Пора швифтануться

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Hey, golf is easy now!

00:00:16,476 --> 00:00:19,229

Aah! Golf is hard again!

Golf is hard again!

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The view from here

is the same as yours, Jim.

00:00:21,439 --> 00:00:23,525

A giant head

has entered Earth's gravity,

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triggering climate change

and natural disasters

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we thought were impossible for

at least another eight years.

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Let's not

make this political, Terry.

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Do we know

what this giant head wants?

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[Clears throat]

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Show me what you got.

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Jim, you heard the... said...

"Show me what you got."

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Show me what you got.

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I want to see what you got.

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RICK:

Oh, boy. Time to go, Morty.

00:00:47,549 --> 00:00:48,549

Uh, where?

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The Pentagon.

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I mean, not the Pentagon.

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[Burps]

The lame one here on Earth.

00:00:53,638 --> 00:00:56,641

♪♪

00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:27,212

SUMMER: Is it God?

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If it's God,

do we get out of school?

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It's not God, Summer.

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She's allowed to think it's God

if she wants, honey.

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Shut up, Jerry.

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Okay.

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Dad, what do you know

about this?

00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:38,826

Morty and I

are going to look into it.

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You guys hold tight.

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Scary stuff, huh?

Pretty freaky.

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Hi.

I'm Morty's math teacher.

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I'm also part of the

street team inviting folks

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to the church downtown

so we can pray together.

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How is praying going to help?

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Ma'am, a giant head in the sky

is controlling the weather.

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Did you want to play checkers?

Let's be rational!

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I'll see you at God's house!

00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:02,665

[Indistinct conversations]

00:02:02,749 --> 00:02:05,460

Gentlemen, gentlemen!

One at a time! Simon?

00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:07,754

Seti, Norad, and every

broadcaster on the planet

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are attempting to show this

being what humanity's got...

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String Theory, World History,

the Human Genome...

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Have you tried

sending it launch codes?

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Mr. President,

what America's got

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is 70,000 megatons

of kaboom-boom,

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and I say we show it right

up this floating head's ass.

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No, you need to let me talk!

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Shut up!

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Hold it! Don't move!

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Stay back! This watch

turns people into snakes!

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♪♪

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Oh!

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Stand down!

Everybody, stand down!

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I'm the leader of these people,

and I'm unarmed.

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There's no need

for any more snake-makery.

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My name is Rick Sanchez.

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This here is my grandson, Morty.

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- ALL: Hi, Morty.

- Hey.

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I've seen enough of the Galaxy

to know what we've got here

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is a Cromulon

from the Signus Five Expanse.

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So you can forget about nukes,

and you can forget about math.

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This head won't go away

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until [burps] Earth

shows them it's got...

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a hit song.

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- A hit song?

- We can't possibly...

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- You mean like Vivaldi?

- No, Frasier.

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A live performance of a newly

written, catchy original song.

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The Cromulon feed on

the talent and showmanship

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of less-evolved

life-forms.

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All right, all right.

Thank you, Mr. Sanchez.

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Change of plan, people.

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Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman,

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Billy Corgan,

and The-Dream.

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The-Dream?

00:03:17,407 --> 00:03:18,967

He wrote "Umbrella"

and "Single Ladies"?

00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,785

You people

haven't heard of The-Dream?

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You're gonna want to put them

on that giant speaker system

00:03:22,871 --> 00:03:24,831

at your sonic testing

facility at Area 51.

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How do you know about that?

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For god's sake, Nathan,

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the man turns people

into snakes.

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He can use Google maps.

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Sir, Pharrell, Newman,

Corgan, and that Dream guy...

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- They're all dead.

- What?

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How is that possible? Do people

just die when I name them?

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The Grammys, sir.

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There was an earthquake

and... all the musicians,

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all the famous ones...

they're gone.

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Dear god.

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Hold on, sir.

Just a minute.

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Ice-T survived.

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He's inbound on an F-15,

E.T.A. two hours.

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Good luck,

Mr. President.

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Sir, the magnetic poles

are about to reverse.

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In two hours, there may not be

an Earth to save.

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Sanchez?

Are you a musician?

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I dabble,

Mr. President.

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Get this man and his grandson

on a Black Hawk to Area 51.

00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:05,955

People! Everyone!

Remain calm!

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Every crisis of faith is

an opportunity for more faith.

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When God deals you an 11,

you don't fold!

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You double down!

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And always hit on a soft 16.

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That means you, Jews.

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I beg your pardon, Pastor,

but the last I looked outside,

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it seems to be you

that's been dealt the weak hand.

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Jews rule!

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Nobody?

Okay, tough church.

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Hi.

Principal Vagina...

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The name's real,

possibly Scandinavian.

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I'm just gonna come out

and make this pitch...

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The old gods are dead.

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Fuck all previous

existing religions.

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All hail the one true God...

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The giant head in the sky.

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- Children of God!

- Ah-ta-ta-ta!

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Bob, Bob, I get it.

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But unless this can beat that,

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what have you

done for me lately?

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So, if you'll all excuse me,

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I'm going out onto the sidewalk,

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I'm dropping to my knees,

and pledging my eternal soul

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to the thing that literally

controls the fucking weather.

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Out of my way.

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Okay.

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If sanity's been restored

to this assembly,

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I'd like to talk about the cost

of repairing our new organ.

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Sally, the plate, please.

00:05:06,641 --> 00:05:08,768

Oh!

This is my favorite part!

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Rick, are you really a musician?

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Who's not a musician, Morty?

00:05:13,648 --> 00:05:15,525

- Me!

- Yeah, not with that attitude.

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We're in the drop zone!

I'm the jumpmaster!

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My name's Jamey...

With an e-y!

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Go, go, go!

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B-but...

But we don't have a song!

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Giant head in the sky, please

forgive all that we've done.

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We're sorry for our

increased levels of emissions

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and our racism

and, of course, the amber alerts

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I keep ignoring on my phone.

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BOTH:

Whoa!

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All right, Morty.

Let's get... let's do it.

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Why don't you, uh, find a button

on one of those keyboards

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and lay down some kind of beat?

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Rick, I think

we need to cut our losses.

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W-we get our family

and portal out of here!

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Morty, good music comes from

people who are relaxed.

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Just hit a button, Morty!

Give me a beat!

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Oh, man. Okay.

All right, um...

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[techno beat plays]

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♪ Oh, yeah ♪

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♪ You gotta get schwifty ♪

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♪ You gotta

get schwifty in here ♪

00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:02,113

♪ It's time to

get schwifty ♪

00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,573

♪ Uh-oh ♪

00:06:03,656 --> 00:06:06,034

Get "Schwifty"?

What the hell is that?

00:06:06,117 --> 00:06:08,995

It's our world's best effort.

That's what.

00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:10,788

♪ Take off your pants

and your panties ♪

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♪ Shit on the floor ♪

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♪ Time to

get schwifty in here ♪

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♪ I'm Mr. Bulldops ♪

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"Mr. Bulldops"?

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Don't analyze it, Nathan.

It's working!

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♪ Take a shit on the floor ♪

00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,635

♪ Time to

get schwifty in here ♪

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[Rumbling stops]

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...and third-level donors

get our all-access family pass.

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Listen!

The storm is stopping!

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♪ Hey, take your pants off ♪

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♪ It's schwifty

time today ♪

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[Music stops]

- Hmm.

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Please be kind to us,

for we are but tiny things

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with entire bodies,

stuck to your ground.

00:06:46,866 --> 00:06:51,788

I like what you got!

Good job!

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- Yea[burps]h!

- Whoo!

00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:55,041

We did it!

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[All cheering]

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What do you know?

He was right!

00:06:58,711 --> 00:07:00,963

- Hooray Principal Vagina!

- Yeah, I'll take it.

00:07:01,047 --> 00:07:02,131

Now, hold on a second!

00:07:02,215 --> 00:07:04,092

Let's be rational about this.

00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,719

No, I'm...

I'm just saying,

00:07:06,803 --> 00:07:08,930

we don't know there's

a cause-effect relationship...

00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,640

[rumbling]

- Oh, my god!

00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:11,641

What is going on now?!

00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:12,892

Whoa! Whoa!

00:07:14,018 --> 00:07:15,978

♪♪

00:07:20,316 --> 00:07:21,859

What the hell happened?

00:07:21,943 --> 00:07:23,778

Mr. President,

you're gonna want to see this.

00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:26,072

I think planet Earth

has just been transported.

00:07:26,155 --> 00:07:28,783

PRINCIPAL VAGINA: The Head has left

and sent its children.

00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,576

Holy crap!

00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:33,538

Oh, dear giant Head, we

apologize for that discussion.

00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:35,248

It will never happen again.

00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:37,041

Oh, dear...

Oh, dear giant Head...

00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:38,709

[all praying]

00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:40,795

Sir, we started picking up on

a garbled signal.

00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,046

We're decrypting it now.

00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,217

HEAD: We asked them

to show us what they got,

00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,094

and they did.

00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:51,139

Now we'll see which of them

has got the most.

00:07:51,222 --> 00:07:55,685

24 hours, 5 planets, 5 songs.

00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:58,146

But in the end,

there can only be one...

00:07:58,229 --> 00:08:00,106

Planet Music!

00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,774

All participation

is involuntary.

00:08:01,858 --> 00:08:03,109

Disqualified and losing planets

00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:05,111

are disintegrated by plasma ray.

00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:06,904

Uh, it's probably a bad time

to mention it,

00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:10,199

but any astronauts you guys had

in orbit are definitely dead.

00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,829

HEAD:

Welcome back to "Planet Music"!

00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:16,539

First up,

let's hear the latest song

00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:20,001

from planet Parblesnops',

The Greeby Bobes!

00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:21,711

Show me what you got!

00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:24,005

Hold it, hold it.

Stop.

00:08:24,088 --> 00:08:26,549

Music isn't about

competition or captivity.

00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:28,676

If you love music,

you love freedom.

00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,554

Let these worlds be free!

Please!

00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,389

Disqualified.

00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:36,391

[Buzzer]

00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:38,853

There's one every season.

00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:42,023

Moving on to

planet Arboles Mentirosos.

00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:46,652

Arbolian Mentirososians,

show us what you got!

00:08:46,736 --> 00:08:48,404

A 2, 3, 4!

00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,489

[Mid-tempo music plays]

00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:59,707

[Guitar strumming,

sour notes play]

00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:02,043

Rick, Morty, Ice-T,

the timetable's moved up.

00:09:02,126 --> 00:09:03,711

Earth's on in six hours.

00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:05,880

Like we're not already

under enough pressure?!

00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,840

- Whoa! Whoa!

- [laughs] Yeah!

00:09:07,924 --> 00:09:10,885

Geez, Morty, the guy's just

doing his job. Take it easy.

00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:13,804

Rick, Ice-T, could you guys

take it less easy?!

00:09:13,888 --> 00:09:15,890

We've got six hours

to come up with a song!

00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:17,683

Genius happens in

the moment, Morty.

00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:19,352

Well, can we at least

go get our family?

00:09:19,435 --> 00:09:20,621

You know, so we can

take them wis...

00:09:20,645 --> 00:09:22,063

With u...

With us if we lose?

00:09:22,146 --> 00:09:23,648

That's planning for

failure, Morty.

00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,066

Even dumber

than regular planning.

00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:26,150

Balls.

00:09:26,484 --> 00:09:27,902

Morty, Morty, stop.

Listen.

00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,630

There's only so much charge

left in this thing.

00:09:29,654 --> 00:09:31,364

If we portal home

from here and back,

00:09:31,447 --> 00:09:33,383

we're not gonna have enough

charge left to get off world.

00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:34,407

- Get it?

- What?!

00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:35,660

Yeah.

[burps] You see?

00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:36,911

I try to shelter you

00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:38,388

from certain realities

[burps] Morty,

00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:39,848

because if I let you

make me nervous,

00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:41,415

then we can't get schwifty.

00:09:41,499 --> 00:09:43,626

Stop saying it like

it's a thing! You made it up!

00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:45,086

Hey, Morty, could you lick my...

00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:46,629

balls, balls...

00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,339

Rick, cut it out!

It's not funny, Rick!

00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:51,092

I've seen enough.

These guys are one-hit wonders.

00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:52,426

And what's your plan, General?

00:09:52,510 --> 00:09:53,803

We still have

the nuclear option.

00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,930

On my word,

we can launch a missile

00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:58,099

at every one

of those heads in the sky.

00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:00,476

Our planet's held captive

on a live game show,

00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,162

and your solution

is to shoot the audience?

00:10:02,186 --> 00:10:04,456

You can put your faith in nukes

if we get through this, General.

00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,108

Until then, I'll put mine

in Rick and Morty.

00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:09,694

"Get Schwifty" was a jam.

00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,779

Hello?

Yes, sir, yeah.

00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,364

Eh, thank you, sir.

Thank you.

00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,825

He says he's proud

of what we're doing

00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:19,537

and hopes we have

a great ascension festival!

00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:20,620

Happy ascension!

00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:21,872

ALL:

Happy ascension!

00:10:21,956 --> 00:10:23,833

We should pack up

and leave town now.

00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:26,669

I think it's inspiring that our

community is coping with fear

00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:29,046

in a way that involves a

festival and homemade ice cream.

00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:31,424

If you'd stop being

such an evangelical atheist,

00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,384

you might

start enjoying yourself.

00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,969

Whoa!

Look at you!

00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,595

You're wearing the hat

and everything!

00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:37,972

Here's yours!

00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:40,099

Mom, do you mind

if I cook dinner tonight?

00:10:40,182 --> 00:10:42,143

Yeah, sure.

Wait. What?

00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:44,895

I love you guys.

You gave me life.

00:10:44,979 --> 00:10:46,605

And it's the will

of the many Heads

00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,733

that all children

honor their parents.

00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,109

Dinner sounds nice.

00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:51,652

Pardon,

Mr. And Mrs. Smith.

00:10:51,736 --> 00:10:53,571

Summer, are you

coming to the ascension?

00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,906

Father, can we please

go to the ascension?

00:10:55,990 --> 00:10:57,700

Sure!

Let's go to the ascension.

00:10:57,783 --> 00:10:58,951

Wh-wh-what is it?

00:10:59,035 --> 00:11:01,162

We hereby send these

unwantables skyward

00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:03,789

that they might be inhaled

by the many Heads,

00:11:03,873 --> 00:11:06,959

later to be sneezed back to us

as better babies.

00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:09,170

Headward, free now to rise.

00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:11,172

Headward, free now to rise.

00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:12,673

Headward, free now to rise.

00:11:12,757 --> 00:11:15,426

Oh, yes! Yes!

Rise to the giant Head!

00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,053

You are free to be free!

00:11:17,136 --> 00:11:19,138

And squeegee comes up

from the garage, right?

00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:20,890

But he's got a lobster

in one hand,

00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:22,909

the movie tickets in the other,

he's like, "I'm ready!"

00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:23,934

[laughs]

00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:25,954

You gonna take a lobster

to see "Iron Man 3"?

00:11:25,978 --> 00:11:27,855

[laughing] Ice-T!

00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:29,065

Ah, damn.

00:11:29,148 --> 00:11:31,150

We're out of

original-flavor Fig Newtons.

00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:32,568

I should get going anyway.

00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:33,903

Wait, wait, wait!

C-come on.

00:11:33,986 --> 00:11:35,988

H-hold on a second.

Hold on.

00:11:38,032 --> 00:11:39,700

- What?!

- Damn.

00:11:39,784 --> 00:11:41,928

You didn't tell me you fuck

around with portals and shit.

00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:43,037

That's it!

[grunts]

00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,497

Whoa, whoa, Morty!

Give me that.

00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:45,807

You lied! You lied

about the charge!

00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,124

You were just being lazy!

00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:48,209

Get back!

Sit down!

00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:49,585

Morty, just put it down.

00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:50,948

You don't know

what you're doing.

00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:52,755

I'm going to go

find mom and dad!

00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:53,756

No!

00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:54,757

Oh shit.

00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,133

Oh shit.

00:11:56,217 --> 00:11:59,011

♪♪

00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:07,061

[Farting]

00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:09,730

Oh shit.

00:12:09,814 --> 00:12:11,649

And then Ethan played guitar,

and we learned

00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:14,235

the seven contemplations

of the Head by singing them.

00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:16,153

It was really fun.

00:12:16,237 --> 00:12:17,571

Praise be the Head!

00:12:17,655 --> 00:12:19,949

- BOTH: Praise be the...

- Yeah.

00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:21,867

Hi, folks.

Head Priest Vagina.

00:12:21,951 --> 00:12:23,744

Thanks for farming

all those potatoes.

00:12:23,828 --> 00:12:25,268

It's 6:00 p.m,

so if you're a parent,

00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:27,957

you're now entitled to

adoration from your children.

00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,625

I'm going to start dinner!

00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:30,918

I don't know what to say.

00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,962

Summer

is doing really well here.

00:12:33,045 --> 00:12:35,798

She's aced every test

in potato class,

00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:37,967

and look how important

potatoes have become.

00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:41,762

She's not getting pregnant or

doing drugs or missing curfew.

00:12:41,846 --> 00:12:43,848

Please help me.

You can reach me if you try.

00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,266

Please help me!

00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:47,518

That's not our business

as long as Summer is thriving.

00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,270

Taco time!

00:12:49,353 --> 00:12:51,730

I hope it pleases you

as the Head desires.

00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:53,274

That's wonderful, Summer.

00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:55,025

We're so proud of you.

00:12:55,109 --> 00:12:57,528

But obviously you don't have to

make dinner every night.

00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:59,947

Of course I do, silly!

[gasps]

00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,992

Oh, my god, daddy!

I'm sorry I called you silly!

00:13:03,075 --> 00:13:04,618

I'm so sorry!

00:13:04,702 --> 00:13:06,120

Heavenly Heads

and cranial creator,

00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:08,747

forgive my transgressions

against family and community.

00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:11,250

May my chores complete me

as I complete them.

00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:14,712

[Door closes]

00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,798

♪♪

00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:27,850

Morty.

00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:28,726

Birdperson?

00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:29,809

You appear to be dying.

00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,228

I will make efforts

to prevent this

00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:32,688

but can promise nothing.

00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:33,772

[Groans]

00:13:34,315 --> 00:13:36,317

[Mid-tempo music plays]

00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:41,047

Wh-what do you think, Ice?

Probably a little overdeveloped.

00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,866

Shit, overdeveloped,

underdeveloped...

00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,242

A bad song's a bad song.

00:13:45,326 --> 00:13:46,785

Well, do you think, maybe...

00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,054

Could you give me

some help with it, or...?

00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,330

Aw, hell no, man.

00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:51,248

You do your thing,

but I can't afford to

00:13:51,332 --> 00:13:52,809

get my pride wrapped up

in your shame.

00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,168

You know what I'm saying?

00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:56,188

Ice, I don't want to be

a negative Nelly or anything,

00:13:56,212 --> 00:13:58,148

but [burps] if Morty doesn't

come back with my portal gun

00:13:58,172 --> 00:13:59,632

and I eat it out there,

00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,592

it's, uh, you know,

kind of your problem, too.

00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:04,595

Pfft! I ain't worried about

no Earth blowing up, man.

00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:05,930

What? Why not?

00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,849

Yo, this is why.

00:14:08,933 --> 00:14:10,976

What the fuck,

you can turn into ice?

00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:13,270

My story begins

at the dawn of time

00:14:13,354 --> 00:14:15,898

in the faraway realm

of Alphabetrium.

00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:19,026

There, every being

is a letter of the alphabet.

00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:23,113

But I was frozen and exiled

to the cosmos by my elders

00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:26,200

as punishment for not

caring enough about anything.

00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,244

Earth is just

one of my many stops

00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:31,080

on a lifelong journey

with no destination.

00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,749

So you better believe

I don't care if it blows up,

00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,919

because I'll just be

ice floating through space,

00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,629

like a comet.

00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,752

Take it from me, Ice,

[burps] you can't just [burps]

00:14:40,798 --> 00:14:43,133

Float around space

not caring about stuff forever.

00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:44,969

Pfft.

Man, watch me.

00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,720

Good luck, Rick.

00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:52,101

Okay, things are getting

out of hand.

00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:53,828

I better make sure

Rick has everything he needs

00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:54,979

to get schwifty.

00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,814

Oh, for god's sakes.

That's enough.

00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,333

What the hell are

you doing, Nathan?!

00:14:58,357 --> 00:15:00,776

I'm the goddamn President

of the United fucking States!

00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:02,419

I'm setting the nuclear

option to launch

00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:04,405

one minute

into Earth's performance.

00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:07,157

And you,

Mr. President...

00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:10,244

I hope you like being

hit in the face with a gun.

00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:13,163

Wait, wait, wait.

Why... why...

00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,334

I believe I can access

the history of Rick's gun

00:15:17,418 --> 00:15:18,836

and help you get back to him.

00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,105

But can you help me

get to my family?

00:15:20,129 --> 00:15:21,255

You know,

at... at my house?

00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,257

Is your intention

to abandon Rick

00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:24,883

using his own portal gun?

00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:27,678

In Bird culture,

this is considered a dick move.

00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,680

All of Rick's moves

are dick moves!

00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:30,973

What...

What am I eating?

00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:32,433

Wh-what is this,

bird... birdseed?

00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:34,977

It is random debris.

I found it in my carpet.

00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,437

I don't know what humans eat.

00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,147

You know what this human eats.

00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:39,273

Don't be gross, Tammy.

00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:40,774

Bird dick.

00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,234

Tammy, gross.

00:15:42,318 --> 00:15:44,028

Birdperson,

you always stick up for Rick,

00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,155

but he doesn't care about

anyone but himself.

00:15:46,238 --> 00:15:47,823

He doesn't think about

the consequences

00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:49,033

of anything he does.

00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,451

And as a result,

he has the power

00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:52,995

to save or destroy

entire worlds.

00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,289

And he is the reason

you and I know each other...

00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:58,000

and the reason I'm alive at all.

00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,084

♪♪

00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:03,756

What's that?

Who's that baby?

00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:06,175

Morty, suppose you could

retrieve your family from Earth

00:16:06,258 --> 00:16:07,843

but had to abandon Rick.

00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:10,304

I could give your loved ones

shelter on Birdworld,

00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:13,015

even jobs,

possibly as worm ranchers.

00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:15,768

How often do you think

you might look up at the stars

00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:17,353

and wonder what might have been

00:16:17,436 --> 00:16:19,521

had you just

put your faith in Rick?

00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:22,733

HEAD:

That was Chunkytunk with

00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,110

"Full Ming Mong,

Empty Gorbdork."

00:16:25,194 --> 00:16:27,196

Up next, planet Earth!

00:16:27,279 --> 00:16:28,989

Oh, god!

We're up?!

00:16:29,073 --> 00:16:31,450

PRINCIPAL: Jerry and Beth,

your family is a golden example

00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,786

of what Headism

has to offer the world.

00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:35,913

- The world?

- Headism is a hit.

00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,807

We're taking it worldwide,

and we'd like Jerry to be

00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:39,750

our church's

Head of advertising.

00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,210

You would?

00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,420

Beth, we'd like to promote you

from horse surgeon

00:16:43,504 --> 00:16:46,382

straight past human surgeon

to Head of medicine.

00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:47,925

That's my dream!

That's my dream.

00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,886

Thank you.

This is all so overwhelming.

00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,262

But, uh...

00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:53,472

we can't.

- Absolutely not.

00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:54,555

I'm sorry?

00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:56,392

We've been waiting 16 years

00:16:56,475 --> 00:16:58,143

for our daughter to respect us,

00:16:58,227 --> 00:17:00,896

but the key is,

it has to be our daughter,

00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,898

not this person she's become.

00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:05,192

We'll take our chances

raising her

00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:06,777

without fancy new jobs,

00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,071

outside of

a potato-based religion.

00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:12,282

And you know what? I-I'm sick of

pretending that we're together

00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:14,243

because of the kids

in the first place.

00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:17,496

I married you because

you're the love of my life.

00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:20,374

And I'm lucky to have you,

and I never tell you that!

00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:23,877

You know, we will come out

of this stronger as a family.

00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:25,921

Please don't do this!

Please don't do this!

00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:28,006

- Summer!

- Summer, listen carefully.

00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:29,970

I stole a paper clip,

and I have it in my cheek,

00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,861

but I don't know what to do

with it, and it hurts.

00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:32,970

You're going to be okay.

00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,388

You will come back as babies.

00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:37,015

I am a baby!

I'm a baby now!

00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:38,100

Hello?

00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,935

Is anybody here?

00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:41,186

[Muffled shouting]

00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:43,397

Mr. President!

00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,398

[Gasps]

00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:45,983

This is Bluebird!

00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,276

Code Tango Niner Alpha!

00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,445

Abort launch!

Abort! Hello?

00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:50,821

He's blocked me out.

00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,144

Sir, I need to get to the stage

00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:53,449

and help Rick get Schwifty!

00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:55,218

It won't matter

how Schwifty you get, Morty.

00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:56,594

The General's got nukes

set to launch

00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,162

halfway through Earth's song!

00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,372

Oh, my god!

Uh, c-can you fly a Black Hawk?

00:18:00,456 --> 00:18:02,458

Can the Pope's dick

fit through a doughnut?

00:18:02,541 --> 00:18:04,501

Uh, I'm... not sure.

00:18:04,585 --> 00:18:06,253

Exactly.

00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,299

Show me what you got!

00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:12,968

- [Techno beat plays]

- [clears throat]

00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:13,886

Uh...

00:18:13,969 --> 00:18:15,596

♪ Lapoo lapoo lapoo dops ♪

00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,431

♪ Napoo napoo napoo nots ♪

00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:19,975

Headward, free now to rise.

00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:21,351

Hey, look at the Heads!

00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:23,020

Looks like

the Heads are getting angry!

00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:25,731

PRESIDENT:

I'm really bad at this, Morty!

00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:27,292

There are way too many buttons

in this thing!

00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:29,443

Mr. President,

if I've learned one thing today

00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:32,196

it's that sometimes

you have to not give a fuck.

00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,072

♪ Napoo napoo nots ♪

00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:35,532

Ugh.

Tough crowd.

00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:37,201

I'm sure that has...

00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,620

That has nothing

to do with this.

00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:41,705

[Heads booing]

00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,081

The Heads are displeased!

00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:44,082

Summer!

00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:45,083

Um...

00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,169

[booing continues]

00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,004

Morty!

00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:50,214

HEADS:

Hooray!

00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,465

Hooray! Look!

00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:52,633

Hooray!

00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:54,343

The Heads love this!

00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,845

They love it when we don't

kill the Smith family!

00:18:56,929 --> 00:18:58,430

No!

Stop that!

00:18:58,514 --> 00:19:00,808

You're not allowed to interpret

the will of the Heads!

00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:03,644

Call off the nuclear strike!

This is the President!

00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:05,270

Stop the nuclear missile launch!

00:19:05,354 --> 00:19:06,980

Just launch the missiles!

00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:11,360

[Pbht! pbht!]

00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:13,362

Boo! Not cool!

00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:15,364

I'm the only one

that speaks to the Heads!

00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:16,448

Disqualified!

00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:20,118

The Heads disqualified Vagina!

Get him!

00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:21,203

Disqualified!

00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:22,621

Disqualified!

00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:26,291

♪♪

00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:33,340

ALL:

Ice-T?!

00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:35,968

That's right.

It's me... Ice-T.

00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,636

I care now.

00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:40,055

You made me care more.

00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:41,640

With all due respect,

00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:45,519

I'd like to hear what

Rick and Morty have to play.

00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,354

What do you say, Rick?

00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:49,940

I say, let's do it!

00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,376

[Techno beat plays]

- HEADS: Hooray!

00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,401

Yeah.

00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,528

All right.

00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,238

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

- Uh-huh.

00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:57,698

Here we go.

00:19:57,781 --> 00:19:59,324

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

00:19:59,408 --> 00:20:00,408

♪ Say it with me ♪

00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:02,619

♪ Head bent over ♪

00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:04,538

♪ Raised up posterior ♪

00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:05,539

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,583

♪ Head bent over ♪

00:20:07,666 --> 00:20:10,043

♪ Yeah, raised up posterior ♪

00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:11,128

Sing it with me now!

00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,672

Oh, my go...

00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:15,382

♪ Head bent over ♪

00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:16,465

Yeah.

00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:18,093

♪ Raised up posterior ♪

00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:19,176

All right!

00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,554

♪ Head bent over ♪

00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:24,975

Oh, yeah.

Raised up posterior!

00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:28,270

After 988 seasons

of "Planet Music,"

00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:32,566

the Cromulons have decided to

declare Earth the final winner

00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:35,986

and bring our musical

reality show to a conclusion.

00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,070

Goodbye.

00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:38,614

[Pbht!]

00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:40,574

- Yeah!

- We did it! Yes!

00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:42,534

Let's get a music album now!

00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:46,371

Did he just say

"Musical Reality Show"?

00:20:46,455 --> 00:20:49,291

Yeah, it's possible that

we may have been correlating

00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:51,752

some things that weren't

actually related at all.

00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:52,836

Help!

00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:54,588

We should go get him.

00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,298

[Cheers and applause]

00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:58,151

I hope I can call on you and

Rick again if I need you, Morty.

00:20:58,175 --> 00:20:59,593

Sure thing.

And I...

00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:02,054

I was kind of hoping that I

could get a selfie with you?

00:21:02,137 --> 00:21:04,389

Actually, if you try to

tell anyone what happened here,

00:21:04,473 --> 00:21:06,433

we'll deny it

and probably worse.

00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:07,516

Understood.

00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:08,644

D-I-i-i-i-ie!

00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:10,729

Oh, no, no, no!

00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:13,315

Why didn't he turn into a snake?

00:21:13,398 --> 00:21:14,733

Trade secret,

Mr. President.

00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:16,526

Particle beam in a wristwatch,

00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:19,029

snake holster on the leg.

00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,822

[Snake hissing, rattling]

00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:22,866

[Whistles]

00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:25,577

[laughs]

00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,706

I love this man!

00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,793

♪♪

00:22:04,116 --> 00:22:06,118

Magnesium-J,

Hydrogen-F...

00:22:06,952 --> 00:22:07,953

Father.

00:22:08,370 --> 00:22:11,081

Word of your selfless acts

on the Earth planet

00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:13,166

have traveled across the galaxy.

00:22:13,250 --> 00:22:14,584

I have changed.

00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:18,088

I am ready to rejoin my brethren

on Alphabetrium.

00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:19,172

Very well.

00:22:19,256 --> 00:22:21,925

Your exile ends today.

00:22:24,428 --> 00:22:27,431

Welcome home,

Water-T.

00:22:28,265 --> 00:22:29,433

[Explosion, rumbling]

00:22:29,516 --> 00:22:31,143

The Numbericons!

They're attacking!

00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:32,853

Battle stations!

00:22:32,936 --> 00:22:33,937

Aah!

00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:35,105

Father!

00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:36,440

I love you, son.

00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:39,943

I should have never

turned you to ice.

00:22:41,653 --> 00:22:43,697

Water-T,

where are you going?!

00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:45,282

There's too many of them!

00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:48,118

Then I better

crunch the numbers.

00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,079

- Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

[gunfire]

00:22:53,999 --> 00:22:55,000

[Screaming]

00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:56,668

MAN:

Did you get any of that?

00:22:56,752 --> 00:22:58,879

MAN:

It's-a good show-a.

00:00:16,476 --> 00:00:19,229

Aah! Golf is hard again!

Golf is hard again!

00:00:19,312 --> 00:00:21,356

The view from here

is the same as yours, Jim.

00:00:21,439 --> 00:00:23,525

A giant head

has entered Earth's gravity,

00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:25,652

triggering climate change

and natural disasters

00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:28,655

we thought were impossible for

at least another eight years.

00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:30,240

Let's not

make this political, Terry.

00:00:30,323 --> 00:00:32,534

Do we know

what this giant head wants?

00:00:33,702 --> 00:00:36,121

Show me what you got.

00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:41,668

Jim, you heard the... said...

"Show me what you got."

00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:43,461

Show me what you got.

00:00:43,545 --> 00:00:45,630

I want to see what you got.

00:00:45,714 --> 00:00:47,465

Oh, boy. Time to go, Morty.

00:00:47,549 --> 00:00:48,549

Uh, where?

00:00:48,591 --> 00:00:49,843

The Pentagon.

00:00:49,926 --> 00:00:51,636

I mean, not the Pentagon.

00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,555

The lame one here on Earth.

00:00:53,638 --> 00:00:56,641

♪♪

00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:27,212

Is it God?

00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,757

If it's God,

do we get out of school?

00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,508

It's not God, Summer.

00:01:30,592 --> 00:01:32,802

She's allowed to think it's God

if she wants, honey.

00:01:32,886 --> 00:01:33,720

Shut up, Jerry.

00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:34,803

Okay.

00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,432

Dad, what do you know

about this?

00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:38,826

Morty and I

are going to look into it.

00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:39,934

You guys hold tight.

00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:45,148

Scary stuff, huh?

Pretty freaky.

00:01:45,231 --> 00:01:46,608

Hi.

I'm Morty's math teacher.

00:01:46,691 --> 00:01:48,777

I'm also part of the

street team inviting folks

00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:51,362

to the church downtown

so we can pray together.

00:01:51,446 --> 00:01:52,864

How is praying going to help?

00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:55,241

Ma'am, a giant head in the sky

is controlling the weather.

00:01:55,325 --> 00:01:57,327

Did you want to play checkers?

Let's be rational!

00:01:57,410 --> 00:01:59,412

I'll see you at God's house!

00:02:02,749 --> 00:02:05,460

Gentlemen, gentlemen!

One at a time! Simon?

00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:07,754

Seti, Norad, and every

broadcaster on the planet

00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:10,173

are attempting to show this

being what humanity's got...

00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:12,300

String Theory, World History,

the Human Genome...

00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:14,385

Have you tried

sending it launch codes?

00:02:14,469 --> 00:02:16,638

Mr. President,

what America's got

00:02:16,721 --> 00:02:19,390

is 70,000 megatons

of kaboom-boom,

00:02:19,474 --> 00:02:22,685

and I say we show it right

up this floating head's ass.

00:02:22,769 --> 00:02:23,937

No, you need to let me talk!

00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,271

Shut up!

00:02:25,355 --> 00:02:26,648

Hold it! Don't move!

00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:29,567

Stay back! This watch

turns people into snakes!

00:02:29,651 --> 00:02:30,652

♪♪

00:02:32,695 --> 00:02:33,822

Oh!

00:02:33,905 --> 00:02:35,949

Stand down!

Everybody, stand down!

00:02:36,032 --> 00:02:38,576

I'm the leader of these people,

and I'm unarmed.

00:02:38,660 --> 00:02:41,204

There's no need

for any more snake-makery.

00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:42,497

My name is Rick Sanchez.

00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:43,849

This here is my grandson, Morty.

00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:45,625

- Hi, Morty.

- Hey.

00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:47,561

I've seen enough of the Galaxy

to know what we've got here

00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:49,963

is a Cromulon

from the Signus Five Expanse.

00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:52,924

So you can forget about nukes,

and you can forget about math.

00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:54,509

This head won't go away

00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,511

until Earth

shows them it's got...

00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:58,263

a hit song.

00:02:58,346 --> 00:02:59,806

- A hit song?

- We can't possibly...

00:02:59,889 --> 00:03:01,891

- You mean like Vivaldi?

- No, Frasier.

00:03:01,975 --> 00:03:05,395

A live performance of a newly

written, catchy original song.

00:03:05,478 --> 00:03:06,997

The Cromulon feed on

the talent and showmanship

00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,565

of less-evolved

life-forms.

00:03:08,648 --> 00:03:10,408

All right, all right.

Thank you, Mr. Sanchez.

00:03:10,483 --> 00:03:11,609

Change of plan, people.

00:03:11,693 --> 00:03:12,878

Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman,

00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:15,780

Billy Corgan,

and The-Dream.

00:03:15,864 --> 00:03:16,865

The-Dream?

00:03:17,407 --> 00:03:18,967

He wrote "Umbrella"

and "Single Ladies"?

00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,785

You people

haven't heard of The-Dream?

00:03:20,869 --> 00:03:22,847

You're gonna want to put them

on that giant speaker system

00:03:22,871 --> 00:03:24,831

at your sonic testing

facility at Area 51.

00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:26,291

How do you know about that?

00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:27,417

For god's sake, Nathan,

00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:28,686

the man turns people

into snakes.

00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:30,378

He can use Google maps.

00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,022

Sir, Pharrell, Newman,

Corgan, and that Dream guy...

00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,840

- They're all dead.

- What?

00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:36,467

How is that possible? Do people

just die when I name them?

00:03:36,551 --> 00:03:37,844

The Grammys, sir.

00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:40,263

There was an earthquake

and... all the musicians,

00:03:40,346 --> 00:03:42,765

all the famous ones...

they're gone.

00:03:42,849 --> 00:03:44,017

Dear god.

00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,018

Hold on, sir.

Just a minute.

00:03:45,101 --> 00:03:46,853

Ice-T survived.

00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:49,856

He's inbound on an F-15,

E.T.A. two hours.

00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,482

Good luck,

Mr. President.

00:03:51,566 --> 00:03:53,401

Sir, the magnetic poles

are about to reverse.

00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:55,570

In two hours, there may not be

an Earth to save.

00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:57,780

Sanchez?

Are you a musician?

00:03:57,864 --> 00:03:59,616

I dabble,

Mr. President.

00:03:59,699 --> 00:04:02,744

Get this man and his grandson

on a Black Hawk to Area 51.

00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:05,955

People! Everyone!

Remain calm!

00:04:06,039 --> 00:04:09,751

Every crisis of faith is

an opportunity for more faith.

00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:12,587

When God deals you an 11,

you don't fold!

00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:13,796

You double down!

00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:15,757

And always hit on a soft 16.

00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,425

That means you, Jews.

00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,969

I beg your pardon, Pastor,

but the last I looked outside,

00:04:20,053 --> 00:04:22,847

it seems to be you

that's been dealt the weak hand.

00:04:22,931 --> 00:04:24,766

Jews rule!

00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:26,768

Nobody?

Okay, tough church.

00:04:26,851 --> 00:04:28,019

Hi.

Principal Vagina...

00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,896

The name's real,

possibly Scandinavian.

00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:31,624

I'm just gonna come out

and make this pitch...

00:04:31,648 --> 00:04:32,899

The old gods are dead.

00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:35,485

Fuck all previous

existing religions.

00:04:35,568 --> 00:04:37,737

All hail the one true God...

00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:39,948

The giant head in the sky.

00:04:40,031 --> 00:04:41,574

- Children of God!

- Ah-ta-ta-ta!

00:04:41,658 --> 00:04:42,909

Bob, Bob, I get it.

00:04:42,992 --> 00:04:45,578

But unless this can beat that,

00:04:45,662 --> 00:04:47,497

what have you

done for me lately?

00:04:47,580 --> 00:04:48,790

So, if you'll all excuse me,

00:04:48,873 --> 00:04:50,500

I'm going out onto the sidewalk,

00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:52,710

I'm dropping to my knees,

and pledging my eternal soul

00:04:52,794 --> 00:04:55,463

to the thing that literally

controls the fucking weather.

00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:56,923

Out of my way.

00:04:57,006 --> 00:04:58,007

Okay.

00:04:58,466 --> 00:05:01,511

If sanity's been restored

to this assembly,

00:05:01,594 --> 00:05:04,931

I'd like to talk about the cost

of repairing our new organ.

00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:06,557

Sally, the plate, please.

00:05:06,641 --> 00:05:08,768

Oh!

This is my favorite part!

00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:11,938

Rick, are you really a musician?

00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,564

Who's not a musician, Morty?

00:05:13,648 --> 00:05:15,525

- Me!

- Yeah, not with that attitude.

00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:17,485

We're in the drop zone!

I'm the jumpmaster!

00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,070

My name's Jamey...

With an e-y!

00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:20,488

Go, go, go!

00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,073

B-but...

But we don't have a song!

00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:24,450

Giant head in the sky, please

forgive all that we've done.

00:05:24,534 --> 00:05:26,536

We're sorry for our

increased levels of emissions

00:05:26,619 --> 00:05:28,579

and our racism

and, of course, the amber alerts

00:05:28,663 --> 00:05:29,998

I keep ignoring on my phone.

00:05:30,081 --> 00:05:31,916

Whoa!

00:05:33,710 --> 00:05:35,962

All right, Morty.

Let's get... let's do it.

00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,898

Why don't you, uh, find a button

on one of those keyboards

00:05:37,922 --> 00:05:39,149

and lay down some kind of beat?

00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:40,733

Rick, I think

we need to cut our losses.

00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,480

W-we get our family

and portal out of here!

00:05:42,552 --> 00:05:44,887

Morty, good music comes from

people who are relaxed.

00:05:44,971 --> 00:05:46,848

Just hit a button, Morty!

Give me a beat!

00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:48,558

Oh, man. Okay.

All right, um...

00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:54,856

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

00:05:54,939 --> 00:05:57,108

♪ You gotta get schwifty ♪

00:05:57,191 --> 00:06:00,695

♪ You gotta

get schwifty in here ♪

00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:02,113

♪ It's time to

get schwifty ♪

00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,573

♪ Uh-oh ♪

00:06:03,656 --> 00:06:06,034

Get "Schwifty"?

What the hell is that?

00:06:06,117 --> 00:06:08,995

It's our world's best effort.

That's what.

00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:10,788

♪ Take off your pants

and your panties ♪

00:06:10,872 --> 00:06:12,874

♪ Shit on the floor ♪

00:06:12,957 --> 00:06:15,084

♪ Time to

get schwifty in here ♪

00:06:15,168 --> 00:06:17,503

♪ I'm Mr. Bulldops ♪

00:06:17,587 --> 00:06:19,130

"Mr. Bulldops"?

00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,691

Don't analyze it, Nathan.

It's working!

00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:22,467

♪ Take a shit on the floor ♪

00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,635

♪ Time to

get schwifty in here ♪

00:06:28,181 --> 00:06:32,018

...and third-level donors

get our all-access family pass.

00:06:32,101 --> 00:06:33,978

Listen!

The storm is stopping!

00:06:34,062 --> 00:06:36,564

♪ Hey, take your pants off ♪

00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:38,483

♪ It's schwifty

time today ♪

00:06:39,025 --> 00:06:41,402

Hmm.

00:06:42,695 --> 00:06:44,697

Please be kind to us,

for we are but tiny things

00:06:44,781 --> 00:06:46,783

with entire bodies,

stuck to your ground.

00:06:46,866 --> 00:06:51,788

I like what you got!

Good job!

00:06:51,871 --> 00:06:53,873

- Yeah!

- Whoo!

00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:55,041

We did it!

00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:58,628

What do you know?

He was right!

00:06:58,711 --> 00:07:00,963

- Hooray Principal Vagina!

- Yeah, I'll take it.

00:07:01,047 --> 00:07:02,131

Now, hold on a second!

00:07:02,215 --> 00:07:04,092

Let's be rational about this.

00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,719

No, I'm...

I'm just saying,

00:07:06,803 --> 00:07:08,930

we don't know there's

a cause-effect relationship...

00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,640

Oh, my god!

00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:11,641

What is going on now?!

00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:12,892

Whoa! Whoa!

00:07:14,018 --> 00:07:15,978

♪♪

00:07:20,316 --> 00:07:21,859

What the hell happened?

00:07:21,943 --> 00:07:23,778

Mr. President,

you're gonna want to see this.

00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:26,072

I think planet Earth

has just been transported.

00:07:26,155 --> 00:07:28,783

The Head has left

and sent its children.

00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,576

Holy crap!

00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:33,538

Oh, dear giant Head, we

apologize for that discussion.

00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:35,248

It will never happen again.

00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:37,041

Oh, dear...

Oh, dear giant Head...

00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:40,795

Sir, we started picking up on

a garbled signal.

00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,046

We're decrypting it now.

00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,217

We asked them

to show us what they got,

00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,094

and they did.

00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:51,139

Now we'll see which of them

has got the most.

00:07:51,222 --> 00:07:55,685

24 hours, 5 planets, 5 songs.

00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:58,146

But in the end,

there can only be one...

00:07:58,229 --> 00:08:00,106

Planet Music!

00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,774

All participation

is involuntary.

00:08:01,858 --> 00:08:03,109

Disqualified and losing planets

00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:05,111

are disintegrated by plasma ray.

00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:06,904

Uh, it's probably a bad time

to mention it,

00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:10,199

but any astronauts you guys had

in orbit are definitely dead.

00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,829

Welcome back to "Planet Music"!

00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:16,539

First up,

let's hear the latest song

00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:20,001

from planet Parblesnops',

The Greeby Bobes!

00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:21,711

Show me what you got!

00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:24,005

Hold it, hold it.

Stop.

00:08:24,088 --> 00:08:26,549

Music isn't about

competition or captivity.

00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:28,676

If you love music,

you love freedom.

00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,554

Let these worlds be free!

Please!

00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,389

Disqualified.

00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:38,853

There's one every season.

00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:42,023

Moving on to

planet Arboles Mentirosos.

00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:46,652

Arbolian Mentirososians,

show us what you got!

00:08:46,736 --> 00:08:48,404

A 2, 3, 4!

00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:02,043

Rick, Morty, Ice-T,

the timetable's moved up.

00:09:02,126 --> 00:09:03,711

Earth's on in six hours.

00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:05,880

Like we're not already

under enough pressure?!

00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,840

- Whoa! Whoa!

- Yeah!

00:09:07,924 --> 00:09:10,885

Geez, Morty, the guy's just

doing his job. Take it easy.

00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:13,804

Rick, Ice-T, could you guys

take it less easy?!

00:09:13,888 --> 00:09:15,890

We've got six hours

to come up with a song!

00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:17,683

Genius happens in

the moment, Morty.

00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:19,352

Well, can we at least

go get our family?

00:09:19,435 --> 00:09:20,621

You know, so we can

take them wis...

00:09:20,645 --> 00:09:22,063

With u...

With us if we lose?

00:09:22,146 --> 00:09:23,648

That's planning for

failure, Morty.

00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,066

Even dumber

than regular planning.

00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:26,150

Balls.

00:09:26,484 --> 00:09:27,902

Morty, Morty, stop.

Listen.

00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,630

There's only so much charge

left in this thing.

00:09:29,654 --> 00:09:31,364

If we portal home

from here and back,

00:09:31,447 --> 00:09:33,383

we're not gonna have enough

charge left to get off world.

00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:34,407

- Get it?

- What?!

00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:35,660

- Yeah.

- You see?

00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:36,911

I try to shelter you

00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:38,388

from certain realities

Morty,

00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:39,848

because if I let you

make me nervous,

00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:41,415

then we can't get schwifty.

00:09:41,499 --> 00:09:43,626

Stop saying it like

it's a thing! You made it up!

00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:45,086

Hey, Morty, could you lick my...

00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:46,629

balls, balls...

00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,339

Rick, cut it out!

It's not funny, Rick!

00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:51,092

I've seen enough.

These guys are one-hit wonders.

00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:52,426

And what's your plan, General?

00:09:52,510 --> 00:09:53,803

We still have

the nuclear option.

00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,930

On my word,

we can launch a missile

00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:58,099

at every one

of those heads in the sky.

00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:00,476

Our planet's held captive

on a live game show,

00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,162

and your solution

is to shoot the audience?

00:10:02,186 --> 00:10:04,456

You can put your faith in nukes

if we get through this, General.

00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,108

Until then, I'll put mine

in Rick and Morty.

00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:09,694

"Get Schwifty" was a jam.

00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,779

Hello?

Yes, sir, yeah.

00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,364

Eh, thank you, sir.

Thank you.

00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,825

He says he's proud

of what we're doing

00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:19,537

and hopes we have

a great ascension festival!

00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:20,620

Happy ascension!

00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:21,872

Happy ascension!

00:10:21,956 --> 00:10:23,833

We should pack up

and leave town now.

00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:26,669

I think it's inspiring that our

community is coping with fear

00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:29,046

in a way that involves a

festival and homemade ice cream.

00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:31,424

If you'd stop being

such an evangelical atheist,

00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,384

you might

start enjoying yourself.

00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,969

Whoa!

Look at you!

00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,595

You're wearing the hat

and everything!

00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:37,972

Here's yours!

00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:40,099

Mom, do you mind

if I cook dinner tonight?

00:10:40,182 --> 00:10:42,143

Yeah, sure.

Wait. What?

00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:44,895

I love you guys.

You gave me life.

00:10:44,979 --> 00:10:46,605

And it's the will

of the many Heads

00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,733

that all children

honor their parents.

00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,109

Dinner sounds nice.

00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:51,652

Pardon,

Mr. And Mrs. Smith.

00:10:51,736 --> 00:10:53,571

Summer, are you

coming to the ascension?

00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,906

Father, can we please

go to the ascension?

00:10:55,990 --> 00:10:57,700

Sure!

Let's go to the ascension.

00:10:57,783 --> 00:10:58,951

Wh-wh-what is it?

00:10:59,035 --> 00:11:01,162

We hereby send these

unwantables skyward

00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:03,789

that they might be inhaled

by the many Heads,

00:11:03,873 --> 00:11:06,959

later to be sneezed back to us

as better babies.

00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:09,170

Headward, free now to rise.

00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:11,172

Headward, free now to rise.

00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:12,673

Headward, free now to rise.

00:11:12,757 --> 00:11:15,426

Oh, yes! Yes!

Rise to the giant Head!

00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,053

You are free to be free!

00:11:17,136 --> 00:11:19,138

And squeegee comes up

from the garage, right?

00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:20,890

But he's got a lobster

in one hand,

00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:22,909

the movie tickets in the other,

he's like, "I'm ready!"

00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:25,954

You gonna take a lobster

to see "Iron Man 3"?

00:11:25,978 --> 00:11:27,855

Ice-T!

00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:29,065

Ah, damn.

00:11:29,148 --> 00:11:31,150

We're out of

original-flavor Fig Newtons.

00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:32,568

I should get going anyway.

00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:33,903

Wait, wait, wait!

C-come on.

00:11:33,986 --> 00:11:35,988

H-hold on a second.

Hold on.

00:11:38,032 --> 00:11:39,700

- What?!

- Damn.

00:11:39,784 --> 00:11:41,928

You didn't tell me you fuck

around with portals and shit.

00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:43,037

That's it!

00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,497

Whoa, whoa, Morty!

Give me that.

00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:45,807

You lied! You lied

about the charge!

00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,124

You were just being lazy!

00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:48,209

Get back!

Sit down!

00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:49,585

Morty, just put it down.

00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:50,948

You don't know

what you're doing.

00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:52,755

I'm going to go

find mom and dad!

00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:53,756

No!

00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:54,757

Oh shit.

00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,133

Oh shit.

00:11:56,217 --> 00:11:59,011

♪♪

00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:09,730

Oh shit.

00:12:09,814 --> 00:12:11,649

And then Ethan played guitar,

and we learned

00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:14,235

the seven contemplations

of the Head by singing them.

00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:16,153

It was really fun.

00:12:16,237 --> 00:12:17,571

Praise be the Head!

00:12:17,655 --> 00:12:19,949

- Praise be the...

- Yeah.

00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:21,867

Hi, folks.

Head Priest Vagina.

00:12:21,951 --> 00:12:23,744

Thanks for farming

all those potatoes.

00:12:23,828 --> 00:12:25,268

It's 6:00 p.m,

so if you're a parent,

00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:27,957

you're now entitled to

adoration from your children.

00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,625

I'm going to start dinner!

00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:30,918

I don't know what to say.

00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,962

Summer

is doing really well here.

00:12:33,045 --> 00:12:35,798

She's aced every test

in potato class,

00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:37,967

and look how important

potatoes have become.

00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:41,762

She's not getting pregnant or

doing drugs or missing curfew.

00:12:41,846 --> 00:12:43,848

Please help me.

You can reach me if you try.

00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,266

Please help me!

00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:47,518

That's not our business

as long as Summer is thriving.

00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,270

Taco time!

00:12:49,353 --> 00:12:51,730

I hope it pleases you

as the Head desires.

00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:53,274

That's wonderful, Summer.

00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:55,025

We're so proud of you.

00:12:55,109 --> 00:12:57,528

But obviously you don't have to

make dinner every night.

00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:59,947

Of course I do, silly!

00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,992

Oh, my god, daddy!

I'm sorry I called you silly!

00:13:03,075 --> 00:13:04,618

I'm so sorry!

00:13:04,702 --> 00:13:06,120

Heavenly Heads

and cranial creator,

00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:08,747

forgive my transgressions

against family and community.

00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:11,250

May my chores complete me

as I complete them.

00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,798

♪♪

00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:27,850

Morty.

00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:28,726

Birdperson?

00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:29,809

You appear to be dying.

00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,228

I will make efforts

to prevent this

00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:32,688

but can promise nothing.

00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:41,047

Wh-what do you think, Ice?

Probably a little overdeveloped.

00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,866

Shit, overdeveloped,

underdeveloped...

00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,242

A bad song's a bad song.

00:13:45,326 --> 00:13:46,785

Well, do you think, maybe...

00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,054

Could you give me

some help with it, or...?

00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,330

Aw, hell no, man.

00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:51,248

You do your thing,

but I can't afford to

00:13:51,332 --> 00:13:52,809

get my pride wrapped up

in your shame.

00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,168

You know what I'm saying?

00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:56,188

Ice, I don't want to be

a negative Nelly or anything,

00:13:56,212 --> 00:13:58,148

but if Morty doesn't

come back with my portal gun

00:13:58,172 --> 00:13:59,632

and I eat it out there,

00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,592

it's, uh, you know,

kind of your problem, too.

00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:04,595

Pfft! I ain't worried about

no Earth blowing up, man.

00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:05,930

What? Why not?

00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,849

Yo, this is why.

00:14:08,933 --> 00:14:10,976

What the fuck,

you can turn into ice?

00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:13,270

My story begins

at the dawn of time

00:14:13,354 --> 00:14:15,898

in the faraway realm

of Alphabetrium.

00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:19,026

There, every being

is a letter of the alphabet.

00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:23,113

But I was frozen and exiled

to the cosmos by my elders

00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:26,200

as punishment for not

caring enough about anything.

00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,244

Earth is just

one of my many stops

00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:31,080

on a lifelong journey

with no destination.

00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,749

So you better believe

I don't care if it blows up,

00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,919

because I'll just be

ice floating through space,

00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,629

like a comet.

00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,752

Take it from me, Ice,

you can't just

00:14:40,798 --> 00:14:43,133

Float around space

not caring about stuff forever.

00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:44,969

Pfft.

Man, watch me.

00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,720

Good luck, Rick.

00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:52,101

Okay, things are getting

out of hand.

00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:53,828

I better make sure

Rick has everything he needs

00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:54,979

to get schwifty.

00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,814

Oh, for god's sakes.

That's enough.

00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,333

What the hell are

you doing, Nathan?!

00:14:58,357 --> 00:15:00,776

I'm the goddamn President

of the United fucking States!

00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:02,419

I'm setting the nuclear

option to launch

00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:04,405

one minute

into Earth's performance.

00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:07,157

And you,

Mr. President...

00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:10,244

I hope you like being

hit in the face with a gun.

00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:13,163

Wait, wait, wait.

Why... why...

00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,334

I believe I can access

the history of Rick's gun

00:15:17,418 --> 00:15:18,836

and help you get back to him.

00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,105

But can you help me

get to my family?

00:15:20,129 --> 00:15:21,255

You know,

at... at my house?

00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,257

Is your intention

to abandon Rick

00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:24,883

using his own portal gun?

00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:27,678

In Bird culture,

this is considered a dick move.

00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,680

All of Rick's moves

are dick moves!

00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:30,973

What...

What am I eating?

00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:32,433

Wh-what is this,

bird... birdseed?

00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:34,977

It is random debris.

I found it in my carpet.

00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,437

I don't know what humans eat.

00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,147

You know what this human eats.

00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:39,273

Don't be gross, Tammy.

00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:40,774

Bird dick.

00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,234

Tammy, gross.

00:15:42,318 --> 00:15:44,028

Birdperson,

you always stick up for Rick,

00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,155

but he doesn't care about

anyone but himself.

00:15:46,238 --> 00:15:47,823

He doesn't think about

the consequences

00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:49,033

of anything he does.

00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,451

And as a result,

he has the power

00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:52,995

to save or destroy

entire worlds.

00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,289

And he is the reason

you and I know each other...

00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:58,000

and the reason I'm alive at all.

00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,084

♪♪

00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:03,756

What's that?

Who's that baby?

00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:06,175

Morty, suppose you could

retrieve your family from Earth

00:16:06,258 --> 00:16:07,843

but had to abandon Rick.

00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:10,304

I could give your loved ones

shelter on Birdworld,

00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:13,015

even jobs,

possibly as worm ranchers.

00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:15,768

How often do you think

you might look up at the stars

00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:17,353

and wonder what might have been

00:16:17,436 --> 00:16:19,521

had you just

put your faith in Rick?

00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:22,733

That was Chunkytunk with

00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,110

"Full Ming Mong,

Empty Gorbdork."

00:16:25,194 --> 00:16:27,196

Up next, planet Earth!

00:16:27,279 --> 00:16:28,989

Oh, god!

We're up?!

00:16:29,073 --> 00:16:31,450

Jerry and Beth,

your family is a golden example

00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,786

of what Headism

has to offer the world.

00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:35,913

- The world?

- Headism is a hit.

00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,807

We're taking it worldwide,

and we'd like Jerry to be

00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:39,750

our church's

Head of advertising.

00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,210

You would?

00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,420

Beth, we'd like to promote you

from horse surgeon

00:16:43,504 --> 00:16:46,382

straight past human surgeon

to Head of medicine.

00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:47,925

That's my dream!

That's my dream.

00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,886

Thank you.

This is all so overwhelming.

00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,262

But, uh...

00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:53,472

we can't.

- Absolutely not.

00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:54,555

I'm sorry?

00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:56,392

We've been waiting 16 years

00:16:56,475 --> 00:16:58,143

for our daughter to respect us,

00:16:58,227 --> 00:17:00,896

but the key is,

it has to be our daughter,

00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,898

not this person she's become.

00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:05,192

We'll take our chances

raising her

00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:06,777

without fancy new jobs,

00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,071

outside of

a potato-based religion.

00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:12,282

And you know what? I-I'm sick of

pretending that we're together

00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:14,243

because of the kids

in the first place.

00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:17,496

I married you because

you're the love of my life.

00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:20,374

And I'm lucky to have you,

and I never tell you that!

00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:23,877

You know, we will come out

of this stronger as a family.

00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:25,921

Please don't do this!

Please don't do this!

00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:28,006

- Summer!

- Summer, listen carefully.

00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:29,970

I stole a paper clip,

and I have it in my cheek,

00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,861

but I don't know what to do

with it, and it hurts.

00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:32,970

You're going to be okay.

00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,388

You will come back as babies.

00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:37,015

I am a baby!

I'm a baby now!

00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:38,100

Hello?

00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,935

Is anybody here?

00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:43,397

Mr. President!

00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:45,983

This is Bluebird!

00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,276

Code Tango Niner Alpha!

00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,445

Abort launch!

Abort! Hello?

00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:50,821

He's blocked me out.

00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,144

Sir, I need to get to the stage

00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:53,449

and help Rick get Schwifty!

00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:55,218

It won't matter

how Schwifty you get, Morty.

00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:56,594

The General's got nukes

set to launch

00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,162

halfway through Earth's song!

00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,372

Oh, my god!

Uh, c-can you fly a Black Hawk?

00:18:00,456 --> 00:18:02,458

Can the Pope's dick

fit through a doughnut?

00:18:02,541 --> 00:18:04,501

Uh, I'm... not sure.

00:18:04,585 --> 00:18:06,253

Exactly.

00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,299

Show me what you got!

00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:13,886

Uh...

00:18:13,969 --> 00:18:15,596

♪ Lapoo lapoo lapoo dops ♪

00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,431

♪ Napoo napoo napoo nots ♪

00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:19,975

Headward, free now to rise.

00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:21,351

Hey, look at the Heads!

00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:23,020

Looks like

the Heads are getting angry!

00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:25,731

I'm really bad at this, Morty!

00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:27,292

There are way too many buttons

in this thing!

00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:29,443

Mr. President,

if I've learned one thing today

00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:32,196

it's that sometimes

you have to not give a fuck.

00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,072

♪ Napoo napoo nots ♪

00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:35,532

Ugh.

Tough crowd.

00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:37,201

I'm sure that has...

00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,620

That has nothing

to do with this.

00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,081

The Heads are displeased!

00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:44,082

Summer!

00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:45,083

Um...

00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,004

Morty!

00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:50,214

Hooray!

00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,465

Hooray! Look!

00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:52,633

Hooray!

00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:54,343

The Heads love this!

00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,845

They love it when we don't

kill the Smith family!

00:18:56,929 --> 00:18:58,430

No!

Stop that!

00:18:58,514 --> 00:19:00,808

You're not allowed to interpret

the will of the Heads!

00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:03,644

Call off the nuclear strike!

This is the President!

00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:05,270

Stop the nuclear missile launch!

00:19:05,354 --> 00:19:06,980

Just launch the missiles!

00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:13,362

Boo! Not cool!

00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:15,364

I'm the only one

that speaks to the Heads!

00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:16,448

Disqualified!

00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:20,118

The Heads disqualified Vagina!

Get him!

00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:21,203

Disqualified!

00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:22,621

Disqualified!

00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:26,291

♪♪

00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:33,340

Ice-T?!

00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:35,968

That's right.

It's me... Ice-T.

00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,636

I care now.

00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:40,055

You made me care more.

00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:41,640

With all due respect,

00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:45,519

I'd like to hear what

Rick and Morty have to play.

00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,354

What do you say, Rick?

00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:49,940

I say, let's do it!

00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,376

Hooray!

00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,401

Yeah.

00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,528

All right.

00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,238

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

- Uh-huh.

00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:57,698

Here we go.

00:19:57,781 --> 00:19:59,324

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

00:19:59,408 --> 00:20:00,408

♪ Say it with me ♪

00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:02,619

♪ Head bent over ♪

00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:04,538

♪ Raised up posterior ♪

00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:05,539

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,583

♪ Head bent over ♪

00:20:07,666 --> 00:20:10,043

♪ Yeah, raised up posterior ♪

00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:11,128

Sing it with me now!

00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,672

Oh, my go...

00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:15,382

♪ Head bent over ♪

00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:16,465

Yeah.

00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:18,093

♪ Raised up posterior ♪

00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:19,176

All right!

00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,554

♪ Head bent over ♪

00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:24,975

Oh, yeah.

Raised up posterior!

00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:28,270

After 988 seasons

of "Planet Music,"

00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:32,566

the Cromulons have decided to

declare Earth the final winner

00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:35,986

and bring our musical

reality show to a conclusion.

00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,070

Goodbye.

00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:40,574

- Yeah!

- We did it! Yes!

00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:42,534

Let's get a music album now!

00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:46,371

Did he just say

"Musical Reality Show"?

00:20:46,455 --> 00:20:49,291

Yeah, it's possible that

we may have been correlating

00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:51,752

some things that weren't

actually related at all.

00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:52,836

Help!

00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:54,588

We should go get him.

00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:58,151

I hope I can call on you and

Rick again if I need you, Morty.

00:20:58,175 --> 00:20:59,593

Sure thing.

And I...

00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:02,054

I was kind of hoping that I

could get a selfie with you?

00:21:02,137 --> 00:21:04,389

Actually, if you try to

tell anyone what happened here,

00:21:04,473 --> 00:21:06,433

we'll deny it

and probably worse.

00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:07,516

Understood.

00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:08,644

D-I-i-i-i-ie!

00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:10,729

Oh, no, no, no!

00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:13,315

Why didn't he turn into a snake?

00:21:13,398 --> 00:21:14,733

Trade secret,

Mr. President.

00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:16,526

Particle beam in a wristwatch,

00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:19,029

snake holster on the leg.

00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,706

I love this man!

00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,793

♪♪

00:22:04,116 --> 00:22:06,118

Magnesium-J,

Hydrogen-F...

00:22:06,952 --> 00:22:07,953

Father.

00:22:08,370 --> 00:22:11,081

Word of your selfless acts

on the Earth planet

00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:13,166

have traveled across the galaxy.

00:22:13,250 --> 00:22:14,584

I have changed.

00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:18,088

I am ready to rejoin my brethren

on Alphabetrium.

00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:19,172

Very well.

00:22:19,256 --> 00:22:21,925

Your exile ends today.

00:22:24,428 --> 00:22:27,431

Welcome home,

Water-T.

00:22:29,516 --> 00:22:31,143

The Numbericons!

They're attacking!

00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:32,853

Battle stations!

00:22:32,936 --> 00:22:33,937

Aah!

00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:35,105

Father!

00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:36,440

I love you, son.

00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:39,943

I should have never

turned you to ice.

00:22:41,653 --> 00:22:43,697

Water-T,

where are you going?!

00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:45,282

There's too many of them!

00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:48,118

Then I better

crunch the numbers.

00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,079

- Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:56,668

Did you get any of that?

00:22:56,752 --> 00:22:58,879

It's-a good show-a.

00:00:16,030 --> 00:00:19,239

Ааа! Гольф снова сложный!

Гольф снова сложный!

00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,610

Вид отсюда такой же

как и у тебя, Джим.

00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:23,830

Огромная голова

попала под действие земной гравитации,

00:00:23,870 --> 00:00:25,990

что привело к изменению климата

и природным бедствиям,

00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,940

которых мы не ждали по

крайней мере ещё восемь лет.

00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:33,670

Башкастрофа?!

00:00:29,010 --> 00:00:30,540

Обойдёмся без политики, Терри.

00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:32,770

Знаем ли мы, что хочет эта

огромная голова?

00:00:33,670 --> 00:00:34,775

Башкастрофа?!

00:00:34,776 --> 00:00:36,380

Покажите, что у вас есть.

00:00:36,460 --> 00:00:41,930

Джим, ты слышал... сказала...

"Покажите, что у вас есть."

00:00:41,931 --> 00:00:46,310

Башкастрофа?!

00:00:42,020 --> 00:00:43,720

Покажите, что у вас есть.

00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,890

Я хочу увидеть, что у вас есть.

00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:47,720

О, боже.

Пора идти, Морти.

00:00:47,810 --> 00:00:48,810

Умм, куда?

00:00:48,860 --> 00:00:50,140

В Пентагон.

00:00:50,230 --> 00:00:51,890

То есть, не в тот Пентагон.

00:00:51,980 --> 00:00:53,860

А в отстойный, что на Земле.

00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:56,900

♪

00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:25,440

Перевод - savask, стили и тайминг -

alexeymil0, английские субтитры - XhmikosR

00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:27,330

Это - Бог?

00:01:27,410 --> 00:01:28,960

Если это Бог,

надо ли идти в школу?

00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,660

Это не Бог, Саммер.

00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:32,970

Ей можно думать, что это Бог,

если она хочет, дорогая.

00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,800

Заткнись, Джерри.

00:01:33,690 --> 00:01:34,800

Ладно.

00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,640

Папа, что ты знаешь об этом?

00:01:37,670 --> 00:01:38,970

Морти и я разузнаем.

00:01:39,010 --> 00:01:40,060

А вы держитесь.

00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:45,350

Страшная штука, да?

Довольно пугающая.

00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,760

Привет.

Я учитель математики Морти.

00:01:46,850 --> 00:01:48,980

Также я часть уличной команды

по приглашению людей

00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:51,570

в церковь внизу,

чтобы мы могли вместе помолиться.

00:01:51,650 --> 00:01:53,020

И как молитвы помогут?

00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,440

Мадам, огромная голова в небесах

контролирует погоду.

00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,506

Вы что, хотели играть в шашки?

Давайте будем рациональными!

00:01:57,530 --> 00:01:59,530

Увидимся в храме Господнем!

00:02:02,870 --> 00:02:05,600

Господа, господа!

По одному! Саймон?

00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:07,900

SETI, NORAD и все

сети радиовещания на планете

00:02:07,970 --> 00:02:10,340

пытаются показать этому

созданию, что имеет человечество...

00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,470

Теорию струн, мировую

историю, геном человека...

00:02:12,540 --> 00:02:14,540

Пробовали

послать им коды запуска?

00:02:14,630 --> 00:02:16,840

Мистер Президент,

что есть у Америки,

00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,550

так это 70000 мегатонн

бах-бабаха,

00:02:19,630 --> 00:02:22,850

и я думаю, их нужно отправить

прямо в задницу той летающей головы.

00:02:22,890 --> 00:02:24,130

Нет, позвольте мне сказать!

00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:25,440

Заткнись!

00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,850

Стоять!

Не двигаться!

00:02:26,890 --> 00:02:29,760

Отойдите назад! Эти часы

превращают людей в змей!

00:02:29,830 --> 00:02:32,760

♪

00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:34,030

Ох!

00:02:34,060 --> 00:02:36,150

Отступайте!

Всем отступить!

00:02:36,230 --> 00:02:38,730

Я здесь главный, и я безоружен.

00:02:38,820 --> 00:02:41,370

Нет больше нужды

в этих змеиных штучках.

00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:42,620

Меня зовут Рик Сэнчез.

00:02:42,740 --> 00:02:43,950

Это мой внук, Морти.

00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:45,059

Привет, Морти.

00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:45,790

Здрасте.

00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,716

Я достаточно повидал вселенную,

чтобы понять, что тут у нас

00:02:47,740 --> 00:02:50,160

кромулон с пространства сигнус 5.

00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:53,080

Так что можете забыть о

бомбах и математике.

00:02:53,170 --> 00:02:54,630

Эта голова не уйдёт

00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,670

пока Земля

не покажет ей, что у неё есть...

00:02:56,750 --> 00:02:58,420

хитовая песня.

00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:00,000

Хит?

Мы не можем...

00:03:00,090 --> 00:03:02,010

Как Вивальди?

00:03:01,030 --> 00:03:02,030

Нет, Фрейзер.

00:03:02,090 --> 00:03:05,560

Живое исполнение новой

цепляющей оригинальной песни.

00:03:05,590 --> 00:03:07,150

Кромулонцы питаются

талантом и зрелищами

00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:08,760

менее эволюционировавших форм жизни.

00:03:08,810 --> 00:03:10,570

Ясно, ясно.

Спасибо, мистер Сэнчез.

00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:11,770

Меняем план.

00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:15,940

Достаньте мне Фаррелла, Рэнди Ньюмана,

Билли Коргана и The-Dream.

00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:17,490

The-Dream?

00:03:17,570 --> 00:03:19,130

Он написал "Umbrella"

и "Single Ladies"?

00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,940

Вы не слышали о The-Dream?

00:03:21,030 --> 00:03:22,990

Вам придётся поместить их

у тех гигантских колонок

00:03:23,030 --> 00:03:25,030

на акустической площадке

в зоне 51.

00:03:25,110 --> 00:03:26,450

Откуда ты знаешь?

00:03:26,530 --> 00:03:28,780

Ради Бога, Нэйтн,

этот мужик превращает людей в змей.

00:03:28,870 --> 00:03:30,550

Он умеет пользоваться Google картами.

00:03:30,620 --> 00:03:32,226

Сэр, Фаррелл, Ньюман,

Корган и тот парень-Dream...

00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:33,309

Они все мертвы.

00:03:33,310 --> 00:03:34,020

Что?

00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:36,660

Как это возможно?

Люди умирают как только я их называю?

00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:38,030

Грэмми, сэр.

00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:40,430

Там прошло землетрясение и...

все музыканты,

00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,930

все знаменитые...

умерли.

00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:44,230

Боже правый.

00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:45,230

Подождите, сэр.

Минуту.

00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,070

Ice-T выжил.

00:03:47,140 --> 00:03:50,040

Он на борту F-15,

ожидаемое время прибытия - два часа.

00:03:50,110 --> 00:03:51,670

Удачи, мистер президент.

00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:53,616

Сэр, магнитные полюса

вот-вот поменяются местами.

00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,786

Через два часа, возможно не будет Земли,

чтобы спасать.

00:03:55,810 --> 00:03:57,980

Сэнчез?

Ты - музыкант?

00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,810

Любитель, мистер президент.

00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:02,820

Доставьте этого мужчину и его внука

в зону 51 на вертолёте.

00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:06,120

Люди! Все!

Сохраняйте спокойствие!

00:04:06,210 --> 00:04:09,910

Любой кризис веры - это

возможность для большей веры.

00:04:09,990 --> 00:04:12,740

Когда Бог сдаёт тебе 11,

ты не сбрасываешь!

00:04:12,830 --> 00:04:13,960

Ты удваиваешь!

00:04:14,050 --> 00:04:15,910

И берёшь до 16-и.

00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,550

Я имею ввиду вас, евреев.

00:04:17,670 --> 00:04:20,196

Пг'ошу пг'ощения, пастор, но последний

г'аз как я выглядывал на улицу,

00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:23,000

было похоже, что вам

досталась слабая г'ука.

00:04:23,090 --> 00:04:24,970

Евг'еи рулят!

00:04:25,010 --> 00:04:26,890

Никого?

Ладно, упрямая церковь.

00:04:26,980 --> 00:04:28,230

Здравствуйте.

Главная Вагина...

00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,060

Имя настоящее,

возможно скандинавское.

00:04:30,150 --> 00:04:31,730

Я просто выйду и сделаю посыл...

00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:33,060

Старые Боги умерли.

00:04:33,150 --> 00:04:35,650

В ****у все предыдущие религии.

00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:40,150

Славься настоящий Бог...

Огромная голова в небесах.

00:04:40,190 --> 00:04:41,740

Божьи дети!

00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:41,740

Ататата!

00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:43,070

Боб, Боб, я понимаю.

00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,740

Но если это не может победить то,

00:04:45,830 --> 00:04:47,676

тогда что ты

сделал для меня за последнее время?

00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:50,660

Так что, если вы меня извините,

то я выйду на тротуар,

00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:52,870

упаду на колени

и отдам свою бессмертную душу

00:04:52,950 --> 00:04:55,620

штуке, которая буквально

контролирует грёбанную погоду.

00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:57,090

Посторонитесь.

00:04:57,170 --> 00:04:58,540

Ладно.

00:04:58,620 --> 00:05:01,590

Если здравомыслие восторжествовало

на этом собрании,

00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,050

то я хотел бы поговорить о цене

на починку нашего нового органа.

00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:06,710

Салли, тарелочку, пожалуйста.

00:05:06,770 --> 00:05:08,739

О!

Это моя любимая часть!

00:05:08,740 --> 00:05:10,576

ПУСТЫНЯ НЕВАДА: ЗАКРЫТОЕ

ВОЗДУШНОЕ ПРОСТРАНСТВО

00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:11,909

Рик, а ты правда музыкант?

00:05:11,910 --> 00:05:13,720

Кто из нас не музыкант, Морти?

00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:15,690

Я!

00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:15,690

Да, с таким то отношением.

00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,640

Мы в зоне спуска!

Я ваш инструктор!

00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:19,230

Меня зовут Джейми...

Через -йми!

00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:20,640

Пошли, пошли, пошли!

00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:22,280

Н-но...

У нас нет песни!

00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,676

Огромная голова в небесах, пожалуйста

прости нас за то, что мы сотворили.

00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,650

Мы жалеем об нашем

увеличившемся уровне выхлопов

00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:28,796

и о расизме и о, конечно, тех сообщениях

о пропаже, приходящих на телефон,

00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:30,200

что я продолжаю игнорировать.

00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,070

- Аааа!

- Аааа!

00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,130

Ладно, Морти.

Давай по-давай сделаем это.

00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:38,056

Почему бы тебе, ээ, не найти какую-нибудь

клавишу на одном из этих синтезаторов

00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,320

и устроить какой-нибудь ритм?

00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:40,946

Рик, я думаю

нам стоит предотвратить большие потери.

00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:42,650

З-заберём семью

и портальную пушку отсюда!

00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,090

Морти, хорошую музыку

делают расслабленные люди.

00:05:45,140 --> 00:05:47,050

Просто жми клавишу, Морти!

Задай мне ритм!

00:05:47,090 --> 00:05:48,720

О, Боже. Да.

Ладно, эм...

00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,030

♪ О, да ♪

00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:57,300

♪ Пора шизануться ♪

00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,770

♪ Пора шизануться тут ♪

00:06:00,850 --> 00:06:02,240

♪ Пора шизануться ♪

00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:03,650

♪ У-о ♪

00:06:03,770 --> 00:06:06,190

"Шизануться"?

Что это вообще значит?

00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:09,110

Это лучшее усилие нашего мира.

Вот так.

00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:10,940

♪ Снимай штаны и трусишки ♪

00:06:11,030 --> 00:06:13,080

♪ Наложи на пол ♪

00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,250

♪ Пора шизануться тут ♪

00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:17,670

♪ Я - мистер Булдопс ♪

00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,290

"Мистер Булдопс"?

00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:20,846

Не анализируй это, Нэйтн.

Это работает!

00:06:20,870 --> 00:06:22,620

♪ Наложи на пол ♪

00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:24,790

♪ Пора шизануться ♪

00:06:28,350 --> 00:06:32,180

...а инвесторы третьего-уровня

получат наш пропуск для всей семьи.

00:06:32,270 --> 00:06:34,130

Слушайте!

Шторм прекращается!

00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:36,720

♪ Эй, сними свои штаны ♪

00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:40,020

♪ Сегодня время шизануться ♪

00:06:40,110 --> 00:06:41,730

Хмм.

00:06:42,810 --> 00:06:44,926

Пожалуйста, будь добра к нам,

мы всего лишь крохотные создания

00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:46,980

с бренными телами,

прикованными к твоей земле.

00:06:47,030 --> 00:06:51,950

Мне нравится, что у вас есть!

Хорошая работа!

00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,150

Да!

00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:54,150

Ухуу!

00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,240

Мы сделали это!

00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,790

Знайте что?

Он был прав!

00:06:58,830 --> 00:07:01,080

Ура, Главной Вагине!

Да, соглашусь.

00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:04,160

Погодите!

Давайте будем рациональными.

00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:06,880

Нет, я...

Я просто хочу сказать,

00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:09,090

мы не знаем, связаны ли эти события...

00:07:09,170 --> 00:07:10,750

О, Боже мой!

00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,010

Что происходит?!

00:07:11,610 --> 00:07:13,010

Воу, воу!

00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:16,140

♪

00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,050

Какого чёрта, что случилось?

00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,980

Мистер президент,

вы должны взглянуть на это.

00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:26,220

Я думаю планету Земля

только что транспортировали.

00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,960

Голова ушла

и прислала своих детей.

00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:30,740

Святые угодники!

00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:33,690

О, дорогая огромная голова,

мы просим прощения за тот разговор.

00:07:33,780 --> 00:07:35,450

Это никогда не повторится.

00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:37,210

О, дорогая...

О, дорогая огромная голова...

00:07:38,950 --> 00:07:41,000

Сэр, мы принимаем закодированный сигнал.

00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,200

Мы расшифровываем его.

00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:48,280

Мы попросили их показать,

что у них есть, и они сделали это.

00:07:48,340 --> 00:07:51,300

Теперь посмотрим у кого этого больше.

00:07:51,380 --> 00:07:55,850

24 часа, 5 планет, 5 песен.

00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,300

Но в конце,

останется только одна...

00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,270

Планетарная Музыка!

00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:01,890

Участие обязательно.

00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:05,230

Дисквалифицированные и проигравшие планеты

дизинтегрируются плазменным лучом.

00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,126

Ээ, наверное не время,

чтобы упоминать об этом,

00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:10,310

но все ваши космонавты на орбите

точно мертвы.

00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:14,630

Добро пожаловать назад,

на "Планетарную Музыку"!

00:08:14,710 --> 00:08:16,380

Сначала,

давайте послушаем последнюю песню

00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:19,800

с планеты Парблснопс:

"Гриби Бобс"!

00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,550

Покажите мне, что у вас есть!

00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:23,750

Подождите, подождите.

Стоп.

00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,300

Смысл музыки не в

соревновании или неволе.

00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:28,470

Если ты любишь музыку,

ты любишь свободу.

00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,390

Освободите эти миры!

Пожалуйста!

00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:33,180

Дисквалифицированы.

00:08:36,270 --> 00:08:38,680

Каждый сезон есть такие.

00:08:38,770 --> 00:08:41,770

Переходим к планете

Арболес Ментиросос.

00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:46,440

Арбольцы Ментирососы,

покажите, что у вас есть!

00:08:46,530 --> 00:08:48,190

А, 2, 3, 4!

00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:01,840

Рик, Морти, Ice-T,

расписание сдвинулось.

00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,460

Земля будет через шесть часов.

00:09:03,590 --> 00:09:05,680

Будто мы уже не под достаточным давлением?!

00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,019

Воу, воу!

00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:07,630

Да!

00:09:07,710 --> 00:09:10,680

Боже, Морти, парень просто

делает свою работу. Не заморачивайся.

00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:13,640

Рик, Ice-T, не могли бы вы

меньше не заморачиваться?!

00:09:13,690 --> 00:09:15,690

У нас шесть часов,

чтобы придумать песню!

00:09:15,810 --> 00:09:17,470

Гениальное приходит в процессе, Морти.

00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,256

Ну, можем ли мы, по крайней мере,

пойди забрать семью?

00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:20,416

То есть, чтобы мы могли взять их...

00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,860

С на...

С нами, если мы проиграем?

00:09:21,950 --> 00:09:23,480

Это планирование на провал, Морти.

00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:24,930

Даже хуже, чем просто планирование.

00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:26,230

Яйца.

00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,700

Морти, Морти, стоп.

Слушай.

00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:29,426

В этой штуке осталось

всего вот столько заряда.

00:09:29,450 --> 00:09:31,210

Если мы телепортируемся домой

отсюда и назад,

00:09:31,290 --> 00:09:33,136

у нас не хватит заряда,

чтобы покинуть этот мир.

00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,210

Понял?

00:09:33,550 --> 00:09:34,210

Что?!

00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:35,490

Да.

Видишь?

00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:38,130

Я пытаюсь уберечь тебя от

некоторых реальностей, Морти.

00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:39,636

Потому что, если я позволю тебе

заставить меня волноваться,

00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:41,210

я не смогу шизануться.

00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,476

Хватит говорить, будто оно так и есть!

Ты всё придумал!

00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:44,880

Эй, Морти, можешь лизнуть мои...

00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:46,420

Яйца, яйца...

00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:48,170

Рик, вырежи это!

Это не смешно, Рик!

00:09:48,260 --> 00:09:50,840

Я видел достаточно.

Эти парни больше не выстрелят.

00:09:50,970 --> 00:09:52,260

И каков Ваш план, генерал?

00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,656

У нас всё ещё есть вариант

с ядерными бомбами.

00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,730

Даю слово,

мы можем запустить по ракете

00:09:55,810 --> 00:09:57,930

в каждую из этих голов в небе.

00:09:58,010 --> 00:10:00,320

Наша планета взята в плен

на шоу в прямом эфире,

00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,900

и Ваше решение

стрелять по публике?

00:10:01,990 --> 00:10:04,246

Можете надеяться на бомбы,

если мы пройдём через это, генерал.

00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,910

А пока что, я буду надеяться

на Рика и Морти.

00:10:06,990 --> 00:10:09,490

"Шизануться" было хитом.

00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:11,580

Алло?

Да, сэр, да.

00:10:11,660 --> 00:10:13,190

Ээ, спасибо, сэр.

Спасибо.

00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,610

Он говорит, что он горд

тем, что мы делаем

00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:19,330

и надеется, что у нас будет

отличный фестиваль вознесения!

00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,429

Счастливого вознесения!

00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:21,670

Счастливого вознесения!

00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,686

Мы должны собраться

и покинуть город прямо сейчас.

00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,510

По моему, это так вдохновляет, что наше

общество справляется со страхом

00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:28,906

способом, который включает в себя

фестиваль и домашнее мороженое.

00:10:28,930 --> 00:10:31,260

Если ты перестанешь быть

такой ярой атеисткой,

00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:33,180

возможно ты начнёшь

получать удовольствие.

00:10:33,270 --> 00:10:34,770

Вау!

Взгляни на себя!

00:10:34,850 --> 00:10:36,380

У тебя эта шляпа и все дела!

00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:37,720

Вот ваши!

00:10:37,850 --> 00:10:39,890

Мам, ничего,

если сегодня я приготовлю ужин?

00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:41,890

Да, конечно.

Погоди, что?

00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:44,730

Я люблю вас.

Вы дали мне жизнь.

00:10:44,780 --> 00:10:46,390

А по воле многих голов,

00:10:46,450 --> 00:10:48,560

все дети должны чтить своих родителей.

00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:49,900

Обед звучит здорово.

00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:51,460

Прошу прощения, мистер и миссис Смит.

00:10:51,490 --> 00:10:53,400

Саммер, ты идёшь на вознесение?

00:10:53,450 --> 00:10:55,740

Отец, можно ли нам

пойти на вознесение?

00:10:55,790 --> 00:10:57,570

Конечно!

Идёмте на вознесение.

00:10:57,620 --> 00:10:58,820

Ч-ч-что это?

00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:00,960

Таким образом, мы посылаем

этих еретиков в небеса,

00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,610

чтобы их, возможно, вдохнули головы

00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:08,809

Вор

00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,225

Гот

00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:06,780

и потом высморкали назад

в виде хороших детей.

00:11:06,226 --> 00:11:08,810

Разгова-

ривает

в кино-

театре

00:11:06,850 --> 00:11:08,980

К истокам, будь свободен вознестись.

00:11:08,810 --> 00:11:08,810

Вор

00:11:09,050 --> 00:11:10,990

К истокам, будь свободен вознестись.

00:11:11,050 --> 00:11:12,490

К истокам, будь свободен вознестись.

00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:15,260

О, да! Да!

Вознесись к огромной голове!

00:11:15,310 --> 00:11:16,890

Вы свободны быть свободными!

00:11:16,930 --> 00:11:18,930

Мойщик выходит из гаража, да?

00:11:19,010 --> 00:11:20,650

А у него омар в одной руке,

00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:22,890

билеты в кино в другой,

и он такой: "Я готов!"

00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:25,746

Нужен омар, чтобы пойти

на "Железного человека 3"?

00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,650

Ice-T!

00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:28,900

Аа, чёрт.

00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:30,940

У нас закончились

печенюшки с особым вкусом.

00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:32,410

Всё равно мне пора.

00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,756

Подожди, подожди, подожди!

Л-ладно тебе.

00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,780

Пару секунд.

Сейчас.

00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,500

Что?!

00:11:38,670 --> 00:11:39,500

Ё моё.

00:11:39,580 --> 00:11:41,726

Ты не рассказывал, что ты

мутишь штуки с порталами и всем таким.

00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:42,870

Всё!

00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:44,340

Воу, воу, Морти!

Отдай мне это.

00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:45,500

Ты врал!

Ты врал про заряд!

00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:46,960

Тебе просто было лень!

00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,010

Отойди!

Сядь!

00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:49,370

Морти, просто положи это.

00:11:49,460 --> 00:11:50,760

Ты не знаешь, что ты творишь.

00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:52,540

Я собираюсь найти маму с папой!

00:11:52,630 --> 00:11:53,550

Нет!

00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:54,550

Оу, чёрт!

00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,010

Оу, чёрт.

00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:58,800

♪

00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,510

Оу, чёрт.

00:12:09,580 --> 00:12:11,450

А потом Итн сыграл на гитаре,

и мы разучили

00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:14,030

семь размышлений

головы, распевая их.

00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,980

Было весело.

00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,400

Слава голове!

00:12:17,490 --> 00:12:18,595

Слава..

00:12:18,596 --> 00:12:19,700

Слава..

00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:19,710

Да.

00:12:19,790 --> 00:12:21,660

Ей, народ.

Это поп Вагина.

00:12:21,710 --> 00:12:23,540

Спасибо за выращивание

всего этого картофеля.

00:12:23,630 --> 00:12:25,136

Сейчас шесть вечера,

так что если вы родитель,

00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,800

вам даётся право

на обожание со стороны ваших детей.

00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,460

Я начну готовить ужин!

00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:32,750

Не знаю, что и сказать.

Саммер хорошо сюда вписывается.

00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,640

Она получила высший балл

на всех тестах в картофельном классе,

00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:37,760

и посмотри, каким важным

стал картофель.

00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,560

Она не беременеет,

не колется и не нарушает комендантский час.

00:12:41,650 --> 00:12:43,706

Пожалуйста, спасите меня.

Вы сможете достать, если попытаетесь.

00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,100

Пожалуйста, спасите меня!

00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:47,350

Это не наше дело,

пока Саммер цветёт.

00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:49,070

Время тако!

00:12:49,150 --> 00:12:51,520

Надеюсь это порадует вас,

как того хочет голова.

00:12:51,610 --> 00:12:53,100

Это замечательно, Саммер.

00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,820

Мы так гордимся тобой.

00:12:54,910 --> 00:12:57,410

Но, естественно, тебе не нужно

делать ужин каждый вечер.

00:12:57,490 --> 00:12:59,830

Конечно нужно, глупенький!

00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:02,780

О, Боже, папочка!

Извини, что назвала тебя глупеньким!

00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:04,450

Мне так жаль!

00:13:04,530 --> 00:13:06,010

Божественные головы

и череп-создатель,

00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,540

простите мой проступок

по отношению к родителям и сообществу.

00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:11,440

Пусть работа исправит меня,

как я справлюсь с ней.

00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:17,550

♪

00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:27,489

Морти.

00:13:27,490 --> 00:13:28,110

Птицечеловек?

00:13:28,190 --> 00:13:29,560

Похоже, что ты умираешь.

00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,530

Я попытаюсь предотвратить это,

но не могу ничего обещать.

00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:40,796

К-как ты думаешь, Ice?

Наверное немного перестарался.

00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,620

Тьфу, перестарался,

недостарался...

00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,070

Плохая песня - это плохая песня.

00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:46,570

Ну, как ты думаешь, может...

00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:47,856

Мог бы ты помочь с этим, или...?

00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:49,080

Аа, ни за что, чувак.

00:13:49,210 --> 00:13:51,080

Делай, что делаешь,

но я не могу позволить себе

00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,580

покрыть свою гордость твоим позором.

00:13:52,630 --> 00:13:54,000

Понимаешь?

00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,920

Ice, не хочу быть пессимистом,

00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,026

но если Морти не вернётся

назад с моей портальной пушкой

00:13:58,050 --> 00:13:59,500

и я провалюсь на сцене,

00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:01,420

то это, ээ, знаешь,

будет и твоей проблемой.

00:14:01,510 --> 00:14:04,430

Пфф! Я не волнуюсь,

что Земля взорвётся, чувак.

00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,730

Что?

Почему?

00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:08,600

Йо, вот по этому.

00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:10,770

Какого лешего,

ты можешь превращаться в лёд?

00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,100

Моя история

берёт начало на заре времени

00:14:13,150 --> 00:14:15,740

в далёком царстве алфвавитии.

00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:18,820

Там каждое существо -

буква в алфавите.

00:14:18,910 --> 00:14:22,940

Но я был заморожен и изгнан

в космос старейшинами

00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,030

в наказание за то,

что мне на всё пофигу.

00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,080

Земля просто одна

из моих многочисленных пристанищ

00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,870

в бесцельном путешествии длинною в жизнь.

00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:33,590

Так что лучше поверь,

что мне без разницы, если Земля взорвётся,

00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:36,670

потому, что я просто буду льдом,

летящим сквозь пространство,

00:14:36,790 --> 00:14:38,460

словно комета.

00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,550

Поверь мне, Ice

ты не можешь просто

00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,960

летать в космосе как комета

вечно не заботясь ни о чём.

00:14:43,020 --> 00:14:44,800

Пфф.

Смотри, чувак.

00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:46,470

Удачи, Рик.

00:14:50,270 --> 00:14:51,890

Ладно, ситуация выходит

из под контроля.

00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:54,810

Лучше проверю, что у Рика есть

всё чтобы шизануться.

00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,690

О, ради Бога.

Достаточно.

00:14:56,780 --> 00:14:58,150

Что ты творишь, Нейтн?!

00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,650

Я чёртов президент

грёбанных Соединённых Штатов Америки!

00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:02,296

Я устанавливаю ядерные

боеголовки на запуск

00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,200

на одну минуту с начала выступления Земли.

00:15:04,290 --> 00:15:06,950

А Вы, мистер президент...

00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,040

Надеюсь Вам нравится

получать по лицу пушкой.

00:15:10,130 --> 00:15:12,910

Подожди, подожди, подожди.

Почему... почему...

00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:17,170

Я думаю, я смогу получить доступ

к памяти в пушке Рика

00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:18,630

и вернуть тебя к нему.

00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:19,896

А не можешь ли ты помочь мне

попасть к семье?

00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,090

Знаешь, д-домой?

00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,670

Ты намереваешься бросить Рика

используя его портальную пушку?

00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:27,510

В птичей культуре

это расценивается как поганый поступок.

00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,510

Все поступки Рика - поганые!

00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:30,730

Что...

Что я ем?

00:15:30,810 --> 00:15:32,260

Чт-что это,

птичий... птичий корм?

00:15:32,350 --> 00:15:34,770

Это просто мусор,

что я нашёл под ковром.

00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,270

Я не знаю, что едят люди.

00:15:36,350 --> 00:15:37,829

Ты знаешь, что ест твой человек.

00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:39,020

Не вульгарничай, Тэмми.

00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,570

Птичий **ен.

00:15:40,660 --> 00:15:42,020

Тэмми, пошло.

00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:43,860

Птицечеловек,

ты всегда поддерживаешь Рика,

00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,940

но он не беспокоится

ни о ком, кроме себя.

00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:48,860

Он не думает о

последствиях того, что делает.

00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,780

И как результат, у него есть мощь,

чтобы спасать или уничтожать целые миры.

00:15:52,870 --> 00:15:55,090

И он - причина того,

что мы знакомы...

00:15:55,170 --> 00:15:57,870

И причина того, что я вообще жив.

00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,880

♪

00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,590

Кто это?

Кто этот ребёнок?

00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,010

Морти, допустим ты можешь

спасти свою семью с Земли,

00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:07,630

но оставить Рика.

00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,100

Я могу дать твоим любимым

кров в птичем мире,

00:16:10,190 --> 00:16:12,770

даже работу,

скорее всего на ранчо червей.

00:16:12,860 --> 00:16:15,610

Как часто, по твоему,

ты будешь смотреть на звёзды

00:16:15,690 --> 00:16:17,140

и думать, что бы было,

00:16:17,230 --> 00:16:19,280

если бы ты поверил в Рика?

00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,560

Это были Чанкитанк с

00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:24,900

"Полный Минг Монг

Пустой Горбдорк"

00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:26,980

Дальше выступает планета Земля!

00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,800

О, боже!

Мы в эфире?!

00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:31,240

Джерри и Бетт,

ваша семья - золотой пример того,

00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,620

что может головопоклонение дать миру.

00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:35,710

Миру?

00:16:34,550 --> 00:16:35,710

Головопоклонение - хит.

00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,606

Мы собираемся расширятся на весь мир,

и мы хотим, чтобы Джерри был

00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,580

главой рекламы нашей церкви.

00:16:39,630 --> 00:16:41,000

Правда?

00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,276

Бетт, мы хотим продвинуть тебя

с должности хирурга для лошадей

00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:46,220

до главы медицины,

пропуская должность хирурга для людей.

00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:47,760

Это моя мечта!

Это моя мечта.

00:16:47,810 --> 00:16:50,680

Спасибо.

Это всё так невероятно.

00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,090

Но, ээ...

00:16:52,150 --> 00:16:53,270

- Абсолютно.

- Мы не можем.

00:16:53,350 --> 00:16:54,350

Простите?

00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:58,020

Мы ждали 16 лет, чтобы дочь зауважала нас,

00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,770

но загвоздка в том,

что это должна быть наша дочь,

00:17:00,850 --> 00:17:02,690

а не тот человек, кем она стала.

00:17:02,770 --> 00:17:06,610

Мы воспользуемся возможностью воспитать её

без новых причудливых работ,

00:17:06,690 --> 00:17:08,860

вне картофельной религии.

00:17:08,950 --> 00:17:09,840

И знайте что?

00:17:09,860 --> 00:17:12,140

М-меня уже тошнит претворяться,

что дети -

00:17:12,170 --> 00:17:14,080

это главное, из-за чего мы вместе.

00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:17,290

Я женился на тебе потому,

что ты - любовь всей моей жизни.

00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,170

Мне повезло, что ты у меня есть,

а я никогда не говорю это!

00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:23,670

Знаешь, мы после этого всего мы

станем более крепкой семьёй.

00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,776

Пожалуйста, не делай этого!

Пожалуйста, не делай этого!

00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,800

Саммер!

00:17:26,690 --> 00:17:27,850

Саммер, послушай внимательно.

00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,800

Я украл скрепку,

и держу её за щекой,

00:17:29,850 --> 00:17:31,630

но не знаю, что с ней делать,

а это больно.

00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,220

С вами всё будет в порядке.

Вы вернётесь в виде детей.

00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:36,800

Я - ребёнок!

Сейчас, я - ребёнок!

00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,310

Привет?

00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,770

Есть кто-нибудь?

00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,140

Мистер президент!

00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,810

Это сиалия!

00:17:45,870 --> 00:17:46,172

- Код Т9A!

00:17:46,184 --> 00:17:47,126

- (Прим. пер.: он использует

фонетический алфавит НАТО)

00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,280

Отменить запуск!

Отмена! Алло?

00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,620

Он заблокировал меня.

00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:53,290

Сэр, мне надо выйти на сцену

и помочь Рику шизануться!

00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,000

Без разницы,

насколько ты шизанёшся, Морти.

00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,990

Генерал установил ракеты на запуск

на середине песни Земли!

00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,240

О, Боже мой!

Эм, Вы умейте пилотировать вертолёт?

00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:02,300

А может **й попа

пройти через дырку от бублика?

00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:04,300

Ээ, я... не уверен.

00:18:04,380 --> 00:18:05,880

Именно.

00:18:05,970 --> 00:18:09,970

Покажите, что у вас есть!

00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,060

Ээ...

00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:14,890

♪ Лэпу лэпу лэпу допс ♪

00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:16,840

♪ Нэпу нэпу нэпу нотс ♪

00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:19,350

К истокам, будь свободен вознестись.

00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,880

Эй, посмотрите на головы!

00:18:20,980 --> 00:18:22,880

Похоже, что они злятся!

00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:25,070

У меня совсем не получается, Морти!

00:18:25,150 --> 00:18:27,020

Здесь слишком много кнопок!

00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:29,240

Мистер президент,

если я что-то и уяснил за сегодня,

00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,990

так это то, что иногда

должно быть пофигу!

00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,860

♪ Нэпу нэпу нотс ♪

00:18:33,950 --> 00:18:35,360

Ух.

Тяжёлая публика.

00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:37,030

Я уверен, тут...

00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,370

Тут нет никакой связи.

00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:42,870

Головы сердятся!

00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:43,870

Саммер!

00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:44,960

Эм...

00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:48,790

Морти!

00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,040

Ура!

00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:51,210

Ура!

Смотрите!

00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:52,430

Ура!

00:18:52,550 --> 00:18:54,180

Головам это нравится!

00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:56,720

Им нравится, когда мы

не убиваем семью Смитов!

00:18:56,790 --> 00:18:58,270

Нет!

Прекратите!

00:18:58,390 --> 00:19:00,720

Вам не позволено трактовать

волю голов!

00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:03,470

Отменить ядерный удар!

Это президент!

00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,090

Остановить запуск ядерных ракет!

00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,790

Просто запускай ракеты!

00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:13,150

Ууу! Не клёво!

00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,200

Я единственный,

кто говорит с головами!

00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,450

Дисквалифицированы!

00:19:16,570 --> 00:19:19,910

Головы дисквалифицировали Вагину!

Ловите его!

00:19:19,990 --> 00:19:21,380

Дисквалифицированы!

00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,040

Дисквалифицированы!

00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,080

♪

00:19:32,090 --> 00:19:33,140

Ice-T?!

00:19:33,220 --> 00:19:35,760

Правильно.

Это я - Ice-T.

00:19:35,890 --> 00:19:39,890

Мне теперь не безразлично.

Ты сделал меня более отзывчивым.

00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:41,430

Со всем должным уважением,

00:19:41,510 --> 00:19:45,350

я хочу услышать, что

споют Рик и Морти.

00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,100

Что скажешь, Рик?

00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,770

Я скажу, сделаем это!

00:19:49,860 --> 00:19:51,110

Ура!

00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,490

Да.

00:19:52,580 --> 00:19:54,360

Ладно.

00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,030

- Ага.

- ♪ О, да ♪

00:19:56,110 --> 00:19:57,500

Вот так вот.

00:19:57,610 --> 00:19:59,110

♪ О, да ♪

00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,110

♪ Повторяйте за мной ♪

00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,420

♪ Голова наклонена ♪

00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:04,370

♪ Зад к верху ♪

00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:05,340

♪ О, да ♪

00:20:05,460 --> 00:20:07,420

♪ Голова наклонена ♪

00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:09,870

♪ Да, зад к верху ♪

00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:10,960

Давайте со мной!

00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:13,460

О, Боже мо...

00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:15,130

♪ Голова наклонена ♪

00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:16,260

Да.

00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,880

♪ Зад к верху ♪

00:20:17,970 --> 00:20:18,970

Да!

00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:20,380

♪ Голова наклонена ♪

00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:24,810

О, да.

Зад к верху!

00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:28,110

После 988-и сезонов

"Планетарной Музыки"

00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:32,310

кромулонцы решили

объявить Землю окончательным победителем

00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,820

и завершить

наше музыкальное реалити-шоу.

00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:37,320

Пока.

00:20:38,990 --> 00:20:40,320

Да!

Мы сделали это! Да!

00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:42,320

Давайте теперь запишем альбом!

00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:46,160

Он сейчас сказал:

"музыкальное реалити-шоу"?

00:20:46,260 --> 00:20:49,100

Да, возможно мы связывали

00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,570

некоторые совсем не связанные вещи.

00:20:51,630 --> 00:20:53,170

Помогите!

00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:54,580

Так что, нам придётся достать его.

00:20:56,170 --> 00:20:58,036

Надеюсь я могу опять позвать тебя

и Рика, если я буду нуждаться в вас, Морти.

00:20:58,060 --> 00:20:59,470

Без проблем.

А я...

00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:01,840

Я вроде надеялся, что я смогу

сделать селфи с вами.

00:21:01,930 --> 00:21:04,236

Вообще, если ты попытаешься рассказать

кому-нибудь о том, что здесь произошло,

00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:06,296

мы будем отрицать это

и возможно сделаем кое-что похуже.

00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:07,320

Понял.

00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,480

Умри-и-и-и!

00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,520

Оу, нет, нет, нет!

00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,100

Почему он не превратился в змею?

00:21:13,190 --> 00:21:14,520

Секрет фирмы, мистер президент.

00:21:14,570 --> 00:21:18,830

Луч из частиц в наручных часах,

кобура со змеёй на ноге.

00:21:27,950 --> 00:21:29,540

Мне нравится этот парень!

00:21:29,590 --> 00:21:32,540

♪

00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,540

Магний-J, Водород-F..

00:22:06,580 --> 00:22:08,080

Отец.

00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,910

Молва о твоём самоотверженном поступке

на планете Земля

00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,010

пересекла галактику.

00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,380

Я изменился.

00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:17,950

Я готов воссоединиться со своими собратьями

в алфавитии.

00:22:18,020 --> 00:22:19,020

Очень хорошо.

00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:21,760

Твоё изгнание заканчивается сейчас.

00:22:24,230 --> 00:22:28,010

Добро пожаловать домой, Вода-T.

00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:30,930

Числовики!

Они атакуют!

00:22:31,070 --> 00:22:32,630

Боевые позиции!

00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:33,900

Ааа!

00:22:33,990 --> 00:22:34,900

Отец!

00:22:34,940 --> 00:22:36,270

Я люблю тебя, сын.

00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:40,070

Я не должен был

превращать тебя в лёд.

00:22:40,510 --> 00:22:43,160

Вода-T, куда ты идёшь?!

00:22:43,250 --> 00:22:44,950

Их слишком много!

00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,360

Тогда я лучше сведу счёты.

00:22:47,450 --> 00:22:50,580

Аааааааа!

00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,115

ЧИСЛОВИКОВ

00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,510

Этим Летом

00:22:52,116 --> 00:22:53,510

ВОДА-T И ВОССТАНИЕ

00:22:55,010 --> 00:22:56,469

Ты что-нибудь понял?

00:22:56,470 --> 00:22:58,520

Это хорошее шоу!