Напиток Рика №9

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Don't let the name fool you.

I'm very much in charge...

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reminding you that tonight is

our annual Flu Season Dance.

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I don't know how many times

I have to say this,

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but if you have the flu,

stay home.

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Hey.

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The Flu Season Dance is about

awareness, not celebration.

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You don't bring dead babies

to Passover.

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Okay. Here we go.

H-Hey, Jessica. Uh...

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What's up, Morty?

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What are you doing?

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- Um...

- Wait, wait.

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Were you about to talk...

to her?

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Well... I mean, I was

thinking about it.

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Dude, stay in your league.

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Look at how hot she is.

You don't see me going...

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to a bigger school

in a wealthier district

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and hitting on their

prettiest girl.

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Gee, thanks, Brad.

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I throw balls far.

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You want good words?

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Date a languager.

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Try not to worry about it, Morty.

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You're a good kid,

and there's not a premium

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on that right now,

but you'll be getting girls

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sometime after Brad's

out of shape.

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You're missing the point, Dad.

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I don't want girls.

I want Jessica.

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Ah, well, I remember

feeling that way

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about a young lady named

"your mom,"

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and that's not an urban diss.

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Your mom was my Jessica.

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I remember the first time

I saw her.

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I thought...

- "I should get her pregnant,

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and then she'll have

to marry me."

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I beg your pardon, Rick...

inappropriate.

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Sorry, please proceed

with your story

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about banging my daughter

in high school.

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I'm not sure you wanna take

romantic advice from this guy, Morty.

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His marriage is hanging

from a thread.

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My marriage is fine, thank you.

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Jerry, it's your house...

whatever you say it is

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is how it is... but I think

a blind man could see

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that Beth is looking

for the door.

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I barely have a reason to care,

and even I noticed.

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Come on, Rick! Don't talk

about my parents like that.

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Listen, Morty, I hate

to break it to you,

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but what people call "love"

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is just a chemical reaction that

compels animals to breed.

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It hits hard, Morty,

then it slowly fades,

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leaving you stranded

in a failing marriage.

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I did it.

Your parents are gonna do it.

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Break the cycle, Morty.

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Rise above. Focus on science.

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All right, well, I'm gonna go

get dressed for the dance.

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Yeah, I'm just going to...

check on your mom.

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Morty, hand me

that screwdriver, huh?

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I'm almost finished making

my ionic defibulizer, Morty.

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It's gonna be great.

- Hey, listen, Rick.

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Y-Y-You know how you said

that, you know,

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love is a chemical

and all that stuff from earlier?

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Well, I was thinking, you know,

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w-w... could you make some sort

of chemical thing happen

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inside of Jessica's mind,

you know,

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so where she falls in love

with me

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and all that sort of thing?

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You know, like, some sort

of love potion or something?

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Morty, that's such

a poor use of my time.

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It's beneath me.

Hand me the screwdriver.

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You know what?

No, Rick!

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I'm not gonna hand you

the screwdriver.

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I-I'm not gonna hand you

anything ever again, Rick!

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I'm always helping you with this

and that and the other thing.

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W-W-W-W-W-What about me,

Rick?

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W-W-W-W-Why can't you just

help me out once...

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once... for once?

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You're growing up fast, Morty.

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You're growing into a real big

thorn straight up into my ass.

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Listen, this is called oxytocin.

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I extracted it from a vole.

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Do you know what a vole is,

Morty?

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You know what a vole is?

It's a... it's a rodent

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that mates for life, Morty.

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This is the chemical released

in a mammal's brain, you know,

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that makes it fall in love.

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I just gotta...

combine it with your DNA.

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Oh, well, okay.

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A hair, Morty.

I need one of your hairs.

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This isn't

"Game of Thrones."

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Ow!

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All right, Morty, whoever

you smear this stuff on

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will fall in love with you,

and only you, forever.

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Are you happy now, Morty?

- Heck, yeah!

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Thank you, Grandpa Rick.

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Hey, there's no...

dangers or anything,

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or side effects, right?

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W-W-W-What am I,

a hack?

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Go nuts, Morty.

It's foolproof.

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Eh, unless she has the flu.

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Beth, do y-you still

love me?

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Ugh, what kind

of question is that?

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The "yes or no" kind?

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Jerry, do you want

homeless people to have homes?

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Yes.

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Are you gonna build them?

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No.

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Then what good was the "yes"?

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Wait, i-is loving me the house

or the homeless people?

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Loving you is work,

Jerry... hard work,

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like building

a homeless shelter...

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nobody wants to say

no to doing it,

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but some people put the work in.

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So, what do you say?

Do you see me working here?

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Does this conversation seem

tedious to me?

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Sort of.

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Then I obviously

sort of love you, don't I?

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So stop asking, and maybe

I'll love you more.

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Crap, they need me

at the horse hospital.

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Puh! This late?

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The racetrack

had a starlight derby.

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There was a seven-horse

collision,

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and Davin's there alone.

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Davin. Davin.

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Davin! Davin.

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Davin!

Davin!

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Davin! Davin!

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♪ Flu, yo. You gotta be aware ♪

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♪ Aware of all the flu

up in the air ♪

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♪ I'm-a get me a shot,

make the flu go away ♪

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♪ Flu-hating rapper,

just rapping away ♪

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♪ Yo, yo,

flu-hating rapper ♪

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♪ It's a flu-hating rap ♪

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Hey, there, Jessica.

Whoa! Oh, whoopsie!

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Oh, my god.

Morty.

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You look really nice tonight.

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- Wow, thanks.

- I love you, Morty!

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I love you so much it burns!

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Oh, man!

I-I love you too, Jessica!

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ls this punk bothering you,

Jessica?

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Leave him alone, jerk!

I'm in love with him!

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He is more man

than you will ever be!

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♪ This is about flu awareness ♪

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♪ Gotta be aware of the flu

in the air-ness ♪

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♪ Yo, I'm a flu-hating

rapper ♪

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Oh, man, Morty.

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I'm really sorry.

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Oh, well,

n-no problem, Brad.

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There's something special

about you, Morty...

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so special.

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Whoa, take it easy!

Get your hands off of him!

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Back off!

I'm trying to be with my man!

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That's enough, Bradley!

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We don't want you injuring

your ball-throwing arm.

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Oh, come on,

Principal Vagina. I just...

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Never leave me, Morty.

Never!

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Uh, sure.

I mean, o-of course not.

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W-What do you think that

was all about?

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Who cares? Just hold me.

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Let me go!

I love you, Morty!

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Let go of me!

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Morty!

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She's gonna be alone

with that guy all night.

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Yeah, Dad, digging

around the insides of horses.

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It's not a very romantic setting.

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Well, Summer,

there's always the possibility

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that she made the whole

work thing up.

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Maybe Davin's digging around

in her insides.

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Grandpa, so gross!

You're talking about my mom.

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Well, she's my daughter, Summer.

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I outrank you.

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Or family means nothing, in

which case don't play that card.

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She's not responding

to my texts!

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Careful, Dad.

Jealousy turns women off.

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Well, isn't that convenient?

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Not for the men

they cheat on, no.

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Okay, I'm...

going to go out...

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for some ice cream.

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And maybe

stop by the hospital...

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to support my wife...

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with my confidence.

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God, Grandpa,

you're such a dick.

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I'm sorry, Summer. Your opinion

means very little to me.

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How come you're not at this

stupid dance everyone loves?

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Screw that.

I don't wanna get sick.

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It's flu season.

- It is?

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- Yeah.

- Uh-oh.

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Please just let this work out.

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Do it, Morty. Do it.

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Rip my clothes off

and mate with me for life!

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Um... can we maybe go

somewhere more private?

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Jessica, get a hold of yourself!

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You don't deserve to carry

Morty's genes.

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♪ I love Morty ♪

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♪ and I hope Morty loves me ♪

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♪ I'd like to wrap my arms

around him ♪

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♪ and feel him inside me ♪

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Oh, crap.

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Morty!

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Morty, come on!

We gotta get you out of here.

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You won't believe this 'cause

it usually never happens,

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but I made a mistake.

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Come on, Morty.

We got to get out of here.

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Come on.

- Morty!

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Are you okay?

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- I'm fine!

- Oh, good.

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If anything ever happened to

you, I would kill myself.

00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,278

I love you bad, Mo-Mo!

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Morty, the principal and I

have discussed it,

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a-a-and we're both insecure

enough to agree to a three-way!

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I didn't realize

when I gave you that serum

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that Jessica had the flu...

you know,

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t-t-t-t-t-that might have been

valuable information for me!

00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,287

What the hell is going on, Rick?

00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,800

What does it look like?

00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:31,468

T-T-T-The serum is

piggybacking on the virus.

00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,970

It's gone airborne, Morty.

00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,514

Oh, crap.

What are we gonna do, Rick?

00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,099

It's gonna be fine,

Morty, relax.

00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,225

I whipped up an antidote.

00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,477

It's based on praying-mantis

DNA.

00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,479

You know, praying mantises

are the exact opposite of voles.

00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,814

I mean, they...

they mate once,

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and then they, you know,

decapitate the partner.

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I mean, it's a whole ritual.

00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,361

It's really gruesome

and totally opposite.

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There's no love at all.

00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,240

I-I-I basically mixed this with

a more contagious flu virus.

00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,784

It should neutralize

the whole thing, Morty.

00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,494

It'll all be over very shortly.

00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,043

Uh, by the way, Morty, I know

you didn't ask or anything,

00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,045

but I'm not interested

in having sex with you.

00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,755

These serums, they don't

work on anybody

00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,173

related to you genetically.

00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,134

Morty!

00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,605

Okay, well, sometimes,

00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,607

science is more art

than science, Morty.

00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,567

A lot of people don't get that.

00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,701

Come on.

Are you kidding me?

00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,663

Hello!

- Morty!

00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,749

You're not Morty!

Bring us Morty!

00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,759

Nobody's killing me...

00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:57,012

until after I catch my wife

with another man.

00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,348

I had sex with Billy.

00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,183

But you were already pregnant!

00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,768

Yeah, so what's the worst

that could happen?

00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:05,646

We interrupt "Pregnant Baby"

with breaking news.

00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,273

Come on.

00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,733

This just in... Morty Smith's

whereabouts are still unknown.

00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,777

What the hell?

00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,613

The only thing that is known

is... how cute he is.

00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:17,199

I love him so much, I want

to make love to him

00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,867

and then eat his head.

00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,869

I love him more than you do,

Harold!

00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,621

You wish, you stupid bitch!

00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,248

- Morty's mine!

- Morty's mine!

00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:25,708

Meant to be together!

00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,877

Morty!

00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,760

Where is Morty?

00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,527

Oh, my god, Rick.

The whole world is infected!

00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,738

Yeah, it's pretty wild

how fast that spread.

00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,990

I've really outdone myself.

- Outdone yourself?!

00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,908

W-W... a-are... are you

kidding me, Rick?

00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,535

This is not okay!

00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,329

Not only do they all want

to have sex with me,

00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,373

but, you know, now they want

to eat me afterwards!

00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,790

Yeah, I don't know what

I was thinking.

00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,542

Mantises are

the opposite of voles?

00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:11,253

I mean, obviously, DNA's more

complicated than that.

00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,629

You know what, though, Morty?

00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,465

This right here's gonna do

the trick, baby.

00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,967

It's koala mixed

with rattlesnake, chimpanzee,

00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:19,303

cactus, shark, golden retriever,

00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,180

and just a smidge of dinosaur.

00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:22,931

Should add up

to normal humanity.

00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,776

I don't... that doesn't make

any sense, Rick.

00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,810

How does that add up

to normal humanity?

00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,562

What, Morty, you want me

to show you my math?

00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,230

I'm sorry... a-are you

the scientist

00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,107

or are you the kid

that wanted to get laid?

00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,154

Well, I'm glad we saved

all those horses,

00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,156

but I'm almost sorry

we're finished.

00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,741

Yes, it's satisfying work.

00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,910

Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh...

it's more than the work.

00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,412

I love being

in that sterilized room,

00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,664

sealed off from the world.

00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,000

It's the only time I can

really think... and feel.

00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,587

Hmm, uh, what are you doing?

00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,756

I'm playing African dream pop.

00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,966

What do you do

after a long night?

00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,012

Oh, ha, um, hey, I b...

I'd better get going.

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,765

Um, Jerry's been texting some

pretty high-maintenance stuff.

00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,725

- Beth...

- What is it, Davin?

00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,645

Just once, I'd like to know...

00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,233

w-w-what it was like

to give your son a bath.

00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:15,401

What?!

00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,821

What does Morty's skin

smell like?

00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,448

How soft...

00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:23,867

How soft are his privates?

00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,786

Let go of me, Davin!

00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,794

Take me to Morty.

00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,922

You're not Morty.

00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,466

No, I'm Mr. Crowbar,

00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:41,802

and this is my friend,

00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,096

who is also a crowbar.

00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,973

That's... stupid.

00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,018

Yeah?

00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,854

Well, look where being

smart got you.

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,856

Jerry! Thank God!

00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,023

God?

00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,110

God's turning people

into insect monsters, Beth.

00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,279

I'm the one beating them

to death.

00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:02,614

Thank me.

- Thank you, Jerry.

00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,032

Thank you.

00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:10,747

Take a good look down there,

Morty, and soak it in,

00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,291

because, you know,

once I pull this lever,

00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,667

it's all back to normal.

00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,210

Just do it already.

00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,045

Well, technically,

Morty, there's no rush.

00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,970

I mean, you know,

o-once it's fixed, it's done.

00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,799

It's fixed.

You know, we could...

00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,801

we could just enjoy it

for a little bit.

00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,261

I mean, I-I-I-look

at how crazy it is.

00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,929

I mean, Morty,

w-w-when's the next time

00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,454

you're gonna see

something like this?

00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:28,974

I mean, soak it in, you know?

00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,642

It's... it's pretty neat.

It's pretty interesting.

00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,247

That's it, Rick!

I'm pulling the lever.

00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,028

W-What do we have here,

Morty?

00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:42,952

Looks like I was right

and you were wrong, huh?

00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,991

I-I-I-l-I bet you feel pretty

stupid right about now, huh?

00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,868

I-I-I bet you feel like

the world's smallest man

00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,162

that you were doubting me about

this whole thing, Morty.

00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,122

Oh, Rick, something's not right.

00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,790

Yeah, you.

00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,125

You're not right... ever.

00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,002

No, no!

Look, you idiot!

00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,070

Bet you're loving this, Morty.

00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,155

This must be the best day

of your life.

00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,075

You get to be the mayor

of l-Told-You Town.

00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,160

You're welcome.

00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,964

Hold on.

00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,776

I wish that shotgun

was my penis.

00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,737

If it were, you could

call me Ernest Hemingway.

00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,365

I don't get it,

and I don't need to.

00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,368

Mom! Dad!

00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,161

Summer!

00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,290

Where's Morty?

00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:17,666

I don't know.

00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,835

Do you think Grandpa Rick had

something to do with this?

00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,670

It's not fair to

assume that, Summer.

00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,714

Oh, not fair?

Give me a break.

00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:25,799

He is a selfish,

irresponsible ass,

00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:27,259

and he left my mother.

00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,137

A real man stands by his woman.

00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,853

♪ Tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo.

Tchoo-tchoo ♪

00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,522

Boy, I really Cronenberged

the world up, didn't I?

00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,357

We got a whole planet of

Cronenbergs

00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,026

walking around

down there, Morty.

00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:46,111

A-At least they're not in love

with you anymore, though.

00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,946

That's a huge step

in the right direction.

00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,240

Oh, my God!

It's a living nightmare!

00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:52,784

How could you be

so irresponsible, Rick?

00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,287

Me irresponsible?! You...

all I wanted you to do

00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,039

was hand me

a screwdriver, Morty!

00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,791

You're the one who wanted to

be... wanted me to buckle down

00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,127

and make you up a...

roofie-juice serum

00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:05,339

so you could roofie that

poor girl at your school.

00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,383

I mean, g... w-w-w-w-w... w...

are you kidding me, Morty?

00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,468

You're gonna try to take

the high road on this one?

00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,928

Y-Y-Y-Y-You're a little

creep, Morty.

00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:13,305

Y-You're a... you're...

you're...

00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,307

you're just a little creepy...

creep person.

00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,017

All right, fine. I should have

just listened to you

00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:18,644

when you refused to make

the serum.

00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,562

I'm willing to accept my part of

the blame for this, Rick.

00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,272

But I'll tell you something...

you know what?

00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,940

You gotta accept your part

of the blame!

00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,734

I'm not the one

who fouled up the serum!

00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,569

I'm not the one who...

who... who...

00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,029

who haphazardly, you know,

00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:30,697

mixed a bunch of nonsense

together

00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:32,491

and created a bunch of

Cronenbergs!

00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,868

You gotta fix this, Rick!

- All right, all right, Morty.

00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,578

You know, w-w-w-we are

in a pretty deep hole, here,

00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,373

but I do have one emergency

solution that I can use

00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,291

that'll kind of put

everything back to normal,

00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,751

relatively speaking.

00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,252

Here, Morty, put this on

while I do

00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,254

a little bit of scouting.

00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,602

Wow, Rick, I gotta say...

00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,767

you really pulled a rabbit out

of your hat this time.

00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:04,731

I mean, l-I really thought

that the whole place

00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,608

was gonna be messed up for good,

00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,568

but here, you did it...

y-y-you... you...

00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:10,320

you figured out that crazy

solution,

00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:11,488

like you always do.

00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,323

Whoo!

That's some great luck.

00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,325

Come on, Morty. Luck had

nothing to do with it.

00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:18,370

I'm great.

That's the real reason.

00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,497

Now, Morty, what do you

say, buddy?

00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,332

Will you hand me a screwdriver

00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,167

so I can finish my ionic

dis... defibulizer?

00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,503

Sure thing, Rick.

Here's a screwdriver.

00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,797

All right, Morty.

Thank you very much.

00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,800

We got one screw turn...

and two screw turns...

00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,593

and...

00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,142

All right, Morty, here we are.

00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,144

Oh, my god, Rick!

Is that us?!

00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,104

W-W-W-We're dead!

What is going on, Rick?

00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:45,689

I'm freaking out!

00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,357

Calm down, Morty!

Look at me! Calm down, Morty!

00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,067

No, I can't deal with this!

00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,694

Calm yourself, Morty.

00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,279

I can't deal with this, Rick!

00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:53,780

- Calm down, Morty.

- This can't be real!

00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:55,991

- You gotta calm down, Morty.

- W-W-W-W-We're ripped apart!

00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,951

Shut up and listen to me!

00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,286

It's fine.

Everything is fine.

00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,787

There's an infinite number

of realities, Morty,

00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,539

and in a few dozen of those,

00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,583

I got lucky and turned

everything back to normal.

00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:06,334

I just had to find one

of those realities

00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,045

in which we also happen to both

die around this time.

00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,589

Now we can just slip

into the place

00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,174

of our dead selves

in this reality

00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,842

and everything will be fine.

00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,343

We're not skipping a beat,

Morty.

00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,428

Now, help me with these bodies.

00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,596

This is insane.

00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,840

Look, Morty, I'll grab myself,

you grab yourself, okay?

00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,266

I mean, t-t-t-that seems

fair to me...

00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,310

I mean, that seems like

a fair way to divvy it up.

00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,353

Rick, what about

the reality we left behind?

00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,106

What about the reality where

Hitler cured cancer, Morty?

00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,608

The answer is don't

think about it.

00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:31,818

It's not like we can do this

every week, anyways.

00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,503

We get three or four more

of these, tops.

00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,280

Now, pick up your dead self

and come on.

00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:36,615

Haste makes waste.

00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,825

I-I-I don't suppose you've

considered this detail,

00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,411

but obviously, if I hadn't

screwed up as much as I did,

00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:45,332

we'd be these guys right now,

so, again, you're welcome.

00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:55,258

♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪

00:18:55,343 --> 00:19:02,432

♪ There's still fountains

down there ♪

00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:11,191

♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪

00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:18,532

♪ It's still raining up here ♪

00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:29,042

♪ Everybody seems so far away

from me ♪

00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:36,716

♪ Everybody just wants

to be free ♪

00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:42,889

♪ Look away from the sky ♪

00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:49,688

♪ It's no different

when you're leaving home ♪

00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:58,572

♪ I can't be the same thing

to you now ♪

00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:02,576

♪ I'm just gone ♪

00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:08,290

♪ Just gone ♪

00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:16,374

♪ How could I say goodbye? ♪

00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:24,264

You know, the thing

about a shark...

00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:26,725

he's got lifeless eyes...

00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:28,727

black eyes, like a doll's eyes.

00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,312

When he comes at ya,

00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,314

he doesn't seem to be living

until he bites ya,

00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:35,275

and then the... the blood,

and the red, and the water...

00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,570

You ever wonder what happened

to Rick and Morty?

00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:41,406

Sometimes.

But, I'm ashamed to admit,

00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:47,037

now that they're gone,

I'm finally happy.

00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,247

Here we are, Cronenberg Morty...

00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,874

a reality where

everyone in the world

00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,334

got genetically Cronenberged.

00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,502

We'll fit right in,

Cronenberg Morty.

00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,963

It'll be like we never even

left Cronenberg world.

00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:58,423

Yeah, Cronenberg Rick,

00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,347

but, you know, I'm gonna miss

Cronenberg world,

00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:01,968

because everyone

was Cronenberged all along

00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,720

like us from the beginning,

you know?

00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,347

I mean, l-I wish we hadn't

genetically ruined

00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,349

Cronenberg World

beyond repair like we did,

00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,976

you know, and turned everyone

into regular, normal people

00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:11,519

just walking around.

00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,204

Don't you worry about

that sort of thing,

00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,356

Cronenberg Morty.

00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,734

Let's go make ourselves

at home, huh?

00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,864

Did you get any of that?

00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,908

It's a good-a show!

00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,202

Don't let the name fool you.

I'm very much in charge...

00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:39,122

reminding you that tonight is

our annual Flu Season Dance.

00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,165

I don't know how many times

I have to say this,

00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,126

but if you have the flu,

stay home.

00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,210

Hey.

00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,045

The Flu Season Dance is about

awareness, not celebration.

00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,463

[ sighs ]

00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,382

You don't bring dead babies

to Passover.

00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:53,469

Okay. Here we go.

H-Hey, Jessica. Uh...

00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,513

What's up, Morty?

[ sneezes ]

00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,806

What are you doing?

00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,516

- Um...

- Wait, wait.

00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,727

Were you about to talk...

to her?

00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,229

Well... I mean, I was

thinking about it.

00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,273

Dude, stay in your league.

00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,608

Look at how hot she is.

You don't see me going...

00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,444

to a bigger school

in a wealthier district

00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,112

and hitting on their

prettiest girl.

00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:12,530

Gee, thanks, Brad.

00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,240

I throw balls far.

00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,825

You want good words?

00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,535

Date a languager.

00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:19,370

JERRY:

Try not to worry about it, Morty.

00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:21,205

You're a good kid,

and there's not a premium

00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,090

on that right now,

but you'll be getting girls

00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,751

sometime after Brad's

out of shape.

00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,475

[ sighing ]

You're missing the point, Dad.

00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:29,046

I don't want girls.

I want Jessica.

00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,924

Ah, well, I remember

feeling that way

00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:34,093

about a young lady named

"your mom,"

00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,553

and that's not an urban diss.

00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,138

Your mom was my Jessica.

00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,639

I remember the first time

I saw her.

00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,183

I thought...

- "I should get her pregnant,

00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:41,684

and then she'll have

to marry me."

00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,895

I beg your pardon, Rick...

inappropriate.

00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:45,563

Sorry, please proceed

with your story

00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:47,273

about banging my daughter

in high school.

00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,692

I'm not sure you wanna take

romantic advice from this guy, Morty.

00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,694

His marriage is hanging

from a thread.

00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,071

My marriage is fine, thank you.

00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:55,698

Jerry, it's your house...

whatever you say it is

00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,575

is how it is... but I think

a blind man could see

00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,285

that Beth is looking

for the door.

00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,579

I barely have a reason to care,

and even I noticed.

00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,873

Come on, Rick! Don't talk

about my parents like that.

00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,708

Listen, Morty, I hate

to break it to you,

00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,376

but what people call "love"

00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,742

is just a chemical reaction that

compels animals to breed.

00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,381

It hits hard, Morty,

then it slowly fades,

00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,383

leaving you stranded

in a failing marriage.

00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,385

I did it.

Your parents are gonna do it.

00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,762

Break the cycle, Morty.

00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,639

Rise above. Focus on science.

00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,641

[ slurps ]

00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:24,602

All right, well, I'm gonna go

get dressed for the dance.

00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:28,481

Yeah, I'm just going to...

check on your mom.

00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:29,774

[ dog barking ]

00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,944

Morty, hand me

that screwdriver, huh?

00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,780

I'm almost finished making

my ionic defibulizer, Morty.

00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,740

It's gonna be great.

- Hey, listen, Rick.

00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,617

Y-Y-You know how you said

that, you know,

00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,701

love is a chemical

and all that stuff from earlier?

00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:42,985

Well, I was thinking, you know,

00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:45,665

w-w... could you make some sort

of chemical thing happen

00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,208

inside of Jessica's mind,

you know,

00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:48,876

so where she falls in love

with me

00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,378

and all that sort of thing?

00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,463

You know, like, some sort

of love potion or something?

00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,148

Morty, that's such

a poor use of my time.

00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,467

It's beneath me.

Hand me the screwdriver.

00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:58,135

You know what?

No, Rick!

00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,762

I'm not gonna hand you

the screwdriver.

00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,847

I-I'm not gonna hand you

anything ever again, Rick!

00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,183

I'm always helping you with this

and that and the other thing.

00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,352

W-W-W-W-W-What about me,

Rick?

00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,354

W-W-W-W-Why can't you just

help me out once...

00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,772

once... for once?

00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,941

[ groans ]

You're growing up fast, Morty.

00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,027

You're growing into a real big

thorn straight up into my ass.

00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,029

Listen, this is called oxytocin.

00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,489

I extracted it from a vole.

00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,199

Do you know what a vole is,

Morty?

00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,951

You know what a vole is?

It's a... it's a rodent

00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,661

that mates for life, Morty.

00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,105

This is the chemical released

in a mammal's brain, you know,

00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,456

that makes it fall in love.

00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,792

I just gotta... [burps]

combine it with your DNA.

00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,627

Oh, well, okay.

00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,629

A hair, Morty.

I need one of your hairs.

00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,381

This isn't

"Game of Thrones."

00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:36,924

Ow!

00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:38,929

All right, Morty, whoever

you smear this stuff on

00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:40,971

will fall in love with you,

and only you, forever.

00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,972

Are you happy now, Morty?

- Heck, yeah!

00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,057

Thank you, Grandpa Rick.

00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,934

Hey, there's no...

dangers or anything,

00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,477

or side effects, right?

00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,146

W-W-W-What am I,

a hack?

00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,398

Go nuts, Morty.

It's foolproof.

00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,986

Eh, unless she has the flu.

00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,864

Beth, do y-you still

love me?

00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,283

Ugh, what kind

of question is that?

00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,201

The "yes or no" kind?

[ laughs nervously ]

00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,704

Jerry, do you want

homeless people to have homes?

00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,955

Yes.

00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,040

Are you gonna build them?

00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,166

No.

00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,834

Then what good was the "yes"?

00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,837

Wait, i-is loving me the house

or the homeless people?

00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,715

Loving you is work,

Jerry... hard work,

00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,717

like building

a homeless shelter...

00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,636

nobody wants to say

no to doing it,

00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,346

but some people put the work in.

00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,514

So, what do you say?

Do you see me working here?

00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,892

Does this conversation seem

tedious to me?

00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:29,226

Sort of.

00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:30,937

Then I obviously

sort of love you, don't I?

00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,271

[ cellphone chimes ]

00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,023

So stop asking, and maybe

I'll love you more.

00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,025

Crap, they need me

at the horse hospital.

00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,276

Puh! This late?

00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,570

The racetrack

had a starlight derby.

00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,113

There was a seven-horse

collision,

00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,074

and Davin's there alone.

00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,993

[ thinking ]

Davin. Davin.

00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:48,204

Davin! Davin.

00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,539

Davin!

Davin!

00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,917

Davin! Davin!

00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,919

[ rapping ]

♪ Flu, yo. You gotta be aware ♪

00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,921

♪ Aware of all the flu

up in the air ♪

00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,590

♪ I'm-a get me a shot,

make the flu go away ♪

00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,884

♪ Flu-hating rapper,

just rapping away ♪

00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,261

♪ Yo, yo,

flu-hating rapper ♪

00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,596

♪ It's a flu-hating rap ♪

00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:09,976

Hey, there, Jessica.

Whoa! Oh, whoopsie!

00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,520

Oh, my god.

Morty.

00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,772

You look really nice tonight.

00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:17,775

- Wow, thanks.

- I love you, Morty!

00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:19,777

I love you so much it burns!

00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,780

Oh, man!

I-I love you too, Jessica!

00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:23,990

[ spits ]

00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,992

ls this punk bothering you,

Jessica?

00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,411

Leave him alone, jerk!

I'm in love with him!

00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,413

He is more man

than you will ever be!

00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,622

[ sneezes ]

00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,582

[ rapping ]

♪ This is about flu awareness ♪

00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,210

♪ Gotta be aware of the flu

in the air-ness ♪

00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:38,546

♪ Yo, I'm a flu-hating

rapper ♪

00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,548

Oh, man, Morty.

[ sighs ]

00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,216

I'm really sorry.

00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,635

Oh, well,

n-no problem, Brad.

00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,887

There's something special

about you, Morty...

00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:48,305

so special.

00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,307

Whoa, take it easy!

Get your hands off of him!

00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,309

Back off!

I'm trying to be with my man!

00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,894

That's enough, Bradley!

00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:55,646

We don't want you injuring

your ball-throwing arm.

00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:57,148

Oh, come on,

Principal Vagina. I just...

00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,400

Never leave me, Morty.

Never!

00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:02,445

Uh, sure.

I mean, o-of course not.

00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,947

W-What do you think that

was all about?

00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,699

Who cares? Just hold me.

00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:09,118

Let me go!

I love you, Morty!

00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,327

[ sneezes ]

00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,954

Let go of me!

00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,707

[ sneezes ] Morty!

00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,422

JERRY: She's gonna be alone

with that guy all night.

00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,424

Yeah, Dad, digging

around the insides of horses.

00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,217

It's not a very romantic setting.

00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,969

RICK: Well, Summer,

there's always the possibility

00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,679

that she made the whole

work thing up.

00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,681

Maybe Davin's digging around

in her insides.

00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:33,642

Grandpa, so gross!

You're talking about my mom.

00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,311

Well, she's my daughter, Summer.

00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,812

I outrank you.

00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,565

Or family means nothing, in

which case don't play that card.

00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,358

She's not responding

to my texts!

00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,819

Careful, Dad.

Jealousy turns women off.

00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,571

Well, isn't that convenient?

00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,364

Not for the men

they cheat on, no.

00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,784

Okay, I'm...

going to go out...

00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,118

for some ice cream.

00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:52,703

And maybe

stop by the hospital...

00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,663

to support my wife...

00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,957

with my confidence.

[ door closes ]

00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:59,168

God, Grandpa,

you're such a dick.

00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,962

I'm sorry, Summer. Your opinion

means very little to me.

00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:04,131

How come you're not at this

stupid dance everyone loves?

00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,133

Screw that.

I don't wanna get sick.

00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,885

It's flu season.

- It is?

00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,595

- Yeah.

- Uh-oh.

00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,640

[ hip-hop music plays ]

00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,061

Please just let this work out.

00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:20,022

[ moans ]

Do it, Morty. Do it.

00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,067

Rip my clothes off

and mate with me for life!

00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,151

[ growls ]

00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,946

Um... can we maybe go

somewhere more private?

00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,115

Jessica, get a hold of yourself!

00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,699

[ grunts ]

00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,452

You don't deserve to carry

Morty's genes.

00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,663

[ rapping ] ♪ I love Morty ♪

00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:38,165

♪ and I hope Morty loves me ♪

00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,876

♪ I'd like to wrap my arms

around him ♪

00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,170

♪ and feel him inside me ♪

00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:44,755

Oh, crap.

00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,258

[ indistinct shouting ]

00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,260

JESSICA:

Morty!

00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,762

Morty, come on!

We gotta get you out of here.

00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,764

You won't believe this 'cause

it usually never happens,

00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,224

but I made a mistake.

00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,642

[ both panting ]

00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,435

Come on, Morty.

We got to get out of here.

00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,353

Come on.

- Morty!

00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,563

- MORTY: [ wails ]

- VAGINA: Are you okay?

00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,439

- I'm fine!

- Oh, good.

00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:05,109

If anything ever happened to

you, I would kill myself.

00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,278

I love you bad, Mo-Mo!

00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,029

[ all panting ]

00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,282

[ indistinct shouting ]

00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,200

Morty, the principal and I

have discussed it,

00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:16,787

a-a-and we're both insecure

enough to agree to a three-way!

00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,209

I didn't realize

when I gave you that serum

00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,086

that Jessica had the flu...

you know,

00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,922

t-t-t-t-t-that might have been

valuable information for me!

00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,287

What the hell is going on, Rick?

00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,800

What does it look like?

00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:31,468

T-T-T-The serum is

piggybacking on the virus.

00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,970

It's gone airborne, Morty.

00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,514

Oh, crap.

What are we gonna do, Rick?

00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,099

It's gonna be fine,

Morty, relax.

00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,225

I whipped up an antidote.

00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,477

It's based on praying-mantis

DNA.

00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,479

You know, praying mantises

are the exact opposite of voles.

00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,814

I mean, they...

they mate once,

00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,779

and then they, you know,

decapitate the partner.

00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,234

I mean, it's a whole ritual.

00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,361

It's really gruesome

and totally opposite.

00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,779

There's no love at all.

00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,240

I-I-I basically mixed this with

a more contagious flu virus.

00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,784

It should neutralize

the whole thing, Morty.

00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,494

It'll all be over very shortly.

00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,413

[ indistinct shouting ]

00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,043

Uh, by the way, Morty, I know

you didn't ask or anything,

00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,045

but I'm not interested

in having sex with you.

00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,755

These serums, they don't

work on anybody

00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,173

related to you genetically.

00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,134

Morty!

00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,553

[ all groaning ]

00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,605

Okay, well, sometimes,

00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,607

science is more art

than science, Morty.

00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,567

A lot of people don't get that.

00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:33,197

[ gasps ]

00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,866

[ tires screech ]

00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,701

Come on.

Are you kidding me?

00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,663

Hello!

- Morty!

00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,749

You're not Morty!

Bring us Morty!

00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,759

[ gun cocks ]

Nobody's killing me...

00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:57,012

until after I catch my wife

with another man.

00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,348

WOMAN ON TV:

I had sex with Billy.

00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,183

WOMAN ♪2:

But you were already pregnant!

00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,768

Yeah, so what's the worst

that could happen?

00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:05,646

We interrupt "Pregnant Baby"

with breaking news.

00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,273

[ groans ] Come on.

00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,733

This just in... Morty Smith's

whereabouts are still unknown.

00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,777

What the hell?

00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,613

The only thing that is known

is... how cute he is.

00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:17,199

I love him so much, I want

to make love to him

00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,867

and then eat his head.

00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,869

I love him more than you do,

Harold!

00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,621

You wish, you stupid bitch!

00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,248

- Morty's mine!

- Morty's mine!

00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:25,708

Meant to be together!

00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,877

[ speaking Arabic] Morty!

00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,588

[ speaking Arabic]

00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:35,217

[ banging on door ]

00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,760

Where is Morty?

00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:39,847

[ screams ]

00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:50,107

[ conversing in foreign language ]

00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,527

Oh, my god, Rick.

The whole world is infected!

00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,738

Yeah, it's pretty wild

how fast that spread.

00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,990

I've really outdone myself.

- Outdone yourself?!

00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,908

W-W... a-are... are you

kidding me, Rick?

00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,535

This is not okay!

00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,329

Not only do they all want

to have sex with me,

00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,373

but, you know, now they want

to eat me afterwards!

00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,790

Yeah, I don't know what

I was thinking.

00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,542

Mantises are

the opposite of voles?

00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:11,253

I mean, obviously, DNA's more

complicated than that.

00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,629

You know what, though, Morty?

00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,465

This right here's gonna do

the trick, baby.

00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,967

It's koala mixed

with rattlesnake, chimpanzee,

00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:19,303

cactus, shark, golden retriever,

00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,180

and just a smidge of dinosaur.

00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:22,931

Should add up

to normal humanity.

00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,776

I don't... that doesn't make

any sense, Rick.

00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,810

How does that add up

to normal humanity?

00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,562

What, Morty, you want me

to show you my math?

00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,230

I'm sorry... a-are you

the scientist

00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,107

or are you the kid

that wanted to get laid?

00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,277

[ exhales deeply ]

00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,154

Well, I'm glad we saved

all those horses,

00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,156

but I'm almost sorry

we're finished.

00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,741

Yes, it's satisfying work.

00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,910

Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh...

it's more than the work.

00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,412

I love being

in that sterilized room,

00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,664

sealed off from the world.

00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,000

It's the only time I can

really think... and feel.

00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,210

[ slow music plays ]

00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,587

Hmm, uh, what are you doing?

00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,756

I'm playing African dream pop.

00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,966

What do you do

after a long night?

00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,134

[ click ]

00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,012

Oh, ha, um, hey, I b...

I'd better get going.

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,765

Um, Jerry's been texting some

pretty high-maintenance stuff.

00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,725

- Beth...

- What is it, Davin?

00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,645

Just once, I'd like to know...

00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,729

[ sneezes ]

00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,233

w-w-what it was like

to give your son a bath.

00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:15,401

What?!

00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,821

What does Morty's skin

smell like?

00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,448

How soft...

[ grunts ]

00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:23,867

How soft are his privates?

00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,786

Let go of me, Davin!

00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,205

[ glass shatters ]

00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:31,583

[ roars ]

00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,794

Take me to Morty.

00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,045

[ grunts ]

00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,922

You're not Morty.

00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,466

No, I'm Mr. Crowbar,

00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:41,802

and this is my friend,

00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,096

who is also a crowbar.

00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,973

That's... stupid.

00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:48,809

[ grunting ]

00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,018

Yeah?

00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,854

Well, look where being

smart got you.

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,856

Jerry! Thank God!

00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,023

God?

00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,110

God's turning people

into insect monsters, Beth.

00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,279

I'm the one beating them

to death.

00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:02,614

Thank me.

- Thank you, Jerry.

00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,032

Thank you.

00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:10,747

Take a good look down there,

Morty, and soak it in,

00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,291

because, you know,

once I pull this lever,

00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,667

it's all back to normal.

00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,210

Just do it already.

00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,045

Well, technically,

Morty, there's no rush.

00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,970

I mean, you know,

o-once it's fixed, it's done.

00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,799

It's fixed.

You know, we could...

00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,801

we could just enjoy it

for a little bit.

00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,261

I mean, I-I-I-look

at how crazy it is.

00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,929

I mean, Morty,

w-w-when's the next time

00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,454

you're gonna see

something like this?

00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:28,974

I mean, soak it in, you know?

00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,642

It's... it's pretty neat.

It's pretty interesting.

00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,247

That's it, Rick!

I'm pulling the lever.

00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,645

[ grunts ]

00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,028

W-What do we have here,

Morty?

00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:42,952

Looks like I was right

and you were wrong, huh?

00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,991

I-I-I-l-I bet you feel pretty

stupid right about now, huh?

00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,868

I-I-I bet you feel like

the world's smallest man

00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,162

that you were doubting me about

this whole thing, Morty.

00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,122

Oh, Rick, something's not right.

00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,790

[ sighs ] Yeah, you.

00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,125

You're not right... ever.

00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,002

No, no!

Look, you idiot!

00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,837

[ all screaming ]

00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,183

[ all speaking foreign language]

00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:15,354

[ all groaning ]

00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:20,108

[ all speaking foreign language ]

00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,070

Bet you're loving this, Morty.

00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,155

This must be the best day

of your life.

00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,075

You get to be the mayor

of l-Told-You Town.

00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,160

[ slurps ] You're welcome.

00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,245

[ slurps ]

00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,964

- Hold on.

- [ whimpers ]

00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:45,133

[ engine revs, tires squeal ]

00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,399

[ gun cocks ]

00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,776

I wish that shotgun

was my penis.

00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,737

If it were, you could

call me Ernest Hemingway.

00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,365

I don't get it,

and I don't need to.

00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:09,449

[ both moaning ]

00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,368

SUMMER:

Mom! Dad!

00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,161

BOTH:

Summer!

00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:15,080

[ sighs ]

00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,290

Where's Morty?

00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:17,666

I don't know.

00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,835

Do you think Grandpa Rick had

something to do with this?

00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,670

It's not fair to

assume that, Summer.

00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,714

Oh, not fair?

Give me a break.

00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:25,799

He is a selfish,

irresponsible ass,

00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:27,259

and he left my mother.

00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,137

A real man stands by his woman.

00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:35,017

[ both moaning ]

00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,853

♪ Tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo.

Tchoo-tchoo ♪

00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,522

Boy, I really Cronenberged

the world up, didn't I?

00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,357

We got a whole planet of

Cronenbergs

00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,026

walking around

down there, Morty.

00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:46,111

A-At least they're not in love

with you anymore, though.

00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,946

That's a huge step

in the right direction.

00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,240

Oh, my God!

It's a living nightmare!

00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:52,784

How could you be

so irresponsible, Rick?

00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,287

Me irresponsible?! You...

all I wanted you to do

00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,039

was hand me

a screwdriver, Morty!

00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,791

You're the one who wanted to

be... wanted me to buckle down

00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,127

and make you up a...

roofie-juice serum

00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:05,339

so you could roofie that

poor girl at your school.

00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,383

I mean, g... w-w-w-w-w... w...

are you kidding me, Morty?

00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,468

You're gonna try to take

the high road on this one?

00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,928

Y-Y-Y-Y-You're a little

creep, Morty.

00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:13,305

Y-You're a... you're...

you're...

00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,307

you're just a little creepy...

creep person.

00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,017

All right, fine. I should have

just listened to you

00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:18,644

when you refused to make

the serum.

00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,562

I'm willing to accept my part of

the blame for this, Rick.

00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,272

But I'll tell you something...

you know what?

00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,940

You gotta accept your part

of the blame!

00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,734

I'm not the one

who fouled up the serum!

00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,569

I'm not the one who...

who... who...

00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,029

who haphazardly, you know,

00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:30,697

mixed a bunch of nonsense

together

00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:32,491

and created a bunch of

Cronenbergs!

00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,868

You gotta fix this, Rick!

- All right, all right, Morty.

00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,578

You know, w-w-w-we are

in a pretty deep hole, here,

00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,373

but I do have one emergency

solution that I can use

00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,291

that'll kind of put

everything back to normal,

00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,751

relatively speaking.

00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,252

Here, Morty, put this on

while I do

00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,254

a little bit of scouting.

00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,051

[ birds chirping ]

00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,602

MORTY:

Wow, Rick, I gotta say...

00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,767

you really pulled a rabbit out

of your hat this time.

00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:04,731

I mean, l-I really thought

that the whole place

00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,608

was gonna be messed up for good,

00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,568

but here, you did it...

y-y-you... you...

00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:10,320

you figured out that crazy

solution,

00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:11,488

like you always do.

00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,323

Whoo!

That's some great luck.

00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,325

Come on, Morty. Luck had

nothing to do with it.

00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:18,370

I'm great.

That's the real reason.

00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,497

Now, Morty, what do you

say, buddy?

00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,332

Will you hand me a screwdriver

00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,167

so I can finish my ionic

dis... defibulizer?

00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,503

Sure thing, Rick.

Here's a screwdriver.

00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,797

All right, Morty.

Thank you very much.

00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,800

We got one screw turn...

and two screw turns...

00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,593

and...

00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,142

All right, Morty, here we are.

00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,144

Oh, my god, Rick!

Is that us?!

00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,104

W-W-W-We're dead!

What is going on, Rick?

00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:45,689

I'm freaking out!

00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,357

Calm down, Morty!

Look at me! Calm down, Morty!

00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,067

No, I can't deal with this!

00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,694

Calm yourself, Morty.

00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,279

I can't deal with this, Rick!

00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:53,780

- Calm down, Morty.

- This can't be real!

00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:55,991

- You gotta calm down, Morty.

- W-W-W-W-We're ripped apart!

00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,951

Shut up and listen to me!

00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,286

It's fine.

Everything is fine.

00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,787

There's an infinite number

of realities, Morty,

00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,539

and in a few dozen of those,

00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,583

I got lucky and turned

everything back to normal.

00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:06,334

I just had to find one

of those realities

00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,045

in which we also happen to both

die around this time.

00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,589

Now we can just slip

into the place

00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,174

of our dead selves

in this reality

00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,842

and everything will be fine.

00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,343

We're not skipping a beat,

Morty.

00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,428

Now, help me with these bodies.

00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,596

This is insane.

00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,840

Look, Morty, I'll grab myself,

you grab yourself, okay?

00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,266

I mean, t-t-t-that seems

fair to me...

00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,310

I mean, that seems like

a fair way to divvy it up.

00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,353

Rick, what about

the reality we left behind?

00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,106

What about the reality where

Hitler cured cancer, Morty?

00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,608

The answer is don't

think about it.

00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:31,818

It's not like we can do this

every week, anyways.

00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,503

We get three or four more

of these, tops.

00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,280

Now, pick up your dead self

and come on.

00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:36,615

Haste makes waste.

00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,825

I-I-I don't suppose you've

considered this detail,

00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,411

but obviously, if I hadn't

screwed up as much as I did,

00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:45,332

we'd be these guys right now,

so, again, you're welcome.

00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:55,258

♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪

00:18:55,343 --> 00:19:02,432

♪ There's still fountains

down there ♪

00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:11,191

♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪

00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:18,532

♪ It's still raining up here ♪

00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:29,042

♪ Everybody seems so far away

from me ♪

00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:36,716

♪ Everybody just wants

to be free ♪

00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:42,889

♪ Look away from the sky ♪

00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:49,688

♪ It's no different

when you're leaving home ♪

00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:58,572

♪ I can't be the same thing

to you now ♪

00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:02,576

♪ I'm just gone ♪

00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:08,290

♪ Just gone ♪

00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:16,374

♪ How could I say goodbye? ♪

00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:24,264

You know, the thing

about a shark...

00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:26,725

he's got lifeless eyes...

00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:28,727

black eyes, like a doll's eyes.

00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,312

When he comes at ya,

00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,314

he doesn't seem to be living

until he bites ya,

00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:35,275

and then the... the blood,

and the red, and the water...

00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,359

[ sighs ]

00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,570

You ever wonder what happened

to Rick and Morty?

00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:41,406

Sometimes.

But, I'm ashamed to admit,

00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:47,037

now that they're gone,

I'm finally happy.

00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,247

Here we are, Cronenberg Morty...

00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,874

a reality where

everyone in the world

00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,334

got genetically Cronenberged.

00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,502

We'll fit right in,

Cronenberg Morty.

00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,963

It'll be like we never even

left Cronenberg world.

00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:58,423

Yeah, Cronenberg Rick,

00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,347

but, you know, I'm gonna miss

Cronenberg world,

00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:01,968

because everyone

was Cronenberged all along

00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,720

like us from the beginning,

you know?

00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,347

I mean, l-I wish we hadn't

genetically ruined

00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,349

Cronenberg World

beyond repair like we did,

00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,976

you know, and turned everyone

into regular, normal people

00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:11,519

just walking around.

00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,204

Don't you worry about

that sort of thing,

00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,356

Cronenberg Morty.

00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,734

Let's go make ourselves

at home, huh?

00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,864

Did you get any of that?

00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,908

It's a good-a show!