♪ Drink up, baby ♪
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,631
♪ Stay up all night ♪
00:18:09,715 --> 00:18:12,634
Listen to it, Tiny Rick.
Listen to Elliott Smith.
00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:14,136
Ugh! No!
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,679
Feel what he's feeling.
00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:18,932
Ugh! Noooooooo! God!
00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:20,392
♪ That you'll never see ♪
00:18:20,476 --> 00:18:22,478
Oh, god, what is life?
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:25,105
How can someone so talented
die so young?
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,940
What is being young?
00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:29,526
I'm not young. I'm old.
I'm... I'm gonna die.
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:31,195
My body isn't real.
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,113
Morty! Summer!
It's me!
00:18:33,197 --> 00:18:34,740
It's Rick! Regular Rick!
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,700
Rick! How do we get you
back into your body?
00:18:36,784 --> 00:18:37,910
Okay, listen carefully.
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,995
There's a set of diodes
on the vat's control panel,
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,205
a blue one and a red one.
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,349
Oh, god, what kind of world is this?
I didn't ask to be born.
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,126
I need you to connect
the blue one to my left temple
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:48,229
and the red one to...
Why doesn't anyone really like me?
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:50,231
- Focus, Grandpa!
- Just put the stupid wires on my head!
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,965
I hate being a teenager!
00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:01,809
Ugh! Arrgghh!
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,189
Ah! Uhhhhh!
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,566
Jerry, you can't bend metal.
00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:11,652
Then make a me that can!
- How can I do that...
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:14,363
while I'm watching you
totally fail to bend metal?
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:15,906
Good old Beth!
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,950
The mind of a robot
and the heart of an insect!
00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:19,785
Don't talk that way about her!
00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,912
What?
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,289
Oh, it hurts!
00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:25,582
Oh, god.
00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:29,920
Stop.
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,674
This representation
displeases me.
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,467
Aaah!
00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,807
Good lord.
How did you...?
00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:43,684
Well, I had a feeling
that, in your mind,
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:45,519
the ideal version of me
is one smart enough
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,271
to see you as...
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,856
a goddess.
00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:51,233
Not such a stupid worm
now, are you?
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,944
Honey, when it comes
to the subject of your ego,
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,988
I'm Stephen fucking Hawkinson.
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,532
Ugh, it's...
Never mind.
00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:00,325
I love you.
00:20:00,409 --> 00:20:03,829
[Processing, powering up]
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,664
[buzz]
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,876
- Rick!
- Pants!
00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:11,003
Holy shit!
Thanks, kids.
00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:13,130
You figured it out.
Well, Summer did.
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,215
Kind of weird that
you were that willing
00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:17,301
to sell my existence out
for some trim, Morty.
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,844
- What?!
- Pants!
00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:20,864
But listen... I forgive you both
because you know what?
00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:22,723
I learned, today,
something important...
00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:24,433
The teenage mind
is its own worst enemy.
00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:25,726
Oh, I also learned this...
00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:27,603
[beeping]
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,689
Operation Phoenix is not
the fallback I thought it would be.
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,441
I guess it's back
to the drawing board.
00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:33,984
Oh, my god!
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,360
Oh, my god!
00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:38,238
- Oh, my god.
- Put some pants on!
00:20:38,322 --> 00:20:39,489
Put pants on.
00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:41,450
Grandpa's back, baby!
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:42,659
Grandpa's...
[buzz]
00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:44,578
Oh, man, I gotta pick up
your parents.
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,496
They have been blowin' me up.
00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:47,706
One last swing for the road!
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,333
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,834
For the love of god,
get dressed!
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,464
So, what do you think?
You wanna...
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,215
keep this marriage
going a while longer?
00:20:57,299 --> 00:21:00,719
At least until Morty has
graduated high school.
00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:02,429
Oh. Mm.
00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:04,556
[Moaning lightly]
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,767
Aha, you see?
What did I tell you two?
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,143
It worked.
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,787
You know what, Rick?
I guess, in a way...
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,939
Already lost interest.
Get in the car.
00:21:12,189 --> 00:21:13,541
I've been inside a kid
all day and, now,
00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,084
I can feel my bones
scraping each other.
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,235
Uh, just so you're prepared,
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,237
there's a bunch of dead mes
in the garage.
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:22,658
Huh! Sounds like our stories
were connected by a theme.
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:24,910
- [laughter]
- Not really, Jerry.
00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:28,288
Probably a cosmetic connection
your mind mistakes for thematic.
00:21:28,372 --> 00:21:29,790
Oh.
00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:31,875
Old Rick!
Ruinin' everything!
00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:33,627
♪♪
00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:05,158
[Squeaking]
00:22:05,242 --> 00:22:07,077
[Ominous music plays]
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,912
- Master.
- Speak.
00:22:08,996 --> 00:22:12,082
Coach Feratu's presence was
discovered by the humans.
00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,418
He has been destroyed.
- No bother.
00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,086
The mortals shall soon...
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:17,355
I'm sorry, what did you
say his name was?
00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,214
- Coach Feratu.
- Coach Feratu.
00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:21,550
That was his real name,
like his actual vampire name?
00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:23,677
No no no no. His vampire
name was Balik Alistane.
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,387
Why the fuck
would he name himself
00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:27,281
after a famous vampire movie?
Was he doing a bit?
00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,557
I do not know, your unholiness.
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,267
Jesus fucking Christ.
00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:32,811
From now on, no more of
this clever-name bullshit.
00:22:32,894 --> 00:22:34,539
When a vampire is pretending
to be a human,
00:22:34,563 --> 00:22:35,772
they can just call themselves
00:22:35,856 --> 00:22:37,607
Alan Jefferson
or something like that.
00:22:37,691 --> 00:22:38,984
It's crazy, right?
00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:40,360
I mean, am I being an asshole?
00:22:40,444 --> 00:22:41,987
Okay, I feel like
everybody in the room
00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,297
is looking at me like
I'm the buzzkill.
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:44,322
I'm not?
00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:47,784
Good. Okay. Great.
[hiss]
00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:49,286
[Screaming]
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,787
Did you get any of that?
00:22:50,871 --> 00:22:52,789
It's-a good-a show!
eng__SRT_-_Full.srt
eng__SRT_-_Full.srt
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,382
- Nothing.
- Nothing!
00:00:05,465 --> 00:00:07,384
Oh, uh, one
of the lunch ladies died.
00:00:07,467 --> 00:00:09,445
They found her in the gym with,
like, two holes in her neck
00:00:09,469 --> 00:00:11,137
and all the blood drained
out of her.
00:00:11,221 --> 00:00:12,972
Good lord! Who does
something like that?
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,433
Obviously a vampire.
W-W-Where's the pepper?
00:00:15,517 --> 00:00:17,268
Wait, what?!
Vampires are real?!
00:00:17,352 --> 00:00:20,230
Yes, Summer, vampires
are real. Who knew?
00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:22,982
Oh, right, all humanity,
for hundreds of years, now.
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:24,386
Yeah, Summer,
it's a big universe.
00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,277
Get used to it.
R-Right, Rick?
00:00:26,361 --> 00:00:27,588
Well, what are we going to do?!
00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:29,531
We're gonna live our lives
until we die.
00:00:29,614 --> 00:00:31,533
Possibly by vampire.
More likely auto accident
00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:34,160
or heart disease,
but possibly vampire.
00:00:34,244 --> 00:00:37,163
Grandpa Rick, couldn't you,
like, use your superknowledge
00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:39,999
to turn yourself into a teenager
and come to our school
00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:42,544
and help us hunt
the vampire down?
00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,212
Um... Wow.
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,548
Yeah, pretty specific
pitch, Summer.
00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:49,384
I probably could
turn myself into a teenager
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:52,262
and hang out in the
zit-covered, hormone-addled,
00:00:52,345 --> 00:00:54,305
low-stakes assworld
that is high school.
00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:56,015
But here's my reverse-ask...
00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:58,810
Why in the fuck
would I ever do that, ever?
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:01,104
And how dare you even
ask me that?
00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,981
And why aren't you more
ashamed of yourself?
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,191
- Dad!
- Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie.
00:01:05,275 --> 00:01:07,128
Jerry! Do you know what you
just said to our daughter?
00:01:07,152 --> 00:01:09,112
Sor-ry! I wasn't
paying attention.
00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,573
To a conversation
about vampires?!
00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:14,242
Clearly, I didn't know
it was about vampires,
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:16,077
because I wasn't
paying attention,
00:01:16,161 --> 00:01:17,579
which you would know,
00:01:17,662 --> 00:01:19,414
if you ever
paid attention to me!
00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:21,416
Oh, here we go,
right to the victim role.
00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:23,084
Am I a victim, Beth,
00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:24,878
or am I married
to a mean, unfair monster
00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:26,171
that always hurts me?!
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,173
Jesus Christ!
Will you fix your marriage...
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:31,259
or get a divorce already?
00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:35,346
Well, we tried
a couples' therapist.
00:01:35,430 --> 00:01:36,973
That's Earth therapy.
00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,743
You might as well ask a horse
to fix a merry-go-round.
00:01:38,767 --> 00:01:41,728
I mean, he'll try his best, but mostly,
he's just gonna get horrified.
00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:44,606
I know about a place off-planet
with a 100% success rate.
00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:47,150
Well, we want to make it
work, if we can.
00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:48,610
It's just...
- Then it's settled.
00:01:48,693 --> 00:01:50,111
No need to pack.
- Oh!
00:01:50,195 --> 00:01:51,672
Let's go, go, go, go!
00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:54,699
Do you think Mom and Dad
are, you know,
00:01:54,783 --> 00:01:56,159
gonna get a divorce?
00:01:56,242 --> 00:01:57,994
I think it's okay
to dream, Morty.
00:01:58,077 --> 00:02:01,790
I'm gonna go make
some wooden stakes.
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,750
♪♪
00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:29,484
♪♪
00:02:33,822 --> 00:02:36,366
I booked you for a two-day
intensive at Nuptia Four,
00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:39,118
the galaxy's most successful
couples' counseling institute.
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,662
They could save
the marriage of a dog
00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:42,288
and a bar of dark chocolate.
00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:43,665
They could save the marriage
00:02:43,748 --> 00:02:45,375
of a porn star and a porn star.
00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:47,144
Well, I know I'm ready
to try whatever it takes.
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,753
Which clearly implies
that I'm not.
00:02:48,837 --> 00:02:50,213
It's not a competition, Beth.
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,090
Oh is that how
you're gonna try to win,
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,092
by implying I'm competitive?
- If the shoe fits.
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,927
- My shoe fits up your ass.
- You wish!
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,846
Okay, have fun.
See ya Thursday!
00:02:58,096 --> 00:02:59,514
Oh!
00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,516
Jerk.
- Don't insult my father.
00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:03,518
He's the reason our kids
are only half-stupid.
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,228
Ha! You just called
yourself...
00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,437
Oh.
00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:08,106
- Beth and Jerry Smith?
- Yes.
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,691
I'm Glaxo Slimslom.
00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:11,693
Welcome to Nuptia Four.
00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:14,237
Your marriage can rest easy now.
00:03:15,697 --> 00:03:18,783
Jerry, go ahead and sit
there and put this on.
00:03:18,867 --> 00:03:21,536
This machine isolates
the part of the subject's brain
00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:24,831
containing all perceptions
of its romantic partner.
00:03:25,081 --> 00:03:27,959
And we will now render
Jerry's perception of Beth
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:31,421
with artificial biological life.
00:03:33,715 --> 00:03:35,717
Interesting.
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,719
What the hell is that?!
Take that back!
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,554
You do not think that about me!
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,448
I didn't do anything!
They scanned it out of my brain.
00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:43,141
Can I take it back?
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,684
There's nothing to regret.
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,811
We're dealing with
unconscious, unhealthy thoughts.
00:03:46,895 --> 00:03:48,438
Beth.
00:03:48,521 --> 00:03:50,773
Now, we scan for Beth's
perceptions of Jerry.
00:03:50,857 --> 00:03:53,484
- Scan hard. He's dead to me.
- Everything's dead to you.
00:03:53,568 --> 00:03:55,069
- What?
- Nothing.
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,744
Read it and weep, bitch.
00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,467
Does everybody
see what I mean?
00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:06,748
I think we all see
what you both mean.
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,335
Any leads on the vampire?
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,836
No, Summer!
I mean, you know,
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,005
I think it might be time
that we just I-let it go.
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,757
Oh, so, now, you're
too cool for this,
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,258
just because Grandpa Rick is?
00:04:17,342 --> 00:04:19,302
It's not that, it's just
that the universe
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,596
is a little too big to care
about something so small.
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:24,015
Aah!
- What up, my Helsings?
00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,934
Who wants to hunt
a vampire? Ha ha ha!
00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:27,602
Rick?
How... How did you...
00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,285
Yeah, I got bored
and then, I remembered,
00:04:29,354 --> 00:04:31,354
this morning, how I blew
Summer off, and I thought,
00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,125
"Hey, why are you such
a grumpy douche, Rick?
00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:34,609
Go to the garage,
transfer your mind
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,319
into a younger clone of
yourself,
00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:38,154
and get embroiled
in some youthful hijinks.
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,906
What's the BFD?"
So here I am.
00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:42,033
I'm Tiny Rick!
- O-O-Okay.
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,660
Well, it's good
you're here, Rick.
00:04:43,743 --> 00:04:45,137
I was pretty sure we
didn't have what it takes
00:04:45,161 --> 00:04:46,555
to deal with
a bloodsucker on our own.
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,914
Don't short-sell
yourself, Summer.
00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,117
You got everything it takes.
But it'll still be fun...
00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:52,710
to do this as a fucking team,
motherfucker. Tiny Rick!
00:04:52,794 --> 00:04:55,630
Yeah! Oh, my god,
Toby Matthews!
00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:57,924
Hey, Toby. I'm Tiny Rick.
I'm new.
00:04:58,174 --> 00:05:00,134
Hey oh... Go easy on me.
Ha ha. Just kiddin'.
00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:02,595
Hey, I like your
straightforward style
00:05:02,679 --> 00:05:04,430
and that lab coat's pretty cool.
00:05:04,514 --> 00:05:05,807
Summer.
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,684
He knows my name!
00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:09,060
Why wouldn't he?
You're great!
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,603
But, listen, just be careful.
00:05:10,687 --> 00:05:12,122
We can't rule anybody out
as the vampire,
00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,357
not even the dreamboats.
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,608
Stop, Tiny Rick.
00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:17,652
Huntin' a vampire
with my grandkids!
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:20,238
Fuck! Tiny Ri-i-ck!
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,216
The next step is
to watch your mythologues
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,326
interact together
and, uh... big surprise...
00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:27,787
It's never pretty.
00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,498
Here we have Garrrh
and Zharbidar Gloompfschs,
00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,417
or, should I say,
here we have the way
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,794
Garrrh and Zharbidar
perceive each other.
00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:38,589
As we can all see,
00:05:38,673 --> 00:05:40,800
this is hardly the real
Garrrh and Zharbidar.
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,510
Which is good,
because the relationship
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,221
in their heads is not only ugly,
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,557
it's unsustainable.
00:05:50,643 --> 00:05:53,563
You may already be
learning something important...
00:05:53,646 --> 00:05:55,815
All of these relationships
are different,
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,818
none of them are real,
and none of them work.
00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:02,447
We are not the monsters
we sometimes see each other as,
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:06,242
because we are real
and we are functional.
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:09,412
That's what makes us
better than them.
00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:12,248
We can find solutions.
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,624
We can adapt.
00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:15,877
We can communicate.
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,672
And, most importantly,
00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:23,760
we can work together.
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,138
Well, it was a tough
adventure, but it paid off...
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,182
Our school is vampire-free!
00:06:29,265 --> 00:06:31,976
Man, who would've
suspected Coach Feratu?
00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:33,954
You did great, guys.
Couldn't have done it without ya.
00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:35,748
You know, we... w-we
should be proud of ourselves.
00:06:35,772 --> 00:06:38,024
We killed a vampire
and a gym teacher.
00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:40,276
Ha ha ha.
Talk about two-for-one, right?!
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,153
So, how, exactly,
is your old body living
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,613
in there, Grandpa Rick?
00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:45,215
Oh, you know,
hyperbaric quantum fluid,
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,217
... that kind of thing.
It preserves living tissue.
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,202
Not that there was much
to preserve.
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:51,996
Look at that mummy!
Ha! Ha ha!
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,516
And I guess it's time for me
to get back inside the old-timer.
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,417
Oh, my god.
Toby Matthews is asking...
00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:58,419
if my parents
are still out of town
00:06:58,503 --> 00:07:00,088
and if we can have a party!
00:07:00,338 --> 00:07:02,298
All right, way to go, Summer!
What did I tell you?
00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:05,468
Ohh! He's asking
if Tiny Rick will be here.
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,178
Well, you know what, Summer?
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,930
Tell him Tiny Rick will be here!
00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,640
And tell him to bring
some brews!
00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,975
For real? Y-Y-Y-You
would stay as Tiny Rick,
00:07:13,059 --> 00:07:14,769
just so we can have a party?
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,521
Hell, yeah!
What's one more night?
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:19,084
And who can have fun with this
old bastard hanging around, huh?
00:07:19,315 --> 00:07:21,692
Wubby lubby doob doob!
00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:23,444
- Whoo!
- Tiny Rick!
00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:28,407
Moving on.
Now, we have Beth and Jerry Smith
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,409
from the planet E-Arth.
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,453
- My heart is pounding.
- This is gonna be great.
00:07:32,537 --> 00:07:34,455
The E-Arth relationships
are simpler.
00:07:34,539 --> 00:07:37,125
It's a primitive planet,
so their dysfunctions are oh...
00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:38,918
W-Wait, what?
What's going on?
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,670
Where are the Smith mythologues?
00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:46,843
Oh, my god.
00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:49,846
Aah! Aah!
00:07:49,929 --> 00:07:52,974
- Oh, my god.
- Secure the cell!
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:54,934
Aaaah!
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,478
Uh, hey! You know what's fun?
Our gift shop.
00:07:57,562 --> 00:07:59,355
Why don't we proceed
in an orderly...
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:03,484
Oh, dear god, no.
00:08:03,568 --> 00:08:06,821
They're codependent!
Run!
00:08:08,990 --> 00:08:09,991
Oh!
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,623
Oh, yeah, yeah,
you really know how
00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:19,834
to sport that color blue.
- Really?
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,836
- You're looking real good.
- Oh, my god.
00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:23,921
- Hey, Morty.
- Oh, hey... hey, Jessica.
00:08:24,005 --> 00:08:27,508
So, is Tiny Rick your
brother or cousin, or...?
00:08:27,592 --> 00:08:29,552
No, my grandpa just
transferred his consciousness
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,971
into a clone of himself
so he could be in our high school.
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,347
Cool.
00:08:33,431 --> 00:08:35,474
Hey, Tiny Rick's playing guitar.
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:36,726
All right, everybody.
00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:38,537
This next one's coming
straight from the heart.
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,563
Making the lyrics up
right off the top of my head.
00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:42,023
♪ Let me out ♪
00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:45,401
♪ What you see is not
the same person as me ♪
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:46,569
♪ My life's a lie ♪
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:47,987
♪ I'm not who
you're looking at ♪
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,156
♪ Let me out, set me free ♪
00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:52,116
♪ I'm really old;
this isn't me ♪
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:57,580
♪ My real body's
slowly dyin' in a vat ♪
00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:59,290
♪ Is anybody listening' ♪
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,167
♪ Can anyone understand? ♪
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:04,837
♪ Stop lookin' at me like that
and actually help me ♪
00:09:04,921 --> 00:09:05,922
♪ Help me! ♪
00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:07,757
♪ Help me; I'm gonna die! ♪
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,675
Tiny Rick!
Thanks, everybody!
00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:10,944
This guy's amazing!
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:11,886
- I love Tiny Rick!
- Bad. Ass.
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,764
Yeah!
00:09:23,898 --> 00:09:24,899
Aah!
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,867
Huh?
00:09:34,951 --> 00:09:36,619
What the fuck?
00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,680
Yeah, I know! What kind
of operation are you running?
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:41,415
Us?! What the hell kind of
relationship do you have?!
00:09:41,499 --> 00:09:42,792
Oh, right, blame this on us.
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:46,087
Okay, uh, I can and I am!
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:49,757
Your demonized mythologizations
of each other are cooperating.
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,094
- Isn't that good?
- No. No! It's bad!
00:09:53,177 --> 00:09:56,222
You have the single worst
marriage I've ever witnessed.
00:09:56,472 --> 00:09:58,057
It shouldn't exist!
00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,142
You should never, ever, ever,
have gotten together
00:10:00,226 --> 00:10:02,895
and I do not understand
how, or why,
00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:04,939
you would ever stay together.
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,274
Aaah!
00:10:06,524 --> 00:10:07,876
Well, this is just
bad couples' therapy.
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,193
Totally.
00:10:14,532 --> 00:10:17,159
- Wait for us!
- There's only room for one more.
00:10:17,243 --> 00:10:18,995
I'm a therapist.
I'll talk to them.
00:10:19,078 --> 00:10:21,831
They're not therapists.
Go, go, go!
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,958
There's gotta be a way
to contact my dad.
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,918
Let's find a control room
or something.
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:32,967
Beth! You'll want to see this.
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,511
- What is it?
- It's a small, hinged panel...
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,264
with a tiny amount
of space behind it.
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,224
If you can find one, too,
00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:43,519
we should be safe for hours,
maybe days!
00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:45,980
You stay put, Jerry.
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,316
I'll send help, if I make it.
00:10:48,566 --> 00:10:50,326
You don't want to find
your own little hatch?
00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:53,112
Jerry, I believe that,
if you hide by yourself,
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,406
you might survive
and I believe I,
00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:57,575
by myself, have a shot
of getting out of here,
00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,411
but the two of us, together?
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,871
I don't know.
00:11:01,954 --> 00:11:03,873
Look, maybe the shrink
was right.
00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:06,208
Good luck.
00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:10,522
All right, now,
you listen to me.
00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:11,672
Oh! Or don't.
00:11:11,756 --> 00:11:13,716
Hey! Don't! Please!
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:18,262
Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god!
00:11:18,346 --> 00:11:20,139
Now, I know I've said,
in the past,
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:21,974
that math is important...
And it is!...
00:11:22,058 --> 00:11:24,435
But I also think that,
one day, you'll all look back
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:28,105
on being in high school
with Tiny Rick and Morty,
00:11:28,189 --> 00:11:31,192
who I hear had a great
party last night.
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:34,570
So, class dismissed.
You've got the day off!
00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,822
All right! Good work,
Mr. Goldenfold!
00:11:36,906 --> 00:11:38,783
Yeah, get outside.
Read a book.
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,284
Put on some sunscreen, Danielle!
00:11:40,368 --> 00:11:42,036
Hey, what's up, Summer?
Ooh, nice top.
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:44,038
Thanks. Tiny Rick,
you think you might be
00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,748
getting back into
your old body tonight?
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,750
No can do.
Tonight's the big dance.
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,211
And Morty's bringing Jessica.
He needs his tiny wing man.
00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:52,004
Tiny Rick!
00:11:52,088 --> 00:11:54,673
Okay, but if not tonight, when?
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,217
I don't know.
When I feel like it?
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,219
Damn, girl!
You need to chill out!
00:11:58,302 --> 00:12:00,388
This whole thing was your
idea, in the first place,
00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:02,238
and, now, you're trying
to rush it along.
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:04,058
Yeah, and you know what?
I like high school.
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,851
I like hanging out.
Tiny Rick!
00:12:05,935 --> 00:12:08,646
But what if the you
that likes it isn't you?
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,314
Oh!
00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:11,982
Oh, Summer!
00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:13,776
It's just Rick
in a younger body.
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,212
What's the... What's...
What's... What's...
00:12:15,236 --> 00:12:16,516
What's the...
What's the problem?
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,239
Look at his art, Morty.
00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:21,075
I've got an emo streak.
Part of what makes me so rad.
00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:23,702
Why does it say "help me
Morty and Summer!"?
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,038
Come on, Summer,
that's the title of the art.
00:12:26,122 --> 00:12:28,165
Why was Knight Rider
called Knight Rider?
00:12:28,249 --> 00:12:30,501
The car's name was Kitt.
Nobody rode Michael Knight.
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:33,212
You're overthinking it, Summer.
I'm Tiny Rick!
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,214
Grandpa, I think that,
when you put your mind
00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,882
into this body's young brain,
00:12:36,966 --> 00:12:38,509
it did what young brains do...
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,152
It shoved the bad
thoughts into the back
00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:41,971
and put a wall around them.
00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:44,265
But those bad thoughts
are the real Rick.
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,058
The fact that you're old,
00:12:46,142 --> 00:12:47,869
the fact that we're all
going to die one day,
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,645
the fact that the universe
is so big,
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,356
nothing in it matters...
Those facts are who you are.
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,376
So you're trapped in there
and you can only come out
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,986
in the form of
Tiny Rick's teen angst!
00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,405
Well, Summer, I hear
00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:01,782
Toby Matthews
isn't into psycho chicks.
00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:03,451
Can't think of anyone that is.
00:13:03,701 --> 00:13:06,120
I'll see you motherfuckers
at the dance! Tiny Rick!
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,830
Morty, you have to help me!
00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:09,832
Summer, he's happy!
I'm happy!
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,625
I-I-Is that why
you're doing this,
00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:13,229
you don't want me
and Rick to be happy?
00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:15,212
- No.
- Then get your shit together!
00:13:15,296 --> 00:13:17,923
Get it all together
and put it in a backpack.
00:13:18,007 --> 00:13:20,718
All your shit, so it's together.
00:13:21,719 --> 00:13:23,220
And if you gotta
take it somewhere,
00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:24,680
take it somewhere, you know?
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:26,223
Take it to the shit store
and sell it
00:13:26,307 --> 00:13:28,559
o-or put it in a shit museum.
I don't care what you do!
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,227
You just gotta get it together.
00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:33,314
Get your shit together.
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:40,321
Get back!
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:43,032
Wait, for real?
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,494
You're how Beth sees me?
00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:49,497
Oh, my god.
Turn around!
00:13:49,747 --> 00:13:51,332
I said turn around!
00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:53,584
How can Beth have
these thoughts about me?!
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,253
That judgmental monster bitch!
00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:58,047
I'm not taking this.
00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,465
I want to know where my wife is.
00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,509
You are going to help me.
00:14:01,759 --> 00:14:03,802
No!
Nobody's doing that!
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,599
Stay.
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,435
- What do you want?
- Jerrys.
00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:14,480
You want Jerry?
I don't even want Jerry.
00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:17,274
I want Jerrys.
00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:20,486
An army.
00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:22,947
An army of Jerrys.
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:26,617
The value of his subservience
is wasted on you.
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,870
I will use it to dominate
the universe.
00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:31,723
Ah ha ha. Boy, Jerry must
think I'm pretty stupid,
00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,290
for you to be this stupid.
00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:34,917
Wouldn't it make more sense
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,919
to put my dumb-ass husband
in this chair,
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,921
so you can make an army
of your badass self?
00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:42,508
There could never be more
than one of me.
00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:45,553
I'm the strongest,
smartest being alive
00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:48,556
because Jerry thinks
you're that much stronger
00:14:48,806 --> 00:14:51,892
and smarter than you are!
00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:54,311
Okay, ouch.
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:59,108
♪♪
00:14:59,191 --> 00:15:02,903
Oh, hey h-hey-y!
Morty, Jessica, what's up?
00:15:02,987 --> 00:15:04,446
Check out the new dance
I made up.
00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:06,490
It's called "Ooh let me out!"
00:15:06,574 --> 00:15:08,492
♪ Let me out,
Let me out ♪
00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:10,494
♪ This is not a dance ♪
00:15:10,578 --> 00:15:12,496
♪ I'm beggin' for help,
I'm screamin' for help ♪
00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,498
♪ Please come let me out ♪
00:15:14,582 --> 00:15:16,500
♪ Let me out,
Let me out ♪
00:15:16,584 --> 00:15:18,502
♪ This is not a dance ♪
00:15:18,586 --> 00:15:20,504
♪ I'm beggin' for help,
I'm screamin' for help ♪
00:15:20,588 --> 00:15:22,423
♪ Please come let me out ♪
00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:25,175
♪ I'm dyin' in a vat
in the gara-a-ge ♪♪
00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:27,469
Awesome!
00:15:27,553 --> 00:15:29,346
Okay, that last part
was really weird.
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,098
Maybe Summer's
on to something here.
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,433
I don't know.
It was fun.
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:33,767
You want to slow dance?
00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:40,524
Tiny Rick, hey,
great dancing as usual.
00:15:40,608 --> 00:15:42,234
Moment of your time?
00:15:42,318 --> 00:15:44,069
Tiny Rick, this conversation
00:15:44,153 --> 00:15:45,904
is gonna break
my heart wide open.
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,548
You're a great student
and the fact that
00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:49,366
you're an 80-Year-Old man
in a clone body,
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:51,035
it never bothered me.
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,398
But this here is another matter.
00:15:52,453 --> 00:15:54,330
You recognize this?
00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,206
We got a tip
it was in your locker.
00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:58,208
Yeah, now, because
the gym coach was a vampire,
00:15:58,292 --> 00:15:59,960
the school board is embarrassed
00:16:00,044 --> 00:16:01,629
and won't take it public,
However,
00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:03,356
they can't have students
killin' teachers.
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,299
I gotta expel you
for this one, TR.
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,426
I'm sorry.
00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:10,346
I just got expelled, Summer!
00:16:10,429 --> 00:16:13,223
Oh! So I guess there's
no need to stay young.
00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:15,225
My top!
- Screw your top!
00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:17,061
You ratted on me?!
I'm Tiny Rick!
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,021
Fine! Yes!
Because I love you...
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,981
and I'm trying
to save your life!
00:16:21,065 --> 00:16:23,400
High school is my life!
00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:25,402
Summer Smith is
a fucking psycho nerd
00:16:25,486 --> 00:16:27,529
and she just got me
kicked out of school!
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,411
Boo!
00:16:34,495 --> 00:16:35,913
Summer, I thought you were cool!
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,623
I'm sorry, okay?
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,667
How can you be such a bitch?
00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,418
Oh, my god, Morty.
00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,671
Your sister crossed Tiny Rick?
00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:45,631
Talk about
self-destructive.
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,424
Yeah.
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,345
Hey, Jerry-Lover!
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,472
How about a taste
of the real thing?
00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,557
Jerry!
00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:57,518
Ah. Ah. Ah.
00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:59,895
Ah ah ah ah ah aah aah.
00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:04,900
Not on my watch.
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,902
That's it!
00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:09,029
Beth, it's me, your husband!
00:17:09,113 --> 00:17:11,031
I'm here to save you.
00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:13,534
Or my name isn't Jerry Smith!
00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,077
- Aha!
- Yes!
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,537
Jerry Smith!
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,913
- Yeah, here.
- Aha!
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,707
Okay, fair enough.
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,674
Say goodnight, old man.
00:17:30,426 --> 00:17:31,903
What the hell are you doing?!
- Put it down!
00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:33,637
Summer, you bitch!
00:17:33,721 --> 00:17:35,801
Don't talk to her that way!
She's your granddaughter!
00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:38,183
I don't need a granddaughter!
I'm Tiny Ri-i-ck!
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:40,185
She's my sister!
And if Tiny Rick is
00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:42,271
gonna be an asshole
to my sister, then,
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:44,356
you know, y-y-you
may as well be old again.
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,066
You think you're tough,
huh, Morty?
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,585
What are you gonna do?
I'm Tiny Rick.
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,278
I'm the coolest kid
in your school.
00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:51,464
How are you gonna just make me
do whatever you say, huh?
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,608
I'm gonna do what real Rick
would do if he was here...
00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:55,617
I'm gonna kick your ass!
00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:57,035
Ohhhh!
00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:00,581
Rick, I know you're in there!
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:02,207
I know you're trying to get out!
00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,960
That's it, Morty!
Hold him down!
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,004
♪ Drink up, baby ♪
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,631
♪ Stay up all night ♪
00:18:09,715 --> 00:18:12,634
Listen to it, Tiny Rick.
Listen to Elliott Smith.
00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:14,136
Ugh! No!
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,679
Feel what he's feeling.
00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:18,932
Ugh! Noooooooo! God!
00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:20,392
♪ That you'll never see ♪
00:18:20,476 --> 00:18:22,478
Oh, god, what is life?
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:25,105
How can someone so talented
die so young?
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,940
What is being young?
00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:29,526
I'm not young. I'm old.
I'm... I'm gonna die.
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:31,195
My body isn't real.
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,113
Morty! Summer!
It's me!
00:18:33,197 --> 00:18:34,740
It's Rick! Regular Rick!
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,700
Rick! How do we get you
back into your body?
00:18:36,784 --> 00:18:37,910
Okay, listen carefully.
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,995
There's a set of diodes
on the vat's control panel,
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,205
a blue one and a red one.
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,349
Oh, god, what kind of world is this?
I didn't ask to be born.
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,126
I need you to connect
the blue one to my left temple
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:48,229
and the red one to...
Why doesn't anyone really like me?
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:50,231
- Focus, Grandpa!
- Just put the stupid wires on my head!
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,965
I hate being a teenager!
00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:01,809
Ugh! Arrgghh!
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,189
Ah! Uhhhhh!
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,566
Jerry, you can't bend metal.
00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:11,652
Then make a me that can!
- How can I do that...
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:14,363
while I'm watching you
totally fail to bend metal?
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:15,906
Good old Beth!
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,950
The mind of a robot
and the heart of an insect!
00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:19,785
Don't talk that way about her!
00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,912
What?
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,289
Oh, it hurts!
00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:25,582
Oh, god.
00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:29,920
Stop.
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,674
This representation
displeases me.
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,467
Aaah!
00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,807
Good lord.
How did you...?
00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:43,684
Well, I had a feeling
that, in your mind,
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:45,519
the ideal version of me
is one smart enough
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,271
to see you as...
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,856
a goddess.
00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:51,233
Not such a stupid worm
now, are you?
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,944
Honey, when it comes
to the subject of your ego,
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,988
I'm Stephen fucking Hawkinson.
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,532
Ugh, it's...
Never mind.
00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:00,325
I love you.
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,876
- Rick!
- Pants!
00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:11,003
Holy shit!
Thanks, kids.
00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:13,130
You figured it out.
Well, Summer did.
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,215
Kind of weird that
you were that willing
00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:17,301
to sell my existence out
for some trim, Morty.
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,844
- What?!
- Pants!
00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:20,864
But listen... I forgive you both
because you know what?
00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:22,723
I learned, today,
something important...
00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:24,433
The teenage mind
is its own worst enemy.
00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:25,726
Oh, I also learned this...
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,689
Operation Phoenix is not
the fallback I thought it would be.
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,441
I guess it's back
to the drawing board.
00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:33,984
Oh, my god!
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,360
Oh, my god!
00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:38,238
- Oh, my god.
- Put some pants on!
00:20:38,322 --> 00:20:39,489
Put pants on.
00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:41,450
Grandpa's back, baby!
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:42,659
Grandpa's...
00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:44,578
Oh, man, I gotta pick up
your parents.
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,496
They have been blowin' me up.
00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:47,706
One last swing for the road!
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,333
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,834
For the love of god,
get dressed!
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,464
So, what do you think?
You wanna...
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,215
keep this marriage
going a while longer?
00:20:57,299 --> 00:21:00,719
At least until Morty has
graduated high school.
00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:02,429
Oh. Mm.
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,767
Aha, you see?
What did I tell you two?
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,143
It worked.
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,787
You know what, Rick?
I guess, in a way...
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,939
Already lost interest.
Get in the car.
00:21:12,189 --> 00:21:13,541
I've been inside a kid
all day and, now,
00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,084
I can feel my bones
scraping each other.
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,235
Uh, just so you're prepared,
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,237
there's a bunch of dead mes
in the garage.
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:22,658
Huh! Sounds like our stories
were connected by a theme.
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:24,910
Not really, Jerry.
00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:28,288
Probably a cosmetic connection
your mind mistakes for thematic.
00:21:28,372 --> 00:21:29,790
Oh.
00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:31,875
Old Rick!
Ruinin' everything!
00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:33,627
♪♪
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,912
- Master.
- Speak.
00:22:08,996 --> 00:22:12,082
Coach Feratu's presence was
discovered by the humans.
00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,418
He has been destroyed.
- No bother.
00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,086
The mortals shall soon...
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:17,355
I'm sorry, what did you
say his name was?
00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,214
- Coach Feratu.
- Coach Feratu.
00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:21,550
That was his real name,
like his actual vampire name?
00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:23,677
No no no no. His vampire
name was Balik Alistane.
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,387
Why the fuck
would he name himself
00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:27,281
after a famous vampire movie?
Was he doing a bit?
00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,557
I do not know, your unholiness.
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,267
Jesus fucking Christ.
00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:32,811
From now on, no more of
this clever-name bullshit.
00:22:32,894 --> 00:22:34,539
When a vampire is pretending
to be a human,
00:22:34,563 --> 00:22:35,772
they can just call themselves
00:22:35,856 --> 00:22:37,607
Alan Jefferson
or something like that.
00:22:37,691 --> 00:22:38,984
It's crazy, right?
00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:40,360
I mean, am I being an asshole?
00:22:40,444 --> 00:22:41,987
Okay, I feel like
everybody in the room
00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,297
is looking at me like
I'm the buzzkill.
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:44,322
I'm not?
00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:47,784
Good. Okay. Great.
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,787
Did you get any of that?
00:22:50,871 --> 00:22:52,789
It's-a good-a show!
rus__SRT_-_Full.srt
rus__SRT_-_Full.srt
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:04,900
Ничего.
00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:05,150
Ничего!
00:00:05,150 --> 00:00:07,420
О, эм, одна
повариха умерла.
00:00:07,420 --> 00:00:08,930
Её нашли в спортзале с,
типа, двумя дырками в шее
00:00:08,930 --> 00:00:11,000
и с полностью высосанной кровью.
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,830
Боже правый! Кто
так делает?
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,440
Очевидно, вампир.
Г-г-где перец?
00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:17,110
Что, что?!
Вампиры существуют?!
00:00:17,110 --> 00:00:20,040
Да, Саммер, вампиры
существуют. Кто знал?
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,770
Ой, точно, всё человечество,
уже на протяжении сотен лет.
00:00:22,770 --> 00:00:24,180
Да, Саммер,
вселенная огромна.
00:00:24,180 --> 00:00:26,250
Привыкай.
П-правда, Рик?
00:00:26,710 --> 00:00:27,520
Ну, что мы будем делать?!
00:00:28,050 --> 00:00:29,780
Мы будем жить
пока не умрём.
00:00:29,790 --> 00:00:32,150
Возможно от вампира.
Скорее всего в автокатастрофе
00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:34,360
или от сердечного приступа,
но возможно и от вампира.
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:37,290
Дедушка Рик, не мог бы ты,
как бы, использовать свои суперзнания,
00:00:37,290 --> 00:00:40,360
чтобы превратить себя в подростка,
прийти в школу
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:41,570
и помочь нам поймать вампира?
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,300
Эм... Вау.
00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:46,870
Да, довольно специфический
запрос, Саммер.
00:00:46,870 --> 00:00:49,500
Вероятно я бы мог
превратить себя в подростка
00:00:49,510 --> 00:00:52,040
и тусить в прыщавом,
одурманенном гормонами,
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,340
дешёвом мирке,
которым является старшая школа.
00:00:54,340 --> 00:00:56,040
Но вот мой контр-вопрос...
00:00:56,050 --> 00:00:58,880
Какого чёрта
я вообще так поступлю когда-нибудь?
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,720
Как ты смеешь
вообще спрашивать такое?
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,180
И почему тебе не стыдно?
00:01:03,190 --> 00:01:04,080
Папа!
00:01:04,090 --> 00:01:05,400
Стыдись, сладенькая.
00:01:05,570 --> 00:01:07,090
Джерри! Ты понял, что сказал
нашей дочери?
00:01:07,420 --> 00:01:09,050
Изви-ни! Я не обращал внимание.
00:01:09,430 --> 00:01:11,860
К дискуссии
о вампирах?!
00:01:11,860 --> 00:01:14,600
Очевидно, я не знал,
что она была о вампирах,
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,430
ведь я не обращал внимание.
00:01:16,430 --> 00:01:18,330
Что ты бы поняла,
если бы когда-нибудь
00:01:18,330 --> 00:01:19,670
обращала на меня внимание!
00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:21,570
О, опять,
роль жертвы.
00:01:21,570 --> 00:01:22,900
Я и есть жертва, Бетт,
00:01:22,910 --> 00:01:25,270
или я женат на
грубом, нечестном монстре,
00:01:25,270 --> 00:01:26,250
который постоянно ранит меня?!
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:27,700
Господи Иисусе!
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,000
Вы исправите свои отношения
или наконец разведётесь?
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,320
Ну, мы пробовали
семейного психолога.
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,020
Это Земной психолог.
00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,920
С таким же успехом можно попросить лошадь
починить карусель.
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,390
Я хочу сказать, он будет пытаться
изо всех сил, но скорее всего,
00:01:40,390 --> 00:01:41,770
просто ужаснётся.
00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:44,790
Я знаю одно место вне планеты
со 100%-ой историей успеха.
00:01:45,150 --> 00:01:47,530
Ну, мы бы хотели исправить
это, если мы можем.
00:01:47,530 --> 00:01:48,760
Просто...
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:48,760
Тогда договорились.
00:01:48,770 --> 00:01:49,420
Не нужно собирать вещи.
00:01:49,420 --> 00:01:50,100
Оу!
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,370
Идём, идём, идём, идём!
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,100
Как ты думаешь, мама и папа,
00:01:55,110 --> 00:01:56,170
разведутся?
00:01:56,170 --> 00:01:58,040
Думаю, мечтать не вредно, Морти.
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,600
Пойду сделаю
несколько деревянных колов.
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:09,520
♪
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:31,230
Перевод - savask, стили и тайминг -
alexeymil0, английские субтитры - ButterFox
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:36,410
Я записал вас на двухдневный
интенсивный курс на Брачнии-4,
00:02:36,410 --> 00:02:39,250
это наиболее успешный в галактике
институт консультирования пар.
00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:40,780
Они могут спасти брак
собаки
00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:42,450
и плитки чёрного шоколада.
00:02:42,450 --> 00:02:44,850
Они могут спасти брак
порнозвезды и порнозвезды.
00:02:44,850 --> 00:02:47,290
Ну, я знаю, что я готов
попробовать всё, что для этого потребуется.
00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:49,300
Что явно подразумевает,
что я - нет.
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:50,690
Это не соревнование, Бетт.
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,150
СБРОС
ПАССАЖИРОВ
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:51,198
m -4 -12 l 26
00:02:50,690 --> 00:02:51,990
О, это и есть то, как ты
попытаешься выиграть -
00:02:51,210 --> 00:02:52,150
-4 b 34 -5 37 -10 34 -14 l 2
-22 b -4 -21 -6 -16 -4 -12
00:02:51,990 --> 00:02:53,700
подразумевать, что я соревнуюсь?
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:54,620
Если это тебе подходит.
00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:56,100
Мне подходит надрать тебе зад.
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:56,050
Мечтай!
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,670
Ладно, повеселитесь там.
Увидимся в четверг!
00:02:57,670 --> 00:02:58,570
Оу!
00:02:59,670 --> 00:03:00,400
Подонок.
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,940
Не оскорбляй моего отца.
00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:03,940
Он - причина, почему наши дети
только на половину тупые.
00:03:03,940 --> 00:03:05,770
Ха! Ты только что назвала
себя...
00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:06,470
Оу.
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,250
Бетт и Джерри Смит?
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:08,170
Да.
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:09,720
Я - Глаксо Слимслом.
00:03:09,950 --> 00:03:11,650
Добро пожаловать на Брачнию-4.
00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:14,520
Ваш брак теперь может быть спокойным.
00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:19,020
Джерри, подойдите, сядьте
там и наденьте это.
00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:21,560
Эта машина изолирует
часть мозга испытуемого,
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:25,030
содержащую все представления
о его романтическом партнёре.
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:28,230
И мы теперь отобразим
представления Джерри о Бетт
00:03:28,230 --> 00:03:31,170
с помощью искусственной жизни.
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:36,240
Интересно.
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,900
Что это за чертовщина?!
Верните её назад!
00:03:37,910 --> 00:03:39,620
Ты не думаешь так обо мне!
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,010
Я ничего не делал!
00:03:41,010 --> 00:03:42,310
Они сосканировали это из моего мозга.
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:43,410
Могу я вернуть это назад?
00:03:43,410 --> 00:03:45,210
Нечего жалеть.
Мы имеем дело с
00:03:45,210 --> 00:03:47,210
бессознательными, нездоровыми мыслями.
00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:47,770
Бетт.
00:03:48,490 --> 00:03:51,490
Теперь, мы сосканируем
представления Бетт о Джерри.
00:03:51,490 --> 00:03:53,200
Сканируйте получше.
Он мёртв для меня.
00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:54,050
Для тебя всё мертво.
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,420
Что?
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:55,420
Ничего.
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,830
Смотри и рыдай, сучонок.
00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:04,500
Все ведь понимают, что я имел ввиду?
00:04:04,650 --> 00:04:06,950
Я думаю, мы все понимаем,
что вы оба имеете ввиду.
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,610
Есть какие-нибудь ниточки к вампиру?
00:04:10,610 --> 00:04:12,070
Нет, Саммер!
То есть, знаешь,
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,440
я думаю, возможно это время,
чтобы п-просто забыть об этом.
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,210
Оу, теперь ты слишком
крут для этого,
00:04:16,210 --> 00:04:17,510
просто потому, что дедушка Рик такой?
00:04:17,510 --> 00:04:19,350
Не по этому, просто
вселенная
00:04:19,350 --> 00:04:21,780
немного большая, чтобы беспокоиться
о чём-то таком маленьком.
00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:22,620
Ааа!
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,000
Как дела, мои Хельсинги?
00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:26,550
Кто хочет поохотиться
на вампира? Ха-ха-ха!
00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:27,850
Рик?
Как... как ты...
00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:29,260
Да, мне стало скучно,
а потом я вспомнил,
00:04:29,260 --> 00:04:31,360
как я забил на Саммер эти утром, и подумал:
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,090
"Эй, почему ты такой
сварливый пень, Рик?
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,870
Сходи в гараж,
перенеси сознание
00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,800
в молодого клона себя
и окунись
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,720
в бурное веселье молодости,
в чём проблема?"
00:04:38,940 --> 00:04:40,920
И вот я здесь.
Я крошка-Рик!
00:04:40,950 --> 00:04:42,270
Л-л-ладно.
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:43,700
Ну, хорошо,
что ты здесь, Рик.
00:04:43,710 --> 00:04:45,110
Я была вполне уверена, что
у нас не было всего,
00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,550
что нужно, чтобы справиться с
кровососом самостоятельно.
00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:48,240
Не прибедняйся, Саммер.
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,320
У вас есть всё, что нужно.
Но всё равно будет веселее
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,710
сделать это как чёртова команда,
долбанный крошка-Рик!
00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:55,880
Да! О, Боже мой,
Тоби Мэтьюз!
00:04:55,890 --> 00:04:57,820
Эй, Тоби. Я - крошка-Рик.
Я тут новенький.
00:04:57,820 --> 00:05:00,220
Эй, эм... будь со мной помягче.
Ха-ха. Просто шучу.
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,790
Мне нравится твоя непосредственность
00:05:02,790 --> 00:05:04,660
и этот лабораторный халат довольно клёвый.
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:05,990
Саммер.
00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:07,620
Он знает моё имя!
00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:09,300
Почему бы ему и не знать?
Ты классная!
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,800
Но, слушайте, будьте осторожными.
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,470
Мы не можем исключать никого
из списка подозреваемых на вампира,
00:05:12,470 --> 00:05:14,570
даже красавчиков.
00:05:14,670 --> 00:05:15,800
Хватит, крошка-Рик.
00:05:15,810 --> 00:05:17,840
Охотимся на вампира
с моими внуками!
00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,010
*#&^! Крошка Ри-ик!
00:05:20,470 --> 00:05:22,270
Следующий шаг -
посмотреть, как
00:05:22,250 --> 00:05:25,510
взаимодействуют ваши аватары, и
эм.. большой сюрприз...
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:26,810
Это никогда не бывает приятным.
00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:30,480
Здесь у нас Гарр
и Зарбидар Глумщ,
00:05:30,490 --> 00:05:32,450
или, лучше сказать,
тут у нас то,
00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:34,990
как Гарр и Зарбидар
представляют друг-друга.
00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:38,630
Как мы все видим,
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,000
это вряд ли настоящие
Гарр и Зарбидар.
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,700
Что хорошо,
потому, что из взаимоотношения
00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:45,270
в из головах не только уродливы,
00:05:45,270 --> 00:05:46,550
но и неподдерживаемые.
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,540
Возможно вы уже
поняли кое-что важное...
00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:56,010
Все эти взаимоотношения
различны,
00:05:56,010 --> 00:05:59,280
но ни одно из них не реально,
и ни одно их них не работает.
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:02,520
Мы не монстры,
которыми мы видим друг-друга,
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:06,290
потому, что мы настоящие и живые.
00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:09,660
Это и есть то,
что делает нас лучше их.
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,520
Мы можем находить решения.
00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:13,020
Мы можем адаптироваться.
00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:15,100
Мы можем общаться.
00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:18,500
И, самое важное,
00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:23,120
мы можем работать сообща.
00:06:25,020 --> 00:06:27,380
Ну, это было тяжёлое приключение,
но оно того стоило...
00:06:27,380 --> 00:06:29,040
Наша школа свободна от вампиров!
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,920
Да, кто бы стал подозревать
тренера Ферату?
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,150
Вы хорошо потрудились, ребята.
Я не смог бы справиться без вас.
00:06:34,150 --> 00:06:35,720
Знайте, мы... м-мы
должны гордиться собой.
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,220
Мы убили и вампира,
и физрука.
00:06:38,220 --> 00:06:40,320
Ха-ха-ха. Два
одним ударом, верно?
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,560
Так как именно,
твоё старое тело живёт
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:43,660
там, дедушка Рик?
00:06:43,660 --> 00:06:45,470
О, знаешь,
гипербарическая квантовая жидкость.
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:46,730
Такая штука.
00:06:46,730 --> 00:06:48,950
Оно сохраняет живые ткани.
Не то чтобы было много,
00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:51,730
чего сохранять. Посмотри на эту
мумию! Ха! Ха-ха!
00:06:51,730 --> 00:06:54,620
И, я думаю, пришло время мне
возвращаться во внутрь этого старика.
00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:58,450
О, Боже мой. Тоби Мэтьюз
спрашивает, вне города ли
00:06:58,470 --> 00:07:00,270
мои родители, и
можем ли мы устроить вечеринку!
00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:02,380
Здорово, вперёд, Саммер!
Что я тебе говорил?
00:07:03,020 --> 00:07:05,500
Оу! Он спрашивает,
будет ли крошка-Рик.
00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:07,050
Ну, знаешь что, Саммер?
00:07:07,050 --> 00:07:09,000
Скажи, что крошка-Рик будет!
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,670
И скажи, чтобы принёс
пива!
00:07:10,770 --> 00:07:13,450
Правда? Т-т-т-ты
останешься крошкой-Риком,
00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:14,750
чтобы мы смогли провести вечеринку?
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,560
Да, чёрт подери!
Что там, одна ночь?
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,260
И кто может веселиться с этим
мешающимся старым ублюдком, а?
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,930
Вуби луби дуб дуб!
00:07:21,930 --> 00:07:23,520
Уху!
Крошка-Рик!
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,800
Движемся дальше.
Тут мы имеем Бетт и Джерри Смит
00:07:28,810 --> 00:07:30,600
с планеты Зе-мля.
00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:31,650
У меня сердце стучит.
00:07:31,670 --> 00:07:32,620
Это будет классно.
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,610
Взаимоотношения Зе-млян
проще.
00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:37,280
Это примитивная планета,
так что их дисфункции.. о...
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,110
П-подождите, что?
Что происходит?
00:07:39,420 --> 00:07:40,880
Где аватары Смитов?
00:07:45,890 --> 00:07:47,290
О, Боже мой.
00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:50,020
Ааа! Аа!
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,700
О, Боже мой.
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:52,700
Заприте камеру!
00:07:53,230 --> 00:07:54,820
Аааа!
00:07:55,130 --> 00:07:57,600
Ээ, эй! Знайте, что забавно?
Наш магазин сувениров.
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,400
Почему бы нам не последовать
в организованном...
00:08:02,810 --> 00:08:03,820
О, Боже правый, нет.
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,810
Они взаимозависимы!
00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:06,820
Бежим!
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:09,750
Оу!
00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:17,770
О, да, да,
ты правда знаешь, как
00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:19,200
носить голубой цвет.
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:19,800
Правда?
00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:21,250
Ты очень хорошо выглядишь.
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:21,250
О, Боже мой.
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:24,270
Эй, Морти.
00:08:22,390 --> 00:08:24,270
О, эй... эй, Джессика.
00:08:24,350 --> 00:08:27,820
Так крошка-Рик твой
брат или кузен или...?
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,500
Нет, просто мой дед переправил
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,150
своё сознание
в молодого клона себя,
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,500
чтобы он мог
быть в моей школе.
00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:33,150
Классно.
00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:35,050
Эй, крошка-Рик играет на гитаре.
00:08:35,770 --> 00:08:36,700
Ладно, ребята.
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,420
Эта песня будет
прямо из моего сердца.
00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:40,220
Слова придумываю прямо на ходу.
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,120
♪ Выпусти меня, ♪
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,420
♪ что ты видишь,
не тот же человек ♪
00:08:45,450 --> 00:08:46,520
♪ Моя жизнь - ложь ♪
00:08:46,570 --> 00:08:48,270
♪ Я не тот,
на кого вы смотрите ♪
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,350
♪ Выпусти меня, освободи ♪
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,150
♪ О очень стар,
это не я ♪
00:08:52,370 --> 00:08:55,920
♪ Моё тело умирает в бочке ♪
00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,300
♪ Кто-нибудь слушает, ♪
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,420
♪ кто-нибудь понимает? ♪
00:09:01,550 --> 00:09:04,720
♪ Хватит смотреть так на меня
и помогите по нормальному ♪
00:09:04,750 --> 00:09:05,750
♪ Помогите! ♪
00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:07,950
♪ Помогите, я умру! ♪
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,720
Крошка-Рик!
Всем спасибо!
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:10,920
Этот парень крут!
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:12,100
Я люблю крошку-Рика!
00:09:11,270 --> 00:09:12,100
Кру. тяк.
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,450
Аа!
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,410
Э?
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,500
Какого чёрта?
00:09:36,470 --> 00:09:38,870
Да, я знаю! Что за
работой вы занимаетесь?
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:41,750
Мы? Что за чёртовы отношения между вами?!
00:09:41,850 --> 00:09:43,100
О, да, вините нас.
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:46,170
Ладно, ээ, я могу и я делаю это!
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,620
Ваши одержимые аватары
работают вместе.
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:50,950
Разве это не хорошо?
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,370
Нет. Нет! Это плохо!
00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:56,620
У вас самый худший
брак, что я когда-либо видел.
00:09:56,670 --> 00:09:57,650
Он не должен существовать!
00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:00,720
Вы никогда, никогда, никогда
не должны были встретиться,
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,900
и я не понимаю
как или почему
00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,950
вы вообще остались вместе.
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:05,710
Ааа!
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,050
Ну, это просто
плохой семейный психолог.
00:10:08,050 --> 00:10:08,750
Абсолютно.
00:10:14,850 --> 00:10:16,350
Подождите нас!
00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:17,790
Есть место только на одного.
00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:19,230
Я психолог.
Я поговорю с ними.
00:10:19,230 --> 00:10:21,830
Они не психологи.
Пошли, пошли, пошли!
00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:24,320
Должен быть способ
связаться с отцом.
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,370
Давай найдём панель
управления или что-то в этом роде.
00:10:32,020 --> 00:10:33,870
Бетт!
Ты должна взглянуть на это.
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:34,520
Что это?
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,310
Это маленькая открывающаяся панель
00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:38,810
с небольшим количеством
пространства за ней.
00:10:39,650 --> 00:10:40,970
Если ты найдёшь ещё одну,
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,520
мы будем в безопасности часами,
может днями!
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:46,220
Оставайся тут, Джерри.
00:10:46,550 --> 00:10:48,200
Я пришлю подмогу, если справлюсь.
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,700
Ты не хочешь искать
свою собственную маленькую панель?
00:10:50,890 --> 00:10:53,660
Джерри, я думаю, что
если ты спрячешься один,
00:10:53,660 --> 00:10:55,170
ты сможешь выжить и, я думаю,
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:58,200
я одна имею шанс
выбраться отсюда,
00:10:58,270 --> 00:11:00,050
а вдвоём?
00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:02,150
Не знаю.
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,100
Может тот худыль был прав.
00:11:04,870 --> 00:11:05,750
Удачи.
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:10,820
Ладно, сейчас послушай меня.
00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:11,950
О! Или нет.
00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:13,910
Эй! Не надо! Пожалуйста!
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:18,350
О, Боже, о, Боже, о, Боже!
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,350
Теперь, я знаю,
я раньше говорил,
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,170
что математика важна...
И так и есть!
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,000
Но также я думаю,
однажды, вы все вспомните,
00:11:25,020 --> 00:11:28,690
что учились в старшей школе
с крошкой-Риком и Морти,
00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:31,400
у которых, я слышал,
вчера была крутая вечеринка.
00:11:31,470 --> 00:11:33,600
Так что, урок отменяется.
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:34,870
У вас всех выходной!
00:11:34,870 --> 00:11:37,040
Ура! Хорошая работа,
мистер Голденфолд!
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,210
Да, прогуляйтесь.
Почитайте книжку.
00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:40,640
Нанеси крем от загара, Дэниель!
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,270
Эй, как дела, Саммер!
Оо, хороший топ.
00:11:42,450 --> 00:11:44,570
Спасибо. Крошка-Рик,
как думаешь, может сегодня тебе пора
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,200
вернуться назад
в своё старое тело?
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,200
Не получится. Сегодня
большие танцы
00:11:48,220 --> 00:11:50,970
и Морти позвал Джессику.
Ему нужна поддержка.
00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:51,920
Крошка-Рик!
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:55,020
Ладно, но если не сегодня, то когда?
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,570
Я не знаю.
Когда захочу?
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,950
Чёрт, деваха!
Тебе нужно остудиться!
00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:01,000
Это было твоей
идеей в самом начале,
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:02,770
а теперь ты пытаешься
побыстрее всё завершить.
00:12:02,850 --> 00:12:04,300
Да, и знаешь что?
Мне нравится старшая школа.
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:05,900
Я люблю тусить.
Крошка-Рик!
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,720
Но что, если ты, которому
это нравится, - не ты?
00:12:10,670 --> 00:12:11,700
Ох!
00:12:11,770 --> 00:12:12,740
Оу, Саммер!
00:12:11,770 --> 00:12:12,740
Оу, Саммер!
00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:14,340
Это просто Рик
в молодом теле.
00:12:14,340 --> 00:12:15,600
В чём... в чём...
в чём... в чём...
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:16,920
В чём...
В чём проблема?
00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:18,650
Посмотри на этот рисунок, Морти.
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:19,970
У меня был эмо-удар.
00:12:20,070 --> 00:12:21,570
Это часть того,
что делает меня клёвым.
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,150
Почему тут говорится: "Помогите мне
Морти и Саммер!"?
00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:26,750
Да ладно, Саммер, это
название рисунка.
00:12:26,820 --> 00:12:28,520
Почему рыцарь дорог
назван рыцарем дорог?
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,020
Имя машины было КИТТ.
Никто не ездил на Майкле Найте.
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,020
(прим. пер.: это
отсылка к телесериалу Knight Rider)
00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:33,500
Ты слишком углубляешься, Саммер.
Я - кроошка-Рик!
00:12:33,570 --> 00:12:36,160
Деда, я думаю, что
когда ты переносишь свой разум
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,330
в молодой мозг этого тела,
00:12:37,330 --> 00:12:39,000
он сделал что делают молодые мозги...
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,820
Запихал плохие
мысли в тёмный угол
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:42,540
и построил стену вокруг них.
00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:45,220
Но эти плохие мысли и есть
настоящий Рик.
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:47,070
Тот факт, что ты старый,
тот факт, что
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:48,610
мы все умрём однажды,
тот факт, что
00:12:48,610 --> 00:12:50,780
вселенная настолько большая,
что ничего в ней не имеет значения,
00:12:50,780 --> 00:12:52,810
эти факты и есть ты.
00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:54,510
Так что ты заточён там
и можешь только
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,280
проявляться в виде
тоски крошки-Рика!
00:12:57,870 --> 00:12:59,720
Ну, Саммер, я слышал,
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,220
что Тоби Метьюзу не по душе
девки-психологи.
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:03,670
Не могу припомнить никого,
кому такие нравятся.
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:06,500
Увижу вас, сучат, на танцах!
Крошка-Рик!
00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:08,100
Морти, ты должен помочь мне!
00:13:08,150 --> 00:13:10,400
Саммер, он счастлив!
Я счастлив!
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,020
Т-т-ты делаешь
это потому,
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:13,630
что не хочешь, чтобы я
и Рик были счастливы?
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:14,400
Нет.
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,000
Ну, тогда
выбрось это дерьмо из головы!
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,700
Собери его в кучку
и положи в ранец.
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:21,110
Всё дерьмо, вместе.
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,480
И когда соберёшься
отнести его куда-нибудь,
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:24,710
отнеси, да?
00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:26,250
Отнеси его
в магазин дерьма и продай.
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:28,810
И-или помести его в музей дерьма.
Мне без разницы, что ты сделаешь!
00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:30,720
Просто выбрось его.
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,420
Выброси его.
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,570
Назад!
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,430
Подожди, что?
00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:46,850
Ты и есть то, как Бетт видит меня?
00:13:47,820 --> 00:13:49,000
О, Боже мой.
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,170
Развернись!
00:13:50,170 --> 00:13:51,540
Я сказал, развернись!
00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:54,120
Как у Бетт могут
быть такие мысли обо мне?!
00:13:54,470 --> 00:13:56,470
Эта поверхностная сука-монстр!
00:13:56,850 --> 00:13:58,100
Я не буду с этим мириться.
00:13:58,250 --> 00:13:59,680
Я хочу знать, где моя жена.
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,070
И ты мне поможешь.
00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:04,220
Нет!
Никто так не делает!
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:09,300
Сиди.
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,120
Что ты хочешь?
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:10,900
Джерри.
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:13,690
Ты хочешь Джерри?
00:14:13,690 --> 00:14:15,100
Даже я не хочу Джерри.
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:18,130
Я хочу Джерри.
00:14:18,130 --> 00:14:19,200
Вааии!
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,450
Армию.
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,240
Армию Джерри.
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,870
Его послушность
растрачивается на тебя.
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,310
Я воспользуюсь этим,
чтобы господствовать над вселенной.
00:14:30,310 --> 00:14:31,710
А-ха-ха. Боже,
Джерри наверное думает,
00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:33,870
что я довольно глупая, ведь
ты такая глупая.
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:36,320
Не будет ли больше смысла
поместить моего тупого мужа
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:37,550
в это кресло, чтобы ты могла сделать
00:14:37,550 --> 00:14:39,320
армию из плохих себя?
00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:43,320
Меня никогда не будет
больше одной.
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,790
Я наисильнейшее,
умнейшее живое существо
00:14:45,790 --> 00:14:49,260
потому, что Джерри думает,
что ты намного сильнее
00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:52,560
и умнее, чем ты есть на самом деле!
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,550
Ладно, оу.
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:59,340
♪
00:15:00,370 --> 00:15:01,950
О, эй э-эй!
00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:03,410
Морти, Джессика, как дела?
00:15:03,410 --> 00:15:04,800
Зацените новый танец,
что я придумал.
00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:06,750
Он называется "ууу освободи меня!"
00:15:07,020 --> 00:15:08,000
♪ Освободи меня ♪
00:15:08,150 --> 00:15:09,120
♪ Освободи меня ♪
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,750
♪ Это не танец ♪
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,100
♪ Я молю о помощи ♪
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:13,250
♪ Я кричу о помощи ♪
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,920
♪ Пожалуйста, приди и освободи меня ♪
00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:16,000
♪ Освободи меня ♪
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:17,260
♪ Освободи меня ♪
00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:18,900
♪ Это не танец ♪
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,020
♪ Я молю о помощи ♪
00:15:20,260 --> 00:15:21,220
♪ Я кричу о помощи ♪
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:22,660
♪ Пожалуйста, приди и освободи меня ♪
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:23,860
♪ Я умираю в бочке ♪
00:15:23,870 --> 00:15:25,600
♪ В гараааже ♪
00:15:26,850 --> 00:15:27,970
Восхитительно!
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,600
Ладно, последняя часть
была действительно странной.
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,300
Может Саммер
знает что-то об этом.
00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:32,640
Я не знаю.
Это было весело.
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,210
Хочешь потанцевать?
00:15:38,810 --> 00:15:40,750
Крошка-Рик, эй,
как обычно хороший танец.
00:15:40,850 --> 00:15:42,880
Можно тебя на минутку?
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,780
Крошка-Рик, эта беседа
00:15:44,790 --> 00:15:46,150
разобьёт мое сердце на куски.
00:15:46,370 --> 00:15:47,790
Ты хороший ученик,
и тот факт, что
00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:49,820
ты 80-летний старик
в клонированном теле,
00:15:49,820 --> 00:15:51,060
никогда меня не волновал.
00:15:51,270 --> 00:15:52,630
Но это другое дело.
00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:54,560
Ты узнаёшь это?
00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:56,230
Мы получили сообщение,
что это в твоём ящичке.
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,030
Да, теперь, так как
физрук был вампиром,
00:15:59,030 --> 00:16:00,530
школьный совет в неудобном положении
00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:01,840
и не будет предавать это огласке,
но
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,140
они не могут оставлять учеников,
убивающих учителей.
00:16:03,140 --> 00:16:05,510
Мне придётся отчислить тебя
за это, говоря прямо.
00:16:05,820 --> 00:16:06,870
Извини.
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,570
Меня только что отчислили, Саммер!
00:16:10,850 --> 00:16:13,650
О! Так что, видимо, нет больше
причин оставаться молодым.
00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:14,680
Мой топ!
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:15,910
В задницу твой топ!
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,380
Ты обманула меня?!
Я - крошка-Рик!
00:16:17,570 --> 00:16:19,750
Отлично! Да!
Потому, что я люблю тебя
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,490
и пытаюсь
спасти твою жизнь!
00:16:21,490 --> 00:16:23,760
Старшая школа - моя жизнь!
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,860
Саммер Смит -
задрот-психолог
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,990
и она только что добилась, что
меня исключили!
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,070
Ууу!
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:36,500
Саммер, я думал, ты классная!
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:37,940
Мне жаль, хорошо?
00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:39,510
Как ты можешь быть такой сукой?
00:16:39,510 --> 00:16:41,670
О, Боже мой, Морти.
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,010
Твоя сестра взбесила крошку-Рика!
00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:46,180
Какое саморазрушение.
00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:47,400
Ага.
00:16:49,450 --> 00:16:51,180
Эй, Джеррилюбка!
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,270
Как тебе по вкусу
оригинал?
00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:55,500
Джерри!
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:57,720
Ах. Ах. Ах.
00:16:57,730 --> 00:17:00,160
АаааАааааа.
00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:03,800
Не в мою смену.
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,100
Это оно!
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,820
Бетт, это я, твой муж!
00:17:09,850 --> 00:17:11,750
Я тут, чтобы спасти тебя.
00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:14,310
Или меня зовут не Джерри Смит!
00:17:14,550 --> 00:17:16,140
Ага!
Да!
00:17:16,140 --> 00:17:16,940
Джерри Смит!
00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:18,580
Да, здесь.
Ага!
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:19,810
Ладно, разумно.
00:17:26,390 --> 00:17:29,090
Скажи спокойной ночи, старикан.
00:17:30,390 --> 00:17:32,090
Какого чёрта вы делаете?!
00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:32,090
Положи это!
00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:34,250
Саммер, сука!
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,270
Не разговаривай с ней так!
Она - твоя внучка!
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,800
Мне не нужна внучка!
Я крошка-Риик!
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,620
Она - моя сестра!
А если крошка-Рик
00:17:40,670 --> 00:17:42,720
собирается быть задницей
по отношению к моей сестре, тогда,
00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:44,570
знаешь, т-т-ты
с таким же успехом можешь быть старым.
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,070
Ты думаешь, ты крутой,
да, Морти?
00:17:46,070 --> 00:17:47,740
Что ты сделаешь?
Я - крошка-Рик.
00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:49,280
Я самый клёвый ребёнок
в твоей школе.
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,850
Как ты собираешься заставить меня
делать то, что ты хочешь, а?
00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:54,310
Я собираюсь сделать то, что сделал бы
настоящий Рик, если бы он был здесь...
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,080
Я надеру тебе зад!
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:57,280
Ооооо!
00:17:58,970 --> 00:18:00,450
Рик, я знаю, ты там!
00:18:00,850 --> 00:18:02,220
Я знаю, ты пытаешься выбраться!
00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:03,760
То, что надо, Морти!
Держи его!
00:18:05,590 --> 00:18:07,790
♪ Пей, детка ♪
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,860
♪ Сиди всю ночь ♪
00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:11,700
Слушай это, крошка-Рик.
00:18:11,930 --> 00:18:13,470
Слушай Эллиотта Смита.
00:18:13,470 --> 00:18:14,470
Ух! Нет!
00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:15,930
Почувствуй, что он чувствует.
00:18:15,940 --> 00:18:19,000
Ух! Нееееет! Боже!
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,610
♪ Что ты никогда не увидишь ♪
00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:22,500
О, Боже, что есть жизнь?
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:25,900
Как кто-то такой талантливый
мог умереть так рано?
00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,170
Что такое быть молодым?
00:18:27,250 --> 00:18:28,420
Я не молод.
Я стар.
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:29,780
Я... я умру.
00:18:29,780 --> 00:18:31,450
Моё тело не настоящее.
00:18:31,450 --> 00:18:32,650
Морти! Саммер!
00:18:32,650 --> 00:18:33,950
Это я! Это Рик!
00:18:33,970 --> 00:18:35,050
Обычный Рик!
00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:37,150
Рик! Как мы можем вернуть тебя
назад в твоё тело?
00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:39,130
Ладно, слушайте внимательно.
Там есть набор диодов
00:18:39,130 --> 00:18:41,330
на панели управления бочки,
голубой и красный.
00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:43,030
О, Боже, что это
за мир такой?
00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:44,960
Я не просил, чтобы меня рожали.
Вы должны подсоединить
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:47,200
голубой к моему левому виску,
а красный к...
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,670
Почему я никому
не нравлюсь?
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:50,350
Сконцентрируйся, деда!
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:50,820
Просто подключите тупые провода
00:18:50,850 --> 00:18:52,550
к моей голове!
Ненавижу быть подростком!
00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:02,250
Ух! Арррг!
00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:07,220
А! Ыыыыы!
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,990
Джерри, ты не можешь гнуть металл.
00:19:09,990 --> 00:19:11,400
Тогда сделай меня, что может!
00:19:11,470 --> 00:19:12,930
Как я могу сделать это,
когда вижу, что
00:19:12,930 --> 00:19:15,230
ты абсолютно не можешь гнуть металл?
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:16,500
Старая-добрая Бетт!
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:18,730
Ум робота
и сердце насекомого!
00:19:18,730 --> 00:19:20,530
Не говори так о ней.
00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:22,400
Что?
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,240
О, это больно!
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,070
О, Боже.
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,210
Стоп.
00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:33,150
Это представление
огорчает меня.
00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,910
Ааа!
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,220
Боже правый.
Как ты...?
00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:44,060
Ну, у меня было ощущение,
что в твоей голове
00:19:44,060 --> 00:19:46,220
идеальная версия меня
достаточно умна,
00:19:46,230 --> 00:19:47,690
чтобы представлять тебя как...
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:48,960
Богиню.
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,930
Не такой уж ты и глупый червь,
не так ли?
00:19:51,930 --> 00:19:54,300
Дорогая, когда дело идёт о
твоём эго,
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:56,700
я чёртов Стивен Хокингсон.
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,770
Ах, это...
Не важно.
00:19:59,350 --> 00:20:00,770
Я люблю тебя.
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:08,550
Ух ах.
00:20:08,550 --> 00:20:09,650
Штаны!
00:20:08,550 --> 00:20:09,650
Рик!
00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:10,920
Боже мой!
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:12,570
Спасибо, детки.
Вы догадались.
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,050
Ну, Саммер догадалась.
00:20:14,220 --> 00:20:16,050
Немного странно, что
ты хотел
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:18,100
продать моё существование
в обмен на какую-то пилотку, Морти.
00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:18,750
Что?!
00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:18,750
Штаны!
00:20:18,820 --> 00:20:21,200
Но слушай... Я прощаю вас обоих
потому, что, знаете, что?
00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:22,960
Сегодня я узнал
кое-что важное...
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,970
Ум подростка -
его главный враг.
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,100
О, я также узнал...
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,240
Что операция Феникс - не подстраховка,
как я думал.
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,120
Видимо снова пора
за доску.
00:20:34,170 --> 00:20:35,000
О, Боже мой!
00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:35,970
О, Боже мой!
00:20:35,970 --> 00:20:38,440
Надень штаны!
00:20:35,970 --> 00:20:38,440
О, Боже мой.
00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:39,750
Надень штаны.
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,520
Дедушка вернулся, детка!
00:20:41,650 --> 00:20:42,910
Дедушкины...
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,080
О, чёрт, мне пора
забирать ваших родителей.
00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:46,750
Они завалили меня звонками.
00:20:46,750 --> 00:20:48,070
Ещё один удар на дорожку!
00:20:48,070 --> 00:20:49,590
Аааааа!
00:20:48,070 --> 00:20:49,590
Аааааа!
00:20:49,590 --> 00:20:51,260
Ради Бога,
оденься!
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,860
Так, что ты думаешь?
Хочешь
00:20:55,860 --> 00:20:57,800
сохранить этот брак
на подольше?
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:01,170
По крайней мере пока Морти
не выпустится.
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:02,640
Оу. Мм.
00:21:04,770 --> 00:21:07,170
Ага, видите?
Что я вам говорил?
00:21:07,170 --> 00:21:08,170
Сработало.
00:21:08,180 --> 00:21:09,940
Знаешь что, Рик?
В каком-то роде...
00:21:09,940 --> 00:21:12,150
Мне уже не интересно.
Залезайте в машину.
00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:13,550
Я был внутри ребёнка
весь день и теперь
00:21:13,570 --> 00:21:15,400
я чувствую, как мои кости
царапают друг-друга.
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,880
Эм, чтобы вы были готовы,
00:21:17,890 --> 00:21:19,450
в гараже лежит куча мёртвых меня.
00:21:19,550 --> 00:21:23,560
Ха! Похоже, что наши истории
были связаны одной темой.
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:25,460
На самом деле, нет, Джерри.
00:21:25,460 --> 00:21:28,830
Скорее всего поверхностная связь,
спутанная тобой с тематической.
00:21:29,070 --> 00:21:30,030
О.
00:21:30,030 --> 00:21:32,460
Старый Рик!
Обламывает всё!
00:21:32,470 --> 00:21:34,070
♪
00:22:07,570 --> 00:22:08,670
Господин.
00:22:08,670 --> 00:22:09,740
Говори.
00:22:09,740 --> 00:22:11,050
Присутствие тренера Ферату
00:22:11,070 --> 00:22:12,670
было обнаружено людьми.
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,150
Он был уничтожен.
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:15,070
Не проблема.
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:16,380
Смертные скоро...
00:22:16,380 --> 00:22:17,780
Простите, как вы сказали
его звали?
00:22:17,780 --> 00:22:18,580
Тренер Ферату.
00:22:18,610 --> 00:22:19,510
Тренер Ферату?
00:22:19,510 --> 00:22:22,010
Это было его настоящее имя,
то есть, вампирское?
00:22:22,020 --> 00:22:24,700
Нет, нет, нет, нет. Его вампирское
имя было Балик Алистэйн.
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:25,820
Какого лешего
он назвал себя
00:22:25,850 --> 00:22:27,920
в честь знаменитого фильма о вампирах?
Он там участвовал?
00:22:27,950 --> 00:22:29,420
Я не знаю, ваше злобнейшество.
00:22:29,450 --> 00:22:30,650
Боже мой.
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,290
Отныне никаких этих
умных имён.
00:22:33,290 --> 00:22:34,960
Когда вампир притворяется человеком,
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,260
он может просто назвать себя
00:22:36,260 --> 00:22:38,100
Алан Джефферсон
или что-то типа того.
00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:39,370
Странно, правда?
00:22:39,370 --> 00:22:40,870
Я хочу сказать, я ведь не придираюсь?
00:22:40,870 --> 00:22:42,370
Ладно, я чувствую,
что никто в комнате
00:22:42,370 --> 00:22:43,740
не смотрит на меня,
как на зануду.
00:22:43,740 --> 00:22:44,800
Да, ведь?
00:22:44,810 --> 00:22:46,120
Хорошо. Ладно. Замечательно.
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:49,780
О, Боже м...!
00:22:49,780 --> 00:22:51,130
Ты что-нибудь понял?
00:22:51,130 --> 00:22:53,140
Это хорошее шоу!
Скриншоты
