Пилот

00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,130

You got to come with me.

00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,048

What's going on?

00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:08,049

I got a surprise for you, Morty.

00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:08,925

It's the middle of the night.

00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,718

I got a surprise for you.

00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:11,803

Ow!

00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,596

Ow! You're tugging

me too hard.

00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:14,961

I got a surprise for you, Morty.

00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,185

What do you what do you

00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,187

think of this

flying vehicle, Morty?

00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,855

I built it out of stuff

I found in the garage.

00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,315

Yeah, Rick, it's...

it's great.

00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,483

Is this the surprise?

00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,652

Morty, I had to...

I had to do...

00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,320

I had to...

I had to...

00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:30,321

I had to make a bomb, Morty.

00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:31,406

I had to create a bomb.

00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:32,407

What?! A bomb?!

00:00:32,408 --> 00:00:33,688

We're gonna drop

it down there...

00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:34,617

Just get a whole

fresh start, Morty.

00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,202

Create a whole fresh start.

00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:37,370

T-t-that's

absolutely crazy!

00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,496

Come on, Morty.

Just take it easy, Morty.

00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,039

It's gonna be good.

00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,041

Right now, we're gonna go pick

up your little friend Jessica.

00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,126

Jessica?

00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,335

From my math class?

00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:46,212

When I drop the bomb, I don't...

00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,839

You know, I want you to have

somebody,

00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,757

you know...

I want you to have the thing...

00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,092

I'm gonna make it like

a new Adam and Eve,

00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:52,176

and you're gonna be Adam.

00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,930

And Jessica's gonna be Eve, and

so that's the surprise, Morty.

00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,098

No, you can't!

00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,582

J-Jessica doesn't

even know I exist.

00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,767

But... but... but

forget about that,

00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:01,394

because you can't

blow up humanity.

00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:02,937

I-I get what you're trying

to say, M-Morty.

00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,564

Listen, I'm not...

you don't...

00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:06,774

y-y-you don't got to worry about

me trying to fool around with...

00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,939

with Jessica or mess around

with Jessica or anything.

00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:10,278

I'm... I'm not that

kind of guy, Morty.

00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,654

What are you talking

about, Rick?

00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,239

You... you... you don't

have to worry about me getting

00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,532

with Jessica or anything.

00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,034

She... she... she... she...

she's all for you, Morty.

00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:19,203

I don't care about Jessica!

00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:20,413

You know what, Morty?

You're right.

00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,081

Let's forget the

girl all together.

00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,666

She... she's probably nothing

but trouble, anyways.

00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,168

Arming Neutrino bomb.

00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,085

That's it...

That's it, Rick.

00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:26,961

I'm taking the wheel.

00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,212

Get off of me, Morty!

00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,672

I'm taking charge of

this situation, buddy.

00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:30,965

What's gotten into you?

00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,383

I'm... I'm... I'm...

00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:34,761

I'm not gonna stand around

like some sort of dumb...

00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,095

What are you, crazy?

00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,555

Person and just let

you blow up the whole world.

00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:38,473

All right, all right.

00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:39,891

I'll... I'll land.

00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:40,808

I'll land. I'll land.

00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:42,685

I'll land the thing.

00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,187

Big tough guy all of a sudden.

00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,108

We'll park it right here, Morty.

00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:50,443

Right here on the s-side

of the r-road here.

00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,402

Oh, thank God.

00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:52,361

You know what?

00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,155

That was all a test, Morty.

00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:57,200

Just an elaborate test

to make you more assertive.

00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,159

It was?

00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,243

Sure. Why not?

00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,286

I don't... I don't know.

00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,245

You... you know what, Mo...

00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:03,790

Neutrino bomb armed.

00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,042

Um...

00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:44,121

I see there's a new episode of

that singing show tonight.

00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,999

Who do you guys think is

gonna be the best singer?

00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,209

Oh, my God.

His head is in his food.

00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,293

I'm going to puke.

00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,711

Morty, are you getting sick?

00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,956

I told you not to practice-kiss

the living-room pillow.

00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,090

The dog sleeps on it.

00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,842

I wasn't kissing a pillow, Mom.

00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,344

I just... I didn't get a

lot of sleep last night.

00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,471

Maybe my dreams were just

too loud or something.

00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,756

Or maybe you were out all night

again with grandpa Rick.

00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:03,599

What?!

00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:04,475

Dad?

00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,352

What, so everyone's supposed to

sleep every single night now?

00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,604

You realize that nighttime

makes up half of all time?

00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,522

Damn it!

00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,773

- Jerry!

- Beth!

00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:11,899

Oh, my God.

My parents are so loud.

00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:12,984

I want to die.

00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,360

Mm, there is no God, Summer.

00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,237

You got to rip that band-aid off

now. You'll thank me later.

00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,072

Okay, with all due respect,

Rick...

00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:19,991

What am I talking about?

What respect is due?

00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:23,661

How is my son supposed to pass

his classes if you keep dragging

00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,372

him off for high-concept

sci-fi rigamarole?

00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,749

Listen, Jerry, I-l don't want to

overstep my bounds or anything.

00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,376

It's your house.

It's your world.

00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,580

You're a real Julius Caesar.

00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:32,670

But I'll tell you some...

tell you how...

00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:33,994

how I feel about school, Jerry.

00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,256

It's a waste of time...

00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,674

A bunch of people

running around,

00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:37,800

bumping into each other.

00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,552

G-guy up front says,

"Two plus two."

00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,387

The people in the

back say, "Four."

00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,631

Then the bell rings, and they

give you a carton of milk

00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,767

and a piece of paper that says you can

go take a dump or something.

00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,270

I mean, it's... it's not a

place for smart people, Jerry.

00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,479

And I know that's not

a popular opinion,

00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,691

but it's my two cents

on the issue.

00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,401

This was a good breakfast, Beth.

00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,528

You really made the

crap out of those eggs.

00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,822

I wish your mother

was here to eat them.

00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,198

Oh, Dad.

00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,074

What?

00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,035

For real?

00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,786

All right, now, everybody get settled.

00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,538

Get away from the windows!

00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:08,789

Now, look, we're gonna be

00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,750

dealing with some real

serious stuff today.

00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,710

You might have heard of it.

It's called math.

00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,837

And without it,

none of us would even exist,

00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,048

so let's jump right in...

two plus two.

00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,132

Jessica.

00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,592

Five plus five.

00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:20,885

Tenssica.

00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:21,969

Okay, good.

00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,054

It's time for the quiz.

00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,431

Yeah, you know what?!

Aw, too bad!

00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:26,557

Tough!

00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:28,809

First row, take one.

Pass it back for me.

00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,686

The stakes are high

in this room.

00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:34,023

There's crucial things

happening here every day.

00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:34,982

People getting smarter.

00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,108

Some of y'all getting dumber.

00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,444

Some of y'all ain't

gonna see 3:00.

00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,948

Hi, Morty.

00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,032

Whoa!

00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,158

Hi, Jessica.

00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,576

Can I show these to you?

00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:46,535

Wow.

00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,703

Th-they're both great.

00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,788

Thank you.

00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:49,747

You know what I named these?

00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,040

My little Morties.

00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,918

Uh, that's flattering...

and a little weird.

00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,962

Do you know what I want

you to do with them?

00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,046

Rename them?

00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,464

Squeeze them.

00:04:58,548 --> 00:04:59,632

Manhandle them.

00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:00,758

Give them the business.

00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,218

See if you can shuffle them.

00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,512

I mean, really get in there

and knock them around.

00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:05,763

No wrong answers.

00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,639

Wow.

00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,015

Well, okay, Jessica.

00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,475

L-let's give this a shot.

00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:10,726

Mm.

00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:11,811

Oh, Morty.

00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,354

What are you doing to me?

00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,606

Uh, I-I'm just

doing my best.

00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:16,691

Morty!

00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:17,566

What are you doing to me?!

00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,484

Jessica.

00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,610

Morty!

00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,696

Jessica.

00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,739

Five more minutes of this,

and I'm gonna get mad.

00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,700

Je-Jessica.

00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:26,993

Jessica.

00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,317

Not my fault this is happening.

00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,373

Well, well, well.

00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,457

Uh, morning, Frank.

00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,500

"Morning"?

00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,501

What was... what is

that supposed to mean?

00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:36,711

You making fun of me?

00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:37,920

Are you trying to

say my family's poor?

00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,046

Oh, geez, Frank.

00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:40,464

I don't know if a

knife is necessary.

00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,883

I mean, you know, y-you kind of

had things handled without it.

00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:45,219

You telling me how to bully now?

00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,679

Big mistake, Morty.

00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:51,017

And now I'm gonna cut you,

'cause my family's rich.

00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:53,978

There you are, Morty.

00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,229

Listen to me.

00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,939

I got an errand to run in a

whole different dimension.

00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,524

I need an extra pair of hands.

00:05:58,608 --> 00:05:59,734

Oh, geez, Rick.

00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,152

W-what'd you do to Frank?

00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,611

It's pretty obvious, Morty.

I froze him.

00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,530

Now listen...

I need your help, Morty.

00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,157

I mean, we got...

we got to get...

00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,200

get the hell out of here

and go take care of business.

00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,328

It's important. Come on, Morty.

00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:12,413

I don't know, Rick.

00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:13,664

I-I can't leave school again.

00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,124

Do you have any concept of how

much higher the stakes

00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,417

get out there, Morty?

00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,918

What do you think...

I can just do it all by myself?

00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:18,878

Come on!

00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,004

Aw, geez. Okay.

00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,380

I guess I can skip History.

00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:22,923

What about Frank?

00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,091

I mean, shouldn't

you unfreeze him?

00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,384

I'll do it later, Morty.

00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:26,469

He'll be fine.

00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,305

Let's go.

00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,307

Oh, my God.

00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,851

I'm about to walk

past Frank Palicky.

00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:37,021

This is the story we'll

be telling our children.

00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,314

Hi, Frank.

00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,610

Aah!

00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:47,198

Scalpel.

00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,407

Knock, knock.

00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:49,575

Jerry?

00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,699

My manager gave me an hour

for lunch, and I thought,

00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,038

"Hey, why not swing by

where your wife works?"

00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,748

We're losing him.

00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,124

Okay, he's back.

00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:59,585

Jerry, please tell me you're

here for an incredibly urgent reason.

00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,128

Well, it's lunch.

00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,006

I mean, it's one of three meals

that have existed for millennia.

00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,132

Losing him.

00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,383

Stabilized.

00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,928

Okay, I only ask, Jerry,

because, as you know,

00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,472

my job involves

performing heart surgery.

00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,890

Well, yeah, on horses.

00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,016

Excuse me?

00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,810

Okay. Let's not

rehash that fight.

00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:18,646

I sense that you're busy

and will now be on my way.

00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:19,814

Whoa!

00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,398

What is this on the floor?

00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,944

Some kind of literature for

a really nice-looking nursing home.

00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,695

Hey, honey, crazy idea...

bad pitch...

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,155

let's put your Dad here.

00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,680

Let's put your Dad

in a nursing home.

00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,700

We're losing him.

00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:32,701

Hey, Tom.

00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,661

We know when we're losing him.

00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,037

We can hear the beeps!

00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,331

There she is. All right.

00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,541

Come on, Morty.

Let's go.

00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,500

Oh, geez.

00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:40,835

Okay.

00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,629

Oh, man, Rick.

00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,005

What is this place?

00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,716

It's dimension 35C,

and it's got the perfect

00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,761

climate conditions for a

special type of tree, Morty,

00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,138

called a Mega tree,

00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,514

and there's fruit

in those trees,

00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,057

and there's seeds

in those fruits.

00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,517

I'm talking about Mega seeds.

00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,811

They're... they're

incredibly powerful,

00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,980

and I need them to help me

with my research, Morty.

00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,982

Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking

around this place,

00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,817

and I'm starting to work up some

anxiety about this whole thing.

00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:05,901

All right. All right.

Calm down.

00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,111

Listen to me, Morty.

00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,405

I know that new situations

can be intimidating.

00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,782

You're looking around, and it's

all scary and different, but,

00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,660

you know, m-meeting them head

on, charging right into them

00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,912

like a bull...

that's how we grow as people.

00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,747

I'm no stranger

to scary situations.

00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,207

I deal with them all the time.

00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:22,492

Now, if you just stick with me,

Morty, we're gonna be...

00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:23,961

Holy crap, Morty, run!

00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,089

I never seen that thing

before in my life.

00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,654

I don't even know

what the hell it is!

00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,955

We got to get out

of here, Morty!

00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:30,885

It's gonna kill us!

00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:31,969

We're gonna die!

00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,220

We're gonna die, Morty!

00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,141

Oh, Morty, take a deep breath.

00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,226

Breathe that... breathe that

fresh air in, Morty.

00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,519

Y-you smell that?

00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,146

That's the smell

of adventure, Morty.

00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,565

That's... that's the smell of...

of... of... of a whole different

00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,650

evolutionary timeline.

00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:47,818

All right, Rick, look...

00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:49,236

how much longer

is this gonna be?

00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,529

Shouldn't I be

back at school by now?

00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,739

Are you joking me?

00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:54,241

I mean, look at all the

crazy crap surrounding us.

00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,451

Look at that thing right there.

00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,911

W-what the hell is that thing?

00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,579

You think you're gonna see

that kind of thing at school?

00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,247

Look at it just lumbering around.

00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,917

It defies all logic...

that thing.

00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,001

Yeah, Rick, I get it.

00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,502

We're surrounded by monsters.

00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,387

That's kind of the reason

why I want to leave.

00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:08,297

Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.

00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,508

Morty, you see this?

00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,552

You see what we just

stumbled upon, Morty?

00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:14,762

Any idea what that

is down there?

00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:15,930

The Mega trees?

00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,306

That's right, Morty...

the Mega trees

00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,724

with the Mega fruit on them.

00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,184

And that's what I'm

talking about, Morty.

00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,644

That's where my seeds are.

00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:22,770

If we would have done

what you wanted,

00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,104

I would have never

have found them,

00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,856

because y... because you're

so in love with school.

00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,191

All right, all right.

00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,109

So, what's so special about

these seeds, anyways?

00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:30,861

You ask a lot of

questions, Morty.

00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:32,196

Not very charismatic.

00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,656

It makes you kind of

an under...

00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,157

underfoot figure.

00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,408

Just take these shoes, Morty.

00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,293

They're Sp...

special grappling shoes.

00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,579

When you're wearing these

things... Ba... these babies,

00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:43,290

you can basically just walk on

any surface you want, Morty...

00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,292

up, down, below,

turn around to the left.

00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,211

These things really bring

it all together.

00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,921

Aah!

00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,245

You have to turn them on, Morty!

00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,466

The shoes have to be turned on!

00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:55,302

I am not putting my father in a home!

00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,263

He just came back into my life,

00:09:57,347 --> 00:10:00,766

and you want to grab him and

stuff him under a mattress like

00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,309

last month's Victoria's Secret?

00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,874

I told you... I was ordering you

something for Valentine's Day.

00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:09,608

More importantly, your father is

a horrible influence on our son.

00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:10,943

Everything cool in here, Beth?

00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:11,860

It's fine, Davin.

00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:12,987

Okay, cool.

00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,488

You know, we did

something great today.

00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:18,075

There's nothing more noble and

free than the heart of a horse.

00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,577

Since we're fighting,

if you ever have an affair

00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,162

with that guy, I will

come to the hotel room

00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,707

and blow my brains out

all over your naked bodies.

00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,751

Look, I appreciate the

stress you're under, but

00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,129

Morty was having trouble in

school way before my dad moved

00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:33,507

in, and the only influence I

can see Rick having is that,

00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,719

for the first time in his life,

Morty has a friend.

00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,764

Well, maybe you're right.

00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,850

Uh, yeah, maybe I am.

00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:43,934

I'm my father's daughter.

00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:44,935

I'm smart.

00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:45,894

Why do you think

I'm a heart surgeon?

00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:46,812

Horse heart surgeon.

00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,230

- Hello?

- Mrs. Smith?

00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,875

This is Principal Vagina...

no relation.

00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,692

I wonder if you and Morty's

father might be able to have

00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:52,936

a chat with me this afternoon?

00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,115

Morty, oh, you really d-did a

number on your legs right now.

00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,659

You know, you got to

turn the shoes on, Morty,

00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,910

for them to work.

00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,195

Yeah, look...

I turned mine on.

00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,455

I had no problem

getting down here.

00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,040

It was a leisurely breeze.

00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,374

I'm in a lot of pain, Rick.

00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,876

Yeah, I can see that.

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,795

But do you think you'll still be

able to help me collect

00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,088

my seeds, Morty?

00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,173

Are you kidding me?!

00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,174

That's it, Rick!

00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,425

That's the last straw!

00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,469

I can't believe this...

I'm sitting here with both

00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,137

of my legs broken,

and you're still asking me

00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,764

about getting those seeds?!

00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,307

Ooh! Ow! Oh!

00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,683

Y-y-you're a monster.

00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,435

Y-you're like Hitler, but...

00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,562

but even Hitler cared about

Germany or something.

00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,272

Okay, hold on just a second,

Morty.

00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:41,742

Ooh.

00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:45,371

Ohh.

00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,460

Ooh.

00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,712

Wow, Rick.

00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,256

That stuff just healed

my broken legs instantly.

00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:59,551

I mean, I've never felt

so good in my life.

00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:00,636

Thank you.

00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:01,887

Don't worry about it, Morty.

00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,847

Just come help me get these

seeds, all right, buddy?

00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,099

Sure thing, Rick.

00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,683

Not that you asked, Morty,

but what just happened

00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,645

there is I went into a future

dimension with such advanced

00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,939

medicine that they had

broken-leg serum at every

00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,315

corner drugstore.

00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,566

The stuff was all over

the place, Morty.

00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,151

Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick.

00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,569

There's just one problem,

Morty...

00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:18,779

one little hang-up.

00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,447

The dimension I visited was so

advanced,

00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,658

they had also halted

the aging process,

00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,159

and everyone there was young,

Morty,

00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,369

and they had been forever.

00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,037

I was the only old

person there, Morty.

00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,248

It was like I was some

sort of, you know, celebrity,

00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,499

walking around.

00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,959

I-I was fascinating to them.

00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:34,294

There were a lot of attractive

women there, Morty, and they...

00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,963

they... they...

they all wanted time with me.

00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,847

I had a lot of fun with

a lot of young ladies,

00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,466

but I spent so much time there,

00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:40,951

my interdimensional

portal device...

00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,636

it's got no charge left, Morty.

00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:43,720

It's got no charge left.

00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:44,596

What?!

00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,764

It's as good as garbage, Morty.

00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:46,807

It's not gonna

work anymore, Morty.

00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:47,975

Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good.

00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:49,685

W-what are we gonna do?

00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,854

I-I have to be back

at school right now.

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,178

How are we gonna get back home?

00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,773

There's ways to

get back home, Morty.

00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,733

It's just... it's just gonna

be a little bit of a hassle.

00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,569

We're gonna have to go through

Interdimensional Customs,

00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,071

so you're gonna have

to do me a real solid.

00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:02,156

Uh-oh.

00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,407

When we get to Customs,

00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,492

I'm gonna need you to take

these seeds into the bathroom,

00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:07,035

and I'm gonna need you

to put them way up

00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,036

inside your butthole, Morty.

00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,329

In my butt?

00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,039

Put them way up inside there,

as far as they can fit.

00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,249

Oh, geez, Rick.

00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,542

I really don't want

to have to do that.

00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,085

Well, somebody's got

to do it, Morty.

00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:18,088

Th-these seeds aren't gonna get

through Customs unless they're

00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,131

in someone's rectum, Morty.

00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,383

And they'll fall

right out of mine.

00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,051

I've done this

too many times, Morty.

00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,261

I mean, you're young.

00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,180

You've got your whole

life ahead of you,

00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,432

and your anal cavity is

still taut, yet malleable.

00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,916

You got to do it

for Grandpa, Morty.

00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,685

Y-you've got to put these

seeds inside your butt.

00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:32,561

In my butt?

00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,479

Come on, Morty.

00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:34,396

Please, Morty.

00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,522

You have to do it, Morty.

00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,607

Oh, man.

00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,319

The fact is, your son, Morty,

has attended this school for a

00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:42,779

total of seven hours over

the last two months.

00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,406

What? Why didn't

you notify us?

00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,283

I done been notifying you.

00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,659

Have you not been

getting the messages

00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,077

I've been leaving with Morty's

grandfather?

00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,245

Boom!

00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,872

Told you! Ln your face!

00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,749

He is ruining our child!

00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,250

Wait, what am I celebrating?

00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,960

Yeah, see, I thought

something was fishy there,

00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,420

because it's usually Morty's

grandpa that's taking

00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,296

him out of school.

00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:00,380

Summer?

00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,717

What kind of God lets this happen?

00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:04,885

We had a little incident.

00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,595

A student was frozen to death.

00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,723

And there's no evidence that

a Latino student did it!

00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,391

Everyone wants to take

this to a racial place.

00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:12,893

I won't let them.

00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:16,939

The Glarp Zone is for flarping

and unglarping only.

00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,942

So, I told him,

"Give me the Blimfarx," you know?

00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,527

This... this guy...

00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:22,903

he doesn't understand

interstellar currency.

00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,696

It's, like, I'm trying

to eat a Flimflam...

00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,865

like, that's what

we eat on Girvonesk.

00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:29,743

The glarp zone is for

flarping and unglarping only.

00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,036

I don't like it here, Morty.

00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,371

I can't abide bureaucracy.

00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,164

I don't like being told

where to go and what to do.

00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,582

I consider it a violation.

00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,167

Did you get those seeds

all the way up your butt?

00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,293

Yeah, Rick.

00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,670

Let's just get

this over with, okay?

00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,338

I mean, these things are pointy.

They hurt.

00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,589

That means they're good ones.

00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,049

You're a good kid, Morty.

00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,343

Those Mega seeds are super

valuable to my work.

00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,095

You've been a huge help to me.

00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,619

I'm gonna be able to do

all kinds of things with them.

00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,474

It's gonna be great, Morty.

00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,759

All kinds of science.

00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,060

Okay, next through.

00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,937

Except you. You go over there.

00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,063

Why does he have

to go over there?

00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,189

Random check.

00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:00,274

He's got to go through

the new machine.

00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,358

What new...

what new machine?

00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:02,484

It's a new machine.

00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:03,860

It detects stuff all

the way up your butt.

00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,612

Run, Morty! Run!

00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:06,780

Aah!

00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:07,864

Red alert!

00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:22,045

Ohhhhh!

00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,805

Hey! Ohhhhhh.

00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:33,682

Aah!

00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,808

Don't think about it!

00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,478

Ooh!

00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,274

Oh, nice, Morty!

00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,555

The student becomes the teacher.

00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,452

Whoooooo!

00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,996

Aah!

00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,664

Aw, hell, no, dawg.

00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,957

You know me...

I'm just trying to...

00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:01,209

Aah!

00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,131

I need to type in the coordinates

to our home world, Morty.

00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,674

Cover me.

- Oh, man.

00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,679

I mean, you know, I-I

don't want to shoot nobody.

00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:10,844

They're just robots, Morty!

00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,012

It's okay to shoot them!

00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,096

They're robots!

00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:15,140

Aah!

00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,558

My leg is shot off!

00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,976

Glenn's bleeding to death!

00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,145

Someone call his wife

and children!

00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,271

They're not robots, Rick!

00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:22,606

It's a figure of speech, Morty.

00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:23,690

They're bureaucrats.

00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:24,733

I don't respect them.

00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:25,942

Just keep shooting, Morty.

00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:28,612

You have no idea what

prison is like here!

00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,033

Holy crap!

This is insane!

00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:44,378

Come on, Morty!

00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,780

We got to get the

hell out of here!

00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,259

Wow.

00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,679

Did you just come into the

cafeteria through a portal?

00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,055

Uh, yeah.

00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,849

Well, you know, my... my

Ferrari's in the shop.

00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:00,268

Ju... just kidding.

00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,937

You're Morty, right?

- Yeah.

00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,181

You can get his number later.

00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,898

Come on, Morty. We got

to get out of here.

00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,191

You got to get those

seeds out of your ass.

00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,317

Oh, look, honey.

00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:09,611

It's our son with

Albert Ein-douche.

00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,779

What?

00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,280

I'm an angry father,

not an improvisor.

00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,573

Oh, hi, Jerry.

00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,242

Oh, my goodness, Morty!

00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,910

What are you doing out of class?

00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,203

We talked about this.

00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,080

Your... your parents and

I are very disappointed in...

00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,749

in this behavior.

00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:24,626

No? No takers?

00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,795

You guys should really not

be touching that stuff.

00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:27,838

It's beyond your reasoning.

00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:28,839

You're beyond our reasoning!

00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,215

Takes one to know one.

00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:34,720

Dad, how could you make my

son miss an entire semester of school?

00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,284

I mean, it's not like

he's a hot girl.

00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:38,265

He can't just bail on

his life and set up shop

00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,516

in someone else's.

00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,767

What... what are you

guys doing with my stuff?

00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:43,520

We're moving you...

to a nursing home.

00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:44,604

A nursing home?

00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:45,647

What are...

what are you, nuts?

00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:46,732

I'm a genius.

00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,108

I build robots for fun.

00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,193

Well, now you can build baskets

and watch Paul Newman movies

00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,572

on VHS and mentally scar the

Boy Scouts every Christmas.

00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:54,489

What does that mean?

00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,407

It's personal.

00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:56,742

Dad, mom, c-come on.

00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,077

Rick just needed my help is all.

00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,454

Morty, stay out of this.

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:04,166

You are obviously not capable

of judging these situations on your own.

00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,417

What are you trying

to say about Morty?

00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:06,501

That he's stupid or something?

00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,878

Oh, don't high-road us, Dad.

00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,964

You know fully well that Morty

is the last child that needs to

00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,257

be missing classes.

00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,176

I-I-I don't know what

you mean by that.

00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,802

Can... can... can you be a

little bit more specific?

00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,095

Oh, for crying out...

00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,847

he's got some kind of

disability or something.

00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,265

Is that what you want us to say?

00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,767

I do?

00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,518

Well, duh doy, son.

00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,230

Look, I love you, Morty, but we

both know you're not as fast as

00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,357

the other kids, and if you

want to compete in this world,

00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,276

you got to work twice as hard.

00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,694

Aw, geez, Dad.

00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,572

Y-you know, that's a lot

to drop on a kid all at once.

00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:38,158

Morty, t-tell your parents

the square root of Pi.

00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,576

Oh, come on, Rick.

00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,660

You know I can't.

00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:41,745

The square root of Pi,

Morty... go.

00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,873

1 .77245385.

00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,291

Whoa!

00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,667

What the hell?

00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,294

Holy crap. He's right.

00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,298

Morty, tell your parents

the first Law of

00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,672

Thermodynamics.

00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,842

"The increment in the internal

energy of a system is equal to

00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,594

the increment of heat

supplied to the system."

00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,429

Wow! I'm so smart!

00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:00,764

But...

00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:01,723

I told the both of you...

00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:02,682

school is stupid.

00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:03,975

It's not how you learn things.

00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,185

Morty's a gifted child.

00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,645

He has a special mind.

00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:07,896

That's why he's

my little helper.

00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,439

He's like me.

00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:12,192

He's gonna be doing great

science stuff later in his life.

00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,610

He's too smart for school.

00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:16,822

H-he needs to keep hanging out

and helping me.

00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:19,741

Jerry, I don't want whatever's

happening here to stop.

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,284

No, I-I understand.

00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,328

Uh, maybe we overreacted.

00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:26,081

But he has to keep

going to school.

00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,457

Okay, Jerry.

00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:28,875

You drive a hard bargain,

00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,293

but what am

I supposed to do?

00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,795

Say... say no?

00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,880

You... you really wear

the pants around here.

00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,757

I just want you to know,

between us, from now on,

00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,134

it's gonna be 100%

honesty and open,

00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,469

clear communication.

00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:41,847

Frank Palicky was

frozen to death today!

00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:42,889

No idea what you're

talking about.

00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,225

Okay.

00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,769

Well, uh, Morty,

it's your bedtime in an hour.

00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,396

Don't stay up all night again.

00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,772

This is good, though.

00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,148

This can work.

00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,234

I think we can be a family.

00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,695

And now, Beth,

if you'll have me,

00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,655

I would love to have you.

00:19:58,739 --> 00:19:59,823

You know what?

00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,157

Okay.

00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,951

Holy cow, Rick.

00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,412

I didn't know hanging out with

you was making me smarter.

00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,414

Full disclosure, Morty...

it's not.

00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:10,458

Temporary superintelligence is

just a side effect of the

00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,263

Mega seeds dissolving in

your rectal cavity.

00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:13,545

Aw, man.

00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:16,006

Yeah, and once those

seeds wear off,

00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,810

you're gonna lose most

of your motor skills,

00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,760

and you're also gonna lose

a significant amount of

00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,178

brain functionality

for 72 hours, Morty.

00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,848

Starting

right about now.

00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:25,932

Ohh, man.

00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:28,184

Oh, geez! Ohh.

00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:30,228

I'm sorry, Morty.

It's a bummer.

00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:32,022

In reality, you're

as dumb as they come.

00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:33,815

And I needed those

seeds real bad,

00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,026

and I had to give them up just

to get your parents off my back,

00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:38,028

so now we're gonna

have to go get more.

00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,821

And then we're gonna go on even

more adventures after that,

00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,156

Morty.

00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,033

And you're gonna keep your mouth

shut about it, Morty,

00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:44,993

because the world is full of

idiots that don't understand

00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,161

what's important,

00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,537

and they'll tear us apart,

Morty.

00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:50,206

But if you stick with me, I'm

gonna accomplish great things,

00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,292

Morty, and you're gonna be

part of them, and together,

00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,585

we're gonna run around, Morty.

00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,253

We're gonna do all kinds of

wonderful things, Morty.

00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:56,338

Just you and me, Morty.

00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:57,339

Oh, no, no.

00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,757

The outside world

is our enemy, Morty.

00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:01,301

We're the only

friends we've got, Morty.

00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,552

It's just Rick and Morty...

00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:04,804

Rick and Morty

and their adventures, Morty.

00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:06,598

Rick and Morty forever

and forever.

00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,475

100 years,

Rick and Morty's things.

00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:11,770

Me and Rick and Morty running

around, and Rick and Morty time.

00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:14,189

All day long, forever.

00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,815

All... a hundred days.

00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,734

Rick and Morty forever...

100 times.

00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:20,737

Over and over,

rickandmortyadventures.com.

00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:23,740

www.rickandmorty.com.

00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,992

www.rickandmortyadventures.

00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:27,661

All 100 years.

00:21:27,745 --> 00:21:30,330

Every minute, rickandmorty.com.

00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:34,125

www.100timesrickandmorty.com.

00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,482

It's a good-a show!

00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:04,587

Morty, you got to come on.

00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,130

You got to come with me.

00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,048

What's going on?

00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:08,049

I got a surprise for you, Morty.

00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:08,925

It's the middle of the night.

00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,718

I got a surprise for you.

00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:11,803

Ow!

00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,596

Ow! You're tugging

me too hard.

00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:14,961

I got a surprise for you, Morty.

00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,185

What do you [burps] what do you

00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,187

think of this

flying vehicle, Morty?

00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,855

I built it out of stuff

I found in the garage.

00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,315

Yeah, Rick, it's...

it's great.

00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,483

Is this the surprise?

00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,652

Morty, I had to...

I had to do...

00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,320

I had to...

I had to...

00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:30,321

I had to make a bomb, Morty.

00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:31,406

I had to create a bomb.

00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:32,407

What?! A bomb?!

00:00:32,408 --> 00:00:33,688

We're gonna drop

it down there...

00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:34,617

Just get a whole

fresh start, Morty.

00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,202

Create a whole fresh start.

00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:37,370

T-t-that's

absolutely crazy!

00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,496

Come on, Morty.

Just take it easy, Morty.

00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,039

It's gonna be good.

00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,041

Right now, we're gonna go pick

up your little friend Jessica.

00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,126

Jessica?

00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,335

From my math class?

00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:46,212

When I drop the bomb, I don't...

00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,839

You know, I want you to have

somebody,

00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,757

you know...

I want you to have the thing...

00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,092

I'm gonna make it like

a new Adam and Eve,

00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:52,176

and you're gonna be Adam.

00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:53,302

[ groans ]

00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,930

And Jessica's gonna be Eve, and

so that's the surprise, Morty.

00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,098

No, you can't!

00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,582

J-Jessica doesn't

even know I exist.

00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,767

But... but... but

forget about that,

00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:01,394

because you can't

blow up humanity.

00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:02,937

I-I get what you're trying

to say, M-Morty.

00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,564

Listen, I'm not...

you don't...

00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:06,774

y-y-you don't got to worry about

me trying to fool around with...

00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,939

with Jessica or mess around

with Jessica or anything.

00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:10,278

I'm... I'm not that

kind of guy, Morty.

00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,654

What are you talking

about, Rick?

00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,239

You... you... you don't

have to worry about me getting

00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,532

with Jessica or anything.

00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,034

She... she... she... she...

she's all for you, Morty.

00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:19,203

I don't care about Jessica!

00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:20,413

You know what, Morty?

You're right.

00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,081

Let's forget the

girl all together.

00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,666

She... she's probably nothing

but trouble, anyways.

00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,168

SHIP:

Arming Neutrino bomb.

00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,085

That's it...

That's it, Rick.

00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:26,961

I'm taking the wheel.

00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,212

Get off of me, Morty!

00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,672

I'm taking charge of

this situation, buddy.

00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:30,965

What's gotten into you?

00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,383

I'm... I'm... I'm...

00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:34,761

I'm not gonna stand around

like some sort of dumb...

00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,095

What are you, crazy?

00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,555

Person and just let

you blow up the whole world.

00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:38,473

All right, all right.

00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:39,891

I'll... I'll land.

00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:40,808

I'll land. I'll land.

00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:42,685

I'll land the thing.

00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,187

Big tough guy all of a sudden.

00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,108

We'll park it right here, Morty.

00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:50,443

Right here on the s-side

of the r-road here.

00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,402

Oh, thank God.

00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:52,361

You know what?

00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,155

That was all a test, Morty.

00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:57,200

Just an elaborate test

to make you more assertive.

00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,159

It was?

00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,243

Sure. Why not?

00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,286

I don't... I don't know.

00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,245

You... you know what, Mo...

00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:02,413

[ snoring ]

00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:03,790

SHIP:

Neutrino bomb armed.

00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:04,874

[ beeping ]

00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,042

Um...

00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,877

[ beeping increases ]

00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:44,121

I see there's a new episode of

that singing show tonight.

00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,999

Who do you guys think is

gonna be the best singer?

00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,209

Oh, my God.

His head is in his food.

00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,293

I'm going to puke.

00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,711

Morty, are you getting sick?

00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,956

I told you not to practice-kiss

the living-room pillow.

00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,090

The dog sleeps on it.

00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,842

I wasn't kissing a pillow, Mom.

00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,344

I just... I didn't get a

lot of sleep last night.

00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,471

Maybe my dreams were just

too loud or something.

00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,756

Or maybe you were out all night

again with grandpa Rick.

00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:03,599

What?!

00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:04,475

Dad?

00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,352

What, so everyone's supposed to

sleep every single night now?

00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,604

You realize that nighttime

makes up half of all time?

00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,522

Damn it!

00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,773

- Jerry!

- Beth!

00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:11,899

Oh, my God.

My parents are so loud.

00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:12,984

I want to die.

00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,360

Mm, there is no God, Summer.

00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,237

You got to rip that band-aid off

now. You'll thank me later.

00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,072

Okay, with all due respect,

Rick...

00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:19,991

What am I talking about?

What respect is due?

00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:23,661

How is my son supposed to pass

his classes if you keep dragging

00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,372

him off for high-concept

sci-fi rigamarole?

00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,749

Listen, Jerry, I-l don't want to

overstep my bounds or anything.

00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,376

It's your house.

It's your world.

00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,580

You're a real Julius Caesar.

00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:32,670

But I'll tell you some...

tell you how...

00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:33,994

how I feel about school, Jerry.

00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,256

It's a waste of time...

00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,674

A bunch of people

running around,

00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:37,800

bumping into each other.

00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,552

G-guy up front says,

"Two plus two."

00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,387

The people in the

back say, "Four."

00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,631

Then the bell rings, and they

give you a carton of milk

00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,767

and a piece of paper that says you can

go take a dump or something.

00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,270

I mean, it's... it's not a

place for smart people, Jerry.

00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,479

And I know that's not

a popular opinion,

00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,691

but it's my two cents

on the issue.

00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,401

This was a good breakfast, Beth.

00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,528

You really made the

crap out of those eggs.

00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,822

I wish your mother

was here to eat them.

00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,198

Oh, Dad.

00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,074

What?

00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,035

For real?

00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,786

TEACHER:

All right, now, everybody get settled.

00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,538

Get away from the windows!

00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:08,789

Now, look, we're gonna be

00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,750

dealing with some real

serious stuff today.

00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,710

You might have heard of it.

It's called math.

00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,837

And without it,

none of us would even exist,

00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,048

so let's jump right in...

two plus two.

00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,132

Jessica.

00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,592

Five plus five.

00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:20,885

Tenssica.

00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:21,969

Okay, good.

00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,054

It's time for the quiz.

00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,138

[ all groan ]

00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,431

Yeah, you know what?!

Aw, too bad!

00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:26,557

Tough!

00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:28,809

First row, take one.

Pass it back for me.

00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,686

The stakes are high

in this room.

00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:34,023

There's crucial things

happening here every day.

00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:34,982

People getting smarter.

00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,108

Some of y'all getting dumber.

00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,444

Some of y'all ain't

gonna see 3:00.

00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,948

JESSICA:

Hi, Morty.

00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,032

Whoa!

00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,158

Hi, Jessica.

00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,576

Can I show these to you?

00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:46,535

Wow.

00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,703

Th-they're both great.

00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,788

Thank you.

00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:49,747

You know what I named these?

00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,040

My little Morties.

00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,918

Uh, that's flattering...

and a little weird.

00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,962

Do you know what I want

you to do with them?

00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,046

Rename them?

00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,464

Squeeze them.

00:04:58,548 --> 00:04:59,632

Manhandle them.

00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:00,758

Give them the business.

00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,218

See if you can shuffle them.

00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,512

I mean, really get in there

and knock them around.

00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:05,763

No wrong answers.

00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,639

Wow.

00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,015

Well, okay, Jessica.

00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,475

L-let's give this a shot.

00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:10,726

Mm.

00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:11,811

Oh, Morty.

00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,354

What are you doing to me?

00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,606

Uh, I-I'm just

doing my best.

00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:16,691

Morty!

00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:17,566

What are you doing to me?!

00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,484

Jessica.

00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,610

Morty!

00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,696

[ mumbling ] Jessica.

00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,739

Five more minutes of this,

and I'm gonna get mad.

00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,700

Je-Jessica.

00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:26,993

[ mumbling ] Jessica.

00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,317

Not my fault this is happening.

00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,579

[ school bell rings ]

00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,373

Well, well, well.

00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,457

Uh, morning, Frank.

00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,500

"Morning"?

00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,501

What was... what is

that supposed to mean?

00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:36,711

You making fun of me?

00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:37,920

Are you trying to

say my family's poor?

00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,046

Oh, geez, Frank.

00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:40,464

I don't know if a

knife is necessary.

00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,883

I mean, you know, y-you kind of

had things handled without it.

00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:45,219

You telling me how to bully now?

00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,679

Big mistake, Morty.

00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:51,017

And now I'm gonna cut you,

'cause my family's rich.

00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,560

[ gasps ]

00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:53,978

There you are, Morty.

00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,229

Listen to me.

00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,939

I got an errand to run in a

whole different dimension.

00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,524

I need an extra pair of hands.

00:05:58,608 --> 00:05:59,734

Oh, geez, Rick.

00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,152

W-what'd you do to Frank?

00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,611

It's pretty obvious, Morty.

I froze him.

00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,530

Now listen...

I need your help, Morty.

00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,157

I mean, we got...

we got to get...

00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,200

get the hell out of here

and go take care of business.

00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,785

[ burps ]

00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,328

It's important. Come on, Morty.

00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:12,413

I don't know, Rick.

00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:13,664

I-I can't leave school again.

00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,124

Do you have any concept of how

much higher the stakes

00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,417

get out there, Morty?

00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,918

What do you think...

I can just do it all by myself?

00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:18,878

Come on!

00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,004

Aw, geez. Okay.

00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,380

I guess I can skip History.

00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:22,923

What about Frank?

00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,091

I mean, shouldn't

you unfreeze him?

00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,384

I'll do it later, Morty.

00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:26,469

He'll be fine.

00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,305

Let's go.

00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,307

[ thinking ] Oh, my God.

00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,851

I'm about to walk

past Frank Palicky.

00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:37,021

This is the story we'll

be telling our children.

00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,314

Hi, Frank.

00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,107

[ cracks, shatters ]

00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,610

Aah!

00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,111

[ horse whinnying ]

00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:47,198

Scalpel.

00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,407

[ door opens ] Knock, knock.

00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:49,575

Jerry?

00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,699

My manager gave me an hour

for lunch, and I thought,

00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,038

"Hey, why not swing by

where your wife works?"

00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,748

[ flatline ] We're losing him.

00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,124

[ beeps ] Okay, he's back.

00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:59,585

Jerry, please tell me you're

here for an incredibly urgent reason.

00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,128

Well, it's lunch.

00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,006

I mean, it's one of three meals

that have existed for millennia.

00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,132

[ flatline ] Losing him.

00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,383

[ beeps ] Stabilized.

00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,928

Okay, I only ask, Jerry,

because, as you know,

00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,472

my job involves

performing heart surgery.

00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,890

Well, yeah, on horses.

00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,016

Excuse me?

00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,810

Okay. Let's not

rehash that fight.

00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:18,646

I sense that you're busy

and will now be on my way.

00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:19,814

Whoa!

00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,398

What is this on the floor?

00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,944

Some kind of literature for

a really nice-looking nursing home.

00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,695

Hey, honey, crazy idea...

bad pitch...

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,155

let's put your Dad here.

00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,680

Let's put your Dad

in a nursing home.

00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:30,699

[ flatline ]

00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,700

We're losing him.

00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:32,701

Hey, Tom.

00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,661

We know when we're losing him.

00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,037

We can hear the beeps!

00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,331

There she is. All right.

00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,541

Come on, Morty.

Let's go.

00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,500

Oh, geez.

00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:40,835

Okay.

00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,629

Oh, man, Rick.

00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,005

What is this place?

00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,716

It's dimension 35C,

and it's got the perfect

00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,761

climate conditions for a

special type of tree, Morty,

00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,138

called a Mega tree,

00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,514

and there's fruit

in those trees,

00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,057

and there's seeds

in those fruits.

00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,517

I'm talking about Mega seeds.

00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,811

They're... [burping] they're

incredibly powerful,

00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,980

and I need them to help me

with my research, Morty.

00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,982

Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking

around this place,

00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,817

and I'm starting to work up some

anxiety about this whole thing.

00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:05,901

All right. All right.

Calm down.

00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,111

Listen to me, Morty.

00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,405

I know that new situations

can be intimidating.

00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,782

You're looking around, and it's

all scary and different, but,

00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,660

you know, m-meeting them head

on, charging right into them

00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,912

like a bull...

that's how we grow as people.

00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,747

I'm no stranger

to scary situations.

00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,207

I deal with them all the time.

00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:22,492

Now, if you just stick with me,

Morty, we're gonna be...

00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:23,961

Holy crap, Morty, run!

00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,087

[ screaming ]

00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,089

I never seen that thing

before in my life.

00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,654

I don't even know

what the hell it is!

00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,955

We got to get out

of here, Morty!

00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:30,885

It's gonna kill us!

00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:31,969

We're gonna die!

00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,220

We're gonna die, Morty!

00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,141

Oh, Morty, take a deep breath.

00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,226

Breathe that... breathe that

fresh air in, Morty.

00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,519

Y-you smell that?

00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,146

That's the smell

of adventure, Morty.

00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,565

That's... that's the smell of...

of... of... of a whole different

00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,650

evolutionary timeline.

00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:47,818

All right, Rick, look...

00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:49,236

how much longer

is this gonna be?

00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,529

Shouldn't I be

back at school by now?

00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,739

Are you joking me?

00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:54,241

I mean, look at all the

crazy crap surrounding us.

00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,451

Look at that thing right there.

00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,911

W-what the hell is that thing?

00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,579

You think you're gonna see

that kind of thing at school?

00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,247

Look at it just lumbering around.

00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,917

It defies all logic...

that thing.

00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,001

Yeah, Rick, I get it.

00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,502

We're surrounded by monsters.

00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,387

That's kind of the reason

why I want to leave.

00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:08,297

Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.

00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,508

Morty, you see this?

00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,552

You see what we just

stumbled upon, Morty?

00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:14,762

Any idea what that

is down there?

00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:15,930

The Mega trees?

00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,306

That's right, Morty...

the Mega trees

00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,724

with the Mega fruit on them.

00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,184

And that's what I'm

talking about, Morty.

00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,644

That's where my seeds are.

00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:22,770

If we would have done

what you wanted,

00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,104

I would have never

have found them,

00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,856

because y... because you're

so in love with school.

00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,191

All right, all right.

00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,109

So, what's so special about

these seeds, anyways?

00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:30,861

You ask a lot of

questions, Morty.

00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:32,196

Not very charismatic.

00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,656

It makes you kind of

an [burps] under...

00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,157

[burps] underfoot figure.

00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,408

Just take these shoes, Morty.

00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,293

They're Sp... [burps]

special grappling shoes.

00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,579

When you're wearing these

things... Ba... these babies,

00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:43,290

you can basically just walk on

any surface you want, Morty...

00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,292

up, down, below,

turn around to the left.

00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,211

These things really bring

it all together.

00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,921

Aah!

00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,245

You have to turn them on, Morty!

00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,131

[ thuds ]

00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,466

The shoes have to be turned on!

00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:55,302

BETH:

I am not putting my father in a home!

00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,263

He just came back into my life,

00:09:57,347 --> 00:10:00,766

and you want to grab him and

stuff him under a mattress like

00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,309

last month's Victoria's Secret?

00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,874

I told you... I was ordering you

something for Valentine's Day.

00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:09,608

More importantly, your father is

a horrible influence on our son.

00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:10,943

Everything cool in here, Beth?

00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:11,860

It's fine, Davin.

00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:12,987

Okay, cool.

00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,488

You know, we did

something great today.

00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:18,075

There's nothing more noble and

free than the heart of a horse.

00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,577

Since we're fighting,

if you ever have an affair

00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,162

with that guy, I will

come to the hotel room

00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,707

and blow my brains out

all over your naked bodies.

00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,751

Look, I appreciate the

stress you're under, but

00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,129

Morty was having trouble in

school way before my dad moved

00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:33,507

in, and the only influence I

can see Rick having is that,

00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,719

for the first time in his life,

Morty has a friend.

00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:37,928

[ telephone ringing ]

00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,221

[ sighs ]

00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,764

Well, maybe you're right.

00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,850

Uh, yeah, maybe I am.

00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:43,934

I'm my father's daughter.

00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:44,935

I'm smart.

00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:45,894

Why do you think

I'm a heart surgeon?

00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:46,812

Horse heart surgeon.

00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,230

- Hello?

- Mrs. Smith?

00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,875

This is Principal Vagina...

no relation.

00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,692

I wonder if you and Morty's

father might be able to have

00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:52,936

a chat with me this afternoon?

00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:55,612

[ suspenseful music plays ]

00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,115

Morty, oh, you really d-did a

number on your legs right now.

00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,366

[ groaning ]

00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,659

You know, you got to

turn the shoes on, Morty,

00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,910

for them to work.

00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,195

Yeah, look...

I turned mine on.

00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,455

I had no problem

getting down here.

00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,040

It was a leisurely breeze.

00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,374

I'm in a lot of pain, Rick.

00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,876

Yeah, I can see that.

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,795

But do you think you'll still be

able to help me [burps] collect

00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,088

my seeds, Morty?

00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,173

Are you kidding me?!

00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,174

That's it, Rick!

00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,425

That's the last straw!

00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,469

I can't believe this...

I'm sitting here with both

00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,137

of my legs broken,

and you're still asking me

00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,764

about getting those seeds?!

00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,307

Ooh! Ow! Oh!

00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,683

Y-y-you're a monster.

00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,435

Y-you're like Hitler, but...

00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,562

but even Hitler cared about

Germany or something.

00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,272

Okay, hold on just a second,

Morty.

00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,692

[ groaning ]

00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:37,654

[ panting ]

00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:41,742

Ooh.

00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:45,371

Ohh.

00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,460

Ooh.

00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,712

Wow, Rick.

00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,256

That stuff just healed

my broken legs instantly.

00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:59,551

I mean, I've never felt

so good in my life.

00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:00,636

Thank you.

00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:01,887

Don't worry about it, Morty.

00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,847

Just come help me get these

seeds, all right, buddy?

00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,099

Sure thing, Rick.

00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,683

Not that you asked, Morty,

but what just happened

00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,645

there is I went into a future

dimension with such advanced

00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,939

medicine that they had

broken-leg serum at every

00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,315

corner drugstore.

00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,566

The stuff was all over

the place, Morty.

00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,151

Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick.

00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,569

There's just one problem,

Morty...

00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:18,779

one little hang-up.

00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,447

The dimension I visited was so

advanced,

00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,658

they had also halted

the aging process,

00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,159

and everyone there was young,

Morty,

00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,369

and they had been forever.

00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,037

I was the only old

person there, Morty.

00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,248

It was [burps] like I was some

sort of, you know, celebrity,

00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,499

walking around.

00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,959

I-I was fascinating to them.

00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:34,294

There were a lot of attractive

women there, Morty, and they...

00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,963

they... they...

they all wanted time with me.

00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,847

I had a lot of fun with

a lot of young ladies,

00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,466

but I spent so much time there,

00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:40,951

my interdimensional

portal device...

00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,636

it's got no charge left, Morty.

00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:43,720

It's got no charge left.

00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:44,596

What?!

00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,764

It's as good as garbage, Morty.

00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:46,807

It's not gonna

work anymore, Morty.

00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:47,975

Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good.

00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:49,685

W-what are we gonna do?

00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,854

I-I have to be back

at school right now.

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,178

How are we gonna get back home?

00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,773

There's ways to

get back home, Morty.

00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,733

It's just... it's just gonna

be a little bit of a hassle.

00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,569

We're gonna have to go through

Interdimensional Customs,

00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,071

so you're gonna have

to do me a real solid.

00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:02,156

Uh-oh.

00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,407

When we get to Customs,

00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,492

I'm gonna need you to take

these seeds into the bathroom,

00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:07,035

and I'm gonna need you

to put them way up

00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,036

inside your butthole, Morty.

00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,329

In my butt?

00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,039

Put them way up inside there,

as far as they can fit.

00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,249

Oh, geez, Rick.

00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,542

I really don't want

to have to do that.

00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,085

Well, somebody's got

to do it, Morty.

00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:18,088

Th-these seeds aren't gonna get

through Customs unless they're

00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,131

in someone's rectum, Morty.

00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,215

[ whimpers ]

00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,383

And they'll fall

right out of mine.

00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,051

I've done this

too many times, Morty.

00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,261

I mean, you're young.

00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,180

You've got your whole

life ahead of you,

00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,432

and your anal cavity is

still taut, yet malleable.

00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,916

You got to do it

for Grandpa, Morty.

00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,685

Y-you've got to put these

seeds inside your butt.

00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:32,561

In my butt?

00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,479

Come on, Morty.

00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:34,396

Please, Morty.

00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,522

You have to do it, Morty.

00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,607

Oh, man.

00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:37,900

[ school bell rings ]

00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,319

PRINCIPAL: The fact is, your son, Morty,

has attended this school for a

00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:42,779

total of seven hours over

the last two months.

00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,406

What? Why didn't

you notify us?

00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,283

I done been notifying you.

00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,659

Have you not been

getting the messages

00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,077

I've been leaving with Morty's

grandfather?

00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,245

Boom!

00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,872

Told you! Ln your face!

00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,749

He is ruining our child!

00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,250

Wait, what am I celebrating?

00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,960

Yeah, see, I thought

something was fishy there,

00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,420

because it's usually Morty's

grandpa that's taking

00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,296

him out of school.

00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:00,380

Summer?

00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,717

[ sobbing ]

What kind of God lets this happen?

00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:04,885

We had a little incident.

00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,595

A student was frozen to death.

00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,723

And there's no evidence that

a Latino student did it!

00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,391

Everyone wants to take

this to a racial place.

00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:12,893

I won't let them.

00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:16,939

The Glarp Zone is for flarping

and unglarping only.

00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,942

ALIEN: So, I told him,

"Give me the Blimfarx," you know?

00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,527

This... this guy...

00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:22,903

he doesn't understand

interstellar currency.

00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,696

It's, like, I'm trying

to eat a Flimflam...

00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,865

like, that's what

we eat on Girvonesk.

00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:29,743

The glarp zone is for

flarping and unglarping only.

00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,036

I don't like it here, Morty.

00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,371

I can't abide bureaucracy.

00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,164

I don't like being told

where to go and what to do.

00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,582

I consider it a violation.

00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,167

Did you get those seeds

all the way up your butt?

00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,293

Yeah, Rick.

00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,670

Let's just get

this over with, okay?

00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,338

I mean, these things are pointy.

They hurt.

00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,589

That means they're good ones.

00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,049

You're a good kid, Morty.

00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,343

Those Mega seeds are super

valuable to my work.

00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,095

You've been a huge help to me.

00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,619

I'm gonna be able to do [burps]

all kinds of things with them.

00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,474

It's gonna be great, Morty.

00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,759

[ burps ] All kinds of science.

00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,060

Okay, next through.

00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,937

Except you. You go over there.

00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,063

Why does he have

to go over there?

00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,189

Random check.

00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:00,274

He's got to go through

the new machine.

00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,358

What new... [burps]

what new machine?

00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:02,484

It's a new machine.

00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:03,860

It detects stuff all

the way up your butt.

00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,612

Run, Morty! Run!

00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:06,780

Aah!

00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:07,864

Red alert!

00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:10,284

[ alarms blaring ]

00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,704

[ grunts ]

00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,373

[ screeching ]

00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:22,045

Ohhhhh!

00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,049

[ coughs ]

00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:26,967

[ crying ]

00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:30,178

[ coughing ]

00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,805

Hey! Ohhhhhh.

00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:32,764

[ groans ]

00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:33,682

Aah!

00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,808

Don't think about it!

00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,478

Ooh!

00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,189

[ shoes beeping ]

00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,274

Oh, nice, Morty!

00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,555

The student becomes the teacher.

00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,236

[ buzzing ]

00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:50,991

[ both screaming ]

00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,117

[ both grunt ]

00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,452

Whoooooo!

00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,996

Aah!

00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,664

Aw, hell, no, dawg.

00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,957

You know me...

I'm just trying to...

00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:01,209

Aah!

00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,131

I need to type in the coordinates

to our home world, Morty.

00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,674

Cover me.

- Oh, man.

00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,679

I mean, you know, I-I

don't want to shoot nobody.

00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:10,844

They're just robots, Morty!

00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,012

It's okay to shoot them!

00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,096

They're robots!

00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:15,140

Aah!

00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,558

My leg is shot off!

00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,976

Glenn's bleeding to death!

00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,145

Someone call his wife

and children!

00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,271

They're not robots, Rick!

00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:22,606

It's a figure of speech, Morty.

00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:23,690

They're bureaucrats.

00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:24,733

I don't respect them.

00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:25,942

Just keep shooting, Morty.

00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:28,612

You have no idea what

prison is like here!

00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,033

Holy crap!

This is insane!

00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:35,327

[ crowd screaming ]

00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:44,378

RICK:

Come on, Morty!

00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,780

We got to get the

hell out of here!

00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,174

[ all gasp ]

00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,259

Wow.

00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,679

Did you just come into the

cafeteria through a portal?

00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,055

Uh, yeah.

00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,849

Well, you know, my... my

Ferrari's in the shop.

00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,309

[ chuckles nervously ]

00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:00,268

Ju... just kidding.

00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,937

You're Morty, right?

- Yeah.

00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,181

You can get his number later.

00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,898

Come on, Morty. We got

to get out of here.

00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,191

You got to get those

seeds out of your ass.

00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,317

Oh, look, honey.

00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:09,611

It's our son with

Albert Ein-douche.

00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,779

What?

00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,280

I'm an angry father,

not an improvisor.

00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,573

Oh, hi, Jerry.

00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,242

Oh, my goodness, Morty!

00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,910

What are you doing out of class?

00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,203

We talked about this.

00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,080

Your... your parents and

I are very disappointed in...

00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,749

in this behavior.

00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:24,626

No? No takers?

00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,795

You guys should really not

be touching that stuff.

00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:27,838

It's beyond your reasoning.

00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:28,839

You're beyond our reasoning!

00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,215

Takes one to know one.

00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:34,720

Dad, how could you make my

son miss an entire semester of school?

00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,284

I mean, it's not like

he's a hot girl.

00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:38,265

He can't just bail on

his life and set up shop

00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,516

in someone else's.

00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,767

What... what are you

guys doing with my stuff?

00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:43,520

We're moving you...

to a nursing home.

00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:44,604

A nursing home?

00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:45,647

What are...

what are you, nuts?

00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:46,732

I'm a genius.

00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,108

I build robots for fun.

00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,193

Well, now you can build baskets

and watch Paul Newman movies

00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,572

on VHS and mentally scar the

Boy Scouts every Christmas.

00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:54,489

What does that mean?

00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,407

It's personal.

00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:56,742

Dad, mom, c-come on.

00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,077

Rick just needed my help is all.

00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,454

Morty, stay out of this.

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:04,166

You are obviously not capable

of judging these situations on your own.

00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,417

What are you trying

to say about Morty?

00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:06,501

That he's stupid or something?

00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,878

Oh, don't high-road us, Dad.

00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,964

You know fully well that Morty

is the last child that needs to

00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,257

be missing classes.

00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,176

I-I-I don't know what

you mean by that.

00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,802

Can... can... can you be a

little bit more specific?

00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,095

Oh, for crying out...

00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,847

he's got some kind of

disability or something.

00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,265

Is that what you want us to say?

00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,767

I do?

00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,518

Well, duh doy, son.

00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,230

Look, I love you, Morty, but we

both know you're not as fast as

00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,357

the other kids, and if you

want to compete in this world,

00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,276

you got to work twice as hard.

00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,694

Aw, geez, Dad.

00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,572

Y-you know, that's a lot

to drop on a kid all at once.

00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:38,158

Morty, t-tell your parents

the square root of Pi.

00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,576

Oh, come on, Rick.

00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,660

You know I can't.

00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:41,745

The square root of Pi,

Morty... go.

00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,873

1 .77245385.

00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,291

Whoa!

00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,667

What the hell?

00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,294

Holy crap. He's right.

00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,298

Morty, tell your parents

the first Law of [burps]

00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,672

Thermodynamics.

00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,842

"The increment in the internal

energy of a system is equal to

00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,594

the increment of heat

supplied to the system."

00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,429

Wow! I'm so smart!

00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:00,764

But...

00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:01,723

I told the both of you...

00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:02,682

school is stupid.

00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:03,975

It's not how you learn things.

00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,185

Morty's a gifted child.

00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,645

He has a special mind.

00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:07,896

That's why he's

my little helper.

00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,439

He's like me.

00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:12,192

He's gonna be doing great

science stuff later in his life.

00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,610

He's too smart for school.

00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:16,822

H-he needs to keep hanging out

[burps] and helping me.

00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:19,741

Jerry, I don't want whatever's

happening here to stop.

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,284

No, I-I understand.

00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,328

Uh, maybe we overreacted.

00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:26,081

But he has to keep

going to school.

00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,457

Okay, Jerry.

00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:28,875

You drive a hard bargain,

00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,293

but [burps] what am

I supposed to do?

00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,795

Say... [burps] say no?

00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,880

You... you really wear

the pants around here.

00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,757

I just want you to know,

between us, from now on,

00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,134

it's gonna be 100%

honesty and open,

00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,469

clear communication.

00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:41,847

Frank Palicky was

frozen to death today!

00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:42,889

No idea what you're

talking about.

00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:43,974

[ sobbing ]

00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,225

Okay.

00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,769

Well, uh, Morty,

it's your bedtime in an hour.

00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,396

Don't stay up all night again.

00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,772

This is good, though.

00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,148

This can work.

00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,234

I think we can be a family.

00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,695

And now, Beth,

if you'll have me,

00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,655

I would love to have you.

00:19:58,739 --> 00:19:59,823

You know what?

00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,157

Okay.

00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,951

Holy cow, Rick.

00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,412

I didn't know hanging out with

you was making me smarter.

00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,414

Full disclosure, Morty...

it's not.

00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:10,458

Temporary superintelligence is

just a side effect of the

00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,263

Mega seeds dissolving in

your rectal cavity.

00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:13,545

Aw, man.

00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:16,006

Yeah, and once those

seeds [burps] wear off,

00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,810

you're gonna lose most

of your motor skills,

00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,760

and you're also gonna lose

a significant amount of

00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,178

brain functionality

for 72 hours, Morty.

00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,848

Starting [burps]

right about now.

00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:25,932

Ohh, man.

00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:28,184

[ groaning ]

Oh, geez! Ohh.

00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:30,228

I'm sorry, Morty.

It's a bummer.

00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:32,022

In reality, you're

as dumb as they come.

00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:33,815

And I needed those

seeds real bad,

00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,026

and I had to give them up just

to get your parents off my back,

00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:38,028

so now we're gonna

have to go get more.

00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,821

And then we're gonna go on even

more adventures after that,

00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,156

Morty.

00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,033

And you're gonna keep your mouth

shut about it, Morty,

00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:44,993

because the world is full of

idiots that don't understand

00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,161

what's important,

00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,537

and they'll tear us apart,

Morty.

00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:50,206

But if you stick with me, I'm

gonna accomplish great things,

00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,292

Morty, and you're gonna be

part of them, and together,

00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,585

we're gonna run around, Morty.

00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,253

We're gonna do all kinds of

wonderful things, Morty.

00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:56,338

Just you and me, Morty.

00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:57,339

Oh, no, no.

00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,757

The outside world

is our enemy, Morty.

00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:01,301

We're the only [burps]

friends we've got, Morty.

00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,552

It's just Rick and Morty...

00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:04,804

[burps] Rick and Morty

and their adventures, Morty.

00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:06,598

Rick and Morty forever

and forever.

00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,475

100 years,

Rick and Morty's things.

00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:11,770

Me and Rick and Morty running

around, and Rick and Morty time.

00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:14,189

All day long, forever.

00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,815

All... a hundred days.

00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,734

Rick and Morty forever...

100 times.

00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:20,737

Over and over,

rickandmortyadventures.com.

00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:23,740

www.rickandmorty.com.

00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,992

www.rickandmortyadventures.

00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:27,661

All 100 years.

00:21:27,745 --> 00:21:30,330

Every minute, rickandmorty.com.

00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:34,125

www.100timesrickandmorty.com.

00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,482

It's a good-a show!