Рик во времени

00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:14,683

Hurry up, Morty.

00:00:14,766 --> 00:00:16,351

Grandpa's about

to un-freeze time.

00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:18,603

You really should be cleaning

from top to bottom.

00:00:18,687 --> 00:00:20,522

I know how to vacuum mom

and dad, Summer.

00:00:20,605 --> 00:00:22,190

I've been doing it

for six months.

00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:24,693

Then you've been doing it

wrong for six months.

00:00:24,776 --> 00:00:26,486

Oh, my god, is that mildew?

00:00:26,569 --> 00:00:28,655

It's not my fault we froze

time on a humid day.

00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:31,825

You have dropped

so many balls, man.

00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:33,827

Do you ever get scared

Grandpa Rick

00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:35,662

might make me his new sidekick?

00:00:35,745 --> 00:00:37,622

What?!

What kind of monster are you?

00:00:37,706 --> 00:00:38,998

A competent one.

00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,267

Who cares about the [burps]

things you guys are

00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:41,418

talking about?

00:00:41,501 --> 00:00:42,853

[Burps] the whole point

of freezing time was to

00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,879

stop giving a fuck.

Put a shirt on your dumb dad,

00:00:44,963 --> 00:00:47,215

and let's get

this dumb universe rolling.

00:00:47,298 --> 00:00:48,925

Let's do this thing.

00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:53,680

All right, listen, you two.

00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,557

We froze time

for a pretty long time,

00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:56,766

so when I un-freeze it,

00:00:56,850 --> 00:00:58,351

the world's time

is gonna be fine,

00:00:58,435 --> 00:01:00,270

but our time's

gonna need a little time

00:01:00,353 --> 00:01:01,604

to, you know, stabilize.

00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:02,790

Our time is gonna be unstable?

00:01:02,814 --> 00:01:04,357

What does that even mean?

00:01:04,441 --> 00:01:06,443

It means relax

and stop being a pussy, Morty.

00:01:06,526 --> 00:01:08,403

Uh, I thought

you learned that by now.

00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:09,964

It also means

don't touch your parents,

00:01:09,988 --> 00:01:11,882

or we could shatter into

countless theoretical shards.

00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:14,284

- Wait a minute, what?

- And away we go!

00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:15,493

[Device warbles]

00:01:15,577 --> 00:01:16,578

♪♪

00:01:19,539 --> 00:01:21,875

Um... did we ever put

that mattress under Mr. Benson?

00:01:21,958 --> 00:01:23,418

- Shhh.

- Shush, Morty.

00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:25,587

...a thing or two about...

Wait, what?

00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:27,589

Was the house...

When we pulled up,

00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:30,508

I could have sworn the house

was completely trashed.

00:01:30,592 --> 00:01:31,843

Negative visualization, Jerry.

00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,678

Explains a lot

about where you're at.

00:01:33,762 --> 00:01:35,638

- Hi, sweetie.

- Hi, dad.

00:01:35,722 --> 00:01:37,599

Summer, Morty, are you okay?

00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:39,517

We... we just

missed you a lot.

00:01:39,601 --> 00:01:41,227

Yeah, we missed you so much.

00:01:41,311 --> 00:01:42,729

Too much to hug you, though.

00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:44,439

Yeah, it would

literally destroy them.

00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,333

Now, listen, why don't...

Why don't... wh-why don't...

00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:47,960

Why don't you guys go

get a free Sunday ice cream?

00:01:47,984 --> 00:01:49,486

Get out there

and get some ice creams.

00:01:49,569 --> 00:01:51,863

Here's $500 cash

in unmarked monies.

00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:53,740

I'm just gonna put it

on the floor

00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:55,408

and kick it on over to ya.

00:01:55,492 --> 00:01:57,494

- You guys go nuts.

- This better not be a bribe.

00:01:57,577 --> 00:02:00,622

If I find a single thing

out of place in this house,

00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:02,791

my love of ice cream

won't save you.

00:02:02,874 --> 00:02:04,417

I'll get my jacket.

00:02:04,501 --> 00:02:07,670

Sweetie, is your shirt

on backwards?

00:02:07,754 --> 00:02:09,464

[All gasp]

00:02:09,547 --> 00:02:11,883

Yeah.

I like it this way.

00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,343

I'm not stupid.

00:02:13,426 --> 00:02:14,636

- Phew!

- Oh.

00:02:14,719 --> 00:02:16,471

Man, that guy

is the Redgren Grumbholdt

00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,389

of pretending he knows

what's going on.

00:02:18,473 --> 00:02:19,599

[Rick and Summer laugh]

00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:20,951

- Oh, you agree, huh?

- It's funny.

00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:21,893

You like that Redgren Grumbholdt

reference?

00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:22,976

Yeah.

00:02:23,019 --> 00:02:24,521

Well, guess what?

I made him up.

00:02:24,604 --> 00:02:26,189

You really are

your father's children.

00:02:26,272 --> 00:02:28,024

Think for yourselves.

Don't be sheep.

00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:32,987

[Dramatic electronic music plays]

00:02:56,928 --> 00:02:59,556

[Electricity crackles]

00:03:05,562 --> 00:03:06,896

God, I feel terrible.

00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:08,523

Yep, it really makes

you appreciate

00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:09,899

how fickle the Universe can be.

00:03:09,983 --> 00:03:12,527

One minute you're falling

off a roof for six months,

00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:13,862

the next minute, bam!

00:03:13,945 --> 00:03:15,780

Uh, just to be clear,

it was Summer's job

00:03:15,864 --> 00:03:17,240

to put the mattress under...

00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:18,658

Uh, what?

It was your job, Morty.

00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:19,826

- Nuh-uh!

- Yuh-huh!

00:03:19,909 --> 00:03:21,244

Actually, sorry, Summer.

00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,596

I got to back the "M" bomb

on this one.

00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:24,080

I remember the conversation.

00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:26,583

We told Morty to replace all

the bank's money with cookies.

00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:28,710

Your job was to put the

mattress under Mr. Benson.

00:03:28,793 --> 00:03:31,004

Boom!

In your face, Summer!

00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:32,755

You really dropped

the ball, man.

00:03:32,839 --> 00:03:34,841

Shut up, Morty,

you vindictive little turd!

00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:38,011

You shut up,

you big female asshole!

00:03:38,094 --> 00:03:39,387

[Warbles]

Hey, don't shove me!

00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:40,638

- I didn't!

- You didn't what?

00:03:40,722 --> 00:03:42,265

- What's your problem?

- What's yours?

00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,433

- Shut up!

- You shut up!

00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:44,809

[Rumbling]

- Wh-whoa, whoa!

00:03:44,893 --> 00:03:47,228

What the [echoing] hell, hell,

hell, hell, hell?

00:03:47,312 --> 00:03:49,480

[Echoing] Oh, god. Oh, no.

What did you guys just do?

00:03:49,564 --> 00:03:50,791

- What did who do?

- What do you mean?

00:03:50,815 --> 00:03:52,734

Wait, what am I saying?

- [burps] Were either

00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:54,819

of you guys uncertain

about anything just now?

00:03:54,903 --> 00:03:56,487

Oh, man, I don't feel good.

00:03:56,571 --> 00:03:57,923

- Am I me?

- Am I talking right now?

00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:59,532

- I think so.

- Wait, who said that?

00:03:59,616 --> 00:04:01,284

All right,

both of you just don't move.

00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:04,704

Don't speak, don't think.

I have to check something.

00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:05,890

- What'd you do, Morty?

- I'm gonna help grandpa.

00:04:05,914 --> 00:04:07,081

I'll see if he needs help.

00:04:07,165 --> 00:04:08,434

What do you mean you're

gonna help him?

00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:09,959

[scoffs]

I can help, too.

00:04:10,043 --> 00:04:11,312

- What's happening, Grandpa?

- What's going on, Rick?

00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:12,879

Sh-sh-shut up.

00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:15,465

Oh, crap, are you kidding me?

Two dots?

00:04:15,548 --> 00:04:17,175

This never needs to be

more than one dot.

00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,593

The two of you made us

uncertain!

00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:19,594

- What are you talking about?

- What's that mean?

00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:20,779

- English, please.

- English?

00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:23,306

Our time is fractured...

You two somehow created

00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,725

a feedback look of uncertainty

that split our reality

00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,269

into two equally possible

impossibilities.

00:04:28,353 --> 00:04:30,605

W-we're exactly like a man

capable of sustaining

00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:33,399

a platonic friendship with

an attractive female co-worker.

00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:35,401

We're entirely hypothetical.

00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:37,528

But I thought there were

infinite time lines?

00:04:37,612 --> 00:04:39,614

We're not

on any time line, dummy.

00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:41,699

Look.

[cat meows]

00:04:41,783 --> 00:04:42,951

Oh, my god!

00:04:43,034 --> 00:04:44,369

SUMMER:

Are those cats?

00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,496

I assume

they're Schrodinger's cats.

00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,914

Or, actually, I assume

00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:49,624

they both are and aren't,

just like us.

00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,334

- Is the world gone?

- Is the world gone?

00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:52,853

- Where are mom and dad?

- What about mom and dad?

00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:55,338

Mom and dad? Get your head

out of your family's ass.

00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,548

The three of us are lost

in a timeless oblivion.

00:04:57,632 --> 00:04:59,008

Your parents get to exist.

00:04:59,092 --> 00:05:01,344

They're probably living it up

in some pointless,

00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:03,513

grounded story

about their shitty marriage.

00:05:03,596 --> 00:05:05,431

JERRY:

Cold stone creamery is the best.

00:05:05,515 --> 00:05:08,434

What should we do

with our remaining $20?

00:05:08,518 --> 00:05:11,312

You realize they sing

no matter how much you tip?

00:05:11,396 --> 00:05:12,939

- Whoa!

- Aaah!

00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:14,357

Holy shit.

00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,025

- What happened?

- I hit a deer.

00:05:16,109 --> 00:05:18,361

We... we have to tell

the cops you were driving.

00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:20,613

- What?

- This is rum raisin!

00:05:22,949 --> 00:05:24,534

It's still alive.

00:05:24,617 --> 00:05:28,037

Well, do we... do I, uh,

get, uh, a big rock, or...?

00:05:28,121 --> 00:05:29,789

It's not an armadillo, asshole.

00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,672

I thought that's what

a man's supposed to say.

00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,389

It's not like

I could've actually done it.

00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:35,378

If we were near a hospital,

I could treat it,

00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,838

but I...

I think we have to just...

00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:39,507

It's okay. This is

just something that happens.

00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,301

And even if we were

in a hospital, what could we do?

00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:44,554

You're a horse surgeon,

not a deer surgeon.

00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:45,763

So...?

00:05:45,847 --> 00:05:47,306

Well, don't different animals...

00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:48,909

require different levels

of skill to keep alive?

00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,573

- Oh, god.

Get the deer in the car, Jerry.

00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:51,894

Yes, Beth.

00:05:51,978 --> 00:05:53,896

This is why you

don't freeze time, you guys.

00:05:53,980 --> 00:05:55,565

It's incredibly irresponsible.

00:05:55,648 --> 00:05:57,888

And you did it so we could clean

the house after a party?

00:05:57,942 --> 00:06:00,528

Look, there's no time

to hold me accountable, Morty.

00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,363

Like, literally no time.

Look around.

00:06:02,447 --> 00:06:04,699

Uncertainty

is inherently unsustainable.

00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,868

Eventually, everything

either is or isn't.

00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:09,370

And we've got about

four hours to be "Is."

00:06:09,454 --> 00:06:11,497

- Or...?

- We isn't.

00:06:11,581 --> 00:06:13,225

All right, since this time

crystal exists in both

00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:14,250

possibilities,

00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:16,627

and since it's impossible

that I didn't nail this,

00:06:16,669 --> 00:06:18,463

I'm probably about

to press this button

00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:20,631

in both possibilities

at exactly the same time.

00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:22,317

- How do you know...

- How do you know that...

00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:23,944

Whatever your asking me,

the answer is I'm amazing.

00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:25,887

And away we go.

00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:26,971

[Warbling]

00:06:29,057 --> 00:06:31,601

Huh, what do you know.

It's working.

00:06:31,684 --> 00:06:34,312

- Ow, ow, ow!

- Oh shit.

00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,481

What the hell

is wrong with you two?

00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,732

I-I-I-I mean you four!

00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,692

BOTH:

That hurt! That was painful.

00:06:39,776 --> 00:06:41,736

Good, I'm glad it was painful.

You deserve it.

00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,530

I saw you. Y-you're both [burps]

all over the damn place.

00:06:44,614 --> 00:06:46,699

We've been split for

20 minutes and your lives

00:06:46,783 --> 00:06:49,035

are already scattered

to the quantum fucking wind?

00:06:49,118 --> 00:06:50,745

What the hell do

either of you two

00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,289

have to be so uncertain about?

Your brand of zit cream?

00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,374

Which chair to sit in

while I do everything?

00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:56,626

Come on, spit it out!

00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:57,627

Well, you don't exactly

make it easy, Rick.

00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:59,045

You make fun of me

all the time...

00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,689

You're always picking on me...

...and now Summer's doing it.

00:07:00,713 --> 00:07:01,547

...and now you got Summer

to kiss your ass.

00:07:01,631 --> 00:07:03,049

Me?! What about you?

00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:04,193

You're just as mean to me

because you're jealous...

00:07:04,217 --> 00:07:05,235

could you get more excited

to see me fail?

00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,820

Because you want grandpa

all to yourself!

00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:08,697

All right, all right, cool it.

I see what's happening here.

00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:10,348

You're both young,

you're both unsure

00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:11,724

about your place

in the universe,

00:07:11,808 --> 00:07:13,601

and you both want

to be Grandpa's favorite.

00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,394

I can fix this.

Morty, sit here.

00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,979

Summer, you sit here.

Now, listen.

00:07:17,063 --> 00:07:18,648

I know the two of you

are very different

00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:20,000

from each other

in a lot of ways,

00:07:20,024 --> 00:07:21,400

but you have to understand

00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:22,902

that as far

as Grandpa's concerned,

00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:24,612

you're both pieces

of shit. Yeah.

00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:25,947

I can prove it mathematically.

00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,657

Actually, I-I-let me

grab my white board.

00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,408

This has been

a long time coming, anyway.

00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:31,327

[Tires screech]

00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:33,037

Emergency!

Wounded deer coming in.

00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:34,747

[Air hissing]

- Three.

00:07:34,831 --> 00:07:36,582

Excuse me,

you can't be back here.

00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:38,251

I'm a certified horse surgeon,

00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:40,002

and this deer

needs medical attention.

00:07:40,086 --> 00:07:42,547

- Nurse, please move that snake.

- That's my nurse.

00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,507

And as a horse surgeon,

I'm sure that you know

00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:47,677

that deer have much smaller,

much more intricate organs.

00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,762

As a vet, I'm sure you know

that a deer

00:07:49,846 --> 00:07:52,265

is closer to a horse

than you are to a doctor.

00:07:52,348 --> 00:07:54,725

So let's save the measuring

for when our dicks are out.

00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:56,477

- It's time to save a life!

- Geez.

00:07:56,561 --> 00:07:57,895

[Grunts, sighs]

00:07:57,979 --> 00:08:00,648

That's odd.

This deer's wounded.

00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,733

Uh, yeah, I was there.

You don't have to rub it in.

00:08:02,817 --> 00:08:04,944

I mean it's been shot

with a gun.

00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:06,988

MAN:

My gun.

00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:08,823

May I help you, sir?

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,534

No, but you can stop

helping this deer.

00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,578

I shot it before these two

hit it with their car,

00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,305

and I followed them

when they hauled it off.

00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:16,706

This deer belongs to me.

00:08:16,789 --> 00:08:18,708

[Sighs]

We don't have time

for this, okay?

00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:20,585

I need anaesthetic

and deer saline.

00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,712

Look, I don't know what

the law says about this,

00:08:22,795 --> 00:08:25,965

but I took an oath that I would

let no animal come to harm.

00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,818

Except when sterilizing,

aborting, or euthanizing them,

00:08:27,842 --> 00:08:30,136

or also when eating them

at also any meal.

00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:31,762

I'm calling my lawyer.

00:08:31,846 --> 00:08:33,448

I hope for all our sakes

you're as bad a surgeon

00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:34,472

as I am a hunter.

00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,392

In your dreams, bitch.

Scalpel.

00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:39,812

So, in conclusion,

you're both equally mercurial,

00:08:39,896 --> 00:08:41,647

overly sensitive, clingy,

00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:43,983

hysterical,

bird-brained homunculi.

00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,419

And I honestly can't even tell

the two of you apart

00:08:45,443 --> 00:08:46,527

half the time

00:08:46,611 --> 00:08:47,838

because I don't go

by height or age,

00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:49,614

I go by amount

of pain in my ass,

00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,073

which makes you both identical.

00:08:51,157 --> 00:08:52,491

All right, everything resolved?

00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:55,328

Everybody nice and certain about

their position in my world.

00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:56,329

BOTH:

- Yes.

00:08:56,412 --> 00:08:57,747

All right, perfect.

Sit still.

00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,707

[Burps] arms down.

I'm gonna do this again.

00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,667

This time be like Grandpa.

00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:02,877

You mean drunk?

00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,670

What's that?

You got something to say?

00:09:04,754 --> 00:09:05,754

- No.

- And away we go!

00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,925

And away we go!

00:09:09,008 --> 00:09:11,802

- Huh, that's weird.

- Huh, that's weird.

00:09:11,886 --> 00:09:13,763

[Button clicking]

00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:14,889

- Oh, my god.

- What?

00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:15,890

The son of a bitch

is gonna kill me!

00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:16,973

What?!

00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:17,850

The son of a bitch

is gonna kill me!

00:09:17,934 --> 00:09:18,851

What?!

00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:20,311

Diabolical, unfeeling sociopath.

00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:21,747

- Don't you get it?!

- Don't you get it?!

00:09:21,771 --> 00:09:23,898

The other Rick isn't trying

to merge us anymore.

00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,250

He thinks

he can save his own skin

00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,859

by using the crystal to kill me.

00:09:26,943 --> 00:09:28,819

He probably figures

it's [belches] easier

00:09:28,903 --> 00:09:29,779

to eliminate one

of the possibilities

00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:30,988

rather than merge them.

00:09:31,072 --> 00:09:32,198

[laughs]

I have to admit,

00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:33,991

it was always in the back

of my mind, too.

00:09:34,075 --> 00:09:35,995

The difference is

I would never do it, until now.

00:09:36,035 --> 00:09:37,179

Rick, what the hell

are you doing?

00:09:37,203 --> 00:09:38,746

Saving our lives!

00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:41,141

After he takes me out, he's...

He's gonna be coming for you.

00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:42,333

- Who?

- Me!

00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,793

[Gunshot]

- Aah!

00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:45,336

- Whoa!

- You see that? Get down!

00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:47,213

I told you, he's a psycho.

He's lost it!

00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,423

Th-th-th-the time fracture

must have made him crazy!

00:09:49,507 --> 00:09:50,692

- I don't know what to do!

- Oh, crap!

00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:52,718

- I don't know what to do!

[rumbling]

00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:54,428

[Device beeps]

00:09:54,512 --> 00:09:56,097

Oh, god,

now there's three of them.

00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,699

We're outnumbered.

Get in the cupboards.

00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:58,975

Wait, don't...

Don't do that.

00:09:59,058 --> 00:10:00,393

They'll know.

Wait, wait.

00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:01,870

Think about getting in

the cupboards, but don't really.

00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:03,896

[Gunshots]

[screams]

00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:06,691

Is this what you want,

you sick fuck?!

00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,734

You want to see children die?!

00:10:08,818 --> 00:10:09,819

You son of a bitch.

00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:12,196

You don't stop living

until I say so!

00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,197

- Michael.

00:10:13,281 --> 00:10:14,699

- Who's this now?

- My lawyer.

00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,593

I'm here to notify you, ma'am,

that in this county,

00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:18,077

any deer shot by a hunter

00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,621

is that hunter's property

regardless of how far it runs

00:10:20,705 --> 00:10:22,915

or who intercepts it

before it dies.

00:10:22,999 --> 00:10:24,417

It's called Brad's law.

00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,960

We can't make you

stop the surgery,

00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,129

but at this point,

you're performing it on venison.

00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:30,339

Actually,

I've decided not to eat it.

00:10:30,423 --> 00:10:34,302

All this fear and conflict...

I'm sure it's ruined the meat.

00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:36,679

I'm just gonna use the head

for my rec-room wall.

00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:38,681

She normally works on horses.

00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,784

Jerry, if you're not gonna help,

get the fuck out of here.

00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,476

I will reach into heaven

00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,979

and yank your screaming

deer soul back!

00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:46,062

Jesus.

00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:48,107

Shh, shh!

00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:50,067

I know where you are,

you creepy old monster.

00:10:50,151 --> 00:10:51,277

I know how you think.

00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,195

Oh, is there where

you think I'm going?

00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:54,399

You think I'm standing here?

00:10:54,447 --> 00:10:55,865

Well, maybe you're right.

00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:57,825

[Morty grunts]

[Rick groans]

00:10:57,908 --> 00:10:59,035

SUMMER:

Holy shit. Now what?

00:10:59,118 --> 00:11:00,512

Well, if all of me

knocked out all the Ricks,

00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:02,163

and you peed

in all of your pants,

00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:04,165

doesn't that mean

that we're all synchronized?

00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,458

- Right.

- Okay.

00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,918

So, from now on, whatever we do,

we have to be certain.

00:11:08,002 --> 00:11:09,003

Right.

00:11:09,462 --> 00:11:12,214

I think I'm certain

we're effed in the "A."

00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:18,012

Oh, god, my head.

00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,722

[Groans]

What did you guys do?

00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:22,683

We put you in a dog crate

because you were acting crazy

00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:24,226

and you caused

another time fracture.

00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:25,644

You tried to kill yourself.

00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:27,271

O-only

in self-defense.

00:11:27,355 --> 00:11:28,814

Myself tried to kill me first.

00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:30,459

Guys, I don't expect you

to understand this,

00:11:30,483 --> 00:11:32,318

but time breaking twice

means our problem is

00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:35,321

two times bigger and we've got

half as much time to solve it.

00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:37,341

Well, actually, I do expect

you to understand that.

00:11:37,365 --> 00:11:39,909

It's basic math. C-can somebody

just let me out of here?

00:11:39,992 --> 00:11:41,327

If I die in a cage,

I lose a bet.

00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:43,079

Well, is there some way

you can prove

00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:45,098

you're not a threat to yourself

and others anymore?

00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:46,522

Oh, for god's sake.

All right, here.

00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:48,622

- Give me the time crystal.

- Wh-what are you doing?

00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:51,003

Calling myself.

Here, listen.

00:11:51,087 --> 00:11:52,522

It'll [burps] probably go

to voice-mail

00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,090

since, you know,

I'm calling myself.

00:11:54,173 --> 00:11:56,050

Hello, Rick here.

00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:57,277

Don't fall for it.

It's a bit.

00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:58,761

Just kidding!

Ha, ha!

00:11:58,844 --> 00:11:59,929

You just got Ricked.

00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:01,281

You've reached

Rick's voice-mail.

00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:02,366

You know what to do.

[beep]

00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:03,599

Hey, Rick.

It's Rick.

00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:06,060

Listen, I'm sorry about earlier.

No hard feelings.

00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:08,104

I know you know I mean it, too.

Take it easy.

00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:10,272

Whoa, damn!

Look at this.

00:12:10,356 --> 00:12:11,941

I'm blowing up...

Three new voicemails.

00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:13,317

Hey, Rick.

It's Rick.

00:12:13,401 --> 00:12:14,544

Listen, I'm sorry about earlier.

00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:15,486

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I heard this one.

00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:16,821

Hey, Rick.

It's Rick.

00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,948

Hey, Rick, it's...

- You get the idea.

00:12:19,031 --> 00:12:20,366

[burps]

W-we're cool now.

00:12:20,449 --> 00:12:22,677

Okay, well, we're still not

gonna let you out of this crate.

00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,370

Fine.

I'll just do it myself.

00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:26,831

If you could get out that whole

time, why didn't you?

00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,666

Because I waited

until I was certain

00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,251

it was what I wanted

to do, Morty.

00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:31,728

That's the difference

between you and me.

00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,087

I'm certain, and you're

00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,256

a walking burlap sack

filled with turds.

00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:36,507

You know, geez, Rick!

00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,467

Y-y-you're really tearing

into me right now.

00:12:38,551 --> 00:12:39,593

You know, words hurt.

00:12:39,677 --> 00:12:41,095

- Holy!

- A monster!

00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:42,888

Hey, you...

Hey, quit yelling.

00:12:42,972 --> 00:12:45,641

Quit yelling.

What the fuck

00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,726

your time is all

ripped up to hell!

00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:49,395

[Warbles]

You broke your time twice.

00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:51,105

- [Sighs]

- How did this happen?

00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:52,249

[All speaking indistinctly]

00:12:52,273 --> 00:12:55,234

Nevermind. Shut the fuck up.

Goddamn.

00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,194

I'm from the fourth dimension.

00:12:57,278 --> 00:12:58,821

I can hear all of y'all.

00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,824

Now let's just see what we

got here for a second.

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,533

- [Groans]

- Goddamn it.

00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,410

Were you trying

to use this to...

00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:07,413

Oh, see, you broke time,

and you thought you could

00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,415

just stick it back

together with this?

00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:10,600

How you think

you gonna move time

00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:11,834

while you're standing in it,

00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:14,295

you dumb-ass three-dimensional

monkey-ass dummies?

00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:15,629

Oh, way to go, Rick.

00:13:15,713 --> 00:13:17,131

Yeah, Grandpa, way to go.

00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,942

What, you're just gonna listen

to this guy now?

00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,843

He's got a giant testicle

for a head.

00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,178

He came here in a bubble.

00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:23,381

For all we know, he could be

00:13:23,429 --> 00:13:25,848

the David Berkowitz

of Nutsackland.

00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:28,142

Shut up.

Here, put these on.

00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:29,727

They'll sync

your possibilities up

00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,687

so I can bring you back

to certain time.

00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,190

Y'all are just...

Just... just negligent.

00:13:34,273 --> 00:13:35,941

See, now...

Now look right here.

00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:38,194

Hey, hey, hey, the three of you,

put your collars on.

00:13:38,277 --> 00:13:39,504

- We have them on.

- What are you talking about?

00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:40,714

- Uh, we did.

- We're not wearing collars.

00:13:40,738 --> 00:13:42,448

Exactly.

'Cause you're being obstinate.

00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:43,574

[Belches]

What?

00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:46,285

Put the damn collars on

if you want to live.

00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,679

- They're on right now.

- We did. They're on.

00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:50,039

All right, fine.

Summer, Morty, put them on.

00:13:50,122 --> 00:13:51,749

[Device beeps]

00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:52,833

[Warbling]

00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,603

- Yes, we're back!

- No more cats!

00:13:54,627 --> 00:13:56,467

- We're back in certain time.

- Problem solved.

00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:57,647

No more cats!

Oh, you did it!

00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,507

- You fixed it.

- Yeah, I did.

00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:01,175

Now keep those collars on so you

00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:02,698

don't break

your weak-ass time again.

00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,970

How long, exactly, do we have

to wear these things?

00:14:05,054 --> 00:14:06,222

They're really embarrassing.

00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:08,474

Well, since you're going

to time prison,

00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:11,060

I'd say you can

keep them on forever.

00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:12,478

- Time prison?

- Yeah.

00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,480

Well, I don't know where you

expect me to think

00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,106

you got that crystal over there,

00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:20,027

but the only way your dumb-ass

assin' ass asses

00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,655

could ever have one

is if it was stolen.

00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,407

You stole a time-freezing

crystal from testicle monsters?!

00:14:25,491 --> 00:14:28,077

I would've been happy to pay

for it, s... [burps] Summer,

00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,162

but they don't exactly

sell them at Costco.

00:14:30,246 --> 00:14:32,998

Besides, there's a larger lesson

to be learned here. Get him!

00:14:33,082 --> 00:14:34,476

No, no, no, no!

You better keep back!

00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,085

Man, this will turn your ass

00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:38,212

into a third-trimester fetus

from 30 yards.

00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:40,297

[Monitor beeping]

00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:41,590

Mm.

00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:44,718

Isn't there a kitten somewhere

that needs a manicure?

00:14:44,802 --> 00:14:47,221

That's right, Mrs. Smith.

Give in to your anger.

00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:49,390

Neglect that deer.

00:14:49,473 --> 00:14:51,308

Honey, it's gonna be okay.

00:14:51,392 --> 00:14:53,227

These men are

from the Cervine Institute

00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:54,979

of of elk, moose, deer,

and stag.

00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,730

They can take this deer

to a helicopter

00:14:56,814 --> 00:14:58,941

and fly it to the country's

top deer surgeon

00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,235

on a wildlife reserve

across the state border.

00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,487

Where your jurisdiction ends.

00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,116

I guess that's the end of that.

00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:08,659

There is just one more thing.

00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:11,328

According to this state's

Veterinarian statute,

00:15:11,412 --> 00:15:13,247

this animal can't be transferred

00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,291

until the current

attending physician

00:15:15,374 --> 00:15:17,960

verbally confirms

their inability

00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,670

to provide adequate care.

00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,089

You heard the man, horse doctor.

00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:25,551

You have to say

you couldn't hack it.

00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:28,387

We did it!

00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:30,306

Uh-huh. No, mother... no.

Earth, dude.

00:15:30,389 --> 00:15:32,641

No, I'm talking about...

Yeah, with the dinosaurs.

00:15:32,725 --> 00:15:35,311

No, if you get to the dolphin

people, you gone too far.

00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:37,479

All right, man,

I'll talk to you later. Okay.

00:15:37,563 --> 00:15:39,106

You know what they do

00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:41,029

to third-dimensional life

forms in time prison?

00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,253

Same thing they do in every

other prison, only forever.

00:15:43,277 --> 00:15:44,570

Why are you doing this?

00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,989

You think I want to be

an omniscient immortal being

00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,712

transcending time and space

my whole life?

00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,117

I got ambitions, man.

00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,036

Bringing you guys in

is my ticket up.

00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:55,039

What if I told you

there's a huge ticket

00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,248

up right behind you?

00:15:56,332 --> 00:15:57,475

You really think

I'm that stupid?

00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,168

All right, hear me out on this.

00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:01,187

You're immortal, right, which

means your life is infinite.

00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,131

Okay, well, then that means

there's a 100% chance

00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:04,608

that you'll

eventually do everything,

00:16:04,632 --> 00:16:07,009

including turning around

to look behind you.

00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,218

I cannot argue that.

00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:10,012

[Thud!]

- Aaah!

00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:12,306

[Squeals]

- Oh, god, gross and weird!

00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,475

- Chris!

[splat!]

00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:16,018

You killed my gun!

00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:17,537

RICK:

Summer, Morty,

take off your collars.

00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:19,188

What? What the hell

are you doing?

00:16:19,271 --> 00:16:23,609

Good question. I suppose

the answer is I'm not certain.

00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:25,194

Oh, no, what are you doing?

00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:26,987

- I have no idea.

- I'm not sure.

00:16:27,071 --> 00:16:28,447

Stop it!

00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:31,116

[Echoing] Maybe I will,

maybe I won't.

00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,202

I'm really uncertain

about everything,

00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:34,495

even kicking your ass.

00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:36,038

List... hey!

Tw... ow!

00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:38,123

But the... these arms

are vestigial! [grunts]

00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,726

Now, you poked me where

an eye would've been

00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:41,502

about 6 million years ago.

00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:43,504

SUMMER:

[echoing]

Come on, let's help Grandpa.

00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:45,964

MORTY:

[echoing] Yes! I'm 100%

not sure about anything!

00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,633

Yeah, totally uncertain.

00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,510

Beat his ass!

Get him! Beat him up!

00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,970

- Kick his ass, Rick!

- Die, motherfucker.

00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,347

Ow!

I'm defeated.

00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,349

- What's happening?

- Time is falling apart.

00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:56,701

We've got to get back

to certainty quick.

00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,185

Give me your collars.

00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,163

Oh, man. Don't you have to fix,

like, 30 of them?

00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,563

Morty, I have to fix three

of them.

00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:03,315

And then there's 31

other versions of me

00:17:03,399 --> 00:17:05,984

that have to also fix three,

for a total of 96.

00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,278

I'm not an idiot.

I know how to be decisive.

00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:09,881

Now hand me

that flat-head screwdriver.

00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:12,258

- Actually, make it a flat-head.

- Actually, make it a phillips.

00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:13,951

Oh, shit.

00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:17,830

Look, I know I was

kind of a nuisance today.

00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:19,415

I know it's my fault

we hit the deer.

00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,542

And I know you wanted

to be the one to save it.

00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:22,626

Whatever.

00:17:23,669 --> 00:17:25,379

How petty would I have

to be to care less

00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,798

about an animal's life

than my own ego?

00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:31,427

Well, you'd have

to be pretty petty.

00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:33,512

But you'd still be

the woman I married.

00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:35,389

[Car rattles]

- Where are we going?

00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:37,599

One last stop.

00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:39,685

[Tires squeal]

00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,146

Where's the helicopter?

00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,106

There is no helicopter.

00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:46,150

And there is

no Cervine Institute.

00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,818

But the top deer surgeon...

00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,695

I'm looking at her.

00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,005

Thanks for teeing me

up like that.

00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,281

You better get moving.

00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:54,175

These lights are designed

for basic ice-cream work.

00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,743

They're not gonna last

all night.

00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:57,244

I need five minutes.

00:17:57,327 --> 00:18:00,372

[Upbeat music plays]

00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:31,695

Jerry, this was the most

romantic weekend I've ever had.

00:18:31,779 --> 00:18:33,947

Thanks to Cold Stone Creamery.

00:18:34,031 --> 00:18:35,657

You're welcome.

00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:37,451

RICK:

Okay, collars are done.

Put them on.

00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:39,161

We're out of time.

It's ironic, huh?

00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:40,245

[Beeping]

00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:43,290

Huh?

Wait a minute.

00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,416

- Great.

- Rick!

00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,417

What's going on?

00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:47,294

The collar.

Oh, the latch is broken.

00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:48,646

It won't latch closed

around my neck.

00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:49,731

- Oh, are you kidding me?

- Geez, what's going on?

00:18:49,755 --> 00:18:51,173

How come our collars

aren't green?

00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,942

Obviously because someone

doesn't know how to put

00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,511

his collar on, and one of me

is stuck trying to help him.

00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:56,804

Don't blame this on me.

00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:58,239

You're the one that

couldn't fix a latch.

00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,699

What are you talking about?

It's not broken, Morty.

00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,183

I fixed it.

Just put it on.

00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,018

It won't close.

It's broken.

00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,853

Fine, bring it here.

00:19:04,937 --> 00:19:06,188

[Groans]

Oh!

00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,065

- Rick!

- Morty!

00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,149

[Screams]

00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:10,901

Oh, really, Morty?

Well, I'm sorry.

00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,570

I'm not the one who's so fucking

uncertain about everything.

00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:14,839

You know what

I'm certain of, Rick?

00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,490

I've really made up

my mind about this.

00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,116

I never want to see you again!

00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,345

You're never gonna see anything

again, you little dummy!

00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:22,788

You killed us!

00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,206

God damn it.

[grunts]

00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,290

♪♪

00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:30,796

Rick!

Oh!

00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:32,273

Morty, where's your collar?

I'll fix it.

00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:33,924

I dropped it.

00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,008

[Beeping]

00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,595

What the hell?

What have you done to me, Morty?

00:19:39,972 --> 00:19:42,516

I'm okay with this.

Be good, Morty.

00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,268

Be better than me.

00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:47,771

Oh shit!

The other collar!

00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:50,357

I'm not okay with this.

I am not okay with this!

00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,751

Oh, sweet Jesus,

please let me live.

00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:53,419

Oh, my god, I have to...

I've got to fix this thing.

00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,237

Please, god in heaven.

Please, God.

00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,822

Oh, lord, hear my prayers.

00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,949

[Collar beeps] Yes!

Fuck you, God!

00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,326

Not today, bitch!

00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:03,596

Please, God, if there's a hell,

please be merciful to me.

00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,706

[Collar beeps]

00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:07,666

Yes, I did it!

There is no God!

00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:09,001

In your face!

00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:10,878

One dot, motherfucker!

00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:12,462

Yes!

Oh, yes!

00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:15,382

All right, you know

what I'm talking about.

00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:16,818

- Oh, that was a close call.

- Oh, yeah!

00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:18,343

I'm gonna do

the cabbage patch, Morty.

00:20:18,427 --> 00:20:19,487

- Oh, yeah, do it.

- Check me out.

00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:20,572

I'm doing the Cabbage Patch.

00:20:20,596 --> 00:20:21,906

- Do it right.

- I'm doing it, too.

00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,199

- Do the cabbage patch.

- It's a classic dance.

00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,100

- Do it. Do the dance.

- Oh shit look at that.

00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,579

Hey, wait a second, how come you

guys took longer to get here?

00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:30,939

I don't know. I think, like,

1/64 of my collars didn't work.

00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:32,441

It's hard to keep straight now

00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:34,651

that I have 63 other

memories of everything.

00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:35,735

Yeah.

00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,362

But I feel like one

of the 64 Ricks,

00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:38,864

like, sacrificed himself for me?

00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:41,575

- Maybe? I think?

- Shut up, Morty.

00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,952

The last time you felt

something, we all almost died.

00:20:44,036 --> 00:20:45,412

You little piece of shit.

00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:46,747

BETH:

Hey, guys, we're home.

00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:47,956

TOGETHER:

Mom! Dad!

00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,708

Uh, hold the phone.

00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:52,294

Where did you guys

get those necklaces from?

00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:54,671

Uh, Lady Gaga,

table for three. Am I right?

00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:56,882

Are you guys Power Rangers,

00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,526

but only on one small part

of your necks?

00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,093

Hey, do those things

need batteries?

00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:01,863

Were they included?

Cleanup in the fruit aisle.

00:21:01,887 --> 00:21:04,222

Not in a homophobic way, though.

00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,075

They're just fruity necklaces

is what I was saying.

00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,099

I'm gonna pee my pants!

00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:08,060

Somebody call

the planet of "Tron"!

00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:09,245

Doesn't feel so good, does it?

00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,103

We have three "Tron"

people over here.

00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:11,897

No, it doesn't.

It hurts.

00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,107

Seriously, are these

halloween costumes?

00:21:14,191 --> 00:21:15,400

Are you going as motorcycles

00:21:15,484 --> 00:21:17,244

with green headlights

instead of normal ones?

00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,321

Are you dogs?

Robot dogs? [laughs]

00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,782

Gosh, you guys are lame.

00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,742

Are those chokers from the '90s?

00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:26,495

What is this,

a '90s nostalgia thing?

00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:30,040

Are you guys in that movie

"The Craft" with Fairuza Balk?

00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:33,210

[Dramatic electronic music

plays]

00:22:03,281 --> 00:22:04,282

[Warbling]

00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:08,328

Hey, man,

when the hell were you?

00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:09,705

Looking for you, asshole.

00:22:09,788 --> 00:22:11,206

I told you past the dinosaurs.

00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:13,542

You know how much time

is past the dinosaurs?

00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:14,751

Half of all time!

00:22:14,835 --> 00:22:15,853

Come on, man.

It's this way.

00:22:15,877 --> 00:22:17,021

- Come on.

- Give me that thing.

00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:18,272

Speed it up.

He can't be this far back.

00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:19,649

No, no, there he is.

There he is. There he is.

00:22:19,673 --> 00:22:20,966

There he is.

Stop, stop.

00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:23,176

- So, that's the guy, huh?

- Yeah, that's him.

00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:24,845

Hey, man.

Remember me?

00:22:24,928 --> 00:22:26,531

I got something for your ass.

[grunting]

00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,557

Don't... mess... with time!

00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,892

You don't fuck with time!

00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:31,977

Motherfucker!

00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:34,896

[Warbles]

00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:37,190

[Groans]

00:22:37,566 --> 00:22:41,111

[German accent]

I will mess with time.

00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:42,779

[Whimpers]

I will mess with time.

00:22:42,863 --> 00:22:43,989

[Shouting]

00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:45,407

MAN:

Did you get any of that?

00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:47,492

MAN: [Italian accent]

It's a good show.

00:00:14,766 --> 00:00:16,351

Grandpa's about

to un-freeze time.

00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:18,603

You really should be cleaning

from top to bottom.

00:00:18,687 --> 00:00:20,522

I know how to vacuum mom

and dad, Summer.

00:00:20,605 --> 00:00:22,190

I've been doing it

for six months.

00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:24,693

Then you've been doing it

wrong for six months.

00:00:24,776 --> 00:00:26,486

Oh, my god, is that mildew?

00:00:26,569 --> 00:00:28,655

It's not my fault we froze

time on a humid day.

00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:31,825

You have dropped

so many balls, man.

00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:33,827

Do you ever get scared

Grandpa Rick

00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:35,662

might make me his new sidekick?

00:00:35,745 --> 00:00:37,622

What?!

What kind of monster are you?

00:00:37,706 --> 00:00:38,998

A competent one.

00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,267

Who cares about the

things you guys are

00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:41,418

talking about?

00:00:41,501 --> 00:00:42,853

the whole point

of freezing time was to

00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,879

stop giving a fuck.

Put a shirt on your dumb dad,

00:00:44,963 --> 00:00:47,215

and let's get

this dumb universe rolling.

00:00:47,298 --> 00:00:48,925

Let's do this thing.

00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:53,680

All right, listen, you two.

00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,557

We froze time

for a pretty long time,

00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:56,766

so when I un-freeze it,

00:00:56,850 --> 00:00:58,351

the world's time

is gonna be fine,

00:00:58,435 --> 00:01:00,270

but our time's

gonna need a little time

00:01:00,353 --> 00:01:01,604

to, you know, stabilize.

00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:02,790

Our time is gonna be unstable?

00:01:02,814 --> 00:01:04,357

What does that even mean?

00:01:04,441 --> 00:01:06,443

It means relax

and stop being a pussy, Morty.

00:01:06,526 --> 00:01:08,403

Uh, I thought

you learned that by now.

00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:09,964

It also means

don't touch your parents,

00:01:09,988 --> 00:01:11,882

or we could shatter into

countless theoretical shards.

00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:14,284

- Wait a minute, what?

- And away we go!

00:01:15,577 --> 00:01:16,578

♪♪

00:01:19,539 --> 00:01:21,875

Um... did we ever put

that mattress under Mr. Benson?

00:01:21,958 --> 00:01:23,418

- Shhh.

- Shush, Morty.

00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:25,587

...a thing or two about...

Wait, what?

00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:27,589

Was the house...

When we pulled up,

00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:30,508

I could have sworn the house

was completely trashed.

00:01:30,592 --> 00:01:31,843

Negative visualization, Jerry.

00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,678

Explains a lot

about where you're at.

00:01:33,762 --> 00:01:35,638

- Hi, sweetie.

- Hi, dad.

00:01:35,722 --> 00:01:37,599

Summer, Morty, are you okay?

00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:39,517

We... we just

missed you a lot.

00:01:39,601 --> 00:01:41,227

Yeah, we missed you so much.

00:01:41,311 --> 00:01:42,729

Too much to hug you, though.

00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:44,439

Yeah, it would

literally destroy them.

00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,333

Now, listen, why don't...

Why don't... wh-why don't...

00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:47,960

Why don't you guys go

get a free Sunday ice cream?

00:01:47,984 --> 00:01:49,486

Get out there

and get some ice creams.

00:01:49,569 --> 00:01:51,863

Here's $500 cash

in unmarked monies.

00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:53,740

I'm just gonna put it

on the floor

00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:55,408

and kick it on over to ya.

00:01:55,492 --> 00:01:57,494

- You guys go nuts.

- This better not be a bribe.

00:01:57,577 --> 00:02:00,622

If I find a single thing

out of place in this house,

00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:02,791

my love of ice cream

won't save you.

00:02:02,874 --> 00:02:04,417

I'll get my jacket.

00:02:04,501 --> 00:02:07,670

Sweetie, is your shirt

on backwards?

00:02:09,547 --> 00:02:11,883

Yeah.

I like it this way.

00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,343

I'm not stupid.

00:02:13,426 --> 00:02:14,636

- Phew!

- Oh.

00:02:14,719 --> 00:02:16,471

Man, that guy

is the Redgren Grumbholdt

00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,389

of pretending he knows

what's going on.

00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:20,951

- Oh, you agree, huh?

- It's funny.

00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:21,893

You like that Redgren Grumbholdt

reference?

00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:22,976

Yeah.

00:02:23,019 --> 00:02:24,521

Well, guess what?

I made him up.

00:02:24,604 --> 00:02:26,189

You really are

your father's children.

00:02:26,272 --> 00:02:28,024

Think for yourselves.

Don't be sheep.

00:03:05,562 --> 00:03:06,896

God, I feel terrible.

00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:08,523

Yep, it really makes

you appreciate

00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:09,899

how fickle the Universe can be.

00:03:09,983 --> 00:03:12,527

One minute you're falling

off a roof for six months,

00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:13,862

the next minute, bam!

00:03:13,945 --> 00:03:15,780

Uh, just to be clear,

it was Summer's job

00:03:15,864 --> 00:03:17,240

to put the mattress under...

00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:18,658

Uh, what?

It was your job, Morty.

00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:19,826

- Nuh-uh!

- Yuh-huh!

00:03:19,909 --> 00:03:21,244

Actually, sorry, Summer.

00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,596

I got to back the "M" bomb

on this one.

00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:24,080

I remember the conversation.

00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:26,583

We told Morty to replace all

the bank's money with cookies.

00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:28,710

Your job was to put the

mattress under Mr. Benson.

00:03:28,793 --> 00:03:31,004

Boom!

In your face, Summer!

00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:32,755

You really dropped

the ball, man.

00:03:32,839 --> 00:03:34,841

Shut up, Morty,

you vindictive little turd!

00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:38,011

You shut up,

you big female asshole!

00:03:38,094 --> 00:03:39,387

Hey, don't shove me!

00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:40,638

- I didn't!

- You didn't what?

00:03:40,722 --> 00:03:42,265

- What's your problem?

- What's yours?

00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,433

- Shut up!

- You shut up!

00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:44,809

Wh-whoa, whoa!

00:03:44,893 --> 00:03:47,228

What the hell, hell,

hell, hell, hell?

00:03:47,312 --> 00:03:49,480

Oh, god. Oh, no.

What did you guys just do?

00:03:49,564 --> 00:03:50,791

- What did who do?

- What do you mean?

00:03:50,815 --> 00:03:52,734

Wait, what am I saying?

- Were either

00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:54,819

of you guys uncertain

about anything just now?

00:03:54,903 --> 00:03:56,487

Oh, man, I don't feel good.

00:03:56,571 --> 00:03:57,923

- Am I me?

- Am I talking right now?

00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:59,532

- I think so.

- Wait, who said that?

00:03:59,616 --> 00:04:01,284

All right,

both of you just don't move.

00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:04,704

Don't speak, don't think.

I have to check something.

00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:05,890

- What'd you do, Morty?

- I'm gonna help grandpa.

00:04:05,914 --> 00:04:07,081

I'll see if he needs help.

00:04:07,165 --> 00:04:08,434

What do you mean you're

gonna help him?

00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:09,959

I can help, too.

00:04:10,043 --> 00:04:11,312

- What's happening, Grandpa?

- What's going on, Rick?

00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:12,879

Sh-sh-shut up.

00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:15,465

Oh, crap, are you kidding me?

Two dots?

00:04:15,548 --> 00:04:17,175

This never needs to be

more than one dot.

00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,593

The two of you made us

uncertain!

00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:19,594

- What are you talking about?

- What's that mean?

00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:20,779

- English, please.

- English?

00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:23,306

Our time is fractured...

You two somehow created

00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,725

a feedback look of uncertainty

that split our reality

00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,269

into two equally possible

impossibilities.

00:04:28,353 --> 00:04:30,605

W-we're exactly like a man

capable of sustaining

00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:33,399

a platonic friendship with

an attractive female co-worker.

00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:35,401

We're entirely hypothetical.

00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:37,528

But I thought there were

infinite time lines?

00:04:37,612 --> 00:04:39,614

We're not

on any time line, dummy.

00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:41,699

Look.

00:04:41,783 --> 00:04:42,951

Oh, my god!

00:04:43,034 --> 00:04:44,369

Are those cats?

00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,496

I assume

they're Schrodinger's cats.

00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,914

Or, actually, I assume

00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:49,624

they both are and aren't,

just like us.

00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,334

- Is the world gone?

- Is the world gone?

00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:52,853

- Where are mom and dad?

- What about mom and dad?

00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:55,338

Mom and dad? Get your head

out of your family's ass.

00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,548

The three of us are lost

in a timeless oblivion.

00:04:57,632 --> 00:04:59,008

Your parents get to exist.

00:04:59,092 --> 00:05:01,344

They're probably living it up

in some pointless,

00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:03,513

grounded story

about their shitty marriage.

00:05:03,596 --> 00:05:05,431

Cold stone creamery is the best.

00:05:05,515 --> 00:05:08,434

What should we do

with our remaining $20?

00:05:08,518 --> 00:05:11,312

You realize they sing

no matter how much you tip?

00:05:11,396 --> 00:05:12,939

- Whoa!

- Aaah!

00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:14,357

Holy shit.

00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,025

- What happened?

- I hit a deer.

00:05:16,109 --> 00:05:18,361

We... we have to tell

the cops you were driving.

00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:20,613

- What?

- This is rum raisin!

00:05:22,949 --> 00:05:24,534

It's still alive.

00:05:24,617 --> 00:05:28,037

Well, do we... do I, uh,

get, uh, a big rock, or...?

00:05:28,121 --> 00:05:29,789

It's not an armadillo, asshole.

00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,672

I thought that's what

a man's supposed to say.

00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,389

It's not like

I could've actually done it.

00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:35,378

If we were near a hospital,

I could treat it,

00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,838

but I...

I think we have to just...

00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:39,507

It's okay. This is

just something that happens.

00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,301

And even if we were

in a hospital, what could we do?

00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:44,554

You're a horse surgeon,

not a deer surgeon.

00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:45,763

So...?

00:05:45,847 --> 00:05:47,306

Well, don't different animals...

00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:48,909

require different levels

of skill to keep alive?

00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,573

- Oh, god.

Get the deer in the car, Jerry.

00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:51,894

Yes, Beth.

00:05:51,978 --> 00:05:53,896

This is why you

don't freeze time, you guys.

00:05:53,980 --> 00:05:55,565

It's incredibly irresponsible.

00:05:55,648 --> 00:05:57,888

And you did it so we could clean

the house after a party?

00:05:57,942 --> 00:06:00,528

Look, there's no time

to hold me accountable, Morty.

00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,363

Like, literally no time.

Look around.

00:06:02,447 --> 00:06:04,699

Uncertainty

is inherently unsustainable.

00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,868

Eventually, everything

either is or isn't.

00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:09,370

And we've got about

four hours to be "Is."

00:06:09,454 --> 00:06:11,497

- Or...?

- We isn't.

00:06:11,581 --> 00:06:13,225

All right, since this time

crystal exists in both

00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:14,250

possibilities,

00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:16,627

and since it's impossible

that I didn't nail this,

00:06:16,669 --> 00:06:18,463

I'm probably about

to press this button

00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:20,631

in both possibilities

at exactly the same time.

00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:22,317

- How do you know...

- How do you know that...

00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:23,944

Whatever your asking me,

the answer is I'm amazing.

00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:25,887

And away we go.

00:06:29,057 --> 00:06:31,601

Huh, what do you know.

It's working.

00:06:31,684 --> 00:06:34,312

- Ow, ow, ow!

- Oh shit.

00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,481

What the hell

is wrong with you two?

00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,732

I-I-I-I mean you four!

00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,692

That hurt! That was painful.

00:06:39,776 --> 00:06:41,736

Good, I'm glad it was painful.

You deserve it.

00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,530

I saw you. Y-you're both

all over the damn place.

00:06:44,614 --> 00:06:46,699

We've been split for

20 minutes and your lives

00:06:46,783 --> 00:06:49,035

are already scattered

to the quantum fucking wind?

00:06:49,118 --> 00:06:50,745

What the hell do

either of you two

00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,289

have to be so uncertain about?

Your brand of zit cream?

00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,374

Which chair to sit in

while I do everything?

00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:56,626

Come on, spit it out!

00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:57,627

Well, you don't exactly

make it easy, Rick.

00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:59,045

You make fun of me

all the time...

00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,689

You're always picking on me...

...and now Summer's doing it.

00:07:00,713 --> 00:07:01,547

...and now you got Summer

to kiss your ass.

00:07:01,631 --> 00:07:03,049

Me?! What about you?

00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:04,193

You're just as mean to me

because you're jealous...

00:07:04,217 --> 00:07:05,235

could you get more excited

to see me fail?

00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,820

Because you want grandpa

all to yourself!

00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:08,697

All right, all right, cool it.

I see what's happening here.

00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:10,348

You're both young,

you're both unsure

00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:11,724

about your place

in the universe,

00:07:11,808 --> 00:07:13,601

and you both want

to be Grandpa's favorite.

00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,394

I can fix this.

Morty, sit here.

00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,979

Summer, you sit here.

Now, listen.

00:07:17,063 --> 00:07:18,648

I know the two of you

are very different

00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:20,000

from each other

in a lot of ways,

00:07:20,024 --> 00:07:21,400

but you have to understand

00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:22,902

that as far

as Grandpa's concerned,

00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:24,612

you're both pieces

of shit. Yeah.

00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:25,947

I can prove it mathematically.

00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,657

Actually, I-I-let me

grab my white board.

00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,408

This has been

a long time coming, anyway.

00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:33,037

Emergency!

Wounded deer coming in.

00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:34,747

Three.

00:07:34,831 --> 00:07:36,582

Excuse me,

you can't be back here.

00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:38,251

I'm a certified horse surgeon,

00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:40,002

and this deer

needs medical attention.

00:07:40,086 --> 00:07:42,547

- Nurse, please move that snake.

- That's my nurse.

00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,507

And as a horse surgeon,

I'm sure that you know

00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:47,677

that deer have much smaller,

much more intricate organs.

00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,762

As a vet, I'm sure you know

that a deer

00:07:49,846 --> 00:07:52,265

is closer to a horse

than you are to a doctor.

00:07:52,348 --> 00:07:54,725

So let's save the measuring

for when our dicks are out.

00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:56,477

- It's time to save a life!

- Geez.

00:07:57,979 --> 00:08:00,648

That's odd.

This deer's wounded.

00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,733

Uh, yeah, I was there.

You don't have to rub it in.

00:08:02,817 --> 00:08:04,944

I mean it's been shot

with a gun.

00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:06,988

My gun.

00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:08,823

May I help you, sir?

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,534

No, but you can stop

helping this deer.

00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,578

I shot it before these two

hit it with their car,

00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,305

and I followed them

when they hauled it off.

00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:16,706

This deer belongs to me.

00:08:16,789 --> 00:08:18,708

We don't have time

for this, okay?

00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:20,585

I need anaesthetic

and deer saline.

00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,712

Look, I don't know what

the law says about this,

00:08:22,795 --> 00:08:25,965

but I took an oath that I would

let no animal come to harm.

00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,818

Except when sterilizing,

aborting, or euthanizing them,

00:08:27,842 --> 00:08:30,136

or also when eating them

at also any meal.

00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:31,762

I'm calling my lawyer.

00:08:31,846 --> 00:08:33,448

I hope for all our sakes

you're as bad a surgeon

00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:34,472

as I am a hunter.

00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,392

In your dreams, bitch.

Scalpel.

00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:39,812

So, in conclusion,

you're both equally mercurial,

00:08:39,896 --> 00:08:41,647

overly sensitive, clingy,

00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:43,983

hysterical,

bird-brained homunculi.

00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,419

And I honestly can't even tell

the two of you apart

00:08:45,443 --> 00:08:46,527

half the time

00:08:46,611 --> 00:08:47,838

because I don't go

by height or age,

00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:49,614

I go by amount

of pain in my ass,

00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,073

which makes you both identical.

00:08:51,157 --> 00:08:52,491

All right, everything resolved?

00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:55,328

Everybody nice and certain about

their position in my world.

00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:56,329

Yes.

00:08:56,412 --> 00:08:57,747

All right, perfect.

Sit still.

00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,707

arms down.

I'm gonna do this again.

00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,667

This time be like Grandpa.

00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:02,877

You mean drunk?

00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,670

What's that?

You got something to say?

00:09:04,754 --> 00:09:05,754

- No.

- And away we go!

00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,925

And away we go!

00:09:09,008 --> 00:09:11,802

- Huh, that's weird.

- Huh, that's weird.

00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:14,889

- Oh, my god.

- What?

00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:15,890

The son of a bitch

is gonna kill me!

00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:16,973

What?!

00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:17,850

The son of a bitch

is gonna kill me!

00:09:17,934 --> 00:09:18,851

What?!

00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:20,311

Diabolical, unfeeling sociopath.

00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:21,747

- Don't you get it?!

- Don't you get it?!

00:09:21,771 --> 00:09:23,898

The other Rick isn't trying

to merge us anymore.

00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,250

He thinks

he can save his own skin

00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,859

by using the crystal to kill me.

00:09:26,943 --> 00:09:28,819

He probably figures

it's easier

00:09:28,903 --> 00:09:29,779

to eliminate one

of the possibilities

00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:30,988

rather than merge them.

00:09:31,072 --> 00:09:32,198

I have to admit,

00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:33,991

it was always in the back

of my mind, too.

00:09:34,075 --> 00:09:35,995

The difference is

I would never do it, until now.

00:09:36,035 --> 00:09:37,179

Rick, what the hell

are you doing?

00:09:37,203 --> 00:09:38,746

Saving our lives!

00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:41,141

After he takes me out, he's...

He's gonna be coming for you.

00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:42,333

- Who?

- Me!

00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,793

Aah!

00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:45,336

- Whoa!

- You see that? Get down!

00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:47,213

I told you, he's a psycho.

He's lost it!

00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,423

Th-th-th-the time fracture

must have made him crazy!

00:09:49,507 --> 00:09:50,692

- I don't know what to do!

- Oh, crap!

00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:52,718

- I don't know what to do!

00:09:54,512 --> 00:09:56,097

Oh, god,

now there's three of them.

00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,699

We're outnumbered.

Get in the cupboards.

00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:58,975

Wait, don't...

Don't do that.

00:09:59,058 --> 00:10:00,393

They'll know.

Wait, wait.

00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:01,870

Think about getting in

the cupboards, but don't really.

00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:06,691

Is this what you want,

you sick fuck?!

00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,734

You want to see children die?!

00:10:08,818 --> 00:10:09,819

You son of a bitch.

00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:12,196

You don't stop living

until I say so!

00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,197

- Michael.

00:10:13,281 --> 00:10:14,699

- Who's this now?

- My lawyer.

00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,593

I'm here to notify you, ma'am,

that in this county,

00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:18,077

any deer shot by a hunter

00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,621

is that hunter's property

regardless of how far it runs

00:10:20,705 --> 00:10:22,915

or who intercepts it

before it dies.

00:10:22,999 --> 00:10:24,417

It's called Brad's law.

00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,960

We can't make you

stop the surgery,

00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,129

but at this point,

you're performing it on venison.

00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:30,339

Actually,

I've decided not to eat it.

00:10:30,423 --> 00:10:34,302

All this fear and conflict...

I'm sure it's ruined the meat.

00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:36,679

I'm just gonna use the head

for my rec-room wall.

00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:38,681

She normally works on horses.

00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,784

Jerry, if you're not gonna help,

get the fuck out of here.

00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,476

I will reach into heaven

00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,979

and yank your screaming

deer soul back!

00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:46,062

Jesus.

00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:48,107

Shh, shh!

00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:50,067

I know where you are,

you creepy old monster.

00:10:50,151 --> 00:10:51,277

I know how you think.

00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,195

Oh, is there where

you think I'm going?

00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:54,399

You think I'm standing here?

00:10:54,447 --> 00:10:55,865

Well, maybe you're right.

00:10:57,908 --> 00:10:59,035

Holy shit. Now what?

00:10:59,118 --> 00:11:00,512

Well, if all of me

knocked out all the Ricks,

00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:02,163

and you peed

in all of your pants,

00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:04,165

doesn't that mean

that we're all synchronized?

00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,458

- Right.

- Okay.

00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,918

So, from now on, whatever we do,

we have to be certain.

00:11:08,002 --> 00:11:09,003

Right.

00:11:09,462 --> 00:11:12,214

I think I'm certain

we're effed in the "A."

00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:18,012

Oh, god, my head.

00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,722

What did you guys do?

00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:22,683

We put you in a dog crate

because you were acting crazy

00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:24,226

and you caused

another time fracture.

00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:25,644

You tried to kill yourself.

00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:27,271

O-only

in self-defense.

00:11:27,355 --> 00:11:28,814

Myself tried to kill me first.

00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:30,459

Guys, I don't expect you

to understand this,

00:11:30,483 --> 00:11:32,318

but time breaking twice

means our problem is

00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:35,321

two times bigger and we've got

half as much time to solve it.

00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:37,341

Well, actually, I do expect

you to understand that.

00:11:37,365 --> 00:11:39,909

It's basic math. C-can somebody

just let me out of here?

00:11:39,992 --> 00:11:41,327

If I die in a cage,

I lose a bet.

00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:43,079

Well, is there some way

you can prove

00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:45,098

you're not a threat to yourself

and others anymore?

00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:46,522

Oh, for god's sake.

All right, here.

00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:48,622

- Give me the time crystal.

- Wh-what are you doing?

00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:51,003

Calling myself.

Here, listen.

00:11:51,087 --> 00:11:52,522

It'll probably go

to voice-mail

00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,090

since, you know,

I'm calling myself.

00:11:54,173 --> 00:11:56,050

Hello, Rick here.

00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:57,277

Don't fall for it.

It's a bit.

00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:58,761

Just kidding!

Ha, ha!

00:11:58,844 --> 00:11:59,929

You just got Ricked.

00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:01,281

You've reached

Rick's voice-mail.

00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:02,366

You know what to do.

00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:03,599

Hey, Rick.

It's Rick.

00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:06,060

Listen, I'm sorry about earlier.

No hard feelings.

00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:08,104

I know you know I mean it, too.

Take it easy.

00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:10,272

Whoa, damn!

Look at this.

00:12:10,356 --> 00:12:11,941

I'm blowing up...

Three new voicemails.

00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:13,317

Hey, Rick.

It's Rick.

00:12:13,401 --> 00:12:14,544

Listen, I'm sorry about earlier.

00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:15,486

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I heard this one.

00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:16,821

Hey, Rick.

It's Rick.

00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,948

Hey, Rick, it's...

- You get the idea.

00:12:19,031 --> 00:12:20,366

W-we're cool now.

00:12:20,449 --> 00:12:22,677

Okay, well, we're still not

gonna let you out of this crate.

00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,370

Fine.

I'll just do it myself.

00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:26,831

If you could get out that whole

time, why didn't you?

00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,666

Because I waited

until I was certain

00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,251

it was what I wanted

to do, Morty.

00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:31,728

That's the difference

between you and me.

00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,087

I'm certain, and you're

00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,256

a walking burlap sack

filled with turds.

00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:36,507

You know, geez, Rick!

00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,467

Y-y-you're really tearing

into me right now.

00:12:38,551 --> 00:12:39,593

You know, words hurt.

00:12:39,677 --> 00:12:41,095

- Holy!

- A monster!

00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:42,888

Hey, you...

Hey, quit yelling.

00:12:42,972 --> 00:12:45,641

Quit yelling.

What the fuck

00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,726

your time is all

ripped up to hell!

00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:49,395

You broke your time twice.

00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:51,105

How did this happen?

00:12:52,273 --> 00:12:55,234

Nevermind. Shut the fuck up.

Goddamn.

00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,194

I'm from the fourth dimension.

00:12:57,278 --> 00:12:58,821

I can hear all of y'all.

00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,824

Now let's just see what we

got here for a second.

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,533

Goddamn it.

00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,410

Were you trying

to use this to...

00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:07,413

Oh, see, you broke time,

and you thought you could

00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,415

just stick it back

together with this?

00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:10,600

How you think

you gonna move time

00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:11,834

while you're standing in it,

00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:14,295

you dumb-ass three-dimensional

monkey-ass dummies?

00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:15,629

Oh, way to go, Rick.

00:13:15,713 --> 00:13:17,131

Yeah, Grandpa, way to go.

00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,942

What, you're just gonna listen

to this guy now?

00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,843

He's got a giant testicle

for a head.

00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,178

He came here in a bubble.

00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:23,381

For all we know, he could be

00:13:23,429 --> 00:13:25,848

the David Berkowitz

of Nutsackland.

00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:28,142

Shut up.

Here, put these on.

00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:29,727

They'll sync

your possibilities up

00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,687

so I can bring you back

to certain time.

00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,190

Y'all are just...

Just... just negligent.

00:13:34,273 --> 00:13:35,941

See, now...

Now look right here.

00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:38,194

Hey, hey, hey, the three of you,

put your collars on.

00:13:38,277 --> 00:13:39,504

- We have them on.

- What are you talking about?

00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:40,714

- Uh, we did.

- We're not wearing collars.

00:13:40,738 --> 00:13:42,448

Exactly.

'Cause you're being obstinate.

00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:43,574

What?

00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:46,285

Put the damn collars on

if you want to live.

00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,679

- They're on right now.

- We did. They're on.

00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:50,039

All right, fine.

Summer, Morty, put them on.

00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,603

- Yes, we're back!

- No more cats!

00:13:54,627 --> 00:13:56,467

- We're back in certain time.

- Problem solved.

00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:57,647

No more cats!

Oh, you did it!

00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,507

- You fixed it.

- Yeah, I did.

00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:01,175

Now keep those collars on so you

00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:02,698

don't break

your weak-ass time again.

00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,970

How long, exactly, do we have

to wear these things?

00:14:05,054 --> 00:14:06,222

They're really embarrassing.

00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:08,474

Well, since you're going

to time prison,

00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:11,060

I'd say you can

keep them on forever.

00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:12,478

- Time prison?

- Yeah.

00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,480

Well, I don't know where you

expect me to think

00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,106

you got that crystal over there,

00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:20,027

but the only way your dumb-ass

assin' ass asses

00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,655

could ever have one

is if it was stolen.

00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,407

You stole a time-freezing

crystal from testicle monsters?!

00:14:25,491 --> 00:14:28,077

I would've been happy to pay

for it, s... Summer,

00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,162

but they don't exactly

sell them at Costco.

00:14:30,246 --> 00:14:32,998

Besides, there's a larger lesson

to be learned here. Get him!

00:14:33,082 --> 00:14:34,476

No, no, no, no!

You better keep back!

00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,085

Man, this will turn your ass

00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:38,212

into a third-trimester fetus

from 30 yards.

00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:41,590

Mm.

00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:44,718

Isn't there a kitten somewhere

that needs a manicure?

00:14:44,802 --> 00:14:47,221

That's right, Mrs. Smith.

Give in to your anger.

00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:49,390

Neglect that deer.

00:14:49,473 --> 00:14:51,308

Honey, it's gonna be okay.

00:14:51,392 --> 00:14:53,227

These men are

from the Cervine Institute

00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:54,979

of of elk, moose, deer,

and stag.

00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,730

They can take this deer

to a helicopter

00:14:56,814 --> 00:14:58,941

and fly it to the country's

top deer surgeon

00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,235

on a wildlife reserve

across the state border.

00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,487

Where your jurisdiction ends.

00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,116

I guess that's the end of that.

00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:08,659

There is just one more thing.

00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:11,328

According to this state's

Veterinarian statute,

00:15:11,412 --> 00:15:13,247

this animal can't be transferred

00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,291

until the current

attending physician

00:15:15,374 --> 00:15:17,960

verbally confirms

their inability

00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,670

to provide adequate care.

00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,089

You heard the man, horse doctor.

00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:25,551

You have to say

you couldn't hack it.

00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:28,387

We did it!

00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:30,306

Uh-huh. No, mother... no.

Earth, dude.

00:15:30,389 --> 00:15:32,641

No, I'm talking about...

Yeah, with the dinosaurs.

00:15:32,725 --> 00:15:35,311

No, if you get to the dolphin

people, you gone too far.

00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:37,479

All right, man,

I'll talk to you later. Okay.

00:15:37,563 --> 00:15:39,106

You know what they do

00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:41,029

to third-dimensional life

forms in time prison?

00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,253

Same thing they do in every

other prison, only forever.

00:15:43,277 --> 00:15:44,570

Why are you doing this?

00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,989

You think I want to be

an omniscient immortal being

00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,712

transcending time and space

my whole life?

00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,117

I got ambitions, man.

00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,036

Bringing you guys in

is my ticket up.

00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:55,039

What if I told you

there's a huge ticket

00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,248

up right behind you?

00:15:56,332 --> 00:15:57,475

You really think

I'm that stupid?

00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,168

All right, hear me out on this.

00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:01,187

You're immortal, right, which

means your life is infinite.

00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,131

Okay, well, then that means

there's a 100% chance

00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:04,608

that you'll

eventually do everything,

00:16:04,632 --> 00:16:07,009

including turning around

to look behind you.

00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,218

I cannot argue that.

00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:10,012

Aaah!

00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:12,306

Oh, god, gross and weird!

00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,475

- Chris!

00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:16,018

You killed my gun!

00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:17,537

Summer, Morty,

take off your collars.

00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:19,188

What? What the hell

are you doing?

00:16:19,271 --> 00:16:23,609

Good question. I suppose

the answer is I'm not certain.

00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:25,194

Oh, no, what are you doing?

00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:26,987

- I have no idea.

- I'm not sure.

00:16:27,071 --> 00:16:28,447

Stop it!

00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:31,116

Maybe I will,

maybe I won't.

00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,202

I'm really uncertain

about everything,

00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:34,495

even kicking your ass.

00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:36,038

List... hey!

Tw... ow!

00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:38,123

But the... these arms

are vestigial!

00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,726

Now, you poked me where

an eye would've been

00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:41,502

about 6 million years ago.

00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:43,504

Come on, let's help Grandpa.

00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:45,964

Yes! I'm 100%

not sure about anything!

00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,633

Yeah, totally uncertain.

00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,510

Beat his ass!

Get him! Beat him up!

00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,970

- Kick his ass, Rick!

- Die, motherfucker.

00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,347

Ow!

I'm defeated.

00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,349

- What's happening?

- Time is falling apart.

00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:56,701

We've got to get back

to certainty quick.

00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,185

Give me your collars.

00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,163

Oh, man. Don't you have to fix,

like, 30 of them?

00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,563

Morty, I have to fix three

of them.

00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:03,315

And then there's 31

other versions of me

00:17:03,399 --> 00:17:05,984

that have to also fix three,

for a total of 96.

00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,278

I'm not an idiot.

I know how to be decisive.

00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:09,881

Now hand me

that flat-head screwdriver.

00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:12,258

- Actually, make it a flat-head.

- Actually, make it a phillips.

00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:13,951

Oh, shit.

00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:17,830

Look, I know I was

kind of a nuisance today.

00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:19,415

I know it's my fault

we hit the deer.

00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,542

And I know you wanted

to be the one to save it.

00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:22,626

Whatever.

00:17:23,669 --> 00:17:25,379

How petty would I have

to be to care less

00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,798

about an animal's life

than my own ego?

00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:31,427

Well, you'd have

to be pretty petty.

00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:33,512

But you'd still be

the woman I married.

00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:35,389

Where are we going?

00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:37,599

One last stop.

00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,146

Where's the helicopter?

00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,106

There is no helicopter.

00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:46,150

And there is

no Cervine Institute.

00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,818

But the top deer surgeon...

00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,695

I'm looking at her.

00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,005

Thanks for teeing me

up like that.

00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,281

You better get moving.

00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:54,175

These lights are designed

for basic ice-cream work.

00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,743

They're not gonna last

all night.

00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:57,244

I need five minutes.

00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:31,695

Jerry, this was the most

romantic weekend I've ever had.

00:18:31,779 --> 00:18:33,947

Thanks to Cold Stone Creamery.

00:18:34,031 --> 00:18:35,657

You're welcome.

00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:37,451

- Okay, collars are done.

- Put them on.

00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:39,161

We're out of time.

It's ironic, huh?

00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:43,290

Huh?

Wait a minute.

00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,416

- Great.

- Rick!

00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,417

What's going on?

00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:47,294

The collar.

Oh, the latch is broken.

00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:48,646

It won't latch closed

around my neck.

00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:49,731

- Oh, are you kidding me?

- Geez, what's going on?

00:18:49,755 --> 00:18:51,173

How come our collars

aren't green?

00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,942

Obviously because someone

doesn't know how to put

00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,511

his collar on, and one of me

is stuck trying to help him.

00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:56,804

Don't blame this on me.

00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:58,239

You're the one that

couldn't fix a latch.

00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,699

What are you talking about?

It's not broken, Morty.

00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,183

I fixed it.

Just put it on.

00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,018

It won't close.

It's broken.

00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,853

Fine, bring it here.

00:19:04,937 --> 00:19:06,188

Oh!

00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,065

- Rick!

- Morty!

00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:10,901

Oh, really, Morty?

Well, I'm sorry.

00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,570

I'm not the one who's so fucking

uncertain about everything.

00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:14,839

You know what

I'm certain of, Rick?

00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,490

I've really made up

my mind about this.

00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,116

I never want to see you again!

00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,345

You're never gonna see anything

again, you little dummy!

00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:22,788

You killed us!

00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,206

God damn it.

00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,290

♪♪

00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:30,796

Rick!

Oh!

00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:32,273

Morty, where's your collar?

I'll fix it.

00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:33,924

I dropped it.

00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,595

What the hell?

What have you done to me, Morty?

00:19:39,972 --> 00:19:42,516

I'm okay with this.

Be good, Morty.

00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,268

Be better than me.

00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:47,771

Oh shit!

The other collar!

00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:50,357

I'm not okay with this.

I am not okay with this!

00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,751

Oh, sweet Jesus,

please let me live.

00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:53,419

Oh, my god, I have to...

I've got to fix this thing.

00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,237

Please, god in heaven.

Please, God.

00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,822

Oh, lord, hear my prayers.

00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,949

Yes!

Fuck you, God!

00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,326

Not today, bitch!

00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:03,596

Please, God, if there's a hell,

please be merciful to me.

00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:07,666

Yes, I did it!

There is no God!

00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:09,001

In your face!

00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:10,878

One dot, motherfucker!

00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:12,462

Yes!

Oh, yes!

00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:15,382

All right, you know

what I'm talking about.

00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:16,818

- Oh, that was a close call.

- Oh, yeah!

00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:18,343

I'm gonna do

the cabbage patch, Morty.

00:20:18,427 --> 00:20:19,487

- Oh, yeah, do it.

- Check me out.

00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:20,572

I'm doing the Cabbage Patch.

00:20:20,596 --> 00:20:21,906

- Do it right.

- I'm doing it, too.

00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,199

- Do the cabbage patch.

- It's a classic dance.

00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,100

- Do it. Do the dance.

- Oh shit look at that.

00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,579

Hey, wait a second, how come you

guys took longer to get here?

00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:30,939

I don't know. I think, like,

1/64 of my collars didn't work.

00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:32,441

It's hard to keep straight now

00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:34,651

that I have 63 other

memories of everything.

00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:35,735

Yeah.

00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,362

But I feel like one

of the 64 Ricks,

00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:38,864

like, sacrificed himself for me?

00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:41,575

- Maybe? I think?

- Shut up, Morty.

00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,952

The last time you felt

something, we all almost died.

00:20:44,036 --> 00:20:45,412

You little piece of shit.

00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:46,747

Hey, guys, we're home.

00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:47,956

Mom! Dad!

00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,708

Uh, hold the phone.

00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:52,294

Where did you guys

get those necklaces from?

00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:54,671

Uh, Lady Gaga,

table for three. Am I right?

00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:56,882

Are you guys Power Rangers,

00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,526

but only on one small part

of your necks?

00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,093

Hey, do those things

need batteries?

00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:01,863

Were they included?

Cleanup in the fruit aisle.

00:21:01,887 --> 00:21:04,222

Not in a homophobic way, though.

00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,075

They're just fruity necklaces

is what I was saying.

00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,099

I'm gonna pee my pants!

00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:08,060

Somebody call

the planet of "Tron"!

00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:09,245

Doesn't feel so good, does it?

00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,103

We have three "Tron"

people over here.

00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:11,897

No, it doesn't.

It hurts.

00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,107

Seriously, are these

halloween costumes?

00:21:14,191 --> 00:21:15,400

Are you going as motorcycles

00:21:15,484 --> 00:21:17,244

with green headlights

instead of normal ones?

00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,321

Are you dogs?

Robot dogs?

00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,782

Gosh, you guys are lame.

00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,742

Are those chokers from the '90s?

00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:26,495

What is this,

a '90s nostalgia thing?

00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:30,040

Are you guys in that movie

"The Craft" with Fairuza Balk?

00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:08,328

Hey, man,

when the hell were you?

00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:09,705

Looking for you, asshole.

00:22:09,788 --> 00:22:11,206

I told you past the dinosaurs.

00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:13,542

You know how much time

is past the dinosaurs?

00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:14,751

Half of all time!

00:22:14,835 --> 00:22:15,853

Come on, man.

It's this way.

00:22:15,877 --> 00:22:17,021

- Come on.

- Give me that thing.

00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:18,272

Speed it up.

He can't be this far back.

00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:19,649

No, no, there he is.

There he is. There he is.

00:22:19,673 --> 00:22:20,966

There he is.

Stop, stop.

00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:23,176

- So, that's the guy, huh?

- Yeah, that's him.

00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:24,845

Hey, man.

Remember me?

00:22:24,928 --> 00:22:26,531

I got something for your ass.

00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,557

Don't... mess... with time!

00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,892

You don't fuck with time!

00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:31,977

Motherfucker!

00:22:37,566 --> 00:22:41,111

I will mess with time.

00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:42,779

I will mess with time.

00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:45,407

Did you get any of that?

00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:47,492

It's a good show.

00:00:16,276 --> 00:00:18,415

Вообще-то лучше чистить сверху вниз.

00:00:18,615 --> 00:00:21,843

Я знаю как пылесосить маму с папой, Саммер.

Я шесть месяцев это делаю.

00:00:22,043 --> 00:00:24,135

Ты неправильно это делаешь шесть месяцев.

00:00:24,335 --> 00:00:26,141

Боже мой, это что, плесень?

00:00:26,341 --> 00:00:28,707

Я не виноват что мы остановили

время в такой влажный день.

00:00:28,907 --> 00:00:32,257

Парень, ты так облажался.

Ты никогда не боялся что

00:00:32,269 --> 00:00:35,367

дедушка Рик может найти

себе нового помощника?

00:00:35,567 --> 00:00:37,748

Что? Что ты за чудовище?

00:00:37,948 --> 00:00:38,948

Авторитетное.

00:00:39,134 --> 00:00:41,424

Никому нет дела до того о

чём вы там спорите. Весь

00:00:41,436 --> 00:00:43,919

смысл остановки времени в том

чтобы забить на всё хуй.

00:00:44,119 --> 00:00:46,011

Одень футболку на

своего тупого папашу и

00:00:46,023 --> 00:00:48,206

стартанём эту тупую вселенную.

Закончи с этим.

00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,668

Ладно слушайте сюда. Мы остановили время на довольно

долгое время. Так что когда я его запущу время

00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:00,680

в мире будет в порядке, но нашему времени нужно

будет немного времени чтобы, ну, стабилизироваться.

00:01:01,717 --> 00:01:03,951

Наше время будет нестабильно,

а что это вообще значит?

00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:08,048

Значит расслабься и не ссы,

Морти, я думал ты уже это усвоил.

00:01:08,248 --> 00:01:10,044

Ещё это значит не трогайте

своих родителей, или мы

00:01:10,056 --> 00:01:12,041

рассыплемся на бесчисленное

количество мелких осколков.

00:01:12,065 --> 00:01:12,759

Постой-ка, что?

00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:14,139

И, поехали.

00:01:20,053 --> 00:01:22,392

А мы положили матрас под мистера Бенсона?

00:01:22,592 --> 00:01:23,210

Тише, Морти.

00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:26,933

Мне кажется вам двоим... стоп, что?

Дом был... когда мы

00:01:26,945 --> 00:01:30,986

подъехали я готов был поклясться

что дом был совершенно разбит.

00:01:31,186 --> 00:01:33,468

Негативное суждение Джерри,

понятно почему ты такой.

00:01:33,668 --> 00:01:34,668

Привет, дорогая.

00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:35,694

Привет, пап.

00:01:35,831 --> 00:01:37,448

Саммер, Морти, вы в порядке?

00:01:37,648 --> 00:01:39,536

Мы просто сильно по тебе соскучились.

00:01:39,736 --> 00:01:42,906

Да, мы так по тебе соскучились. Даже

так сильно что не можем обнять.

00:01:43,106 --> 00:01:44,346

Да, это буквально их уничтожит.

00:01:44,426 --> 00:01:46,931

Слушайте, а а а почему б вам

ребята не пойти поесть немного

00:01:46,943 --> 00:01:49,124

мороженного в выходной,

идите возьмите мороженного.

00:01:49,324 --> 00:01:52,510

Вот пятьсот долларов не

меченными купюрами. Я

00:01:52,522 --> 00:01:55,789

кладу их на пол и пинаю вам.

Идите веселитесь.

00:01:55,989 --> 00:01:59,100

Лучше бы это не было взяткой.

Если хоть что-то в этом

00:01:59,112 --> 00:02:02,466

доме не так, даже моя любовь

к мороженному вас не спасёт.

00:02:02,666 --> 00:02:04,238

Пойду возьму куртку.

00:02:04,438 --> 00:02:06,495

Дорогой, твоя майка наоборот?

00:02:09,388 --> 00:02:13,096

Да, мне так нравится. Я не тупой.

00:02:14,450 --> 00:02:18,237

Блин, он как буро-малиновый гнус, который

притворяется что знает что происходит.

00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:22,392

Согласны, да? Понравилось

сравнение с гнусом?

00:02:22,592 --> 00:02:24,988

А знаете что, я его

выдумал вы дети своего

00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,633

отца, думайте своей

головой, не будьте стадом.

00:02:57,445 --> 00:03:00,438

Перевод - RAD

00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,167

Боже я ужасно себя чувствую.

00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:10,596

Да заставляет ценить

переменчивость этой вселенной.

00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:13,350

Падаешь ты с крыши шесть

месяцев и тут бах.

00:03:13,550 --> 00:03:16,918

Чтобы было ясно, это Саммер должна

была подложить этот матрас.

00:03:17,118 --> 00:03:18,789

Что? Это твоя работа, Морти.

00:03:18,989 --> 00:03:19,344

Не-а.

00:03:19,544 --> 00:03:19,994

Ага.

00:03:20,194 --> 00:03:22,549

Вообще-то извини, Саммер,

мне есть чем это закончить.

00:03:22,749 --> 00:03:26,051

Я помню разговор, мы сказали Морти

заменить все деньги печеньками,

00:03:26,063 --> 00:03:28,981

а твоей задачей было подложить

матрас под мистера Бенсона.

00:03:29,181 --> 00:03:32,969

Бам, утрись, Саммер. Ты реально облажалась.

00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:35,179

Заткнись, Морти. Мелкий злопамятный мудак.

00:03:35,379 --> 00:03:37,863

Сама заткнись большая... мудилиха.

00:03:38,063 --> 00:03:39,575

Не толкай меня.

00:03:39,775 --> 00:03:40,179

Я не собиралась.

00:03:40,379 --> 00:03:40,915

Не собиралась что?

00:03:41,115 --> 00:03:41,578

Да что с тобой?

00:03:41,778 --> 00:03:42,387

С тобой что?

00:03:42,587 --> 00:03:42,869

Заткнись.

00:03:43,069 --> 00:03:43,582

Сама заткнись.

00:03:43,782 --> 00:03:46,699

Чччё за херня?

00:03:46,899 --> 00:03:49,553

Боже, нет. И что вы наделали?

00:03:49,753 --> 00:03:50,463

Ты о чём?

Кто?

00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:51,801

О чём это я?

00:03:52,001 --> 00:03:54,329

Никто из вас ничего не заметил?

00:03:54,529 --> 00:03:56,382

Блин, что-то мне не хорошо.

00:03:56,582 --> 00:03:58,887

Да вроде нет.

Я что-то говорю?

00:03:59,087 --> 00:04:00,087

Стоп, кто это сказал?

00:04:00,227 --> 00:04:04,369

Так, вы оба. Не двигайтесь, не говорите,

не думайте. Мне нужно кое что проверить.

00:04:04,569 --> 00:04:06,201

Что ты сделал, Морти?

Пойду помогу деду?

00:04:06,401 --> 00:04:08,481

Мне кажется ему нужна помощь.

Что значит, ты ему поможешь?

00:04:08,505 --> 00:04:09,825

Я тоже могу помочь.

00:04:10,025 --> 00:04:11,435

Что происходит дедушка?

Что такое, Рик?

00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:12,100

Заткнись.

00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:15,345

Чёрт, ты издеваешься? Две точки?

00:04:15,545 --> 00:04:18,742

Больше одной не нужно. Две

делают это неопределённым.

00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:19,605

Что, а по русски?

Ты о чём?

00:04:19,805 --> 00:04:20,602

О чём ты?

А можно по русски?

00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:24,396

Наше время расщепилось. Вы

как-то создали обратную петлю и

00:04:24,408 --> 00:04:27,952

разделили реальность на два

одинаково возможных варианта.

00:04:28,152 --> 00:04:31,671

Мы почти как мужчина способный

войти в платоническую связь

00:04:31,683 --> 00:04:35,154

с привлекательной коллегой,

мы совершенно гипотетические.

00:04:35,354 --> 00:04:37,434

Я думал есть бесконечное

количество временных линий.

00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:39,822

Мы не в одной из них, тупица. Смотри.

00:04:42,163 --> 00:04:42,964

Боже мой.

00:04:43,164 --> 00:04:44,308

Это кошки?

00:04:44,508 --> 00:04:47,053

Я предполагаю это кошки Шрёдингера.

Вообще я думаю

00:04:47,065 --> 00:04:49,522

они одновременно существуют

и нет, прямо как мы.

00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:52,391

То-есть мир исчез. А что

насчёт мамы и папы?

00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:54,803

Мамы и папы? Достань

свою голову из семейной

00:04:54,815 --> 00:04:57,384

задницы. Мы втроём затеряны

в безвременном небытие.

00:04:57,584 --> 00:05:00,268

Твои родители хотя-бы

существуют и наверняка сейчас

00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,872

рассказывают нудные истории

про свой сраный брак.

00:05:03,963 --> 00:05:08,308

Мороженное Колд Стоун лучшее. На что

спустим оставшиеся 20 долларов?

00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:11,148

Ты же понял что они сказали "Не

важно сколько вы оставите на чай"?

00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:14,825

Срань господня, что случилось?

00:05:15,025 --> 00:05:15,664

Я сбил оленя.

00:05:15,864 --> 00:05:18,006

Мы должны сказать копам

что ты была за рулём.

00:05:18,206 --> 00:05:18,592

Что?

00:05:18,792 --> 00:05:20,353

Это ромовый изюм.

00:05:23,001 --> 00:05:24,001

Он ещё жив.

00:05:24,102 --> 00:05:28,289

Так нам... мне найти большой камень, или...

00:05:28,489 --> 00:05:29,876

Это не броненосец, скотина.

00:05:30,076 --> 00:05:33,256

Я думал так положено сказать, не то

чтобы я действительно это сделал.

00:05:33,456 --> 00:05:36,711

Если бы мы были в госпитале, с должным

уходом, но похоже нам остаётся только...

00:05:36,911 --> 00:05:39,733

Да всё в порядке, такое случается.

В смысле даже

00:05:39,745 --> 00:05:42,521

если бы мы были в госпитале,

что бы мы сделали.

00:05:42,721 --> 00:05:44,642

Ты же конский хирург, а не олений.

00:05:44,842 --> 00:05:45,645

Ииии...

00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:46,984

Это ж разные животные.

00:05:47,184 --> 00:05:49,347

Которым требуется разный

уровень навыков чтобы спасти?

00:05:49,547 --> 00:05:49,990

О, боже.

00:05:50,190 --> 00:05:51,310

Тащи оленя в машину, Джерри.

00:05:51,343 --> 00:05:51,852

Да, Бэт.

00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:55,191

Вот почему время не останавливают, ребят.

Это невероятно безответственно.

00:05:55,391 --> 00:05:57,912

И ты сделал это чтобы мы убрали

дом после твоей вечеринки?

00:05:58,112 --> 00:06:01,949

Не время звать меня безрассудным, Морти.

Буквально нет времени. Оглянись.

00:06:02,149 --> 00:06:05,543

Неопределённость вызывает нестабильность.

В конце концов всё

00:06:05,555 --> 00:06:09,352

существует либо нет. И у нас есть

4 часа чтобы стать существующими.

00:06:09,552 --> 00:06:10,101

Или..

00:06:10,301 --> 00:06:11,386

Мы не станем.

00:06:11,586 --> 00:06:15,526

Ладно, раз время существует в обоих

вероятностях и невозможно что у меня ничего не

00:06:15,538 --> 00:06:19,586

получится. Я наверное нажму на эту кнопку в

обеих вероятностях в одно и то-же время.

00:06:20,791 --> 00:06:21,791

Откуда ты знаешь что ты..

00:06:21,887 --> 00:06:25,754

Каков бы не был вопрос, ответ будет

"Потому что я великолепен". Ииии поехали.

00:06:29,612 --> 00:06:31,040

О, смотри-ка, работает.

00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:33,827

Вот, дерьмо.

00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:37,736

Да что такое с вами обоими?

В смысле четырьмя..

00:06:37,936 --> 00:06:39,852

Больно. Это было больно.

00:06:40,052 --> 00:06:41,972

Хорошо, я рад что было

больно, вы заслужили это.

00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:45,503

Я вас видел, вы блин разбежались повсюду.

00:06:45,703 --> 00:06:49,055

Вы на 20 минут разъединились и ваши жизни

развеяло уже развеяло квантовым ветром.

00:06:49,255 --> 00:06:51,889

В чём в блин оба так сильно сомневаетесь?

00:06:52,089 --> 00:06:54,439

В фирме крема от прыщей?

На каком стуле сидеть?

00:06:54,451 --> 00:06:56,665

Мне всё за вас делать?

Давайте выкладывайте.

00:06:56,865 --> 00:06:58,439

Ты совсем не помогаешь, Рик.

00:06:58,639 --> 00:07:01,239

Ты вечно пеняешь на меня, а потом

я тебе должен задницу целовать.

00:07:01,411 --> 00:07:06,365

Я? Тебе больше нравиться видеть как я

лажаю? Сначала сам на себя посмотри.

00:07:06,565 --> 00:07:10,229

Ладно, ладно. Тише, я понял что тут

происходит. Вы оба юны, оба не уверенны

00:07:10,241 --> 00:07:13,481

в своём месте во вселенной и оба

хотите стать дедушкиным любимцем.

00:07:13,681 --> 00:07:16,507

Я это поправлю. Морти сядь

сюда, Саммер сядь сюда.

00:07:16,707 --> 00:07:20,219

Слушайте, я понимаю что вы сильно

отличаетесь друг от друга. Но

00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:23,811

вы должны понять, с точки зрения

вашего деда вы оба куски говна.

00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:26,895

Да, я могу это математически доказать.

Вообще, дайте я притащу

00:07:26,907 --> 00:07:29,481

свою доску, на это понадобится

много времени все равно.

00:07:31,749 --> 00:07:33,509

Экстренная ситуация,

поступил раненый олень.

00:07:34,191 --> 00:07:34,702

Три.

00:07:34,902 --> 00:07:36,977

Извините, вам нельзя быть здесь.

00:07:37,177 --> 00:07:40,053

Я сертифицированный конный хирург и

этому оленю нужна медицинская помощь.

00:07:40,077 --> 00:07:41,303

Мед брат, пожалуйста уберите эту змею.

00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:44,571

Это мой мед брат. И раз уж вы

конный хирург я уверена что

00:07:44,583 --> 00:07:47,895

вы знаете что у оленя более

мелкие, более уязвимые органы.

00:07:48,095 --> 00:07:50,251

Раз уж вы ветеринар я

уверена что вы знаете что

00:07:50,263 --> 00:07:52,431

олень больше похож на

лошадь чем вы на доктора.

00:07:52,631 --> 00:07:55,667

Так что давайте потратим время измерения

пиписек на то чтобы сохранить жизнь.

00:07:55,691 --> 00:07:56,691

Господи.

00:07:58,323 --> 00:08:00,686

Странно. Этот олень ранен.

00:08:00,886 --> 00:08:03,199

Ага, я там был не надо мне пояснять.

00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:04,960

В смысле его подстрелили, оружием.

00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,160

Моим оружием.

00:08:07,385 --> 00:08:09,091

Могу я помочь вам, сэр?

00:08:09,291 --> 00:08:11,253

Нет, но вы можете перестать

помогать этому оленю.

00:08:11,453 --> 00:08:14,269

Я подстрелил его до того как эти двое

сбили его машиной. Я преследовал

00:08:14,281 --> 00:08:16,791

их после того как они его забрали.

Этот олень принадлежит мне.

00:08:16,991 --> 00:08:20,569

У нас нет на это времени. Так, мне нужно

обезболивающее и олений физ раствор.

00:08:20,769 --> 00:08:23,324

Слушайте, я не знаю что по этому

поводу говорит закон, но я

00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,817

дала клятву что не дам причинить

вред никакому животному.

00:08:26,017 --> 00:08:29,837

Кроме стерилизации, абортов, эвтаназии

и ещё когда ем их почти в любом блюде.

00:08:30,037 --> 00:08:34,237

Я звоню своему адвокату. Надеюсь она

настолько же плохой хирург как я охотник.

00:08:34,437 --> 00:08:36,326

Мечтай, сука. Скальпель.

00:08:36,526 --> 00:08:40,030

И в завершении, вы оба одинаково

ссыкливые, эмоционально

00:08:40,042 --> 00:08:43,681

неуравновешенные, истеричные

человечки с птичьими мозгами.

00:08:43,881 --> 00:08:47,555

И, честно говоря я не могу сказать что вы родились

в разное время, потому что я не сравниваю

00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:50,857

по возрасту, я сравниваю по температуре

своего пукана, что делает вас идентичными.

00:08:50,881 --> 00:08:55,307

Ладно со всем разобрались. Все довольны и

уверены в своём положении в моём мире?

00:08:55,507 --> 00:08:55,955

Да.

00:08:56,155 --> 00:09:01,705

Отлично. Сидите смирно, руки вниз. Я сделаю

это ещё раз. На этот раз будьте как дед.

00:09:01,905 --> 00:09:02,983

В смысле бухим?

00:09:03,183 --> 00:09:05,581

Чё там? Хочешь что-то сказать?

Ииии, пооооехали.

00:09:05,781 --> 00:09:08,243

Ииии, поооехали.

00:09:08,443 --> 00:09:10,285

Хм, странно.

00:09:13,673 --> 00:09:14,365

Боже мой.

00:09:14,565 --> 00:09:15,165

Что?

00:09:15,365 --> 00:09:16,519

Этот сукин сын меня убьёт.

00:09:16,719 --> 00:09:17,719

Что?

00:09:18,953 --> 00:09:21,563

Сраный социопат. До вас не дошло? Не дошло?

00:09:21,763 --> 00:09:24,112

Другой Рик уже не пытается

нас объединить, он считает

00:09:24,124 --> 00:09:26,529

что может спасти свою шкуру

убив меня этим кристаллом.

00:09:26,729 --> 00:09:30,741

Наверное он понял что легче уничтожить

одну из вероятностей чем объединить их.

00:09:30,941 --> 00:09:33,641

Должен признать что и сам об

этом подумывал. Разница в

00:09:33,653 --> 00:09:36,315

том что я бы никогда так не

сделал, до этого момента.

00:09:36,515 --> 00:09:37,603

Рик какого хрена ты делаешь?

00:09:37,627 --> 00:09:40,945

Спасаю наши жизни. Когда он

уберёт меня, он возьмётся за вас.

00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:41,483

Кто?

00:09:41,683 --> 00:09:42,205

Я.

00:09:42,405 --> 00:09:44,603

Видели? Ложитесь.

00:09:44,803 --> 00:09:47,289

Этот псих стреляет. Совсем поехал.

00:09:47,489 --> 00:09:49,295

Расщепление времени похоже свело его с ума.

00:09:49,495 --> 00:09:50,599

Чёрт.

00:09:54,317 --> 00:09:57,102

Господи, теперь их три. Мы в меньшинстве.

Спрячьтесь.

00:09:57,114 --> 00:09:59,341

Хотя нет, стойте, не

надо, они догадаются.

00:09:59,541 --> 00:10:01,779

Подумайте о том чтобы укрыться,

но не по-настоящему.

00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:08,202

Ты этого хотел больной уёбок?

Хочешь чтобы милые детки померли?

00:10:08,402 --> 00:10:11,646

Сукин сын, ты не перестанешь

жить пока я тебе не скажу.

00:10:11,846 --> 00:10:12,558

Майкл.

00:10:12,758 --> 00:10:13,878

Так, а это кто?

00:10:14,078 --> 00:10:14,621

Мой адвокат.

00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:18,628

Я здесь чтобы уведомить вас, мэм, что в этом

округе любой олень застреленный охотником является

00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:22,778

собственностью этого охотника независимо от того как

далеко он убежал и кто подобрал его до его смерти.

00:10:22,802 --> 00:10:25,592

Это называется закон хлеба. Мы не

можем заставить вас остановить

00:10:25,604 --> 00:10:27,975

операцию, но с этого момента

вы производите её на еде.

00:10:28,175 --> 00:10:32,098

Вообще-то я решил его не есть.

Этот страх и конфликт, уверен

00:10:32,110 --> 00:10:36,175

испортил мясо. Просто использую

его голову для комнаты отдыха.

00:10:36,382 --> 00:10:38,551

Она обычно работает с лошадьми.

00:10:38,751 --> 00:10:40,559

Джерри, если не собираешься

помогать, уёбывай отсюда.

00:10:40,583 --> 00:10:44,569

Я залезу на небеса и притащу его

визжащую оленью душу обратно.

00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:45,769

Господи.

00:10:48,404 --> 00:10:51,019

Я знаю где ты, страшное старое чудовище.

Я знаю что ты думаешь.

00:10:51,219 --> 00:10:55,449

О, думал я сюда пойду? Думаешь я стою тут?

Ну может быть ты и прав.

00:10:57,509 --> 00:10:58,823

Срань господня, что теперь?

00:10:59,023 --> 00:11:01,602

Все я вырубили всех Риков,

а все вы намочили штаны,

00:11:01,614 --> 00:11:04,156

разве это не значит что мы

все синхронизировались?

00:11:04,356 --> 00:11:04,829

Точно.

00:11:05,029 --> 00:11:08,121

Теперь что бы мы не делали,

мы должны быть уверены.

00:11:08,321 --> 00:11:08,917

Точно.

00:11:09,117 --> 00:11:11,681

Мне кажется у нас скорее всего получится.

00:11:16,678 --> 00:11:19,512

Моя голова. Вы чего ребят наделали?

00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:23,860

Заперли в клетке, потому что ты сбрендил.

И вызвал ещё одно расщепление времени.

00:11:24,060 --> 00:11:25,246

Ты хотел убить себя.

00:11:25,446 --> 00:11:29,496

Только для самозащиты, я хотел убить себя первым.

Ребят, я не ожидаю что вы поймёте но если время

00:11:29,508 --> 00:11:33,446

сломалось пополам значит у нас вдвое больше проблем

и только половина времени чтобы их решить.

00:11:35,499 --> 00:11:38,352

Вообще-то я ожидаю что вы поймёте,

это начальная математика. Может

00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,186

кто-нибудь выпустит меня отсюда.

Умерев в клетке я проиграю пари.

00:11:41,386 --> 00:11:44,700

Это будет тот кому ты докажешь что больше

не представляешь угрозы для других.

00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:47,450

Господи, ладно, дай мне кристалл времени.

00:11:47,650 --> 00:11:48,469

Что ты делаешь?

00:11:48,669 --> 00:11:49,338

Звоню себе.

00:11:49,538 --> 00:11:53,395

Наверное оставлю голосовое сообщение

так как я, ну это, звоню сам себе.

00:11:53,595 --> 00:11:55,520

Алло, это Рик.

00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:56,988

Не ведитесь, это прикол.

00:11:57,188 --> 00:11:57,930

Шучу...

00:11:58,130 --> 00:11:59,980

Вас только что опРикинули,

вы дозвонились в

00:11:59,992 --> 00:12:01,897

голосовую почту Рика,

вы знаете что сделать.

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,115

Эй, Рик, это Рик. Слушай,

прости за прошлое, без

00:12:05,127 --> 00:12:07,910

обид, ты знаешь я тоже

так думаю, не дрейфь.

00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:11,704

Ого, смотри-ка я на расхват,

3 голосовых сообщения.

00:12:11,904 --> 00:12:14,157

Эй, Рик, это Рик. Слушай,

прости за прошлое...

00:12:14,357 --> 00:12:15,357

Да, да, да это я слышал.

00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,527

Эй, Рик, это Рик.

00:12:16,626 --> 00:12:17,626

Эй, Рик, это...

00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:19,871

Ну вы поняли, теперь всё норм.

00:12:20,071 --> 00:12:22,415

Ну мы все равно не выпустим

тебя из этого ящика.

00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:23,670

Ладно, я сам это сделаю.

00:12:23,870 --> 00:12:26,594

Ты мог вылезти всё это

время, что ж ты не вылез?

00:12:26,794 --> 00:12:30,807

Потому что я ждал того момента когда буду

уверен что это то чего я хочу, Морти.

00:12:30,819 --> 00:12:34,794

В этом разница между мной и тобой. Я

уверен, а тебя мотает как мешок с говном.

00:12:35,438 --> 00:12:39,298

Рик, ты сейчас слишком

груб со мной, слова ранят.

00:12:39,498 --> 00:12:40,498

Господи.

00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,794

Эй, вы, хорош, хорош орать.

00:12:42,994 --> 00:12:49,194

Что за хуйня? Ваше время на клочья порвало.

Вы поломали своё время дважды.

00:12:50,007 --> 00:12:51,048

Как это произошло?

00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:56,427

Завалите нахуй. Бля, я из

четвёртого измерения раз уж я

00:12:56,439 --> 00:13:00,547

пришёл к вам всем, давайте

взглянем на то что здесь творится.

00:13:01,358 --> 00:13:05,114

О, чёрт вы пытались использовать эту...

А я понял, вы

00:13:05,126 --> 00:13:09,243

сломали время и думали что можно

собрать его обратно этим?

00:13:09,443 --> 00:13:14,012

Как вы хотели сместить время пока стоите

в нём, тупорылые трёхмерные макаки.

00:13:14,212 --> 00:13:15,380

Так держать, Рик.

00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:16,924

Да, дедушка, так держать.

00:13:17,124 --> 00:13:21,013

Вы что теперь будет слушать этого чела,

у него огромное яйцо вместо головы, он

00:13:21,025 --> 00:13:25,124

прилетел сюда в пузыре, откуда мы знаем что

это не Дэвид Берковиц из Мошёнкостана.

00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,899

Завали. Вот, надевайте. Они

синхронизируют ваши вероятности и я

00:13:29,911 --> 00:13:33,880

смогу вернуть вас в реальное время.

Вы все просто ничтожество.

00:13:34,191 --> 00:13:37,896

Значит слушайте... Эй, эй,

вы трое, одевайте ошейники.

00:13:38,096 --> 00:13:39,323

Мы одели.

Ты о чём.

Я одел.

00:13:39,523 --> 00:13:40,638

Мы не носим ошейники.

00:13:40,838 --> 00:13:42,622

Именно, потому что упрямые.

00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:43,251

Что?

00:13:43,451 --> 00:13:46,479

Оденьте проклятые ошейники,

если хотите жить.

00:13:46,679 --> 00:13:47,719

Да мы одели.

Он уже на мне.

00:13:47,781 --> 00:13:49,598

Ладно, хорошо. Саммер, Морти одевайте.

00:13:53,696 --> 00:13:55,730

Да, мы вернулись.

Никаких больше кошек.

00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,456

У тебя получилось, ты починил его.

00:13:58,656 --> 00:14:00,724

Да, починил. Не снимайте

эти ошейники, если не

00:14:00,736 --> 00:14:02,683

хотите опять поломать

своё долбанное время.

00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:06,122

Сколько именно мы должны носить эти штуки?

Это очень смущает.

00:14:06,322 --> 00:14:11,013

Раз уж вы едете во временную тюрьму, я

бы сказал вы должны носить их вечность.

00:14:11,213 --> 00:14:11,976

Временную тюрьму?

00:14:12,176 --> 00:14:16,138

Да. Не знаю где вы ожидали я подумаю вы

взяли этот кристалл. Но единственный

00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:20,176

путь для вас тупорылых жопных жопошников

когда либо достать его, это украсть.

00:14:22,608 --> 00:14:25,677

Ты украл временной кристалл

у яичных монстров?

00:14:25,877 --> 00:14:29,288

Я бы с радостью заплатил за него, Саммер.

Но они совсем не продают их в

00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:33,104

киосках. Кроме того есть более серьёзный

урок который надо усвоить. Хватай его.

00:14:33,304 --> 00:14:35,789

Вам бы лучше отойти. Эта

штука может превратить

00:14:35,801 --> 00:14:37,933

ваши жопы в трёхмерную

кашу с 30 метров.

00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:44,523

А нет ли какого-нибудь котёнка

которому нужна медицинская помощь?

00:14:44,547 --> 00:14:49,221

Правильно, миссис Смит, поддайтесь

своей ярости, отпустите этого оленя.

00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:53,429

Дорогая, всё будет в порядке. Эти люди из института

оленьего здравоохранения. Они могут доставить его

00:14:53,441 --> 00:14:57,421

к лучшему оленьему хирургу в стране на вертолёте за

границу штата где ваша юрисдикция заканчивается.

00:15:05,459 --> 00:15:07,055

Ну похоже на этом всё.

00:15:07,255 --> 00:15:11,058

И ещё кое что. Согласно ветеринарным постановлениям

этого округа. Это животное не может быть

00:15:11,070 --> 00:15:15,255

транспортировано пока приставленный терапевт не

подтвердит невозможность оказания необходимой помощи.

00:15:19,803 --> 00:15:24,547

Это ты конный доктор, ты должна сказать

что не можешь с этим справиться.

00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:27,268

Мы это сделали.

00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,583

Ага, не, нет бля, Земля чувак,

да с динозаврами, не, если

00:15:32,595 --> 00:15:36,560

ты попал к дельфинам ты проехал.

Ладно, потом поговорим.

00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:39,815

Знаете что делают с трёхмерными

формами жизни во временной

00:15:39,827 --> 00:15:42,962

тюрьме? То же что и во всех

остальных тюрьмах, только вечность.

00:15:43,162 --> 00:15:44,162

Зачем ты это делаешь?

00:15:44,337 --> 00:15:48,637

Ты думаешь я хочу мотаться за такими как вы

по пространству и времени всю свою жизнь?

00:15:48,837 --> 00:15:51,814

У меня есть амбиции, чел.

Вы мой билет наверх.

00:15:52,014 --> 00:15:56,268

А что если я скажу тебе что прям

за тобой огромный билет наверх?

00:15:56,468 --> 00:15:57,512

Серьёзно думаешь я настолько тупой?

00:15:57,536 --> 00:16:01,462

Ладно послушай вот что. Ты ж бессмертный, да? Это

значит что твоя жизнь бесконечна. Значит есть

00:16:01,474 --> 00:16:05,536

стопроцентная вероятность что ты сделаешь всё,

включая то что ты повернёшься и посмотришь за себя.

00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:07,941

С этим не поспоришь.

00:16:09,798 --> 00:16:12,186

Боже. Мерзкое и странное.

00:16:12,386 --> 00:16:13,647

Крис.

00:16:14,714 --> 00:16:15,946

Ты убил мою пушку.

00:16:16,146 --> 00:16:17,626

Саммер, Морти снимайте свои ошейники.

00:16:17,663 --> 00:16:18,857

Что, какого хера ты творишь?

00:16:19,057 --> 00:16:23,661

Отличный вопрос, мне кажется

ответом будет "Я не уверен".

00:16:23,861 --> 00:16:25,668

О нет, что ты делаешь?

00:16:25,868 --> 00:16:26,868

Я не уверен.

00:16:28,072 --> 00:16:28,595

Прекрати.

00:16:28,795 --> 00:16:29,952

Может прекращу, может и нет.

00:16:31,719 --> 00:16:34,348

Я очень сомневаюсь во всём,

даже раздавая тебе пенделей.

00:16:34,548 --> 00:16:35,548

Слышь, эй...

00:16:36,147 --> 00:16:38,661

Эти руки рудиментарные,

теперь ты ткнул меня

00:16:38,673 --> 00:16:41,312

туда где был глаз около

6 миллионов лет назад.

00:16:41,512 --> 00:16:42,828

Давай поможем деду.

00:16:43,028 --> 00:16:45,940

Да, я на 100 процентов не уверен ни в чём.

00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:47,460

Совершенно не уверен.

00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:50,141

Дай ему, напинай ему по жопе.

00:16:50,341 --> 00:16:50,853

Давай Рик.

00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,053

Сдохни ебанат.

00:16:52,467 --> 00:16:53,680

Я повержен.

00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:54,541

Что происходит?

00:16:54,741 --> 00:16:56,753

Время распадается, мы

должны быстрее вернутся

00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:58,745

в определённость. Давайте

мне свои ошейники.

00:16:58,945 --> 00:17:00,385

А нам что надо их около 30 починить?

00:17:00,424 --> 00:17:04,436

Морти нам надо починить 3 и есть ещё 31

версия меня чтобы в общем починить 96. Я не

00:17:04,448 --> 00:17:08,424

идиот, я умею умножать. Дай мне плоскую

отвёртку, хотя, давай крестовую. Ну, блин.

00:17:15,358 --> 00:17:18,332

Слушай, я знаю я сегодня напортачил,

я знаю это моя вина что

00:17:18,344 --> 00:17:21,085

мы сбили оленя и я понимаю

что ты хотела бы спасти его.

00:17:21,986 --> 00:17:22,612

Да пофиг.

00:17:22,812 --> 00:17:24,949

Какой я мелочной я должна

быть чтобы заботится о

00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,022

жизни животных меньше чем

о своём достоинстве.

00:17:28,412 --> 00:17:32,780

Ну довольно мелочной. Но ты все равно

бы была женщиной на которой я женился.

00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:35,094

Куда мы едем?

00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:36,899

Ещё всего одна остановка.

00:17:40,673 --> 00:17:41,730

Где вертолёт?

00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:45,911

Нет вертолёта и нет оленьего института.

00:17:46,111 --> 00:17:47,605

Но лучший олений хирург.

00:17:47,805 --> 00:17:50,879

Я прямо сейчас смотрю на неё.

Спасибо что так меня выручаешь.

00:17:51,079 --> 00:17:53,192

Вам бы поторопиться, эти

фонари рассчитаны на

00:17:53,204 --> 00:17:55,328

работу мороженщика, они

не протянут всю ночь.

00:17:55,528 --> 00:17:56,528

Мне надо 5 минут.

00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,092

Джерри, это были самые романтичные

выходные из тех что у меня были.

00:18:31,292 --> 00:18:33,340

Благодаря мороженному Колд Стоун.

00:18:33,540 --> 00:18:34,540

Пожалуйста.

00:18:35,602 --> 00:18:39,072

Так, надевайте ошейники, у нас

мало времени, какая ирония, да?

00:18:42,209 --> 00:18:43,209

Постой-ка.

00:18:43,238 --> 00:18:43,915

Отлично.

00:18:44,115 --> 00:18:44,570

Рик.

00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:45,262

Что происходит?

00:18:45,462 --> 00:18:48,522

Ошейник, застёжка сломана, он

не застегнётся у меня на шее.

00:18:48,722 --> 00:18:49,728

Да ты прикалываешься?

00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:51,121

Почему огоньки на ошейниках не зелёные?

00:18:51,145 --> 00:18:53,344

Очевидно потому что

кто-то не одел свой

00:18:53,356 --> 00:18:55,898

ошейник, а один я застрял

пытаясь ему помочь.

00:18:56,098 --> 00:18:58,184

Не вали всё на меня, это

ты не мог починить время.

00:18:58,384 --> 00:19:01,042

Он не сломан Морти, я его починил, одевай.

00:19:01,242 --> 00:19:02,922

Он не закроется, он сломан.

00:19:03,122 --> 00:19:04,122

Ладно, давай сюда.

00:19:05,930 --> 00:19:06,403

Рик.

00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:07,603

Морти.

00:19:09,004 --> 00:19:13,322

Чё правда, Морти, извини, я ж не тот

кто так дохуя не уверен во всём.

00:19:13,522 --> 00:19:17,772

Знаешь в чём я уверен, я уверен в

том что больше не хочу тебя видеть.

00:19:17,972 --> 00:19:20,755

Ты ничего больше ни когда не

увидишь, мелкий тупица, ты убил нас.

00:19:22,602 --> 00:19:23,602

Проклятье.

00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:29,992

Рик.

00:19:30,192 --> 00:19:31,788

Морти, где твой ошейник, я починю его.

00:19:31,988 --> 00:19:32,988

Я выронил его.

00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:36,620

Что за херня?

00:19:36,662 --> 00:19:37,826

Что ты сделал со мной, Морти?

00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:43,100

Всё нормально, будь хорошим,

Морти, будь лучше меня.

00:19:46,050 --> 00:19:49,753

Ебать, ещё один ошейник, ничё не

нормально, ничего не нормально.

00:19:49,953 --> 00:19:53,394

О Иисусе святы, дай мне выжить,

боже мой я должен его починить.

00:19:53,406 --> 00:19:56,912

Бог мой на небесах, боже, Господи

пожалуйста услышь мои молитвы.

00:19:57,112 --> 00:20:00,206

Да, хуй тебе господь, не сегодня, сучара.

00:20:00,996 --> 00:20:03,636

Прошу господь, если слышишь меня,

пожалуйста будь милостив ко мне.

00:20:05,522 --> 00:20:10,702

Да, у меня получилось, нет никакого

бога, утрись. Одна точка ебанаты.

00:20:10,902 --> 00:20:13,724

О да, да.

00:20:13,924 --> 00:20:16,157

Порядок. Вот об этом я говорю, о да.

00:20:16,357 --> 00:20:16,860

Пронесло.

00:20:17,060 --> 00:20:18,060

Я чутка тут потанцую.

00:20:18,104 --> 00:20:18,883

А, да, давай.

00:20:19,083 --> 00:20:20,380

Морти, догоняй, потанцуем.

00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:21,648

Давай, давай.

00:20:21,848 --> 00:20:23,520

Я тоже с вами.

00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,280

Давай, классический танец, помните его?

00:20:25,381 --> 00:20:25,678

Погодите-ка.

00:20:25,878 --> 00:20:27,430

Вы чего так долго сюда возвращались?

00:20:27,630 --> 00:20:31,166

Я не знаю, по моему у одного из 64

меня ошейник не заработал, сложно

00:20:31,178 --> 00:20:34,469

проследить события, теперь у меня

ещё 63 воспоминания обо всём.

00:20:34,669 --> 00:20:34,935

Да.

00:20:35,135 --> 00:20:37,725

Но мне кажется что один

из 64 Риков, вроде как

00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,616

пожертвовал собой ради меня.

Возможно, я так думаю.

00:20:40,816 --> 00:20:43,048

Перестань, Морти. Последний

раз когда тебе что-то

00:20:43,060 --> 00:20:45,079

показалось мы чуть не

умерли, мелкий говнюк.

00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:46,874

Эй, ребят, мы дома.

00:20:47,074 --> 00:20:47,873

Мама, папа.

00:20:48,073 --> 00:20:51,768

Придержите объятия, где

вы достали эти ошейники?

00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:54,655

Леди Гага, столик

на троих, я угадал?

00:20:54,855 --> 00:20:58,631

Вы ребят повер рейнджеры? Один из

вас запчасть для того что побольше?

00:20:58,831 --> 00:21:01,255

Им нужны батарейки, а они прилагаются?

00:21:01,455 --> 00:21:06,621

Какие вы красотки, ну не в гомофобном

смысле, я это без задней мысли.

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Чувство не из приятных, да?

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Да, совсем. Это ранит.

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Серьёзно, это костюмы на хеллоуин?

Поедете на

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мотоциклах? Это вместо катодов?

Вы собаки? Робо собаки?

00:21:19,093 --> 00:21:23,212

Ну вы отстой, это удавки из девяностых?

У вас такая ностальгия

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по девяностым? Вы из фильма

"Колдовство?", снимают ремейк?

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Чувак, где тебя носило?

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Тебя искал, мудак.

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Я тебе сказал за динозаврами.

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Знаешь сколько времени после динозавров?

Половина всего времени.

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Ладно, нам туда.

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Дай сюда, поддай газу не

может быть так далеко назад.

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Во, во, во, это тут, стой, стой.

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Это он да?

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Да, это он.

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Эй, чел помнишь меня?

00:22:25,107 --> 00:22:26,507

У меня есть кое что для твоей жопы.

00:22:27,241 --> 00:22:32,661

Не связывайся со временем. Не

доёбывайся до времени. Уёбок.

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Я буду связываться со

временем, буду связываться.