Близкие риконтакты риковой степени

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Martin Luther King

Jr.'s birthday.

00:00:05,798 --> 00:00:08,257

No.

Well, it... might be.

00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,425

- It is.

- Fine.

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But also, tomorrow is your

one-year anniversary

00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,554

back in our lives.

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I'm gonna make you

flying-saucer-shaped pancakes.

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Oh, t-t-there's no need

to do that, Beth.

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Regular pancakes are fine.

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Oh, my god!

Oh, what is happening?!

00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:02,186

Happy anniversary, Dad.

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Oh, I get it.

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Regular pancakes are already

shaped like flying saucers.

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Mmm. l-I should be

making you breakfast

00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,111

for putting up with me.

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You should be making us

a whole restaurant.

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Nonsense. We couldn't be

happier to have you around.

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I just wish I got

to see more of you.

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Rick Sanchez of Earth

dimension C-137,

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you are under arrest for crimes

against alternate Ricks

00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:26,794

by the authority of the

Trans-Dimensional Council of Ricks.

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- Hey! What the heck?!

- Neutralize the Jerry.

00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,048

- Wait! No! I'll...

- Dad!

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- Dad!

- Rick!

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Everybody, relax.

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If I know these a-holes,

and I am these a-holes,

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they just want to haul me

to their stupid clubhouse

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and waste my time

with a bunch of questions.

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- Let's get it over with.

- Bring his Morty.

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- Oh, man.

- Leave my Morty out of this.

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You lost the right to have

a say in these things

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when you refused to j...

join the council.

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W-W-W-What about Jerry?

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Will you at least

unfreeze my daughter's idiot?

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Give you anything!

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I have a rare antique-

coin collection!

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Just don't hurt me!

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Okay, maybe not antique,

but it was a limited minting.

00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:04,661

They have little R2-D2s

instead of George Washington.

00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:05,917

Our son's been abducted!

00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,503

You hate me for buying

those coins!

00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,549

Geez, Rick, w-what is

this place?

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The citadel of Ricks.

00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:17,428

It's the secret headquarters

for the Council of Ricks.

00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,639

- Council of Ricks?

- As you know, Morty...

00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,390

I've got a lot of enemies

in the universe

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that consider my genius

a threat...

00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,269

galactic terrorists,

a few sub-galactic dictators,

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most of the entire

intergalactic government.

00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,732

W-W-Wherever you find people

with heads up their asses,

00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,609

someone wants a piece

of your grandpa,

00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,612

and a lot of versions of me

had the same problem,

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so a few thousand versions of me

had the ingenious idea

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of banding together

like a herd of cattle

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or a school of fish

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or those people who answer

questions on Yahoo! Answers.

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Hey! What do you know?

It's a cowboy version of me.

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Geez, you're easy to impress.

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Yeah, most timelines

have a Rick,

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and most Ricks have a Morty.

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This place is a real who's who

of who's you and me.

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Turn your boring, old Morty

into a f... hot fashion statement

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with some Morty dazzlers.

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Hey, check this out.

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- Show me the Morty.

- Dumb.

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Excuse me, sir,

is your Morty insured?

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You know, every year, hundreds

of Mortys are injured...

00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,603

Back off!

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Not my cup of tea, this place.

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I say the point of being a Rick

is being a Rick.

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Save your anti-Rick speech

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for the Council of Ricks,

terror-Rick.

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Hey, save your Rick rules

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for the sheep-Ricks,

Rick-pig.

00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,616

- Fuck me, pal.

- Fuck you?

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No, no, no, no, no.

Fuck me.

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Bring up the holograms.

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27 Ricks brutally murdered in

their own timelines...

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an unprecedented Rick-icidal

epidemic.

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What say you,

Earth Rick C-137?

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You think I did this?

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Why am I the first Rick you pull in

every time a Rick stubs his toe?

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You have a history

of non-cooperation

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with the council.

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Yeah, so does the scientist

formerly known as Rick.

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W-W-W-W-W-Why isn't he here

in handcuffs?

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Because he's dead, too!

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Who else would we question?

You fit the profile.

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Of all the Ricks

in the central finite curve,

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you're the malcontent,

the rogue.

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I'm the Rick, and so

were the rest of you

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before you formed this

stupid alliance.

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You wanted to be safe

from the government,

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so you became

a stupid government.

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That makes every Rick here

less Rick than me.

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Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags.

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Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got pancakes back home

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with syrup on top of them.

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They're about to hit that

critical point of syrup absorption

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that turns the cakes

into a gross paste,

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and I hate to get all

Andy Rooney about it,

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but I think we all like fluffy

discs of cake with syrup on top,

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and I think we also like to be

accused of crimes

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when there's evidence!

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So, as they say in Canada,

peace oot!

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Evidence! Good idea.

Scan his portal gun!

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Oh, come on.

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Don't look at another man's

portal-gun history.

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We... we all

go to weird places.

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Yes, but it appears you alone

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have been going to the exact

timelines and locations

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in which the murders occurred.

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What?!

That's Rick-diculous!

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I'm obviously being set up.

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Earth Rick C-137, the council

of Ricks sentences you

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to the machine

of unspeakable doom,

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which swaps your conscious

and unconscious minds,

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rendering

your fantasies pointless

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while everything you've known

becomes impossible to grasp.

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Also, every 10 seconds,

it stabs your balls.

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I've heard enough.

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Run, Morty!

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Unh-unh. Not you.

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Aaaah!

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Oh! Oh!

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Yeah, I'd like to order one

large person

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with extra people, please.

- White people.

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No, no, no, no.

Black people.

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And Hispanic on half.

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Yes, I'd like to order one

large sofa chair

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with extra chair, please.

- High chair.

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No, no, no, no. Recliner.

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And wheelchair on half.

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They could have gone

into any one of these.

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Son of a...

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- Oh, geez.

- We lost 'em.

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Yeah, I'd like to order one

large phone

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with extra phones, please.

- Cellphone.

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No, no, no, no. Rotary.

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And pay phone on half.

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That'll keep 'em

busy for a while.

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Those guys were wrong, right?

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Y-Y-Y-You d... you wouldn't kill

yourself... y-y-yourselves.

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Of course not, Morty.

How could that profit me?

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But someone out there is

killing Ricks,

00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:05,132

and the council ain't

gonna stop thinking it's me

00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,635

until we clear our names...

by finding the real Rick-killer.

00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,386

I'm scared, Rick.

00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,097

Maybe we should go home

and stockpile weapons,

00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,848

like that show

"Doomsday Preppers."

00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,475

Not really my style, Morty.

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Besides, your home is

most likely

00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,728

swarming with Ricks by now.

00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:21,148

All right, listen, Jerry.

00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:23,901

If Rick calls, this device is

gonna trace his location.

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You just gotta keep him on the phone

for 30 seconds or longer.

00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,198

- Who wants lemonade?

- Oh, yeah.

00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,951

Mmm!

Oh! Delicious!

00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,036

Beth you're a treasure.

00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,163

I have a Beth just like you

in my reality,

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except you know what?

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She's not as brilliant or

attractive.

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- Aw.

- Thank you.

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Oh! She did! She did it!

00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,637

- H-hello?

- Hey, Jerry, it's Rick.

00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,722

Rick! Hey.

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What's... what's up?

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So, listen, the heat's on,

and there's nowhere left to turn,

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so Morty and I are just gonna

fly my spaceship into a black hole.

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- What?!

- Is that cool with you, dawg?

00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,441

Rick, no! Morty!!

- We got it.

00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,235

The call's coming from...

00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,154

♪ Inside the house ♪

00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,197

- Look at his face!

- You dummy!

00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,241

Can't believe our daughter

married you.

00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,118

Too easy!

00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,661

The Ricks are probably

gonna waste some time

00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:16,829

messing with Jerry.

00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,414

They won't be able to help

themselves.

00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,541

But as soon as they get bored,

they'll be onto us.

00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,665

Phones à la clams and

phonesghetti with phone balls.

00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,669

Anything else?

00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,129

Yeah, more phone sticks, please.

00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,046

Right away, sir.

00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,673

You know, Rick, when I first saw

00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:28,966

all those Ricks and Mortys,

00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,093

I thought, "gee, that

kind of devalues our bond."

00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,469

but then I realized it just means

00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,430

that our relationship must

be pretty special

00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,599

to span over all those

different timelines.

00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,976

Yeah, it's got to be that way.

You're a camouflage.

00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:42,188

Camouflage? W-W-W-What are

you talking about, Rick?

00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,939

Ricks have a very distinctive

and traceable brain wave

00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,733

due to our genius.

00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,457

The best way to hide

from an enemy's radar

00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,278

is to stand near someone

with complementary brain waves

00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,113

that make ours invisible.

00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,032

See, w-w-w-when a Rick i-is

with a Morty,

00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:56,243

the genius waves get

canceled out by the, uh...

00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:58,495

Morty waves.

00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:02,166

Um... because o-our

personalities are so different?

00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,126

Oh, shit, dawg.

00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,128

My portal gun was hacked

remotely, Morty...

00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,130

obviously by the real killer,

to frame me.

00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,174

But I was able to trace the signal.

Come on. Let's go.

00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,926

Uh-oh.

00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,011

Excuse me. We've tracked

a pair of dangerous criminals

00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,721

to this exact location.

00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,806

They look exactly like us,

so in order to avoid confusion,

00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,850

I'm gonna mark us each

with a red "X" right now.

00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,727

That way, if someone has a gun

00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,646

and we both tell you to shoot

the other one

00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,190

because they're the evil one,

you'll know who's lying.

00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,108

Hey, check it out.

00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,694

Damn it!

00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,530

Hey, you didn't pay your bill!

00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,991

T-The red "X"! Red "X"!

00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,993

Hey, it's a good thing

that space outlet had lab coats

00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,912

and your favorite kind of shirt

in stock, huh, Morty?

00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,789

Yeah, Rick, l-I heard

you the first time.

00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,624

You don't have to keep saying it

over and over.

00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,292

Man, this place is way

off the grid.

00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,086

This guy does not want

to be found.

00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:50,214

Well, if he's a Rick, doesn't he just

have to stand by a Morty to hide?

00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,050

I mean, isn't that what Mortys are...

human cloaking devices?

00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,970

Morty, you're making a bigger

deal out of this than it is.

00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,847

Oh, my god, Rick, look!

00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,684

There's a bunch of people

strapped all over that building!

00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,728

Not people, Morty...

Mortys.

00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,194

Oh, god!

00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,071

W-Why would somebody do this?

It's horrible!

00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,323

Well, one Morty's enough to hide

from the bureaucrats,

00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,325

but you get... you get

a whole matrix of Mortys

00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,077

and put them in agonizing pain,

00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:23,247

that creates a pattern that can hide

even from other Ricks, motherfucker.

00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:26,333

I fiddled with a concept

like this once.

00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,961

On paper, Morty.

On paper.

00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,796

I wouldn't do this.

It's barbaric overkill.

00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,840

I mean, you could accomplish

the same result with, like,

00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,342

five Mortys and a jumper cable.

00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,095

Which I also wouldn't do!

00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,931

I'm just saying, it's bad

craftsmanship.

00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:43,350

- Coffee time!

- Yo, yo, yo, yo!

00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:46,228

That's what I like to hear!

00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,022

Hi, Jerry.

00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,940

Leave me alone.

I'm working.

00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,900

Oh, you are?

W-W-W-What do you do?

00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:55,029

I-I'm... I'm in between

advertising jobs.

00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,989

Advertising? Wow!

00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,199

So, people need help figuring

out what to buy,

00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,659

and then y-y-you help 'em?

00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:03,245

Well, it's a little more

complicated than that.

00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,539

Well, I mean, you do it,

and you seem like a guy

00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:07,333

who really has it all together.

00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,504

Dude, are you... w...

you're being a dick, right?

00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:13,964

Oh, gosh, l-I hope not.

00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,508

I-I-I-l-I-l wouldn't want to

offend you in any way.

00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,469

You're really a Rick?

00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,554

Y... of course I am...

00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,514

just as much

as my Morty's a Morty.

00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,391

Hey, he looks a lot

like Eric Stoltz

00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,393

from the movie "Mask."

00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,187

You know, the one

with Cher in it?

00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:29,271

That's right, Jerry!

00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,273

He... he's from a reality

where everyone is

00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,983

Eric Stoltz "Mask" people.

00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,360

He's Eric Stoltz Mask Morty.

00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,819

They assigned him to me

00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,738

because I never had

any kids of my own.

00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,198

But if I did, boy, I'd love them

00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,991

if they were as smart

and as successful

00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,159

as you are, Jerry.

00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,744

Hey, get a load of this.

00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,746

Jerry's hanging out

with doofus Rick.

00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,164

This is perfect.

00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,749

I'm not doofus Rick!

00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,042

I'm Rick J19-Zeta-7!

00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,461

Oh, is that the timeline

where everybody eats poop?

00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,505

Jerry, you know this guy

eats poop, right?

00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,215

Hey, I don't eat poop!

00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,300

Y-You guys are always

so mean to me.

00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,222

I guess it's only fair

to tell you now, Jerry.

00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:05,140

I'm the worst Rick of them all.

00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,184

According to who...

other versions of you?

00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,560

If I've learned one thing,

00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,354

it's that before you get

anywhere in life,

00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,398

you got to stop listening

to yourself.

00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,233

Wow.

You really are wise, Jerry.

00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:17,194

I-I-I guess that's why you work

in advertising.

00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,196

The fact that you feel that way

00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,198

makes you the best Rick

of them all.

00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,200

You don't care about me at all!

00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,164

I'm no different than that

jacket you've got on!

00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,204

Y-Y-Y... o-or your stupid

portal gun!

00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,665

I'm just a tool!

I-I-I'm just an object!

00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,542

Hey, it's your choice

to take it personally, Morty.

00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,293

Now, for the love of god,

be quiet.

00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,258

The point of this is to get

the drop on the guy.

00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,922

You know what, Rick?

I'll tell you something!

00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,591

I'm more than a human shield!

- Yeah, that's right. You are.

00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,344

You're a perfect, impenetrable

suit of human armor, Morty,

00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,304

because you're as dumb

as I am smart,

00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,056

which is why when I say

"shut up,"

00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,100

it's really good advice.

00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,770

Great. Nice work, Morty.

00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,660

Ooh. Look at you, C-137.

00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,704

You... aren't you

a tough customer?

00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,540

The slow clap? Really?

Kind of played out, dude.

00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,375

Not in this dimension, it isn't.

00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,085

In fact

I invented it.

00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,254

Nobody else has ever even

done it here before.

00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,338

Well, la-Di-DA.

00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,715

Hey, that's mine!

00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,276

I don't like the look

of that Rick, Morty.

00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,598

- We gotta escape.

- I'm not gonna help you, Rick.

00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,224

Y-You're a monster.

00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,101

Don't be rick-diculous,

Morty.

00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,895

Will you stop saying that?

It's stupid.

00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,396

Take his Morty away.

00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,607

- Come with me.

- Yeah, gladly.

00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,984

Geez, man. Ricks, huh?

00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,986

Hey, man, you seem to know

how this place works.

00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,197

Is there any way we could

shut down that grid

00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,865

and rescue all those

Mortys outside?

00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,074

It would be pointless.

00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,244

Mortys have no chance

of defeating a Rick.

00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,329

In here.

00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,632

- Ah. Isn't it beautiful?

- Yeah, yeah.

00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,092

Looks like payday at

Neverland Ranch in here.

00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,594

Zing!

00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,929

That guy got it.

00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,388

Unh-unh-unh, Rick. Quiet.

00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,307

You're missing my symphony.

00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,271

Hey, I'll take it over

Mumford & Sons. Zip!

00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,148

This guy is on it!

00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,234

He's not laughing at your

dumb jokes, Rick.

00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,736

That's just a random noise

it makes every 10 seconds.

00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,658

You see, Rick, you're not

as clever as you think you are.

00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,743

I wanted you to find me.

00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,620

We're not so different,

you and I.

00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,164

- Yeah, duh!

- See this right here, Rick?

00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,208

I crunched the numbers.

00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,377

I created a spectrum

of all the Ricks.

00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,213

I listed them out

from most evil to least evil.

00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:42,965

Here's where I am.

00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,050

And look it... right here's

where you are, Rick.

00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,553

This guy right here...

super-weird.

00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,304

I get it. So you want me

to team up with you to take down

00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,473

The Council of Ricks?

Is that where you're going with this?

00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,016

'Cause that's where I'd be going.

00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,310

Please. I think I'm doing

pretty good on my own.

00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,313

I'm simply gonna download

the contents of your brain

00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,567

and then kill you.

00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,819

Okay, if we add a little more

titanium nitrate

00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,072

and just a tad

of chlorified tartrate...

00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,492

ovenless brownies!

00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,286

Mmm. Mmm!

00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,413

It's incredible what a gifted

mind can accomplish

00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,081

when priorities are in order.

00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,125

Well, come on.

I can't take all the credit, Jerry.

00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,211

It was your idea.

Come here, Jerry!

00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,217

Hey, uh, come here.

00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,678

I-I want to show you

something.

00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,763

Okay, look, everybody makes fun

of me for getting these,

00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,975

but you're a genius scientist.

What do you think?

00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:38,687

See? There's little R2-D2s where

the George Washingtons should be.

00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,564

You know, Jerry, I'm not

gonna tell you

00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,441

that these will

increase in value

00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,276

or even hold their current value.

00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,778

The truth is, you bought them

because you like them.

00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:50,073

They have value to you.

That's what matters.

00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,619

How long are you staying?

00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,746

Until we find your Rick.

00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,789

I found mine.

00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,791

I found mine.

00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:03,962

- Help!

- There is no escape, my son.

00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,506

We will find our peace in

the next world.

00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,259

So, what... y-y-y-y-you're

just gonna give up?

00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:12,679

We're giving in... to the

power of the one true Morty.

00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,389

One day, he will return.

00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:18,268

Praise the one true Morty.

00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:21,521

Ugh.

All right, Mortys, listen up.

00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:25,776

My name is Morty Smith,

from Earth dimension C-137.

00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,362

I know you're scared,

because I'm scared.

00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,614

But that's no reason to accept

our fate!

00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:31,531

We're Mortys!

00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,284

We're not defined by our

relationships to Rick!

00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,578

Our destiny is our own!

00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,747

This sounds like something

the one true Morty might say.

00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,749

I'm sick of being a human

shield.

00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,834

I-I-I w... I want to be

a gardener!

00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,338

I want to write really crazy,

intense action novels!

00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,465

I'm more than just a hammer!

00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,425

He is the one true Morty!

00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,761

Hooray!

The one true Morty!

00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,680

Hey, keep it down!

00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,732

You've lived quite a life, Rick.

00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:09,236

It's a real shame you won't be

around to see it through.

00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,830

You're crying?

Over a Morty?

00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,998

No, I'm just allergic

to dipshits.

00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,333

Ugh. Pathetic.

00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:26,169

We both know that if there's

any truth in the universe,

00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:28,797

it's that Ricks

don't care about Mortys.

00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:34,469

Do your worst,

you little bastards!

00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,180

Kill me! Do it!

Do i-i-i-i-it!

00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:40,350

Morty! Thank god!

Get me out of this.

00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:43,186

- Come on!

- You're lucky I'm not a Rick.

00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:46,064

Point taken, but this

is no time for arcs.

00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,693

Oh!

00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,365

Yeah, hello.

00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,743

Hey, what do me and O.J.

not have in common?

00:17:57,827 --> 00:17:59,494

Huh? W-Who is this?

00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:03,081

I found the real killer, bitch!

Get over here!

00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,170

Yo, ding-dong, we're done here.

Time to go.

00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,172

Well, Jerry

00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,340

I guess this means goodbye.

00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,176

W-W-Well, does it have to?

00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,136

I mean, you...

you look just like Rick.

00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,722

We could maybe, you know,

get rid of him.

00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,557

I'm not saying kill him,

necessarily.

00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:23,393

I... I'm also not saying

necessarily not kill him, but...

00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,146

Jerry, w-we both know

it wouldn't work.

00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:29,232

It's time to go back

to our lives.

00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,318

I love you, Jerry.

I love you.

00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,085

Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,962

Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

Hut! Hut! Hut!

00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,343

W-What... w-what's gonna

happen to all these Mortys?

00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:58,428

They'll go back to their

families,

00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:02,599

attend school regularly,

play video games, date girls.

00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:05,936

Poor little Rickless bastards.

00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:08,063

Earth Rick C-137,

00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,233

the council apologizes

for its false accusation,

00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,819

and in the way of reparations

for our terrible mistake,

00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:17,197

we would like to compensate you

with this voucher

00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,741

for a free replacement Morty

in the event

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,868

that your current

Morty should...

00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,246

Uh, guys, not a good time.

00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,206

Come on, Morty. Let's hit it.

00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,293

ls it time for arcs yet, Rick?

00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,753

I did a pretty good job

back there

00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,922

for a human cloaking device.

00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,366

Saved your ass.

- All right, Morty.

00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,133

Don't break an arm jerking

yourself off.

00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,885

Man, I can't believe you, Rick.

00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,887

That right there, that w...

that was a great opportunity

00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:42,889

to show a little humanity,

you know?

00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,474

To connect with me a little.

00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:45,934

Hey, Morty, you want connection,

00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,478

go be part of some stupid club,

like all those dumb Ricks.

00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:50,981

You know, maybe I don't connect

because I'm the Rickest Rick.

00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:53,358

And, you know, it would g...

00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,610

go without saying

that the Rickest Rick

00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,070

would have the Mortyest Morty.

00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:59,364

- It would go without saying, huh?

- Yeah, it would.

00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:02,200

Did you hear me say it?

- Nah.

00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,202

The Mortyest Morty.

00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:06,496

Just don't get too big

for your loafers, Buster Brown.

00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:08,748

A cocky Morty can lead to some

big problems.

00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,709

It can be a real bad thing

for everybody.

00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,377

Oh, yeah? How's that?

00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:15,380

U-Uh, I'll explain when

you're older.

00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:17,924

What a mess.

00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:19,885

Pride cometh before the fall.

00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,803

I guess he got what he deserved.

00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:22,679

What is that?

00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:25,515

Hand me the laser difibulator.

00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,225

Hey, guys, uh, c-can I help?

00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:28,602

No! Go clean the toilets.

00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:30,520

Maybe you'll make friends

with some turds.

00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:33,023

You make us ashamed to be

ourselves!

00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:37,152

My god. I've seen

this technology before.

00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,530

This Rick was being

controlled remotely...

00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,115

puppeteered by somebody else.

00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:45,911

This is the receiver.

- Yeah, but where's the transmitter?

00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,253

Wubba dubba dub dub!

Oh. Hey, Jerry.

00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:39,589

W-W-W-What are you doing

in my room, buddy?

00:21:39,674 --> 00:21:41,758

Nothing.

I was just, um...

00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,760

checking

the smoke detectors.

00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:46,763

All right.

Okay, get out.

00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,036

What's that dipshit doing

out there?

00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,246

Are you friends with him?

00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,123

You know he eats his own shit,

right?

00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:15,041

Oh, my god, this is rich!

00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:18,044

I've got like 10 Ricks

to call right now.

00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,006

Did you get any of that?

00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,049

It's a good-a show!

00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:05,713

Martin Luther King

Jr.'s birthday.

00:00:05,798 --> 00:00:08,257

No.

Well, it... might be.

00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,425

- It is.

- Fine.

00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:12,178

But also, tomorrow is your

one-year anniversary

00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,554

back in our lives.

00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,848

I'm gonna make you

flying-saucer-shaped pancakes.

00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,600

Oh, t-t-there's no need

to do that, Beth.

00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,060

Regular pancakes are fine.

00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,812

[ loud warble ]

00:00:21,814 --> 00:00:23,606

[ all scream ]

00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,108

[ groans ]

00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,860

Oh, my god!

Oh, what is happening?!

00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:02,186

Happy anniversary, Dad.

00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,563

Oh, I get it.

00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:06,399

Regular pancakes are already

shaped like flying saucers.

00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,234

Mmm. l-I should be

making you breakfast

00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,111

for putting up with me.

00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:12,238

You should be making us

a whole restaurant.

00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,365

Nonsense. We couldn't be

happier to have you around.

00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:16,451

I just wish I got

to see more of you.

00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,161

[ loud warble ]

00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,080

Rick Sanchez of Earth

dimension C-137,

00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,666

you are under arrest for crimes

against alternate Ricks

00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:26,794

by the authority of the

Trans-Dimensional Council of Ricks.

00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,713

- Hey! What the heck?!

- Neutralize the Jerry.

00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,048

- Wait! No! I'll...

- Dad!

00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,425

- Dad!

- Rick!

00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,010

Everybody, relax.

00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,970

If I know these a-holes,

and I am these a-holes,

00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,680

they just want to haul me

to their stupid clubhouse

00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,390

and waste my time

with a bunch of questions.

00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:42,018

- Let's get it over with.

- Bring his [burps] Morty.

00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,228

- Oh, man.

- Leave my [burps] Morty out of this.

00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,772

You lost the right to have

a say in these things

00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,816

when you refused to j... [burps]

join the council.

00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,734

W-W-W-What about Jerry?

00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:53,154

Will you at least

unfreeze my daughter's idiot?

00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,572

Give you anything!

00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:56,365

I have a rare antique-

coin collection!

00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,242

Just don't hurt me!

00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,497

Okay, maybe not antique,

but it was a limited minting.

00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:04,661

They have little R2-D2s

instead of George Washington.

00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:05,917

Our son's been abducted!

00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,503

You hate me for buying

those coins!

00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,549

Geez, Rick, w-what is

this place?

00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,842

The citadel of Ricks.

00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:17,428

It's the secret headquarters

for the Council of Ricks.

00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,639

- Council of Ricks?

- As you know, Morty...

00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,390

I've got a lot of enemies

in the universe

00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,142

that consider my genius

a threat...

00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,269

galactic terrorists,

a few sub-galactic dictators,

00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:27,647

most of the entire

intergalactic government.

00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,732

W-W-Wherever you find people

with heads up their asses,

00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,609

someone wants a piece

of your grandpa,

00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,612

and a lot of versions of me

had the same problem,

00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:37,031

so a few thousand versions of me

had the ingenious idea

00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,659

of banding together

like a herd of cattle

00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,452

or a school of fish

00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,579

or those people who answer

questions on Yahoo! Answers.

00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,332

Hey! What do you know?

It's a cowboy version of me.

00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:47,792

Geez, you're easy to impress.

00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,156

Yeah, most timelines

have a Rick,

00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,711

and most Ricks have a Morty.

00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,796

This place is a real who's who

of who's you and me.

00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:56,843

Turn your boring, old Morty

into a f... hot fashion statement

00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,594

with some Morty dazzlers.

00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,555

Hey, check this out.

00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,682

- DOLL: Show me the Morty.

- Dumb.

00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,308

Excuse me, sir,

is your Morty insured?

00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,352

You know, every year, hundreds

of Mortys are injured...

00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,603

Back off!

00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:08,938

Not my cup of tea, this place.

00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,482

I say the point of being a Rick

is being a Rick.

00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,150

Save your anti-Rick speech

00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:14,861

for the Council of Ricks,

terror-Rick.

00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,571

Hey, save your Rick rules

00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,656

for the [burps] sheep-Ricks,

Rick-pig.

00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,616

- Fuck me, pal.

- Fuck you?

00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,536

No, no, no, no, no.

Fuck me.

00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,633

Bring up the holograms.

00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:41,679

27 Ricks brutally murdered in

their own timelines...

00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:45,057

an unprecedented Rick-icidal

epidemic.

00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,810

What say you,

Earth Rick C-137?

00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,520

You think I did this?

00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:52,523

Why am I the first Rick you pull in

every time a Rick stubs his toe?

00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,442

You [burps] have a history

of non-cooperation

00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:56,360

with the council.

00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,571

Yeah, so does the scientist

formerly known as Rick.

00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,698

W-W-W-W-W-Why isn't he here

in handcuffs?

00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,742

Because he's dead, too!

00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,410

[ crowd gasping, groaning ]

00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,038

Who else would we question?

You fit the profile.

00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:09,332

Of all the Ricks

in the central finite curve,

00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,834

you're the malcontent,

the rogue.

00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,253

I'm the Rick, and so

were the rest of you

00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:16,255

before you formed this

stupid alliance.

00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,980

You wanted to be safe

from the government,

00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:19,717

so you became

a stupid government.

00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,427

That makes every Rick here

less Rick than me.

00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,220

[ crowd grumbling ]

00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,972

Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags.

00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:27,141

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got pancakes back home

00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,267

with syrup on top of them.

00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,478

They're about to hit that

critical point of syrup absorption

00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,146

that turns the cakes

into a gross paste,

00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,106

and I hate to get all

Andy Rooney about it,

00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:37,109

but I think we all like fluffy

discs of cake with syrup on top,

00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,862

and I think we also like to be

accused of crimes

00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,447

when there's evidence!

00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,950

So, as they say in Canada,

peace oot!

00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:47,620

Evidence! Good idea.

Scan his portal gun!

00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:48,913

Oh, come on.

00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,749

Don't look at another man's

portal-gun history.

00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,793

We... we all

go to weird places.

00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,878

Yes, but it appears you alone

00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,589

have been going to the exact

timelines and locations

00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,675

in which the murders occurred.

00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,760

What?!

That's Rick-diculous!

00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,428

I'm obviously being set up.

00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:08,099

Earth Rick C-137, the council

of Ricks sentences you

00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:10,893

to the machine

of unspeakable doom,

00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,604

which swaps your conscious

and unconscious minds,

00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:15,481

rendering

your fantasies pointless

00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,651

while everything you've known

becomes impossible to grasp.

00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,278

Also, every 10 seconds,

it stabs your balls.

00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,656

I've heard enough.

00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,449

[ burps ]

00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,326

Run, Morty!

- [ panting ]

00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:28,619

Unh-unh. Not you.

00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:30,705

[ panting ]

00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,498

Aaaah!

00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:40,506

[ screams ]

00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,765

[ loud farting ]

00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,892

[ steady farting in distance ]

00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,855

MORTY:

Oh! Oh!

00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,691

[ dialing ]

00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:00,443

Yeah, I'd like to order one

large person

00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,695

with extra people, please.

- White people.

00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,238

No, no, no, no.

Black people.

00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,948

And Hispanic on half.

00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,950

[ panting ]

00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,668

[ dialing ]

00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,628

Yes, I'd like to order one

large sofa chair

00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,630

with extra chair, please.

- High chair.

00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,923

No, no, no, no. Recliner.

00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,967

And wheelchair on half.

00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,887

[ panting ]

00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:30,431

[ all speaking gibberish ]

00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,689

They could have gone

into any one of these.

00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,775

- [ groans ]

- Son of a...

00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,860

- Oh, geez.

- We lost 'em.

00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,361

Yeah, I'd like to order one

large phone

00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,030

with extra phones, please.

- Cellphone.

00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,490

No, no, no, no. Rotary.

00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,700

And pay phone on half.

00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:52,703

That'll keep 'em

[burps] busy for a while.

00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,624

Those guys were wrong, right?

00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:59,251

Y-Y-Y-You d... you wouldn't kill

yourself... y-y-yourselves.

00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,754

Of course not, Morty.

How could that profit me?

00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,422

But someone out there is

killing Ricks,

00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:05,132

and the council ain't

gonna stop thinking it's me

00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,635

until we clear our names...

by finding the real Rick-killer.

00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,386

I'm scared, Rick.

00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,097

Maybe we should go home

and stockpile weapons,

00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,848

like that show

"Doomsday Preppers."

00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,475

Not really my style, Morty.

00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,726

Besides, your home is

most likely

00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,728

swarming with Ricks by now.

00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:21,148

All right, listen, Jerry.

00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:23,901

If Rick calls, this device is

gonna trace his location.

00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,862

You just gotta keep him on the phone

for 30 seconds or longer.

00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,198

- Who wants lemonade?

- Oh, yeah.

00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,951

Mmm!

Oh! Delicious!

00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,036

Beth [burps] you're a treasure.

00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,163

I have a Beth just like you

in my [burps] reality,

00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:37,957

except you know what?

00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,751

She's not as brilliant or

[burps] attractive.

00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,170

Aw.

[burps] Thank you.

00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:45,089

[ laughter ]

Oh! She did! She did it!

00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:48,008

[ telephone rings ]

00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,637

- H-hello?

- Hey, Jerry, it's Rick.

00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,722

Rick! Hey.

[ laughs nervously ]

00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,182

What's... what's up?

00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:58,269

So, listen, the heat's on,

and there's nowhere left to turn,

00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,354

so Morty and I are just gonna

fly my spaceship into a black hole.

00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,398

- What?!

- Is that cool with you, dawg?

00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,441

Rick, no! Morty!!

- We got it.

00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,235

The call's coming from...

00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,154

♪ Inside the house ♪

00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,197

- Look at his face!

- You dummy!

00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,241

Can't believe our daughter

married you.

00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,118

- Too easy!

- [ laughter ]

00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,661

The Ricks are probably

gonna waste some time

00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:16,829

messing with Jerry.

00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,414

They won't be able to help

themselves.

00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,541

But as soon as they get bored,

they'll be onto us.

00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,665

Phones à la clams and

phonesghetti with phone balls.

00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,669

Anything else?

00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,129

Yeah, more phone sticks, please.

00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,046

Right away, sir.

00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,673

You know, Rick, when I first saw

00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:28,966

all those Ricks and Mortys,

00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,093

I thought, "gee, that

kind of devalues our bond."

00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,469

but then I realized it just means

00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,430

that our relationship must

be pretty special

00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,599

to span over all those

different timelines.

00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,976

Yeah, it's got to be that way.

You're a camouflage.

00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:42,188

Camouflage? W-W-W-What are

you talking about, Rick?

00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,939

Ricks have a very distinctive

and traceable brain wave

00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,733

due to our genius.

00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,457

The best way to hide

from an enemy's radar

00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,278

is to stand near someone

with complementary brain waves

00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,113

that make ours invisible.

00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,032

See, w-w-w-when a Rick i-is

with a Morty,

00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:56,243

the genius waves get

canceled out by the, uh...

00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:58,495

[ clears throat ] Morty waves.

00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:02,166

Um... because o-our

personalities are so different?

00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,126

[ portal gun beeping ]

Oh, shit, dawg.

00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,128

My portal gun was hacked

remotely, Morty...

00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,130

obviously by the real killer,

to frame me.

00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,174

But I was able to trace the signal.

Come on. Let's go.

00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,926

[ door bursts open ]

Uh-oh.

00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,011

Excuse me. We've tracked

a pair of dangerous criminals

00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,721

to this exact location.

00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,806

They look exactly like us,

so in order to avoid confusion,

00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,850

I'm gonna mark us each

with a red "X" right now.

00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,727

That way, if someone has a gun

00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,646

and we both tell you to shoot

the other one

00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,190

because they're the evil one,

you'll know who's lying.

00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,108

Hey, check it out.

00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,694

Damn it!

00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,530

Hey, you didn't pay your bill!

00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,991

T-The red "X"! Red "X"!

00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,993

RICK: Hey, it's a good thing

that space outlet had lab coats

00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,912

and your favorite kind of shirt

in stock, huh, Morty?

00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,789

Yeah, Rick, l-I heard

you the first time.

00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,624

You don't have to keep saying it

over and over.

00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,292

Man, this place is way

off the grid.

00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,086

This guy does not want

to be found.

00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:50,214

Well, if he's a Rick, doesn't he just

have to stand by a Morty to hide?

00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,050

I mean, isn't that what Mortys are...

human cloaking devices?

00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,970

Morty, you're making a bigger

deal out of this than it is.

00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,054

[ groaning in distance ]

00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,847

Oh, my god, Rick, look!

00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,684

There's a bunch of people

strapped all over that building!

00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,728

Not people, Morty...

Mortys.

00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:10,025

[ all groaning, screaming ]

00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,194

Oh, god!

00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,071

W-Why would somebody do this?

It's horrible!

00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,323

Well, one Morty's enough to hide

from the bureaucrats,

00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,325

but you get... you get

a whole matrix of Mortys

00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,077

and put them in agonizing pain,

00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:23,247

that creates a pattern that can hide

even from other Ricks, motherfucker.

00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:26,333

I fiddled with a concept

like this once.

00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,961

On paper, Morty.

On paper.

00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,796

I wouldn't do this.

It's barbaric overkill.

00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,840

I mean, you could accomplish

the same result with, like,

00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,342

five Mortys and a jumper cable.

00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,095

Which I also wouldn't do!

00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,931

I'm just saying, it's bad

craftsmanship.

00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:43,350

BETH: Coffee time!

RICKS: Yo, yo, yo, yo!

00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:46,228

That's what I like to hear!

00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,022

- [ groans ]

- Hi, Jerry.

00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,940

Leave me alone.

I'm working.

00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,900

Oh, you are?

W-W-W-What do you do?

00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:55,029

[ scoffs ] I-I'm... I'm in between

advertising jobs.

00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,989

Advertising? Wow!

00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,199

So, people need help figuring

out what to buy,

00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,659

and then y-y-you help 'em?

00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:03,245

[ laughing ] Well, it's a little more

complicated than that.

00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,539

Well, I mean, you do it,

and you seem like a guy

00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:07,333

who really has it all together.

00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,504

Dude, are you... w...

you're being a dick, right?

00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:13,964

Oh, gosh, l-I hope not.

00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,508

I-I-I-l-I-l wouldn't want to

offend you in any way.

00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,469

You're really a Rick?

00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,554

[ laughs ]

Y... of course I am...

00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,514

just as much

as my Morty's a Morty.

00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,391

Hey, he looks a lot

like Eric Stoltz

00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,393

from the movie "Mask."

00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,187

You know, the one

with Cher in it?

00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:29,271

That's right, Jerry!

00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,273

He... he's from a reality

where everyone is

00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,983

Eric Stoltz "Mask" people.

00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,360

He's Eric Stoltz Mask Morty.

00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,819

They assigned him to me

00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,738

because I never had

any kids of my own.

00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,198

But if I did, boy, I'd love them

00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,991

if they were as smart

and as successful

00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,159

as you are, Jerry.

00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,744

Hey, get a load of this.

00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,746

Jerry's hanging out

with doofus Rick.

00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,164

[ laughs ] This is perfect.

00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,749

I'm not doofus Rick!

00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,042

I'm Rick J19-Zeta-7!

00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,461

Oh, is that the timeline

where everybody eats poop?

00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,505

Jerry, you know this guy

eats poop, right?

00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,215

Hey, I don't eat poop!

00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,300

Y-You guys are always

so mean to me.

00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,886

- [ both laugh ]

- [ sobbing ]

00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,222

I guess it's only fair

to tell you now, Jerry.

00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:05,140

I'm the worst Rick of them all.

00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,184

According to who...

other versions of you?

00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,560

If I've learned one thing,

00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,354

it's that before you get

anywhere in life,

00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,398

you got to stop listening

to yourself.

00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,233

Wow.

You really are wise, Jerry.

00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:17,194

I-I-I guess that's why you work

in advertising.

00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,196

The fact that you feel that way

00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,198

makes you the best Rick

of them all.

00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,200

You don't care about me at all!

00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,164

I'm no different than that

jacket you've got on!

00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,204

Y-Y-Y... o-or your stupid

portal gun!

00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,665

I'm just a tool!

I-I-I'm just an object!

00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,542

Hey, it's your choice

to take it personally, Morty.

00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,293

Now, for the love of god,

be quiet.

00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,258

The point of this is to get

the drop on the guy.

00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,922

You know what, Rick?

I'll tell you something!

00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,591

I'm more than a human shield!

- Yeah, that's right. You are.

00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,344

You're a perfect, impenetrable

suit of human armor, Morty,

00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,304

because you're as dumb

as I am smart,

00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,056

which is why when I say

[burps] "shut up,"

00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,100

it's really good advice.

00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,018

[ whirring ]

00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,770

Great. Nice work, Morty.

00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,321

[ groans ]

00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:04,241

[ hands clap slowly ]

00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,660

Ooh. Look at you, C-137.

00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,704

You... aren't you

a tough customer?

00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,540

The slow clap? Really?

Kind of played out, dude.

00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,375

Not in this dimension, it isn't.

00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,085

In fact [chuckles]

I invented it.

00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,254

Nobody else has ever even

done it here before.

00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,338

Well, la-Di-DA.

00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,715

Hey, that's mine!

00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,276

I don't like the look

of that Rick, Morty.

00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,598

- We gotta escape.

- I'm not gonna help you, Rick.

00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,224

Y-You're a monster.

00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,101

Don't be rick-diculous,

Morty.

00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,895

Will you stop saying that?

It's stupid.

00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,396

Take his Morty away.

00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,607

- Come with me.

- Yeah, gladly.

00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,984

Geez, man. Ricks, huh?

00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,986

Hey, man, you seem to know

how this place works.

00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,197

Is there any way we could

shut down that grid

00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,865

and rescue all those

Mortys outside?

00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,074

It would be pointless.

00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,244

Mortys have no chance

of defeating a Rick.

00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,329

In here.

00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,915

[ Mortys sobbing ]

00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:58,962

[ farts ]

00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,632

- Ah. Isn't it beautiful?

- Yeah, yeah.

00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,092

Looks like payday at

Neverland Ranch in here.

00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,594

Zing!

- [ chuckles ]

00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,929

That guy got it.

00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,388

Unh-unh-unh, Rick. Quiet.

00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,307

You're missing my symphony.

00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:13,435

[ Mortys groaning, screaming]

00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,271

Hey, I'll take it over

Mumford & Sons. Zip!

00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,148

- [ laughs ]

- This guy is on it!

00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,234

He's not laughing at your

dumb jokes, Rick.

00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,736

That's just a random noise

it makes every 10 seconds.

00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,572

- [ laughs ]

- [ groans ]

00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,658

You see, Rick, you're not

as clever as you think you are.

00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,743

I wanted you to find me.

00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,620

We're not so [burps] different,

you and I.

00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,164

- Yeah, duh!

- See this right here, Rick?

00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,208

I crunched the numbers.

00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,377

I created a spectrum

of all the Ricks.

00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,213

I listed them out

from most evil to least evil.

00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:42,965

Here's where I am.

00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,050

And look it... right here's

where you are, Rick.

00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,553

This guy right here...

super-weird.

00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,304

I get it. So you want me

to team up with you to take down

00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,473

The Council of Ricks?

Is that where you're going with this?

00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,016

'Cause that's where I'd be going.

00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,310

Please. I think I'm doing

pretty good on my own.

00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,313

I'm simply gonna download

the contents of your brain

00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,567

and then kill you.

00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,819

Okay, if we add a little more

titanium nitrate

00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,072

and just a tad

of chlorified tartrate...

00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:08,323

[ mixture gurgles ]

00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,492

ovenless brownies!

00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,286

Mmm. Mmm!

00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,413

It's incredible what a gifted

mind can accomplish

00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,081

when priorities are in order.

00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,125

Well, come on.

I can't take all the credit, Jerry.

00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,211

It was your idea.

Come here, Jerry!

00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,297

[ both laugh ]

00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,217

Hey, uh, come here.

00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,678

I-I want to show you

something.

00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,763

Okay, look, everybody makes fun

of me for getting these,

00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,975

but you're a genius scientist.

What do you think?

00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:38,687

See? There's little R2-D2s where

the George Washingtons should be.

00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,564

You know, Jerry, I'm not

gonna tell you

00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,441

that these will

increase in value

00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,276

or even hold their current value.

00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,778

The truth is, you bought them

because you like them.

00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:50,073

They have value to you.

That's what matters.

00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,619

[ voice breaking ]

How long are you staying?

00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,746

Until we find your Rick.

00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,789

I found mine.

00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,791

I found mine.

00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:03,962

- Help!

- There is no escape, my son.

00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,506

We will find our peace in

the next world.

00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,259

So, what... y-y-y-y-you're

just gonna give up?

00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:12,679

We're giving in... to the

power of the one true Morty.

00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,389

One day, he will return.

00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:18,268

TOGETHER:

Praise the one true Morty.

00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:21,521

Ugh.

All right, Mortys, listen up.

00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:25,776

My name is Morty Smith,

from Earth dimension C-137.

00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,362

I know you're scared,

because I'm scared.

00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,614

But that's no reason to accept

our fate!

00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:31,531

We're Mortys!

00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,284

We're not defined by our

relationships to Rick!

00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,578

Our destiny is our own!

00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,747

This sounds like something

the one true Morty might say.

00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,749

I'm sick of being a human

shield.

00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,834

I-I-I w... I want to be

a gardener!

00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,338

I want to write really crazy,

intense action novels!

00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,465

I'm more than just a hammer!

00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,425

He is the one true Morty!

00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,761

Hooray!

The one true Morty!

00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,680

Hey, keep it down!

00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,265

[ Mortys shouting ]

00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,732

You've lived quite a life, Rick.

00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:09,236

It's a real shame you won't be

around to see it through.

00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,830

You're crying?

Over a Morty?

00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,998

No, I'm just allergic

to dipshits.

00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,333

Ugh. Pathetic.

00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:26,169

We both know that if there's

any truth in the universe,

00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:28,797

it's that Ricks

don't care about Mortys.

00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,842

[ Mortys shouting ]

00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:34,469

Do your worst,

you little bastards!

00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,180

Kill me! Do it!

Do i-i-i-i-it!

00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:40,350

Morty! Thank god!

Get me out of this.

00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:43,186

- Come on!

- You're lucky I'm not a Rick.

00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:46,064

Point taken, but this

is [burps] no time for arcs.

00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:47,858

[ energy powering down ]

00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,693

Oh!

00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,612

[ dialing ]

00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,156

[ ringing ]

00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,365

[ telephone rings ] Yeah, hello.

00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,743

Hey, what do me and O.J.

not have in common?

00:17:57,827 --> 00:17:59,494

Huh? W-Who is this?

00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:03,081

I found the real killer, bitch!

Get over here!

00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,170

Yo, ding-dong, we're done here.

Time to go.

00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,172

Well, Jerry [burps]

00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,340

I guess this means goodbye.

00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,176

W-W-Well, does it have to?

00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,136

I mean, you...

you look just like Rick.

00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,722

We could maybe, you know,

get rid of him.

00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,557

I'm not saying kill him,

necessarily.

00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:23,393

I... I'm also not saying

necessarily not kill him, but...

00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,146

Jerry, w-we both know

it wouldn't work.

00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:29,232

It's time to go back

to our lives.

00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,318

I love you, Jerry.

I love you.

00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,403

[ sighs ]

00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:42,120

[ whimpers ]

00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,085

TOGETHER:

Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,962

Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

Hut! Hut! Hut!

00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,343

W-What... w-what's gonna

happen to all these Mortys?

00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:58,428

They'll go back to their

families,

00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:02,599

attend school regularly,

play video games, date girls.

00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:05,936

Poor little Rickless bastards.

00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:08,063

COUNCILMAN RICK:

Earth Rick C-137,

00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,233

the council apologizes

for its false accusation,

00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,819

and in the way of reparations

[burps] for our terrible mistake,

00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:17,197

we would like to compensate you

with this voucher

00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,741

for a free replacement Morty

in the event

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,868

that y[burps]our current

[burps] Morty should...

00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,246

Uh, guys, not a good time.

00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,206

Come on, Morty. Let's hit it.

00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,293

MORTY:

ls it time for arcs yet, Rick?

00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,753

I did a pretty good job

back there

00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,922

for a human cloaking device.

00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,366

Saved your ass.

- All right, Morty.

00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,133

Don't break an arm jerking

yourself off.

00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,885

Man, I can't believe you, Rick.

00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,887

That right there, that w...

that was a great opportunity

00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:42,889

to show a little humanity,

you know?

00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,474

To connect with me a little.

00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:45,934

Hey, Morty, you want connection,

00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,478

go be part of some stupid club,

like all those dumb Ricks.

00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:50,981

You know, maybe I don't connect

because I'm the Rickest Rick.

00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:53,358

And, you know, it would g...

[burps]

00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,610

go without saying

that the Rickest Rick

00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,070

would have the Mortyest Morty.

00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:59,364

- It would go without saying, huh?

- Yeah, it would.

00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:02,200

Did you hear me say it?

- Nah.

00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,202

The Mortyest Morty.

00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:06,496

Just don't get too big

for your loafers, Buster Brown.

00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:08,748

A cocky Morty can lead to some

big problems.

00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,709

It can be a real bad thing

for everybody.

00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,377

Oh, yeah? How's that?

00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:15,380

U-Uh, I'll explain when

you're older.

00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,673

[ camera shutter clicks ]

00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:17,924

What a mess.

00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:19,885

Pride cometh before the fall.

00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,803

I guess he got what he deserved.

00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:22,679

What is that?

00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:23,847

[ electricity crackles ]

00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:25,515

Hand me the laser difibulator.

00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,225

Hey, guys, uh, c-can I help?

00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:28,602

No! Go clean the toilets.

00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:30,520

Maybe you'll make friends

with some turds.

00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:33,023

You make us ashamed to be

ourselves!

00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:37,152

My god. I've seen

this technology before.

00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,528

[ device beeping ]

00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,530

This Rick was being

controlled remotely...

00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,115

puppeteered by somebody else.

00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:45,911

This is the receiver.

- Yeah, but where's the transmitter?

00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:48,246

[ beeping continues ]

00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,253

Wubba dubba dub dub!

Oh. Hey, Jerry.

00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:39,589

W-W-W-What are you doing

in my room, buddy?

00:21:39,674 --> 00:21:41,758

Nothing.

I was just, um...

00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,760

[sniffles] checking

the smoke detectors.

00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:46,763

All right.

Okay, get out.

00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,036

What's that dipshit doing

out there?

00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,246

Are you friends with him?

00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,123

You know he eats his own shit,

right?

00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:15,041

[ laughing ]

Oh, my god, this is rich!

00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:18,044

I've got like [burps] 10 Ricks

to call right now.

00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,006

Did you get any of that?

00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,049

It's a good-a show!