Надвигается нечто риканутое

00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,257

I have to make a project for

the science fair this weekend.

00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,926

You think you could help me out?

00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,730

- Whatever.

- Well, I mean, traditionally...

00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:14,180

science fairs are

a father-son thing.

00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,058

Well, scientifically,

traditions are an idiot thing.

00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,643

Morty, I think it would

be fun for you

00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:21,479

to work on a science project

with your Dad.

00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,441

Uh...

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,194

Yeah, Dad.

Why don't we do it together?

00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:31,072

Yes! You backed the right horse

on this one, son.

00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:33,282

We'll get out the crayons,

brew some coffee,

00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,702

and knock this thing out

in two or three days.

00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,621

What is my purpose?

00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,873

Pass the butter.

00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,960

Thank you.

00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,339

Dad, I need a ride to work.

00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:50,216

Maybe Rick can give you a ride.

00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,093

I'm helping Morty with science.

00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:54,095

- I'm busy.

- Doing what?

00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,639

Uh, anything else.

00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,641

What is my purpose?

00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,768

You pass butter.

00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,478

Oh, my god.

00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,522

Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.

00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,391

Since when do you have a job?

00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:41,476

Since last week.

00:01:41,477 --> 00:01:43,227

It's part-time at this

little vintage thrift store.

00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:45,646

My boss is this really

smart, eccentric old man

00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:47,940

that treats me nice

and values me.

00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,817

Meow.

Can't wait to meet...

00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:51,694

this

fascinating character.

00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,322

Please don't.

00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:57,200

Oh. Well, when did this

stop being Jamba Juice?

00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,452

I've just recently opened

for business,

00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,621

Mister, um, Goldenfold.

00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:02,997

You know my name?

00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,791

That's disarming.

00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:07,627

I also know you long

for female company.

00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:10,755

You know, it has been

lonely since the divorce.

00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:13,674

Some voids can't be filled

with Jamba Juice.

00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:17,261

This aftershave makes a

man quite irresistible to women.

00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:18,721

Free of charge.

00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,432

One never pays here...

not with money.

00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:23,434

Nothing to read into

there. Thanks!

00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:25,478

Sorry I'm late,

Mr. Needful.

00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:28,731

This is my grandpa, Rick.

He was just leaving.

00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:29,857

Huh.

00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:31,734

Tell me, Rick,

what do you desire?

00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,736

Eh, I make my own stuff.

00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,613

So, what are you...

like, the devil?

00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,281

- What? Sorry?

- I don't know.

00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:40,493

Store comes out of nowhere,

all the shit's old and creepy.

00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,453

Are you the devil?

A demon? Leprechaun?

00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,330

- Grandpa Rick!

- Hey, I'm not judging.

00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,332

Just like shoot straight.

I'm a man of science.

00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:49,168

Ah, then perhaps you could

make use of this.

00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:53,172

This microscope reveals things

beyond comprehension.

00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,474

Grandpa, go home and drink.

00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,311

Why don't we do a model

of the solar system?

00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,396

That's what my Dad did with me

when I was your age.

00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,898

Oh, okay.

00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,568

You know, Rick's in his lab,

making cyborgs

00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,903

and wormholes

and all that weird stuff,

00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,738

but this is real science.

00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,907

A man and his boy,

making planets.

00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,493

Hey, how about we use

a ping-pong ball for Pluto?

00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:23,953

And then Jupiter...

00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,539

Uh, actually, I don't

think Pluto's a planet.

00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,917

Of course Pluto's a planet, son.

00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,794

I learned that

in the third grade.

00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,546

Well, yeah, but you

know they changed it.

00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,506

Morty, nobody changed

the planets.

00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,925

I just googled it.

Pluto's not a planet.

00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,927

They changed it in 2006.

00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:42,638

Yeah, I heard about that, Morty.

00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,516

And I disagree.

- You disagree?

00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:48,019

That's right. It's possible

to disagree in science, Morty.

00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:49,687

Pluto was a planet.

00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,411

Some committee of

fancy assholes disagree.

00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,357

I disagree back.

Give me a ping-pong ball.

00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,818

Um, okay.

I-I just have to...

00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,663

Go find Rick and go

over my head about Pluto?

00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,863

No. Geez!

00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,282

I just gotta go

to the bathroom. Damn.

00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,160

Oh.

Okay, good.

00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,828

This is gonna be fun.

00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,714

- Hey, Morty, let me...

- let me...

00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,583

let me ask you a question

real quick.

00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,418

Does evil exist, and if so,

00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,170

can one detect and measure it?

00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,005

- Um...

- Rhetorical question, Morty.

00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,382

The answer's "yes, you just

have to be a genius."

00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,301

Cute. Your sister's boss

gave me a microscope

00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:21,886

that would have

made me retarded.

00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,679

Ooh.

Oh, boy, Rick.

00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,681

I'm don't think you're allowed

to say that word, you know?

00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,059

Morty, I'm not disparaging

the differently abled.

00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,478

I'm stating the fact that

if I had used this microscope,

00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,122

it would have made me

mentally retarded.

00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,565

Okay, yeah, but I don't think

it's about logic, Rick.

00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,484

I think the word has just

become a symbolic issue for

00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,986

powerful groups that are

doing the right thing.

00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:40,696

Well, that's retarded.

00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,573

- What are you talking about?

- Apparently, nothing.

00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,617

You asked him if

Pluto's a planet, didn't you?

00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:45,701

- No!

- It's not.

00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,203

- Shut up, Rick.

- Whoa.

00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,871

I don't care what anyone says.

00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,707

If it can be a planet,

it can be a planet again.

00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,627

Planet.

Planet, planet, planet.

00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:57,129

Stay scientific, Jerry.

00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,758

This aftershave made women

want me,

00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,760

but it also made me impotent!

00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,471

A price for everything,

Mr. Goldenfold.

00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,807

A price for everything.

00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,519

Oh, my god!

00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,230

How could I not

see this coming?!

00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:17,984

My lust!

00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,194

My greed!

00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,780

I deserved this!

00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,783

This serum should

counteract the negative effects.

00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,494

Holy cats!

Ladies, let's get out of here.

00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,496

I haven't learned a thing!

00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,914

Here.

00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,666

You can have this back.

00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:34,917

You didn't use it?

00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,794

Sure I did...

to develop this.

00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,879

It detects and catalogs

all your "Twilight Zone,"

00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:41,382

Ray Bradbury,

"Friday the 13th" The Series

00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,050

voodoo crap magic.

00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,552

I thought you might

want it so you didn't

00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:47,054

accidentally

sell anybody, say...

00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:49,598

A typewriter that generates

best-selling murder mysteries

00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,518

and then makes the murders

happen in real life?

00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,477

Ooh.

- Be quiet.

00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:54,895

Don't you want to make sure

00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,480

people know what they're

getting?

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,607

You're not intentionally

selling...

00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,401

Beauty cream that makes

ugly ladies pretty

00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,653

but also makes them blind?

00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:04,655

I find this all quite

preposterous.

00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,657

Oh, I say, good sir.

Oh, harrumph.

00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:09,618

Oh, oh!

00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,120

That's beautiful.

00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,956

You know it's gonna be wearing

you in three hours?

00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,761

Do I need to call the police?

00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,126

Here, you can use my phone.

00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,669

Don't worry, it won't

make you deaf

00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,004

because I'm not a hack.

00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,422

Hey!

00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,467

You think you're fucking

so great!

00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,343

Stop it! No!

00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:28,220

Fuck yeah, man.

00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,972

Stop it right now!

00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,058

Grandpa Rick,

I like working here.

00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,226

- You work for the devil.

- So what?

00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:35,895

- "So what?"

- Yes!

00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,563

So what if he's the devil, Rick?

00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,231

At least the devil has a job.

00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,983

At least he's active

in the community.

00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,651

What do you do?

00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,737

You eat our food

and make gadgets.

00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,114

Buh-bye.

00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:48,616

WhOops.

00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,703

I'm sorry, Mr. Needful.

I'll clean that up.

00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,497

I don't know what I can do

about the ghost lady

00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,165

that came out of it, but...

- It's fine.

00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,125

Summer, you know,

your grandfather's right.

00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,920

This store curses people.

That's my business.

00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:03,339

Well, yeah.

Fast-food gives people diabetes,

00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,174

and clothing stores have

sweatshops.

00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,384

Is there a company hiring

teenagers that isn't evil?

00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,095

This is my first job.

00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,805

You've been nice to me,

Mr. Needful.

00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,598

You respect me.

00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,101

Please, call me "The Devil."

00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,936

I'd rather not, actually.

00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,771

Yes, perhaps not during

business hours.

00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,773

I told you, I want to

file a declaration

00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,942

that Pluto is a planet.

00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,277

Well, then my son's going to

fail his science class,

00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,488

and when that happens,

I'm suing you first.

00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,825

I think I know what the "A"

in N.A.S.A. stands for.

00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,702

- Dad, what's your endgame?

- Ain't no game, sucka.

00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,454

Why don't we just make the solar

system with eight planets?

00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:36,747

It's even easier.

00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:39,917

Sure, sure, and why don't we

just burn Galileo at the stake

00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,919

for saying the sun is round?

00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,130

Science isn't always easy,

Morty.

00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,341

Whoa! Whoa!

00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,968

What the hell?!

00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,400

I'm King Flippy Nips,

ruler of Pluto.

00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,735

We discovered you quite

by accident

00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,405

during routine surveillance

of your world.

00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:12,449

You really gave it to those

guys at N.A.S.A.

00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,951

I was... you know,

00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,287

sometimes science is

about conviction.

00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,789

It'd like to introduce you

to a few people

00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:20,791

that very much agree with you.

00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,626

Oh, I...

00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,920

Plutonians.

00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,964

Jerry Smith is a scientist

from Earth,

00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:30,467

where he's creating a model

of our solar system.

00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,804

Jerry, tell Pluto

about your decision.

00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,017

Um... Pluto's a planet.

00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:42,271

Pluto's a fucking planet, bitch!

00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,816

Oh, man. This is definitely

gonna go to his head.

00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:49,612

If it's athletic prowess

you desire, Principal Vagina,

00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,488

I might...

- I'll take it.

00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:52,573

B-But I haven't even...

00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:53,656

Thank you very, very much.

00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,826

Great store.

Great place. Bye.

00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,703

Huh. Okay.

00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:00,623

I must say, Summer, I thought

your grandfather's outburst

00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:01,999

would have disrupted business,

00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,710

but this is the best weekend

I've had since Salem.

00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,712

Nice. "Wholesome Delight"

for lunch?

00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,714

- Is that the vegan place?

- Yeah, I love their soup.

00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,591

I'm kind of soup-ed out.

00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,509

Mrs. Tate, is it?

00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,720

What do you desire?

00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,889

Whoa, whoa, slow down, honey.

00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,641

Oh, is there a limit?

Everything's free, right?

00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:22,269

Let's just say you

don't pay... with money.

00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,271

That was perfect.

00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,273

You pay with the curses, right?

00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,858

Um... I... well...

00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:31,111

But, Mrs. Tate, why do you

want cursed items?

00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,821

Well, I'm going to get

the curses removed

00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,156

at "Curse Purge Plus."

00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,158

You know, the guy on TV?

00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,202

What?

00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,663

Have you acquired

creepy specific old stuff

00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,164

from a mysterious antique

or thrift store

00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,583

that gives you powers

but fucks with you

00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:45,751

in unforeseeable ways?

00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,461

Bring it

to "Curse Purge Plus."

00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,547

I use science to

UN-curse the items for cash,

00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,132

and you get to keep the powers.

00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:53,497

This guy got mysterious sneakers

00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,678

to make him run faster,

but guess what?

00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,554

He would have had to run

until he died,

00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:58,764

making them worthless.

00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,432

I removed the curse,

making them worth,

00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,726

like, I don't know, $8 million.

00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:03,978

See you at the Olympics.

00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,479

This eerily intelligent doll

00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,189

was threatening to murder

its family.

00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,607

Now it does their taxes.

00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,234

Everything's deductible.

00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,944

Don't pay for cool stuff

with your soul.

00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,487

Pay for it with money.

00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,823

You know, like how every other

store in the world works?

00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,075

We're located at First and Main

in Old Town.

00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,493

Come on... come on down.

00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:20,786

"First and..."

00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,790

That's right across the street

from "Needful Things,"

00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:27,209

where you can get evil items

for free!

00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:30,671

Diabolic son of a motherf...

00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,673

We're back on

"Good Morning, Pluto."

00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,675

And a very good morning it is

00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,428

for our guest,

Earth scientist Jerry Smith,

00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,638

who's making headlines

with his bold announcement

00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,807

that is what, Jerry?

00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,475

Pluto is a planet.

00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,269

Well, how about that.

00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,271

I love it.

00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,690

Morty Smith.

I'm Scroopy Noopers.

00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,817

I'm a scientist.

Can I show you something?

00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,694

Uh, I better not.

00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,155

Right now.

00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,866

The center of Pluto,

Mr. Smith,

00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,118

is made of a substance called

"plutonium."

00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:04,830

mines like these suck plutonium

up to the cities,

00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,124

where corporations use it

to power everything,

00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:10,836

from diamond cars

to golden showers.

00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,839

And the more we remove,

the more Pluto shrinks.

00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,841

There it goes again.

00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,468

Just shrank a little.

00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:18,719

But a few years ago,

00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,638

your scientists noticed Pluto

had gotten so small

00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,932

they couldn't even call it

a "planet" anymore.

00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,809

Should've been

our wake-up call.

00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,603

But the rich plutonians

won't wake up,

00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,481

and they love your Dad telling

everyone Pluto's a planet

00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,524

because that means

they can keep mining

00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:35,861

until Pluto goes

from planet to asteroid

00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:39,156

to meteor, and finally...

00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,742

poof.

- Um, a party?

00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,226

Is everyone in your family

an idiot?

00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:44,953

Well, for sure

me and my Dad are.

00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,789

Well, all you have to do

00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,415

is get him to admit that,

00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,001

and you could save

four billion lives.

00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:56,048

Yeah, you know, the thing is

my Dad's really insecure.

00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,301

Hmm. Funny.

00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,637

Mr. Needful, out of everything

in the store,

00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,348

you'll never guess

what we couldn't get rid of.

00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,976

Oh, my god.

00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,647

Oh, my god.

00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:16,318

I wish this desk was lighter.

00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,405

I wish this knot was looser.

00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,198

Come on.

00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,867

I don't...

00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,037

Wait, what am I doing?

00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,248

I wish I knew CPR.

00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,541

1, 2, 3.

00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,251

Oh, Jesus.

00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,503

What a waste of a monkey paw.

00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,505

Mr. Needful, how

could you even think of doing

00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,132

something so horrible?

00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,800

I'm the devil.

What should I do

00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:42,052

when I fail...

get myself an ice cream?

00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,387

You haven't failed.

00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,305

People like Rick

are making me obsolete.

00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,307

I mean, seriously.

I may be "the devil,"

00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:50,018

but your grandpa is the devil.

00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,478

I just want to go back to hell,

00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,203

where everyone thinks

I'm smart and funny.

00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,898

No!

It's not fair.

00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,192

Everyone in this town

got something they wanted

00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,360

from you... even Rick.

00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:01,530

I was your only friend,

and I get nothing?

00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,491

Okay. I'll give you one thing.

Name it.

00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,827

I want to help you.

00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:07,911

Clever twist.

00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,080

I learned from

the best, you old fart.

00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:12,207

Now, let's go get you hydrated.

00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,917

Looks like we've got...

00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,919

haunted boxing gloves

that will make you

00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,880

the heavyweight champion

in 1936,

00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,840

and then you'll be

trapped there,

00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,341

winning the same fight

for eternity.

00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,302

I can take out the "eternity"

and the padding,

00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:26,013

and then you'll have some

time-traveling mittens.

00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:28,015

Oh, look, it's Rosemary's Baby.

00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,725

How's business?

00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,602

Here's the last

of our inventory.

00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:34,563

We're going to file chapter 1 1

and do some restructuring.

00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,482

Sounds like code for

"You win, Rick."

00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,442

That was important

to you, wasn't it?

00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,110

Nope. Lt was important

to your dumb devil friend.

00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:41,820

To me, this was all just a bit,

00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:43,447

like when Bugs Bunny fucks

with the opera singer

00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:44,656

for 20 minutes.

00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,283

He tried to kill himself.

00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,535

Seriously? Holy crap.

00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,245

Holy crap.

00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,039

But you know what, Grandpa Rick?

00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,999

He's strong, and he's never

going to give up.

00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,543

- Uh-huh, yeah, I don't care.

- Oh, I know.

00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,420

- Everyone knows you don't care.

- So?

00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,422

So have fun not caring.

00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,174

- I always do.

- Good.

00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,051

- Yeah, it is good.

- It's the best.

00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,136

I'm sure it is.

00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:07,721

- Bye.

- Later.

00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:10,140

I'm here to pick up

my undead cat and child.

00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,392

Yeah, uh...

give me a sec.

00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,770

These are the forms

for the employee health plan.

00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:18,315

All right, yeah, put...

put them on my... eh.

00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,984

I just got bored.

00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,654

Everybody out.

00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,614

All right, just one more rally,

00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,574

then I promise we'll get back

to your science project.

00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,243

Dad, Pluto isn't a planet.

00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,911

It's shrinking because

of corporations.

00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,913

Yeah, that's what that

anti-planet nut job

00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,873

Scroopy Noopers was

screaming about

00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,000

outside the Ministry of Money's

Fundraiser.

00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:39,836

Are you telling me four billion

Plutonians are wrong?

00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,547

You said science wasn't easy.

00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,257

I said science

isn't a/ways easy.

00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:45,842

Obviously, that means

sometimes it is easy.

00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:48,053

Let's not debase ourselves

with word games, son.

00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,555

Dad, their whole

planet is dying.

00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:52,933

Ha! You called it a planet.

Checkmate.

00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,851

What's up, Pluto?

00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,108

Mr. Smith, please tell

my friend here

00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,068

what you just told me.

Go on.

00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,529

My very eager mother

just served us nine pickles,

00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,489

and the "pickles" is Pluto.

00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,200

My god, the man's a genius.

00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:12,119

Um, excuse me.

00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,204

Morty, what?

00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:16,129

Dad, what did you

think about the recent report

00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,292

published by

The Pluto Science Reader

00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:22,838

linking Pluto-quakes, sinkholes,

and surface shrinkage

00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,383

to deep-core plutonium

drilling?

00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:29,636

Well, son, what did you think

00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,638

when you were five

and you pooped your pants,

00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,890

and you threw your poopy undies

out your bedroom window

00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,642

because you thought it was like

00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,394

throwing something

in the garbage?

00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,135

I mean, I'm trimming the hedges,

00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,815

and these things are just

hanging there.

00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,819

Was I supposed to think

the poop bunny left them?

00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,862

Good one, Dad.

00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,698

Hey, Morty, you want to

go on a... oh.

00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,658

Hey, Beth.

Hello?

00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:54,119

Hey, Jerry, you in here

being stupid?

00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,335

Thanks.

00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,253

Hey, you know, I was thinking,

you know,

00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,546

I might watch a movie.

00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,173

I am not programmed for

friendship.

00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,258

Suit yourself.

00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,429

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,805

W-W-What's going on?

00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:17,142

Um, can you help me do

the stupid science fair project?

00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,102

Whatever.

00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,397

Jerry, you must be so excited.

00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,275

The Pluto-bel prize is

the highest honor

00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,486

a scientist can receive.

00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,488

I'm flattered and humbled.

00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:32,282

Oh, I like that.

Use that in your speech.

00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,576

Also, talk about Pluto

being a planet.

00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,286

People like that.

00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:37,954

Your highness, we've captured

Scroopy Noopers.

00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,581

You animals! Animals!

00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:44,294

Ooh, look who's little

journey's come to an end.

00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:46,421

Take him to Pluto-namo Bay.

00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,049

You can't kill the truth,

father.

00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,343

- What?

- I can see you're confused.

00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,220

Pluto-namo Bay is

a military prison...

00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,097

a sort of play on words.

00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,723

Did he call you "father"?

00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:59,267

Scroopy Noopers,

the anti-planet nutjob,

00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,936

is your son?

00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,271

The young eat the old

if you let them, Jerry.

00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,483

Pluto is a cold, cold

celestial dwarf.

00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,735

- It's a what?

- Huh? Oh, planet.

00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,114

"Pluto is a cold,

cold planet."

00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,116

That's what I meant.

00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,202

Knock them dead out there, you.

00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:22,457

Pluto is...

00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,678

not a planet.

00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:37,472

Ow! It's not a planet.

00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,851

Hey!

It's not a planet!

00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:44,020

I'm an idiot, and I love my son.

00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:46,022

It was a long six hours,

00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:48,108

but we've overhauled

"Needful Things"

00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,776

into the globally-compliant

web 4.0

00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:53,780

"E-nomenon," n33dful.Com,

00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:56,575

spelled with threes

instead of "E's."

00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:02,539

Okay, that's it.

We just got bought by Google!

00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:05,375

Mm.

I'm so proud of you, Lucius.

00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,878

So, how much did we make?

00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,921

"We."

00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,257

This is my business.

Security!

00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,217

You're Zuckerberg-ING me?

00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,844

I was Zuckerberg-ING people

00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,554

before Zuckerberg's balls

dropped.

00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,390

I'm the devil, bitch!

What, what?!

00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:26,605

Hey!

00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,151

- Hey, Morty.

- Oh, oh, hey, Dad.

00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:34,112

Um, what... what are you doing

back from Pluto so quick?

00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:37,115

Uh... some people just

can't handle the truth.

00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,117

Especially dummies like me.

00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,661

Morty, I'm not as smart

as your grandpa Rick,

00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:44,998

but I promise never to make

that your problem again.

00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,583

Hey, Dad.

00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,753

Nobody's smarter than Rick,

but nobody else is my Dad.

00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,546

You're a genius at that.

00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,548

Wow.

00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:57,135

That's... humbling

and flattering, son.

00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,137

Thank you.

00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:01,503

What say we finish ourselves

an eight-planet solar system?

00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,850

Um... I'm just gonna

take this thing in

00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,852

and get an "A."

- Butter.

00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,562

- But...

- You're a genius...

00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,730

at being my Dad, Dad.

00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,065

Quit while you're ahead.

00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,733

And also, knock next time,

you know?

00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,298

I mean, I'm sitting in here,

I'm 14...

00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,861

I got a computer in here,

you know?

00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,696

Oh, I... I think

I understand.

00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,323

You're really playing with fire

00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,741

when you burst in here

like that, man.

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,284

I get it. Say no more.

00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,786

I mean, one of these days,

00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,579

you know, you're gonna end

up seeing something.

00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,915

I got it!

Noted. Good night.

00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:33,338

How's your pretend

grandpa doing, aka "The Devil"?

00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,174

- He dumped me.

- Oof. Sorry.

00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,385

Did we learn a lesson here

I'm not seeing?

00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:39,761

Not sure.

00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,638

Maybe in a much bigger way,

00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,307

Mr. Needful gave us

both what we really wanted?

00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:47,769

Because I was always jealous of

you hanging out with Morty,

00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,897

and you didn't realize how much

you valued my approval?

00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:53,525

- No, that's dumb.

- Yeah, not satisfying.

00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,443

I'll tell you what, though.

00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,237

If... if... if it's satisfaction

you're after,

00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:58,947

I think I might have an idea.

00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,241

- Uh-huh.

00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,826

Uh-huh.

00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,244

Uh-huh, totally.

Let's do it.

00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,996

♪ X gonna give it to ya ♪

♪ What? ♪

00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,747

♪ Wait for you

to get it on your own,

00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,499

X gonna deliver to ya ♪

00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:11,501

♪ Knock knock, open

up the door, it's real ♪

00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:13,795

♪ With the non-stop pop pop

and stainless steel ♪

00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,922

♪ Go hard, getting

busy with it ♪

00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,340

♪ but I got such a good heart

00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,801

that I'll make the mother

wonder if he did it ♪

00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,428

♪ Damn right,

and I'll do it again,

00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:24,139

'cause I am nice

so I gots to win ♪

00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,807

♪ Break bread with the enemy ♪

00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,475

♪ But no matter how many cats

I break bread with,

00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,935

I'll break who

you... ♪

00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,854

And that's how I took

my storefront

00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:33,398

into the forefront

of the up front.

00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,066

Thank you, Seattle.

00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,613

Rick? Summer?

00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:42,782

Stupid motherfucker!

00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,034

You stupid bitch.

00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,827

Stupid motherfucker!

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,038

How do you like that?

How do you like that?

00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,292

W-W-Why?

00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,920

Because sometimes

what you really need is

00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:57,589

for someone else to pay

a horrible price.

00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,761

- We did it.

- Yeah, bro.

00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:05,430

We totally worked it.

We did it!

00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,724

We just pulled it off.

00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:11,061

Yeah, bro.

Yeah.

00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:46,721

♪ Bitch, please, if the only

thing you cats did

00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,014

was came out to play ♪

00:21:48,099 --> 00:21:49,766

♪ Stay out my way, mother ♪

00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,768

♪ First we gonna rock,

then we gonna roll ♪

00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:54,562

♪ Then we let it pop,

don't let it go ♪

00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:59,275

♪ X gonna give it to ya,

he gonna give it to ya ♪

00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,112

♪ First we gonna rock,

then we gonna roll ♪

00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:04,489

♪ Then we let it pop,

don't let it go ♪

00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:09,202

♪ X gonna give it to ya,

he gonna give it to ya ♪

00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:11,037

♪ Ain't never gave

nothing to me ♪

00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:13,999

Did you get any of that?

00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,042

It's a good-a show!

00:00:04,213 --> 00:00:06,255

- [ sighs ]

- Hey, Rick.

00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,257

I have to make a project for

the science fair this weekend.

00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,926

You think you could help me out?

00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,730

- Whatever.

- Well, I mean, traditionally...

00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:14,180

science fairs are

a father-son thing.

00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,058

Well, scientifically,

traditions are an idiot thing.

00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,643

Morty, I think it would

be fun for you

00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:21,479

to work on a science project

with your Dad.

00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:23,439

[ cellphone beeps ]

00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,441

Uh...

[ clears throat ]

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,194

Yeah, Dad.

Why don't we do it together?

00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:31,072

Yes! You backed the right horse

on this one, son.

00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:33,282

We'll get out the crayons,

brew some coffee,

00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,702

and knock this thing out

in two or three days.

00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,078

[ robot whirs ]

00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,621

[ monotone ] What is my purpose?

00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,873

Pass the butter.

00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,960

Thank you.

00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,628

[ popping ]

00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:46,796

[ sighs ]

00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,339

Dad, I need a ride to work.

00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:50,216

Maybe Rick can give you a ride.

00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,093

I'm helping Morty with science.

00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:54,095

- I'm busy.

- Doing what?

00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,639

Uh, anything else.

00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,641

What is my purpose?

00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,768

You pass butter.

00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,478

Oh, my god.

00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,522

Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.

00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,391

Since when do you have a job?

00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:41,476

Since last week.

00:01:41,477 --> 00:01:43,227

It's part-time at this

little vintage thrift store.

00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:45,646

My boss is this really

smart, eccentric old man

00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:47,940

that treats me nice

and values me.

00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,817

Meow.

Can't wait to meet...

00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:51,694

this [burps]

fascinating character.

00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,322

Please don't.

00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:57,200

Oh. Well, when did this

stop being Jamba Juice?

00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,452

I've just recently opened

for business,

00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,621

Mister, um, Goldenfold.

00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:02,997

You know my name?

00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,791

[ chuckling ] That's disarming.

00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:07,627

I also know you long

for female company.

00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:10,755

You know, it has been

lonely since the divorce.

00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:13,674

Some voids can't be filled

with Jamba Juice.

00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:17,261

This aftershave makes a

man quite irresistible to women.

00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:18,721

Free of charge.

00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,432

One never pays here...

not with money.

00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:23,434

Nothing to read into

there. Thanks!

00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:25,478

Sorry I'm late,

Mr. Needful.

00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:28,731

This is my grandpa, Rick.

He was just leaving.

00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:29,857

Huh.

00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:31,734

Tell me, Rick,

what do you desire?

00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,736

Eh, I make my own stuff.

00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,613

So, what are you...

like, the devil?

00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,281

- What? Sorry?

- I don't know.

00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:40,493

Store comes out of nowhere,

all the shit's old and creepy.

00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,453

Are you the devil?

A demon? Leprechaun?

00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,330

- Grandpa Rick!

- Hey, I'm not judging.

00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,332

Just like shoot straight.

I'm a man of science.

00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:49,168

Ah, then perhaps you could

make use of this.

00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:53,172

This microscope reveals things

beyond comprehension.

00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:54,465

[ laughs ]

00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:56,008

[ Rick laughs ]

00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:56,884

[ laughs louder ]

00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:58,094

[ Rick laughs louder ]

00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,470

[ laughs louder ]

00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:00,555

[ Rick laughs louder ]

00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:01,472

[ laughs louder ]

00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,474

Grandpa, go home and drink.

00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,309

[ swoop! ]

00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,311

Why don't we do a model

of the solar system?

00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,396

That's what my Dad did with me

when I was your age.

00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,898

Oh, okay.

00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,568

You know, Rick's in his lab,

making cyborgs

00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,903

and wormholes

and all that weird stuff,

00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,738

but this is real science.

00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,907

A man and his boy,

making planets.

00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,493

Hey, how about we use

a ping-pong ball for Pluto?

00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:23,953

And then Jupiter...

00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,539

Uh, actually, I don't

think Pluto's a planet.

00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,040

[ chuckles ]

00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,917

Of course Pluto's a planet, son.

00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,794

I learned that

in the third grade.

00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,546

Well, yeah, but you

know they changed it.

00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,506

Morty, nobody changed

the planets.

00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,925

I just googled it.

Pluto's not a planet.

00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,927

They changed it in 2006.

00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:42,638

Yeah, I heard about that, Morty.

00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,516

And I disagree.

- You disagree?

00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:48,019

That's right. It's possible

to disagree in science, Morty.

00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:49,687

Pluto was a planet.

00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,411

Some committee of

fancy assholes disagree.

00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,357

I disagree back.

Give me a ping-pong ball.

00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,818

Um, okay.

I-I just have to...

00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,663

Go find Rick and go

over my head about Pluto?

00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,863

No. Geez!

00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,282

I just gotta go

to the bathroom. Damn.

00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,160

Oh. [ coughs ]

Okay, good.

00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,828

[ laughing ]

This is gonna be fun.

00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:06,913

[ electricity crackling ]

00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,714

Hey, Morty, let me [burps]...

let me [burps]...

00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,583

let me ask you a question

real quick.

00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,418

Does evil exist, and if so,

00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,170

can one detect and measure it?

00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,005

- Um...

- Rhetorical question, Morty.

00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,382

The answer's "yes, you just

have to be a genius."

00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,301

Cute. Your sister's boss

gave me a microscope

00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:21,886

that would have

made me retarded.

00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,679

Ooh.

Oh, boy, Rick.

00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,681

I'm don't think you're allowed

to say that word, you know?

00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,059

Morty, I'm not disparaging

the differently abled.

00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,478

I'm stating the fact that

if I had used this microscope,

00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,122

it would have made me

mentally retarded.

00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,565

Okay, yeah, but I don't think

it's about logic, Rick.

00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,484

I think the word has just

become a symbolic issue for

00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,986

powerful groups that are

doing the right thing.

00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:40,696

Well, that's retarded.

00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,573

- What are you talking about?

- Apparently, nothing.

00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,617

You asked him if

Pluto's a planet, didn't you?

00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:45,701

- No!

- It's not.

00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,203

- Shut up, Rick.

- Whoa.

00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,871

I don't care what anyone says.

00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,707

If it can be a planet,

it can be a planet again.

00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,627

Planet.

Planet, planet, planet.

00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:57,129

Stay scientific, Jerry.

00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,758

This aftershave made women

want me,

00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,760

but it also made me impotent!

00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,471

A price for everything,

Mr. Goldenfold.

00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,807

A price for everything.

00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,141

[ laughs evilly ]

00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,519

[ gasps ] Oh, my god!

00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,230

How could I not

see this coming?!

00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:17,984

[ sobbing ] My lust!

00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,194

My greed!

00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,780

I deserved this!

00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,783

This serum should [burps]

counteract the negative effects.

00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,494

Holy cats!

Ladies, let's get out of here.

00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,496

[ door opens ]

I haven't learned a thing!

00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,914

Here. [burps]

00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,666

You can have this [burps] back.

00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:34,917

You didn't use it?

00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,794

Sure I did...

to develop this.

00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,879

It detects and catalogs

all your "Twilight Zone,"

00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:41,382

Ray Bradbury,

"Friday the 13th" The Series

00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,050

voodoo crap magic.

00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,552

I thought you might

want it so you didn't

00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:47,054

accidentally

sell anybody, say...

00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:49,598

A typewriter that generates

best-selling murder mysteries

00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,518

and then makes the murders

happen in real life?

00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,477

Ooh.

- Be quiet.

00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:54,895

Don't you want to make sure

00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,480

people know what they're

getting?

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,607

You're not intentionally

selling...

00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,401

Beauty cream that makes

ugly ladies pretty

00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,653

but also makes them blind?

00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:04,655

I find this all quite

preposterous.

00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,657

Oh, I say, good sir.

Oh, harrumph.

00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:09,618

Oh, oh [babbles]!

00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,120

That's beautiful.

00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,956

You know it's gonna be wearing

you in three hours?

00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,761

[ door opens ]

Do I need to call the police?

00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,126

Here, you can use my phone.

00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,669

Don't worry, it won't

make you deaf

00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,004

because I'm not a hack.

00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,422

Hey!

00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,007

[ both grunting ]

00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,467

You think you're fucking

so great!

00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,343

Stop it! No!

00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:28,220

Fuck yeah, man.

00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,972

Stop it right now!

00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,058

Grandpa Rick,

I like working here.

00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,226

- You work for the devil.

- So what?

00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:35,895

- BOTH: "So what?"

- Yes!

00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,563

So what if he's the devil, Rick?

00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,231

At least the devil has a job.

00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,983

At least he's active

in the community.

00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,651

What do you do?

00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,737

You eat our food

and make gadgets.

00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,114

Buh-bye.

00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:48,616

Wh[burps]Oops.

00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,534

[ giggles ]

00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,703

I'm sorry, Mr. Needful.

I'll clean that up.

00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,497

I don't know what I can do

about the ghost lady

00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,165

that came out of it, but...

- It's fine.

00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,125

Summer, you know,

your grandfather's right.

00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,920

This store curses people.

That's my business.

00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:03,339

Well, yeah.

Fast-food gives people diabetes,

00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,174

and clothing stores have

sweatshops.

00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,384

Is there a company hiring

teenagers that isn't evil?

00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,095

This is my first job.

00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,805

You've been nice to me,

Mr. Needful.

00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,598

You respect me.

00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,101

Please, call me "The Devil."

00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,936

I'd rather not, actually.

00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,771

Yes, perhaps not during

business hours.

00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,773

I told you, I want to

file a declaration

00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,942

that Pluto is a planet.

00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,277

Well, then my son's going to

fail his science class,

00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,488

and when that happens,

I'm suing you first.

00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:28,614

[ clicks ]

00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,825

I think I know what the "A"

in N.A.S.A. stands for.

00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,702

- Dad, what's your endgame?

- Ain't no game, sucka.

00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,454

Why don't we just make the solar

system with eight planets?

00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:36,747

It's even easier.

00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:39,917

Sure, sure, and why don't we

just burn Galileo at the stake

00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,919

for saying the sun is round?

00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,130

Science isn't always easy,

Morty.

00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,214

[ humming ]

00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,341

Whoa! Whoa!

00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,968

What the hell?!

00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:52,179

[ both groaning ]

00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:54,014

[ ting! ]

00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,437

[ hisses, buzzes ]

00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,189

[ fanfare plays ]

00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,400

I'm King Flippy Nips,

ruler of Pluto.

00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,735

We discovered you quite

by accident

00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,405

during routine surveillance

of your world.

00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:12,449

You really gave it to those

guys at N.A.S.A.

00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,951

I was... you know,

00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,287

sometimes science is

about conviction.

00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,789

It'd like to introduce you

to a few people

00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:20,791

that very much agree with you.

00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,626

Oh, I...

00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,920

[ echoing ] Plutonians.

00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,964

Jerry Smith is a scientist

from Earth,

00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:30,467

where he's creating a model

of our solar system.

00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,804

Jerry, tell Pluto

about your decision.

00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,389

[ clears throat ]

00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,017

[ echoing ]

Um... Pluto's a planet.

00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:39,310

[ cheers and applause ]

00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:42,271

Pluto's a fucking planet, bitch!

00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,816

Oh, man. This is definitely

gonna go to his head.

00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:49,612

If it's athletic prowess

you desire, Principal Vagina,

00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,488

I might...

- I'll take it.

00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:52,573

B-But I haven't even...

00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:53,656

Thank you very, very much.

00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,826

Great store.

Great place. Bye.

00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,703

Huh. Okay.

00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:00,623

I must say, Summer, I thought

your grandfather's outburst

00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:01,999

would have disrupted business,

00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,710

but this is the best weekend

I've had since Salem.

00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,712

Nice. "Wholesome Delight"

for lunch?

00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,714

- Is that the vegan place?

- Yeah, I love their soup.

00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,591

I'm kind of soup-ed out.

00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,509

[ door opens ]

Mrs. Tate, is it?

00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,720

What do you desire?

00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,889

Whoa, whoa, slow down, honey.

00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,641

Oh, is there a limit?

Everything's free, right?

00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:22,269

Let's just say you

don't pay... with money.

00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,271

[ both chuckle ]

That was perfect.

00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,273

You pay with the curses, right?

00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,858

Um... I... well...

00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:31,111

But, Mrs. Tate, why do you

want cursed items?

00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,821

Well, I'm going to get

the curses removed

00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,156

at "Curse Purge Plus."

00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,158

You know, the guy on TV?

00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,202

[ door closes ] What?

00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,663

Have you acquired

creepy specific old stuff

00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,164

from a mysterious antique

or thrift store

00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,583

that gives you powers

but fucks with you

00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:45,751

in unforeseeable ways?

00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,461

Bring it

to "Curse Purge Plus."

00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,547

[burps] I use science to

UN-curse the items for cash,

00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,132

and you get to keep the powers.

00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:53,497

This guy got mysterious sneakers

00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,678

to make him run faster,

but guess what?

00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,554

He would have had to run

until he died,

00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:58,764

making them worthless.

00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,432

I removed the curse,

making them worth,

00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,726

like, I don't know, $8 million.

00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:03,978

See you at the Olympics.

00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,479

This eerily intelligent doll

00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,189

was threatening to murder

its family.

00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,607

Now it does their taxes.

00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,234

Everything's deductible.

00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,944

Don't pay for cool stuff

with your soul.

00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,487

Pay for it with money.

00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,823

You know, like how every other

store in the world works?

00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,075

We're located at First and Main

in Old Town.

00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,493

Come on... come on down.

00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:20,786

"First and..."

00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,079

[ babbles ]

00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,790

That's right across the street

from "Needful Things,"

00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:27,209

where you can get evil items

for free!

00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:30,671

Diabolic son of a motherf...

00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,673

We're back on

"Good Morning, Pluto."

00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,675

And a very good morning it is

00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,428

for our guest,

Earth scientist Jerry Smith,

00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,638

who's making headlines

with his bold announcement

00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,807

that is what, Jerry?

00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,475

Pluto is a planet.

00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,269

[ chuckling ]

Well, how about that.

00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,271

I love it.

[ cheers and applause ]

00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,690

Morty Smith.

I'm Scroopy Noopers.

00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,817

I'm a scientist.

Can I show you something?

00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,694

Uh, I better not.

00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,155

Right now.

00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:57,114

[ blurp! ]

00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,866

The center of Pluto,

Mr. Smith,

00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,118

is made of a substance called

"plutonium."

00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:04,830

mines like these suck plutonium

up to the cities,

00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,124

where corporations use it

to power everything,

00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:10,836

from diamond cars

to golden showers.

00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,839

And the more we remove,

the more Pluto shrinks.

00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,841

[ rumbles ] There it goes again.

00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,468

Just shrank a little.

00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:18,719

But a few years ago,

00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,638

your scientists noticed Pluto

had gotten so small

00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,932

they couldn't even call it

a "planet" anymore.

00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,809

Should've been

our wake-up call.

00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,603

But the rich plutonians

won't wake up,

00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,481

and they love your Dad telling

everyone Pluto's a planet

00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,524

because that means

they can keep mining

00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:35,861

until Pluto goes

from planet to asteroid

00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:39,156

to meteor, and finally...

00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,742

poof.

- Um, a party?

00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,226

Is everyone in your family

an idiot?

00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:44,953

Well, for sure

me and my Dad are.

00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,789

[ sighs ]

Well, all you have to do

00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,415

is get him to admit that,

00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,001

and you could save

four billion lives.

00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:56,048

Yeah, you know, the thing is

my Dad's really insecure.

00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,301

Hmm. Funny.

00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,637

Mr. Needful, out of everything

in the store,

00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,348

you'll never guess

what we couldn't get rid of.

00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,350

[ gasps ]

- [ sputtering ]

00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,976

Oh, my god.

00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,020

[ grunting ]

00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,647

Oh, my god.

00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:16,318

I wish this desk was lighter.

00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,405

I wish this knot was looser.

00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,198

[ grunts ] Come on.

00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,867

[ blows ] I don't...

00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,327

[ grunts ]

00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,037

Wait, what am I doing?

00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,248

I wish I knew CPR.

00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,541

1, 2, 3.

00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,251

[ chokes, sputters ] Oh, Jesus.

00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,503

What a waste of a monkey paw.

00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,505

Mr. Needful, how

could you even think of doing

00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,132

something so horrible?

00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,800

I'm the devil.

What should I do

00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:42,052

when I fail...

get myself an ice cream?

00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,387

You haven't failed.

00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,305

People like Rick

are making me obsolete.

00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,307

I mean, seriously.

I may be "the devil,"

00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:50,018

but your grandpa is the devil.

00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,478

I just want to go back to hell,

00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,203

where everyone thinks

I'm smart and funny.

00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,898

No!

It's not fair.

00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,192

Everyone in this town

got something they wanted

00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,360

from you... even Rick.

00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:01,530

I was your only friend,

and I get nothing?

00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,491

Okay. I'll give you one thing.

Name it.

00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,827

I want to help you.

00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:07,911

Clever twist.

00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,080

I learned from

the best, you old fart.

00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:12,207

Now, let's go get you hydrated.

00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,917

Looks like we've got...

00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,919

haunted boxing gloves

that will make you

00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,880

the heavyweight champion

in 1936,

00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,840

and then you'll be

trapped there,

00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,341

winning the same fight

for eternity.

00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,302

I can take out the "eternity"

and the padding,

00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:26,013

and then you'll have some

time-traveling mittens.

00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:28,015

Oh, look, it's Rosemary's Baby.

00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,725

How's business?

00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,602

Here's the last

of our inventory.

00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:34,563

We're going to file chapter 1 1

and do some restructuring.

00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,482

Sounds like code for

"You win, Rick."

00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,442

That was important

to you, wasn't it?

00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,110

Nope. Lt was important

to your dumb devil friend.

00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:41,820

To me, this was all just a bit,

00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:43,447

like when Bugs Bunny fucks

with the opera singer

00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:44,656

for 20 minutes.

00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,283

He tried to kill himself.

00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,535

[ laughing ]

Seriously? Holy crap.

00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,245

Holy crap.

00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,039

But you know what, Grandpa Rick?

00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,999

He's strong, and he's never

going to give up.

00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,543

- Uh-huh, yeah, I don't care.

- Oh, I know.

00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,420

- Everyone knows you don't care.

- So?

00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,422

So have fun not caring.

00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,174

- I always do.

- Good.

00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,051

Yeah, it is good.

[burps] It's the best.

00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,136

I'm sure it is.

00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:07,721

- Bye.

- Later.

00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:10,140

I'm here to pick up

my undead cat and child.

00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,392

Yeah, uh...

give me a sec.

00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,770

These are the forms

for the employee health plan.

00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:18,315

All right, yeah, put...

put them on my... eh.

00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,984

I just got bored.

00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,654

Everybody out.

00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,614

JERRY:

All right, just one more rally,

00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,574

then I promise we'll get back

to your science project.

00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,243

Dad, Pluto isn't a planet.

00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,911

It's shrinking because

of corporations.

00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,913

Yeah, that's what that

anti-planet nut job

00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,873

Scroopy Noopers was

screaming about

00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,000

outside the Ministry of Money's

Fundraiser.

00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:39,836

Are you telling me four billion

Plutonians are wrong?

00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,547

You said science wasn't easy.

00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,257

I said science

isn't a/ways easy.

00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:45,842

Obviously, that means

sometimes it is easy.

00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:48,053

Let's not debase ourselves

with word games, son.

00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,555

Dad, their whole

planet is dying.

00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:52,933

Ha! You called it a planet.

Checkmate.

00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,851

What's up, Pluto?

00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:56,770

[ cheers and applause ]

00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:59,231

[ classical music plays ]

00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,108

Mr. Smith, please tell

my friend here

00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,068

what you just told me.

Go on.

00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,529

My very eager mother

just served us nine pickles,

00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,489

and the "pickles" is Pluto.

00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,200

[ sputters ]

My god, the man's a genius.

00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:12,119

Um, excuse me.

00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,204

Morty, what?

00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:16,129

Dad, what did you

think about the recent report

00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,292

published by

The Pluto Science Reader

00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:22,838

linking Pluto-quakes, sinkholes,

and surface shrinkage

00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,383

to deep-core plutonium

drilling?

00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:29,636

Well, son, what did you think

00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,638

when you were five

and you pooped your pants,

00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,890

and you threw your poopy undies

out your bedroom window

00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,642

because you thought it was like

00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,394

throwing something

in the garbage?

00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:38,770

[ laughter ]

00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,135

I mean, I'm trimming the hedges,

00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,815

and these things are just

hanging there.

00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,819

Was I supposed to think

the poop bunny left them?

00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,862

Good one, Dad.

00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,698

Hey, Morty, you want to

go on a... oh.

00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,658

Hey, Beth.

Hello?

00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:54,119

Hey, Jerry, you in here

being stupid?

00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:58,206

[ sighs, burps ]

00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,000

[ robot whirs ]

00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,335

Thanks.

00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,253

Hey, you know, I was thinking,

you know,

00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,546

I might watch a movie.

00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,173

I am not programmed for

friendship.

00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,258

Suit yourself.

[ burps ]

00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:11,261

[ hums ]

00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,429

Hey.

[clears throat] Hey.

00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,805

W-W-What's going on?

00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:17,142

Um, can you help me do

the stupid science fair project?

00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,102

Whatever.

00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,397

PLUTONIAN:

Jerry, you must be so excited.

00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,275

The Pluto-bel prize is

the highest honor

00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,486

a scientist can receive.

00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,488

I'm flattered and humbled.

00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:32,282

Oh, I like that.

Use that in your speech.

00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,576

Also, talk about Pluto

being a planet.

00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,286

People like that.

00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:37,954

Your highness, we've captured

Scroopy Noopers.

00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,581

You animals! Animals!

00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:44,294

Ooh, look who's little

journey's come to an end.

00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:46,421

Take him to Pluto-namo Bay.

00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,049

You can't kill the truth,

father.

00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,343

- What?

- I can see you're confused.

00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,220

Pluto-namo Bay is

a military prison...

00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,097

a sort of play on words.

00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,723

Did he call you "father"?

00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:59,267

Scroopy Noopers,

the anti-planet nutjob,

00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,936

is your son?

00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,271

The young eat the old

if you let them, Jerry.

00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,483

Pluto is a cold, cold

celestial dwarf.

00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,735

- It's a what?

- Huh? Oh, planet.

00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,445

[ laughs ]

00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,114

"Pluto is a cold,

cold planet."

00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,116

That's what I meant.

00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,202

Knock them dead out there, you.

00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:22,457

[ echoing ] Pluto is...

00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,678

[ sighs ] not a planet.

00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:37,472

- [ shouting ]

- Ow! It's not a planet.

00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,851

Hey!

It's not a planet!

00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:44,020

I'm an idiot, and I love my son.

00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:46,022

It was a long six hours,

00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:48,108

but we've overhauled

"Needful Things"

00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,776

into the globally-compliant

web 4.0

00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:53,780

"E-nomenon," n33dful.Com,

00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:56,575

spelled with threes

instead of "E's."

00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,243

[ cheering ]

00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:02,539

Okay, that's it.

We just got bought by Google!

00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:05,375

Mm.

I'm so proud of you, Lucius.

00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,878

So, how much did we make?

00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,921

[ chuckling ]

"We."

00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,257

This is my business.

Security!

00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,217

[ gasps ]

You're Zuckerberg-ING me?

00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,844

I was Zuckerberg-ING people

00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,554

before Zuckerberg's balls

dropped.

00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,390

I'm the devil, bitch!

What, what?!

00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:23,810

[ fiddle plays ]

00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:26,605

Hey!

[ groans ]

00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,151

- Hey, Morty.

- Oh, oh, hey, Dad.

00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:34,112

Um, what... what are you doing

back from Pluto so quick?

00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:37,115

Uh... some people just

can't handle the truth.

00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,117

Especially dummies like me.

00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,661

Morty, I'm not as smart

as your grandpa Rick,

00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:44,998

but I promise never to make

that your problem again.

00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,583

Hey, Dad.

00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,753

Nobody's smarter than Rick,

but nobody else is my Dad.

00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,546

You're a genius at that.

00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,548

Wow.

[ sniffles ]

00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:57,135

That's... humbling

and flattering, son.

00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,137

Thank you.

00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:01,503

What say we finish ourselves

an eight-planet solar system?

00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,850

Um... I'm just gonna

take this thing in

00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,852

and get an "A."

- Butter.

00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,562

- But...

- You're a genius...

00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,730

at being my Dad, Dad.

00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,065

Quit while you're ahead.

00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,733

And also, knock next time,

you know?

00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,298

I mean, I'm sitting in here,

I'm 14...

00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,861

I got a computer in here,

you know?

00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,696

Oh, I... I think

I understand.

00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,323

You're really playing with fire

00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,741

when you burst in here

like that, man.

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,284

I get it. Say no more.

00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,786

I mean, one of these days,

00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,579

you know, you're gonna end

up seeing something.

00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,915

I got it!

Noted. Good night.

00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,835

[ metal music playing ]

00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:33,338

How's your pretend

grandpa doing, aka "The Devil"?

00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,174

- He dumped me.

- Oof. Sorry.

00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,385

Did we learn a lesson here

I'm not seeing?

00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:39,761

Not sure.

00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,638

Maybe in a much bigger way,

00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,307

Mr. Needful gave us

both what we really wanted?

00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:47,769

Because I was always jealous of

you hanging out with Morty,

00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,897

and you didn't realize how much

you valued my approval?

00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:53,525

- No, that's dumb.

- Yeah, not satisfying.

00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,443

I'll tell you what, though.

00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,237

If... if... if it's satisfaction

you're after,

00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:58,947

I think I might have an idea.

00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,241

[ whispering ]

- Uh-huh.

00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,826

Uh-huh.

00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,244

Uh-huh, totally.

Let's do it.

00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,996

♪ X gonna give it to ya ♪

♪ What? ♪

00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,747

♪ Wait for you

to get it on your own,

00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,499

X gonna deliver to ya ♪

00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:11,501

♪ Knock knock, open

up the door, it's real ♪

00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:13,795

♪ With the non-stop pop pop

and stainless steel ♪

00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,922

♪ Go hard, getting

busy with it ♪

00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,340

♪ but I got such a good heart

00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,801

that I'll make the mother

wonder if he did it ♪

00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,428

♪ Damn right,

and I'll do it again,

00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:24,139

'cause I am nice

so I gots to win ♪

00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,807

♪ Break bread with the enemy ♪

00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,475

♪ But no matter how many cats

I break bread with,

00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,935

I'll break who

you... ♪

00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,854

And that's how I took

my storefront

00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:33,398

into the forefront

of the up front.

00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,066

Thank you, Seattle.

00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:36,818

[ cheers and applause ]

00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,613

Rick? Summer?

00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:41,281

[ audience groans ]

00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:42,782

Stupid motherfucker!

00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,034

You stupid bitch.

00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,827

Stupid motherfucker!

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,038

How do you like that?

How do you like that?

00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:50,832

[ grunts, groans ]

00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,292

W-W-Why?

00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,920

Because sometimes

what you really need is

00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:57,589

for someone else to pay

a horrible price.

00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,591

[ whimpers ]

00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:01,092

[ spits ]

00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,761

- We did it.

- Yeah, bro.

00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:05,430

We totally worked it.

We did it!

00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,724

We just pulled it off.

00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:11,061

Yeah, bro.

Yeah.

00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:46,721

♪ Bitch, please, if the only

thing you cats did

00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,014

was came out to play ♪

00:21:48,099 --> 00:21:49,766

♪ Stay out my way, mother ♪

00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,768

♪ First we gonna rock,

then we gonna roll ♪

00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:54,562

♪ Then we let it pop,

don't let it go ♪

00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:59,275

♪ X gonna give it to ya,

he gonna give it to ya ♪

00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,112

♪ First we gonna rock,

then we gonna roll ♪

00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:04,489

♪ Then we let it pop,

don't let it go ♪

00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:09,202

♪ X gonna give it to ya,

he gonna give it to ya ♪

00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:11,037

♪ Ain't never gave

nothing to me ♪

00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:13,999

Did you get any of that?

00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,042

It's a good-a show!